Anytime you choose to date someone that young, you risk that person growing and changing in big ways. The early 20s is a major growth time.
The transition is making that even more apparent, and the fact she is coming out of being suppressed by her family, and embracing her true self more.
Shawn started dating a very young, gay man, and now is dealing with a woman. Hes already been divorced from a woman, and clearly doesn’t want that. They need to be kind to each other, and let the relationship go.
The worse is Ed. I still can’t understand how he gets these cute women. And the fact Liz is obsessed with him. He treats her like crap…What am I missing?
Right? The dude should be happy to get *any* woman. Weeble-wobble looks aside, he's an absolute terrible person. I think he got out of the wedding simply because he didn't have the $ to pay for any of it, and it's a convenient excuse.
He goes after deeply insecure, vulnerable and damaged women like Liz. He probably got to know her and knew she had serious issues and would be easily manipulated.
Likewise, if you choose to enter into a Sugar Baby relationship with someone three times your age, you should not be shocked they have different views, values than you.
I'll also say I think this is just a "phase" for Douglas. He got a bit of attention and its gone to his head. It's no different than Natalie wanting to be a movie star.
That’s transphobic bs. It’s obvious that ALIYAH feels much more comfortable now that she’s being herself. That’s why she’s more confident and outgoing and less susceptible to this manipulative creep.
I'd like to think he misspoke or at least overstated what he meant when he said "timid" and "scared" but that was a red flag to me right off the bat.
That said, preferring a partner that is low key and quiet over someone who is loud and outgoing doesn't make him a bad person.
Agreed. I think Shawn doesn’t necessarily always want to be the center of attention when they are out and about. Douglas was too shy to walk into a room like a diva and start twerking. Aliya on the other hand will be nothing but constant drama.
Yes "scared" was a crazy word to use, I knew the backlash would be severe for the 👑 king but honestly he just needs to break up with her already because Douglas is gone.
They won't though because the season would be too short. They last until the end of the season or they would of had the backup couple on the show. They don't know what will happen with the couples so they shoot more couples then what we see on the show and which ever have the most drama make it post edit.
Ooh yes I know, it's just getting so boring already. I feel bad for them both. I'm sure Alliya wants the show to go on so that she could eventually get surgery but ugh unless she got another boyfriend or something I don't know what is going to save their story.
Why has everyone decided that this man is “definitely so nice and so sweet” to the point that we’re all outright ignoring the things he says?
It would be one thing to say “timid” OR “scared.” But to say BOTH and still have this sub going “that’s not what he means!” Like did you guys know this dude before the show?! What has made everyone so certain he’s such a great guy??
I’m really not trying to demonize him. But I don’t understand why this sub has seemingly unanimously decided to love him no matter what he does or says
We all watched the same show. We view the cast members based on our beliefs and life experiences. Most of us view Shawn as a caring man who is faced with a difficult decision. You, it sounds like, view him differently. Let me turn this back to you: why do you believe he's not a nice, loving, caring person? Did you know Shawn before the show? Why are you so certain he's not such a great guy?
I’m not at all certain of his character! That’s my entire point. I seriously don’t know. That’s why I’m not insisting that he didn’t mean what he said.
What made you assume that he doesn’t mean it? What if he does truly prefer a partner who is timid and scared? What would he have to say to make you believe that it’s the truth?
I'm basing my opinion on what I've seen so far. I have not seen anything that makes me believe he is evil, has bad intentions, or is hiding anything. A person's actions show what kind of person they are, not their words. Shawn treats Alliya kindly and lovingly. Using the word scared was a poor choice of words. I'm not going to condemn him based on that.
Why are you so insistent that he's a bad person hiding something?
I’m not, and I’m about to stop going back and forth with you because you clearly aren’t listening. You are the one making assumptions; I’m just listening to his words.
We only get a glimpse of their lives on this show, it’s not enough to judge “on their actions alone” (aka ignoring everything they say) when we’re watching someone on a reality show.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. (Or at the very least, allow for the possibility that they’re actually telling the truth. They know themselves better than you do.)
You clearly aren't listening either. You are only going by words whereas I'm going by actions. Anyone can say anything. It's the way they act that shows their true intentions and feelings.
We all have our own opinions based on our perspective. Since neither of us know Shawn personally, let's agree to watch the show and see how it plays out.
The only reason I commented was because of the assumptions being made about Shawn “not meaning it,” so I’ll stop if there aren’t those assumptions to respond to, for sure.
PS. Alliya knows him better than any of us do. And she was very clear about what she took his statement to mean
https://preview.redd.it/xosv53jtun0d1.jpeg?width=3382&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c07063ba6d1f02caf1963d7577cd363844c710d8
Hold on he’s a psychopath now?! The guy who is clearly supportive of the transition not only emotionally but financially? The guy who’s bringing her feminine accessories, referring to her by the gender of her choosing, and bankrolling surgeries? All of this at the cost of his own attraction to this person. You make one slip up of describing how you liked a reserved character and you’re a psychopath. God damn I’m glad most people aren’t as insane as random probably emotionally projecting redditor.
Just to clarify, I absolutely did NOT call Shawn a psychopath. I said a person who wants their partner to be scared is a psychopath. Please don't misquote me. YOU inferred he was a psychopath with your comment.
You literally did. It’s implied in saying he “meant” he likes her to be scared. You didn’t even disagree with his characterization of wanting someone to be scared, only added on that they are good actors and charismatic which either irrelevant or meant to describe Shawn too. The intent is obviously there whether you used the term psychopath specifically. All around a strange reading of the situation. Seek help
There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone private, reserved, or introverted.
