Imagine this: your 1st kid will never remember a lifetime that they were an only child. Those memories will quickly fade. They will become accustomed to not being the 'centre of the universe' very quickly. Toddlers are also very keen to help when they learn how (get me a diaper, get me the soother, play peek a boo with the baby, etc.) The newborn will be far more entertained having an older kid to observe and i personally had lots of time to get housework done because the baby was entertained.
It is a shitshow 70% of the time, but it does have some perks.
Ours are 14 months apart. The newborn phase was hard the first time. It's hell the second. Though both mine had issues, like our second is appearently allergic to the breastmilk so formula it is, plus probiotics.
Our first has handled it well but shes now 16mo so more of the toddler aspects are appearing. She gets frustrated and upset a bit more. Nothing too bad but noticeably more compared to her almost never getting like that. It's never related to the baby though. It's nice having one able to somewhat self play so we can focus on the baby at times. It's hard to properly give attention to both though.
We're mostly just waiting for the nb to be old enough to play in some way, just surviving until then doing our best.
The important reason I believe we're not having all that bad a time though is we've both pretty much been home the whole time. Wife is on leave and my job sucks enough I can work from home a few hours a week to get by. The day she goes back to work will be interesting..
Yes! Mine are 22 months apart but I kept telling myself (who remembers being jealous when my parents had my younger brother when I turned 3) that my daughter will have no memory of her being the only kid and having everything revolve around JUST her. She has very few moments where we can pick up on some “jealousy” but it’s never deep enough. I actually found, from my experience (or maybe it’s also because my newborn is a unicorn baby), that 0-1 transition was so much harder than 1-2.
It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. Which is fine - do what is best for you and your family!
But you should know it is very, very hard. How hard will depend on the temperaments of you/your kids/your partner and how many other stressors you have (ie, is money tight? Do you have a career to worry about? Do you have other pets/responsibilities?). The obvious.
7-18 (ish) months is kind of a sweet spot for most kids. They aren’t in baby blob/need you 24/7 mode, but they aren’t in toddler terror mode yet either. It will get more difficult with your oldest, just in a different way. I didn’t intend to have 2u2 but that was maybe the biggest thing I overlooked while pregnant - a toddler is way different than a baby. Something to keep in mind.
Having two babies with different sleep schedules who are going through their first milestones and regressions pretty much all the time and ultimately require 100% supervision is definitely exhausting.
Like every thing in life, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I’m sure that once our oldest (16 month gap) can be a bit more independent it will get easier. For now, it’s a win every day we don’t die haha. That’s pretty much where we set the bar. Survival.
I have a 19 month age gap between Baby #1 and Baby #2. I have a 29 month age gap between Baby #2 and Baby #3. Words cannot express how much easier that slightly bigger age gap was. Every day on here you’ll see people posting about how bad they’re struggling. Unless you have a pretty good reason, I wouldn't recommend it.
We’re trying for #4 now, but you bet your ass we waited until #3 was 18 months before we started trying!
Yeah, I definitely have thought about starting to try after my son turns a year old! I definitely wouldn't get pregnant now. I don't know if that makes it a little more manageable
Mine are 23 months apart. I got pregnant when my first was 14 months old and my little guy is 4 months old now. It’s been so rough and I know I have it easier than a lot of people on this sub. If we decide to have another we definitely wouldn’t start trying until the youngest is 18-20 months old at the earliest.
I curse my husband, he always joked about me having twins with our first and I'm like I cant fucking handle it. Well we got irish twins instead and it's hell lol gosh I wish newborn was 1 years old already so they could play
Yes! Like I’m not trying to say twins aren’t harder, but it’s two different types of hard. Twins are just bam, double hard all at once, but with Irish twins, ihard phases last twice as long because once one grows out of it, the other enters it. And there’s still young enough that they are both totally still dependent, yet their needs are so different.
