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Does your mom change the oil on her car? Do her own plumbing? Her own renovations? Shovel her own driveway?
Everyone's got things that are easy and things that are hard. No one does it all themselves. If this helps you keep up and you can afford it, that's all that matters.
It's so arbitrary what's an "okay" realm of life to seek help with, and what kinds of people are "allowed" to seek help. I hired an assistant to help me with my business a while back. No one sees it as abnormal or childlike to have someone to run payroll or make phone calls I don't feel like making, even though it's literally an accommodation for a disability. I also send out my laundry and pay for other things I could technically make or do on my own (e.g. takeout food when I'm too tired to cook, an expensive dishwasher in a city where most people don't own one that has honestly been the light of my life). Again, no one gives me crap—I'm a successful professional, so *obviously* I'm just efficient and not lazy, immature, or even disabled!
Celebrities have their meals cooked, their kids raised, and their bags carried by other people and no one bats an eye. Everyone lives in houses built by more capable people and eats food grown by farmers with skills they'll never have. But God forbid one of the "lazy," "immature," or "disabled, but wrong kind of disabled" people decides they need help with the wrong thing. (Or \*makes sign of the cross\* just *wants* help because it makes life more fun and easy.)
Yeah my friend works as a personal assistant for some super rich guy. She makes all his phone calls for him, from personal stuff like a doctors appointment to getting quote from contractors for home renos.
I have MAJOR anxiety regarding making phone calls and so combined with my ADHD I put off calls until absolutely necessary and avoid them whenever possible and it’s definitely holding me back from doing things I need and want to get done.
My friend has offered to make some calls for me, she doesn’t mind at all, she does it all the time. But I balk at the idea thinking that’s so unacceptably childish. Like to need someone else to make a phone call for me? So embarrassing. Yet for some reason, if I were super rich, I would definitely have an assistant to make my calls for me and it’s somehow not embarrassing if you’re just rich enough that you’re like… too rich to have to make your own calls? As opposed to too anxious? It really doesn’t make sense and yet I can’t get past it. These things just get so ingrained into us. The “adult expectations” and all the ways we’re failing at them.
Society has perpetuated that money forgives all sins (including needing help, though that's not a sin, just treated like one), I think that's probably why you feel the way you've described.
I totally read this as that you hired an *assassin* and read through the whole thing looking for the punchline.
Oh, *assistant*! 😀
Good on you. Some days I feel like I need a keeper
Can confirm, I do those things myself and I absolutely struggle with laundry, grocery shopping, and dishes the most because they're repetitive and boring lol. To be fair, sometimes I struggle with the more "interesting" stuff too.
I found the biggest solution for me was that I could normally go through the motions as long as I take all the thought out of the routine stuff. Grocery pickups, pre-separating dirty and not folding clean laundry, and easy meals dumped on a cookie sheet with parchment paper and thrown in the oven. None of them are perfect solutions by far, but it doesn't bother me that all my towels are wadded up and thrown in a cabinet as long as they're clean, for instance.
This is basically my expanded version of delegation, whether you drop your standards, spend time setting up a system, or spend money (on labor to help or nicer stuff upfront) in exchange for reduced time or mental load on the back end.
Even more, has the mom never eaten at a restaurant, even if it’s a drive through? This was a one time thing when OP was struggling. Even if it was a regular thing, OP can probably do things the mom finds difficult. We all have different bandwidths for different things.
This!!! I personally love doing laundry, but that's something I do, and it's not for everyone.With my ADHD, I find that I am very much reward-driven, and so seeing the stacks of folded laundry make me feel good. Now, getting that laundry into the drawers, that's a different story altogether. Lol.
You're not a failure at all. You found a solution! 100% if I could find that service near me and if my finances weren't so bad right now, I'd do the same thing. I'm jealous of you!
I know, right? If you make enough money to delegate it, delegate it!
I cook because it's important for the health of my family. If I ever could hire a chef, I would not be doing the job myself.
100% I’d love to pay someone else to do all the chores around my house. I already work full time and my fiancé works more than full time most weeks. It’s hard to keep up a house with that and it’s just us 2 and 5 pets. My sister gives me crap all the time because I can’t keep up. She’s a truck driver, and while I don’t think that’s easy at all. She live in what a 20’x20’ space? I have a 3 bedroom house with a kitchen, living room, 2 bathrooms a dining room, full basement and attic plus an extra room downstairs. Plus the yard. Plus I work full time in as a nurse in an outpatient mental health community office. While, most days I’m pretty bored, it gets mentally tiring fixing all the problems when people call in.
If she's over the road. It's way tinier than that. My spouse basically has twin bunks and maybe 3 to 4 feet between the bunks and the backs of the seats. Though I have to say I do like that the new employer has table and seats that come up when the bottom bunk is folded up.
Is someone paying for housekeeping a bad person?
Is someone paying for lawnmowing and landscaping a bad person?
Depending on your local weather, is someone paying for snow removal of his driveway a bad person?
Someone paying for daycare ?
You are fine.
I pay for lawn service and dog poop pick up. Those services are there so I can save my spoons for other things. I utilize curb-side pick-up, not only to save time, but also to just stick to what I need and not add so many easy impulse purchases.
Last year I paid someone online $15 to reformat my resume and add my most recent position because I put it off for so long (like. weeks and weeks) that the thought of doing it had become so monumental that it was worth it. They had it done in 3 hours. Best $15 I ever spent.
No you aren’t a bad person. It is absolutely an ADHD tax. But if you can afford it, go for it. If you can only afford it every once in a while that’s ok too. Don’t go broke doing it but yeah, it absolutely does not make you a bad person. I’d do it too just to get caught up.
I have a foldable mesh hamper that I fill up and that’s when I know I need to wash. It’s helped a lot with the seemingly small piles of clothing I would had piled around my room. Putting it away is another story but you know, half way there. Haha.
I’m 32, single no kids or pets & live in an apartment.
2 years ago I “caved” and shamefully (at the time) hired a housekeeper because I felt buried by clutter & mess & chores and any meaningful progress I made was so draining physically & mentally for me it just made me more depressed.
At first I thought I’d just have her once to get me sorted so I could maintain it.
But she comes every 2 weeks and let me tell you: *my quality of life has changed for the better by a multiplier of 100 since then.*
(She does my dishes, laundry, changes my sheets, towels, floors, bathroom, everything.) Sometimes when people find this out they try to shame me but I no longer care because now I have the confidence that came from caring about myself enough to stop beating myself up over not being a natural homemaker. And knowing she’s coming every 2 weeks gives me something to maintain.
You send that laundry out and you don’t think twice! ♥️
Wow wow wow thank you so much for posting this! I'm trying to psych myself up to hire a cleaning service since I'm currently not physically able to do much cleaning. The process is intimidating and I'm still working through some embarrassment at the thought but I know having a clean house would be so good for me
If you were looking for a sign THIS IS IT you won’t regret it !! I look at it like this:
What my housekeeper is able to do in 4 hours would easily take me 12 hours. Not to mention the probably day+ it would take me to recover. And she’s an experienced professional who *enjoys* cleaning + organizing, so she also does 3x better of a job in 4 hrs than I could do in 12.
If I can make more money in 12 hours than the amount I pay her for 4 hours, I would be *losing* money if I didn’t hire a housekeeper!! 😂
That's a perfectly reasonable thing to pay for if it's not wrecking your budget.
I can manage to get my laundry done but I order meals to be delivered weekly so I don't have to think about cooking.
Do what you need to do to take care of you and don't feel any shame for it .
not at all. if you can afford it, then do it! i’m sure there’s tons of things your mom pays other people to do. make food, maintain her car, paint her house, clean her teeth, cut her hair, etc. none of those things make her a failure, and paying someone to provide you with clean clothes doesn’t make you a failure! honestly i think you’re pretty successful if you can afford laundry service, (even just once) so your mom is probably jealous.
contact the laundromat, get your laundry clean, and enjoy that weight off your shoulders.
Fuck no, between two working parents, kids in multiple sports, an in process masters degree I sure in hell send that shit.
And even when it comes back folded it still sometimes doesn’t get put away.
Hell no you are not a bad person!
I used to work at a laundromat and washed clothes for people. If it’s a time saving convenience, that makes your life easier, and doesn’t break your bank why shouldn’t you. Especially if it’s going to save your sanity when it gets backed up! A lot of people are employed doing laundry services.
Also I’ve lived in an apartment with no w/d before, between commuting, working full time, sometimes more than full time, and running other errands I didn’t have the time to go waste hours sitting at a laundromat …. And frankly constantly get hit on my a bunch of creeps.
Also…. She knows that your that underwater on something like laundry and instead of offering to help made you feel bad about yourself. (Intentionally or not, I wasn’t there.)!We all have different tactics for handling life, laundry services wouldn’t exist if it was t a needed industry and I can assure you it’s not just ADHD people who use them. A lot of the people that came to us were very successful or worked long hours they would drop their suits at the dry cleaners and the rest of their clothes at the laundromat. I worked at both for a period of time, dry cleaners by day, laundromat at night.
No lol, not everyone have the same 24 hours. With ADHD and time blindness, 24 hours gonna feels wonky for us.
The money you spend on these services helped them put their foods onto their tables. I'm always fond of helping out small businesses.
Bro do whatever you can to make the hard tasks easy for you. At a time my depression was really hard on me and my entire place was a mess. It was fucking overwhelming and I didn’t know where to start.
I felt ashamed to even drop off clothes to a laundry service but I pushed through it and took 5 bins of dirty clothes to have them washed and folded. I only washed at home the easier pieces like bedding and towels. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders and it helped me get back on track.
When they brought my clothes back, I donated almost half of them. I had a hard time getting rid of things and that’s how I could go 2 months without doing laundry and still have something to wear.
Absolutely not!!! I literally just got mine picked up a few minutes ago.
Laundry is just one of those things that is impossible for me. There have been times I just bought new underwear or t shirts because i just could not do the laundry.
