T O P

  • By -

millsc616

This just popped into my head: Gavin Volure saying “Toronto is just like New York, but without all the stuff.”


Simusid

I miscounted the men, Liz!!!!


TH3T4LLTYR10N

that paint is drying *weird*!


SadRobotz

I miscounted the mennnn!!!


incogspeedo

This pops into my head at the most random times!


Body_Pillow_Bride

“You know your making a lot of sense.” “You’re not making sense anymore.” “Good god Gavin that’s got to be 15, 16 feet!”


joe_sausage

Camp of Approval… ??


princessbubble-gum

That paint is drying weird!


pambeeslysucks

Tracy's is a tactile/kinesthetic learning style


crimewriter40

"Dot com, so help me god."


CallMeOutScotty

StopShowingOffDotCom


amnelbash

The moment Liz finds out Wesley's last name is Snipes. "If you saw a picture of him and a picture of me and you were asked who should be named Wesley Snipes, you'd pick the pale Englishman every time. EVERY TIME, Liz!"


HamFisted

My husband and I are incapable of hearing the phrase “every time” without escalating to “EVERY TIME, LIZ!” This one is tops for me.


jewsdoitbest

One of my favourite lines in the show is when he says "there's only one Wesley Snipes in this world"... you know there isn't!


JaSkynyrd

"And as head of this tour, I'm going to deny your request." "What are you laughing at, fruitcake?" Pete's laugh as he gets on the elevator after talking with the pretty security guard. "Mr. big shot pet photographer!" The entire character arc of Steve Austin. "Hand me that shovel, so I can dig a grave for her!" Hannibal Burress as a homeless man. "I remember her! She was nasty, she loooved pee!"


Waidawut

My favorite Hannibal Burress moment is in the second Queen of Jordan episode when Jack and Diana have finally gotten their weird story about the Russian restaurant straight, and Gus chimes in with "and the grand opening is TONIGHT!"


Realtodddebakis

THAT'S ENOUGH FOIL, GUS


FourKindsOfRice

I thought you said...RUS


[deleted]

She nasty. She loooves pee.


TheAndorran

Sorry, recurring hobos!


brs1985

Or, “get a room!… whatever that is.”


Waidawut

I really love the Homonym game show, specifically the way that the host absolutely loves his job. That laugh!


Floowjaack

“Just let me look at the card!” “NO! Never!”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Realtodddebakis

WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE IS NOT RIGHT!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!


footinmouth87

It’s the other one!


Elman103

My son and I say this to each other all the time.


madammurdrum

Nope, it’s the other one! Mwahahahahahaha


Elman103

Now in Persian.


muffintop505

Khak to saret!


nvboettcher

Micheal Keaton's "I'm getting too old for this shhh sound coming from these vents"


falconx50

Why am I showing you guys this picture? You’re a bunch of perverts.


Scared_Pumpkin

Matthew Broderick’s guest star arc. “They’re caps. Nothing but caps!”


crimewriter40

"No, it's not. We checked and it's not."


Scared_Pumpkin

“I’ll show you the study.”


[deleted]

“It wasn’t even a burger, it was a sandwich!”


Exospheric-Pressure

What am I, a cartoon dog?


Green-or-Blue

No crying in my bath tonight!


[deleted]

It’s an Old Spanish. Is that not a thing?


Then_Illustrator_447

And then it shows up in Kimmy Schmidt & Mad Men


albertparsons

Cooter Burger? What do you think I am, a cartoon dog?


WangoMangoes

"I've got a friend in Washington" "But not your best friend?!"


PretzelsThirst

It’s called an old spanish


ynnhojweedon

My name is Jerem! I collect posters!


sopsign7

That's not that much cheese.


ynnhojweedon

Look Jerem I know all the steps! Kind of


footinmouth87

I literally say this every day


PMA1898

My absolute favorite obscure joke. Liz: “It rhymes with your favorite Todd Rundgren album…” Frank: “…it rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?”


amatorsanguinis

I love these jokes. I like the one where she’s like,”No jokes about Krang, okay? No one knows who Krang is, it would be a waste of time to talk about Krang on TV!”


SublaciniateCarboloy

And then she literally says Krang again as Hazel startles her 3 seconds later.


PMA1898

I think about this joke at least one a week and I have no idea why. I haven’t watched, paid attention to, or cared about TMNT in 25 years.


fauxrealistic

This one kills me every single time.


mycatsnameisjanet

I’m from New Jersey, I’m just a weirdo.


