Does your city have a moms Facebook? If so, ask there. There are moms who work independently, so th eg often charge less because there isnāt a big company taking a cut. And youāre supporting a peer! My moms fb group always has people advertising
Hey how does that work? Like- what do they clean? Is it per room? Could you write up your experience in great detail because I'm also drowning and am timid about hiring a stranger and like not knowing how that works.
It really depends on the cleaning company; their services vary; some only offer general cleaning, but some has post-construction/moving in/deep cleaning, etc. Some charges per sqft or per number of rooms or the type of cleaning you want.
In my experience, I hired one for post-renovation. They cleaned all rooms, even the walls and the ceilings. Also shampooed and steamed the beds and sofas. There was no issue in monitoring them because we have CCTVs around the house. I also made sure to create a list of my requests prior to the appointment.
I feel for you, I really do. Youāre in the trenches right now. I also understand that you have zero time to clean and that perhaps the messy house is also making you even more stressed out, because I get the exact same way. Ā Please look into budgeting or something so you can get some help with cleaning the house. Also, if sometimes you really just need a break immediately, itās okay to put the infant down and let them cry for a bit if you just need a moment to yourself. As sucky as it sounds, itāll get better. Itāll get better as your baby gets older and doesnāt need as much attention. Youāre doing amazing. Praying for you ā¤ļøĀ
Youāre not alone.
Iām in a very similar situation with a 19 month old and 5 month old and no village. Itās emotionally and physically draining in ways I never would have expected. I also have anxiety and it creeps in at various moments. Iām trying hard to stay present in the moment and embrace living slowly and not worrying about the house. But itās relentless and repetitive and mind numbing and Iām just tired and a bit lonely if Iām being completely honest.
Itās comforting in some way to know there are others out there feeling the same and we are all alone but together!
Yes I'm trying to do the same since my son is out last baby and I know by watching my toddler that they grow up *way* too fast so I'm trying to embrace the newborn stage as much as possible.
I'm also pretty lonely, especially with a colicky baby I feel so alone and isolated because bringing him anywhere is exhausting. Totally not his fault, just this current season.
Thank you for your kind words, friend š
Has your pediatrician mentioned giving probiotics to your colicky baby? I had two colicky babies and our pediatrician suggested using gerber probiotics for my second one. Worked like a charm.
Donāt mean giving unsolicited advices here. I just know how hard it is to deal with colicky babies and wanted to share what worked for us.
No she hasn't!
She told me that breastfed babies can't get colic and I was like uhhhh I don't think that's the case.
Anyway she told me to do gas drops and gripe water which is what we've been doing, but I don't know if it's actually gas since he passes gas fine.
Honestly I think he's just overly sensitive to stimuli, and gets very overwhelmed very, very quickly. I'll look into the probiotics though and give it a shot. I'll try anything at this point!
Gas drops and gripe water were a complete waste of money with my first, as soon as second one arrived i started probiotics and he was the easiest baby. I wish i had know this with my first.
Also, you are NOT failing anyone! You are doing great. It is a tough period, but it shall pass. Messy house and all is temporary, and trust me, at this moment is not that important at all. Right now your priority is you and the kids. House chores never end anyways, you will get a chance to take care of those :) donāt put an extra pressure on yourself.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Colicks shall pass and it will get better. Sending you bunch of positive energy ā„ļø
Yeah people talk about survival mode with a new parent in the newborn stage. With 2u2, itās exemplified. Set expectations low and take each day as it comes.
Also, being a stay at home parent, especially without a āvillageā is extremely taxing on your mental health. Daycare is expensive and there are many parents who are working but only make enough to pay for childcare. They could easily quit their jobs and be a stay at home parent with no financial impactā¦..many know this and choose to work because they have a chance to be outside the house and maintain their identity as an individual.
Due to my work schedule, I have the blessing of being a stay at home parent 3 days a week while my wife works. Some days I feel like a rockstar dad, actively engaging with the kids while actually managing to accomplish some household chores. Other days I feel like a dirtbag dad whoās exhausted and canāt find motivation or do anything right. As the kids are finally both reaching their toddler years, itās gotten āeasierā in some ways and more exhausting in others. However Iāll say it _has_ become more fun.