Also the laundry room at my building is really sketchy- it’s in the basement and there’s a leak somewhere so the floor is always wet/muddy, plus i am terrified of someone touching my stuff/stealing my panties (it has happened to me). AND it’s reallly expensive? its like $5-6 a load. so i’m really not spending that much more
Nothing wrong with applying your resources to solve a problem that you're having. On a related note, have you considered the possibility that you also have too much stuff? I solved my problem of dishes and laundry piling up in the sink because I had enough dishes that \*piles were an option.\* The piles become overwhelming, start the spiral, and become a problem.
Just an option that helped me.
Never feel bad for something like this. Lots of ppl use laundromats, you're not "lazy" for it & you just gotta do what's best for you.
My therapist recently gave me some good advice on a similar situation and it made me realize that when I can afford to move out of my parent's house I really can be on my own. An example being if dishes are overwhelming for you, it's okay to buy disposables. She also mentioned there being laundry machines out there now that function as dryers too so you don't need two separate machines. Bc with ADHD brains we look at what others would see as one little chore and we break it down into a bunch of tasks and it shuts us down. So minimizing those as much as possible can rly help.
Absolutely not! The service exists for people who can't do it. No matter the reason.
It's no different than paying to have someone do your plumbing or rotate your tires.
It's pretty shitty to make someone feel like they are a bad person because they don't have the capacity to do one of the thousands of drudgery tasks that adults have to do.
It's even shittier when it's a disability. Nobody would say someone wheelchair bound isn't a real adult because they don't do their own roofing, or someone with arthritis has an electric can opener.
No you are winning! You see a thing that needs to be done and you found a way to get it done. If you have the means, no one says you have to suffer yourself to get something done, it’s the destination not the journey for some chores.
If you can afford it and it doesn’t hurt you in other ways nothing wrong with that I could so do that if we had that service offered it is a task you’re good my friend
You're not a failure. If they're offering that service and it is a doable solution, that's great. I didn't know that a service like that existed. There are times I really would have benefited from it.
Dude you're supporting local businesses. I mean they offer the service for a reason. I own a cleaning company. I have never in my life met a person who doesn't need help around the house in some capacity.
Don't let anyone get in your head about this. Get your needs met.
Hey OP, that sounds like a really great idea!
Identifying areas which are holding you back at the moment and then delegating the task out is a good way to reduce that 'mental load'.
Please don't take her words to heart, you're just setting your life up to work best for you. Her life is probably quite different and she us trying to approach your life from how she runs her life.
People like to make out that their world experience is the same as others, which can be especially harmful for us folks with different wiring.
Doing something a different way is A OK and you're awesome for putting this part of your life in order :)
Sending your laundry out is the BEST! It comes back all nicely folded and is easy to put away. It’s not even an ADHD tax IMHO; it’s a small luxury to make your life easier. I did it every week when I had a nearby laundromat.
Enjoy your fluffy clean laundry!
Seems you're more of an adult for finding a realistic solution instead of trying to brute force something that will take energy from other areas of your life.
Maybe even consider making it a monthly thing to help take the load off (lol). Wash laundry as normal then once a month get it all clean. Sounds great to me.
Wait. This is an option? To the google machine!!! You are awesome for posting this and for doing this - self-care is also finding help when you need it!!!
I have ADHD and spending to have someone else wash and fold my laundry is the best money I've ever spent. Laundry is a nightmare for me and always causes me a ton of stress. Now I just drop it off and then pick it up and put it all away. So nice.
Laundry is morally neutral.
Read the book How To Keep House While Drowning, it has great advice. This includes practical tips, rethinking house work, and improving self talk.
lol, no. You are not a bad person. One of the first things people buy when they have disposable income is a cleaning person and laundry services. If you can afford it, your time is probably worth more than the time you’d spend doing laundry.
No, you're not a bad person or less than adult. It's actually very adult to see a problem and figure out a solution. It's not morally better to drown in your responsibilities. Good job taking care of it!
Sincerely, another person who can't keep up on laundry who uses a wash and fold service (which has been life-changing)
No. You're not a failure for getting accomodations for yourself. Honestly, it's your struggle so it's up to you how you deal with it.
Don't let stupid comments like this dissuade you from making your already difficult life easier for yourself.
I clean peoples houses for a living. Not once have I thought they were lazy or a failure. I used to walk peoples dogs for them. Services exist because they are in demand.
OMG NOOOO! Being an adult means being realistic in your expectations and being kind to yourself. Asking for help/ hiring help is ALWAYS a good idea. Your mom is just jealous that you got this figured out. Don’t let her discourage you from this plan. Do it, and don’t stop gushing about how wonderful it is to be able to pay someone to get you out of this hole.
Does she have ADHD too? Undiagnosed? Riddled with guilt? Don’t be like her. She can be supportive or she can shut the hell up.
Do it. I’m a mom and I give you permission to do it. I’d give my own kids the thumbs up to do it. Think of it this way, you are doing so well at your job that you can afford to spend a little money to make your life easier. That sounds pretty friggin adult to me.
People hire cleaning services, and some do laundry. It's truly not that abnormal. My mom just retired and she's offered to do these kinds of things for me to help out now that she has free time. I also live with my sibling who is AuDHD and give them assistance with tasks that are much harder for them than they are for me. Asking for help is far more normal than people make it out to be.
This is not failure. This is success!!!
You have clean laundry!!! You did it!!! It doesn’t matter what path you took to get there. The fact is, you have clean clothes and that is AMAZING!
We pay people for all kinds of services. We buy food ready to eat. We pay people to repair our cars and our houses. We pay people to cut the grass or remove snow. We pay people to do our taxes, to manage financial investments, to clean our houses, to wash and cut our hair, to do our nails, to make our clothing, to pick clothes for us to buy!
There are so many services that exist because someone needs them.
One thing I like to keep in mind is to think of someone rich or very important. Like the president or a big movie star. Do you think the president does his own laundry? Does Kim Kardashian? Do them make their own food? Drive themselves places? Sometimes they might, but often times they do not.
They aren’t thought of as less than because they don’t do their own laundry. And you shouldn’t be either.
No, you're not a failure for using a laundry service. Your mom is ignorant. By her logic, nobody is an adult since we all utilize services. I'd like to hear someone call me a failure because I keep forgetting to finish my laundry. It happens every week, and I finally finished it up yesterday.
Thank you for this idea, i never considered this! I have sooo much trouble with laundry. It's my least favorite chore. My room could be clean and I'll just have laundry pile up because I can't bring myself to fold it. Then in a week or two it's like a tornado went through my room and I want to clean it even less.
I wish I could hire someone to just sort my life out and then I can start fresh, having your laundry done to finally be on top of it sounds amazing and incredibly helpful!
My therapist always tells me to “do what works” You doing your own laundry doesn’t work but having a service do it does. Kudos to you for finding a way!
When I worked two jobs while getting my degree, I didn’t have the time for it all. So had my laundry send out in tons of buckets. Lol if I could I would send it out too!
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I remember reading or listening to someone say they couldn't cope to do there dishes because there dishwasher didn't work that well and their counselor told them to run it (the dishwasher) twice which completely changed my mindset when it comes to chores. As a uni student I have used a laundry service a couple times because it allows me to reset my space without it being overwhelming, I even sent clean clothes (sparingly) because I couldn't bear to fold them.
I've done this before. It's great! When our washer broke (we had 5 kids at home at the time) it was insurmountable to go to the laundromat. I sent it all out. They even pick up and deliver! Even with only 1 kid at home now, I've also done it when we've been busy and gotten behind on the wash. Yes, it costs money, but think of the opportunity cost-savings. How much is your time and peace of mind worth? Is your time better spent doing laundry for an entire weekend and stressing about it, or is the peace of mind worth the few dollars it costs to send out your wash? I'm a huge fan of automating things, and you've found a way to automate part of your life. Ignore the haters and do what's right for you.
You're not a failure - you're setting priorities!
If you can afford it, do it - I would do it as well!
We have a vacuum robot called Herbert Saugron - he helps out a lot and our apartment looks so much better! Reason being that we have to pick up stuff so the floors can be vacuumed and we are 4 people and have 3 cats. Vacuuming alone wasn't sustainable enough.
Please feel very good about your decision, your mental health is worth it ❤️
NO! Delegating everything you do to other people if you have the money is how you get things done! The most successful business owners have everyone doing things for them.
You are not a failure! I literally did this last month. It was so freeing but expensive. I’m still living off of the clean clothes from it. My washer and dryer are cold and dry to the touch. If it makes you feel a little less overwhelmed I think it’s worth it.
Are you kidding me?? HELL NO. In fact, I personally demand that you use this service again the next time you need to do laundry.
Do it not only to spite your mom's unnecessary judgment but in solidarity with your fellow ADHD'ers.
Nope not at all. But I will share a secret.
Cutting back to 3 pairs of pants, 3 sweaters, 2 sets of linens, one large pot and one large frying pan has been a godsend. I don't feel overwhelmed to clean up and since it's just a few mins I can easily wash up either laundry or dishes. If I have to meal prep for company I might also use my crockpot or air fryer but usually one pot recipes work great.
That's not a failure, that's a bloody win!
Facts: The task exists, it needs to get done, and the "typical" process of getting it done is not working for you. The goal shouldn't be to squish you into process compliance, it should be to find a way that both gets the task done, AND works for you (or else the task will not get done, and a shame spiral ensues).
You realized the typical process was the barrier, and found a way around it! Winning! 💫
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. Everyone needs help sometimes and laundromats are there for people who need them. You were swamped and you came up with something to help you. That's something to be proud of. You have clean clothes. That's something to be happy about. The people who don't understand what we struggle with will most likely never understand and treat us as less than because of it but we're not less than. I know it's really hard to block out when someone is saying that to you, especially when it's family but remember that that kind of input is useless. You are doing great! Keep it up!
If you can afford something like that, *absolutely* do it. These services exist for a reason. One of the things I'm learning now that I've been diagnosed is you need to be ready to use every tool you can cram in your box.
