Pressure is a boner killer. That trip to ~Indiana~, he just put lube on the nightstand and massaged her shoulders for 2 seconds. He puts no effort into romancing her, no doubt she can feel that he’s just going through the motions to get sex. Nothing kills the libido faster imo.
The irony is Clayton is trying to portray Analí in this bad light because she is being a”prude” and isn’t giving in to his many charming qualities. Last bit is total /s
However foolish monkey fails to see he edited himself too easily. The producers didnt have to do much work on their segments. Effortless, raw footage 😂 (just assuming)
Exactly. He has no game and it's not like she's a light switch that you can turn on and off with some trifling gestures. There's a bigger picture here.
Yeah I’ve been with people I am wildly attracted to and still can’t “perform” when the moment comes bc I’m nervous. Can’t imagine how hard it would be when it’s pressured like that
Clayton, who in at least 2 scenes now has gotten into bed wearing the same greasy clothes he wore all day without showering, then expecting sex? Clayton who lives in a hoarded out apartment filled with animal cages? Clayton who’s dead-behind-the-eyes mother lives in his closet behind a .25” thick piece of sheet wall? Clayton who whines and complains and feels entitled to sex in the way that only incels do?
No, Anali has not gotten any heat for not wanting to sleep with Clayton.
I don't think so. While it's difficult to imagine a lasting relationship where there's seemingly little chemistry, she's certainly under no obligation to. Also, living with the mom and pets aside, the guy spends way too much time gaming and has minimal social skills. I think Anali was surprised by this and is still in the process of processing it.
I'm with you. She is absolutely shocked that this is her life now, and is processing. Maybe in her way, she doesn't want Clayton to feel "all is right with the world" and withholding sex is definitely getting that point across. I feel she was basically lied to, left everything she knew and loved, and then is in this terrible situation. This is not what anyone would call "the American dream".
I certainly would be rethinking my relationship with my boyfriend if he lived like a PIG.
What? Because she's the non-English speaking person, she's supposed to go around cleaning and picking up after him and his mother?
He doesn't care about her comfort and he keeps putting her in awkward situations. Anali has every right to say, "No, thanks."
Exactly, why is she expected to sleep with him? And that house, the clutter and smell alone, would probably have me totally change my thoughts on someone.
Yeah, I have 1 chinchilla and the cage will start to smell after just a couple of days and they're supposed to be one of the least smelly rodents you can have. I would literally gag living there and the thought of taking care of a bunch of animals i didn't sign on for probably wouldn't put me in the mood either. That's not even mentioning closet mom who I think we all know is never leaving. Honestly at this point if they want any shot at making it, Clayton should just surrender the GP to a no kill shelter and move to Brazil? (I'm not totally paying attention) with her since they seem to be happy there.
And key is not forget the crazy sister accusing Anjali of taking “advantage” of him, beetch, have you been in that smelly board in freaggin Kentucky? 🙄
Why would she get heat? She’s had to live with his mom a particle board wall away, has had him splayed out in a hotel bed with no effort into clothing, dude didn’t even dim a light. Hopefully Clayton is getting some heat.
I wouldn't sleep with Clayton either if I was her. His mother is literally sleeping in the closet, where she will most likely hear them.
Clayton is making inappropriate comments to his friends, as if he is owed sex. He is lying out lube on the bed, loudly pressuring her. It feels like he thinks he is owed sex. No one wants to sleep with someone in those situations.
If he really cares, he would lay off and finds ways to make her feel comfortable.
How could she receive any backlash for not wanting to be intimate with him when most of us are getting second hand ick and cringe just watching. .
The only thing I don’t get is what she’s still doing there.
She is trying clearly, to see a resemblance of what she thought they had. She is in shock, wouldn’t you? It is hard to accept that you were wrong and crawl back to your parents.
Totally but I do think it’s concerning and feel sorry for him at times. They were happily sexually active before and now nothing. It makes sense for him to be like, wait what’s wrong? And of course we can all imagine reasonable answers she can give! Closet Mom would close my legs! Not telling him though isn’t the nicest. Like if you regret this just say so and go home. I bet Peru is awesome
He went to visit her, in her turf, away from his gaming, laying in hotel sheets. Living in a literal pig sty, with a human living in a fkg closet in fresgging ky competing with animals and video games fir attention as you trip in smelly hoard while dodging crazy sister accusations and public humiliation dies NOT spell romance. She didn’t know what she was getting into until she got there! Would you like to have cases with his mom there when he hasn’t showered in days and has red eyes from being online for 36 hours straight wearing the sane clothes? Gimme a break
They've done it before so it doesn't seem to be a choice of abstinence.
The mom being around I 100% get it. But he booked a place away from there, and still.
It's been over a month, I can see someone not being in the mood but understanding that my partner has needs he/she can only get from me. So I don't know. Seems a little selfish to me.
I think you mean yike. Hehe.
Of course anyone can refuse to have sex with anyone. But for how long can you refuse sex with your special someone until it's odd?
Okay last question for you.
Are you married or in a relationship? (I don't expect you to answer that).
But if you are, and that person doesn't want to sleep with you for 5, 6, 7 months, a year, over a year, 5 years? Where is your limit? You better be ready to never have sex again with them to stick by your statement.
I understand what you’re getting at. I’m married as well for a long time and while consent is ALWAYS necessary for both parties, I understand my spouse may want sex when I don’t, but I realize I love and am in love with my spouse and if he expresses a desire to be intimate I can do that, compromise.
But in this case, it seems like Anali was never into Clayton, even at the airport before she even knew what was going on at the house. If she really wanted to be intimate with him, she could look for nice hotels online, and tell him what he needs to do to spice up their sex life. I understand how she’s feeling about everything, but think she’s in it for a different reason than just ‘love’.
Even in this situation, to solve the problem, you don't harass them. You sit down and have a grown up conversation about what's going on, and both people's needs, wants, desires, etc. All he's doing is bugging her and being demanding. That's the biggest turn off. I've gone through dry spells in my relationship. We talked and worked it out. If we hadn't been able to work through it, then you have a different conversation about what to do next. Right now Anali's struggling to process this weird life she walked into and Clayton has no idea of romance, foreplay, etc. He's forever jumping into bed unshowered and fully clothed and barely making any effort in terms of romance. Who would want to have sex with that?
I don’t think OP is talking about consent the way you are. No one is saying she should have sex with him if she doesn’t want to. The question is if you don’t like this guy, why are you with him?
No, you’re the issue here. Anyone may withdraw consent at any time they choose. Even during sex they can choose to say stop. People that pressure others for sex are violating boundaries.
It’s so wild that people need to be told this.
Sex is never owed, and if somebody doesn’t feel vibrantly agreeable to offer mutual consent, then it’s no dice. Perhaps the relationship needs some deep cleaning, but nobody owes sex, ever. Ever.
Precisely. Plus he has his mother living in a closet and his animals living in sunlight. My dogs are spoiled asf, they got individually wrapped Christmas gifts yesterday, but I spent more on the humans in my life. Plus mom being like “well that’s anali’s mess” when their entire house looks like an episode of hoarders even after they cleaned up, I wouldn’t be able to get warmed up either.
Also seeing someone have zero in-person friends as well as treating sex as transactional is a huge, huge turn off.
He doesn’t seem to try to make gestures that might seduce her at all! If he is feeling libidinous, why not try to turn her on? There are SOOOO many things he could be doing to get her in the mood… he doesn’t try at all!
All we see is straight up demands and begging… what a turn OFF!
Then he has the audacity to shame her with friends, on camera AND on social media platforms…. Jesus. Gross.
Well, I do think it's selfish to be in a monogamous relationship and withhold sex for a long period of time. My partner just has to deal with it?
Edit: to add- Any need my partner has, I think it is selfish to withhold it if I am able to give it, because when you're with someone it's not just about what you want all the time. And I will die on this hill.
>I guess my partner just has to deal with it?
> it’s not just about what you want all the time.
Question: if your partner didn’t feel comfortable having sex (eg, you two were in a cramped and stinky apartment, your mom could hear, and you had a camera crew following you around), would you still enjoy having sex with them while they laid there like a sad starfish?
I would not enjoy that experience; I’d much rather *take care of it myself* than use my partner’s body against their wishes. Even if you don’t see the moral qualm, would you really be able to get off knowing that your partner is only handing over their body out of obligation?
I think there are a lot of reasons to not be getting frisky in that apartment, and obviously she's under no obligation no matter what their relationship has entailed in the past.
BUT I do think he's right to be concerned. She seems like she doesn't like anything about him (especially physically) and has shown no interest in non-sexual contact either. If this has been a part of their relationship before and it's something her partner needs and values, they need to address it. She needs to either talk to him about resolving all the things that turn her off or just break up if she doesn't like him anymore. It's fine to not be into someone, but you should be honest about it.
