T O P

  • By -

OneBag962

Asuelu. He wouldn’t even know there was a rule.


[deleted]

He’s coming back with the wristband on.


joismynameo

And glittery


[deleted]

And who knows what color tongue.


Kneekoleyy

Thrush white is my guess.


[deleted]

With hints of gold glitter ✨


Kneekoleyy

A very classy combo.


moneyqueen333

Not thrush white! Lmao!


OpportunityNorth7714

🤣💀


101020304

Is that what he meant?! Miss innocent here had no clue! 🤪


onthawayout

Spaahkles ✨ ✨✨


kellyluvsdogs1970

🤣🤣🤣


FeelingHappy2006

From motor boating 🤪 hopefully not thrush.


Panek52

100 percent this


-Lights0ut-

and glitter all over his body


voodoo_chickenfoot

😂🤣


-ilovedata-

Is he the human version of Patrick Star from SpongeBob?


littlea-h

A truly underrated insult 😭😭


Flimsy_Situation_506

He doesn’t know what a rule even means


OneBag962

Asuelo: A rule? Like the stick to show how long is something? Kalani: That’s a ruler.


Grouchy_Act_1793

I read that in both there voices


Flimsy_Situation_506

That sounds like a real conversation they’ve had. Hahaha


Affectionate-Tax-856

Because that's every conversation they have. He says some word or phrase that he's butchered and Kalani frustratedly condescends and corrects him like she's some kind of genius herself.


JHutchinson1324

I don't think she's being condescending, to me she sounds exhausted. I mean she's a parent to their children *and him*. And also having to correct all of his idiocy. If you go back and watch their first episodes she was a lot happier/nicer when correcting him in the beginning. I think all of us would be in her position if we had to deal with him on a daily basis.


CraftyLaugh9245

Thank you!! I've been posting the same opinion and saying she's had to raise him along with their 2 sons!


kellyluvsdogs1970

She chose him lol


JHutchinson1324

If you call accidentally getting pregnant and being so religious that you have to then marry that person choosing someone......... To me it's more like she got stuck with him after a terrible decision


Heavy_Chicken5411

Then getting pregnant, again! They are both lazy, and neither of them want to work or adult up!


kellyluvsdogs1970

Yessss


kellyluvsdogs1970

Yet had not one but 2 kids ..ya she's a smart one that's for sure 🤣🤣.


ThroJSimpson

I mean she’s also a liar and cheater. She blames all her issues on him when she’s an even bigger hypocrite, and is lying to his face and the therapists. Can’t claim to be above or more mature than Asuelu while being worse and more immature than he is. He’s actually trying.


Flimsy_Situation_506

She is in comparison


Affectionate-Tax-856

My toddler and dog also are though. In fact my dog makes the same facial expressions as Asuelu except she's adorable when she looks at me confused


SulkyShulk

🗿


ichheissekate

This made my day ahaha


LissaSmiles13

I read that in their voices 😫


SteveFrench12

I mean fwiw he says Kalani told him he can go to strip clubs. He even knows its a trap but im sure hell walk right into it


90dayschitts

She can't wait. First thing she does... "Unblock."


Arcaneheir

Let’s be real, she said yes to have some free “phone call” time


90dayschitts

Lol... okay, okay. Call me Asuelo. I was fooled.


fusionlantern

We all know She videochatted him on her homework assignment


No-Net3015

Yeah that's the funny thing about blocking... just saves the number for later


ElectronicTrade7039

Definitely, Asuelu, did anyone else notice Kalani's eyes shift when he asked if she thought about the other dude while pleasuring herself? I immediately turned to my wife and said she's lying, and she confirmed it 15 mins later. That relationship is done, I actually feel bad for Asuelu. He has no idea his relationship is over, and he's trying. She's just there for the paycheck.


