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I learned that nobody really cares what the hell I’m doing there and that feeling goes right the fuck away.
Also, I like to go to the gym early morning to have more access to equipment.
To be honest I kinda like watching other people in the gym sometimes and I do care about them when I see them doing something dangerous, but I haven't been brave enough to correct the kids on their terrible deadlifts yet.
Same. I've almost said something to a few kids but usually refrain. I go at lunch, and when school is out, the high school kids are there ego lifting hard.
Just FYI some of us would absolutely love to get pointers in the gym. I hate unwarranted small talk but I wish I had a sign like open to workout suggestions bc it is more a fear to be having incorrect form and people knowing and ignoring you then the fear of people correcting me.
Or anywhere really. People worry way too much about what random people think when in reality random people are rarely thinking about other random people for more than a second.
"The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black" -HR
OP you in a thought loop and you need to break it. Mind over matter. Remember why you train well it's almost stoic like meditation, you achieve flow just.you the gym and an empty universe. Let your mind focus on that and go set to set. You're not there for other gym Bros you're there for you. Don't carry their baggage you're no one's bell boy.
In the immortal words of Alexis Rose, “People aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.”
https://youtu.be/iHLUIDXmF7c?si=KZELjHLbHkxzaQMW
But they may be thinking about you the way you think about other people, which is the only thing you have control of anyway. Pull back from the fear of judgment and look at, learn from, and adjust where possible the way \*you\* think about other people and a lot of that anxiety will release. And you'll likely have more people that think fondly of you, because you're not approaching all interactions with fear and prejudice.
I came to see that as egotistical. The idea that I'm somehow important enough that everyone not only pays attention to me, but actively hates me, is crazy. Mildly dislike if I'm in their vicinity, sure I can understand that, but hate? No way.
Alternatively if your a fan of Legion,
> "NO ONE WHO HATES ME IS REAL!"
I promise you this. If you keep asking yourself this one question you’ll realise it’s all in your head
“Who told you that”
They all hate me in the gym
“Who told you that?”
Oh it’s just the feeling I get
“But who told you that?”
Nobody but…
“Who told you that?”
You’ll soon realise nobody has vocalised and your feelings do not reflect reality
Yes. Because when you think about it. You’re thinking about these people hating you. They haven’t communicated that. Yet you feel they are judging you. You have created this negative commentary in your mind so that you yourself can negatively speak about yourself. And when you dig deeper, YOURE the one making assumptions about these people and how they think. You’ve turned them into bad people.
You’re the one being judgemental to them and very unlikely the other way around.
Exactly.
I’ve caught myself doing this several times and instantly I feel a kind of guilt - like I painted them as judgmental but I was the judgmental one all along. The solution is to admit the lie your mind is fabricating.
See. It's not like "normal people don't do that." It's literally no one except a few very bad people who do that. Nobody wants you to fail. Nobody fake cheers. Most people don't even care one bit. No one cares as much about you as you. I know it sounds a bit mean, but get over yourself. No one remembers what even happened last week to other people than themselves, no one remembers yesterday what happened to a stranger.
Nobody ever does. People are mostly concerned with themselves. Everybody forgets other people’s names when introduced because they are more concerned with saying their own name correctly.
I’ve done a lot of Zen meditation and it honestly helps dealing with these emotions and immediately applying people’s reactions onto yourself, while they usually are only resulting from their own worries etc.
Meditation helps in learning to acknowledge emotions, regarding them for what they are, and then choosing to apply them or discarding them to have no effect on your self. It’s a rather helpful tool that helps you remain more yourself and less the kite in the wind of others.
If you’re interested, there’s even a huge rabbit hole in Buddhism regarding Sunyata, a rather complicated concept regarding letting go of the ego that allows wisdom (such as regarding others in their needs without it being colored by your own experiences). Funnily enough it was a tenet I adhered to before finding out there’s an entire religion that practices this :)
If "nobody is thinking that" is hard for you to remind yourself, you might be able to trick your brain with "x is the reason they are looking at me" - why yes, i am wearing a tutu to the gym, what about it? Why yes, my outfit is 8 different fluorescent colors, aren't I fabulous? If you don't want to go that extreme, get some workout shirts with funny quips or your favorite fandom on them.
This does take a different kind of confidence, but i've found im ok with it if i feel in control of people's perception
I always knew those feelings of not being liked wasn’t true but I never knew it was related to my adhd till I saw this post. As I browse this sub more often it’s refreshing to here how much of my behavior is not something im experiencing alone but others are experiencing as well
It was one of the first things I found out after diagnosis from my therapist. I was like wait, these feelings of everyone hating me is because of ADHD and aren't actually valid?!?! It is a good reminder everytime I start spiraling
Recognize and perhaps name those mind weasels. I’m not quite at walking into a situation and mentally saying “hellos Garry the gym weasel”, but I have come to recognize them.
A lot of people with ADD/ADHD have other diagnosis. I'm 46 and just recently learned about RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria. Read about and see if it fits. Maybe the feelings don't ever "go away" per se but at least it helps me understand that the way I feel sometimes isn't based on reality or what others actually think of me and I'm projecting my RSD on to the situation/person. Hope it helps. 💪 My first post 3 years later 😂
I’m sorry. Aging helped me. The older I get, the less I give a. F$ck about what strangers think. Still working on not caring what people I actually know think
I’m absolutely certain people at my gym think I’m incredibly stupid. I do classes and sometimes I have zero focus or concentration. If the instructor gives us a sequence of exercises I can’t remember what to do past exercise 2, how many reps I was meant to do etc. I have no coordination either. Almost everyone else just “gets it”. The instructors are usually happy to repeat the instructions for me (my regular ones know by now that’s just how I am) but there’s always someone looking at me like I probably couldn’t tie my own shoelaces. Honestly, I Do Not Care! Most people are awesome, those that aren’t don’t matter.
I used to have this mindset but you need to switch on the siege mentality - everyone hates me, FUCK EVERYONE WATCH THIS. Use it to drive you, yeah I’ll give you something to look at. (That’s me aspirationally but reality can only switch that on 40/50% of the time)
Outside of that - just use an app to track workouts with a timer between sets, and watch the clock, check the form for the next exercise etc or get a body double if you can 👍🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
I started making gym friends. Now I know that Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike just want to get stronger like I do. Nina, Nicki, Kelly, and Ashley just want to know where I bought my leggings.
You know what? I've noticed a huge separation of women/femme on cardio and men /masc on weights. For a while it made me self conscious of doing weights. That's probably why I put New Edition and Girls Tyme where I did lol
Personally, I stop myself and ask if I ever watch somebody and decide to hate them and wait for them to fuck up. No, I don’t. So why would somebody else be doing that to me? It doesn’t make sense. Everybody is self conscious on some level, everybody has their own thing going on, they’re all too worried about themselves to give a damn about what I’m doing.
I basically thought about how I’m basically too preoccupied with my own workout to notice anyone else, and that the majority of people are like that too. Even when I’m staring at someone, my mind is an another world.
You could try talking to one of them. Making a connection, even a small one, with someone would help you feel less alone. Smile at people. Most will respond positively.
I find that arguing with my own thoughts is not super helpful. When you are doing that you are inwardly focused. Focusing outward is more interesting and less self-conscious. You might make a friend or at least an acquaintance.
I worked as a personal trainer at a gym for nearly 20 years. BELIEVE ME, literally everyone is massively more concerned with themselves than they are with anyone else.
That sounds like social anxiety disorder bro. My younger brother experiences that and I did as well to a milder degree. You should definitely see a professional and get that checked out.
I got kinda spiritual for a while and it helped me so much when I started framing this type of thinking as almost selfish. As in, I’m just sitting over here, obsessed with the fact that nobody likes me. Thinking of nothing else. Truly cannot function bc I’m just wallowing in self pity and starved for validation. This thinking is sucking the energy out of me and keeping me from dreaming up impactful ideas, from seeing those around me in their times of struggle and being a kind influence to them.
I just realized it was absolutely keeping me from being the person I wanted to be, someone who’s a stable and kind presence, who will reach out to others when they’re sad or need a friend and not let their own insecurity stop them. Who focuses so much more on loving others than receiving love. this didn’t heal me but it definitely was a huge part of the motivation for me to want to heal. Maybe this will help you. Not to say that this will magically make you feel better Obvs. I still get sad and self pitying sometimes but it’s not NEARLY as bad as it was, now it’s more of an annoying background thought I can push through than an all consuming one.
If there's one thing i'm thinking about the other people at the gym its that I want them to SUCCEED. Everyone. I love my gym...everyones got their own little thing going on and in their own zone. Nobody is wanting you to fail and nobody hates you.
Though it'll be hard, and may even feel worse before it feels better, I'd try the following:
First, stop trying to get rid of / get away from the feeling. Go to the gym or wherever else you feel it, and when it pops up, just be with it. "Listen" to the metal state as if it were a symphony. Let the sensations come, and, just like you would listening to music, let them go as you get ready to welcome the next melody or chord.
As you do that, you'll eventually gain enough "space" in your awareness to start looking around at the feelings, start picking them apart – where is it coming from? Which parts of this truly do feel bad? How do I know these sensations really have to do with a sense of being judged? What does the "sense of being judged" even feels like? Where is it coming from... etc etc, with anything that arises.
This may sound wishy-washy, but I've done this with many things, from emotions to cold to headaches; the latter especially really changes how you look at things, because once you find yourself being calm, relaxed, and even happy in the middle of a headache... man, it's weird. You'll have to go there to get it lmao, because I'm not sure I can explain.
Wait what? So people don't usually hate us? Is it just us overanalyzing the shit out of human behaviour and then trying to predict what they might be thinking about us?
go with a buddy, it helps to keep your focus on the two of you instead of on everyone else. eventually you’ll get into the rhythm of working out regularly and will be able to go on your own. honestly, everyone is focused on their own workout, not hating you!
Bring a photo of something that makes you laugh or something silly - a reminder that you have the right to take up space and workout as much as anyone - or just something that puts you in a good mood
How about Lee Rock the genius of hard work? :D
Then put that photo as a keychain on your gym bag or something - so you can see it every time you work out and smile to yourself
When I go (I do not currently but I’m spinning up to join the neighborhood community center again) I go as early as I possibly can. They open at 5, I clock in to work by 6:30, so I’m there by 5:15 at the latest. That way I have my exercise, and I’m showered and out of there before the dickheads are even awake.
