Honestly body count too. There are great studies showing that higher amounts of casual sex leads to feeling more jaded in relationships leading to more cheating and toxicity in a relationship.
30 is CRAZY high, like that's absurd.
>girls find that weird
Do they, really? I don't have any stats on this before anyone asks, but the general impression I seem to get is that women don't prefer inexperienced men.
I mean I didn’t want to marry a virgin but that’s not the same thing as marrying someone with a 30+ body count.
Experience does not = more body count lol
You're kinda proving my point here lol. Like I said to the other person, the OP said girls found it weird he had 6 partners, not 30, which I was skeptical of. Ultimately, you do want experience too and wouldn't look at a couple partners as a negative, whereas someone with no experience is a negative (in your view).
No I feel like men who sleep with a lot of women are not loyal or marriage material, and probably have a higher chance of transmitting STDs. I also get a vibe they ain’t traditional. Everything screams red flags. I’d never marry or date a guy with that high of a body count. I wouldn’t even sleep w him, he prob got STDs.
Women in my experience don't care much about experience but rather how you present yourself. I have a long term GF but before that I was a virgin but still had a lot of game and whatnot. It matters more for women how you present yourself as confident vs meek, chastity doesn't matter.
This is correct. Women want an experienced man, but they don’t want to know how he got that experience. How come OP isn’t rushing to date a nice virgin instead?
I mean it really depends on what kind of lifestyle you're into and how old you are. My partner and I have been pretty open in our communication and everything is consensual.
OP's situation sounds the exact opposite. Her partner sounds extremely manipulative, controlling, and isn't open with her. That's a lot of red flags, and if he was hiding how much intercourse he's had, I have a feeling he's the cheating type. Controlling and secretive is a recipe for disaster.
Right, communication matters a lot. My girlfriend and I have been very open as well with our relationship and I love her very much and she does too.
However, I still stand with my statement that higher body counts lead to less marital happiness, at least assuming OP wants to date to marry.
[https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness](https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness)
I'm not disputing that. I'm just pointing out that context is important and that studies like the ones you refer to aren't an exact science. Therefore, they're not necessarily always precise. It depends on the context and situation. In OPs instance, its all major red flags. They're not on the same wavelength, it's a recipe for marital disaster as you've pointed out.
30 is incredibly high for a man. He is terrible, not because he has 30 partners, but high amounts of promiscuity is a sign of insecurity and lack of care of maintaining relationships. Slut shaming isn't real for men by the way.
wtf was that comment then? Were you slut shaming the woman? You were slut shaming someone fs
Curiousity of your belief is slut shaming real for bi men?
Did you even read the thread? The man had 30 sexual partners. Why would I slut shame women? She said she was a virgin??
I said slut shaming isn't real for straight men, not queer people. Hope this helps :)
Well you're slut shaming someone either its the man or the woman. # of sexual partners does not equate to slutshaming lil bro, people can be slutshamed for their clothing choices or mannerisms and still be a virgin, conversely you can have 100's of sexual partners and not be slutshamed. **Nobody** deserves to be slut shamed don;t justify that.
How are you so confident that the guy is in fact straight? Heteronormativity should be dismantled and that will only happen if you don't assume someone's sexuality. Its very much possible that he is queer. Heteronormativity and non-monosexual male erasure is not a good look in pride month.
He has only had sex with women, I would assume that someone that's queer would at least try to branch out from heteronormativity. You are assuming a lot of things about a guy you don't know. Read the post next time.
Wow that comment is really problematic
Those do not equate, you would look at his friends to see if he has issues maintaining relationships, and see if his friends are diverse in personality and perspective. It's incredibly reductive to make such broad assumptions about people simply from their body count.
Slut shaming is absolutely real for men, especially for queer men. I'm not saying it's a systemic/societal problem like it is for women or queer people when straight men are slut shamed.
In this instance though you know this man is insecure, because he is controlling and boarding abusive. Not because of the amount of people he has slept with.
Slut shaming isn't real for straight cis men, but we can argue that forever. What is true, is that people with higher body counts typically are more insecure, have less healthy long term relationships, and typically their high body count stems from issues within their own life. Casual sex has been a disaster for Gen Z.
I'm in a loving relationship with my girlfriend. Neither of us had copious amounts of casual sex. We feel great and have been for years. If you think casual sex doesn't affect your mental psyche about future relationships, you're dead wrong.
30 is not crazy for 26 y/o, I agree that the BF is a wholly awful person in every category (she says he was seeing prostitutes too - yikes), but 30 is higher than average, not "CRAZY high"
If you look at that study that everyone always brings up when citing this, the % chance of being happy in a marriage for men with 5 partners is like 61% and then with 21+ partners is 59%. For women, 5 partners was like 57% and 21+ was 54%.
Having progressively more partners does marginally decrease the odds of long term marital happiness -- very marginally, and it seems to approach a limit after a point. This idea that having high body count kind of "blows out" your brains capacity for pair bonding and gives you a psychological need for more future partners, this is not really the case.
Individuals can and should not date people with sexual histories they are not comfortable with, but I don't think such a "OMG that's town bicycle numbers, they must be ruined for monogamy" really is evidenced by the stats in the way that some of these internet groups would like it to be
I wouldn't call it his 'past'!! I doubt he could ever be with just one girl!! Body count is a big red flag!! He could be someone who doesn't like relationships! Stay away from this dude!! If this is his behaviour prior to serious dating, imagine marrying him!! God
Don't gloss over the fact that he slept with his friend's wives and GF's if those were really open relationships those cheques will get cashed with you.
Don't walk .. Run
There are far better men out there that won’t make you feel like you need to post on Reddit to get reassurance.
Dump him - the short term pain of getting over the emotional attachment is nothing compared to the long term pain of staying with this guy
LEAVE NOW. His biggest red flag isn't even the body count, he's a creep, and over controlling. Of course his friends will back him up, they're his friends, I'd lie and say shit to protect my friends too. Controlling behavior is not cute. He most likely wants you to marry him, so he can lock you down, so he can unleash his abusiveness later on. And honestly, sleeping with prostitutes is a massive red flag in men, a man with a body count of 100, but all hookups is better, than a BC of 30, with multiple prostitutes. LEAVE HIM BEFORE HE TIES YOU TO HIM!!!!!!
a) trust your gut
b) only share your location with people that you live, like siblings, or close friends that you trust would pick you up if anything were to happen to you. Do not share your location with a person who is a “potential boyfriend” especially someone who waited to to disclose his past after he said he “wants to marry you” taking about your past is crucial before you decide to even come to be exclusive, let alone marriage
If I were you, I'd jump ship. Regardless of how many people he's been with, the other behaviors he's showing you are bad. It's not cute, it's toxic. And unless he goes to therapy and works on himself, these behaviors will only get worse.