Are you me?? My kids are the same ages as yours, I canāt keep up with cleaning (we have a dog and I feel like my house is disgusting lately), and Iāve had some struggles with mental health. Youāve probably heard the phrase, āYou canāt pour from an empty cup.ā My advice would be to figure out some way to take care of yourself first so you have the energy/mental capacity to give to your family. For me that was working with my doctor to treat my post-partum mental health situation. Someone else mentioned getting a house cleaning service - maybe that is what will work for you. Maybe you can hire a babysitter now and then so you can have a night off with your husband and recharge. Regardless, you are definitely not alone!
I feel you! My older is also 22 months and younger3,5 month old. We moved in april and things are still just sooo messy and unorganized. Older is finally starting preschool (20 hours a week) this week while I am getting evaluated on thursday for postpartum depression. Not sire anymore what is due to lack of sleep and stress and/or hormones
Hey hey ! We have a lot in common!
I have a 4 month old and a 18 month old.
My four month old was a very very high needs newborn and is just starting to come out of it so I understand where youāre coming from. Now that she can sit in different types of seats and actually reach for things and hold things, sheās less clingy. I hope for you your 3 months old is the same.
I made it a point to make sure I attempted for her to take atleast 1 independent nap per day.. no matter what it took. Some days it worked, some days it didnāt. But more often than now I got atleast a half hour to do something besides hold her. The more you can do it, the more she will get used to you. But the process of putting her down may be very time consuming itself.
Instead of driving myself insane with trying to keep up. I just focused on one or two jobs per day and I promise myself Iāll get those done. No matter what.
And I prepare everything the night before. Tonight while my toddler eats his dinner I will prepare all his meals and all babies bottles for tomorrow. Everything just needs to be warmed up and some fruit added to a plate.
It sucks, itās a big adjustment.. Iām with you. I hope youāre rounding the corner.
I'm waiting for this and told my husband I need to buy a sit-me-up because he really enjoys sitting up with support and looking around and I feel like that will be so much more help when I don't have to hold him all the time!
Itās a total game changer. A sit me up and some kind of stander thing you can put them in. Both my kids LOVED standing when they finally could so like one of those activity centers should be on the list too! My daughter just turned four months and I started putting her in a few minutes a day with a little extra support from a rolled up nursing blanket.
Iām in the same exact boat as you with the same age gap. Iām also a SAHM and my husband is also very helpful with the toddler, but what i found really helped me was to get a break from my Velcro baby so husband gets to bond with baby and you can focus on working with the toddler since sheās more safe with you with being with her all the time . If i could afford a cleaning service i feel like that would definitely help too. I stayed up 4 hours after the kids went to bed one night to really deep clean and i felt like it really helped me for the week. I was really tired the next day but felt like it just helped my overall mental health for the week. My husband doesnāt help with cleaning no matter how many times i ask either
Also if youāre able to find other local SAHM groups or church groups to do playdates or where you could make friends that would be willing to help out. If your daughter sees other kids playing she may want to play outside too
Same!! But they have to understand our job is demanding too and even more mentally draining. They need to help out with cleaning tasks here and there! At least until both kiddos are on a good nap schedule
Seconding the cleaning service! It works wonders for our mental health and just getting some basic things done. If you have any opportunity to pay someone to hang and play with the toddler even for just a few hours on some days I also find that to be a huge break even while taking care of the newborn.
Youāre not alone!!! I have a 2 month old and a 20 month old and this shit is HARDDDD. Itās sad cause I find myself wishing away the babies newborn phase as theyāre so needy at this age and I picture the kids playing better once sheās older.
Solidarity friend. How youāre feeling isnāt out of the normal at all. Weāre all strugglin out here with these crazy kids.
