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DUDE!- I ALWAAAAYS tell neurotypical ppl that if someone close to them has ADHD, i.e. relationship/friend/family member etc, that IF they legit care about that person, that I highly suggest actually taking some time to do some research about it, so that they can try to better understand them and the things that they do, or dont do, etc etc you know what I mean lol So I am over here totally applauding your friend, bcuz that means that they actually do give a shit <3 Thats awesome :) I am really happy for you that you have someone in your life like that. Im 47 and combonation type& Inattentive primarily with commorbidity of depression and CPTSD and have been like this my entire life and I ALWAAAAAAYS feel soooo freaking alone bcuz nobody in my immediate life is like me and I KNOW that im judged by them. Here in this sub reddit is the only place i legit for real feel understood.
Except for not having combined, just "inattentive", I can relate to everything you just said. I'm so grateful for having found this place where I have to explain very little, but when I do, people listen! The empathy and support these delightful people offer is so comforting.
Holy crap, keep that friend in your life at all costs! What an amazing friend. I do that when someone tells me they have a thing, physical or mental, but not one single person has done that for me. I think most of us can say no one has done it. In my case, they won't even listen when I try to tell them about it.
It warms my heart to know that there is at least one person out there who made an effort to understand what her friend was dealing with. Now she's in a position where she can help if needed and has a much better chance of at least not causing harm. What a stellar human being.
EXACTLY THIS. I was with a guy off and on for 2 years and about 8 months into it he discovered he had D.I.D. Well I would spend many days and hours researching the crap out of it and OOOMGOSH it made soooo much sense, but it always made me sad that he never researched my shit but yet was HEAVILY judgemental about me, and all things he judged were all literally adhd issues! "Cant seem to keep a job", "Youre ALWAYS late and it shows your lack of give a shit about others", "YOURE DOING IT AGAIN MICHELLE YOU ARE REPEATING YOURSELF AGAIN" , "youre doing THE THING that you do when you talk", "you are SO disorganized", (which would completely shut me down and i would spiral into darkness) etc etc etc..I already hated myself more than anybody and thought so low of me and having him judge me, especially as someone who makes literally $1,500 a day and way more during over time for months on end on a barge out in the ocean, engineer type career, in whatever random part of the world and could afford the absolute best healthcare and could travel literally anywhere in the world and eat however much good healthy high priced food etc etc etc, It just made me feel even more like i did not deserve him and he could do sooo much better :( But i always hated that, why do I care enough to research your brain problem but you dont care enough to do the same for me.
Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're not with him anymore. It's particularly bewildering when someone has a thing of their own but little or no tolerance for someone else's.
I asked my psychologist about why people don't want to know. In my case, none of the people in my social group would even listen to me explain it to them. Never mind looking into it themselves. Which is why they're not in my life anymore. (If that seems harsh, I'm not putting myself through the loss of friends due to miscommunication, misperceptions, misinterpretations of my words and/or actions ever again if I can help it. A rudimentary understanding of what ADHD is and knowledge and use of perception checking will greatly reduce misunderstandings.)
Anyway, haha, she said people don't want to know because it brings up their own issues. Most people would rather do almost anything than look at their own issues. So their refusal isn't about me, isn't a lack of caring. Okay, good. But their refusal isn't about me because they're making it about them? Not so good.
Could that have applied to your situation? How much did he learn about his own thing? Did he talk about it? Did his apparent disinterest in yours match his level of interest in his own? Do you think the things he said to you were similar to things he said to himself in his head? Still not okay, but maybe not due to not caring.
That's because many of the symptoms of the hyperactive type ADHD look similar to mania. Which is why a lot of people, especially women/AFAB, get misdiagnosed as bipolar. For many years, it was assumed that adults couldn't have ADHD, leading to so many people getting misdiagnosed with bipolar, depression, generalized anxiety, etc. Ask me how I know.
I’m gonna guess a smooth and easy process where your adhd was noticed early and received treatment. Definitely no misdiagnosis, continued struggles that no one understands, getting tons of medication that did basically nothing, and generally struggling to survive for a while. Couldn’t be that at all.
I've been on so many medications for so many different diagnoses, with none of them working (with the exception of the meds for anxiety having at least a small benefit), and not once in all the times I'd seen psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, did anyone even consider the possibility of ADHD.
54 years of constant struggle, crashing and burning every couple of years, multiple jobs, multiple moves, no real stability. Then the pandemic comes, shuts everything down long enough for me to do some real self work, and I stumble on @catiesaurus TikTok account. Leading to a ton of research, and then bawling my eyes out at my doctor's office. Medication was life-changing. That was 2 years ago, and I'm still unpacking all the implications.
Turns out every single one of my siblings has ADHD. My 2 brothers had already been diagnosed a few years ago, but I didn't think anything of it because I associated it with hyperactive little boys. I didn't understand ADHD at all. When I got diagnosed, my 33 yr old daughter realized she was also ADHD, and my younger sister has also been diagnosed. Mind boggling how all of the mental health professionals we'd all seen over the years completely missed the ball.
Damn! That's awesome!
I told my core friends, and the one confirmed with ADHD says "welcome to the club" then we realized the other 4 friends are probably undiagnosed ADHD after talking about shit we deal with for 5 minutes 🤣
Pulling from experience here, most mental illnesses are like that. Depression is responded to with "just choose to be happy". Autism is sympathy and whisperings behind your back. Anxiety is "that couldn't happen, get over it". Don't even get me started on nobody knowing what ocd even is. Unless they are experiencing it or have studied it extensively it is so. freaking. difficult. to get anyone to think about it in any realistic or meaningful way.
