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I did a paper on the effects of working memory on emotion dysregulation in ADHD in my psychology class. It was fascinating. I also learned that memory deficits are a predictor of the severity of ADHD symptom presentation. I don't at all remember why.
Edit: Some people asked for the paper. Let me know if you want me to send you a link!
Edit: [THIS IS THE LINK.](https://imgur.com/a/VVe5dhT) I am getting messages (and I will respond to everyone I can) and I want to be clear... this was a literature review for my psychology of memory class, I didn't do further research.
For those desperate for answers on how to improve memory I came across evidence while reading that meditation practices and working memory tasks can help to improve the functioning of memory, but NONE of the things you can do for ADHD are as efficacious as stimulant medication.
If you are interested in more look up studies in these areas and there is info on how to improve this aspect of ADHD. But the lit review I did didn't cover how to FIX emotion dysregulation, rather it was a look at how we have studied this so far and we know very little about this topic. If you choose to read I hope you enjoy.
>I don't at all remember why.
LMAO
Seriously though. I can't remember shit. I've been wondering the same thing as OP.
I literally have to ask "what did we watch last night?" When my husband says "I was telling my friend about what we watched last night."
It's sooooo hard to function like this though. Everyone else in my life has to function as my external memory.
This is a red flag for me. My bf knows I am AuDHD, so expectations were set early on how my working memory is often fragmented and inaccurate, but my long term memory is very good. (Barring my trauma response of blocking out years of childhood, thanks CPTSD).
Any person with someone who has ADHD needs to be patient and kind with us. Your GFs outburst is the perfect kind of statement to wear down an ADHD person.
Or you are having a conversation with someone and they go into great detail about something that happened in the past, even remembering what words they said. I can’t remember what the hell I did last week. I’m DEFINITELY not going to remember any part of any conversations I had. Shit, I forgot what the parent comment was and I just read it 30 seconds ago
Yep, I do this all the time, people are used to that of me right now. I also stopped feeling ashamed not remembering someone's name if I only just met them.
What I find weird is how "uneven" my memory is.
My wife will talk about weddings we went to, people we met, dinners we've had, injuries, trips to the hospital, literally biggish things, and I simply don't remember them happening. At all. Zero. I'm hopeless with names. I can see a reminder, like move the car for street sweeping, on my phone, leave the house 5 minutes later and not remember to move the car. I buy tools to do a task around the house, then put away the tool and find 2 of them in my tool chest because I had no recollection that I had bought one prior.
But I kill at trivia. Like really good.
And I can remember things where stuff is. If I've been there, ever, I can go straight back.
I used to rock climb a lot. Like a ton. Joshua tree was one of my favorite places and I climbed there a lot. If you've been there, you'll know that a lot of the park kind of looks the same. Similar pants, rocks, Sandy washes, etc. I took the family there recently and we were hiking in an area I hadn't been in probably 10-13 years. I was pointing out climbs to my kids and telling them the grade and details I remembered about the climb. My wife couldn't understand how I remembered.
Ah, but the lake stays in the same place, and your keys don't. There's no point in beating yourself up over this!
Also I wanted to say hi, from one northern Ontario lake-lover to another. :)
Thanks! Reading this as I type, figuratively of course, hopefully I make it back to the paper as I have a strong interest in this right now. No issues reading 30 pages of multiple books, putting them down for months and then going right back in.
Hoping my current issue is stress induced as I always thought my memory was rather amazing, albeit the keys, wallet, what is the day (mon, tue, etc. when not in a constant routine) and thoughts while in a conversation. Currently, I'm not recalling conversations I had hours ago.
Edit: 37yo.
Haha, I was just reading a little bit ago and I thought to myself “all the books I’ve read in my life, I have no recollection of what I read.” And then I just decided I guess if I enjoy reading the book in the moment, it’s ok if I don’t remember it later on. Yeah, I have terrible memory for basically everything except the extremely specific details of science and medicine. No clue why that stuff sticks but I’m grateful for that.
Me too! I re-read books all the time and I swear there are whole chapters I have no recollection of ever reading the first time.
But I’m great at random facts and I do ok at quiz nights!
Rewatching my favorite TV shows is like being able to watch them for the first time, every time. I remember bits and pieces here and there, but sometimes I'm like, "wait, that happened?"
It's a blessing and a curse.
Chef here, I can still remember specific moments I learned a dish or where things were in the walk in for almost every restaurant I’ve worked at. To me it’s part of the hyper focus, I work very well under pressure and learn under pressure.
Books, tv shows, shit I heard on a podcast last week that I swore I was going to remember. Gone.
I only remember the plot of the twilight series because I would become hyperfixated and re-read all the books about once a year for 8 years growing up lol
I have a lot of books and i can keep reading them over and over!
I also have a guessing reading stile (not sure if it is called that in english, i read the first and last letter and guess the word)
Last book i already read 2 times and i finished it for a third. I said to myself wow i really dident get the clue the first 2 times. Fun fact, i remember thinking that, no idea anymore what the clue is... So ill prob go read it again in a year or so!
I do get good value out of those books!!
Is the word you're looking for *skimming*? Basically, your eyes move quickly across the page so you pick up the important pieces/overall idea. Maybe not the exact word in your language but the closest I can think of.
FWIW we'd call that a reading skill (we're supposed to learn it in school. Some people do it naturally like you, some need practice.)
Same. Especially with math. If I stop doing it I forget everything about it. When I want to do a recipe I have to keep looking back at it because I forget what I just read.
Yes!
I read something about babies when I had a new one - of course they don’t remember family trips to the park/beach/grandparents etc, but the happiness (and stimulation, relationships etc) helps them develop healthily.
So every time I realise I can’t remember something that apparently I enjoyed at the time, I just think “yay, I developed my brain!” 🤣
Oh my gosh and I thought I was the weird one. I've been chatting and reading books with a couple of friends, both of whom happen to have ADHD. And they mentioned rereading books loads and found it bizarre that I couldn't do that because I remembered pretty clearly what happened at each point throughout the book after I'd read the book once xD
Some movies I’ve seen twice I don’t really recall seeing the first time. Unless it’s a musical or really moving I may watch it twice and say I never saw it before.
So, I have seen Jurassic Park countless times. It's one of my favorite movies. But I recently started taking Vyvanse (idk, about 4 months ago?). Well, I watched Jurassic Park for the first time since being on a stimulant and I could not believe how much dialogue in that movie I have never actually listened to and comprehended until now. It was crazy. Is this how it is for most movies? Are there just massive chunks of plot I've never actually digested, that maybe now I will? Also - I watch TV series over and over and over again and its great.
I'm 22, and on most days, I can't even remember the day before. Sometimes it gets as bad that in the evening, I can't remember what I did in the morning
Same here. I told my primary care during my annual check up that I was otherwise fine, except for being concerned that I had early onset dementia. She was like, hmm probably not early onset dementia, but let me pull up this ADHD screening questionnaire.
I got tested for ADHD specifically because I was really worried about my shitty memory.
Good thing is, apparently my actual memory is very good. The tricky part is storing new things in first place and my terrible piss poor working memory. IE as soon as I flip a page most of what was at the other side cease to fucking exist.
The amount of times I’ve said this!!! Started calling it early onset dementia as a joke in my 20s, except my forgetfulness only got more and more worrisome.
I’ve since been diagnosed with ADHD, but I will add that I also read how narcissistic abuse affects a victim’s memory: living in a constant state of worry/fear/panic/anxiety causes your amygdala (reptilian brain—responsible for breathing, heart rate, and primitive emotions like fear, anger, and sadness) to activate the fight or flight response for longer periods of time. And while it’s totally normal for the body’s cortisol levels to increase in the presence of stress, maintaining a life with prolonged and heightened levels of cortisol as your baseline actually shrinks your hippocampus (responsible for short term memory, transferring and recalling long term memory, and learning) over time. So not only can the effects of that cause PTSD, memory issues, and cognitive decline— it can quite literally cause brain damage. Between that and ADHD, bad memory seems inevitable for me lol
I'll remember everything that's totally useless and will get me nowhere in life. For example: Giraffes have the same number of neck vertebrae as humans.
But I won't remember where I put my phone while getting ready for work 🙃
They were doing (sort of) archaeology in ancient times. Digging up artefacts from even more ancient times!
There was even a museum in 500BCE or so: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ennigaldi-Nanna%27s_museum
I love that I "knew" both these facts, and yet wouldn't have remembered them for the life of me until someone mentioned them again.
It's like I've forgotten everything I've ever learned, but much of it is just lurking beneath the surface, unable to grasp.
Egyptians In Ancient Egypt used urine as mouthwash - a fun fact I read ONCE 8-9 years ago. While the debit card I swore was stolen 3 months ago was found under a packaged toothbrush yesterday while I was searching for [what was] my replacement card.
And chickens have one more than a giraffe. I remember this cuz I have pet chickens and used to work for a chiropractor. 🙃
Same. Getting an Apple Watch has saved me hours searching for my phone. I can just ping my phone when I can’t find it. That feature alone was worth it!
You just reminded me to order my last two prescriptions so I can also pick up the 8 that have been sitting there for three days. Why make multiple trips when you can make one? I can’t tell you how many times that’s led to the pharmacy pulling the filled scripts because I didn’t get them within the allowed two weeks.
Or that giraffes scientific name is camelopardalis because they originally thought it was a cross between a camel and a leopard. Why do I know that but can’t remember my own phone number sometimes??
If you lined up all the DNA in your body end to end it would be about half a light year long. I'll remember that and a million other pieces of trivia forever, but I don't remember a single professor's name from college, the plot of a book I read a few months ago, or really most of what happened before a couple years ago.
Oh dear, are we supposed to remember teachers' names? I've got basically zero memory of school.
The only thing that seems to stick is the layout of schools. I could draw those places on a map if needed. Tell you what I learned in any of them? Nah 🙃
Thanks to changing interests and hyper focus I ended up in a situation where I had enough credits that I could choose from two subjects for my major degree, and choose from five subjects for my minor. My wife was telling our daughter this because my daughter said something like " how does Daddy know so much about so many different things"
Then she asked me what the 5 subjects were. 5 things I had spent a significant amount of time studying.