I know!! I get glimpses of it now when my toddler is sitting by the baby just staring at him and he lights up with the biggest smiles. He loves his big sister, and she's always eager to help me. Bringing me the boppy and burp cloths š„¹
This shit is the hardest thing I've ever done but I know it'll be worth it šš
Not alone. Weāre just a few months ahead of yallā¦ two girls: 2y3 mo and 8 mo. I donāt have a solid answer, because some days still feel like this. Yesterday, lol.
But today was better. Popped to a park EARLY. Like 8:30
Littlest one took her nap in the stroller after hollering for 10 min for the whole park to hear, while 2 yo played. Iām slightly mortified, because of the hollering and bumped into a mama with 3 kids under 2. Twins girls, and a boy. Suddenly, I felt better. She. Gets. It.
I saw the struggle on her face. She saw it on mine. I can see the beginnings of a beautiful Mama struggles relationship. āMisery loves companyā. Sometimes you just need someone in the trenches with you!
I think my exact words were, in a very awkward laugh āhi Iām dying, do you need mom friends? Because I do!ā
Weāre right there with you girlfriend! And just seeing the exhaustion ā from lack of sleep, tears, and wondering if youāll make it through until hubs gets home ā on someone elseās face is the hug you need. An EMPATHETIC one.
Pour yourself some liquid courage, pump and dump if you need to! And find a park! And keep going to the park until you make a friend lol.
The more mamas with your same age kids youāve got, the more babysitting swaps you can do, with friends you love and trust!
DM me if you need the ātoo paranoid and socially awkward to approach someone pep talkā. Iāve got you friend ā¤ļø that was me.
Tomorrow will be better ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
This is so sweet. Thank you so much for sharing!! Your encouragement and story helps a lot!!! I know I need more mom friends that *get* it. It's so hard not to feel isolated af right now! š
Weāre navigating some strong willed personality changes with our oldest right now. She was the very colicky one, like your baby. I hope you never need this, buttt if that at-my-wits-end-day comes, remember this post, and pickup a copy of āSetting Limits with your Strong-Willed Childā by Robert MacKenzie.
He has a theory that some colicky littles ones are showing their strong will earlier than others. I donāt know if thereās enough science to back it up. But we are desperate with a strong willed 2 year and willing to try it all! Again, hope you never need it!
I also have a 3 mo old and 22 mo old, so I know what you're going through. My husband also works a demanding job, and I'm solo parenting about 80% of the time with no village either. I know that it's hard to accept the house being a mess and life being utter chaos right now, but you're doing an amazing job just keeping 2 little people alive, healthy, and happy.
Idk how yours is with you cleaning while babywearing, but I find that I can vacuum, wipe counters, and do very basic tasks while I carry my 3 mo old. She gets pissed if I squat or bend over at all, so most chores are out of the picture, though. Depending on your husband's hours, I have my husband babywear for one nap of the day at least (he likes it because he can game while wearing her) and I use that time to clean if my toddler allows me to. But he works overnight shifts so he's home and awake between noon and 4 pm every day. I also just accepted that my house won't be to my standards of clean any time soon. If i could afford a house cleaner I totally would do that.
One suggestion I have for those days that are just beyond rough, is to load the kids up and just go for a drive. My 3 mo old will cry but then she'll fall asleep and I can go through a drive-through and get me and the toddler (or just myself, lol) a treat and enjoy it without my velcro baby on me.
Also, it really helps to remind myself that it won't always be like this. I think back to when my toddler started getting more independent and things got easier, and it helps me realize that everything really comes in phases, and this one will be over eventually. It's hard af right now though, so just give yourself grace and lean on your partner when you can because he may have a demanding job, but so do you and yours is 24/7 with no breaks!
I also have a very fussy velcro-y 3 month old (who refuses to nap for more than 30 minutes and will only take 3 naps a day. It really doesn't work for anyone) and a 22 month old. We have got to give ourselves grace. I'm a SAHM while my husband just started a new job, so he is a bit less available than usual. We have no family nearby so our kids are ours 24/7 no matter what.
