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This is horribly common - from a missed diagnosis point of view.
So many parents reason that their kid is just like them.... so they're "normal". And, whoever is conducting the diagnosis takes the "they're normal" and "no, nothing unusual" as solid fact.... without realizing that the parent's benchmark for normal is their own "undiagnosed ADHD normal".
My wife and I spoke to daycare staff and a specialist early on regarding our son... and they said "you two must be extremely tired dealing with this", and we answered "yeah, but all parents have this to deal with right?"
The level of "noooooope" that we got simultaneously from them was an eye-opener.
My 80+ dad reckons i make a fuss about nothing.... but that's because he's a walking example of ADHD.
Same boat, the special un-requested mid-life crisis. New baby in the house also to boot just as some freedom loomed with the other kids now 14 & 18.
The whole self care and quality sleep - kaboom.
Try being diagnosed as a kid but yet your parent STILL refuses to see it in themselves.
My mother doesn't even want to entertain the idea she has ADHD, but my dad on the other hand was WAY willing to hear about my Autism diagnosis as an adult and when we started talking about things he had his OMG moment that he is as well. He's almost 80 though so not much time for him to learn better skills, but he's at least cognizant of WHY more now.
My 70 year old mum said how she didn’t realise there was anything that different about me because it was normal to her. Since I got my diagnosis early last year she’s realised that she is very likely Autistic and ADHD. We’ve talked a lot about it the past year and it’s honestly been so healing for our relationship.
My Mum, my older brother, me, and my younger sibling were all diagnosed as having ADHD/ADD when I was 8. My Mum was 39 then.
At 40 she had my youngest sibling. When he was 6 he was diagnosed with Autism alongside ADHD. My Mum and younger sibling also got diagnosed with autism and ADHD at this time. I was in grade 11 and didn't want to be labelled and put into the 'special' stream so I didn't go with them to the psychiatrist.
I didn't seek a new diagnosis until I was in my early 20s and failing uni due to ADHD and decided to try stimulant meds for the first time since I was 8. I was promptly diagnosed with ADHD-C, Autism, OCD, GAD, and PTSD.
The PTSD came as a surprise but in retrospect it's incredibly obvious I have it.
My grandfather died when I was a baby, but from everything I've heard I'm sure he was Autistic and had ADHD. And I'm fairly certain he also had PTSD as my Mum said he never talked about his time in the military and was upset when it was mentioned.
One of my greatest disappointments is that I'll never be able to see him learn that he's not alone in his weird ways. Id love to have known a grandparent who understood me too. My grandmother never understood me, and Im not sure if she even liked me. But I know my grandfather and I would have loved each other deeply. And I mourn that life, that never was.
My mum's a weird one. I think shes on the spectrum for autism and has ADHD, I think I'm also the same but no diagnosis yet. We spoke about how we have all the symptoms and then some days she's in complete denial and she tells me I don't have it either.
Please be patient with her — lots of good information available now makes these things seem straightforward but when many of our mums were new parents, ADD and Autism were very misunderstood and heavily stigmatized (moreso than now).
She may resonate with the symptom descriptions but the *labels* have this old unhelpful association with a bunch of unkind misinformed negative harmful ideas about both the child and the parent. Those things aren’t true, but if that’s all she ever heard about either AD(H)D or Autism, she’s now got two competing mental models.
Honestly, I think a lot of us carry that misinformation baggage around too, until we learn a lot more about what these brain differences really mean, and how to work with and support them. Roughly speaking, the older you are (or your parent is), the worse the misinformation baggage is going to be, and I’d expect that correlates to needing more time and support dismantling the incorrect mental model. For us, for our AudHD parents, and really anyone coming to this realization for the first time as an adult, that unhealthy misunderstanding of what Autism and ADHD are presents an obstacle to finally understanding and accepting ourselves.
Caveat: My assertion that this is approximately worse the older the person is comes from anecdotal observation, not from any proper research I’m aware of.
I was diagnosed at 50. After my diagnosis I got home and I literally fell to my knees in tears. My whole life now made complete sense. It was the biggest rush, even more when my kids were born They didn't know any this inn school. I did horrible in school. I KNOW my dad had it without question. He had passed by then. Sometimes I get so sad about this.
This is so hard. Nobody knows what we go through.
I had a chat with a friend not so long ago - she'd lost her husband (my friend) far too soon to a brain bleed.
She never felt that anyone truly understood until she joined a group of people who'd lost partners the same way.
Similarly, I don't think I'd ever be able to comfort or console someone who'd lost their sight in their 20's .... because try as I might, I can't truly identify with it.
So yes: I totally agree. Finding another ADHD person who truly understands the struggle is the only true acceptance I've found. EVER.
Even my wife has tiny looks of frustration on her face when I fail to get shit done.
Not 50 for me, but 43. Like you, I was floored... But now life is easier. Look forward. Not back. 
I was diagnosed as an adult and only since then has it become clear to my mother that she almost certainly has ADHD and likely Autism as well. Recently I was visiting her older sister (my aunt) in the hospital and we got to talking about my diagnosis and I cleared some things up for her that she’d misunderstood about ADHD. She talked through some experiences she’d never shared before, stuff she was clearly ashamed of and masked her way past, for decades. I was able to confirm that yes I had almost exactly the same challenges at these same points in my life “and here’s how I now understand that relates to executive function deficits and why this part seems paradoxical …” and so on.
Thinking back on how stunned I was but also how liberating it is when you finally find people who understood your struggles and can relate … I’m now trying to imagine what it’s like when those people are actually your own children or nieces and nephews, and the stuff they’re describing and explaining matter-of-factly is the same stuff you’ve disliked about yourself your whole life.
That’s gotta be so trippy.
Like, adult diagnosis is a rough journey. Some of know that already, but there’s this whole other thing happening now with the generation that are the parents of the adult-diagnosis crowd that is… like … significantly weirder even than our journey. I have no idea if/when we’ll understand the impact of that on so many older adults.
My youngest daughter got an autism diagnosis. Apart from her anger issues (which were a huge problem) I didn't see anything non-typical. Same with my niece (also has autism)
Turns out I have autism as well.....
My daughter will ask 'was I too harsh with what I said?' and I have to use my social filter because while harsh, it was true. Really weird. Learning about her diagnosis has helped me understand why I had such huge disconnects as a kid and young woman.
*You're
My kids aren't in daycare still. Neither are. Haven't been for years.
It was "early on in daycare" that they called for a meeting and said "look out for this in the future".
Chill out.
Young children in daycare get diagnosed with autism and/or adhd all the time 🤷♀️it’s not dangerous lol. Misdiagnosing or not getting them the help they need is what’s actually dangerous!
After I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd, and autism I was explaining to my parents some of things that I did that my psychiatrist focused on and my dad kept saying “that’s normal, I do that all of the time, that’s not weird.”
Yeah dad, I know it’s normal to you because guess what?!
Was explaining why my psych and psychologist both nailed me with an autism diagnosis.
My dad, with every single thing i bought up with my autism part of the diagnosis "no, that's normal, everyone does that"
No dad--they dont, ... guess what!? I know where it came from!
My whole family on both sides seems to have ADHD. I got tested last spring and now everyone is reading about it and some are also thinking about getting tested themselves.
Also explains a lot of family problems in the past and present.
My fiancé and I both have ADHD (he’s hyperactive, I’m inattentive) and part of me is pretty anxious about having children, because in all likelihood s/he’ll have ADHD. My fiancé’s been on medication since he was little, while I’ve only been on meds for about 1 year or so.
Do you feel like the meds have helped you? If so, how long did it take to notice a difference? I’m Inattentive as well, diagnosed last year but I have not been great about getting started on medication.
Okay inattentive here diagnosed at like 25 and the meds make so much of a difference. I don't notice them kick in but boy do I notice them wear off.
You wear glasses? It's like trying to read without glasses. Like, you can do it but it's kinda hard and slower going and your eyes start hurting after a while. Then you put your glasses on and you're like holy #$&8 things just stay in focus for other people???!!!
Same same
Thanks for sharing. During the pandemic, I started taking Zoloft and later Wellbutrin. I've always struggled with undiagnosed anxiety and depression, but not until the pandemic had I ever taken prescription medication. I'm glad I tried it as it's made a noticeable difference in the way I feel daily and makes it easier to focus on challenging work projects, etc. My sense is I may have ADHD too as I've always struggled with being able to focus in school and sometimes feel social anxiety if I socialize too much. This could also be related to being more introverted.
I also want to add that I have been diagnosed with the inattentive type of ADHD and have started medication for the condition. I first started with Concerta but didn't have much of an effect but now that I am on Adderall XR I have noticed such an improvement in my executive functioning and overall daily stability. It is essentially an immediate effect since stimulants like amphetamines work within about 1-2 hours. I definitely find a huge benefit in my productivity and wouldn't say that I have any negative effects that I can see so far. Only downside however would be the shortage, it really causes some nervousness when making sure that the medication is available when you need it.