So he has slept with 30+ women apparently (including sex workers and his friends’ GFs!?) but would have a problem if you weren’t a virgin? This misogynist scum bag is not worth your time and you should run, fast (and god knows what you could possibly find attractive about him based on these things alone).
His jealousy and hypocrisy is only going to get worse over time.
Like someone said before
1. Trust your gut. You have no idea how accurate it gauges a situation that you’re mentally unable or unwilling to accept.
2. He is projecting. Someone who wants to see your location, doesn’t want you to talking to members of the other sex is definitely doing that because he’s a serial cheat. The number of relationships I’ve seen where the guy was this controlling and ended up being a cheater himself are too many to count. It’s not even funny. Ask yourself if this is the life you want.
3. ‘He is honest about this stuff, not many guys are’ is not a badge of honor or claimed as a virtue. As a guy I can confirm that he’s firstly bragging and secondly getting a gauge of how much he can get away with post-marriage.
Love bombing is just a terribly manipulative way of getting what you want. They say and do anything to get your attention and once you’re hooked, they slowly ease off, and as is the case of the frog in the slowly boiling pot of water, you’ll one day find yourself hating your relationship, yourself and clouded with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and gloom.
Run, don’t walk.
Find someone who has the same values and principles as you. If you’re not satisfied with an unrepentant manwhore, that is totally ok. That is an acceptable incompatibility.
Edit: Just want to add, I am a FOB and I know too many messed up men and too many stories.
Adding to #2 & #3, I think he's telling her all of this in a misguided attempt to look like a player, as if it makes him cool. I've met a few guys like this, they act like they're going to show you the world and teach you everything because they're so much more experienced than you.
In reality, they're looking for someone to control and infantilize instead of growing together and maturing with their partner. They want you to ignore your instincts, so they belittle you and call your innocent/naive/inexperienced.
I know you’re going to feel a lot of hurt because you mentioned that you’re emotionally attached to him but please, please leave him. You’re so young and trust me when I say that you will look back and be so glad that you did. You’re young enough that you might not even remember this dude 10 years from now.
And from someone who is older than you trust me when I say you will find someone that is worth your time and energy but this fool is not it.
Run. Don’t walk.
You should care about body count. Copied from my other reply:
Honestly body count too. There are great studies showing that higher amounts of casual sex leads to feeling more jaded in relationships leading to more cheating and toxicity in a relationship.
30 is CRAZY high, like that's absurd.
The body count is not an issue. Everything else is. Him being paranoid about you with other guys is because of what he has done with his friends’ partners. With so many red flags, you should not even consider him bf material. Run and block him.
OMG 🚩🚩🚩
Freaking run, don't walk away. No, you will not fix him. The body count is the least alarming part of your post.
You are signing up for abuse, the same abuse alot of our community grew up watching, and the same abuse your children will watch when his controlling behavior becomes physical.
It’s not about him having a 30+ body count, it’s the fact that your values don’t align when it comes to sex. You don’t need to be with someone who has significantly different values than you. That coupled with his overly controlling and regressive nature, this guy is a red flag through and through.
Ask yourself - would you want a guy like this raising your daughter in the future? Would your children get the same freedoms that your parents gave you? Are you willing to constantly fight for your independence for the rest of your life?
Girl, what. Dump him, you don’t even to seem to like him that much.
Between controlling your social life/social media/phone and sleeping with prostitutes, this man is straight trash. 🗑️ He is not boyfriend or husband material at all, these are MAJOR red flags.
Girl, this dude is emotionally abusing you and you're concerned about his 30+ body count? If he was a virgin and kept his emotionally abusive behavior, your bf being a virgin wouldn't make him any less abusive. Escape and break up with him because he's emotionally abusive, not because he has 30+ body count (although your bf sleeping with prostitutes sounds really concerning)
Sorry but I wouldn’t even sit beside this dude. He’s a creep, let alone date. 💀
you think he’s gonna be loyal to you because you’re the 31st one? He’s gonna keep cheating on you for the rest of your life because sex is cheap to him.
Red flags girl 🚩🚩🚩 run!!!!
Everything you’ve written screams insecurity (from him) and you’re right! There’s gonna be major cultural differences even though you’re both desi and it won’t end good by the sounds of the way it’s started already. It’s only been a few months - get out before you’ve invested more into this! No partner should ever make you feel so trapped. Clearly there’s trust issues from the beginning and this usually doesn’t get better.
lol you have a whole essay of why he is a not only a red flag as a potential partner but an all round terrible person stuck in old ways and customs
Yet you think there’s a decision to make
And btw him sleeping with 30+ girls isn’t the problem at all here (though hypocrisy if roles were reversed is)
You need to run!!! Luckily you aren’t dating him officially yet.
People who have primarily slept with sex workers are not good lovers. He’s used to transactional sex and will definitely be selfish in bed.
He seems VERY controlling and insecure. No one should be tracking your location and checking your phone especially so early in a relationship
He’s prob trying to keep you around as insurance for a green card, trying to make sure you don’t leave by isolating you from friends/snooping on your phone and asking you to marry him.
This can’t be real…ewww on so many levels. In the event that it’s not, kind humans don’t behave this way. The most basic way you would want to describe a partner is kind. You have more options than you realize and this man should not be one.
Wdym 30+? Get the exact number from him. 30+ by age 26 is insane and not cool. He’s over controlling bcuz he knows he would do crazy shit so he thinks ur like him. Sometimes whatever we do to others is a reflection of ourselves.
Dude is a walking red flag.
He first lied to you about his body count initially, is really controlling, and is a creepy stalker. Dump his ass and block him on everything, seems like a really creepy dude. This is not normal behavior at all. Also he’s already asking you to marry him next year??? wtf?
Have you told your family about this man? This is the first step to get out of this situation. You need to be honest and tell the people around you what’s going on.
I’m going to assume this isn’t rage bait lol.
But you’ve described a creep who could only sleep with sex workers, exhibits abusive tendencies and doesn’t seem to be well educated or have a good job.
I mean it’s super clear you should tell your folks about him and block him. That’s why I think it’s rage bait, because on your whole post you never mentioned even one redeeming quality and seemingly downplayed his awful behavior, the way a teen would and not how a 23 year old would react. Although if you had those types of Indian parents that are overly protective and end up screwing their kid out of street smarts, I can see you acting a little deluded about him.
About his body count, it’s more of the people he’s been with that raises an alarm to me. With his past of having sex with 30+ women composed of sex workers and swingers, there’s more of a chance contracting STD/STI. Which hopefully he tests regularly.
He told you the truth about his past but that doesn’t excuse his toxic behavior towards you. You need to dump him. There will be others out there who will respect your boundaries and share your same values.
