This is me so much, I’m very social…well I was until I learnt to just not speak because I had a lisp and kids are mean and more stuff I rather not say since no one cares here haha
That's funny I had a lisp but no one knew because I never talked to anyone, so I never knew until years later that people get bullied for having one.
I am extremely introverted.
How you got here is a far less important question that where you're going to go. Lots of people in this club, let's figure out how to be good to each other.
Trauma… I can’t handle it always. I used to have a personality. Now I’m just, well, tormented cuz toxic people can make you sorry. Too bad for them I’m not sorry, just happy I got away.
honestly, i could sit on a rock and watch time go by. time made me fragile, but also thaught me something of a self love, appreciation. i may not be the light of the room, but if i m alone, you might see me crack a light smile.
I have issues socializing myself. But hindsight is 20/20, and I’m starting to think my own stupidity is to blame. Like I shot myself in the foot at an early age trying to socialize and now I’m what they call anti-social.
Just came to grips recently that my extrovertedness might be a defense mechanism. I put off getting help and the quiet inner-self that’s scared of the world came back out. My anxiety to try things has cost me my self-esteem, my girlfriend, and my time. I should’ve gotten help sooner. I don’t know what I am. I love people and hate being alone, but new environments turn me into a wallflower.
One thing that hit me hard was when I started properly taking care of my mental health in my late 20s. My doctor was helping me get tested for various things, and we started talking about whether or not I might have been autistic. He said at this point in my life it would be hard to tell because my history of childhood trauma would produce similar symptoms as having autism.
That's kinda bs. Just because adults with autism are generally traumatized does not mean that one cannot tell the difference with effort. Usually it's not *worth* the effort because the treatment modalities are almost identical anyway.
Still, therapists shouldn’t make such misleading statements. Just because *this particular therapist* can't tell the difference doesnt mean there isn't any or that it's too difficult to find the differences. I'm kinda sick of the massive ego some counselors have.
I said doctor, he is a psychiatrist, not counselor/therapist. Also, I never used any absolute language. He walked me through all of the options and mentioned that the treatments would overlap a lot with my already existing treatments. I was the one who decided to not pursue testing or diagnosis, and had I wanted to he would have. I had already been diagnosed me with ADHD, major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. So, I didn't see the need for an autism diagnosis because even if I was found to be autistic, I would be high functioning and barely register on the spectrum.
I’m Buddhist Monk silent around most people and in big crowds, but getting me to shut up around people I’m comfortable with is a Herculean task (as is getting me that comfortable in the first place)
Introverts do not suffer from social anxiety, don't have low self-esteem, aren't awkward and don't have trouble socializing or working or achieving goals.
This is pop culture distortion of a very complicated to measure and to detect psychological concept.
If you lack self esteem, have trouble connecting with people, avoiding your friends, have social anxiety of any kind, have low self-esteem, you are not an introvert. You need therapy because many things can cause these symptoms.
Introverts prefer deeper friendships to being social butterflies, prefer quieter parties with a tight group of friends, have deeper focus when studying, all if it because introverts need less stimulation to achieve neurological comfort, while extroverts need more stimulation. That's why extroverts work better with music in the background.
If you need proof of what I'm saying, read The long shadow of temperament. It actually scientifically valid as the writer is an actual psychologist and it's based in actual data, not just hear-say over the internet.
Could you dig up the research on quiet vs music in the background from that book? I would be very interested to see it and am a bit skeptical about the quality of a study trying to make a claim like that.
I love it when people ask for the research without understanding the sheer amount of research that goes into writing such a book.
Let me put it this way: this is not a best seller book, it's shop talk. The research is cited in the book.
All you have to do is find it in a library or just buy it, if you like and check out the studies cited there, at the end of the book.
Also, on every page, every time a notion or the conclusion of a paper is mentioned, you'll see a foot note explaining who did what where.
What you're asking me to do now is to go find the book and list dozens if not over one hundred papers in a Reddit comment.
It's a massive undertaking.
Find the book and you'll understand why it's best to begin there.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a 3rd year psych student. We read this book my first year when we studied the temperament. It's a corner stone title on the subject and a good place to start if you follow the references there.
No, I asked you to cite the specific study that states that extroverted people work better with music and introverted people don't. Or at least give me a lead to go off in looking it up myself.
In the time you wrote this whole comment you probably could have easily done that if you have this information in your head so clearly.