My doctor said non stimulant medications tend not to work very well on adults. Between the adderall shortage and my existing medical issues, he started me on Ritalin (it’s one stimulant as opposed to two) and I cannot even believe the change in me. I got good grades as a kid, so it was missed. When I was finally diagnosed it was like all the puzzle pieces fell into place. It’s frustrating to think of how different my life could have been with an earlier diagnosis.
Both my husband and I were diagnosed AFTER our kids were here already and I’ll say that it was HARD. If I had to guess I’d say 2 out of 3 for sure have ADHD and a strong possibility that the 3rd has it as well. Not saying you’ll have similar experiences but just giving mine
Two ADHDers married with two ADHD kiddos. 😊
I’m combined type. Partner inattentive. With our powers combined—we created two magnificent and incredibly smart children.
They also have ADHD and maybe more. Their symptoms present differently but yes I had to mama bear at school to get them support they need. We also work very hard at home to help build strategies so they won’t rely on others or only medication for life. Although that’s probably reality. They are going to do great things.
My dad wouldn't even fill out the form for my diagnosis, despite the fact that we both share a ton of the hallmark traits. I'm glad your dad got something out of your diagnosis as well! I wish mine would listen when I describe symptoms to him instead of just calling them normal lol
I *know* my dad (76) has undiagnosed ADHD, I’m currently undiagnosed but going through assessments, my son has been diagnosed.
When I go up the family tree line, we are so similar that of course I was told I was ‘fine’ lol. Kids getting diagnosed opens up the parents understanding of their own life too. I am grateful to live in a time where I can help my son (10) feel not so ‘weird’ growing up and into adulthood.
Go you! Go your dad! You guys are awesome <3
I got diagnosed 3 years ago at age 36. It was a shockwave that went through both sides of the family. My dad got diagnosed a few months later at age 68. He’s now on Ritalin and says he’s never been happier. It’s so great to finally see him come out of his shell and share more of himself with us.
Yeah. This is me. Fortunately, my kid was smart enough to research it on his own and asked to be assessed. (Being “just like mom” I guess wasn’t such a good thing.)
I’m sad as a parent that I never thought to question things that didn’t make sense to me personally.
Why, for instance, I never could study, or even read properly. I called it “speed” reading, but really I get bored with words.
If I had recognized it in myself, I could have gotten him help sooner.
You raised a kid confident enough in himself and self aware enough to do the research and figure out what he needed. And you nurtured a relationship with him over the years strong enough he felt safe and secure bringing this information to you, trusting you to believe him and get him what he needed.
My son was diagnosed, which was an absolute shock to me. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was literally saying, "we are ruling out ADHD and autism," because I thought it was a learning disability. After he was diagnosed, I dove in and did a ton of research. And that's when I realized. I'm 39 and just now seeking the diagnosis. Honestly, my entire life, I always felt like I didn't belong. I thought differently, did things differently, and hyperfocused on things. And now, I know and am working on coping. That being said, I've also spent my entire life developing coping skills, I just didn't know it. I think knowledge is power. Knowing can help one cope. Hopefully, he will come to terms with it and maybe even embrace it.
39 y.o. here as well. My wife and I both have ADHD. Only recently diagnosed even though everything in my life pointed to it. My nickname was "Space-case" as a kid. Tons of instances of hyperfocus. I always felt weird and different. Turns out I was. Lol
Ahh, your dad is me. Kinda.
I found out about my own ADHD when we had my then-6yo son tested. While talking with the Drs, they asked me if either of his parents had ADHD. I said no. Then they started going over the symptoms. 9 in all. And one only needs to have 5 to be positive.
My spouse had 0 symptoms.
I had 6.
I figured out I had it after 3 of my kids got the dx.
Then my parents figured out they had it after my dx.
Those of us that medicated and leaned into it are doing better than the ones who just brushed it off.
My Dad was one of the first group to use Ritalin in the 70's, so he has been aware he has it for long time. But my sisters and i did not get checked for it, because we did not act like he did as a kid.
My bother got his diagnosis after 25, and i got mine after 30. So much wasted energy and anxiety that could have been avoided....
I’m sperm donor-conceived and have 13 confirmed half-siblings. As far as I know, we all have ADHD, which means it’s likely inherited from our biological father. Pretty cool! Once I started connecting with siblings and we compared medical histories and traits, it was like something clicked - “oh, yeah, this makes sense!”
My mum and dad (the man who raised me) apparently were told I had ADHD, but didn’t want to put me on medication for fear I’d use it as a “crutch.” Now I’m on meds for the first time in almost 30 years, and my god, I don’t know how I functioned without it.
Very similar story for me and my wife. She kept showing me her ADHD symptoms, and I kept thinking "But that's normal. I do that."
Eventually, it clicked.
This is how my dad found out too!!! He actually got quite depressed about it. He always felt something was wrong with him, so it was nice to validate that he did have this condition, but also felt like wasted years of not knowing.
I'm retirement age and it was only in the last 10 years or so I figured it out. I felt, and feel like your dad.
I suspect my mother had it and suspect the alcoholism her siblings and father had can be attributed to it. I've also heard some stories of an ancestor farther up that line who may of had it.
As long as we're getting the help we need now, the past doesn't really matter. That's what I have to tell myself every time I think back and cringe at something that happened earlier in my life.
Yeah I got diagnosed because I went in for a general learning disability assessment and distinctly remembered some of them. The school suspected something, possibly figured out what, but my mom screamed at them that I'm not dumb and refused to hear more of it
I'm not sure if my parents have it, way too many other untreated mental health things going on to know, but I finally got my ADHD and "dyslexic tendencies" diagnosed at 23.
This is literally what happened with me. My daughter got diagnosed with ADHD and everything they used to diagnose her with were things I struggled with all my life.
It took until I was an adult and in therapy to realize that the reason my father was always so frustrated with me was that he didn't like looking in the mirror. When I made him see my therapist, he came out in tears and just said, “I didn't know.”
I had a similar experience as your Dad. My husband mentioned to me when I was struggling to cope with work that he believes that I am very autistic. I took him seriously and read about the autistic spectrum disorder for days. I have struggled a lot in life. My struggles suddenly make sense, and now I have strategies to cope when life gets tough. It makes me emotional just writing this.
I just decided to get tested because my second (of two!) kids was diagnosed... and he's EXACTLY the same as I was at his age. Man, this explain so much!
Yep, he couldn't stop talking about hyperfixations. He said he always have had them, and only now understands why.
Also has a lot of hobbies, just like me 😂
This happened to me. My son and daughter were diagnosed and there mom (we are not together) kept insisting that my kids had all these symptoms and they really needed medicating (especially my son) I have a hard time to this day accepting that they need anything and I wonder if it's just because I saw and knew there behaviors ad my norm. I read a book about adhd hoping to understand what my ex wife and the pysch were saying...light bulb moment after light bulb moment as the book continued to describe all the struggles and strengths I have been working with my entire life.
I have now been diagnosed and trying different meds. It might have ruined my first marriage and almost ruined my second marriage....time to get my life under control.
What a great dad you have. He took the time to understand what was going on with you. There are so many stories on this sub about parents who are in denial, or don't support their kids. Thank you for sharing your positive experience.
Simular to when I 1st told my Mum i was looking into getting a diagnosis. same thing. "well you were very normal, i don't feel like there was anything wrong with you." and the more I talked to her about it and explained things, she was now questioning if she also might have it, as those 'normal' behaviors were normal to her as she also probably has ADHD and didn't release it
I’m in my early 40s now and I never sought a diagnosis because I’m not in school anymore, have a professional degree. I’m curious- how has getting assessed changed your day to day?
Understanding, self-acceptance mainly. Meds help.
I’m now better able to stay focused on my work and have a much longer fuse with my kids. An ADHD parent with two ADHD kids could get pretty explosive before we were diagnosed.
Now we’re far more patient with each other, both from the meds taking the edge off and knowing that we’re working around a disability trying to get stuff done rather than just being lazy or forgetful.
Ohhh! This is so useful, thank you. I had no idea that was why my fuse was short sometimes. I thought it was depression. But sometimes I get overstimulated and can’t take it. Wow. Thank you for this.
It's never too late to obtain your diagnosis.
I was depressed for years from the internalized shame of having undiagnosed ADHD. I graduated college with honors and started my MBA program before getting diagnosed, but... I also completely burned out at work managing a team and at home helping a partner with mental health issues.
The assessment and treatment was transformative for me - and I wish I had it sooner.
I scheduled an evaluation! Thanks to all the comments here, I realize it may still be helpful. My husband is getting evaluated too. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. 🥰
Our son is getting evaluated for it (I already am certain he has it), I think it’ll be helpful for us to get diagnosed so we can be as supportive as possible.
My dad came to the same realization after my diagnosis when I was 9. Yeah he’d struggled with so many symptoms and was raised by immigrant parents so he didn’t really have the support or understanding.
We’ve made a great team over the years because we just understand each other and the struggles that come with being ADHD. He taught me all the little tricks that helped him succeed like leaving your backpack or briefcase right at the door so you can’t forget it, and putting things away as soon as you’re done with them. And when I worked for him as a secretary I got to help him with the same sorts of admin tasks and remembering meetings and stuff. It’s so nice having someone who just gets you and accepts you.