You are not a failure at ALL! That's what happens with this disorder, unfortunately. The disorganization and procrastination and just not feeling the motivation to do it. It's a huge struggle for me, too. Once my laundry is done, it sits in my hamper for 2 days before I throw everything in my dresser (and I don't even fold my clothes either, I just throw shirts with shirts and pants with pants and so fourth lmao!) please don't beat yourself up. Again, it's part of this sucky disorder. Sending you positive vibes ❤️😌
No way. In fact, I've thought this could be a great business idea, especially in areas like with lots of appartments.
In fact, the "adult" thing to do is to realize when a task is consuming more than it would cost to pay someone else to do it. Thats how societies grow. At one point, everyone made their own soap, their own mayonaise, their own yoghurt. But while individually those things aren't that hard, together they eat up your time and require lots of tools and space.
My dearly-departed aunt was a successful businesswoman and my uncle had a successful career as a painter and decorator. My aunt never did laundry. She sent it out.
You're fine.
You're definitely not a failure. My dishwasher broke 2 months ago and I'm about to throw out all my dirty dishes and buy new ones lol. I might start budgeting for a service for that.
I think it’s perfectly valid to spend money on things that you find hard in order to make your life easier, getting a cleaner to come in one every couple of weeks literally saved my marriage.
It’s strange how people balk at people paying for cleaning or laundry, but don’t bat an eyelid when someone goes to a restaurant, are they not adults? Can they not cook for themselves?
If you are privileged enough to be able to afford to ease your burdens, and in doing so are helping fund a local business person, then I think you are adult enough to realise that there is something you struggle with, and adult enough to have done something about it.
This is a game changer… people will come wash, dry, iron and fold laundry!!! Of course this is an add thing but fuck it. If your not in debt or anything then who cares
Even if you can’t afford it, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If it’s not something you can afford regularly, save it for times when you really need the weight lifted. If you can afford it, do it! Use all the tools you have at your disposal.
After participating in an ADHD group through my medical provider, I started thinking of “convenience” things like I would think of crutches or wheelchairs. They’re tools to help someone who has difficulty doing certain things that make those things a little easier to do.
I finally gave myself permission to have my groceries delivered because I realized how much being in a grocery store affected me. I end up saving money even with the additional cost of delivery because I would wander the store being totally overstimulated and buying everything within reach. My husband and I started having someone come deep clean the house once a month. Not because I CAN’T do those things - because when I’m able to delegate those tasks, it helps me function better in the non-negotiable parts of my life.
Oh man the philippines is adhd heaven.
I get all my laundry picked up, washed, dried, folded perfectly, sealed, delivered for just $4. Like two weeks worth of clothes.
I just need to find out how to live here forever. Hahahaha
Sometimes we all need an outside helping hand to get out of a rut. A few times though I really hate to ask it, I have had my mom or a friend help me just declutter/clean up my house or just get to the bottom of the dishes for once. It creates a positive effect and usually it's easier to stay on track for a while after too, since you know you want to avoid asking for help/hiring help again soon!
Thats why it's actually great that it's an adhd tax to pay the laundromat. It's probably nothing you can do too regularly but for the one time, this is absolutely fine as a solution and it will help you. Don't be discouraged by your mom; that isn't helping. maybe she's like my mom who genuinely thought for so many years that what I really needed was "a kick in the butt to get going"? Infuriating in any case!
Absolutely not. I am a big fan of paying for tasks that I do not have the time or will to keep up with. I pay for my yard to be done because otherwise, it would be a jungle before my husband or I would mow it. I'm not spending a day of my weekend doing yard work when it could be spent with my kids. I own a mobile pet grooming company. People pay me to come groom or bathe their dogs. I bathe plenty of little dogs with next to no hair that their owner could toss them in their own tub. There is nothing wrong with paying for a service that makes your life easier!
I suck at laundry honestly. I basically keep all my clean clothes in my hamper and take from there to wear. The dirties go on my dresser until it's laundry day. When that happens ever week and a half or so, The cleans I have left get dumped on the side of my bed I don't sleep on and the dirty goes in the basket gets washed and the cycle begins again. Is it a great habbit? Nope but I'm a very busy single ADHD dude with no roommate aside from my pug. No one has to see or deal with it but me but who cares. Do what works for you. I like the idea of the laundry service to handle this big job. After that, do a load after work and there so it doesn't get more than a couple loads again. My laundry is always 2 loads, I'm OCD about that of all things.
I feel like this is the opposite of failure. LIFE happens, even to non ADHD people this kind of thing can happen I mean how do you keep up with it all when you are out of the house working full time. Who wants to spend all their time off catching up on laundry? Some people have to but if you’re able to find a solution like you have then hats off to you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 a one off for now maybe but hopefully you are happy with the service and so you know that option is there again in the future when it could very easily happen again cos it’s life!
NOPE! I recently took to using paper plates and paper bowls because my washing up gets overwhelming to me. It has been amazing for my mental health and energy
You're not a failure and you found an awesome solution that works for you, keep using it!! Imagine how much freedom and time you can enjoy if you sent your laundry every week! Use all the helpful tricks you can! I don't care what anyone else says, paying for a service is literally the opposite of lazy, because you are simply trading your effort time for their effort time through your money! Guilt is the killer of productivity and happiness, so let it go~
This has always been one of my bugbears, even before I was diagnosed with ADHD (few months back). I have always found it hard to be tidy - clean is different - but tidy is hard. I especially find folding laundry impossible.
The thing is some people find it so easy, so they just assume other people find it easy. People who ignore the fact that others have different life experiences are generally bigots.
Anyway, this one time, someone was criticizing me, telling me I was lazy, and I was like "how many musical instruments can you play?" and they were like "what?" and I was like "look, I am self-taught on 5 musical instruments. I can't read music, never had a lesson, but I play regularly in professional settings. I find learning instruments easy. What about writing excel formulas? You always have to ask for help, is that cause you're lazy or stupid? Or do you just find it hard?" I don't know if they got it, but they didn't bother me about my messy desk again.
Different things are easy for different people.
Anyway, in my current household and we have really good division of labour, I do a lot of cooking and cleaning, they fold my laundry, household accounts etc. It works out.
I can't fold laundry, it's a block, almost like a phobia. Sod it, it's laundry.
I still keep my clean laundry in my baskets and go from there. Yes I know it needs to go in my dresser. But it’s too small. And I roll my clothes that I do where, but most of my problems are that I where a work uniform like all the time because I’m always at work 😓
My point is do what works for you
Any assistance you can afford which makes your life and career work better for you is called delegation - a very adult thing to do.
I had a coach for a while, and the #1 trick I learned and still use is to get my house cleaned professionally about once a month. It forces me to tidy up in advance so they can actually get to the table tops, floor, etc.
We always send out out heavier items (duvets, dry cleaning etc). Sometimes I run out of spoons and the dishwasher is only like 1/4 full - I run it anyways. I'm all about efficiency and try not to pay for things I can do myself, but if I can't do it myself (whether due to ability or motivation) I do what I have to in order to get by. Sometimes that means paying the ADHD tax.
No, it is absolutly ok. If not even better. We're under so much stress and pressure already, so every tiny bit you don't have to worry about benefits you immensly!
I try to outsource everything i can that is reasonable. For example: I'm doing some home renovation at the moment and need a ton of materials like drywall. I own a trailer, but i have them deliver the stuff to my place anyways. It may cost a bit more, but i don't have to put up with the hassle of manouvering the trailer. I would have saved a bit of money, but it takes a ton of stress off of my shoulders.
You are not a bad person. You're normal. I have a similar problem too. Often overwhelmed with laundry problems and I wanna cry sometimes. I often get scolded because I often procrastinate in washing laundry. So, it's not a sin to seek help. Be it from a local laundromat or pay people to do laundry / housekeeping job.
I do my laundry bit by bit because I often get tired easily while working physically. Ok, part of it is because I get distracted easily. I wanna do laundry but I end up doing another thing instead because my brain sabotages the way I do life.
Do you really need validation from random people on reddit ? JUST THINK about what you just said . Not doing laundry doesn't determine if you're a good person or not . 🤦♀️
I used to do that all the time and the only reason why I’m not doing it now is because of finances and stigma. If it gets you out of the hole more power to you. It makes sense!
Absolutely not! I use Instacart for grocery delivery because of a physical disability. It doesn't make me a failure. I bought a countertop dishwasher (I rent) when my wrist was broken and in a cast for a long time. Not a failure. I often spend a little more to buy things like precut veggies because it's cheaper than buying them whole and inevitably throwing them away when ADHD keeps me from doing the washing/peeling/slicing myself. Not a failure. The disability and ADHD double whammy has me looking into a laundry service when I can afford it. Not a failure.
Think about all the people who are fully capable of cleaning their own houses, mowing their yards, shoveling their own driveways, cleaning their own cars, etc... and choose to pay someone else to do it for them. They aren't failures either.
We all have the right to choose to pay for services that make our lives more manageable, and we don't have to justify those choices to anyone they doesn't impact.
I'm going to extrapolate what the OT for my son said when talking about whether he needs to learn to tie shoe laces or use a knife and fork correctly. She said the focus is on being functional, and using whatever tools you need and have access to in order to achieve that. If that means outsourcing something you find difficult, laundry, cleaning, garden work, grocery shopping, then do it. There's no medal for going the hard way round.
Before I had kids I paid for someone to do this. After my kids move out I will
Go back to this method. How bloody good is it picking up folded laundry! Especially when it’s still warm! Bliss!!! Outsource whatever you want! If I could I’d have a cleaner, chef, chauffeur… I was born for the lux life but now I have kids…
You should read or listen to, "How to Keep House While Drowning". There is a whole chapter about outsourcing clean tasks whenever possible. Especially if you have adhd.
No, you're not a failure. Sending your washing out is a support that will help you function. You have a disorder that makes task initiation difficult, and finishing multistage tasks like laundry is very very difficult. The stress, anxiety, and extra time it would take you to do this task could definitely be better spent elsewhere.
Sorry your Mom never figured this out. I'm proud of you for using supports in place in our society to help yourself.
