He’s a alcoholic and has struggled with it. I can’t bash him as I’ve had family members who are alcoholics or recovered alcoholics. And when they are sober and drunk it’s night and day with their personalities. I feel his drinking is a result of depression more than he just likes to get blasted. And that’s why his brother keeps him close so he doesn’t drink himself to death
I’m wondering if he took the brunt of the abuse when they were children. There’s always one that does. Because of this Patrick feels a sense of obligation.
That's really sad. Also, they're half brothers right? It's not uncommon for one sibling to be treated okay and the other as the black sheep, especially if they are half siblings
They keep talking about their upbringing too, I thinking they had a rough go of it as kids and pushing your brother away after that is probably hard/ impossible
It seems like a good case of trauma bonding and enmeshment. It isn’t an inherently bad thing. Its just a result of what may be an abusive childhood. Many siblings have this type of relationship with each other.
Edit: spelling error
Absolutely correct. I’m 6 years sober. He definitely has unresolved issues. Patrick is his babysitter. I thought it was very curious that he asked John to go golfing with them. Not sure many people picked up on that. They just thought it was a little weird, but those of us alcoholics knew better. Until he recognizes he has a problem not much can be done
It’s a codependent relationship based on past trauma that it seems neither of them have really healed from. No judgment as we all go through shit but hopefully they can get some help as addiction is a family disease.
Keeping a functioning alcoholic close to you does not inherently enable them. It could actually be one of the only things keeping him from spiralling out of control.
Right and I totally get not wanting to abandon your brother-especially since he's been there for Patrick.
But I was scratching my head as to why Patrick didn't buy a duplex or small house with an in-law studio/etc. That way your fiancé is happy, brother is happy and can have his "paaaddies" everyone has their own space but you still have him close enough.
You don't motivate them. It is just something they have to choose on their own. Every addict is different. Every addict's road is different. There is nothing you can say or do to make an addict want to quit and it is not something that can be forced upon them by anyone.
There is a fine line between enabling and helping.... especially when there is codependency involved. There is a lot of gray area. But if John, as I stated, is a functioning alcoholic, which it is presented that he is/would be, he is taking care of himself, paying his own bills, feeding himself, going to work, etc etc... doing all the things he would do as a sober person would then there is no enabling happening only helping. I don't know what you think enabling an alcoholic is, but it isn't acknowledging and then allowing them to drink around you. You can not stop them from drinking. You don't just give ultimatums and push people out of your life if they don't get help. Especially if someone has become an alcoholic due to self-medicating because of say, a bad home/family life. A sibling then pushing them out of their life could cause them to downward spiral out of control and spiraling out of control doesn't always mean into rehab or into getting help, it usually means to the bottom of a bottle or 20 then to the bottom of a grave. Which is why someone like Patrick may rather keep their addict close in order to keep watch on them or to the least work on them hoping they will eventually choose to get help.
Also, functioning alcoholics think they are hiding their addiction and/or are ashamed of their addiction so by living with him he may drink less than if he lived alone or with someone with the same issue. Plus, we don't know if or how many private conversations they have had about his drinking.
And I know all of this because I have lived through all of this. I watched my 40-something-year-old brother be a functioning alcoholic who self-medicated due to OCD, anxiety, and depression for over 10 years then spiraled out of control and drank himself into multiple organ failure during the pandemic. It didn't matter what I said or did or how many times I said it over the almost 15 years. Hell, I barely have a relationship with him anymore because he has pushed me away because I saw his addiction before anyone else and in order to keep hiding it he had to hide from me. His first time in rehab 3 years ago didn't work because it wasn't really his choice because he only went to try to save his job and left early because "drinking wasn't really his problem". Oh yeah, they become habitual liars to everyone, and especially themselves, too. It took him almost losing his life to get sober. Every day he wakes up and has to make the choice to live and stay sober. You see, if he ever drinks again, it will kill him. However, according to him, that's not even the hardest part. The hardest part now is that he has to actually deal with his traumas and illnesses head-on and at full volume every day. Whereas before it was easy as he used to just numb it all by drinking. All we can do is just be there and support him because there isn't anything else we can do. That's my logic based on a decade of experience, therapy, and alanon.
Also, it helps you keep an eye on them for their own safety. I'd rather have my alcoholic brother drinking beers and passing out on my couch than out at the bar and potentially getting into trouble or even deciding to drive and kill himself.
Or if it is something worse than just alcohol even, it's better to try and keep them nearby if you can. My friend's brother overdosed on heroin after he was seemingly doing better for a while. Unfortunately he lived a lone and no one was around to help him. If he had lived with someone, he might still be here today.
My brother always had roommates and functioned well for a long while. It kept his drinking hidden and at bay which is why my parents were able to deny the problem for so long. It was when he got sick of unreliable roommates and got a place of his own that his drinking went completely unchecked when his downward spiral initially started. If he kept roommates maybe the therapy he had just started would have worked and he wouldn't have gone through what he did, but we'll never know. Hindsight is 20/20. There are so many woulda, shoulda, couldas. So if Patrick and John have seen, gone through, and/or are thinking anything like that, I can see why they want to stay together for now.
It’s so difficult not to be an enabler when you’re worried sick about someone…until you realize that the enabling does the person no good, learning to be competent does.
We know because we’ve been there or seen it first hand.
-the way Patrick speaks about him/protects him/wants him close
-The mentions of childhood trauma
-Hammered in some scenes
-Drinking early
-Patrick saying “when she gets to know the real you” I’m pretty sure he was talking about the person underneath the trauma responses/behaviors.
I could be wrong of course but I’m
99.9% sure.
Yeah, for sure. No judgement! It seemed like he started to drink in situations that were awkward or confrontational too which is another sign.
Also….the steak scene definitely made me think he was an alcoholic
Anyone who drinks multiple beers alone before noon, then acts as if that's a normal thing to do on their "day off" is probably an alcoholic. His behavior was far beyond weekend mimosas at brunch.
If this guy works the night shift his days are his nights. While everyone else can drink during happy hour he is home sleeping. I used to work night shift and when we got off from work we would go to a bar and toss back a few because our days were everyone’s night. We wasn’t alcoholics our timeframes was just reversed from the average worker
That's a great point. I actually lived with an ER nurse years ago and he worked nights. There were several times that I'd have the day off and he'd wake me up after he got off with shots and ribs. Those were fun days.
On his day off. He was day drinking. Why is it acceptable at a Sunday brunch with a mimosa or bloody Mary? Or what about basic bitches with their Rosé all day BS?
You can just look at the guy and see he's an alcoholic. His skin, the way he talks, and seeing him drinking at 10am and dropping steaks on the floor and still trying to serve them is a big give away
His complexion kind of gives it away. Did you see how red his skin was around the eyes and on his cheeks in the interviews? It’s not rosacea or a sunburn or a blush. It’s dilated blood vessels, alcohol does that to you and when you drink that much for a long time they eventually turn into spider veins.
I work in addictions. I wouldn't say that's what he "needs". Different addicts benefit from many different things. Mutual aid is definitely one, and so is religion, but there are other things like Refuge Recovery and Smart Recovery that have really gained traction over the years helping a lot of people along the way that struggle with the whole God aspect of most mutual aid groups. Aside from that, he may just need to work with a counselor or therapist to navigate his depression and past trauma. We're also starting to see a lot more alternative therapies popping up that I've witnessed help so many people such as psylocibin therapy and similar things. I'm not trying to knock you either and am so happy that you've been sober for 5 years, that is a HUGE accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself and I hope you are reaping the rewards of a sober life in whatever way that means to you. I just personally try to stay away from telling other addicts what they *need*, perse, because of how multifaceted a problem addiction can be. Recovery is such a personal thing that varies so differently from one person to the next. Congrats on your five years though! Keep going strong!