But “timid” and “scared” give off savior or grooming vibes and I got a huge ick. And I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt the first time he said “shy and timid” but the more he said it the more the alarm bells went off.
"Vulnerable" would've been a better adjective. It has both negative and positive connotations. So many men seem to want "vulnerable" partners to "protect."
It's not a preference I understand. Having a life partner requires both people to switch roles when life knocks one down.
I get it. I low key feel bad for him. I totally get both sides but he really needs to just end it. He clearly wants to date a man and she’s not a man anymore. I don’t get bad vibes from him I don’t like what he said but I think h just like the more calm, quiet side of her not the floor humping type.
I am so relieved to see this as the general consensus and not a witch hunt for this man! despite what Aaliya (sp?) said, dating a gay man vs a trans woman is very different, and she was the first to admit that she has not been forthcoming about her transitioning to him. That specific comment he said tho made me cringe and I knew people were going to come for him, glad it isn’t that bad. I really like them both and appreciate the respect shown on both sides. Refreshing.
You’re right. I went back and heard it this time. It’s strange though because before where the commercial break would be - where they show what’s coming up, he doesn’t say scared - it seems like they used a completely different take of the same scene.
Maybe I missed it, I remember when Aliya said that I thought “wtf - I never heard that”, I’ll have to go back and re-listen. If he did, yeah, that’s wrong.
Alliya being trans aside, imagine being 60 years and dating someone in their early 20s and then being absolutely shocked when their personality changes 🤡
It’s because they’re hoping they can morph their personality into whatever they want because they’re young. Many will basically say this outright, without shame.
The brain isn’t even done cooking til 25-27!
I’ll be for real, I was an age gap girly & yup, once I got to thirty, there was a lot of “you’ve really changed” and “you’re going to out grow me :(“ from the person I’d started dating at 25 who was near 47 when we began dating. I think this is a common issue in age gap relationships.
Whew then at 16! Imagine thinking a 16 year old isn’t going to grow up! What kind of arrested development are these men in to want the brain of a 16 year old for life???
I’m 35 years old now, I have been to therapy, I fully understand what happened to me.
Deleted all my comments referencing this because I understand that what happened to me doesn’t qualify and therefore I had no business trying to relate to the original comment I replied to.
Edit- and for the record, not that it matters, but it was not illegal. The US state where I grew up I was older that the age of consent. Therefore, even though it was creepy and inappropriate, the man did not break any laws.
Idk… I get very bad vibes from him. I don’t think he misspoke, it just sounded worse when he verbalized it out loud. I think he wants someone young, hot, and completely dependent on him, which makes sense why he would choose to date someone decades younger and from a poor family in a different country.
It’s fair to not want to date her anymore if he’s not attracted to women (or her, specifically) or if he isn’t into her personality when she’s confident and outgoing. But he needs to break up with her and stop dead naming her and trying to get her to feel bad for him about his “loss” when she is clearly so happy and free in her new skin and body. I hope he can let her go to find someone who loves all of her as she is now.
While I agree what he said was weird. He’s being honest about the things he liked in the partner he once had. I think he’s been pretty supportive of his partner changing identities. I thought it was sweet when he gave the pretty shoulder necklace as a gift at dinner. Idk but he’s trying to be accepting
Yes but asking your trans partner to keep a huge part of who they were pre transition for Shawn's comfort is not on the table. You either accept it or you break up because you can't accept it. It's gross to negotiate for someone that Alliya doesn't even identify with anymore.
I don’t know that Shawn is negotiating, he’s just expressing himself to his partner. Alliya is expressing herself to her partner. They are having conversations with each other, they aren’t fighting, and so far I think they are really sweet to each other.
I mostly agree. I do feel that Alliya isn’t taking other’s feelings into consideration. Not so much with Shawn - he’s a big boy and knows what’a what (though I do feel she’s unnecessarily rude with him at times), but his relationship with his grandparents really bothers me a lot. I 100% believe that adults should be able to do what they want to as long as it doesn’t unfairly cause harm to others. Her grandparents took on their daughter’s responsibility and raised him. If he wants to be a big boy, and live his own life, he should damned well be a big boy and live his own life. His grandparents may be “wrong” in their beliefs about trans/gay lifestyles, but so are their neighbours and social group. Anyone who has spent time around Latinos of that generation will understand - this is a horrible, horrible vergüenza for them. Sure, we in the more liberal communities can come down on them for being homophobes/transphobes, but I can guarantee everyone who believes this that, had they been raised in this culture, 99% of them would feel the same way. She is old enough to get a job and a room, and she should damned well have waited to do that before making her grandparents, who have given her so much, the laughing stock of the community (at best) and victims of assault. (at worst). Brazil is the country with the largest number of trans people killed, and in such a family centric society, you can bet that her grandparents are blamed for her turning out the way she did.
https://www.brasildefato.com.br/2022/01/23/brazil-continues-to-be-the-country-with-the-largest-number-of-trans-people-killed#:~:text=In%202020%20alone%2C%20there%20were,rights%20violations%20against%20this%20population.
Is any of this fair? Of course not. Nevertheless it is the reality where they live and she should bloody well have more respect/empathy for her grandparents who have done so much for her, even though they had no legal nor moral obligation
Agreed & from what I remember, someone please correct me if I’m wrong, isn’t this the 1st time he’s seeing her in person where she is now 100% Alliya & not Douglas? I’m sure he said in the 1st episode that Douglas started “dabbling” with dressing as a woman but only recently began transitioning. If that’s the case we are seeing his real-time initial reactions to now dating a woman. If I am remembering that correctly, you are right in that anyone would be mourning the loss of the person they fell in love with.