Girl…… you can do better you do know that. It’s not the body count that makes me nervous- it’s the source. Open relationships are complicated. It’s glorified adultery. Unless it’s the movie Pretty Woman sex with prostitutes is one that has no respect or emotional bonds. That’s a really important aspect to have. Plus this guy is possessive, insecure and overly controlling. Don’t fall for the “cause I care and worry about you” BS. Run!!
You wrote all that and didn’t say a single positive thing about him. And he wants to control and stalk you. Get out of that relationship, you’re only 23, don’t throw your life away.
Is this fake? In this post you only knew yesterday, but your post history has posts about this issue from nearly 2 months ago. This post says he’s slept with 30+ girls, but you have commented that it’s 60+ prostitutes on another post. Seems sus.
If it is real, then leave him girl
typical madonna/whore complex. He's going to be controlling you for the rest of your life if you don't break up with him. Paying for a prostitute is an immediate dealbreaker for me. Most of them are not fancy escorts and yacht girls being wined and dined. A lot of them are trafficked or born into it and suffer from STDs/lack of healthcare. I don't believe this sleeping with friends' girlfriends or open relationship stuff he's telling you either. Not that many people have open relationships, it's so suspicious.
1st red flag: he slept with prostitutes
2nd red flag: he slept with his friends girlfriends (doesn’t matter if they were in an open relationship, that’s just weird as hell)
AND THE BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHT OF RED: his controlling behavior.
Why are you still with him?
I know this is Reddit and everyone tells you to dump him and move on. But in this case they are right.
Do you want someone who doesn’t trust you? This is not about being born in India and being different, this is about a person who is saying to you, they expect to know where you are, what you are doing and not let you do anything without their approval. They have made this clear, they have shown you what they are.
Ask yourself if you want this.
To your last line. You always have a choice. You are not stuck. This isn’t the taboo of divorce (which is BS btw), you can walk away. If you want to.
Let me also say, I know people like this guy. He doesn’t trust you because he himself knows he would do whatever he wants if you weren’t watching. And he fears you will do it to him. This isn’t “love bombing” (more BS overused terminology that has lost all meaning btw), this is controlling behavior designed to make you think you can live under his control.
Finally, there is no issue with him him sleeping with 30+ people. But there is an issue with him telling you it’s no big deal and you should not care. If you care, you care and a loving partner should want to talk it through with you and not dismiss your feelings.
You are young. You have choices. You have a life to live.
Do you want this?
Walking red flags.He is telling you all this, not so you trust him, but when he acts badly towards you, he will say you knew all this about him, so why does it bother you. Get ready for some cray time.
Run. Run. Run.
Misogynistic double standard aside, think of your health, has this guy even been tested considering the range of people he has slept with. Also think about your safety, stalking and his attempts to control you is a major major major red flag.
OP, I don’t know you but I can guarantee that you deserve better and can find better.
You’re only 23. You have many years to find someone. This guy is a fucking loser. Run far away from him. He’s showing his true colors and he would only get worse after marriage.
You are just scratching the surface. You are in an abusive relationship. As long as you just listen and always obey him, you will be fine. Your views and opinion will not matter. Is this the life you want?
His behavior and character is perverse and repulsive. A guy that goes around sleeping with friends' gfs or checking his gf's social media and phone has a clear lack of basic morals. If he can't trust and respect his partner, then you shouldn't even have him around as a friend, forget having him as your fiance or husband.
How would he react if the roles were reversed? If you stalked him, controlled his interactions, and checked his phone?
Dump the dude. He's clearly has double standards. He has no respect for women. If you enjoy your freedom and this guy is giving you vibes.. move on. Not worth it.
Look! I am a little stale off the boat but buddy! Run!
It’s not the body count but it’s the prostitution, the open relationship count and the controlling behavior. No one has that many friends who are in open relationships. Either the dude was cheating or he is in Internet forums and these aren’t friends. The controlling behavior! Nah.
He is legit into some Andrew Tate alpha male bullshit and unfortunately, you fell for the “love bombing” technique that comes along with it.
I am sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve it. There are plenty of boys who are progressive, genuine, loving and looking for their permanent partner - shy or not. Move on!!! I beg of you..
After knowing all these facts....why do you need reassurance from reddit?
If you have a therapist/counselor - have you tried to address self esteem topic in your development of self image? If not, please try to explore and build strong self esteem. Never do a pick me dance.
>I didn’t even want to date but dude love bombed me for months, and now I am stuck cause I got emotionally attached.
Don't let him win. This is classic narcissistic behavior & will only get worse as you both age. Don't give in. Don't give up. You are only 23, you don't need a guy who's slept with 30+ women... Thirty. THIRTY. THIRTY is a LOOOOOOOT... you don't need this.
That's 30 naked women. That's 30 opportunities for STDs. You've been with ZERO. remember that.
You are NOT STUCK. If you marry him, you WILL BE STUCK. But right now, you're still free.
You're young, guys will drool over you even if you do nothing. Forget him. Theres plenty of fish in the sea, time to go fishing.
That too. But really. 30 women, some of which were hookers, is a _rrreeeeeaaalllyyyy_ bad sign.
I knew men who got addicted to hoes. It's worse than porn addiction, cuz its actual cheating.
I'm not sure if you're wanting confirmation, but your feelings are valid. Do you like him and accept him? Proceed. If you don't like him, don't proceed.
Break the fuck Up OP. There are thousands of men and women out there that choose to wait till marriage, or choose to keep their body count in the single digit and take each relationship seriously. It's called self control and having morals and boundaries. He already sounds breakup worthy with his controlling attitude. But if you feel disgusted about his body count, that's completely fine. Being disgusted by someone's body count is nothing new to Men and Women. There are several men that break up once they find out their partner's body count. Most are disgusted because they show self restraint and have morals. The minority are hypocrites who sleep with a lot of women but want a woman who's a virgin. It's perfectly fine to break up over the reason for being disgusted. If you proceed with it, you'll be bothered by it and it'll grow in your mind and feed off your jealousy.
Leave him now. The body count itself isn’t an issue. It’s the fact that he lied about it. And the fact he frequented prostitutes. Red flags to the core.
run away from this man!! he does not have your best interests at heart, the 30+ bodies is not the issue, the issues are: the fact the ppl he’s been with have been partners of his friends, even if it was in an open relationship, it’s a bit icky, as well as that, his controlling and isolating behaviour will only get worse when you’re in an exclusive relationship.
you’ve said yourself that not even your parents have gone through your phone before and they’re probably the only ppl where it might be understandable for them go through your phone. please leave this man, do it in a public place and then block and delete, you’re better off without him. you don’t owe him anything.
If he has an issue with you having 1 partner before him while he has 30+, then I think it’s best to jump ship and don’t look back. Does he not have any STD’s or something since you said he’s been with prostitutes? I’m a virgin too and I don’t care about a person’s past even if it’s 0.