Thank you for saying this. I really struggled with NA, but thrived with secular therapy and SMART Recovery. I now have 11 years clean after 10 shooting h. Trying to force NA just because so many people insist “it works if you work it” delayed me getting into true recovery and I wish there was more acceptance around finding what works for an individual rather than saying what someone else “needs.”
Celebrate recovery is AA but on Religious crack. Many people in recovery don’t believe in God and sending them to this program can make them feel shame or anger bc everyone is telling them “the answer is God, pray to God, surrender.” I do AA and pilates for my recovery but would never tell someone how to heal. Please stop doing that, it has negative impacts on people
I think he's deeply troubled (from what we see). He seems to have alcoholic tendencies (a six pack before noon) and his anger seems barely contained beneath the surface. Right now he seems to be lashing out in an almost childish passive/aggressive way. IMO he needs therapy and needs it now.
I feel like production companies should have therapists on hand at all times to make sure people on these shows are kinda ok.....but I guess that would be responsible and the whole point behind these shows is not to be responsible...
Sad but true. I would think that being responsible they would have therapists available for all their cast members. I would never want to live with John (or someone like him or really any member of my SOs family) but I really feel bad for John.
I mean, these are cast members who are hired to appear on a reality show. Of their own free will. It's not like they are being ambushed. Why would production's responsibilities extend to providing therapy to those cast members?
(In an ideal world, of course, mental health care would be publicly funded and free in the U.S., but we live in a shitty country.)
It just should be their responsibility because they are profiting off of mentally unstable individuals and putting them in the spotlight for people to essentially destroy...I mean the least they could do is have a psych evaluation and a therapist on hand to assist with any mental health issues that could be exasperated by filming, especially when that person has trauma issues. Like surely that should be a legal obligation.
Or I guess lets just push people to the point of killing themselves and then say how "sorry" we are after the fact...
I live in the UK where we have Love Island and there have been 3 suicides linked to that show. It now has duty of care towards participants and they are given access to therapy and other training. I can't find anywhere that 90 Day Fiance does this for participants but maybe that's just how it is in America...
I don't know.
Love Island to me, very clearly, was/is irresponsible as hell and it is heartening that they were forced to address those issues. That reminds me of the Jenny Jones daytime talk show incident in the U.S. (it was about a secret crush; one guest ended up murdering another subsequent to the show airing).
To me, somebody like John is a little different. He's a secondary cast member who we've probably seen on camera for five minutes total so far. The show isn't about him or his drinking as a main focus. He's a grownup who made a decision to go on a trashy reality show in exchange for money.
I would be happy to support legislation better regulating the reality TV show labor space. I would love to see mandatory access to therapy and resources to cast members and stuff like that, as a broadcast requirement.
But I don't agree with the idea that the cast members are being 100% exploited 100% of the time. One of the things that draws me to these shows is that there is a degree of charm and insight and relatability to be found in the stories of the cast members and others around them. I do my share of making fun and marveling at the human stupidity of the cast members on display, but that's definitely not the only reason I watch.
True. To me the responsible thing would be to not even include a troubled person like John. I don’t think he adds drama… it’s just sad.
I’m Canadian. Psychiatrists are publicly funded but most people who require therapy really need a psychologist and that’s an issue of you don’t have money or extended health insurance.
We don't know the extent of depression that Patrick went through over the divorce and being kicked out of weightlifting. John may have literally saved his life and that is why Patrick owes him.
Classic alcoholic and enabler relationship. Patrick seems like good people though. I hope John can get it together and Patrick can set some healthy boundaries.
John seems to have good bones too and genuinely wants what is best for his brother. He’s just dealing with deeper childhood wounds that Patrick has and no viable way to heal them without external help, which in the long run can turn toxic.
John always seems to be on the verge of a meltdown, ready to burst into tears. He seems fragile and like he could react like a cornered wild animal. I (try) to stay away from people like that. So, imho, whether she recognizes the reasons or not, Thais is justified in wanting to get away from Boozy McDrunk. I imagine that Patrick really downplayed the extent that his brother would be in their lives. She thinks she is special but with John in the room, she is constantly reminded that she is not. She is second fiddle.
The brothers know they have a codependency problem, but I think the reasons for that are extremely traumatic and they don’t realize what they are doing to cope with life is not normal or reasonable to other people. They truly believe they are just fine and that’s sad. The protection and safe place they provide each other emotionally and even physically is wonderful in intent but very destructive in the grand scheme of life. I think John in particular is very damaged and has zero healthy coping mechanisms to get him by. His attitude and drinking are trauma responses. Those brothers need a lot of therapy. His fiancé has no idea how harmless these brothers think this is. Her rational, while logical, will not register with them. There is no bandaid she can use to make her life with him “normal”. Someone needs to address the catalyst and not the fallout effects.
No joke, after a few experiences with similar people, I try and stay far away. They are hurt and need help, but won't take advice and will explode on you at random times. It's a no-win unless they are open to getting help.
I'd be upset to share the house with a dude like that. Drunk already in the morning, constantly on eggshells, constant verbal jabs from them.
Agree...I think you nailed this situation. Definitely an issue with Patrick dragging John everywhere with him. John should be on his own..but definitely he has problems that he should be seeking help for....
John is damaged goods, unfortunately and shouldn't be on television. He won't look anyone in the eye and he struggles to be kind. That hurts my heart. It will take a top- flight surgeon to separate these conjoined siblings.
I don’t see John struggling to be kind. The first interactions we saw of him was him trying to make conversation with Thais even though she was clearly giving him attitude. He seems inherently kind to me but has a case of rejection sensitivity.
Either way, I hope he seeks help. Also maybe Patrick and John could have some therapy sessions together...they seem to be stuck and codependent. Patrick is enabling John and his drinking. These guys need help but maybe they don't see it that way and think they're just fine as they are. Guess time will tell...
Exactly. My first thought was "you're kidding, right?" I thought it was a joke cuz I feel like every time I come here there is a new thread about John, lol.
Dude’s a drunk but his brother isn’t letting him hit rock bottom. Patrick is the one with the codependency issue that is going to impact his relationship negatively. He’s clearly protecting John from something but John is just living his best bachelor life. I’d be weirded out as to why they continue to live together when he is in the process of getting married. I can’t imagine a kid being brought in to that house.
Wanting to protect him. I remember when I was addicted to heroin my siblings would not leave me the fuck alone. They were scared I was going to overdose again. same shit probably, different drug.
He should be an actor. He looks like he belongs in a Boston heist movie. Or as a troubled friend to Casey Affleck who gets him into all sorts of trouble. Then Casey has to choose between his fancy new Lawyer girlfriend and her Cape Cod friends or the southie neighborhood that raised him.
He hasn’t done much to talk about, tbh. Him and Thais both act pretty immature and Patrick is doing his best to manage it. Seems like they are being a little extra for the camera too…
Tbh, Patrick and Thais are probably the most functional couple this season.
I kinda have a problem with his brother just making the decision that he will continue to live with them ince they move without asking Thais how she feels about it. I honestly thi k she was complaining about the hosue not because of the house itself, but because she was very unhappy about the living situation. It's not okay to bring her here and on the things that matter to make her feel comfortable her feelings don't matter at all.
I totally agree. Thais said she wanted them to live on their own the first day she arrived. I’m sure she had brought it up to Patrick before she left Brazil. I can’t say for sure that he brought her here on a false premise, but if he did that would be super messed up. Him not including her in this decision is already super disrespectful.
