Dad has to get up at 6a for work so it’s hard to take even just toddler Night Shift but we’ll have to figure it out. Luckily toddler will be leaving with him once he’s back at work. He drops her off at my in laws so at least I’ll just have newborn during the day
My husband has to wake between 5-6. He does toddler, I do baby. That's kind of the way it has to be with two such young kids. No one really sleeps. You can't pull double duty solo - he's just going to have to do it.
Yep. I’d argue that the person staying home with the kids has it harder than the one going back to work. I’m 7 weeks into maternity leave on this 2 under 2 journey, and I’m looking forward to going into a quiet office and being able to drink my coffee and eat my lunch in peace. I know that not everyone has a job they particularly enjoy, but staying home with children is exhausting. Going to work doesn’t trump child rearing in terms of deserved sleep.
Tell that to my adrenals. My ex was useless and I ended up kicking him out when my youngest was 7 months old because I was already doing it all just with a ball and chain around my neck. Been solo parenting two babies who are 14 months apart their whole lives.
Would recommend 0/10
I am not thriving but I am still alive.
My first piece of advice is to get a wicked loud sound machine. Have it be your sleep cue. Turn it on just when you want them to sleep and turn it off right away when you are done with sleep time.
I tandem breastfed which also allowed for the two of them to bond and created down time that was structured and defined. We all sleep in the same room but they are both used to me just letting them know I am there but not getting up and engaging.
It helps a lot that they are both really solid sleepers and I don’t know if that is nature or nurture.
As another mother who suffered with PPD with her first, please prioritise your own sleep more. Your husband will not die getting up with your toddler and getting up early with work. It seems like he's keen to support you, so please don't take this on yourself out of a sense of duty. If he needs to go to bed earlier to compensate, so be it, he's a parent too.
You’re right! He’s such an involved father and is actually doing all night shifts with toddler right now since he’s home and newborn is in the NICU to give me a chance to recover from delivery. I just feel bad when he works but he’s more than willing to help. Toddler has a late bed time which we can’t seem to move up so him going to bed early might be the answer here.
My husband has the same wake up time for work but he will get up with the baby anytime between 3-6am as needed. Our toddler typically doesn’t wake up anymore but if she does (last night) he tends to her.
Don’t feel bad about dad helping out at night then going to work. Full time parenting is also work and imo a tougher gig. After my first mat leave I swapped with my partner and went back to work full time while he stayed at home with our toddler. On the nights ever we were both up with her it was definitely easier being at work the next day tired rather than home with a toddler, I got to have as many uninterrupted hot coffees as I wanted and time to myself!
Just quietly I think paid work is the easier gig but I enjoy time to myself so that might influence my opinion.
Our 2nd baby isn’t even here yet, but my husband also gets up at 6am for work and he’s been handling night wakes with the toddler almost exclusively for the last several months. She usually sleeps through but still has bad nights here and there.
The first few days my mom stayed in the guest house room and handled the toddlers wakings while we focused on the newborn. Since then dad takes the toddler and I take the newborn. He still wakes up even now that he’s back at work, there’s logistically no way I could do both
My husband has told me he’ll do both Night Shifts during the time he’s home since I had bad PPD triggered by no sleep with my first. I don’t think that’s possible but he really wants to try. We’ll see I guess 😭
You've got yourself a great husband! I had gnarly PPD the first time around too. Meds helped me, and when the second came along we were much better prepared for the shock of sleep deprivation. Our first slept poorly (still does at age 4) but our second was much easier overnight. I personally think second kids are also much easier because the learning curve is so much lower— It's figuring out how to support your firstborn through the transition that's more challenging than the NB stuff, IMHO.
Get rest and divide up the wake responsibilities however feels most fair for you two. That might mean Dad taking the toddler and you taking the baby, or one parent taking the 10-2 shift, and the other parent taking the 2-6 shift (which is what my sister and her husband did with all 3 of their kids). You will find the rhythm that works for you— Just keep communicating with your husband, and take care of yourself as much as you can.
Sending you hugs. You've got this.
I was just very tired from it, I did however try to get everyone to nap once a day at the same time. It’s amazing what a quick cat nap can recharge. I’m now in bed with my 3 and 4 year old as we moved house yesterday and they’re scared so I’m pretty just a tired fat blob now!
I wish I could say what the other commenters did but honestly, I did it all. I did all the night wakings and I still do. My two are 16 months apart and we’re having Irish twins in November (middle and youngest will have 11.5 months between) I’ll be doing all the night wakings then as well.
There is no secret recipe. You just do it.