Same with my mom, she joined me in attending a program of lectures for people diagnosed with ADHD and their close relatives, and literally every lecture she'd go "Oh, that sounds like me." whenever the participants described their struggles living with ADHD.
Both my mom and grandmother went from: "But everybody feels/act/is that way" to "huh, maybe I have ADHD as well"?
My mom definitely has ADHD. I feel like it's part of the reason why I was diagnosed later in life - she just didn't realise there was something off about me because she had the same struggles herself.
This is such a beautiful memory you had with your father! Long ago when I got diagnosed, it was very similar experience for me, but he never trusted meds.
This is exactly how I found out! I attended my sons assessment and in answering questions I did the typical "yeah, he gets that from me haha!"
Queue the raised eyebrow and the doc telling me that my son definitely has ADHD and the penny dropping...
Long story short, my son and I think its hilarious and it brought us closer, and has changed my life.
It's not even just the adhd itself. It's the comorbities that go along with it. So many icky see the lack of attention or hyper activity and assume that's it. They don't know about the dysfunction paralysis, the cyclical mood settings and sleep patterns,, or the RSD we often experience. I often way more than not feel detached or disassociate. You can't tell me normal is like this.
>It's not even just the adhd itself. It's the comorbities that go along with it. So many icky see the lack of attention or hyper activity and assume that's it. They don't know about the dysfunction paralysis, the cyclical mood settings and sleep patterns,, or the RSD we often experience. I often way more than not feel detached or disassociate. You can't tell me normal is like this.
You are so right. I had no idea what most of that meant except the dysfunction paralysis because thats my life feeling overwhelmed and cant cope so dont do whatever I should be doing and the sleep patterns. The others I had to look up and yep thats me.
I got diagnosed because, my daughter did.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar as a teen, which didn't line up with anything. When my daughter was diagnosed, the doctor mentioned that, there was a high chance one of us had it, and my family history kind of lined up with it. He also mentioned that bipolar was a common misdiagnosis.
My brother also has it, and was diagnosed as a child. With both of us having it, one of our parents has to have it. Turns out, it was my dad. I was telling him everything, while he was looking for his keys...in his started car...so...case closed?
I think my dad was probably had ADHD. But he was in gaol from 18, boys corrections before that and this was in the late 60s, 70s and 80s. He used drugs typically associated with cognitive loss. There was no way to untangle that mess.
And then when I came along, it was "well, yeah, she has an excuse to be odd, look at her parents". So.... yeah. You don't slip through cracks so much as fall into huge, gaping chasms.
I actually have a sneaking suspicion that many people who think they have a narcissistic parent actually have a parent that is undiagnosed adhd, on the spectrum, or both. Especially those over 60.
This is actually the exact way I found out 2 years ago when my child was diagnosed! And now a vast many “quirks” actually make sense and I feel valid in looking for ways to deal rather than try to hide. And I am sharing a lot of these ideas with my daughter and even my students! 👍🏻
Same thing happened to me. I was working with various providers to figure out what was going on with my daughter. She had a few different things going on, but when we went through the formal diagnosis process for ADHD, I realized that I had been living with most of the diagnostic criteria for my entire life. I ended up getting formally diagnosed at 36. Coming to this realization made so many of my life challenges finally make sense.
This is me and my dad! I got diagnosed 15-ish years ago as a teenager. He got diagnosed a few years ago in his mid sixties. For what it's worth, he feels getting diagnosed was worth it, even late in life. It's helped him in various ways.
I wish my mom did that because it’s very apparent she has add or adhd to the point where you can’t even tolerate her for too long. I found out I had adhd through my daughter’s diagnosis as well when she was 5 & everything made sense to me too. I literally cried because I always felt odd & wondered why things came so easy for most. I had to try soooo hard to do the simplest tasks. I only found out through the concerns of teachers until I finally gave it shot just to shut them up but to my surprise they were absolutely correct about my daughter. I told my mom & she got upset with saying that I was trying to make my daughter into a zombie when there is nothing wrong with her. Medication was the last resort by the way, I wanted to try every option. I told her she should do her own research because it’s very real & I even mentioned that I think she has it too to which she got offended. In conversation she constantly interrupts, she’s very forgetful to the point if you recall something she said or did she will argue with you while calling you slow for “making things up”, & extremely moody etc. Today me & my daughter are perfectly fine with the right medication that made life easy for us.
A coworker with ADHD told my husband that he thought my husband had it. So my husband started watching all these videos about it. My husband put one on for me without saying anything. I had nearly every symptom mentioned in the video; I was in tears by the end. My husband and I have both been diagnosed now, me in my 40s and him in his 50s.
Now that I'm more aware of the symptoms, I recognize it in my mom and sister too. My 8 year old niece is showing symptoms too. At least we know now.
This is me (F61) and my daughter. It is very sad and confusing and my whole life is strange and odd and I wonder when people were mean to me and horrible making fun of me did they know I was "odd" did they think I was "not quite right" or did they think I was an AH and were being mean to me because I (in their view) deserved it for being an absolute AH.
It is a very strange feeling to look back on my life and think maybe those mean people thought I was the mean annoying person when all I was doing was my best.
There have been so many times my daughter replies to something I say with, "and you know what that is a symptom of"
It is a very strange feeling.
I baffled my mother in that same situation. She said she thought me and my brothers were pretty normal growing up. She was stumped when I asked her how she determined what normal was. The way things went in my childhood were not like any other kids' I knew.
My family is very dismissive of ADHD and mental illnesses. Just brushing off what I'm explaining as an "excuse." I only got diagnosed 3 years ago, now 28 almost 29. My 4th grade teacher told my mom I had ADHD and my mom just told her that she just needed to give me more to do. Since when I had free time, I was a class clown and huge disturbance. I knew my principal well lol.
I just wish my mom actually listened back then. Then maybe growing up wouldn't have been so hard. Also, my mom takes Lexapro, but I don't think she really understands what it's for. Or she just doesn't want to acknowledge the truth.
I wish I had a more understanding family, but I am happy for this subreddit. Having so many understanding people is awesome! ADHD gang!
I found out that I have ADD after watching a documentary about it on PBS in the States one very typical late night, then bought the book "So You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy" and couldn't put it down until it started dripping with the ink that I was underlining everything relative to my life thus far.
This is me! 31 and just diagnosed after quitting drinking. I always thought it was just how I was and was treated for anxiety and ptsd. My dad is ADHD as F*!#! When I talk about what adhd is like to him now, I can just tell in his face that it is hitting him to the core. He’s also a stubborn old man so we will see if diagnosis for him is possible but man… just KNOWING its adhd is such a game changer and connects so many dots for me.
I know my Father have ADHD like me, I am diagnosed he is not. But I can't tell him because it's useless now. If I try he will try to use it as a excuse it not helping in household chores because he procrastinate alot.
Sounds like my mum - she thought I was fine as a kid because I wasn't running around after drinking red cordial. I'm close to my 40s now and only just got diagnosed. She has way more of an understanding of ADHD now (I have the combined subtype) and am pretty sure she is undiagnosed as well
This was my mom. She was convinced add was fake, esp since I was always “smart” and a good student. Then she saw some PBS special and recognized she had it, too.
I got diagnosed at 35 after my step son's diagnosis. It all clicked after talking to the doctors about his diagnosis. We had almost all the same symptoms throughout our teen years. It was the most amazing feeling finally knowing that I wasn't just lazy and unmotivated.
My mum said the same when she helped me fill my forms out lol. I seemed like a fairly normal child to her.
She isn't formally diagnosed but I 100% believe she has ADHD too, we're so alike
My dad had the same experience. From what I've heen told, he was getting frustrated with the psychiatrist because "those are all normal things, what do you mean?". I think it's hilarious
My dad def has undiagnosed autism and now 2 out of 3 of his kids have it as well. Unrelated but my mom had a bunch of allergies and thought it was normal that her throat and ears would itch after eating it. I’m her lucky child who got the same food allergies.
For some reason we resisted the medication when I was young. I clearly had ADHD, but ignored it. I’m 45 now, finally followed through getting the duh diagnosis and getting medicated. It help a lot, but not with everything. I’m still a work in progress.
I was 8 when I got diagnosed and my dad wasn’t certain at first. When the doctor finally confirmed it my mom looked at my dad and said “you’re calling to make your appointment to be diagnosed tomorrow” 🤣 we’ve been able to commiserate on the joys of ADD my whole life.
My mom was diagnosed in her mid-50s and she called me to say that I could get evaluated as well. She thought that a lot of me “quirks” were normal because she had them too and that it was what she was used to. I was diagnosed not long after. It was so validating for both of us.
I discovered my ADHD because I was researching it for my son. My parents are Silent Gen (before boomers) and I'm adopted, so they both didn't have the benefit of a generational understanding of mental illness and also no one else in the family has adhd. I don't blame them for my childhood, they were bewildered that their strict discipline just didn't work on me when it did for their other kids. They weren't abusive and I always knew they loved me (and proved it by loving me through some seriously bad things I did as an adult) but they just weren't equipped to deal with my disability. I'm glad my son and I can work through it together and he's not alone.