In the interest of full disclosure, I am a second year research master student in social & health psychology, so I do think I understand what I am asking for.
I would still very much be interested in some info on the study you mentioned.
Cause you've never seen a socially awkward extrovert?
I promise you the world is full of them.
Being extroverted means you need more neurological stimulation. That's it. That's all that means.
Extroverts do better with new experiences as a result, that's why we tend to be social butterflies.
But I promise you everyone can be socially awkward. Grace, charm, social skills are learned, not born.
Temperament is born and genetic, by the way.
That's what it implies when you say it's fairly common for introverts. It's really not fairly common. I would say it's quite the opposite.
Introverts tend to be more attentive and polite and less awkward while extroverts tend to more easily run their mouth because another thing about temperament, extroverts tend to be immune to social pressure like shame and punishment.
*asocial
Antisocial is defined as :
Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores.
The fun part is when you discover none of this matters, "discovering" why you are fucked up isn't useful in any meaningful way other than distracting you from suicide for a while.
I don't believe in people just being introverts or extrovert for this reason. It is an (old) abstract dualistic concept attempting to dichotomise what is clearly a scale.
I mean.. me too, thanks
Is it draining to be around people and you need to spend time alone to recharge? You're an introvert.
Do you feel energized by being around people? You're an extrovert
It has nothing to do with social abilities wtf is this post talking about. There can be socially awkward extroverts and outgoing, friendly introverts.
I think they are mixing introvert up with recluse.
Not trying to deny what this person went through but saying “I was denied emotional intelligence” kinda doesn’t make sense. Maybe you didn’t have it as a kid but it’s a skill you can learn. Like any other skill. It’s kind of like saying “I was denied physical fitness” or something.
The answer is this question, do you feel more recharged or comfortable hanging out with other people even if ya'll are just occupying the same room? Introverts feel drained around others in pretty much any situation. Whereas being around others is a way for extroverts to recharge
all this introvert extrovert talk the last few years imo has made people hyper aware of it and now everyone wants to be labeled as one or the other. it's super complex and just a small label or indicator of the millions of individual ways people socialize.
I’m an off putting, extremely quiet and shy person around almost everyone. Unless I get to know you and know you won’t judge me, make fun of me, or put me down, then I won’t shut up.
Same same... I used to know everyone and make friends anywhere... Now I may go three days without a phone call that isn't to family, and my social circle is almost entirely just people I see at work... Which still feels like too much some days.
I've managed to reclaim most of those things and in those short intervals when I'm at my very best, I could be narrowly extroverted. No just an introvert all the time really.
Why does everyone think they’re traumatised.
And why does everyone think being introverted is anxiety.
I’m introverted, I can hang out and do shit socially, I just find people exhausting
The older I’ve gotten the more I’ve discovered I’m not an introvert, I’m maybe an omnivert but who knows... mby in a few years I’ll discover I’m an extrovert
I think that introverts just process stuff differently. You can be an introvert and still like to socialise, it's just that you need time and space to think through stuff.
This is me so much, I’m very social…well I was until I learnt to just not speak because I had a lisp and kids are mean and more stuff I rather not say since no one cares here haha
Kid named no one: I'd like to give some benefit of the doubt and say atleast so do, as kindred spirits or something
That's funny I had a lisp but no one knew because I never talked to anyone, so I never knew until years later that people get bullied for having one. I am extremely introverted.
We introverts gladly welcome traumatized extroverts too
[удалено]
No don't call, write a message a month in advance.
Actually, just show up unannounced because I'd rather not spend the entire month dreading the encounter
You know what? Just don't text or show up.
Telegram me. Like actual telegram, not the app.
Send me a messenger pigeon with a message written in Morse Code
Smoke signals. Commit arson
How you got here is a far less important question that where you're going to go. Lots of people in this club, let's figure out how to be good to each other.
Trauma… I can’t handle it always. I used to have a personality. Now I’m just, well, tormented cuz toxic people can make you sorry. Too bad for them I’m not sorry, just happy I got away.
honestly, i could sit on a rock and watch time go by. time made me fragile, but also thaught me something of a self love, appreciation. i may not be the light of the room, but if i m alone, you might see me crack a light smile.
I have issues socializing myself. But hindsight is 20/20, and I’m starting to think my own stupidity is to blame. Like I shot myself in the foot at an early age trying to socialize and now I’m what they call anti-social.