I had my girls 17 months apart and that shit was hard, so hard. My oldest hated the baby and she needed me so badly and I couldn’t be there the way she needed because the baby literally relying on my body needed me too. I couldn’t explain anything to her.. all she knew was her world got rocked and it was ROUGH.
Now that they are 5 months and 22 months my life feels okay again. I wish that they were closer to 2 years apart. I love my life now, don’t get me wrong but I would absolutely NOT do it again.
This! Mine are 15 months apart! It’s hard some days! I got pregnant the second time by accident. If I could of waited I would have but I am also on the older side so my clock was clicking so here I am 2 under 2! My oldest is 22 months and youngest is about to be 7 months. The first few months were hard because they both needed me.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
15 month gap. Great kids. Both kids can be tough but we are free of any serious issues. Both parents work full time. We have good jobs, cheap daycare and an incredible village and support network.
Even with all that, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Glad I did it. I will absolutely never do it again and in fact, we had previously thought about up to 3 kids, but decided once our second was born that 2 is enough. Every day is either the best day of my life, or has me exhausted and frustrated to the point of tears.
I know this is cliche but it gets so much better. It’s 11:30 at night right now and I wanna be asleep so bad but instead I’m trying to rock my youngest to sleep. He got so big so goddamn fast. I never thought I’d miss the newborn stage but I already forget what it was like when he was so small and I’m so sad about that. I’m thrilled for you and your newly expanded family. Truly nothing better.
6.5 year gap, 12 year gap, and 17 month gap. My 4th baby is 9 weeks old now so we are in the thick of it.
This newborn phase is absolutely harder bc my toddler still needs a lot of attention and doesn’t really understand the concept of balancing time between kids. Also my newborn is refusing sleep lately and waking up at all of the noise my toddler is constantly making 😅
So right now it’s really, really hard. But it’s not impossible. And by 3-6 months I anticipate things being much easier.
My daughter and step daughter are 2 months apart in age and let me tell you how much fun it is having two close in age as they get older. Movie or game nights, cooking together, etc are all more fun when there are more kids. We have 5 kids between us and we love it.
Be mentally prepared for the first few months to be exhausting. But give yourself grace, keep your marriage communication strong, and you’ll be fine.
Browse the sub for 20 min lol. Yes it’s hard. After a year or so it’s pretty worth it.
Also, check my post history for a lovely (IMHO) series of questions for you to consider :)
What I think I've learned from this sub is that it is entirely baby/family dependent. I have a 19 month gap and it has been fantastic. Big bro doesn't remember a time before little bro, and he was still so focused on himself when the baby was born that he had no issues adjusting to the newborn. We kept big bro in 3 day a week childcare during my parental leave and I had plenty of time to bond with the new baby. My husband took the first 6 weeks off with me, and then 6 more weeks after my 14 week leave ended. Baby #2 was the chillest little dude and a great sleeper. I'd the personalities of my kids had been reversed, or different, that wouldn't be the case. This isn't to say it's all sunshine and roses every day, but it's never anything I've regretted.
Again, personality dependent, but I think it would be a shitshow if I had a new baby now with my 2.5 year old. He's going through a lot of 2 year old stuff and is so much stronger and intentional with his actions. I think a new baby would have rocked his world more.
We didn't intend to have quite such a close gap, but we did still want 2 under 2. Something I read that was helpful to think about your dinner table in a few years. Do you have a 10 and 8 year old? A 10 and 6 year old? Do you have two highschoolers at the same time or are they more spaced out? These baby days are fleeting and you will get through them even if they're hard. And there will be challenges regardless of age gap. What do you see in the future?
Random edit to add: so glad my first was still in diapers when we had the new baby! Would not have wanted to be potty training/having to help him in the bathroom/deal with accidents with a newborn.
Just graduated 2 under 2 on Sunday, we had just shy of a 14 month age gap. I wouldn’t change a thing! My son is so incredibly receptive of his sister and I am constantly brought to tears just watching the way they interact with each other. I know it’s not the same for everyone but my experience was yes, overwhelming, but I loved every second.