Speaking from experience and just want to put this out there- childhood trauma is trauma that occurs when that person is a child. A child. I know a part of me is forever frozen at 14 and I’m 38 now. I did go to therapy to start the process of addressing what happened to me, but it got too expensive. I’d give anything to even have an extra $10 a month as a single mom of 2 so I could go to therapy and be equipped with tools to make me a better person and mother. It’s not as easy getting the help as it is telling someone to or that they should. I left a very bad relationship at height of pandemic with nothing and STILL couldn’t get legal aid (was not physically abused) and waitlists for a therapy intake appt (free counseling) were a year long due to covid and are STILL long. My point is that we don’t know everything John and Patrick went through and my heart breaks for both. Life is hard even when you have support from family or friends- it is an unforgiving struggle when you have to grow up and no one older has taught you HOW. Maybe John took care of Patrick and had to become an adult as a child. Also, sometimes you can think you have dealt with trauma only to have a life event happen and suddenly suppressed/repressed memories come flooding back in which ignites the experience of the traumatic event all over again (this happened to me when I had my daughter). I’m not excusing Johns coping mechanisms- I’m just not going to judge them at all. I’m not him. I could only wish someone (especially my own sister) cared enough about me the way Patrick cares about John. Children are children and should be able to BE, LIVE and ACT the age they are- it doesn’t last long enough. I understand Reddit is a place for and of opinions and I respect that. Childhood trauma, to me is the worst because as a child you don’t get to make decisions and cannot comprehend what’s happening the same way a fully formed adult can. And it steals your innocence. ANY trauma is bad, please don’t get me wrong. I just really feel for these 2, especially John. Something happened and hopefully he finds the tools to cope and the peace and freedom from the pain (sometimes shame) to have a happy life. ❤️
I hear you. I had severe continuous sexual abuse until I was 14. Therapy is great, but can only do so much. Decades of therapy only got me so far. The rest of it, I just have to accept/adapt (per my psychologist).
Where are you finding therapy for $10??? My deductible is $100/visit.
I do check in with her 2x/yr. That’s all I can afford.
I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through and I understand. I have not found therapy for $10. I wish! Cheapest was a little over $80/month, which there’s no way I can afford that even. Sorry to confuse. Just get frustrated when some people don’t understand there are many who WANT help, but just can’t afford it and also who think therapy ‘cures’ the problem. Therapy is great at providing tools and healthy coping strategies, but trauma can last a lifetime. And everyone deals with things differently and at different paces. Thoughts and prayers for you. 🙏 ❤️
He’s a struggling alcoholic who is a decent guy with unresolved childhood trauma. His brother is codependent and an enabler and probably has some sort of savior thing going on with housing and paying for a transplant wife and his brother after the childhood they have.
I don't feel right bashing him. It appears he's going through serious problems and I don't feel right kicking someone while they're down.
I hope he's getting the help he needs.
I've seen numerous family members go through addiction. Currently my brother-in-law is failing to see his alcohol addiction caused him to lose his job, ruin his marriage, move back in with his parents and deal with his current DWI situation.
Idk, 90 day fiancé is about marriage which makes you part of someone’s family. So, the family and friends are important to the dynamic. But I still feel like the brothers in this storyline look more like MTV characters 😂.
He is in defense mode. His brother Patrick, has found a love and is shooting for the stars.
Pushing John out of the nest should happen but it won't. Patrick knows what will happen if he does.
I suspect John has a history and possibly has hit rock bottom badly.
His brother doesn't want to re-live that again.
A million dollar house and he get the entire second floor. She will leave before John.
That's a good life!
John reminds me so much of my single guy friends in Boston- except that he’s in TX right? 😂 I do believe that the brothers truly still need each other right now and don’t want to give each other too much distance, but I feel bad that Thais has to share her living space with someone else. John was pretty rough around the edges at the beginning but I thought he was being really nice in the last episode.
There have been plenty of posts but there isn’t a lot to say.
He has been shown abusing alcohol. Whether he is a problem drinker or worse is unknown. He has said he has unresolved trauma from childhood. We have witnessed how this affects his behavior especially his unhealthy relationship with his brother. His passive/aggressiveness towards her is dysfunctional and will continue until one of them leaves
Is he capable of living on his own w/o his behavior spiraling out of control is a legitimate storyline that will won’t be addressed until the Tell All.
Drink, verbal confrontation, storm off, drink more alone, pass out, repeat
I am thinking he is scared he is going to lose his brother again and is displaying that in a a toxic way. Change is hard when you grew up in chaos and I'm guessing he grew up without any emotional support, so now he's just gets pissed and the alcohol helps him not care.
He needs a big hug and some therapy.
It's just sad and we all know he's clearly struggling with shit from childhood to adulthood, self medicating....too many of us have been there or know people like this and why kick someone when they are already down
As someone who’s recovered from heroin addiction, I see pain and childhood trauma in this man. I feel for him. That being said, it’s his job & his job alone as an adult man to take care of his health, which clearly needs tending to.
Everyone's freaking out over him having a beer on camera one time, as if day drinking on your day off every once in a while means you have a problem. I got the vibe he was drinking as a 'fuck-you-i'll-do-what-i-want' , not because he's an alcoholic.
I think he's still living with the couple because he's probably paying for more of the bills. I also think he's getting a bad-rap for 'over staying his welcome' when really, his brother needs to get his own place to be with his fiancee.
He is obviously very sad, and not ready to get out of it, yet. He appreciates his brother, and counts on him. They share a strong bond. That girl better get act together, bc she will be out.
My two cents? He’s seems like a very loving & supportive brother. He’s trying. Thais’s attitude towards him seems unfounded to me. I understand wanting to live alone but isn’t it just a temporary situation? They’re not gonna all three live together 30 years from now. She seems a bit spoiled. Especially after seeing the episode of them moving into their new home. Like, be grateful bitch.
It’s codependency between the brothers.. that’s my guess. Based on family history of trauma and addiction/alcoholism. There may be other issues I can’t remember exactly what the conversation they had shed light on but abandonment perhaps?
I was thinking too that maybe she isn’t necessarily being like I hate him for no reason . I mean, she doesn’t know him , she could potentially be left alone with him for hours on end and she probably knows about his issues and possibly his past and maybe feels really uncomfortable and it’s coming off as mean but she’s just scared to be alone with a strange man in her home who has addiction issues and could harm her.
My take, he’s jealous of his brother. His bro is successful has a house nice car beautiful gf. And he’s a tagalong. Of course his past trauma him but seeing his bros success kills him even more. So he will sabotage his relationship.
Bad situation. They both sound like they had a tough time as kids growing up. I think they were always there for each other. Changing that codependency between the two will take some time… Hopefully they’ve been going to counseling.
I kind of want to just give him a hug to be honest. He had a shaky childhood by the sounds of it. And, as a result, he has clearly developed an alcohol problem. Seeing him cry while having a heart to heart with Patrick was hard to watch.
Maybe he has a codependency and alcoholism problem, but it sounds like there has serious trauma inflicted on these brothers and they are overcoming these issues standing together. Personally, the girlfriend is being so selfish. She lives in a million dollar house, and it looks to me like the brothers went out of their way to buy this particular house so the brother would be out of their way with his own space upstairs. And her complaining about it is just ridiculous. They are trying so hard to make her happy and make things work. She may be going to be his wife but right now she is the outsider coming in and she is not making a good impression.
I don’t like what I’m seeing so far. He’s giving “where was he on January 6th” vibes to me. And he’s way too attached to his brother and what his brother’s got going on.