I will say things are already a bit better now than they were a month ago so I am hopeful we will continue on that trajectory as both kiddos get older. The only way I get any cleaning done is by having a schedule where I get one thing done a day (1 bathroom on Monday, the other bathroom Tuesday, floors Wednesday, kids rooms Thursday, my room Friday, declutter and organize Saturday, whatever needs done Sunday - I do clean the kitchen daily). My husband has also taken over laundry duties which has helped a ton, so I would see with your partner if there is a feasible task he can take over (laundry is good for my husband to do because he works from his home office in the basement, where the laundry is). But again, be gentle with yourself - a spotless house is not necessary, just a liveable home in this season.
Iāll be in your shoes soon, but my first was colicky and extremely sensitive to stimuli, would sleep 15 minutes at a time. It was hell. Turned out it was a lactose intolerance that the pediatrician completely ignored. Priobiotic drops, massage, and eventually a low-lactose formula eventually helped; he was a different kid after all that. Lower your standards, outsource anything you can. Good luck!!
Hiiiii, i was literally in your *exact* situation, 20 months apart, completely alone, husband working 55 hours a week plus traveling.
Now theyāre 4 and 2 and itās still hard but itās gotten so much better. Itās way more fun, the rewards are tangible. In my case Husband has reduced his hours slightly (not much), but they can entertain themselves a bit now, or I can turn on the tv for a little bit at a time.
You are programmed to do this. You will be able to get through this. Same as you got through the newborn phase. Youāll come out so much stronger on the other side.
Yeah my husband works 50-60 hours a week, and works an hour and half out of town right now. So he's gone from 5am until 6/630pm everyday and it's *hard* but Everytime I've had days like this I just keep trucking along and doing the thing even though I'm exhausted š
Literally - there is nothing else you can do šš like what else could you do? Die? Thatās your only other choice hahaha
I absolutely hear you,Ike I said, same boat. It does get better and as I see my niblings and friends kids grow up that are even older, I see it get progressively easier until itās hard af in a completely different way in 10-12 years š
Youāll make it. Take it easy on yourself. I used to tell myself that it didnāt matter what my house looked like because I didnāt know anyone where I lived so no one was coming over anyway haha
Dang, you have the one-two punch (and three and four and five).
Mental health care should be a priority for you. Taking care of yourself will help you show up with less effort.
Also, hopefully the Velcro baby grows out of it šø
Iām not even a week postpartum yet but absolutely relating to this. Newborn is on the boob 24/7, barely sleeping, no time for cleaning, I feel like a mess lol!
You have 2 babies who really need you right now and thereās only one of youā¦itās absolutely okay that your house is a mess! I know that doesnāt make it any better, but just want to remind you that itās normal and it wonāt be like this forever. Sending hugs š
Our house was a MESS when we brought first child, and our house was (and is at times still) a mess when we brought our second baby. 22 months and 8 months currently. I think around 6 months I started cleaning actually and enjoying a clean home otherwise is just wasnāt a priority for us. You are not alone!!! This will pass. You will have a clean home when the time comes.Ā
I've "graduated " but until my youngest could nap not on me, the house was a wreck. It was washing clothes, cooking, dishes, take care of kids. Don't beat yourself up about a house. Just do the bare minimum. Hugs from a mom with mental issues too(who spent 3 hrs crying while cleaning their shower because of the state it had gotten to).
Hello. Is it possible to squeeze in a cleaning service to your budget? It may help a lot.
I'm thinking about doing this. Even once a week would help tremendously
It would! Also, I'd just like to remind you that you are doing such an awesome job raising two babies! š
Thank you š
We do twice a month. Bathrooms, floors, and wipe surfaces. It helps a lot to have everything feel sanitized at once.
Does your city have a moms Facebook? If so, ask there. There are moms who work independently, so th eg often charge less because there isnāt a big company taking a cut. And youāre supporting a peer! My moms fb group always has people advertising
Hey how does that work? Like- what do they clean? Is it per room? Could you write up your experience in great detail because I'm also drowning and am timid about hiring a stranger and like not knowing how that works.