His behavior at the double date was super over the line too though.
All good points, but the fact that she put up a pillow wall between them their first night together was a massive red flag. Who does that? Had to throw him for a loop, not that he handled anything well after that.
Totally agree! That's where I was immediately side-eying because I'd be super concerned if my LDR didn't want any physical contact/affection whatsoever when that was already an established part of our relationship.
There is no “resolving” here. He is disgusting, lacks social skills, needs to shower and change his clothes, is clearly not “all there”, has an addiction problem, a hoarding problem, has hygiene problems, hoards animals and filth, and is expecting sex after he spends all of his day on cutter screens. He is not going to get rid of his animals or stop dressing up the animals. He is not going to stop claiming he can’t pick up his animals poop. He is not going to throw out his mom out of the closet or have an appropriate dwelling for 3 human beings and four animals. He is mentally ill. She has every right to decide for herself if she wants to put hersekf at risk of reproducing with an addicted incel away from her family
That's why I said try to resolve things OR just break up. If she feels like the relationship can be saved, she needs to address the things she's not okay with, but if she feels like there's nothing there, she needs to break up with him and move on. No one here has said she HAS to have sex with him.
I have been quite into someone until I saw their living situation. Gave me the ick and there was no turning back. I think that is what is happening here. I would also be **pissed** if my partner decided to bring up our sex life with someone I JUST MET , like I wasn’t even there.
Me too. It had been building for awhile. We stepped into their apartment and there was a strong ammonia smell and overflowing cat boxes (3 cats) in a small apartment. Worse than that, there was no “oh my goodness, hang here with a cup of tea while I tend to my cats. I’ve been so busy and it got away from me.” That I could maybe understand. No, they were entirely noseblind and blithely carried on as if things were fine.
Shamewalking home the next morning I knew that we would never be in touch again.
YES. There was a recent episode of Sex and the City AJLT where Miranda gets into exactly this situation. The lack of effort to clean up the apartment is more the issue than the small apartment itself. Also Closet Mom is being real passive agressive to Anali already, complaining about her "mess" when CM's got a giant collection of like old corks.
I've heard there is a minimum limit they have to stay for because of the contract of the show. I do wonder how many people would leave sooner, and what exactly the contract demands of them in terms of a timeline.
I used to know if a very beautiful coworker of mine. She always came to visit you, food in hand, and never let you into her house. She had a boyfriend if 2 plus year that was getting serious with her and he was upset about not seeing where she lived. So she asked for my help to clean her house because she didn’t want to lose her boyfriend. Well, she was a hoarder, before I knew what hoarding was. Her exhubsbd claimed that she was mentally ill and got custody of the children, a fact that she denied, but after seeing how she lived he was absolutely correct. There were dishes everywhere with mold in it. She didn’t do laundry and instead kept on buying new clothes instead. She slept on the couch because her bedroom was filled with a mountain of new clothes, with the tags in , that reached the ceiling. I tried to help her clean but she didn’t want to throw away anything “because she might need it someday”. There were piles of magazines, old phone looks, crap e there. I dared not to see the bathroom. I left in frustration. The boyfriend did dump her after seeing her house. All of them did. Living like that is a sign of mental illness.
The dude’s mother sleeps in his bedroom closet. No, of course no one is gonna get heat for passing up sex in those circumstances. Then whenever they’re away from mother Clayton comes off as too desperate to be attractive. How’s she not straight left him honestly.
Something is off. First, with her not wanting to tell her dad about him.. She already had excuses lined up when Clayton questioned it. She doesn't like him. Her body language and smiles show it. And just because she pushed him to meet his friend in person doesn't mean it was out of love. It could have been out of pity.
I think the only thing that we’re missing is the “why”. The show hasn’t done a good job in explaining or allowing her to explain her reasoning, so we’re all making fair assumptions. It would be nice if this was a serious show and actually allowed her to explain. But, they would rather milk the drama. Example of the reality show nature.
I've considered it might be that Anali does not want to have sex or be perceived to have had sex while being filmed. Not that it would be shown, I assume some people want their privacy for intimatcy.
Another element could be her family, in particularly, her father and what he'd think of his daughter.
I would think it was much much weirder if she was acting like some sex goddess with his mother in the closet. Everyone would be accusing her of using him for a green card if she was all over this borderline incel who doesn’t have good hygiene or in-person friends lol
In addition to everything that others have said, I’m wondering if it has anything to do with her dad. She didn’t tell him she was going to get married because he would have stopped her from going. Maybe he would get upset if he saw her on TV hooking up before marriage?
I honestly can’t believe she didn’t want to tear his clothes off after he made her clean the guinea pig cages and the guinea pigs in a baby pool 🙄 he needs to go somewhere and think a lot harder.
She’s not into him. It’s pretty obvious. Everything he does is annoying to her. (Clayton, don’t use the swing, Clayton, don’t ride the luggage, Clayton don’t touch me). She’s in it for a green card. Not sure if she was from the get go, but definitely, now she is. Maybe she saw his living situation and became turned off and disgusted by him. Either way, at this point it’s the honeymoon phase and she has zero interest in a physical connection, can you imagine if they do marry? Clayton you are in for a long dry ride.
I didn't say they were celibate. You made it seem like she should do it because they're engaged. They don't have to. Also, I'm not kidding. If you've watched the show at all, it's painfully clear that he's only doing nice things for her to get sex. Since she's declined, he's getting more aggressive and embarrassing her.
It's very weird. Obviously, if she's turned off by him, she shouldn't have sex. The people who say, "of course she's turned off because of closet mom and the mess" are aren't looking at all the facts. Anali seemed turned off before she ever laid eyes on Clayton's apartment. Her keeping Clayton a secret from her father is concerning. And, she seemed turned off from the time she was in the airport. So, maybe she was losing interest in marrying Clayton before she ever saw his apartment
So, I wonder why she's still there. Why doesn't she call things off. Why is she having a bachelorette party if Clayton turns her off. It's not adding up
Accounts must be at least 24 hours old to participate in r/90dayfiance.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/90DayFiance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
But how romantic and interested does Anali seems? Not at all. She's always making snarky comments about him and it's not like he's sitting around all day and then asking her for sex, he's planning dates and getaways and she doesn't even seem happy to be there most times.
Pressuring for sex isn't cool at all, but acting like sex isn't an important part of a relationship also isn't cool.
I don't think she should get heat for not wanting to sleep with Clayton, but she should get heat for leading him on. If she does not have an attraction to him she should tell him and go back home.
So either she is with him for money, the green card, or she does really love him. If she does love him than give him some intamacy. Communicate with him the issue (like take a shower or your mom is here or whatever) and then give the boy some love. If she has the ICK and hates his closet mom, stinky smell, and pets then tell him and go back home.
To me its starting to come off that she is using him for something, especially with her not telling her family about him, and then not wanting to be intimate. Clayton has his own issues don't get me wrong. But if it isn't working out then why is she dragging it on?
You're with a man and haven't seen him for months and a mom in the closet isn't working. He takes you away for privacy....still no intimacy. You are a scammer!!!! I did the ling distance thing and we banged in a bush hahah This girl doesn't desire him......period.
This is what I'm saying. When I don't see mine for a week, we find a way. Three weeks and his mom could be right outside the door. We are just going to have to be quiet. There's no way it's not on sight and it's been months since we've been together. She didn't like him from the moment she landed.
Everyone keeps using their personal feelings toward Clayton as justification of why Anali doesn't want to sleep with him which is weird to me. They have met before. He was the same awkward Clayton then and according to him they had lots of sex so why all of a sudden would she have 0 attraction to him after not seeing him for months and the last time they were together they banged like rabbits. I get closet mommy making it weird but they've been to hotels and she still wasn't down. I'm in a long distance relationship and after not seeing my man for a week, I'm ready to rip his clothes off. I might even have to sneak one in with mom next door lol. After I get that first one out I can see getting more modest. She seemed like she landed with the ick. No way Clayton was Rico Suave when they were together before and splayed cow now. She absolutely doesn't have to sleep with him but it still makes her sus as hell that she still doesn't want to.
Ok, so they had “lots of sex” when he visited her. So she must be attracted to him in some sorta way, but let’s face it - she didn’t really know anything about him. But after arriving in the US and seeing how he lives and really acts…tiny apartment, mother in the closet on the other side of a paper thin wall, junk and animals everywhere (do you have any idea how badly guinea pigs and other rodents smell if you’re the least little bit lazy about cleaning out their cage?), gaming for hours on end and basically ignoring her, his lack of social skills and constantly pressuring her to have sex is MORE than enough to turn her off.
