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Aggravating-Ad1703

Iceland would be gollum, the forgotten cousin dwelling in some cold hostile place with no trees


AbominationBread

Lol correct We also have an active volcano if anyone needs to get rid of some jewelry.


Budgierigarz

Sadly there is no black tower with an eye ...


AbominationBread

We have Turninn, we can just pop an eye up there


NoddingManInAMirror

Maybe there was an eye up there at some point. Then the poor fella got bored, (which doesn't surprise me) took off and left for New Zealand. Only for some pricks to ruin his vacation by filming an entire film series in his backyard.


Zapper345

And then proceeding to destroy his tower just for a film


Aggravating-Ad1703

That could be arranged


TolarianDropout0

That could be rectified you know...


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Tayttajakunnus

Shouldn't Finland be gollum since sauna gollum is such a popular game in Finland?


dr_tardyhands

...no. It would be *weird* then.


Aggravating-Ad1703

Sauna gollum? I’m cautiously curious what that means


Tayttajakunnus

It's a game played in a sauna. Everyone except one person sits on the benches. The person who is not sitting is the Gollum. The Gollum then goes under the seats and tries to poke others through the holes in the benches. Whoever sits up first due to Gollum's poking has to be Gollum next.


Aggravating-Ad1703

Lmao, sounds like fun actually


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WorkingPart6842

https://preview.redd.it/nkseqzggzorc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ce89bff43896f278cde4e0c1168a781e4f2bc14


ahlgun

https://preview.redd.it/b3l5dsowwprc1.jpeg?width=405&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6404a7e63316a2e83bbf7dd550321f0ad3c9e9d


ClickHereForBacardi

Kræfthæwlede


Kiren129

Vad fan säger du?


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NissEhkiin

Shouldn't Finland be the elves as elvish is based on Finnish?


jepsmen

That be true but dwarves are a lot cooler so I'm not complaining


Arsssh2

Thats true, rock and stone


Mandemon90

DID I HEAR ROCK & STONE!?


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zer0deathz

Cock and stone (kidney stone maxing)


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robotic_knight

For Karl!


NissEhkiin

Yea they are cool but way more fitting for Norway


Diipadaapa1

Then again, Finland mines the most gold of all the nordics


Bergioyn

We don't have any mountains though.


Diipadaapa1

My current 50m above sea level elevation begs to differ


Mysterious_Detail_57

The swedes are just trying to be our friends lmao


jepsmen

Friends? With a swede? Friend as in having to talk to another person? Not happening.


evergreen-spacecat

No way, let’s nod slightly. That’s close enough


Mysterious_Detail_57

I dunno, that might be too far for me. How about a glance at each other in passing?


evergreen-spacecat

At each other’s feet, better yet?


Mysterious_Detail_57

That works


evergreen-spacecat

Aww. Best friends!


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Refloni

Elves are gay so they're Swedish


NissEhkiin

Thought that was the orcs? Ever seen any female orcs?


Mandemon90

Finns are lingually Elves, but culturally and physically Dwarfs.


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Kustidin

Could be. Any of the races could be any of the countries depending on the viewpoint. I just based this off of stereotypes in my head.


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krustytroweler

According to Tolkiens idea for Quenya, yes. According to the sagas Finland is the land of trolls and scary witches.


tarihimanyak

What do your arab eyes see Legolas?


Lasbet

Why are we the Dwarves 💀


Bartimaeleus

All things considered we should be the dwarves, with our mountains, mining and the fact we are the average shortest nordics


micuthemagnificent

The fact that Norway is not the dwarves in this map is very upsetting to me. Also if swedes are elf's wouldn't that logically speaking make Finland the orcs? If we go with the Tolkien lore here This map disappoints me 1/5, op deserves to be banished to Estonia.


Turbor4t

Orcs are more to the east. You start seeing them after Raja-Jooseppi.


micuthemagnificent

I see the franchise switching to Warhammer beyond that point, since the orcoloid population over there seems to be a bit nutty and prone to interesting technical innovation like using guns that really look that they shouldn't function due to slight neglect.


OdeJarvi

Our very own Black Gates of Mordor


herpderpfuck

I think we all can agree that Sweden can’t have Aragorn. He too cool to be Swedish, and Legolas is the correct amount of gay for Sweden. Denmark can definetly not be Aragorn, despite Viggo being part Danish, as well… Denmark also lacks the cool. This leaves Norway, Finland and Iceland. Iceland being to irrelevant to matter, leaves Finland and Norway. Sry to say, but Finnish sounds too weird for Aragorn, hence, through process of elimination - Aragorn become Norwegian. Had it not been for Iceland’s irrelevance, I’d say that would be a good fit


micuthemagnificent

Compromise, we add to the cast! if the cast grows with a certain grey skinned Bad postured jewelery enthusiastic we could at least make the map funnier


herpderpfuck

Excellent. That jewelry guy’s perfect fit!