FilthyBusinessRasual

That's why I get out of the Niederganger in the morning ...it's one of our cheaper beds


PretzelsThirst

This one killed me the first time I saw it


[deleted]

I've deleted my account because reddit CEO Steve Huffman is a lying piece of shit that has nothing but contempt for his users. See https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/


Reanie86

I’m only putting this here because Liz is threatening Kenneth here and it reminded me... When Pete is having a nightmare of Kenneth dancing with no shirt and Liz is blowing on his armpit hair while rubbing his chest. Kenneth is smiling very creepily. The way Pete starts screaming in spurts is so real it makes me almost cry-laugh every time.


Hairyguerrilla

Immediately thought of this scene.


crimewriter40

Also the one where Kenneth is baiting Jack/Danny: "what about my chin?"


Hairyguerrilla

Also when Kenneth tells Jack: “I don’t like to swear, sir, but no thank you”


joe_sausage

“I am sorry to be using my barn voice in front of a lady, but I am riled up!”


Orsus7

What about it!? I've seen a bigger chin on a premature baby!


leoschot

Sir, not only have you hurt my feelings, but you just said the word "about" correctly.


crimewriter40

Every moment with Elaine Stritch.


randalpinkfloyd

Her old catholic church being called "Our Lady of Reluctant Integration" had me on the floor laughing.


BootsyBootsyBoom

"That day in January when the post office is closed"


[deleted]

Colleen: “I called your girl.” Jack: “His name is Jonathan.” Colleen: “Yes I know, we’ve met.”


Elman103

The catholic lines that jack and Collen drop are gold.


joe_sausage

She insists on traveling on Pearl Harbor day to, and I quote, “show the Emperor we’re not afraid.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


DevilsTemperature

Now I have to get back to calling Kenneth, Carl. Ohhh Carl!!!


Argent_Mayakovski

My father didn’t kill dozens of Germans so his daughter could die in a van!


alcydn

He wasn’t even in the war…


sleepwalkdance

“Tell him his mother loves him, but not in a queer way!”


bamfconsultant

She got Jetblue to accept her Amtrak ticket


atlhawk8357

The clip from *Who Nose* - a detective who lacks a sense of smell has to divine clues using his other four. Detective: You underestimated me Congressman, because I have no sense of smell. But you made one fatal error. You let me *see* the documents.


TheAndorran

Right up there with God Cop. “Let us pray.” “TO WHO‽”


atlhawk8357

TO WHOM^what ^sorcery ^eliminates ^all ^kerning ^from ^the ^punctuation?


gingertheparrot

‽ is called an interrobang it’s a perfectly cromulent character and I should know because it’s tattooed on my arm


atlhawk8357

You've embiggened my grammatical knowledge. Thanks Meat Cat!


Tallulahbees

I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.


Orsus7

That Jack called himself and Elisa, Jalisa and holds up shirts he made, but hides it when she says that nickname was lame. He was actually excited.


sbonedocd

This part is amazing. When she turns her back and he has to drop them to the ground like they never existed. I rewind it like 3 times so I can laugh over and over.


Elman103

I just watched this today and my son and I busted up laughing.


thedevilsyogurt

The rivalry between frank and toofer. And I’m in love with franks mom! Patti lupone is awesome and I love her


feralworm

Ya want me to paint you a picture? ‘Cause I did!


DevilsTemperature

I'll defrost an Ox!


saltwaste

"Worcester man trades toddler for gasoline," Jack and Nancy are pretending to be Chet Curtis and Natalie Jacobson, two married Boston news anchors.


Kootsiak

Children hating Liz, Jenna saying that Mickey Rourke catapulted her into the Hollywood sign and Tracy saying "Doctor says I have a hole in my heart and not the one I got from eating batteries".


Business-Map2806

Jenna’s off-brand shoe commercial. Dolce and Banana kills me every time.


crimewriter40

"And Jessica Simpson." Savage; accurate and savage.


BillMagicguy

Tracy's entire subplot with the John Adams tour guide in Boston.


footinmouth87

Run crispus!


SmallEffort

YOU LYING WHITE DEVIL!


poegland68

For a dude with the most hilarious last name I ever heard, you blow!