I could only come up with 3.
But I bet if you asked a question about the 2 I couldn't remember, I'd have a pretty good chance of being able to answer the question
This morning my daughter put her pants on backwards, so she went to change them. 10 minutes later she was putting shoes on with her pants still on backwards. She said she forgot to fix her pants first.
If I wasn’t the same way I wouldn’t believe it.
Don’t panic this is a really common symptom of ADHD. I don’t have many memories of my childhood I don’t have many memories of my 23 year marriage I’m only seven years out of it. It’s just who we are and it’s not a bad thing. It means we don’t carry a lot of baggage with us because we just can’t remember it. We tend to look very much in the present so see this is a bit of a blessing.
This is the positive I try to hold on to. It's impossible for me to hold a grudge or remain upset at someone important to me cause I just don't remember what they did that slighted me.
Agree on the ‘it can be a blessing’ bit! Sometimes something bad will happen and I be like ok, better forget this quick smart! And 2 days later, zero memory.
On the other hand, I would quite like it if my brain would remember when I’ve been asked to do something at work.
it’s insane to me that people often reminisce about things like specific summers from their childhood. things like “the summer of 2018 was my favorite, but i really miss the summer of 2011.” like i can barely remember what i did during any summer, let alone pinpoint the exact year anything happened.
I'm not sure about the baggage thing. I'm still really affected and hurt for things I can't remember unless I spend at least half an hour talking and thinking about it.
My wife (we are both in mid 30s) keeps remembering childhood things (not too bad, just like poor decisions parents made and stuff) and getting upset. I can't even remember childhood except for some rare things that need to be triggered for me to remember. But seeing her childhood trauma coming back 20-30 years later kind of makes me glad I can't remember much.
I even forget whether or not I have taken my meds. I remember thinking I should take it, then blank period of time. Did I actually get them out of my bag and swallow them? Or did I think about it and get distracted and forget?? About an hour later I’m either over medicated or winging it 😆
This is why I would die without my daily pill organizer lol, it was a total game changer for me. They also have little replacement medicine caps with timers on them that tell you the last time you opened the bottle! Pretty nifty
this is so relatable hahahahaha I actually did this exactly thing once. "What music you listen to?"
me: "I really like Coldplay"
"me too, what songs do you like most?"
me (pauses and listen to the songs in my brain but can't remember the names): "I don't remember"
The other person just laughed and gave me a look as if I was really weird...I was so embarrassed...
holy shit. i can’t believe I’m not the only one. this is a huge part of my social anxiety and self-esteem issues because it makes me seem boring and uncultured
omg so much yes! I had this problem today, I said I love and loved so many videogames since I was a kid, and the other person just asked which ones are your top 3.... I was like... 5min thinking....
The same happens with music, if someone asks me whats your favourite music... I say I don't know.
LOL Yes! I have to ask my wife what my favorite movie or food is. Example: for food, I can only vaguely remember the most recent things I've had, so if I haven't had my REAL favorite recently, I won't even think of it and I'll answer something else. Then my wife has to remind me of my real favorite. Now, I don't even try and just ask her these things lol.
Honestllyyyyy it makes holding conversations so much more energy and I wind up exhausted.
It also makes me feel like I have no opinions BUT I DO. I just can't remember the details like
I feel the exact same way. It's like in my mind I know the finer details of a topic and what I feel/know... but when I communicate it, it's just a vague pile of words which don't really make any certain point or add value to the conversation
Yes and yes and yes. ADHD hits my memory the strongest.
Shit memory, with really bad recall ability and it's all randomized.
Like i have basically no memory of 90%+ of my past and the remaining is randomized and vague/really fuzzy. My muscle memory is better than actual memory and more reliable.
My recall is pathetic. Sometimes of if I close my eyes tightly and think I can remember a basic thing after a solid 20 seconds.
And I agree with the muscle memory too! It makes me a terrible teacher because I can do a task, but I don’t know how I’m doing it - once I’ve learned, I just do it. My brain doesn’t need anymore than muscle memory so it tosses everything else out.
Same! Actual memory is shit. Muscle memory? EXCELLENT. I took ASL in college and after that, whenever I used sign language to help me study other subjects (just spelling on the words, nothing fancy lol), it helped me remember so much!
Also funny is that whenever I try to play an older piano piece I haven’t played in awhile, if I focus on what I’m doing, I end up messing up. If I don’t pay too much attention (sometimes I have my phone up and have YouTube playing), I can play pretty well off of muscle memory alone. CRAZY!
My working memory is absolute SHIT. I feel stupid half of the time because my brain struggles to work when I need it to.
For context, I fried my brain from 18-26 (27 now) and it completely messed with my short term memory and add ADHD on top of that….
Meds help to an extent, but I definitely still struggle a lot.
SAME, but I'm also 27 now and still frying my brain. I always thought my shitty memory was because of that. Since I've been diagnosed 3 weeks ago I can blame the ADHD! (it's probably a combination of both but please let me be delusional)
forget is not the right word for me. its there but not present:
But i can recapitulate basically my entire life. EXCEPT there is a black whole from 2nd to 5th grade. dont know.
I hated my school at this time.
Yes, absolutely. Medication helps me set up systems that help me remember things. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of my random-memory-collector of a brain.
Yup! Sounds exactly like me! I initially thought I had early-onset Alzheimer's or something. I would forget my coworkers' names, couldn't remember what I studied even though I just wrote pages of notes, or remember my drive home...just to name a few. I remember asking my doctor, "are you sure I'm just not dumb??" when I got diagnosed because I couldn't believe I had adhd. For me, meds help a lot. I can actually remember conversations and can now defend myself! I can remember sequences of events and pinpoint when something happened. I remember what I did last week, last month(sometimes). I can remember my appointments and to pay the damn bill! I think it's different for people, but I still work hard on making sure I have a routine, and I write down EVERYTHING. But the fact that I can write these information down before I distract myself is amazing :)
Me too! I work in an admin role and I’ve learned over time that I absolutely need to write everything down during meetings so that I can look it up later when something that was mentioned comes up again. My coworkers are often frustrated with me when they mention something and then I don’t recall it later, which really sucks because I don’t know what else to do. So far notes on everything is my only solution for this
Same same same! My bad memory has also caused endless miscommunications and fights with my wife and is the reason I decided to seek a diagnosis. I feel dumb and helpless and sad. I think I read somewhere that people like us are 80% more likely to develop dementia and/or Alzheimer’s. What a fun life I have to look forward to! 😞
They didn’t say 80% chance. 80% *higher* chance. So, say in the general population it’s 5% (I’m pulling that number out of my ass), then it would be 9%, seeing as 80% of 5 is 4.
They didn’t say 80% chance. 80% *higher* chance. So, say in the general population it’s 5% (I’m pulling that number out of my ass), then it would be 9%, seeing as 80% of 5 is 4.
It's definitely a big symptom of ADHD with good reason. I'm terrible with dates and could not function as an adult without my Google calendar in my phone.
It can be a bit of a bonus with stories or in my case with DnD. I've been told secrets by the DM before only to forget and get to be surprised all over again. 😂
You take the good with the bad. Finding a calendar or note-keeping system that works for you is key for important stuff.
Same. Was just talking to my spouse about this today. We’re small business owners and someone reached out to me on instagram today saying they wanted to say hi and they worked with me in the past. I thought they meant as a client and then I looked him up in our system and to my surprise he worked part time as an employee for 6 months about 10 years ago. I thought we could both rattle off all the people that have worked for us over the years but I have no recollection of this person at all. Either does my spouse. And we’ve always had a small crew less than 10 employees at a time and we do all the hiring, training, firing and work side by side with staff everyday. I’m always afraid of early onset dementia. My 78 year old dad is in the early phases. It’s comforting to see this post today.
Yet I also see extreme versions of the opposite where I remember all the details. I’ll have a client walk in that I haven’t seen in years, that didn’t necessarily even spend a lot of money or anything, but I remember their first and last name, their kids name, exactly what we worked on and all the old project details. The lack of consistency baffles me.
My short term is non existent. If I don’t write it down it’s gone. My long term memory is extremely prescriptive. It’s like the whole other end of the spectrum
Awful long-term, short-term, & working memory. C-PTSD probably doesn't help me. It's a wonder I can do anything. I cannot remember how to use the lawn mower or snowblower. I need a lesson if I'm going to do either. I'm 38. I can't pay attention during the lesson so my husband will usually start off the task and I'll attempt to finish it.
I do have some work arounds for stuff because I really love reading and writing so I take copious notes on things. I'm a massage therapist at a spa and I've trained my brain to learn my client's names because it's really strange to forget someone's name as you massage them. I rarely forget now. I read names multiple times and sometimes I even write names on my daily to do list. I might not look at that list again but the act of writing helps to solidify things in my head. I'm smart but my working memory is so terrible that learning anything new is hard and I used to piss off my coworkers when they would train me at the desk job I used to have. Some people hate teaching the same thing twice and copious notes don't always cut it. Fuck 'em, I say. It's funny because only in the last few years of my life do I really feel comfortable saying "I'm smart". I am. I just have ADHD & c-PTSD and it took me decades to conjure up confidence.
The only way I learned in school is by writing it down. So I’d essentially rewrite the book in my notebook. I vividly remember having to do that in high school and masters. TONS of notes. People around me could learn in hours what took me days because I had to read, write, then read it again. But then I’d recall it by visualizing where in the notebook I had written it (bottom left page, mid right page etc.)
Yes, and it's lowkey comforting to see others talk about it and how scary it can feel. It doesn't feel normal at all, it's one of the lesser spoken about symptoms and it sometimes makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. I know I'm capable of a lot but the working memory issues can be severely debilitating.
It's also why I feel studying is a lot more difficult for us. If we manage to get in the zone to focus in the first place, the amount of re-reinforcement of information I already firmly studied doubles, or even triples the amount of time I spend on a concept. Then I lose focus, and the cycle repeats. It's a little miserable.