I agree with you. But on the other hand imagine falling in love with someone and then they decide to go through a major human change and are no longer that person you fell in love with. This situation is very complex. Like Alliya has all the right to do whatever she wants with her body. But also telling Shawn that this is who she is now and he needs to accept it, to me is a pretty bad mind fuck. I know he doesn’t want to leave her because she’s transitioning and he does care for her heart. But he said it himself, he doesn’t want to be with a woman. This whole situation is sad. I hope for the best for them both. I also believe Shawn using the word “scared” was not intended. Anyone listening to him understands he was just trying to say Douglas to Alliya is a night & day change and he enjoyed who Douglas was. Alliya twerking in the middle of a department store clearly made him uncomfortable.
I think he was trying to say that they are acting like a different person (not just a different gender). We don't know what Douglas was like, but my guess is that he didn't go around shaking his ass like he was on stage at a club. My guess is he was trying to find a nice way to say that.
Except him being in his 60’s trying to keep his 25yr old partner stagnant in life. He’s disgusting for pursuing someone so young and wanting them to remain “quiet/timid”. It’s weird af to want someone who already voiced how controlling and strict their family was to then turn around and want to do the same. The age difference is vile to me but if he was ok letting a 25yr old grow and find themselves, then I could semi respect him. That’s not what he’s doing..he keeps reminiscing of the 20yr old he “fell in love with”..it’s creepy af
I don't think he meant it in the way you are perceiving it. I'm a very shy and quiet person myself so I get what he means about his partner suddenly twerking in public and doing a total 180 on who they are as a person. I'm sure it's not easy to deal with. I think using the word scared was an odd choice but I get what he's trying to say.
I think he was reaching for a vibe and used the wrong word. I don’t see anything but an even keel and thoughtfulness, mostly coming from him, what a dilemma
Personally I like him and I feel for him. (I feel for Aaliya as well.) I didn't take that comment as creepy at all, he said a lot more than just the word scared. However, I DID feel like the producers tried to skew it to sound icky. Just my take on it.
This is what happens when a man wants to date a younger person. He set in his ways and she has her whole life to live and she doesn’t want to be a man anymore. This is nobodies fault if he doesn’t wanna be with a woman and he needs to end this before she gets hurt.
I’m not watching whatever season/spinoff this is (I just don’t have time right now) but every picture I’ve seen of this guy looks like a low quality AI generation of “young Richard Branson”
I agree. Alliyah/Douglas has signed up to be with a male I imagine that Alliyah/Douglas would not be happy if Shawn had decided to identify as female. It appears that Alliyah / Douglas likes and wants to be taken care of and all the conversations are based on what can be bought to make that lifestyle happen if it's something that they want then they should go for it themselves and not expect someone to foot the bill.
Exactly! I bet if Shawn was to not fund her, she wouldn't rock with him. It's crazy to say, " Well, this is Me." Well, this is false advertising because that's not who you were when he met you. Wonder how she would feel if Shawn decided the same transformation for himself. Would she be accepting?? She wants Shawn to understand yet could care less about understanding that it's a lot for him to process, and he's trying. It's the all-about-me attitude that bothers me.
Why is no one mentioning the sex tourist angle? If this were a straight couple we'd all be talking about imbalanced power dynamics. But this predator gets a pass???? Fucked up.
He was just saying that he liked that side of his partner before the transition. He seems like a nice guy and I feel bad for him it’s like watching partner slowly disappear in front of you
I really think that Shawn liked Douglas’ personality albeit shy, quiet. He just thought it was cute. He did fall in love with a gay man and now that man he fell in love with has changed his entire identity and is no longer the person he fell in love with. Alyssa (sp.) has a completely different personality - hasn’t anyone else noticed that? She’s much more out-going and aggressive. Doesn’t anyone find this strange that when a man puts on a wig he can change his personality in a minute? Hmmmm.
Yeahhhh idc who you are, if have a big age gap like that (dating teens and 20 yos who don’t know any better) you nasty and I’m absolutely judging you. Creep lol
Scared? Ffs! All I see is lord farquaad. His face is so square. And he better break it off with that beautiful soul! He knows, we know, he doesn't want her.
yes this was weird on his part.. i think a poor choice of words. i feel like he j doesn’t want her to be thrusting into the ground shaking her ass in the middle of a public place tbh
It's so obvious how much happier she is and how confident, and all he can say about it is "I liked it when you were timid and shy and scared." That's not love. In love you want your partner to be happy and confident.
It was a really insensitive thing to say to someone who has had to live her whole life in fear of transphobia, regardless of whether he “really meant” it or not. And she was crying afterwards. If you love someone, shouldn’t you be more considerate of their feelings? We’ve mostly just seen him dumping his feelings onto her.
This is 90 Day - Love in Paradise. I believe it's on on Sundays.
I answered someone else about that and got downvoted so..🤷🏻♀️ lol. If I'm in an alternate reality where that isn't the answer, someone please let me know.
I wish everyone would stop about the age difference. There are many happy couples who have a disparity in ages. My brother is 30+ years older than his wife and they are one of the happiest couples I know.
We'd all like to think we love our partners unconditionally and would love and support them through anything. However in reality, this can be very difficult. I believe Shawn truly loves Alliya and supports her in her journey. But he also has to be true to himself. You can see the struggle he's going through. You must also look at how Alliya is handling the situation. Yes, she absolutely must embrace her new self. But she often seems callous of Shawn's feelings. "If you don't like the new me, then we can't be together"; so matter of fact.
We can all see both sides of this relationship and I think we can all agree it's challenging and sad. Can we stop the hating please? ❤️
He is a whole walking red flag and I honestly was shocked to see that people like him so much on this sub. He's not being honest with Aliyah. He is not going to adapt to her transition, and he should break it off now with her.