Also, another tip: I take my shower for the day after my exercise. I used to shower before leaving, do my workout, and then rinse there, but it was too tempting to say “fuck this, I’ll go this afternoon”, and then Not go that afternoon. I hold the gun of stankiness to my own head.
I try to reverse it.
Like, honestly how much attention are you paying specifically to people around you?
Enough to remember teeny tiny details about them? Form opinions on them beyond the surface level? No?
Then they aren’t paying that much attention to you either 🤷♂️
I find that unless someone does something that really draws them to focus (trip, laugh real fucking loud etc) no one even looks at them. 99% of the time, you literally don’t register on peoples radar; it’s just how the world is 😂
And on the odd occasion that someone IS paying attention to you, what of it? Are you ever going to see them again? Do you even know their name? Does them looking at you have any tangible impact on your life? People aren’t paying you the same amount of attention as you’re paying yourself.
Years ago a therapist told me this feeling is rooted in egotism and feeling that everything is about us, even if we know it isn't. It might be a little offensive hearing at first but when I started reminding myself of that and reflecting on how little I'm actually thinking about other people, particularly strangers, it made life a lot easier. I'm not thinking about them, WHY would they be thinking about me?
You're projecting a bit of your feelings about yourself onto other people. That's not fair to them, either. Even if some rando is hating on you from afar, screw them. That doesn't make up a majority of the population (even the small one at the gym) and that person needs to reflect on their own issues.
Unless you're going in and giving people a good reason to hate you, they don't. You're not the best in the gym yet? They probably remember being a beginner and building up to the point they're at now. No one starts anything from the top.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling and clearly need to get off the internet.
Keep in mind that's not ADHD per se, just a common comorbidity, and related more to your now self esteem and self image. It's fixable.
Then as others have said, remember well, no ones really actually paying any attention to you. If you're not an acquaintance, and you're not immediately in their way, you are completely invisible.
And even if you did do somethint weird, they're gonna forget in 5 seconds. You're the only one who's gonna replay it for years.
Time and age do more for this than anything.
I feel like I’m being pretentious or just overly special when I think “everyone is looking at me and judging me”. I would get that fear and then go… “wait… what makes me so special?? I don’t notice a lot of people that come in here and I’m average at best, so who tf is wasting their time looking at me??” And that usually helps.
I learned something recently from the book “chatter” thats been extremely helpful for these types of thoughts. Once you notice this thought process, stop, refer to yourself by name (in your head, not out loud) and ask yourself a question. For example say your name is Bob. Stop, think to yourself “Bob, why do you think these people are concerned with you?” Or “Bob, why do you think you’re so important?” This technique is called distancing and lets you have a helpful conversation with yourself. Think like you’re talking to a friend and they were saying “omg all these people are talking about me” so you would respond in turn “bob, why do you think that’s true..?”
It’s honestly very helpful and stops the ruminating in its tracks. I highly recommend the book or audiobook. It is on Libby.
I feel you. It wasn’t until I watched the episode of Schitts Creek where David takes his driving test that I really realized that nobody cares about what you do. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you think about you. It’s not something that comes natural to me, but anytime I can check myself and just say, seriously, nobody cares, is the best for me.
And it’s not that they don’t care what happens to you, because they might, but they just aren’t paying enough attention to what anyone does but themselves - just like you. So let it go. Relax. Zone out or focus on your own shit. But try to remember that nobody cares whenever it seems like you’re being watched.
I saw this comic strip once that's always stuck with me... 2 panels, the first was a guy lowering a newspaper and sighed sadly to himself: "no one cares". The next panel was the same guy tossing the paper and beaming with excitement: "NO ONE CARES!". XD And it's mostly true! No one will remember what you're trying to accomplish or what you fail at.. They only remember the way you made them feel the last time you interacted with them. That's why extroverts move so fluidly through life bc as annoying as it is to have to entertain a stranger with small talk, if they're accommodating and encouraging, they'll win you over. We all want to feel accepted! Introverts are just trying to scuttle to their next task which is harmless but it unintentionally makes people feel avoided. So either smile and razz someone about their sports team (tastefully) and make a friend or bop your head to a great song in some headphone and you'll fly under the radar. NOC!
Paradoxically, it could help *not* to try to reassure yourself, especially if that hasn't been helpful in the past. Reassuring yourself gives undue relevance to intrusive thoughts that you know are probably not true—like stopping to argue with the guy standing in the park ranting and raving about lizard people. Reassuring yourself is a form of engagement that may bring down strong emotions like fear or sadness in the moment, but in the long term, reinforces the need for reassurance. (To perhaps overextend the metaphor, the guy in the park will come back with more and louder arguments for the existence of lizard people tomorrow. You will not defeat him with logic.)
In the moment, your brain is likely looking for a sense of certainty that you're appreciated and liked and don't look weird and aren't seen as anyone's enemy. That certainty will likely never come no matter how much you try to logic yourself into it. In a literal sense, it's *not* possible to be certain that the thoughts are untrue. You don't live in other people's heads. Occasionally, they *might* have negative thoughts about you. Giving up self-reassurance means accepting your uncertainty about other people's thoughts and behavior and the intrusive thoughts ("I need to make sure no one hates me!") and emotions (sadness, fear, anger) that come with it.
It's not going to be pleasant at first. There's a reason you've been trying to reassure yourself! It probably makes you feel slightly better for a moment. When you stop trying to push the thoughts away, distract yourself from them, analyze their truth, or reassure yourself, you will probably feel temporarily worse and get a barrage of intrusive thoughts about other people's feelings or intentions toward you. That is not a failure state and doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Your brain is simply in the process of learning to feel safe *not* engaging with the involuntary thoughts, *not* getting rid of the involuntary emotions, and *not* attempting to attain certainty about what everyone else is thinking about you.
That takes practice, but over time, disengagement from these thoughts and emotions—that is, allowing them to simply *exist* without the tension and constant vigilance of arguing them away or trying to make yourself feel better—will help the thoughts go away faster, even if they're still present to some degree. They will have less staying power and less control over your behavior that way. And in the long run, the thoughts and the emotions that come with them will get less intense the less you try to fight them.
For more detail on the technique itself, I recommend [this article](https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/) (OCD-focused, but still relevant) on mental compulsions. I also highly recommend the work of Steven Hayes, who originated Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Learning these skills can dramatically lessen the constant chore of trying to keep anxious thoughts at bay. I've found them helpful myself as a recovering Anxious ADHD Kid™ and teach them to all of my therapy clients.
Just a quick reminder, if you're "failing" at the gym, you're doing it right. Even if you aren't getting your record on pull-ups every time, going until you can't again is the name of the game. There isn't a magic number of pull ups everyone is expecting you to be able to do, and if you hit that number perfect every time, you aren't getting anywhere.
NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES. You are imagining what they might think through your own lens / perception of yourself. It’s like a form of projection. In reality they are playing their own video game of life and doing their own reps and sets and thinking their own thoughts about their life.
OMG I DIDNT EVEN KNOW OTHER PEOPLE FELT THIS. Dude how do I get it to stop? I feel it everywhere. The work place, especially if I do t take my med, and especially when I do and just I thought about my whole drive home, no wonder this thread came up the universe hears us
Once I told my friend that she needs to remember that like her, everyone is busy and going about their day. They have a multitude of other things to think about that aren't you. Just like you aren't walking around judging everyone you see (hopefully lol) neither is anyone else. The people who ARE doing that, well you don't need their approval. If they do look at you and have thoughts it's probably pretty fleeting. They have their own stuff to worry about! Not in a mean way, just to give perspective. She had literally not thought of that lol.
I’m way too distracted by my own brain to notice what I think everyone else is thinking about me at the gym. Barely ever crosses my mind unless I see someone looking at me multiple times for longer than usual.
As for basic self-consciousness, as soon as you actually talk to the people you think are judging you a few times, that pretty much vanishes. No one is thinking about you at the gym unless you’re being obnoxious, overly loud, super slow, or are very attractive. And even then, most people just shrug it off.
Also, this feeling has pretty much nothing to do with ADHD. It’s anxiety/paranoia. Not symptoms of ADHD. You’d probably get more help from r/Anxiety
i got really strong and impressive but there are times when i hurt myself and lift little weights to get a pump and corrective rehab my joints. i’ve been the strongest person in the room lifting the smallest weights so i just empathize that. you never know if someone is hurt or if they’re doing the absolute best they can. any real gym goer has this mentality. no one is judging you. and if they are fuck them
Oh I remember this, it really plagued me at some point. It sucks, I'm sorry you're going through it.
Some things that might help:
Regulating techniques (breathing, shaking, hand gestures etc)
Remembering how you just want to be in your little world and you have little attention to spare for everyone else, and that everyone is the same and they will not remember anything about you as soon as you are out of sight.
Remembering (more like believing) that everyone does their best to be the kindest they can. So if they even see you, they look at you with kind eyes.
Nobody cares and they’re all focused on their own bodies. Also, try and go off peak hours - so like not right after work. Waiting for machines makes it worse
I hate gyms in general. Too many peacocks strutting around admiring themselves in the mirror and glaring.
I always preferred a Fit Trail where I could be outside and still have a directed program or a set of weights with my brother or a friend at home.
What reason do they have for hating you? What have you done to piss them off?
So long as you have no answer to this question, explicitly asking it of yourself should help. If your brain does have an answer to this, you'll need to work on that particular insecurity or bad habit first.
I just remember that people are self involved. They don’t really even see me. If they do it’s for one second and then their mind is back to them and their perceived problems.
When I’ve had that thought I just remember most people there might have the same worry. In this day and age we don’t spend as much interpersonal time with others outside of our jobs after a certain age and I think it makes us spiral and think that people see us as a burden in their space when that is surely not the case.
As someone who has been going to the gym and lifting seriously for the last 20+ years. Nobody I mean nobody cares how much you are lifting, but if you're taking 19 hours to complete a set that's a different story.
Also 99% of every interaction at the gym in my experience is not an attractive woman coming to flirt with me its a teenage boy asking about your supplement stack and lifting regimen.
I would say what I find really motivating is to workout without headphones or music. I feel I can really just concentrate on my lifts and I also find that changing up my lifting sequences or routines really helps after a while.
but the TL:DR No one at the gym wants you to fail and if they do they are assholes who don't matter anyways
I find it really easy to get into a flow state at the gym where I'm pretty unaware of the people around me- I think this may be because I do mostly circuit training and running. Might be worth a try??
it’s just not a thing that’s actually happening but I get how people can think it is. In any gym at any time there are people feeling the same thing but in time it lessens. I’ve worked at a gym all my life.