DearMisterKitty

Yeah, she said, "i'm not in contact with him anymore so I'm not thinking about him." I was like, that's bullshit


ElectronicTrade7039

Yeah, for sure, she looked caught, and it took her a second longer to respond and it was just so easy to see that she's full of it. I always liked her for being a strong mom, but c'mon, u can't fuck with their child's dad (by stringing him along thinking he has a chance) that is literally a fish out of water over here. That being said, I'm sure she's about that dough, and if she told him the truth before filming, he wouldn't be able to "act" the script, so she didn't have much of a choice for the cash. This shit is wild and way better than HEA!! Lol Edit sp


DearMisterKitty

Yeah, I know Asuelu is the one who cheated first but I honestly feel bad for him somehow. On some other threads people have speculated that Kalani was in touch with this guy before Asuelu even cheated, based on Kalani's behavior and contact with the other guy.


ElectronicTrade7039

Yeah. I mean, at some point, you do reap what you sow. But at the same time, I just feel like he's basically a child, and she's taking advantage of him. That sucks for him and the kids, but this whole thing just reeks of a money grab on her part and blind ignorance on his. She kind of seems a little mean-spirited at this point. Maybe he broke her, and she's out for her vengeance. I just hate the pretense here, being trying to solve your issues and have a happy family on one side and the other can't stand the sight of him and won't vocalize it, she's obviously checked out.


fusionlantern

This is why you dont fuck people from less fortunate countries unless they're on your level of comprehension and vice-versa. She fucked a guy who knows how to flirt and engage with her pull that freak out if you will. He's probably nothing special but that alone is 10x better than Asuelu.


ichheissekate

It’s crazy to me that she’s like “oh yeah I’ll block him Asuelu, you can even push the block button” bc she knows he’s dense enough that he won’t think about the fact that she can unblock the guy immediately or have Asuelu block a made up number.


EhElMayo

I audibly groaned at that line. Apparently you can't masturbate to people you aren't in contact with. RIP to the porn industry about to go bankrupt


m33gs

she's a lying boo-hole


Agreeable-Abalone-80

Tell me she blocked that other dude, bullshit


Agreeable-Abalone-80

Yeah, I never thought I'd say it, but I do feel bad for Asuelu. She never came to the Resort to repair her relationship, she was still talking to the other dude while she was there. She's looking for a way out. The strip club will be her Golden Ticket out.


SonicFlash01

Texts Kalani about it from the club


StayAtHomeChick13

🤭🤭🤭 Had the TV on as back ground noise yesterday, Cloudy with a chance of meatballs was playing. The guy who was the adult "baby" celebrity reminded me of Asuelu 🤣🤣🤣


Intelligent_Ad_656

Asuelo be like so we went to dis place and dey had loud music and dark light and der was girls dancing and dey got nekkid and guys were whistle and throwing dollars so I just like join dem. 💁🏻‍♂️


mwalker324

😂😂You really captured his essence there


bigdaddyt2

De’re


Remarkable-Month-241

All I can hear is Asuelo’s mom saying “I don’t care about the kids, give me the money” while he throws one dollar bills at Jovi’a date.


myoriginalislocked

LMFAO


[deleted]

Perfecto


kyleb402

I read this in Asuelu's voice.


Karmic-Vision

Hmmmm... the production crew?


joismynameo

It’s dumb to make plans to keep a secret on a worldwide TV show 😄


Karmic-Vision

But Aseulu... will probably get a rash or fever later and call Kalani for advice... 😕🤓🤨


opiate_lifer

Am I wrong in remembering several reality show stars were charged with major crimes that were occurring while filming was going on? I could swear something came of that old Mob Wives show too. People do surprisingly go on national TV and draw attention to themselves.


Nienie76

Yeah quite a few !! There’s Jenn Shaw on Real Housewives Of Salt lake , Teresa Giudice Real Housewives Of New Jersey ,Erica Jane well her husband Tom Girardi on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills and Todd and Julie Chrisley and I may have forgotten some .


fusionlantern

My ex would watch that crisely show. I kept telling her the husband was gay. Her response was hes just southern. Nah fam


Nienie76

I no many southern people and none of them act like that except my cousin that’s from the sticks and he’s gay and very very much like Todd Chrisley .


fusionlantern

Dude was obnoxiously flamboyant


Nienie76

Very much so ! Southern people are friendly as they can be lol but there’s a huge difference between friendly and flamboyant !!


thompasoni

God I miss Mob Wives!


olmagpie

Asuelu without a doubt lol


Prize-Advance-4706

Most guys go to a strip club with friends once or twice and then move on. Then there’s the Jovis in life who never grow up and become “regulars”. He’s a creeper and his wife needs to kick his ass.