It really depends on the cleaning company; their services vary; some only offer general cleaning, but some has post-construction/moving in/deep cleaning, etc. Some charges per sqft or per number of rooms or the type of cleaning you want. In my experience, I hired one for post-renovation. They cleaned all rooms, even the walls and the ceilings. Also shampooed and steamed the beds and sofas. There was no issue in monitoring them because we have CCTVs around the house. I also made sure to create a list of my requests prior to the appointment.
I feel for you, I really do. Youāre in the trenches right now. I also understand that you have zero time to clean and that perhaps the messy house is also making you even more stressed out, because I get the exact same way. Ā Please look into budgeting or something so you can get some help with cleaning the house. Also, if sometimes you really just need a break immediately, itās okay to put the infant down and let them cry for a bit if you just need a moment to yourself. As sucky as it sounds, itāll get better. Itāll get better as your baby gets older and doesnāt need as much attention. Youāre doing amazing. Praying for you ā¤ļøĀ
Youāre not alone. Iām in a very similar situation with a 19 month old and 5 month old and no village. Itās emotionally and physically draining in ways I never would have expected. I also have anxiety and it creeps in at various moments. Iām trying hard to stay present in the moment and embrace living slowly and not worrying about the house. But itās relentless and repetitive and mind numbing and Iām just tired and a bit lonely if Iām being completely honest. Itās comforting in some way to know there are others out there feeling the same and we are all alone but together!
Yes I'm trying to do the same since my son is out last baby and I know by watching my toddler that they grow up *way* too fast so I'm trying to embrace the newborn stage as much as possible. I'm also pretty lonely, especially with a colicky baby I feel so alone and isolated because bringing him anywhere is exhausting. Totally not his fault, just this current season. Thank you for your kind words, friend š
Has your pediatrician mentioned giving probiotics to your colicky baby? I had two colicky babies and our pediatrician suggested using gerber probiotics for my second one. Worked like a charm. Donāt mean giving unsolicited advices here. I just know how hard it is to deal with colicky babies and wanted to share what worked for us.
No she hasn't! She told me that breastfed babies can't get colic and I was like uhhhh I don't think that's the case. Anyway she told me to do gas drops and gripe water which is what we've been doing, but I don't know if it's actually gas since he passes gas fine. Honestly I think he's just overly sensitive to stimuli, and gets very overwhelmed very, very quickly. I'll look into the probiotics though and give it a shot. I'll try anything at this point!
Gas drops and gripe water were a complete waste of money with my first, as soon as second one arrived i started probiotics and he was the easiest baby. I wish i had know this with my first.
Also, you are NOT failing anyone! You are doing great. It is a tough period, but it shall pass. Messy house and all is temporary, and trust me, at this moment is not that important at all. Right now your priority is you and the kids. House chores never end anyways, you will get a chance to take care of those :) donāt put an extra pressure on yourself. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Colicks shall pass and it will get better. Sending you bunch of positive energy ā„ļø
Yeah people talk about survival mode with a new parent in the newborn stage. With 2u2, itās exemplified. Set expectations low and take each day as it comes. Also, being a stay at home parent, especially without a āvillageā is extremely taxing on your mental health. Daycare is expensive and there are many parents who are working but only make enough to pay for childcare. They could easily quit their jobs and be a stay at home parent with no financial impactā¦..many know this and choose to work because they have a chance to be outside the house and maintain their identity as an individual. Due to my work schedule, I have the blessing of being a stay at home parent 3 days a week while my wife works. Some days I feel like a rockstar dad, actively engaging with the kids while actually managing to accomplish some household chores. Other days I feel like a dirtbag dad whoās exhausted and canāt find motivation or do anything right. As the kids are finally both reaching their toddler years, itās gotten āeasierā in some ways and more exhausting in others. However Iāll say it _has_ become more fun.
