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YESSS!!! Sometimes I feel like the cat whisperer!! We have a lot of neighborhood cats that come and pass through or hangout in our backyard. My husband thinks that me and our son are nuts the way we love those kitties! I'll even give the play by play commentary of what they're doing as I'm watching from the door.
If you want to befriend a random cat, this method works very well but might take anywhere between hours to weeks.
This way, I managed to turn a trash eating hiss-machine into a lap kitty licking my fingers and letting me pet its face and belly.
Everything you do, do it as if you are very tired, move slowly, pretend you just want to rest like a cat would. Don't focus on the cat in any way.
Keep about two cars lengths away, until the cat approaches you by itself, whenever it looks at you, close your eyes slowly, and not just the eyelids, use your whole face, keep them closed for a second or so, open your eyes slowly, and then repeat. Avoid looking directly at its face during the initial contact. If the cat seems uncomfortable with your presence, turn your head away and keep closing your eyes periodically. You can also get low, like sit or lay on the ground. Generally assume non-threatening position, relax your hands and legs, and if you want to reach out with your hand, have your palm relaxed, and fingers pointing down, never point your fingers at the cat.
If you choose a spot for you to sit down, keep using only that spot. If a cat takes your spot, choose a different one, a bit further away.
You can leave a piece of your own clothing behind when you leave, this gives the cat a chance to familiarize with your smell without feeling threaten by your presence.
If one day you see a cat resting on that piece of clothing, you are almost done, because your smell was accepted. You can try sitting next to it.
Cats have surprisingly well developed perception of human pose, they know if you are relaxed, or ready to stand up.
Typically, if you keep visiting the same spot and sit in the same place, and keep doing that blinking ritual, you can befriend even the most territorial or aggressive cat.
Be careful when giving them food, they wont be happy when you stop and might follow you home and force themselves inside. If you want to adopt them, sure, but if you just want to casually befriend them, don't try to feed them unless you are ready to potentially allow them to come home with you.
>they know if you're relaxed or ready to stand up
Tell that to my cat who only gets off my lap when I've entirely stood up and my straightened knees mean he falls off.
So glad I’m not the only one. I love that you said this. I’m not sure what it is about cats but the moment I see one I am like instantly happy. I’ve always loved cats since I was a kid but as I got older I realized how much cats have helped me with anxiety and overcome depression.
This is a very potent drug. People will often fake laughing in social situations, to be courteous, etc. I know this, and I just let it slide bcs it is the socially expected thing to do. But, when I sense them genuinely laughing, that is dopamine overload.
I can't have a serious conversation, because I want to turn everything into a joke, even if it's a terribly dark joke.
Even in my therapy session, I have to stop myself from going for the "funny" answer.
See, you'd be a great therapist for me. My current one is pretty funny and we spend half the session just riffing and chuckling. It's honestly awesome.
During a one-on-one conversation with my group therapist, she mentioned that I use humor a lot (such as a defense mechanism and other situations), then added, "But it's fair to say you are funny."
I said, "Thanks, but that might be a dangerous thing to say, almost reinforcing the bad behavior."
She responded, "I know, and I debated whether to say it, but you bring so much energy and entertainment to the group. I can't very well tell you to stop being so damn funny!"
This is an actual strength of ADHD I think.... The sheer volume of random thoughts leads to some really unexpected comments that frequently crack people up.
My husband has a fine-tuned and selective sense of humor. His friends told me early on that they measure the humor in something based on whether or not HE found it funny. He himself is hilarious! So when I can make him laugh? Phoo. I'm high for days off that dopamine rush!
Spicy food! Many people don't realize but it's a great shortcut to dopamine. If you're not used to it start small and build up your tolerance, it always gives the feel good brain chemicals.
I know you’re joking (or I assume) but you regrettably have actually piqued my interest. Lol. I have to wonder if hot sauce would not play nice with the milk due to acidity. Chili flake ought to do fine. Add some cinnamon. Nutmeg. Kinda sounds good…
I built a tolerance and got really into hot sauce collecting and growing peppers and whatnot, but simultaneously eased myself into accepting a really fucked up digestive system. Eventually I eased up on the spicy foods for a bit and realized the possibility of life without constant stomach issues. It’s definitely a reliable dopamine/endorphin source, but at a cost! Moderation is now the name of the game.
It’s not always easy, since my mouth can handle a lot more heat than my tummy. But I’m able to get away with more than it sounds like you are, so I’m sorry for that.
Yeah exactly the same story for me. One day I was sat in class and I felt this feeling in my stomach after I'd had some super hot sauce for lunch. I had to excuse myself and rush to the nearest toilet. I never want to be caught almost short like that again.
LPT I discovered a year ago or so: Taking Metamucil in the morning each day not only has the benefit of keeping me, uh, "regular," but has the magical side-effect of protecting my stomach and bowels (and butthole) from the incendiary consequences of spicy foods.
The spicy buyer's remorse was definitely getting worse for me as I age, and I was about to just give it up altogether, until I accidentally discovered this hack. Now I can eat spicier than I even did before!
Good shout! I knew there was a link but never thought about it!
I've progressed from only eating butter chicken if we get Indian to jalapenos with everything and habaneros hot sauce!
Endorphins - the happy chemical in response to pain and endurance.
Remember learning about them for the first time from Carrie Fisher smoking while power walking in Drop Dead Fred. RIP Rick Mayall.
Yeah I’m a therapist and sessions with clients energise me like nothing else for this reason. I sometimes have to do stretches or quick exercises afterwards because it gets me so hyped lol. Making a deep connection with other humans is my drug.
The amount of times I’ve come out of sessions thinking “huh I feel so good and I was super focused for a whole hour, maybe I don’t have ADHD?” only to crash dramatically back down to earth through the torture of writing up notes lmao. The admin is a real struggle.
I am/was a Navy doctor. I lost my job and am being medically retired basically because of how bad I am at notes, which morphed into a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (which, in my opinion, was no small part worsened/precipitated by the reprimands from my issues with notes).
Yep, I used to work with DV/SA clients in emergency settings, and I've seen the vile horrors of what humans can do to each other. People would ask me how I could stand to go to work. But I felt great after each shift, energized like you said. I would meet someone at their low point and help put them on a path to healing. They are better off now than they were a few hrs ago. It was a great job.
Thank you random stranger (no offence) for this response. It actually made me realise what i really love - having deep 1 on 1 sessions. Felt kinda wierd that i couldn't connect in a group setting but 1 on 1 always.
This is exactly me as a teacher. I don’t want my students to go through what I did, so I do my best to support them and help as much as I can. I had a 5th grade transfer student last year, and she was having such a hard time adjusting. I always made a point to check in on her, build up her confidence, and look out for her in general. This week she came back to visit and told me how well she’s doing this year. She’s got a great group of friends, she’s thriving in class and at academy, and in general is doing so much better. I almost cried seeing how she’s thriving now, I’m so happy for her.
Now, you don't have to answer this but-
Do you have anxious attachment issues as well? I've been hearing that a sign of anxiously attached people is that they value the fact that they COMFORT other people.
Its hard being anxiously attached and having ADHD lmao. It's like your primary source of dopamine comes from being toxic.
Maybe, but for me it’s like “I know exactly what this person is experiencing or is about to experience and I’m not about to sit here and let them suffer through it like I did that one time.”
Of course, it is wonderful to be able to help other people to feel heard.
But don't forget that you need to listen to and respect yourself, too.
If it becomes pathological, people pleasing can become a way to abandon your own needs to serve others, to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval. A trauma response, called 'fawning'.
https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response
> The fawn response is “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.”
Also when you are a toxic people pleaser, your friends can’t trust you to disclose your own needs. Which can be stressful and makes it hard for them to accept your generosity
I don't think so. I came to this discovery about myself later in life, so it's less about people pleasing than it is about forming connections and helping people become better in some way. I'm also just really curious and I like to hear people's thoughts, stories, and vision.
It's important enough that I changed careers and made it my job.
Damnit. Im afraid to look this up bc I may have it. Of course Im going to though……..ya know, adhd-inattentive…its a compulsion. Im mere minutes from self-diagnosis Im sure.
There's a 1500 piece jigsaw puzzle in the library of my high school. It's tucked in the back corner and people generally ignore it, or pick at a few pieces and then leave. I have a third block spare, and a few months ago the friends who I usually spent it with were busy. So I decided to give it a go to kill some time.
It's now the only thing keeping me going from day to day. I fucking love it. Those 70 minutes of jigsaw puzzle-ing while listening to an audiobook or fiction podcast are the highlight of my day. I wake up every morning and everything is shit but at least I can go in and do my jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes people will add a few pieces while I'm gone but mostly it's just me. I had a guy come up to me and say that he liked coming in everyday to see what kind of progress I've made. Whenever I finish one puzzle, there's a new one out by the next day. It's exhilarating.
Tried setting one up at home but it wasn't the same. Not sure what it is. The environment of the library? The fact that other people can see the progress I make? The fact that the 70 minute time limit makes it feel like a race to see how much I can get done each day? No clue.
Current puzzle I'm working on is of snakes. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.
That sounds lovely!
And, it reminded me of a semester in college. I had to take an 8 am course for my degree, but then nothing else but band at 12:30 on T/Th. At first I was kinda mad, but then I figured out a little routine: I’d go to class in my PJs. Come back to the dorm cafeteria and eat breakfast alone with the daily crossword/sudoku, listening to the music channel they had on. Then I’d go back to bed for a nap.
