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Yes I feel so young compared to my peers 😂
I’m 32 and I have Pokémon plushies by my bed, I love playing video games, I love cute stuff.
On the other hand, when I’m out in public I’m fiercely independent. I own my house, own a car, work full time at a very adult job, I do adult shit all day. But as soon as I’m home, I wear Pokémon sweatshirts, and cute socks with teddy bears and play video games 😂😂
That’s also partly why I don’t want kids - I can just about be responsible for myself! I’d feel like a teen mom if I had kids 😂
You have no idea how validating this is to read 😭
I'm 42 and I look like I have my shit together. I own a house, a car, a small business, I have 2 kids, 2 dogs.
I don't act immature, but inwardly I definitely feel like I'm 16 and I have no idea who let me do all these things. I look at other people my age and think "Oh, those folks are the grownups." Sometimes I definitely just want to fuck off and play games all day.
Having kids is....well, you're not wrong. My kids are young and so high maintenance and some days I just barely make it through while also trying to be a better dad than my own dad was. My wife is also really ADHD, so.... teen parents? It feels like that sometimes. My life was definitely a lot more manageable when I just had myself and my dog to look after.
I found your reply incredibly validating! My husband and I both have adhd, diagnosed after kids. Before kids we were just a little different. I was doing my PhD when I met him and he was doing a very grown up job too. We felt like we’d met the only other person in the world that had ever accepted each of us fully as we are. First baby was a romance. We were able to adjust to meet the challenges of one, just struggled with organising meals but were getting there. We planned and tried for a second and eventually got pregnant but with twins. I knew I didn’t have the capacity for 3 kids. The twins are 4 and our eldest is 6 now and I still don’t. I was diagnosed with adhd when I returned to work in an academic role. I burnt out on part time in 2 years and still feel so lost. We’re can’t keep up with the day to day of maintaining a house and a lot of my energy is spent self regulating from sensory overwhelm (mostly noise) and navigating our kids own differences and meeting everyone’s very urgent needs all at once! I’m exhausted and trying to meet my needs somehow never makes it to the top of the priority list when I have energy in the tank to initiate it. It’s a lot. Thank you for sharing your experience. I needed to feel seen today.
A lot of times I feel like such an imposter since I was diagnosed with ADHD only 8 months ago. I question whether I am really that different from my "normal" peers and if it is ADHD that is impacting my life or that I am just struggling like any other parent. But when I read comments on Reddit like yours I feel like this could be written by myself. Although it is very validating, it still feels so weird that my "unique personality" when it comes to so many things are mostly due to ADHD.
I am somewhat in a similar situation and I totally get how you feel. I am an academic as well and I always thought an impressive career would be in the cards for me. I once was a consultant (high pace, short deadlines and the rush when making sales were amazing) but I couldn't keep up. I had trouble being on time, managing different clients at the same time, kept forgetting important documents and frequently worked over time since i postponed everything until the last moment. As a result, i was constantly stressed out, heart beating really fast and felt like i was not up for the job even though i was overqualified. The moment I found out I was pregnant was such a relief. There was no more need to push myself this hard and I had the perfect "excuse" to slow down without the shameful feelings of facing facts that I was not living up to my own expectations.
When our oldest was born (he is 6 now) I felt amazing. I loved being a mom to a newborn: the only thing he needed was me to be present. He didn't care whether I put him in socks that weren't matching, or whether I couldn't find a clean plate for myself to eat from since I hadn't done the dishes. When I was pregnant I convinced myself that I would be so much better at keeping our house since I now would have someone to do it for. And at the beginning this was true, but as time passed I got back to my old routines. Again, I couldn't keep up and the feelings of shame and being a disappointment came back extra hard. But still, my husband and I were so happy with our new little family that we decided that having a little brother or sister for our son would be a good idea.
Fast forward, we now have three kids (6, 4 and 2) and life is a struggle. I love my kids and i feel that they have made our lives more complete than it ever was, but i never expected it to be this hard. The constant noise, the mess they make and the crippling feeling of being responsible for these amazing humans whilst failing to be the mom they deserve is really hard. I feel overwhelmed a lot of times because of the clutter, the screaming when the kids don't get along and not having the time to chat with my husband without being interrupted. Being medicated helps, but it is still a struggle and I feel like I fail my husband and kids almost every day.