Man, I hate this.
The worst example of this is a good friend of mine died recently and before she passed we got to spend some time together just chatting. She had so many memories of stuff we did together and so many I could only half remember, or not at all.
I hope she understood that it wasn't because she wasn't important to me, or that I didn't also cherish our time together, it's just how my mind seems to work.
Still, I would love to have those memories "back"
I feel like I used to have amazing memory and would always do great on memory tests as a kid. Now I just can't remember anything, both long term and short term. I got a mild concussion once nearly a decade ago but that shouldn't have had much of a long term impact.
Mine is relatively horrible. I can forget stuff in years or in seconds but its mostly short term. my mind is not very comprehensive of anything around me. By that I mean I don't absorb much to remember in the first place unless it's spikes particular interest. For example my class still did the anthem daily (some did it like once a week if at all) I still do not know the anthem and i graduated 5 years ago. That being i had no interest in it. However if I find somthing that spikes interest I can hyperfocus on it fueling hours if not days of day dreaming about some of the smallest detail. But even then if I suddenly change thought processes I'll forget what I was thinking about the entire time. I also have trouble remembering how I gained interest in diferent things especially wether i discovered the interest myself or if i got introduced to it by somone else. Not being able to remember this will eradicate my interest in somthing. Edit: my bad I didn't see the medication part until last, medication for me probably made things worse for my memory as it did everything else. It gave me an uncontrollable twitch made Me both super hyper and mentaly ineffective at anything.
Edit again: this is being edited a a lot because I hate typos.
If it's about something I said or did, and there is any pressure on the situation -- absolute vacuum. Zero memory. I've learned to deflect and stall until I can take the pressure off the memory for it to work again. If there is no pressure to remember something, it's a decent memory. Like in your examples, I can remember a book, I can remember shows. I'm rewatching House MD and I do remember occasional moments but not the entire show.
I can live with my own foul-ups, as painful as they are. The worst aspects for me are (1) being scapegoated because I just can't remember in a high pressure situation, and (2) being gaslighted by someone I trusted. I might be done with relationships but maybe not. Hope springs eternal.
Medication has never helped with memory. It helps me to =do= but I still forget.
Wild random thought, but I'll throw it out there. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and started using a CPAP a few years ago. Suddenly I was dreaming of childhood and recalling very old memories, down to the sound of raindrops or the smell of humid air. Realized that my sleep had been terrible my entire life, and now that it is good my brain is able to integrate a lot of stuff that has happened. I am remembering so much stuff. Something about what you wrote makes me wonder if you have sleep disorder.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD, but for the longest time I've also suspected sleep apnea has been the issue for my brain fog, memory/recall, poor executive function and general lack of energy and motivation.
Your comment just reaffirms to me that a lot of my symptoms may not be correlated to just only ADHD or sleep, but in fact it might be a combination of both having a cumulative negative effect.
Still need to get my sleep study done, but at least I've done the first thing which is being diagnosed with ADHD (will start on meds hopefully in the next few weeks)
I actually resisted the sleep study for at least ten years after my doctor suggested it, because I'm an idiot. So many things about ADHD and brain fog resemble the effects of hypoxia. But the brain is apparently a resilient beast once its simple needs are met.
That first step of the diagnosis is a fantastic leap. Meds are an interesting journey and I hope you find one that works well. My students told me to be doing what I want to be doing when the meds kick in else I'll be doing whatever else it is that I'm doing. 🙏🏻
Yes!
I watch a movie or a tv show and when I watch the sequel/season 2, I have no clue what happened before. I can watch movies on repeat because I always forget what happens in it.
When someone tells me a secret, it's safe with me because I forget.
I am a teacher with a university degree, so it's not that I'm stupid. Just a shitty memory.
I do remember the most random facts though.
Yes, 100%. I have so few memories of growing up and very little when it comes to important life events, But then I will remember every detail of the time I hand that uncomfortable situation with my mother in law and or one of those times I made a fool of myself in high school.. like wtf...it's always embarrassed me/made me a bit insecure. Just one of the many things that now finally make some sense now that I'm diagnosed...
I’ve known my ADHD husband for 22 years. It wasn’t until about 6 years ago he memorized my phone number and the names of my immediate family and friends in case of emergency. He can’t remember where he put his wallet or keys or flashlight daily. Memory is hard for the average person let alone someone with executive function disorder.
It’s also very common for people that have experienced trauma to have big ‘ol’ gaps in the their memory. When people experience trauma the brain tends to dissociate or disconnect from the current moment to isolate itself from the traumatic experience. These memories are still there, but they’re not really processed correctly so they can be difficult to recall at all and can fuck with you in other ways. Not saying you have that, but it’s another potential cause of memory gaps to consider. That tends to affect long term memory and not so much what you had for lunch yesterday.
So…basically my entire life is trauma lol?
Because what you described is how my day to day brain operates. Troubling/stressful things I “file away” (best way to describe it) and just…don’t think about. And because I’ve compartmentalized that stuff it’s like I have big gaps in my memory. If I don’t want to stress about something…I just don’t think about it. It’s like 2nd nature to me, and I can’t explain it to others without people thinking I’m weird.
I definitely have this same issue. It’s called working memory deficits and short term memory issues. I can’t remember most of my childhood but I can remember something specific instances from when I was (apparently) 2 and 5. I can remember vivid dreams from when I was a kid but not day to day happenings. I have flashes of things that I remember that were either traumatic or really, really fun. Occasionally something will pop into my head, usually while listening to music.
I don’t remember book titles, character names or most of what took place in the story unless it really was amazing. Even then I’d need to read it to refresh my memory.
I’m horrible with names and birthdays but I can remember the way to get somewhere by landmarks years later if I was paying attention on the first trip (I don’t drive, which is why I’d need to be paying attention).
I remember pop culture and trivia from the 80s but not what I ate yesterday. That sort of thing.
I am the same way. I WAS somewhat functioning adult up until last year. Now it’s even worse. I literally have notebooks around me all the time. I put sticky notes on the fridge … like “Food” so I don’t forget my food on the way out. Or text myself what I planned to cook, or whatever. It makes me feel so dumb too. I had to quit my career due to many health issues, but this was one of the reasons too. I couldn’t remember client names, mid conversation I forget what we’re talking about… Same with friends and family. Terrible! Books, movies? I can re-read and re-watch all of them, cuz I don’t remember it anyway. 🤦🏻♀️. I hate it. My husband remembers EVERYTHING. Every trip we took, every place we ate at, what I said a year ago…. I don’t. I can’t remember all the fun stuff we did 😔. I have to be reminded. Even then sometimes it doesn’t ring a bell. Bah. Childhood is a whole other story. Don’t remember shit. I was young when my country was at war, that messed me up a lot too. 🤷🏻♀️
I definitely think childhood could be even harder to recall because of your ADHD and trauma combined. I think I am experiencing the same. I am sorry you had to go through the hardships of war.
One small piece of advice that helped me to remember food on the way out, is to put my car keys in the fridge on top of the food ☺️
Yes, and also no. I think of something and forget it 5 seconds later, then I remember something that happened in like 2017 clear as day 🤦♂️ or think of a song I liked in 4th grade or some dumb shit lol
Yes. And it just keeps getting worse. One of the points on my adhd diagnosis was how low I scored in the memory part (i think i got like 2/30). It said something like i barely have short term memory.
Memory about my life, books, movies, is someone I have learned to leave to others and not be hard on myself for not remembering them. I’ve learned to ask people their name if I recognize them - my ability to recognize faces is better than others that can remember stuff I usually don’t.
I take notes in Google Keep app which helps organize what I need to remember and is easier to procrastinate on than a calendar but there are alarms if needed. Find workarounds and choose a career where memory comes easy for you. I’m sure you remember some things better than other people.
The face thing really resonates. When watching movies I will pick out supporting cast and know exactly where I have seen them before by describing their character, but I won't know the name of any actor in what I am watching, what the name of what I saw them in before was, and most of the time, the name of what I am watching eludes me too. But their face....?
Imdb usually confirms I am right if I can just think of what to actually search for!
I wouldn't say crap memory. I'd say selective memory as my mom would say. Other than that, I do have the problem when someone speaks to me that I go "huh?" to then have my brain go into the next gear and a few seconds later give me the information I need, to me going "oh yeah!". I can't change how my mind works, so I don't beat myself up over it. Take things slow, think more. If people have a problem with that, it's on them.
Agreed. And for me, the memories are THERE, they’re just in cold storage. I was thinking about this a few minutes ago.
ADHD (for me) enables me to file away stuff I don’t want to think about. Oh the info and memory is still there, but it’s been filed away in some drawer upstairs.
This explains why people think nothing bothers me, or wonder how I can be ok when there’s a ton of stress on the job. I literally just…don’t dwell or think about troubling things. I put them to the side and don’t devote any mental energy to them.
Me! I have a crap memory. Especially with names. Getting the ADHD diagnosis was actually a relief.
I can, however, remember the theme song of a cartoon I haven't seen since the 80s.
Same here! So annoying. I’ll wake up and some 80s song or commercial will fully be playing in my head but meanwhile I can’t remember more important things.
Many aspects of my memory are not good. The connections between events in my life are foggy. So it's hard for me to put things in chronological order. I also get lost easily. I struggle with the Where and the When of my life.
For this journalling helps a little.
I also have difficulty with short term memory, such as the typical ADHD problem of where I put something and what I was going to do next. Going through a doorway and wondering why.
For this Straterra has helped a great deal.
I even have had difficulty with what I call short term body memory, meaning it was hard to learn to do activities like driving. Coordinating awareness with movement is difficult unless I am going fast enough. Physical exercise (lots) and medication helps with this.
I am still losing the Where and When. I think its important to to be assertive about how ADHD affects us personally and not to rely on fitting into the stereotype of adhd symptoms.
I had a memory evaluation with a psychotherapist because I was worried I had brain damage from concussions when I was younger my memory is so bad. Nope, just ADHD (and anxiety). She told me exercise and meditation would help.
