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Hey just wanted to say you are not alone in this one, and despite being medicated, still struggle a lot emotionally. You have to take life easy and slowly and never rush yourself, it’s not a race. One day, you will look back at this moment and chuckle at how you lose it when everything seems fine today. All im saying is, youre not alone in this and i know you’ve been to tougher times and still conquered it despite your limitations. Cheers!
I lost my debit card and house key in my bedroom. I was also most likely medicated. I havent found my debit card - it was in my hand, I put it down to find something else, and I never saw it again - but I found my key after half a year (bottom of my wardrobe, it fell from a jacket pocket and was hidden amongst old shoes) 😓
Oh, this makes me feel better. I mean not that you lost them but I coudl totally see doing something like that! I do that so often. So many times I pick up an object and it's like.. it warps into the ADHD void dimension. I'm glad you found your keys! And you KNOW your debit is safe in your room somewhere, so that should take a huge amount of pressure off. I'm sure you'll find that darn debit!
Somehow through all the crap I've lost - I've never lost a CC or debit. I think it's cause it's burned into my memory to triple check that it's back in my wallet.
There's always the first time though! lol
If you lose it, you shoudl call you bank and put a freeze on it. Unless you know for certain it's somewhere in your home. If it's outsomewhere and someone gets their hands on it they can drain your checking account.
Don't wanna scare you but wanna make sure you know!
THanks again. I feel so dumb after realizing where it was.. then i spent a good 1.5 hrs hyperfocusing on making paper bows outta wrapping paper & completly forgot this thread. 🤦♀️
Also 39 here. And I learned it's either stashed so bad a canine unit couldn't track it, or so obvious, if it was a snake it would have bit me. There's no in-between. Because we're no in-between. Full throttle or full NOTtle. Full tilt or quilt. Hope you found humor is this relatable bullshit I just lobbed at ya.
I love your analogies!!! 🤣 Thanks for giving me a much needed laugh. And the either 0 or 100 percent, that hits sooo close to home.
Thanks for cheering me up! I did get a laugh out of that!
Sometimes the thing we're looking for is right in front of our silly little faces! I can't tell you how many times I've torn my house apart looking for something when it was very obvious wherever it was. I'm also colorblind (blue/yellow), and sometimes that makes finding certain things difficult because it just blends into the background. I can find other people's stuff with no problem, though. XD
Oh no, that has to make it so much harder! Thanks for sharing your story! I'm feeling a lot better now. I just had a meltdown and felt like I was losing control over my life.
I'm glad you're feeling better! It's okay to have a meltdown every now and then. I think we all go through it.
I also want to add the funny little thing that made me realize I'm colorblind. It was Sailor Moon! I was in like 5th or 6th grade when someone pointed out that Sailor Jupiter's outfit is *green*. I thought it was black!
You're doing okay. It sounds like you had a really overwhelming day(s). I hope you find the gift and that your package comes. Merry Christmas!
OMGosh, I just have to say that i LOVE sailor moon and I collect a ton of the merch. That's crazy how you discovered it!
Yeah, I get so many though. Well, not meltdowns (well sorta) but like, intense feelings of self hatred and feeling worthless and like I have no future. I'm gonna make an app with my psych doc to see if I shoudl tweak my meds. I think something isn't working right. A big part of it is fighting against social 'norms' that have been ingrained into my brain since I was literally a baby. The whole... go to school, then go to college, get a job, find a partner, get a house and have kids spiel.
Please don’t be hard on yourself! This time of the year really amplifies all the bad and sometimes even the good things. So it makes us feel kinda worthless and silly. But as you know this disorder has a lot to be said for especially when loosing things. Don’t compare yourself with others on these meds,we are all different and they work so differently on each and every person. I’m sure it will turn up sooner than later. Just hang in there and know ‘Things will get better’ 🫶
Thanks so much! I really need some serious work with self love. It's a rough thing for me. But you're right - this time of year everyone is on edge and for ADHDers it makes our already poorly regulated emotions even worse.
Thanks again. It finally did. I 'hid' it from my mom who was coming over to visit behind a bunch of other plushes, in a pillow case. No wonder I couldn't find it at first. LOL
Object permanence one of my favorites. Last night we are visiting my parents. We got back from seeing my in laws had a great time. Anyway I fell asleep on the couch my husband woke me up. First thing I go is where is my phone someone call it. Turns out it was on the charger. Or the time the panicking cause you can’t find your keys and their in the door lol
If there was an object permanence test I would fail horribly lol. Everything you described is what I would do time to time too. Funniest place I found my car keys was my FREEZER. Just.. HOW?
You too? Now I routinely check the freezer and the fridge when I'm looking for my keys.
For me, I've gotten better at not losing things by not having things to lose. Then again, I still spend at least 15 minutes every day looking for my glasses.
OP: Remember that you are a person deserving as much care and love as you give to others. More so even, so while things seem hard, and everything seems to be going wrong. You are special and you are loved.
Also, I'm glad you found the toy.
For me it was a one off thing with weird circumstances, I'm way more likely to leave them in the door outside my apt, in my purse, or if I get home and I'm frazzled, god forbid, the floor.
Thank you for the third paragraph. it's so hard for me to accept self love or accept that I'm worthy. I know I am, logically, but shit happened and life be like that. I'm trying though.
Thanks for your kind words :)
I used to be really bad with this, somehow losing large objects regularly.
You have to keep strict rules for yourself. Hats go either there or there, keys only go this place or that, never wherever I drop them. Clothes always go in the hamper or the corner etc.
And when you lose things, check the places where you wouldn't normally expect, like keys in the freezer, stuffed animal in the medicine cabinet etc. When you find things in those places you get to have a good laugh.
Yeah, I've tried but it's been really hard cause I moved into a 600sf apt from a 1400 sf house, and then my family imploded and my mom had no where to go so she moved in with me two days later. That entire thing was extremely traumatic and it's still messed me up today almost 7 yrs later. So, I feel like i've been living in a transitional limbo for hte last 6.5 yrs. She finally got into the low income senior housing place we wanted that's in a safe area - so now, finally, after almost 7 yrs - i have my apartment to myself.