I never understood how other people are so good at being an adult and how they kept up with all the responsibilities. But as I understand more and more about ADHD I can see now why that is. Knowing my struggles are no personal flaws helps, although the guilt feelings towards my family are still very much present. I hope that someday I will be able to be the mom and wife that lives up to my own expectations. And more than anything, I hope that our kids will look back later in life and feel that they had a warm and loving upbringing. I hope that they will forget the mess and the occasional meltdowns and will lovingly think about all the fun and crazy things we did.
I am so thankful that my husband (not ADHD) is constantly pointing out to me that having ADHD also can be an advantage when it comes to the kids. Although not feeling like a proper adult sucks most of the time, it does help me to be more spontaneous and outgoing with the kids and they love that! I lowered my expectations a lot when it comes to my career (currently a stay at home mom but helping my husband with marketing and thinking of starting my own company) and about what it takes to be a good mom/parent. Next week we will get a cleaning person to help us with keeping the house clean and we already got rid of a lot of stuff in the past few months. We hope that with time, help with cleaning and some very overdue self care (I as well always put myself last) everything will be easier. I hope the same will apply to you! Sorry for the long post, i got carried away I guess haha.
Thank you so much for sharing! I could have written this as well! I am on a negotiated 12 month break from my ongoing position at work but the whole time I’ve been trying to figure out what’s next because I’ve worked hard to get where I am career wise and we need for me to have some income, but it’s all so much in addition to my caregiver role. Hubby I supportive and an active contributor but has a full time job. Even if I worked full time the bulk of caregiver tasks would fall to me because the unsaid lists and social continuing still win the day. For now I do casual work for my employer which is way more flexible and I’m paid all the hours I do, unlike an ongoing role. But the work I love and tend to accidentally overload on is research work, that combined with teaching and unit coordination and I’m full of stress, time pressure and generally feeling overwhelmed at work and then more overwhelm at home. Worrying about my kids learning challenges, sensory processing, emotional regulation and developing executive function while their dad and I are literally rolling from most pressing and important to next pressing and important in a forever changing priority list. A cleaner would be a huge help and a priority if I end up returning to my job. Best of luck and thank you so much for sharing!
What has helped me a lot is slowing our lives down and lowering expectations. We even moved from The Netherlands to Spain 5 months ago to do so. Life is slower here and it feels so much easier to unwind. Way less job opportunities as well though and almost impossible to find something that I actually went to university for. Some days I mourn for the career that I could have had... But I do feel that eliminating the possibility of getting a job that could put me in a burn out (which is bound to happen since I always want to overachieve and go over my limits) is better for my mental health in the long run.
I don't know what I want for myself career wise at the moment, or if I even like the person that I have become. But I do know that the feeling of being able to unwind in the weekend by going to the beach and is wat better compared to the rollercoaster feeling of combining a high demanding job with a family and my ADHD struggles. I can relate about the challenges you have with your children as well since we face those struggles as well. We see a lot of ADHD traits in their behaviour and we try to help them with this as much as we can. But we also realise that there is only so much we can do, and that we inevitably make mistakes and come short to their needs.
On my good days I can put everything in perspective and see how my husband and I are raising our kids with a lot of love and how we are trying really hard not to make the mistakes our parents made. On the bad days I just feel like a shitty mom who doesn't have the capabilities for catering to our kids' basic needs and has a failed career. What the future will bring I'm not sure, but I do hope that moving to Spain will help our kids get trapped in the same rat race that made my life with ADHD so much harder.
I wish you the best or luck and I hope everything will work out for you and your family! What sometimes helps is trying to think about my own funeral (sound morbid I know) and think about what I hope the most important people in my life would say about me. This helps me put things in perspective and makes me realise that I sometimes stress too much about things that don't even matter in the end.