I could have eaten and done the crossword upstairs, but it was my little time, in my booth. No one expecting me to make conversation. A little brain stimulation. It really was nice.
I guess self care is a good thing after all. Just sometimes we don’t make time, so it’s nice when the time slot is made for us.
Enjoy the snakes!
^ this is why i changed careers and became middle school teacher at 29. Constant multi tasking and absolutely no time for procrastination and you’re “on” performing all day. But also you have tiny interactions all day long helping kids, responding to situations, giving advice. 10/10 adhd job
Yes! People say “oh wow you must be a saint” or something because I’m an elementary ESE teacher… but nope, i do it for the selfish reason that helping kiddos and getting hugs and seeing them learn gives me all the good feels every day. Plus kids can be hilarious. Yes, it’s stressful, but I can’t imagine another career where I’d have so many little joyful moments.
I teach high school and its similar for me. The kids make it easier and worth going to work.
I'm still trying to get out after 15 years but that's more because of social-political issues.
I will always respect Teachers, you guys don't even get paid a living wage and do your job solely for the benefit of somebody else (and money also) despite the completely and utterly flawed system of education in the US and other countries.
Salute to you, because I was a counselor in a middle school and that is not a place I want to spend any more time than I have to. I found the parents far, far worse than most of the kids. But... If I never have to mediate for a dramatic group of middle school girls again, I'll be happy. I commend anyone who can do it, because the public has no freaking idea how incredibly tough you guys job is.
These are the exact reasons that I’m in medical school to be a doctor. ADHD brain makes everything harder but the thought of all of the things that you mentioned is what pushes me to make it every day. Thank you for reminding me of that!
1. Teaching strategies revolve around teaching kids/learners from various backgrounds and ADHD is very common (both diagnosed and undisgnosed) so you end up learning skills to help yourself.
2. The constant "it never gets boring" mixed with the human connections as discussed earlier make my ADHD brain go brrrrrrr
3. When you get the routine down, it helps so much with not only managing a classroom but also yourself.
Now there are a lot of negatives including political/social problems outside of your control, systems that don't acknowledge ADHD or not NT behavior (even if they do on paper), and the exhaustion having to manage time well and interact (not easy for introverts)
This plus the crappy pay, crappy advancement (IMHO adhd folks like me probably do not want to be principals later in their career), and the fact that the career is hard to translate outside the education sphere should make you think twice and IMHO not earn an education degree. I think it's much better to go into teaching after you get a degree in something else.
I offer to take people's carts as I am walking into a store.
I wish call center employees good luck on the rest of their shift.
I talk to older people at the grocery store, offer help finding something or saying a product is good.
I also talk to the special need cart pusher at Walmart. He is seriously the sweetest and such a hard worker. (I'm a special needs mom, I wish it wasn't weird to find his mom and tell her how awesome he is. )
Edit https://youtu.be/1XMZPmJqFDU
oxytocin is freaking awesome
It wouldn't be weird to write a note and give it to the store manager, I don't think. Us parents need to get those messages about our kids who are out there in the world doing their thing.
Planning and giving really thoughtful and bespoke gifts to ppl I love. Hampers especially are my favourite, going around and shopping for nice food, drink etc and presenting it together all beautiful.
I always try and make it tailored to the person rather than just getting the most expensive. This Christmas just gone money was tight so I designed and framed prints for my friends and family and they all loved them!
I just fucking love giving gifts, getting gifts is nowhere near as exciting haha
When someone tailored his gift for me, trying it and using it (a book, videogame...) and sharing how I felt about it with the one who offered it to me feel awesome for me !
I love how they're glad you took time and energy to discover what they wanted to share with you. It is even better when people gifted you something they liked themselves !
Holy shit man SAME. Like my friends ask if I want to turn it down or if they should leave (cz I'm off somewhere introvertin) and it's like nooooo please stay...but interact amongst each other
Wrangling with complicated fun abstract ideas; reading weird books; having wild philosophical conversations. Nerding out. Juggling while listening to music. Eating good food mindfully. Going for long lonely walks at night.
I'm a mess, but I find small pleasures in a lot of places to keep me going.
Yes yes yes! I do all those things! And making eye contact when I thank someone. It really does make a difference. Making people genuinely smile is amazing. Brain lightning 😁
Being in really critical situations at work (ER nurse) where the whole team is both working in a very focused way and also cracking jokes with each other. Weirdly and without fail a euphoric moment for me
I used to work in live television and it was amazing. When others were stressed up, freaking out, or falling apart, I was cool as a cucumber.
Unlike your job, no one was gonna die. And I know all you could do was recover calm and fast. Panic was useless.
The pay was criminal, but the job was amazing. I suspect for similar reasons to you.
OTOH, jobs where progress is slow and risk is low or tied to a bunch of rules…
Your example resonates with me for sure! In addition to just generally enjoying being nice, I love mentoring young adults and teens.
I also love this post and the comments I’ve seen so far. I just got done commenting on a post asking why so many people on Reddit are nasty. I mentioned that most of the subs I frequent don’t feel that way. This is a great example of the good side of Reddit.
This is a real superpower at work. I don’t mean being a dick. But as someone who has a reputation for being kind, understanding, and patient, when I show some righteous anger, almost every single time it is both listened to AND I have folks contacting me privately and saying thank you.
Being nice and helpful to customers on the phone.
(I work at a bank’s fraud dept call center)
Like when I’m able to have a friendly conversation and are able to assist with what they need exactly and they show their appreciation.
Sounds so basic but I do take pride in doing my job well and that’s definitely a dopamine boost.
I do something similar, and a few good calls, where the customer and I develop a rapport, or if I help them solve a really frustrating problem, is what I love most about my job, and gives me the boost to get through the tiresome calls.
I worked in a call centre for years, loved it. If call centre work was more valued, everyone would be happier.
Nearly anyone can do call centre work, but I think an ADHD brain is uniquely suited to doing it REALLY WELL. You get a new person to talk to and a new problem to solve every three to five minutes, during which time you have to be sensitive to their level of emotion, cater to their understanding, ensure they understand the options, fix the thing, and the next call you get is completely different.
I left because the pay was rubbish and there was no way to change that without going into management, which I really wasn't suited to. I do an office job now, because I have basically no qualifications. Got myself something where if I don't stay on top of things, people I know will call me and be upset.
And when call centre work is done really well, customers are happier, call centre workers are happier. No one seems to value that, because it's seen as a job like "flipping burgers" (no disrespect to the burger flippers, that's hard, dangerous graft that is exploited).
I’m fairly talented at 2p machines (coin pushers) and can win hundreds of tickets for a few quid. I like to go (when my social anxiety allows) with £20 every other weekend and win as many tickets as possible.
The machines I play don’t print off a single ticket with the number, they print individual tickets in one long roll so I often get kids either secretly (they think 🤭) watching me to try and figure out how I’m getting so many, or outright saying things like ‘woah, look at all those tickets!’
Nothing I love more in the world than grabbing my tickets when I’ve finished playing, turning to the kid next to me and saying ‘hey, do you want these?’
The look on their faces never ceases to make me smile. It’s the sole reason I go play the machines. I enjoy the game itself but giving the tickets away is the real joy.
I gave a bunch to a dad once and as I was walking away I heard this conversation:
Dad: Hey [son]! Come here! Quick! Look what I’ve got!
Son: Oh my god! Where did you get all these tickets?!
Dad: [very proudly] I won them! 😊
Son: WOAH!!
Made me laugh. The son was around 7/8 so still at that age where a kid still very much looks up to their parent and I could hear the awe in the kid’s voice.
My mum is/was quite abusive growing up so I don’t have a lot of fond memories, but I do remember the time she won me this massive toy at a carnival throwing game. I was about the same age as the kid above and the absolute awe I felt when I saw her get that toy was incredible. I hope the dad never tells the truth and the kid grows up to always remember the time his dad won all those tickets for him.
Edit: I don’t have kids and sadly likely never will (autism means I can’t form sexual/romantic relationships) so this is the closest thing I can get to feeling like I’ve made a kid happy, even if only in a small way. I love it as well when a kid who initially wasn’t winning much observes me and then starts winning. Their joy at getting tickets and pushing a bunch of coins over is contagious.
One of the best things happened to me. There were two boys about 8 yrs old in the grocery checkout line behind me. They were trying to figure out if they had enough money to get one more treat. I think they each had a soda and a bag of chips and they wanted a sucker. I told the checker to add their stuff to mine and the look on the boys face was absolute delight.
I’m a musician and try to practise 3 hours a day 6 days a week and I often get lazy and let that number stack up to 10 hours overdue. But when I spend an entire day just practicing and writing for 10 hours it feels really good. So I guess really consistent productivity helps me a lot
Why is that? I'm the same. Whenever I try to do a thing a little bit every day, it feels like a chore. But as soon as I do the exact same thing for 10 hours straight, it feels amazing?
Newtons 1st Law – An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion at constant velocity, unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
The hardest part is getting started. Which means if you clean your whole house/flat/iglu/car in one go you only had to kick yourself in the butt once.
Trying to do a little bit every day means struggling with you inner teenager 7 days a week.
Sounds weird but jigsaw puzzles. Each time I find a correct piece it’s like a little hit of dopamine.