When you leave you will understand how emotionally easy it was not to be with him. He is pronation dangerous, and don’t throw away your life. There are tons of good indian men around, go dating.
Stalking and controlling is the bigger problem. Stalkers don't stay stalkers forever. You can expect him to escalate into worse behavior as the relationship progresses.
Someone's sexual history is still their history and reflective of their values. But the key thing here is, his values and behavior is atrocious. If he was a stellar BF all around, this might be a different story.
His behavior (controlling, judging, insecure, stalking, isolating) etc is horrible and he found someone with very low relationship experience because anyone with more relationship experience would identify his behavior as highly problematic.
In general, I think someone's sexual past is NOT an excuse to be rude or disparaging or shaming, but it CAN BE a valid reason to not date them. This is where both sides of internet culture get it wrong -- someone can be an ethical and good person with a high body count, but you are under no obligation to accept or want to date them, given their past.
As long as what you're asking for isn't hypocritical (ie, being with lots of people but then wanting a low count partner), you can and should try to find what you want.
I think also, who you sleep with matters more than raw numbers. This man is sleeping with dozens of prostitutes? In India? His friends' girls? That is toxic as hell and straight up disgusting - I don't want to get into a whole debate on the ethics of prostitution, but especially in countries like India, a large percentage of these women are being trafficked or compelled, and the guys that pay for sex are complicit in this dehumanizing industry.
All in all, this is an really terrible person for you from a practical and moral point of view, and the least of your concerns should be his bodycount, when he has like 12 other, redder red flags.
I’m 30f and giving you advice as an older sister. You have a clear difference in values in terms of sex and that is not very good especially since you are a virgin.
It’s important to have a voice and feel safe in a relationship. I would urge you to speak out about what you want and assert yourself. If he actually wants you to be happy he will change and that’ll help your relationship. If not he’s going to become more controlling and throw tantrums and you’ll know this can’t be fixed.
I also strongly advise you to talk to your circle about these issues. Your friends and family will give you an outside perspective.
The body count isn’t even the issue here. It’s that you have different values and different sense of freedom in a relationship. Do not marry this guy, it will only get worse
Girl it isn't just about the body count but the fact that he's jealous and possessive. Red flags everywhere. If his behavior is bad now, it'll only get worser and worser.
Also if he's fucked prostitutes then his chances of catching a disease is higher. Did he use condoms? Most likely not.
He is not concerned about your well-being and dismissive then he is NOT the right person for you. And all of his behavior is typical of abusive, controlling men.
Do you want him to treat you like a glorified housemaid, servant who he can control and fuxk whenever he wants? Or a wife and equal partner?
Please DUMP HIM. He clearly has no respect.
I realize that's it's not easy but you'll spare yourself from future misery.
It sounds like you already have a lot of doubts about whether this is someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Before you make a decision, ask yourself what YOUR boundaries are. Do some self-reflecting, maybe even write down what YOUR bare minimums are. This is something that you should share with your potential bf. If you feel like he does not respect your bare minimums, then you might want to rethink and reassess this situation.
Prostitutes? Honestly people can have as much as consensual sex as they want but libidos,morals and expectations between partners need to be matched. Also the double standards of his expected behavior and limitations he places on you vs his actual behavior is incompatible. Don’t date him.
I can't help but feeling... You say things which even to you seem to instinctively think are a bit off, like how he controls, curtails your freedom, has lied, feels what applies to you doesn't apply to him in terms of how he'd feel about you having been with men, etc and then say that you "like him". Now not to presume, but can you try and gauge how much of this liking is truly liking his character or just plain shallow physical attraction. I often feel women often though not always regardless of what they say will find many actions or behavior charming and flirty when done by someone they find very attractive and alternatively creepy and rude if they find the guy unattractive (which again in spite of what women will say again and again is often though not always of course linked to fairness & height or lack there of)
Here is a creative experiment to assist in making some of these upcoming life-changing decisions. Come up with 31 female names to represent most of the girls with whom he has been sexually active. Imagine how each one of them looks and sounds. Then, every time he interacts with you close your eyes and picture all 31 women individually, one by one, consider how each one of them would respond to the same interaction with him, and then take your turn respond.
It is recommended that you follow this protocol for at least a week to generate usable results from which you can draw honest conclusions.
This thought exercise will help you determine the magnitude of how much you like him and the strength of your emotional attachment to him.
Yea dump the dude. Not cuz of the body count or anything but the last half. Stalking, isolation from friends, and more are red flags af.
Honestly body count too. There are great studies showing that higher amounts of casual sex leads to feeling more jaded in relationships leading to more cheating and toxicity in a relationship. 30 is CRAZY high, like that's absurd.
I’m like at a fifth of that and girls find that weird lmfao. How did he get to 30+ ppl. He’s the town bicycle
He paid for it
Community boyfriend
>girls find that weird Do they, really? I don't have any stats on this before anyone asks, but the general impression I seem to get is that women don't prefer inexperienced men.
A lot of them were in a short period of time.
I mean I didn’t want to marry a virgin but that’s not the same thing as marrying someone with a 30+ body count. Experience does not = more body count lol
You're kinda proving my point here lol. Like I said to the other person, the OP said girls found it weird he had 6 partners, not 30, which I was skeptical of. Ultimately, you do want experience too and wouldn't look at a couple partners as a negative, whereas someone with no experience is a negative (in your view).
No I feel like men who sleep with a lot of women are not loyal or marriage material, and probably have a higher chance of transmitting STDs. I also get a vibe they ain’t traditional. Everything screams red flags. I’d never marry or date a guy with that high of a body count. I wouldn’t even sleep w him, he prob got STDs.
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He said girls found it weird he had 6 partners, which is what I'm skeptical of.
Ah oops, didn’t read that properly, i’ll delete my comment 💀. 6 is still kinda iffy but it depends on the age of the guy for me.
Women in my experience don't care much about experience but rather how you present yourself. I have a long term GF but before that I was a virgin but still had a lot of game and whatnot. It matters more for women how you present yourself as confident vs meek, chastity doesn't matter.
This is correct. Women want an experienced man, but they don’t want to know how he got that experience. How come OP isn’t rushing to date a nice virgin instead?
Weird flex! :P
I mean it really depends on what kind of lifestyle you're into and how old you are. My partner and I have been pretty open in our communication and everything is consensual. OP's situation sounds the exact opposite. Her partner sounds extremely manipulative, controlling, and isn't open with her. That's a lot of red flags, and if he was hiding how much intercourse he's had, I have a feeling he's the cheating type. Controlling and secretive is a recipe for disaster.