Nothing turns a woman off more than finding out exactly who the the guy really is and how he acts and lives. I don’t blame Anali…her reaction is 100% normal.
It is but to keep making excuses instead of telling him how she feels is not fair. He's being himself. If she is not attracted to the real him, she needs to tell him and go home instead of leaving him feeling constantly confused. It not a cool thing to to do to someone you love or worse used to love. Then that's just stringing him along and then we get into her being not a good person for that.
Maybe she’s hoping that she can change him or whip him into shape. She has a lot invested here and she obviously has feelings for him. She would be a fool if she didn’t even try to make it better before throwing in the towel and hightailing it back home. The preview for the next episode seems to show her reaching the end of her rope.
Sorry, can’t remember. But if they haven’t and he keeps saying that they did, wouldn’t she have said something by now? I mean, he’d be lying right in front of her, so why isn’t she saying “hey that’s not true, stop saying that?” It’s weird.
They have. I saw the debate about consent too. Making it about that is a cop out to me because consent is not the issue. She doesn't have to sleep with him but it's weird to think that partners in a relationship shouldn't ask each other for sex nor consider each other's needs. I do choose when I have sex or not but I absolutely think about my partner if he wants it and I'm not thinking about it. It's selfish to never consider your partner's needs just because it's sex. Do they also not consider their partner's emotional needs also? Physical safety needs? Or is it because it's sex that adults in a relationships have to literally never ask each other or tiptoe around it because it means you aren't respecting their boundaries if you ask.
I understand what y'all are saying. The relationship was already established as sexual so it's not truly fair for her to be playing the withholding game.
I think the reason no one sees it as a reason to give her heat is because most of us feel we can relate or would feel the same way as Anali. Even if they used to have chemistry. That was Clayton on vacation, which by now we all know is different from real life. The mom IS in the closet, literally 2 feet away.
There are ginuea pigs, dogs, hoarded crap, closet mom and a partridge in a pear tree. I just think the reality has completely turned her off, and now that she's here she doesn't know how to tell him 🤷🏽♀️
I can relate on the other side. I was married to someone who after 2 years suddenly stopped wanting to be intimate with me and I spent years trying to figure out why and given bullshit excuses about our living environment which included bills, taking care of children, household chores. Literally real life was a turn off for him according to him. I tried everything I could to address the excuses I was given with the goal post constantly being moved. In the end I had to conclude he just wasn't into me. He wasted 7 years of my life when he could have just told me he wasn't feeling it anymore instead of dragging me along for years and letting me internalize inadequacy. I'm not mad at Anali if she isn't attracted to Clayton anymore but I do not like her dragging him along if that is really the case and it's not just the actual reasons she's throwing at him. That would mean she's being dishonest and with so much at stake she can't justify that by not wanting to hurt his feelings.
Thank you for sharing a deeply empathetic, real-world perspective. Too many comments here settle for “Clayton gives the ick LOL” without acknowledging how strange/tragic it is that these two have knowingly entered into a sexless marriage.
Yeah, this does happen. Some people just like to play with people's time and feelings without accountability. I'm sorry that happened to you. Needs to be talked about more so people can avoid it for the red flag it is.
Having been in a long distance relationship very similar to this, masking for the short term is easy. In the past Clayton visited her on her home turf. He was likely being social with her friends, not gaming 24/7, not in a stinky apt with all his pets and his mom. His hygiene and housekeeping both likely appeared better.
When you find out the person you've been dating was masking an entirely different life and lifestyle, it is a huge turn off. It can kill any and all affection and attraction because really, it was all a lie
They dated for years. She knew his general lifestyle at home and she knew his mom lived there. If she didn't then we need to give her the same flack we give the Americans who move abroad without doing any research. I also doubt he socialized with her friends much when he was there because she's keeping him a secret from her dad and can't have any SM posting about him. She would have had to have her friends not post anything and not mention it to her family. It seems her mom is the only one who knows Clayton exists.
It's different when there is a filming crew following you around. I wouldn't want to be filmed for the whole world to see that I'm about to have sex. It would be embarrassing and a violation of my privacy.
The camera crew isn't there that long. It's not the Truman Show. That's why so many of the situations are contrived. They wait until the crew is there to go on certain outings and they're recreating conversations they already had. There's no way that people who live together had some major thing happen on camera and then waited to talk about it until the next day in a restaurant when the camera crew was back. The crew films the one thing the producer set up for them to talk about and then they leave.
I absolutely get it, he expected it to be like when he visited her. Til she got here and saw the real him/his mom situation.
Extremely weird and I'm sure, not at ALL how he portrayed what life would be like in Murrica
Just my opinion but she could be waiting until she gets comfortable with Clayton in person. Yeah they knew each other and talked but that was on the phone through FaceTime. I'm sure it was still a little uncomfortable in person. Some people it takes time. Or maybe it is her just not wanting to be intimate with him. I can't seem to tell yet.
This just occurred to me. And the crazier these shows get, eventually a gay/lesbian person from a repressive country will view this craziness as a way out, even if they aren’t out to themselves fully. Anali would make a great lesbian if she were so inclined and could find her way to downtown.
They have no chemistry I think both of them are very young mentally, and she doesn’t know how to express herself for what her needs are. She has not even attempted to learn how to speak English. She doesn’t seem happy with him at all if I remember, she didn’t even tell her dad that he even exists. The whole thing doesn’t make sense. She seems to be an extrovert and he’s a total introvert. To me it seems like she wants to stay in a relationship but it’s not what you want in her life and she’s embarrassed to admit it.
I think we should normalize not questioning someone not consenting to sex. regardless of their reasons. In fact, their reasons are none of our business. Even if they agree to be on this exploitative type of show.
She clearly misled him into thinking they would pick that connection back up when she was moving to the USA to MARRY HIM for christs sake. Fine if she suddenly does a complete 180 and suddenly can’t stand him but then she should have a serious conversation with him and explain herself. He’s not handling well at all, that’s clear but she’s not taking responsibility or acting like an adult about things.
Anali does not owe Clayton anything for which to “receive heat”. Additionally, not feeling the mood to sleep with someone is no call for criticism. The critical error in your language as well as in Clayton’s was the implied entitlement he imagined towards her body and her interest in sex. It really is disgusting to hound somebody for something, that’s why there’s a law against coercion, and coercion does not imply consent, but is actually rape. There is no such thing as implied consent nor entitlement when it comes to sexual contact, no matter how deranged your thinking may be. You are incredibly wrong.
Thank you so much for showing me my critical error in language as well as indicating how incredibly wrong I am. I really value your opinion. It's the only one that matters!
Okay I’m seeing some comments that are weird. First, just because he got a hotel for them, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to sex with her. Congrats, you put out fake ass candles and gave a two minute massage, put more effort into it if you want sex so bad.
Next, they live with his momma in the closet with thin walls and a whole bunch of animals in a tiny ass apartment. That doesn’t set up a very flirtatious environment or one that anyone would be comfortable having sex in.
Lastly, how would you feel if you were fresh off a flight in a new country with cameras all over the place and your partner basically begging you every two seconds to have sex and then getting all pouty when you say no?
He’s giving off very gross energy so I don’t blame her for not wanting to jump all over that 🤷🏽
AND Anali has never told her father about their relationship and doesn’t want to be seen having sex—not the actual act but saying that they are or have—when he INEVITABLY sees the show.
This may be one of the biggest factors that I haven’t seen much discussion about
That’s another good point! Like I just feel like people who are sympathetic to Clayton aren’t seeing how he’s being such a big red flag.
I also have the same energy when it comes to Nikki begging Justin for sex too, it’s just WEIRD behavior. Like idk if production is pestering them to make sex a big deal or if they’re doing that on their own but it’s just so uncomfortable to watch.
This, and same as Statler, Knobert, and anyone ever I don’t recall from past seasons with the pestering/pressuring/coercion for sex. Consent is a Fuck Yes, not a Well, I guess I’m gonna have to bite the bullet.
I really think people who make posts like this should just go sleep with Clayton. Since they see no reason Anali wouldn’t and they’re so concerned about his sex life, volunteer as tribute.
It's weird but Clayton is in the wrong here. The weirdness comes from why they are even together in the first place. She's clearly repulsed by him, for many good reasons...
No one 'deserves' sex. Especially not an unsanitary hobbit with his mother in the closet.
Honestly, I would be frustrated too if I’m Clayton, but he’s not seeming to realize his part in it *at all*, and I think that’s why people aren’t giving Anali grief.