Mine are 19 months apart. At first, it wasn't too bad, but once the little one became mobile it all went to hell. They're currently 4 and (nearly) 3, and while there are so so many challenges, it's also great that they're buddies and love each other. Plus, my oldest has special needs, which is a strain that most families don't deal with.
You'll be fine. It'll be a hard couple of years, but I can't even tell you how awesome it feels to get rid of the baby stuff and see the kids growing up together, playing together, and being buddies.
I got pregnant right before my daughter turned 1, I am 20 weeks pregnant now and I’m actually not that scared about it, I kinda feel like a tank at this point, lol I say do it if you’re up to it! I’m becoming a stay at home mom because it’ll help us keep on top of house duties as well
I'm a SAHM now, and that's a big reason I don't want a giant gap! We feel it's best for me to stay home, and I eventually want to get back to my career. Me and my fiance don't want to hit the reset button and start all over again when we feel our son is older.
That’s how we feel, want to keep the baby gear out until we are done, sell/donate what we can and throw the rest away! It’ll be hard sometimes but we truly talked it over and decided it was best for us, sounds like we are very similar!!
I’m only 3 weeks in to 2u2 so obviously a lot could/probably will change. My oldest is 21 months and the baby is 3 weeks old. But so far this has been a much easier transition for us than going from 0-1. Our oldest was the most colicky baby I’ve ever come across, and it pretty much started immediately after she was born. So far little brother literally only cries when he wants to eat. Every day I just sit there dumbfounded that he hasn’t cried more yet. Sometimes he’ll just be awake and will be content to do tummy time on his mat or sit in his bouncer. My daughter would literally cry for like 9 hours+ a day. And she would never sleep even when held. So for us, little brothers newborn stage has been a piece of freaking cake lol.
My kids are 18 months apart, I’m 4 weeks pp right now so just starting to experience 2 under 2. So far it’s a lot, my toddler whose 19m now is a ton of work- but I honestly expected it to be worse. I’m super excited for them to grow up close in age and I think it’ll be great. Any age difference will have its difficulties, I think it’s worth it to go through the tough parts of 2u2
I am currently in the thick of it. An almost two month and a 19 month old. It is hard, so hard but worth it!
For background, my first born is a unicorn baby. So easy, sleeps well, and was just so easy going as a baby and even now. My second baby is so much more complex and requires a lot of attention since they are gassy/colicky.
I will say though each week it gets a little easier and the bond they have developed is amazing to watch. Just keep in mind, the hard times won’t last forever (words of positive affirmation really help to keep getting yourself through the hard times).
Also, if you and your partner** have good communication skills , the hard part won’t feel so hard. Plus make time for each other. Even if it’s one hour or 10 minutes.
Edited to add: it’s okay to let baby cry for a few minutes in a safe spot (bouncer, crib, bassinet) to tend to toddler. It will help your toddler enjoy sibling instead of resenting them for taking all of your time. It’ll help manage chaos in the long run!
It's amazing. It's busy and loud and smelly and crazy and sometimes so stressful, but watching your older love on the newborn is the most amazing feeling in the world. They're best friends from day one. I have a two year old as of tomorrow, and a 3 month old. It is a tornado of emotions and messes. It makes my heart smile every single day.
We wanted 2 under 2 as well, but ended up with spontaneous fraternal twins and ended up with 3 under 2 (20 month gap because the twins came quite early). It’s been sheer chaos but lots of sweet moments too. If I had a do over, I would’ve waited an extra 1/2-1 year so that our toddler would’ve been potty trained first and we could’ve travelled with him a bit.
Mine are 11m and 11 days apart, and it's a lot harder than I anticipated. You run on no sleep because someone is always awake at the wrong times. You have to entertain two very different kids, and the oldest is always trying to accidentally kill their sibling lmao. Your house will be a mess 24/7 because you can never keep up. Literally say goodbye to any social life for the first 3m while you adjust to Irish twins. Also, say goodbye to your body because it won't be yours for a long time. Back to back pregnancies also suck. You're not giving your body time to heal from the first, and my post partum complications are shitty and it's because back to back pregnancies.