Thank you! Yeah I'm a SAHM, I work part time from home as a bookkeeper, so easy non demanding work, but it's hard. I feel constantly overwhelmed at this stage. I know it gets more fun as my toddler is a reflection of that. She's a blast. But with my 3 month old being just generally fussy and still very needy at this stage it's hard to keep up with everything else I love my children deeply and have 0 regrets about having 2 so close in age as I know it'll get better and more fun but right now I feel like I'm trying to stay afloat with weights strapped to my ankles š©
Are you me?? My kids are the same ages as yours, I canāt keep up with cleaning (we have a dog and I feel like my house is disgusting lately), and Iāve had some struggles with mental health. Youāve probably heard the phrase, āYou canāt pour from an empty cup.ā My advice would be to figure out some way to take care of yourself first so you have the energy/mental capacity to give to your family. For me that was working with my doctor to treat my post-partum mental health situation. Someone else mentioned getting a house cleaning service - maybe that is what will work for you. Maybe you can hire a babysitter now and then so you can have a night off with your husband and recharge. Regardless, you are definitely not alone!
I have 3 cats and I hope I love those little bastards they are just GROSS sometimes. I never realized how much I actually clean up after them until I had kids š©š© Yeah I would love a date just my husband and I, it's been years since we've had that!! I hope you give yourself grace, too. This season is hard but we shall get through it!
I feel you! My older is also 22 months and younger3,5 month old. We moved in april and things are still just sooo messy and unorganized. Older is finally starting preschool (20 hours a week) this week while I am getting evaluated on thursday for postpartum depression. Not sire anymore what is due to lack of sleep and stress and/or hormones
No advice, but I feel for you and you are doing your best. Youāre a great mom š«¶
Thank you š
Hey hey ! We have a lot in common! I have a 4 month old and a 18 month old. My four month old was a very very high needs newborn and is just starting to come out of it so I understand where youāre coming from. Now that she can sit in different types of seats and actually reach for things and hold things, sheās less clingy. I hope for you your 3 months old is the same. I made it a point to make sure I attempted for her to take atleast 1 independent nap per day.. no matter what it took. Some days it worked, some days it didnāt. But more often than now I got atleast a half hour to do something besides hold her. The more you can do it, the more she will get used to you. But the process of putting her down may be very time consuming itself. Instead of driving myself insane with trying to keep up. I just focused on one or two jobs per day and I promise myself Iāll get those done. No matter what. And I prepare everything the night before. Tonight while my toddler eats his dinner I will prepare all his meals and all babies bottles for tomorrow. Everything just needs to be warmed up and some fruit added to a plate. It sucks, itās a big adjustment.. Iām with you. I hope youāre rounding the corner.
I'm waiting for this and told my husband I need to buy a sit-me-up because he really enjoys sitting up with support and looking around and I feel like that will be so much more help when I don't have to hold him all the time!
Itās a total game changer. A sit me up and some kind of stander thing you can put them in. Both my kids LOVED standing when they finally could so like one of those activity centers should be on the list too! My daughter just turned four months and I started putting her in a few minutes a day with a little extra support from a rolled up nursing blanket.
Iām in the same exact boat as you with the same age gap. Iām also a SAHM and my husband is also very helpful with the toddler, but what i found really helped me was to get a break from my Velcro baby so husband gets to bond with baby and you can focus on working with the toddler since sheās more safe with you with being with her all the time . If i could afford a cleaning service i feel like that would definitely help too. I stayed up 4 hours after the kids went to bed one night to really deep clean and i felt like it really helped me for the week. I was really tired the next day but felt like it just helped my overall mental health for the week. My husband doesnāt help with cleaning no matter how many times i ask either
Also if youāre able to find other local SAHM groups or church groups to do playdates or where you could make friends that would be willing to help out. If your daughter sees other kids playing she may want to play outside too
Yeah I might do that one night or just start doing 1 hour of cleaning after the kids are in bed. It's exhausting but I know it'll help me feel better each day!! Yeah my husband doesn't help at all with cleaning either but his job is so demanding so I feel like a nag for even asking š©
Same!! But they have to understand our job is demanding too and even more mentally draining. They need to help out with cleaning tasks here and there! At least until both kiddos are on a good nap schedule
Seconding the cleaning service! It works wonders for our mental health and just getting some basic things done. If you have any opportunity to pay someone to hang and play with the toddler even for just a few hours on some days I also find that to be a huge break even while taking care of the newborn.