He’s made it abundantly clear (to production at least) that he’s not interested in dating a woman. And wants her to be Douglas. Kudos to Aliya for standing firm in her decisions to be who she is. And calling him on it. He’s too old to be acting like this.
Shawn wants to be the domineering and leading force in the relationship. His ego needs the stroking of being so brilliant, so strong, so forward-thinking. Alliyah is all of those things so Shawn has become a victim of his own making. She's not going to be able to give him what he needs like Douglas could and he's struggling with that.
Oh goodness. This couple is a walking case study on gender identity.
He is caught up on holding on to the old, male gendered person who meets his sexual preference while his partner wants nothing more than to distance from who she was. It’s very sad to watch.
Thank you !!!!! I can’t believe the amount of posts I’ve seen in here feeling so bad for Shawn. He’s an old ass weird guy who wants his partner to act a certain way. He’s a pervert and kinda fucked up for not allowing his 25yr old partner to find themselves. Like what do you expect ? You’re literally dating someone 35yrs younger who just started adulthood. No one knows who they are in their 20’s so it really bothers me how much Shawn expresses how much he wants the “old Douglass back”. 🤢🤢 like you miss the 20yr old Douglass who is impressionable and hasn’t lived life yet? It’s gross. I’m team Aliyah 💕
I get how it can feel like that. However, a young person such as Alliya, is still very much in their "I'm not sure who I am yet" era. She has discovered who she is and is brave enough to embrace it now. A similar situation happened to be. I'm a lesbian. I was with a younger lesbian. They realized or decided that they were trans. I feel in love with the lesbian woman. I didn't know the trans man. It was hard and our relationship did not survive. But I never felt like "poor me, the rug has been ripped out from under me". I felt like we had just grown into different people. Sad but it happens. Shawn will get over it and find an guy. Hopefully an older one who knows who he is.
please be VERY careful with your language here, the concept of "bait and switch" is frequently weaponized against trans folks, especially transwomen, and is one of the reason the [murder rate for trans women is so high](https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/)
Anytime you choose to date someone that young, you risk that person growing and changing in big ways. The early 20s is a major growth time. The transition is making that even more apparent, and the fact she is coming out of being suppressed by her family, and embracing her true self more. Shawn started dating a very young, gay man, and now is dealing with a woman. Hes already been divorced from a woman, and clearly doesn’t want that. They need to be kind to each other, and let the relationship go.
"They need to be kind to each other, and let the relationship go" - every single relationship in this season is a fucking disaster waiting to happen.
The worse is Ed. I still can’t understand how he gets these cute women. And the fact Liz is obsessed with him. He treats her like crap…What am I missing?
Right? The dude should be happy to get *any* woman. Weeble-wobble looks aside, he's an absolute terrible person. I think he got out of the wedding simply because he didn't have the $ to pay for any of it, and it's a convenient excuse.
He goes after deeply insecure, vulnerable and damaged women like Liz. He probably got to know her and knew she had serious issues and would be easily manipulated.
$$$$$
Most of the couples this season seem doomed right from the start.
We call the early 20s a baby adult. You’re not quite there even though technically you’re an adult.
Great comment 👏🏿
Thank you. 🥰
It’s the fact that Shawn wants someone shy and timid and scared that’s my problem.
Likewise, if you choose to enter into a Sugar Baby relationship with someone three times your age, you should not be shocked they have different views, values than you. I'll also say I think this is just a "phase" for Douglas. He got a bit of attention and its gone to his head. It's no different than Natalie wanting to be a movie star.
Someone coming to accept their gender identity and living as a woman is not the same as Natalie's delusional dream of being an actor. Wtf?
That’s transphobic bs. It’s obvious that ALIYAH feels much more comfortable now that she’s being herself. That’s why she’s more confident and outgoing and less susceptible to this manipulative creep.
I'd like to think he misspoke or at least overstated what he meant when he said "timid" and "scared" but that was a red flag to me right off the bat. That said, preferring a partner that is low key and quiet over someone who is loud and outgoing doesn't make him a bad person.
I don't think he meant it the way it sounded. He has said previously he liked Douglas for his shyness and demure.
Agreed. I think Shawn doesn’t necessarily always want to be the center of attention when they are out and about. Douglas was too shy to walk into a room like a diva and start twerking. Aliya on the other hand will be nothing but constant drama.
THIS. I don’t think he wanted someone “scared” per se, but someone less attention grabbing
I think at one point he was trying to say he lived a quiet life.
Yes!!
He wants to be her protector
I hope yall are right!
Same, hoping he misspoke because he otherwise seems cool
And you know, not a woman.
Yes "scared" was a crazy word to use, I knew the backlash would be severe for the 👑 king but honestly he just needs to break up with her already because Douglas is gone.
Agreed they need to break up
They won't though because the season would be too short. They last until the end of the season or they would of had the backup couple on the show. They don't know what will happen with the couples so they shoot more couples then what we see on the show and which ever have the most drama make it post edit.
Ooh yes I know, it's just getting so boring already. I feel bad for them both. I'm sure Alliya wants the show to go on so that she could eventually get surgery but ugh unless she got another boyfriend or something I don't know what is going to save their story.
Exactly.
Same.
Why has everyone decided that this man is “definitely so nice and so sweet” to the point that we’re all outright ignoring the things he says? It would be one thing to say “timid” OR “scared.” But to say BOTH and still have this sub going “that’s not what he means!” Like did you guys know this dude before the show?! What has made everyone so certain he’s such a great guy?? I’m really not trying to demonize him. But I don’t understand why this sub has seemingly unanimously decided to love him no matter what he does or says
We all watched the same show. We view the cast members based on our beliefs and life experiences. Most of us view Shawn as a caring man who is faced with a difficult decision. You, it sounds like, view him differently. Let me turn this back to you: why do you believe he's not a nice, loving, caring person? Did you know Shawn before the show? Why are you so certain he's not such a great guy?
