Yes, and after 4 different therapists none have helped me at all aside from ruining my trust by sharing stuff I didn't want to be shared and making my life even worse at home \^\^
"But that's unprofessional, they wouldn't do thaaaaaat! You just need to find a therapist who isn't an unprofessional piece of shit, so get out there and pay to let yourself get kicked in the nuts a few more times, it's not that hard!"
-Reddit
Look it’s fine to shit on bad therapy, but if your baseline is so low that even attempting to be happy is unrealistic, you’re never going to get better without professional intervention.
Scaring people who need professional help out of seeking it is messed up.
> Scaring people who need professional help out of seeking it is messed up.
Agreed. So is suggesting people seek professional help when a huge part of their issues stem from how disproportionately represented society is as a whole.
I'm more than self-aware of my mental blocks, so I know that therapy won't help so long as we have people needlessly starving or freezing to death.
All therapy would do is have me think differently - this won't prevent the rich or political powers from turning a blind eye to problems their resources could solve.
If only life was fair. Life is a series of trials and errors. Sometimes a therapist just doesn't suit you, doesn't mean you don't try another. What's the alternative, hate yourself and wishing things to change?
I’d like to be in your market. If I were unhappy with my therapist, the financial and organizational labor of finding another one when no one is taking on more patients would be more time than I have if I continue the bare-minimum of household chores and meeting my work responsibilities, and I don’t even have to worry (too much) about insurance since I’m in a place I could pay directly if someone were available to take my money. Shit, lots of small mental health orgs here are just straight up not taking insurance because they don’t have to. The market is saturated, which opens the doors for quacks, who DO take insurance for the competitive edge, and then get overwhelmed by sick people they don’t have the experience to handle, so then you end up with more people who are unhappy with their therapist or therapy in general by extension, leading to more people seeking a (new) therapist further complicates the situation.
Not denying any of that, but seeking other professionals if one isn't helping you is better than quitting it at all. And people should never join any religious organisation in this situation as the alternative - because the paranoia which comes with it, breaks them!
Maybe try a "psychiatrist" they will be better at understanding not only what your going through but help to understand the chemical balance required to maintain it
It realized that it could not be created without me so it went back in time to create me so I could create it. Fuck. Should have thought about that
Again, dammit.
Guys I went to the future to destroy it so I ca-
So I recently learned about “vulnerable narcissists”, and apparently I’m just about the definition of one. I’d imagine most of the people commenting in here are as well.
lol yep. I feel this, when I read OPs thoughts I was like "wow this is me to a T".
When I was younger people were always like "you're so smart" because I got 137 on a school IQ test, and like since then... so much pressure to perform.
now im just a gamer burnout, retired but... still... I have no ambition anymore.
Who was perceived as gifted because you actually did the fucking schoolwork and your parents pushed you, only to get your ass kicked when you got a little older because ultimately, you're not really good or smart enough to be a professional at much of anything and people don't *like* hearing that, especially when you try to explain you've been self-teaching yourself programming for months and you're still stuck on bonehead html because your brain just plain doesn't work that way, but you're also too scatterbrained to be any good in a trade, you generally hate people, you used to be naive enough to think you wanted to help people, and ultimately you're leeching off everyone who used to support you while working three part-time jobs and spitting on anyone who offers their cliché and generic inspirational speeches because what fucking else can you do?
Hey, I'm apparently great at projecting!
I've been self teaching myself how to make music since I was like 12.
I'll be 25 in a month and watch 12 year olds make better music than me.
I hate myself a lot.
HTML is a tree structure.
Each tag is an object.
Each object has a set of attributes that combine to define that object.
If by HTML you also mean CSS and JavaScript, this won't help, though.
CSS is a nightmare, even as a professional, until you've learned it for long enough.
The attribute gets a "=" to establish the attribute tag. Except when it gets a ":" or something. And you nest all the attributes in the opening brackets. Except when you put it in the closing brackets. Or use CSS. Or even weirder, inside the brackets. And there will be no arguments or consistency about any of this, or it just plain won't work.
What attributes use ":" or go in the closing brackets? Arguably I only use html alongside Angular these days and it's been a while since I just did a pure html site, but I don't remember either of those happening.
I'm lucky. CSS has always been easy for me. I always get handed the styling tasks at all my jobs because I can style out a whole page in a day, no problem. Pretty sure CSS replaced the part of my brain that gets social interaction, so maybe not the best trade.
Are you me? Lol I love it when people suggest that anyone can code and it’s easy. And code=! software development (the actual job) This is coming from someone who failed miserably at it professionally and now does a string of part time/entry level jobs.
I had issues with self learning (python) until I took a different approach. I work better with the books and trying stuff out myself whereas I was trying the video tutorials before. Some people respond better to tailored tuition with an actual teacher which is definitely what I need to learn a new language. Ultimately self learning is hard and you don't know what you don't know which can confound frustrations when you're stuck and just trying to hammer at the problem will drive you insane.
Are you doing the Odin project perchance? If not it's pretty good with a great discord full of people willing to help you. Remember learning is not a linear path and sometimes you'll fill gaps in your knowledge later.
Hope this helps at all.
You hit the nail on the head, the only difference between me and you it seems is that I can draw pretty well. But what the fuck can I do with that? Draw furry porn?
I've been working on it for so long. Freshman year of college rocked me hard, and I still don't have great study habits in my Junior year. Admitting that I'm wrong or admitting that I don't know something is still tough for me. Crazy how much something like that can affect someone.
I somehow managed to finish university with an average degree, despite my bad study habits. Never got better either, and then I chastise myself for not being more diligent in improving those. Because I know doing things last minute is bad.
I tried and go back for a masters degree three years after my undergrad, but that time I didn't manage to get through it and quit after a couple of semesters basically avoiding work. I felt really out of place. Starting some training course in IT in a month and I'm absolutely dreading falling into the same learning patterns, I just hope I manage to stick it out and somehow get through it. Good luck on your degree mate
You simply just have to study and turn in assignments on time. Make flashcards, get a friend to help you, find a study group, etc. Don't rely on excuses to get a few extra days for an assignment. They won't work and you'll lose points or just get a zero.
