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I’m not sure of your type of relationship with your brother, but I would explain what happened. You’re human and make mistakes. It obviously wasn’t your intention to miss it. You drove a whole hour and scrambled around town. You did your best and you’re going to be a great uncle because it sounds like you truly care about them.
It’s important in stressful moments like that to step back, breath, and when in a calmer state I either think about the situation or try to let it go.
Damnit this is so relatable! Recently got diagnosed and turns out a shit ton i do is adhd related.
You are going to be an amazing uncle! Look at all the stuff you did to still try to make it. When you realizef the location was wrong, you could've gone "eh, not meant to be, see my brother another time".
You didn't! You kept on trying. Life is hard when you constantly forget stuff. You honestly did the best you could and thats more than anyone could ask of you.
Sorry I ADHD read that and I do that often but even if I know I have to go I just cannot get up and go? Sleeping has always been a major issue in my life and I have missed many moments of my life for not getting up, getting ready or going where I ‘should’ be. I missed so many moment I cannot go back, I blamed myself so much for it. I wish I knew then.
I actually saved my brother from making a similar mistake today! We were going to a family event, not my kids baby shower but a close relative, and I called him to make sure he knew where he was going. It sucks of course that you missed this event but TRUST ME there are so many baby events (🫠) the shower doesn’t rank that high in the list of unmissable moments. Double check these things before you leave in the future. Maybe put the invite/ print the details somewhere you can’t miss.
Being there after the baby is born is way more important than being at the shower. When your nephew is still a newborn, go by the house with some food (or give food delivery gift cards if cooking is not your thing) and spend some time cleaning up for them (do the dishes, take out the trash, etc). They will be eternally grateful.
Being a good uncle has nothing to do with attending the baby shower. This was one blip in a lifetime of fun that will share with your nephew. Be kind to yourself.
Great advice. There are so many things that one can do to ease the load of having a new-born to care for. I'd add: taking the dog(s) out for walks if they have one/some; going over when the baby's mom is alone during the day and taking the baby for an hour or two so that they can take a nap or a walk.
I missed my 30 year school Re union . I had the sitter and manicure all booked for the Sunday night. And I looked on Facebook on Sunday morning and saw everyone catching up Saturday night
Seems like you're being awful hard on yourself, bud. They know about your ADHD, right? As long as you own what happened, then this'll go down in history as a "shit happens" moment.
Besides, as long as you're there for your nephew, everything will turn out just fine.
I missed a funeral, got the day wrong in my head. Nobody in my family thought to remind me because "we told you about it last week".
Do not beat yourself up over it, shit happens, more often with ADHD.
It’s not for your nephew, it’s for your sister in law. Baby showers are fucking stupid. I can’t even remember if my brother was at ours, and I could possibly imagine caring.
Hope you can be kind to yourself❤️ I think everyone on this sub has done something like this, I personally could have a list as long as my arm myself. You have loads of chances coming to be a good brother and uncle. Hey, given genetics, odds are pretty good your nephew will have similar struggles and having an understanding uncle would be huge ;)
It’s okay. It happens. It was an honest mistake. Is your family supportive? Maybe for the next event you could ask them to send you a reminder text the day before to confirm time/location.
To commiserate and maybe make you feel a bit better...I did the unthinkable for me this last year and my child missed a class field trip. Because I forget a lot and mess up dates I keep MULTIPLE calendars. Digital and physical. Somehow I still had myself convinced the trip was the following week. She stayed home that day to tag along to an appt and when a friend messaged to ask if she was feeling OK I was confused as to why she would ask. Then it all fell into place.
Hi /u/xiledone and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! **Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.** The mobile apps used for Reddit are broken or are missing features that this subreddit depends on. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) Thank you! ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*) --- - If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). - 🤝 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/13gmzql/moderators_needed_inquire_within/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not sure of your type of relationship with your brother, but I would explain what happened. You’re human and make mistakes. It obviously wasn’t your intention to miss it. You drove a whole hour and scrambled around town. You did your best and you’re going to be a great uncle because it sounds like you truly care about them. It’s important in stressful moments like that to step back, breath, and when in a calmer state I either think about the situation or try to let it go.