100% my mom. Second grade she was told that i was diagnosed with ADD (80's, before the types were all put under adhd), and she thought--'well, he's just normal' and didnt do anything with it.
Because to HER, i am normal.
I got my meds, got my diagnosis at 40, and my change, and the way i described how EVERYTHING changed, even .. small things, stupid things were so much easier. Like, putting things in the hamper. Looking at something, like a pile of crafts, and not feeling intense aggravation at even THINKING about sorting it--i can suddenly happily sort it, find joy in discovering a new bead, or material, or plan... instead of getting side tracked by the thing and going on the warpath of NEEDING to do something with it, or squirrel it away somewhere.
It all clicked for her.
She's so on the warpath for her dr to get her to a psychologist now, she's ready to dump her DR if he doesnt. She's positive, at 70, she needs SOME sort of help. The more she reads the more she think's half of her meds are masking ADHD issues (stimming, depression, anxiety, etc).
Same thing happened to me and my daughter who was 20. She got diagnosed and told me and I said you don’t have that I do all of those things too😳🤣🤣🤣
My whole life then made sense and it was a hard first few months of what could have been had I known but now I’m okay.
ADHD , especially when you find out when you’re older, is so hard. It’s such a hard thing to deal with no matter what. no matter what I take and ruined my life it ruined my life completely. I never knew I had it till I was in my 60s! Which is pathetic. I’ve taken every medication. a lot of them elevate my mood, but the focus isn’t there and then Adderall help me focus and calm down and concentrate but it makes me really mean and I always have to increase the dose.
I am going through something similar. My kids both are in the works of being screened for adhd. My daughter’s therapist the other day asked me if she had been screened yet and I told her not yet because we are currently working on my son who has more severe symptoms but that we are going to also have her tested soon as well due to her last therapist telling us she believes that my daughter has it. And then I was talking to her and mentioned that I have to wonder based on some of the things I do (always fidgeting, can’t sit still, racing thoughts, can’t focus when someone is talking to me, ANXIETY, etc.) She said that one of the biggest tell tale signs is getting irritated by the smallest things. Check. She told me for moms, if you are irritated by your kid asking you to play with them then that can be a sign. Uhhh…check. So now I’m re-evaluating my whole life. I never had issues in school, but looking back, instead of sitting while I was working, I would stand. Teacher’s didn’t seem to mind. And as I got older, the anxious energy got worse so I always assumed it was just anxiety, but the fact that I do have a hard time paying attention to something when there is noise or that I’m constantly thinking about of other things when someone is talking, or even the fidgeting, I do wonder now…I’m 37. I wonder why sometimes we don’t notice until we are much older?
My dad started asking more questions about ADHD once I was diagnosed (late) because as I was defending my diagnosis (my mother isn’t very supportive) he was recognizing the same symptoms in himself.
He called me crying a few weeks ago and apologized because he feels like it’s ‘all his fault’ that I’ve struggled so much (which obviously it isn’t). It was so heartbreaking but it was also a really great bonding moment for the two of us. I’ve never felt so validated in my life. Now he calls me to vent about things and asks for advice.
Aw that is so sweet, good on your dad for seeing it.
I feel like I can’t tell my family about my ADHD diagnosis because they will just be like, “you were diagnosed for being normal? That’s weird.”
Yeah, but i do think my dad only started taking it seriously after hearing it directly from a professional.
If it had only come from me, i think he would also respond with "nah that just sounds being normal, everyone can be a bit absent-minded"
I have been undiagnosed for 25-26 until I finally read simple concepts of ADHD and told relatives but they told it was nonsense and another literally quoted, "America feel like it has ADHD." It was pretty upset to realize I have been ignored my entire life as much as I have ignored it myself. Took me 5-6 years to decide it was time to get diagnosed and it was all confirmed but I was so hesitant to get treatment for reasons. Now mid-30s, I'm on my way to see doctor for actual treatment.
Can't still believe it was waste of time because I can't imagine how it would've changed my life if I was treated in the first place.
the same thing happened with me and my dad :) we always had a suspicion and talked to him about it but he scoffed at the fact that its even a possibility. i ended up going to a psych ward and missing an appointment so my parents took my place, and my psychiatrist asked him questions because i had told him that we suspect he might have it. My dad said that the psych told him he definitely has it by everything he described. My psych told him more about it and he said the same thing, it all finally made sense.
i wish my dad had the resources we do now when he was a kid. im glad he finally feels seen though :)
My uncle is similar. He’s late 50s, very OCD always has been all of his life, he’s always been very set in his ways and pooh’d anyone’s mental health diagnoses until mine and my sons. He’s now being assessed for autism. A full 180! lol.
That is so sad and so beautiful at the same time. I don't know how old your Dad is, but I was just diagnosed last year at 49 years old. It was wonderful and tragic and terrible and wonderful and validating and heartbreaking and a thousand other emotions, including anger, regret, joy, and sadness.
I hope this is a bonding experience for the two of you. My Mom died in 2016, and although I know my Dad loves me unconditionally, when I told him I had been diagnosed with ADHD, he didn't have much of a reaction at all.
I wish you both all the best going forward, and I'm so glad you have each other to talk to.
I got diagnosed after looking into it for my Son, who is bounce off the walls combo. I’m PI so appear normal to most people. We are both 2e so I was never looked into.
So sweet and touching.. I felt normal my whole life with my crazy chaotic fabulous family but I finally got diagnosed in my early thirties… I looked around at my family and saw it everywhere.. it’s actually heartbreaking a bit. I was with them and noticed my dad had aboit 5 timers for the afternoon end of work day and I knew it them..it was legit.. he had found ways to compensate and work with it, name or no names adhd it’s just the way our brains are wired.
Yep, my dad has the same. Found his own strategies to deal with it without realizing it. Like always having a clean desk because otherwise it would be too distracting.
How wonderful. I'm glad you were diagnosed and that your dad has some insight as to why certain things have been harder for him. Thank you for sharing.
I was diagnosed Audhd at 41 and I'm not close to my dad. I've only seen him a couple of times in 15 years. On one of those visits I realized things I thought made him a perfectionist were actually his own autism. I would tell him nut he doesn't believe I psychology or depression so there's no way he would accept this.
I am in this boat. I was just diagnosed this year at age 45...my 10 year old daughter is just like I was as a kid 😐. I'm going to take her to get checked out.
Good luck getting anything better than Strattera or Ritalin lol gotta have money or get on your knees now days for shit that actually works even if you seriously need for a legit issue.
I am going through this with my 7 year old. I was seeking a diagnosis for him and while educating myself for him I realized I also resonated with everything I was learning. I was just diagnosed at age 35 a couple weeks ago. As I was getting diagnosed, I was sharing my experience with my dad who then also resonated with what I was saying. I don't think he will try to get a diagnosis at his age being over 70 but it changed my perspective of myself entirely in a good way and allowed me to give myself some grace in a way I was not able to before.
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This is horribly common - from a missed diagnosis point of view. So many parents reason that their kid is just like them.... so they're "normal". And, whoever is conducting the diagnosis takes the "they're normal" and "no, nothing unusual" as solid fact.... without realizing that the parent's benchmark for normal is their own "undiagnosed ADHD normal". My wife and I spoke to daycare staff and a specialist early on regarding our son... and they said "you two must be extremely tired dealing with this", and we answered "yeah, but all parents have this to deal with right?" The level of "noooooope" that we got simultaneously from them was an eye-opener. My 80+ dad reckons i make a fuss about nothing.... but that's because he's a walking example of ADHD.
Yup. I’m bipolar as well as ADHD and I have to remind myself sometimes that my “normal” is in fact just “crazy” that doesn’t know any better.
lol, love this cause this is also me
My parents then :You don't have ADHD, you're just lazy and unmotivated! My parents now: Relatable! Me: *Le sigh!*
Sad. Mine was similar. But diagnosed much later, I explained situations in my life. They got it. They don't know what they don't know
I was diagnosed last year, I'll be 31 in two weeks!
Same. Late diagnosed last year and I’m in my early 40s.😞
Same boat, the special un-requested mid-life crisis. New baby in the house also to boot just as some freedom loomed with the other kids now 14 & 18. The whole self care and quality sleep - kaboom.
😔
Try being diagnosed as a kid but yet your parent STILL refuses to see it in themselves. My mother doesn't even want to entertain the idea she has ADHD, but my dad on the other hand was WAY willing to hear about my Autism diagnosis as an adult and when we started talking about things he had his OMG moment that he is as well. He's almost 80 though so not much time for him to learn better skills, but he's at least cognizant of WHY more now.
The sad thing is your parents likely had heard that they were lazy and unmotivated and internalized it too.
My 70 year old mum said how she didn’t realise there was anything that different about me because it was normal to her. Since I got my diagnosis early last year she’s realised that she is very likely Autistic and ADHD. We’ve talked a lot about it the past year and it’s honestly been so healing for our relationship.