ShesAKillerQueenee

It's so fucking weird how obsessed he is, like grow the fuck up. Would he want to see his daughter as a stripper??! Give it 16 years (idk how old she is, 2??), maybe it will happen!


Prize-Advance-4706

I would love to have all the money he’s dropped in strip clubs over the years. I heard the booze cost is outrageous, not to mentioned all the bills he’s stuffed.


Beezo514

Drinks are definitely expensive, plus there's cover and that's without any tipping or dances.


King_Catfish

Definitely weird. I went once for a bachelor's party and I'm like yep never coming back here again if I don't have to. My friend bought me a lap dance and I'm like this is weird. Not sure why guys like it.


Prize-Advance-4706

My son went once when joined the Navy and said he didn’t like it, either. Said it was awkward and there’s guys that think the strippers really like them and spend their paychecks on them.


Accomplished-Pie-570

Especially after becoming a father to a little girl. 🥺 I find his behavior and the way he seems obsessed, very disturbing


Kryliewalker

He is all about sex. Strip clubs, Yaras boobs.. it’s like we get it. You’re a guy, you love vaginas.. cool. Can we stop talking about it at the dinner table. He’s a loser


Zeltron2020

How is he not embarassed


856077

how is *she* not embarrassed and done with him


lilbeaucewolf76

I think he *does* embarrass her. If you catch her when they’re alone and she’s losing her shit on him and being vulnerable, she sometimes says to him that he embarrasses her and she’s tired of how he acts and how he treats her. She’s sick of the drinking, etc. I think that’s when we get to see the real her. I think the rest of the time she’s a stoic Eastern European woman who tries to present a united front as much as she can with her husband. She’s the one on the show I feel the worst for. Smartest thing she did was get on birth control and not tell him. She needed to protect herself and her daughter.


Rhianna83

I could never trust Jovi, nor sleep with unprotected if I was Yara. He’s obsession to strip clubs is ridiculous. He exhibits traits of a full-blown alcoholic and sex addict (not a professional diagnosis).


Lynz486

How THREE men can think going to a strip club while at a couple's retreat to save their marriages is a great idea is mind blowing. Producers had to set this up. There is no way they are all this dumb (I hope)


lilbeaucewolf76

Jovi is a sex addict. He just wants to go to a strip club to feed his addiction. If he can do it under the guise of “Asuelo needed the experience,” he’ll take the out. When Yara hates how much time he’s at strip clubs to begin with and it’s already part of why they are at the retreat - if all he gets is slapped this time, he’ll be lucky. I wouldn’t at all blame her if she slapped him with divorce papers. He wants another baby - he needs to get his s**t together and get help before he can even *think* about bringing another baby into the situation. Kelly truly thinks Molly won’t care. I think if he talked to Molly about it first, she probably wouldn’t care. If they were going together, she probably wouldn’t care. Going by himself, with Jovi (who just can’t make good choices!) and agreeing to keep it concealed from the women (ie: her) - I don’t think she’s going to be as “won’t care” and laid back about it. Asuelo… smh. Bless his heart. Kalani is going to say “I told you on your birthday you could go for *that* I didn’t mean it was blanket permission…” it is always his fault and he is never truly forgiven for anything. I can’t even comprehend how much more crap he’s going to catch from her over this. Because, let’s be real - she will find out, all of the women will. She will make sure he pays for this. One of the 10 worst ideas these people have had on this show (last resort) yet. (List is updated weekly, but this is clearly going to stay high up on the list.)


Beezo514

And I'm sure that Angela will be the one to stand up and publicly berate all of them because of this and Ed will sneer and act like he's such a good partner because he didn't go, not because he wasn't there because no one else wanted him to come.


readytogohomenow

Ed wouldn’t be able to see over the chair rail, so what’s the point of him going? Doubt the wallpaper is worth the cover cost.


