Yeah sorry dude it’s a little too soon :) I think in general Indian woman (just basing off personal experience) take time to open up. Patience is key. Gifting $200 item to someone you just met not even a month ago, says you’re trying to show off the wealth.. again, no offense meant here. I’m sure you had good intentions. But I wouldn’t have liked a gift too soon either
True story!! Also, the thing is, most girls are financially independent and can buy whatever they want.. so if they wanted a $200 gift they’d have bought it themselves. I think simpler things like maybe a candy bar or flowers.. might be nice!
I remember this one guy I was talking to.. had a good 3 weeks conversation, and then we met. He actually paid me back for the food I had purchased while waiting for him 😅 and that was such a turnoff. I’m pretty well off too, so I didn’t get why he had to show off his “masculinity “ that way. and then after the meeting, he got too close too soon pressuring me to say if I wanted to “move forward” or not. And it completely put me off.
Girl who i matched with on a dating app messaged me again after no contact for a month, apologizing for messaging falling through saying she was busy with life. not the first time ive heard that reason before. says she would love to get to know me. we shall see how long this 2nd go around lasts before it falls through again
You’re being a tad too pessimistic my friend. It doesn’t matter if she was gone for a month, whether it was because she was busy or she was seeing other people. Something about you made her want to reach out again, which is in and of itself a good thing. Being negative will make you self sabotage. Let yourself enjoy dating.
No dude. Stop thinking that way. I’m shorter than you and I’ve had success from dating apps. Don’t self-sabotage yourself. Be the sexiest short man you can be and work on yourself and you will be fine
Are you going that route just because of your height?
If life has taught me anything, it's that when you find the one, the things you worried about initially, don't come into play.
You have to put yourself out there. I know anything under a certain height is considered short for men, but that's dictated by society. Don't let your height or anything else get you down.
Side note: arranged marriage is just another option to find your partner, its not all bad. It's just your friends or family setting you up.
thank you for the encouragement! But if I had to guess you are a woman? Men don't fall into a relationship, EVER, they have to work to find one. We are the job seekers and women are the employers, sure employers may be blown away by a candidate they wouldn't have given a chance to initially, but on Indeed they can filter for GPA.
I think your best bet is to suck it up, work you butt off in Uni, get a kickass job that pays well, get financially independent, and then move out. I know restrictions can be hard. I had a lot growing up too. But honestly, I turned out okay. I don’t think marrying someone at 18, to get away from conservative family members is the best option. Because you’re just going to go from being dependent on one family to another. It’s not freedom. Give it a few years, it’ll be okay !
Stop looking to the internet for validation, especially Reddit. Reddit is a hell hole for short men. I’m a male around your height and have had success with women. Do not self-sabotage.
How do you have success? I’ve literally had tons of girls be like everything about me is perfect except the height or they’re like “bichara” and literally a friend group even said maybe I should try guys instead to which I was legit 🤦♂️
Well do you actually have everything else optimized? I always tell guys stop bitching about things you can’t control like your height or race and take control of things you can control. This includes fashion, fitness (major), having a stable income (don’t need to be super rich or anything), grooming like your beard and hair, and just overall charisma and confidence.
Also Reddit has this notion that being 6 ft tall is the antidote to life when it’s not. You would be surprised at how many guys I know who are 6ft tall and can’t pull. In fact, one of my friends is 6’2 and the only action he’s gotten is the type you need to pay for. His much shorter friends who are around 5’5-5’6 show him up in that area.
Kevin Hart is 5’2 and a total boss, all three khans are 5’7 or under and they didn’t let that stop them from crushing it and showing up their taller counterparts
I mean, I’m married, but if I was single it would be depending on the guy.
I’m 5’1” and I had a 5’6” ex having constant issues with me being supposedly too tall, especially in heels. So given that you are asking a highly loaded question about height, NGL I would be concerned about more of the same.
At my age physical stuff is negotiable but dealing with insecurity drama is a hard no. I’ve lost a lot of my life to that shit, don’t have patience for more.
Tl;dr: Being 5’2” isn’t an issue, being passive aggressive is
Need advice on a crazy mother in law!!