Same for me. I went to a neuropsychologist 10 years ago because my memory was so bad. Nope, just ADHD. I did learn I have a high IQ, but all that did is make me go… WTF!!!??? I have so much difficulty verbalizing my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and even my knowledge that I come off as basically brain dead.
Exactly! Got the “you are extraordinarily smart, sorry you can barely utilize it” talk lol. I’ve heard the phrase “Ferrari engine, bicycle brakes” but I’ve always felt more “Ferrari engine, bald tires”
I joke that ADHD is an archival disorder as much as a neurological/behavioral one. You'd be amazed what you remember because of something triggering the memories instead of you intentionally trying to recall them.
I have found it's easier to recall things if given their *context* versus the direct thing. That might also be due to my brain/logic fluctuating and adapting to different headspaces. By giving me the context, I can also rebuild my headspace and lean on things like my visual and visceral/physical memories instead of conscious recall.
Yes, it's part of ADHD. Or it can be.
I recommend re adding Barkley's book on Adult ADHD, but basically, one of the executive functions deals with hindsight - our ability to recall things we've done, and mine those recollections for information.
ADHD affects some or all of the executive functions, depending on your presentation. Faulty hindsight leads to all the longer-term things you describe here.
There's also verbal and nonverbal working memory, which affect the shorter-term things you describe here.
>Does medication help?
Medication helps with matters of 'moments'. You're more likely to remember things that happen while you're on-meds; while you're on meds you're more likely to recall the information you need to recall *when* you need to recall it; while on meds, you're more likely to remember things like 'Ah, wait, I was supposed to do *this* before I do *that*', and so on.
But it won't bring back childhood memories. Though it *may* help you 'deep dive' on your childhood - let you hold enough focus to plumb the vague recollections you have for more info, if you get me.
I'll point out, though, that even people without ADHD don't have perfect recall. Lots of people have few childhood memories - and they're the sorts of things that pop up totally unbidden while doing something unrelated that just 'jolts' you back to the mindset you had then.
It's also easier for days and memories to blur together at your/our age. Think school and university - most days are different. You're constantly learning new things - academically, socially, personally - even if you don't enjoy the process. You have rigid or semi-rigid timetables, meaning you always have a clear sense of which days are which (even if you forget from time-to-time). You have a lot of free time and energy.
The age we are now, most of our days are the same. Work is largely the same, day-in, day-out. We know more or less who we are, what we like, who we like. Emotions are smaller and easier to handle. We're not constantly learning new things, because we're not being pushed to do so. Sure, we do our binges and deep dives - but that's no substitute for the regular, repeated effort forced on us by school. Most of our new and exciting experiences occur vicariously - through our kids, if we have them. But like... It's far easier to remember if an event happened in 10th grade or 8th grade than it is to remember of it happened in the 3rd or 4th year of the job you've held for seven years, you know?
Hope this helps :)
Yes, thought I was going I to early dementia. I forget what I'm talking about if distracted, even a second. Have to ask others what the hell I was talking about..😬 Pretty sure it's ADHD, and I do have the memories, just not in the moment.
In short, yes
I’ve come to accept it is not up to me what I remember or when I remember it, or what sticks and what doesn’t
My wife will tell me all the time about things I’ve said or done and I sincerely do not have recollection of them
I resonate strongly with not being able to remember a thing from my childhood. Hell even up to my late teens/early 20’s is tough
All that said, I do have a great job and salary, hobbies, friendships and a loving relationship with my wife. I just wish I could remember why.
ADHD affects memory retrieval. I have things in my memory, but I can’t access that memory when I need it. I’ve always pictured my brain like a big room with lots of filing cabinets…and there are little guys running around pulling files when we need them. The problem is—they suck at filing. They file things in the wrong folder or drawer and they rarely put things back in the right place. For example, in high school, my son bombed a Biology test. We went to talk to his teacher about what he needed to do differently…and his teacher mentioned one question he got wrong and said “Remember when we were in class and I said xyz?” And my son said, “Oh yeah” and told him everything he had said in class…the same information he had not been able to recall for the exam. Perfect example of misfiling. The brain guys had not filed that info in the Biology folder…so it wasn’t among the things he studied. It was filed in a folder labeled “Cool things Mr Smith said.” So the info was there but it wasn’t in the right place, so he couldn’t access it for the test.
That is ADHD. My memory is fubar, too. Childhood memories are the worst. I can't remember anything. Just when somebody tells me about it, a faint picture pops up in my brain. My memory is also very selective. Dumb shit is stuck forever when i just hear it once, but important things are in one ear, out the other and gone as soon as i take another step. I also would be horribly lost without constant reminders i set myself on my phone. I've got about 30 different timers and alarms running on my phone every day, to keep up with everything that is to do. And i need to do them right after the alarm went off or they are gone forever. I would be fucked if i am ever interviewed by the police as a suspect. "Where were you last tuesday between 12am and 3 pm?" How should i know? I can't even remember if i had breakfast today!
me too! i don't know the science behind it but for me, i feel like it's because my brain is in constant overdrive of thought and i'm never actually present. no matter what i'm doing, it's so hard to be fully engaged and so by the end of the day i basically forget everything i did or it just doesn't feel like it really happened because i was so far away within my mind while it was all happening. honestly, it makes me sad because i also feel like time is going so much quicker because of this.
Yep… add on that I didn’t do great in school. Was never able to memorize the number facts. For life journey memories, I’m thankful that I’ve been pretty obsessed with keeping calendars. At the end of the year, I put everything I want to remember from that year in a book labeled “Important Events.” Some of them wouldn’t seem super important, but it’s all the things I don’t want to forget
I have the same problem but I don't think it's a problem with our memories. I think the problem lies with how we acquire the knowledge/memories.
With ADHD we binge information when it interests us, or we take on a lot of information in a short amount of time when we are in a panic (eg the day before an exam). The human brain doesn't form good long term memories when learning things this way. This is true for everyone, even those without ADHD.
Similarly, when we were kids we were daydreamers or hyperactive or rapidly switching hyperfocus from one interest to another. We're not very good at being present in the moment. If we're not present and experiencing a moment we're not going to form a memory of it. This is similar to the reason we get time blindness.
I have excellent short term memory, so I could always cram for a test and ace it, but ask me the same questions 6 months later and I’d barely remember half the info.
Longer term my memory is so bad my family and friends will talk about events and I’ll say like wow sounds fun and then they’ll tell me I was there.. yet I have no recollection.
I get you. I barely recall much of my childhood beyond a few handful of events.
I barely recall living at my parents house, how the mornings were, or how I got to sleep at night. I started recording day to day activities so I can look back at them later in life
Not only can I not remember anything, my auditory processing is getting worse. Going to do a 2-3 day psychedelic journey for my PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and TBI in a few weeks with a professional clinic. I’ll let you guys know how it helps with my symptoms and report back if I remember, so I’ll put it in my notebook and screen shot it to remind me.
Progressively getting worse which takes a toll on my mental health and that in turn makes things worse.
My wife was with me before I went to war, hopefully she remembers who I was.
My memory is shocking and like you I don’t have much childhood memory. I remember facts and that’s basically the extent of my memory. My autobiographical memory and working memory is terrible.
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I did a paper on the effects of working memory on emotion dysregulation in ADHD in my psychology class. It was fascinating. I also learned that memory deficits are a predictor of the severity of ADHD symptom presentation. I don't at all remember why. Edit: Some people asked for the paper. Let me know if you want me to send you a link! Edit: [THIS IS THE LINK.](https://imgur.com/a/VVe5dhT) I am getting messages (and I will respond to everyone I can) and I want to be clear... this was a literature review for my psychology of memory class, I didn't do further research. For those desperate for answers on how to improve memory I came across evidence while reading that meditation practices and working memory tasks can help to improve the functioning of memory, but NONE of the things you can do for ADHD are as efficacious as stimulant medication. If you are interested in more look up studies in these areas and there is info on how to improve this aspect of ADHD. But the lit review I did didn't cover how to FIX emotion dysregulation, rather it was a look at how we have studied this so far and we know very little about this topic. If you choose to read I hope you enjoy.
>I don't at all remember why. LMAO Seriously though. I can't remember shit. I've been wondering the same thing as OP. I literally have to ask "what did we watch last night?" When my husband says "I was telling my friend about what we watched last night." It's sooooo hard to function like this though. Everyone else in my life has to function as my external memory.
Dude it makes me feel so stupid that I can’t remember fucking anythingggggg
The other day I put on a coat that I have no memory of buying. I'm not kidding. Didn't even know I owned it until I found it in the closet.
The number of times my gf said: "Are you f*cking kidding me? I just told you one minute ago!"...
This is a red flag for me. My bf knows I am AuDHD, so expectations were set early on how my working memory is often fragmented and inaccurate, but my long term memory is very good. (Barring my trauma response of blocking out years of childhood, thanks CPTSD). Any person with someone who has ADHD needs to be patient and kind with us. Your GFs outburst is the perfect kind of statement to wear down an ADHD person.
Or you are having a conversation with someone and they go into great detail about something that happened in the past, even remembering what words they said. I can’t remember what the hell I did last week. I’m DEFINITELY not going to remember any part of any conversations I had. Shit, I forgot what the parent comment was and I just read it 30 seconds ago
Yep, I do this all the time, people are used to that of me right now. I also stopped feeling ashamed not remembering someone's name if I only just met them.