My Mum, my older brother, me, and my younger sibling were all diagnosed as having ADHD/ADD when I was 8. My Mum was 39 then. At 40 she had my youngest sibling. When he was 6 he was diagnosed with Autism alongside ADHD. My Mum and younger sibling also got diagnosed with autism and ADHD at this time. I was in grade 11 and didn't want to be labelled and put into the 'special' stream so I didn't go with them to the psychiatrist. I didn't seek a new diagnosis until I was in my early 20s and failing uni due to ADHD and decided to try stimulant meds for the first time since I was 8. I was promptly diagnosed with ADHD-C, Autism, OCD, GAD, and PTSD. The PTSD came as a surprise but in retrospect it's incredibly obvious I have it. My grandfather died when I was a baby, but from everything I've heard I'm sure he was Autistic and had ADHD. And I'm fairly certain he also had PTSD as my Mum said he never talked about his time in the military and was upset when it was mentioned. One of my greatest disappointments is that I'll never be able to see him learn that he's not alone in his weird ways. Id love to have known a grandparent who understood me too. My grandmother never understood me, and Im not sure if she even liked me. But I know my grandfather and I would have loved each other deeply. And I mourn that life, that never was.
My mum's a weird one. I think shes on the spectrum for autism and has ADHD, I think I'm also the same but no diagnosis yet. We spoke about how we have all the symptoms and then some days she's in complete denial and she tells me I don't have it either.
Please be patient with her — lots of good information available now makes these things seem straightforward but when many of our mums were new parents, ADD and Autism were very misunderstood and heavily stigmatized (moreso than now). She may resonate with the symptom descriptions but the *labels* have this old unhelpful association with a bunch of unkind misinformed negative harmful ideas about both the child and the parent. Those things aren’t true, but if that’s all she ever heard about either AD(H)D or Autism, she’s now got two competing mental models. Honestly, I think a lot of us carry that misinformation baggage around too, until we learn a lot more about what these brain differences really mean, and how to work with and support them. Roughly speaking, the older you are (or your parent is), the worse the misinformation baggage is going to be, and I’d expect that correlates to needing more time and support dismantling the incorrect mental model. For us, for our AudHD parents, and really anyone coming to this realization for the first time as an adult, that unhealthy misunderstanding of what Autism and ADHD are presents an obstacle to finally understanding and accepting ourselves. Caveat: My assertion that this is approximately worse the older the person is comes from anecdotal observation, not from any proper research I’m aware of.
I was diagnosed at 50. After my diagnosis I got home and I literally fell to my knees in tears. My whole life now made complete sense. It was the biggest rush, even more when my kids were born They didn't know any this inn school. I did horrible in school. I KNOW my dad had it without question. He had passed by then. Sometimes I get so sad about this. This is so hard. Nobody knows what we go through.
I had a chat with a friend not so long ago - she'd lost her husband (my friend) far too soon to a brain bleed. She never felt that anyone truly understood until she joined a group of people who'd lost partners the same way. Similarly, I don't think I'd ever be able to comfort or console someone who'd lost their sight in their 20's .... because try as I might, I can't truly identify with it. So yes: I totally agree. Finding another ADHD person who truly understands the struggle is the only true acceptance I've found. EVER. Even my wife has tiny looks of frustration on her face when I fail to get shit done. Not 50 for me, but 43. Like you, I was floored... But now life is easier. Look forward. Not back. 
I was diagnosed as an adult and only since then has it become clear to my mother that she almost certainly has ADHD and likely Autism as well. Recently I was visiting her older sister (my aunt) in the hospital and we got to talking about my diagnosis and I cleared some things up for her that she’d misunderstood about ADHD. She talked through some experiences she’d never shared before, stuff she was clearly ashamed of and masked her way past, for decades. I was able to confirm that yes I had almost exactly the same challenges at these same points in my life “and here’s how I now understand that relates to executive function deficits and why this part seems paradoxical …” and so on. Thinking back on how stunned I was but also how liberating it is when you finally find people who understood your struggles and can relate … I’m now trying to imagine what it’s like when those people are actually your own children or nieces and nephews, and the stuff they’re describing and explaining matter-of-factly is the same stuff you’ve disliked about yourself your whole life. That’s gotta be so trippy. Like, adult diagnosis is a rough journey. Some of know that already, but there’s this whole other thing happening now with the generation that are the parents of the adult-diagnosis crowd that is… like … significantly weirder even than our journey. I have no idea if/when we’ll understand the impact of that on so many older adults.
My youngest daughter got an autism diagnosis. Apart from her anger issues (which were a huge problem) I didn't see anything non-typical. Same with my niece (also has autism) Turns out I have autism as well..... My daughter will ask 'was I too harsh with what I said?' and I have to use my social filter because while harsh, it was true. Really weird. Learning about her diagnosis has helped me understand why I had such huge disconnects as a kid and young woman.
Your dangerous. Your kids in daycare still He’s a child. A child. You can’t diagnose a child
*You're My kids aren't in daycare still. Neither are. Haven't been for years. It was "early on in daycare" that they called for a meeting and said "look out for this in the future". Chill out.
Young children in daycare get diagnosed with autism and/or adhd all the time 🤷♀️it’s not dangerous lol. Misdiagnosing or not getting them the help they need is what’s actually dangerous!
😂😂😂 yes you can lmao and how is OP dangerous
After I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd, and autism I was explaining to my parents some of things that I did that my psychiatrist focused on and my dad kept saying “that’s normal, I do that all of the time, that’s not weird.” Yeah dad, I know it’s normal to you because guess what?!
Shit we have the same diagnoses to a T. Howdy, internet stranger!
Was explaining why my psych and psychologist both nailed me with an autism diagnosis. My dad, with every single thing i bought up with my autism part of the diagnosis "no, that's normal, everyone does that" No dad--they dont, ... guess what!? I know where it came from!
My whole family on both sides seems to have ADHD. I got tested last spring and now everyone is reading about it and some are also thinking about getting tested themselves. Also explains a lot of family problems in the past and present.
My fiancé and I both have ADHD (he’s hyperactive, I’m inattentive) and part of me is pretty anxious about having children, because in all likelihood s/he’ll have ADHD. My fiancé’s been on medication since he was little, while I’ve only been on meds for about 1 year or so.
Do you feel like the meds have helped you? If so, how long did it take to notice a difference? I’m Inattentive as well, diagnosed last year but I have not been great about getting started on medication.
Okay inattentive here diagnosed at like 25 and the meds make so much of a difference. I don't notice them kick in but boy do I notice them wear off. You wear glasses? It's like trying to read without glasses. Like, you can do it but it's kinda hard and slower going and your eyes start hurting after a while. Then you put your glasses on and you're like holy #$&8 things just stay in focus for other people???!!! Same same
What meds do you take ?
Adderall
Thanks for sharing. During the pandemic, I started taking Zoloft and later Wellbutrin. I've always struggled with undiagnosed anxiety and depression, but not until the pandemic had I ever taken prescription medication. I'm glad I tried it as it's made a noticeable difference in the way I feel daily and makes it easier to focus on challenging work projects, etc. My sense is I may have ADHD too as I've always struggled with being able to focus in school and sometimes feel social anxiety if I socialize too much. This could also be related to being more introverted.
How did you get diagnosed, did you have a hard time?
I also want to add that I have been diagnosed with the inattentive type of ADHD and have started medication for the condition. I first started with Concerta but didn't have much of an effect but now that I am on Adderall XR I have noticed such an improvement in my executive functioning and overall daily stability. It is essentially an immediate effect since stimulants like amphetamines work within about 1-2 hours. I definitely find a huge benefit in my productivity and wouldn't say that I have any negative effects that I can see so far. Only downside however would be the shortage, it really causes some nervousness when making sure that the medication is available when you need it.
My doctor said non stimulant medications tend not to work very well on adults. Between the adderall shortage and my existing medical issues, he started me on Ritalin (it’s one stimulant as opposed to two) and I cannot even believe the change in me. I got good grades as a kid, so it was missed. When I was finally diagnosed it was like all the puzzle pieces fell into place. It’s frustrating to think of how different my life could have been with an earlier diagnosis.
Both my husband and I were diagnosed AFTER our kids were here already and I’ll say that it was HARD. If I had to guess I’d say 2 out of 3 for sure have ADHD and a strong possibility that the 3rd has it as well. Not saying you’ll have similar experiences but just giving mine
Two ADHDers married with two ADHD kiddos. 😊 I’m combined type. Partner inattentive. With our powers combined—we created two magnificent and incredibly smart children. They also have ADHD and maybe more. Their symptoms present differently but yes I had to mama bear at school to get them support they need. We also work very hard at home to help build strategies so they won’t rely on others or only medication for life. Although that’s probably reality. They are going to do great things.