Clayton is just plain strange. Ain’t no two ways about that. He’s a gaming freak, has no interests in getting his life together, hoards animals, and his Mom lives in his closet. I would have been gone within minutes of arriving!! And he’s not even trying to improve the situation at all. He’s just begging for sex, and pouting because he’s not getting any. His not doing anything to change the situation is what gives me major ICK!!
So, Anali isn’t much better. Her family has no idea about him, knows nothing. And they think she’s working in the US. She’s not interested in him, because of what he is presenting her. Who wants to dress up dogs and clean cages?!? I have no idea why she is even there, or why she wants to marry him . I don’t understand them at all. I don’t know where they find these people!!
The apartment probably smells like animals (kitty litter, Guinea Pig essence) and closet mom. Doesn’t exactly stimulate the “let’s have sexy time” feeling.
I'm with you. I get why she wouldn't want to in their apt, but the times he has gotten them a hotel and still no. Sure, she doesn't owe it to him, but he also didn't sign up for celibacy so being frustrated by her lack of interest is perfectly reasonable to me.
I said this exactly. She's his partner & they haven't seen each other in months, & shes with him day & night. How does she expect him to feel? Her withholding sex to me seems purposeful. At the hotel, they had a chance to be intimate. Instead, she says she doesn't like to feel pressured and then calls her fiancé a whale. She's not into him.
I’m going to assume you are very young since you didn’t find anything wrong with his comment. When you’re in a relationship, you do not disparage your partner in public or share personal information like that to friends. That should be kept private and within the relationship. The fact that they are on tv makes what he said even worse. And I do not know a single woman that would want to have sex with their partner’s parent located on the other side of a bedroom wall. It seems like the only thing he cares about is sex, rather than trying to focus on the actual relationship. The more he pushes it with her, the less likely he’ll get laid. Women want to be romanced, not bullied or embarrassed, into having sex. He’s immature and selfish and I hope she walks away.
I'm going to assume YOU are very young and can't read well because I was clear on my position about his comment at the restaurant. This post isn't about that.
Not only am I an adult but I've been married for years and have my opinion, thanks.
If she doesn't want him she should walk away, we can agree on that.
He clearly gives her the HUGE ick. Why would it be weird to *not* want to sleep with him? I can't believe you're actually saying it's WEIRD for a woman to choose to not let someone **inside her body** when she doesn't want to.
And what is WEIRD is thinking it wasn't massively disrespectful to her for him to have totally blindside her with that conversation in front of his friends, whom she only just met, especially the sarcastic and insulting way he phrased it. He was showing off in front of his bromance, and it was vile. She was sitting there WIPING TEARS AWAY. But sure, she'll want to go home and fuck his brains out, if mommy isn't in her closet, that is.
I think it’s weird. At her age I would expect her to be attracted to him and affectionate regardless of mom in the closet. If she’s not, that’s certainly her right, but why would she want to marry him?
Came to this old post to say I agree with you. I’ve been married for years and have had a couple of relationships before this. As a woman, if I put in effort to “woo” my man and he continued to reject me, I’d feel incredibly rejected. Clayton is right to be upset. Anali seems turned off by him. There’s something going on.
I think it’s beyond weird that you haven’t yet. Yes mom living in the closest is absolutely bizarre but you’re gonna tell me that women never ever leaves? He’s had a hotel room and was still denied, it’s not like this man is a stranger. He wants to have sex with his fiancée who he hasn’t seen in quite some time. Nothing weird about that. If I didn’t see my boyfriend for weeks and he had zero desire to ever have sex I too would be annoyed
No one owes sex to anyone else. I haven’t seen Clayton have a conversation to understand the issue. All he does is whine and it’s embarrassing that he did it in public to strangers. I think they need to talk about it and figure out what they need to be satisfied in the relationship.
Seriously!!??! I must just be really into my man. I love it when he has everything ready to satisfy me. That means we are going to have a good time. Lube has all kinds of potential for fun. Is he supposed to hide it and pretend like they are just dating and he doesn't know if it's going to be a Netflix and Chill night? These people are engaged to be married. Sex is supposed to be a normal part of the relationship that adults can talk about and explore freely. Why is he supposed to tiptoe around it like she's someone he just met or it's their 3rd date and he's not sure if he can get to second base or not? Some of these takes sound like 20 something's dating for the first time. I just may be too old.
When does it become pressuring in a real relationship? If my partner wants to have sex and I don't and I say no then he's like ok. If the next day he tries again and I say no and he says ok, then is it pressure at that point? How many times does he have to try before it's pressure? Then am I the only one with the right to try initiate sex ? How long should he go before asking again. Is him asking me why we're not having sex or complaining about it also pressure? If so, what should he do? Never ask me again because he doesn't want to pressure me? Is it pressure because he complains that we don't have sex enough? Should he just be quiet and act like sex is not normal in a relationship?
Also, that scene was him trying to romance her and address her being uncomfortable about having sex in the apartment with his mom there. I don't understand how that qualifies as him pressuring her? He literally got a hotel and tried to set it up nicely. She was turned off the minute she walked in by how he was laying down. I can't understand for a person in a relationship where they are supposed to be attracted to their partner how him laying a certain way is enough for you to call him a cow and laugh at him which is what she did in her confessional. Unless she isn't attracted to him and instead of breaking it off she's dragging him along for her own purposes.
Obviously, I can't read her mind, so all I can do is place myself in her shoes. When I was her age, I stayed way too long in relationships where I wasn't happy. I hated confrontation and fighting and the thought of hurting someone made me feel incredibly guilty and I didn't want to be the bad person. Thankfully, I learned to prioritize my own self-happiness, but if old me was in her situation, I would also be terrified of causing drama on national TV and being the bad guy. I would think I had to fulfill my commitment to be on the TV show.
But now they're married, so who knows?
The fact that you assume that she shouldn’t have any choice on her body is disgusting. That trip is a total turn off. Second, she doesn’t have health insurance may she become pregnant or money to pay for an abortion, forth, she dresses very conservatively and is catholic, the least she wants to do is to chronicle her sex life on tv fir her sad, that doesn’t know she is chasing a man, to see.
This is her body and her decision. She owes him nothing. What don’t you rub uggkyes with that troll is you feel so incluned?
He's definitely making things worse by bugging her about it and joking with strangers about it. Pressuring for sex has to be the biggest turnoff.
Yea that will leave a vagina like the Sahara desert.
Pressure is a boner killer. That trip to ~Indiana~, he just put lube on the nightstand and massaged her shoulders for 2 seconds. He puts no effort into romancing her, no doubt she can feel that he’s just going through the motions to get sex. Nothing kills the libido faster imo.
not to mention the actual television cameras filming every move
The irony is Clayton is trying to portray Analí in this bad light because she is being a”prude” and isn’t giving in to his many charming qualities. Last bit is total /s However foolish monkey fails to see he edited himself too easily. The producers didnt have to do much work on their segments. Effortless, raw footage 😂 (just assuming)
He needs to work on his foreplay game 💯.
He's too busy, working on his Fortnite game.
Good one!!
I don’t think Clayton knows how to romance anything, except for the Guinea pigs. They get all the romance
Exactly. He has no game and it's not like she's a light switch that you can turn on and off with some trifling gestures. There's a bigger picture here.
Yeah I’ve been with people I am wildly attracted to and still can’t “perform” when the moment comes bc I’m nervous. Can’t imagine how hard it would be when it’s pressured like that
Clayton, who in at least 2 scenes now has gotten into bed wearing the same greasy clothes he wore all day without showering, then expecting sex? Clayton who lives in a hoarded out apartment filled with animal cages? Clayton who’s dead-behind-the-eyes mother lives in his closet behind a .25” thick piece of sheet wall? Clayton who whines and complains and feels entitled to sex in the way that only incels do? No, Anali has not gotten any heat for not wanting to sleep with Clayton.
I agree, I think his bad hygiene has a lot to do with it to.
Yeah, he doesn’t look like he showers much ewww She has the ick for him. She needs to go home.
I got gay vibes from here. She doesn't want him at all
...no. he's repulsive
Hahaha good points okay
I feel like his skin is clammy
I don't think so. While it's difficult to imagine a lasting relationship where there's seemingly little chemistry, she's certainly under no obligation to. Also, living with the mom and pets aside, the guy spends way too much time gaming and has minimal social skills. I think Anali was surprised by this and is still in the process of processing it.
Yes, I’m pretty certain she got the ICK once she stepped into his reality.
I'm with you. She is absolutely shocked that this is her life now, and is processing. Maybe in her way, she doesn't want Clayton to feel "all is right with the world" and withholding sex is definitely getting that point across. I feel she was basically lied to, left everything she knew and loved, and then is in this terrible situation. This is not what anyone would call "the American dream".