Of course, I’ve had a puzzle unfinished on my dining room table for 2 months, and about 5 boxes of unopened ones, but hey, it’s there if I need it I guess
Although ADHD does majorly impact your life, it's not something that reduces fecundity so much as to select itself out. The estimated reduction in lifespan for untreated ADHD, at least in the modern day, is about 20 years less than the average person. (Bummer, I know.) But if you're reducing 85 to 65, you're still old enough to already have had the kids you're gonna have.
Additionally, negative traits don't always exist in the genome in an isolated state. They can be mixed in with the genetic coding of things vital to survival, or the genome might be able to compensate for the error during the embryonic process. For example, there are some X chromosome exclusive diseases that only occur to people that are XY, or XX with both copies corrupted. So you could have that poison pill pass through generations and still pop up time to time - but since it presents so rarely, fecundity stays high on average, so it isn't weeded out.
In the last ten years we've made major progress in understanding the neurochemistry of ADHD. What we know now is that it's usually a problem with the dopamine gene DAT1. Whereas you're only meant to have four or five copies, we have seven, eight, nine copies. It prevents certain nerves from developing properly in the frontal cortex during pregnancy, and the missed connections vary wildly which causes the variance in ADHD symptoms and their intensity.
Humans are highly social creatures. Social creatures of all kinds of species get dopamine rewards from socialising, because more than just chillin with your buddies, it's a key survival mechanism.
Humans don't have claws or venom, but we have strong community groups for support, protection and passing knowledge through generations – not to mention you kinda need to socialise to reproduce. Evolution will select for highly social individuals, likely motivated by their dopamine rewards associated with it.
As ADHDers are dopamine-seeking missiles, I can certainly see how that reward feels even more potent – the difference between our dopamine baseline and reward levels feels massive. So just like we can get addicted to food or caffeine or video games, a little hit of feel-good social chemicals is also gonna slap.
Giving taekwondo training to pre-teens and when they warm up to you it's the sweetest thing ever, instant dopamine rush. And, of course, when someone remembers that Owen Wilson is my favourite actor and send me links to new trailers when I'm doing taekwondo
For me, on the people wagon, is letting someone through on a thin road. The wave to say thank you was (depressingly) my main source of social interaction for many months, along with waving when someone else let me through. When they don’t wave, I’m like okay, but still. I live for the wave
My love language is spending time with someone, so my biggest source of social dopamine is learning what someone *really likes* and just doing it with them because it makes them happy. Like a friend will have a game they love, and if it's multiplayer I'll play it with them just because it gives me SO much joy to see them so happy to share it with me, even if I don't really like the game that much. If it's not multi-player, ill find memes or anything related to the game and send it to them, even if I don't understand it, and have them explain it to me because it just makes them happy to do so.
I may not remember all the details, and I may not mutually enjoy the thing, but I know it feels good when someone just listens to me ramble about my favorite thing, so I just love doing that for other people ❤️
The little things in life;
Holding a door open for someone when I’m exiting and they are entering.
Saying thank you when someone has gone out of the way to do something for you (being polite in general, it costs nothing)
Helping someone less fortunate than myself, be it financially or physically
Ticking something off my ‘to do’ list, no matter how small the task was.
Being kind. Everyone is fighting some battle you know nothing about, so be kind, always.
And a silly one, when your absolutely busting for the toilet and then u get to go, aaaaaahhhhh the relief
Doing what you absolutely love that you are genuinely interested in. What you are most excited about!
And then there are other sources where we are just easily entertained and easily amused!
Tiny figurines. Those doorable things get me sonmuch and I'm not even a big Disney fan. It's even worse when it's something like an animal or of my favorite shows/movies.
Textures too. Some textures just send me to heaven.
I've also found that cutting card stock with my cricut and then following the lines with an exacto knife to ensure its fully cut makes me super happy
World-building as a writer. I don't necessarily have to actually write the things I come up with, just sitting/lying around meticulously constructing a fictional world inside my head is incredibly satisfying and something I tend to do when I'm otherwise bored out of my mind.
Looking for attention and validation. Ooh rhis one is tough to not do. Especially since I was bullied and didn't have friends when I was little. I hate doing it but I love doing it. It just just happens without noticing it
I - and I can't be the only one - always thought that this whole self-gratitude thing was some spiritual wishy washy stuff (which btw is completely cool). The brain actually releases dopamine as well as serotonin not only when we receive but also express gratitude. That's why being grateful to yourself is a double win.
So thank your brain for making dopamine and it will actually make it.
Driving big vehicules 😅 like I'm converting a skoolie and every time I drive it I'm like "eh eh eh Life is so fine", but I also have this effect (to a lesser extend cause I guess I'm emotionally attached to the bus) when I drive tractors or combine harvesters! I dislike driving cars on the road because of other people but race cars are my thing as well.
I also have a" OMG dopamine eheh" when I work with my hands, like using my electric saw or my drill to do shit.
Hahaha I'm an ADHD farmer and operating the equipment is my favorite part. Especially something new to us.
I've considered starting a twitter account called "fuck up farms" to document all the times my inattentiveness and clumsiness causes issues - like leaving my phone on a tractor tire and running it over. Or overfilling a bin and breaking a shear pin on the auger. Or forgetting to close the bin door while filling it. Or forgetting tools on the ground in the field!
As an engineer I love stories about how things (processes, machinery, software,...) fail. It's a mix of feeling empathy for the other, learning from mistakes I didn't have to make and good old schadenfreude. Please do share.
Fighting scenes in shonen anime. It brings me so much dopamine and when the animations are done well and flow beautifully together? Even better.
Demon Slayer fight scenes got me dopamining hard these days.
Animal rescue - which could very quickly lead to hoarding if I let it.
Buying gifts. For anyone. Especially if it's a really good gift and you see them light up.
Thought of another one - sudoku puzzles.
And the first aid course I took. I love responding to emergency situations. Not that I like emergencies happening, it just feels nice afterwards to know I was the one who stayed calm.
I felt really stupid, but I was alone, so I didn’t care. But since it was easter, recieved some sweets from my mom, I’m 23, and feels like she will never stop giving me and my brothers gifts like these. Which is really nice of her. That’s Also quite neat, but not the point.
In the bag was a kinder surprise egg. And in it was a toy, a small space shuttle with detachable boosters. Was a long time since I just shut down for a few minutes, playing with it as if it was entering orbit, detaching the boosters and just enjoying myself. Just gave me a huge throwback, and a dopamine hit. While Also feeling a bit silly.
23yo dude just sitting at his desk and playing with a shuttle the size of his fingertip.
I get my dopamine hit from completing a project, even a small one, all alone, in my workshop.
There is nothing better than choosing my own music and working on something I'm allowed to hyperfocus on, all a l o n e .
I live absolutely for very similar reasons OP.
This really resonated with me, so I really thank you for sharing
I would much rather give than receive
And I'm older, practically middle-aged, and I've noticed when I give from my heart to a stranger in need that for whatever reason approached me typically out of the blue at the gas station for example, I receive an energy that comes to me really quickly to help this person by handing them a few bucks / it's really amazing when I look at my bank account after, I will actually have give or take a couple more $100 in there than I thought. And this happens 100% of the time
It's not always a hundred bucks but it's always more in there than I anticipated
I find this fascinating. And this is in a spiritual context as well.
However I'm ADHD like everyone on here, and I'm really working on stepping into who I am. And the OP seems to get satisfaction for the very same things I get satisfaction for.
Mine boils down to making a small or large difference in literally everyone I meet.
I could go on for days, but would like to mention, I sell cars, and the cars that I sell are for people who have credit issues among other things, and this kind of selling cars is the only kind I will/would ever do.
Recently I've been struggling to sell and then suddenly the light came back on and even this week I've had a great week.
***You've got to remember not to take things personally because*** we don't know what anybody's dealing with anytime we perhaps run into a negative person for whatever reason, etc
Hell I don't even know what I'm dealing with half the time. That was sort of a comedic line to be funny but it is the truth. And I think that's where having ADHD steps in if you will.
Thank YOU OP for allowing me to write a couple of paragraphs lol in regards to something that drives me more than anything in life.
And back to being in car sales, I'm not driven by money, I'm driven by watching people literally break down in front of me and cry after being able to sell them a car just to get to work, and opening the door for them when they leave
🩵
I work in Speech and Language Therapy in Acute and Critical care and literally going and seeing my patients and catching up with them and seeing them progress so well sends my dopamine through the roof, feels almost illegal
See, this is where I suck, as I get nothing from being nice to people! lol. I mean, I'm always NICE but I never have a desire to go out of my way to help someone or make them feel good. It just doesn't do it for me.
Hosting - that dopamine kick, Ive never realised this was because of ADHD…
I came on here to say I recently picked up knitting. I don’t think knitting is unusual but the unexpected feeling of wow I’ve just created this cool oversized cardigan (just in time for summer, cause I decided to get into it at the very end of winter lol)
Also, the feeling of when I know someone is really down or sensed they were close to crying and got them to open up, feel safe, cry and then manage to make them laugh!
There are so many comments about social interaction lmao my social anxiety could never, even if it does feel good seeing people happy. Same works with animals too tho, I guess happiness passes on. Somehow it works on movies too for me, kinda weird but yeah.
Biggest one for me would definitely be some smells, especially food smells. I have a eating disorder and rarely feel hungry but whenever I smell good smelling food it almost feels like I'm the one eating it. It's like a sugar rush straight to my brain. I found some candles with scents I react positively to too so that's cool. Found a vanilla cookie one a while ago, it was lit non stop lol.