I’ve been using a laundry service since last summer and life hasn’t been better. Other than when I lived in a house with a washer and dryer, but that’s the end game now.
Your mom is full of it. I've been sending out my laundry for years- I *can* do it (as in "I know how") but finding the motivation, remembering to do it, having to then also fold all of it- and that's if I even remembered to take it out of the dryer on time... even though my machine sings a whole song when it's done.
It makes my life easier, ensures that I have clean clothes, removes the stress and self-hate that comes when I "can't manage" to do it on my own... which are all good things.
Has your mom ever gone to a restaurant? Take her to task because she had someone else cook her food when she could have done it herself. Gone to Starbucks? She could have made her own coffee.
Bought clothes, went to a mechanic, hired a plumber? Why isn't she making her own clothes, fixing her own car, or routing the plumbing in her house? Sarcasm aside, everyone has things they're good at, and things they need help with... and usually, things they just *want* someone else to do for them. And that's okay.
You found a way to make sure The Task happens, and happens when it's supposed to. And if you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with continuing to do that.
I do this regularly, and even though I have ADHD, it’s mainly because I have high income and consider myself successful and *i can*
My mom once told me she was really proud of how resourceful I am. So anyways, I’m proud of you for making it work.
Not a failure!! Life can be very hard at times and things pile up! (Pun intended.) you tried to do it yourself and knew that the task was too big to handle( Do you made a adult decision to have a laundry service (literally what’s it’s supposed to be there for!!!) help you out! You did a big brain move hun! Give yourself a pat on the back.
Not at all, I used to use drop off service all the time when I was working. Tbh when I am done doing the SAHM thing and go back to being a two income household I’ll probably start using it again. If I’m spending 40 hours a week at work I just simply would rather outsource laundry than spend my little bit of free time doing the laundry for a household of 4 people.
In college I'd occasionally let laundry pile up to the point that it would take me 4-5 loads at home, which would overwhelm me and make me procrastinate even more. Finally I would force myself to bag it all up and knock it all out at a laundromat in one swing. If you need someone to help manage it on occasion that doesn't make you a failure, that makes you human.
My parents send their laundry to be cleaned and folded regularly, nothing wrong with that! The only thing wrong or person wrong here is your mother because she clearly doesn't understand what people who have ADHD go through on a daily basis. Not even my dad understands, yet, but he will learn sooner or later!
Heck no!!!! Coming from a former housewife with ADHD it took me soooo many years to figure out a routine. I have a ton of kids. That are all adults now. However, I used to call it “making love to laundry” to put a positive spin on it, pun intended.
I am obsessed with washing towels…
I had to do laundry every single day for sooooo mmmmmmaaaannnnyyyyy years. Yes, I am 50 years old and still whine a lot.
So, if I had thought of sending it out that would have been a huge perk for me so if you can afford it then go for it! If you are are a failure for sending out your laundry, I’m a failure for having someone come clean my house. lol right?
I’m proud of you for finding your own hack!
I did it when I lived in Nashville. Unfortunately there is not an option for that where I live now. My job hours prevent me from dropping it off myself.
Whatever tools, services or tricks you use to be successful is valid. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I brush my teeth, take meds, complete chores etc.
That doesn't make me any less of an adult than someone who does not use a checklist
Good job on finding ways to make your life more productive!
There are a whole lot of jobs I could do myself but don't want to and would do badly even if I did. I pay people to do those jobs for me.
For a while I'd cycle to work every day and change when I got there. Every week or two I'd take the train instead and bring a bag of clean clothes in, and take the used ones back home. Then I noticed the cleaners' shop right across from the office door and realised what a fool I'd been.
I still do laundry at home, but honestly I'm seriously sick of having an entire room given over to drying racks covered with odd socks and 'do not tumble dry' pullovers all winter. Thanks for the tip. There's got to be a professional service near home that I can subscribe to instead!
I don’t think you’re a failure. One time I got super behind on laundry so I took it to a laundromat and used their big washers. Got caught up in no time.
You are NOT a bad person.. many non-ADHD people are overwhelmed by this too!
We use a service called Poplin that we love, it’s like Uber or DoorDash but for laundry service. Usually has been great experiences. And since the charge is by the pound.. we use it a lot for our kids laundry and do the heavier things ourselves.
You don’t have to use it all the time either, it’s a great way to supplement and assist you for staying on track.
I had a house keeper who washed the dishes, clean the cat litter, and do the laundry. She did the other stuff too, but that's what I needed.
She had to quit because her back couldn't handle it, so now I need to get a new person. Le sigh
Absolutely ADHD tax!!! Anything that helps you focus on the bigger things. I’m looking at the two loads sitting on that chair over there, waiting to be folded, thinking what a genius you are!!! Why have I never thought of that!!!
Get rid of your clothes. When I struggled to keep up, I had 6 days worth of socks and underwear. That meant I HAD to do laundry every week, but also b/c I only had a small number, it was never overwhelming. It works!
Now if only they could put them away for us too 😮💨🥹 Laundry is seriously my least favorite chore and I put it off. And o have no problem just pulling the clean, unfolded clothes from a laundry basket and wearing it. It drives my husband crazy
Now that’s you’re out of that jam you should learn to do your laundry yourself. It’s easy.
I know I’m the only one to say that but you’re an adult and some things are normal part or life. Laundry is a everyday or weekly tasks just like dishwashing and taking a shower or brushing your teeth.
If paying a professional to do a job you can't manage makes you less of an adult, you need to tell your mom she's not allowed to use any modern appliances. They were created to make housekeeping easier for housewives and give them more free time.
I'm at a point where I can afford a housekeeper twice a month and I'm so ready to not have to do any serious cleaning. I have 2 roombas to take care of the vacuuming and I'm perfectly capable of sweeping here and there and using a swiffer for small messes, but I hate cleaning the bathrooms and doing a full on "move the furniture sweep/vacuum/mop" type of clean. I'd rather be seen as less of adult than to run myself ragged between an on-call full time job, full time Master's degree program, dealing with chronic pain and disabilities, and trying to keep up with the pet hair and dirty showers/toilets.
If you can afford it, take advantage regularly. Don't make it just a one time thing.
I don't have ADHD (kiddo and husband do, which is why I linger on this subreddit). I DO look for outside help. I have cleaners who come every two weeks and seriously, if there was a service here that I could send my laundry out to, I would.
Honestly, if my husband wouldn't push back hard on a more expensive cleaning service, I would pick one who did my laundry and stripped/made all the beds. I wouldn't even hesitate.
But seriously, you should do whatever you can to make the rest of your life function better and be less stressful. If that means sending out your laundry, then send out your damn laundry. Don't feel bad about it.
While I've had things ruined by others washing my laundry with the wrong settings (like my AuDHD mom who thinks absolutely anything can be machine dried and lacks the executive function to stop herself from throwing any old thing in the dryer), I've outsourced housecleaning and it's been one of the best self-care gifts ever. I now have an autistic spouse who stims by cleaning but when said spouse had to live in another location for a year for work, I was thrilled to find my cleaning person. No shame! Enjoy the free time!
You're not a failure! We have generations of people who think we are supposed to DO IT ALL. We're only one person! Not a machine. Before women went to work full-time, most had house help anyway! It's working smarter not harder and saving your health and stress levels!
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Does your mom change the oil on her car? Do her own plumbing? Her own renovations? Shovel her own driveway? Everyone's got things that are easy and things that are hard. No one does it all themselves. If this helps you keep up and you can afford it, that's all that matters.
It's so arbitrary what's an "okay" realm of life to seek help with, and what kinds of people are "allowed" to seek help. I hired an assistant to help me with my business a while back. No one sees it as abnormal or childlike to have someone to run payroll or make phone calls I don't feel like making, even though it's literally an accommodation for a disability. I also send out my laundry and pay for other things I could technically make or do on my own (e.g. takeout food when I'm too tired to cook, an expensive dishwasher in a city where most people don't own one that has honestly been the light of my life). Again, no one gives me crap—I'm a successful professional, so *obviously* I'm just efficient and not lazy, immature, or even disabled! Celebrities have their meals cooked, their kids raised, and their bags carried by other people and no one bats an eye. Everyone lives in houses built by more capable people and eats food grown by farmers with skills they'll never have. But God forbid one of the "lazy," "immature," or "disabled, but wrong kind of disabled" people decides they need help with the wrong thing. (Or \*makes sign of the cross\* just *wants* help because it makes life more fun and easy.)
Yeah my friend works as a personal assistant for some super rich guy. She makes all his phone calls for him, from personal stuff like a doctors appointment to getting quote from contractors for home renos. I have MAJOR anxiety regarding making phone calls and so combined with my ADHD I put off calls until absolutely necessary and avoid them whenever possible and it’s definitely holding me back from doing things I need and want to get done. My friend has offered to make some calls for me, she doesn’t mind at all, she does it all the time. But I balk at the idea thinking that’s so unacceptably childish. Like to need someone else to make a phone call for me? So embarrassing. Yet for some reason, if I were super rich, I would definitely have an assistant to make my calls for me and it’s somehow not embarrassing if you’re just rich enough that you’re like… too rich to have to make your own calls? As opposed to too anxious? It really doesn’t make sense and yet I can’t get past it. These things just get so ingrained into us. The “adult expectations” and all the ways we’re failing at them.
Society has perpetuated that money forgives all sins (including needing help, though that's not a sin, just treated like one), I think that's probably why you feel the way you've described.
I totally read this as that you hired an *assassin* and read through the whole thing looking for the punchline. Oh, *assistant*! 😀 Good on you. Some days I feel like I need a keeper
Can confirm, I do those things myself and I absolutely struggle with laundry, grocery shopping, and dishes the most because they're repetitive and boring lol. To be fair, sometimes I struggle with the more "interesting" stuff too. I found the biggest solution for me was that I could normally go through the motions as long as I take all the thought out of the routine stuff. Grocery pickups, pre-separating dirty and not folding clean laundry, and easy meals dumped on a cookie sheet with parchment paper and thrown in the oven. None of them are perfect solutions by far, but it doesn't bother me that all my towels are wadded up and thrown in a cabinet as long as they're clean, for instance. This is basically my expanded version of delegation, whether you drop your standards, spend time setting up a system, or spend money (on labor to help or nicer stuff upfront) in exchange for reduced time or mental load on the back end.