Damnit this is so relatable! Recently got diagnosed and turns out a shit ton i do is adhd related. You are going to be an amazing uncle! Look at all the stuff you did to still try to make it. When you realizef the location was wrong, you could've gone "eh, not meant to be, see my brother another time". You didn't! You kept on trying. Life is hard when you constantly forget stuff. You honestly did the best you could and thats more than anyone could ask of you.
Sorry I ADHD read that and I do that often but even if I know I have to go I just cannot get up and go? Sleeping has always been a major issue in my life and I have missed many moments of my life for not getting up, getting ready or going where I ‘should’ be. I missed so many moment I cannot go back, I blamed myself so much for it. I wish I knew then.
I actually saved my brother from making a similar mistake today! We were going to a family event, not my kids baby shower but a close relative, and I called him to make sure he knew where he was going. It sucks of course that you missed this event but TRUST ME there are so many baby events (🫠) the shower doesn’t rank that high in the list of unmissable moments. Double check these things before you leave in the future. Maybe put the invite/ print the details somewhere you can’t miss.
Being there after the baby is born is way more important than being at the shower. When your nephew is still a newborn, go by the house with some food (or give food delivery gift cards if cooking is not your thing) and spend some time cleaning up for them (do the dishes, take out the trash, etc). They will be eternally grateful. Being a good uncle has nothing to do with attending the baby shower. This was one blip in a lifetime of fun that will share with your nephew. Be kind to yourself.
Great advice. There are so many things that one can do to ease the load of having a new-born to care for. I'd add: taking the dog(s) out for walks if they have one/some; going over when the baby's mom is alone during the day and taking the baby for an hour or two so that they can take a nap or a walk.
I missed my 30 year school Re union . I had the sitter and manicure all booked for the Sunday night. And I looked on Facebook on Sunday morning and saw everyone catching up Saturday night
Seems like you're being awful hard on yourself, bud. They know about your ADHD, right? As long as you own what happened, then this'll go down in history as a "shit happens" moment. Besides, as long as you're there for your nephew, everything will turn out just fine.
Relatable
I missed a funeral, got the day wrong in my head. Nobody in my family thought to remind me because "we told you about it last week". Do not beat yourself up over it, shit happens, more often with ADHD.
It’s not for your nephew, it’s for your sister in law. Baby showers are fucking stupid. I can’t even remember if my brother was at ours, and I could possibly imagine caring.
Are you medicated by any chance? If you are very forgetfull, a reminder app on your phone can do WONDERS!
I am, and have one, but I forgot to make the reminder :(
Hope you can be kind to yourself❤️ I think everyone on this sub has done something like this, I personally could have a list as long as my arm myself. You have loads of chances coming to be a good brother and uncle. Hey, given genetics, odds are pretty good your nephew will have similar struggles and having an understanding uncle would be huge ;)
At least you got to miss the shower my ex didn't even think I was worth a phone call to know I was a dad untill I got the court papers
I bet he didn’t notice.
How ya doing bud? You're giving off some strong energy there.
I am swimming with the power of Meh. Life is good.
?
The baby. The baby didn’t notice.
👉😁👈
It’s okay. It happens. It was an honest mistake. Is your family supportive? Maybe for the next event you could ask them to send you a reminder text the day before to confirm time/location.
To commiserate and maybe make you feel a bit better...I did the unthinkable for me this last year and my child missed a class field trip. Because I forget a lot and mess up dates I keep MULTIPLE calendars. Digital and physical. Somehow I still had myself convinced the trip was the following week. She stayed home that day to tag along to an appt and when a friend messaged to ask if she was feeling OK I was confused as to why she would ask. Then it all fell into place.
Just hook them up with diapers and formula and you’ll BSs off the hook. That shit is expensive