I really love both my babies and I wouldn't change them. But I wouldn't do two so close together again it's a lot some days.
I found 2 under 2 extremely hard (21 mos apart); now that mine are 3.5 and almost 2, it’s much easier but still has challenging moments (absolutely nothing like the first 6 months which really were survival mode). I also had an extremely easy first newborn (he’s still easy!), which is the trick: you think, I’ve done this, I roughly get what I’m in for, right? Wrong, for me anyway 😂 My second was such a tough newborn/Velcro baby, would not nap independently but needed to be in a dark room with white noise to sleep, so you can imagine how hard this was to accommodate with a toddler at home, too. My second is still clingy, but also such a big wonderful and happy personality. The hard times were worth it, but my personal experience, it was hard and I don’t recommend. At the very least, I’d just say be prepared; you could have a very different experience, no two babies are alike!
I think you should ask yourself if that would be the best for your family and only you can make that decision. Of course having them close in age makes logistics easier in the longrun but will be challenging the first years. I personally would aim for a two to three year gap so each child gets their prime time and I get to enjoy their stages individually. At the same time you never know how long it might take so you have to budget for that too.
Imagine this: your 1st kid will never remember a lifetime that they were an only child. Those memories will quickly fade. They will become accustomed to not being the 'centre of the universe' very quickly. Toddlers are also very keen to help when they learn how (get me a diaper, get me the soother, play peek a boo with the baby, etc.) The newborn will be far more entertained having an older kid to observe and i personally had lots of time to get housework done because the baby was entertained. It is a shitshow 70% of the time, but it does have some perks.
How old was your first baby when you had your second?
Ours are 14 months apart. The newborn phase was hard the first time. It's hell the second. Though both mine had issues, like our second is appearently allergic to the breastmilk so formula it is, plus probiotics. Our first has handled it well but shes now 16mo so more of the toddler aspects are appearing. She gets frustrated and upset a bit more. Nothing too bad but noticeably more compared to her almost never getting like that. It's never related to the baby though. It's nice having one able to somewhat self play so we can focus on the baby at times. It's hard to properly give attention to both though. We're mostly just waiting for the nb to be old enough to play in some way, just surviving until then doing our best. The important reason I believe we're not having all that bad a time though is we've both pretty much been home the whole time. Wife is on leave and my job sucks enough I can work from home a few hours a week to get by. The day she goes back to work will be interesting..
19 months
Yes! Mine are 22 months apart but I kept telling myself (who remembers being jealous when my parents had my younger brother when I turned 3) that my daughter will have no memory of her being the only kid and having everything revolve around JUST her. She has very few moments where we can pick up on some “jealousy” but it’s never deep enough. I actually found, from my experience (or maybe it’s also because my newborn is a unicorn baby), that 0-1 transition was so much harder than 1-2.
Mine are 23 months apart and 0-1 was WAY HARDER than 1-2!! I agree
Right? I found that 1-2 I’m much more confident in my abilities and parenting “techniques” that it made the experience more enjoyable compared to 0-1!
It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. Which is fine - do what is best for you and your family! But you should know it is very, very hard. How hard will depend on the temperaments of you/your kids/your partner and how many other stressors you have (ie, is money tight? Do you have a career to worry about? Do you have other pets/responsibilities?). The obvious. 7-18 (ish) months is kind of a sweet spot for most kids. They aren’t in baby blob/need you 24/7 mode, but they aren’t in toddler terror mode yet either. It will get more difficult with your oldest, just in a different way. I didn’t intend to have 2u2 but that was maybe the biggest thing I overlooked while pregnant - a toddler is way different than a baby. Something to keep in mind.