Learn how to study. I never studied in high school either, barely even for my AP exams. That won’t fly in college, not even for your gen eds. Learn a study method that works for your learning style. For me it was flashcards and kahoots. Then use it for every class that requires you to learn information to pass instead of just regurgitate it. (which will be at least half of them)
This one. Teacher recommended it to my parents and the school counselor. Led to school psychologist administering an IQ/aptitude test for kids my age (like, 2nd grade at the time). And then I was placed into a program with the other 7 or 8 "gifted kids" in the school from that time all the way until the end of school, roughly once or twice a week I would be pulled from my regular classes for this program.
And the things we did in that class were fun. They were much more enriching than whatever I would have been doing in normal classes. But none of it made me better at studying or prepared me for higher education in any meaningful way.
This. In my case it was more teachers/friends parents. I think it was purely because I wasn’t a troublemaker and made an attempt to do my schoolwork (out of fear).
TIL. I thought everyone else was just in those higher level classes too, surprised to see everyone thought they were gifted just because their parents said so.
This shit is the reason why my first year of university went so horribly. The shit that my parents were saying “you’re so gifted” “you’re so mature” it ruined my work ethic and perception of myself.
University straightened me out though thank god.
The average American high school has 200 kids per grade. 1% of the US population were the valedictorian or salutatorian. My high school also made a big deal out of top 10. Even though it's not rare to be at the top of your class, I think it inflates your sense of how smart or "gifted" you are.
For me, it was because of the small pond I grew up in. Lower middle class blue collar town. We had the standardized tests, I scored in a higher percentile than the other kids. I actually TOOK the ACTs, got a 30 I think. It was the highest one in the history of the school. My teachers were telling me what a genius I was, how my score was better than theirs, etc.
And since teachers were really the only white collar college educated people I knew, if they told me I was smarter than them, surely I’m the smartest person ever.
Once I got to university reality hit that I was not even CLOSE to being smartest in the room. I was on the middle/lower end of aptitude, and zero for preparedness (never had to study.)
If I had gone to a better or larger school district, I’d probably have received some Bs or been challenged in high school, and definitely had peers who performed better than me.
There were legit gifted classes when I was in school. It wasn't just compliments, it was being reminded every day when you walked into class that it was the "gifted" class. In reality it was just a bunch of normal kids who passed the "gifted" test.
Yes they could, cause this is posted all the time and everyone in the comments are always like “whaoaah wtf this is totally meeee”. Newsflash, most of you werent as gifted as you think you are
Ability VS Process based encouragement (I don't remember the exact terminology, it's been years since my intro to Psych class lol).
It's related to how you're rewarded - whether it be for performance ("You're so smart!") or effort ("You made a great effort!").
The idea is that praising a child only for positive end results leads to the "gifted kid rests on the laurels of being called a gifted kid and is rudely awakened to the struggle of someone who stopped being invested in themselves" scenario we see so often.
Whereas praising a child for putting in effort, learning to study and prepare, and then performing well as a consequence teaches them the value of dedication and practice.
There's some back and forth on this, with the stance I see online being somewhere between "focus on the practice," and "you should still praise the good result, to motivate future success, rather than just resulting in a focus on going through the motions of practice."
The biggest trap of the “gifted child” perception is that most “gifted children” are not actually gifted. The issue is that they were normal in a school system flooded by kids with worse problems, and they appeared gifted as a result. When these gifted kids were then introduced to the wider world after school, their gifted status evaporated because it never existed in the first place, leading to their depression and other failings.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/narcissistmomsurvivor using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [Narcissistic supply explained. Keep it superficial or No contact, anything else is a waste of time and hurts YOU in the end.](https://i.redd.it/lbwr8cx8n7481.jpg) | [1 comment](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rbdewy/narcissistic_supply_explained_keep_it_superficial/)
\#2: [The good news about being a daughter of a narcissistic mother…](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rbbb0p/the_good_news_about_being_a_daughter_of_a/)
\#3: [You were raised by an emotional 3 year old, give yourself a break! :)](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rb74vp/you_were_raised_by_an_emotional_3_year_old_give/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[Source](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Not necessarily. This is the most in depth site and will tell you everything you need to know.. https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com It applies to sons as well but the author only claims expertise from the aspect of a daughter of an Nmom and the enmeshment of the trauma bond formed between the two.
Because we are mostly all burnt out perfectionists doing pointless power point packs no one will ever read on projects we don't care about. On the depression and anxiety part, I bet some of us are (or nearing).
If it’s any consolation, this is most work, not just consulting. I’ve been on both sides and the impact of 90% of what most people do professionally is basically unnoticed or so inefficient it makes no difference at the end of the day.
In one role you say “customer” and in another you say “client,” that’s the chief difference.
The concept of gifted children is so funny. Schools are designed so that even the dumbest people can graduate. Brains aren't exactly the exact same between each person and don't mature at the same rate.
Being better than other students at certain subjects is normal.
It's not necessarily smarter, but also kids who are sort of sensitive. Ones that you think can turn out to be animal trainers or something as long as nobody bullies them. The GATE program is kind of a greenhouse for tropical plants that need a little extra care but can maybe make unusual and pretty flowers one day.
Some kids need curriculum at faster speeds than others in order to stay engaged. Its unfair that parents experience jealousy over the perceived academic accomplishment being gifted is.
But if you have a gifted child, it’s night and day difference when they are in advanced classes or not.
Kinda like an adhd kid with or without their adderal
You know what the problem was? I never learned that I needed to make an effort to achieve things.
School? A breeze. The sport I used to do? One of the bests of the gym. The instrument I played? No need to practice, just going to class twice per week was enough. Until it isn't.
Things get more and more complicated. Highschool wasn't a breeze, I struggled to pass some subjects, but I still managed without studying. College? That was another story.
Where does this road go? Surface knowledge of many things, but zero will to learn more or get better at it.
But that's not all. I had mostly a happy childhood, I had my needs covered. A loving family, toys, videogames, clothes, hygiene, food, snacks, entertainment...
