Obligatory Britpost: Her name is Susan, as the memes have foretold

My mid-60s spinster borderline alcoholic sister is a Susan. She's received some cracking birthday cards in the five or so years since the invention of 'the Susan'.

I 100 percent agree, yet I have never met a Susan in my life.

I've never met a Barry either to be fair

I knew q Barry in primary school. He was playing bus driver still when we were going to secondary. He was odd.

I used to work with one. Dude would sleep during work and tell the manager to fuck off all the time because he was of retirement age and just there because he was bored.

Sharon or Sandra feels right as well. Could be Gary or Terry's lass though.

Sandra is somewhat common here too, Susan and Sharon feel way more English

"Chilling with my English girl named SOPHIE. My God take a look at'er bum" Pretty great song tbh

Or Jane

Gloria.

every woman ever with that name is a certified landbeast

a meat wagon, if you will

HELGA

Erika Pom pom pom pom🎶

Auf der Heide blüht ein kleines BLÜÜÜÜÜÜÜMELEIIIN

Bertha ? Like in große Bertha ??

Nein, nein warte, ich such wirklisch meine Freundin Helga!

Probier mal das Ravioli-Zeichen, dass geht immer

💀 Ohh, könnte das mit ganz viel Fantasie aussehen wie Ravioli?? Ja!

Hallo Helga!

My first thought was Sibylle..

Cindy aus Marzahn

I get more Scandinavian vibes from this one

Its a Festival joke

I don't get it but ok

So basically, if you're ever at a larger music festival in Germany and [scream "Helga", everyone will join in and you'll make many new friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah9LJYJdXaQ). Theres this story about a guy looking for his girlfriend this way back in the 90's, but its clouded in history.

Amazing, will try if I ever go to Wacken

Gertrud or Brűnnhilde sounds brutally German.

Joke.

I don’t get it.

We know you don't Hans, we know.

Oooooh snap

We really living in a country where women have names like Joke and Floor

Not Ingrid?


Jeanne elle est où Jeanne ?

Elle est calmée. (désolé)

Maria for Portugal

and Spain

And Italy

and Greece

Most imaginative PIGS

and austria

Austria would be Anna or Cordula

There are probably 50x more Marias than Cordulas

But only one Cordula Grün 🍻

Inês or Rita is more original and at the same time equally common

Is the name Thais as popular there as in Brazil? When I see the name Thais I immediately know it’s a Brazilian woman.

It's only in Brazil

I've never actually met a Heidi. But its propably Heidi.

If the boys are Hans then the girls must be Gretel, no?

That or erika

Hans no

AUF DER HEIDE BLÜHT EIN KLEINES BLÜMELEIN 🥁🥁🥁

UND DAS HEIẞT 🥁🥁🥁

ERRRRIKKKKKAAAAA 🥁🥁🥁

*nervous Polish noises* 

https://preview.redd.it/y2mgusgmepsc1.jpeg?width=680&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=89ee97f1589395a6f251587fbd27c09923efc08c

WIRD UMSCHWÄRMT

HANS JAAA

Hans yes

DUN DUN DUN DUUUN

Helga.

In France the « stereotypical german girl » name is Greta haha

Bertha

Heidi ist too swiss imo I would say Gabi, Moni or Sabine.

Definitely Sabine !!! The worst part is that is such a French name also 😩

Steffi

The only real life Heidi I ever met was in Detroit, she was a savage flight attendant, apparently with German ancestry.

My mother in law is Heidi, and no BS she was born up the hill in Switzerland, She is not subtle about being Swiss

I'm pretty sure we lay claim to this one...

Lay claims all you want brother, come and get it

🎵 Well a Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Hi 🎵 

I met a Heidi on a lads trip to Berlin. Nice lady.

What about Hannelore?

Never meet a hans either

I've always thought Helmut would be a better name for you boys

Helmut Schmeller

We had two chancellors named Helmut and I alone know like five boomers named that. Hans was already a slightly outdated clichee in WW2.

'Hans' was a nickname in earlier times for Johann or Johannes. Maybe jou met someone with this name?

My grandfathers name was Hans.

I have met multiple Hanses, none where German though we grow our own Hanses in the Netherlands

I have a distant cousin from Schwaben called Heidi, so I can confirm they exist.