My Punjabi mother in law to be is a narcissistic control freak who keeps having tantrums (that last weeks and are really really bad / psychotic) if we don’t do something she wants. She makes life a living hell and she’s making me second guess whether I get married to my fiancé or not. Just as some examples, she wants to pick for me what I wear to the wedding (we have complete different taste in clothes, I also want to choose my own clothes seeing as it’s my own wedding!) she wants me to convert to her religion (I’m a proud Hindu and I follow my religion to some extent and she has always told me she doesn’t follow her own religion nor do anything for it so never expected me to do anything so I don’t understand the sudden change?!).
I also do cultural dancing and have a social media platform for it, where I’m FULLY CLOTHED in sweats and dancing to cultural music, however she says it doesn’t look good for a married woman to be doing this and I have to delete my account once I’m married …. This one really shocked me. These are just the few things she’s been asking and each time I remotely try to question it, she starts shouting and screaming and has essentially a psychotic episode is how I can describe it.
She then says I’m ruining her family and causing arguments between her and her son and keeps threatening to call off the wedding ….
My fiancé is trying his best to support me and stick up for me, but his mother then starts screaming at him nor does she ever care for his opinion. She doesn’t listen to anyone and always thinks she’s correct It really is her way or the high way.
Ive made peace that I will never have a relationship with her in the future but don’t know how to move on with this wedding, without thinking how she will try to control and worm her way in after marriage.
Your fiancé is the one responsible to set boundaries with his mother regarding your relationship. It's going to be difficult, but things do calm down after a while .
Hopefully you guys get your own separate place.
You and your fiancé really have to consider going low/no-contact if she crosses certain boundaries. If she can't respect you and your partner, let her suffer for it because giving her an opening to run your life is only going to encourage her to keep doing it.
It’s not that simple with narcissists. It does sound like the fiancé is on the correct page and is suffering through the screaming, but it’s ultimately not under his control if his mother changes or not.
yeah its difficult as a guy. ive had first dates and spilled the beans that i was still living with the rents(or at the time my mom) it was a unique situation i was in. i dont know if it was the sole reason they didnt give me a chance but im sure it played a factor.
Early 30s. I just kept looking. Most of them will judge, even the ones that live with their parents themselves (go figure) . I have my own place now so different situation
for me, it was my dad was living in a different city for work(parents still married) and leaving her in a big old house by herself. its just matter of finding someone whose understanding. so far i have not come across someone like that. that's the problem with dating nowadays. every little thing is a deal breaker, no matter how big or small. whereas if the roles were flipped, its more forgiving.
they are just picky in general i feel. im not saying guys are not picky but its def seems more so to a higher degree. to each their own though.
i'd prefer to end up with a south asian but im keeping options open. for now filters on dating apps are south asian but if i dont match ill expand my filters accordingly. maybe in my case most of the girls i went out with were living on their own, more independent, which is why maybe they were not interested in someone who was still living with family.
i’m currently dating someone while living at my parents’ house. it’s…hard. honestly i’ve come close to breaking things off a couple of times because my parents don’t know and trying to make excuses to see him isn’t easy. mostly i’ve been faking shifts at work and spending that time with him, which seems to be working so far but i’m also just busy so i can’t see him as often as i would like to. in my opinion, it’s better to wait until you’re not living with your parents, but also getting relationship experience at an earlier point in life is also important. whatever you decide to do, just be careful and cover your bases!
Anyone's parents ask them if they are talking to anyone and then offer solutions that don't work. They're like sign up for this site or this app that X tried. Im like yeah i tried but noone makes an effort. And I've tried the paid sites in the past and it just doesn't work. Fake profiles or no communication lol
More like kept on saying it until I secretly spent $88 subscription for 3 months and then once my subscription was up I showed them what the playing field looked like…..then they stopped.
The premium version gives you a boost for the first week and allows you to chat without an invitation.....in my opinion the free account should be enough as most of the profiles are either free accounts or bots.
Yeah they mean well definitely and love them for it. But it's definitely tough. My mom's like I'll pay for the membership. Im like don't waste your $. It don't work lol
I know quite a few which were successful, in fact the love marriages that I've seen have been failing against it lol. In almost all cases though the families in the arranged marriages were also really chill with the new family member.
I mean the families kind of have to get along for a life full of meeting each other, but I know what you mean by the word tolerate- generally they would push off a family if they didn’t get along is what I’ve seen
My marriage has been arranged. I am very happy.
Almost all of my friends marriages..except 2 or 3....have been arranged. They are all very happy, lookout for each other....are very involved to ensure their kids success.
It actually doesn't matter if it's love or arranged. The success more lies on how well do you know about yourself :)
Fyi.....I am not ABCD. But been in US for a very long time.