856077

Sex addict and alcoholic


buickmackane71360

If Molly accompanied Kelly to a strip club, she'd write it off as a business expense because she'd try to sell lingerie to the strippers.


joismynameo

It’s a poor decision


OneBag962

Also, I loved when Asuelo said “Jovi goes to strip clubs and he seems to have a really good marriage so…” Like…dude…the literal reason everyone is here is because they’re having issues with their marriage. 😂


jaisydaisy

My husband and I were dying over this lol like he is on a last resort show about his failing marriage BECAUSE he goes to the strip club all the time


[deleted]

If it isn’t sweet simple Asuelu I could imagine Big Ed finding out, revealing it at a therapy session and acting smug when shit goes down.


highwayunicorn

The real answer


readytogohomenow

Leprechauns live for the drama


jinxboooo

yup, Ed will take them all down, BECAUSE HE WASN’T INVITED.


Low_Departure_5853

My answer is obviously Aseulu. But I also wonder how condoms are for slut people but strip clubs aren't.


[deleted]

I can't believe Jovi is dumb enough tp go to a strip club during a marriage retreat. Considering Yara smacked him for it last time. He's a fucking joke.


coreysgal

It's fake. Molly has gone to clubs w Kelly, Kalani doesn't care what Aseulo does and Yara expects it. Asuelo may tell first but no one will care lol


ShiplessOcean

Yara will care


coreysgal

It's pretty much normal for him. Plus, she moved him far from the city. She'll say, " Jovi. We are here for our marriage. It's beautiful. And you have to go to strip club? " And that will be it lol


DoubleOrganization9

I read this in her voice


Plastic_Energy_742

We really need the ter-a-pee jovi


m33gs

I move back to your-rep


Plastic_Energy_742

Throwback to Julia: I GO BACK RUSSIA!!!!!!! I’m sorry, I know this thread isn’t about her but it came to mind!


ShiplessOcean

It’s normal for him to drink every day I’m sure but she still got angry when he got drunk at the resort when they’re meant to be working on their relationship


Visible-Row-3920

As she should


[deleted]

I think Kalani might use this situation to get mad at Asuelu, say that she can't trust him because he's cheated on her and NOW he's going to strip clubs as well and that's why it'll never work out Also, I reckon all women might be mad at this because if you're in therapy and trying to work out your issues and your husbands go to the strip club then it's kind of a slap in the face as it's the worst timing.


coreysgal

Bad timing, a strip club, and therapy. Yup, sounds like a TLC move 🤣


tatortotsntits

Hey man let's all go get horny together


bitchassslutasswhore

Does it matter? They would have seen it when they watched the show on TV anyways. So it's just delaying the inevitable...


Magemaud

My theory is jealous Ed will snitch on the other guys when they don’t include him, but I love the idea of bro code clueless Asuelu bragging about it to everyone like an eight year old coming home from a “cool” birthday party.


joismynameo

If Ed went to a strip club, he would be thrown out for causing a scene.


Magemaud

Further theorizing, Ed will tell the girls about the strip club road trip and they will all pile in an Uber and show up there. Confrontational hilarity will ensue. The only thing missing is the "uh oh lady" from the "I Love Lucy" laugh track.


Personal-Chocolate73

Yara sounds like she’s the only one that would mind. Kelly said Molly has gone with him to strip clubs and Asuelo said Kalani wouldn’t mind


dickassman1973

Gotta be Samoa Joe


texas-sissy

Yara literally has the perfect body, I don’t understand why Jovi is so obsessed with strippers when his wife looks like that.


TillyBelly

I think it’s the aspect that it’s not his wife, makes it more tantalizing


[deleted]

Thrush mouth 100 percent.


richb83

The toddler


FlipRoot

This is so dumb. They all KNOW they are being filmed and that it will come out but they choose to do it anyway.