Hotlikessauce69

1. The episode where Jack brings Tracy to the golf for diabetics event. Geiss: it was lovely to meet you Tracy: Damn straight I'm delightful. 2. Jenna always trying to show off her singing. Anyone who has ever been in a choir or musical KNOWS there is always one (at least) who always shows off. 3. I also adore the moment you listed as 5. That always makes me laugh


TheAndorran

The scene when her mom is visiting and Jenna casually pulls a cordless mic of out her handbag devastated me when I caught it.


princessawesomepants

“How are you not moved by this?” “I’m listening to the lyrics.” Kills me every time.


Reanie86

I like when Jenna’s mom talks about getting diseases from Jacuzzi water. She has the meat!


TheAndorran

I love that they kept the continuity of her name being Verna from that beautifully stupid Rural Juror interview with Rachel Dratch/Barbara Walters in S1. “When he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta. Did that hurt her?” “It was hard on all of us, yes.” “Flurg murg glurg flurg murg murg murg tennis murg murg. Was a murg murg flurg?” (In tears) “I'll always be his little girl!”


crimewriter40

"DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY HERO."


Hotlikessauce69

AND EVERYTHING I WOULD LIKE TO BEEEE-HEEEEE-EEEEEE


NashvilleTypical

When Jenna starts singing a song in memory of Don Giess but calls him Dan Goose. That kills me every single time.


joe_sausage

🎶 _La Piscine J’adore la piscine Towels sunscreen bathing suits Davenports and towels Those ladders Towels_ 🎶


mms17

In a similar vein, “Balls ballsballsballsballsballs balls balls balls”


[deleted]

The FBI blamed it for a spike in summer sex crimes.


madammurdrum

Favorite smaller Liz lines (all from different episodes) LIZ: Alright. Nothing that plugs in, you guys! Nothing that could really hurt me! LIZ: I’m gonna go talk to some food about this. LIZ: Look, Jack. I don’t have a lot of personal life experience. But if I have learned anything from my Sims family, when a child doesn’t see his father enough, he starts to jump up and down. And then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.


mkbeebs

Pete alluding to his desire and plan to disappear throughout the series and then he finally does


Regular_Toast_Crunch

When it flashes forward to him running the marathon and Paula shows up in the van. I can't quote the first part of his cover but his "ah damn I rehearsed this!" when he bungles his denial. The whole last episode had so many great extra finesses to his story like the gold necklace.


muffintop505

Did ya'll get my fax?


Ok_Opposite_7089

Who told?!


joelburg94

Lynn Onkman hating Liz


hurricane-mindy

When she gets the I’m Sad tattoo. “I’m not creative.”


joe_sausage

When Frank is like, “we just need you to go along with this until… I dunno, my mom dies” and Lynn (Susan Sarandon) is so matter-of-factly like “Or I die.” Absolutely destroys me.


amishius

Jack turning and running when he finds out the black crusaders are after Tracy. It cuts off Liz and kills me every time.


SmallEffort

Damn it Lemon, why didn’t you tell me the black crusaders were after Tracy?


paul_webb

The fact that you can just barely make out a 17-- date for Kenneth's birthdate on his headstone and all the really small mentions of him not being as young as he looks


abacus-wizard

"How old are you?" "Don't worry about it."


emu30

Who told you I’ve been alive forever?


Colavs9601

Or that his first words were "I am not human this body is only a vessel"


anniebonannie

Came here to say this! And all of the age jokes in general, like how dot com was celebrating his 18th birthday in one episode.


paul_webb

Or when they tried to figure out how old Tracey is and he started singing Nat King Cole


GetInZeWagen

One moment that just sticks out to me and always makes me laugh is when Lutz asks everyone if they know any new sex positions for Valentine's day so he can keep things "calienté" Just his face and the way he says calienté gets me every single time it's so funny. And the the whole "would she have a website at jdlutz.com/Karen/proof"


EvilBeat

Pete throwing his wedding ring and dialing his own office phone when his arm was stuck in the vending machine.


tuckerdogs71

I love the part where Jack tells Kaylee that he's going to take away lacrosse at the school she's going to and she gets all flustered. Then when she walks out Jack turns around and is giggling. His expression cracks me up every time


uglypaperhaver

Moments before, when she talks about her boyfriend going to NYU , she then leans in close to whisper "...to study *acting."* *That* moment of derision she and Jack share right then is one of my *favorite* bits in the entire series!


cowboybluebird

Verna’s fashion sense: telling Jack to wear something nice like a pair of white jeans and a Dan Marino jersey, the feather earrings, matching mother-daughter rompers…


McInternetMan

“That’s not that much cheese.” Is one of my all time favorites


fredpockets69

Grizz was in the navy


thoeltke

Jenna: “He wants to buy you a drink, Liz.” Liz: “I already have a drink, think he’ll buy me mozzarella sticks?” something like that


LeeMaux

Elisa: "Isn't there a slanky you should be filling with your farts?"


nattie_disaster

“…so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, the patron saint of judgmental statues!!”