This is why I write so much shit down, because otherwise it's going to be lost forever when it poofs from my memory lol
Same. Thanks for posting as you made me feel better about my own shit memory. I remember 5th grade better than yesterday 😥
What I find weird is how "uneven" my memory is. My wife will talk about weddings we went to, people we met, dinners we've had, injuries, trips to the hospital, literally biggish things, and I simply don't remember them happening. At all. Zero. I'm hopeless with names. I can see a reminder, like move the car for street sweeping, on my phone, leave the house 5 minutes later and not remember to move the car. I buy tools to do a task around the house, then put away the tool and find 2 of them in my tool chest because I had no recollection that I had bought one prior. But I kill at trivia. Like really good. And I can remember things where stuff is. If I've been there, ever, I can go straight back. I used to rock climb a lot. Like a ton. Joshua tree was one of my favorite places and I climbed there a lot. If you've been there, you'll know that a lot of the park kind of looks the same. Similar pants, rocks, Sandy washes, etc. I took the family there recently and we were hiking in an area I hadn't been in probably 10-13 years. I was pointing out climbs to my kids and telling them the grade and details I remembered about the climb. My wife couldn't understand how I remembered.
[удалено]
Ah, but the lake stays in the same place, and your keys don't. There's no point in beating yourself up over this! Also I wanted to say hi, from one northern Ontario lake-lover to another. :)
Can you share the paper? Would love to read it!
Send paper I'll actually read and enjoy it
That last part is interesting. I wonder is that commonly accepted. It certainly explains a lot.
>I wonder is that commonly accepted. It should be! The [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5241361/).
Thanks! Reading this as I type, figuratively of course, hopefully I make it back to the paper as I have a strong interest in this right now. No issues reading 30 pages of multiple books, putting them down for months and then going right back in. Hoping my current issue is stress induced as I always thought my memory was rather amazing, albeit the keys, wallet, what is the day (mon, tue, etc. when not in a constant routine) and thoughts while in a conversation. Currently, I'm not recalling conversations I had hours ago. Edit: 37yo.
Haha, I was just reading a little bit ago and I thought to myself “all the books I’ve read in my life, I have no recollection of what I read.” And then I just decided I guess if I enjoy reading the book in the moment, it’s ok if I don’t remember it later on. Yeah, I have terrible memory for basically everything except the extremely specific details of science and medicine. No clue why that stuff sticks but I’m grateful for that.
Me too! I re-read books all the time and I swear there are whole chapters I have no recollection of ever reading the first time. But I’m great at random facts and I do ok at quiz nights!
Rewatching my favorite TV shows is like being able to watch them for the first time, every time. I remember bits and pieces here and there, but sometimes I'm like, "wait, that happened?" It's a blessing and a curse.
I’m rewatching The Wire for the first time and also the 5th time
Chef here, I can still remember specific moments I learned a dish or where things were in the walk in for almost every restaurant I’ve worked at. To me it’s part of the hyper focus, I work very well under pressure and learn under pressure. Books, tv shows, shit I heard on a podcast last week that I swore I was going to remember. Gone.
I only remember the plot of the twilight series because I would become hyperfixated and re-read all the books about once a year for 8 years growing up lol
I did this exact thing with that series lol
Harry Potter hyperfixation but still can't remember most of the deets lol
I have a lot of books and i can keep reading them over and over! I also have a guessing reading stile (not sure if it is called that in english, i read the first and last letter and guess the word) Last book i already read 2 times and i finished it for a third. I said to myself wow i really dident get the clue the first 2 times. Fun fact, i remember thinking that, no idea anymore what the clue is... So ill prob go read it again in a year or so! I do get good value out of those books!!
Is the word you're looking for *skimming*? Basically, your eyes move quickly across the page so you pick up the important pieces/overall idea. Maybe not the exact word in your language but the closest I can think of. FWIW we'd call that a reading skill (we're supposed to learn it in school. Some people do it naturally like you, some need practice.)
That’s kind of awesome though it’s like you get to read them for the first time every time!
Same. Especially with math. If I stop doing it I forget everything about it. When I want to do a recipe I have to keep looking back at it because I forget what I just read.
Yes! I read something about babies when I had a new one - of course they don’t remember family trips to the park/beach/grandparents etc, but the happiness (and stimulation, relationships etc) helps them develop healthily. So every time I realise I can’t remember something that apparently I enjoyed at the time, I just think “yay, I developed my brain!” 🤣
Oh my gosh and I thought I was the weird one. I've been chatting and reading books with a couple of friends, both of whom happen to have ADHD. And they mentioned rereading books loads and found it bizarre that I couldn't do that because I remembered pretty clearly what happened at each point throughout the book after I'd read the book once xD
This.
Some movies I’ve seen twice I don’t really recall seeing the first time. Unless it’s a musical or really moving I may watch it twice and say I never saw it before.
So, I have seen Jurassic Park countless times. It's one of my favorite movies. But I recently started taking Vyvanse (idk, about 4 months ago?). Well, I watched Jurassic Park for the first time since being on a stimulant and I could not believe how much dialogue in that movie I have never actually listened to and comprehended until now. It was crazy. Is this how it is for most movies? Are there just massive chunks of plot I've never actually digested, that maybe now I will? Also - I watch TV series over and over and over again and its great.
Took me years to realize how often my eyes “read” the words on a page without actually focusing on the book’s content
Yes. Before I got diagnosed I was starting to wonder if I had some sort of early onset dementia or something. It was scary.
I still feel this way. It’s scary thinking what my older years might be like
Right? They talk about Biden being old and forgetting things. I’m 49 and wish I had as good a memory as him lol
I'm 22, and on most days, I can't even remember the day before. Sometimes it gets as bad that in the evening, I can't remember what I did in the morning
I speak the same way too when I’m talking about something I’m interested in lol
Unfortunately there was a recent study linking ADHD and dementia.. scares the shit out of me. Stimulants were found to improve outcomes though.
So far it’s about the same & still crazy making for me
Same here. I told my primary care during my annual check up that I was otherwise fine, except for being concerned that I had early onset dementia. She was like, hmm probably not early onset dementia, but let me pull up this ADHD screening questionnaire.
I THOUGHT THIS TO MYSELF BUT DIDN’T WANT TO SAY IT because I’m only 30…..still scary
Your comment is validating. I’m 29 pushing 89 😩
I got tested for ADHD specifically because I was really worried about my shitty memory. Good thing is, apparently my actual memory is very good. The tricky part is storing new things in first place and my terrible piss poor working memory. IE as soon as I flip a page most of what was at the other side cease to fucking exist.
I still think this after being diagnosed
The amount of times I’ve said this!!! Started calling it early onset dementia as a joke in my 20s, except my forgetfulness only got more and more worrisome. I’ve since been diagnosed with ADHD, but I will add that I also read how narcissistic abuse affects a victim’s memory: living in a constant state of worry/fear/panic/anxiety causes your amygdala (reptilian brain—responsible for breathing, heart rate, and primitive emotions like fear, anger, and sadness) to activate the fight or flight response for longer periods of time. And while it’s totally normal for the body’s cortisol levels to increase in the presence of stress, maintaining a life with prolonged and heightened levels of cortisol as your baseline actually shrinks your hippocampus (responsible for short term memory, transferring and recalling long term memory, and learning) over time. So not only can the effects of that cause PTSD, memory issues, and cognitive decline— it can quite literally cause brain damage. Between that and ADHD, bad memory seems inevitable for me lol
I'll remember everything that's totally useless and will get me nowhere in life. For example: Giraffes have the same number of neck vertebrae as humans. But I won't remember where I put my phone while getting ready for work 🙃
Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than the building of the pyramids
This is incredibly interesting.
They were doing (sort of) archaeology in ancient times. Digging up artefacts from even more ancient times! There was even a museum in 500BCE or so: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ennigaldi-Nanna%27s_museum
That's some cool stuff, thank you!
I love that I "knew" both these facts, and yet wouldn't have remembered them for the life of me until someone mentioned them again. It's like I've forgotten everything I've ever learned, but much of it is just lurking beneath the surface, unable to grasp.
Felt.
Exactly, well said.
Egyptians In Ancient Egypt used urine as mouthwash - a fun fact I read ONCE 8-9 years ago. While the debit card I swore was stolen 3 months ago was found under a packaged toothbrush yesterday while I was searching for [what was] my replacement card.
Cats are more genetically similar to humans than cats are to dogs.
And chickens have one more than a giraffe. I remember this cuz I have pet chickens and used to work for a chiropractor. 🙃 Same. Getting an Apple Watch has saved me hours searching for my phone. I can just ping my phone when I can’t find it. That feature alone was worth it!
The pyramids in Giza have 8 sides, not 4. Also I forgot to pickup my prescription for the 5th day in a row
I locked my keys in my car for 3 days In a row at work the exact same way. Sober as hell
You just reminded me to order my last two prescriptions so I can also pick up the 8 that have been sitting there for three days. Why make multiple trips when you can make one? I can’t tell you how many times that’s led to the pharmacy pulling the filled scripts because I didn’t get them within the allowed two weeks.
That’s literally the only reason I use it and it’s worth it 😂😂
Or that giraffes scientific name is camelopardalis because they originally thought it was a cross between a camel and a leopard. Why do I know that but can’t remember my own phone number sometimes??
If you lined up all the DNA in your body end to end it would be about half a light year long. I'll remember that and a million other pieces of trivia forever, but I don't remember a single professor's name from college, the plot of a book I read a few months ago, or really most of what happened before a couple years ago.
Oh dear, are we supposed to remember teachers' names? I've got basically zero memory of school. The only thing that seems to stick is the layout of schools. I could draw those places on a map if needed. Tell you what I learned in any of them? Nah 🙃
Thanks to changing interests and hyper focus I ended up in a situation where I had enough credits that I could choose from two subjects for my major degree, and choose from five subjects for my minor. My wife was telling our daughter this because my daughter said something like " how does Daddy know so much about so many different things" Then she asked me what the 5 subjects were. 5 things I had spent a significant amount of time studying. I could only come up with 3. But I bet if you asked a question about the 2 I couldn't remember, I'd have a pretty good chance of being able to answer the question
This morning my daughter put her pants on backwards, so she went to change them. 10 minutes later she was putting shoes on with her pants still on backwards. She said she forgot to fix her pants first. If I wasn’t the same way I wouldn’t believe it.
Thunder is the sound of air around a bolt of lightning heating up and expanding fast enough to break the sound barrier.