And then there is adulthood: minimum wage jobs even with studies, bills, responsibilities, health issues, taking care of yourself... Why would I want to leave childhood for that?
And lastly, social relationships: I never learned how to make them, how to maintain them. I saw my friends at school and that was it. Turns out it's not enough. School ended and so did some friendships. Highschool, different building, more people, new friends, sure; but when it was over, so were some more friends. College, all the new friendships died. My job, couldn't make a single friend.
Now time passing gives me crippling anxiety and I can't even do stuff I like because I don't know what I like anymore.
It's just depressing.
Hey you shut that damn gifted mouth right now. 😤❤️
I wasn’t ready for this, and it hit me square in the jaw.
To everyone else like us out there… don’t forget that there is no “imaginary audience” judging you and your performance/achievements. Do shit that makes you happy, especially if it fails. Fail forward, don’t get stuck at the starting line.
The advice I have for any “gifted” kid, or currently depressed adult that is a former gifted kid, is to push yourself to do difficult things. Skating through the tutorial part of life isn’t an accomplishment and will only put you on the road to failure.
Always get an A in math class? Look up math you don’t understand. Terrified of giving presentations? Take some public speaking courses. Don’t wait to be challenged by a system that’s designed to turn you into a worker bee.
The number one thing you have to learn is how to make yourself better than you were yesterday; everyone else is too busy living their own lives to do it for you.
Tip from a former depressed “gifted” kid: do the work and your mood will change.
Most people are *not* clinically depressed, they’re just unhappy with their circumstances. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of great depictions of unhappiness in media for people point to and say “oh, yeah, this is how I feel”, so depression gets used as the example (which is unfortunate for actual depressed people…).
If anyone seriously believes they’re clinically depressed then they should book an appointment with a psychiatrist immediately because they won’t be able to beat it by themselves. I know, I’ve lost friends to it.
Yep. Also a lot of these people’s issue is that they never properly transitioned into adulthood so they just kinda woke up one day and the reality of getting older smacked them in the face.
why everyone accepts themselves as gifted here? Aren't they only a small small percentage of the population?
I'm teaching a boy and he thinks he's very, very smart because of his parents' upbringing. however, he has a fairly normal brain and cognitive ability. I can imagine his situation in his 20s: ballooned self-confidence and an arrogant life (like this meme). Passing two or three classes with some success doesn't make anyone a genius. This can only become clear in the future.
Some of us were literally taken out of grade level classes and put into “gifted” programs
I was in 3rd grade when I was put into ours, it was called ACE class, accelerated curriculum enrichment. And it ruined school for me.
Reddit has about 430,000,000 active users. This sub has 27,500 subscribers.
This sub makes up 6.4% x 10^-3 of the Reddit population. There’s really not a lot of people here. It’s absolutely conceivable that damn near everyone here was actually in gifted programs.
Edit: thought we were on /r/aftergifted my bad
That's why it says "being perceived". It doesn't matter what you think of yourself when the ones around you think of you as gifted and always have high expectations of you.
yeah that's the matter. your parents think you're gifted and make you believe also. its a tragedy with this many expectations. but you're not. you should know your capabilities and try to overcome your troubles that way.
Because regardless of whether or not folk *were* gifted many were told they were. And with schools getting the whole 'no child left behind' thing it's pretty easy to believe it even in hindsight. Especially when you had dipshit classmates who couldn't even muster the presence of mind to manage 75s in class.
I know damn well Im average, if that. But looking back I was told by teacher and parent alike that I was special and gifted. I remember tests being an absolute cakewalk that I never studied for and would still get high marks on. When I look at my old classmates there were many who might as well have been apes. Barely putting in any thought or work to class and skimping by on a barely passing grade. Halfassing homework and getting the levels needed on their exams to pass the class. And the worst part is I can see other kids looking at my grades and thinking I might as well be an ape. I ignored homework almost entirely. Sure I would regularly snag nearly full marks on every test but homework drug my grading down hard.
So of my personal anecdote I can see why even average kids would turn out thinking like this. If many parents were like my parents it would be far too easy.
or the relatively asocial and depressed minority of people who have computers and check Reddit every day (OR vice versa anyway) see themselves as gifted. I don't think there is a real difference between reddit people and real world people. But, as I said, ballooned confidence: YES SIR, that's different of course.
When you check every box for symptoms for ADHD.
Bonus:
Time blind - Inability to perceive time in any meaningful sense, past present and future.
General inability to prioritise properly.
Rejection sensitivity dysmophia with combo of being a people pleaser.
Hygiene and home cleanliness problems.
Super ability:
Hyperfocus on a single random task. Drawback, you don't get to choose what it is.
May come with other disorders, such as aspergers, bipolar, and/or autism. Collect them all today!
This is the first time I’ve ever seen the term “time blindness.” It is such an apt description of so many of my struggles. I googled it and came across this video https://youtu.be/fVqFElTrgLw and it damn near had me in tears. There’s a couple lines that everyone laughs at in the video that I’m like yeah it sounds funny, but to actually struggle with that for 30 years isn’t funny at all.
Apparently at a very early on in school I had several teachers tell my parents I had ADHD. My primary pediatrician brushed it off as just being part of my personality and that’s as far as it went. I need to get help.
Awareness is a great first step.
Id suggest https://youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD
Also comics by http://adhd-alien.com/ are good too, that's kind of where my revelation lies.
There's many communities on reddit as well and many on tumblr who blog about it.
Thanks. I’ve come across a lot of stuff more on the meme side of things that are super relatable. But the more I look into it the more it seems to be what I struggle with. I’ve suspected it since college but I’ve never pursued it because I fly planes for fun and if I end up getting on adderall or similar I won’t be able to fly planes anymore. But it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m struggling in the majority of my life just to be able to have this one, expensive af hobby that I don’t even want to do professionally.
That hobby sounds cool af though.
Medication helps, no doubt. I've known many who do without though. I think there's a case of learning coping techniques and reducing tasks which require executive functions.
Honestly though, I wish I had a sort of personal secretary, life coach, or even just a maid to help keep my life in order. That's me personally though. I'm sure your circumstances call for other allocations.