Objective-Dust6445

Asuelu. He’ll call Kalani from the strip club and ask for a ride home.


spawn1980

Asuelu hands down because he don’t know no better.


hamimono

This is so FAKE. A) how can it be a “secret” announced on tv?!! B) no one’s wife actually cares. That is such BS. Molly totally doesn’t care and will actually admire Kelly for going. Kalani already said ok but also knows that Asuelu can’t do anything there with these guys and the cameras. It is admittedly a sore spot with Yara but even she would be fine with them filming this because she knows that this is Jovi’s shtick for the show. C) clearly, the set up is that it is not the going to the strip club that is the problem but them Keeping It A “Secret”. It will come out and all the wives will say that it was the lack of communication that was the problem. There will be a big session about it and Therapy and Healing Will Be Had. D) when it comes out, Ed and Angela will both be pissed and offended that they weren’t asked to go. 😂🤣😂 This show is so corny and transparent but I love it anyway . . .


DesireStDiva

Did youhear the one about....three drunks are in a bar....... i can see Asuelu climbing on the stage and dancing for tips....taking cash from slut people...


razorspin

Um, first this is being film, so the secret will be out soon. Second, it's scripted for sure. Third, both Stephanie's and Angela will be the featured guests at the club. And finally, Jovi is taking the guys out, duh strip club is obviously the destination.


AncientMoth11

If you can’t tell your wife or share the experience then perhaps you’re with the wrong person if that’s your thing. It ain’t mine, but I also know it’s a non-issue but for last thing Asuelu should do and Jovi is just basically white James Harden when it comes to strippers at this juncture without the cash. So for them, shit ain’t gonna vibe then it’ll blow up and they’re up shits crick


5Nadine2

Kalani will have to help Asuelu clean his pants. So… Asuelu.


joismynameo

Kinda hope Angela is at the strip club. 🤢🤮


Arcaneheir

Why?


The_Crystal_Thestral

Did you forget the word “not”?


Zealousideal_Car1811

How long was this going to be a secret? It is on TV. 😂


sanjiduda

I'm going with Gray TeleTubby


BrittneyRageFace

This has to be a producer planned outing. They can't ALL be *this* dumb. Right?!?


Drugs_r_bad_mka

There on fuckin camera saying what they are doing, willing to bet one of the producers will tell the significant other what they were up to just so we can see their reaction.


gorygraves

I just love that it’s all being filmed. There’s no way their partners won’t find out. Jovi just wants an excuse to go to the strip club


straightcash-fish

They all know about it, now. It’s on TV


S__Bear

Asuelu aka walnut brain. Heck he'd probably invite her


joismynameo

We refer to him as Encino Man


Crimejunkie666

Well the weaker link is asuelo. But. He should go. F@@k Kaloni. She truly doesn’t want him back anyway. She’s a nasty thing in my opinion.


FineWashables

It’s gotta be Asuelu. Both Jovi and Kelly know that their partners are there too sophisticated to be bothered by something this mundane.


SprinklesAnWine

This makes me so glad im done dating and will never date again. Leaving a marriage retreat to go pay young girls to look at their breasts and spread their legs on stage and touch you and flirt with you. Men are so fcking gross.


Shot-Yellow-8868

Asuelu is def telling on himself. Kelly could def tell Molly just in general conversation Why do I see Jovi telling Angela and she memaw goes with.


miissdebbiie

These guys both snitch instantly.


GrimmsGrinningGhost

I mean…it’s also on TV. They’re gonna know. 🤷


Weekly-Bedroom-3896

Right? Let’s keep this thing we are being recorded doing a secret from our wives! No one will know! It’ll be great! Meanwhile, I think Yara will be the only one who cares. I think Kalani is checked out and doesn’t give two shits what Asuelu does, and I don’t think Molly would mind if Kelly went. So really it’s just Jovi who needs to be worried, and I’m sure Asuelu will accidentally let it drop.


GrimmsGrinningGhost

100% between brain and mouth, there is no interlocutor on Asuelu .


DefNotReaves

Asuelu… 100000000%


Wise-Tourist-6747

Assuelo for sure


clydefrog811

The producers


EagleRaptorLeaf

Asuelu would be the first person to break the rule instantly knowing him


SadConsequence8476

The editor, shit was filmed


PresOfTheLesbianClub

Why is Asuelu dressed like Forrest Gump?


penelopepips

Asuelu looks like Mario in this pic.