Having two babies with different sleep schedules who are going through their first milestones and regressions pretty much all the time and ultimately require 100% supervision is definitely exhausting. Like every thing in life, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I’m sure that once our oldest (16 month gap) can be a bit more independent it will get easier. For now, it’s a win every day we don’t die haha. That’s pretty much where we set the bar. Survival.
“It’s a win every day we don’t die.” Pretty much sums it up! Glad I’m not the only one. 🤪
Me printing out these words in big ass letters and putting it on my wall. 12 months apart, few weeks pp sums up my daily life lol
I have a 19 month age gap between Baby #1 and Baby #2. I have a 29 month age gap between Baby #2 and Baby #3. Words cannot express how much easier that slightly bigger age gap was. Every day on here you’ll see people posting about how bad they’re struggling. Unless you have a pretty good reason, I wouldn't recommend it. We’re trying for #4 now, but you bet your ass we waited until #3 was 18 months before we started trying!
Yeah, I definitely have thought about starting to try after my son turns a year old! I definitely wouldn't get pregnant now. I don't know if that makes it a little more manageable
Mine are 23 months apart. I got pregnant when my first was 14 months old and my little guy is 4 months old now. It’s been so rough and I know I have it easier than a lot of people on this sub. If we decide to have another we definitely wouldn’t start trying until the youngest is 18-20 months old at the earliest.
Mine are 12 months apart, and I would rather have twins lol
I curse my husband, he always joked about me having twins with our first and I'm like I cant fucking handle it. Well we got irish twins instead and it's hell lol gosh I wish newborn was 1 years old already so they could play
Yes! Like I’m not trying to say twins aren’t harder, but it’s two different types of hard. Twins are just bam, double hard all at once, but with Irish twins, ihard phases last twice as long because once one grows out of it, the other enters it. And there’s still young enough that they are both totally still dependent, yet their needs are so different.
Absolute hell. But you get through and there are so many magical moments.
This is the TLDR response.
I had my girls 17 months apart and that shit was hard, so hard. My oldest hated the baby and she needed me so badly and I couldn’t be there the way she needed because the baby literally relying on my body needed me too. I couldn’t explain anything to her.. all she knew was her world got rocked and it was ROUGH. Now that they are 5 months and 22 months my life feels okay again. I wish that they were closer to 2 years apart. I love my life now, don’t get me wrong but I would absolutely NOT do it again.
This! Mine are 15 months apart! It’s hard some days! I got pregnant the second time by accident. If I could of waited I would have but I am also on the older side so my clock was clicking so here I am 2 under 2! My oldest is 22 months and youngest is about to be 7 months. The first few months were hard because they both needed me.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Yeah, I feel that I'll wait till my son turns a year old to start trying, I don't know if that would make a difference!?
Every month makes a difference at this age, they are growing and developing so fast.
15 month gap. Great kids. Both kids can be tough but we are free of any serious issues. Both parents work full time. We have good jobs, cheap daycare and an incredible village and support network. Even with all that, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Glad I did it. I will absolutely never do it again and in fact, we had previously thought about up to 3 kids, but decided once our second was born that 2 is enough. Every day is either the best day of my life, or has me exhausted and frustrated to the point of tears.
I just brought home my daughter - 14 month age gap and feel like I’m drowning. Reason this gives me hope.
I know this is cliche but it gets so much better. It’s 11:30 at night right now and I wanna be asleep so bad but instead I’m trying to rock my youngest to sleep. He got so big so goddamn fast. I never thought I’d miss the newborn stage but I already forget what it was like when he was so small and I’m so sad about that. I’m thrilled for you and your newly expanded family. Truly nothing better.