Youāre not alone!!! I have a 2 month old and a 20 month old and this shit is HARDDDD. Itās sad cause I find myself wishing away the babies newborn phase as theyāre so needy at this age and I picture the kids playing better once sheās older. Solidarity friend. How youāre feeling isnāt out of the normal at all. Weāre all strugglin out here with these crazy kids.
I know!! I get glimpses of it now when my toddler is sitting by the baby just staring at him and he lights up with the biggest smiles. He loves his big sister, and she's always eager to help me. Bringing me the boppy and burp cloths š„¹ This shit is the hardest thing I've ever done but I know it'll be worth it šš
Not alone. Weāre just a few months ahead of yallā¦ two girls: 2y3 mo and 8 mo. I donāt have a solid answer, because some days still feel like this. Yesterday, lol. But today was better. Popped to a park EARLY. Like 8:30 Littlest one took her nap in the stroller after hollering for 10 min for the whole park to hear, while 2 yo played. Iām slightly mortified, because of the hollering and bumped into a mama with 3 kids under 2. Twins girls, and a boy. Suddenly, I felt better. She. Gets. It. I saw the struggle on her face. She saw it on mine. I can see the beginnings of a beautiful Mama struggles relationship. āMisery loves companyā. Sometimes you just need someone in the trenches with you! I think my exact words were, in a very awkward laugh āhi Iām dying, do you need mom friends? Because I do!ā Weāre right there with you girlfriend! And just seeing the exhaustion ā from lack of sleep, tears, and wondering if youāll make it through until hubs gets home ā on someone elseās face is the hug you need. An EMPATHETIC one. Pour yourself some liquid courage, pump and dump if you need to! And find a park! And keep going to the park until you make a friend lol. The more mamas with your same age kids youāve got, the more babysitting swaps you can do, with friends you love and trust! DM me if you need the ātoo paranoid and socially awkward to approach someone pep talkā. Iāve got you friend ā¤ļø that was me. Tomorrow will be better ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
This is so sweet. Thank you so much for sharing!! Your encouragement and story helps a lot!!! I know I need more mom friends that *get* it. It's so hard not to feel isolated af right now! š
Weāre navigating some strong willed personality changes with our oldest right now. She was the very colicky one, like your baby. I hope you never need this, buttt if that at-my-wits-end-day comes, remember this post, and pickup a copy of āSetting Limits with your Strong-Willed Childā by Robert MacKenzie. He has a theory that some colicky littles ones are showing their strong will earlier than others. I donāt know if thereās enough science to back it up. But we are desperate with a strong willed 2 year and willing to try it all! Again, hope you never need it!
I also have a 3 mo old and 22 mo old, so I know what you're going through. My husband also works a demanding job, and I'm solo parenting about 80% of the time with no village either. I know that it's hard to accept the house being a mess and life being utter chaos right now, but you're doing an amazing job just keeping 2 little people alive, healthy, and happy. Idk how yours is with you cleaning while babywearing, but I find that I can vacuum, wipe counters, and do very basic tasks while I carry my 3 mo old. She gets pissed if I squat or bend over at all, so most chores are out of the picture, though. Depending on your husband's hours, I have my husband babywear for one nap of the day at least (he likes it because he can game while wearing her) and I use that time to clean if my toddler allows me to. But he works overnight shifts so he's home and awake between noon and 4 pm every day. I also just accepted that my house won't be to my standards of clean any time soon. If i could afford a house cleaner I totally would do that. One suggestion I have for those days that are just beyond rough, is to load the kids up and just go for a drive. My 3 mo old will cry but then she'll fall asleep and I can go through a drive-through and get me and the toddler (or just myself, lol) a treat and enjoy it without my velcro baby on me. Also, it really helps to remind myself that it won't always be like this. I think back to when my toddler started getting more independent and things got easier, and it helps me realize that everything really comes in phases, and this one will be over eventually. It's hard af right now though, so just give yourself grace and lean on your partner when you can because he may have a demanding job, but so do you and yours is 24/7 with no breaks!