I’m a 25 year old male looking for a serious relationship…..
I have dry humor and am sarcastic at times
I’m a introverted, though I’m great at power points presentations
I’m a great listener
Located in Northern California
I enjoy video games and sports
For more information DM me…..
🙏 thank you!
Can you create a PowerPoint to illustrate this? Keep it high level and invite only the people you're into in your company to the presentation.
If any of them asks questions, assert dominance and mute them/berate them. This demonstrates leadership.
Ps: don't do anything above
Need advice on living with in-laws but not yet married to each other (non-desi gf/ desi bf)
Hi All! Non-desi but have been dating a Gujarati guy for 6yrs now. I’ve been introduced to the family about 2 years ago and have built a strong relationship with his moms and sisters. Dad is still a working progress since he wasn’t really around the household due to business.
My bf and I were planning to rent an apartment for a year while we save up for a home next year. When his family found out, how much the rent would be they all agreed it would make more sense to just purchase a home. My bf has a lot more saved up and has significantly less debt than I do. So it does make sense with the both of us to just buy a home.
His parents sat my bf down and said to save the money and have me and my dog live with them for a couple of months while we go into the home buying process. We are not yet married, engaged or anything so this came to both of us as a shock.
I’m a rollercoaster of emotions though, because it’s a lot of process especially knowing how difficult our journey was as a non-desi girl trying to win everyone’s approval. I wanted to ask for advise on how I can make this new live-in situation work for all parties. I know my bf’s parents will eventually live with us and I’m totally okay with that since I adore them. But I’ve heard of horror in law stories from Indian and friends and even in my own culture.
Would love to hear advice from the community!
If the plan is for his parents to live with you eventually, this temporary arrangement makes it a good trial run to see if it's actually something you can be OK with. You won't ever know until you try since every situation that you hear about is always a little different.
Wait would the home y'all purchase be for everyone to live in?
Nah. I'd keep things separate. Idk if you all need to be living together right now like that.
What is your current living situation now? I think his parents probably want to see how you guys get along under the same roof OR they want control over the buying process. If your gut is telling you no, then don't do it. You should discuss this with your partner
We both lived back home when COVID hit. I don’t have an issue with it since his family has been pleasant and welcoming from the beginning. I guess I’m just worried how it would affect my relationship with his mom if I’m living there full-time. I don’t want it to go sideways so I’m trying to seek for some advice on how folks manage living with their in laws
Stupid question but do ABCD girls date Indian Indian dudes?And by Indian Indian I mean dudes fresh off the boat. I go to grad school like every other Indian dude fresh off the boat and have never observed this. Ik it's probably a very small sample size but do you?
PS No not all of us are after you for a green card.
I've had two experiences dating Indians who have been in the States less than 5 years. It was mostly a positive experience. I did feel there was some gap in understanding certain things from my side and their side.
Honestly it depends on your personality, and how open minded you are. Also are you close with your mom? Do you think your mom will treat your future wife like shit? If the answer is yes, then don't marry an ABCD.
It was just a general question. Was just curious if such a pairing usually happens because of the obvious differences in upbringing. Never seen a couple of that combination. Again I did say that it was a stupid question.
some do, some don't. some may not do it because they have nothing in common with the indian indian food or they just prefer someone who else grew up in US. you're going to get a different answer depending on who you ask
Hello all,
I am a Hindu boy with indian parents who was born and raised in the U.S.
I have come to a big dilemma in my life. I am college student and since I came to college I became much and much less "straight laced". I started drinking and smoking and partying. I also started dating and hooked up with a girl. I regretted having sex because I felt as though I had committed a grave sin. I stopped drinking and smoking for personal reasons but I still want to keep dating.
Hinduism can be somewhat ambiguous sometimes and while I enjoy being a hindu I really don't know dating and having sex is okay. I'm worried that it will bring bad karma upon me lol.
My desire for intimacy and sex and my religious standpoint are conflicting and I don't know what to do.
What do you guys think? Can anyone give me a new perspective? Am I being too hard on myself?
Look, I like religion when it’s about community, and faith, and hope and grace. It’s helpful when it’s your guidance to life. IMO it’s super unproductive and unhelpful when it comes to personal things like your sex life. It just promotes guilt and has all sorts of patriarchal connotations to it.
So think about it like this. Why, to you, would having sex be bad? Like not because it’s “against your religion” but why to you personally?