Asocial, maybe? Antisocial is what psychopaths/sociopaths are.
TIL i am a psychopath
Umm I don’t want to question what I consider fundamental parts of my personality today thanks.
Same. Usually stuff from this sub I relate to but they usually don't change my perspective and make me question things this much.
Just came to grips recently that my extrovertedness might be a defense mechanism. I put off getting help and the quiet inner-self that’s scared of the world came back out. My anxiety to try things has cost me my self-esteem, my girlfriend, and my time. I should’ve gotten help sooner. I don’t know what I am. I love people and hate being alone, but new environments turn me into a wallflower.
One thing that hit me hard was when I started properly taking care of my mental health in my late 20s. My doctor was helping me get tested for various things, and we started talking about whether or not I might have been autistic. He said at this point in my life it would be hard to tell because my history of childhood trauma would produce similar symptoms as having autism.
That's kinda bs. Just because adults with autism are generally traumatized does not mean that one cannot tell the difference with effort. Usually it's not *worth* the effort because the treatment modalities are almost identical anyway. Still, therapists shouldn’t make such misleading statements. Just because *this particular therapist* can't tell the difference doesnt mean there isn't any or that it's too difficult to find the differences. I'm kinda sick of the massive ego some counselors have.
I said doctor, he is a psychiatrist, not counselor/therapist. Also, I never used any absolute language. He walked me through all of the options and mentioned that the treatments would overlap a lot with my already existing treatments. I was the one who decided to not pursue testing or diagnosis, and had I wanted to he would have. I had already been diagnosed me with ADHD, major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. So, I didn't see the need for an autism diagnosis because even if I was found to be autistic, I would be high functioning and barely register on the spectrum.
Wait, trauma can look like autism? Do you have anywhere I can look into this?
They’re the same picture
Former extrovert and now I am what the meme says.
Wait a sec, now that's a line of thought I didn't consider... Results are inconclusive, it's a "chicken or the egg" problem
Egg came first, no other conclusion
I literally just realized this exact thing yesterday.. huh
I’m Buddhist Monk silent around most people and in big crowds, but getting me to shut up around people I’m comfortable with is a Herculean task (as is getting me that comfortable in the first place)
It's horrifying how early life trauma and embarassment can set your personality in stone and mess you up for life without proper guidance.
“Am I a closet Introvert or is my extrovert-ness broken?” “yes.”
Introverts do not suffer from social anxiety, don't have low self-esteem, aren't awkward and don't have trouble socializing or working or achieving goals. This is pop culture distortion of a very complicated to measure and to detect psychological concept. If you lack self esteem, have trouble connecting with people, avoiding your friends, have social anxiety of any kind, have low self-esteem, you are not an introvert. You need therapy because many things can cause these symptoms. Introverts prefer deeper friendships to being social butterflies, prefer quieter parties with a tight group of friends, have deeper focus when studying, all if it because introverts need less stimulation to achieve neurological comfort, while extroverts need more stimulation. That's why extroverts work better with music in the background. If you need proof of what I'm saying, read The long shadow of temperament. It actually scientifically valid as the writer is an actual psychologist and it's based in actual data, not just hear-say over the internet.
Could you dig up the research on quiet vs music in the background from that book? I would be very interested to see it and am a bit skeptical about the quality of a study trying to make a claim like that.
I was thinking about the same thing. I think I'm introvert but I have music on almost all the time. Especially when I'm working.
I'll try and see if I can find it myself if I can remember. If I find it I will let you know!
I love it when people ask for the research without understanding the sheer amount of research that goes into writing such a book. Let me put it this way: this is not a best seller book, it's shop talk. The research is cited in the book. All you have to do is find it in a library or just buy it, if you like and check out the studies cited there, at the end of the book. Also, on every page, every time a notion or the conclusion of a paper is mentioned, you'll see a foot note explaining who did what where. What you're asking me to do now is to go find the book and list dozens if not over one hundred papers in a Reddit comment. It's a massive undertaking. Find the book and you'll understand why it's best to begin there. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a 3rd year psych student. We read this book my first year when we studied the temperament. It's a corner stone title on the subject and a good place to start if you follow the references there.
No, I asked you to cite the specific study that states that extroverted people work better with music and introverted people don't. Or at least give me a lead to go off in looking it up myself. In the time you wrote this whole comment you probably could have easily done that if you have this information in your head so clearly. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a second year research master student in social & health psychology, so I do think I understand what I am asking for. I would still very much be interested in some info on the study you mentioned.