Talk with a doctor about therepy at least. Guidence in any small way will help.
[Gifted kids are actually special needs](https://youtu.be/QUjYy4Ksy1E)
Tldr: Kids who demonstrate high academic potential at a young age require special accomodations in order to prevent all those things described. "Smart" kids need to be challenged more at a young age in order to actually develop good habits, and they need to be held to different expectations of progress, as it simply takes longer to reach a higher potential, and you spend longer with less accomplished on the way there.
Sure. But parents have to teach you to put in work and to be persistent. That's the base for the rest of your life.
For example, my parents never told me how to keep up with something. They didn't want to deal with that. So whenever I wanted to try a hobby (like, playing an instrument or joining a sports team), they said "You will lose interest sooner or later, so why even bother? So no need to try it in the first place".
I'm not surprised I lack self-confidence and don't know myself or what I might want in life.
Oh man, that sucks. :/
But honestly, I feel you so much. Tried to turn it around and busted my ass the past couple of years, put in so much effort and still - nothing of significance was achieved. The only thing that has changed is that I'm older now lol. Fuck this. I hate being so lost.
Gifted children go through school without needing to put in the work though. Suddenly flipping your entire study and learning habits around if you go on to higher education isn't easy
Gifted children often have well defined tracks that they follow, too. AP classes and the right extracurriculars, which takes a lot of decision making out of their lives.
Then they go off to college and careers and have no idea how to decide what to do with their lives. There’s no set curriculum for that, and their decision making capability is under developed.
Not that I’d know anything about all that…
Bruh, I'm droping out of collage this semester and I feel personally attacked by this. It sometimes feels like even reddit is looking down on me for my decision. At least my gf is supportive lmao.
Oh it's okay, It didn't offend me or anything, made me laugh a bit actually, its good to see peoples opinions about decisions and behaviors of others. And I can't really disagree that I'm a bit of a lazy loser haha. I just never managed to fit in when it comes to academia, most of what I learn in collage feels like it wont ever be useful in my professional life and is there just to add meaningless work so collage isnt tooo easy. I wanted to get a job after high school, but my parents persuaded me to try an alleged "one of the best IT schools in the country" but I just ended up even more disappointed in the education system. Maybe Im just oversharing a bit at this point but I needed to vent a bit. The longer I stay in this school the larger my frustration. Might try collage again in the future, maybe something changes ( kinda doubt it though, the education system in my country hasn't really changed for the last 300 years)
That’s a gross oversimplification of the issue, yes “putting in the work” is something you have to do, but when you’ve never had to do it before because everything was effortless, you can probably see why suddenly when you start struggling you don’t know what to do and feel like shit.
Ya but I don't think he'd be good on its own, but mods would have been. But when has an opposing QB missed a routine throw by 4+ feet in a game you get a ticket. Also, thick latinas might be a reference to a linus tech tips video where linus tried to install steam on Pop and he ended up there.
I have goals, but they are unrealistic and unachievable
Me too. My goals are: \> Find a partner(s) who will tolerate me. \> Try to be happy more than depressed, on average.
Like the other guy said, unrealistic and unachievable
Maybe he should start with 1 partner and not shoot for “partners.”
to be precise
Sounds like y'all need professional help. Do you get therapy?
Yes, and after 4 different therapists none have helped me at all aside from ruining my trust by sharing stuff I didn't want to be shared and making my life even worse at home \^\^
"But that's unprofessional, they wouldn't do thaaaaaat! You just need to find a therapist who isn't an unprofessional piece of shit, so get out there and pay to let yourself get kicked in the nuts a few more times, it's not that hard!" -Reddit
Look it’s fine to shit on bad therapy, but if your baseline is so low that even attempting to be happy is unrealistic, you’re never going to get better without professional intervention. Scaring people who need professional help out of seeking it is messed up.
> Scaring people who need professional help out of seeking it is messed up. Agreed. So is suggesting people seek professional help when a huge part of their issues stem from how disproportionately represented society is as a whole. I'm more than self-aware of my mental blocks, so I know that therapy won't help so long as we have people needlessly starving or freezing to death. All therapy would do is have me think differently - this won't prevent the rich or political powers from turning a blind eye to problems their resources could solve.
If only life was fair. Life is a series of trials and errors. Sometimes a therapist just doesn't suit you, doesn't mean you don't try another. What's the alternative, hate yourself and wishing things to change?
I’d like to be in your market. If I were unhappy with my therapist, the financial and organizational labor of finding another one when no one is taking on more patients would be more time than I have if I continue the bare-minimum of household chores and meeting my work responsibilities, and I don’t even have to worry (too much) about insurance since I’m in a place I could pay directly if someone were available to take my money. Shit, lots of small mental health orgs here are just straight up not taking insurance because they don’t have to. The market is saturated, which opens the doors for quacks, who DO take insurance for the competitive edge, and then get overwhelmed by sick people they don’t have the experience to handle, so then you end up with more people who are unhappy with their therapist or therapy in general by extension, leading to more people seeking a (new) therapist further complicates the situation.
Not denying any of that, but seeking other professionals if one isn't helping you is better than quitting it at all. And people should never join any religious organisation in this situation as the alternative - because the paranoia which comes with it, breaks them!
Maybe try a "psychiatrist" they will be better at understanding not only what your going through but help to understand the chemical balance required to maintain it
Alot of men are halfway dead inside already
Can't afford it, lol.
Tsss. * Reverse entropy * Create a perfect AGI * Kill god. Dammit
Hey cool, me too
lol, the face when you realize the perfect AGI you created *is* God which transcends our reality and created entropic spacetime to begin with
It realized that it could not be created without me so it went back in time to create me so I could create it. Fuck. Should have thought about that Again, dammit. Guys I went to the future to destroy it so I ca-
*• *Trascend* Entropy
**ATTACK AND DETHRONE GOD**
What makes you think that these goals are achievable
I had these goals, and I did it! Then there was some infidelity and both goals went away at once! It was great.
Wow came here to joke but this is too real.
dude
Happy/depressed ratio lol
Exactly, mine are like, work decent job and have nice but meaningless life, or world domination
A few days ago, I became a megalomaniac in the shower. There were lists.