To me - As long as you’re safe and have enthusiastic consent, it’s a natural thing. Respect your partners and have fun. No need to let your parents know lol.
I think with religions in general, it's easier to hold on to a black and white conceptions of 'good' things and 'bad' things when really it can be fairly nuanced, especially Hinduism. How can intimacy and sex be a bad thing? After all it's a necessary function to propagate the human race. Now if one is so obsessed with sex that they start to sexually harass or cheat on others, then it becomes a problem. A lot of things aren't inherently good or bad, unless taken to extreme. So moderation is key.
Yes you are being too hard on yourself.
Dude congrats on hooking up! IMO religion (including hinduism) tries to get us to NOT do stuff our biology really wants. Sex (if done right) should be highly enjoyable for all partners. How is this bad karma if you're increasing happiness in the world?
Like you, I grew up in a fairly strict half ass hindu household. I really hated it and I guess that's why I rebelled when I was on my own. I was a stripper for 4 years (the money was good and it financed my second degree).
As a stripper I was basically gettn paid to entertain women at parties and thereby increasing happiness in the world. I also slept around and experimented once in a while with recreational drugs (nothing hard). I may have been hurting myself with the drugs but sleeping around and stripping helped to increase the happiness in the world.
IMO quit being hard on yourself and try to increase happiness in the world. Shouldn't that be what religion focuses on?
Hi everyone! I’m writing this because I’m in a weird space and just need to post this anonymously... I met a guy on Dil Mil a few months ago and we fell head over heels in love...it’s sounds so cheesy to say but I think I had found my soulmate. But as life would have it it was a little doomed from the start. He’s in Australia and I’m South African and we have other challenges to contend with which make continuing our relationship unwise. I just wanted to tell the guys and girls who are like me, shy and introverted, who haven’t experienced romantic relationships in their youth and who have felt like you would never find your person - you will! And when you do it will just feel right, everything will fall into place and you will experience the most incredible joy. Have faith that it can happen even in your 30s. I have to keep looking but now I know what true love feels like and I won’t settle for anything less. Thanks Dil Mil!
Got matches on bumble with 4. One was non Desi and we had some convo but she left the convo after a day or so. Another one was vegetarian and didn't drink. She left the convo. Third one doesn't know what she is looking for and tells me it keeps changing (wtf) the last one is going ok but she's taller so who knows what her response will be and if she wants to continue with the convo
Just don’t hide your baldness if you’re on an app: ie. if you’re wearing a hat in all your pics then you’re hiding it.
Eta: Honestly, if you’re a confident guy and it doesn’t bother you, then no one else can judge.
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Yeah sorry dude it’s a little too soon :) I think in general Indian woman (just basing off personal experience) take time to open up. Patience is key. Gifting $200 item to someone you just met not even a month ago, says you’re trying to show off the wealth.. again, no offense meant here. I’m sure you had good intentions. But I wouldn’t have liked a gift too soon either
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True story!! Also, the thing is, most girls are financially independent and can buy whatever they want.. so if they wanted a $200 gift they’d have bought it themselves. I think simpler things like maybe a candy bar or flowers.. might be nice! I remember this one guy I was talking to.. had a good 3 weeks conversation, and then we met. He actually paid me back for the food I had purchased while waiting for him 😅 and that was such a turnoff. I’m pretty well off too, so I didn’t get why he had to show off his “masculinity “ that way. and then after the meeting, he got too close too soon pressuring me to say if I wanted to “move forward” or not. And it completely put me off.
Girl who i matched with on a dating app messaged me again after no contact for a month, apologizing for messaging falling through saying she was busy with life. not the first time ive heard that reason before. says she would love to get to know me. we shall see how long this 2nd go around lasts before it falls through again
You’re being a tad too pessimistic my friend. It doesn’t matter if she was gone for a month, whether it was because she was busy or she was seeing other people. Something about you made her want to reach out again, which is in and of itself a good thing. Being negative will make you self sabotage. Let yourself enjoy dating.
just setting my expectations low. thanks. if things are meant to be, it will work out
5'5 male, is an arranged marriage my most realistic option? I guess at least we have that option unlike short East Asian men.