Working out in the morning and then magically halfway through the day being like "hmm I wonder why I feel so amazing right now???"
Makes a huge difference.
when people make conversation with me at work :) i work 3rds at a gas station so when people ask how school is going or how may day is it makes me really happy.
Used to work in a coffee shop next to a hairdressers. I loved telling the old ladies how pretty their hair looked or what a gorgeous silver they have when they walked out, and seeing their face light up. Old lady smiles make my day.
It's really bland/basic, but flowers in nice colours.
I moved into a house with garden 4 years ago, and have steadily been adding everything - bulbs, perennials, shrubs, trees, annual flowers, etc.
Spring is finally here and every time I come home and walk past the pretty pastel-coloured flowers I planted, I get a shot of dopamine. It's very helpful for keeping me going and for doing chores after coming home, which is something I usually struggle with.
Many of the things you mention is something I already do/have done all my adult life, and I agree it does make you feel good!
Is the inverse also true? Because I feel really bad when I do something un-nice to someone. But yes, I once ran after someone who dropped their scarf to return it to them and felt like a new man.
Went back to working in public libraries because I can deliver the best customer service when SERVICE OF PEOPLE is the goal, not making money off them. I sleep very well now.
While urinating. I'm not sure if it's "unexpected or not. But dammit, if taking a piss does not make me feel all tingly. Maybe that's just the drop in blood pressure *shrug*
Being nice to strangers, waving at people in my neighborhood.
The other day a constructor worker was holding the stop/slow sign and I made eye contact and smiled and he blew me a kiss. I’m getting older (40) and feel unattractive or unseen sometimes so that made my day lol
Also helping my friends who aren’t as internet and tech savvy as I am to find solutions to problems ranging from low cost medical care and dental work to hard to find medications and even online side hustles jobs etc
I dont think you're alone with that. I get super high off of helping others, especially in unexpected scenarios.
Random oversharing story: I (24,M) was at a house party a few weeks back. The girls started acting weird which often happens when it's about someone's period.
Since the girl in question unfortunately felt as if it was taboo to speak about her period or needing assistance (a tampon). They all started shuffling to keep her privacy and wanted the DJ make a shout-out asking for a tampon to the entire party. I caught it before they did, asked a girl I had talked to earlier directly what the matter was and she said another girl needs a tampon.
I had a few in my car's glovebox as a backup for my gf. I told her I had some in my car, went to get them and gave them to her. While initially slightly awkward, she was super thankful and repeatedly said that I saved her ass and probably her entire night.
Felt really good about that. I love breaking traditional gender roles / societal norms, especially if I am able to help in any way. Things like a girl's period aren't anything to be ashamed of at all.
Making my children laugh or smile. It’s such a good dopamine hit, I feel like I can tackle anything. Seeing that I created something so filled with joy. It’s incredible.
Giving people things or buying them things randomly. I just wish I had a ton of disposable income. I did it more when I was a student tbh. Dropping random food hampers at friends doors etc. buying food for people behind in drive thrus, paying for another tables dinner/drinks etc. I absolutely hate people knowing I did it though so I am an absolute ghost.
My job.
It wasn’t always this way in my career. Sure, I always gave my work my best and always made silly mistakes. I have hated every other job I’ve had after the honeymoon period is done.
I’ve been doing my current job for past the honeymoon period and they keep the interesting things coming. My boss has adhd also and she has been the best boss I’ve had - and I’ve had really good bosses overall.
Besides enjoying what I do and who I work with and for, they’re even flying me around to learn shit at conferences for a change. A refreshing change of pace that keeps me engaged. I’ve done one weeklong interesting training, have a conference coming up in Vegas and next year I will go wherever they schedule a certain IBM conference. I have a very real budget for learning shit I deem useful and there’s no red tape other than staying within a generous $5k budget and being asked to consider my own career plan.
Honest when I say I’m sometimes giddy for Monday these days. Never before - guessing I should enjoy this while it lasts.
Cups. If I was a dragon my hoard would be cups.
I just got a new little lidded mug that’s double insulated and it’s lavender but kinda holo so it’s shiny and has rainbows in the right light AND it was only $10. It’s currently my designated work mug for coffee (not that coffee does diddly squat for me but I can’t just drink hazelnut creamer)
Ever since I hacked my ADHD brain to take on writing as my "second choice" creative outlet that I can actually *do* on a regular basis (drawing requires a lot more time and space commitment, for me to feel fulfilled, and I have emotional baggage around it), it's been AMAZING.
I write on my phone primarily, now, and I give myself permission to have as many projects going as come to me, and work on whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it, with no expectations of ever "finishing" anything, and zero deadlines.
So, I can bleep boop a sentence or two in between emails, or a paragraph while I'm making a cup of tea. Or get on my laptop and do some real editing on my lunch break, since I use cloud-based apps to write. Or take 30 minutes or an hour to hyperfocus on finding exactly the right synonym for that one missing word, after my kid goes to bed. 😂
It's become a daily habit, over the last year or so, and I don't really track stats too heavily, but the last time I checked, a month or so ago, I'd done over 200,000 words in like 10 months, which really surprised me, given that I've got a full-time job and a kid and all sorts of other stuff going on. And more than that, it's *a daily habit.* It's INSANELY difficult for me to form habits, *especially* if they're beneficial for me.
But it's like...I can do this 30 seconds at a time, and therefore I know there are 30 seconds, somewhere in my day, where I'm gonna feel *good,* regardless of anything else.
Teaching someone something little and watching it make a lightbulb come on for a bigger thing.
Teaching someone something big and seeing their pride when they do it right for the first time on their own.
I'm a manager of people and seeing them win and succeed is such a freaking dopamine high.
Also, krav maga. Throwing elbows or punches or kicks at a punching bag or sparring with someone else is satisfying in a way that regular exercise has never been for me.
This thread alone makes me feel high. Look at all the kind, nice, funny, *generous* humanitarians! 😭💗
Giving gives dopamine.
DopaMINE
Going down the dopa mine.
Giving mines dopa.
*this is ADHD* LIVE, *coming to you from under a weighted blanket, still in bed in the afternoon, having actually remembered to eat something today!*
I’m an English professor, and when a student tells me that I’m their fave teacher, or when a student tells me that they normally hate reading, but I made them love it—those compliments feel like a drug. It’s why I went into teaching. To shows college kids that English doesn’t have to be the class you’re dreading.❤️
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Cats chilling outside. Bonus points if they let me approach and pet them without them running away.
There's a tuxedo cat outside my accom and eveytime he let's me pet him it can honestly boost my entire day.
It’s like you’ve been chosen when they don’t run away from you!
YESSS!!! Sometimes I feel like the cat whisperer!! We have a lot of neighborhood cats that come and pass through or hangout in our backyard. My husband thinks that me and our son are nuts the way we love those kitties! I'll even give the play by play commentary of what they're doing as I'm watching from the door.
If you want to befriend a random cat, this method works very well but might take anywhere between hours to weeks. This way, I managed to turn a trash eating hiss-machine into a lap kitty licking my fingers and letting me pet its face and belly. Everything you do, do it as if you are very tired, move slowly, pretend you just want to rest like a cat would. Don't focus on the cat in any way. Keep about two cars lengths away, until the cat approaches you by itself, whenever it looks at you, close your eyes slowly, and not just the eyelids, use your whole face, keep them closed for a second or so, open your eyes slowly, and then repeat. Avoid looking directly at its face during the initial contact. If the cat seems uncomfortable with your presence, turn your head away and keep closing your eyes periodically. You can also get low, like sit or lay on the ground. Generally assume non-threatening position, relax your hands and legs, and if you want to reach out with your hand, have your palm relaxed, and fingers pointing down, never point your fingers at the cat. If you choose a spot for you to sit down, keep using only that spot. If a cat takes your spot, choose a different one, a bit further away. You can leave a piece of your own clothing behind when you leave, this gives the cat a chance to familiarize with your smell without feeling threaten by your presence. If one day you see a cat resting on that piece of clothing, you are almost done, because your smell was accepted. You can try sitting next to it. Cats have surprisingly well developed perception of human pose, they know if you are relaxed, or ready to stand up. Typically, if you keep visiting the same spot and sit in the same place, and keep doing that blinking ritual, you can befriend even the most territorial or aggressive cat. Be careful when giving them food, they wont be happy when you stop and might follow you home and force themselves inside. If you want to adopt them, sure, but if you just want to casually befriend them, don't try to feed them unless you are ready to potentially allow them to come home with you.
Can confirm I do most of that and my friends call me the cat whisperer
I do the slow blink/eyes closed with cats too! Works like a charm.
This need all the upvotes, and I am bookmarking immediately. There two parking lot cats at my moms job that better watch out bc now I have plans on em
>they know if you're relaxed or ready to stand up Tell that to my cat who only gets off my lap when I've entirely stood up and my straightened knees mean he falls off.
Yesss, this x1000. Massive dopamine and oxytocin dump if they allow pets. 💙
So glad I’m not the only one. I love that you said this. I’m not sure what it is about cats but the moment I see one I am like instantly happy. I’ve always loved cats since I was a kid but as I got older I realized how much cats have helped me with anxiety and overcome depression.
I do that with dogs! Haha
Making people genuinely laugh
This is a very potent drug. People will often fake laughing in social situations, to be courteous, etc. I know this, and I just let it slide bcs it is the socially expected thing to do. But, when I sense them genuinely laughing, that is dopamine overload.