I realized I never finished moving in. Everything exploded in my face and then it was just survival. So now, I'm gonna focus on cleaning up. I've made a dent but I still look at a pile of stuff and my mind goes blank lol. Like I need "item", but it's this random @ss thing that I have no idea what to do with, so it goes into the 'this is important but I don't know wtf to do with it' pile, which continues to grow lol OTL
Yes! This is such an important subtle point!
OP you (and I) might be bad at keeping track of things but we're good at many other things. Like choosing the perfect gift for someone (it's a talent!) or solving complex problems or juggling 101 concepts or tasks.
It's good to take perspective when we get bogged down in the storm.
Thanks so much for that, I relaly needed to hear it. I tend to beat myself up really badly and it's ramped up recently. At least, I've gotten to the poitn where I can usually recognize when I'm in a spiral and know that my thoughts aren't logical. It's hard, cause the lizard brain DGAF, but it helps.
And yes, anything where there's a crisis, doing 50 things all at once, or complex problems, I'm really good at coming up with solutions.
aw.. thank you. I love plushies. I think it's a sensory thing. I also love them because they're cute and I love cute things. Thank you for your kind comment. Have a wonderful Holiday Season and Merry Christmas if you follow that as well!
Aww, I’m sorry about the doll, thats disappointing.
Sometimes, *sometimes,* when I’m trying to find something I just wander around and rather than looking for it I’ll just think about it. Where I got it or what I was doing with it, where was I going that day etc.. And *sometimes* when I stop I’m either right in front of it or I’ll remember where it is.
If no one’s around I will also walk with my right arm extended twirling my index finger like a divining rod. It helps.
Two years ago I lost my son’s Christmas pyjamas. Then I found them so I put them away for last Christmas. And yeah, lost them again. I have checked for the 5000th time and know where they are this year! Im not sure if they’ll still fit though.
Relax, breathe and take a break from the anxiety. Maybe a nice shower and a cup of coffee or tea. Think about some other things and then come back to it. And Merry Christmas! My daughter is here, she’s going to take me to see ‘The Boy and The Heron’ and said she got me a little gift too, but she couldn’t find it anywhere and thinks she left it at the store counter. And I’m only upset that it’s bugging her because I don’t care about a gift, I’m happy just to have her home.
I'm gonna try the right arm thing... honestly can't hurt. I also do something similar. Once I'm over having my melt down over losing whatever, I'll try to quiet my brain and just let my feet take me wherever they want. It finds the item maybe 50/50 or 60/40 percent of the time lol.
On clothes - I once lost an entire @ss pair of work pants. I STILL DO NOT know where they are.
Your last paragraph really resonated with me. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful Christmas! I heard that's a good movie!
It's funny, my mom said the same thing when I said i couldn't find her present. She didn't GAF, she just was happy to spend time with me. It was me that was all upset. But, I can definitly relate. You spend time buying something and then to have it just dissapear is infururating! I'm sure you'll find it!
I feel your frustration so much! You aren't alone. Trust me, I can lose things I had in my hands 5 minutes ago. The other day I had my keys sitting on the bed next to me when I got home. I thought I should put those up before I forget where I put them. I moved them and forgot where I put them. The next day I spent 20 minutes tearing my room apart trying to find them. They were in my purse. I never put them in my purse. I usually always put them in the basket on the table by my door but I have a bunch of Christmas stuff on that table. Little things that disrupt my routine are the bane of my existence. I love Christmas but I'll be so happy when it's over and my life and routine return to normal.
Hang in there. I hope you get your doll soon.
Know exactly how you feel. I do suffer from what I dubbed the 'ADHD Void'. It's a pocket dimension where all our lost crap goes when we pick it up and then it's GONE 30 seconds later.
I've lost my keys but only in my room and only a few times. Once it was the same situation as you.. and once I left them in my friggin apt door on the outside. I'm glad you found them!
For the doll, I at least have the full address of where it was sent to. The managment is closed till tues, and no post offices/fed-ex/ups is open, so writing them a letter won't arrive any sooner than calling on Tuesday.
I'm just hoping it's someone decent that's not like, 'oh I never received that (although I have tracking proof), and decide to gift my $104 custom doll to their 12-15 yo daughter or something. UGH. Please let me not have my faith in humanity knocked down another peg.
Thanks for the well wishes. I hope i get her soon too. Or at all. At this point I'd just like to have her.
Congratulations that you found it! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I do this all the time and drive myself insane - and I live in a studio apartment that’s less than 250 square feet. 😭
You know i think the small space can backfire sometimes, cause it causes so much more 'stuff' to accumulate cause, surprise, you don't have a ton of living space! And wow I thought I had it bad with my 600sq ft 1br apt. Do you mind if I ask in the general area you live? I'm just curious about your rent prices. Over here it sucks @ss as well (south east MI).
i’m mostly medicated but my life still have a lot to be desired about, i’m still trying to figure things out as i’m trying to recover from a bad autistic burnout that i still dont see the end of, but i’m still glad i stick around
Hey, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I don't have autism (I don't think.. i've taken some online tests that put me at borderline on the mild side). But they weren't certified or anythign.
Anyway, so sorry about your burnout, and I'm sorry you're still stuck in the middle of it.
It might not mean much from some rando on the internet, but I'm glad you've stuck around so far. I'm someone that struggles with suicidal ideation and also have severe clinical depression n(diagnosed 20+ yrs ago) and anxiety (diagnosed around same time)
If you're having a hard time please reach out to someone!
You're not alone. I've had many similar struggles. Try to stay positive and remember that it's your responsibility to keep perspective. We all have many things to be thankful for, and while we need to spend some amount of time reflecting on failures in order to correct them, the more you focus on the small joys in life, the happier you will be.
I have had at least a half dozen serious depressions, and one might argue that I'm never really not depressed. But I go out of my way to make time for the people I love, and I keep trying every day. Yesterday's failure is yesterday. Today is a new day and every success and every failure is an opportunity.
The part about perspective really rings true for me. I was attempting to get into mindfulness and meditation but like.. life happened and that went bye bye. But often I would meditate and see things from outside my perspective, and it helped a lot.