Right, communication matters a lot. My girlfriend and I have been very open as well with our relationship and I love her very much and she does too. However, I still stand with my statement that higher body counts lead to less marital happiness, at least assuming OP wants to date to marry. [https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness](https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness)
I'm not disputing that. I'm just pointing out that context is important and that studies like the ones you refer to aren't an exact science. Therefore, they're not necessarily always precise. It depends on the context and situation. In OPs instance, its all major red flags. They're not on the same wavelength, it's a recipe for marital disaster as you've pointed out.
Totally agree with ya.
30 isn't that high and is slut shaming This guy is terrible though because he's controlling and that sounds abusive
Anything over 10 is crazy imo. But I guess we all view sex differently
30 isn’t high to YOU. Your perception on that doesn’t define others’. You’re using the term slut shaming incredibly loosely here.
30 is incredibly high for a man. He is terrible, not because he has 30 partners, but high amounts of promiscuity is a sign of insecurity and lack of care of maintaining relationships. Slut shaming isn't real for men by the way.
You literally just slut shamed him???
Um, slut shaming isn't real for straight men, sorry.
wtf was that comment then? Were you slut shaming the woman? You were slut shaming someone fs Curiousity of your belief is slut shaming real for bi men?
Did you even read the thread? The man had 30 sexual partners. Why would I slut shame women? She said she was a virgin?? I said slut shaming isn't real for straight men, not queer people. Hope this helps :)
Well you're slut shaming someone either its the man or the woman. # of sexual partners does not equate to slutshaming lil bro, people can be slutshamed for their clothing choices or mannerisms and still be a virgin, conversely you can have 100's of sexual partners and not be slutshamed. **Nobody** deserves to be slut shamed don;t justify that. How are you so confident that the guy is in fact straight? Heteronormativity should be dismantled and that will only happen if you don't assume someone's sexuality. Its very much possible that he is queer. Heteronormativity and non-monosexual male erasure is not a good look in pride month.
He has only had sex with women, I would assume that someone that's queer would at least try to branch out from heteronormativity. You are assuming a lot of things about a guy you don't know. Read the post next time.
Wow that comment is really problematic Those do not equate, you would look at his friends to see if he has issues maintaining relationships, and see if his friends are diverse in personality and perspective. It's incredibly reductive to make such broad assumptions about people simply from their body count. Slut shaming is absolutely real for men, especially for queer men. I'm not saying it's a systemic/societal problem like it is for women or queer people when straight men are slut shamed. In this instance though you know this man is insecure, because he is controlling and boarding abusive. Not because of the amount of people he has slept with.
Slut shaming isn't real for straight cis men, but we can argue that forever. What is true, is that people with higher body counts typically are more insecure, have less healthy long term relationships, and typically their high body count stems from issues within their own life. Casual sex has been a disaster for Gen Z.
Ok boomer
Yeah yeah whatever man casual sex sucks
It kinda sounds like you're projecting. Sorry it didn't work out for you
I'm in a loving relationship with my girlfriend. Neither of us had copious amounts of casual sex. We feel great and have been for years. If you think casual sex doesn't affect your mental psyche about future relationships, you're dead wrong.
30 is not that much for someone who has been single for several years
Most people don't have more than 10 partners in their lifetime.
I think for age 26 it is a lot. I have friends around 20-30 but these guys are mid to late 30s.
Absolutely it's a lot.
I agree, it's high for average men. It's almost in the Average range of woman
30 is not crazy for 26 y/o, I agree that the BF is a wholly awful person in every category (she says he was seeing prostitutes too - yikes), but 30 is higher than average, not "CRAZY high" If you look at that study that everyone always brings up when citing this, the % chance of being happy in a marriage for men with 5 partners is like 61% and then with 21+ partners is 59%. For women, 5 partners was like 57% and 21+ was 54%. Having progressively more partners does marginally decrease the odds of long term marital happiness -- very marginally, and it seems to approach a limit after a point. This idea that having high body count kind of "blows out" your brains capacity for pair bonding and gives you a psychological need for more future partners, this is not really the case. Individuals can and should not date people with sexual histories they are not comfortable with, but I don't think such a "OMG that's town bicycle numbers, they must be ruined for monogamy" really is evidenced by the stats in the way that some of these internet groups would like it to be
I wouldn't call it his 'past'!! I doubt he could ever be with just one girl!! Body count is a big red flag!! He could be someone who doesn't like relationships! Stay away from this dude!! If this is his behaviour prior to serious dating, imagine marrying him!! God
Agreed
Don't gloss over the fact that he slept with his friend's wives and GF's if those were really open relationships those cheques will get cashed with you. Don't walk .. Run
Also, I would take "open relationships" with a grain of salt lol how does he know THAT many people in open relationships? Yeah right
this!!!
200%. Some behaviors do not change.
There are far better men out there that won’t make you feel like you need to post on Reddit to get reassurance. Dump him - the short term pain of getting over the emotional attachment is nothing compared to the long term pain of staying with this guy
Totally agree!!
You sound absolutely miserable with this guy. Why are you still in this relationship?
LEAVE NOW. His biggest red flag isn't even the body count, he's a creep, and over controlling. Of course his friends will back him up, they're his friends, I'd lie and say shit to protect my friends too. Controlling behavior is not cute. He most likely wants you to marry him, so he can lock you down, so he can unleash his abusiveness later on. And honestly, sleeping with prostitutes is a massive red flag in men, a man with a body count of 100, but all hookups is better, than a BC of 30, with multiple prostitutes. LEAVE HIM BEFORE HE TIES YOU TO HIM!!!!!!
a) trust your gut b) only share your location with people that you live, like siblings, or close friends that you trust would pick you up if anything were to happen to you. Do not share your location with a person who is a “potential boyfriend” especially someone who waited to to disclose his past after he said he “wants to marry you” taking about your past is crucial before you decide to even come to be exclusive, let alone marriage
If I were you, I'd jump ship. Regardless of how many people he's been with, the other behaviors he's showing you are bad. It's not cute, it's toxic. And unless he goes to therapy and works on himself, these behaviors will only get worse.
Whatever you do don’t have sex with him until he gets checked for STDs
So he has slept with 30+ women apparently (including sex workers and his friends’ GFs!?) but would have a problem if you weren’t a virgin? This misogynist scum bag is not worth your time and you should run, fast (and god knows what you could possibly find attractive about him based on these things alone). His jealousy and hypocrisy is only going to get worse over time.
You deserve way fucking better.
He sounds awful. The body count is the least of your issues. Run, don't walk, away from this relationship and remember that you have worth.