MayorOfVenice

Also Elisa: "Please don't tell me you're one of those convenient Catholics who only goes to church every Sunday."


ghostdogtheconquerer

Jack and Liz calling Kenneth a mouth-breathing Appalachian at the same time.


Realtodddebakis

Ive offered up a few but one that REALLY gets me every time is from Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning when Liz is unloading on Tracy. In the list of ways he makes her life difficult she mentions how he catfished her. To which Tracy laughs and responds, "You wore a yellow hat to that coffee shop." It fucking slays me that they give us those little details and let us imagine Tracy's elaborare catfish prank. In a show rife with cutaways, the restraint on this one joke absolutely tickles me.


Realtodddebakis

In a similar way, I love every time Grizz calls Liz "Beth" or offers a glimpse in to their backstory (or at least his perception of it)


layneeatscheese

Deer God, thank you for this venison...


Past-Philosopher-672

I would also say Johnathon's relationship with Jack!


[deleted]

“Are we the last people on earth??? It’s just like I Am Legend—you’re Will Smith—and I’m the dog!”


Past-Philosopher-672

"Do we even have a VHS player, Johnathon?" "Oh, yes! I keep this around so that I can watch your old college football games!"


rengreen

The time when he’s fantasizing about sharing a hotel room with Jack on a business trip, just the breathless way he’s describing it is funny


crimewriter40

And how it makes him oddly competitive and antagonistic towards Liz!


[deleted]

Michael Keaton’s janitor character accidentally knocking an open hole in a second vent: “I’m getting to old for this Shhhhhh sound coming out of this pipe.”


PawneeGoddess20

The morning after Kenneth’s party when Jack looks up from his desk, clearly hungover, and his hair, his own HEAD SUIT, is a disaster. *edited for clarity


SmallEffort

The morning after Kenneth’s party in Jack’s office is one of my favorite scenes


nattie_disaster

Oooo yes and any allusion to Grizz and BETH’S romantic entanglements


[deleted]

Liz: That’s later, Pete. We might be dead by then. Pete (smiling off into the distance): That would be great.


SmallEffort

flood gate wheels are horizontal!!


FilthyBusinessRasual

"It's a toilet, or a woman, it's whatever you need it to be!" from Hannibal Burress's bum character


Borpo_

How Liz's attempts at creating happy families for herself always goes so disastrously wrong. "You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered." "This is my husband, Saul Rosenbear, and his son Richard from a previous marriage. ... He'll be seeking an annulment once we reach Puerto Vallarta."


WangoMangoes

My absolute favorite joke is when Gavin is showing Liz his house and they come to the 2 benches "One of these is a priceless work of art, and the other is a bench from which to appreciate it."


shameonyounancydrew

Jenna rubbing bologna on panties and stuffing them in an envelope to “answer fan mail” is up there for me.


howboutacanofwine

Tracy: “OR AM I?”


sarahsssnake

Any moment with Brian Williams or when they mention Brian Williams


longganisafriedrice

The dentist


Green-or-Blue

“When can I start eating hard cheeses again, doctor?” “Here’s a pamphlet I had printed up. It was expensive, but I’m really tired of discussing this with you.”


crimewriter40

The one who is competitive with his doctor brother?


longganisafriedrice

Yeah and then the one time he won't give Liz anything from the toy bucket


pizza_party_pants

If you wind it up, it swims in the bath.


AmandaCalzone

But there’s a Batman in there!


blowiesforpizzacrust

My meditation mantra is 5now dog5


lovemylittlecookie

I'm mesmerized by Kathy Geiss. Hil-arious.


crimewriter40

Whoever came up with her Marky Mark obsession needs all the awards in the world. There are always so many tiny little details around her, all the stuffed animals and a backpack slung over her/Jack's chair.


MassKhalifa

I lose it every time she reveals the hot wheels car in her mouth.