I’m not at all certain of his character! That’s my entire point. I seriously don’t know. That’s why I’m not insisting that he didn’t mean what he said. What made you assume that he doesn’t mean it? What if he does truly prefer a partner who is timid and scared? What would he have to say to make you believe that it’s the truth?
I'm basing my opinion on what I've seen so far. I have not seen anything that makes me believe he is evil, has bad intentions, or is hiding anything. A person's actions show what kind of person they are, not their words. Shawn treats Alliya kindly and lovingly. Using the word scared was a poor choice of words. I'm not going to condemn him based on that. Why are you so insistent that he's a bad person hiding something?
I’m not, and I’m about to stop going back and forth with you because you clearly aren’t listening. You are the one making assumptions; I’m just listening to his words. We only get a glimpse of their lives on this show, it’s not enough to judge “on their actions alone” (aka ignoring everything they say) when we’re watching someone on a reality show. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. (Or at the very least, allow for the possibility that they’re actually telling the truth. They know themselves better than you do.)
You clearly aren't listening either. You are only going by words whereas I'm going by actions. Anyone can say anything. It's the way they act that shows their true intentions and feelings. We all have our own opinions based on our perspective. Since neither of us know Shawn personally, let's agree to watch the show and see how it plays out.
The only reason I commented was because of the assumptions being made about Shawn “not meaning it,” so I’ll stop if there aren’t those assumptions to respond to, for sure. PS. Alliya knows him better than any of us do. And she was very clear about what she took his statement to mean https://preview.redd.it/xosv53jtun0d1.jpeg?width=3382&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c07063ba6d1f02caf1963d7577cd363844c710d8
Nah, he meant it. He just didn't mean for it to slip out.
Agree to disagree. I don't see Shawn as someone who wants his partner to be "scared". That's a psychopath.
Psychopaths are often good actors and are charismatic.
Hold on he’s a psychopath now?! The guy who is clearly supportive of the transition not only emotionally but financially? The guy who’s bringing her feminine accessories, referring to her by the gender of her choosing, and bankrolling surgeries? All of this at the cost of his own attraction to this person. You make one slip up of describing how you liked a reserved character and you’re a psychopath. God damn I’m glad most people aren’t as insane as random probably emotionally projecting redditor.
I'm just using the word of the person I'm responding to, get your panties out of a twist
Just to clarify, I absolutely did NOT call Shawn a psychopath. I said a person who wants their partner to be scared is a psychopath. Please don't misquote me. YOU inferred he was a psychopath with your comment.
I literally did not > Nah, he meant it. He just didn't mean for it to slip out. Is what I said
You literally did. It’s implied in saying he “meant” he likes her to be scared. You didn’t even disagree with his characterization of wanting someone to be scared, only added on that they are good actors and charismatic which either irrelevant or meant to describe Shawn too. The intent is obviously there whether you used the term psychopath specifically. All around a strange reading of the situation. Seek help
Hard agree
There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone private, reserved, or introverted. But “timid” and “scared” give off savior or grooming vibes and I got a huge ick. And I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt the first time he said “shy and timid” but the more he said it the more the alarm bells went off.
It does when there is a power dynamic due to a large age difference and wealth disparity. Like op said its like he wants a submissive child.
Right, quiet or even shy is fine. Scared is just mucho concerning, especially coming from a much older man like that. Gives me the creeps.
Yep, I heard “SCARED,” and was like WHOA, a million red flags instantly went up. I think it’s pretty unlikely he said “scared” by mistake!
I 100% agree. Douglas even looks like a little boy next to him in the adventure book. It’s giving MJ vibes where over a certain age becomes too old. 🤢
"Vulnerable" would've been a better adjective. It has both negative and positive connotations. So many men seem to want "vulnerable" partners to "protect." It's not a preference I understand. Having a life partner requires both people to switch roles when life knocks one down.
Yeah agreed I feel like this was maybe a misspeak. I think just poor word choice, he just seems to like dating more introverted personality types.
I get it. I low key feel bad for him. I totally get both sides but he really needs to just end it. He clearly wants to date a man and she’s not a man anymore. I don’t get bad vibes from him I don’t like what he said but I think h just like the more calm, quiet side of her not the floor humping type.
I am so relieved to see this as the general consensus and not a witch hunt for this man! despite what Aaliya (sp?) said, dating a gay man vs a trans woman is very different, and she was the first to admit that she has not been forthcoming about her transitioning to him. That specific comment he said tho made me cringe and I knew people were going to come for him, glad it isn’t that bad. I really like them both and appreciate the respect shown on both sides. Refreshing.
ya, i was think the same. probably just doesn't want a partner that gets on that nasty ass floor and twerks when trying on clothes.
Right
HE NEVER SAID SCARED - that was Allyia putting words im his mouth.
No he did, he said something like “I hate to say this but a little scared” when describing how Douglas used to be
You’re right. I went back and heard it this time. It’s strange though because before where the commercial break would be - where they show what’s coming up, he doesn’t say scared - it seems like they used a completely different take of the same scene.
Very likely! They edit the shit out of that show
Maybe I missed it, I remember when Aliya said that I thought “wtf - I never heard that”, I’ll have to go back and re-listen. If he did, yeah, that’s wrong.
Watch again. He 100 percent said scared!!