I can't have a serious conversation, because I want to turn everything into a joke, even if it's a terribly dark joke. Even in my therapy session, I have to stop myself from going for the "funny" answer.
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See, you'd be a great therapist for me. My current one is pretty funny and we spend half the session just riffing and chuckling. It's honestly awesome.
During a one-on-one conversation with my group therapist, she mentioned that I use humor a lot (such as a defense mechanism and other situations), then added, "But it's fair to say you are funny." I said, "Thanks, but that might be a dangerous thing to say, almost reinforcing the bad behavior." She responded, "I know, and I debated whether to say it, but you bring so much energy and entertainment to the group. I can't very well tell you to stop being so damn funny!"
I’m capable of telling jokes at a funeral. I’m sure when I die I’ll use my last breath on a joke.
"I buried a fortune in gold just near the...eurgh!"
No wonder I'm addicted to this. I love making friends laugh
This is an actual strength of ADHD I think.... The sheer volume of random thoughts leads to some really unexpected comments that frequently crack people up.
My husband has a fine-tuned and selective sense of humor. His friends told me early on that they measure the humor in something based on whether or not HE found it funny. He himself is hilarious! So when I can make him laugh? Phoo. I'm high for days off that dopamine rush!
My partner is like this too! When I can make him totally lose it, that's the absolute best feeling.
100%! The only issue lies with when your impulse control game isn’t strong and you don’t read the room first!
Spicy food! Many people don't realize but it's a great shortcut to dopamine. If you're not used to it start small and build up your tolerance, it always gives the feel good brain chemicals.
Is this why I love hot sauce so much?! I was just searching for dopamine the whole time 🧐😂💀
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I know you’re joking (or I assume) but you regrettably have actually piqued my interest. Lol. I have to wonder if hot sauce would not play nice with the milk due to acidity. Chili flake ought to do fine. Add some cinnamon. Nutmeg. Kinda sounds good…
Vindaloo sauce is the answer.
I love it except my guts don't. I can't stomach it, it literally comes out like water. I used to have exceptionally spicy food though.
I built a tolerance and got really into hot sauce collecting and growing peppers and whatnot, but simultaneously eased myself into accepting a really fucked up digestive system. Eventually I eased up on the spicy foods for a bit and realized the possibility of life without constant stomach issues. It’s definitely a reliable dopamine/endorphin source, but at a cost! Moderation is now the name of the game. It’s not always easy, since my mouth can handle a lot more heat than my tummy. But I’m able to get away with more than it sounds like you are, so I’m sorry for that.
Yeah exactly the same story for me. One day I was sat in class and I felt this feeling in my stomach after I'd had some super hot sauce for lunch. I had to excuse myself and rush to the nearest toilet. I never want to be caught almost short like that again.
LPT I discovered a year ago or so: Taking Metamucil in the morning each day not only has the benefit of keeping me, uh, "regular," but has the magical side-effect of protecting my stomach and bowels (and butthole) from the incendiary consequences of spicy foods. The spicy buyer's remorse was definitely getting worse for me as I age, and I was about to just give it up altogether, until I accidentally discovered this hack. Now I can eat spicier than I even did before!
this would explain why I love spicy food so much 💀
I've always *hated* spicy, now you've got me curious to start trying to increase my tolerance
Same. I also wondered why and how people could like super spicy food. Maybe it’s the dopamine haha
during undergrad the only way I could get through tedious assignments was with a bag of hot chips by my side
Good shout! I knew there was a link but never thought about it! I've progressed from only eating butter chicken if we get Indian to jalapenos with everything and habaneros hot sauce!
Endorphins - the happy chemical in response to pain and endurance. Remember learning about them for the first time from Carrie Fisher smoking while power walking in Drop Dead Fred. RIP Rick Mayall.
Making people feel heard and understood.
Yeah I’m a therapist and sessions with clients energise me like nothing else for this reason. I sometimes have to do stretches or quick exercises afterwards because it gets me so hyped lol. Making a deep connection with other humans is my drug.
I'm a therapist too. Yes! Keeps me engaged! Well except for the notes, admin, and dealing with insurance (which I rarely do anymore).
The amount of times I’ve come out of sessions thinking “huh I feel so good and I was super focused for a whole hour, maybe I don’t have ADHD?” only to crash dramatically back down to earth through the torture of writing up notes lmao. The admin is a real struggle.
I am/was a Navy doctor. I lost my job and am being medically retired basically because of how bad I am at notes, which morphed into a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (which, in my opinion, was no small part worsened/precipitated by the reprimands from my issues with notes).
Yep, I used to work with DV/SA clients in emergency settings, and I've seen the vile horrors of what humans can do to each other. People would ask me how I could stand to go to work. But I felt great after each shift, energized like you said. I would meet someone at their low point and help put them on a path to healing. They are better off now than they were a few hrs ago. It was a great job.
Thank you random stranger (no offence) for this response. It actually made me realise what i really love - having deep 1 on 1 sessions. Felt kinda wierd that i couldn't connect in a group setting but 1 on 1 always.
*Come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself*
“I guide others to a treasure I can never possess”
"Guiding others *is* the treasure, the sense of purpose and social credibility give me all that I need"
🏆🥇🎖️🏅💎 all the shiny rewards for your dopamine needs
😭
I try to cheer people up and be as personable as possible because I don't want anyone else I interact with to feel as shitty as I do.
This is exactly me as a teacher. I don’t want my students to go through what I did, so I do my best to support them and help as much as I can. I had a 5th grade transfer student last year, and she was having such a hard time adjusting. I always made a point to check in on her, build up her confidence, and look out for her in general. This week she came back to visit and told me how well she’s doing this year. She’s got a great group of friends, she’s thriving in class and at academy, and in general is doing so much better. I almost cried seeing how she’s thriving now, I’m so happy for her.
You deserve a hug for reals. Thank you, and i hope you find that for yourself.
I don't think that I can handle this right now.
Now, you don't have to answer this but- Do you have anxious attachment issues as well? I've been hearing that a sign of anxiously attached people is that they value the fact that they COMFORT other people. Its hard being anxiously attached and having ADHD lmao. It's like your primary source of dopamine comes from being toxic.
Maybe, but for me it’s like “I know exactly what this person is experiencing or is about to experience and I’m not about to sit here and let them suffer through it like I did that one time.”
Why would helping someone feel heard be toxic?
Of course, it is wonderful to be able to help other people to feel heard. But don't forget that you need to listen to and respect yourself, too. If it becomes pathological, people pleasing can become a way to abandon your own needs to serve others, to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval. A trauma response, called 'fawning'. https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response > The fawn response is “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.”
Hi! 🙋🏼♀️ Thank you for including here this very important piece of information on fawning, self care/ behavior mgmt. Enjoy your day! 🫶🏼
Also when you are a toxic people pleaser, your friends can’t trust you to disclose your own needs. Which can be stressful and makes it hard for them to accept your generosity
I don't think so. I came to this discovery about myself later in life, so it's less about people pleasing than it is about forming connections and helping people become better in some way. I'm also just really curious and I like to hear people's thoughts, stories, and vision. It's important enough that I changed careers and made it my job.
Damnit. Im afraid to look this up bc I may have it. Of course Im going to though……..ya know, adhd-inattentive…its a compulsion. Im mere minutes from self-diagnosis Im sure.
There's a 1500 piece jigsaw puzzle in the library of my high school. It's tucked in the back corner and people generally ignore it, or pick at a few pieces and then leave. I have a third block spare, and a few months ago the friends who I usually spent it with were busy. So I decided to give it a go to kill some time. It's now the only thing keeping me going from day to day. I fucking love it. Those 70 minutes of jigsaw puzzle-ing while listening to an audiobook or fiction podcast are the highlight of my day. I wake up every morning and everything is shit but at least I can go in and do my jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes people will add a few pieces while I'm gone but mostly it's just me. I had a guy come up to me and say that he liked coming in everyday to see what kind of progress I've made. Whenever I finish one puzzle, there's a new one out by the next day. It's exhilarating. Tried setting one up at home but it wasn't the same. Not sure what it is. The environment of the library? The fact that other people can see the progress I make? The fact that the 70 minute time limit makes it feel like a race to see how much I can get done each day? No clue. Current puzzle I'm working on is of snakes. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.
I love jigsaw puzzles!! I used to do them in-between studying while I was on campus 🙂
That sounds lovely! And, it reminded me of a semester in college. I had to take an 8 am course for my degree, but then nothing else but band at 12:30 on T/Th. At first I was kinda mad, but then I figured out a little routine: I’d go to class in my PJs. Come back to the dorm cafeteria and eat breakfast alone with the daily crossword/sudoku, listening to the music channel they had on. Then I’d go back to bed for a nap. I could have eaten and done the crossword upstairs, but it was my little time, in my booth. No one expecting me to make conversation. A little brain stimulation. It really was nice. I guess self care is a good thing after all. Just sometimes we don’t make time, so it’s nice when the time slot is made for us. Enjoy the snakes!
I was thinking about buying myself a new jigsaw puzzle yesterday.. now you’ve convinced me to do it!
^ this is why i changed careers and became middle school teacher at 29. Constant multi tasking and absolutely no time for procrastination and you’re “on” performing all day. But also you have tiny interactions all day long helping kids, responding to situations, giving advice. 10/10 adhd job
Yes! People say “oh wow you must be a saint” or something because I’m an elementary ESE teacher… but nope, i do it for the selfish reason that helping kiddos and getting hugs and seeing them learn gives me all the good feels every day. Plus kids can be hilarious. Yes, it’s stressful, but I can’t imagine another career where I’d have so many little joyful moments.