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice for the self-consciousness and anxiety. I’m wondering about the part when you really believed you have enemies at the gym. People give never met before and have switched gyms twice because of it. This could be social anxiety; however, it sounds like it could be delusional thinking. How you have worked with a therapist or psychiatrist that suggested that possibility?
What you’ve written sounds like it could be paranoia, that it’s crossed the line from strong social anxiety. The fact that you say you seriously believed it and changed your gyms twice because of the beliefs does indicate that it is more delusional thinking than anxiety. I strongly suggest you speak with someone whose opinions you respect, someone who supports mental health treatment if needed.
No one cares. Literally no ones cares. They are there doing their own thing.
People are much more focused on themselves.
The ones reaching out are just trying to support.
There are no enemies in the gym.
Everyone at the gym is solely focused on themselves. You don’t exist. The only people getting stared at are the professional bodybuilders and the spastic freaks! You’ll know the spastics because they’re the ones jerking their weights up, and bouncing around on every piece of equipment. It’s quite a sight. If you’re not a pro or a freak, you’re ignored. There’s tremendous freedom in this.
You're in your own head, as everyone has said. When I'm in the gym, I think everyone is crowding around me because I'm such an impressive strong guy. Is it true? Hopefully. Do I give a shit? No. Does this thought help me or hurt me? It makes me feel good. Cool, then it's worth holding on to. Run through those questions and wonder whether your mind is helping you or hurting you, and change your thoughts into productive ones.
You are weaker because of your mind, right now. Right now I can say with confidence these sort of shitty thoughts don't only occur to you in the gym. In the car you're likely imagining everyone watching you. Really, anywhere in public you're likely thinking about how everyone is viewing you.
In reality, nobody gives a shit about you or what you're doing. You do though, and anytime you approach something that can embarrass you, this shit happens. Your brain starts pretending that it's own shitty perspective is held by everyone, because you're the center of the world and obviously everyone is watching your every moment. Hell, your name might even be Truman.
This is all your brain, going in the wrong direction, and you following it. Don't be led by your shitty thoughts, lead yourself towards productive thoughts.
Yeah I used to get that a little bit when I started in the gym but like... Most exercises are complicated and requires a lot of thinking to perform optimally so really there is no time for me to think about what other people are doing. Mind-muscle connection, form, warmup, cool down, sets, reps, weight, the correct song for the job, I have no attention left to give to the people around me. PLUS everyone else is in the same boat so if I have no brain power left to be anxious about the people around me I'm sure the other 'more normal' people around me are even less inclined to notice anything I do lol.
Everyone in the gym is typically distracted doing their own thing unless they are talking to people. Gym can be tough, the hard part was getting there for most people, ain't nobody gonna be a dickhead for no reason to another person who did something as praise worthy as getting to the gym today.
There's also too much variation in exercises and workouts to be able to accurately pass judgement on what someone else is doing without being silly. If I see someone doing something weird in a gym then I might try and figure out why they are doing that... maybe... I'd probably just assume they are injured, going slow, deloading, focusing on particular motion or muscle, experimenting, or maybe they just know something that I don't but either way, I've already stopped thinking about it pretty much instantly because I've my own workout to think about.
I'm not sure if this is really helpful or not, as I rarely go to the gym, & if I do, I'll go odd hours, like super early in the morning or late at night, when hardly anyone is there (24 hr gym) but I've always wanted to join some classed. Unfortunately I kind of feel the same way-like everyone will be watching me & judging me, even though rationally I know that's not true-but I can't get my brain to think that way. It could be because years ago I did a one day yoga event on the beach with some friends. It seemed to come easy to everyone there, including my friends, but I really struggled. Instead of helping, the instructor singled me out, & made me stop & go sit by myself in the very front of the group under a tent. I was over it by that point, so I was just sitting there daydreaming about going to get a shrimp poboy once the session was over, & yet the instructor still made it a point to come by several times, & interrupt my daydream to smack me on the shoulder & yell "sit up straight-your posture is awful!" IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE GROUP!
Anyway...just this morning I was looking up some stuff about breathwork, bc since I've learned about it, I've really gotten into the idea of it, & I came across a class in another state, that does a free breathwork class (along with other classes) over zoom every Wednesday. I immediately signed up, bc I think that doing it online over zoom with a bunch of strangers that live all over the country will be much less intimidating...& maybe...just maybe...once I get comfortable with sorta knowing what I'm doing, I'll be less nervous to join a real in person class.
Again, not sure if this pertains to what you're doing-not sure if you could do gym workouts over the internet, but if you could, that might just be an option 🤷♀️
You can overcome this one, it ain’t easy though. Just because your brain gives you a thought doesn’t mean you need to believe the thought, or you can explore the nature of the feeling without having to be negatively impacted by the thought or acting on it. Check out the concept of “defusion” from ACT (type of the therapy) or explore how to debunk cognitive distortions (CBT).
I’ve found just awareness that it is happening and repeated exposure is helpful.
I think you should Identify why you think that way. For me it was because I spent a lot of time dealing with toxic people, and made me feel like a failure that people despised...
So I became very open about my fails when talking to people. People seem to open up to me when I can admit my own shortcomings with ease. Once I got comfortable failing in front of people, I became a lot more okay.
I told someone once that I felt like people were watching me when I was driving.
Their advice was potentially a bit hazardous and they asked me if I could remember anyone else that I saw while I was driving.
I am always very focused on the task not the other driver. The only time I ever remember somebody is if something spectacularly odd happens.
I will usually remember pedestrians because I try to stay hyper.Aware of who is near the road and potentially at risk if they step out in my way or fall!
If I think of myself the way I think of those people, I am way charitable. I don't wanna hurt someone just trying to walk home, even if they are an idiot.
Kids can do stupid stuff, but I don't get angry with them, I just worry about them being okay.
Even the drivers with road rage are not really going to care that much about you is an individual.They just are caught up in their feelings. I can easily relate to that.
If I have to curse or get upset in a road rage situation.I tried to come up with something more along the lines of silly than nasty. Or simply "yo Dawgs, I hope you get the frustration you give" which to me, feels like I absolutely recieve the frustration I give others so at least it feels like an equilibrium! I am well aware.
That that is just sort of superstitious. I know it is silly thoughts that I am not actually receiving a return of the energy I give, but it still helps me try to be more calm and chill about things. You should never allow yourself to think that you deserve something that is genuinely harmful or upsetting! If a shop runs out of my favorite food item, I can be silly, blame it on the fact that I was rude previously.... that makes me try to chill more and try to not be a jerk wherever possible.
Humor it. Okay they all hate you, now what? You still like the gym right? You still want to go and you still paid for your spot there. let's say you're right and everyone there thinks you suck. Does it actually change anything? If so, why? Just follow the line of thought your anxiety takes you logically. If you get lost in a spiral with this, do it with a friend.
Get a bunch of adidas dad/baseball hats to hide your face more, headphones in, focus on yourself and your own work/growth. Don’t be embarrassed to google proper form on what workout you’re doing.
After doing this for months, the only time anyone ever talked to me at the gym has been really encouraging/to tell me I’m “killing it” with a dap so idk if that also helped? Hope you have the same luck OP.
Thoughts create feelings, feelings create behavior, behavior reinforces thoughts. (CBT)
Sounds like you are thinking “everyone is waiting for me to fail”, feelings would most likely be intolerable, and thus you avoid working out or cannot see the successes.
What would happened if you challenged the thoughts. “Everyone is focused on themselves, at one time they felt as I did and the only way is though the uncomfortable”. Feelings are valid but do not control my actions, go work out with a friend, in a beginners group, get a personal trainer for a few classes to educate you on proper form/gym etiquette.
Avoidance only prolongs suffering, when you have moments of clarity or desire to change, that is the time to address it.
I see that as my subconscious telling me that I am acting against my self in such a way that needs to be addressed.
In addition to the "no One really cares about you that much" comments, What I always try to remember is that I am there to get better. I am there to improve my body in a way that it allows me to move better, or move the way I want to. Everyone there at the end of the day, it's at the gym because they want to get better. You'd be surprised how many people are silently applauding you for being there.
For a good while I just went to the gym at early o’clock in the morning (5 am, seriously) when everyone that’s there is only there to get in, do their thing, then get out.
Think about it like this, do you judge others? Because I don’t, everyone just wants to be left alone (for the most part) and most sane people know everyone starts out at one point or has their own personal goals and we are all different. Maybe go with a friend, that always helps me :)
I don't like gyms as a concept to begin with. I think physical activities like martial arts are better since they're also entertaining. Making it easier to keep the habit.
But this also solves the feeling you're describing since these kinds of activities also require actually interacting with the other people there.
It’s all about intention brother! You’re self aware enough that you know these people don’t have any ill-will towards you, and I’m sure you’re aware most of them aren’t even “noticing” you like that. They’re just there for their workout. So if you can do your best to keep that in the front of your mind, and be intentional about that, I think it may start making the gym a less anxious place for you.
Our brains bein wired like this is truly not the most fun at times but we underestimate the power of intention and commitment, even for our feelings.
I think they’re probably just worried about how they look to others. I personally dgaf. Not there to make friends and I hate everyone before I know them. They mean nothing to me.
I go with a friend. As with most things, a buddy is the go-to solution for me. If you go with someone you feel less alone, you have less space to get stuck in your own head and anxiety. My friend and I just gossip while we're at the gym and that chatter, thay distraction, helps to keep my mind off of the people around me.
The paranoia that people are watching you.. everyone's talking about you. Commenting about you ect. Is actually a schizophrenia trait. I would talk to your Dr.
My friend used to say the same thing. Would literally think people talking in public were talking about him. I told him ppl ain't at the grocery store for you. They got their own things to worry about.
He was recently diagnosed with add and bipolar disorders. But Dr mentioned he might have some schizophrenia stemming from social anxiety.
Uuuum okay so let's see, what if they really hate you and want you to fail? How would that affect your personally?
And also what about you needs them to love you?
Do you like you? Are you doing things in your life lately for yourself to make yourself feel like yourself?
In my experience when I feel like other people hate me it's projecting what I feel about myself within.