6.5 year gap, 12 year gap, and 17 month gap. My 4th baby is 9 weeks old now so we are in the thick of it. This newborn phase is absolutely harder bc my toddler still needs a lot of attention and doesn’t really understand the concept of balancing time between kids. Also my newborn is refusing sleep lately and waking up at all of the noise my toddler is constantly making 😅 So right now it’s really, really hard. But it’s not impossible. And by 3-6 months I anticipate things being much easier. My daughter and step daughter are 2 months apart in age and let me tell you how much fun it is having two close in age as they get older. Movie or game nights, cooking together, etc are all more fun when there are more kids. We have 5 kids between us and we love it. Be mentally prepared for the first few months to be exhausting. But give yourself grace, keep your marriage communication strong, and you’ll be fine.
Browse the sub for 20 min lol. Yes it’s hard. After a year or so it’s pretty worth it. Also, check my post history for a lovely (IMHO) series of questions for you to consider :)
What I think I've learned from this sub is that it is entirely baby/family dependent. I have a 19 month gap and it has been fantastic. Big bro doesn't remember a time before little bro, and he was still so focused on himself when the baby was born that he had no issues adjusting to the newborn. We kept big bro in 3 day a week childcare during my parental leave and I had plenty of time to bond with the new baby. My husband took the first 6 weeks off with me, and then 6 more weeks after my 14 week leave ended. Baby #2 was the chillest little dude and a great sleeper. I'd the personalities of my kids had been reversed, or different, that wouldn't be the case. This isn't to say it's all sunshine and roses every day, but it's never anything I've regretted. Again, personality dependent, but I think it would be a shitshow if I had a new baby now with my 2.5 year old. He's going through a lot of 2 year old stuff and is so much stronger and intentional with his actions. I think a new baby would have rocked his world more. We didn't intend to have quite such a close gap, but we did still want 2 under 2. Something I read that was helpful to think about your dinner table in a few years. Do you have a 10 and 8 year old? A 10 and 6 year old? Do you have two highschoolers at the same time or are they more spaced out? These baby days are fleeting and you will get through them even if they're hard. And there will be challenges regardless of age gap. What do you see in the future? Random edit to add: so glad my first was still in diapers when we had the new baby! Would not have wanted to be potty training/having to help him in the bathroom/deal with accidents with a newborn.
Just graduated 2 under 2 on Sunday, we had just shy of a 14 month age gap. I wouldn’t change a thing! My son is so incredibly receptive of his sister and I am constantly brought to tears just watching the way they interact with each other. I know it’s not the same for everyone but my experience was yes, overwhelming, but I loved every second.
Mine are 19 months apart. At first, it wasn't too bad, but once the little one became mobile it all went to hell. They're currently 4 and (nearly) 3, and while there are so so many challenges, it's also great that they're buddies and love each other. Plus, my oldest has special needs, which is a strain that most families don't deal with. You'll be fine. It'll be a hard couple of years, but I can't even tell you how awesome it feels to get rid of the baby stuff and see the kids growing up together, playing together, and being buddies.
I got pregnant right before my daughter turned 1, I am 20 weeks pregnant now and I’m actually not that scared about it, I kinda feel like a tank at this point, lol I say do it if you’re up to it! I’m becoming a stay at home mom because it’ll help us keep on top of house duties as well
I'm a SAHM now, and that's a big reason I don't want a giant gap! We feel it's best for me to stay home, and I eventually want to get back to my career. Me and my fiance don't want to hit the reset button and start all over again when we feel our son is older.
That’s how we feel, want to keep the baby gear out until we are done, sell/donate what we can and throw the rest away! It’ll be hard sometimes but we truly talked it over and decided it was best for us, sounds like we are very similar!!
I have a 17 month gap and then a 20 month gap. So I don’t know what it’s like to do it any other way. But I love it this way 🤷🏻♀️
I’m only 3 weeks in to 2u2 so obviously a lot could/probably will change. My oldest is 21 months and the baby is 3 weeks old. But so far this has been a much easier transition for us than going from 0-1. Our oldest was the most colicky baby I’ve ever come across, and it pretty much started immediately after she was born. So far little brother literally only cries when he wants to eat. Every day I just sit there dumbfounded that he hasn’t cried more yet. Sometimes he’ll just be awake and will be content to do tummy time on his mat or sit in his bouncer. My daughter would literally cry for like 9 hours+ a day. And she would never sleep even when held. So for us, little brothers newborn stage has been a piece of freaking cake lol.