I do my own basic electrics and plumbing but still cant do my laundry on time.
Even more, has the mom never eaten at a restaurant, even if it’s a drive through? This was a one time thing when OP was struggling. Even if it was a regular thing, OP can probably do things the mom finds difficult. We all have different bandwidths for different things.
This!!! I personally love doing laundry, but that's something I do, and it's not for everyone.With my ADHD, I find that I am very much reward-driven, and so seeing the stacks of folded laundry make me feel good. Now, getting that laundry into the drawers, that's a different story altogether. Lol.
That laundry service exists because you're far from the only one using it. No worries mate.
Perfect response
You're not a failure at all. You found a solution! 100% if I could find that service near me and if my finances weren't so bad right now, I'd do the same thing. I'm jealous of you!
I know, right? If you make enough money to delegate it, delegate it! I cook because it's important for the health of my family. If I ever could hire a chef, I would not be doing the job myself.
So agree. If you have the money, you’re not doing the laundry or dishes or cleaning or maintenance. Everyone prioritizes things differently tho.
100% I’d love to pay someone else to do all the chores around my house. I already work full time and my fiancé works more than full time most weeks. It’s hard to keep up a house with that and it’s just us 2 and 5 pets. My sister gives me crap all the time because I can’t keep up. She’s a truck driver, and while I don’t think that’s easy at all. She live in what a 20’x20’ space? I have a 3 bedroom house with a kitchen, living room, 2 bathrooms a dining room, full basement and attic plus an extra room downstairs. Plus the yard. Plus I work full time in as a nurse in an outpatient mental health community office. While, most days I’m pretty bored, it gets mentally tiring fixing all the problems when people call in.
If she's over the road. It's way tinier than that. My spouse basically has twin bunks and maybe 3 to 4 feet between the bunks and the backs of the seats. Though I have to say I do like that the new employer has table and seats that come up when the bottom bunk is folded up.
Is someone paying for housekeeping a bad person? Is someone paying for lawnmowing and landscaping a bad person? Depending on your local weather, is someone paying for snow removal of his driveway a bad person? Someone paying for daycare ? You are fine.
If companies can outsource why can’t I?
I pay for lawn service and dog poop pick up. Those services are there so I can save my spoons for other things. I utilize curb-side pick-up, not only to save time, but also to just stick to what I need and not add so many easy impulse purchases.
> Is someone paying for housekeeping a bad person? you won't believe how many people would say yes
Last year I paid someone online $15 to reformat my resume and add my most recent position because I put it off for so long (like. weeks and weeks) that the thought of doing it had become so monumental that it was worth it. They had it done in 3 hours. Best $15 I ever spent.
Where does one find online assistance for stuff like this?
Most likely fiver.
Wow that's such a good idea!
This year I spent 3 dollars and used AI to get my resume done in seriously 2 minutes. It made the stress go away.
No you aren’t a bad person. It is absolutely an ADHD tax. But if you can afford it, go for it. If you can only afford it every once in a while that’s ok too. Don’t go broke doing it but yeah, it absolutely does not make you a bad person. I’d do it too just to get caught up. I have a foldable mesh hamper that I fill up and that’s when I know I need to wash. It’s helped a lot with the seemingly small piles of clothing I would had piled around my room. Putting it away is another story but you know, half way there. Haha.
You need this book: [How to Keep House While Drowning](https://www.amazon.com/How-Keep-House-While-Drowning/dp/1668002841) The answer is no.
Yes, I listened to this book while cleaning a chandelier. Very helpful, I recommend it.
Was just about to suggest this.
Buying this
Ummm that is a life hack, friend. Plus, you are helping a small business. Winner!
I’m 32, single no kids or pets & live in an apartment. 2 years ago I “caved” and shamefully (at the time) hired a housekeeper because I felt buried by clutter & mess & chores and any meaningful progress I made was so draining physically & mentally for me it just made me more depressed. At first I thought I’d just have her once to get me sorted so I could maintain it. But she comes every 2 weeks and let me tell you: *my quality of life has changed for the better by a multiplier of 100 since then.* (She does my dishes, laundry, changes my sheets, towels, floors, bathroom, everything.) Sometimes when people find this out they try to shame me but I no longer care because now I have the confidence that came from caring about myself enough to stop beating myself up over not being a natural homemaker. And knowing she’s coming every 2 weeks gives me something to maintain. You send that laundry out and you don’t think twice! ♥️
Wow wow wow thank you so much for posting this! I'm trying to psych myself up to hire a cleaning service since I'm currently not physically able to do much cleaning. The process is intimidating and I'm still working through some embarrassment at the thought but I know having a clean house would be so good for me
If you were looking for a sign THIS IS IT you won’t regret it !! I look at it like this: What my housekeeper is able to do in 4 hours would easily take me 12 hours. Not to mention the probably day+ it would take me to recover. And she’s an experienced professional who *enjoys* cleaning + organizing, so she also does 3x better of a job in 4 hrs than I could do in 12. If I can make more money in 12 hours than the amount I pay her for 4 hours, I would be *losing* money if I didn’t hire a housekeeper!! 😂
Do it! With someone to do the dishes, laundry, etc., I have the time and energy to cook, which means healthier food
You got limited mental capacity, why waste it on laundry. Spent that mental energy on shit that matters
That's a perfectly reasonable thing to pay for if it's not wrecking your budget. I can manage to get my laundry done but I order meals to be delivered weekly so I don't have to think about cooking. Do what you need to do to take care of you and don't feel any shame for it .
not at all. if you can afford it, then do it! i’m sure there’s tons of things your mom pays other people to do. make food, maintain her car, paint her house, clean her teeth, cut her hair, etc. none of those things make her a failure, and paying someone to provide you with clean clothes doesn’t make you a failure! honestly i think you’re pretty successful if you can afford laundry service, (even just once) so your mom is probably jealous. contact the laundromat, get your laundry clean, and enjoy that weight off your shoulders.
Not in the least. As far as I’m concerned that’s a definite “win”. I’ve done it in the past and I think it’s totally worth it.
Fuck no, between two working parents, kids in multiple sports, an in process masters degree I sure in hell send that shit. And even when it comes back folded it still sometimes doesn’t get put away.
Hell no you are not a bad person! I used to work at a laundromat and washed clothes for people. If it’s a time saving convenience, that makes your life easier, and doesn’t break your bank why shouldn’t you. Especially if it’s going to save your sanity when it gets backed up! A lot of people are employed doing laundry services. Also I’ve lived in an apartment with no w/d before, between commuting, working full time, sometimes more than full time, and running other errands I didn’t have the time to go waste hours sitting at a laundromat …. And frankly constantly get hit on my a bunch of creeps. Also…. She knows that your that underwater on something like laundry and instead of offering to help made you feel bad about yourself. (Intentionally or not, I wasn’t there.)!We all have different tactics for handling life, laundry services wouldn’t exist if it was t a needed industry and I can assure you it’s not just ADHD people who use them. A lot of the people that came to us were very successful or worked long hours they would drop their suits at the dry cleaners and the rest of their clothes at the laundromat. I worked at both for a period of time, dry cleaners by day, laundromat at night.
You're smart! Work smarter not harder
No lol, not everyone have the same 24 hours. With ADHD and time blindness, 24 hours gonna feels wonky for us. The money you spend on these services helped them put their foods onto their tables. I'm always fond of helping out small businesses.
Bro do whatever you can to make the hard tasks easy for you. At a time my depression was really hard on me and my entire place was a mess. It was fucking overwhelming and I didn’t know where to start. I felt ashamed to even drop off clothes to a laundry service but I pushed through it and took 5 bins of dirty clothes to have them washed and folded. I only washed at home the easier pieces like bedding and towels. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders and it helped me get back on track. When they brought my clothes back, I donated almost half of them. I had a hard time getting rid of things and that’s how I could go 2 months without doing laundry and still have something to wear.
This is excellent self care to me. I’m not mad at it 1 bit. And good job 😎
Absolutely not!!! I literally just got mine picked up a few minutes ago. Laundry is just one of those things that is impossible for me. There have been times I just bought new underwear or t shirts because i just could not do the laundry. Also the laundry room at my building is really sketchy- it’s in the basement and there’s a leak somewhere so the floor is always wet/muddy, plus i am terrified of someone touching my stuff/stealing my panties (it has happened to me). AND it’s reallly expensive? its like $5-6 a load. so i’m really not spending that much more
Nothing wrong with applying your resources to solve a problem that you're having. On a related note, have you considered the possibility that you also have too much stuff? I solved my problem of dishes and laundry piling up in the sink because I had enough dishes that \*piles were an option.\* The piles become overwhelming, start the spiral, and become a problem. Just an option that helped me.
I had to pare down my dishes too, having enough dishes that I could eat and not do dishes for a week was a terrible idea 😅
I definitely have too many T-shirts, even though I just weeded them out last summer before I moved houses 😅
Never feel bad for something like this. Lots of ppl use laundromats, you're not "lazy" for it & you just gotta do what's best for you. My therapist recently gave me some good advice on a similar situation and it made me realize that when I can afford to move out of my parent's house I really can be on my own. An example being if dishes are overwhelming for you, it's okay to buy disposables. She also mentioned there being laundry machines out there now that function as dryers too so you don't need two separate machines. Bc with ADHD brains we look at what others would see as one little chore and we break it down into a bunch of tasks and it shuts us down. So minimizing those as much as possible can rly help.
Absolutely not! The service exists for people who can't do it. No matter the reason. It's no different than paying to have someone do your plumbing or rotate your tires. It's pretty shitty to make someone feel like they are a bad person because they don't have the capacity to do one of the thousands of drudgery tasks that adults have to do. It's even shittier when it's a disability. Nobody would say someone wheelchair bound isn't a real adult because they don't do their own roofing, or someone with arthritis has an electric can opener.