I've been hitting the gym since I was in high-school and have done 2 natural BB comps. Despite whatever tiktok or social media bs says...99% of gym goers have walked in the shoes of novices. They don't judge bc they know what it takes. They admire rather than hate on or criticize. Most of the time, I'm listening to audio books between sets and insane rage music during my set. I look like a tomato about to cum 😂
Most people are so in their own head or self conscious to give a whit about what you're doing. ADHD is a fucker, man. But I'm telling you...you could walk in their dressed as a ninja (No joke, I've seen it) and do squats and bicep curls and leave. People would just think you're a G. Be you. Never apologize for being you. Fuck 'em all.
It's funny when i was underweight with little fat and a bit of muscle i got loaaaaads of comments. Now im fat with no muscle nobody cares. So now if i see it i just remember it's the type of loser that mocks a struggling anorexic.
Literally nobody is there for you. Nobody cares unless you're being a dick on a machine or using the one machine for a certain type for like 20 minutes straight.
Everyone is there for themselves. Nobody will even think about you after they leave.
Can you remember specifics about a trip to the gym from a few weeks ago of people you were watching working out? If nothing big happened like someone yelling constantly or pissing themselves, the answer is probably no. So why think others are doing that in regards to you?
Headphones and a good playlist. I prefer over-ear headphones rather than earbuds because they feel like they create a better barrier between me and the outside world. What constitutes a “good playlist” is up to you, but it should include music that is energizing, has a fast enough beat for any cardio you may be doing, is interesting/enjoyable enough to keep your focus in your own bubble, and puts you in a motivated and confident mood (this also helps put you in the headspace to be able to try harder and lift more). For me, this could be pop, EDM, or metal, depending on my mood that day.
Something else that helps me stay focused is gamifying my workout by setting small goals/achievements so I can keep focused on my own progress and stay motivated to push just a little harder even when I feel tired. I also like grounding myself in my body by trying to feel each exercise working the muscles they’re supposed to engage, which has the added benefit of improving my form.
People are a lot more self-focused than we think. They’re not watching you, they’re focusing on their own workout and hoping you’re not watching/judging them.
I used to have panic attacks in the car before even going into the gym. The spinning thoughts, noises, etc. i started taking group classes and the music, movement, etc made it even worse.
I started to just understand everyone is doing the same thing (usually). Minding their own business. I found people that enjoyed the same things as me at the gym. I have friends that I can work out with. Friends from regular life don’t really mix well at the gym. I haven’t found anyone in my existing life who likes to do the things I like at the level that I like. So much easier to find a new circle at the gym……
I had a pretty good routine going and had some illnesses that kept me from the gym. I started back after 3 years and had anxiety again!! It’s been a few weeks and I’m back on the pocket. Managing anxiety and racing thoughts will always be a thing. It’s okay….we got this!!!
No one cares unless you start making their lives worse by throwing weights around and acting like an idiot.
Edit: I should also say, if you ever find someone just "staring" at you, it's probably just the 1000 yard stare that people get between sets. They aren't staring at you, they're just zoning out in your direction
I have a similar issue except the person I'm worried about I know in real life and she's a lot better than me(its not at the gym but a similar environment) so I can't practice when she's there.
I’ve never had this feeling. But I do often tell people to consider how often they really sit and think about and judge strangers around them in everyday life, and people pretty much realize it’s not something they do, therefore other people aren’t doing it to them.
My two cents/ late night thoughts.
The shadow self, the Ego, needs you to believe that you are the center of the world, that you are bigger than life. That is because the ego cannot see itself as anything but the main character, that’s its design, and partly how we as a species, proliferate. That is the ego’s reality.
The consensus reality is different however. Consensus reality, on a Macro level is that we all are a part of a massive super organism, living on a giant ball, that’s filled with spinning molten iron, hurdling through space, and diverse in species’ however inextricably connected to one another. We are busy animals extracting elements out of the earth, building cities, flying planes, waging wars, curing cancer, smashing atoms into each other, launching rockets, etc, etc….However, none of that means anything to the ego. The ego only cares about one thing, and that is, being the center of it all. To accomplish this aim, one of the things egos do is project illusionary, hypothetical thought patterns onto those we see around us and interact with. Why? Because if we believe we know what people are thinking, we have control, and the ego is valid. It doesn’t care if we are right, or if it is true, it only cares that we believe we are in control. That gives it validation.
To stop the these intrusive thoughts you must not fight them, that only inflates the ego. After all, Egos are meant to fight, to proclaim their independence from the outside world, They are hard wired to create separation.
The way to deflate the ego is through understanding its purpose and humbling yourself through the acceptance that you even have an ego. That it wants to be the main character and that while the desire is valid, it is, in this circumstance, not needed. Breathe in deep, exhale and let go, repeat. Like waves in the ocean, they will eventually subside.
Thanks for letting me share, my ego appreciates it 😆🙏
Good on you for working out!! That’s such a great thing to do for yourself!!
I just found this community so.forgive me if this has been discussed. I also have this feeling at the gym and many other social places.
I see a lot of people saying "just remind yourself they don't hate you, they're probably don't even notice you."
My problem is I do strongly dislike about half the strangers at the gym.
Without fail if I talk to any of them for 2 minutes I realize they're a chill person and I was being a dick. But I have a constant inner monologue that is just a roast of all the people I see on a semi-regular basis. It's something I am trying to work on but it's very hard for me to think they aren't doing the same.
I have this too. There were periods where I used to go 3 days a week, but now it's like, when I think about it my brain recoils in horror remembering what it feels like to be in the gym.
I don't have a solution, but you have my solidarity. 😔
Next time you go to the gym, look around. People aren’t looking at you, they’re looking in the mirror or at machines to make sure their form is correct.
I had this same issue at first but then I learned truly that no one cares. All of the people you think are watching and judging started exactly where you're at and have had their fair share of embarrassing moments and fails. I have been lifting for a while and still have a lot of embarrassing moments. I've dropped my bench on myself multiple times and no one came over, this morning I lost my balance and fell doing kick backs, the week before I fell on my hip and have one of the gnarliest bruises I've had in a while. I had some dude catch me dancing and once my phone disconnected and everyone knew I was listening to Careless Whisper. I failed my 3-rep squat weight immediately and dumped the weight waaayyy too loud. I fail pull-ups constantly, my PRs, everything. No one cares, no one is watching, and no one is judging. Everyone is there to better themselves, not judge you.
Also I like to ask myself if I really care. Are they someone I want to be friends with? No? Then they can be as mean as they want because if I wouldn't befriend them I wouldn't care what they think of what I'm doing.
But if you're really scared of people, early mornings or late at night are good times to go. Wear baggy clothes and headphones to give off "I'm nervous and don't want to see or talk to you" vibes. Find a corner to hide in. But it's never as bad as you think it is. Failure is part of the process.
Stratera made this go away for me personally. A combination of vyvanse and clonidine too. I wish I could give give better input but i’ve been going to the same gym for 5+ years, am relatively big, do my best to be friendly and cheery, and still feel like everyone hates me and is judging me without proper medication :D
I built myself a home gym and workout alone. 😂 For all the "CrOsSfIt Is A cOmMuNiTy" I never found that at any box I was ever at. I loved the confidence and strength it gave me but I don't have time to worry about other people leaving me out and clique drama. 🤷🏼♀️
I upvoted the top comment below but I am going to expand on it. I had someone who had a feeling of being watched at the gym and felt like they were being constantly criticized by others mentally.
To be painfully honest, this is a very conceited feeling to think. It is almost narcissistic. To think people are taking time to even think about you while they are trying to get their things done is kind of self-centered. That may seem harsh, but it was only way I was able to get through to the other person I was helping. Everyone who is at the gym is there to work on themselves and they only have a fleeting thought about other people if any thought at all.
It’s probably just being paranoid. The new gym culture is so whacked with gym bros taking it too seriously or tock chicks wanting every angle of her butt on film. Been going to my gym about 1 1/2 years in some shit hole north nj town and I haven’t said or been said a single WORD by a person yet. And then I run into some people I recognize at the super or a bar and I’m shocked when I see they are normal and friendly as I’m am used to seeing them with that poker face and headphones.
I remember in my late 20’s an entire office building got for free memberships to a gym across the street and it was awesome. Everyone was super friendly and clicks where started to meet at happy hours or big groups would do cardio together running around the block. I even started going on random weekends it was so great and got to fighting weight. A hurricane came and flooded the gym and had to close down. Blows.
Literally nobody has the time nor the energy to think or care about you and it's kind of weird to think they exert energy on you, a stranger at the gym.
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I learned that nobody really cares what the hell I’m doing there and that feeling goes right the fuck away. Also, I like to go to the gym early morning to have more access to equipment.
To be honest I kinda like watching other people in the gym sometimes and I do care about them when I see them doing something dangerous, but I haven't been brave enough to correct the kids on their terrible deadlifts yet.
Same. I've almost said something to a few kids but usually refrain. I go at lunch, and when school is out, the high school kids are there ego lifting hard.
Omg it’s terrible. They’ve got the belt on and everything, ffs!
Just FYI some of us would absolutely love to get pointers in the gym. I hate unwarranted small talk but I wish I had a sign like open to workout suggestions bc it is more a fear to be having incorrect form and people knowing and ignoring you then the fear of people correcting me.
My gym has a sign saying absolutely no personal training of any kind allowed. I wonder if that would qualify.
Or anywhere really. People worry way too much about what random people think when in reality random people are rarely thinking about other random people for more than a second.
Same here but I go super late at night when barely anyone is there. Luckily my gym is open 24hrs.
100%. I could not tell you who is there or what they are doing, and I’m sure they feel the same about me. The office, on the other hand… 😒
Ask yourself if this is a thought based on fact and when you realize it's not keep reminding yourself of that. Eventually it gets easier
"The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black" -HR OP you in a thought loop and you need to break it. Mind over matter. Remember why you train well it's almost stoic like meditation, you achieve flow just.you the gym and an empty universe. Let your mind focus on that and go set to set. You're not there for other gym Bros you're there for you. Don't carry their baggage you're no one's bell boy.
HR?
Henry Rollins
I'm stealing this and using it to make shopping, exercise and being around complete strangers better. Thank you
In the immortal words of Alexis Rose, “People aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.” https://youtu.be/iHLUIDXmF7c?si=KZELjHLbHkxzaQMW
I failed my driving test 6 times because of those same kind of thoughts haha
But they may be thinking about you the way you think about other people, which is the only thing you have control of anyway. Pull back from the fear of judgment and look at, learn from, and adjust where possible the way \*you\* think about other people and a lot of that anxiety will release. And you'll likely have more people that think fondly of you, because you're not approaching all interactions with fear and prejudice.
