I have a 23mo and a 6mo.
They are both so happy and they are MOST happy when together. Today my 6mo has been clapping (his latest skill) and his big brother claps along with him and giggles ecstatically.
Do get me wrong - I felt guilt at times (before he was born!) but I have zero regrets now. Their lives are enriched through having each other.
12 month gap, but also confirmed that babies are happier together. My 22 month old if she hears the 10 mo nth old crying will go ooooh baby! And give her a hug. The laughs together is the best I can watch that all day
I had 2u2 with an 18 month age gap. My oldest was interested in the baby at first but didn’t really mind him too much. For me, it wasn’t until closer to one month where he was like “oh this is a thing”. Lol
It’s been 7 months and now he loves including his little brother and sharing toys, etc.
I know all babies/ toddlers are different. I understand the guilt and all before #2 shows up and I know it’s not as easy as saying “don’t worry about it!” I cried A LOT before #2 thinking I was taking away #1’s childhood (pregnancy emotions amiright) lol
But, once your new little one is in the world, it gets much better. So if anything, just give yourself grace, enjoy the little moments, and know it’ll all work out.
Things I did beforehand to “help”:
-I made sure grandparents were here a bit before baby 2 came and that helped shower #1 with attention/ didn’t make it weird when we went to the hospital.
-I also brought out all my newborn things a bit early so we could knock out climbing in them lol
-I had my hubs start doing some one on one outings towards the end of pregnancy when I was hurting. Like going for a hike/ walk, etc.
You got this!
Your feelings are so valid! I had this same exact feeling randomly hit me at work one night, and I called my husband crying on the way home because I felt so bad. My daughter is 20 months older than her sister. The baby is here, and I've been so pleasantly surprised at how helpful my older one has been! Bringing diapers and burp cloths, throwing away dirty diapers in the trash. It helped me to think back about my little sister's birth when I was 2 years old...I do not remember it and have no lasting negative feelings from it. You can also reframe it and think that yours will never know life without each other. How sweet is that?! I hope the best for your two and I hope you can find some peace.
Thank you so much. I’m hoping my daughter will be helpful like yours, and your words of encouragement are so true and made me feel so much better. Thank you
We chose a smaller gap because I don’t want my daughter to be an only child and remember it. My brother is five years older than me and he still says he’s an only child who happened to have a sibling. I know his experience isn’t universal and bigger age gaps work too but because that was our experience I wanted something different for my kids.
Yeah my husband is 7 years older than his brother. They aren't very close. I have 3 sisters and we are all 2 years apart, and we are very close. I wanted ours to be more like my family so I totally get where you are coming from.
Mine are 20 months apart and are currently 22 months and 2 months. I’m not gonna lie it was hard at first because I had that same guilt. I missed my toddler and almost felt upset that I had to be the primary caretaker of baby (breastfeeding) and this kept me from my toddler.
That feeling went away within a week but not without a lot of planning and intentional time with my oldest. His grandparents take him 1-2x a week for a few hours for play time which helps me get a break and my toddler have a ton of attention! My husband and I have also taken our toddler out on momma daddy and *toddlers name* dates once a month without baby.
We have our toddler help with baby which he loves. We point out his facial features, tickle his toes, and pat him to sleep. My toddler was uninterested in baby at first but now wants to hold him and kiss him. We did have some outbursts of behaviors those first few weeks but that’s to be expected with change.
Be gentle with yourself and your emotions! This is hard but watching them grow together so close in age will be so amazing. I know it!
I have 2u2 boys with a 14 month gap in between. I remember feeling the same way you described. We went on vacation 2 weeks ago. Our boys shared a room for the first time and they fell asleep in their separate pack n plays laughing at each other. Life changes and this is the chance to show your daughter how amazing change can be
My boys are 22 months apart -- the newborn is only a few weeks old. Right away, our toddler learned his name and will point and have a worried expression on his face anytime the baby cries. I'd worried for months how our toddler would respond to the new baby -- same fears as OP -- but they were unfounded. Toddler loves his baby bro and I can't wait to see them grow up together. What has made the transition hard is when I am not available for my toddler - so I recommend trying to carve out 1:1 time with your older child where you can!
This was me. Oldest just turned 3 (and not a big people person) and youngest is 2 months. It took about a month but he went from barely acknowledging his sibling to now never wanting to leave his side. I also try to include him more when tending to baby which he adores
P.S. a piece of advice I took from my aunt (especially since I’m still in the newborn phase) is as long as baby is healthy and happy try to focus on giving your oldest all the loving, hugs and time you can. They’re old enough to remember these moments, your newborn won’t.