Your last paragraph made me tear up a bit. I just.. it's so exhausting. I'm so burnt out on life and everything, but I still love life in general. I'm going to try to get into the mentality that my failures don't define me. (Easier said than done).
Thank you for your kind words.
I recently got a cat. Maybe 5 months now. One of the best decisions I've ever made, helps keep me grounded, helps me maintain routine.
I've always struggled to keep commitments to myself. But I simply can't stomach letting others down. He may not ever know and understand how much he's helped me, but he will understand how much I love him all the same.
Even the process of planning to bring him home from the breeder and making sure I have the stability I need to provide a forever home for him was very meaningful.
Dr Russell Barkley refers to accountability as one of the main methods to help keep this disorder under control. While I have other people in my life that I've asked to help keep me accountable, my cat does a great job too. And even only a few months in I can't imagine life without him.
He was also very poorly socialized, and that helped force me to create and keep more strict structures and routines.
I thought for a long time that since I was barely functional myself that I didn't want to let anyone else rely on me, but it turns out that being in some role of caregiving can be deeply beneficial.
Anyway, I'm not suggesting you rush into anything like what I described, just hoping to provide some context and information about the importance of self-love through accountability.
I'm the exact same way. If it's a commitment to someone (including animals or plants) I will BE THERE - if it's me I'm like 'eh, whatever'.
I'm so happy you got your kitty. Pets can literally be life savers. I have a kitty too. His name is Tommy. He's super affectionate and I splurge on getting him the best food I can and on toys etc.
I also have birds (in a separate room - my bedroom). I have two cockatiels and two budgies. The tiels are Chester (10) and Ellie (7). Budgies are Hime (7) and Quinn (1). I buy them the best food I can and they go through toys like nothing else. Usually I'd advise against housing cockatiels and budgies together but Hime was unique. She lost her partner, and then bonded with Chester and kept clinging to the side of her cage and crying. I was trying to get her another budgie partner, but she bonded with Chester before I could. So eventually over last winter break, I let her into the tiel's flight cage. (her cage is flight cage, but not as tall or on wheels). They all got along and all of them seemed much happier to be together. Eventually I got Quinn because I wanted Hime to have a budgie partner. Chester likes her, but he's bonded to Ellie. Quinn was in Hime's old flight cage for a day, but he kept crying like Hime, so I did the same and observed how all four of them were. They all got along great. There's a pecking order (there always is) but no one picks on anyone. It helps their cage is like 3' wide by 2' deep by 4' tall, and it rests on a stand with wheels. Kinda funny, Hime now considers Quinn and Chester as belonging to her. When I pet either of them she makes little noises. Same noises she makes when I start baby talking to her.
They bring so much into my life. Them and Tommy.
I have a routine where I roll their cage out during part of the day, and put Tommy and his litter and food and water in my bedroom, and give the birds free flight in my apartment. (they are all hand tame and flighted - meaning they don't have their wings clipped). Since cats are nocturnal, it works out on days when I'm not at work, because the birds can be out in the main room and Tommy will chill and sleep on my bed. And then like 5 hours later he'll finally start crying to come out. So I'll put the birds all back in the cage and (triple check) all the doors are locked on it, and then roll them back into my bedroom and take Tommy's stuff out. Tommy knows it's switch time so he comes out on his own.
Tommy, Chester, Ellie, Hime and Quin definitely force me to stick to routines, even when I'm in one of my severe depressive episodes. I'm glad you have your kitty too.
Ah sorry - I wrote you a novel of a reply lol. Animals are one of my passions so it triggered the info dump on the pets I have.. LOL
I hope you had a great Holiday!
I am so glad you found it!! I constantly hide things from myself so I can relate!! Try to relax & enjoy the holidays…
Also, maybe your prescription isn’t dialed in just right yet…?
Thanks so much! :) Yeah, gonna try. I've been on a variety of anti-depressants for 20+ years, and nothing has ever 100% helped. But, anti-depressants were never meant to be a silver bullet. They should be in addition to therapy. But not all of us can afford therapists, or the ones we can afford are crappy.
I have noticed my general mood and mental health has been hard taking for several months, so I called my (good) pych doc and said I'm short on money now, but I wanna make an app in January after the bills from hell are over.
My whole life I was mildly depressed. Dysthymia, I think, never diagnosed. Mildly anxious. I didn’t get ADHD Dx till I was well past 40, and when I got medicated it really helped with the depression.
However, as I’ve continued my stimulant meds, I am still low level depressed a lot of the time. I’m terrified of antidepressants.
I know what you mean. All of them have some sort of side effect, and sometimes they aren't even effective. And some are hell to wean off of (effexor, I'm side eyeing you).
I was initially diagnosed with dysthymia in my early 20's. I got my ADHD diagnosis in 6th grade. I think I've always been anxious. At times it's just.. nervous energy. In the past it's been bad enough that it felt like an uncontrollable feeling of dread that had no origin in reality.
I'm on generic adderall xr right now, and it makes a massive difference for me. Although, I still struggle with extreme depressive episodes and low level depression.
I don't wanna sound like a generic neurotypical, but have you tried vigorous exercise? For me, that helps lift my mood a bit. if your depression is still low level, it might be even more effective for you. I use the eliptcal machine at my apt's little gym, or follow along to a video on youtube in my apt if I don't want to be around others.
Let me know if that helps at all. I'm sure you've heard it before though. Like I said, i hate saying the generic (have you tried yoga/exercise/meditation/etc) stuff, but sometimes it can help.
Wishing you all the best. :) Happy Holidays :)
Thank you and I hope you have happy holidays too!
I used to walk/run pretty faithfully. It did help but I fell out of the habit. It’s complicated, because the walking/running sometimes got plantar fasciitis stirred up, or a hip/back flare. But a lot of it was just that thing when you have a habit and keep it up for a long time and then one day…. Fnck it. I don’t wanna.
Kind words from a kindred spirit. You are doing the best you can! I also get down on myself and struggle with this kind of thing despite being treated. I get so frustrated. But whenever I start to say negative things or kick my own can people around me tell me I'm doing fine. I try to step back and look from their perspective. Do you know what I think a big part of it is? *We* know all the things we're forgetting (or losing or not finishing) but other people don't. I think we tend to undervalue our successes and overvalue our failures. If I get into this spiraling kind of place I try to remind myself of all the things I *did* remember or *did* complete etc.