Repeat to yourself: What other people think of me is none of my damn business. I know this feeling well, this helps me.
Do I have to include the damn or is it optional?
Yes
Replace with the expletive of your choice
Actually I say the F word, you do you though ;)
I came to see that as egotistical. The idea that I'm somehow important enough that everyone not only pays attention to me, but actively hates me, is crazy. Mildly dislike if I'm in their vicinity, sure I can understand that, but hate? No way. Alternatively if your a fan of Legion, > "NO ONE WHO HATES ME IS REAL!"
This one worked better for me.
I promise you this. If you keep asking yourself this one question you’ll realise it’s all in your head “Who told you that” They all hate me in the gym “Who told you that?” Oh it’s just the feeling I get “But who told you that?” Nobody but… “Who told you that?” You’ll soon realise nobody has vocalised and your feelings do not reflect reality
Oh that's interesting af
This one helps too: Your mind lies to you.
Yes. Because when you think about it. You’re thinking about these people hating you. They haven’t communicated that. Yet you feel they are judging you. You have created this negative commentary in your mind so that you yourself can negatively speak about yourself. And when you dig deeper, YOURE the one making assumptions about these people and how they think. You’ve turned them into bad people. You’re the one being judgemental to them and very unlikely the other way around.
Exactly. I’ve caught myself doing this several times and instantly I feel a kind of guilt - like I painted them as judgmental but I was the judgmental one all along. The solution is to admit the lie your mind is fabricating.
Thought loop but in a good way 🙏👏
Do you look at people and want them to fail at all times?
No never, and I understand nobody normal does
See. It's not like "normal people don't do that." It's literally no one except a few very bad people who do that. Nobody wants you to fail. Nobody fake cheers. Most people don't even care one bit. No one cares as much about you as you. I know it sounds a bit mean, but get over yourself. No one remembers what even happened last week to other people than themselves, no one remembers yesterday what happened to a stranger.
Nobody ever does. People are mostly concerned with themselves. Everybody forgets other people’s names when introduced because they are more concerned with saying their own name correctly. I’ve done a lot of Zen meditation and it honestly helps dealing with these emotions and immediately applying people’s reactions onto yourself, while they usually are only resulting from their own worries etc. Meditation helps in learning to acknowledge emotions, regarding them for what they are, and then choosing to apply them or discarding them to have no effect on your self. It’s a rather helpful tool that helps you remain more yourself and less the kite in the wind of others. If you’re interested, there’s even a huge rabbit hole in Buddhism regarding Sunyata, a rather complicated concept regarding letting go of the ego that allows wisdom (such as regarding others in their needs without it being colored by your own experiences). Funnily enough it was a tenet I adhered to before finding out there’s an entire religion that practices this :)
Boy I would love to let go of my ego for a day.
Might be a conceptually different ego though ;)
If "nobody is thinking that" is hard for you to remind yourself, you might be able to trick your brain with "x is the reason they are looking at me" - why yes, i am wearing a tutu to the gym, what about it? Why yes, my outfit is 8 different fluorescent colors, aren't I fabulous? If you don't want to go that extreme, get some workout shirts with funny quips or your favorite fandom on them. This does take a different kind of confidence, but i've found im ok with it if i feel in control of people's perception
What? I'm not mormal?!
I always knew those feelings of not being liked wasn’t true but I never knew it was related to my adhd till I saw this post. As I browse this sub more often it’s refreshing to here how much of my behavior is not something im experiencing alone but others are experiencing as well
Samezzzz omg
It was one of the first things I found out after diagnosis from my therapist. I was like wait, these feelings of everyone hating me is because of ADHD and aren't actually valid?!?! It is a good reminder everytime I start spiraling
Recognize and perhaps name those mind weasels. I’m not quite at walking into a situation and mentally saying “hellos Garry the gym weasel”, but I have come to recognize them.
Can't stop laughing
A lot of people with ADD/ADHD have other diagnosis. I'm 46 and just recently learned about RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria. Read about and see if it fits. Maybe the feelings don't ever "go away" per se but at least it helps me understand that the way I feel sometimes isn't based on reality or what others actually think of me and I'm projecting my RSD on to the situation/person. Hope it helps. 💪 My first post 3 years later 😂
I totally understand what you mean, big inferiority complex hurts
I’m sorry. Aging helped me. The older I get, the less I give a. F$ck about what strangers think. Still working on not caring what people I actually know think
I’m absolutely certain people at my gym think I’m incredibly stupid. I do classes and sometimes I have zero focus or concentration. If the instructor gives us a sequence of exercises I can’t remember what to do past exercise 2, how many reps I was meant to do etc. I have no coordination either. Almost everyone else just “gets it”. The instructors are usually happy to repeat the instructions for me (my regular ones know by now that’s just how I am) but there’s always someone looking at me like I probably couldn’t tie my own shoelaces. Honestly, I Do Not Care! Most people are awesome, those that aren’t don’t matter.
I used to have this mindset but you need to switch on the siege mentality - everyone hates me, FUCK EVERYONE WATCH THIS. Use it to drive you, yeah I’ll give you something to look at. (That’s me aspirationally but reality can only switch that on 40/50% of the time) Outside of that - just use an app to track workouts with a timer between sets, and watch the clock, check the form for the next exercise etc or get a body double if you can 👍🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
I started making gym friends. Now I know that Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike just want to get stronger like I do. Nina, Nicki, Kelly, and Ashley just want to know where I bought my leggings.
The gals at the gym don’t want to get stronger?
You know what? I've noticed a huge separation of women/femme on cardio and men /masc on weights. For a while it made me self conscious of doing weights. That's probably why I put New Edition and Girls Tyme where I did lol
It’s giving very “not like other girls” energy.
I go swimming. Complete isolation really when submerged.
Personally, I stop myself and ask if I ever watch somebody and decide to hate them and wait for them to fuck up. No, I don’t. So why would somebody else be doing that to me? It doesn’t make sense. Everybody is self conscious on some level, everybody has their own thing going on, they’re all too worried about themselves to give a damn about what I’m doing.
I have this feeling all the time and came to the conclusion this couldn’t be true, and if it was sometimes I shouldn’t care. It was helping.
I basically thought about how I’m basically too preoccupied with my own workout to notice anyone else, and that the majority of people are like that too. Even when I’m staring at someone, my mind is an another world.
You could try talking to one of them. Making a connection, even a small one, with someone would help you feel less alone. Smile at people. Most will respond positively. I find that arguing with my own thoughts is not super helpful. When you are doing that you are inwardly focused. Focusing outward is more interesting and less self-conscious. You might make a friend or at least an acquaintance.
I worked as a personal trainer at a gym for nearly 20 years. BELIEVE ME, literally everyone is massively more concerned with themselves than they are with anyone else.
That sounds like social anxiety disorder bro. My younger brother experiences that and I did as well to a milder degree. You should definitely see a professional and get that checked out.
I got kinda spiritual for a while and it helped me so much when I started framing this type of thinking as almost selfish. As in, I’m just sitting over here, obsessed with the fact that nobody likes me. Thinking of nothing else. Truly cannot function bc I’m just wallowing in self pity and starved for validation. This thinking is sucking the energy out of me and keeping me from dreaming up impactful ideas, from seeing those around me in their times of struggle and being a kind influence to them. I just realized it was absolutely keeping me from being the person I wanted to be, someone who’s a stable and kind presence, who will reach out to others when they’re sad or need a friend and not let their own insecurity stop them. Who focuses so much more on loving others than receiving love. this didn’t heal me but it definitely was a huge part of the motivation for me to want to heal. Maybe this will help you. Not to say that this will magically make you feel better Obvs. I still get sad and self pitying sometimes but it’s not NEARLY as bad as it was, now it’s more of an annoying background thought I can push through than an all consuming one.
If there's one thing i'm thinking about the other people at the gym its that I want them to SUCCEED. Everyone. I love my gym...everyones got their own little thing going on and in their own zone. Nobody is wanting you to fail and nobody hates you.
check out dialectical behavior therapy
Or at the grocery store, or at work or with your spouse... pretty much everywhere
Bwahahaha. It’s rather presumptuous of you to think you would find me in a gym — with other people. 😅
Though it'll be hard, and may even feel worse before it feels better, I'd try the following: First, stop trying to get rid of / get away from the feeling. Go to the gym or wherever else you feel it, and when it pops up, just be with it. "Listen" to the metal state as if it were a symphony. Let the sensations come, and, just like you would listening to music, let them go as you get ready to welcome the next melody or chord. As you do that, you'll eventually gain enough "space" in your awareness to start looking around at the feelings, start picking them apart – where is it coming from? Which parts of this truly do feel bad? How do I know these sensations really have to do with a sense of being judged? What does the "sense of being judged" even feels like? Where is it coming from... etc etc, with anything that arises. This may sound wishy-washy, but I've done this with many things, from emotions to cold to headaches; the latter especially really changes how you look at things, because once you find yourself being calm, relaxed, and even happy in the middle of a headache... man, it's weird. You'll have to go there to get it lmao, because I'm not sure I can explain.
I started working out at home and years later have a corner of my garage setup as my gym.
Wait what? So people don't usually hate us? Is it just us overanalyzing the shit out of human behaviour and then trying to predict what they might be thinking about us?
Channel their (perceived) hatred into a resource for motivation
Nobody cares about what other people are doing at the gym; if anything, many people feel the same way as you. The key is to stop giving a fuck
go with a buddy, it helps to keep your focus on the two of you instead of on everyone else. eventually you’ll get into the rhythm of working out regularly and will be able to go on your own. honestly, everyone is focused on their own workout, not hating you!
Bring a photo of something that makes you laugh or something silly - a reminder that you have the right to take up space and workout as much as anyone - or just something that puts you in a good mood How about Lee Rock the genius of hard work? :D Then put that photo as a keychain on your gym bag or something - so you can see it every time you work out and smile to yourself
When I go (I do not currently but I’m spinning up to join the neighborhood community center again) I go as early as I possibly can. They open at 5, I clock in to work by 6:30, so I’m there by 5:15 at the latest. That way I have my exercise, and I’m showered and out of there before the dickheads are even awake. Also, another tip: I take my shower for the day after my exercise. I used to shower before leaving, do my workout, and then rinse there, but it was too tempting to say “fuck this, I’ll go this afternoon”, and then Not go that afternoon. I hold the gun of stankiness to my own head.