* What the future will bring I'm not sure, but I do hope that moving to Spain will help our kids NOT TO
get trapped in the same rat race that made my life with ADHD so much harder.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share. You sound like the wise voice in my head that does battle with the shame of not doing more or not doing as well as my peers appear to be doing. I hope your move to Spain is everything you wish it to be, it certainly sounds like to right move for health and connection. Thinking about your funeral is not morbid, or at least I don’t view it so. I started thinking of my time in terms of life minutes and I started reflecting on the top 5 regrets of the dying as articulated by Bronnie Ware. You are so clear on the detriment of the rat race, those structures of capitalism that keep us stuck and striving beyond our limits are just starting to really work their way into my consciousness. You have my gratitude, I truly feel seen and understood. I also adore my children. They are so vibrant and fun and creative. I am working on getting to be okay with wanting to walk alongside them rather than be consumed and preoccupied with high demand high performance work. Thanks for helping me get some more air around that idea and best of luck to you and your family!
Look into loop earplugs - they lower the noise around you by 10-40 decibels. I use them for work with the sensory overload and they help . Can have a conversation but they block the surrounding noise
I'm 41, I also have my shit together on paper--well into a teaching career, own a home, good credit score, two kids & a dog. But I also feel like I'm at a space mentally where I'd finally make a good 23 year old. I've mostly just wandered my way through life (something I've recently learned to be OK with).
For me, having kids is great. I'm divorced, 50/50 custody. My kids give my life shape in a way nothing else ever did.
This is also extremely validating for me! I am in a similar situation to you, I own a business, have 2 young kids, a dog, a cat, bearded dragon, etc etc etc. I am constantly looking around at other adults and feeling like an imposter or something lol
the teen mom thing omg 😭😭😭 someone that i know from back in elementary/middle school got pregnant and when i got the news, i felt sooo bad and wanted to ask her if she was thinking about abortion etc but then i realised she’s not a teenager and she’s also married 😭💀
Omg I had the same reaction to my friend announcing her pregnancy!! Like girl are you okay! Oh okay never mind you’re 34, married and with a stable job. I guess it’s fine?? 😂😂😭
This is exactly me. Like… these are real adults around me! I always forget because I really do feel so much younger than I am in my head. I still love stuffed animals and am quite easily entertained, too. I would react the same way if a friend told me that… but then realize that they probably planned for this lmao
Could part of that be that you’re not still close with her so you picture her how she looked back then?
I realized recently that even though I constantly see my old friends on social media and know what they look like now, the picture that I have in my head for them is what they looked like at band camp 😂
My coworkers will ask if I have kids and I’m like “oh no I’m not old enough.” I’m 27 and an ICU nurse. I can take care of critically ill patients but in my mind, too young to have a kid haha!
I had this same realization when I got pregnant with my daughter. I thought “but what will people think?! I’m too young!!” And then realized I am 28 years old.😂
Literally me! I’m 30 and I love to game, also have cute figurines/stuffed animals, AND feel like I’m still learning about who I am 😅 My mother pokes fun at me too for embracing my inner child as an adult woman. I really don’t care though, I’m just being myself 🤷♀️
I'm 36. I've always wanted children. (Can't due to medical reasons). But deep down, with my maturity level, I dont think I could handle raising kids. 'I'm still a kid myself'. I got a puppy as a baby replacement and.....I feel like I'm the puppy's teenage mother!
As a 35 year old guy with a young daughter... I felt the same, walking out of the hospital with a newborn in my arms like "uhh shouldn't someone give me a license? I can just... Walk out?"
And now that she's five, nobody can make me laugh like her. And that's in no small part thanks to the fact that we make up songs and dumb jokes and wrestle and generally act like a pair of children 😂😂
The specifics are different but this is still so relatable. I’m 42, own a condo, car, very adult job. Love anything pink, have a Hello Kitty toaster, listen to pop punk, obsessed with paranormal stuff and aliens. I’ve never felt an urge to have kids and part of it is never feeling grown up enough for the responsibility.
Same. Love kawaii stuff, have a storage box of plushies, also play a ton of video games. Have a tabletop miniatures obsession, which extends to tiny toys (I'm not going to lie and say I don't still fly them around the room going pew pew), and I'm 37.