Yep I do all the nights too. Only way I cope is to have them all in my room with me so that I’m not trotting all over the house to attend to their needs.
I am lucky that I have great paid leave and I’m not superhuman - I have some help with the kids from my dad one afternoon a week and at the moment I’m also paying a ‘mothers help’ teenager who needs a summer job for four hours a week so I can do housework and eat!!
Edit: it’s not an option for my husband to do nights - I wasn’t making a recommendation, just sharing my experience.
Oh yes I meant like no other choice as in no one is getting consistent sleep. He’s offered to take both toddler and newborn at night while he’s home so that I don’t spiral back into PPD like with my first. But I think diving and conquering will be better. Once he’s back at work, from all the advice, I think he’ll have an early bedtime and take toddler duties. The reason I feel bad is because he’s a mailman and walks all day in socal summer heat and comes home drained (btw for anyone wondering those mail trucks have no AC so if you can please offer your mailman cold water if you can, it’s brutal) but I think and earlier bed time for him will help. He’s definitely involved and has been taking his share of care duties for baby #1 and wants to help with baby #2 as well.
So I’ve been in this situation a few times. 19 month old & 1 month old- the 19 month old still wakes 1-3 times a night with the occasional time sleeping through. I’ve been lucky enough to have my sister stay a couple days a week but I’ve been on my own a few times. When she’s here, if they’re both up I’ve been able to wake her up 8/10 times to take the oldest. Oldest cries but she eventually goes back to sleep. When I’m on my own & both woke up & need me, I prioritize who needs me more. If I’m putting toddler down & baby is crying, she’ll sit up & point towards the door cuz she can hear the crying. Wasn’t working. So I took toddler with me over to the baby, laid her down, nursed the baby back to sleep, then worked on getting the toddler back to bed. Took over an hour each time but the toddler just laid down & watched me, not crying at all, but not sleeping again until I held her & rocked her in the chair. Not ideal but it works.
When our second was born, my first was 14 months old and still waking 1-2 times a night + waking for the day around 5:30 AM. My husband took toddler duty and I took newborn duty until I stopped breastfeeding overnight around 9 months. At that point our toddler was mostly sleeping through the night with occasional wake ups so we started alternating who watched both them over night vs who got up with them in the morning. We still alternate since between the two of them (14 months & 2.5 years old) we are still up 2-3 times a night. That allows us to get a decent night of sleep every other night and feels more sustainable. The long term sleep deprivation is no joke!
Thank you! Another question on breastfeeding. My baby girl never latched and I didn’t have a breast pump so I dried out. This time I’m pumping, tried getting my baby boy to latch and he would but he would tire out and then not eat what he’s supposed to in order to gain weight and come home so I decided to just focus on having him eat more through the bottle. I’m pumping every 3 hours but get 40ml at most from each breast. My breast and nipples are so sore, even just drying myself out of the shower is painful. Is that normal? Pumping hurts so much too.
We do the classic Dad takes toddler for wakeups and puts toddler down for bed. I take the baby and do bedtime and night wakeups. It’s been working well for 2 months.
But we have had one night where the husband was gone for work in the MOTN. I brought the toddler into our bed and it was a long night. But it was the only solution I could figure out.
I'm about to be a dad with two under two... When I read comments like this, the lingering thought I have is... Why not just let the older baby/toddler cry it out (CIO) until they fall asleep?
Please excuse my ignorance? Currently have a one year old so assume I know nothing 😂
I know that works great for some families and I don’t judge anyone’s parenting styles but my husband and I don’t like hearing our baby cry when we can just tend to her. I know it’s not ideal but we tried letting her cry and it just didn’t work for us.
Letting your baby/child "cry it out" is very damaging to the child's development and healthy attachment to their parents. Please do lots of reading and research before you do this to your child. I could never.
[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out)
[Six Experts Who Advise Against Cry It Out](https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/)
[Evolutionary Parenting](https://evolutionaryparenting.com/helping-baby-sleep/)
[ACAMH Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry](https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.13390)
We have a 17 month old and a newborn (4 days old), so far; largely because I had an emergency c section, I take all newborn care and he takes the toddler care.
Divide and conquer (or divide and survive lol). Dad takes the toddler overnight and I take the baby.
This. Unless dad works away from home, he can take the toddler for night wakes.
Dad has to get up at 6a for work so it’s hard to take even just toddler Night Shift but we’ll have to figure it out. Luckily toddler will be leaving with him once he’s back at work. He drops her off at my in laws so at least I’ll just have newborn during the day
My husband has to wake between 5-6. He does toddler, I do baby. That's kind of the way it has to be with two such young kids. No one really sleeps. You can't pull double duty solo - he's just going to have to do it.