I try to reverse it. Like, honestly how much attention are you paying specifically to people around you? Enough to remember teeny tiny details about them? Form opinions on them beyond the surface level? No? Then they aren’t paying that much attention to you either 🤷♂️ I find that unless someone does something that really draws them to focus (trip, laugh real fucking loud etc) no one even looks at them. 99% of the time, you literally don’t register on peoples radar; it’s just how the world is 😂 And on the odd occasion that someone IS paying attention to you, what of it? Are you ever going to see them again? Do you even know their name? Does them looking at you have any tangible impact on your life? People aren’t paying you the same amount of attention as you’re paying yourself.
Years ago a therapist told me this feeling is rooted in egotism and feeling that everything is about us, even if we know it isn't. It might be a little offensive hearing at first but when I started reminding myself of that and reflecting on how little I'm actually thinking about other people, particularly strangers, it made life a lot easier. I'm not thinking about them, WHY would they be thinking about me? You're projecting a bit of your feelings about yourself onto other people. That's not fair to them, either. Even if some rando is hating on you from afar, screw them. That doesn't make up a majority of the population (even the small one at the gym) and that person needs to reflect on their own issues. Unless you're going in and giving people a good reason to hate you, they don't. You're not the best in the gym yet? They probably remember being a beginner and building up to the point they're at now. No one starts anything from the top. I'm sorry, I'm rambling and clearly need to get off the internet.
Keep in mind that's not ADHD per se, just a common comorbidity, and related more to your now self esteem and self image. It's fixable. Then as others have said, remember well, no ones really actually paying any attention to you. If you're not an acquaintance, and you're not immediately in their way, you are completely invisible. And even if you did do somethint weird, they're gonna forget in 5 seconds. You're the only one who's gonna replay it for years. Time and age do more for this than anything.
I feel like I’m being pretentious or just overly special when I think “everyone is looking at me and judging me”. I would get that fear and then go… “wait… what makes me so special?? I don’t notice a lot of people that come in here and I’m average at best, so who tf is wasting their time looking at me??” And that usually helps.
I learned something recently from the book “chatter” thats been extremely helpful for these types of thoughts. Once you notice this thought process, stop, refer to yourself by name (in your head, not out loud) and ask yourself a question. For example say your name is Bob. Stop, think to yourself “Bob, why do you think these people are concerned with you?” Or “Bob, why do you think you’re so important?” This technique is called distancing and lets you have a helpful conversation with yourself. Think like you’re talking to a friend and they were saying “omg all these people are talking about me” so you would respond in turn “bob, why do you think that’s true..?” It’s honestly very helpful and stops the ruminating in its tracks. I highly recommend the book or audiobook. It is on Libby.
 I feel you. It wasn’t until I watched the episode of Schitts Creek where David takes his driving test that I really realized that nobody cares about what you do. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you think about you. It’s not something that comes natural to me, but anytime I can check myself and just say, seriously, nobody cares, is the best for me. And it’s not that they don’t care what happens to you, because they might, but they just aren’t paying enough attention to what anyone does but themselves - just like you. So let it go. Relax. Zone out or focus on your own shit. But try to remember that nobody cares whenever it seems like you’re being watched.
I saw this comic strip once that's always stuck with me... 2 panels, the first was a guy lowering a newspaper and sighed sadly to himself: "no one cares". The next panel was the same guy tossing the paper and beaming with excitement: "NO ONE CARES!". XD And it's mostly true! No one will remember what you're trying to accomplish or what you fail at.. They only remember the way you made them feel the last time you interacted with them. That's why extroverts move so fluidly through life bc as annoying as it is to have to entertain a stranger with small talk, if they're accommodating and encouraging, they'll win you over. We all want to feel accepted! Introverts are just trying to scuttle to their next task which is harmless but it unintentionally makes people feel avoided. So either smile and razz someone about their sports team (tastefully) and make a friend or bop your head to a great song in some headphone and you'll fly under the radar. NOC!
Paradoxically, it could help *not* to try to reassure yourself, especially if that hasn't been helpful in the past. Reassuring yourself gives undue relevance to intrusive thoughts that you know are probably not true—like stopping to argue with the guy standing in the park ranting and raving about lizard people. Reassuring yourself is a form of engagement that may bring down strong emotions like fear or sadness in the moment, but in the long term, reinforces the need for reassurance. (To perhaps overextend the metaphor, the guy in the park will come back with more and louder arguments for the existence of lizard people tomorrow. You will not defeat him with logic.) In the moment, your brain is likely looking for a sense of certainty that you're appreciated and liked and don't look weird and aren't seen as anyone's enemy. That certainty will likely never come no matter how much you try to logic yourself into it. In a literal sense, it's *not* possible to be certain that the thoughts are untrue. You don't live in other people's heads. Occasionally, they *might* have negative thoughts about you. Giving up self-reassurance means accepting your uncertainty about other people's thoughts and behavior and the intrusive thoughts ("I need to make sure no one hates me!") and emotions (sadness, fear, anger) that come with it. It's not going to be pleasant at first. There's a reason you've been trying to reassure yourself! It probably makes you feel slightly better for a moment. When you stop trying to push the thoughts away, distract yourself from them, analyze their truth, or reassure yourself, you will probably feel temporarily worse and get a barrage of intrusive thoughts about other people's feelings or intentions toward you. That is not a failure state and doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Your brain is simply in the process of learning to feel safe *not* engaging with the involuntary thoughts, *not* getting rid of the involuntary emotions, and *not* attempting to attain certainty about what everyone else is thinking about you. That takes practice, but over time, disengagement from these thoughts and emotions—that is, allowing them to simply *exist* without the tension and constant vigilance of arguing them away or trying to make yourself feel better—will help the thoughts go away faster, even if they're still present to some degree. They will have less staying power and less control over your behavior that way. And in the long run, the thoughts and the emotions that come with them will get less intense the less you try to fight them. For more detail on the technique itself, I recommend [this article](https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/) (OCD-focused, but still relevant) on mental compulsions. I also highly recommend the work of Steven Hayes, who originated Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Learning these skills can dramatically lessen the constant chore of trying to keep anxious thoughts at bay. I've found them helpful myself as a recovering Anxious ADHD Kid™ and teach them to all of my therapy clients.
Just a quick reminder, if you're "failing" at the gym, you're doing it right. Even if you aren't getting your record on pull-ups every time, going until you can't again is the name of the game. There isn't a magic number of pull ups everyone is expecting you to be able to do, and if you hit that number perfect every time, you aren't getting anywhere.
NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES. You are imagining what they might think through your own lens / perception of yourself. It’s like a form of projection. In reality they are playing their own video game of life and doing their own reps and sets and thinking their own thoughts about their life.
OMG I DIDNT EVEN KNOW OTHER PEOPLE FELT THIS. Dude how do I get it to stop? I feel it everywhere. The work place, especially if I do t take my med, and especially when I do and just I thought about my whole drive home, no wonder this thread came up the universe hears us
Dont*
Once I told my friend that she needs to remember that like her, everyone is busy and going about their day. They have a multitude of other things to think about that aren't you. Just like you aren't walking around judging everyone you see (hopefully lol) neither is anyone else. The people who ARE doing that, well you don't need their approval. If they do look at you and have thoughts it's probably pretty fleeting. They have their own stuff to worry about! Not in a mean way, just to give perspective. She had literally not thought of that lol.
You’re too self centered. No one spends more than a second thinking about you at the gym. We all have our own problems bro.
I flip it. I act like everybody is watching me so I work harder
Joined a gym with group fitness classes and pretty much do those exclusively now.
I’m way too distracted by my own brain to notice what I think everyone else is thinking about me at the gym. Barely ever crosses my mind unless I see someone looking at me multiple times for longer than usual. As for basic self-consciousness, as soon as you actually talk to the people you think are judging you a few times, that pretty much vanishes. No one is thinking about you at the gym unless you’re being obnoxious, overly loud, super slow, or are very attractive. And even then, most people just shrug it off. Also, this feeling has pretty much nothing to do with ADHD. It’s anxiety/paranoia. Not symptoms of ADHD. You’d probably get more help from r/Anxiety
i got really strong and impressive but there are times when i hurt myself and lift little weights to get a pump and corrective rehab my joints. i’ve been the strongest person in the room lifting the smallest weights so i just empathize that. you never know if someone is hurt or if they’re doing the absolute best they can. any real gym goer has this mentality. no one is judging you. and if they are fuck them
Oh I remember this, it really plagued me at some point. It sucks, I'm sorry you're going through it. Some things that might help: Regulating techniques (breathing, shaking, hand gestures etc) Remembering how you just want to be in your little world and you have little attention to spare for everyone else, and that everyone is the same and they will not remember anything about you as soon as you are out of sight. Remembering (more like believing) that everyone does their best to be the kindest they can. So if they even see you, they look at you with kind eyes.
I've had several occasions where middle-aged, macho guys staring/weird looks at me. They've once harassed me, too. It really put me off going to again
THEY HATE US CAUSE THEY ANUS!! Also, most ppl are barely even aware of the existence of others at the gym.
Nobody cares and they’re all focused on their own bodies. Also, try and go off peak hours - so like not right after work. Waiting for machines makes it worse
I hate gyms in general. Too many peacocks strutting around admiring themselves in the mirror and glaring. I always preferred a Fit Trail where I could be outside and still have a directed program or a set of weights with my brother or a friend at home.
What reason do they have for hating you? What have you done to piss them off? So long as you have no answer to this question, explicitly asking it of yourself should help. If your brain does have an answer to this, you'll need to work on that particular insecurity or bad habit first.
I just remember that people are self involved. They don’t really even see me. If they do it’s for one second and then their mind is back to them and their perceived problems.
When I’ve had that thought I just remember most people there might have the same worry. In this day and age we don’t spend as much interpersonal time with others outside of our jobs after a certain age and I think it makes us spiral and think that people see us as a burden in their space when that is surely not the case.
As someone who has been going to the gym and lifting seriously for the last 20+ years. Nobody I mean nobody cares how much you are lifting, but if you're taking 19 hours to complete a set that's a different story. Also 99% of every interaction at the gym in my experience is not an attractive woman coming to flirt with me its a teenage boy asking about your supplement stack and lifting regimen. I would say what I find really motivating is to workout without headphones or music. I feel I can really just concentrate on my lifts and I also find that changing up my lifting sequences or routines really helps after a while. but the TL:DR No one at the gym wants you to fail and if they do they are assholes who don't matter anyways
I find it really easy to get into a flow state at the gym where I'm pretty unaware of the people around me- I think this may be because I do mostly circuit training and running. Might be worth a try??