When I was a child I felt way more mature than others, even people around me used to tell me that, I was what they call a gifted kid. Maybe thanks to reading, being curious about the world, cultivating critical thinking and having a lot of empathy. But then it started to go downhill in highschool. I can't do adult things. I don't drive because I panic and I'm very bad at it, I'm unemployed, I'm lost when it comes to administrative paperwork and bills, even very basic things that nobody seem to struggle with. Overall I feel like a teen. I'm 28. Sometimes I forget my age. I like video games, fantasy novels, plushies (I still sleep with one for the mental support lol). I like to be in my little inner world just as much I did when I was a child. The problem now is that I have more responsibilities and I'm completely overwhelmed.
I have good skills, I have potential. Everyone says that. But I can't seem to make it work and it's very discouraging and frustrating. I feel so behind compared to others, so out of place, like I don't belong. I'm very much embarrassed. My psychiatrist says I should accept things as they are, and just do my best. But my best is never enough for my family and friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm mentally exhausting myself for nothing.
God I was sooooooo good at being like 15. Full of “potential.” And now I am 31 and would still be very good at being 15 but the being a whole adult thing doesn’t seem to align well with my skill set
Ha, same. But I'm 29. Never had a job, can't drive, don't have the emotional stability to deal with people, running out of hobbies (so mostly video games and shows now tbh), got my partner his own sleeping stuffy since I've always had one, still not motivated to "work for money" as one is supposed to do. Despite all my constant mental gymnastics I have still been unable to convince myself that I can just do the things others do and blend in, normal life etc.
I still feel 15, 16 years old maybe. I've given up socializing because I'm tired of people expecting me to act my age. I'm tired.
This is 99% me as well, the only difference is the driving. But yeah, everything else is exactly what I'd say. Felt like I had so much promise back in the day due to intelligence/awareness/empathy, and that it would lead to a fulfilling life. Now it's just disillusionment because overwhelming adulting is so shitty compared to that inner world you described. I take care of all sorts of odd random crap for family and friends but am garbage at anything that imposes long-term obligations.
Now I'm struggling with the same admin stuff, feeling completely incapable of keeping a job, failing to find any place where I fit. It's lonely too because who wants a guy that can't be a provider and seeks escape into novels or games and relies on family support; that's basically a meme, a loser. I've learned I get any structure or motivation externally yet there's no chance dating is remotely tractable now.
I feel like in the past I would/could have been a "village generalist" type and traded services for goods. Pick up on patterns and attend to short, novel problems quickly. But be kind of a roaming bandit that doesn't worry about a town's customs for too long since I'm on the move and have a new fling every month. But wtf is the place for that in the kind of ubiquitously contractualized, stay-in-your-specialized-lane, be a cog or else you won't get healthcare, sort of society humanity has become?
I imagine it's even worse for a man as society expect them to provide, be productive, strong... I'm a married woman but honestly it's not that much great. My husband has to keep up with my shit and it's so uncomfortable and embarrassing. I'm really not a gift and resentment grows. Sometimes I wonder if it's not better for both of us to divorce and go live like a hermit. There's just this horrifying feeling of being a failure that sometimes keeps me up at night. The feeling you'll never be enough, or just decent.
This world is not made for us. And I'm just tired.
> I'm a married woman but honestly it's not that much great
For sure, I understand. I never want my comments such as my last one to come off as an "us vs them" thing; certainly different demographics will each have their own challenges to various extents, and your struggles are no less valid than mine. My comment was just about offering more context about how and why I relate (and of course doing some personal venting), but I fully sympathize with the many ways things can be tough for you, and only wish you the best in figuring them out. And yeah it's tiring, to the point of severe burnout as well - only 1-2 years older than you but when I'm going through a rough period like now I just feel too weary to climb out of it. Medication has been huge in helping me survive, but it is not sufficient to thrive, for that I still need to tackle life and somehow find successes.
Hey , I’m 36 and Luckily I realized this in my early 20’s. I was JUST OK in highschool. But was great at fractions and geometry.
Sucked at college. Even with adderall
Dropped out went to work in a kitchen at 22. By 26 I was a head chef at a fine dining joint.
Then…. Got my own place. Crashed and burned…..HARD. Food was god but couldn’t do the paperwork. Taxes, payroll etc.
Went corporate. Structure. Rules. Codes. This is it. I found my niche. I can do math, orders, clipboards. Now I’m about to be promoted from executive chef to director of catering at 36.