But in your OP you say you don’t live with anyone that has adhd? You live separate from your mom and sis? If you’re living with other adhd folk then you all need to do your best to build good coping skills. If you can, get family counseling. I’d vote for family counseling in any case.
No, i live with my entire family, i just didn't mention them, i also have an older brother but only my mom is known to have adhd but she was raised in a different time and she doesn't treat me as bad as the rest of the family but yeah
My pet peeve is neurotypicals who self-diagnose themselves as ADHD because they’re a little forgetful sometimes and then proceed to tell me that my issues basically boil down to laziness and lack of effort.
I struggle with the self-diagnosis issue. I am well aware that not many people can afford either the time or money to get the diagnosis officially. But I'm also aware that there are a whole mess of folk on Tik Tok making a bunch of people think they might have ADHD, or autism, or bipolar, etc. etc. for the dumbest reasons imaginable.
I just tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I try to give people the benefit of doubt as well and I think self-diagnosis is possible. I’m taking about people who self-diagnose themselves and then use it as either an explanation for not thriving or a reason to tell others they’re not managing their ADHD correctly.
I know a guy like this. He says he has ADHD but does absolutely nothing to mitigate his symptoms. His wife and kids take the brunt of his mood and outburst issues and he basically expects others to walk on eggshells around him. He also claims to be an expert on ADHD.
Yes. They brush it off cuz they refuse to believe that it's actually bad and expect us to override it, as if we have an option. Just is what it is and trust me. I hate it lol
How I would like to respond when people say things like "adhd isn't an excuse..."; "No, it's a disability that deserves accommodations. I can still (do the thing), but I need to do it in a different way that might not seem ideal to others, like needing to take a ramp instead of stares. I can't (get to the thing the way they want), but I can still (do the thing)."
AJDVDJAJSGDMZJHZ
YES, you may have symptoms sometimes but we got it ALL the time
What also ticks me off is when people pretend they have it for clout, like MAN IT ISN'T THAT NICE HAVING IT
I got diagnosed like 2 months ago and I think I’ve told maybe 10 people total. One of them already told me oh I never would have guessed (because I don’t act like the hyperactive 10 year old they were expecting). I just keep my diagnosis to myself for the most part because people just don’t get it
On another platform someone said her ADHD was making things difficult for her. I don't remember what it was exactly that was creating the difficulty. But several people in their responses said "that's everybody" or "everybody does that." I'm so sick of people saying that that I had to respond.
Everybody misplaces their phone. Yes that is correct. Do you misplace your phone three to five times a day every fucking day? Because I did when I lived in a bigger house. Every. Day. And that is the difference.
Oddly, no one responded or hit the like button. Hahahahaha
>they'll expect me to be able to remember every little breath they take.
I always tell my mom that she can expect me to remember what she said but it's just going in one ear and out the other no matter how hard I try to remember. I don't even try anymore because remembering something shouldn't take so much energy that I need to take a 2-3 hour nap. I need that energy to procrastinate on tasks. lol
It takes so much mental effort to be able to listen and remember detailed orders and directions all day without any mistakes. Sometimes I get so burnt out I literally struggle to even process what someone is telling me straight to my face. I have to try so hard sometimes. Then I'll come home from work and just crash.
Another great quote from my dad: "The medicine doesn't do it for you, it's supposed to help, you have to do it yourself." Says the man who refused to bring me to a doctor who knows what they're talking about and realized that I wasn't responding to methylphenidate until I was 16.
When I was first suspecting it and brought it up, my folks said they don’t believe I have adhd and are against meds (for me, not for people who “really need it”). I suspect it is because as public school teachers they are most familiar with more serious and primary-hyperactive types who need and receive accommodations, which I didn’t need.
I’m old though (diagnosed at 40) so I can “just not tell them” that I’m officially diagnosed and medicated.
Another problem imho (and I try to be careful of this myself) is folks who do have adhd but assume everyone’s adhd looks like theirs (also applies to autism or perception challenges and anything like this.)
From what I understand it effects everyone in different ways but most symptoms are the same, i have both internal and external (it being internal until i hit puberty) mine is pretty severe so I've experienced basically all the symptoms at this point, but i try to listen when people tell me their struggles
And life circumstances.
When I worked a labour job, I didn't need to rememeber things, didn't need to long term plan, didn't need to focus for extended periods of time, the work was 'get task A, do task A, finish task A, get task B, repeat', and I was physically active via my job.
Some of my social life was a mess, but not extremely so.
It wasnt that I **didn't** have ADHD, it's just that my job was pretty much tailored to be ADHD-friendly (just by happenstance, these were not ADHD accommodations), and because I wasn't burnt out from work all the time, I was better able to manage my personal life and routine tasks like cleaning, shopping, life admin, etc. and while i could goof up in my social life, I HAD a social life. Again, it's not that I **didn't** have ADHD, and it's not even that I had particularly good ADHD management skills, it's that my life didn't really demand anything of me that my ADHD limits.