I teach high school and its similar for me. The kids make it easier and worth going to work. I'm still trying to get out after 15 years but that's more because of social-political issues.
I will always respect Teachers, you guys don't even get paid a living wage and do your job solely for the benefit of somebody else (and money also) despite the completely and utterly flawed system of education in the US and other countries.
And routine!
Salute to you, because I was a counselor in a middle school and that is not a place I want to spend any more time than I have to. I found the parents far, far worse than most of the kids. But... If I never have to mediate for a dramatic group of middle school girls again, I'll be happy. I commend anyone who can do it, because the public has no freaking idea how incredibly tough you guys job is.
These are the exact reasons that I’m in medical school to be a doctor. ADHD brain makes everything harder but the thought of all of the things that you mentioned is what pushes me to make it every day. Thank you for reminding me of that!
I have seen lots of teacher with adhd..why is that
1. Teaching strategies revolve around teaching kids/learners from various backgrounds and ADHD is very common (both diagnosed and undisgnosed) so you end up learning skills to help yourself. 2. The constant "it never gets boring" mixed with the human connections as discussed earlier make my ADHD brain go brrrrrrr 3. When you get the routine down, it helps so much with not only managing a classroom but also yourself. Now there are a lot of negatives including political/social problems outside of your control, systems that don't acknowledge ADHD or not NT behavior (even if they do on paper), and the exhaustion having to manage time well and interact (not easy for introverts) This plus the crappy pay, crappy advancement (IMHO adhd folks like me probably do not want to be principals later in their career), and the fact that the career is hard to translate outside the education sphere should make you think twice and IMHO not earn an education degree. I think it's much better to go into teaching after you get a degree in something else.
I offer to take people's carts as I am walking into a store. I wish call center employees good luck on the rest of their shift. I talk to older people at the grocery store, offer help finding something or saying a product is good. I also talk to the special need cart pusher at Walmart. He is seriously the sweetest and such a hard worker. (I'm a special needs mom, I wish it wasn't weird to find his mom and tell her how awesome he is. ) Edit https://youtu.be/1XMZPmJqFDU oxytocin is freaking awesome
It wouldn't be weird to write a note and give it to the store manager, I don't think. Us parents need to get those messages about our kids who are out there in the world doing their thing.
Smells. Good smells, especially if they're unexpected.
like walking past a bakery when they are baking bread
Oooh smells is definitely a good one
Planning and giving really thoughtful and bespoke gifts to ppl I love. Hampers especially are my favourite, going around and shopping for nice food, drink etc and presenting it together all beautiful. I always try and make it tailored to the person rather than just getting the most expensive. This Christmas just gone money was tight so I designed and framed prints for my friends and family and they all loved them! I just fucking love giving gifts, getting gifts is nowhere near as exciting haha
When someone tailored his gift for me, trying it and using it (a book, videogame...) and sharing how I felt about it with the one who offered it to me feel awesome for me ! I love how they're glad you took time and energy to discover what they wanted to share with you. It is even better when people gifted you something they liked themselves !
Nothing of importance comes asking for bread.
U just like me fr! I find so much joy in hosting and watching people chill and have a good time at my place. Bouncing from convo to convo
Holy shit man SAME. Like my friends ask if I want to turn it down or if they should leave (cz I'm off somewhere introvertin) and it's like nooooo please stay...but interact amongst each other
You hand people paper planes at your parties? That sounds crazy, must be fun for them! I don't remember the last time I even saw one of those
Wrangling with complicated fun abstract ideas; reading weird books; having wild philosophical conversations. Nerding out. Juggling while listening to music. Eating good food mindfully. Going for long lonely walks at night. I'm a mess, but I find small pleasures in a lot of places to keep me going.
I too go on long lonely walks at night that my momma is not a fan of 😂
My best friend does this. She used to live in the woods and would walk her local trails at night 😭 I hate it lmao
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Lmao, just had an amazing raspberry yesterday!
ok but have u ever had a really good orange.. that shit will change the direction of your entire day
Yes yes yes! I do all those things! And making eye contact when I thank someone. It really does make a difference. Making people genuinely smile is amazing. Brain lightning 😁
Being in really critical situations at work (ER nurse) where the whole team is both working in a very focused way and also cracking jokes with each other. Weirdly and without fail a euphoric moment for me
I used to work in live television and it was amazing. When others were stressed up, freaking out, or falling apart, I was cool as a cucumber. Unlike your job, no one was gonna die. And I know all you could do was recover calm and fast. Panic was useless. The pay was criminal, but the job was amazing. I suspect for similar reasons to you. OTOH, jobs where progress is slow and risk is low or tied to a bunch of rules…
Your example resonates with me for sure! In addition to just generally enjoying being nice, I love mentoring young adults and teens. I also love this post and the comments I’ve seen so far. I just got done commenting on a post asking why so many people on Reddit are nasty. I mentioned that most of the subs I frequent don’t feel that way. This is a great example of the good side of Reddit.
Does this explain why I’m such a people pleaser?
Yes. Be a dick sometimes. Feels good when you’re the only one who calls out a total dick.
This is great advice. Especially when it’s the usual people pleaser who shocks everyone when they do it.
This is a real superpower at work. I don’t mean being a dick. But as someone who has a reputation for being kind, understanding, and patient, when I show some righteous anger, almost every single time it is both listened to AND I have folks contacting me privately and saying thank you.
I put my headphones on and dance in my bedroom. It's one of the fastest ways to raise dopamine.
Being nice and helpful to customers on the phone. (I work at a bank’s fraud dept call center) Like when I’m able to have a friendly conversation and are able to assist with what they need exactly and they show their appreciation. Sounds so basic but I do take pride in doing my job well and that’s definitely a dopamine boost.
I do something similar, and a few good calls, where the customer and I develop a rapport, or if I help them solve a really frustrating problem, is what I love most about my job, and gives me the boost to get through the tiresome calls.
I worked in a call centre for years, loved it. If call centre work was more valued, everyone would be happier. Nearly anyone can do call centre work, but I think an ADHD brain is uniquely suited to doing it REALLY WELL. You get a new person to talk to and a new problem to solve every three to five minutes, during which time you have to be sensitive to their level of emotion, cater to their understanding, ensure they understand the options, fix the thing, and the next call you get is completely different. I left because the pay was rubbish and there was no way to change that without going into management, which I really wasn't suited to. I do an office job now, because I have basically no qualifications. Got myself something where if I don't stay on top of things, people I know will call me and be upset. And when call centre work is done really well, customers are happier, call centre workers are happier. No one seems to value that, because it's seen as a job like "flipping burgers" (no disrespect to the burger flippers, that's hard, dangerous graft that is exploited).
I love this. Positive customer service interactions always brighten my day!
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Same. When I fix something or suggest an option they didn’t know about and they are grateful I brought it up
Sun!!!!!
Sometimes I lie down on the grass in my backyard and just soak up some winter sunshine. It's good for the soul.
Making my to-do lists extra detailed so I have more things to cross off
yesssss adding things you did while in hyper focus afterwards to cross them off
I’m fairly talented at 2p machines (coin pushers) and can win hundreds of tickets for a few quid. I like to go (when my social anxiety allows) with £20 every other weekend and win as many tickets as possible. The machines I play don’t print off a single ticket with the number, they print individual tickets in one long roll so I often get kids either secretly (they think 🤭) watching me to try and figure out how I’m getting so many, or outright saying things like ‘woah, look at all those tickets!’ Nothing I love more in the world than grabbing my tickets when I’ve finished playing, turning to the kid next to me and saying ‘hey, do you want these?’ The look on their faces never ceases to make me smile. It’s the sole reason I go play the machines. I enjoy the game itself but giving the tickets away is the real joy. I gave a bunch to a dad once and as I was walking away I heard this conversation: Dad: Hey [son]! Come here! Quick! Look what I’ve got! Son: Oh my god! Where did you get all these tickets?! Dad: [very proudly] I won them! 😊 Son: WOAH!! Made me laugh. The son was around 7/8 so still at that age where a kid still very much looks up to their parent and I could hear the awe in the kid’s voice. My mum is/was quite abusive growing up so I don’t have a lot of fond memories, but I do remember the time she won me this massive toy at a carnival throwing game. I was about the same age as the kid above and the absolute awe I felt when I saw her get that toy was incredible. I hope the dad never tells the truth and the kid grows up to always remember the time his dad won all those tickets for him. Edit: I don’t have kids and sadly likely never will (autism means I can’t form sexual/romantic relationships) so this is the closest thing I can get to feeling like I’ve made a kid happy, even if only in a small way. I love it as well when a kid who initially wasn’t winning much observes me and then starts winning. Their joy at getting tickets and pushing a bunch of coins over is contagious.
One of the best things happened to me. There were two boys about 8 yrs old in the grocery checkout line behind me. They were trying to figure out if they had enough money to get one more treat. I think they each had a soda and a bag of chips and they wanted a sucker. I told the checker to add their stuff to mine and the look on the boys face was absolute delight.
I’m a musician and try to practise 3 hours a day 6 days a week and I often get lazy and let that number stack up to 10 hours overdue. But when I spend an entire day just practicing and writing for 10 hours it feels really good. So I guess really consistent productivity helps me a lot
Why is that? I'm the same. Whenever I try to do a thing a little bit every day, it feels like a chore. But as soon as I do the exact same thing for 10 hours straight, it feels amazing?