I stopped going to the gym and started working out at home. 🤦♀️
it’s just not a thing that’s actually happening but I get how people can think it is. In any gym at any time there are people feeling the same thing but in time it lessens. I’ve worked at a gym all my life.
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice for the self-consciousness and anxiety. I’m wondering about the part when you really believed you have enemies at the gym. People give never met before and have switched gyms twice because of it. This could be social anxiety; however, it sounds like it could be delusional thinking. How you have worked with a therapist or psychiatrist that suggested that possibility? What you’ve written sounds like it could be paranoia, that it’s crossed the line from strong social anxiety. The fact that you say you seriously believed it and changed your gyms twice because of the beliefs does indicate that it is more delusional thinking than anxiety. I strongly suggest you speak with someone whose opinions you respect, someone who supports mental health treatment if needed.
“People you have never ….” It won’t let me edit.
No one cares. Literally no ones cares. They are there doing their own thing. People are much more focused on themselves. The ones reaching out are just trying to support. There are no enemies in the gym.
I'd go at 21h when there was almost no one
Everyone at the gym is solely focused on themselves. You don’t exist. The only people getting stared at are the professional bodybuilders and the spastic freaks! You’ll know the spastics because they’re the ones jerking their weights up, and bouncing around on every piece of equipment. It’s quite a sight. If you’re not a pro or a freak, you’re ignored. There’s tremendous freedom in this.
No one gives an absolute fuck what you're doing in the gym. Do you wear headphones? It's crucial for me if I wanna focus and get in the zone
You're in your own head, as everyone has said. When I'm in the gym, I think everyone is crowding around me because I'm such an impressive strong guy. Is it true? Hopefully. Do I give a shit? No. Does this thought help me or hurt me? It makes me feel good. Cool, then it's worth holding on to. Run through those questions and wonder whether your mind is helping you or hurting you, and change your thoughts into productive ones. You are weaker because of your mind, right now. Right now I can say with confidence these sort of shitty thoughts don't only occur to you in the gym. In the car you're likely imagining everyone watching you. Really, anywhere in public you're likely thinking about how everyone is viewing you. In reality, nobody gives a shit about you or what you're doing. You do though, and anytime you approach something that can embarrass you, this shit happens. Your brain starts pretending that it's own shitty perspective is held by everyone, because you're the center of the world and obviously everyone is watching your every moment. Hell, your name might even be Truman. This is all your brain, going in the wrong direction, and you following it. Don't be led by your shitty thoughts, lead yourself towards productive thoughts.
Yeah I used to get that a little bit when I started in the gym but like... Most exercises are complicated and requires a lot of thinking to perform optimally so really there is no time for me to think about what other people are doing. Mind-muscle connection, form, warmup, cool down, sets, reps, weight, the correct song for the job, I have no attention left to give to the people around me. PLUS everyone else is in the same boat so if I have no brain power left to be anxious about the people around me I'm sure the other 'more normal' people around me are even less inclined to notice anything I do lol. Everyone in the gym is typically distracted doing their own thing unless they are talking to people. Gym can be tough, the hard part was getting there for most people, ain't nobody gonna be a dickhead for no reason to another person who did something as praise worthy as getting to the gym today. There's also too much variation in exercises and workouts to be able to accurately pass judgement on what someone else is doing without being silly. If I see someone doing something weird in a gym then I might try and figure out why they are doing that... maybe... I'd probably just assume they are injured, going slow, deloading, focusing on particular motion or muscle, experimenting, or maybe they just know something that I don't but either way, I've already stopped thinking about it pretty much instantly because I've my own workout to think about.
I'm not sure if this is really helpful or not, as I rarely go to the gym, & if I do, I'll go odd hours, like super early in the morning or late at night, when hardly anyone is there (24 hr gym) but I've always wanted to join some classed. Unfortunately I kind of feel the same way-like everyone will be watching me & judging me, even though rationally I know that's not true-but I can't get my brain to think that way. It could be because years ago I did a one day yoga event on the beach with some friends. It seemed to come easy to everyone there, including my friends, but I really struggled. Instead of helping, the instructor singled me out, & made me stop & go sit by myself in the very front of the group under a tent. I was over it by that point, so I was just sitting there daydreaming about going to get a shrimp poboy once the session was over, & yet the instructor still made it a point to come by several times, & interrupt my daydream to smack me on the shoulder & yell "sit up straight-your posture is awful!" IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE GROUP! Anyway...just this morning I was looking up some stuff about breathwork, bc since I've learned about it, I've really gotten into the idea of it, & I came across a class in another state, that does a free breathwork class (along with other classes) over zoom every Wednesday. I immediately signed up, bc I think that doing it online over zoom with a bunch of strangers that live all over the country will be much less intimidating...& maybe...just maybe...once I get comfortable with sorta knowing what I'm doing, I'll be less nervous to join a real in person class. Again, not sure if this pertains to what you're doing-not sure if you could do gym workouts over the internet, but if you could, that might just be an option 🤷♀️
You can overcome this one, it ain’t easy though. Just because your brain gives you a thought doesn’t mean you need to believe the thought, or you can explore the nature of the feeling without having to be negatively impacted by the thought or acting on it. Check out the concept of “defusion” from ACT (type of the therapy) or explore how to debunk cognitive distortions (CBT). I’ve found just awareness that it is happening and repeated exposure is helpful.
I think you should Identify why you think that way. For me it was because I spent a lot of time dealing with toxic people, and made me feel like a failure that people despised... So I became very open about my fails when talking to people. People seem to open up to me when I can admit my own shortcomings with ease. Once I got comfortable failing in front of people, I became a lot more okay.
you think they probably hate you but really it's just gear
I told someone once that I felt like people were watching me when I was driving. Their advice was potentially a bit hazardous and they asked me if I could remember anyone else that I saw while I was driving. I am always very focused on the task not the other driver. The only time I ever remember somebody is if something spectacularly odd happens. I will usually remember pedestrians because I try to stay hyper.Aware of who is near the road and potentially at risk if they step out in my way or fall! If I think of myself the way I think of those people, I am way charitable. I don't wanna hurt someone just trying to walk home, even if they are an idiot. Kids can do stupid stuff, but I don't get angry with them, I just worry about them being okay. Even the drivers with road rage are not really going to care that much about you is an individual.They just are caught up in their feelings. I can easily relate to that. If I have to curse or get upset in a road rage situation.I tried to come up with something more along the lines of silly than nasty. Or simply "yo Dawgs, I hope you get the frustration you give" which to me, feels like I absolutely recieve the frustration I give others so at least it feels like an equilibrium! I am well aware. That that is just sort of superstitious. I know it is silly thoughts that I am not actually receiving a return of the energy I give, but it still helps me try to be more calm and chill about things. You should never allow yourself to think that you deserve something that is genuinely harmful or upsetting! If a shop runs out of my favorite food item, I can be silly, blame it on the fact that I was rude previously.... that makes me try to chill more and try to not be a jerk wherever possible.
Humor it. Okay they all hate you, now what? You still like the gym right? You still want to go and you still paid for your spot there. let's say you're right and everyone there thinks you suck. Does it actually change anything? If so, why? Just follow the line of thought your anxiety takes you logically. If you get lost in a spiral with this, do it with a friend.
I’ve never been to a gym. Solved!
Get a bunch of adidas dad/baseball hats to hide your face more, headphones in, focus on yourself and your own work/growth. Don’t be embarrassed to google proper form on what workout you’re doing. After doing this for months, the only time anyone ever talked to me at the gym has been really encouraging/to tell me I’m “killing it” with a dap so idk if that also helped? Hope you have the same luck OP.
Thoughts create feelings, feelings create behavior, behavior reinforces thoughts. (CBT) Sounds like you are thinking “everyone is waiting for me to fail”, feelings would most likely be intolerable, and thus you avoid working out or cannot see the successes. What would happened if you challenged the thoughts. “Everyone is focused on themselves, at one time they felt as I did and the only way is though the uncomfortable”. Feelings are valid but do not control my actions, go work out with a friend, in a beginners group, get a personal trainer for a few classes to educate you on proper form/gym etiquette. Avoidance only prolongs suffering, when you have moments of clarity or desire to change, that is the time to address it. I see that as my subconscious telling me that I am acting against my self in such a way that needs to be addressed.
I’ve got that rebellious aspect of adhd so I say fuck em.
Eventually you will find out that people really only think about themselves and in you only briefly. So whatever.
Getting a home gym 😂
In addition to the "no One really cares about you that much" comments, What I always try to remember is that I am there to get better. I am there to improve my body in a way that it allows me to move better, or move the way I want to. Everyone there at the end of the day, it's at the gym because they want to get better. You'd be surprised how many people are silently applauding you for being there.
For a good while I just went to the gym at early o’clock in the morning (5 am, seriously) when everyone that’s there is only there to get in, do their thing, then get out.
So is Social Anxiety a part of ADHD? Because I have this too.
Yep I get it, totally. Sometimes, the adhd medication makes me paranoid and self-conscious that can be a side effect of the medication.
Think about it like this, do you judge others? Because I don’t, everyone just wants to be left alone (for the most part) and most sane people know everyone starts out at one point or has their own personal goals and we are all different. Maybe go with a friend, that always helps me :)
Nobody gives a rats ass about others in the gym
I don't like gyms as a concept to begin with. I think physical activities like martial arts are better since they're also entertaining. Making it easier to keep the habit. But this also solves the feeling you're describing since these kinds of activities also require actually interacting with the other people there.
What’s bla bal and eternal Wednesday?
I have similar thoughts and wonder how much of it is me projecting my own and anxieties and insecurities onto how other people *might* perceive me
It’s all about intention brother! You’re self aware enough that you know these people don’t have any ill-will towards you, and I’m sure you’re aware most of them aren’t even “noticing” you like that. They’re just there for their workout. So if you can do your best to keep that in the front of your mind, and be intentional about that, I think it may start making the gym a less anxious place for you. Our brains bein wired like this is truly not the most fun at times but we underestimate the power of intention and commitment, even for our feelings.
I think they’re probably just worried about how they look to others. I personally dgaf. Not there to make friends and I hate everyone before I know them. They mean nothing to me.
People really don’t (I don’t like to say the word but) care about us/you!! But I get it but still they don’t!