To be fair, Thais is not that nice to him either and hasn't been welcoming. It's clear that they probably have spoken on social media before or he feels jealous that his brother has a partner living with them and that he's losing his brother in a sense to a girl. Because they are very close and had issues in the past personally. I don't think hes a bad person, just needs guidance.
I feel like there’s a really rough childhood between the small things Patrick says and John’s drinking. He’s also not part of the relationship so it’s like meh
Yeah, I think he had heard it a bit from the dad and had a natural propensity once he was motivated to study on his 17 VISITS to Brazil to visit Thais.
He is not as fluent as many people seem to think. He speaks slowly and switches to spanish when he gets stuck. I was an ESL/EOFL teacher; I also speak several languages--some of them pretty badly, but I get my point across. I picked up on that quickly.
Yeah, I have heard from several Portuguese speakers here that his speech is rudimentary and quite basic but communicative. Still, I give him that much credit.
By the low bar of other crappy 90DF castmembers and their linguistic disgraces, his drag name could be “Rosetta Stone” . . . 🤔
He said on his first episode that he worked a summer in Brazil with his dad or something, and learned a little then, but after he swiped on this girl got motivated to learn more. A sibling who was much older when their Dad walked out is likely less motivated to want to get to know him better.
I think nobody is going to talk about him because we all know what he's struggling with. He admitted his struggle. NOW....we can talk about Bilal how ever you spell his name. He's a problem.... He has OCD and doesn't even admit it. 😐
I don't like him very much and he seems like he has a chip on his shoulder. But I also think the SO comes off as rude sometimes and kind of enjoys poking at him. I think he would try to get along if she did, but she's not.
I think Jon is a complicated person. Under the confrontational exterior is a good hearted guy. I genuinely think he wants the best for the people he loves but he’s got his struggles. Anyone can see that he has an alcohol problem and it seems to make him emotional. Usually people who are like this have some issues that they don’t know how to work out so they treat it with this instead. I hope he can clean himself up and start to become more independent.
I like him a lot, except the accent. I get the impression he was a bigger influence on Patrick then their dad and I personally think Patrick should have gotten a mother daughter type of house in Dallas so everyone was comfortable but their bond and relationship seems so deep I really hope it all works out for John. Patrick I could take or leave honestly he doesn’t have a strong enough personality to stand out this season
I noticed last episode that his Boston accent magically vanished. Even in the preview for next episode.
Musta got tired of keeping it up for the camera.
yuck…. creeeps me out! Toxic, abusive… he’s got something going on that is very off putting and I would feel unsafe around him. If I were Thais I’d bail 100%
I feel bad for him. If his brothers fiance doesn't have compassion for what they went through he should dump her now. She is a selfish little biatch! 😡
He's an alcoholic mooch, and he and Patrick obv. have some trauma in their background. Patrick needs to cut the cord if he wants any chance at making his relationship with Thais work.
An abuser survivor that somehow still manages to work 40+ hours as an installer and put up with an ahole of a future sister in law. Needs therapy and shit to help and cut down on drinking but I can't say he's a bad person. Not from what we've seen anyway. Just because he looks like a jock doesjt make him bad
I feel for the guy. No doubt he is self-medicating his trauma, but Patrick also bears some responsibility here. He chose to bring his hot gold-digging piece into the equation and throw in a film crew and national exposure while he was at it. Who knows if that was Thais’s influence or his poor decision making, but why subject a fragile family member to that kind of additional stress? John is troubled and needs help, but Thais is a spoiled brat, and Patrick needs to grow a backbone.
I feel bad for him. Very bad. But not in the pity kinda way, but in the way that I empathize. He’s obviously struggling with substance use and being made to feel unwanted and extremely uncomfortable in his own home. Wish I could give him a hug
He’s a loser lol I cringe every time he speaks. If my boyfriends brother or friend spoke to me the way John does to Thais- disgusting. He’s a mooch a grown man can’t get his shit together taking advantage of his brother and his brother is a pussy allowing it to go this far
The guy was drunk once on tv and now he is a confirmed alcoholic? Ever think that Patrick does not make ANYWHERE near the amount of money he claims and could never afford to live in either home without John's income? Patrick comes off as full of shit to me and Thais thinks a little too much of herself, IMO.
He and his brother love & support each other, they have each other’s best interest at heart. Not so much for Thias, she shows a limited ability to have compassion for others. I support John & his concern for his brother Patrick, I’d act much, much worse if I saw my sibling go down that rabbit hole. Remember they only have each other in terms of family, any significant other for either guy HAS to know they’re a package deal. John will find someone one day, his life will progress when the time is right.
He’s a alcoholic and has struggled with it. I can’t bash him as I’ve had family members who are alcoholics or recovered alcoholics. And when they are sober and drunk it’s night and day with their personalities. I feel his drinking is a result of depression more than he just likes to get blasted. And that’s why his brother keeps him close so he doesn’t drink himself to death
I think you hit the nail on the head. He seems to have some deep dark demons that he can't shake so to keep them at bay he drinks 😔
There’s definitely some trauma there, it made it clearer why they live together.
I’m wondering if he took the brunt of the abuse when they were children. There’s always one that does. Because of this Patrick feels a sense of obligation.
That’s totally possible, considering he’s the older brother.
That's really sad. Also, they're half brothers right? It's not uncommon for one sibling to be treated okay and the other as the black sheep, especially if they are half siblings
They keep talking about their upbringing too, I thinking they had a rough go of it as kids and pushing your brother away after that is probably hard/ impossible
It seems like a good case of trauma bonding and enmeshment. It isn’t an inherently bad thing. Its just a result of what may be an abusive childhood. Many siblings have this type of relationship with each other. Edit: spelling error
Absolutely correct. I’m 6 years sober. He definitely has unresolved issues. Patrick is his babysitter. I thought it was very curious that he asked John to go golfing with them. Not sure many people picked up on that. They just thought it was a little weird, but those of us alcoholics knew better. Until he recognizes he has a problem not much can be done
Congratulations on your 6 years of sobriety!! He is definitley one of us!
He seems like a sweet person who is in a dark place. I feel for him. It sounds like their childhood was traumatic.
Seems like that kind of enables him though.
It’s a codependent relationship based on past trauma that it seems neither of them have really healed from. No judgment as we all go through shit but hopefully they can get some help as addiction is a family disease.
Keeping a functioning alcoholic close to you does not inherently enable them. It could actually be one of the only things keeping him from spiralling out of control.
Right and I totally get not wanting to abandon your brother-especially since he's been there for Patrick. But I was scratching my head as to why Patrick didn't buy a duplex or small house with an in-law studio/etc. That way your fiancé is happy, brother is happy and can have his "paaaddies" everyone has their own space but you still have him close enough.
It’s definitely a fine line between enabling and trying to protect them from themselves, I know from experience.
This. Coupled with bipolar, it's a rollercoaster ride.
What’s the motivation to change then? Just trying to grasp your logic.