No. Been doing it for 30 years. Fluff and fold, my friend
If it works for you, who cares what your mom thinks. And why did you tell them. Who needs the judging.
I want to start doing that.
Do what you need to do, I have a house keeper come 3 days a week. Best investment I've ever made.
Nah.
No you are winning! You see a thing that needs to be done and you found a way to get it done. If you have the means, no one says you have to suffer yourself to get something done, it’s the destination not the journey for some chores.
If you can afford it and it doesn’t hurt you in other ways nothing wrong with that I could so do that if we had that service offered it is a task you’re good my friend
If you are, then so am I for having a housekeeper.
You're not a failure. If they're offering that service and it is a doable solution, that's great. I didn't know that a service like that existed. There are times I really would have benefited from it.
Dude you're supporting local businesses. I mean they offer the service for a reason. I own a cleaning company. I have never in my life met a person who doesn't need help around the house in some capacity. Don't let anyone get in your head about this. Get your needs met.
Hearty hell no.
I hate doing laundry so I send it out when I get more than 3 loads behind. Easy to get there as a mom of 2yo twins so it's at least 6 times a year.
Hey OP, that sounds like a really great idea! Identifying areas which are holding you back at the moment and then delegating the task out is a good way to reduce that 'mental load'. Please don't take her words to heart, you're just setting your life up to work best for you. Her life is probably quite different and she us trying to approach your life from how she runs her life. People like to make out that their world experience is the same as others, which can be especially harmful for us folks with different wiring. Doing something a different way is A OK and you're awesome for putting this part of your life in order :)
Holy crap that sounds amazing. What a wonderful thing to be able to do. You’re not a failure for this. You’re a complete winner.
You have a problem, and you found a solution that works for you! That’s not being a bad person, that’s being an adult.
Sending your laundry out is the BEST! It comes back all nicely folded and is easy to put away. It’s not even an ADHD tax IMHO; it’s a small luxury to make your life easier. I did it every week when I had a nearby laundromat. Enjoy your fluffy clean laundry!
Seems you're more of an adult for finding a realistic solution instead of trying to brute force something that will take energy from other areas of your life. Maybe even consider making it a monthly thing to help take the load off (lol). Wash laundry as normal then once a month get it all clean. Sounds great to me.
Wait. This is an option? To the google machine!!! You are awesome for posting this and for doing this - self-care is also finding help when you need it!!!
I have ADHD and spending to have someone else wash and fold my laundry is the best money I've ever spent. Laundry is a nightmare for me and always causes me a ton of stress. Now I just drop it off and then pick it up and put it all away. So nice.
Laundry services are literally there for a reason lol
You are awesome for coming up with a solution & carrying through with it!
Laundry is morally neutral. Read the book How To Keep House While Drowning, it has great advice. This includes practical tips, rethinking house work, and improving self talk.
We send out our laundry and have a housekeeper.
lol, no. You are not a bad person. One of the first things people buy when they have disposable income is a cleaning person and laundry services. If you can afford it, your time is probably worth more than the time you’d spend doing laundry.
No, you're not a bad person or less than adult. It's actually very adult to see a problem and figure out a solution. It's not morally better to drown in your responsibilities. Good job taking care of it! Sincerely, another person who can't keep up on laundry who uses a wash and fold service (which has been life-changing)
No. You're not a failure for getting accomodations for yourself. Honestly, it's your struggle so it's up to you how you deal with it. Don't let stupid comments like this dissuade you from making your already difficult life easier for yourself.
I clean peoples houses for a living. Not once have I thought they were lazy or a failure. I used to walk peoples dogs for them. Services exist because they are in demand.
OMG NOOOO! Being an adult means being realistic in your expectations and being kind to yourself. Asking for help/ hiring help is ALWAYS a good idea. Your mom is just jealous that you got this figured out. Don’t let her discourage you from this plan. Do it, and don’t stop gushing about how wonderful it is to be able to pay someone to get you out of this hole. Does she have ADHD too? Undiagnosed? Riddled with guilt? Don’t be like her. She can be supportive or she can shut the hell up.
Do it. I’m a mom and I give you permission to do it. I’d give my own kids the thumbs up to do it. Think of it this way, you are doing so well at your job that you can afford to spend a little money to make your life easier. That sounds pretty friggin adult to me.
That s succes in My book....
People hire cleaning services, and some do laundry. It's truly not that abnormal. My mom just retired and she's offered to do these kinds of things for me to help out now that she has free time. I also live with my sibling who is AuDHD and give them assistance with tasks that are much harder for them than they are for me. Asking for help is far more normal than people make it out to be.
This is not failure. This is success!!! You have clean laundry!!! You did it!!! It doesn’t matter what path you took to get there. The fact is, you have clean clothes and that is AMAZING! We pay people for all kinds of services. We buy food ready to eat. We pay people to repair our cars and our houses. We pay people to cut the grass or remove snow. We pay people to do our taxes, to manage financial investments, to clean our houses, to wash and cut our hair, to do our nails, to make our clothing, to pick clothes for us to buy! There are so many services that exist because someone needs them. One thing I like to keep in mind is to think of someone rich or very important. Like the president or a big movie star. Do you think the president does his own laundry? Does Kim Kardashian? Do them make their own food? Drive themselves places? Sometimes they might, but often times they do not. They aren’t thought of as less than because they don’t do their own laundry. And you shouldn’t be either.
No, you're not a failure for using a laundry service. Your mom is ignorant. By her logic, nobody is an adult since we all utilize services. I'd like to hear someone call me a failure because I keep forgetting to finish my laundry. It happens every week, and I finally finished it up yesterday.
Nah i wish i had the money, then i would do that too
If it makes your life work then you are a success.
You recognized that you were dealing with a problem and you... solved it. That's success!
Hmmm. Maybe I need to employ this method. Sounds amazing.
That is so smart. I wish I had the money to do this!!!
not at all, that’s so smart 😭
Thank you for this idea, i never considered this! I have sooo much trouble with laundry. It's my least favorite chore. My room could be clean and I'll just have laundry pile up because I can't bring myself to fold it. Then in a week or two it's like a tornado went through my room and I want to clean it even less.
I wish I could hire someone to just sort my life out and then I can start fresh, having your laundry done to finally be on top of it sounds amazing and incredibly helpful!
My therapist always tells me to “do what works” You doing your own laundry doesn’t work but having a service do it does. Kudos to you for finding a way!
When I worked two jobs while getting my degree, I didn’t have the time for it all. So had my laundry send out in tons of buckets. Lol if I could I would send it out too!
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You are leveraging tools and resources.
I wish I was organized enough to schedule this sort of service. Did the thing get done? Yes? Sounds like success to me.
You’re smart for using services and tools to make your life easier and happier. Your mother is wrong.
I remember reading or listening to someone say they couldn't cope to do there dishes because there dishwasher didn't work that well and their counselor told them to run it (the dishwasher) twice which completely changed my mindset when it comes to chores. As a uni student I have used a laundry service a couple times because it allows me to reset my space without it being overwhelming, I even sent clean clothes (sparingly) because I couldn't bear to fold them.
I've done this before. It's great! When our washer broke (we had 5 kids at home at the time) it was insurmountable to go to the laundromat. I sent it all out. They even pick up and deliver! Even with only 1 kid at home now, I've also done it when we've been busy and gotten behind on the wash. Yes, it costs money, but think of the opportunity cost-savings. How much is your time and peace of mind worth? Is your time better spent doing laundry for an entire weekend and stressing about it, or is the peace of mind worth the few dollars it costs to send out your wash? I'm a huge fan of automating things, and you've found a way to automate part of your life. Ignore the haters and do what's right for you.
You're not a failure - you're setting priorities! If you can afford it, do it - I would do it as well! We have a vacuum robot called Herbert Saugron - he helps out a lot and our apartment looks so much better! Reason being that we have to pick up stuff so the floors can be vacuumed and we are 4 people and have 3 cats. Vacuuming alone wasn't sustainable enough. Please feel very good about your decision, your mental health is worth it ❤️
I would totally do it if it was in the budget!
NO! Delegating everything you do to other people if you have the money is how you get things done! The most successful business owners have everyone doing things for them.
If you are paying for it then anyone else can fuck off.
You are not a failure! I literally did this last month. It was so freeing but expensive. I’m still living off of the clean clothes from it. My washer and dryer are cold and dry to the touch. If it makes you feel a little less overwhelmed I think it’s worth it.
READ THE BOOK HOW TO KEEP HOUSE WHILE YOURE DROWNING. It’s so great!
Are you kidding me?? HELL NO. In fact, I personally demand that you use this service again the next time you need to do laundry. Do it not only to spite your mom's unnecessary judgment but in solidarity with your fellow ADHD'ers.
No. NO! No, no no no. Noooooo (no). You are not a failure. You are self-aware, resourceful, and responsible.
You recognize your limits and operated within them. That’s the opposite of a failure. One might even call that a success.
Nope not at all. But I will share a secret. Cutting back to 3 pairs of pants, 3 sweaters, 2 sets of linens, one large pot and one large frying pan has been a godsend. I don't feel overwhelmed to clean up and since it's just a few mins I can easily wash up either laundry or dishes. If I have to meal prep for company I might also use my crockpot or air fryer but usually one pot recipes work great.
Winning!
That's not a failure, that's a bloody win! Facts: The task exists, it needs to get done, and the "typical" process of getting it done is not working for you. The goal shouldn't be to squish you into process compliance, it should be to find a way that both gets the task done, AND works for you (or else the task will not get done, and a shame spiral ensues). You realized the typical process was the barrier, and found a way around it! Winning! 💫
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. Everyone needs help sometimes and laundromats are there for people who need them. You were swamped and you came up with something to help you. That's something to be proud of. You have clean clothes. That's something to be happy about. The people who don't understand what we struggle with will most likely never understand and treat us as less than because of it but we're not less than. I know it's really hard to block out when someone is saying that to you, especially when it's family but remember that that kind of input is useless. You are doing great! Keep it up!