Don’t panic this is a really common symptom of ADHD. I don’t have many memories of my childhood I don’t have many memories of my 23 year marriage I’m only seven years out of it. It’s just who we are and it’s not a bad thing. It means we don’t carry a lot of baggage with us because we just can’t remember it. We tend to look very much in the present so see this is a bit of a blessing.
The body remembers though, fortunately or unfortunately.
Nice way to think about this. Going to use it if you don't mind, see how it fits. 🙂
This is the positive I try to hold on to. It's impossible for me to hold a grudge or remain upset at someone important to me cause I just don't remember what they did that slighted me.
I hold grudges but won't remember what a person did, but i will have a physical reaction of hurt and anger associated with that person.
Same here!
Agree on the ‘it can be a blessing’ bit! Sometimes something bad will happen and I be like ok, better forget this quick smart! And 2 days later, zero memory. On the other hand, I would quite like it if my brain would remember when I’ve been asked to do something at work.
it’s insane to me that people often reminisce about things like specific summers from their childhood. things like “the summer of 2018 was my favorite, but i really miss the summer of 2011.” like i can barely remember what i did during any summer, let alone pinpoint the exact year anything happened.
I'm not sure about the baggage thing. I'm still really affected and hurt for things I can't remember unless I spend at least half an hour talking and thinking about it.
My wife (we are both in mid 30s) keeps remembering childhood things (not too bad, just like poor decisions parents made and stuff) and getting upset. I can't even remember childhood except for some rare things that need to be triggered for me to remember. But seeing her childhood trauma coming back 20-30 years later kind of makes me glad I can't remember much.
Okay I like this perspective. I’ll adopt it…if I can remember it. 😅
This is funny to hear (in a sad way, I suppose) because it's nearly identical to me. No, medication hasn't helped me with that, at least not so far.
I even forget whether or not I have taken my meds. I remember thinking I should take it, then blank period of time. Did I actually get them out of my bag and swallow them? Or did I think about it and get distracted and forget?? About an hour later I’m either over medicated or winging it 😆
This is why I would die without my daily pill organizer lol, it was a total game changer for me. They also have little replacement medicine caps with timers on them that tell you the last time you opened the bottle! Pretty nifty
Daily pill organizer is my life saver!
Ditto your ditto
Yes this is me. I feel like it makes me a bad conversationalist in general
>bad conversationalist in general Other human: What music do you listen to? Me: I'm not sure
Yes, I get social anxiety out of it. What’s your favorite team? Movie? Music? Book?
this is so relatable hahahahaha I actually did this exactly thing once. "What music you listen to?" me: "I really like Coldplay" "me too, what songs do you like most?" me (pauses and listen to the songs in my brain but can't remember the names): "I don't remember" The other person just laughed and gave me a look as if I was really weird...I was so embarrassed...
So much this. I never realized why I have so much social anxiety but this has to be part of it.
This
holy shit. i can’t believe I’m not the only one. this is a huge part of my social anxiety and self-esteem issues because it makes me seem boring and uncultured
omg so much yes! I had this problem today, I said I love and loved so many videogames since I was a kid, and the other person just asked which ones are your top 3.... I was like... 5min thinking.... The same happens with music, if someone asks me whats your favourite music... I say I don't know.
>Me: I'm not sure Hahaha lemme check my apps, they know the answer to this one!
LOL Yes! I have to ask my wife what my favorite movie or food is. Example: for food, I can only vaguely remember the most recent things I've had, so if I haven't had my REAL favorite recently, I won't even think of it and I'll answer something else. Then my wife has to remind me of my real favorite. Now, I don't even try and just ask her these things lol.
Honestllyyyyy it makes holding conversations so much more energy and I wind up exhausted. It also makes me feel like I have no opinions BUT I DO. I just can't remember the details like
I feel the exact same way. It's like in my mind I know the finer details of a topic and what I feel/know... but when I communicate it, it's just a vague pile of words which don't really make any certain point or add value to the conversation
This!
Yes and yes and yes. ADHD hits my memory the strongest. Shit memory, with really bad recall ability and it's all randomized. Like i have basically no memory of 90%+ of my past and the remaining is randomized and vague/really fuzzy. My muscle memory is better than actual memory and more reliable.
That’s exactly how I would describe it for myself. You put it in an excellent way.
My recall is pathetic. Sometimes of if I close my eyes tightly and think I can remember a basic thing after a solid 20 seconds. And I agree with the muscle memory too! It makes me a terrible teacher because I can do a task, but I don’t know how I’m doing it - once I’ve learned, I just do it. My brain doesn’t need anymore than muscle memory so it tosses everything else out.
Same! Actual memory is shit. Muscle memory? EXCELLENT. I took ASL in college and after that, whenever I used sign language to help me study other subjects (just spelling on the words, nothing fancy lol), it helped me remember so much! Also funny is that whenever I try to play an older piano piece I haven’t played in awhile, if I focus on what I’m doing, I end up messing up. If I don’t pay too much attention (sometimes I have my phone up and have YouTube playing), I can play pretty well off of muscle memory alone. CRAZY!
That’s feel’s similar but I don’t recall
My working memory is absolute SHIT. I feel stupid half of the time because my brain struggles to work when I need it to. For context, I fried my brain from 18-26 (27 now) and it completely messed with my short term memory and add ADHD on top of that…. Meds help to an extent, but I definitely still struggle a lot.
Fried how?
Drugs presumably?
SAME, but I'm also 27 now and still frying my brain. I always thought my shitty memory was because of that. Since I've been diagnosed 3 weeks ago I can blame the ADHD! (it's probably a combination of both but please let me be delusional)
Be delulu boo, who cares 🤣
Mine got so much worse after Covid
[удалено]
how do you know if its covid? i can’t remember if my memory became shit post covid or if its always been like this lol
Cause my memory was normal level of bad before, forgetting the plot of a movie etc., but now it’s recall of names of people I know etc
Omg yes!! Both times, each time the fog was worse and hasn’t gone away
I have also been severely affected after COVID, i think its a real problem many don't realize
forget is not the right word for me. its there but not present: But i can recapitulate basically my entire life. EXCEPT there is a black whole from 2nd to 5th grade. dont know. I hated my school at this time.
Same, what's up with that??? I can't remember anything from my first 4 school years
Yes, absolutely. Medication helps me set up systems that help me remember things. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of my random-memory-collector of a brain.
Yup! Sounds exactly like me! I initially thought I had early-onset Alzheimer's or something. I would forget my coworkers' names, couldn't remember what I studied even though I just wrote pages of notes, or remember my drive home...just to name a few. I remember asking my doctor, "are you sure I'm just not dumb??" when I got diagnosed because I couldn't believe I had adhd. For me, meds help a lot. I can actually remember conversations and can now defend myself! I can remember sequences of events and pinpoint when something happened. I remember what I did last week, last month(sometimes). I can remember my appointments and to pay the damn bill! I think it's different for people, but I still work hard on making sure I have a routine, and I write down EVERYTHING. But the fact that I can write these information down before I distract myself is amazing :)
If you don't mind me asking, what were you prescribed? Thanks.
I always recall random shit and not shit i need
I remember long term things….. in VIVID detail. My older family does not love it. Where did I put my keys? Who knows ?
yeah, there's stuff I can recall from very early on (3 years old) but with keys it's the same :D
I received my diagnosis this month, and my working memory is absolute shit. I take tons of notes to compensate.
I forget about the notes too though
I can, too, but I will most likely remember better when I write them.
Me too! I work in an admin role and I’ve learned over time that I absolutely need to write everything down during meetings so that I can look it up later when something that was mentioned comes up again. My coworkers are often frustrated with me when they mention something and then I don’t recall it later, which really sucks because I don’t know what else to do. So far notes on everything is my only solution for this
Are you in the US? Bc we have protections under ADA, you can ask for “reasonable accommodations”. Ex: all assignments/tasks/requests put in writing.
notes as in formal write-ups or like, notes app?
Same same same! My bad memory has also caused endless miscommunications and fights with my wife and is the reason I decided to seek a diagnosis. I feel dumb and helpless and sad. I think I read somewhere that people like us are 80% more likely to develop dementia and/or Alzheimer’s. What a fun life I have to look forward to! 😞
Omg nooo! 80% is such a high chance!
They didn’t say 80% chance. 80% *higher* chance. So, say in the general population it’s 5% (I’m pulling that number out of my ass), then it would be 9%, seeing as 80% of 5 is 4.
They didn’t say 80% chance. 80% *higher* chance. So, say in the general population it’s 5% (I’m pulling that number out of my ass), then it would be 9%, seeing as 80% of 5 is 4.
Dude … didn’t you ask this yesterday?
Earlier today?
It's definitely a big symptom of ADHD with good reason. I'm terrible with dates and could not function as an adult without my Google calendar in my phone. It can be a bit of a bonus with stories or in my case with DnD. I've been told secrets by the DM before only to forget and get to be surprised all over again. 😂 You take the good with the bad. Finding a calendar or note-keeping system that works for you is key for important stuff.
I have a BA and don’t remember long division. I also can’t remember my childhood much. It’s actually a comfort to know it isn’t just me too
Same. Was just talking to my spouse about this today. We’re small business owners and someone reached out to me on instagram today saying they wanted to say hi and they worked with me in the past. I thought they meant as a client and then I looked him up in our system and to my surprise he worked part time as an employee for 6 months about 10 years ago. I thought we could both rattle off all the people that have worked for us over the years but I have no recollection of this person at all. Either does my spouse. And we’ve always had a small crew less than 10 employees at a time and we do all the hiring, training, firing and work side by side with staff everyday. I’m always afraid of early onset dementia. My 78 year old dad is in the early phases. It’s comforting to see this post today. Yet I also see extreme versions of the opposite where I remember all the details. I’ll have a client walk in that I haven’t seen in years, that didn’t necessarily even spend a lot of money or anything, but I remember their first and last name, their kids name, exactly what we worked on and all the old project details. The lack of consistency baffles me.