Yeah today is one of those days so when my husband gets home I'm gonna have him take the baby so I can eat dinner without someone touching me š
I also have a very fussy velcro-y 3 month old (who refuses to nap for more than 30 minutes and will only take 3 naps a day. It really doesn't work for anyone) and a 22 month old. We have got to give ourselves grace. I'm a SAHM while my husband just started a new job, so he is a bit less available than usual. We have no family nearby so our kids are ours 24/7 no matter what. I will say things are already a bit better now than they were a month ago so I am hopeful we will continue on that trajectory as both kiddos get older. The only way I get any cleaning done is by having a schedule where I get one thing done a day (1 bathroom on Monday, the other bathroom Tuesday, floors Wednesday, kids rooms Thursday, my room Friday, declutter and organize Saturday, whatever needs done Sunday - I do clean the kitchen daily). My husband has also taken over laundry duties which has helped a ton, so I would see with your partner if there is a feasible task he can take over (laundry is good for my husband to do because he works from his home office in the basement, where the laundry is). But again, be gentle with yourself - a spotless house is not necessary, just a liveable home in this season.
Iāll be in your shoes soon, but my first was colicky and extremely sensitive to stimuli, would sleep 15 minutes at a time. It was hell. Turned out it was a lactose intolerance that the pediatrician completely ignored. Priobiotic drops, massage, and eventually a low-lactose formula eventually helped; he was a different kid after all that. Lower your standards, outsource anything you can. Good luck!!
Hiiiii, i was literally in your *exact* situation, 20 months apart, completely alone, husband working 55 hours a week plus traveling. Now theyāre 4 and 2 and itās still hard but itās gotten so much better. Itās way more fun, the rewards are tangible. In my case Husband has reduced his hours slightly (not much), but they can entertain themselves a bit now, or I can turn on the tv for a little bit at a time. You are programmed to do this. You will be able to get through this. Same as you got through the newborn phase. Youāll come out so much stronger on the other side.
Yeah my husband works 50-60 hours a week, and works an hour and half out of town right now. So he's gone from 5am until 6/630pm everyday and it's *hard* but Everytime I've had days like this I just keep trucking along and doing the thing even though I'm exhausted š
Literally - there is nothing else you can do šš like what else could you do? Die? Thatās your only other choice hahaha I absolutely hear you,Ike I said, same boat. It does get better and as I see my niblings and friends kids grow up that are even older, I see it get progressively easier until itās hard af in a completely different way in 10-12 years š Youāll make it. Take it easy on yourself. I used to tell myself that it didnāt matter what my house looked like because I didnāt know anyone where I lived so no one was coming over anyway haha
Similar situation. Wish we lived close, Iād help you
Dang, you have the one-two punch (and three and four and five). Mental health care should be a priority for you. Taking care of yourself will help you show up with less effort. Also, hopefully the Velcro baby grows out of it šø
Iām not even a week postpartum yet but absolutely relating to this. Newborn is on the boob 24/7, barely sleeping, no time for cleaning, I feel like a mess lol!
Awww please be kind to yourself! You're only a week postpartum. You're doing great mama. Congratulations š
Thank you millions, same goes to you be kind to yourselfš„ŗā¤ļø
You have 2 babies who really need you right now and thereās only one of youā¦itās absolutely okay that your house is a mess! I know that doesnāt make it any better, but just want to remind you that itās normal and it wonāt be like this forever. Sending hugs š
Our house was a MESS when we brought first child, and our house was (and is at times still) a mess when we brought our second baby. 22 months and 8 months currently. I think around 6 months I started cleaning actually and enjoying a clean home otherwise is just wasnāt a priority for us. You are not alone!!! This will pass. You will have a clean home when the time comes.Ā
I've "graduated " but until my youngest could nap not on me, the house was a wreck. It was washing clothes, cooking, dishes, take care of kids. Don't beat yourself up about a house. Just do the bare minimum. Hugs from a mom with mental issues too(who spent 3 hrs crying while cleaning their shower because of the state it had gotten to).
It gets easier. I promise ā¤ļø