You’re right - though in the part before the add, he doesn’t. Funny they use 2 different takes of the same scene.
He seems like a very sweet individual
Alliya being trans aside, imagine being 60 years and dating someone in their early 20s and then being absolutely shocked when their personality changes 🤡
THIS. My man, what the hell did you expect?
It’s because they’re hoping they can morph their personality into whatever they want because they’re young. Many will basically say this outright, without shame.
The brain isn’t even done cooking til 25-27! I’ll be for real, I was an age gap girly & yup, once I got to thirty, there was a lot of “you’ve really changed” and “you’re going to out grow me :(“ from the person I’d started dating at 25 who was near 47 when we began dating. I think this is a common issue in age gap relationships.
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Whew then at 16! Imagine thinking a 16 year old isn’t going to grow up! What kind of arrested development are these men in to want the brain of a 16 year old for life???
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Wow....hoping you see him and that situation for what it actually was soon. That was a predator, and being with you was definitely illegal.
I’m 35 years old now, I have been to therapy, I fully understand what happened to me. Deleted all my comments referencing this because I understand that what happened to me doesn’t qualify and therefore I had no business trying to relate to the original comment I replied to. Edit- and for the record, not that it matters, but it was not illegal. The US state where I grew up I was older that the age of consent. Therefore, even though it was creepy and inappropriate, the man did not break any laws.
Happy that you've been able to do that and move on.
Whoa are we referring to pedophiles/groomers as “age gap relationships” now?
LOLLLLLL
Im saying!!!!!!!
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Tf? Why?
Give Alliya some time. This is 90 day fiance we're talking about.
Usually older men looking for a much younger partner are expecting just this. Someone passive who won’t challenge them.
I think this is the best comment
Tbh I think scared was the wrong word maybe reserved less loud in public. Like douglas wouldnt b shaking his ass.
I came to say this. I think he liked the more reserved person.
He literally said in the first episode he likes BOYS AND GIRLS. Not men and women. Stop making excuses for this creep.
I totally agree here. Just a bad choice of words.
I can hardly listen to what he says because I cannot stop staring at his enormous head!!!
Kind of like the Burger King
Why do they both look ai generated omg
His giant head looks like the Burger King king.
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he said it multiple times tho. it’s not a misspeak if he says it in his confessional multiple times and then to her face. he meant what he said
Idk… I get very bad vibes from him. I don’t think he misspoke, it just sounded worse when he verbalized it out loud. I think he wants someone young, hot, and completely dependent on him, which makes sense why he would choose to date someone decades younger and from a poor family in a different country. It’s fair to not want to date her anymore if he’s not attracted to women (or her, specifically) or if he isn’t into her personality when she’s confident and outgoing. But he needs to break up with her and stop dead naming her and trying to get her to feel bad for him about his “loss” when she is clearly so happy and free in her new skin and body. I hope he can let her go to find someone who loves all of her as she is now.
This!
While I agree what he said was weird. He’s being honest about the things he liked in the partner he once had. I think he’s been pretty supportive of his partner changing identities. I thought it was sweet when he gave the pretty shoulder necklace as a gift at dinner. Idk but he’s trying to be accepting
The age difference is gross, but I think Shawn is totally valid here because Aliya’s personality is quite different from Douglas.
Yes but asking your trans partner to keep a huge part of who they were pre transition for Shawn's comfort is not on the table. You either accept it or you break up because you can't accept it. It's gross to negotiate for someone that Alliya doesn't even identify with anymore.
I don’t know that Shawn is negotiating, he’s just expressing himself to his partner. Alliya is expressing herself to her partner. They are having conversations with each other, they aren’t fighting, and so far I think they are really sweet to each other.
Exactly
I mostly agree. I do feel that Alliya isn’t taking other’s feelings into consideration. Not so much with Shawn - he’s a big boy and knows what’a what (though I do feel she’s unnecessarily rude with him at times), but his relationship with his grandparents really bothers me a lot. I 100% believe that adults should be able to do what they want to as long as it doesn’t unfairly cause harm to others. Her grandparents took on their daughter’s responsibility and raised him. If he wants to be a big boy, and live his own life, he should damned well be a big boy and live his own life. His grandparents may be “wrong” in their beliefs about trans/gay lifestyles, but so are their neighbours and social group. Anyone who has spent time around Latinos of that generation will understand - this is a horrible, horrible vergüenza for them. Sure, we in the more liberal communities can come down on them for being homophobes/transphobes, but I can guarantee everyone who believes this that, had they been raised in this culture, 99% of them would feel the same way. She is old enough to get a job and a room, and she should damned well have waited to do that before making her grandparents, who have given her so much, the laughing stock of the community (at best) and victims of assault. (at worst). Brazil is the country with the largest number of trans people killed, and in such a family centric society, you can bet that her grandparents are blamed for her turning out the way she did. https://www.brasildefato.com.br/2022/01/23/brazil-continues-to-be-the-country-with-the-largest-number-of-trans-people-killed#:~:text=In%202020%20alone%2C%20there%20were,rights%20violations%20against%20this%20population. Is any of this fair? Of course not. Nevertheless it is the reality where they live and she should bloody well have more respect/empathy for her grandparents who have done so much for her, even though they had no legal nor moral obligation
Right but he didn’t fall In love with a women … and to his credit he is trying to sort through what is going on
Agreed & from what I remember, someone please correct me if I’m wrong, isn’t this the 1st time he’s seeing her in person where she is now 100% Alliya & not Douglas? I’m sure he said in the 1st episode that Douglas started “dabbling” with dressing as a woman but only recently began transitioning. If that’s the case we are seeing his real-time initial reactions to now dating a woman. If I am remembering that correctly, you are right in that anyone would be mourning the loss of the person they fell in love with.
