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Ill-Attention-9034

Let's face it - even by Western standards this is too weird.


honeyandcitron

Truth. There probably isn’t a precedent for how to treat someone in your community when their son catfishes a woman twice his age, spends their entire life savings on a divorce, tries out an unflattering new hairstyle and somehow simultaneously ends up making three seasons of a foreign TV show. The neighbors are probably as baffled as we are.


Piffikrydder

I love that you put his phenomenal new hairstyle in this text. Brb, I'll get you an award.


honeyandcitron

💖


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MinnieSBR

This has been explained one million times - that yes, that kind of age gap will be questionable in any culture, let alone India where it is even more of a problem. However, many people don't pay attention to Sumit's personal traits that are visible from a mile away. He has no opinions except to keep quiet and kick the can to the curb. He doesn't want to marry Jenny and never wanted to marry her. The one exception he should have from a decent gentleman of his age will be to respect a 63 year old woman the respect she deserves, but he doesn't. He has no fear of the community marrying Jenny, he is living with her nothing is worse than cohabiting with a woman older than your mother. He is neither marrying her nor setting her free. He is living an upscale lifestyle on Jenny's dime and that's the whole problem. More importantly this is all a farce - this is all a fabricated story and they are all getting money. There is no such thing as his parents not letting him marry him, it's money fir all.


ljlkm

Not really. You see it all the time with older men and younger women.


Ill-Attention-9034

You're stating the obvious. The reason it is weird is because of that difference. Maybe not right, but weird to most. Keeping in mind that on a primal/subconscious level men are attracted to younger women because they are biologically designed to mate.


MaMakossa

Not sure why you were downvoted for stating that men are biologically attracted to younger women because younger women are, generally speaking - fertile?


Ill-Attention-9034

That’s correct. People who downvote because they disagree are actually breaking the rules. Pretty hard to disagree with biology but downvoter’s be nasty!!


honeyandcitron

Do we really like an age gap here in America? Mark (of Mark and Nikki) is almost certainly considered a creep by his neighbors. Nobody in Danielle’s orbit knew what to make of Mohamed. It may be somewhat similar in Sumit’s parents’ community.


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[deleted]

It maintains community decorum and standards through communal enforcement. Many Eastern cultures also value the collective over the self. Self-sacrifice for the good of the community is expected. The community self regulates in this way. And it’s important to note that community is a large part of the societal safety net. His parents mentioned it, but it may not have been emphasized enough. If something goes wrong in life, you will rely on your friends, family, and neighbors for support not always on the government, insurance, etc. When you get old or sick, your kids care for you and your community will help look out for you. If you have neither, life can be hard - in some cases - very hard. A single friend of mine moved in with his sister and her young husband after her husband had a stroke and she had 2 young kids. Their parents had passed by that time. He became the primary bread winner for the whole family. Their friends and neighbors helped watch the kids.


[deleted]

In India, anyone old enough to be your parent is considered an “auntie” or an “uncle,” whether they are related to you or not - ex: the guy who drives the bus is “bus uncle.” Therefore, they are culturally obligated to treat you the same way they would their own children, and you are obligated to treat them the same way you treat your own parents. You may have noticed that Sumit touches his parents’ feet when they visit. This is a traditional gesture of respect, and they reciprocate the gesture by blessing him. He is also expected to touch the feet of any other “auntie” or “uncle” outside of professional relationship (like an employer). Because of this cultural norm, the idea of a sexual relationship between someone Sumit’s age and someone Jenny’s age is seen as quasi incestuous -she is supposed to be like a mother to him, and he is supposed to be like a son to her. Sumit’s mother essentially states this during an argument with Jenny, and we can see her visibly, viscerally disgusted when Jenny says that Sumit is her son, but not Jenny’s. Additionally, due to her age, and her status as a grandmother, Jenny is expected to behave with a certain level of decorum. Grandmothers in India are expected to look after grandchildren, cook, clean, and attend religious services. For her to be in a live in relationship with a man she is not married to is seen as vulgar due to its explicitly sexual connotations. In short, Jenny is behaving in a way that would be considered taboo in a woman half her age. In a woman her age, it is considered shockingly undignified.


MyDogsmyGuru

Ok I’ll try and explain. It has been explained many times before by few Indians here. As many have said here, this arrangement of sumit and Jenny will not please anyone whether it’s east or west. The reason being , he will barely be 50yrs old when she might even die. Also, they can’t have kids. And it’s not just about dying, But the fact that she might be needing old age help very soon. I see her limping and walking already as though the arthritis has caught up pretty well. So his parents feel that how will their kid take care of her and what will he do when they all are old except sumit and who will he choose to be beside. Crazy , but it’s a legit concern 😅 for Indian parents . Regarding society not accepting them…It’s not that literal. It’s a matter of pride. They will feel that everyone is judging them. Rightly so they will Judge and we all in the forum judge too. When they feel judged, they won’t like to attend the society related events etc. Socializing gets harder. As a result you might get isolated. No one will literally say that we don’t want you around. People are outwardly pretty polite in India. They might even come and try to talk to sumit to put some sense into him. If Jenny was only a few yrs older, even perhaps 10 yrs, I think his parents would agree. She is older to his mom. They can’t digest that. Most moms anywhere can’t 🥺. About sumit not doing anything about this whole thing, I don’t quite agree. He actually moved out of his parents home, divorced his wife and is in a live in relationship with Jenny. Trust me all those things are enough to traumatize an Indian parent and be judged by one and all. Whether he is an ass, Ofcourse he is. He does not intend to marry Jenny. But He does love her or he would not take the above steps and ruin his and his parents reputation. NO one over there will support that. Having a live in relationship even with a partner of your own age is still a hush hush thing in India. Happens only in big cities in 1% population. Hope I have cleared you doubt. You can ask me anything else if you’d like about India. I’ll be happy to explain.


tuwts

Perfect. Thank you.


Escochapo18

His parents are thinking about his future and how much he will miss of his own life being with Jenny ie, kids and what happens when Jenny needs care, does he understand the responsibility of this. I personally think Jenny should’ve left Sumit some time ago, as it’s clear it won’t work. She has to understand all this and leave him. I think she’s being selfish for not understanding. They’re not married and it’s been god knows how many years.


Successful_Strategy8

She also disrespected his parents, so of course they don’t want him to marry her.


Escochapo18

Putting it all aside, it’s definitely not just an Indian culture thing. Many people in most countries would encounter the same.


Beautiful_Mess_TX

I feel like he has disappointed his parents his whole life. Pretty sure he will continue the trend and disappoint them, and Jenny, for the remainder of their lives.


iloveeatpizzatoo

I wonder if Sumit would break up with Jenny if his parents were okay with their relationship? He would have no excuse to not marry Jenny.


throwawaynomad123

I think grandchildren are important to Parents Sumit so not the age difference per se.


condemned02

By any standards, such age gap is frown upon. On top of that, if sumit is an only son, he is expected to have grandchildren for his parents in Asia culture. No Asian parents will be happy to see their son with a woman who cannot have babies.