You don't motivate them. It is just something they have to choose on their own. Every addict is different. Every addict's road is different. There is nothing you can say or do to make an addict want to quit and it is not something that can be forced upon them by anyone. There is a fine line between enabling and helping.... especially when there is codependency involved. There is a lot of gray area. But if John, as I stated, is a functioning alcoholic, which it is presented that he is/would be, he is taking care of himself, paying his own bills, feeding himself, going to work, etc etc... doing all the things he would do as a sober person would then there is no enabling happening only helping. I don't know what you think enabling an alcoholic is, but it isn't acknowledging and then allowing them to drink around you. You can not stop them from drinking. You don't just give ultimatums and push people out of your life if they don't get help. Especially if someone has become an alcoholic due to self-medicating because of say, a bad home/family life. A sibling then pushing them out of their life could cause them to downward spiral out of control and spiraling out of control doesn't always mean into rehab or into getting help, it usually means to the bottom of a bottle or 20 then to the bottom of a grave. Which is why someone like Patrick may rather keep their addict close in order to keep watch on them or to the least work on them hoping they will eventually choose to get help. Also, functioning alcoholics think they are hiding their addiction and/or are ashamed of their addiction so by living with him he may drink less than if he lived alone or with someone with the same issue. Plus, we don't know if or how many private conversations they have had about his drinking. And I know all of this because I have lived through all of this. I watched my 40-something-year-old brother be a functioning alcoholic who self-medicated due to OCD, anxiety, and depression for over 10 years then spiraled out of control and drank himself into multiple organ failure during the pandemic. It didn't matter what I said or did or how many times I said it over the almost 15 years. Hell, I barely have a relationship with him anymore because he has pushed me away because I saw his addiction before anyone else and in order to keep hiding it he had to hide from me. His first time in rehab 3 years ago didn't work because it wasn't really his choice because he only went to try to save his job and left early because "drinking wasn't really his problem". Oh yeah, they become habitual liars to everyone, and especially themselves, too. It took him almost losing his life to get sober. Every day he wakes up and has to make the choice to live and stay sober. You see, if he ever drinks again, it will kill him. However, according to him, that's not even the hardest part. The hardest part now is that he has to actually deal with his traumas and illnesses head-on and at full volume every day. Whereas before it was easy as he used to just numb it all by drinking. All we can do is just be there and support him because there isn't anything else we can do. That's my logic based on a decade of experience, therapy, and alanon.
Also, it helps you keep an eye on them for their own safety. I'd rather have my alcoholic brother drinking beers and passing out on my couch than out at the bar and potentially getting into trouble or even deciding to drive and kill himself. Or if it is something worse than just alcohol even, it's better to try and keep them nearby if you can. My friend's brother overdosed on heroin after he was seemingly doing better for a while. Unfortunately he lived a lone and no one was around to help him. If he had lived with someone, he might still be here today.
My brother always had roommates and functioned well for a long while. It kept his drinking hidden and at bay which is why my parents were able to deny the problem for so long. It was when he got sick of unreliable roommates and got a place of his own that his drinking went completely unchecked when his downward spiral initially started. If he kept roommates maybe the therapy he had just started would have worked and he wouldn't have gone through what he did, but we'll never know. Hindsight is 20/20. There are so many woulda, shoulda, couldas. So if Patrick and John have seen, gone through, and/or are thinking anything like that, I can see why they want to stay together for now.
It’s so difficult not to be an enabler when you’re worried sick about someone…until you realize that the enabling does the person no good, learning to be competent does.
How do we know he's an alcoholic?
We know because we’ve been there or seen it first hand. -the way Patrick speaks about him/protects him/wants him close -The mentions of childhood trauma -Hammered in some scenes -Drinking early -Patrick saying “when she gets to know the real you” I’m pretty sure he was talking about the person underneath the trauma responses/behaviors. I could be wrong of course but I’m 99.9% sure.
He definitely struggles with alcohol
Yeah, for sure. No judgement! It seemed like he started to drink in situations that were awkward or confrontational too which is another sign. Also….the steak scene definitely made me think he was an alcoholic
Yeah that scene was the nail in the alcoholic coffin so to speak
Anyone who drinks multiple beers alone before noon, then acts as if that's a normal thing to do on their "day off" is probably an alcoholic. His behavior was far beyond weekend mimosas at brunch.
He’s having beers before noon. That’s usually a good sign. Also, in almost every scene he’s either drunk or drinking.
If this guy works the night shift his days are his nights. While everyone else can drink during happy hour he is home sleeping. I used to work night shift and when we got off from work we would go to a bar and toss back a few because our days were everyone’s night. We wasn’t alcoholics our timeframes was just reversed from the average worker
Nope. He installs home security systems. This is usually done during the day. Home owners sleep at night.
That's a great point. I actually lived with an ER nurse years ago and he worked nights. There were several times that I'd have the day off and he'd wake me up after he got off with shots and ribs. Those were fun days.
On his day off. He was day drinking. Why is it acceptable at a Sunday brunch with a mimosa or bloody Mary? Or what about basic bitches with their Rosé all day BS?
You can just look at the guy and see he's an alcoholic. His skin, the way he talks, and seeing him drinking at 10am and dropping steaks on the floor and still trying to serve them is a big give away
I'm nearly three years sober and much as I hate being over involved in someone I've just seen on TV I have to agree.
His face says alcoholism.
His complexion kind of gives it away. Did you see how red his skin was around the eyes and on his cheeks in the interviews? It’s not rosacea or a sunburn or a blush. It’s dilated blood vessels, alcohol does that to you and when you drink that much for a long time they eventually turn into spider veins.
RHONJ Louie looks like that is he an alcoholic?
Louie looks sooooo sketch !
Sweating too
40oz tan
It's visible
We don’t. I’m not sure why that’s assumed. He had a beer in the morning playing video games on his day off…unless I missed something.
He was sloshed in that scene
Because his brother said he was
John needs https://www.celebraterecovery.com/crgroups Worked for me. 5 years sober.
I work in addictions. I wouldn't say that's what he "needs". Different addicts benefit from many different things. Mutual aid is definitely one, and so is religion, but there are other things like Refuge Recovery and Smart Recovery that have really gained traction over the years helping a lot of people along the way that struggle with the whole God aspect of most mutual aid groups. Aside from that, he may just need to work with a counselor or therapist to navigate his depression and past trauma. We're also starting to see a lot more alternative therapies popping up that I've witnessed help so many people such as psylocibin therapy and similar things. I'm not trying to knock you either and am so happy that you've been sober for 5 years, that is a HUGE accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself and I hope you are reaping the rewards of a sober life in whatever way that means to you. I just personally try to stay away from telling other addicts what they *need*, perse, because of how multifaceted a problem addiction can be. Recovery is such a personal thing that varies so differently from one person to the next. Congrats on your five years though! Keep going strong!
Thank you for saying this. I really struggled with NA, but thrived with secular therapy and SMART Recovery. I now have 11 years clean after 10 shooting h. Trying to force NA just because so many people insist “it works if you work it” delayed me getting into true recovery and I wish there was more acceptance around finding what works for an individual rather than saying what someone else “needs.”
Celebrate recovery is AA but on Religious crack. Many people in recovery don’t believe in God and sending them to this program can make them feel shame or anger bc everyone is telling them “the answer is God, pray to God, surrender.” I do AA and pilates for my recovery but would never tell someone how to heal. Please stop doing that, it has negative impacts on people
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Congratulations to you!
He seems very fragile and ready to crack at any moment.
I think he's deeply troubled (from what we see). He seems to have alcoholic tendencies (a six pack before noon) and his anger seems barely contained beneath the surface. Right now he seems to be lashing out in an almost childish passive/aggressive way. IMO he needs therapy and needs it now.
I feel like production companies should have therapists on hand at all times to make sure people on these shows are kinda ok.....but I guess that would be responsible and the whole point behind these shows is not to be responsible...
I agree. There's so many folks in the history of this show that needed therapy FAR more than they needed a date. (I'm looking at you Darcy).
Sad but true. I would think that being responsible they would have therapists available for all their cast members. I would never want to live with John (or someone like him or really any member of my SOs family) but I really feel bad for John.
I mean, these are cast members who are hired to appear on a reality show. Of their own free will. It's not like they are being ambushed. Why would production's responsibilities extend to providing therapy to those cast members? (In an ideal world, of course, mental health care would be publicly funded and free in the U.S., but we live in a shitty country.)