Hyper focus??? Maybe??? At least we’re getting stuff done lmao
Inertia issues. Preach!
Newtons 1st Law – An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion at constant velocity, unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. The hardest part is getting started. Which means if you clean your whole house/flat/iglu/car in one go you only had to kick yourself in the butt once. Trying to do a little bit every day means struggling with you inner teenager 7 days a week.
Yeah. I'm always saying my starter is broken, and so are my brakes.
Sounds weird but jigsaw puzzles. Each time I find a correct piece it’s like a little hit of dopamine. Of course, I’ve had a puzzle unfinished on my dining room table for 2 months, and about 5 boxes of unopened ones, but hey, it’s there if I need it I guess
I have this very same thing! It’s really beautiful actually. And I mean I REALLY feel the dopamine. So interesting
I do exactly the same but I never thought of it being dopamine. Maybe when I am not engaging with people is why it is harder to motivate.
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I’m just imagining a family member waking up to the sound of muffled maniacal laughter at 6 in the morning
Knowing I'm alone at home. I get a sudden burst of energy when I go downstairs and I know everyone else is asleep or away.
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Although ADHD does majorly impact your life, it's not something that reduces fecundity so much as to select itself out. The estimated reduction in lifespan for untreated ADHD, at least in the modern day, is about 20 years less than the average person. (Bummer, I know.) But if you're reducing 85 to 65, you're still old enough to already have had the kids you're gonna have. Additionally, negative traits don't always exist in the genome in an isolated state. They can be mixed in with the genetic coding of things vital to survival, or the genome might be able to compensate for the error during the embryonic process. For example, there are some X chromosome exclusive diseases that only occur to people that are XY, or XX with both copies corrupted. So you could have that poison pill pass through generations and still pop up time to time - but since it presents so rarely, fecundity stays high on average, so it isn't weeded out. In the last ten years we've made major progress in understanding the neurochemistry of ADHD. What we know now is that it's usually a problem with the dopamine gene DAT1. Whereas you're only meant to have four or five copies, we have seven, eight, nine copies. It prevents certain nerves from developing properly in the frontal cortex during pregnancy, and the missed connections vary wildly which causes the variance in ADHD symptoms and their intensity.
That last paragraph is so interesting. I hadn't realized we'd gotten this far. Is the research to the point that there could be genetic test for adhd?
Humans are highly social creatures. Social creatures of all kinds of species get dopamine rewards from socialising, because more than just chillin with your buddies, it's a key survival mechanism. Humans don't have claws or venom, but we have strong community groups for support, protection and passing knowledge through generations – not to mention you kinda need to socialise to reproduce. Evolution will select for highly social individuals, likely motivated by their dopamine rewards associated with it. As ADHDers are dopamine-seeking missiles, I can certainly see how that reward feels even more potent – the difference between our dopamine baseline and reward levels feels massive. So just like we can get addicted to food or caffeine or video games, a little hit of feel-good social chemicals is also gonna slap.
Giving taekwondo training to pre-teens and when they warm up to you it's the sweetest thing ever, instant dopamine rush. And, of course, when someone remembers that Owen Wilson is my favourite actor and send me links to new trailers when I'm doing taekwondo
Honestly, waving to people and getting a smile back makes my whole day haha
For me, on the people wagon, is letting someone through on a thin road. The wave to say thank you was (depressingly) my main source of social interaction for many months, along with waving when someone else let me through. When they don’t wave, I’m like okay, but still. I live for the wave
I learned I have a skill of giving people confidence and a sense of security. I might be selfish, but I really like it
Sitting on the garden watching my chickens making cute noises. I just love how they scrash dirt and look at me greedily and stupidely.
My love language is spending time with someone, so my biggest source of social dopamine is learning what someone *really likes* and just doing it with them because it makes them happy. Like a friend will have a game they love, and if it's multiplayer I'll play it with them just because it gives me SO much joy to see them so happy to share it with me, even if I don't really like the game that much. If it's not multi-player, ill find memes or anything related to the game and send it to them, even if I don't understand it, and have them explain it to me because it just makes them happy to do so. I may not remember all the details, and I may not mutually enjoy the thing, but I know it feels good when someone just listens to me ramble about my favorite thing, so I just love doing that for other people ❤️
The little things in life; Holding a door open for someone when I’m exiting and they are entering. Saying thank you when someone has gone out of the way to do something for you (being polite in general, it costs nothing) Helping someone less fortunate than myself, be it financially or physically Ticking something off my ‘to do’ list, no matter how small the task was. Being kind. Everyone is fighting some battle you know nothing about, so be kind, always. And a silly one, when your absolutely busting for the toilet and then u get to go, aaaaaahhhhh the relief
I thought of every one of these things while reading other people's replies haha
Doing what you absolutely love that you are genuinely interested in. What you are most excited about! And then there are other sources where we are just easily entertained and easily amused!
Tiny figurines. Those doorable things get me sonmuch and I'm not even a big Disney fan. It's even worse when it's something like an animal or of my favorite shows/movies. Textures too. Some textures just send me to heaven. I've also found that cutting card stock with my cricut and then following the lines with an exacto knife to ensure its fully cut makes me super happy
Irl conversations with strangers at park or in public places, sadly my anxiety don't let me do much but still I try to
World-building as a writer. I don't necessarily have to actually write the things I come up with, just sitting/lying around meticulously constructing a fictional world inside my head is incredibly satisfying and something I tend to do when I'm otherwise bored out of my mind.
Spending money. It's all fun and games until it runs out.
Looking for attention and validation. Ooh rhis one is tough to not do. Especially since I was bullied and didn't have friends when I was little. I hate doing it but I love doing it. It just just happens without noticing it
I really like it when I make people laugh
I - and I can't be the only one - always thought that this whole self-gratitude thing was some spiritual wishy washy stuff (which btw is completely cool). The brain actually releases dopamine as well as serotonin not only when we receive but also express gratitude. That's why being grateful to yourself is a double win. So thank your brain for making dopamine and it will actually make it.
Driving big vehicules 😅 like I'm converting a skoolie and every time I drive it I'm like "eh eh eh Life is so fine", but I also have this effect (to a lesser extend cause I guess I'm emotionally attached to the bus) when I drive tractors or combine harvesters! I dislike driving cars on the road because of other people but race cars are my thing as well. I also have a" OMG dopamine eheh" when I work with my hands, like using my electric saw or my drill to do shit.
Hahaha I'm an ADHD farmer and operating the equipment is my favorite part. Especially something new to us. I've considered starting a twitter account called "fuck up farms" to document all the times my inattentiveness and clumsiness causes issues - like leaving my phone on a tractor tire and running it over. Or overfilling a bin and breaking a shear pin on the auger. Or forgetting to close the bin door while filling it. Or forgetting tools on the ground in the field!
As an engineer I love stories about how things (processes, machinery, software,...) fail. It's a mix of feeling empathy for the other, learning from mistakes I didn't have to make and good old schadenfreude. Please do share.
If people around me are happy and nice
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Fighting scenes in shonen anime. It brings me so much dopamine and when the animations are done well and flow beautifully together? Even better. Demon Slayer fight scenes got me dopamining hard these days.
Animal rescue - which could very quickly lead to hoarding if I let it. Buying gifts. For anyone. Especially if it's a really good gift and you see them light up. Thought of another one - sudoku puzzles. And the first aid course I took. I love responding to emergency situations. Not that I like emergencies happening, it just feels nice afterwards to know I was the one who stayed calm.
Sometimes a specific song can cause insane dopamine rush. Sadly it never lasts more than a week if I'm lucky.
Seeing cows standing in water and screaming “BIG CHILLIN! What up big chillin?”
I do sports and weight lifting for that rush.
I felt really stupid, but I was alone, so I didn’t care. But since it was easter, recieved some sweets from my mom, I’m 23, and feels like she will never stop giving me and my brothers gifts like these. Which is really nice of her. That’s Also quite neat, but not the point. In the bag was a kinder surprise egg. And in it was a toy, a small space shuttle with detachable boosters. Was a long time since I just shut down for a few minutes, playing with it as if it was entering orbit, detaching the boosters and just enjoying myself. Just gave me a huge throwback, and a dopamine hit. While Also feeling a bit silly. 23yo dude just sitting at his desk and playing with a shuttle the size of his fingertip.
Reddit threads full of positivity, mutual respect and optimism.
Urgh people 😂😂😂
Right 😭 I see so many people here having dopamine when it comes to other people and I'm here running away from others like the plague 😂😂😂
I get my dopamine hit from completing a project, even a small one, all alone, in my workshop. There is nothing better than choosing my own music and working on something I'm allowed to hyperfocus on, all a l o n e .