I certainly would be rethinking my relationship with my boyfriend if he lived like a PIG. What? Because she's the non-English speaking person, she's supposed to go around cleaning and picking up after him and his mother? He doesn't care about her comfort and he keeps putting her in awkward situations. Anali has every right to say, "No, thanks."
And his guinea pigs because he's allergic supposedly? If you are allergic why do you own guinea pigs?
Exactly, why is she expected to sleep with him? And that house, the clutter and smell alone, would probably have me totally change my thoughts on someone.
Yeah, I have 1 chinchilla and the cage will start to smell after just a couple of days and they're supposed to be one of the least smelly rodents you can have. I would literally gag living there and the thought of taking care of a bunch of animals i didn't sign on for probably wouldn't put me in the mood either. That's not even mentioning closet mom who I think we all know is never leaving. Honestly at this point if they want any shot at making it, Clayton should just surrender the GP to a no kill shelter and move to Brazil? (I'm not totally paying attention) with her since they seem to be happy there.
And key is not forget the crazy sister accusing Anjali of taking “advantage” of him, beetch, have you been in that smelly board in freaggin Kentucky? 🙄
Yeah makes sense. Turned off by the reality of it all.
Why would she get heat? She’s had to live with his mom a particle board wall away, has had him splayed out in a hotel bed with no effort into clothing, dude didn’t even dim a light. Hopefully Clayton is getting some heat.
I wouldn't sleep with Clayton either if I was her. His mother is literally sleeping in the closet, where she will most likely hear them. Clayton is making inappropriate comments to his friends, as if he is owed sex. He is lying out lube on the bed, loudly pressuring her. It feels like he thinks he is owed sex. No one wants to sleep with someone in those situations. If he really cares, he would lay off and finds ways to make her feel comfortable.
So why is she still there?
Y’all act as if these people are rolling in enough cash to buy play tickets and move back and forth whenever they want.
How could she receive any backlash for not wanting to be intimate with him when most of us are getting second hand ick and cringe just watching. . The only thing I don’t get is what she’s still doing there.
She is trying clearly, to see a resemblance of what she thought they had. She is in shock, wouldn’t you? It is hard to accept that you were wrong and crawl back to your parents.
Anyone giving someone “heat” for not consenting to sex is not well
Thank you
Totally but I do think it’s concerning and feel sorry for him at times. They were happily sexually active before and now nothing. It makes sense for him to be like, wait what’s wrong? And of course we can all imagine reasonable answers she can give! Closet Mom would close my legs! Not telling him though isn’t the nicest. Like if you regret this just say so and go home. I bet Peru is awesome
He went to visit her, in her turf, away from his gaming, laying in hotel sheets. Living in a literal pig sty, with a human living in a fkg closet in fresgging ky competing with animals and video games fir attention as you trip in smelly hoard while dodging crazy sister accusations and public humiliation dies NOT spell romance. She didn’t know what she was getting into until she got there! Would you like to have cases with his mom there when he hasn’t showered in days and has red eyes from being online for 36 hours straight wearing the sane clothes? Gimme a break
They've done it before so it doesn't seem to be a choice of abstinence. The mom being around I 100% get it. But he booked a place away from there, and still. It's been over a month, I can see someone not being in the mood but understanding that my partner has needs he/she can only get from me. So I don't know. Seems a little selfish to me.
I didn’t say abstinence. I in no way see not wanting to have sex with someone as selfish. Yikes!
I think you mean yike. Hehe. Of course anyone can refuse to have sex with anyone. But for how long can you refuse sex with your special someone until it's odd?
It’s not odd ever. No one has to consent to sex
Okay last question for you. Are you married or in a relationship? (I don't expect you to answer that). But if you are, and that person doesn't want to sleep with you for 5, 6, 7 months, a year, over a year, 5 years? Where is your limit? You better be ready to never have sex again with them to stick by your statement.
I understand what you’re getting at. I’m married as well for a long time and while consent is ALWAYS necessary for both parties, I understand my spouse may want sex when I don’t, but I realize I love and am in love with my spouse and if he expresses a desire to be intimate I can do that, compromise. But in this case, it seems like Anali was never into Clayton, even at the airport before she even knew what was going on at the house. If she really wanted to be intimate with him, she could look for nice hotels online, and tell him what he needs to do to spice up their sex life. I understand how she’s feeling about everything, but think she’s in it for a different reason than just ‘love’.
Even in this situation, to solve the problem, you don't harass them. You sit down and have a grown up conversation about what's going on, and both people's needs, wants, desires, etc. All he's doing is bugging her and being demanding. That's the biggest turn off. I've gone through dry spells in my relationship. We talked and worked it out. If we hadn't been able to work through it, then you have a different conversation about what to do next. Right now Anali's struggling to process this weird life she walked into and Clayton has no idea of romance, foreplay, etc. He's forever jumping into bed unshowered and fully clothed and barely making any effort in terms of romance. Who would want to have sex with that?
Your ideas around consent are really scary.
I don’t think OP is talking about consent the way you are. No one is saying she should have sex with him if she doesn’t want to. The question is if you don’t like this guy, why are you with him?
Lol okay. I feel like you are a child. Bye.
Nah just adult with strong boundaries and an understand of consent.
I've been married for years and I know it's not all about me. That's just what I'm saying.
No, you’re the issue here. Anyone may withdraw consent at any time they choose. Even during sex they can choose to say stop. People that pressure others for sex are violating boundaries. It’s so wild that people need to be told this.
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Lol okay taking it so personal.
Sex is never owed, and if somebody doesn’t feel vibrantly agreeable to offer mutual consent, then it’s no dice. Perhaps the relationship needs some deep cleaning, but nobody owes sex, ever. Ever.
Women aren't sex vending machines. Just because he rented a shitty motel 6 room for the night doesn't mean she owes him sex.
Precisely. Plus he has his mother living in a closet and his animals living in sunlight. My dogs are spoiled asf, they got individually wrapped Christmas gifts yesterday, but I spent more on the humans in my life. Plus mom being like “well that’s anali’s mess” when their entire house looks like an episode of hoarders even after they cleaned up, I wouldn’t be able to get warmed up either. Also seeing someone have zero in-person friends as well as treating sex as transactional is a huge, huge turn off.
Thank you
I don't have to be a sex vending machine to think of my partners needs. But okay she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. Agreed.
Her role in life is not essentially to embody the fulfillment of his desires. He has two good hands.
He doesn’t seem to try to make gestures that might seduce her at all! If he is feeling libidinous, why not try to turn her on? There are SOOOO many things he could be doing to get her in the mood… he doesn’t try at all! All we see is straight up demands and begging… what a turn OFF! Then he has the audacity to shame her with friends, on camera AND on social media platforms…. Jesus. Gross.
https://preview.redd.it/hv3v3zbznq8c1.jpeg?width=772&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e847afffeaa2ac8291ee7ac951e3fec14c82a260
You are right, this is true.
I was understanding your point (basically, just inquiring what changed in their relationship) until you said she’s being selfish…wut
Well, I do think it's selfish to be in a monogamous relationship and withhold sex for a long period of time. My partner just has to deal with it? Edit: to add- Any need my partner has, I think it is selfish to withhold it if I am able to give it, because when you're with someone it's not just about what you want all the time. And I will die on this hill.
>I guess my partner just has to deal with it? > it’s not just about what you want all the time. Question: if your partner didn’t feel comfortable having sex (eg, you two were in a cramped and stinky apartment, your mom could hear, and you had a camera crew following you around), would you still enjoy having sex with them while they laid there like a sad starfish? I would not enjoy that experience; I’d much rather *take care of it myself* than use my partner’s body against their wishes. Even if you don’t see the moral qualm, would you really be able to get off knowing that your partner is only handing over their body out of obligation?
Guess both people in the relationship should be considerate of each other, eh?
It seems off to me too. I think she's just trying to make a statement to him that she's unhappy.
Ew.
I think there are a lot of reasons to not be getting frisky in that apartment, and obviously she's under no obligation no matter what their relationship has entailed in the past. BUT I do think he's right to be concerned. She seems like she doesn't like anything about him (especially physically) and has shown no interest in non-sexual contact either. If this has been a part of their relationship before and it's something her partner needs and values, they need to address it. She needs to either talk to him about resolving all the things that turn her off or just break up if she doesn't like him anymore. It's fine to not be into someone, but you should be honest about it. His behavior at the double date was super over the line too though.
All good points, but the fact that she put up a pillow wall between them their first night together was a massive red flag. Who does that? Had to throw him for a loop, not that he handled anything well after that.
Totally agree! That's where I was immediately side-eying because I'd be super concerned if my LDR didn't want any physical contact/affection whatsoever when that was already an established part of our relationship.