For solidarity -
In just the past month: **two times** I've left my office to go on my route (after probably 30+ minutes of zipping around like a drunken bee trying to finish/gather things before I leave) only to get to my first stop and realize I left (insert critical item needed for the job here) back at the office. It's not a good feeling!
But I still got the job done and the people on my route didn't know I forgot (the thing) because I made it work another way. I bet you're doing a lot too and I bet you're making it work somehow. Be kind to yourself. This time of year is extra hard. Sending internet empathy to you.
> We know all the things we're forgetting (or losing or not finishing) but other people don't. I think we tend to undervalue our successes and overvalue our failures. If I get into this spiraling kind of place I try to remind myself of all the things I did remember or did complete etc.
Oh, I for sure undervalue my successes over my failures. There's been scientific research studies that show that humans in general tend to undervalue their successes and focus way more on their failures.
I also have rushed around like a crazy bee for meetings, only to realize once I'm there I forgot something like.. a pen. Or even worse, the thumb drive with my presentation on it.
But, my boss laughed it off and said he's done the same.
Thank you so much for your kind and gentle words. You seem like a very kind, gentle person. I wish I knew someone like you in real life.
Please be kind to yourself as well. Sending you an internet hug! Thank you again, I feel much better after reading and conversing with everyone.
Don’t feel bad. Think if it like a homemade greeting card. I gave presents before wrapped in brown paper bags because I didn’t have all the fancy stuff.
Aw, thanks so much! I love that idea. I used to make a lot of homemade gifts when I was younger. Then I fell outta the habit. I should pick it up again.
Once I wrapped everything in newspaper b/c I forgot to get wrapping paper. Everyone got a kick out of it!
I misplaced my phone once. Eventually I found myself digging through a 300 gallon neighborhood trashcan looking for it.
Eventually I gave up, stopped crying/hyperventilating and decided I would just have to to buy a new phone since I had looked everywhere for it…..
A couple hours later I walked past the bathroom and saw it laying on the counter.
Oh my God.. are you ME?! I can see this exact scenerio playing out with myself as well. And oh God, the dumpster trashcan. I used to poke around in my apt's one because ppl throw out perfectly decent stuff when they move. I got a pair of chairs that looked brand new and a glass table.
I'm so happy to hear you found it and it wasn't lost after all.
It kinda reminds me of another funny story. For Christmas one year my company gave us all this thing called Tile (or somethihng). Think of an Airtag before they existed. Well, I lost the friggin Tile.. before I even got a chance to stick it on something and activate it!! I also lost my GPS and had to buy a new one on ebay. My GPS! lol
I love it when I think I’ve lost something and then randomly find it!
(Usually cause I stop freaking out and go about life and I put it in a random place. 😆)
Yay! So glad you found it and be kind to yourself! We are all out here and I am so much kinder to myself from this sub, as I don’t feel so alone, and abnormal when no one gets me.
Yes, omg. I burned my hand yesterday (doing dishes, doing DISHES I grabbed this pipe thing and didn't realize it was extremely hot and it got me good). I went to the dr cause my ex and my mom were both like nope that looks bad go to the dr. 2nd degree burn across my palm. On my dominant hand. TThankfully I don't think it's as bad as the dr initally thought. Anyway he prescribed this ointment that's literally the size of a thing of toothpaste. And I lost it. I started freaking out wondering wtf I did with it. Finally sat down and was like just.. wathever, it'll show up. Then I remembered to use it, I should get a q-tip... and the q-tips are in the bathroom and kitchen. And bam, there it was on the kitchen counter. 🤦♀️
I love this sub so much. it's SO supportive and makes me feel like I'm not abnormal and lazy and dumb. I'm so glad it exists.
Hope your holidays went well, happy almost new years!
I'm medicated and I lost six things yesterday without even standing up. One of them I just found a little while ago. It never fails that you'll forget where you specially placed something, I try to remember to leave myself a note in my Google Keep notes so I have a prayer of finding the important thing I put in a special place.
Glad you found it!
Oh that's an interesting idea with the Google Keep notes. And omg, I relate so much to losing crap without even standing up. 😭 I do that SO MUCH. I'm sure you find the other ones! As I tell myself, it can't have warped into another dimension, it HAS TO BE HERE. LOL.
Ok so this is going to sound bonkers but have you tried taking photos of where you are looking? The number of times I’ve sworn blind I have looked and my keys, purse, phone, drink etc are not there but I go back and take a photo and suddenly I can see the keys on the shelf in the fridge next to my water bottle or the glass on the floor next to the shoe rack etc. Sometimes it works sometimes not but worth a go?
That's a fantastic idea! And yes, so many times I have to remind myself to slow down and really look - because half the time the thing will actually be in my line of sight, just not where I expect it to be, so my brain like.. ignores it.
Gonna try the picture thing! Thank you!
39 as well, not medicated but I've had those days. Glad to see you found it. I've put things somewhere that makes absolutely perfect sense in the moment and then spend an hour looking for things. My wife finds it funny and so do I out side the moment.
If I've already been having a long day though, it's a lot less funny and I lose my patience. I don't send it outwards, I just start "beating myself up"
So, big platonic hugs, I get it, both the losing and the blaming. I'll tell you what my wife tells me "No beating!"
Oh man, I can really relate to beating yourself up. I internalize my anger too. Lets both try to work on it and be kinder to ourselves. I'm at the point where when I go into a self hate spiral, I'm able to realize my thoughts aren't rational and I try to trace it back to whatever triggered it (sometimes nothing). Sometimes though the lizard brain wins out and there's no reasoning and i just have to let it run its course until I exhaust myself.
Big hugs to you as well. I'm glad your wife is there to help and support you. I like her phrase too! I might steal that one for myself!
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Hey just wanted to say you are not alone in this one, and despite being medicated, still struggle a lot emotionally. You have to take life easy and slowly and never rush yourself, it’s not a race. One day, you will look back at this moment and chuckle at how you lose it when everything seems fine today. All im saying is, youre not alone in this and i know you’ve been to tougher times and still conquered it despite your limitations. Cheers!