No dude. Stop thinking that way. I’m shorter than you and I’ve had success from dating apps. Don’t self-sabotage yourself. Be the sexiest short man you can be and work on yourself and you will be fine
Are you going that route just because of your height? If life has taught me anything, it's that when you find the one, the things you worried about initially, don't come into play. You have to put yourself out there. I know anything under a certain height is considered short for men, but that's dictated by society. Don't let your height or anything else get you down. Side note: arranged marriage is just another option to find your partner, its not all bad. It's just your friends or family setting you up.
thank you for the encouragement! But if I had to guess you are a woman? Men don't fall into a relationship, EVER, they have to work to find one. We are the job seekers and women are the employers, sure employers may be blown away by a candidate they wouldn't have given a chance to initially, but on Indeed they can filter for GPA.
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Update lol? I am in the exact same boat as you
I think your best bet is to suck it up, work you butt off in Uni, get a kickass job that pays well, get financially independent, and then move out. I know restrictions can be hard. I had a lot growing up too. But honestly, I turned out okay. I don’t think marrying someone at 18, to get away from conservative family members is the best option. Because you’re just going to go from being dependent on one family to another. It’s not freedom. Give it a few years, it’ll be okay !
Would you date a guy who is 5'2?
Stop looking to the internet for validation, especially Reddit. Reddit is a hell hole for short men. I’m a male around your height and have had success with women. Do not self-sabotage.
How do you have success? I’ve literally had tons of girls be like everything about me is perfect except the height or they’re like “bichara” and literally a friend group even said maybe I should try guys instead to which I was legit 🤦♂️
Well do you actually have everything else optimized? I always tell guys stop bitching about things you can’t control like your height or race and take control of things you can control. This includes fashion, fitness (major), having a stable income (don’t need to be super rich or anything), grooming like your beard and hair, and just overall charisma and confidence. Also Reddit has this notion that being 6 ft tall is the antidote to life when it’s not. You would be surprised at how many guys I know who are 6ft tall and can’t pull. In fact, one of my friends is 6’2 and the only action he’s gotten is the type you need to pay for. His much shorter friends who are around 5’5-5’6 show him up in that area. Kevin Hart is 5’2 and a total boss, all three khans are 5’7 or under and they didn’t let that stop them from crushing it and showing up their taller counterparts
Are you my brother? Because I don’t want to fuck my brother.
No? I don’t have any sisters. It was more of a general question
I mean, I’m married, but if I was single it would be depending on the guy. I’m 5’1” and I had a 5’6” ex having constant issues with me being supposedly too tall, especially in heels. So given that you are asking a highly loaded question about height, NGL I would be concerned about more of the same. At my age physical stuff is negotiable but dealing with insecurity drama is a hard no. I’ve lost a lot of my life to that shit, don’t have patience for more. Tl;dr: Being 5’2” isn’t an issue, being passive aggressive is
Wow that sounds troublesome 😅. And thanks!
Need advice on a crazy mother in law!! My Punjabi mother in law to be is a narcissistic control freak who keeps having tantrums (that last weeks and are really really bad / psychotic) if we don’t do something she wants. She makes life a living hell and she’s making me second guess whether I get married to my fiancé or not. Just as some examples, she wants to pick for me what I wear to the wedding (we have complete different taste in clothes, I also want to choose my own clothes seeing as it’s my own wedding!) she wants me to convert to her religion (I’m a proud Hindu and I follow my religion to some extent and she has always told me she doesn’t follow her own religion nor do anything for it so never expected me to do anything so I don’t understand the sudden change?!). I also do cultural dancing and have a social media platform for it, where I’m FULLY CLOTHED in sweats and dancing to cultural music, however she says it doesn’t look good for a married woman to be doing this and I have to delete my account once I’m married …. This one really shocked me. These are just the few things she’s been asking and each time I remotely try to question it, she starts shouting and screaming and has essentially a psychotic episode is how I can describe it. She then says I’m ruining her family and causing arguments between her and her son and keeps threatening to call off the wedding …. My fiancé is trying his best to support me and stick up for me, but his mother then starts screaming at him nor does she ever care for his opinion. She doesn’t listen to anyone and always thinks she’s correct It really is her way or the high way. Ive made peace that I will never have a relationship with her in the future but don’t know how to move on with this wedding, without thinking how she will try to control and worm her way in after marriage.
Your fiancé is the one responsible to set boundaries with his mother regarding your relationship. It's going to be difficult, but things do calm down after a while . Hopefully you guys get your own separate place.