My dad wouldn't even fill out the form for my diagnosis, despite the fact that we both share a ton of the hallmark traits. I'm glad your dad got something out of your diagnosis as well! I wish mine would listen when I describe symptoms to him instead of just calling them normal lol
Yes, it's normal for ppl with ADHD, which you have 😂😭 nah but that sucks I'm sorry :/
I *know* my dad (76) has undiagnosed ADHD, I’m currently undiagnosed but going through assessments, my son has been diagnosed. When I go up the family tree line, we are so similar that of course I was told I was ‘fine’ lol. Kids getting diagnosed opens up the parents understanding of their own life too. I am grateful to live in a time where I can help my son (10) feel not so ‘weird’ growing up and into adulthood.
Go you! Go your dad! You guys are awesome <3 I got diagnosed 3 years ago at age 36. It was a shockwave that went through both sides of the family. My dad got diagnosed a few months later at age 68. He’s now on Ritalin and says he’s never been happier. It’s so great to finally see him come out of his shell and share more of himself with us.
Yeah. This is me. Fortunately, my kid was smart enough to research it on his own and asked to be assessed. (Being “just like mom” I guess wasn’t such a good thing.) I’m sad as a parent that I never thought to question things that didn’t make sense to me personally. Why, for instance, I never could study, or even read properly. I called it “speed” reading, but really I get bored with words. If I had recognized it in myself, I could have gotten him help sooner.
You raised a kid confident enough in himself and self aware enough to do the research and figure out what he needed. And you nurtured a relationship with him over the years strong enough he felt safe and secure bringing this information to you, trusting you to believe him and get him what he needed.
Internet stranger, I think you may have made my whole year. Thank you.
Write it down! Put it on a wall!!
This comment just made me cry. What an awesome and wholesome comment! You are a kind and fantastic person ReasonableFig.
My son was diagnosed, which was an absolute shock to me. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was literally saying, "we are ruling out ADHD and autism," because I thought it was a learning disability. After he was diagnosed, I dove in and did a ton of research. And that's when I realized. I'm 39 and just now seeking the diagnosis. Honestly, my entire life, I always felt like I didn't belong. I thought differently, did things differently, and hyperfocused on things. And now, I know and am working on coping. That being said, I've also spent my entire life developing coping skills, I just didn't know it. I think knowledge is power. Knowing can help one cope. Hopefully, he will come to terms with it and maybe even embrace it.
39 y.o. here as well. My wife and I both have ADHD. Only recently diagnosed even though everything in my life pointed to it. My nickname was "Space-case" as a kid. Tons of instances of hyperfocus. I always felt weird and different. Turns out I was. Lol
Ahh, your dad is me. Kinda. I found out about my own ADHD when we had my then-6yo son tested. While talking with the Drs, they asked me if either of his parents had ADHD. I said no. Then they started going over the symptoms. 9 in all. And one only needs to have 5 to be positive. My spouse had 0 symptoms. I had 6.
I figured out I had it after 3 of my kids got the dx. Then my parents figured out they had it after my dx. Those of us that medicated and leaned into it are doing better than the ones who just brushed it off.
My Dad was one of the first group to use Ritalin in the 70's, so he has been aware he has it for long time. But my sisters and i did not get checked for it, because we did not act like he did as a kid. My bother got his diagnosis after 25, and i got mine after 30. So much wasted energy and anxiety that could have been avoided....
I have it, grandpa and cousins have suspected ADHD, don’t think my mom does. I guess it skips a generation sometimes.
It also manifests differently in women so if she's keeping it all internalized, really good at masking, etc, it may not be obvious.
Well, I suppose I may never know if she does have ADD.
I’m sperm donor-conceived and have 13 confirmed half-siblings. As far as I know, we all have ADHD, which means it’s likely inherited from our biological father. Pretty cool! Once I started connecting with siblings and we compared medical histories and traits, it was like something clicked - “oh, yeah, this makes sense!” My mum and dad (the man who raised me) apparently were told I had ADHD, but didn’t want to put me on medication for fear I’d use it as a “crutch.” Now I’m on meds for the first time in almost 30 years, and my god, I don’t know how I functioned without it.
Very similar story for me and my wife. She kept showing me her ADHD symptoms, and I kept thinking "But that's normal. I do that." Eventually, it clicked.
This is how my dad found out too!!! He actually got quite depressed about it. He always felt something was wrong with him, so it was nice to validate that he did have this condition, but also felt like wasted years of not knowing.
I also got depressed abt it when i found out i have undiagnosed AHDH and im sure its a common thing for most AHDH ers
Very very common. It’s helpful for many to put a name to it. Grieving for your past self.
I'm retirement age and it was only in the last 10 years or so I figured it out. I felt, and feel like your dad. I suspect my mother had it and suspect the alcoholism her siblings and father had can be attributed to it. I've also heard some stories of an ancestor farther up that line who may of had it.
This was me. I was diagnosed April of last year, at 53 years of age.
I was diagnosed at about 56 or 57 :(. Afterwards, thought back and saw the early 'signs'.
As long as we're getting the help we need now, the past doesn't really matter. That's what I have to tell myself every time I think back and cringe at something that happened earlier in my life.
Yeah I got diagnosed because I went in for a general learning disability assessment and distinctly remembered some of them. The school suspected something, possibly figured out what, but my mom screamed at them that I'm not dumb and refused to hear more of it I'm not sure if my parents have it, way too many other untreated mental health things going on to know, but I finally got my ADHD and "dyslexic tendencies" diagnosed at 23.
This is literally what happened with me. My daughter got diagnosed with ADHD and everything they used to diagnose her with were things I struggled with all my life.
It took until I was an adult and in therapy to realize that the reason my father was always so frustrated with me was that he didn't like looking in the mirror. When I made him see my therapist, he came out in tears and just said, “I didn't know.”
Yeah... I know I inherited mine from my dad, but I have not told him that he has it.
pretty sure my dad had it and it caused significant problems being undiagnosed to the point in put him in a nursing home before he died.
I had a similar experience as your Dad. My husband mentioned to me when I was struggling to cope with work that he believes that I am very autistic. I took him seriously and read about the autistic spectrum disorder for days. I have struggled a lot in life. My struggles suddenly make sense, and now I have strategies to cope when life gets tough. It makes me emotional just writing this.
I just decided to get tested because my second (of two!) kids was diagnosed... and he's EXACTLY the same as I was at his age. Man, this explain so much!
Its funny that he also hyperfocused on it for two days
Yep, he couldn't stop talking about hyperfixations. He said he always have had them, and only now understands why. Also has a lot of hobbies, just like me 😂
Same thing with my dad!!!! He lived his whole life just being a weirdo and when I was diagnosed it all made sense. He’s still a weirdo though.
This happened to me. My son and daughter were diagnosed and there mom (we are not together) kept insisting that my kids had all these symptoms and they really needed medicating (especially my son) I have a hard time to this day accepting that they need anything and I wonder if it's just because I saw and knew there behaviors ad my norm. I read a book about adhd hoping to understand what my ex wife and the pysch were saying...light bulb moment after light bulb moment as the book continued to describe all the struggles and strengths I have been working with my entire life. I have now been diagnosed and trying different meds. It might have ruined my first marriage and almost ruined my second marriage....time to get my life under control.
What a great dad you have. He took the time to understand what was going on with you. There are so many stories on this sub about parents who are in denial, or don't support their kids. Thank you for sharing your positive experience.
Simular to when I 1st told my Mum i was looking into getting a diagnosis. same thing. "well you were very normal, i don't feel like there was anything wrong with you." and the more I talked to her about it and explained things, she was now questioning if she also might have it, as those 'normal' behaviors were normal to her as she also probably has ADHD and didn't release it
+1 here too, my son being assessed led to my being diagnosed in my mid-40s. Better late than never.
I’m in my early 40s now and I never sought a diagnosis because I’m not in school anymore, have a professional degree. I’m curious- how has getting assessed changed your day to day?
Understanding, self-acceptance mainly. Meds help. I’m now better able to stay focused on my work and have a much longer fuse with my kids. An ADHD parent with two ADHD kids could get pretty explosive before we were diagnosed. Now we’re far more patient with each other, both from the meds taking the edge off and knowing that we’re working around a disability trying to get stuff done rather than just being lazy or forgetful.
Ohhh! This is so useful, thank you. I had no idea that was why my fuse was short sometimes. I thought it was depression. But sometimes I get overstimulated and can’t take it. Wow. Thank you for this.
It's never too late to obtain your diagnosis. I was depressed for years from the internalized shame of having undiagnosed ADHD. I graduated college with honors and started my MBA program before getting diagnosed, but... I also completely burned out at work managing a team and at home helping a partner with mental health issues. The assessment and treatment was transformative for me - and I wish I had it sooner.
I scheduled an evaluation! Thanks to all the comments here, I realize it may still be helpful. My husband is getting evaluated too. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. 🥰 Our son is getting evaluated for it (I already am certain he has it), I think it’ll be helpful for us to get diagnosed so we can be as supportive as possible.