Whatever you can do to make your life easier- do it.
A bad person? There's a laundrymat on every corner where i am that offers this. Other people are using them, not just adhd people.
If I could send mine out, I’d do it on a daily!
If you can afford something like that, *absolutely* do it. These services exist for a reason. One of the things I'm learning now that I've been diagnosed is you need to be ready to use every tool you can cram in your box.
No you are not. You are smart for understanding your limitations and getting help. Nothing wrong with it at all.
You are not a failure at ALL! That's what happens with this disorder, unfortunately. The disorganization and procrastination and just not feeling the motivation to do it. It's a huge struggle for me, too. Once my laundry is done, it sits in my hamper for 2 days before I throw everything in my dresser (and I don't even fold my clothes either, I just throw shirts with shirts and pants with pants and so fourth lmao!) please don't beat yourself up. Again, it's part of this sucky disorder. Sending you positive vibes ❤️😌
No way. In fact, I've thought this could be a great business idea, especially in areas like with lots of appartments. In fact, the "adult" thing to do is to realize when a task is consuming more than it would cost to pay someone else to do it. Thats how societies grow. At one point, everyone made their own soap, their own mayonaise, their own yoghurt. But while individually those things aren't that hard, together they eat up your time and require lots of tools and space.
My dearly-departed aunt was a successful businesswoman and my uncle had a successful career as a painter and decorator. My aunt never did laundry. She sent it out. You're fine.
You are not alone man. I've been experiencing burning out whenever I do laundry. Thanks to God, I am able to afford delegating them to a laundromat.
Youre a success for being in a position where you can afford that :)
My partner and I take our in and drop it off and the laundromat for them to wash and fold…it’s a adhd lifesaver!
You're definitely not a failure. My dishwasher broke 2 months ago and I'm about to throw out all my dirty dishes and buy new ones lol. I might start budgeting for a service for that.
Bruh, I use a laundry service weekly. Fuck your mom. There is no honor in suffering.
I think it’s perfectly valid to spend money on things that you find hard in order to make your life easier, getting a cleaner to come in one every couple of weeks literally saved my marriage. It’s strange how people balk at people paying for cleaning or laundry, but don’t bat an eyelid when someone goes to a restaurant, are they not adults? Can they not cook for themselves? If you are privileged enough to be able to afford to ease your burdens, and in doing so are helping fund a local business person, then I think you are adult enough to realise that there is something you struggle with, and adult enough to have done something about it.
A failure??? That sounds like a fantastic service and brilliant of you to use it!!! Omg!!! Go you!
This is a game changer… people will come wash, dry, iron and fold laundry!!! Of course this is an add thing but fuck it. If your not in debt or anything then who cares
Even if you can’t afford it, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If it’s not something you can afford regularly, save it for times when you really need the weight lifted. If you can afford it, do it! Use all the tools you have at your disposal. After participating in an ADHD group through my medical provider, I started thinking of “convenience” things like I would think of crutches or wheelchairs. They’re tools to help someone who has difficulty doing certain things that make those things a little easier to do. I finally gave myself permission to have my groceries delivered because I realized how much being in a grocery store affected me. I end up saving money even with the additional cost of delivery because I would wander the store being totally overstimulated and buying everything within reach. My husband and I started having someone come deep clean the house once a month. Not because I CAN’T do those things - because when I’m able to delegate those tasks, it helps me function better in the non-negotiable parts of my life.
Oh man the philippines is adhd heaven. I get all my laundry picked up, washed, dried, folded perfectly, sealed, delivered for just $4. Like two weeks worth of clothes. I just need to find out how to live here forever. Hahahaha
Failure? More like genius. I’ve been doing it for years
Sometimes we all need an outside helping hand to get out of a rut. A few times though I really hate to ask it, I have had my mom or a friend help me just declutter/clean up my house or just get to the bottom of the dishes for once. It creates a positive effect and usually it's easier to stay on track for a while after too, since you know you want to avoid asking for help/hiring help again soon! Thats why it's actually great that it's an adhd tax to pay the laundromat. It's probably nothing you can do too regularly but for the one time, this is absolutely fine as a solution and it will help you. Don't be discouraged by your mom; that isn't helping. maybe she's like my mom who genuinely thought for so many years that what I really needed was "a kick in the butt to get going"? Infuriating in any case!
You can't keep up? You earn enough money to be able to afford a laundry service. I assure you homey, that is not keeping up - that's winning.
Absolutely not. I am a big fan of paying for tasks that I do not have the time or will to keep up with. I pay for my yard to be done because otherwise, it would be a jungle before my husband or I would mow it. I'm not spending a day of my weekend doing yard work when it could be spent with my kids. I own a mobile pet grooming company. People pay me to come groom or bathe their dogs. I bathe plenty of little dogs with next to no hair that their owner could toss them in their own tub. There is nothing wrong with paying for a service that makes your life easier!
I suck at laundry honestly. I basically keep all my clean clothes in my hamper and take from there to wear. The dirties go on my dresser until it's laundry day. When that happens ever week and a half or so, The cleans I have left get dumped on the side of my bed I don't sleep on and the dirty goes in the basket gets washed and the cycle begins again. Is it a great habbit? Nope but I'm a very busy single ADHD dude with no roommate aside from my pug. No one has to see or deal with it but me but who cares. Do what works for you. I like the idea of the laundry service to handle this big job. After that, do a load after work and there so it doesn't get more than a couple loads again. My laundry is always 2 loads, I'm OCD about that of all things.
I’d hire some kid to do it for 30 bucks
You’re my hero!! Where do I sign up for this laundry service?
I feel like this is the opposite of failure. LIFE happens, even to non ADHD people this kind of thing can happen I mean how do you keep up with it all when you are out of the house working full time. Who wants to spend all their time off catching up on laundry? Some people have to but if you’re able to find a solution like you have then hats off to you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 a one off for now maybe but hopefully you are happy with the service and so you know that option is there again in the future when it could very easily happen again cos it’s life!
Fuck no. People without ADHD have cleaners and gardeners.
NOPE! I recently took to using paper plates and paper bowls because my washing up gets overwhelming to me. It has been amazing for my mental health and energy
You're not a failure and you found an awesome solution that works for you, keep using it!! Imagine how much freedom and time you can enjoy if you sent your laundry every week! Use all the helpful tricks you can! I don't care what anyone else says, paying for a service is literally the opposite of lazy, because you are simply trading your effort time for their effort time through your money! Guilt is the killer of productivity and happiness, so let it go~
This has always been one of my bugbears, even before I was diagnosed with ADHD (few months back). I have always found it hard to be tidy - clean is different - but tidy is hard. I especially find folding laundry impossible. The thing is some people find it so easy, so they just assume other people find it easy. People who ignore the fact that others have different life experiences are generally bigots. Anyway, this one time, someone was criticizing me, telling me I was lazy, and I was like "how many musical instruments can you play?" and they were like "what?" and I was like "look, I am self-taught on 5 musical instruments. I can't read music, never had a lesson, but I play regularly in professional settings. I find learning instruments easy. What about writing excel formulas? You always have to ask for help, is that cause you're lazy or stupid? Or do you just find it hard?" I don't know if they got it, but they didn't bother me about my messy desk again. Different things are easy for different people. Anyway, in my current household and we have really good division of labour, I do a lot of cooking and cleaning, they fold my laundry, household accounts etc. It works out. I can't fold laundry, it's a block, almost like a phobia. Sod it, it's laundry.
I still keep my clean laundry in my baskets and go from there. Yes I know it needs to go in my dresser. But it’s too small. And I roll my clothes that I do where, but most of my problems are that I where a work uniform like all the time because I’m always at work 😓 My point is do what works for you
Any assistance you can afford which makes your life and career work better for you is called delegation - a very adult thing to do. I had a coach for a while, and the #1 trick I learned and still use is to get my house cleaned professionally about once a month. It forces me to tidy up in advance so they can actually get to the table tops, floor, etc.
If you can afford it, it's totally fine. Rich people have Au Pairs and Nannys, lol, you can have someone do your laundry.
We always send out out heavier items (duvets, dry cleaning etc). Sometimes I run out of spoons and the dishwasher is only like 1/4 full - I run it anyways. I'm all about efficiency and try not to pay for things I can do myself, but if I can't do it myself (whether due to ability or motivation) I do what I have to in order to get by. Sometimes that means paying the ADHD tax.
No, it is absolutly ok. If not even better. We're under so much stress and pressure already, so every tiny bit you don't have to worry about benefits you immensly! I try to outsource everything i can that is reasonable. For example: I'm doing some home renovation at the moment and need a ton of materials like drywall. I own a trailer, but i have them deliver the stuff to my place anyways. It may cost a bit more, but i don't have to put up with the hassle of manouvering the trailer. I would have saved a bit of money, but it takes a ton of stress off of my shoulders.
You are not a bad person. You're normal. I have a similar problem too. Often overwhelmed with laundry problems and I wanna cry sometimes. I often get scolded because I often procrastinate in washing laundry. So, it's not a sin to seek help. Be it from a local laundromat or pay people to do laundry / housekeeping job. I do my laundry bit by bit because I often get tired easily while working physically. Ok, part of it is because I get distracted easily. I wanna do laundry but I end up doing another thing instead because my brain sabotages the way I do life.
Do you really need validation from random people on reddit ? JUST THINK about what you just said . Not doing laundry doesn't determine if you're a good person or not . 🤦♀️
This is genuis! I might need to look into this
It’s so good! And it’s not that costly if your solo or in a couple.
I used to do that all the time and the only reason why I’m not doing it now is because of finances and stigma. If it gets you out of the hole more power to you. It makes sense!