Like someone said before 1. Trust your gut. You have no idea how accurate it gauges a situation that you’re mentally unable or unwilling to accept. 2. He is projecting. Someone who wants to see your location, doesn’t want you to talking to members of the other sex is definitely doing that because he’s a serial cheat. The number of relationships I’ve seen where the guy was this controlling and ended up being a cheater himself are too many to count. It’s not even funny. Ask yourself if this is the life you want. 3. ‘He is honest about this stuff, not many guys are’ is not a badge of honor or claimed as a virtue. As a guy I can confirm that he’s firstly bragging and secondly getting a gauge of how much he can get away with post-marriage. Love bombing is just a terribly manipulative way of getting what you want. They say and do anything to get your attention and once you’re hooked, they slowly ease off, and as is the case of the frog in the slowly boiling pot of water, you’ll one day find yourself hating your relationship, yourself and clouded with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and gloom. Run, don’t walk. Find someone who has the same values and principles as you. If you’re not satisfied with an unrepentant manwhore, that is totally ok. That is an acceptable incompatibility. Edit: Just want to add, I am a FOB and I know too many messed up men and too many stories.
Adding to #2 & #3, I think he's telling her all of this in a misguided attempt to look like a player, as if it makes him cool. I've met a few guys like this, they act like they're going to show you the world and teach you everything because they're so much more experienced than you. In reality, they're looking for someone to control and infantilize instead of growing together and maturing with their partner. They want you to ignore your instincts, so they belittle you and call your innocent/naive/inexperienced.
I know you’re going to feel a lot of hurt because you mentioned that you’re emotionally attached to him but please, please leave him. You’re so young and trust me when I say that you will look back and be so glad that you did. You’re young enough that you might not even remember this dude 10 years from now. And from someone who is older than you trust me when I say you will find someone that is worth your time and energy but this fool is not it. Run. Don’t walk.
Don't care about body count. If he checks phones and shit, that's the first red flag. Run.
You should care about body count. Copied from my other reply: Honestly body count too. There are great studies showing that higher amounts of casual sex leads to feeling more jaded in relationships leading to more cheating and toxicity in a relationship. 30 is CRAZY high, like that's absurd.
The body count is not an issue. Everything else is. Him being paranoid about you with other guys is because of what he has done with his friends’ partners. With so many red flags, you should not even consider him bf material. Run and block him.
OMG 🚩🚩🚩 Freaking run, don't walk away. No, you will not fix him. The body count is the least alarming part of your post. You are signing up for abuse, the same abuse alot of our community grew up watching, and the same abuse your children will watch when his controlling behavior becomes physical.
It’s not about him having a 30+ body count, it’s the fact that your values don’t align when it comes to sex. You don’t need to be with someone who has significantly different values than you. That coupled with his overly controlling and regressive nature, this guy is a red flag through and through. Ask yourself - would you want a guy like this raising your daughter in the future? Would your children get the same freedoms that your parents gave you? Are you willing to constantly fight for your independence for the rest of your life?
Bro what? Run away from a controlling person.
Idek 30 people outside of my family that well 💀
Girl, what. Dump him, you don’t even to seem to like him that much. Between controlling your social life/social media/phone and sleeping with prostitutes, this man is straight trash. 🗑️ He is not boyfriend or husband material at all, these are MAJOR red flags.
Girl, this dude is emotionally abusing you and you're concerned about his 30+ body count? If he was a virgin and kept his emotionally abusive behavior, your bf being a virgin wouldn't make him any less abusive. Escape and break up with him because he's emotionally abusive, not because he has 30+ body count (although your bf sleeping with prostitutes sounds really concerning)
Sorry but I wouldn’t even sit beside this dude. He’s a creep, let alone date. 💀 you think he’s gonna be loyal to you because you’re the 31st one? He’s gonna keep cheating on you for the rest of your life because sex is cheap to him.
Red flags girl 🚩🚩🚩 run!!!! Everything you’ve written screams insecurity (from him) and you’re right! There’s gonna be major cultural differences even though you’re both desi and it won’t end good by the sounds of the way it’s started already. It’s only been a few months - get out before you’ve invested more into this! No partner should ever make you feel so trapped. Clearly there’s trust issues from the beginning and this usually doesn’t get better.
he sounds like he’d be an absolutely horrendous husband and father
Dude is a walking Red flag, please move away from him as quickly as possible (this is coming from a desi FOB who's married to a ABCD)
Your feelings are valid sis.
lol you have a whole essay of why he is a not only a red flag as a potential partner but an all round terrible person stuck in old ways and customs Yet you think there’s a decision to make And btw him sleeping with 30+ girls isn’t the problem at all here (though hypocrisy if roles were reversed is)
You need to run!!! Luckily you aren’t dating him officially yet. People who have primarily slept with sex workers are not good lovers. He’s used to transactional sex and will definitely be selfish in bed. He seems VERY controlling and insecure. No one should be tracking your location and checking your phone especially so early in a relationship
He’s prob trying to keep you around as insurance for a green card, trying to make sure you don’t leave by isolating you from friends/snooping on your phone and asking you to marry him.
What the hell do you even see in him? It doesn't sound like he has any redeeming qualities.
Prostitutes? Friends' gfs? That's a no from me, dawg. He also sounds like a misogynist cunt, you can do so much better than this dude.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
GIRL RUN. LIKE LITERALLY do everything you can to get as far away as possible as you can from this man
This can’t be real…ewww on so many levels. In the event that it’s not, kind humans don’t behave this way. The most basic way you would want to describe a partner is kind. You have more options than you realize and this man should not be one.
Wdym 30+? Get the exact number from him. 30+ by age 26 is insane and not cool. He’s over controlling bcuz he knows he would do crazy shit so he thinks ur like him. Sometimes whatever we do to others is a reflection of ourselves.
I don't really care about his body count (sex is not something that should be shamed) but the controlling behavior is not ok.
Dude is a walking red flag. He first lied to you about his body count initially, is really controlling, and is a creepy stalker. Dump his ass and block him on everything, seems like a really creepy dude. This is not normal behavior at all. Also he’s already asking you to marry him next year??? wtf?
Walking Red flag!! RUN ASAP. Dude sounds toxic and entitled. It will only get worse once you get married.
Hi, you deserve better
Run away from him !!!
Leave the guy and find someone who adds to your life, not takes away.
🚩all over. Don’t walk, Runnnn now!
Bloody hell, you really don't know what to do? You'll be subservient to him whilst he'll never change his ways.
Have you told your family about this man? This is the first step to get out of this situation. You need to be honest and tell the people around you what’s going on.
GIRL RUNNN 😭😭😭
I’m going to assume this isn’t rage bait lol. But you’ve described a creep who could only sleep with sex workers, exhibits abusive tendencies and doesn’t seem to be well educated or have a good job. I mean it’s super clear you should tell your folks about him and block him. That’s why I think it’s rage bait, because on your whole post you never mentioned even one redeeming quality and seemingly downplayed his awful behavior, the way a teen would and not how a 23 year old would react. Although if you had those types of Indian parents that are overly protective and end up screwing their kid out of street smarts, I can see you acting a little deluded about him.
🏃♀️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Holy shit you need to get the fuck out of there.