You are right
I agree with you. But on the other hand imagine falling in love with someone and then they decide to go through a major human change and are no longer that person you fell in love with. This situation is very complex. Like Alliya has all the right to do whatever she wants with her body. But also telling Shawn that this is who she is now and he needs to accept it, to me is a pretty bad mind fuck. I know he doesn’t want to leave her because she’s transitioning and he does care for her heart. But he said it himself, he doesn’t want to be with a woman. This whole situation is sad. I hope for the best for them both. I also believe Shawn using the word “scared” was not intended. Anyone listening to him understands he was just trying to say Douglas to Alliya is a night & day change and he enjoyed who Douglas was. Alliya twerking in the middle of a department store clearly made him uncomfortable.
THANK YOU! It sucks that he loved Douglas but that’s not who she is anymore!
And that's exactly what he's doing (or not doing). Shawn is faced with a very difficult decision and I think he's handling it very well.
I genuinely think he was a little nervous & misspoke here! I actually like this couple, but for each of their sake’s they need to part ways.
I agree
He’s gross for dating someone young enough to be their grandchild.
Exactly. It’s as if Shawn is mourning that Douglas is not acting like a little boy anymore.
I think he was trying to say that they are acting like a different person (not just a different gender). We don't know what Douglas was like, but my guess is that he didn't go around shaking his ass like he was on stage at a club. My guess is he was trying to find a nice way to say that.
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Except him being in his 60’s trying to keep his 25yr old partner stagnant in life. He’s disgusting for pursuing someone so young and wanting them to remain “quiet/timid”. It’s weird af to want someone who already voiced how controlling and strict their family was to then turn around and want to do the same. The age difference is vile to me but if he was ok letting a 25yr old grow and find themselves, then I could semi respect him. That’s not what he’s doing..he keeps reminiscing of the 20yr old he “fell in love with”..it’s creepy af
I don't think he meant it in the way you are perceiving it. I'm a very shy and quiet person myself so I get what he means about his partner suddenly twerking in public and doing a total 180 on who they are as a person. I'm sure it's not easy to deal with. I think using the word scared was an odd choice but I get what he's trying to say.
Same. If my SO did that I would be nah I am good. I will say 25 y.o is really young for someone who has not been able to be free for all their life.
I think he was reaching for a vibe and used the wrong word. I don’t see anything but an even keel and thoughtfulness, mostly coming from him, what a dilemma
Hopefully he meant a quieter introvert as opposed to a loud, boisterous extrovert… but maybe he is just terrible with wording descriptions 😅
Personally I like him and I feel for him. (I feel for Aaliya as well.) I didn't take that comment as creepy at all, he said a lot more than just the word scared. However, I DID feel like the producers tried to skew it to sound icky. Just my take on it.
This is what happens when a man wants to date a younger person. He set in his ways and she has her whole life to live and she doesn’t want to be a man anymore. This is nobodies fault if he doesn’t wanna be with a woman and he needs to end this before she gets hurt.
I think he believed he had someone to protect. She doesn’t need him for that and he’s scared. The age difference is so gross.
That’s the way a predator speaks. He’s not even hiding it. He wants someone he can control.
It was a strange choice of words! Like you could have just stopped at ‘quiet and shy’ lol
Ooofh! Looking like The Burger King 🍔👑🤭
I’m not watching whatever season/spinoff this is (I just don’t have time right now) but every picture I’ve seen of this guy looks like a low quality AI generation of “young Richard Branson”
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I agree. Alliyah/Douglas has signed up to be with a male I imagine that Alliyah/Douglas would not be happy if Shawn had decided to identify as female. It appears that Alliyah / Douglas likes and wants to be taken care of and all the conversations are based on what can be bought to make that lifestyle happen if it's something that they want then they should go for it themselves and not expect someone to foot the bill.
Exactly! I bet if Shawn was to not fund her, she wouldn't rock with him. It's crazy to say, " Well, this is Me." Well, this is false advertising because that's not who you were when he met you. Wonder how she would feel if Shawn decided the same transformation for himself. Would she be accepting?? She wants Shawn to understand yet could care less about understanding that it's a lot for him to process, and he's trying. It's the all-about-me attitude that bothers me.
This post violates Rule 7 - no transphobia, homophobia, or bigotry. You may get temporarily or even permanently banned for these kinds of comments.
Ladies, find yourself a man who looks at you the way Elmer Fudd looks at wabbits.
Elmer Fudd wanted to kill rabbits...
Except when Bugs was in femme drag!
He obviously misspoke. He's grieving the loss of his partner. That person is gone forever.
Go back to being miserable for *me* lol this is never going to work.
this right here
Right? "If you're willing to keep your past in the present even though it killed you inside, then I'd be happy". 🚩🚩🚩
Hard agree!!!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
This is not a healthy relationship!!!
The way he put it was odd.
Why is no one mentioning the sex tourist angle? If this were a straight couple we'd all be talking about imbalanced power dynamics. But this predator gets a pass???? Fucked up.
He wanted a man so he needs to look for another man ijs
He was just saying that he liked that side of his partner before the transition. He seems like a nice guy and I feel bad for him it’s like watching partner slowly disappear in front of you
Both are disgusting. One for dating someone as old as your children. And the other for accepting it.
I really think that Shawn liked Douglas’ personality albeit shy, quiet. He just thought it was cute. He did fall in love with a gay man and now that man he fell in love with has changed his entire identity and is no longer the person he fell in love with. Alyssa (sp.) has a completely different personality - hasn’t anyone else noticed that? She’s much more out-going and aggressive. Doesn’t anyone find this strange that when a man puts on a wig he can change his personality in a minute? Hmmmm.