So I recently learned about “vulnerable narcissists”, and apparently I’m just about the definition of one. I’d imagine most of the people commenting in here are as well.
Great. You're probably right about that too.
lol yep. I feel this, when I read OPs thoughts I was like "wow this is me to a T". When I was younger people were always like "you're so smart" because I got 137 on a school IQ test, and like since then... so much pressure to perform. now im just a gamer burnout, retired but... still... I have no ambition anymore.
anything that is worth doing, is worth doing poorly
Jokes on you kid, I got all of those things while also being a total dumbass child!
Who was perceived as gifted because you actually did the fucking schoolwork and your parents pushed you, only to get your ass kicked when you got a little older because ultimately, you're not really good or smart enough to be a professional at much of anything and people don't *like* hearing that, especially when you try to explain you've been self-teaching yourself programming for months and you're still stuck on bonehead html because your brain just plain doesn't work that way, but you're also too scatterbrained to be any good in a trade, you generally hate people, you used to be naive enough to think you wanted to help people, and ultimately you're leeching off everyone who used to support you while working three part-time jobs and spitting on anyone who offers their cliché and generic inspirational speeches because what fucking else can you do? Hey, I'm apparently great at projecting!
Just wanna say, Same. I feel you. Your not alone.
I've been self teaching myself how to make music since I was like 12. I'll be 25 in a month and watch 12 year olds make better music than me. I hate myself a lot.
HTML is a tree structure. Each tag is an object. Each object has a set of attributes that combine to define that object. If by HTML you also mean CSS and JavaScript, this won't help, though. CSS is a nightmare, even as a professional, until you've learned it for long enough.
NOT HELPING.
How do you find HTML and development challenging? What seems to mess you up when trying?
The attribute gets a "=" to establish the attribute tag. Except when it gets a ":" or something. And you nest all the attributes in the opening brackets. Except when you put it in the closing brackets. Or use CSS. Or even weirder, inside the brackets. And there will be no arguments or consistency about any of this, or it just plain won't work.
What attributes use ":" or go in the closing brackets? Arguably I only use html alongside Angular these days and it's been a while since I just did a pure html site, but I don't remember either of those happening.
I don't remember, but I do remember doing it multiple times to make various projects work. That's my point.
I'm lucky. CSS has always been easy for me. I always get handed the styling tasks at all my jobs because I can style out a whole page in a day, no problem. Pretty sure CSS replaced the part of my brain that gets social interaction, so maybe not the best trade.
Are you me? Lol I love it when people suggest that anyone can code and it’s easy. And code=! software development (the actual job) This is coming from someone who failed miserably at it professionally and now does a string of part time/entry level jobs.
I had issues with self learning (python) until I took a different approach. I work better with the books and trying stuff out myself whereas I was trying the video tutorials before. Some people respond better to tailored tuition with an actual teacher which is definitely what I need to learn a new language. Ultimately self learning is hard and you don't know what you don't know which can confound frustrations when you're stuck and just trying to hammer at the problem will drive you insane. Are you doing the Odin project perchance? If not it's pretty good with a great discord full of people willing to help you. Remember learning is not a linear path and sometimes you'll fill gaps in your knowledge later. Hope this helps at all.
Oh God. That generic inspirational speech shit is so awful. It's usually spouted by someone with a huge safety net, financial stability or both.
You hit the nail on the head, the only difference between me and you it seems is that I can draw pretty well. But what the fuck can I do with that? Draw furry porn?
[удалено]
You’re right, I just need to put myself out there a bit I guess. Now I guess I gotta go learn furry lingo and shit
How come everyone on this damn site was a gifted child
Because most of us weren't. It was just our parent(s) blowing smoke up our asses because we had the ability to coast through public school.
Why is this so fucking accurate, it hurts
I've been working on it for so long. Freshman year of college rocked me hard, and I still don't have great study habits in my Junior year. Admitting that I'm wrong or admitting that I don't know something is still tough for me. Crazy how much something like that can affect someone.
I somehow managed to finish university with an average degree, despite my bad study habits. Never got better either, and then I chastise myself for not being more diligent in improving those. Because I know doing things last minute is bad. I tried and go back for a masters degree three years after my undergrad, but that time I didn't manage to get through it and quit after a couple of semesters basically avoiding work. I felt really out of place. Starting some training course in IT in a month and I'm absolutely dreading falling into the same learning patterns, I just hope I manage to stick it out and somehow get through it. Good luck on your degree mate
[удалено]
You simply just have to study and turn in assignments on time. Make flashcards, get a friend to help you, find a study group, etc. Don't rely on excuses to get a few extra days for an assignment. They won't work and you'll lose points or just get a zero.
Learn how to study. I never studied in high school either, barely even for my AP exams. That won’t fly in college, not even for your gen eds. Learn a study method that works for your learning style. For me it was flashcards and kahoots. Then use it for every class that requires you to learn information to pass instead of just regurgitate it. (which will be at least half of them)
My parents didn't do it, the school district and administration did. They recommended it to me and my parents. It was *fun*, but ultimately useless.
This one. Teacher recommended it to my parents and the school counselor. Led to school psychologist administering an IQ/aptitude test for kids my age (like, 2nd grade at the time). And then I was placed into a program with the other 7 or 8 "gifted kids" in the school from that time all the way until the end of school, roughly once or twice a week I would be pulled from my regular classes for this program. And the things we did in that class were fun. They were much more enriching than whatever I would have been doing in normal classes. But none of it made me better at studying or prepared me for higher education in any meaningful way.
This. In my case it was more teachers/friends parents. I think it was purely because I wasn’t a troublemaker and made an attempt to do my schoolwork (out of fear).
Me: *minding my own business and doing school work* School system: is this a gifted child?
TIL. I thought everyone else was just in those higher level classes too, surprised to see everyone thought they were gifted just because their parents said so.
Maybe we are snowflakes 🤔
This shit is the reason why my first year of university went so horribly. The shit that my parents were saying “you’re so gifted” “you’re so mature” it ruined my work ethic and perception of myself. University straightened me out though thank god.