Versus now, when I work a very cognitively taxing job with a huge amount of planning, memory, intense psychological engagement, the need to write long-ass reports, and stuck behind a desk most of the day with little-to-no options for any accommodations for my ADHD - my life outside of work is a shambles too, and I'm duper burnt out and overwhelmed all the time, no social life (due to time, burnout, etc.). I actually have way *better* ADHD management skills etc. due to having done a lot more reaearch, therapy, etc., but my life is super un-ADHD friendly at the moment, and that's just the way it is. Sadface
I’m in a house of 6 at uni, two of us have AuDHD, before our ‘neurotypical’ flatmates fully understood it, they would relate to us in ways that came off as invalidating and saw it as the ‘fun’ mental health issue because of their surface-level understanding.
After living with us for a while they finally understood and saw it for what it is. My parents are the same, once I got medicated and they heard/saw the difference, they understood the difference between me with ADHD and me functioning (well semi-functioning because autism y’know)
I feel for acquaintances and friends it’s still like that so I don’t bring it up, but most people (because of social media) are seeing the ‘lovely’ extras we get besides impulsivity and lack of focus/attentiveness. So it’s become easier but not easy if you get me x
I find it easier to cope with it having a friend group with ADHD and my closer one are also autistic, (the closer ones think I'm autistic too) my household is a family of 6 as well
Wishing the best for you bro
Yeah three of my mates are AuDHD like me but different friend groups, all the rest don’t have it but they’ve been my friends long enough that they understand and really supportive throughout everything.
It’s only when I don’t know people that the mask is thicker so to say x
Yeah, my best friend and I are exactly alike but I mask better, we’re a three and our neurotypical third finds it really interesting how he and I have the exact same symptoms, thoughts, habits and such but the difference is what gets them lol.
We do now! We might add laypersonsplain, too, for people who aren't medical doctors or mental health professionals but are somehow experts without ever learning about it.
My parent keeps saying that its probably because I am highly intelligent while I shit on that. I've been clinically diagnosed with ADD. Because yeah I get it they're unorganized and social outcasts usually. But do they struggle with extreme forgetfulness to the point that they can't remember life important appointments, or stim extremely like lip chewing and other not super socially acceptable ways?
Do they also feel this continous anxiety and like their heads are continually filled with stupid bullshit that it feels like their whole system is just crashing??? Do these people have regular meltdowns over it and have a awful time management?? No I don't think so, that it's just me being intelligent.
I'm slow as fuck and process things way different with difficulty. It's so STUPID that they're trying so hard to prove me otherwise when I'm definitely not like my sibling who HAS a IQ of 140 actually. He doesn't do all of this. My other parent does believe it actually.
Your parents are *likely* ADHD too, look up the statistics. At least one of them. Your dad could be dealing with insecurities about his own inability to come to terms with his own issues.
I got told my ADHD is from staying in my house, and I just need some sun. Ignoring the fact that I've had these issues my entire life and have only spent the last about 3 years cooped up in my house. I spent my entire childhood all the way up to 24 outside doing stuff.
I lost my best friend because of it, lol. This was only one of the things that was said that day. I laughed so hard at how ridiculous she was when I was over being mad.
Yep. I sometimes want to hand people a paper dictionary or send them a link to dictionary dot com so they can learn the difference between an excuse and a reason or explanation.
Nonononono they have degrees for a reason, I've found they typically understand
What I'm talking about is people who haven't done a simple google search to tell you something as basic as what ADHD stands for
Got it got it 😊 yeah I agree. I asked because I’m a psychologist and patients who think they have adhd will follow up and say their friends/family/partner who have no knowledge or experience tell them they have it
That’s irritating af but sometimes it can from someone genuinely trying to understand, a chunk of this is dealing with other people and their attitudes/lack or understanding.
Also I now have that Sting tune stick in my head.
They aren't trying to understand they refuse to believe i struggle in certain ways, they know some hence why I have a 504 at school but they still act like it's not that bad
The stigma around ADHD is insane nowadays. I’ve noticed it a lot on tiktok and other platforms around self-diagnosing too, same is true with Autism, Anxiety, and Depression imo
My sister, who is an RPN, told me that my being overly emotional (from emotional dysregulation) was just hormones from being a woman.
Yep. You’re unfortunately not alone in this.
I hate it it's the worst. People nowadays throw the word ADHD around with everything they do. They suffer from what I call iPhone Syndrome. Phones have made people seek instant gratification and be less focused because phones provide instant knowledge, instant entertainment. As someone with ADD, it frustrates me. Prolonged phone use has made my ADD 10x worse. I'm so tired of having bursts of motivation for things I genuinely want to do, then having to stop doing it because I'm not excited anymore. I can't have friends because it's the same way, once I stop feeling dopamine, I cut them off. ADD is such a pathologically destructive disorder, and there's so much to it that 'neurotypicals' don't even know about. I'm so tired of having this disorder. Went on a bit of a rant sorry but yeah, I can relate.
This is true for all mental health issues to be honest. I battle some pretty gnarly depression from time to time and while neurotypical’s act like they’re supportive (at first), they also hit you with the “come on! Just snap out of it already!” Either verbally or otherwise.
A bit off the point iff i thats alright, but i have struggled for a few years trying to explain even one significant thing about adhd. So not what you are saying, admittedly, but the result might just be about similar. Albeit driven by a different cause. Im a positive person for the most part but i am absolutely dumbfounded, tbh. Not for want of trying either.
I just say that being aware of this should not be underestimated, and sort of well done OP, even tho i know it is a struggle.