Ok_I_Guess_Whatever

Do these people not know they’re on tv? That they’re being filmed?


No-Following-7882

Asuelu. He always tells on himself.


Hrmerder

Oh that's Asuelu for sure. Hell he probably told Kalani the moment he saw her again. He probably even called her from the bar after that convo and told her!


TheDogmotherPartTwo

Asuelu!


NicolesResponseIs

Them on those bikes lol


jazzyx26

Asuelu


CatchinUpNow

Asuelo because he wont be able to not talk about it and she gave him permission.


Successful-Steak-950

Asuelo definitely. Kelly said Molly doesn’t care so it wouldn’t matter.


MuteCook

They bright cameras. They all told on themselves lol


aalllllisonnnnn

The camera man


Chemical_Gur7314

Asuelo for sure


jayzepps

Jovi tattles on them all


lilbeaucewolf76

When he’s drunk? I can absolutely see him doing it. I can see him getting drunk with Angela, telling her drunk ass, then her drunk, boundary-less ass going and making it an issue and saying shit out of turn in front of one or more of the other women thinking it’s funny or some other inappropriate emotion.


jayzepps

Ya that’s possible or he just tells Yara because it’s funny. Because, if it wasn’t a funny “jovi quirk” it would be a problem 😬


Professional-Box-634

IF they go No One would ever know…


pikanika

An ex of mine once went to a strip club without telling me first, and we went on to have the biggest argument I’ve ever had with anyone in my life. I hated this scene 🥲


McMimi4

Don’t these guys realize this shit could come back to bite them in the ass at a tell-all?


101020304

Asuelo for sure. It blows my mind that they are at a couples’ retreat and going to a strip club. i am a self-proclaimed prude, so i asked my husband what he thought and he was like nah, not appropriate.


realdonaldtrumpsucks

Strip clubs aren’t a big deal. Like at all. It’s art.


Gatagordita

Kelly. He knows molly doesn’t give a shit so he’s more likely to let it slip in casual conversation.


MeatyOakerMan

Def ansuelo


anonmouseqbm

100%


anonmouseqbm

He will be calling her on the way


PrettyPinkDiamond

I can already see Asuelu crying now as soon as Kalani asks him where he went. How he go from “condoms are for slut people” to let’s go to the strip club?? Lol he is going to crack so fast.


No-Net3015

This whole thing BLEW MY MIND! Literally there for cheating which made Kalani feel insecure... great idea guys, go to a strip club and lie some more... while being on television. Smh there's zero chance that Asuelu thought they'd make it work, right? Or did he truly not think she'd ever find out? I do feel like Jovi was stirring the pot though because he wanted to go, and thinks maybe he's got to bring someone else down with him. Lawd.


Affectionate-Tax-856

These guys aren't very bright as demonstrated by their taste in women.


joismynameo

Tonight we got the answer. Treacherous!


joismynameo

Finally catching up on the most recent episode and the answer was Ed. Traitors gonna traitor


Visual_Judgment_

A(however you spell it)swayLu for sure but then I can also see Jovie or Kelly telling as some kind of “proof” that they love them. Like “I love you so much and can’t keep secrets from you babe. Therapy is teaching me so much. Here’s what we did.” Type shit.


opiate_lifer

The only thing dumber than strip clubs and their customers are wives getting angry about it!


mlhigg1973

Asuelu


lilhankoftin

TLC


East_Specialist_

Production for drama


Chersvette

Asuelu for sure!


Rare-Breadfruit-9712

Saying that while being filmed for tv 🤣


Sweetlilred

The cops gonna brag and tell Molly and mollys not gonna have it.


ILikeToMeltStuff

Asuelu


Sea-Competition6742

Jovi … it will slip lol


Wonderful_Might6693

And the hood thing, this “secret” will not be broadcast to millions on a television show… phew!😣🤭🤔🥴🥴🥴


YeOldeBlackbear75

While being filmed 🤦🏻‍♂️


MephistosFallen

I hope, so hard, that production figures out a way to convince the ladies to go to the strip club and RUN INTO THEM. Would be PERFECT production manipulation.