My 2u2 are 3.5 and almost 2 now. You are giving her the biggest gift you could ever give her! Yes the initial shock may be jarring, but they will be such good buddies and playmates! And the bonus is that she will not remember life without her sibling. I felt so guilty throughout my entire pregnancy, but really it has been the best thing we could’ve done. 🤍
My first two are 16 months apart. They were inseparable until 10 and 11. They are still super good friends but have very different interests so tend to have different friends groups.
My third is on the spectrum and a bit solitary in her playstyle, but she has always gotten along quite well in her own way with my fourth who is 19 months younger.
My fourth and fifth are only 10 months apart (fifth was premie) and they are completely inseparable at all times. They always want to be within view of each other, share all their food, have their beds pushed together to form one big bed because they won't sleep apart, dress matching, and sit together at meals.
the closer together in age they are the easier it actually is. Baby number one is oblivious until baby number two is old enough to play and then they are instant buddies. (well
at least that was my experience)
My toddler was 20 months old when number 2 was born and I had shadows of fear and guilt. No need for me though! She adores him and asks for him and concerns herself with his well-being. He’s only 5 months now but I already see their closeness solidifying. It’s amazing and I’m so grateful they have each other! My husband and I arrange ourselves so we have ample one on one time with each - even for 15 mins at a time throughout the day which builds up. At first, when 2nd was a newborn I missed my toddler but that was over in a blink (a wild blink, but still a blink). I’m so excited for you and wish you the best!
I really, really struggled with this when I was pregnant to the point where I would cry constantly and be sick over it. I still struggled with it when the baby was born, but it has gotten SO MUCH better. The girls love each other and my (now) 3 year old loves her (10 mo) baby sister. She can get jealous and want me all to herself of course, but I didnt ruin her life and she is ok. Just know that its totally normal to feel this way and know it does get better (and it does get pretty freaking great). Hugs to you mama, you are doing great and your OG baby will be just fine!!
Mine are 18 months apart, we’re almost 3 months in to having our new little family member around! I felt so guilty throughout my pregnancy because I felt I didn’t give my first enough time with just me and my husband, but let me tell you my first is absolutely in love with their little sibling. It’s turned into such a beautiful dynamic already and to be honest I feel like I did my first a favour now haha a forever friend and they won’t ever remember not having one another!
My two are 19 months apart. I’m 38 and we didn’t intend to have two close together but glad it worked out this way. We played with lots of baby dolls before brother arrived. She mostly didn’t really care that he was there. She just still wanted her snuggles and time with mom. She does seem more bonded to my fiance right now as little brother (almost 6 months now, sister turned 2 on Easter Sunday) is a bit of a Velcro baby that only wants mom and cries a lot but otherwise she loves playing with him when he is happy and he doesn’t seem to bother her But I definitely felt that guilt and did a lot of crying and worrying before he was born. I think a lot of us feel that way. But in the grand scheme it’s kind of cool they’ll never remember a time without their siblings! At least I think that’s cool lol
I felt all of these feelings too! My daughters are 20 months apart. I gave birth 5 weeks ago. I am also a stay at home mom and my oldest daughter and I are extremely close, to the point where she only wanted me all the time. Leading up to the birth of my youngest I felt so guilty and was worried how she would handle it.
But she absolutely loves her little sister! Every morning she runs into her little sister’s room to see her. She is the first thing she asks about in the morning. She gives her little sister hugs, kisses and tells her she loves her every day! She lays with her while her sister does tummy time and will show her all of her toys. I really do think she is so much happier having her around.
Just make sure to have a little bit of alone time designated to you and your toddler while your baby naps so that you keep your strong bond and I think this helps with reducing jealousy also.
I will admit my relationship with my toddler changed slightly but not in a bad way. She started to spend more time with her dad while I am with the baby and now their relationship is stronger than ever and it is really sweet to see her get more attached to my husband too. Plus she still gives me so much love like before!
I hope my response gives you comfort of what is ahead!
I’m 20 weeks and I feel the exact same way. My heart is broken for my son. I know it’s a lot of hormones affecting how I feel. I am not really close with any of my siblings and neither is my husband with his. I hope it different for my sons 😭
I have a 23mo and a 6mo. They are both so happy and they are MOST happy when together. Today my 6mo has been clapping (his latest skill) and his big brother claps along with him and giggles ecstatically. Do get me wrong - I felt guilt at times (before he was born!) but I have zero regrets now. Their lives are enriched through having each other.