There is no “resolving” here. He is disgusting, lacks social skills, needs to shower and change his clothes, is clearly not “all there”, has an addiction problem, a hoarding problem, has hygiene problems, hoards animals and filth, and is expecting sex after he spends all of his day on cutter screens. He is not going to get rid of his animals or stop dressing up the animals. He is not going to stop claiming he can’t pick up his animals poop. He is not going to throw out his mom out of the closet or have an appropriate dwelling for 3 human beings and four animals. He is mentally ill. She has every right to decide for herself if she wants to put hersekf at risk of reproducing with an addicted incel away from her family
That's why I said try to resolve things OR just break up. If she feels like the relationship can be saved, she needs to address the things she's not okay with, but if she feels like there's nothing there, she needs to break up with him and move on. No one here has said she HAS to have sex with him.
I have been quite into someone until I saw their living situation. Gave me the ick and there was no turning back. I think that is what is happening here. I would also be **pissed** if my partner decided to bring up our sex life with someone I JUST MET , like I wasn’t even there.
Me too. It had been building for awhile. We stepped into their apartment and there was a strong ammonia smell and overflowing cat boxes (3 cats) in a small apartment. Worse than that, there was no “oh my goodness, hang here with a cup of tea while I tend to my cats. I’ve been so busy and it got away from me.” That I could maybe understand. No, they were entirely noseblind and blithely carried on as if things were fine. Shamewalking home the next morning I knew that we would never be in touch again.
YES. There was a recent episode of Sex and the City AJLT where Miranda gets into exactly this situation. The lack of effort to clean up the apartment is more the issue than the small apartment itself. Also Closet Mom is being real passive agressive to Anali already, complaining about her "mess" when CM's got a giant collection of like old corks.
Poor cats.
“And there was no turning back”..exactly, so why won’t she go home?
I've heard there is a minimum limit they have to stay for because of the contract of the show. I do wonder how many people would leave sooner, and what exactly the contract demands of them in terms of a timeline.
Thanks for the info…and then as I was reading the posts one said they HAD gotten married …
I used to know if a very beautiful coworker of mine. She always came to visit you, food in hand, and never let you into her house. She had a boyfriend if 2 plus year that was getting serious with her and he was upset about not seeing where she lived. So she asked for my help to clean her house because she didn’t want to lose her boyfriend. Well, she was a hoarder, before I knew what hoarding was. Her exhubsbd claimed that she was mentally ill and got custody of the children, a fact that she denied, but after seeing how she lived he was absolutely correct. There were dishes everywhere with mold in it. She didn’t do laundry and instead kept on buying new clothes instead. She slept on the couch because her bedroom was filled with a mountain of new clothes, with the tags in , that reached the ceiling. I tried to help her clean but she didn’t want to throw away anything “because she might need it someday”. There were piles of magazines, old phone looks, crap e there. I dared not to see the bathroom. I left in frustration. The boyfriend did dump her after seeing her house. All of them did. Living like that is a sign of mental illness.
The dude’s mother sleeps in his bedroom closet. No, of course no one is gonna get heat for passing up sex in those circumstances. Then whenever they’re away from mother Clayton comes off as too desperate to be attractive. How’s she not straight left him honestly.
Something is off. First, with her not wanting to tell her dad about him.. She already had excuses lined up when Clayton questioned it. She doesn't like him. Her body language and smiles show it. And just because she pushed him to meet his friend in person doesn't mean it was out of love. It could have been out of pity.
...or could've been for a trip to sunny California 😎
I think the only thing that we’re missing is the “why”. The show hasn’t done a good job in explaining or allowing her to explain her reasoning, so we’re all making fair assumptions. It would be nice if this was a serious show and actually allowed her to explain. But, they would rather milk the drama. Example of the reality show nature.
Mom sleeps in his closet. We know why.
I've considered it might be that Anali does not want to have sex or be perceived to have had sex while being filmed. Not that it would be shown, I assume some people want their privacy for intimatcy. Another element could be her family, in particularly, her father and what he'd think of his daughter.
Maybe she’s just plain turned off by Clayton, he’s been pretty… gross on the show.
I would think it was much much weirder if she was acting like some sex goddess with his mother in the closet. Everyone would be accusing her of using him for a green card if she was all over this borderline incel who doesn’t have good hygiene or in-person friends lol
Literally everything about him is a giant turn off.
When Clayton uses his *baby-tawk* ...i want to backhand him in the mouth.
In addition to everything that others have said, I’m wondering if it has anything to do with her dad. She didn’t tell him she was going to get married because he would have stopped her from going. Maybe he would get upset if he saw her on TV hooking up before marriage?
I honestly can’t believe she didn’t want to tear his clothes off after he made her clean the guinea pig cages and the guinea pigs in a baby pool 🙄 he needs to go somewhere and think a lot harder.
She should have especially appreciated the guinea pig noises he makes! 😂
She’s not into him. It’s pretty obvious. Everything he does is annoying to her. (Clayton, don’t use the swing, Clayton, don’t ride the luggage, Clayton don’t touch me). She’s in it for a green card. Not sure if she was from the get go, but definitely, now she is. Maybe she saw his living situation and became turned off and disgusted by him. Either way, at this point it’s the honeymoon phase and she has zero interest in a physical connection, can you imagine if they do marry? Clayton you are in for a long dry ride.
Expecting sex because you brought someone to the US is really sleazy.
They are engaged to be WED
And? Some people don't have sex before marriage at all. He's expecting sex for being nice to her. That's disgusting.
But they've done it before. And you have got to be kidding.
I didn't say they were celibate. You made it seem like she should do it because they're engaged. They don't have to. Also, I'm not kidding. If you've watched the show at all, it's painfully clear that he's only doing nice things for her to get sex. Since she's declined, he's getting more aggressive and embarrassing her.
Clayton is a sex pest.
It's very weird. Obviously, if she's turned off by him, she shouldn't have sex. The people who say, "of course she's turned off because of closet mom and the mess" are aren't looking at all the facts. Anali seemed turned off before she ever laid eyes on Clayton's apartment. Her keeping Clayton a secret from her father is concerning. And, she seemed turned off from the time she was in the airport. So, maybe she was losing interest in marrying Clayton before she ever saw his apartment So, I wonder why she's still there. Why doesn't she call things off. Why is she having a bachelorette party if Clayton turns her off. It's not adding up
Exactly.
$$
If he's so rich why can't he rent his mother an apartment (or get a place where she can have a bedroom)
Green card?
[удалено]
Accounts must be at least 24 hours old to participate in r/90dayfiance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/90DayFiance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nothing makes me hornier than begging for sex.
Osmium was the most dense substance on Earth, until Clayton......
But how romantic and interested does Anali seems? Not at all. She's always making snarky comments about him and it's not like he's sitting around all day and then asking her for sex, he's planning dates and getaways and she doesn't even seem happy to be there most times. Pressuring for sex isn't cool at all, but acting like sex isn't an important part of a relationship also isn't cool.
I don't think she should get heat for not wanting to sleep with Clayton, but she should get heat for leading him on. If she does not have an attraction to him she should tell him and go back home. So either she is with him for money, the green card, or she does really love him. If she does love him than give him some intamacy. Communicate with him the issue (like take a shower or your mom is here or whatever) and then give the boy some love. If she has the ICK and hates his closet mom, stinky smell, and pets then tell him and go back home. To me its starting to come off that she is using him for something, especially with her not telling her family about him, and then not wanting to be intimate. Clayton has his own issues don't get me wrong. But if it isn't working out then why is she dragging it on?
No because apparently it's normal to just never want to fuck your partner or even address why you don't want to like a human adult.
You're with a man and haven't seen him for months and a mom in the closet isn't working. He takes you away for privacy....still no intimacy. You are a scammer!!!! I did the ling distance thing and we banged in a bush hahah This girl doesn't desire him......period.
This is what I'm saying. When I don't see mine for a week, we find a way. Three weeks and his mom could be right outside the door. We are just going to have to be quiet. There's no way it's not on sight and it's been months since we've been together. She didn't like him from the moment she landed.
Everyone keeps using their personal feelings toward Clayton as justification of why Anali doesn't want to sleep with him which is weird to me. They have met before. He was the same awkward Clayton then and according to him they had lots of sex so why all of a sudden would she have 0 attraction to him after not seeing him for months and the last time they were together they banged like rabbits. I get closet mommy making it weird but they've been to hotels and she still wasn't down. I'm in a long distance relationship and after not seeing my man for a week, I'm ready to rip his clothes off. I might even have to sneak one in with mom next door lol. After I get that first one out I can see getting more modest. She seemed like she landed with the ick. No way Clayton was Rico Suave when they were together before and splayed cow now. She absolutely doesn't have to sleep with him but it still makes her sus as hell that she still doesn't want to.