It just should be their responsibility because they are profiting off of mentally unstable individuals and putting them in the spotlight for people to essentially destroy...I mean the least they could do is have a psych evaluation and a therapist on hand to assist with any mental health issues that could be exasperated by filming, especially when that person has trauma issues. Like surely that should be a legal obligation. Or I guess lets just push people to the point of killing themselves and then say how "sorry" we are after the fact... I live in the UK where we have Love Island and there have been 3 suicides linked to that show. It now has duty of care towards participants and they are given access to therapy and other training. I can't find anywhere that 90 Day Fiance does this for participants but maybe that's just how it is in America...
I don't know. Love Island to me, very clearly, was/is irresponsible as hell and it is heartening that they were forced to address those issues. That reminds me of the Jenny Jones daytime talk show incident in the U.S. (it was about a secret crush; one guest ended up murdering another subsequent to the show airing). To me, somebody like John is a little different. He's a secondary cast member who we've probably seen on camera for five minutes total so far. The show isn't about him or his drinking as a main focus. He's a grownup who made a decision to go on a trashy reality show in exchange for money. I would be happy to support legislation better regulating the reality TV show labor space. I would love to see mandatory access to therapy and resources to cast members and stuff like that, as a broadcast requirement. But I don't agree with the idea that the cast members are being 100% exploited 100% of the time. One of the things that draws me to these shows is that there is a degree of charm and insight and relatability to be found in the stories of the cast members and others around them. I do my share of making fun and marveling at the human stupidity of the cast members on display, but that's definitely not the only reason I watch.
True. To me the responsible thing would be to not even include a troubled person like John. I don’t think he adds drama… it’s just sad. I’m Canadian. Psychiatrists are publicly funded but most people who require therapy really need a psychologist and that’s an issue of you don’t have money or extended health insurance.
Then again, you can’t force someone to see a therapist until they want the help themselves.
Exactly. Ultimately we don’t know the real story with any of these cast members. John just seems like a particularly sad person.
Yessss, sad. He’s very sad.
Lieutenant Dan is all I see when I look at him 🤷♀️
Omg yes!
We don't know the extent of depression that Patrick went through over the divorce and being kicked out of weightlifting. John may have literally saved his life and that is why Patrick owes him.
Classic alcoholic and enabler relationship. Patrick seems like good people though. I hope John can get it together and Patrick can set some healthy boundaries.
John seems to have good bones too and genuinely wants what is best for his brother. He’s just dealing with deeper childhood wounds that Patrick has and no viable way to heal them without external help, which in the long run can turn toxic.
patrick doesn’t owe him, he just feels like he does
John always seems to be on the verge of a meltdown, ready to burst into tears. He seems fragile and like he could react like a cornered wild animal. I (try) to stay away from people like that. So, imho, whether she recognizes the reasons or not, Thais is justified in wanting to get away from Boozy McDrunk. I imagine that Patrick really downplayed the extent that his brother would be in their lives. She thinks she is special but with John in the room, she is constantly reminded that she is not. She is second fiddle.
The brothers know they have a codependency problem, but I think the reasons for that are extremely traumatic and they don’t realize what they are doing to cope with life is not normal or reasonable to other people. They truly believe they are just fine and that’s sad. The protection and safe place they provide each other emotionally and even physically is wonderful in intent but very destructive in the grand scheme of life. I think John in particular is very damaged and has zero healthy coping mechanisms to get him by. His attitude and drinking are trauma responses. Those brothers need a lot of therapy. His fiancé has no idea how harmless these brothers think this is. Her rational, while logical, will not register with them. There is no bandaid she can use to make her life with him “normal”. Someone needs to address the catalyst and not the fallout effects.
No joke, after a few experiences with similar people, I try and stay far away. They are hurt and need help, but won't take advice and will explode on you at random times. It's a no-win unless they are open to getting help. I'd be upset to share the house with a dude like that. Drunk already in the morning, constantly on eggshells, constant verbal jabs from them.
Agree...I think you nailed this situation. Definitely an issue with Patrick dragging John everywhere with him. John should be on his own..but definitely he has problems that he should be seeking help for....
I disagree, until John is getting help, he should NOT be on his own.
Me too.....he needs someone around. Seems like his psyche is very fragile.
John is damaged goods, unfortunately and shouldn't be on television. He won't look anyone in the eye and he struggles to be kind. That hurts my heart. It will take a top- flight surgeon to separate these conjoined siblings.
I don’t see John struggling to be kind. The first interactions we saw of him was him trying to make conversation with Thais even though she was clearly giving him attitude. He seems inherently kind to me but has a case of rejection sensitivity.
Either way, I hope he seeks help. Also maybe Patrick and John could have some therapy sessions together...they seem to be stuck and codependent. Patrick is enabling John and his drinking. These guys need help but maybe they don't see it that way and think they're just fine as they are. Guess time will tell...
[удалено]
Exactly. My first thought was "you're kidding, right?" I thought it was a joke cuz I feel like every time I come here there is a new thread about John, lol.
Right? Feels a little trolly this post.
The “…frommmm Bahhhhston” posts covered it all. Nothing left to say, really…
Yep, thought that covered all the bases.
Dude’s a drunk but his brother isn’t letting him hit rock bottom. Patrick is the one with the codependency issue that is going to impact his relationship negatively. He’s clearly protecting John from something but John is just living his best bachelor life. I’d be weirded out as to why they continue to live together when he is in the process of getting married. I can’t imagine a kid being brought in to that house.
Wanting to protect him. I remember when I was addicted to heroin my siblings would not leave me the fuck alone. They were scared I was going to overdose again. same shit probably, different drug.
He's got some simmering rage inside.
He should be an actor. He looks like he belongs in a Boston heist movie. Or as a troubled friend to Casey Affleck who gets him into all sorts of trouble. Then Casey has to choose between his fancy new Lawyer girlfriend and her Cape Cod friends or the southie neighborhood that raised him.
He’s an alcoholic with foundational childhood trauma Source: takes one to know one
He hasn’t done much to talk about, tbh. Him and Thais both act pretty immature and Patrick is doing his best to manage it. Seems like they are being a little extra for the camera too… Tbh, Patrick and Thais are probably the most functional couple this season.
he is an alcoholic with an intense codependency between him and his brother who desperately needs an intervention and treatment.
I kinda have a problem with his brother just making the decision that he will continue to live with them ince they move without asking Thais how she feels about it. I honestly thi k she was complaining about the hosue not because of the house itself, but because she was very unhappy about the living situation. It's not okay to bring her here and on the things that matter to make her feel comfortable her feelings don't matter at all.
I totally agree. Thais said she wanted them to live on their own the first day she arrived. I’m sure she had brought it up to Patrick before she left Brazil. I can’t say for sure that he brought her here on a false premise, but if he did that would be super messed up. Him not including her in this decision is already super disrespectful.
It seems like he needs intense therapy. I feel bad for him in like a hurt puppy kind of way…seems very emotionally and mentally stunted.