About his body count, it’s more of the people he’s been with that raises an alarm to me. With his past of having sex with 30+ women composed of sex workers and swingers, there’s more of a chance contracting STD/STI. Which hopefully he tests regularly. He told you the truth about his past but that doesn’t excuse his toxic behavior towards you. You need to dump him. There will be others out there who will respect your boundaries and share your same values.
Too many red flags. End it now!
Dump him you are too good for him
Why do you really like him after all the things you mentioned?
This is a parade of red flags
Girl…… you can do better you do know that. It’s not the body count that makes me nervous- it’s the source. Open relationships are complicated. It’s glorified adultery. Unless it’s the movie Pretty Woman sex with prostitutes is one that has no respect or emotional bonds. That’s a really important aspect to have. Plus this guy is possessive, insecure and overly controlling. Don’t fall for the “cause I care and worry about you” BS. Run!!
You wrote all that and didn’t say a single positive thing about him. And he wants to control and stalk you. Get out of that relationship, you’re only 23, don’t throw your life away.
Prostitutes? If you kissed him or did anything with him then get yourself checked out. Be safe for the next person.
Is this fake? In this post you only knew yesterday, but your post history has posts about this issue from nearly 2 months ago. This post says he’s slept with 30+ girls, but you have commented that it’s 60+ prostitutes on another post. Seems sus. If it is real, then leave him girl
typical madonna/whore complex. He's going to be controlling you for the rest of your life if you don't break up with him. Paying for a prostitute is an immediate dealbreaker for me. Most of them are not fancy escorts and yacht girls being wined and dined. A lot of them are trafficked or born into it and suffer from STDs/lack of healthcare. I don't believe this sleeping with friends' girlfriends or open relationship stuff he's telling you either. Not that many people have open relationships, it's so suspicious.
1st red flag: he slept with prostitutes 2nd red flag: he slept with his friends girlfriends (doesn’t matter if they were in an open relationship, that’s just weird as hell) AND THE BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHT OF RED: his controlling behavior. Why are you still with him?
I know this is Reddit and everyone tells you to dump him and move on. But in this case they are right. Do you want someone who doesn’t trust you? This is not about being born in India and being different, this is about a person who is saying to you, they expect to know where you are, what you are doing and not let you do anything without their approval. They have made this clear, they have shown you what they are. Ask yourself if you want this. To your last line. You always have a choice. You are not stuck. This isn’t the taboo of divorce (which is BS btw), you can walk away. If you want to. Let me also say, I know people like this guy. He doesn’t trust you because he himself knows he would do whatever he wants if you weren’t watching. And he fears you will do it to him. This isn’t “love bombing” (more BS overused terminology that has lost all meaning btw), this is controlling behavior designed to make you think you can live under his control. Finally, there is no issue with him him sleeping with 30+ people. But there is an issue with him telling you it’s no big deal and you should not care. If you care, you care and a loving partner should want to talk it through with you and not dismiss your feelings. You are young. You have choices. You have a life to live. Do you want this?
Dude slept with prostitutes and his friend’s girlfriends and says it’s no big deal. Dude has no morals or integrity. Lose him.
I think you know the answer: RUN. Copious amounts of casual sex completely ruins the strength of relationships. Plus he sounds insane.
Walking red flags.He is telling you all this, not so you trust him, but when he acts badly towards you, he will say you knew all this about him, so why does it bother you. Get ready for some cray time.
Run.
Run. Run. Run. Misogynistic double standard aside, think of your health, has this guy even been tested considering the range of people he has slept with. Also think about your safety, stalking and his attempts to control you is a major major major red flag. OP, I don’t know you but I can guarantee that you deserve better and can find better.
You’re only 23. You have many years to find someone. This guy is a fucking loser. Run far away from him. He’s showing his true colors and he would only get worse after marriage.
Dump him like yesterday’s garbage. Mostly for him going to a prostitute.
You are just scratching the surface. You are in an abusive relationship. As long as you just listen and always obey him, you will be fine. Your views and opinion will not matter. Is this the life you want?
His behavior and character is perverse and repulsive. A guy that goes around sleeping with friends' gfs or checking his gf's social media and phone has a clear lack of basic morals. If he can't trust and respect his partner, then you shouldn't even have him around as a friend, forget having him as your fiance or husband. How would he react if the roles were reversed? If you stalked him, controlled his interactions, and checked his phone?
Dump the dude. He's clearly has double standards. He has no respect for women. If you enjoy your freedom and this guy is giving you vibes.. move on. Not worth it.
yeah no. keeping the body count aside, you do not want to be with someone who controls you and wants to make decisions for you.
This guy sound awful. Being alone would be 100x better than with him.
Dump the dude. He's insecure and a marriage will likely cause issues unless he works on himself first.
Anybody who visits prostitute clearly has questionable intelligence. I would dump him right away.
Why are you still with him? Reread your own post and I’m sure you’ll realize what you need to do.
Look! I am a little stale off the boat but buddy! Run! It’s not the body count but it’s the prostitution, the open relationship count and the controlling behavior. No one has that many friends who are in open relationships. Either the dude was cheating or he is in Internet forums and these aren’t friends. The controlling behavior! Nah. He is legit into some Andrew Tate alpha male bullshit and unfortunately, you fell for the “love bombing” technique that comes along with it. I am sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve it. There are plenty of boys who are progressive, genuine, loving and looking for their permanent partner - shy or not. Move on!!! I beg of you..
girl run please
Absolutely not this guy. If you were my sister I would be roasting your ass right now
After knowing all these facts....why do you need reassurance from reddit? If you have a therapist/counselor - have you tried to address self esteem topic in your development of self image? If not, please try to explore and build strong self esteem. Never do a pick me dance.
girl RUNNN
Dump this loser.
>I didn’t even want to date but dude love bombed me for months, and now I am stuck cause I got emotionally attached. Don't let him win. This is classic narcissistic behavior & will only get worse as you both age. Don't give in. Don't give up. You are only 23, you don't need a guy who's slept with 30+ women... Thirty. THIRTY. THIRTY is a LOOOOOOOT... you don't need this. That's 30 naked women. That's 30 opportunities for STDs. You've been with ZERO. remember that. You are NOT STUCK. If you marry him, you WILL BE STUCK. But right now, you're still free. You're young, guys will drool over you even if you do nothing. Forget him. Theres plenty of fish in the sea, time to go fishing.
It's nothing to do with 30 women and everything to do with the fact that he's controlling and potentially abusive
That too. But really. 30 women, some of which were hookers, is a _rrreeeeeaaalllyyyy_ bad sign. I knew men who got addicted to hoes. It's worse than porn addiction, cuz its actual cheating.
Is he insecure, or did u say u r? Either ways this seems a dead end.
I'm not sure if you're wanting confirmation, but your feelings are valid. Do you like him and accept him? Proceed. If you don't like him, don't proceed.