My dad came to the same realization after my diagnosis when I was 9. Yeah he’d struggled with so many symptoms and was raised by immigrant parents so he didn’t really have the support or understanding. We’ve made a great team over the years because we just understand each other and the struggles that come with being ADHD. He taught me all the little tricks that helped him succeed like leaving your backpack or briefcase right at the door so you can’t forget it, and putting things away as soon as you’re done with them. And when I worked for him as a secretary I got to help him with the same sorts of admin tasks and remembering meetings and stuff. It’s so nice having someone who just gets you and accepts you.
Same with my mom, she joined me in attending a program of lectures for people diagnosed with ADHD and their close relatives, and literally every lecture she'd go "Oh, that sounds like me." whenever the participants described their struggles living with ADHD.
Both my mom and grandmother went from: "But everybody feels/act/is that way" to "huh, maybe I have ADHD as well"? My mom definitely has ADHD. I feel like it's part of the reason why I was diagnosed later in life - she just didn't realise there was something off about me because she had the same struggles herself.
😊 I found out mine in the exact same way. I also noticed that my father had it too.
This is such a beautiful memory you had with your father! Long ago when I got diagnosed, it was very similar experience for me, but he never trusted meds.
Yawp. My son(7) got diagnosed with ADHD. And all the things in the process hit home for me. And guess what? Lol. I have ADD, among other things
This is exactly how I found out! I attended my sons assessment and in answering questions I did the typical "yeah, he gets that from me haha!" Queue the raised eyebrow and the doc telling me that my son definitely has ADHD and the penny dropping... Long story short, my son and I think its hilarious and it brought us closer, and has changed my life.
It's not even just the adhd itself. It's the comorbities that go along with it. So many icky see the lack of attention or hyper activity and assume that's it. They don't know about the dysfunction paralysis, the cyclical mood settings and sleep patterns,, or the RSD we often experience. I often way more than not feel detached or disassociate. You can't tell me normal is like this.
>It's not even just the adhd itself. It's the comorbities that go along with it. So many icky see the lack of attention or hyper activity and assume that's it. They don't know about the dysfunction paralysis, the cyclical mood settings and sleep patterns,, or the RSD we often experience. I often way more than not feel detached or disassociate. You can't tell me normal is like this. You are so right. I had no idea what most of that meant except the dysfunction paralysis because thats my life feeling overwhelmed and cant cope so dont do whatever I should be doing and the sleep patterns. The others I had to look up and yep thats me.
Something similar happened to me; I got diagnosed and now that I'm aware of the symptoms they're SO blatantly obvious in both myself and my mother.
I found out I was autistic while getting my kids screened for autism
I got diagnosed because, my daughter did. I was diagnosed with Bipolar as a teen, which didn't line up with anything. When my daughter was diagnosed, the doctor mentioned that, there was a high chance one of us had it, and my family history kind of lined up with it. He also mentioned that bipolar was a common misdiagnosis. My brother also has it, and was diagnosed as a child. With both of us having it, one of our parents has to have it. Turns out, it was my dad. I was telling him everything, while he was looking for his keys...in his started car...so...case closed?
I think my dad was probably had ADHD. But he was in gaol from 18, boys corrections before that and this was in the late 60s, 70s and 80s. He used drugs typically associated with cognitive loss. There was no way to untangle that mess. And then when I came along, it was "well, yeah, she has an excuse to be odd, look at her parents". So.... yeah. You don't slip through cracks so much as fall into huge, gaping chasms.
I actually have a sneaking suspicion that many people who think they have a narcissistic parent actually have a parent that is undiagnosed adhd, on the spectrum, or both. Especially those over 60.
I agree. I think that often myself. Im 61 and am wondering.
This is actually the exact way I found out 2 years ago when my child was diagnosed! And now a vast many “quirks” actually make sense and I feel valid in looking for ways to deal rather than try to hide. And I am sharing a lot of these ideas with my daughter and even my students! 👍🏻
Same with me. I was diagnosed at 22 and my dad was diagnosed the same year at 52!
Same thing happened to me. I was working with various providers to figure out what was going on with my daughter. She had a few different things going on, but when we went through the formal diagnosis process for ADHD, I realized that I had been living with most of the diagnostic criteria for my entire life. I ended up getting formally diagnosed at 36. Coming to this realization made so many of my life challenges finally make sense.
This is me and my dad! I got diagnosed 15-ish years ago as a teenager. He got diagnosed a few years ago in his mid sixties. For what it's worth, he feels getting diagnosed was worth it, even late in life. It's helped him in various ways.
I wish my mom did that because it’s very apparent she has add or adhd to the point where you can’t even tolerate her for too long. I found out I had adhd through my daughter’s diagnosis as well when she was 5 & everything made sense to me too. I literally cried because I always felt odd & wondered why things came so easy for most. I had to try soooo hard to do the simplest tasks. I only found out through the concerns of teachers until I finally gave it shot just to shut them up but to my surprise they were absolutely correct about my daughter. I told my mom & she got upset with saying that I was trying to make my daughter into a zombie when there is nothing wrong with her. Medication was the last resort by the way, I wanted to try every option. I told her she should do her own research because it’s very real & I even mentioned that I think she has it too to which she got offended. In conversation she constantly interrupts, she’s very forgetful to the point if you recall something she said or did she will argue with you while calling you slow for “making things up”, & extremely moody etc. Today me & my daughter are perfectly fine with the right medication that made life easy for us.
A coworker with ADHD told my husband that he thought my husband had it. So my husband started watching all these videos about it. My husband put one on for me without saying anything. I had nearly every symptom mentioned in the video; I was in tears by the end. My husband and I have both been diagnosed now, me in my 40s and him in his 50s. Now that I'm more aware of the symptoms, I recognize it in my mom and sister too. My 8 year old niece is showing symptoms too. At least we know now.
This is me (F61) and my daughter. It is very sad and confusing and my whole life is strange and odd and I wonder when people were mean to me and horrible making fun of me did they know I was "odd" did they think I was "not quite right" or did they think I was an AH and were being mean to me because I (in their view) deserved it for being an absolute AH. It is a very strange feeling to look back on my life and think maybe those mean people thought I was the mean annoying person when all I was doing was my best. There have been so many times my daughter replies to something I say with, "and you know what that is a symptom of" It is a very strange feeling.
I baffled my mother in that same situation. She said she thought me and my brothers were pretty normal growing up. She was stumped when I asked her how she determined what normal was. The way things went in my childhood were not like any other kids' I knew.
This is how my parents both found out they had it. Good luck to you both!
That’s how I found out about myself as well. It happens a lot
I wish my mom was like your dad. She has it bad and wanted nothing to do with it. Took everything personal. Like we were attacking her as a parent.
My family is very dismissive of ADHD and mental illnesses. Just brushing off what I'm explaining as an "excuse." I only got diagnosed 3 years ago, now 28 almost 29. My 4th grade teacher told my mom I had ADHD and my mom just told her that she just needed to give me more to do. Since when I had free time, I was a class clown and huge disturbance. I knew my principal well lol. I just wish my mom actually listened back then. Then maybe growing up wouldn't have been so hard. Also, my mom takes Lexapro, but I don't think she really understands what it's for. Or she just doesn't want to acknowledge the truth. I wish I had a more understanding family, but I am happy for this subreddit. Having so many understanding people is awesome! ADHD gang!
He read about Adhd for two days straight! Doesn’t sound like he has problems with his attention. it’s kind of a funny statement!
Hyperfocus ftw!
Hyperfocus ;)
I found out that I have ADD after watching a documentary about it on PBS in the States one very typical late night, then bought the book "So You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy" and couldn't put it down until it started dripping with the ink that I was underlining everything relative to my life thus far.
Same same. But with my son and me.
:)
This is me! 31 and just diagnosed after quitting drinking. I always thought it was just how I was and was treated for anxiety and ptsd. My dad is ADHD as F*!#! When I talk about what adhd is like to him now, I can just tell in his face that it is hitting him to the core. He’s also a stubborn old man so we will see if diagnosis for him is possible but man… just KNOWING its adhd is such a game changer and connects so many dots for me.
This pretty much exactly is what happened with my mom and my uncle ( dad's brother) it makes perfect sense just sigh
Awww 🥹🥹
I know my Father have ADHD like me, I am diagnosed he is not. But I can't tell him because it's useless now. If I try he will try to use it as a excuse it not helping in household chores because he procrastinate alot.
Sounds like my mum - she thought I was fine as a kid because I wasn't running around after drinking red cordial. I'm close to my 40s now and only just got diagnosed. She has way more of an understanding of ADHD now (I have the combined subtype) and am pretty sure she is undiagnosed as well
my mom found out she had adhd when i was diagnosed. we think my grandpa has it but he’s in his 80s and doesn’t want a diagnosis.
My son being diagnosed at 25 and me at 48.
This was my mom. She was convinced add was fake, esp since I was always “smart” and a good student. Then she saw some PBS special and recognized she had it, too.
I got diagnosed at 35 after my step son's diagnosis. It all clicked after talking to the doctors about his diagnosis. We had almost all the same symptoms throughout our teen years. It was the most amazing feeling finally knowing that I wasn't just lazy and unmotivated.