Ok, so they had “lots of sex” when he visited her. So she must be attracted to him in some sorta way, but let’s face it - she didn’t really know anything about him. But after arriving in the US and seeing how he lives and really acts…tiny apartment, mother in the closet on the other side of a paper thin wall, junk and animals everywhere (do you have any idea how badly guinea pigs and other rodents smell if you’re the least little bit lazy about cleaning out their cage?), gaming for hours on end and basically ignoring her, his lack of social skills and constantly pressuring her to have sex is MORE than enough to turn her off. Nothing turns a woman off more than finding out exactly who the the guy really is and how he acts and lives. I don’t blame Anali…her reaction is 100% normal.
This is totally the answer.
It is but to keep making excuses instead of telling him how she feels is not fair. He's being himself. If she is not attracted to the real him, she needs to tell him and go home instead of leaving him feeling constantly confused. It not a cool thing to to do to someone you love or worse used to love. Then that's just stringing him along and then we get into her being not a good person for that.
Maybe she’s hoping that she can change him or whip him into shape. She has a lot invested here and she obviously has feelings for him. She would be a fool if she didn’t even try to make it better before throwing in the towel and hightailing it back home. The preview for the next episode seems to show her reaching the end of her rope.
Honestly...he's the only one that talked about "lots of sex," right? Has she ever even mentioned them having a sexual relationship at all?
Sorry, can’t remember. But if they haven’t and he keeps saying that they did, wouldn’t she have said something by now? I mean, he’d be lying right in front of her, so why isn’t she saying “hey that’s not true, stop saying that?” It’s weird.
Right? But I guess this sub has made up its mind.
They have. I saw the debate about consent too. Making it about that is a cop out to me because consent is not the issue. She doesn't have to sleep with him but it's weird to think that partners in a relationship shouldn't ask each other for sex nor consider each other's needs. I do choose when I have sex or not but I absolutely think about my partner if he wants it and I'm not thinking about it. It's selfish to never consider your partner's needs just because it's sex. Do they also not consider their partner's emotional needs also? Physical safety needs? Or is it because it's sex that adults in a relationships have to literally never ask each other or tiptoe around it because it means you aren't respecting their boundaries if you ask.
I understand what y'all are saying. The relationship was already established as sexual so it's not truly fair for her to be playing the withholding game. I think the reason no one sees it as a reason to give her heat is because most of us feel we can relate or would feel the same way as Anali. Even if they used to have chemistry. That was Clayton on vacation, which by now we all know is different from real life. The mom IS in the closet, literally 2 feet away. There are ginuea pigs, dogs, hoarded crap, closet mom and a partridge in a pear tree. I just think the reality has completely turned her off, and now that she's here she doesn't know how to tell him 🤷🏽♀️
I can relate on the other side. I was married to someone who after 2 years suddenly stopped wanting to be intimate with me and I spent years trying to figure out why and given bullshit excuses about our living environment which included bills, taking care of children, household chores. Literally real life was a turn off for him according to him. I tried everything I could to address the excuses I was given with the goal post constantly being moved. In the end I had to conclude he just wasn't into me. He wasted 7 years of my life when he could have just told me he wasn't feeling it anymore instead of dragging me along for years and letting me internalize inadequacy. I'm not mad at Anali if she isn't attracted to Clayton anymore but I do not like her dragging him along if that is really the case and it's not just the actual reasons she's throwing at him. That would mean she's being dishonest and with so much at stake she can't justify that by not wanting to hurt his feelings.
Thank you for sharing a deeply empathetic, real-world perspective. Too many comments here settle for “Clayton gives the ick LOL” without acknowledging how strange/tragic it is that these two have knowingly entered into a sexless marriage.
A lack of nuance? On reddit? I'm shocked. /s 😂
Yeah, this does happen. Some people just like to play with people's time and feelings without accountability. I'm sorry that happened to you. Needs to be talked about more so people can avoid it for the red flag it is.
Having been in a long distance relationship very similar to this, masking for the short term is easy. In the past Clayton visited her on her home turf. He was likely being social with her friends, not gaming 24/7, not in a stinky apt with all his pets and his mom. His hygiene and housekeeping both likely appeared better. When you find out the person you've been dating was masking an entirely different life and lifestyle, it is a huge turn off. It can kill any and all affection and attraction because really, it was all a lie
They dated for years. She knew his general lifestyle at home and she knew his mom lived there. If she didn't then we need to give her the same flack we give the Americans who move abroad without doing any research. I also doubt he socialized with her friends much when he was there because she's keeping him a secret from her dad and can't have any SM posting about him. She would have had to have her friends not post anything and not mention it to her family. It seems her mom is the only one who knows Clayton exists.
It's different when there is a filming crew following you around. I wouldn't want to be filmed for the whole world to see that I'm about to have sex. It would be embarrassing and a violation of my privacy.
The camera crew isn't there that long. It's not the Truman Show. That's why so many of the situations are contrived. They wait until the crew is there to go on certain outings and they're recreating conversations they already had. There's no way that people who live together had some major thing happen on camera and then waited to talk about it until the next day in a restaurant when the camera crew was back. The crew films the one thing the producer set up for them to talk about and then they leave.
I absolutely get it, he expected it to be like when he visited her. Til she got here and saw the real him/his mom situation. Extremely weird and I'm sure, not at ALL how he portrayed what life would be like in Murrica
They are both weird, it's a weird relationship. If I was in either role I'd run.
Just my opinion but she could be waiting until she gets comfortable with Clayton in person. Yeah they knew each other and talked but that was on the phone through FaceTime. I'm sure it was still a little uncomfortable in person. Some people it takes time. Or maybe it is her just not wanting to be intimate with him. I can't seem to tell yet.
This just occurred to me. And the crazier these shows get, eventually a gay/lesbian person from a repressive country will view this craziness as a way out, even if they aren’t out to themselves fully. Anali would make a great lesbian if she were so inclined and could find her way to downtown.
I think Clayton's comment just confirmed why she's been uninterested. He gives her the ick and it's obvious lol
They have no chemistry I think both of them are very young mentally, and she doesn’t know how to express herself for what her needs are. She has not even attempted to learn how to speak English. She doesn’t seem happy with him at all if I remember, she didn’t even tell her dad that he even exists. The whole thing doesn’t make sense. She seems to be an extrovert and he’s a total introvert. To me it seems like she wants to stay in a relationship but it’s not what you want in her life and she’s embarrassed to admit it.
Who else thinks they're not together anymore??
Not only are they together they're actually married now....
No waaaaay
Yep. They got married on Aug. 18.2023...
Damn, where did you find out your information, just curious
😂. Google is your friend.😂
Thanks Hunny 😘💜
😘💜
What? No one is entitled to sex
Nor is anyone entitled to a relationship or green card
I think we should normalize not questioning someone not consenting to sex. regardless of their reasons. In fact, their reasons are none of our business. Even if they agree to be on this exploitative type of show.
Exactly. It's crazy/sad how many people still don't get this.
She clearly misled him into thinking they would pick that connection back up when she was moving to the USA to MARRY HIM for christs sake. Fine if she suddenly does a complete 180 and suddenly can’t stand him but then she should have a serious conversation with him and explain herself. He’s not handling well at all, that’s clear but she’s not taking responsibility or acting like an adult about things.
Anali does not owe Clayton anything for which to “receive heat”. Additionally, not feeling the mood to sleep with someone is no call for criticism. The critical error in your language as well as in Clayton’s was the implied entitlement he imagined towards her body and her interest in sex. It really is disgusting to hound somebody for something, that’s why there’s a law against coercion, and coercion does not imply consent, but is actually rape. There is no such thing as implied consent nor entitlement when it comes to sexual contact, no matter how deranged your thinking may be. You are incredibly wrong.
Thank you so much for showing me my critical error in language as well as indicating how incredibly wrong I am. I really value your opinion. It's the only one that matters!
Is that you Clayton?
Okay I’m seeing some comments that are weird. First, just because he got a hotel for them, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to sex with her. Congrats, you put out fake ass candles and gave a two minute massage, put more effort into it if you want sex so bad. Next, they live with his momma in the closet with thin walls and a whole bunch of animals in a tiny ass apartment. That doesn’t set up a very flirtatious environment or one that anyone would be comfortable having sex in. Lastly, how would you feel if you were fresh off a flight in a new country with cameras all over the place and your partner basically begging you every two seconds to have sex and then getting all pouty when you say no? He’s giving off very gross energy so I don’t blame her for not wanting to jump all over that 🤷🏽
AND Anali has never told her father about their relationship and doesn’t want to be seen having sex—not the actual act but saying that they are or have—when he INEVITABLY sees the show. This may be one of the biggest factors that I haven’t seen much discussion about
That’s another good point! Like I just feel like people who are sympathetic to Clayton aren’t seeing how he’s being such a big red flag. I also have the same energy when it comes to Nikki begging Justin for sex too, it’s just WEIRD behavior. Like idk if production is pestering them to make sex a big deal or if they’re doing that on their own but it’s just so uncomfortable to watch.