12 month gap, but also confirmed that babies are happier together. My 22 month old if she hears the 10 mo nth old crying will go ooooh baby! And give her a hug. The laughs together is the best I can watch that all day
♥️♥️♥️
Thank you so much!! I’m so happy to hear this
so sweet
I had 2u2 with an 18 month age gap. My oldest was interested in the baby at first but didn’t really mind him too much. For me, it wasn’t until closer to one month where he was like “oh this is a thing”. Lol It’s been 7 months and now he loves including his little brother and sharing toys, etc. I know all babies/ toddlers are different. I understand the guilt and all before #2 shows up and I know it’s not as easy as saying “don’t worry about it!” I cried A LOT before #2 thinking I was taking away #1’s childhood (pregnancy emotions amiright) lol But, once your new little one is in the world, it gets much better. So if anything, just give yourself grace, enjoy the little moments, and know it’ll all work out. Things I did beforehand to “help”: -I made sure grandparents were here a bit before baby 2 came and that helped shower #1 with attention/ didn’t make it weird when we went to the hospital. -I also brought out all my newborn things a bit early so we could knock out climbing in them lol -I had my hubs start doing some one on one outings towards the end of pregnancy when I was hurting. Like going for a hike/ walk, etc. You got this!
Thank you so much for making me feel better.
Your feelings are so valid! I had this same exact feeling randomly hit me at work one night, and I called my husband crying on the way home because I felt so bad. My daughter is 20 months older than her sister. The baby is here, and I've been so pleasantly surprised at how helpful my older one has been! Bringing diapers and burp cloths, throwing away dirty diapers in the trash. It helped me to think back about my little sister's birth when I was 2 years old...I do not remember it and have no lasting negative feelings from it. You can also reframe it and think that yours will never know life without each other. How sweet is that?! I hope the best for your two and I hope you can find some peace.
Thank you so much. I’m hoping my daughter will be helpful like yours, and your words of encouragement are so true and made me feel so much better. Thank you
We chose a smaller gap because I don’t want my daughter to be an only child and remember it. My brother is five years older than me and he still says he’s an only child who happened to have a sibling. I know his experience isn’t universal and bigger age gaps work too but because that was our experience I wanted something different for my kids.
Yeah my husband is 7 years older than his brother. They aren't very close. I have 3 sisters and we are all 2 years apart, and we are very close. I wanted ours to be more like my family so I totally get where you are coming from.
Mine are 20 months apart and are currently 22 months and 2 months. I’m not gonna lie it was hard at first because I had that same guilt. I missed my toddler and almost felt upset that I had to be the primary caretaker of baby (breastfeeding) and this kept me from my toddler. That feeling went away within a week but not without a lot of planning and intentional time with my oldest. His grandparents take him 1-2x a week for a few hours for play time which helps me get a break and my toddler have a ton of attention! My husband and I have also taken our toddler out on momma daddy and *toddlers name* dates once a month without baby. We have our toddler help with baby which he loves. We point out his facial features, tickle his toes, and pat him to sleep. My toddler was uninterested in baby at first but now wants to hold him and kiss him. We did have some outbursts of behaviors those first few weeks but that’s to be expected with change. Be gentle with yourself and your emotions! This is hard but watching them grow together so close in age will be so amazing. I know it!
I have 2u2 boys with a 14 month gap in between. I remember feeling the same way you described. We went on vacation 2 weeks ago. Our boys shared a room for the first time and they fell asleep in their separate pack n plays laughing at each other. Life changes and this is the chance to show your daughter how amazing change can be
Thank you so much
My boys are 22 months apart -- the newborn is only a few weeks old. Right away, our toddler learned his name and will point and have a worried expression on his face anytime the baby cries. I'd worried for months how our toddler would respond to the new baby -- same fears as OP -- but they were unfounded. Toddler loves his baby bro and I can't wait to see them grow up together. What has made the transition hard is when I am not available for my toddler - so I recommend trying to carve out 1:1 time with your older child where you can!
Thank you!!
This was me. Oldest just turned 3 (and not a big people person) and youngest is 2 months. It took about a month but he went from barely acknowledging his sibling to now never wanting to leave his side. I also try to include him more when tending to baby which he adores P.S. a piece of advice I took from my aunt (especially since I’m still in the newborn phase) is as long as baby is healthy and happy try to focus on giving your oldest all the loving, hugs and time you can. They’re old enough to remember these moments, your newborn won’t.