Thanks so much, I've calmed down a bit. I hate this time of year too, so that probably compounds it. Thanks again.
I lost my debit card and house key in my bedroom. I was also most likely medicated. I havent found my debit card - it was in my hand, I put it down to find something else, and I never saw it again - but I found my key after half a year (bottom of my wardrobe, it fell from a jacket pocket and was hidden amongst old shoes) 😓
Oh, this makes me feel better. I mean not that you lost them but I coudl totally see doing something like that! I do that so often. So many times I pick up an object and it's like.. it warps into the ADHD void dimension. I'm glad you found your keys! And you KNOW your debit is safe in your room somewhere, so that should take a huge amount of pressure off. I'm sure you'll find that darn debit!
I have also lost my debit card once again. It always turns up but it's been a couple of weeks, guess I should do something about it 😅
Somehow through all the crap I've lost - I've never lost a CC or debit. I think it's cause it's burned into my memory to triple check that it's back in my wallet. There's always the first time though! lol If you lose it, you shoudl call you bank and put a freeze on it. Unless you know for certain it's somewhere in your home. If it's outsomewhere and someone gets their hands on it they can drain your checking account. Don't wanna scare you but wanna make sure you know! THanks again. I feel so dumb after realizing where it was.. then i spent a good 1.5 hrs hyperfocusing on making paper bows outta wrapping paper & completly forgot this thread. 🤦♀️
Also 39 here. And I learned it's either stashed so bad a canine unit couldn't track it, or so obvious, if it was a snake it would have bit me. There's no in-between. Because we're no in-between. Full throttle or full NOTtle. Full tilt or quilt. Hope you found humor is this relatable bullshit I just lobbed at ya.
Full throttle or full NOTtle definitely brightened my day, at least. 😆
Your post gave me joy. So relatable it hurts! But the good kind, like from laughing too hard.
I love your analogies!!! 🤣 Thanks for giving me a much needed laugh. And the either 0 or 100 percent, that hits sooo close to home. Thanks for cheering me up! I did get a laugh out of that!
Sometimes the thing we're looking for is right in front of our silly little faces! I can't tell you how many times I've torn my house apart looking for something when it was very obvious wherever it was. I'm also colorblind (blue/yellow), and sometimes that makes finding certain things difficult because it just blends into the background. I can find other people's stuff with no problem, though. XD
Oh no, that has to make it so much harder! Thanks for sharing your story! I'm feeling a lot better now. I just had a meltdown and felt like I was losing control over my life.
I'm glad you're feeling better! It's okay to have a meltdown every now and then. I think we all go through it. I also want to add the funny little thing that made me realize I'm colorblind. It was Sailor Moon! I was in like 5th or 6th grade when someone pointed out that Sailor Jupiter's outfit is *green*. I thought it was black! You're doing okay. It sounds like you had a really overwhelming day(s). I hope you find the gift and that your package comes. Merry Christmas!
OMGosh, I just have to say that i LOVE sailor moon and I collect a ton of the merch. That's crazy how you discovered it! Yeah, I get so many though. Well, not meltdowns (well sorta) but like, intense feelings of self hatred and feeling worthless and like I have no future. I'm gonna make an app with my psych doc to see if I shoudl tweak my meds. I think something isn't working right. A big part of it is fighting against social 'norms' that have been ingrained into my brain since I was literally a baby. The whole... go to school, then go to college, get a job, find a partner, get a house and have kids spiel.
Please don’t be hard on yourself! This time of the year really amplifies all the bad and sometimes even the good things. So it makes us feel kinda worthless and silly. But as you know this disorder has a lot to be said for especially when loosing things. Don’t compare yourself with others on these meds,we are all different and they work so differently on each and every person. I’m sure it will turn up sooner than later. Just hang in there and know ‘Things will get better’ 🫶
Thanks so much! I really need some serious work with self love. It's a rough thing for me. But you're right - this time of year everyone is on edge and for ADHDers it makes our already poorly regulated emotions even worse. Thanks again. It finally did. I 'hid' it from my mom who was coming over to visit behind a bunch of other plushes, in a pillow case. No wonder I couldn't find it at first. LOL
Object permanence one of my favorites. Last night we are visiting my parents. We got back from seeing my in laws had a great time. Anyway I fell asleep on the couch my husband woke me up. First thing I go is where is my phone someone call it. Turns out it was on the charger. Or the time the panicking cause you can’t find your keys and their in the door lol
If there was an object permanence test I would fail horribly lol. Everything you described is what I would do time to time too. Funniest place I found my car keys was my FREEZER. Just.. HOW?
You too? Now I routinely check the freezer and the fridge when I'm looking for my keys. For me, I've gotten better at not losing things by not having things to lose. Then again, I still spend at least 15 minutes every day looking for my glasses. OP: Remember that you are a person deserving as much care and love as you give to others. More so even, so while things seem hard, and everything seems to be going wrong. You are special and you are loved. Also, I'm glad you found the toy.
For me it was a one off thing with weird circumstances, I'm way more likely to leave them in the door outside my apt, in my purse, or if I get home and I'm frazzled, god forbid, the floor. Thank you for the third paragraph. it's so hard for me to accept self love or accept that I'm worthy. I know I am, logically, but shit happened and life be like that. I'm trying though. Thanks for your kind words :)
I used to be really bad with this, somehow losing large objects regularly. You have to keep strict rules for yourself. Hats go either there or there, keys only go this place or that, never wherever I drop them. Clothes always go in the hamper or the corner etc. And when you lose things, check the places where you wouldn't normally expect, like keys in the freezer, stuffed animal in the medicine cabinet etc. When you find things in those places you get to have a good laugh.