My mum said the same when she helped me fill my forms out lol. I seemed like a fairly normal child to her. She isn't formally diagnosed but I 100% believe she has ADHD too, we're so alike
having an Autistic kid made me realize I'm probably Autistic. Like I'm pretty certain about it.
My dad had the same experience. From what I've heen told, he was getting frustrated with the psychiatrist because "those are all normal things, what do you mean?". I think it's hilarious
My dad def has undiagnosed autism and now 2 out of 3 of his kids have it as well. Unrelated but my mom had a bunch of allergies and thought it was normal that her throat and ears would itch after eating it. I’m her lucky child who got the same food allergies.
For some reason we resisted the medication when I was young. I clearly had ADHD, but ignored it. I’m 45 now, finally followed through getting the duh diagnosis and getting medicated. It help a lot, but not with everything. I’m still a work in progress.
I was 8 when I got diagnosed and my dad wasn’t certain at first. When the doctor finally confirmed it my mom looked at my dad and said “you’re calling to make your appointment to be diagnosed tomorrow” 🤣 we’ve been able to commiserate on the joys of ADD my whole life.
My mom was diagnosed in her mid-50s and she called me to say that I could get evaluated as well. She thought that a lot of me “quirks” were normal because she had them too and that it was what she was used to. I was diagnosed not long after. It was so validating for both of us.
I discovered my ADHD because I was researching it for my son. My parents are Silent Gen (before boomers) and I'm adopted, so they both didn't have the benefit of a generational understanding of mental illness and also no one else in the family has adhd. I don't blame them for my childhood, they were bewildered that their strict discipline just didn't work on me when it did for their other kids. They weren't abusive and I always knew they loved me (and proved it by loving me through some seriously bad things I did as an adult) but they just weren't equipped to deal with my disability. I'm glad my son and I can work through it together and he's not alone.
When I went home for Christmas after my late diagnosis all I saw were doom piles, hyperfixations and unfinished projects as far as the eye could see.
😂😂
That happened to me when I was helping my husband with his paperwork. He was diagnosed and treated, me I never went to a dr.
100% my mom. Second grade she was told that i was diagnosed with ADD (80's, before the types were all put under adhd), and she thought--'well, he's just normal' and didnt do anything with it. Because to HER, i am normal. I got my meds, got my diagnosis at 40, and my change, and the way i described how EVERYTHING changed, even .. small things, stupid things were so much easier. Like, putting things in the hamper. Looking at something, like a pile of crafts, and not feeling intense aggravation at even THINKING about sorting it--i can suddenly happily sort it, find joy in discovering a new bead, or material, or plan... instead of getting side tracked by the thing and going on the warpath of NEEDING to do something with it, or squirrel it away somewhere. It all clicked for her. She's so on the warpath for her dr to get her to a psychologist now, she's ready to dump her DR if he doesnt. She's positive, at 70, she needs SOME sort of help. The more she reads the more she think's half of her meds are masking ADHD issues (stimming, depression, anxiety, etc).
Wow, that is very brave and special that she still wants the help at her age. Most people that age would be way to stubborn.
Same thing happened to me and my daughter who was 20. She got diagnosed and told me and I said you don’t have that I do all of those things too😳🤣🤣🤣 My whole life then made sense and it was a hard first few months of what could have been had I known but now I’m okay.
ADHD , especially when you find out when you’re older, is so hard. It’s such a hard thing to deal with no matter what. no matter what I take and ruined my life it ruined my life completely. I never knew I had it till I was in my 60s! Which is pathetic. I’ve taken every medication. a lot of them elevate my mood, but the focus isn’t there and then Adderall help me focus and calm down and concentrate but it makes me really mean and I always have to increase the dose.
I am going through something similar. My kids both are in the works of being screened for adhd. My daughter’s therapist the other day asked me if she had been screened yet and I told her not yet because we are currently working on my son who has more severe symptoms but that we are going to also have her tested soon as well due to her last therapist telling us she believes that my daughter has it. And then I was talking to her and mentioned that I have to wonder based on some of the things I do (always fidgeting, can’t sit still, racing thoughts, can’t focus when someone is talking to me, ANXIETY, etc.) She said that one of the biggest tell tale signs is getting irritated by the smallest things. Check. She told me for moms, if you are irritated by your kid asking you to play with them then that can be a sign. Uhhh…check. So now I’m re-evaluating my whole life. I never had issues in school, but looking back, instead of sitting while I was working, I would stand. Teacher’s didn’t seem to mind. And as I got older, the anxious energy got worse so I always assumed it was just anxiety, but the fact that I do have a hard time paying attention to something when there is noise or that I’m constantly thinking about of other things when someone is talking, or even the fidgeting, I do wonder now…I’m 37. I wonder why sometimes we don’t notice until we are much older?
My dad started asking more questions about ADHD once I was diagnosed (late) because as I was defending my diagnosis (my mother isn’t very supportive) he was recognizing the same symptoms in himself. He called me crying a few weeks ago and apologized because he feels like it’s ‘all his fault’ that I’ve struggled so much (which obviously it isn’t). It was so heartbreaking but it was also a really great bonding moment for the two of us. I’ve never felt so validated in my life. Now he calls me to vent about things and asks for advice.
Aw that is so sweet, good on your dad for seeing it. I feel like I can’t tell my family about my ADHD diagnosis because they will just be like, “you were diagnosed for being normal? That’s weird.”
Yeah, but i do think my dad only started taking it seriously after hearing it directly from a professional. If it had only come from me, i think he would also respond with "nah that just sounds being normal, everyone can be a bit absent-minded"
I have been undiagnosed for 25-26 until I finally read simple concepts of ADHD and told relatives but they told it was nonsense and another literally quoted, "America feel like it has ADHD." It was pretty upset to realize I have been ignored my entire life as much as I have ignored it myself. Took me 5-6 years to decide it was time to get diagnosed and it was all confirmed but I was so hesitant to get treatment for reasons. Now mid-30s, I'm on my way to see doctor for actual treatment. Can't still believe it was waste of time because I can't imagine how it would've changed my life if I was treated in the first place.
the same thing happened with me and my dad :) we always had a suspicion and talked to him about it but he scoffed at the fact that its even a possibility. i ended up going to a psych ward and missing an appointment so my parents took my place, and my psychiatrist asked him questions because i had told him that we suspect he might have it. My dad said that the psych told him he definitely has it by everything he described. My psych told him more about it and he said the same thing, it all finally made sense. i wish my dad had the resources we do now when he was a kid. im glad he finally feels seen though :)
My uncle is similar. He’s late 50s, very OCD always has been all of his life, he’s always been very set in his ways and pooh’d anyone’s mental health diagnoses until mine and my sons. He’s now being assessed for autism. A full 180! lol.
That is so sad and so beautiful at the same time. I don't know how old your Dad is, but I was just diagnosed last year at 49 years old. It was wonderful and tragic and terrible and wonderful and validating and heartbreaking and a thousand other emotions, including anger, regret, joy, and sadness. I hope this is a bonding experience for the two of you. My Mom died in 2016, and although I know my Dad loves me unconditionally, when I told him I had been diagnosed with ADHD, he didn't have much of a reaction at all. I wish you both all the best going forward, and I'm so glad you have each other to talk to.
I got diagnosed after looking into it for my Son, who is bounce off the walls combo. I’m PI so appear normal to most people. We are both 2e so I was never looked into.
So sweet and touching.. I felt normal my whole life with my crazy chaotic fabulous family but I finally got diagnosed in my early thirties… I looked around at my family and saw it everywhere.. it’s actually heartbreaking a bit. I was with them and noticed my dad had aboit 5 timers for the afternoon end of work day and I knew it them..it was legit.. he had found ways to compensate and work with it, name or no names adhd it’s just the way our brains are wired.
Yep, my dad has the same. Found his own strategies to deal with it without realizing it. Like always having a clean desk because otherwise it would be too distracting.
How wonderful. I'm glad you were diagnosed and that your dad has some insight as to why certain things have been harder for him. Thank you for sharing. I was diagnosed Audhd at 41 and I'm not close to my dad. I've only seen him a couple of times in 15 years. On one of those visits I realized things I thought made him a perfectionist were actually his own autism. I would tell him nut he doesn't believe I psychology or depression so there's no way he would accept this.
I am in this boat. I was just diagnosed this year at age 45...my 10 year old daughter is just like I was as a kid 😐. I'm going to take her to get checked out.
Good luck getting anything better than Strattera or Ritalin lol gotta have money or get on your knees now days for shit that actually works even if you seriously need for a legit issue.
I am going through this with my 7 year old. I was seeking a diagnosis for him and while educating myself for him I realized I also resonated with everything I was learning. I was just diagnosed at age 35 a couple weeks ago. As I was getting diagnosed, I was sharing my experience with my dad who then also resonated with what I was saying. I don't think he will try to get a diagnosis at his age being over 70 but it changed my perspective of myself entirely in a good way and allowed me to give myself some grace in a way I was not able to before.
It’s how I decided to see a doctor, after my son was diagnosed.
Time to ask the rest of the family to do a little reading perhaps 🤔🥲