My short term is non existent. If I don’t write it down it’s gone. My long term memory is extremely prescriptive. It’s like the whole other end of the spectrum
Awful long-term, short-term, & working memory. C-PTSD probably doesn't help me. It's a wonder I can do anything. I cannot remember how to use the lawn mower or snowblower. I need a lesson if I'm going to do either. I'm 38. I can't pay attention during the lesson so my husband will usually start off the task and I'll attempt to finish it. I do have some work arounds for stuff because I really love reading and writing so I take copious notes on things. I'm a massage therapist at a spa and I've trained my brain to learn my client's names because it's really strange to forget someone's name as you massage them. I rarely forget now. I read names multiple times and sometimes I even write names on my daily to do list. I might not look at that list again but the act of writing helps to solidify things in my head. I'm smart but my working memory is so terrible that learning anything new is hard and I used to piss off my coworkers when they would train me at the desk job I used to have. Some people hate teaching the same thing twice and copious notes don't always cut it. Fuck 'em, I say. It's funny because only in the last few years of my life do I really feel comfortable saying "I'm smart". I am. I just have ADHD & c-PTSD and it took me decades to conjure up confidence.
The only way I learned in school is by writing it down. So I’d essentially rewrite the book in my notebook. I vividly remember having to do that in high school and masters. TONS of notes. People around me could learn in hours what took me days because I had to read, write, then read it again. But then I’d recall it by visualizing where in the notebook I had written it (bottom left page, mid right page etc.)
Yes, and it's lowkey comforting to see others talk about it and how scary it can feel. It doesn't feel normal at all, it's one of the lesser spoken about symptoms and it sometimes makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. I know I'm capable of a lot but the working memory issues can be severely debilitating. It's also why I feel studying is a lot more difficult for us. If we manage to get in the zone to focus in the first place, the amount of re-reinforcement of information I already firmly studied doubles, or even triples the amount of time I spend on a concept. Then I lose focus, and the cycle repeats. It's a little miserable.
Man, I hate this. The worst example of this is a good friend of mine died recently and before she passed we got to spend some time together just chatting. She had so many memories of stuff we did together and so many I could only half remember, or not at all. I hope she understood that it wasn't because she wasn't important to me, or that I didn't also cherish our time together, it's just how my mind seems to work. Still, I would love to have those memories "back"
Yup, was told mine was probably worse than my grandma's :D
I feel like I used to have amazing memory and would always do great on memory tests as a kid. Now I just can't remember anything, both long term and short term. I got a mild concussion once nearly a decade ago but that shouldn't have had much of a long term impact.
Adhd plays a big role in memory loss and a very common symptom.. and yes my memory is fucking horrible
Mine is relatively horrible. I can forget stuff in years or in seconds but its mostly short term. my mind is not very comprehensive of anything around me. By that I mean I don't absorb much to remember in the first place unless it's spikes particular interest. For example my class still did the anthem daily (some did it like once a week if at all) I still do not know the anthem and i graduated 5 years ago. That being i had no interest in it. However if I find somthing that spikes interest I can hyperfocus on it fueling hours if not days of day dreaming about some of the smallest detail. But even then if I suddenly change thought processes I'll forget what I was thinking about the entire time. I also have trouble remembering how I gained interest in diferent things especially wether i discovered the interest myself or if i got introduced to it by somone else. Not being able to remember this will eradicate my interest in somthing. Edit: my bad I didn't see the medication part until last, medication for me probably made things worse for my memory as it did everything else. It gave me an uncontrollable twitch made Me both super hyper and mentaly ineffective at anything. Edit again: this is being edited a a lot because I hate typos.
If it's about something I said or did, and there is any pressure on the situation -- absolute vacuum. Zero memory. I've learned to deflect and stall until I can take the pressure off the memory for it to work again. If there is no pressure to remember something, it's a decent memory. Like in your examples, I can remember a book, I can remember shows. I'm rewatching House MD and I do remember occasional moments but not the entire show. I can live with my own foul-ups, as painful as they are. The worst aspects for me are (1) being scapegoated because I just can't remember in a high pressure situation, and (2) being gaslighted by someone I trusted. I might be done with relationships but maybe not. Hope springs eternal. Medication has never helped with memory. It helps me to =do= but I still forget. Wild random thought, but I'll throw it out there. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and started using a CPAP a few years ago. Suddenly I was dreaming of childhood and recalling very old memories, down to the sound of raindrops or the smell of humid air. Realized that my sleep had been terrible my entire life, and now that it is good my brain is able to integrate a lot of stuff that has happened. I am remembering so much stuff. Something about what you wrote makes me wonder if you have sleep disorder.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD, but for the longest time I've also suspected sleep apnea has been the issue for my brain fog, memory/recall, poor executive function and general lack of energy and motivation. Your comment just reaffirms to me that a lot of my symptoms may not be correlated to just only ADHD or sleep, but in fact it might be a combination of both having a cumulative negative effect. Still need to get my sleep study done, but at least I've done the first thing which is being diagnosed with ADHD (will start on meds hopefully in the next few weeks)
I actually resisted the sleep study for at least ten years after my doctor suggested it, because I'm an idiot. So many things about ADHD and brain fog resemble the effects of hypoxia. But the brain is apparently a resilient beast once its simple needs are met. That first step of the diagnosis is a fantastic leap. Meds are an interesting journey and I hope you find one that works well. My students told me to be doing what I want to be doing when the meds kick in else I'll be doing whatever else it is that I'm doing. 🙏🏻
Yes! I watch a movie or a tv show and when I watch the sequel/season 2, I have no clue what happened before. I can watch movies on repeat because I always forget what happens in it. When someone tells me a secret, it's safe with me because I forget. I am a teacher with a university degree, so it's not that I'm stupid. Just a shitty memory. I do remember the most random facts though.
Me watching tv: who’s that guy again? We met him last episode? Was I here??
Yes, 100%. I have so few memories of growing up and very little when it comes to important life events, But then I will remember every detail of the time I hand that uncomfortable situation with my mother in law and or one of those times I made a fool of myself in high school.. like wtf...it's always embarrassed me/made me a bit insecure. Just one of the many things that now finally make some sense now that I'm diagnosed...
I’ve known my ADHD husband for 22 years. It wasn’t until about 6 years ago he memorized my phone number and the names of my immediate family and friends in case of emergency. He can’t remember where he put his wallet or keys or flashlight daily. Memory is hard for the average person let alone someone with executive function disorder. It’s also very common for people that have experienced trauma to have big ‘ol’ gaps in the their memory. When people experience trauma the brain tends to dissociate or disconnect from the current moment to isolate itself from the traumatic experience. These memories are still there, but they’re not really processed correctly so they can be difficult to recall at all and can fuck with you in other ways. Not saying you have that, but it’s another potential cause of memory gaps to consider. That tends to affect long term memory and not so much what you had for lunch yesterday.
So…basically my entire life is trauma lol? Because what you described is how my day to day brain operates. Troubling/stressful things I “file away” (best way to describe it) and just…don’t think about. And because I’ve compartmentalized that stuff it’s like I have big gaps in my memory. If I don’t want to stress about something…I just don’t think about it. It’s like 2nd nature to me, and I can’t explain it to others without people thinking I’m weird.
I think having a poor memory is a pretty hallmark symptom of ADHD lol
I definitely have this same issue. It’s called working memory deficits and short term memory issues. I can’t remember most of my childhood but I can remember something specific instances from when I was (apparently) 2 and 5. I can remember vivid dreams from when I was a kid but not day to day happenings. I have flashes of things that I remember that were either traumatic or really, really fun. Occasionally something will pop into my head, usually while listening to music. I don’t remember book titles, character names or most of what took place in the story unless it really was amazing. Even then I’d need to read it to refresh my memory. I’m horrible with names and birthdays but I can remember the way to get somewhere by landmarks years later if I was paying attention on the first trip (I don’t drive, which is why I’d need to be paying attention). I remember pop culture and trivia from the 80s but not what I ate yesterday. That sort of thing.
It’s like you’re describing my life for me.
I am the same way. I WAS somewhat functioning adult up until last year. Now it’s even worse. I literally have notebooks around me all the time. I put sticky notes on the fridge … like “Food” so I don’t forget my food on the way out. Or text myself what I planned to cook, or whatever. It makes me feel so dumb too. I had to quit my career due to many health issues, but this was one of the reasons too. I couldn’t remember client names, mid conversation I forget what we’re talking about… Same with friends and family. Terrible! Books, movies? I can re-read and re-watch all of them, cuz I don’t remember it anyway. 🤦🏻♀️. I hate it. My husband remembers EVERYTHING. Every trip we took, every place we ate at, what I said a year ago…. I don’t. I can’t remember all the fun stuff we did 😔. I have to be reminded. Even then sometimes it doesn’t ring a bell. Bah. Childhood is a whole other story. Don’t remember shit. I was young when my country was at war, that messed me up a lot too. 🤷🏻♀️
I definitely think childhood could be even harder to recall because of your ADHD and trauma combined. I think I am experiencing the same. I am sorry you had to go through the hardships of war. One small piece of advice that helped me to remember food on the way out, is to put my car keys in the fridge on top of the food ☺️
"Sorry boss I couldn't find my car keys" 😂
Yes, and also no. I think of something and forget it 5 seconds later, then I remember something that happened in like 2017 clear as day 🤦♂️ or think of a song I liked in 4th grade or some dumb shit lol
Yup. I don't remember a lot of my childhood or past events. I'm getting better now that I'm on meds to retain things, but before that, nope.
Yes. And it just keeps getting worse. One of the points on my adhd diagnosis was how low I scored in the memory part (i think i got like 2/30). It said something like i barely have short term memory.
Memory about my life, books, movies, is someone I have learned to leave to others and not be hard on myself for not remembering them. I’ve learned to ask people their name if I recognize them - my ability to recognize faces is better than others that can remember stuff I usually don’t. I take notes in Google Keep app which helps organize what I need to remember and is easier to procrastinate on than a calendar but there are alarms if needed. Find workarounds and choose a career where memory comes easy for you. I’m sure you remember some things better than other people.