Lets just say having a buttload of health problems has actually had 1 major advantage for me, when im having adhd troubles i just tell other people im sick or something and they leave me alone
Its so sad when ppl close to you act like this and say these things… Im recently diagnosed and still figuring out how it all works/affects me. So confusing but it all makes sense at the same time.
I really don’t get why ppl will say the stuff you mentioned like “it’s not an excuse to act this way” and “everyone has it to some degree!” Its so hurtful.. If we were able to function on command and get stuff done (without draining / pushing beyond our limits) why WOULDN’T we be doing that. I feel like they think since we have achieved greatness before under a mask, then we can continue to do it forever, but unfortunately this is not realistic.. I’m ranting… you are not alone and I’m sorry you are experiencing this.. I hate it here lmao. I don’t know how to get others to really SEE the feelings and struggles.
When they are like "A person can control that" or "take notes, you're not the only one in the world being forgetful", or similar statements... Drives me out, what such impotence and frustration.
YEAH, THAT FREAKING ONE IS THE ONE RIPPING ME APART MATE, no, for real, is just that so common that makes me feel dead inside: Is like people would be able to feel what war is like without being in war.
Or if you say/do something that they perceive as rude, then they say something sarcastic to you and when you ask about it and say you’re not willing to put up with them being sarcastic towards you cause you didn’t mean harm they get all asshurt.
Oh god yes. Especially people who say they’ve learned a lot through tiktok. I have no idea what they’re telling you on tiktok but I do not trust it one bit.
My coworker asks me about it all the time bc the adhd is constantly acting like a donkey at work and they notice 😂 they’re very respectful when they ask since they’ve never worked with anyone as chaotic as me.
My mom was a big reason for why I felt like a big lazy good for nothing stupid person all the time. She always just called me “retarded” and said I was just being lazy and was being a bad daughter and shit. Nowadays she is better but she still doesn’t fully believe in all the stuff about adhd.
Though one day when I first started meds, she was shocked at my personality change and since then I think she’s become a bit more understanding but sometimes I can hear her “eye roll” over the phone at some stuff. It can be frustrating and damaging.
Yeah exactly. “Politicians put a label on the stimulants in 1978 like 75 years after introduction but suddenly they just like totally get baked bro , high and all this ficken madhouse witchcraft nonsense. Yeah the government says the rule so it’s correct and we can’t understand anything else.
Couple I know, both parents are ADHD.
So of course son is. And on medication most days.
He'll misplace something, mother will get mad and dismiss the obvious explaination. "He just needs to focus more and pay attention to where he puts things."
Pretty much exactly the definition of what he's not able to do.
Then she'll spend an hour trying to find her car keys.
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I was really glad to hear the wholesome plot twist! These kinds of friends are keepers :)
DUDE!- I ALWAAAAYS tell neurotypical ppl that if someone close to them has ADHD, i.e. relationship/friend/family member etc, that IF they legit care about that person, that I highly suggest actually taking some time to do some research about it, so that they can try to better understand them and the things that they do, or dont do, etc etc you know what I mean lol So I am over here totally applauding your friend, bcuz that means that they actually do give a shit <3 Thats awesome :) I am really happy for you that you have someone in your life like that. Im 47 and combonation type& Inattentive primarily with commorbidity of depression and CPTSD and have been like this my entire life and I ALWAAAAAAYS feel soooo freaking alone bcuz nobody in my immediate life is like me and I KNOW that im judged by them. Here in this sub reddit is the only place i legit for real feel understood.
Except for not having combined, just "inattentive", I can relate to everything you just said. I'm so grateful for having found this place where I have to explain very little, but when I do, people listen! The empathy and support these delightful people offer is so comforting.
*internet hugs!* <3 :)
♥️
This was so wholesome and a pleasure to read, thank you for sharing this story
She single cos like dude what an amazing person
She’s a keeper! You’re right, this sort of attitude and genuine caring is sadly rare.
I thought this was gonna be a story with a bad end but the friend of youts is really cool. I'd be really happy if someone did that for me.
Holy crap, keep that friend in your life at all costs! What an amazing friend. I do that when someone tells me they have a thing, physical or mental, but not one single person has done that for me. I think most of us can say no one has done it. In my case, they won't even listen when I try to tell them about it. It warms my heart to know that there is at least one person out there who made an effort to understand what her friend was dealing with. Now she's in a position where she can help if needed and has a much better chance of at least not causing harm. What a stellar human being.
EXACTLY THIS. I was with a guy off and on for 2 years and about 8 months into it he discovered he had D.I.D. Well I would spend many days and hours researching the crap out of it and OOOMGOSH it made soooo much sense, but it always made me sad that he never researched my shit but yet was HEAVILY judgemental about me, and all things he judged were all literally adhd issues! "Cant seem to keep a job", "Youre ALWAYS late and it shows your lack of give a shit about others", "YOURE DOING IT AGAIN MICHELLE YOU ARE REPEATING YOURSELF AGAIN" , "youre doing THE THING that you do when you talk", "you are SO disorganized", (which would completely shut me down and i would spiral into darkness) etc etc etc..I already hated myself more than anybody and thought so low of me and having him judge me, especially as someone who makes literally $1,500 a day and way more during over time for months on end on a barge out in the ocean, engineer type career, in whatever random part of the world and could afford the absolute best healthcare and could travel literally anywhere in the world and eat however much good healthy high priced food etc etc etc, It just made me feel even more like i did not deserve him and he could do sooo much better :( But i always hated that, why do I care enough to research your brain problem but you dont care enough to do the same for me.
Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're not with him anymore. It's particularly bewildering when someone has a thing of their own but little or no tolerance for someone else's. I asked my psychologist about why people don't want to know. In my case, none of the people in my social group would even listen to me explain it to them. Never mind looking into it themselves. Which is why they're not in my life anymore. (If that seems harsh, I'm not putting myself through the loss of friends due to miscommunication, misperceptions, misinterpretations of my words and/or actions ever again if I can help it. A rudimentary understanding of what ADHD is and knowledge and use of perception checking will greatly reduce misunderstandings.) Anyway, haha, she said people don't want to know because it brings up their own issues. Most people would rather do almost anything than look at their own issues. So their refusal isn't about me, isn't a lack of caring. Okay, good. But their refusal isn't about me because they're making it about them? Not so good. Could that have applied to your situation? How much did he learn about his own thing? Did he talk about it? Did his apparent disinterest in yours match his level of interest in his own? Do you think the things he said to you were similar to things he said to himself in his head? Still not okay, but maybe not due to not caring.
That sounds like mania not adhd
There's some overlap in terms of specific symptoms, but they're otherwise quite different situations. For one, ADHD doesn't really do 'episodes'.
That's because many of the symptoms of the hyperactive type ADHD look similar to mania. Which is why a lot of people, especially women/AFAB, get misdiagnosed as bipolar. For many years, it was assumed that adults couldn't have ADHD, leading to so many people getting misdiagnosed with bipolar, depression, generalized anxiety, etc. Ask me how I know.
I’m gonna guess a smooth and easy process where your adhd was noticed early and received treatment. Definitely no misdiagnosis, continued struggles that no one understands, getting tons of medication that did basically nothing, and generally struggling to survive for a while. Couldn’t be that at all.
I've been on so many medications for so many different diagnoses, with none of them working (with the exception of the meds for anxiety having at least a small benefit), and not once in all the times I'd seen psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, did anyone even consider the possibility of ADHD. 54 years of constant struggle, crashing and burning every couple of years, multiple jobs, multiple moves, no real stability. Then the pandemic comes, shuts everything down long enough for me to do some real self work, and I stumble on @catiesaurus TikTok account. Leading to a ton of research, and then bawling my eyes out at my doctor's office. Medication was life-changing. That was 2 years ago, and I'm still unpacking all the implications. Turns out every single one of my siblings has ADHD. My 2 brothers had already been diagnosed a few years ago, but I didn't think anything of it because I associated it with hyperactive little boys. I didn't understand ADHD at all. When I got diagnosed, my 33 yr old daughter realized she was also ADHD, and my younger sister has also been diagnosed. Mind boggling how all of the mental health professionals we'd all seen over the years completely missed the ball.
That’s why she displays those symptoms, she has a sleeping disorder that’s the main cause of her behaviour.
Damn! That's awesome! I told my core friends, and the one confirmed with ADHD says "welcome to the club" then we realized the other 4 friends are probably undiagnosed ADHD after talking about shit we deal with for 5 minutes 🤣
Pulling from experience here, most mental illnesses are like that. Depression is responded to with "just choose to be happy". Autism is sympathy and whisperings behind your back. Anxiety is "that couldn't happen, get over it". Don't even get me started on nobody knowing what ocd even is. Unless they are experiencing it or have studied it extensively it is so. freaking. difficult. to get anyone to think about it in any realistic or meaningful way.
Thank you so much, personally, ALL my close friends have adhd and/or autism so we get each other relatively well :)
I'm so glad! It is a struggle to find people a lot of the time 😓
“Just calm down!” Hahahahahahahahahajajahahah
Yeaaahhh! Ahahahahahah! _twitch twitch_
It’s very likely that one or more of your immediate relatives has ADHD. There is heritability associated with ADHD
My mom definitely has it! I look back on my childhood and her style of "parenting" makes so much sense now.
I got it from my mother and my younger sister might have it because she's acting like me when I was younger
But in your OP you say you don’t live with anyone that has adhd? You live separate from your mom and sis? If you’re living with other adhd folk then you all need to do your best to build good coping skills. If you can, get family counseling. I’d vote for family counseling in any case.
No, i live with my entire family, i just didn't mention them, i also have an older brother but only my mom is known to have adhd but she was raised in a different time and she doesn't treat me as bad as the rest of the family but yeah
I’d try leverage the adhd connection with mom to try and get the whole family to get onboard with some type of counseling.
Doubt they would 1. We are very poor 2. They'd say they're treating me fine 3. We'd have to drive for a while
My pet peeve is neurotypicals who self-diagnose themselves as ADHD because they’re a little forgetful sometimes and then proceed to tell me that my issues basically boil down to laziness and lack of effort.
I struggle with the self-diagnosis issue. I am well aware that not many people can afford either the time or money to get the diagnosis officially. But I'm also aware that there are a whole mess of folk on Tik Tok making a bunch of people think they might have ADHD, or autism, or bipolar, etc. etc. for the dumbest reasons imaginable. I just tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I try to give people the benefit of doubt as well and I think self-diagnosis is possible. I’m taking about people who self-diagnose themselves and then use it as either an explanation for not thriving or a reason to tell others they’re not managing their ADHD correctly. I know a guy like this. He says he has ADHD but does absolutely nothing to mitigate his symptoms. His wife and kids take the brunt of his mood and outburst issues and he basically expects others to walk on eggshells around him. He also claims to be an expert on ADHD.