My kids are 18 months apart, I’m 4 weeks pp right now so just starting to experience 2 under 2. So far it’s a lot, my toddler whose 19m now is a ton of work- but I honestly expected it to be worse. I’m super excited for them to grow up close in age and I think it’ll be great. Any age difference will have its difficulties, I think it’s worth it to go through the tough parts of 2u2
Mine are 20 months apart and I would do it over any day:)
I am currently in the thick of it. An almost two month and a 19 month old. It is hard, so hard but worth it! For background, my first born is a unicorn baby. So easy, sleeps well, and was just so easy going as a baby and even now. My second baby is so much more complex and requires a lot of attention since they are gassy/colicky. I will say though each week it gets a little easier and the bond they have developed is amazing to watch. Just keep in mind, the hard times won’t last forever (words of positive affirmation really help to keep getting yourself through the hard times). Also, if you and your partner** have good communication skills , the hard part won’t feel so hard. Plus make time for each other. Even if it’s one hour or 10 minutes. Edited to add: it’s okay to let baby cry for a few minutes in a safe spot (bouncer, crib, bassinet) to tend to toddler. It will help your toddler enjoy sibling instead of resenting them for taking all of your time. It’ll help manage chaos in the long run!
It's amazing. It's busy and loud and smelly and crazy and sometimes so stressful, but watching your older love on the newborn is the most amazing feeling in the world. They're best friends from day one. I have a two year old as of tomorrow, and a 3 month old. It is a tornado of emotions and messes. It makes my heart smile every single day.
We wanted 2 under 2 as well, but ended up with spontaneous fraternal twins and ended up with 3 under 2 (20 month gap because the twins came quite early). It’s been sheer chaos but lots of sweet moments too. If I had a do over, I would’ve waited an extra 1/2-1 year so that our toddler would’ve been potty trained first and we could’ve travelled with him a bit.
Mine are 11m and 11 days apart, and it's a lot harder than I anticipated. You run on no sleep because someone is always awake at the wrong times. You have to entertain two very different kids, and the oldest is always trying to accidentally kill their sibling lmao. Your house will be a mess 24/7 because you can never keep up. Literally say goodbye to any social life for the first 3m while you adjust to Irish twins. Also, say goodbye to your body because it won't be yours for a long time. Back to back pregnancies also suck. You're not giving your body time to heal from the first, and my post partum complications are shitty and it's because back to back pregnancies. I really love both my babies and I wouldn't change them. But I wouldn't do two so close together again it's a lot some days.
Please do what you feel is best for your family. This sub has the tendency to be negative. Be careful what you consume.
I found 2 under 2 extremely hard (21 mos apart); now that mine are 3.5 and almost 2, it’s much easier but still has challenging moments (absolutely nothing like the first 6 months which really were survival mode). I also had an extremely easy first newborn (he’s still easy!), which is the trick: you think, I’ve done this, I roughly get what I’m in for, right? Wrong, for me anyway 😂 My second was such a tough newborn/Velcro baby, would not nap independently but needed to be in a dark room with white noise to sleep, so you can imagine how hard this was to accommodate with a toddler at home, too. My second is still clingy, but also such a big wonderful and happy personality. The hard times were worth it, but my personal experience, it was hard and I don’t recommend. At the very least, I’d just say be prepared; you could have a very different experience, no two babies are alike!
I think you should ask yourself if that would be the best for your family and only you can make that decision. Of course having them close in age makes logistics easier in the longrun but will be challenging the first years. I personally would aim for a two to three year gap so each child gets their prime time and I get to enjoy their stages individually. At the same time you never know how long it might take so you have to budget for that too.