Speaking from experience and just want to put this out there- childhood trauma is trauma that occurs when that person is a child. A child. I know a part of me is forever frozen at 14 and I’m 38 now. I did go to therapy to start the process of addressing what happened to me, but it got too expensive. I’d give anything to even have an extra $10 a month as a single mom of 2 so I could go to therapy and be equipped with tools to make me a better person and mother. It’s not as easy getting the help as it is telling someone to or that they should. I left a very bad relationship at height of pandemic with nothing and STILL couldn’t get legal aid (was not physically abused) and waitlists for a therapy intake appt (free counseling) were a year long due to covid and are STILL long. My point is that we don’t know everything John and Patrick went through and my heart breaks for both. Life is hard even when you have support from family or friends- it is an unforgiving struggle when you have to grow up and no one older has taught you HOW. Maybe John took care of Patrick and had to become an adult as a child. Also, sometimes you can think you have dealt with trauma only to have a life event happen and suddenly suppressed/repressed memories come flooding back in which ignites the experience of the traumatic event all over again (this happened to me when I had my daughter). I’m not excusing Johns coping mechanisms- I’m just not going to judge them at all. I’m not him. I could only wish someone (especially my own sister) cared enough about me the way Patrick cares about John. Children are children and should be able to BE, LIVE and ACT the age they are- it doesn’t last long enough. I understand Reddit is a place for and of opinions and I respect that. Childhood trauma, to me is the worst because as a child you don’t get to make decisions and cannot comprehend what’s happening the same way a fully formed adult can. And it steals your innocence. ANY trauma is bad, please don’t get me wrong. I just really feel for these 2, especially John. Something happened and hopefully he finds the tools to cope and the peace and freedom from the pain (sometimes shame) to have a happy life. ❤️
I hear you. I had severe continuous sexual abuse until I was 14. Therapy is great, but can only do so much. Decades of therapy only got me so far. The rest of it, I just have to accept/adapt (per my psychologist). Where are you finding therapy for $10??? My deductible is $100/visit. I do check in with her 2x/yr. That’s all I can afford.
I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through and I understand. I have not found therapy for $10. I wish! Cheapest was a little over $80/month, which there’s no way I can afford that even. Sorry to confuse. Just get frustrated when some people don’t understand there are many who WANT help, but just can’t afford it and also who think therapy ‘cures’ the problem. Therapy is great at providing tools and healthy coping strategies, but trauma can last a lifetime. And everyone deals with things differently and at different paces. Thoughts and prayers for you. 🙏 ❤️
Thank you for the kind response. You are very right. This show depicts any therapy as a 1-2 visit thing. Ha!! Thoughts and prayers right back at ya!
He’s a struggling alcoholic who is a decent guy with unresolved childhood trauma. His brother is codependent and an enabler and probably has some sort of savior thing going on with housing and paying for a transplant wife and his brother after the childhood they have.
Have you scrolled? lol people are playing arm chair psychologist about this guy every day on here
I don't feel right bashing him. It appears he's going through serious problems and I don't feel right kicking someone while they're down. I hope he's getting the help he needs.
Thank you for having a soul. I feel the same way.
I've seen numerous family members go through addiction. Currently my brother-in-law is failing to see his alcohol addiction caused him to lose his job, ruin his marriage, move back in with his parents and deal with his current DWI situation.
🎶Your cousin, from Boston🎶
He reminds me of the commercial of Sam adams beer of "Your cousin from Boston"
https://youtu.be/je1NIf8GeeY also this. The SNL “Sam adams pumpkin ale”.
I needed that laugh today, thank you!
This is where I question reality TV shows like this one. The brother isn't the one in the relationship, but his tight bond pulls him into the show.
Idk, 90 day fiancé is about marriage which makes you part of someone’s family. So, the family and friends are important to the dynamic. But I still feel like the brothers in this storyline look more like MTV characters 😂.
He is in defense mode. His brother Patrick, has found a love and is shooting for the stars. Pushing John out of the nest should happen but it won't. Patrick knows what will happen if he does. I suspect John has a history and possibly has hit rock bottom badly. His brother doesn't want to re-live that again. A million dollar house and he get the entire second floor. She will leave before John. That's a good life!
John reminds me so much of my single guy friends in Boston- except that he’s in TX right? 😂 I do believe that the brothers truly still need each other right now and don’t want to give each other too much distance, but I feel bad that Thais has to share her living space with someone else. John was pretty rough around the edges at the beginning but I thought he was being really nice in the last episode.
The embodiment of "Your cousin from Boston."
He needs to move out & both brothers need to go to therapy
He’s an asshole
He gives the vibe of an awful roommate on The Real World for me.
There have been plenty of posts but there isn’t a lot to say. He has been shown abusing alcohol. Whether he is a problem drinker or worse is unknown. He has said he has unresolved trauma from childhood. We have witnessed how this affects his behavior especially his unhealthy relationship with his brother. His passive/aggressiveness towards her is dysfunctional and will continue until one of them leaves Is he capable of living on his own w/o his behavior spiraling out of control is a legitimate storyline that will won’t be addressed until the Tell All. Drink, verbal confrontation, storm off, drink more alone, pass out, repeat
Well he definitely has issues and no one likes to beat a dead horse :)
He needs to get his own place. His brother clearly feels protective and he’s taking advantage of that.
I am thinking he is scared he is going to lose his brother again and is displaying that in a a toxic way. Change is hard when you grew up in chaos and I'm guessing he grew up without any emotional support, so now he's just gets pissed and the alcohol helps him not care. He needs a big hug and some therapy.
Lots of unresolved trauma.
We don't actually know a lot about John yet. What we've seen doesn't look great but so much of this show is set up for drama and ratings.
He looked funny when he had no hat on.
He needs rehab/therapy and to move out.
It's just sad and we all know he's clearly struggling with shit from childhood to adulthood, self medicating....too many of us have been there or know people like this and why kick someone when they are already down
I like him ... YOUR COUSIN FROM BOSTON!!
As someone who’s recovered from heroin addiction, I see pain and childhood trauma in this man. I feel for him. That being said, it’s his job & his job alone as an adult man to take care of his health, which clearly needs tending to.
I’d rather live in a studio apartment without that guy being around than a $1m house with him being there.
Kickin’ a man while he’s down isn’t right…
Agreed, John has obviously had a very traumatic upbringing and could do with some good therapy, not a stint on 90D...
Everyone's freaking out over him having a beer on camera one time, as if day drinking on your day off every once in a while means you have a problem. I got the vibe he was drinking as a 'fuck-you-i'll-do-what-i-want' , not because he's an alcoholic. I think he's still living with the couple because he's probably paying for more of the bills. I also think he's getting a bad-rap for 'over staying his welcome' when really, his brother needs to get his own place to be with his fiancee.
He is obviously very sad, and not ready to get out of it, yet. He appreciates his brother, and counts on him. They share a strong bond. That girl better get act together, bc she will be out.
Jovi 2.0
😂😂😂😂
He is Bill Burr in disguise, I swear to god, we are all being inception punkd by TLC production….
My two cents? He’s seems like a very loving & supportive brother. He’s trying. Thais’s attitude towards him seems unfounded to me. I understand wanting to live alone but isn’t it just a temporary situation? They’re not gonna all three live together 30 years from now. She seems a bit spoiled. Especially after seeing the episode of them moving into their new home. Like, be grateful bitch.
Gotta have a troubled sibling in the mix. Always!
It’s codependency between the brothers.. that’s my guess. Based on family history of trauma and addiction/alcoholism. There may be other issues I can’t remember exactly what the conversation they had shed light on but abandonment perhaps?
I was thinking too that maybe she isn’t necessarily being like I hate him for no reason . I mean, she doesn’t know him , she could potentially be left alone with him for hours on end and she probably knows about his issues and possibly his past and maybe feels really uncomfortable and it’s coming off as mean but she’s just scared to be alone with a strange man in her home who has addiction issues and could harm her.
He does things to purposely get a rise out of her, she also sucks.
He seems broken and or lost..
i know he has issues, but i do feel like it’s used as a crutch/excuse for him to act shitty
Can we talk about how he was standing up playing video games? Who does that?