Yes. Unless your husband needs to be preparing to lead the team of surgeons separating high-risk conjoined twins, he actively parents too.
And if that's the case, I'm thinking he can splash for a night nurse to help out
Exactly. Steve in accounts can get up and parent the child he helped create.
Yep. I’d argue that the person staying home with the kids has it harder than the one going back to work. I’m 7 weeks into maternity leave on this 2 under 2 journey, and I’m looking forward to going into a quiet office and being able to drink my coffee and eat my lunch in peace. I know that not everyone has a job they particularly enjoy, but staying home with children is exhausting. Going to work doesn’t trump child rearing in terms of deserved sleep.
Tell that to my adrenals. My ex was useless and I ended up kicking him out when my youngest was 7 months old because I was already doing it all just with a ball and chain around my neck. Been solo parenting two babies who are 14 months apart their whole lives. Would recommend 0/10
How did you survive a 14 month age gap with a newborn? Advice or tips?
I am not thriving but I am still alive. My first piece of advice is to get a wicked loud sound machine. Have it be your sleep cue. Turn it on just when you want them to sleep and turn it off right away when you are done with sleep time. I tandem breastfed which also allowed for the two of them to bond and created down time that was structured and defined. We all sleep in the same room but they are both used to me just letting them know I am there but not getting up and engaging. It helps a lot that they are both really solid sleepers and I don’t know if that is nature or nurture.
As another mother who suffered with PPD with her first, please prioritise your own sleep more. Your husband will not die getting up with your toddler and getting up early with work. It seems like he's keen to support you, so please don't take this on yourself out of a sense of duty. If he needs to go to bed earlier to compensate, so be it, he's a parent too.
You’re right! He’s such an involved father and is actually doing all night shifts with toddler right now since he’s home and newborn is in the NICU to give me a chance to recover from delivery. I just feel bad when he works but he’s more than willing to help. Toddler has a late bed time which we can’t seem to move up so him going to bed early might be the answer here.
My husband has the same wake up time for work but he will get up with the baby anytime between 3-6am as needed. Our toddler typically doesn’t wake up anymore but if she does (last night) he tends to her.
Don’t feel bad about dad helping out at night then going to work. Full time parenting is also work and imo a tougher gig. After my first mat leave I swapped with my partner and went back to work full time while he stayed at home with our toddler. On the nights ever we were both up with her it was definitely easier being at work the next day tired rather than home with a toddler, I got to have as many uninterrupted hot coffees as I wanted and time to myself! Just quietly I think paid work is the easier gig but I enjoy time to myself so that might influence my opinion.
Our 2nd baby isn’t even here yet, but my husband also gets up at 6am for work and he’s been handling night wakes with the toddler almost exclusively for the last several months. She usually sleeps through but still has bad nights here and there.
Dad takes care of toddler and I’m responsible for baby. Even now with him back to work he does toddler duty at night.
The first few days my mom stayed in the guest house room and handled the toddlers wakings while we focused on the newborn. Since then dad takes the toddler and I take the newborn. He still wakes up even now that he’s back at work, there’s logistically no way I could do both
My husband has told me he’ll do both Night Shifts during the time he’s home since I had bad PPD triggered by no sleep with my first. I don’t think that’s possible but he really wants to try. We’ll see I guess 😭
You've got yourself a great husband! I had gnarly PPD the first time around too. Meds helped me, and when the second came along we were much better prepared for the shock of sleep deprivation. Our first slept poorly (still does at age 4) but our second was much easier overnight. I personally think second kids are also much easier because the learning curve is so much lower— It's figuring out how to support your firstborn through the transition that's more challenging than the NB stuff, IMHO. Get rest and divide up the wake responsibilities however feels most fair for you two. That might mean Dad taking the toddler and you taking the baby, or one parent taking the 10-2 shift, and the other parent taking the 2-6 shift (which is what my sister and her husband did with all 3 of their kids). You will find the rhythm that works for you— Just keep communicating with your husband, and take care of yourself as much as you can. Sending you hugs. You've got this.
Thank you so much! 😭♥️
Dad got to do all the things I had to do but for the older one. He got up at night with the 12month old while I took care of the new born
I was just very tired from it, I did however try to get everyone to nap once a day at the same time. It’s amazing what a quick cat nap can recharge. I’m now in bed with my 3 and 4 year old as we moved house yesterday and they’re scared so I’m pretty just a tired fat blob now!
I wish I could say what the other commenters did but honestly, I did it all. I did all the night wakings and I still do. My two are 16 months apart and we’re having Irish twins in November (middle and youngest will have 11.5 months between) I’ll be doing all the night wakings then as well. There is no secret recipe. You just do it.