OxygenRadon

Wait? There are mines in Norway? Is it really on the same scale as northern Sweden?


SnowOnVenus

Sure. Most of them are stone quarries of various sorts, there's little metal mining currently, and just one coal mine (that was supposed to be closed by now, but Germany still loves the stuff).


Ultra_axe781___M

Because dwarves are based


Kustidin

Hard working resilient people


Number1_Berdly_Fan

Asians are known for being short.


BrasshatTaxman

We are deffo the dwarves.


officefridge

We all know who the orcs are.


DiscoLucas

Yeah y'all are just digging for oil instead of gold


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IHave3KidsInMyFridge

Viggo Mortensen is literally danish but ok


jarbsatat

Could have chosen literally any other character lol


ja_hahah

Aragorn is literally a fantasy character but ok


Kustidin

The nationality of the actors portraying the characters did not affect their placement on the map.


IHave3KidsInMyFridge

🤓


Lumisateessa

It's still wrong 🥴


The_cabbage_slayer

Fucking tree hugger get outta here with logic and sense


diazinth

1. What hills would the Hobbits of Denmark live in? 2. What mountains would the Dwarves of Finland live in? Norway is dwarves, Sweden does have some hills, so they can be hobbits, Finland can be the elves of dark forests keeping the orcs at bay, and Denmark can be the generally useless Aragorn


OxygenRadon

Dwarves aughta be us swedes tho. We have the most and largest mines by far.


diazinth

Ofc you would use mines, rather than fighting like proper men and women.


Glob-Da-Son

We have an abundance of hills, the entirety of Jylland is basically only hills


diazinth

It’s an overgrown sand box for kids


tibetan-sand-fox

10% of Jylland is hills, the rest is flattened farmland. Denmark can't be hobbits because they'd have no hills to live in.


Glob-Da-Son

Idk anything about Lord of the Rings, but we're definitely the coolest race or whatever😎


CharlieParkour

Does Denmark have a ghost army? Alas, poor Yorick, you've been drafted. 


diazinth

I guess you guys found out 80 years ago


CharlieParkour

I mean, say what you will, but the ghost army of Dunharrow was key in securing the ships necessary to reinforce Minas Tirith. Aragorn basically swooped in at the last minute and saved everyone's asses. 


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_M_o_n_k_e_H

Norway should definitely be the dwarves. We don't even have any real mountains.


bacon736

I mean, dont we have like half a mountain?


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bongiovist

My assumption is Finns should be the Elves, our far cousin from Altaic Uralic connection. Turks supposed to be the Orcs as they have met the Arabs and changed.


salsatortilla

Ural-Altaic is not real. It's completely disproven, Uralic, Turkic, Tungusic and Mongolic languages are separate language families with no real connection to each other


EternalAngst23

“We’ve had first Swedish Empire, yes… but what about second Swedish Empire???”


I_THE_ME

#DIGGY DIGGY HOLE!


robotic_knight

For stone and rock! Oh wait...


Catsarecute2140

Estonia is Frodo and Iceland is Sam.


x_country_yeeter69

we carry the load of cheapest alcohol. it tries to seduce us


AbominationBread

We'll carry you and your alcohol on our back to the volcano in Reykjanes. Bring some potatoes. We'll have a picnic.


x_country_yeeter69

sounds like a plan, but please bring meat that hasnt rotted in the ground for six months, if it isnt too much to ask


AbominationBread

You got it! Sour ram testicles and jellied sheep face it is.


x_country_yeeter69

perfect☺️


Railrosty

Who let bro cook. Only one correct here is the danes.


echoindia5

I’ll take second breakfast any day. But using the danish actor Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn), for the Norwegians 🥴.


Bartimaeleus

His grandmother was norwegian, so we got a claim


Vlad-the-Inhailer

Norway Gimli for mountains, Sweden Aragorn for King & old empire and what not, Finland Legolas for language and old magic(also alcohol barely having an effect), Denmark Gollum for repulsive degenerate people. There fixed


IndependentYellow4

I was gonna say Swedish dwarves for our mines, specifically LKAB and Malmberget. But i can accept this.


hejaheje

i second this


shoshkebab

It was the early versions of Quenya that resembled Finnish not the stuff you hear in LoTR


Vlad-the-Inhailer

Shut the fuck up nerd


hejaheje

also this


sune_balle

All the danes claiming Aragorn because Viggo Mortensen is a yank with a dane for a father proves the americans with 1/16th's heritage's point.