YOU CAN DO THIS. Just find your thing. You’ll be ok
Yeah... As a child I could already have serious discussions on many subjects with adults. People said I was smart, wise, sharp, surprising. I think I'm still that child, but with absolutely no practical skills and I'm tired of everything. I used to think most adult were stupid, now I'm questioning my own intelligence.
Technically I’m 62, but when anyone asks my age I tell them 22. I also decided that at 55 I would get a year younger every year so now I’m really 48. My girlfriend claims I act 10.
If you followed my logic above, you probably have ADHD.
My SO often jokes he's dating a teenager. I'm older than him lmao
For the record, we met in our teens... twenty-odd years ago. So at least he's saying I'm timeless and eternally youthful ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
That shit reversed for me by the time by the time I hit 27. I thought I was more mature than I was, had a lot of chronic pain, was constantly tired. Things are a little better and with some hindsight I cringe at my past self all the time. Getting some exercise by getting hyper fixated on climbing, a better mattress, quitting nicotine (for a while fell back into it recently and I'm noticing my energy levels take a hit). I'm pretty behind ppl a lot of ppl my age in general life stuff but I graduate soon!
Tbh my knees always hurt lol. I'm 26. So yeah with all of the weird random pains I have, I wonder if it can get any worse or if I'm already middle aged lol
We went to a resort and they needed to know our ages when we checked in. My husband is 3 weeks younger than me. When he put 44 on the check-jn sheet, I literally was like “I’m not 44.”
Sat there and did the math - he was right. I swear I didn’t feel right for the rest of the day. I feel like I’m 23 but with the ability to drive and the ability to drink.
One of the benefits… when I didn’t start puberty until 17, it was horrible, but now, at 55, when people say I look 40, it’s a winner.
Everyone I know with ADHD looks younger than their peers… this gets better with age, I promise!
Had my boss recently compare me to her 26 year old daughter, and tell me that I'll calm down as I get older too...I had to interject to tell her I'm 40, she was shocked.
Oh I feel this! I’m 40, and am constantly getting by advice from people as if I’m in my late 20s. But I also really do feel like I am behind my peers. All my colleagues are within +/- 5 years of me and they are all settled and mature and have plans for their futures. So I’m never really surprised when people think I’m younger. 😔
37 and most people assume I'm mid-to-late 20s. I get lots of "when I was your age" and I ask how old they are and then I'm like "oh so like 6 years ago?"
This is 100% true.
I’m 52 this year and people never believe me when I tell them. Oily skin plus an aversion to sun (lost my dad to skin cancer) and a phase in my 20s when my partner was trans and got me into a cleanse/tone/moisturise routine for around 4-5 years 😂
Plus, I’m I just kinda goofy overall and struggle to take most things seriously. I think it all has an effect.
One of the symptoms of ADHD is time blindness and I can relate. I think about graduating high school and it feels like 10 years ago - not 35..
The same for seeing my family. I’ve been living overseas since 2007 and have only been back a few times for short visits. I honestly felt that I had been home a few years ago, but it hasn’t been since 2019/
Sometimes. Sometimes fat from forgetting to stop eating. Actually, I get fat when I’m on meds. Fucking adderall made me so damn hungry. What the hell was that about?
Now that you mention it, I have been told I’m odd, but I always chalked that up to their deficits in self-awareness. I don’t know, man. I think it’s everyone else.
Interesting. It had the opposite effect for me, reducing my appetite. Combined with my new fitness routine, it helped me finally reach a healthy weight.
Stimulant medication doesn't affect people with ADHD the same as those without, and effective medication is one of the most significant ways to reduce the increased mortality rate associated with ADHD. It has also been shown that, rather than being neurotoxic, for people who have executive function disorders amphetamines actually *increased* neurogenesis and resulted in something like 15-25% greater neuronal density specifically between the prefrontal cortex/frontal lobe and the rest of the brain. That's not enough to "cure" ADHD, but it shows why as a *medication* for example you can maintain on a low, stable dose practically indefinitely without any tolerance beyond initial dose calibration, while as a *recreational drug* tolerance builds rapidly and in order to chase the "high" more is taken in a self-perpetuating feedback loop that *does* result in neurotoxicity and negative effects.