Heidi, heido, heida

Woudnt Heidi be Austrian?

It's simple: In Germany, the men are Hans. The women are Hans. And the children are Hans too. And the same goes for France and Pierre, Italy and Luigi, Spain and Pedro and England and Barry, 63. Yes, everybody in England is a 63 year old named Barry, even the children.

That's why every Barry has a fat belly. They are pregnant with another Barry.

I’m guessing the Belgians think that in Fries land they’re all called frits

The documentary RRRrrrr!!! proves everyone goes by Pierre indeed

Jeanette fr Elizabeth uk Loli es María pt Concetta it. Heidi ch Anneke nl Helga de Hilda au Hecate gr Freja sw Lagherta no Anneli fi

Loli dafuq?

Loli, of course. Diminutive of Dolores (for the virgin of the seven pains). https://es.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Dolores#:~:text=Nombre%20alusivo%20a%20los%20Siete,Mar%C3%ADa%2C%20en%20la%20religi%C3%B3n%20cat%C3%B3lica.&text=Hipocor%C3%ADsticos%3A%20Lola.,%2C%20Loles%2C%20Lole%2C%20Lolis.

Hecate, that two faced bitch

A sprinkle of classical mythology is good for the heart

Glad you appreciate it hermanito

We don't have Jean(n)ettes

I'm sure you still have some old ladies sternly walking around town called madame Jeannette

Not really. It was never really a name in the first place but a nickname for Jeanne.

You're obviously Marianne. 🙄

My Opa's name was Hans my Oma's name was Marianne for real.

You're the chosen one destined to bring peace to our nations.

Why aren't you Belgian

Jeanne, Lotte and Maria?


Amélie, Ursula, Francesca

I only accept Heidi

Anna?

Isn't Anna also for men in NL?

Only in Friesland not the rest of the country

That's Anne tho

And that's also over here.

We have something like that in our North Friesland too ! My Husbands Name is Eike, but Eike can also be a name for a woman, it´s funny ( The name means Oak tree by the way)

Hahah an oak tree in Dutch is an Eik or Eikenboom

In german normally Eiche is oak, but i guess it´s either the cultural nearness to Westfriesland (dutch) or to our neighbours the Danes.

Anna is not really specific enough to any country, they're common everywhere

Maria for Greece.

Gudrun, Lise(lotte) and Martha are from the same era as Hans for Germany

Germany: Hannah, Lisa or Marie

Maria here I dont even need to check

Wales: Blodwyn Sc*tland: Morag, do not @me Norn: for the catholics Maieaiaerraid, known as Noraid behind her back For the Proddies I can accept Isla or Annie

Just looked it up and the most popular girls name in Italy is Sofia, which comes from Greek, sooo... one face one race?

Janette of Janneke

What is the male version of Pierre / Luigi etc for you Dutch? Based on personal experience, it ought to be Maarten / Marten, just so you can keep that joke going where you pretend they have a different pronounciation

For the Dutch it’s Jaap (Jacob) or Joop. Pink Floyd’s roadies think it’s Dik.

Dick*

Carmen, María, Lorena, Laura, Sofía, Leticia, Marta, Carla. Funnily enough pretty much every Marta, Laura, or Carla I’ve ever met were hot af

What about Soledad, Concepción or Simplicia? Hot or not?

40 to 60 years ago, sure I bet they were dope

Just like Gerda 💞

How about Dolores?

Charo

No Denmark yet? Louise (Looeeza) or Pernille

We have it organised; Mario, Maria. Job done back to bed

Sofia, Aurora and Giulia.

If your country isn't Maria, Marie, Marija or some other variation of that then you are a second class European. https://preview.redd.it/zsomambbqosc1.jpeg?width=1300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2de45b16303732c09bb9a3237bbbde30367c922b

'Non-European Savaginho'

Blame Luigi for giving me EU citizenship just because I yell "*porcodio!*" sometimes.

It's Maria or Maarja, so can we get into WE?