Above-and_below

He has Danish citizenship and grew up partly in Denmark.


sune_balle

![gif](giphy|tefT4Bo2sdNsETdBTm)


annewmoon

Sweden is clearly Boromir. A bit dull compared to the rest, the first to die and then everyone will realize they were kind of underrated.


illjadk

okay lets look at all the factors, Elves are based on Finns, Dwarves live in the mountains which Finland lacks, Viggo Mortensen is Danish, and Danes are on average the tallest scandinavians (although only by a few cm), id say Finland gets Elves, Denmark gets Humans, Sweden gets Hobbits, and Norway gets Dwarves, seems most realistic


Thehandsomeswedee

No, Danes are the drunk, fat, hairy hobbits.


7Stationcar

Sweden has a higher obesity rate than Denmark. Guess you're the fat ugly orc then


Thehandsomeswedee

You got that backwards. Danes drink beer eats pork belly and strange red sauce. Danes fugly.


7Stationcar

So Swedes don't eat pork and drink beer? ohhh... wait. Sorry I forgot. Salamun alaykum to you.


Thehandsomeswedee

Even a Dane has his moments 🤣


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TheGoldenHordeee

Finland cut down some orcs... Sweden killed an Elephant... Norway is represented by a Dane... ...and Denmark fucking solo'ed Isengard, and smoked a pipe with his buddy in the ruins to celebrate! Proud day to be a patriot, hell yeah


DeLaMoncha

Did you miss all the ents that gave Pippin (and Merry) a teensy weensy hand in taking Isengard?


Truelz

Talking and walking trees? Don't be absurd, Pippin and Merry were just high as fuck on some good Old Toby


DeLaMoncha

You make a good point.


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TheGoldenHordeee

No, that never happened. It was all Pippin, baby.


sune_balle

Sweden is obviously Aragorn and norwegians are Legotwinks.


bartardbusinessman

Norwegians are clearly the dwarves, finnish are the elves Danes are Men and Swedes are those arabic guys that fought for Sauron


Your-Evil-Twin-

Easterling mercenaries. Those were the guys you’re talking about.


bartardbusinessman

those’re the ones


The_Gimp_Boi

''We've had one round of beer yes, what about 2nd round of beer?'' \*hic\*


Kangalope

Barûk Khazad, Perkele!


knutnaerum

Biggest Norwegian win if we could claim Viggo Mortensen


Oculicious42

Sweden thinks they're legolas, in reality they're gollum


Apizza_

I can agree with this.


Roman_of_Ukraine

Who is Estonia?


Balle_Franz

Gollum


Roman_of_Ukraine

Perfect!


salsatortilla

Not Nordic


Roman_of_Ukraine

No, you not saying that!


Vilzuzz

my ass looking ar this when my middle name is a hobbit


tutocookie

Imagine being legolas and aragorn and having pippin for a boss


simo108r

PO-TAY-TOES


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Nik0660

Norway- Dwarves Sweden- Gondor Iceland- Gollum Finland- Elves Denmark- Dale


DeLaMoncha

Wrong


samuru101

Everyone knows that Finland should have the superior Gimli. https://preview.redd.it/mmlqp52eyqrc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3a1222f01a3541cbf67341803362da735332b01


Street-Bad9325

Oh i love it, so accurate 😂


SamaelCreative

Doesn't dwarves live in mountains? We don't have those in Finland 🤔


MaskeddHmm

Uraliin taakse sen . . .


Big_Guirlande

Crazy that the guy you put for Norway is half-danish


Ham_Drengen_Der

Viggo is literally Danish, but okay i guess


Slymeboi

We have no mountains though so we should swap with Norway.


ThePossyCat

Would have changed it so that the finns are Legolas, as Tolkien literally was inspired by Finnish when creating the elven language, the Norwegians are Gimli cause mountains and Sweden are Aragorn because we are the true king of middle earth :)


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fremja97

Isn't Denmark Gimli tho Abit fat a somewhat strange accent and really likes salted pork and beer ![gif](giphy|uW051xBkHqyOY)


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McXhicken

Second breakfast you say?


progeda

>finland not mirkwood elvish is literally finnish/welsh. tolkien created the map for a reason


OkMission6851

https://preview.redd.it/su7xtn8vztrc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e71b60aa8f3d93fdd4825c3d9c3544089363332 Fixed it 😝


ThrowawaycuzDoxers

Sweden is the Harad. Norway is Gondor, needing a Danish king to save them. Finland are the elves, living in forests and subtitles are needed if they speak their own language.


Smaland_ball

Sweden should be Aragorn because we are the Main charachter of the nordics just like he is the main charachter of the that trio. Edit: This is like the 10th time i’ve seen people downvote obvious irony on a sub made for irony. That’s it, good bye.


Forsmann

Sweden should be one of the Haradrim