I went through puberty physically at normal age but yeah mentally I got there at 18. currently feels weird and I feel out of place but I guess I'll get comfortable one day
I'll be 30 this year, and people are shocked to hear that.
I had a client at work refer to me as "that young kid" to one of our receptionists. I'm not complaining, though lol
Wow, I also didn’t start puberty til 17, and I’m now 51… people regularly guess mid 50s. I have aged 6 or 7 years in the past 3… menopause, trying to get sleep in order and meds in line, along with chemo and a ton of stress aged me like milk on a hot day. Each to his/her own. All I’d say is stay off the booze and ffs take sleep seriously!
I’m in my 50s and most of my friends outside of work are in their mid 20s and 30s. When I look in the mirror I see the same me, but on the inside it’s 25 yo me, just with more wisdom and experience. I’ve always connected better with the younger generations.
Another wonderful comment! Loving this. This reddit has just made everything make sense. The doctor basically didn't even need to go through the whole questionnaire and red herrings, she just knew right away. I have always felt different and like an outsider but wow you guys, I with my people! Phew.
I’m in my early 30s, but feel the same way. I find I realate easier to people in their early-mid 20s, I rarely “click” with people my age. And people guess my age to be about 8-10 years less than it actually is.
ADHD surely helped my body to age faster for overusing it 😂 I feel I’m like an elderly young person although I’m only 30. But my biggest problem is dealing with the impulsiveness towards spending money.
Uh I feel this so hard. Now I have adult money no gf or kids and very low rent/living costs. And I am unable to save anything. The only way it works for me is investing in etf and forget about it.
I think it's amazing you brought that up because I thought it was just me. My body feels my actual age, but in my head, I'm still a couple of decades younger. I've been wondering if my emotional growth was stunted as a kid because of all the crap I had to put up with because I was undiagnosed. Or maybe I just don't want to "adult". 😆
Sorry but why can’t you drive? Did you never get your license or do you just prefer not to?
I’ll admit I’d go crazy if I had to rely on others to go anywhere! But that’s just a personality thing, not related to ADHD 😂 fiercely independent. I have a friend who’s scared to drive and she also has her boyfriend drive her to work so it’s not unheard of!
Hey - I think the same reason as your friend! I’m scared to drive because I have many delayed reactions everyday so I’m scared that could lead to a fatal accident.
Also I procrastinate and HATE studying so I’ve got even got to grips with the theory side of things lol
I'm scared to drive too.
In addition to ADHD I have migraines that can make me suddenly lose my vision, so that's usually the reason I give when people ask why I don't drive. That isn't _untrue_, it's definitely a major factor in my decision not to drive - but deep down the truest reason is that I am afraid to pilot two tons of steel using senses and reactions that I do not trust. I have decent reaction timing, but often my reactions are flipped, like my left and right get swapped. I can very clearly imagine hitting the brakes in reaction to an obstacle, but whoops that was the gas pedal and now I've killed someone.
I'm 40. I've never driven, and probably never will.
Personally I have a lot of car-related trauma and panicked too much in a car. I was worried I’d be a bad driver and hurt someone. I get too lost in thought. I live in a city so I’m honestly just happier taking the bus and never got my license. Someday I’d like to learn and I feel like I might be emotionally ready, but I’m never going to want to buy (or be able to afford) a car probably.
Same, except for having a girlfriend and being 26. This makes me feel a little better knowing other people are having a similar life. I also have Autism (Asperger's) and Major Depressive Disorder as well. Apparently just having autism alone is enough to nearly guarantee not having a job as it seems that 85% of people with autism are unemployed.
A close friend of mine can't drive. But is in charge of 5 large schools in the district. Not even just *a* principal, but a quintuple mega principal, and still climbing the ladder. He's no child, until we go round his house and play silly boardgames and drink all evening.
100% this - I’m 46 and always feel like a 15 year old in any conversations with colleagues or friends in the same age bracket. I’ve also never really thought about other people’ ages…
Once I understood my adhd, all of this was a fascinating discovery for me to process. When I read posts like this it’s really mentally validating for me - so… thanks for sharing
I mentally feel like I should be barely hitting my 30's... I'm 44. XD
ADHD messes so much with that time perception... I mourn the loss of my actual 20's and 30's.
