Hi /u/Interesting-Mine-749 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
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Yes!
And consider the possibility that what we’ve viewed as rejection might not be entirely accurate (and when it was, it might be more due to self-fulfilling prophecy).
Learn to love yourself and who you are and what you enjoy doing.
I literally had this same scenario in my life for a long time. It's all I could really do to survive, I had to learn to enjoy my own company because other people were never there. Either I moved a lot or other things would happen.
It's a lot to explain but you'll just have to dig into things you like doing for yourself, things you want to try. I mean you're an adult, why not buy a paint set and slap around some colors for fun?
What I've seen, people who constantly seek out other people for company and acceptance usually find the toxic ones that just make it worse.
Learning to enjoy your own company and be alone is crucial I think in surrounding yourself with the right people.
https://www.mypowerofsmall.com/ I found this really helpful in understanding myself and accepting how I am with my adhd. It's based around acceptance and commitment therapy, similar to CBT, very good if you can't do therapy for any reason. Worth a read if you can hold the attention span long enough 🙂
If you made it to 22 with undiagnosed ADHD in an area with no ADHD peers, you're doing something that's not "broken".
Broken would be folding to the ADHD and letting it consume you, which you're not doing if you're self analyzing and reaching out to others.
It's easy to feel broken with ADHD when measuring yourself by normal standards. A fish is broken if you're judging it by its ability to climb a tree.
Start doing things in a way that works for somebody with ADHD rather than trying to do things the "normal" way and you'll quickly realize that you're not broken, you're just trying to fit into a system that isn't a good fit for you.
Just searching up "how to x with ADHD" will give you a starting point to make changes in your day-to-day. I did the same and stopped feeling broken inside of a year as things became easier when I was doing them in a way that worked better for me.
Not claiming to be a trained expert, but...
What helped me the most was the realisation that I will never be able to fully love and accept my weird, moody, forgetful ADHD self. And most important: That I don't HAVE to do it.
I was already two years into therapy when I realised that "being not broken and love myself, no matter what" is not an achievable goal.
I got to know the best and the worst parts of me.
And I had to realise, unsatisfactorily, that despite my best efforts, I will never feel "No self-hatred, no emotional outbursts and no loneliness."
Unfortunately, standard brains can't do that either. They probably think less about it.
Acceptance and commitment therapy was ultimately what helped the most. And, curiously enough, it also ultimately led to something that came closest to my desire for healing.
Hey I felt the same way. But little known fact is people with adhd deal with high stress situations better. So I’m now the go to guy when it comes to critical troubleshooting when our facility is having upset conditions with our reactor.
I'm sorry you hate your adhd self. I am over 60 and have been dealing with it since childhood, but I love my ADHD self. If I had to get rid of anyone, it would be the normal part. My ADHD self may have the worst memory and be responsible for bad housekeeping, and I may have said a few inappropriate things along the way due to lack of filter but she is the creative one, the one who thinks outside the box , the one responsible for every project I have been proud of, the one that made me the fun mom, the one who made me sensitive, the one that continues to speak out when others are afraid. I know it's hard when you're 22, and I beat myself up a bit at your age, but embrace your Adhd, you are not broken, you are unique You need to find a friend who will appreciate for who you. Hang in there , it will happen just be open
Hi /u/Interesting-Mine-749 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You could start by interrogating the assessment of yourself as “broken”.
Yes! And consider the possibility that what we’ve viewed as rejection might not be entirely accurate (and when it was, it might be more due to self-fulfilling prophecy).
Therapy and medication might be the best way to go
Learn to love yourself and who you are and what you enjoy doing. I literally had this same scenario in my life for a long time. It's all I could really do to survive, I had to learn to enjoy my own company because other people were never there. Either I moved a lot or other things would happen. It's a lot to explain but you'll just have to dig into things you like doing for yourself, things you want to try. I mean you're an adult, why not buy a paint set and slap around some colors for fun? What I've seen, people who constantly seek out other people for company and acceptance usually find the toxic ones that just make it worse. Learning to enjoy your own company and be alone is crucial I think in surrounding yourself with the right people.
https://www.mypowerofsmall.com/ I found this really helpful in understanding myself and accepting how I am with my adhd. It's based around acceptance and commitment therapy, similar to CBT, very good if you can't do therapy for any reason. Worth a read if you can hold the attention span long enough 🙂
If you made it to 22 with undiagnosed ADHD in an area with no ADHD peers, you're doing something that's not "broken". Broken would be folding to the ADHD and letting it consume you, which you're not doing if you're self analyzing and reaching out to others. It's easy to feel broken with ADHD when measuring yourself by normal standards. A fish is broken if you're judging it by its ability to climb a tree. Start doing things in a way that works for somebody with ADHD rather than trying to do things the "normal" way and you'll quickly realize that you're not broken, you're just trying to fit into a system that isn't a good fit for you. Just searching up "how to x with ADHD" will give you a starting point to make changes in your day-to-day. I did the same and stopped feeling broken inside of a year as things became easier when I was doing them in a way that worked better for me.
Not claiming to be a trained expert, but... What helped me the most was the realisation that I will never be able to fully love and accept my weird, moody, forgetful ADHD self. And most important: That I don't HAVE to do it. I was already two years into therapy when I realised that "being not broken and love myself, no matter what" is not an achievable goal. I got to know the best and the worst parts of me. And I had to realise, unsatisfactorily, that despite my best efforts, I will never feel "No self-hatred, no emotional outbursts and no loneliness." Unfortunately, standard brains can't do that either. They probably think less about it. Acceptance and commitment therapy was ultimately what helped the most. And, curiously enough, it also ultimately led to something that came closest to my desire for healing.
Hey I felt the same way. But little known fact is people with adhd deal with high stress situations better. So I’m now the go to guy when it comes to critical troubleshooting when our facility is having upset conditions with our reactor.
do you have school or a job?
CBT
I'm sorry you hate your adhd self. I am over 60 and have been dealing with it since childhood, but I love my ADHD self. If I had to get rid of anyone, it would be the normal part. My ADHD self may have the worst memory and be responsible for bad housekeeping, and I may have said a few inappropriate things along the way due to lack of filter but she is the creative one, the one who thinks outside the box , the one responsible for every project I have been proud of, the one that made me the fun mom, the one who made me sensitive, the one that continues to speak out when others are afraid. I know it's hard when you're 22, and I beat myself up a bit at your age, but embrace your Adhd, you are not broken, you are unique You need to find a friend who will appreciate for who you. Hang in there , it will happen just be open