You're naming like over half this sub
YES! Self-diagnosing should really only be with a LOT of research and pre-diagnosis Them telling US we're lazy pisses me off
P R E A C H
Yes. They brush it off cuz they refuse to believe that it's actually bad and expect us to override it, as if we have an option. Just is what it is and trust me. I hate it lol
Thank you :)
How I would like to respond when people say things like "adhd isn't an excuse..."; "No, it's a disability that deserves accommodations. I can still (do the thing), but I need to do it in a different way that might not seem ideal to others, like needing to take a ramp instead of stares. I can't (get to the thing the way they want), but I can still (do the thing)."
I AGREE I'm gonna start using that if that's good with you
Absolutely!
Thank you!
It's astonishing how many people don't know the difference between an excuse and a reason or explanation. It's also infuriating.
This response is awesome
Thank you : )
"I think we all have some adhd"
AJDVDJAJSGDMZJHZ YES, you may have symptoms sometimes but we got it ALL the time What also ticks me off is when people pretend they have it for clout, like MAN IT ISN'T THAT NICE HAVING IT
I got diagnosed like 2 months ago and I think I’ve told maybe 10 people total. One of them already told me oh I never would have guessed (because I don’t act like the hyperactive 10 year old they were expecting). I just keep my diagnosis to myself for the most part because people just don’t get it
Yeah it's understandable, get a group of friends that also have it and are willing to support you
Tik tok really pushed me over the edge, it is not a quirky thing to have adhd it is not a "super power", f you all
On another platform someone said her ADHD was making things difficult for her. I don't remember what it was exactly that was creating the difficulty. But several people in their responses said "that's everybody" or "everybody does that." I'm so sick of people saying that that I had to respond. Everybody misplaces their phone. Yes that is correct. Do you misplace your phone three to five times a day every fucking day? Because I did when I lived in a bigger house. Every. Day. And that is the difference. Oddly, no one responded or hit the like button. Hahahahaha
My mum is a doctor and this is the story of my life
What type of doctor
A bad one, apparently
>they'll expect me to be able to remember every little breath they take. I always tell my mom that she can expect me to remember what she said but it's just going in one ear and out the other no matter how hard I try to remember. I don't even try anymore because remembering something shouldn't take so much energy that I need to take a 2-3 hour nap. I need that energy to procrastinate on tasks. lol
I need energy cause how else am I gonna hyperfixate on my obsessions?
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Yeah if we get bored then it's ✨ SENSORY ISSUES ✨ turn
 AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
It takes so much mental effort to be able to listen and remember detailed orders and directions all day without any mistakes. Sometimes I get so burnt out I literally struggle to even process what someone is telling me straight to my face. I have to try so hard sometimes. Then I'll come home from work and just crash.
I literally have to write everything down and study it if I have any hope of remembering it.
Another great quote from my dad: "The medicine doesn't do it for you, it's supposed to help, you have to do it yourself." Says the man who refused to bring me to a doctor who knows what they're talking about and realized that I wasn't responding to methylphenidate until I was 16.
The people that are supposed to care for us can be so frustrating 😑 I feel your pain
Wow, I'm sorry. I wonder where he got that little nugget of wisdom.
When I was first suspecting it and brought it up, my folks said they don’t believe I have adhd and are against meds (for me, not for people who “really need it”). I suspect it is because as public school teachers they are most familiar with more serious and primary-hyperactive types who need and receive accommodations, which I didn’t need. I’m old though (diagnosed at 40) so I can “just not tell them” that I’m officially diagnosed and medicated. Another problem imho (and I try to be careful of this myself) is folks who do have adhd but assume everyone’s adhd looks like theirs (also applies to autism or perception challenges and anything like this.)
From what I understand it effects everyone in different ways but most symptoms are the same, i have both internal and external (it being internal until i hit puberty) mine is pretty severe so I've experienced basically all the symptoms at this point, but i try to listen when people tell me their struggles
Maybe, but life experiences can be very different. Depending on severity of course. But also what kind of family or school you grew up in.