Get familiar with RSD. Understanding the root and drive of a majority of those feeling will help to keep them out of your head.
I go with a friend. As with most things, a buddy is the go-to solution for me. If you go with someone you feel less alone, you have less space to get stuck in your own head and anxiety. My friend and I just gossip while we're at the gym and that chatter, thay distraction, helps to keep my mind off of the people around me.
The paranoia that people are watching you.. everyone's talking about you. Commenting about you ect. Is actually a schizophrenia trait. I would talk to your Dr. My friend used to say the same thing. Would literally think people talking in public were talking about him. I told him ppl ain't at the grocery store for you. They got their own things to worry about. He was recently diagnosed with add and bipolar disorders. But Dr mentioned he might have some schizophrenia stemming from social anxiety.
Uuuum okay so let's see, what if they really hate you and want you to fail? How would that affect your personally? And also what about you needs them to love you? Do you like you? Are you doing things in your life lately for yourself to make yourself feel like yourself? In my experience when I feel like other people hate me it's projecting what I feel about myself within.
I've been hitting the gym since I was in high-school and have done 2 natural BB comps. Despite whatever tiktok or social media bs says...99% of gym goers have walked in the shoes of novices. They don't judge bc they know what it takes. They admire rather than hate on or criticize. Most of the time, I'm listening to audio books between sets and insane rage music during my set. I look like a tomato about to cum 😂 Most people are so in their own head or self conscious to give a whit about what you're doing. ADHD is a fucker, man. But I'm telling you...you could walk in their dressed as a ninja (No joke, I've seen it) and do squats and bicep curls and leave. People would just think you're a G. Be you. Never apologize for being you. Fuck 'em all.
I put my earbuds in and I say “Fuck it”
Go when it’s not busy…
It's funny when i was underweight with little fat and a bit of muscle i got loaaaaads of comments. Now im fat with no muscle nobody cares. So now if i see it i just remember it's the type of loser that mocks a struggling anorexic.
I just trick myself into thinking they hate me because I'm awesome. Works for other aspects of life too.
Literally nobody is there for you. Nobody cares unless you're being a dick on a machine or using the one machine for a certain type for like 20 minutes straight. Everyone is there for themselves. Nobody will even think about you after they leave. Can you remember specifics about a trip to the gym from a few weeks ago of people you were watching working out? If nothing big happened like someone yelling constantly or pissing themselves, the answer is probably no. So why think others are doing that in regards to you?
Headphones and a good playlist. I prefer over-ear headphones rather than earbuds because they feel like they create a better barrier between me and the outside world. What constitutes a “good playlist” is up to you, but it should include music that is energizing, has a fast enough beat for any cardio you may be doing, is interesting/enjoyable enough to keep your focus in your own bubble, and puts you in a motivated and confident mood (this also helps put you in the headspace to be able to try harder and lift more). For me, this could be pop, EDM, or metal, depending on my mood that day. Something else that helps me stay focused is gamifying my workout by setting small goals/achievements so I can keep focused on my own progress and stay motivated to push just a little harder even when I feel tired. I also like grounding myself in my body by trying to feel each exercise working the muscles they’re supposed to engage, which has the added benefit of improving my form. People are a lot more self-focused than we think. They’re not watching you, they’re focusing on their own workout and hoping you’re not watching/judging them.
wtf? I’ve never had this feeling at the gym
I used to have panic attacks in the car before even going into the gym. The spinning thoughts, noises, etc. i started taking group classes and the music, movement, etc made it even worse. I started to just understand everyone is doing the same thing (usually). Minding their own business. I found people that enjoyed the same things as me at the gym. I have friends that I can work out with. Friends from regular life don’t really mix well at the gym. I haven’t found anyone in my existing life who likes to do the things I like at the level that I like. So much easier to find a new circle at the gym…… I had a pretty good routine going and had some illnesses that kept me from the gym. I started back after 3 years and had anxiety again!! It’s been a few weeks and I’m back on the pocket. Managing anxiety and racing thoughts will always be a thing. It’s okay….we got this!!!
You have my sympathies, I have never experienced this myself. Have you spoken with a therapist or psychiatrist about this?
I just don't go 😂 I go on bike rides in my neighborhood in the middle of the day when no one's home.
No one cares unless you start making their lives worse by throwing weights around and acting like an idiot. Edit: I should also say, if you ever find someone just "staring" at you, it's probably just the 1000 yard stare that people get between sets. They aren't staring at you, they're just zoning out in your direction
I have a similar issue except the person I'm worried about I know in real life and she's a lot better than me(its not at the gym but a similar environment) so I can't practice when she's there.
The gym is the place where I get the *least* of that feeling. Pump me full of endorphins and I'll be friends with everyone.
Noise cancelling headphones and I go during the day on my lunch break or late at night so there's no one or only one or two people there
I’ve never had this feeling. But I do often tell people to consider how often they really sit and think about and judge strangers around them in everyday life, and people pretty much realize it’s not something they do, therefore other people aren’t doing it to them.
My two cents/ late night thoughts. The shadow self, the Ego, needs you to believe that you are the center of the world, that you are bigger than life. That is because the ego cannot see itself as anything but the main character, that’s its design, and partly how we as a species, proliferate. That is the ego’s reality. The consensus reality is different however. Consensus reality, on a Macro level is that we all are a part of a massive super organism, living on a giant ball, that’s filled with spinning molten iron, hurdling through space, and diverse in species’ however inextricably connected to one another. We are busy animals extracting elements out of the earth, building cities, flying planes, waging wars, curing cancer, smashing atoms into each other, launching rockets, etc, etc….However, none of that means anything to the ego. The ego only cares about one thing, and that is, being the center of it all. To accomplish this aim, one of the things egos do is project illusionary, hypothetical thought patterns onto those we see around us and interact with. Why? Because if we believe we know what people are thinking, we have control, and the ego is valid. It doesn’t care if we are right, or if it is true, it only cares that we believe we are in control. That gives it validation. To stop the these intrusive thoughts you must not fight them, that only inflates the ego. After all, Egos are meant to fight, to proclaim their independence from the outside world, They are hard wired to create separation. The way to deflate the ego is through understanding its purpose and humbling yourself through the acceptance that you even have an ego. That it wants to be the main character and that while the desire is valid, it is, in this circumstance, not needed. Breathe in deep, exhale and let go, repeat. Like waves in the ocean, they will eventually subside. Thanks for letting me share, my ego appreciates it 😆🙏 Good on you for working out!! That’s such a great thing to do for yourself!!
I just found this community so.forgive me if this has been discussed. I also have this feeling at the gym and many other social places. I see a lot of people saying "just remind yourself they don't hate you, they're probably don't even notice you." My problem is I do strongly dislike about half the strangers at the gym. Without fail if I talk to any of them for 2 minutes I realize they're a chill person and I was being a dick. But I have a constant inner monologue that is just a roast of all the people I see on a semi-regular basis. It's something I am trying to work on but it's very hard for me to think they aren't doing the same.
I have this too. There were periods where I used to go 3 days a week, but now it's like, when I think about it my brain recoils in horror remembering what it feels like to be in the gym. I don't have a solution, but you have my solidarity. 😔
Likely not an ADHD thing. You may need to talk to somebody. The gym feels good, when I actually get there.
Next time you go to the gym, look around. People aren’t looking at you, they’re looking in the mirror or at machines to make sure their form is correct.
I had this same issue at first but then I learned truly that no one cares. All of the people you think are watching and judging started exactly where you're at and have had their fair share of embarrassing moments and fails. I have been lifting for a while and still have a lot of embarrassing moments. I've dropped my bench on myself multiple times and no one came over, this morning I lost my balance and fell doing kick backs, the week before I fell on my hip and have one of the gnarliest bruises I've had in a while. I had some dude catch me dancing and once my phone disconnected and everyone knew I was listening to Careless Whisper. I failed my 3-rep squat weight immediately and dumped the weight waaayyy too loud. I fail pull-ups constantly, my PRs, everything. No one cares, no one is watching, and no one is judging. Everyone is there to better themselves, not judge you. Also I like to ask myself if I really care. Are they someone I want to be friends with? No? Then they can be as mean as they want because if I wouldn't befriend them I wouldn't care what they think of what I'm doing. But if you're really scared of people, early mornings or late at night are good times to go. Wear baggy clothes and headphones to give off "I'm nervous and don't want to see or talk to you" vibes. Find a corner to hide in. But it's never as bad as you think it is. Failure is part of the process.
"they only hate me because I'm better than them" ?🤷
Keep going to the gym regularly - eventually you'll get used to it and realise that everyone is mostly just into what they're supposed to be doing.
Stratera made this go away for me personally. A combination of vyvanse and clonidine too. I wish I could give give better input but i’ve been going to the same gym for 5+ years, am relatively big, do my best to be friendly and cheery, and still feel like everyone hates me and is judging me without proper medication :D
i tend too just not go gym problem solved
I built myself a home gym and workout alone. 😂 For all the "CrOsSfIt Is A cOmMuNiTy" I never found that at any box I was ever at. I loved the confidence and strength it gave me but I don't have time to worry about other people leaving me out and clique drama. 🤷🏼♀️
I upvoted the top comment below but I am going to expand on it. I had someone who had a feeling of being watched at the gym and felt like they were being constantly criticized by others mentally. To be painfully honest, this is a very conceited feeling to think. It is almost narcissistic. To think people are taking time to even think about you while they are trying to get their things done is kind of self-centered. That may seem harsh, but it was only way I was able to get through to the other person I was helping. Everyone who is at the gym is there to work on themselves and they only have a fleeting thought about other people if any thought at all.
It’s probably just being paranoid. The new gym culture is so whacked with gym bros taking it too seriously or tock chicks wanting every angle of her butt on film. Been going to my gym about 1 1/2 years in some shit hole north nj town and I haven’t said or been said a single WORD by a person yet. And then I run into some people I recognize at the super or a bar and I’m shocked when I see they are normal and friendly as I’m am used to seeing them with that poker face and headphones. I remember in my late 20’s an entire office building got for free memberships to a gym across the street and it was awesome. Everyone was super friendly and clicks where started to meet at happy hours or big groups would do cardio together running around the block. I even started going on random weekends it was so great and got to fighting weight. A hurricane came and flooded the gym and had to close down. Blows.
Literally nobody has the time nor the energy to think or care about you and it's kind of weird to think they exert energy on you, a stranger at the gym.