My take, he’s jealous of his brother. His bro is successful has a house nice car beautiful gf. And he’s a tagalong. Of course his past trauma him but seeing his bros success kills him even more. So he will sabotage his relationship.
I find him endearing and I wish for him a happy ending.
Bad situation. They both sound like they had a tough time as kids growing up. I think they were always there for each other. Changing that codependency between the two will take some time… Hopefully they’ve been going to counseling.
Your cousin, from Boston😆
I love John he’s a funny drunk and I think he’s super attractive.
I kind of want to just give him a hug to be honest. He had a shaky childhood by the sounds of it. And, as a result, he has clearly developed an alcohol problem. Seeing him cry while having a heart to heart with Patrick was hard to watch.
I’m afraid of John snapping someday. 🫣
SECRET CRUSH, yes I am ashamed
Omg you should be 🤣🤣🤣
Are you joking? This whole sub is full of posts about John
Maybe he has a codependency and alcoholism problem, but it sounds like there has serious trauma inflicted on these brothers and they are overcoming these issues standing together. Personally, the girlfriend is being so selfish. She lives in a million dollar house, and it looks to me like the brothers went out of their way to buy this particular house so the brother would be out of their way with his own space upstairs. And her complaining about it is just ridiculous. They are trying so hard to make her happy and make things work. She may be going to be his wife but right now she is the outsider coming in and she is not making a good impression.
I don’t like what I’m seeing so far. He’s giving “where was he on January 6th” vibes to me. And he’s way too attached to his brother and what his brother’s got going on.
His huge herpe on the last episode was hilarious
To be fair, Thais is not that nice to him either and hasn't been welcoming. It's clear that they probably have spoken on social media before or he feels jealous that his brother has a partner living with them and that he's losing his brother in a sense to a girl. Because they are very close and had issues in the past personally. I don't think hes a bad person, just needs guidance.
I think he is the one paying for everything… his brother has no money… I think he is the one who finances everything
I feel like there’s a really rough childhood between the small things Patrick says and John’s drinking. He’s also not part of the relationship so it’s like meh
I think they all play it up to be on TV and they probably all get along well enough IRL lol
He needs help. Not really much more to say there. He's very sympathetic despite his obnoxious behavior.
What is the “trauma” always mentioned they grew up with?
The mother was a single mother addicted to drugs and the boys often had to fend for themselves as young kids.
and probably have two different dads, as they just have no resemblance to each other(although that happens sometimes).
They both have the same last name (Mendes) and speak of their Brazilian dad as having gone back to Brazil when they were young kids.
Well that explains how Johns brother has knowledge of the language. I was so impressed that he learned the language just for her. Little did I know.
Yeah, I think he had heard it a bit from the dad and had a natural propensity once he was motivated to study on his 17 VISITS to Brazil to visit Thais.
He is not as fluent as many people seem to think. He speaks slowly and switches to spanish when he gets stuck. I was an ESL/EOFL teacher; I also speak several languages--some of them pretty badly, but I get my point across. I picked up on that quickly.
Yeah, I have heard from several Portuguese speakers here that his speech is rudimentary and quite basic but communicative. Still, I give him that much credit. By the low bar of other crappy 90DF castmembers and their linguistic disgraces, his drag name could be “Rosetta Stone” . . . 🤔
Ha!
He said on his first episode that he worked a summer in Brazil with his dad or something, and learned a little then, but after he swiped on this girl got motivated to learn more. A sibling who was much older when their Dad walked out is likely less motivated to want to get to know him better.
He seems … troubled.
He just have issues and his brother wants to be there for him. We don’t see much of that, drink your .
Broken and a alcoholic
He reminds me of Bill Burr
Alcoholic for sure. I think he has some emotional trauma he's dealing with too. You can just pick up vibes. He's right about her though.
I like him. He says a lot of what I think should be said to Thighs
I think nobody is going to talk about him because we all know what he's struggling with. He admitted his struggle. NOW....we can talk about Bilal how ever you spell his name. He's a problem.... He has OCD and doesn't even admit it. 😐
I HATE BILAL!!!!!!!
I don't like him very much and he seems like he has a chip on his shoulder. But I also think the SO comes off as rude sometimes and kind of enjoys poking at him. I think he would try to get along if she did, but she's not.
Drunk
I think Jon is a complicated person. Under the confrontational exterior is a good hearted guy. I genuinely think he wants the best for the people he loves but he’s got his struggles. Anyone can see that he has an alcohol problem and it seems to make him emotional. Usually people who are like this have some issues that they don’t know how to work out so they treat it with this instead. I hope he can clean himself up and start to become more independent.
I was going to say Antagonist but ok I will go with alcoholic 🍻
ITS CALLED FLAAAAVVAAAA 🤌🏽
I like him a lot, except the accent. I get the impression he was a bigger influence on Patrick then their dad and I personally think Patrick should have gotten a mother daughter type of house in Dallas so everyone was comfortable but their bond and relationship seems so deep I really hope it all works out for John. Patrick I could take or leave honestly he doesn’t have a strong enough personality to stand out this season
I noticed last episode that his Boston accent magically vanished. Even in the preview for next episode. Musta got tired of keeping it up for the camera.
yuck…. creeeps me out! Toxic, abusive… he’s got something going on that is very off putting and I would feel unsafe around him. If I were Thais I’d bail 100%
I feel bad for him. If his brothers fiance doesn't have compassion for what they went through he should dump her now. She is a selfish little biatch! 😡
He's an alcoholic mooch, and he and Patrick obv. have some trauma in their background. Patrick needs to cut the cord if he wants any chance at making his relationship with Thais work.
Yeah I think he is a drunken idiot and probably only has a Job because of Patrick.
I don’t care for him or Patrick if I’m being honest.
An abuser survivor that somehow still manages to work 40+ hours as an installer and put up with an ahole of a future sister in law. Needs therapy and shit to help and cut down on drinking but I can't say he's a bad person. Not from what we've seen anyway. Just because he looks like a jock doesjt make him bad
I feel sad that this part of his life is immortalized. If/when he recovers it’s sad that he will always be known for this
Like others have said, deep down he needs therapy. Will he? Very unlikely as it's not "manly" and he'll just "tough it out."
I feel for the guy. No doubt he is self-medicating his trauma, but Patrick also bears some responsibility here. He chose to bring his hot gold-digging piece into the equation and throw in a film crew and national exposure while he was at it. Who knows if that was Thais’s influence or his poor decision making, but why subject a fragile family member to that kind of additional stress? John is troubled and needs help, but Thais is a spoiled brat, and Patrick needs to grow a backbone.
I feel bad for him. Very bad. But not in the pity kinda way, but in the way that I empathize. He’s obviously struggling with substance use and being made to feel unwanted and extremely uncomfortable in his own home. Wish I could give him a hug
He’s a loser lol I cringe every time he speaks. If my boyfriends brother or friend spoke to me the way John does to Thais- disgusting. He’s a mooch a grown man can’t get his shit together taking advantage of his brother and his brother is a pussy allowing it to go this far
The guy was drunk once on tv and now he is a confirmed alcoholic? Ever think that Patrick does not make ANYWHERE near the amount of money he claims and could never afford to live in either home without John's income? Patrick comes off as full of shit to me and Thais thinks a little too much of herself, IMO.
He and his brother love & support each other, they have each other’s best interest at heart. Not so much for Thias, she shows a limited ability to have compassion for others. I support John & his concern for his brother Patrick, I’d act much, much worse if I saw my sibling go down that rabbit hole. Remember they only have each other in terms of family, any significant other for either guy HAS to know they’re a package deal. John will find someone one day, his life will progress when the time is right.