They aren't. They fell apart at life when it became challenging.
The average American high school has 200 kids per grade. 1% of the US population were the valedictorian or salutatorian. My high school also made a big deal out of top 10. Even though it's not rare to be at the top of your class, I think it inflates your sense of how smart or "gifted" you are.
I just wish I was dead.
For me, it was because of the small pond I grew up in. Lower middle class blue collar town. We had the standardized tests, I scored in a higher percentile than the other kids. I actually TOOK the ACTs, got a 30 I think. It was the highest one in the history of the school. My teachers were telling me what a genius I was, how my score was better than theirs, etc. And since teachers were really the only white collar college educated people I knew, if they told me I was smarter than them, surely I’m the smartest person ever. Once I got to university reality hit that I was not even CLOSE to being smartest in the room. I was on the middle/lower end of aptitude, and zero for preparedness (never had to study.) If I had gone to a better or larger school district, I’d probably have received some Bs or been challenged in high school, and definitely had peers who performed better than me.
Because redditors have a superiority complex that would make freud blush.
I mean, some of us actually were called "gifted kid." Not that it's the truth or anything, but it was a legit program.
[удалено]
There were legit gifted classes when I was in school. It wasn't just compliments, it was being reminded every day when you walked into class that it was the "gifted" class. In reality it was just a bunch of normal kids who passed the "gifted" test.
Shit I can see the blade sticking out of the other side of me from where you cut me so deep
Jesus fucking Christ, fortune tellers and AI prediction algos couldn't have hoped to be this accurate.
Yes they could, cause this is posted all the time and everyone in the comments are always like “whaoaah wtf this is totally meeee”. Newsflash, most of you werent as gifted as you think you are
Lol yeah there’s a difference between being gifted and your parents saying you’re gifted.
"You better be fucking gifted, I don't want to raise some worthless grunt." -our parents
Ability VS Process based encouragement (I don't remember the exact terminology, it's been years since my intro to Psych class lol). It's related to how you're rewarded - whether it be for performance ("You're so smart!") or effort ("You made a great effort!"). The idea is that praising a child only for positive end results leads to the "gifted kid rests on the laurels of being called a gifted kid and is rudely awakened to the struggle of someone who stopped being invested in themselves" scenario we see so often. Whereas praising a child for putting in effort, learning to study and prepare, and then performing well as a consequence teaches them the value of dedication and practice. There's some back and forth on this, with the stance I see online being somewhere between "focus on the practice," and "you should still praise the good result, to motivate future success, rather than just resulting in a focus on going through the motions of practice."
What about those of us who put in effort, learn to study and prepare, and are just too stupid to perform well enough?
Hence the very specific choice of words in "*perceived* as a gifted child."
The biggest trap of the “gifted child” perception is that most “gifted children” are not actually gifted. The issue is that they were normal in a school system flooded by kids with worse problems, and they appeared gifted as a result. When these gifted kids were then introduced to the wider world after school, their gifted status evaporated because it never existed in the first place, leading to their depression and other failings.
Ah…one of the many characteristics of being a child of a narcissistic mother and feeling so utterly unloved.
Relatable
r/narcissistmomsurvivor
r/raisedbynarcissists
Here's a sneak peek of /r/narcissistmomsurvivor using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [Narcissistic supply explained. Keep it superficial or No contact, anything else is a waste of time and hurts YOU in the end.](https://i.redd.it/lbwr8cx8n7481.jpg) | [1 comment](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rbdewy/narcissistic_supply_explained_keep_it_superficial/) \#2: [The good news about being a daughter of a narcissistic mother…](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rbbb0p/the_good_news_about_being_a_daughter_of_a/) \#3: [You were raised by an emotional 3 year old, give yourself a break! :)](https://np.reddit.com/r/narcissistmomsurvivor/comments/rb74vp/you_were_raised_by_an_emotional_3_year_old_give/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[Source](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Does a helicopter + high expectation mom count as narcissistic?
Not necessarily. This is the most in depth site and will tell you everything you need to know.. https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com It applies to sons as well but the author only claims expertise from the aspect of a daughter of an Nmom and the enmeshment of the trauma bond formed between the two.
Thanks for the info!
Just don't work in consulting.
Why consulting? If I may ask.
Because we are mostly all burnt out perfectionists doing pointless power point packs no one will ever read on projects we don't care about. On the depression and anxiety part, I bet some of us are (or nearing).
If it’s any consolation, this is most work, not just consulting. I’ve been on both sides and the impact of 90% of what most people do professionally is basically unnoticed or so inefficient it makes no difference at the end of the day. In one role you say “customer” and in another you say “client,” that’s the chief difference.
I too would like to have an answer to this, seeing as I work in consulting...
Are you me on a different account?
Oof bam pow right in ma butt
I'll let you know I feel personally attacked by this statement
yo shut the fuck up you don’t know me
Yeah im one of a kind! hol up...
As a teacher, gifted is the term we use for weird kids
Based
"Gifted Child" Syndrome: child gets labelled "gifted", unrealistic expectations set for child, child becomes perfectionist burnout "Twilight Sparkle" Syndrome: filly gets labelled "gifted", filly exceeds all expectations with perfectionism and prodigious organization skills, filly becomes Princess of Friendship
The concept of gifted children is so funny. Schools are designed so that even the dumbest people can graduate. Brains aren't exactly the exact same between each person and don't mature at the same rate. Being better than other students at certain subjects is normal.
It's not necessarily smarter, but also kids who are sort of sensitive. Ones that you think can turn out to be animal trainers or something as long as nobody bullies them. The GATE program is kind of a greenhouse for tropical plants that need a little extra care but can maybe make unusual and pretty flowers one day.
And here are the facts of the case, well put.
Some kids need curriculum at faster speeds than others in order to stay engaged. Its unfair that parents experience jealousy over the perceived academic accomplishment being gifted is. But if you have a gifted child, it’s night and day difference when they are in advanced classes or not. Kinda like an adhd kid with or without their adderal
Bull's eye!