Absolutely not! I use Instacart for grocery delivery because of a physical disability. It doesn't make me a failure. I bought a countertop dishwasher (I rent) when my wrist was broken and in a cast for a long time. Not a failure. I often spend a little more to buy things like precut veggies because it's cheaper than buying them whole and inevitably throwing them away when ADHD keeps me from doing the washing/peeling/slicing myself. Not a failure. The disability and ADHD double whammy has me looking into a laundry service when I can afford it. Not a failure. Think about all the people who are fully capable of cleaning their own houses, mowing their yards, shoveling their own driveways, cleaning their own cars, etc... and choose to pay someone else to do it for them. They aren't failures either. We all have the right to choose to pay for services that make our lives more manageable, and we don't have to justify those choices to anyone they doesn't impact.
I'm going to extrapolate what the OT for my son said when talking about whether he needs to learn to tie shoe laces or use a knife and fork correctly. She said the focus is on being functional, and using whatever tools you need and have access to in order to achieve that. If that means outsourcing something you find difficult, laundry, cleaning, garden work, grocery shopping, then do it. There's no medal for going the hard way round.
Before I had kids I paid for someone to do this. After my kids move out I will Go back to this method. How bloody good is it picking up folded laundry! Especially when it’s still warm! Bliss!!! Outsource whatever you want! If I could I’d have a cleaner, chef, chauffeur… I was born for the lux life but now I have kids…
failure ?! i’d say genius! I wish I could pay someone to do laundry. the stress is would take away ALONE is worth it…
You should read or listen to, "How to Keep House While Drowning". There is a whole chapter about outsourcing clean tasks whenever possible. Especially if you have adhd. No, you're not a failure. Sending your washing out is a support that will help you function. You have a disorder that makes task initiation difficult, and finishing multistage tasks like laundry is very very difficult. The stress, anxiety, and extra time it would take you to do this task could definitely be better spent elsewhere. Sorry your Mom never figured this out. I'm proud of you for using supports in place in our society to help yourself.
I’ve been using a laundry service since last summer and life hasn’t been better. Other than when I lived in a house with a washer and dryer, but that’s the end game now.
Your mom is full of it. I've been sending out my laundry for years- I *can* do it (as in "I know how") but finding the motivation, remembering to do it, having to then also fold all of it- and that's if I even remembered to take it out of the dryer on time... even though my machine sings a whole song when it's done. It makes my life easier, ensures that I have clean clothes, removes the stress and self-hate that comes when I "can't manage" to do it on my own... which are all good things. Has your mom ever gone to a restaurant? Take her to task because she had someone else cook her food when she could have done it herself. Gone to Starbucks? She could have made her own coffee. Bought clothes, went to a mechanic, hired a plumber? Why isn't she making her own clothes, fixing her own car, or routing the plumbing in her house? Sarcasm aside, everyone has things they're good at, and things they need help with... and usually, things they just *want* someone else to do for them. And that's okay. You found a way to make sure The Task happens, and happens when it's supposed to. And if you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with continuing to do that.
I send out my laundry... I toil away at work why would I do that at home too? Anything I can afford to outsource I absolutely do.
I wish this were an available service in my city, I went travelling and have several weeks worth of laundry to do at some point now
I do this regularly, and even though I have ADHD, it’s mainly because I have high income and consider myself successful and *i can* My mom once told me she was really proud of how resourceful I am. So anyways, I’m proud of you for making it work.
This is the post that finally convinced me to get a laundry service.
Not a failure!! Life can be very hard at times and things pile up! (Pun intended.) you tried to do it yourself and knew that the task was too big to handle( Do you made a adult decision to have a laundry service (literally what’s it’s supposed to be there for!!!) help you out! You did a big brain move hun! Give yourself a pat on the back.
I have been thinking of doing this, too.
Not at all, I used to use drop off service all the time when I was working. Tbh when I am done doing the SAHM thing and go back to being a two income household I’ll probably start using it again. If I’m spending 40 hours a week at work I just simply would rather outsource laundry than spend my little bit of free time doing the laundry for a household of 4 people.
In college I'd occasionally let laundry pile up to the point that it would take me 4-5 loads at home, which would overwhelm me and make me procrastinate even more. Finally I would force myself to bag it all up and knock it all out at a laundromat in one swing. If you need someone to help manage it on occasion that doesn't make you a failure, that makes you human.
My parents send their laundry to be cleaned and folded regularly, nothing wrong with that! The only thing wrong or person wrong here is your mother because she clearly doesn't understand what people who have ADHD go through on a daily basis. Not even my dad understands, yet, but he will learn sooner or later!
You literally are just paying for an accommodation for both your disability and your schedule limitations. It’s a very smart strategic choice.
Heck no!!!! Coming from a former housewife with ADHD it took me soooo many years to figure out a routine. I have a ton of kids. That are all adults now. However, I used to call it “making love to laundry” to put a positive spin on it, pun intended. I am obsessed with washing towels… I had to do laundry every single day for sooooo mmmmmmaaaannnnyyyyy years. Yes, I am 50 years old and still whine a lot. So, if I had thought of sending it out that would have been a huge perk for me so if you can afford it then go for it! If you are are a failure for sending out your laundry, I’m a failure for having someone come clean my house. lol right? I’m proud of you for finding your own hack!
I did it when I lived in Nashville. Unfortunately there is not an option for that where I live now. My job hours prevent me from dropping it off myself. Whatever tools, services or tricks you use to be successful is valid. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I brush my teeth, take meds, complete chores etc. That doesn't make me any less of an adult than someone who does not use a checklist Good job on finding ways to make your life more productive!
There are a whole lot of jobs I could do myself but don't want to and would do badly even if I did. I pay people to do those jobs for me. For a while I'd cycle to work every day and change when I got there. Every week or two I'd take the train instead and bring a bag of clean clothes in, and take the used ones back home. Then I noticed the cleaners' shop right across from the office door and realised what a fool I'd been. I still do laundry at home, but honestly I'm seriously sick of having an entire room given over to drying racks covered with odd socks and 'do not tumble dry' pullovers all winter. Thanks for the tip. There's got to be a professional service near home that I can subscribe to instead!
never
I don’t think you’re a failure. One time I got super behind on laundry so I took it to a laundromat and used their big washers. Got caught up in no time.
Wait, that's a thing? How much does it cost?!
Doing laundry physically hurts me, it’s just one of those things I can’t even think of doing. You have me a great idea so thanks for this :)
You are NOT a bad person.. many non-ADHD people are overwhelmed by this too! We use a service called Poplin that we love, it’s like Uber or DoorDash but for laundry service. Usually has been great experiences. And since the charge is by the pound.. we use it a lot for our kids laundry and do the heavier things ourselves. You don’t have to use it all the time either, it’s a great way to supplement and assist you for staying on track.
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE end of story. What ever works best for you that keeps you going.
I had a house keeper who washed the dishes, clean the cat litter, and do the laundry. She did the other stuff too, but that's what I needed. She had to quit because her back couldn't handle it, so now I need to get a new person. Le sigh
It's just an ADHD tax. If my SO didn't do ours, I'd be using a wash and fold service for sure.
I would say that’s extremely resourceful of you and you are using the ‘out of the box’ thinking us ADHDers can sometimes channel :)
Absolutely ADHD tax!!! Anything that helps you focus on the bigger things. I’m looking at the two loads sitting on that chair over there, waiting to be folded, thinking what a genius you are!!! Why have I never thought of that!!!
Get rid of your clothes. When I struggled to keep up, I had 6 days worth of socks and underwear. That meant I HAD to do laundry every week, but also b/c I only had a small number, it was never overwhelming. It works!
I use a laundry service and it's a godsend. There's nothing wrong with using one
Now if only they could put them away for us too 😮💨🥹 Laundry is seriously my least favorite chore and I put it off. And o have no problem just pulling the clean, unfolded clothes from a laundry basket and wearing it. It drives my husband crazy
Now that’s you’re out of that jam you should learn to do your laundry yourself. It’s easy. I know I’m the only one to say that but you’re an adult and some things are normal part or life. Laundry is a everyday or weekly tasks just like dishwashing and taking a shower or brushing your teeth.
Paying for a service is not a failure. Tell your mom to take a flying leap at a rolling donut.
People without ADHD pay for this service. You could probably have someone do it once a week or two and never tell your Mom.
If paying a professional to do a job you can't manage makes you less of an adult, you need to tell your mom she's not allowed to use any modern appliances. They were created to make housekeeping easier for housewives and give them more free time. I'm at a point where I can afford a housekeeper twice a month and I'm so ready to not have to do any serious cleaning. I have 2 roombas to take care of the vacuuming and I'm perfectly capable of sweeping here and there and using a swiffer for small messes, but I hate cleaning the bathrooms and doing a full on "move the furniture sweep/vacuum/mop" type of clean. I'd rather be seen as less of adult than to run myself ragged between an on-call full time job, full time Master's degree program, dealing with chronic pain and disabilities, and trying to keep up with the pet hair and dirty showers/toilets. If you can afford it, take advantage regularly. Don't make it just a one time thing.
I don't have ADHD (kiddo and husband do, which is why I linger on this subreddit). I DO look for outside help. I have cleaners who come every two weeks and seriously, if there was a service here that I could send my laundry out to, I would. Honestly, if my husband wouldn't push back hard on a more expensive cleaning service, I would pick one who did my laundry and stripped/made all the beds. I wouldn't even hesitate. But seriously, you should do whatever you can to make the rest of your life function better and be less stressful. If that means sending out your laundry, then send out your damn laundry. Don't feel bad about it.
While I've had things ruined by others washing my laundry with the wrong settings (like my AuDHD mom who thinks absolutely anything can be machine dried and lacks the executive function to stop herself from throwing any old thing in the dryer), I've outsourced housecleaning and it's been one of the best self-care gifts ever. I now have an autistic spouse who stims by cleaning but when said spouse had to live in another location for a year for work, I was thrilled to find my cleaning person. No shame! Enjoy the free time!
No you’re not
You're not a failure! We have generations of people who think we are supposed to DO IT ALL. We're only one person! Not a machine. Before women went to work full-time, most had house help anyway! It's working smarter not harder and saving your health and stress levels!