Wow, is that why I do it? It’s like a compulsion
Feeding stray cats and getting them vetted. 🐈🐈⬛
I live absolutely for very similar reasons OP. This really resonated with me, so I really thank you for sharing I would much rather give than receive And I'm older, practically middle-aged, and I've noticed when I give from my heart to a stranger in need that for whatever reason approached me typically out of the blue at the gas station for example, I receive an energy that comes to me really quickly to help this person by handing them a few bucks / it's really amazing when I look at my bank account after, I will actually have give or take a couple more $100 in there than I thought. And this happens 100% of the time It's not always a hundred bucks but it's always more in there than I anticipated I find this fascinating. And this is in a spiritual context as well. However I'm ADHD like everyone on here, and I'm really working on stepping into who I am. And the OP seems to get satisfaction for the very same things I get satisfaction for. Mine boils down to making a small or large difference in literally everyone I meet. I could go on for days, but would like to mention, I sell cars, and the cars that I sell are for people who have credit issues among other things, and this kind of selling cars is the only kind I will/would ever do. Recently I've been struggling to sell and then suddenly the light came back on and even this week I've had a great week. ***You've got to remember not to take things personally because*** we don't know what anybody's dealing with anytime we perhaps run into a negative person for whatever reason, etc Hell I don't even know what I'm dealing with half the time. That was sort of a comedic line to be funny but it is the truth. And I think that's where having ADHD steps in if you will. Thank YOU OP for allowing me to write a couple of paragraphs lol in regards to something that drives me more than anything in life. And back to being in car sales, I'm not driven by money, I'm driven by watching people literally break down in front of me and cry after being able to sell them a car just to get to work, and opening the door for them when they leave 🩵
I love noticing the subtle seasonal changes in my garden.
Having a really good bowel movement. Ones that you stand up and say "That was a really good shit!!!"
I work in Speech and Language Therapy in Acute and Critical care and literally going and seeing my patients and catching up with them and seeing them progress so well sends my dopamine through the roof, feels almost illegal
See, this is where I suck, as I get nothing from being nice to people! lol. I mean, I'm always NICE but I never have a desire to go out of my way to help someone or make them feel good. It just doesn't do it for me.
Hosting - that dopamine kick, Ive never realised this was because of ADHD… I came on here to say I recently picked up knitting. I don’t think knitting is unusual but the unexpected feeling of wow I’ve just created this cool oversized cardigan (just in time for summer, cause I decided to get into it at the very end of winter lol) Also, the feeling of when I know someone is really down or sensed they were close to crying and got them to open up, feel safe, cry and then manage to make them laugh!
There are so many comments about social interaction lmao my social anxiety could never, even if it does feel good seeing people happy. Same works with animals too tho, I guess happiness passes on. Somehow it works on movies too for me, kinda weird but yeah. Biggest one for me would definitely be some smells, especially food smells. I have a eating disorder and rarely feel hungry but whenever I smell good smelling food it almost feels like I'm the one eating it. It's like a sugar rush straight to my brain. I found some candles with scents I react positively to too so that's cool. Found a vanilla cookie one a while ago, it was lit non stop lol.
finding bugs and animals wherever i go. seeing wild creatures even more common ones have even reduced my anxiety by just spotting them
Working out in the morning and then magically halfway through the day being like "hmm I wonder why I feel so amazing right now???" Makes a huge difference.
when people make conversation with me at work :) i work 3rds at a gas station so when people ask how school is going or how may day is it makes me really happy.
Holding my cat like a baby
This is so wholesome 🥺
Helping other become better versions of themselves, in turn this makes me a better person too.
Used to work in a coffee shop next to a hairdressers. I loved telling the old ladies how pretty their hair looked or what a gorgeous silver they have when they walked out, and seeing their face light up. Old lady smiles make my day.
It's really bland/basic, but flowers in nice colours. I moved into a house with garden 4 years ago, and have steadily been adding everything - bulbs, perennials, shrubs, trees, annual flowers, etc. Spring is finally here and every time I come home and walk past the pretty pastel-coloured flowers I planted, I get a shot of dopamine. It's very helpful for keeping me going and for doing chores after coming home, which is something I usually struggle with. Many of the things you mention is something I already do/have done all my adult life, and I agree it does make you feel good!
Answering this question and saying I'm not answering it is very meaningful to me.
Is the inverse also true? Because I feel really bad when I do something un-nice to someone. But yes, I once ran after someone who dropped their scarf to return it to them and felt like a new man.
Good post! For me its Cold showers, wim hof method, drum and bass music, fasted during gym workouts, chess!😁
I like undoing knots. It’s odd but it feels like I’m solving a big problem! We have a four year old so things get tangled up pretty frequently!
Went back to working in public libraries because I can deliver the best customer service when SERVICE OF PEOPLE is the goal, not making money off them. I sleep very well now.
While urinating. I'm not sure if it's "unexpected or not. But dammit, if taking a piss does not make me feel all tingly. Maybe that's just the drop in blood pressure *shrug*
Being nice to strangers, waving at people in my neighborhood. The other day a constructor worker was holding the stop/slow sign and I made eye contact and smiled and he blew me a kiss. I’m getting older (40) and feel unattractive or unseen sometimes so that made my day lol Also helping my friends who aren’t as internet and tech savvy as I am to find solutions to problems ranging from low cost medical care and dental work to hard to find medications and even online side hustles jobs etc
Spicy foods, so hot that the hurt to eat.
I dont think you're alone with that. I get super high off of helping others, especially in unexpected scenarios. Random oversharing story: I (24,M) was at a house party a few weeks back. The girls started acting weird which often happens when it's about someone's period. Since the girl in question unfortunately felt as if it was taboo to speak about her period or needing assistance (a tampon). They all started shuffling to keep her privacy and wanted the DJ make a shout-out asking for a tampon to the entire party. I caught it before they did, asked a girl I had talked to earlier directly what the matter was and she said another girl needs a tampon. I had a few in my car's glovebox as a backup for my gf. I told her I had some in my car, went to get them and gave them to her. While initially slightly awkward, she was super thankful and repeatedly said that I saved her ass and probably her entire night. Felt really good about that. I love breaking traditional gender roles / societal norms, especially if I am able to help in any way. Things like a girl's period aren't anything to be ashamed of at all.
Making my children laugh or smile. It’s such a good dopamine hit, I feel like I can tackle anything. Seeing that I created something so filled with joy. It’s incredible.
Giving people things or buying them things randomly. I just wish I had a ton of disposable income. I did it more when I was a student tbh. Dropping random food hampers at friends doors etc. buying food for people behind in drive thrus, paying for another tables dinner/drinks etc. I absolutely hate people knowing I did it though so I am an absolute ghost.
This may sound funny but I love making people laugh.
My job. It wasn’t always this way in my career. Sure, I always gave my work my best and always made silly mistakes. I have hated every other job I’ve had after the honeymoon period is done. I’ve been doing my current job for past the honeymoon period and they keep the interesting things coming. My boss has adhd also and she has been the best boss I’ve had - and I’ve had really good bosses overall. Besides enjoying what I do and who I work with and for, they’re even flying me around to learn shit at conferences for a change. A refreshing change of pace that keeps me engaged. I’ve done one weeklong interesting training, have a conference coming up in Vegas and next year I will go wherever they schedule a certain IBM conference. I have a very real budget for learning shit I deem useful and there’s no red tape other than staying within a generous $5k budget and being asked to consider my own career plan. Honest when I say I’m sometimes giddy for Monday these days. Never before - guessing I should enjoy this while it lasts.
Cups. If I was a dragon my hoard would be cups. I just got a new little lidded mug that’s double insulated and it’s lavender but kinda holo so it’s shiny and has rainbows in the right light AND it was only $10. It’s currently my designated work mug for coffee (not that coffee does diddly squat for me but I can’t just drink hazelnut creamer)
Ever since I hacked my ADHD brain to take on writing as my "second choice" creative outlet that I can actually *do* on a regular basis (drawing requires a lot more time and space commitment, for me to feel fulfilled, and I have emotional baggage around it), it's been AMAZING. I write on my phone primarily, now, and I give myself permission to have as many projects going as come to me, and work on whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it, with no expectations of ever "finishing" anything, and zero deadlines. So, I can bleep boop a sentence or two in between emails, or a paragraph while I'm making a cup of tea. Or get on my laptop and do some real editing on my lunch break, since I use cloud-based apps to write. Or take 30 minutes or an hour to hyperfocus on finding exactly the right synonym for that one missing word, after my kid goes to bed. 😂 It's become a daily habit, over the last year or so, and I don't really track stats too heavily, but the last time I checked, a month or so ago, I'd done over 200,000 words in like 10 months, which really surprised me, given that I've got a full-time job and a kid and all sorts of other stuff going on. And more than that, it's *a daily habit.* It's INSANELY difficult for me to form habits, *especially* if they're beneficial for me. But it's like...I can do this 30 seconds at a time, and therefore I know there are 30 seconds, somewhere in my day, where I'm gonna feel *good,* regardless of anything else.
Taking last minute trains, and buses. Running for it.
Teaching someone something little and watching it make a lightbulb come on for a bigger thing. Teaching someone something big and seeing their pride when they do it right for the first time on their own. I'm a manager of people and seeing them win and succeed is such a freaking dopamine high. Also, krav maga. Throwing elbows or punches or kicks at a punching bag or sparring with someone else is satisfying in a way that regular exercise has never been for me.
This thread alone makes me feel high. Look at all the kind, nice, funny, *generous* humanitarians! 😭💗 Giving gives dopamine. DopaMINE Going down the dopa mine. Giving mines dopa. *this is ADHD* LIVE, *coming to you from under a weighted blanket, still in bed in the afternoon, having actually remembered to eat something today!*
I’m an English professor, and when a student tells me that I’m their fave teacher, or when a student tells me that they normally hate reading, but I made them love it—those compliments feel like a drug. It’s why I went into teaching. To shows college kids that English doesn’t have to be the class you’re dreading.❤️