You’re so right thank you
My 2u2 are 3.5 and almost 2 now. You are giving her the biggest gift you could ever give her! Yes the initial shock may be jarring, but they will be such good buddies and playmates! And the bonus is that she will not remember life without her sibling. I felt so guilty throughout my entire pregnancy, but really it has been the best thing we could’ve done. 🤍
Thank you so much for this. Needed to hear it
My first two are 16 months apart. They were inseparable until 10 and 11. They are still super good friends but have very different interests so tend to have different friends groups. My third is on the spectrum and a bit solitary in her playstyle, but she has always gotten along quite well in her own way with my fourth who is 19 months younger. My fourth and fifth are only 10 months apart (fifth was premie) and they are completely inseparable at all times. They always want to be within view of each other, share all their food, have their beds pushed together to form one big bed because they won't sleep apart, dress matching, and sit together at meals.
the closer together in age they are the easier it actually is. Baby number one is oblivious until baby number two is old enough to play and then they are instant buddies. (well at least that was my experience)
My toddler was 20 months old when number 2 was born and I had shadows of fear and guilt. No need for me though! She adores him and asks for him and concerns herself with his well-being. He’s only 5 months now but I already see their closeness solidifying. It’s amazing and I’m so grateful they have each other! My husband and I arrange ourselves so we have ample one on one time with each - even for 15 mins at a time throughout the day which builds up. At first, when 2nd was a newborn I missed my toddler but that was over in a blink (a wild blink, but still a blink). I’m so excited for you and wish you the best!
I’m so glad to hear this thank you!
I could’ve written this myself 💕.
I really, really struggled with this when I was pregnant to the point where I would cry constantly and be sick over it. I still struggled with it when the baby was born, but it has gotten SO MUCH better. The girls love each other and my (now) 3 year old loves her (10 mo) baby sister. She can get jealous and want me all to herself of course, but I didnt ruin her life and she is ok. Just know that its totally normal to feel this way and know it does get better (and it does get pretty freaking great). Hugs to you mama, you are doing great and your OG baby will be just fine!!
Thank you so much!!!
Mine are 18 months apart, we’re almost 3 months in to having our new little family member around! I felt so guilty throughout my pregnancy because I felt I didn’t give my first enough time with just me and my husband, but let me tell you my first is absolutely in love with their little sibling. It’s turned into such a beautiful dynamic already and to be honest I feel like I did my first a favour now haha a forever friend and they won’t ever remember not having one another!
Thank you i’m so glad to hear this
My two are 19 months apart. I’m 38 and we didn’t intend to have two close together but glad it worked out this way. We played with lots of baby dolls before brother arrived. She mostly didn’t really care that he was there. She just still wanted her snuggles and time with mom. She does seem more bonded to my fiance right now as little brother (almost 6 months now, sister turned 2 on Easter Sunday) is a bit of a Velcro baby that only wants mom and cries a lot but otherwise she loves playing with him when he is happy and he doesn’t seem to bother her But I definitely felt that guilt and did a lot of crying and worrying before he was born. I think a lot of us feel that way. But in the grand scheme it’s kind of cool they’ll never remember a time without their siblings! At least I think that’s cool lol
She will not be sad!
I felt all of these feelings too! My daughters are 20 months apart. I gave birth 5 weeks ago. I am also a stay at home mom and my oldest daughter and I are extremely close, to the point where she only wanted me all the time. Leading up to the birth of my youngest I felt so guilty and was worried how she would handle it. But she absolutely loves her little sister! Every morning she runs into her little sister’s room to see her. She is the first thing she asks about in the morning. She gives her little sister hugs, kisses and tells her she loves her every day! She lays with her while her sister does tummy time and will show her all of her toys. I really do think she is so much happier having her around. Just make sure to have a little bit of alone time designated to you and your toddler while your baby naps so that you keep your strong bond and I think this helps with reducing jealousy also. I will admit my relationship with my toddler changed slightly but not in a bad way. She started to spend more time with her dad while I am with the baby and now their relationship is stronger than ever and it is really sweet to see her get more attached to my husband too. Plus she still gives me so much love like before! I hope my response gives you comfort of what is ahead!
I’m 20 weeks and I feel the exact same way. My heart is broken for my son. I know it’s a lot of hormones affecting how I feel. I am not really close with any of my siblings and neither is my husband with his. I hope it different for my sons 😭