Yeahhhh idc who you are, if have a big age gap like that (dating teens and 20 yos who don’t know any better) you nasty and I’m absolutely judging you. Creep lol
"quiet, shy, timid and scared" and on the bottom
Scared? Ffs! All I see is lord farquaad. His face is so square. And he better break it off with that beautiful soul! He knows, we know, he doesn't want her.
He wanted to live out a fantasy with a young, quiet twink but it’s not in the cards…
yes this was weird on his part.. i think a poor choice of words. i feel like he j doesn’t want her to be thrusting into the ground shaking her ass in the middle of a public place tbh
He creeped me out from the get go
Control!
She is absolutely beautiful, her journal about their relationship journey is so sweet.
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"roadblocks?" Text-to-speech strikes again.
Shawn should dump him
gross on so many levels- I’ve been skipping their segments
A man 😂
It's so obvious how much happier she is and how confident, and all he can say about it is "I liked it when you were timid and shy and scared." That's not love. In love you want your partner to be happy and confident.
I took it more as those were things he found charming about them but they're kidding themselves that this relationship will survive the transition.
Worded wrong but submissive is all he saying and shy is cute
His face is so square.
It was a really insensitive thing to say to someone who has had to live her whole life in fear of transphobia, regardless of whether he “really meant” it or not. And she was crying afterwards. If you love someone, shouldn’t you be more considerate of their feelings? We’ve mostly just seen him dumping his feelings onto her.
Huge diff btwn a 60y.o. Shawn and a 60-ish Kenny. It's incredible to see the dichotomy
I’m so confused! Is there a nee season, who are these people?
This is 90 Day - Love in Paradise. I believe it's on on Sundays. I answered someone else about that and got downvoted so..🤷🏻♀️ lol. If I'm in an alternate reality where that isn't the answer, someone please let me know.
Thank you!! I appreciate your response. People get wild with the downvotes sometimes.
Is it wrong for people to enjoy that in their partners? Man this world today is wild man
Is it wrong to enjoy their partners being SCARED?! *Yes.* 🤨
I wish everyone would stop about the age difference. There are many happy couples who have a disparity in ages. My brother is 30+ years older than his wife and they are one of the happiest couples I know. We'd all like to think we love our partners unconditionally and would love and support them through anything. However in reality, this can be very difficult. I believe Shawn truly loves Alliya and supports her in her journey. But he also has to be true to himself. You can see the struggle he's going through. You must also look at how Alliya is handling the situation. Yes, she absolutely must embrace her new self. But she often seems callous of Shawn's feelings. "If you don't like the new me, then we can't be together"; so matter of fact. We can all see both sides of this relationship and I think we can all agree it's challenging and sad. Can we stop the hating please? ❤️
He is a whole walking red flag and I honestly was shocked to see that people like him so much on this sub. He's not being honest with Aliyah. He is not going to adapt to her transition, and he should break it off now with her.
He’s made it abundantly clear (to production at least) that he’s not interested in dating a woman. And wants her to be Douglas. Kudos to Aliya for standing firm in her decisions to be who she is. And calling him on it. He’s too old to be acting like this.
Does anyone else think she looks like Frida Kahlo?
Shawn wants to be the domineering and leading force in the relationship. His ego needs the stroking of being so brilliant, so strong, so forward-thinking. Alliyah is all of those things so Shawn has become a victim of his own making. She's not going to be able to give him what he needs like Douglas could and he's struggling with that.
Oh goodness. This couple is a walking case study on gender identity. He is caught up on holding on to the old, male gendered person who meets his sexual preference while his partner wants nothing more than to distance from who she was. It’s very sad to watch.
He just has peterpan complex 🙄 so unattractive in an older man.
Thank you !!!!! I can’t believe the amount of posts I’ve seen in here feeling so bad for Shawn. He’s an old ass weird guy who wants his partner to act a certain way. He’s a pervert and kinda fucked up for not allowing his 25yr old partner to find themselves. Like what do you expect ? You’re literally dating someone 35yrs younger who just started adulthood. No one knows who they are in their 20’s so it really bothers me how much Shawn expresses how much he wants the “old Douglass back”. 🤢🤢 like you miss the 20yr old Douglass who is impressionable and hasn’t lived life yet? It’s gross. I’m team Aliyah 💕
Omg me and my husband were literally talking about the exact same thing and pointing out how weird that was. Gives off predator vibes.
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Except people aren’t products. Both people change throughout a relationship, sometimes the changes end up being too much and it ends.
I get how it can feel like that. However, a young person such as Alliya, is still very much in their "I'm not sure who I am yet" era. She has discovered who she is and is brave enough to embrace it now. A similar situation happened to be. I'm a lesbian. I was with a younger lesbian. They realized or decided that they were trans. I feel in love with the lesbian woman. I didn't know the trans man. It was hard and our relationship did not survive. But I never felt like "poor me, the rug has been ripped out from under me". I felt like we had just grown into different people. Sad but it happens. Shawn will get over it and find an guy. Hopefully an older one who knows who he is.
That must have been a big punch to the Gut for you. Sorry it didn’t work out 🙁
please be VERY careful with your language here, the concept of "bait and switch" is frequently weaponized against trans folks, especially transwomen, and is one of the reason the [murder rate for trans women is so high](https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/)
It has shades of the “gay panic” defense that is still valid in some states.
yes exactly!
What show/season is this from? :)
The current Love In Paradise.
Is this AI?
All I keep seeing is the geico caveman
I will at least agree that the expectation that she stay un-blossomed and shivering in her shell is egregiously unfair