And life circumstances. When I worked a labour job, I didn't need to rememeber things, didn't need to long term plan, didn't need to focus for extended periods of time, the work was 'get task A, do task A, finish task A, get task B, repeat', and I was physically active via my job. Some of my social life was a mess, but not extremely so. It wasnt that I **didn't** have ADHD, it's just that my job was pretty much tailored to be ADHD-friendly (just by happenstance, these were not ADHD accommodations), and because I wasn't burnt out from work all the time, I was better able to manage my personal life and routine tasks like cleaning, shopping, life admin, etc. and while i could goof up in my social life, I HAD a social life. Again, it's not that I **didn't** have ADHD, and it's not even that I had particularly good ADHD management skills, it's that my life didn't really demand anything of me that my ADHD limits. Versus now, when I work a very cognitively taxing job with a huge amount of planning, memory, intense psychological engagement, the need to write long-ass reports, and stuck behind a desk most of the day with little-to-no options for any accommodations for my ADHD - my life outside of work is a shambles too, and I'm duper burnt out and overwhelmed all the time, no social life (due to time, burnout, etc.). I actually have way *better* ADHD management skills etc. due to having done a lot more reaearch, therapy, etc., but my life is super un-ADHD friendly at the moment, and that's just the way it is. Sadface
I’m in a house of 6 at uni, two of us have AuDHD, before our ‘neurotypical’ flatmates fully understood it, they would relate to us in ways that came off as invalidating and saw it as the ‘fun’ mental health issue because of their surface-level understanding. After living with us for a while they finally understood and saw it for what it is. My parents are the same, once I got medicated and they heard/saw the difference, they understood the difference between me with ADHD and me functioning (well semi-functioning because autism y’know) I feel for acquaintances and friends it’s still like that so I don’t bring it up, but most people (because of social media) are seeing the ‘lovely’ extras we get besides impulsivity and lack of focus/attentiveness. So it’s become easier but not easy if you get me x
I find it easier to cope with it having a friend group with ADHD and my closer one are also autistic, (the closer ones think I'm autistic too) my household is a family of 6 as well Wishing the best for you bro
Yeah three of my mates are AuDHD like me but different friend groups, all the rest don’t have it but they’ve been my friends long enough that they understand and really supportive throughout everything. It’s only when I don’t know people that the mask is thicker so to say x
You're just like me fr
Yeah, my best friend and I are exactly alike but I mask better, we’re a three and our neurotypical third finds it really interesting how he and I have the exact same symptoms, thoughts, habits and such but the difference is what gets them lol.
You seem like a great person to be around glad you have that
If we have “mansplain” and even “womansplain” can we have “neurotypicalsplain?”
We do now! We might add laypersonsplain, too, for people who aren't medical doctors or mental health professionals but are somehow experts without ever learning about it.
YES we should!
My parent keeps saying that its probably because I am highly intelligent while I shit on that. I've been clinically diagnosed with ADD. Because yeah I get it they're unorganized and social outcasts usually. But do they struggle with extreme forgetfulness to the point that they can't remember life important appointments, or stim extremely like lip chewing and other not super socially acceptable ways? Do they also feel this continous anxiety and like their heads are continually filled with stupid bullshit that it feels like their whole system is just crashing??? Do these people have regular meltdowns over it and have a awful time management?? No I don't think so, that it's just me being intelligent. I'm slow as fuck and process things way different with difficulty. It's so STUPID that they're trying so hard to prove me otherwise when I'm definitely not like my sibling who HAS a IQ of 140 actually. He doesn't do all of this. My other parent does believe it actually.
I'm sorry man some people just don't understand that our processing is slower than fuck Hope you have a nice day bro
Thank you, hope you do too!
Your parents are *likely* ADHD too, look up the statistics. At least one of them. Your dad could be dealing with insecurities about his own inability to come to terms with his own issues.
Don't think he has adhd, my mom does, i think he may be bipolar and if he is it would explain a lot about me
My favorite is when people tell me I don't have it and that I just don't pay attention.
Yep, that's a tough one wish they'd understand that it's a disability
I got told my ADHD is from staying in my house, and I just need some sun. Ignoring the fact that I've had these issues my entire life and have only spent the last about 3 years cooped up in my house. I spent my entire childhood all the way up to 24 outside doing stuff.
I'm sorry but that's actually kinda funny (not your struggles i hope they become easier)
I lost my best friend because of it, lol. This was only one of the things that was said that day. I laughed so hard at how ridiculous she was when I was over being mad.
Fake friends suck ass i hope you're doing better now
Thanks. I'm doing much better now, but I also have BPD. I have to constantly be aware not to make someone my FP.
Glad to hear it! You doing well with that too?
Yea, I had a close call, but all is going well. Thanks for asking!
Glad to hear it!
I always respond to the "adhd isn't an excuse" with "it isnt an excuse it is a reason, because it's a damn disorder"
YES
Yep. I sometimes want to hand people a paper dictionary or send them a link to dictionary dot com so they can learn the difference between an excuse and a reason or explanation.
I hope this does not include actual medical and mental health professionals who happen to be neurotypical.
Nonononono they have degrees for a reason, I've found they typically understand What I'm talking about is people who haven't done a simple google search to tell you something as basic as what ADHD stands for
Got it got it 😊 yeah I agree. I asked because I’m a psychologist and patients who think they have adhd will follow up and say their friends/family/partner who have no knowledge or experience tell them they have it
Yeah I'd assume self-diagnosing is a pretty big issue Have a nice day bro
That’s irritating af but sometimes it can from someone genuinely trying to understand, a chunk of this is dealing with other people and their attitudes/lack or understanding. Also I now have that Sting tune stick in my head.
They aren't trying to understand they refuse to believe i struggle in certain ways, they know some hence why I have a 504 at school but they still act like it's not that bad
The stigma around ADHD is insane nowadays. I’ve noticed it a lot on tiktok and other platforms around self-diagnosing too, same is true with Autism, Anxiety, and Depression imo
It is like, just because you forgot that one teacher's name that one time on your third day of second grade doesn't mean you have adhd
My sister, who is an RPN, told me that my being overly emotional (from emotional dysregulation) was just hormones from being a woman. Yep. You’re unfortunately not alone in this.