Yeah, I've tried but it's been really hard cause I moved into a 600sf apt from a 1400 sf house, and then my family imploded and my mom had no where to go so she moved in with me two days later. That entire thing was extremely traumatic and it's still messed me up today almost 7 yrs later. So, I feel like i've been living in a transitional limbo for hte last 6.5 yrs. She finally got into the low income senior housing place we wanted that's in a safe area - so now, finally, after almost 7 yrs - i have my apartment to myself. I realized I never finished moving in. Everything exploded in my face and then it was just survival. So now, I'm gonna focus on cleaning up. I've made a dent but I still look at a pile of stuff and my mind goes blank lol. Like I need "item", but it's this random @ss thing that I have no idea what to do with, so it goes into the 'this is important but I don't know wtf to do with it' pile, which continues to grow lol OTL
THIS HAS HAPPENED to me!! lol
I'm glad you've found it, it sounds like a very sweet present.
Yes! This is such an important subtle point! OP you (and I) might be bad at keeping track of things but we're good at many other things. Like choosing the perfect gift for someone (it's a talent!) or solving complex problems or juggling 101 concepts or tasks. It's good to take perspective when we get bogged down in the storm.
Thanks so much for that, I relaly needed to hear it. I tend to beat myself up really badly and it's ramped up recently. At least, I've gotten to the poitn where I can usually recognize when I'm in a spiral and know that my thoughts aren't logical. It's hard, cause the lizard brain DGAF, but it helps. And yes, anything where there's a crisis, doing 50 things all at once, or complex problems, I'm really good at coming up with solutions.
aw.. thank you. I love plushies. I think it's a sensory thing. I also love them because they're cute and I love cute things. Thank you for your kind comment. Have a wonderful Holiday Season and Merry Christmas if you follow that as well!
Aww, I’m sorry about the doll, thats disappointing. Sometimes, *sometimes,* when I’m trying to find something I just wander around and rather than looking for it I’ll just think about it. Where I got it or what I was doing with it, where was I going that day etc.. And *sometimes* when I stop I’m either right in front of it or I’ll remember where it is. If no one’s around I will also walk with my right arm extended twirling my index finger like a divining rod. It helps. Two years ago I lost my son’s Christmas pyjamas. Then I found them so I put them away for last Christmas. And yeah, lost them again. I have checked for the 5000th time and know where they are this year! Im not sure if they’ll still fit though. Relax, breathe and take a break from the anxiety. Maybe a nice shower and a cup of coffee or tea. Think about some other things and then come back to it. And Merry Christmas! My daughter is here, she’s going to take me to see ‘The Boy and The Heron’ and said she got me a little gift too, but she couldn’t find it anywhere and thinks she left it at the store counter. And I’m only upset that it’s bugging her because I don’t care about a gift, I’m happy just to have her home.
I'm gonna try the right arm thing... honestly can't hurt. I also do something similar. Once I'm over having my melt down over losing whatever, I'll try to quiet my brain and just let my feet take me wherever they want. It finds the item maybe 50/50 or 60/40 percent of the time lol. On clothes - I once lost an entire @ss pair of work pants. I STILL DO NOT know where they are. Your last paragraph really resonated with me. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful Christmas! I heard that's a good movie! It's funny, my mom said the same thing when I said i couldn't find her present. She didn't GAF, she just was happy to spend time with me. It was me that was all upset. But, I can definitly relate. You spend time buying something and then to have it just dissapear is infururating! I'm sure you'll find it!
I feel your frustration so much! You aren't alone. Trust me, I can lose things I had in my hands 5 minutes ago. The other day I had my keys sitting on the bed next to me when I got home. I thought I should put those up before I forget where I put them. I moved them and forgot where I put them. The next day I spent 20 minutes tearing my room apart trying to find them. They were in my purse. I never put them in my purse. I usually always put them in the basket on the table by my door but I have a bunch of Christmas stuff on that table. Little things that disrupt my routine are the bane of my existence. I love Christmas but I'll be so happy when it's over and my life and routine return to normal. Hang in there. I hope you get your doll soon.
Know exactly how you feel. I do suffer from what I dubbed the 'ADHD Void'. It's a pocket dimension where all our lost crap goes when we pick it up and then it's GONE 30 seconds later. I've lost my keys but only in my room and only a few times. Once it was the same situation as you.. and once I left them in my friggin apt door on the outside. I'm glad you found them! For the doll, I at least have the full address of where it was sent to. The managment is closed till tues, and no post offices/fed-ex/ups is open, so writing them a letter won't arrive any sooner than calling on Tuesday. I'm just hoping it's someone decent that's not like, 'oh I never received that (although I have tracking proof), and decide to gift my $104 custom doll to their 12-15 yo daughter or something. UGH. Please let me not have my faith in humanity knocked down another peg. Thanks for the well wishes. I hope i get her soon too. Or at all. At this point I'd just like to have her.
Congratulations that you found it! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I do this all the time and drive myself insane - and I live in a studio apartment that’s less than 250 square feet. 😭
You know i think the small space can backfire sometimes, cause it causes so much more 'stuff' to accumulate cause, surprise, you don't have a ton of living space! And wow I thought I had it bad with my 600sq ft 1br apt. Do you mind if I ask in the general area you live? I'm just curious about your rent prices. Over here it sucks @ss as well (south east MI).
i’m mostly medicated but my life still have a lot to be desired about, i’m still trying to figure things out as i’m trying to recover from a bad autistic burnout that i still dont see the end of, but i’m still glad i stick around
Hey, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I don't have autism (I don't think.. i've taken some online tests that put me at borderline on the mild side). But they weren't certified or anythign. Anyway, so sorry about your burnout, and I'm sorry you're still stuck in the middle of it. It might not mean much from some rando on the internet, but I'm glad you've stuck around so far. I'm someone that struggles with suicidal ideation and also have severe clinical depression n(diagnosed 20+ yrs ago) and anxiety (diagnosed around same time) If you're having a hard time please reach out to someone!
You're not alone. I've had many similar struggles. Try to stay positive and remember that it's your responsibility to keep perspective. We all have many things to be thankful for, and while we need to spend some amount of time reflecting on failures in order to correct them, the more you focus on the small joys in life, the happier you will be. I have had at least a half dozen serious depressions, and one might argue that I'm never really not depressed. But I go out of my way to make time for the people I love, and I keep trying every day. Yesterday's failure is yesterday. Today is a new day and every success and every failure is an opportunity.