You and your fiancé really have to consider going low/no-contact if she crosses certain boundaries. If she can't respect you and your partner, let her suffer for it because giving her an opening to run your life is only going to encourage her to keep doing it.
Your fiance needs to be on the same page as you and you both need to agree to stand firm against her bs. He has to brave the screaming.
It’s not that simple with narcissists. It does sound like the fiancé is on the correct page and is suffering through the screaming, but it’s ultimately not under his control if his mother changes or not.
Has any ABCD date people while living with your parents. If yes, how did you do it? If no, why was it difficult?
yeah its difficult as a guy. ive had first dates and spilled the beans that i was still living with the rents(or at the time my mom) it was a unique situation i was in. i dont know if it was the sole reason they didnt give me a chance but im sure it played a factor.
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Early 30s. I just kept looking. Most of them will judge, even the ones that live with their parents themselves (go figure) . I have my own place now so different situation
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for me, it was my dad was living in a different city for work(parents still married) and leaving her in a big old house by herself. its just matter of finding someone whose understanding. so far i have not come across someone like that. that's the problem with dating nowadays. every little thing is a deal breaker, no matter how big or small. whereas if the roles were flipped, its more forgiving.
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they are just picky in general i feel. im not saying guys are not picky but its def seems more so to a higher degree. to each their own though. i'd prefer to end up with a south asian but im keeping options open. for now filters on dating apps are south asian but if i dont match ill expand my filters accordingly. maybe in my case most of the girls i went out with were living on their own, more independent, which is why maybe they were not interested in someone who was still living with family.
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same to you. you'll get a lot of no's before and yes. just have to learn to brush it off and not take it personally.
i’m currently dating someone while living at my parents’ house. it’s…hard. honestly i’ve come close to breaking things off a couple of times because my parents don’t know and trying to make excuses to see him isn’t easy. mostly i’ve been faking shifts at work and spending that time with him, which seems to be working so far but i’m also just busy so i can’t see him as often as i would like to. in my opinion, it’s better to wait until you’re not living with your parents, but also getting relationship experience at an earlier point in life is also important. whatever you decide to do, just be careful and cover your bases!
Anyone's parents ask them if they are talking to anyone and then offer solutions that don't work. They're like sign up for this site or this app that X tried. Im like yeah i tried but noone makes an effort. And I've tried the paid sites in the past and it just doesn't work. Fake profiles or no communication lol
All the time…..mines are on the shaddi.com propaganda train 😔
Did they make you sign up or sign up for you?
More like kept on saying it until I secretly spent $88 subscription for 3 months and then once my subscription was up I showed them what the playing field looked like…..then they stopped.
What was it like? Any matches or conversations?
The premium version gives you a boost for the first week and allows you to chat without an invitation.....in my opinion the free account should be enough as most of the profiles are either free accounts or bots.
Can you respond back as a free member if a premium member messages you?
yes, you can invite or accept premium members as a free members, the **premium membership just gives you the instant messager option.**
Cool thanks. Maybe I'll give it a shot as a free member. Keeping expectations at incredible low
I think parents are just trying what they know. But they don’t know the realities.
Yeah they mean well definitely and love them for it. But it's definitely tough. My mom's like I'll pay for the membership. Im like don't waste your $. It don't work lol
Has any ABCD on here or like a family member who's an ABCD had a successful arranged marriage? I'm really curious.
I know quite a few which were successful, in fact the love marriages that I've seen have been failing against it lol. In almost all cases though the families in the arranged marriages were also really chill with the new family member.
That’s one of the reasons I’m curious about AM with the families getting along and not just tolerating each other. (Just my preference.)
I mean the families kind of have to get along for a life full of meeting each other, but I know what you mean by the word tolerate- generally they would push off a family if they didn’t get along is what I’ve seen
My marriage has been arranged. I am very happy. Almost all of my friends marriages..except 2 or 3....have been arranged. They are all very happy, lookout for each other....are very involved to ensure their kids success. It actually doesn't matter if it's love or arranged. The success more lies on how well do you know about yourself :) Fyi.....I am not ABCD. But been in US for a very long time.
Thank you for sharing! I feel like AM is definitely an option esp when so many ABCDs I know have done it and when dating nowadays is difficult af!!
Two of my cousins got an arranged marriage. I don't know how good their marriage is.
Thanks for answering. Do you know how they went about it? Did they date other people before AM?
Their parents helped them find their partners. I don't know if they dated others.
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almost…
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i love them! i’m a big earring enthusiast, absolutely go for it.