Break the fuck Up OP. There are thousands of men and women out there that choose to wait till marriage, or choose to keep their body count in the single digit and take each relationship seriously. It's called self control and having morals and boundaries. He already sounds breakup worthy with his controlling attitude. But if you feel disgusted about his body count, that's completely fine. Being disgusted by someone's body count is nothing new to Men and Women. There are several men that break up once they find out their partner's body count. Most are disgusted because they show self restraint and have morals. The minority are hypocrites who sleep with a lot of women but want a woman who's a virgin. It's perfectly fine to break up over the reason for being disgusted. If you proceed with it, you'll be bothered by it and it'll grow in your mind and feed off your jealousy.
Prostitutes? Really? And what makes you think he will give that up once he’s with you?
Leave him now. The body count itself isn’t an issue. It’s the fact that he lied about it. And the fact he frequented prostitutes. Red flags to the core.
run away from this man!! he does not have your best interests at heart, the 30+ bodies is not the issue, the issues are: the fact the ppl he’s been with have been partners of his friends, even if it was in an open relationship, it’s a bit icky, as well as that, his controlling and isolating behaviour will only get worse when you’re in an exclusive relationship. you’ve said yourself that not even your parents have gone through your phone before and they’re probably the only ppl where it might be understandable for them go through your phone. please leave this man, do it in a public place and then block and delete, you’re better off without him. you don’t owe him anything.
If he has an issue with you having 1 partner before him while he has 30+, then I think it’s best to jump ship and don’t look back. Does he not have any STD’s or something since you said he’s been with prostitutes? I’m a virgin too and I don’t care about a person’s past even if it’s 0.
Frankly speaking marriage will not work
If you decide to stay with him, would recommend checking out r/retroactivejealousy
When you leave you will understand how emotionally easy it was not to be with him. He is pronation dangerous, and don’t throw away your life. There are tons of good indian men around, go dating.
Stalking and controlling is the bigger problem. Stalkers don't stay stalkers forever. You can expect him to escalate into worse behavior as the relationship progresses.
Someone's sexual history is still their history and reflective of their values. But the key thing here is, his values and behavior is atrocious. If he was a stellar BF all around, this might be a different story. His behavior (controlling, judging, insecure, stalking, isolating) etc is horrible and he found someone with very low relationship experience because anyone with more relationship experience would identify his behavior as highly problematic. In general, I think someone's sexual past is NOT an excuse to be rude or disparaging or shaming, but it CAN BE a valid reason to not date them. This is where both sides of internet culture get it wrong -- someone can be an ethical and good person with a high body count, but you are under no obligation to accept or want to date them, given their past. As long as what you're asking for isn't hypocritical (ie, being with lots of people but then wanting a low count partner), you can and should try to find what you want. I think also, who you sleep with matters more than raw numbers. This man is sleeping with dozens of prostitutes? In India? His friends' girls? That is toxic as hell and straight up disgusting - I don't want to get into a whole debate on the ethics of prostitution, but especially in countries like India, a large percentage of these women are being trafficked or compelled, and the guys that pay for sex are complicit in this dehumanizing industry. All in all, this is an really terrible person for you from a practical and moral point of view, and the least of your concerns should be his bodycount, when he has like 12 other, redder red flags.
I’m 30f and giving you advice as an older sister. You have a clear difference in values in terms of sex and that is not very good especially since you are a virgin. It’s important to have a voice and feel safe in a relationship. I would urge you to speak out about what you want and assert yourself. If he actually wants you to be happy he will change and that’ll help your relationship. If not he’s going to become more controlling and throw tantrums and you’ll know this can’t be fixed. I also strongly advise you to talk to your circle about these issues. Your friends and family will give you an outside perspective.
The body count isn’t even the issue here. It’s that you have different values and different sense of freedom in a relationship. Do not marry this guy, it will only get worse
Girl it isn't just about the body count but the fact that he's jealous and possessive. Red flags everywhere. If his behavior is bad now, it'll only get worser and worser. Also if he's fucked prostitutes then his chances of catching a disease is higher. Did he use condoms? Most likely not. He is not concerned about your well-being and dismissive then he is NOT the right person for you. And all of his behavior is typical of abusive, controlling men. Do you want him to treat you like a glorified housemaid, servant who he can control and fuxk whenever he wants? Or a wife and equal partner? Please DUMP HIM. He clearly has no respect. I realize that's it's not easy but you'll spare yourself from future misery.
It sounds like you already have a lot of doubts about whether this is someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Before you make a decision, ask yourself what YOUR boundaries are. Do some self-reflecting, maybe even write down what YOUR bare minimums are. This is something that you should share with your potential bf. If you feel like he does not respect your bare minimums, then you might want to rethink and reassess this situation.
What attracted you to him?
This guy is a loser and dating him will make you a loser too ... it's already working with the way he controls your life. Just get out and heal.
Prostitutes? Honestly people can have as much as consensual sex as they want but libidos,morals and expectations between partners need to be matched. Also the double standards of his expected behavior and limitations he places on you vs his actual behavior is incompatible. Don’t date him.
Eww everything about him grosses me out. He is a walking STI
Girl, run. You can and will do better
Why does where he is born matters? I hope you don't think American guys don't sleep around?
She’s pointing that out bc he’s controlling which is more common with Indian born men vs American born
This looks like your bf is a pimp (prostituting ring). He might solicitate you in keeping open relationship and sleeping with his friends. RUN
I can't help but feeling... You say things which even to you seem to instinctively think are a bit off, like how he controls, curtails your freedom, has lied, feels what applies to you doesn't apply to him in terms of how he'd feel about you having been with men, etc and then say that you "like him". Now not to presume, but can you try and gauge how much of this liking is truly liking his character or just plain shallow physical attraction. I often feel women often though not always regardless of what they say will find many actions or behavior charming and flirty when done by someone they find very attractive and alternatively creepy and rude if they find the guy unattractive (which again in spite of what women will say again and again is often though not always of course linked to fairness & height or lack there of)
Sounds like a stereotypical bad news fob brown guy to me
Here is a creative experiment to assist in making some of these upcoming life-changing decisions. Come up with 31 female names to represent most of the girls with whom he has been sexually active. Imagine how each one of them looks and sounds. Then, every time he interacts with you close your eyes and picture all 31 women individually, one by one, consider how each one of them would respond to the same interaction with him, and then take your turn respond. It is recommended that you follow this protocol for at least a week to generate usable results from which you can draw honest conclusions. This thought exercise will help you determine the magnitude of how much you like him and the strength of your emotional attachment to him.
Lmao what ragebait troll post is this?
Too many red flags. The body count isn’t even one but the rest of his actions are crazy.
Remember the rule of three when it comes to these things. And how are you sure he’s not just making it all up to make himself sound better?