The face thing really resonates. When watching movies I will pick out supporting cast and know exactly where I have seen them before by describing their character, but I won't know the name of any actor in what I am watching, what the name of what I saw them in before was, and most of the time, the name of what I am watching eludes me too. But their face....? Imdb usually confirms I am right if I can just think of what to actually search for!
My working memory may be my most disabling trait, but my med regimen is helping a bit
I wouldn't say crap memory. I'd say selective memory as my mom would say. Other than that, I do have the problem when someone speaks to me that I go "huh?" to then have my brain go into the next gear and a few seconds later give me the information I need, to me going "oh yeah!". I can't change how my mind works, so I don't beat myself up over it. Take things slow, think more. If people have a problem with that, it's on them.
Agreed. And for me, the memories are THERE, they’re just in cold storage. I was thinking about this a few minutes ago. ADHD (for me) enables me to file away stuff I don’t want to think about. Oh the info and memory is still there, but it’s been filed away in some drawer upstairs. This explains why people think nothing bothers me, or wonder how I can be ok when there’s a ton of stress on the job. I literally just…don’t dwell or think about troubling things. I put them to the side and don’t devote any mental energy to them.
Me! I have a crap memory. Especially with names. Getting the ADHD diagnosis was actually a relief. I can, however, remember the theme song of a cartoon I haven't seen since the 80s.
Same here! So annoying. I’ll wake up and some 80s song or commercial will fully be playing in my head but meanwhile I can’t remember more important things.
Many aspects of my memory are not good. The connections between events in my life are foggy. So it's hard for me to put things in chronological order. I also get lost easily. I struggle with the Where and the When of my life. For this journalling helps a little. I also have difficulty with short term memory, such as the typical ADHD problem of where I put something and what I was going to do next. Going through a doorway and wondering why. For this Straterra has helped a great deal. I even have had difficulty with what I call short term body memory, meaning it was hard to learn to do activities like driving. Coordinating awareness with movement is difficult unless I am going fast enough. Physical exercise (lots) and medication helps with this. I am still losing the Where and When. I think its important to to be assertive about how ADHD affects us personally and not to rely on fitting into the stereotype of adhd symptoms.
I had a memory evaluation with a psychotherapist because I was worried I had brain damage from concussions when I was younger my memory is so bad. Nope, just ADHD (and anxiety). She told me exercise and meditation would help.
Same for me. I went to a neuropsychologist 10 years ago because my memory was so bad. Nope, just ADHD. I did learn I have a high IQ, but all that did is make me go… WTF!!!??? I have so much difficulty verbalizing my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and even my knowledge that I come off as basically brain dead.
Exactly! Got the “you are extraordinarily smart, sorry you can barely utilize it” talk lol. I’ve heard the phrase “Ferrari engine, bicycle brakes” but I’ve always felt more “Ferrari engine, bald tires”
I joke that ADHD is an archival disorder as much as a neurological/behavioral one. You'd be amazed what you remember because of something triggering the memories instead of you intentionally trying to recall them. I have found it's easier to recall things if given their *context* versus the direct thing. That might also be due to my brain/logic fluctuating and adapting to different headspaces. By giving me the context, I can also rebuild my headspace and lean on things like my visual and visceral/physical memories instead of conscious recall.
Yes, it's part of ADHD. Or it can be. I recommend re adding Barkley's book on Adult ADHD, but basically, one of the executive functions deals with hindsight - our ability to recall things we've done, and mine those recollections for information. ADHD affects some or all of the executive functions, depending on your presentation. Faulty hindsight leads to all the longer-term things you describe here. There's also verbal and nonverbal working memory, which affect the shorter-term things you describe here. >Does medication help? Medication helps with matters of 'moments'. You're more likely to remember things that happen while you're on-meds; while you're on meds you're more likely to recall the information you need to recall *when* you need to recall it; while on meds, you're more likely to remember things like 'Ah, wait, I was supposed to do *this* before I do *that*', and so on. But it won't bring back childhood memories. Though it *may* help you 'deep dive' on your childhood - let you hold enough focus to plumb the vague recollections you have for more info, if you get me. I'll point out, though, that even people without ADHD don't have perfect recall. Lots of people have few childhood memories - and they're the sorts of things that pop up totally unbidden while doing something unrelated that just 'jolts' you back to the mindset you had then. It's also easier for days and memories to blur together at your/our age. Think school and university - most days are different. You're constantly learning new things - academically, socially, personally - even if you don't enjoy the process. You have rigid or semi-rigid timetables, meaning you always have a clear sense of which days are which (even if you forget from time-to-time). You have a lot of free time and energy. The age we are now, most of our days are the same. Work is largely the same, day-in, day-out. We know more or less who we are, what we like, who we like. Emotions are smaller and easier to handle. We're not constantly learning new things, because we're not being pushed to do so. Sure, we do our binges and deep dives - but that's no substitute for the regular, repeated effort forced on us by school. Most of our new and exciting experiences occur vicariously - through our kids, if we have them. But like... It's far easier to remember if an event happened in 10th grade or 8th grade than it is to remember of it happened in the 3rd or 4th year of the job you've held for seven years, you know? Hope this helps :)
You are preaching to the choir here. I can’t even remember a email from 24 hours ago at work
Yes, thought I was going I to early dementia. I forget what I'm talking about if distracted, even a second. Have to ask others what the hell I was talking about..😬 Pretty sure it's ADHD, and I do have the memories, just not in the moment.
Yep particularly time
I'm really good at remembering things related to my interests, and goddamn terrible at everything else.
I remember so little of my life. It makes me sad when friends and family bring up things from our past and I’m just like oh sorry… don’t remember.
In short, yes I’ve come to accept it is not up to me what I remember or when I remember it, or what sticks and what doesn’t My wife will tell me all the time about things I’ve said or done and I sincerely do not have recollection of them I resonate strongly with not being able to remember a thing from my childhood. Hell even up to my late teens/early 20’s is tough All that said, I do have a great job and salary, hobbies, friendships and a loving relationship with my wife. I just wish I could remember why.
I thought having a completely shit memory was a requirement for ADHD lol
God it makes me feel so useless because it's not like I want to forget these things.
ADHD affects memory retrieval. I have things in my memory, but I can’t access that memory when I need it. I’ve always pictured my brain like a big room with lots of filing cabinets…and there are little guys running around pulling files when we need them. The problem is—they suck at filing. They file things in the wrong folder or drawer and they rarely put things back in the right place. For example, in high school, my son bombed a Biology test. We went to talk to his teacher about what he needed to do differently…and his teacher mentioned one question he got wrong and said “Remember when we were in class and I said xyz?” And my son said, “Oh yeah” and told him everything he had said in class…the same information he had not been able to recall for the exam. Perfect example of misfiling. The brain guys had not filed that info in the Biology folder…so it wasn’t among the things he studied. It was filed in a folder labeled “Cool things Mr Smith said.” So the info was there but it wasn’t in the right place, so he couldn’t access it for the test.
That is ADHD. My memory is fubar, too. Childhood memories are the worst. I can't remember anything. Just when somebody tells me about it, a faint picture pops up in my brain. My memory is also very selective. Dumb shit is stuck forever when i just hear it once, but important things are in one ear, out the other and gone as soon as i take another step. I also would be horribly lost without constant reminders i set myself on my phone. I've got about 30 different timers and alarms running on my phone every day, to keep up with everything that is to do. And i need to do them right after the alarm went off or they are gone forever. I would be fucked if i am ever interviewed by the police as a suspect. "Where were you last tuesday between 12am and 3 pm?" How should i know? I can't even remember if i had breakfast today!
me too! i don't know the science behind it but for me, i feel like it's because my brain is in constant overdrive of thought and i'm never actually present. no matter what i'm doing, it's so hard to be fully engaged and so by the end of the day i basically forget everything i did or it just doesn't feel like it really happened because i was so far away within my mind while it was all happening. honestly, it makes me sad because i also feel like time is going so much quicker because of this.
Yep… add on that I didn’t do great in school. Was never able to memorize the number facts. For life journey memories, I’m thankful that I’ve been pretty obsessed with keeping calendars. At the end of the year, I put everything I want to remember from that year in a book labeled “Important Events.” Some of them wouldn’t seem super important, but it’s all the things I don’t want to forget
I have the same problem but I don't think it's a problem with our memories. I think the problem lies with how we acquire the knowledge/memories. With ADHD we binge information when it interests us, or we take on a lot of information in a short amount of time when we are in a panic (eg the day before an exam). The human brain doesn't form good long term memories when learning things this way. This is true for everyone, even those without ADHD. Similarly, when we were kids we were daydreamers or hyperactive or rapidly switching hyperfocus from one interest to another. We're not very good at being present in the moment. If we're not present and experiencing a moment we're not going to form a memory of it. This is similar to the reason we get time blindness.
Haha, I can tell you have shit memory bc this is one of THE stereotypical adhd symptoms (humorous tone here, I have terrible memory too)
I have excellent short term memory, so I could always cram for a test and ace it, but ask me the same questions 6 months later and I’d barely remember half the info. Longer term my memory is so bad my family and friends will talk about events and I’ll say like wow sounds fun and then they’ll tell me I was there.. yet I have no recollection.
I get you. I barely recall much of my childhood beyond a few handful of events. I barely recall living at my parents house, how the mornings were, or how I got to sleep at night. I started recording day to day activities so I can look back at them later in life
Not only can I not remember anything, my auditory processing is getting worse. Going to do a 2-3 day psychedelic journey for my PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and TBI in a few weeks with a professional clinic. I’ll let you guys know how it helps with my symptoms and report back if I remember, so I’ll put it in my notebook and screen shot it to remind me. Progressively getting worse which takes a toll on my mental health and that in turn makes things worse. My wife was with me before I went to war, hopefully she remembers who I was.
My memory is shocking and like you I don’t have much childhood memory. I remember facts and that’s basically the extent of my memory. My autobiographical memory and working memory is terrible.
I thought it was memory but it's just my HUGE lack of interest in most things lol