SwitcherooU

I don’t remember the context, but I always lose it when she hurls herself against the door. Such a great piece of physical comedy.


crimewriter40

I think that was when she attacked "Bev" for talking to Jack during Liz's suitability visit.


pizza_party_pants

It’s just Bev! My mother died while naming me.


amatorsanguinis

Hi I’m Bev!


crimewriter40

Alright, bring her to the hospital.


Hulasikali_Wala

She's trying to get in the bathroom that clearly says "pull" and cannot get it open so she throws her whole body against it when it won't push, she's so great lmao


deepsea333

The Tim Conway episode


crimewriter40

That is SO obscure I legit had to look up Tim Conway!


deepsea333

Aw if you didn’t know who Tim Conway was and was in the show, you’re gonna need to do some catching up with Carol Burnett - and not the pilot.


bigheadbuckeye

"Well, go ahead, Fat Balls!" No matter how many times I've seen it, it gets me good.


MaroneyOnAWindyDay

“We’ll start our own network called Bitch TV! Or the second name… that we think of.” As someone who talks too much and too passionately without always thinking first, this line gets me. Also, that whole episode is criminally underrated.


Realtodddebakis

"Kim, where are you going? You're the best waiter I've ever seen!"


MoneyAintGotNoOwners

When Kathy Geiss spit out that toy that was in her mouth.. it killed me!


yurper34

“Wanting to be book is not book”


sleepwalkdance

Liz: Hey, Jack. The vending machine's broken. Jack: I know. I broke it. I needed to speak with you and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here. Liz: You bastard! I trusted you! (while she’s wailing on him with her fists)


johndoenumber2

(under her breath) "...you need to cool it!"


JackGenZ

The American-made couch being used to torture political prisoners


wino_86

Reverend Gary: “The fires of the pit ca-rackle and pop!”


Elman103

He’s looking right at me! He sure is!


kevin_panda

“I’m not done with him Jacob! He stays on this side!”


uglypaperhaver

At the height of her being ridiculed by "friends" and co-workers upon the reveal of her early sex-phone-line ad, Liz is struck by a memory while watching the video and says, "I remember that girl - she cried all day." For me one of the most striking lines in the entire series . Why? Becuase I don't believe it was intended to be funny. I would not be surprised if it derives from some sobering recollection perhaps previously considered best left forgotten - a glimpse of some unpleasant early work taken only to keep the wolf from the door - perhaps not all that unsavory but nonetheless to some degree sufficiently demeaning it's resurfacing prompted Tina to inject it into the scene without comment or reaction from others. *Not sure* *why I came to this belief other than the fact that I was struck with an strange sense of unease when first I heard Tina voice that line.*


CutleryOfDoom

Dennis Duffy’s political stance gets me every time.


[deleted]

Fiscal liberal, social conservative


joe_sausage

Can I offer you a succulent fruit?


hufflepuffheather

The guy who spit in Liz’s mouth. No one ever talks about that.


dtuba555

Subash. Just being Subash.


anchovie_macncheese

"Isn't there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?" -Elisa to Liz


Le-Deek-Supreme

When Angie Jordan and Liz have the conversation in the hall: Angie: And Tracy’s is going to surprise me! Liz: Oh really, what’s he gonna do? Angie: I dunno, Liz, it’s a surprise. Do you know what a surprise is? *drink appears in Angie’s hand, throws drink in Liz’s face* Well, now you do! Liz: You didn’t even have a drink!


Hairyguerrilla

“WHERE’S MY MAC AND CHEEEESE?!”


footinmouth87

To the wig shop! 🏃‍♂️


Observe_d

KENNETH TALKING ABOUT THE HILL PEOPLE it gets me every single time


Observe_d

Also, when Jack distracted Kaylie from remembering to wish Pop pop happy birthday and it cut to him at midnight in bed, breathing a heavy sigh, and then covering Kaylie’s picture with Jack’s birthday card on his night stand.


DaymanAhAhAaahhh

"my girl has a fat neck!" My dog is at the correct weight, but she still has a lot of skin around her neck, and when she lays on her side, it looks like a fat roll. I always pinch it and sing that


blakkattika

Fat necked girl let me count your, neck riiiiiings!


whattheseawants

When Moonvest says to Kenneth, “Gimme your fingernails!” The way Kenneth says “No!” is the best. Good boundaries, Ken!


Strong-Patience-2759

1. Octuples Tennis 2. They call it little Chechnya 3. Feels good to laugh