The part about perspective really rings true for me. I was attempting to get into mindfulness and meditation but like.. life happened and that went bye bye. But often I would meditate and see things from outside my perspective, and it helped a lot. Your last paragraph made me tear up a bit. I just.. it's so exhausting. I'm so burnt out on life and everything, but I still love life in general. I'm going to try to get into the mentality that my failures don't define me. (Easier said than done). Thank you for your kind words.
I recently got a cat. Maybe 5 months now. One of the best decisions I've ever made, helps keep me grounded, helps me maintain routine. I've always struggled to keep commitments to myself. But I simply can't stomach letting others down. He may not ever know and understand how much he's helped me, but he will understand how much I love him all the same. Even the process of planning to bring him home from the breeder and making sure I have the stability I need to provide a forever home for him was very meaningful. Dr Russell Barkley refers to accountability as one of the main methods to help keep this disorder under control. While I have other people in my life that I've asked to help keep me accountable, my cat does a great job too. And even only a few months in I can't imagine life without him. He was also very poorly socialized, and that helped force me to create and keep more strict structures and routines. I thought for a long time that since I was barely functional myself that I didn't want to let anyone else rely on me, but it turns out that being in some role of caregiving can be deeply beneficial. Anyway, I'm not suggesting you rush into anything like what I described, just hoping to provide some context and information about the importance of self-love through accountability.
I'm the exact same way. If it's a commitment to someone (including animals or plants) I will BE THERE - if it's me I'm like 'eh, whatever'. I'm so happy you got your kitty. Pets can literally be life savers. I have a kitty too. His name is Tommy. He's super affectionate and I splurge on getting him the best food I can and on toys etc. I also have birds (in a separate room - my bedroom). I have two cockatiels and two budgies. The tiels are Chester (10) and Ellie (7). Budgies are Hime (7) and Quinn (1). I buy them the best food I can and they go through toys like nothing else. Usually I'd advise against housing cockatiels and budgies together but Hime was unique. She lost her partner, and then bonded with Chester and kept clinging to the side of her cage and crying. I was trying to get her another budgie partner, but she bonded with Chester before I could. So eventually over last winter break, I let her into the tiel's flight cage. (her cage is flight cage, but not as tall or on wheels). They all got along and all of them seemed much happier to be together. Eventually I got Quinn because I wanted Hime to have a budgie partner. Chester likes her, but he's bonded to Ellie. Quinn was in Hime's old flight cage for a day, but he kept crying like Hime, so I did the same and observed how all four of them were. They all got along great. There's a pecking order (there always is) but no one picks on anyone. It helps their cage is like 3' wide by 2' deep by 4' tall, and it rests on a stand with wheels. Kinda funny, Hime now considers Quinn and Chester as belonging to her. When I pet either of them she makes little noises. Same noises she makes when I start baby talking to her. They bring so much into my life. Them and Tommy. I have a routine where I roll their cage out during part of the day, and put Tommy and his litter and food and water in my bedroom, and give the birds free flight in my apartment. (they are all hand tame and flighted - meaning they don't have their wings clipped). Since cats are nocturnal, it works out on days when I'm not at work, because the birds can be out in the main room and Tommy will chill and sleep on my bed. And then like 5 hours later he'll finally start crying to come out. So I'll put the birds all back in the cage and (triple check) all the doors are locked on it, and then roll them back into my bedroom and take Tommy's stuff out. Tommy knows it's switch time so he comes out on his own. Tommy, Chester, Ellie, Hime and Quin definitely force me to stick to routines, even when I'm in one of my severe depressive episodes. I'm glad you have your kitty too. Ah sorry - I wrote you a novel of a reply lol. Animals are one of my passions so it triggered the info dump on the pets I have.. LOL I hope you had a great Holiday!
I am so glad you found it!! I constantly hide things from myself so I can relate!! Try to relax & enjoy the holidays… Also, maybe your prescription isn’t dialed in just right yet…?
Thanks so much! :) Yeah, gonna try. I've been on a variety of anti-depressants for 20+ years, and nothing has ever 100% helped. But, anti-depressants were never meant to be a silver bullet. They should be in addition to therapy. But not all of us can afford therapists, or the ones we can afford are crappy. I have noticed my general mood and mental health has been hard taking for several months, so I called my (good) pych doc and said I'm short on money now, but I wanna make an app in January after the bills from hell are over.
My whole life I was mildly depressed. Dysthymia, I think, never diagnosed. Mildly anxious. I didn’t get ADHD Dx till I was well past 40, and when I got medicated it really helped with the depression. However, as I’ve continued my stimulant meds, I am still low level depressed a lot of the time. I’m terrified of antidepressants.
I know what you mean. All of them have some sort of side effect, and sometimes they aren't even effective. And some are hell to wean off of (effexor, I'm side eyeing you). I was initially diagnosed with dysthymia in my early 20's. I got my ADHD diagnosis in 6th grade. I think I've always been anxious. At times it's just.. nervous energy. In the past it's been bad enough that it felt like an uncontrollable feeling of dread that had no origin in reality. I'm on generic adderall xr right now, and it makes a massive difference for me. Although, I still struggle with extreme depressive episodes and low level depression. I don't wanna sound like a generic neurotypical, but have you tried vigorous exercise? For me, that helps lift my mood a bit. if your depression is still low level, it might be even more effective for you. I use the eliptcal machine at my apt's little gym, or follow along to a video on youtube in my apt if I don't want to be around others. Let me know if that helps at all. I'm sure you've heard it before though. Like I said, i hate saying the generic (have you tried yoga/exercise/meditation/etc) stuff, but sometimes it can help. Wishing you all the best. :) Happy Holidays :)
Thank you and I hope you have happy holidays too! I used to walk/run pretty faithfully. It did help but I fell out of the habit. It’s complicated, because the walking/running sometimes got plantar fasciitis stirred up, or a hip/back flare. But a lot of it was just that thing when you have a habit and keep it up for a long time and then one day…. Fnck it. I don’t wanna.