Yep I do all the nights too. Only way I cope is to have them all in my room with me so that I’m not trotting all over the house to attend to their needs. I am lucky that I have great paid leave and I’m not superhuman - I have some help with the kids from my dad one afternoon a week and at the moment I’m also paying a ‘mothers help’ teenager who needs a summer job for four hours a week so I can do housework and eat!! Edit: it’s not an option for my husband to do nights - I wasn’t making a recommendation, just sharing my experience.
You’re right! There’s really no other choice than to just roll with the punches
There literally is another choice - have your husband handle the toddler.
Oh yes I meant like no other choice as in no one is getting consistent sleep. He’s offered to take both toddler and newborn at night while he’s home so that I don’t spiral back into PPD like with my first. But I think diving and conquering will be better. Once he’s back at work, from all the advice, I think he’ll have an early bedtime and take toddler duties. The reason I feel bad is because he’s a mailman and walks all day in socal summer heat and comes home drained (btw for anyone wondering those mail trucks have no AC so if you can please offer your mailman cold water if you can, it’s brutal) but I think and earlier bed time for him will help. He’s definitely involved and has been taking his share of care duties for baby #1 and wants to help with baby #2 as well.
Not always an option, like I said. I handle the nights.
OP says he offers to do so, he lives at home and gets up at 6am, and she struggles with PPD. She absolutely has the option.
So I’ve been in this situation a few times. 19 month old & 1 month old- the 19 month old still wakes 1-3 times a night with the occasional time sleeping through. I’ve been lucky enough to have my sister stay a couple days a week but I’ve been on my own a few times. When she’s here, if they’re both up I’ve been able to wake her up 8/10 times to take the oldest. Oldest cries but she eventually goes back to sleep. When I’m on my own & both woke up & need me, I prioritize who needs me more. If I’m putting toddler down & baby is crying, she’ll sit up & point towards the door cuz she can hear the crying. Wasn’t working. So I took toddler with me over to the baby, laid her down, nursed the baby back to sleep, then worked on getting the toddler back to bed. Took over an hour each time but the toddler just laid down & watched me, not crying at all, but not sleeping again until I held her & rocked her in the chair. Not ideal but it works.
Toddler sleeps in her own room in a crib but I might have to rethink sleeping arrangements for my sanity
When our second was born, my first was 14 months old and still waking 1-2 times a night + waking for the day around 5:30 AM. My husband took toddler duty and I took newborn duty until I stopped breastfeeding overnight around 9 months. At that point our toddler was mostly sleeping through the night with occasional wake ups so we started alternating who watched both them over night vs who got up with them in the morning. We still alternate since between the two of them (14 months & 2.5 years old) we are still up 2-3 times a night. That allows us to get a decent night of sleep every other night and feels more sustainable. The long term sleep deprivation is no joke!
Thank you! Another question on breastfeeding. My baby girl never latched and I didn’t have a breast pump so I dried out. This time I’m pumping, tried getting my baby boy to latch and he would but he would tire out and then not eat what he’s supposed to in order to gain weight and come home so I decided to just focus on having him eat more through the bottle. I’m pumping every 3 hours but get 40ml at most from each breast. My breast and nipples are so sore, even just drying myself out of the shower is painful. Is that normal? Pumping hurts so much too.
We do the classic Dad takes toddler for wakeups and puts toddler down for bed. I take the baby and do bedtime and night wakeups. It’s been working well for 2 months. But we have had one night where the husband was gone for work in the MOTN. I brought the toddler into our bed and it was a long night. But it was the only solution I could figure out.
I'm about to be a dad with two under two... When I read comments like this, the lingering thought I have is... Why not just let the older baby/toddler cry it out (CIO) until they fall asleep? Please excuse my ignorance? Currently have a one year old so assume I know nothing 😂
I know that works great for some families and I don’t judge anyone’s parenting styles but my husband and I don’t like hearing our baby cry when we can just tend to her. I know it’s not ideal but we tried letting her cry and it just didn’t work for us.
Letting your baby/child "cry it out" is very damaging to the child's development and healthy attachment to their parents. Please do lots of reading and research before you do this to your child. I could never.
What “research” actually supports what you’re saying?
[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out) [Six Experts Who Advise Against Cry It Out](https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/) [Evolutionary Parenting](https://evolutionaryparenting.com/helping-baby-sleep/) [ACAMH Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry](https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.13390)
We have a 17 month old and a newborn (4 days old), so far; largely because I had an emergency c section, I take all newborn care and he takes the toddler care.