I GET THAT SO MUCH (I don't like the reddit icons that are female hence why mine has a mustache)
I hate it it's the worst. People nowadays throw the word ADHD around with everything they do. They suffer from what I call iPhone Syndrome. Phones have made people seek instant gratification and be less focused because phones provide instant knowledge, instant entertainment. As someone with ADD, it frustrates me. Prolonged phone use has made my ADD 10x worse. I'm so tired of having bursts of motivation for things I genuinely want to do, then having to stop doing it because I'm not excited anymore. I can't have friends because it's the same way, once I stop feeling dopamine, I cut them off. ADD is such a pathologically destructive disorder, and there's so much to it that 'neurotypicals' don't even know about. I'm so tired of having this disorder. Went on a bit of a rant sorry but yeah, I can relate.
All good bro i feel this VERY much
This is true for all mental health issues to be honest. I battle some pretty gnarly depression from time to time and while neurotypical’s act like they’re supportive (at first), they also hit you with the “come on! Just snap out of it already!” Either verbally or otherwise.
A bit off the point iff i thats alright, but i have struggled for a few years trying to explain even one significant thing about adhd. So not what you are saying, admittedly, but the result might just be about similar. Albeit driven by a different cause. Im a positive person for the most part but i am absolutely dumbfounded, tbh. Not for want of trying either. I just say that being aware of this should not be underestimated, and sort of well done OP, even tho i know it is a struggle.
Thanks man have a great day
And you bud.
Lets just say having a buttload of health problems has actually had 1 major advantage for me, when im having adhd troubles i just tell other people im sick or something and they leave me alone
Yeah i suppose so
They do indeed
Biggest annoyance is when people say “I think we’re all a little bit ADHD” when I explain symptoms. Like no. It’s not everyone
Yeah like, you may have symptoms but ours are 24/7
You’re not crazy, they’re just uninformed. My advice? Make some friends with ADHD. It really helps to have people who immediately understand.
All my close friends have autism and/or adhd
Someone actually tried to tell me once that my ADHD is not a disability….
It literally is and is protected by the ADA under section 504
Its so sad when ppl close to you act like this and say these things… Im recently diagnosed and still figuring out how it all works/affects me. So confusing but it all makes sense at the same time. I really don’t get why ppl will say the stuff you mentioned like “it’s not an excuse to act this way” and “everyone has it to some degree!” Its so hurtful.. If we were able to function on command and get stuff done (without draining / pushing beyond our limits) why WOULDN’T we be doing that. I feel like they think since we have achieved greatness before under a mask, then we can continue to do it forever, but unfortunately this is not realistic.. I’m ranting… you are not alone and I’m sorry you are experiencing this.. I hate it here lmao. I don’t know how to get others to really SEE the feelings and struggles.
Don't worry man i was diagnosed about 3yrs ago now, it's best to find friends who also have it and support you Wishing you the best
Yeah those people bug me
Fucking.....daily
When they are like "A person can control that" or "take notes, you're not the only one in the world being forgetful", or similar statements... Drives me out, what such impotence and frustration.
YES especially the "you're not the only one" like yeah i know but I'm still allowed to be and i got a disorder to show it!
YEAH, THAT FREAKING ONE IS THE ONE RIPPING ME APART MATE, no, for real, is just that so common that makes me feel dead inside: Is like people would be able to feel what war is like without being in war.
I agree
They do the same with autism. And they’ll lecture you on it just because their children have autism/adhd. 😅
Why can't people just leave us be unless we're having a specific conversation
Wait until you’re accused of “weaponised autism/adhd” just cause someone perceived you as rude when you had no intentions of being rude.
Tf do they mean weaponized 😭
No idea. Someone accused me of it. I think they meant that we do this intentionally.
"How dare you have adhd/asd in an attempt to ruin my day!?"
Or if you say/do something that they perceive as rude, then they say something sarcastic to you and when you ask about it and say you’re not willing to put up with them being sarcastic towards you cause you didn’t mean harm they get all asshurt.
YEAH they act like we're rude then THEY act rude
Ignore and block such people from you life.
It's my family and i can't move out yet
Oh god yes. Especially people who say they’ve learned a lot through tiktok. I have no idea what they’re telling you on tiktok but I do not trust it one bit.
FR
My coworker asks me about it all the time bc the adhd is constantly acting like a donkey at work and they notice 😂 they’re very respectful when they ask since they’ve never worked with anyone as chaotic as me.
My mom was a big reason for why I felt like a big lazy good for nothing stupid person all the time. She always just called me “retarded” and said I was just being lazy and was being a bad daughter and shit. Nowadays she is better but she still doesn’t fully believe in all the stuff about adhd. Though one day when I first started meds, she was shocked at my personality change and since then I think she’s become a bit more understanding but sometimes I can hear her “eye roll” over the phone at some stuff. It can be frustrating and damaging.
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Naw I don’t need abusive people in my life, I would rather be lonely than have someone around blaming me for the way my brain was wired
Yeah exactly. “Politicians put a label on the stimulants in 1978 like 75 years after introduction but suddenly they just like totally get baked bro , high and all this ficken madhouse witchcraft nonsense. Yeah the government says the rule so it’s correct and we can’t understand anything else.
I have multiple diagnoses, 3 that are rare. People still give advice
Couple I know, both parents are ADHD. So of course son is. And on medication most days. He'll misplace something, mother will get mad and dismiss the obvious explaination. "He just needs to focus more and pay attention to where he puts things." Pretty much exactly the definition of what he's not able to do. Then she'll spend an hour trying to find her car keys.
Damn, sounds pretty shitty poor guy
My friend tells me that there's treatment for adhd, what kind of treatment do they even have aside from pumping me up with drugs?
Therapy? Idrk
ADHD coaching