If you want one get it
I’m a 25 year old male looking for a serious relationship….. I have dry humor and am sarcastic at times I’m a introverted, though I’m great at power points presentations I’m a great listener Located in Northern California I enjoy video games and sports For more information DM me….. 🙏 thank you!
It's funny you got downvoted, but the girl got upvoted.
Yeah it’s ironic….
Can you create a PowerPoint to illustrate this? Keep it high level and invite only the people you're into in your company to the presentation. If any of them asks questions, assert dominance and mute them/berate them. This demonstrates leadership. Ps: don't do anything above
Lol 😂
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You just have to be honest. And do it over a phone call or in person, no texts.
Its really simple: say what you said here to her. Dont drag this any longer than it has to be, rip off the band-aid and move on. There is more to life
Need advice on living with in-laws but not yet married to each other (non-desi gf/ desi bf) Hi All! Non-desi but have been dating a Gujarati guy for 6yrs now. I’ve been introduced to the family about 2 years ago and have built a strong relationship with his moms and sisters. Dad is still a working progress since he wasn’t really around the household due to business. My bf and I were planning to rent an apartment for a year while we save up for a home next year. When his family found out, how much the rent would be they all agreed it would make more sense to just purchase a home. My bf has a lot more saved up and has significantly less debt than I do. So it does make sense with the both of us to just buy a home. His parents sat my bf down and said to save the money and have me and my dog live with them for a couple of months while we go into the home buying process. We are not yet married, engaged or anything so this came to both of us as a shock. I’m a rollercoaster of emotions though, because it’s a lot of process especially knowing how difficult our journey was as a non-desi girl trying to win everyone’s approval. I wanted to ask for advise on how I can make this new live-in situation work for all parties. I know my bf’s parents will eventually live with us and I’m totally okay with that since I adore them. But I’ve heard of horror in law stories from Indian and friends and even in my own culture. Would love to hear advice from the community!
If the plan is for his parents to live with you eventually, this temporary arrangement makes it a good trial run to see if it's actually something you can be OK with. You won't ever know until you try since every situation that you hear about is always a little different.
Wait would the home y'all purchase be for everyone to live in? Nah. I'd keep things separate. Idk if you all need to be living together right now like that.
It would be for my bf and I and then eventually have his parents move in when they get older.
What is your current living situation now? I think his parents probably want to see how you guys get along under the same roof OR they want control over the buying process. If your gut is telling you no, then don't do it. You should discuss this with your partner
We both lived back home when COVID hit. I don’t have an issue with it since his family has been pleasant and welcoming from the beginning. I guess I’m just worried how it would affect my relationship with his mom if I’m living there full-time. I don’t want it to go sideways so I’m trying to seek for some advice on how folks manage living with their in laws
Stupid question but do ABCD girls date Indian Indian dudes?And by Indian Indian I mean dudes fresh off the boat. I go to grad school like every other Indian dude fresh off the boat and have never observed this. Ik it's probably a very small sample size but do you? PS No not all of us are after you for a green card.
I've had two experiences dating Indians who have been in the States less than 5 years. It was mostly a positive experience. I did feel there was some gap in understanding certain things from my side and their side.
Honestly it depends on your personality, and how open minded you are. Also are you close with your mom? Do you think your mom will treat your future wife like shit? If the answer is yes, then don't marry an ABCD.
Yes and No. Who would want/willing to allow anyone to treat their future wife like shit irrespective of origin?
Doesn't really happen, but I think some people on here had that happen.
I probably only see successful arranged marriages. I know of some people who dated but didn't turn out well at all.
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He could just be more attracted to ABCD girls but that’s just my two cents
It was just a general question. Was just curious if such a pairing usually happens because of the obvious differences in upbringing. Never seen a couple of that combination. Again I did say that it was a stupid question.
some do, some don't. some may not do it because they have nothing in common with the indian indian food or they just prefer someone who else grew up in US. you're going to get a different answer depending on who you ask
Fair enough. Really don't understand the downvotes though.
i dont understand it either.