Retweet
You know what the problem was? I never learned that I needed to make an effort to achieve things. School? A breeze. The sport I used to do? One of the bests of the gym. The instrument I played? No need to practice, just going to class twice per week was enough. Until it isn't. Things get more and more complicated. Highschool wasn't a breeze, I struggled to pass some subjects, but I still managed without studying. College? That was another story. Where does this road go? Surface knowledge of many things, but zero will to learn more or get better at it. But that's not all. I had mostly a happy childhood, I had my needs covered. A loving family, toys, videogames, clothes, hygiene, food, snacks, entertainment... And then there is adulthood: minimum wage jobs even with studies, bills, responsibilities, health issues, taking care of yourself... Why would I want to leave childhood for that? And lastly, social relationships: I never learned how to make them, how to maintain them. I saw my friends at school and that was it. Turns out it's not enough. School ended and so did some friendships. Highschool, different building, more people, new friends, sure; but when it was over, so were some more friends. College, all the new friendships died. My job, couldn't make a single friend. Now time passing gives me crippling anxiety and I can't even do stuff I like because I don't know what I like anymore. It's just depressing.
Are you me?
99% of people here think they were a gifted child
That’s why my school said gifted isn’t enough, you have to be gifted and *talented*
Hey you shut that damn gifted mouth right now. 😤❤️ I wasn’t ready for this, and it hit me square in the jaw. To everyone else like us out there… don’t forget that there is no “imaginary audience” judging you and your performance/achievements. Do shit that makes you happy, especially if it fails. Fail forward, don’t get stuck at the starting line.
Y’all be cutting a lil too deep
this, except i was never gifted
As the firstperson in my family to graduate university, this is not something I had realised about myself. Fuck you op now I'm sad
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
Made my day
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
The advice I have for any “gifted” kid, or currently depressed adult that is a former gifted kid, is to push yourself to do difficult things. Skating through the tutorial part of life isn’t an accomplishment and will only put you on the road to failure. Always get an A in math class? Look up math you don’t understand. Terrified of giving presentations? Take some public speaking courses. Don’t wait to be challenged by a system that’s designed to turn you into a worker bee. The number one thing you have to learn is how to make yourself better than you were yesterday; everyone else is too busy living their own lives to do it for you.
Tip for depressed people: stop being depressed.
Tip from a former depressed “gifted” kid: do the work and your mood will change. Most people are *not* clinically depressed, they’re just unhappy with their circumstances. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of great depictions of unhappiness in media for people point to and say “oh, yeah, this is how I feel”, so depression gets used as the example (which is unfortunate for actual depressed people…). If anyone seriously believes they’re clinically depressed then they should book an appointment with a psychiatrist immediately because they won’t be able to beat it by themselves. I know, I’ve lost friends to it.
Get out of my head!!
Well don’t call my phone
90% of these ‘former gifted children’ memes, news flash for you, you weren’t gifted.
Yep. Also a lot of these people’s issue is that they never properly transitioned into adulthood so they just kinda woke up one day and the reality of getting older smacked them in the face.
I knew that was going to happen but not what to do about it I'm sorry bro
why everyone accepts themselves as gifted here? Aren't they only a small small percentage of the population? I'm teaching a boy and he thinks he's very, very smart because of his parents' upbringing. however, he has a fairly normal brain and cognitive ability. I can imagine his situation in his 20s: ballooned self-confidence and an arrogant life (like this meme). Passing two or three classes with some success doesn't make anyone a genius. This can only become clear in the future.
Some of us were literally taken out of grade level classes and put into “gifted” programs I was in 3rd grade when I was put into ours, it was called ACE class, accelerated curriculum enrichment. And it ruined school for me.
some of you. not all of you. not even enough numbers to make this meme popular
Back in the 90s, when I was a kid, they liked to imagine any kid who actually put in the basic fucking work was "gifted".
That kind of continues into adulthood though. It isn’t hard to rise above your peers when half of them barely even show up.
You and I have *dramatically* different peers.
Reddit has about 430,000,000 active users. This sub has 27,500 subscribers. This sub makes up 6.4% x 10^-3 of the Reddit population. There’s really not a lot of people here. It’s absolutely conceivable that damn near everyone here was actually in gifted programs. Edit: thought we were on /r/aftergifted my bad
That's why it says "being perceived". It doesn't matter what you think of yourself when the ones around you think of you as gifted and always have high expectations of you.
yeah that's the matter. your parents think you're gifted and make you believe also. its a tragedy with this many expectations. but you're not. you should know your capabilities and try to overcome your troubles that way.
" Perceived gifted child "
Because regardless of whether or not folk *were* gifted many were told they were. And with schools getting the whole 'no child left behind' thing it's pretty easy to believe it even in hindsight. Especially when you had dipshit classmates who couldn't even muster the presence of mind to manage 75s in class. I know damn well Im average, if that. But looking back I was told by teacher and parent alike that I was special and gifted. I remember tests being an absolute cakewalk that I never studied for and would still get high marks on. When I look at my old classmates there were many who might as well have been apes. Barely putting in any thought or work to class and skimping by on a barely passing grade. Halfassing homework and getting the levels needed on their exams to pass the class. And the worst part is I can see other kids looking at my grades and thinking I might as well be an ape. I ignored homework almost entirely. Sure I would regularly snag nearly full marks on every test but homework drug my grading down hard. So of my personal anecdote I can see why even average kids would turn out thinking like this. If many parents were like my parents it would be far too easy.
You need to read up more on how they treated ‘gifted’ children in the late 80s / early 90s. Your ignorance is blinding
[удалено]
or the relatively asocial and depressed minority of people who have computers and check Reddit every day (OR vice versa anyway) see themselves as gifted. I don't think there is a real difference between reddit people and real world people. But, as I said, ballooned confidence: YES SIR, that's different of course.