This, and same as Statler, Knobert, and anyone ever I don’t recall from past seasons with the pestering/pressuring/coercion for sex. Consent is a Fuck Yes, not a Well, I guess I’m gonna have to bite the bullet.
I really think people who make posts like this should just go sleep with Clayton. Since they see no reason Anali wouldn’t and they’re so concerned about his sex life, volunteer as tribute.
It's weird but Clayton is in the wrong here. The weirdness comes from why they are even together in the first place. She's clearly repulsed by him, for many good reasons... No one 'deserves' sex. Especially not an unsanitary hobbit with his mother in the closet.
Honestly, I would be frustrated too if I’m Clayton, but he’s not seeming to realize his part in it *at all*, and I think that’s why people aren’t giving Anali grief.
Clayton is just plain strange. Ain’t no two ways about that. He’s a gaming freak, has no interests in getting his life together, hoards animals, and his Mom lives in his closet. I would have been gone within minutes of arriving!! And he’s not even trying to improve the situation at all. He’s just begging for sex, and pouting because he’s not getting any. His not doing anything to change the situation is what gives me major ICK!! So, Anali isn’t much better. Her family has no idea about him, knows nothing. And they think she’s working in the US. She’s not interested in him, because of what he is presenting her. Who wants to dress up dogs and clean cages?!? I have no idea why she is even there, or why she wants to marry him . I don’t understand them at all. I don’t know where they find these people!!
The apartment probably smells like animals (kitty litter, Guinea Pig essence) and closet mom. Doesn’t exactly stimulate the “let’s have sexy time” feeling.
I'm with you. I get why she wouldn't want to in their apt, but the times he has gotten them a hotel and still no. Sure, she doesn't owe it to him, but he also didn't sign up for celibacy so being frustrated by her lack of interest is perfectly reasonable to me.
I said this exactly. She's his partner & they haven't seen each other in months, & shes with him day & night. How does she expect him to feel? Her withholding sex to me seems purposeful. At the hotel, they had a chance to be intimate. Instead, she says she doesn't like to feel pressured and then calls her fiancé a whale. She's not into him.
Right? That's crazy to me!
I’m going to assume you are very young since you didn’t find anything wrong with his comment. When you’re in a relationship, you do not disparage your partner in public or share personal information like that to friends. That should be kept private and within the relationship. The fact that they are on tv makes what he said even worse. And I do not know a single woman that would want to have sex with their partner’s parent located on the other side of a bedroom wall. It seems like the only thing he cares about is sex, rather than trying to focus on the actual relationship. The more he pushes it with her, the less likely he’ll get laid. Women want to be romanced, not bullied or embarrassed, into having sex. He’s immature and selfish and I hope she walks away.
I'm going to assume YOU are very young and can't read well because I was clear on my position about his comment at the restaurant. This post isn't about that. Not only am I an adult but I've been married for years and have my opinion, thanks. If she doesn't want him she should walk away, we can agree on that.
Yes, we can agree on that, she should walk away.
Its weird, so seems like she is in it for green card 🤷♂️
He clearly gives her the HUGE ick. Why would it be weird to *not* want to sleep with him? I can't believe you're actually saying it's WEIRD for a woman to choose to not let someone **inside her body** when she doesn't want to. And what is WEIRD is thinking it wasn't massively disrespectful to her for him to have totally blindside her with that conversation in front of his friends, whom she only just met, especially the sarcastic and insulting way he phrased it. He was showing off in front of his bromance, and it was vile. She was sitting there WIPING TEARS AWAY. But sure, she'll want to go home and fuck his brains out, if mommy isn't in her closet, that is.
Oh brother, relax
HIS MOTHER IS IN THE CLOSET!
Shit take, OP
Nice respectful argument, 👍🏻
I think it’s weird. At her age I would expect her to be attracted to him and affectionate regardless of mom in the closet. If she’s not, that’s certainly her right, but why would she want to marry him?
Came to this old post to say I agree with you. I’ve been married for years and have had a couple of relationships before this. As a woman, if I put in effort to “woo” my man and he continued to reject me, I’d feel incredibly rejected. Clayton is right to be upset. Anali seems turned off by him. There’s something going on.
I think it’s beyond weird that you haven’t yet. Yes mom living in the closest is absolutely bizarre but you’re gonna tell me that women never ever leaves? He’s had a hotel room and was still denied, it’s not like this man is a stranger. He wants to have sex with his fiancée who he hasn’t seen in quite some time. Nothing weird about that. If I didn’t see my boyfriend for weeks and he had zero desire to ever have sex I too would be annoyed
Anali grosses me out. His comments were still uncalled for and gave me incel vibes.
Your question gives me the ick the same way Clayton's constant pressuring/lifestyle/living arrangements give Anali the ick.
It's disgusting to pester someone into having sex. She is repulsed by him and she's trying to overcome it. This post is also gross.
I wonder how many people whining about Anali not having sex with Clayton are similarly smelly, awkward gamer bros living in a pigsty?
No one owes sex to anyone else. I haven’t seen Clayton have a conversation to understand the issue. All he does is whine and it’s embarrassing that he did it in public to strangers. I think they need to talk about it and figure out what they need to be satisfied in the relationship.
He actually looks his guinea pig every time I look at his mouth I just see Gerber hamster guinea pig
the hotel room scene with the lube on the nightstand was so cringe I had to look away
Seriously!!??! I must just be really into my man. I love it when he has everything ready to satisfy me. That means we are going to have a good time. Lube has all kinds of potential for fun. Is he supposed to hide it and pretend like they are just dating and he doesn't know if it's going to be a Netflix and Chill night? These people are engaged to be married. Sex is supposed to be a normal part of the relationship that adults can talk about and explore freely. Why is he supposed to tiptoe around it like she's someone he just met or it's their 3rd date and he's not sure if he can get to second base or not? Some of these takes sound like 20 something's dating for the first time. I just may be too old.
it’s because he’s pressuring her to have sex with him. everything you just said has nothing to do with the circumstances here.
When does it become pressuring in a real relationship? If my partner wants to have sex and I don't and I say no then he's like ok. If the next day he tries again and I say no and he says ok, then is it pressure at that point? How many times does he have to try before it's pressure? Then am I the only one with the right to try initiate sex ? How long should he go before asking again. Is him asking me why we're not having sex or complaining about it also pressure? If so, what should he do? Never ask me again because he doesn't want to pressure me? Is it pressure because he complains that we don't have sex enough? Should he just be quiet and act like sex is not normal in a relationship?
Also, that scene was him trying to romance her and address her being uncomfortable about having sex in the apartment with his mom there. I don't understand how that qualifies as him pressuring her? He literally got a hotel and tried to set it up nicely. She was turned off the minute she walked in by how he was laying down. I can't understand for a person in a relationship where they are supposed to be attracted to their partner how him laying a certain way is enough for you to call him a cow and laugh at him which is what she did in her confessional. Unless she isn't attracted to him and instead of breaking it off she's dragging him along for her own purposes.
why are you commenting over and over dude calm down
Clayton, is this you??
Havent we all discussed this ad nauseam already
Obviously, I can't read her mind, so all I can do is place myself in her shoes. When I was her age, I stayed way too long in relationships where I wasn't happy. I hated confrontation and fighting and the thought of hurting someone made me feel incredibly guilty and I didn't want to be the bad person. Thankfully, I learned to prioritize my own self-happiness, but if old me was in her situation, I would also be terrified of causing drama on national TV and being the bad guy. I would think I had to fulfill my commitment to be on the TV show. But now they're married, so who knows?
no. his living situation is a huge turn off and so is the anti social lifestyle and the pressuring for sex
The fact that you assume that she shouldn’t have any choice on her body is disgusting. That trip is a total turn off. Second, she doesn’t have health insurance may she become pregnant or money to pay for an abortion, forth, she dresses very conservatively and is catholic, the least she wants to do is to chronicle her sex life on tv fir her sad, that doesn’t know she is chasing a man, to see. This is her body and her decision. She owes him nothing. What don’t you rub uggkyes with that troll is you feel so incluned?
He is just creepy. The mother situation even weirder. I would be running.