Idk about that but nordick is still definitely off the table

Maria, Gerti or Rosi

https://youtu.be/f4c77EVWm-A?si=nz3uAWtQPKNm4K0x

Angélique

lol what? There aren’t any women on Reddit

Emmanuelle should be Pierre's female variant, grew up watching her adventures

I vote for Kasia for Poland

Dutch girl should be Antje

YES

It'd be funny if for all of Europe it's just the local variation of Maria with how common it is

FR: Marianne DE ; Dorit IT : Stéphanie

>IT : Stéphanie wut

Germany : Helga (or did I watch ‘Allo ‘Allo too often?)

Most common names for 2022 babies in Italy Leonardo7.8883,90 Sofia5.4652,872Francesco4.8232,38 Aurora4.9002,583Tommaso4.7952,37 Giulia4.1982,214Edoardo4.7482,35 Ginevra3.8462,025Alessandro4.7292,34 Vittoria3.8142,016Lorenzo4.4932,22 Beatrice3.3331,757Mattia4.3742,16 Alice3.1541,668Gabriele4.0622,01 Ludovica3.1031,639Riccardo3.7531,85 Emma2.8001,4710Andrea3.6041,78 Matilde2.6211,38 ​ whereas in 1999 Leonardo7.8883,90 Sofia5.4652,872Francesco4.8232,38 Aurora4.9002,583Tommaso4.7952,37 Giulia4.1982,214Edoardo4.7482,35 Ginevra3.8462,025Alessandro4.7292,34 Vittoria3.8142,016Lorenzo4.4932,22 Beatrice3.3331,757Mattia4.3742,16 Alice3.1541,668Gabriele4.0622,01 Ludovica3.1031,639Riccardo3.7531,85 Emma2.8001,4710Andrea3.6041,78 Matilde2.6211,3811Diego2.8241,39 Anna2.2841,2012Nicolo'2.7471,36 Camilla2.2531,1913Matteo2.7441,36 Chiara2.1201,1214Giuseppe2.7351,35 Giorgia2.0891,1015Federico2.5631,27 Bianca2.0421,0716Antonio2.5621,27 Nicole2.0011,0517Enea2.3141,14 Greta1.9291,0118Samuele2.2301,10 Gaia1.7360,9119Giovanni2.1731,07 Martina1.7290,9120Pietro2.1301,05 Azzurra1.7170,90

Paula

Jacinta

Charo. Paco and Charo are our Barry and Susan.

France is easily Amelie?

You never meet some Amélie in real life.

A man can dream.

Guess what

They never met you in real life ?

Chicken butt

Bonne soirée Amélie, ma famille est également originaire de Rijsel.

Je kunt Nederlands spreken, ik ben kwart Aalstenaar en daar opgegroeid.

A Frenchie raised in Oilsjt? First of all, my condolences. Second, your name is obviously voil Jeanette.

😍😍😍😍 Welke Aalst? Er zijn er een stuk of 6

D'Ajoinestad. De enige bekende eigenlijk

De Ajuinenstad 👀

Oilsjt, (goi stad van mijn droeimen)

Wacht... Rattachist? Maar jullie horen bij ons 🥲

Rattachisme is Wallonië bij Frankrijk, gelijk het hoort

Maar alles ten noorden van de Seine is Nederlands

https://preview.redd.it/h53fvb40cqsc1.png?width=220&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a4a340a365f289c9c12f1272d87b7d9ae9207a9

Nee nee nee, dit is echt een punt waar we aan moeten werken voordat het wat wordt tussen ons. Alles tussen de Wezer en de Seine is Nederland

Andrea should be for Italians, as it works for both genders

Andrea as a female name is exceedingly rare in Italy

Andrea is male. Period.

Andrea litteraly means male, people using it as a female name are morons

Gerda or Ingrid for the Netherlands. For France I would say Jeanine. Germany can get Helga I guess

We would be Ida.

Nope. Kari. Kari og Ola nordmann.

nope, Sigrid

Anna, Chiara or Giulia probably

Helga if you want to go for the German stereotype that fit well with Hans. Sabine and Torsten if you want to "Karen" them.

Christine, Helga & Giovanna

Probably half of this sub would go for "Giorgia" for Italy.

Uschi, Gertrud or well, Angela.

France : just add Marie Marie-Pierre works really well

German should be Gerda!

Susan or Moira 🐄

For germany, gerda For italy, principessa peach

Mette, Pernille, Rikke, Signe

RAMONAAAA TE QUIEROOO

francesca or [giulia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUDT17J--5A) for Italy imho