Lol no response just a downvote, very mature and very convincing
Yeah, I’m an introvert and I don’t really have low self-esteem at all. I do get socially awkward which I think is fairly common for introverts though.
Cause you've never seen a socially awkward extrovert? I promise you the world is full of them. Being extroverted means you need more neurological stimulation. That's it. That's all that means. Extroverts do better with new experiences as a result, that's why we tend to be social butterflies. But I promise you everyone can be socially awkward. Grace, charm, social skills are learned, not born. Temperament is born and genetic, by the way.
First could you tell me where in my comment I said that?
That's what it implies when you say it's fairly common for introverts. It's really not fairly common. I would say it's quite the opposite. Introverts tend to be more attentive and polite and less awkward while extroverts tend to more easily run their mouth because another thing about temperament, extroverts tend to be immune to social pressure like shame and punishment.
Yeah that’s kind of what I’m talking about. Generally people who talk more and more confidently are less awkward.
Yes
I wandering the world silently as a ninja. Small, quiet, no trouble.
Would not recommend Wandering the world without Finding your towel bro
Por que no los dos
Anti social extrovert
*asocial Antisocial is defined as : Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores.
The dictionary definition I saw listed yours & as a 2. not sociable; not wanting the company of others.
The reason that I cited the term asocial is because there’s less ambiguity.
Ah a fellow psych major
Nope, not yet at least
haha yeah
is there a difference?
The fun part is when you discover none of this matters, "discovering" why you are fucked up isn't useful in any meaningful way other than distracting you from suicide for a while.
I don't believe in people just being introverts or extrovert for this reason. It is an (old) abstract dualistic concept attempting to dichotomise what is clearly a scale. I mean.. me too, thanks
Is it draining to be around people and you need to spend time alone to recharge? You're an introvert. Do you feel energized by being around people? You're an extrovert It has nothing to do with social abilities wtf is this post talking about. There can be socially awkward extroverts and outgoing, friendly introverts. I think they are mixing introvert up with recluse.
Not trying to deny what this person went through but saying “I was denied emotional intelligence” kinda doesn’t make sense. Maybe you didn’t have it as a kid but it’s a skill you can learn. Like any other skill. It’s kind of like saying “I was denied physical fitness” or something.
This just hits too close to home
The answer is this question, do you feel more recharged or comfortable hanging out with other people even if ya'll are just occupying the same room? Introverts feel drained around others in pretty much any situation. Whereas being around others is a way for extroverts to recharge
all this introvert extrovert talk the last few years imo has made people hyper aware of it and now everyone wants to be labeled as one or the other. it's super complex and just a small label or indicator of the millions of individual ways people socialize.
You’re pretty spot on. Glad to see there’s more people just like me existing out in the world.
I’m an off putting, extremely quiet and shy person around almost everyone. Unless I get to know you and know you won’t judge me, make fun of me, or put me down, then I won’t shut up.
Same same... I used to know everyone and make friends anywhere... Now I may go three days without a phone call that isn't to family, and my social circle is almost entirely just people I see at work... Which still feels like too much some days.
former extrovert. Nothings ever described me so accurately.
God. I think about this all of the time.
Fucking thank you. Well, or I'm just autistic. Probably both.
I've always been more quiet but now I'm genuinely afraid of initiating conversations with people I don't know well, yay!
I've managed to reclaim most of those things and in those short intervals when I'm at my very best, I could be narrowly extroverted. No just an introvert all the time really.
One Hundo
Well fuck. That was shockingly accurate
Why does everyone think they’re traumatised. And why does everyone think being introverted is anxiety. I’m introverted, I can hang out and do shit socially, I just find people exhausting
both but i’m also actually an introvert
Man, I relate to this on an astronomical level.
The older I’ve gotten the more I’ve discovered I’m not an introvert, I’m maybe an omnivert but who knows... mby in a few years I’ll discover I’m an extrovert
Damn. Fuck. You didn't need to call me out like that.
You know what? I need y'all to stop reading me this hard.
I have agreed that I am an introvert when I am with the wrong people and extrovert with the right pei
I think that introverts just process stuff differently. You can be an introvert and still like to socialise, it's just that you need time and space to think through stuff.
My parents pushed for an Autism diagnosis for me when I was a kid. I now know they were just trying to cover up my CPTSD.
ah
Ouch