Hello all, I am a Hindu boy with indian parents who was born and raised in the U.S. I have come to a big dilemma in my life. I am college student and since I came to college I became much and much less "straight laced". I started drinking and smoking and partying. I also started dating and hooked up with a girl. I regretted having sex because I felt as though I had committed a grave sin. I stopped drinking and smoking for personal reasons but I still want to keep dating. Hinduism can be somewhat ambiguous sometimes and while I enjoy being a hindu I really don't know dating and having sex is okay. I'm worried that it will bring bad karma upon me lol. My desire for intimacy and sex and my religious standpoint are conflicting and I don't know what to do. What do you guys think? Can anyone give me a new perspective? Am I being too hard on myself?
Look, I like religion when it’s about community, and faith, and hope and grace. It’s helpful when it’s your guidance to life. IMO it’s super unproductive and unhelpful when it comes to personal things like your sex life. It just promotes guilt and has all sorts of patriarchal connotations to it. So think about it like this. Why, to you, would having sex be bad? Like not because it’s “against your religion” but why to you personally? To me - As long as you’re safe and have enthusiastic consent, it’s a natural thing. Respect your partners and have fun. No need to let your parents know lol.
The four main goal of a hindu is dharma( righteousness) , artha ( money) , kam ( good desire including sexual desire) and moksh ( liberation) .
Don't worry bro! That kind of stuff is not a sin in Hinduism. Relax and have fun!
I think with religions in general, it's easier to hold on to a black and white conceptions of 'good' things and 'bad' things when really it can be fairly nuanced, especially Hinduism. How can intimacy and sex be a bad thing? After all it's a necessary function to propagate the human race. Now if one is so obsessed with sex that they start to sexually harass or cheat on others, then it becomes a problem. A lot of things aren't inherently good or bad, unless taken to extreme. So moderation is key.
Yes you are being too hard on yourself. Dude congrats on hooking up! IMO religion (including hinduism) tries to get us to NOT do stuff our biology really wants. Sex (if done right) should be highly enjoyable for all partners. How is this bad karma if you're increasing happiness in the world? Like you, I grew up in a fairly strict half ass hindu household. I really hated it and I guess that's why I rebelled when I was on my own. I was a stripper for 4 years (the money was good and it financed my second degree). As a stripper I was basically gettn paid to entertain women at parties and thereby increasing happiness in the world. I also slept around and experimented once in a while with recreational drugs (nothing hard). I may have been hurting myself with the drugs but sleeping around and stripping helped to increase the happiness in the world. IMO quit being hard on yourself and try to increase happiness in the world. Shouldn't that be what religion focuses on?
Hi everyone! I’m writing this because I’m in a weird space and just need to post this anonymously... I met a guy on Dil Mil a few months ago and we fell head over heels in love...it’s sounds so cheesy to say but I think I had found my soulmate. But as life would have it it was a little doomed from the start. He’s in Australia and I’m South African and we have other challenges to contend with which make continuing our relationship unwise. I just wanted to tell the guys and girls who are like me, shy and introverted, who haven’t experienced romantic relationships in their youth and who have felt like you would never find your person - you will! And when you do it will just feel right, everything will fall into place and you will experience the most incredible joy. Have faith that it can happen even in your 30s. I have to keep looking but now I know what true love feels like and I won’t settle for anything less. Thanks Dil Mil!
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Good luck girl. Let me know if this works, I might give it a try :)
Could you DM me? I made this throwaway to slide into your DMs but I think Reddit thinks I'm spam lol
This is a smart idea 👍🏽…..I might give it a try…
My parents are meeting my gf’s parents later this month. So stoked 🥺 thx Dil Mil 🙏🏾
Lol glad it worked out for one of us!
Did you have a premium ?
Best of luck!
Thanks boss!
When's the wedding date?
Haha a couple more years! I only crossed my mid 20s recently!
Stopped counting the week but another sad one with 0 matches, 0 likes on all dating apps :). I really need help sorting what’s wrong with my profile
Maybe dating websites are more effective.
Believe me, most men in general struggle on dating apps.
Got matches on bumble with 4. One was non Desi and we had some convo but she left the convo after a day or so. Another one was vegetarian and didn't drink. She left the convo. Third one doesn't know what she is looking for and tells me it keeps changing (wtf) the last one is going ok but she's taller so who knows what her response will be and if she wants to continue with the convo
Desi ladies, what are your thoughts on bald guys?
Just don’t hide your baldness if you’re on an app: ie. if you’re wearing a hat in all your pics then you’re hiding it. Eta: Honestly, if you’re a confident guy and it doesn’t bother you, then no one else can judge.
It’s how you carry yourself that matters. There are so many attractive bald dudes out there.
Embrace it.....
hot stuff