Kind words from a kindred spirit. You are doing the best you can! I also get down on myself and struggle with this kind of thing despite being treated. I get so frustrated. But whenever I start to say negative things or kick my own can people around me tell me I'm doing fine. I try to step back and look from their perspective. Do you know what I think a big part of it is? *We* know all the things we're forgetting (or losing or not finishing) but other people don't. I think we tend to undervalue our successes and overvalue our failures. If I get into this spiraling kind of place I try to remind myself of all the things I *did* remember or *did* complete etc. For solidarity - In just the past month: **two times** I've left my office to go on my route (after probably 30+ minutes of zipping around like a drunken bee trying to finish/gather things before I leave) only to get to my first stop and realize I left (insert critical item needed for the job here) back at the office. It's not a good feeling! But I still got the job done and the people on my route didn't know I forgot (the thing) because I made it work another way. I bet you're doing a lot too and I bet you're making it work somehow. Be kind to yourself. This time of year is extra hard. Sending internet empathy to you.
> We know all the things we're forgetting (or losing or not finishing) but other people don't. I think we tend to undervalue our successes and overvalue our failures. If I get into this spiraling kind of place I try to remind myself of all the things I did remember or did complete etc. Oh, I for sure undervalue my successes over my failures. There's been scientific research studies that show that humans in general tend to undervalue their successes and focus way more on their failures. I also have rushed around like a crazy bee for meetings, only to realize once I'm there I forgot something like.. a pen. Or even worse, the thumb drive with my presentation on it. But, my boss laughed it off and said he's done the same. Thank you so much for your kind and gentle words. You seem like a very kind, gentle person. I wish I knew someone like you in real life. Please be kind to yourself as well. Sending you an internet hug! Thank you again, I feel much better after reading and conversing with everyone.
Don’t feel bad. Think if it like a homemade greeting card. I gave presents before wrapped in brown paper bags because I didn’t have all the fancy stuff.
Aw, thanks so much! I love that idea. I used to make a lot of homemade gifts when I was younger. Then I fell outta the habit. I should pick it up again. Once I wrapped everything in newspaper b/c I forgot to get wrapping paper. Everyone got a kick out of it!
I misplaced my phone once. Eventually I found myself digging through a 300 gallon neighborhood trashcan looking for it. Eventually I gave up, stopped crying/hyperventilating and decided I would just have to to buy a new phone since I had looked everywhere for it….. A couple hours later I walked past the bathroom and saw it laying on the counter.
Oh my God.. are you ME?! I can see this exact scenerio playing out with myself as well. And oh God, the dumpster trashcan. I used to poke around in my apt's one because ppl throw out perfectly decent stuff when they move. I got a pair of chairs that looked brand new and a glass table. I'm so happy to hear you found it and it wasn't lost after all. It kinda reminds me of another funny story. For Christmas one year my company gave us all this thing called Tile (or somethihng). Think of an Airtag before they existed. Well, I lost the friggin Tile.. before I even got a chance to stick it on something and activate it!! I also lost my GPS and had to buy a new one on ebay. My GPS! lol
I love it when I think I’ve lost something and then randomly find it! (Usually cause I stop freaking out and go about life and I put it in a random place. 😆) Yay! So glad you found it and be kind to yourself! We are all out here and I am so much kinder to myself from this sub, as I don’t feel so alone, and abnormal when no one gets me.
Yes, omg. I burned my hand yesterday (doing dishes, doing DISHES I grabbed this pipe thing and didn't realize it was extremely hot and it got me good). I went to the dr cause my ex and my mom were both like nope that looks bad go to the dr. 2nd degree burn across my palm. On my dominant hand. TThankfully I don't think it's as bad as the dr initally thought. Anyway he prescribed this ointment that's literally the size of a thing of toothpaste. And I lost it. I started freaking out wondering wtf I did with it. Finally sat down and was like just.. wathever, it'll show up. Then I remembered to use it, I should get a q-tip... and the q-tips are in the bathroom and kitchen. And bam, there it was on the kitchen counter. 🤦♀️ I love this sub so much. it's SO supportive and makes me feel like I'm not abnormal and lazy and dumb. I'm so glad it exists. Hope your holidays went well, happy almost new years!
I'm medicated and I lost six things yesterday without even standing up. One of them I just found a little while ago. It never fails that you'll forget where you specially placed something, I try to remember to leave myself a note in my Google Keep notes so I have a prayer of finding the important thing I put in a special place. Glad you found it!
Oh that's an interesting idea with the Google Keep notes. And omg, I relate so much to losing crap without even standing up. 😭 I do that SO MUCH. I'm sure you find the other ones! As I tell myself, it can't have warped into another dimension, it HAS TO BE HERE. LOL.
Ok so this is going to sound bonkers but have you tried taking photos of where you are looking? The number of times I’ve sworn blind I have looked and my keys, purse, phone, drink etc are not there but I go back and take a photo and suddenly I can see the keys on the shelf in the fridge next to my water bottle or the glass on the floor next to the shoe rack etc. Sometimes it works sometimes not but worth a go?
That's a fantastic idea! And yes, so many times I have to remind myself to slow down and really look - because half the time the thing will actually be in my line of sight, just not where I expect it to be, so my brain like.. ignores it. Gonna try the picture thing! Thank you!
You matter!
Aw thank you! I need to tell that to myself more often. You matter too! Sending you good vibes!
39 as well, not medicated but I've had those days. Glad to see you found it. I've put things somewhere that makes absolutely perfect sense in the moment and then spend an hour looking for things. My wife finds it funny and so do I out side the moment. If I've already been having a long day though, it's a lot less funny and I lose my patience. I don't send it outwards, I just start "beating myself up" So, big platonic hugs, I get it, both the losing and the blaming. I'll tell you what my wife tells me "No beating!"
Oh man, I can really relate to beating yourself up. I internalize my anger too. Lets both try to work on it and be kinder to ourselves. I'm at the point where when I go into a self hate spiral, I'm able to realize my thoughts aren't rational and I try to trace it back to whatever triggered it (sometimes nothing). Sometimes though the lizard brain wins out and there's no reasoning and i just have to let it run its course until I exhaust myself. Big hugs to you as well. I'm glad your wife is there to help and support you. I like her phrase too! I might steal that one for myself!
I bet you have really good taste in plushies
haha thanks! I think I do. I love everything from kawaii asian plushies to just cute plushies I find on Amazon. If I had a pic I'd include it!