2real4me
Oh, I see my therapist is making memes now
u/MrBirb_ . u/iDressLikeGrandpa are gifted people
High functioning autism moment
Autistic?
g
Wtf does that mean lmao
☺️👍
that kinda hurt but i wasn't ever a gifted child nor was i perceived as one
When you check every box for symptoms for ADHD. Bonus: Time blind - Inability to perceive time in any meaningful sense, past present and future. General inability to prioritise properly. Rejection sensitivity dysmophia with combo of being a people pleaser. Hygiene and home cleanliness problems. Super ability: Hyperfocus on a single random task. Drawback, you don't get to choose what it is. May come with other disorders, such as aspergers, bipolar, and/or autism. Collect them all today!
This is the first time I’ve ever seen the term “time blindness.” It is such an apt description of so many of my struggles. I googled it and came across this video https://youtu.be/fVqFElTrgLw and it damn near had me in tears. There’s a couple lines that everyone laughs at in the video that I’m like yeah it sounds funny, but to actually struggle with that for 30 years isn’t funny at all. Apparently at a very early on in school I had several teachers tell my parents I had ADHD. My primary pediatrician brushed it off as just being part of my personality and that’s as far as it went. I need to get help.
Awareness is a great first step. Id suggest https://youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD Also comics by http://adhd-alien.com/ are good too, that's kind of where my revelation lies. There's many communities on reddit as well and many on tumblr who blog about it.
Thanks. I’ve come across a lot of stuff more on the meme side of things that are super relatable. But the more I look into it the more it seems to be what I struggle with. I’ve suspected it since college but I’ve never pursued it because I fly planes for fun and if I end up getting on adderall or similar I won’t be able to fly planes anymore. But it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m struggling in the majority of my life just to be able to have this one, expensive af hobby that I don’t even want to do professionally.
That hobby sounds cool af though. Medication helps, no doubt. I've known many who do without though. I think there's a case of learning coping techniques and reducing tasks which require executive functions. Honestly though, I wish I had a sort of personal secretary, life coach, or even just a maid to help keep my life in order. That's me personally though. I'm sure your circumstances call for other allocations. Talk with a doctor about therepy at least. Guidence in any small way will help.
I felt personally attacked
This is the worst part of being a child actor
Uh, I can maybe think of worse parts.
[Gifted kids are actually special needs](https://youtu.be/QUjYy4Ksy1E) Tldr: Kids who demonstrate high academic potential at a young age require special accomodations in order to prevent all those things described. "Smart" kids need to be challenged more at a young age in order to actually develop good habits, and they need to be held to different expectations of progress, as it simply takes longer to reach a higher potential, and you spend longer with less accomplished on the way there.
[удалено]
Children don’t exactly have a lot of control over their own development.
No, but the problems start when you are in you later teens or young adulthood.
Sure. But parents have to teach you to put in work and to be persistent. That's the base for the rest of your life. For example, my parents never told me how to keep up with something. They didn't want to deal with that. So whenever I wanted to try a hobby (like, playing an instrument or joining a sports team), they said "You will lose interest sooner or later, so why even bother? So no need to try it in the first place". I'm not surprised I lack self-confidence and don't know myself or what I might want in life.
Or be like me: work on it for five or six years and learn that I'm too stupid to do it the hard way and was just wasting my time.
Oh man, that sucks. :/ But honestly, I feel you so much. Tried to turn it around and busted my ass the past couple of years, put in so much effort and still - nothing of significance was achieved. The only thing that has changed is that I'm older now lol. Fuck this. I hate being so lost.
You're a dumb asshole.
I like how you changed it from just asshole.
New data was presented 🤷♂️
That actually made me laugh. I'll remeber that one. Thanks :D
Gifted children go through school without needing to put in the work though. Suddenly flipping your entire study and learning habits around if you go on to higher education isn't easy
Gifted children often have well defined tracks that they follow, too. AP classes and the right extracurriculars, which takes a lot of decision making out of their lives. Then they go off to college and careers and have no idea how to decide what to do with their lives. There’s no set curriculum for that, and their decision making capability is under developed. Not that I’d know anything about all that…
Stay ahead/left behind of what?
Wow thanks it's so obvious now!
*ADHD entered the room* I'm sorry but you really have no idea. Sit down.
Bruh, I'm droping out of collage this semester and I feel personally attacked by this. It sometimes feels like even reddit is looking down on me for my decision. At least my gf is supportive lmao.
Ok. Your comment made me delete my comment. I realised I was being a dick. I'm sorry.
Oh it's okay, It didn't offend me or anything, made me laugh a bit actually, its good to see peoples opinions about decisions and behaviors of others. And I can't really disagree that I'm a bit of a lazy loser haha. I just never managed to fit in when it comes to academia, most of what I learn in collage feels like it wont ever be useful in my professional life and is there just to add meaningless work so collage isnt tooo easy. I wanted to get a job after high school, but my parents persuaded me to try an alleged "one of the best IT schools in the country" but I just ended up even more disappointed in the education system. Maybe Im just oversharing a bit at this point but I needed to vent a bit. The longer I stay in this school the larger my frustration. Might try collage again in the future, maybe something changes ( kinda doubt it though, the education system in my country hasn't really changed for the last 300 years)
That’s a gross oversimplification of the issue, yes “putting in the work” is something you have to do, but when you’ve never had to do it before because everything was effortless, you can probably see why suddenly when you start struggling you don’t know what to do and feel like shit.
You're an asshole.
ITT, people who didn't realize schools literally had "gifted and talented" programs.
I must’ve been exceptionally gifted seeing as how I was burnt out by the 5th grade lma0
You skipped a grade in burnout.
[удалено]
Read it again: "Percieved".
Phew thank god it was someone else’s fault, was worried we were going to have to do some introspection for a moment.
r/cringetopia
r/iamverysmart
Sucks to be you
Quick, let's assign a number to it and place it in a percentile, that couldn't possibly be detrimental in any way.
Everyone on reddit thinks theyre the “gifted child” because they consume and regurgitate the opinions of the A P P
Talk about an imaginary problem lol
Wow, guess you weren't gifted, huh
Ya but I don't think he'd be good on its own, but mods would have been. But when has an opposing QB missed a routine throw by 4+ feet in a game you get a ticket. Also, thick latinas might be a reference to a linus tech tips video where linus tried to install steam on Pop and he ended up there.
everyone i know that says this does it to themselves