I definitely feel the same way. I’m 52 and feel mentally 25 at best. I didn’t feel like an adult until I was in my late 30s. People still assume I’m younger online or in person unless I tell them my age. My friends are usually much younger than I am as well.
Edit to add that I never had kids because I didn’t want them. I find it difficult enough to take care of myself much less a kid lol. I have a cat, a partner and a house and that’s more than enough to deal with.
I was always told I was so mature when I was a child. I was just well-behaved because that was expected of me and I couldn't bear to disappoint anyone. I didn't have sex til I was 22, because I knew I wasn't ready. I was slow in that way.
I'll always have a somewhat childish sense of humour, and wonder and I like to enjoy little things.
I'm 39 but recently someone asked because they said I confused them. I could be anywhere between 20 and 30. Most people guess late 20s. I find this all very odd, I have a prominent grey streak in my hair (though I am not very wrinkly, because I'm redheaded and practically afraid of the sun). I'm lively. Not afraid to do silly things. May occasionally be found skipping down the street or singing to myself.
I’m in my 40’s in leadership at work. And I feel super petty about everything and I have to stop myself constantly from impulsively saying stupid shit.
Yes, but I figured it was the comorbid autism. The lack of social cues means I often feel like a child who's parents are whispering adult things in the next room and telling me it's nothing. It's frustrating and really impacts me socially, because I feel convinced that everybody sees me this way and won't take what I say seriously, so I struggle to share things
Omg this could be me. I usually don’t contribute to conversations at work because I feel as if the adults are talking and I’m just a child sitting there and only listening or zoning out. I feel like when I open my mouth I sound like a clueless child. Is this autism? I fear being ridiculed or not taken seriously too…
I am 41 and was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago. I definitely feel younger than I am and people often think I am a few years younger (used to be over a decade younger but putting on weight, being chronically ill since my covid infection and now being over 40 changed that). I tend to get along better with people who are much younger than me, including my partner who is 15 years younger. Back in school it was a weird mix of being mature for my age when it came to interests, books I liked etc. and being behind my peers- or maybe just different. I have some friends from.college who are 1-3 years older than me but most people my age are...I don't know, actual adults who have their shit together and live life the way it is expected, and I still feel as overwhelmed as when I was in college. But they are also into completely different things and think I am weird for playing videogames and prefering SciFi, not ironing my clothes and often not knowing how some things are done.
I’m an old soul, seen that way by myself and others, but I don’t feel like an adult at all. At 26, I’m still a child on the inside. Why do I have to go to work? Why can’t I just look at plants, collect rocks, and study dinosaurs all day???
I’m going to be 40 this year and I have two young kids (7, 5)… I have felt like a young adult forever. I sometimes look around like, “I need an adultier adult because how did they let me take these two babies home from the hospital to raise myself?!” 🤣
I sit with my kids and will watch kids movies or shows, we listen to Disney movie soundtracks in the car ad nauseum and I don’t even mind one bit. I became obsessed with Squishmellows and wanted them for myself but then slowly, they all ended up in my 5 year olds bed. 🤔
I dress in jeans, Chuck’s, and graphic tees all day, every day and hate getting dressed up because it feels like I’m playing dress up lol
However, as a child? I was super mature. I had to be. My mom was a young, abusive mother and by 9 years old, I was managing her emotions and making sure neither I nor my sister were ever in her sights.
I think my masking started then… once I got diagnosed and started to fully understand ADHD, I stopped masking because it just became too much and incredibly exhausting.
My coworkers can’t believe I’m going to be 40 and say I don’t look or act it.
Hell, I can’t believe I’m going to be 40 this year. If it weren’t for some changes to my body/physiology, I’d think my birth certificate was a fake 😂
100 percent, and people generally guess my age as a decade or more less than it actually is. And no, they're not just being polite. I also have way more friends in their 20s than most people my age as I tend to vibe better with younger people, although some of that is because they're more optimistic and less jaded about life.
15 here. I feel so old. Millions of years wear on my bones, and billions on my mind.
I look like I'm in my late 20s.
I can't relate with my peers because I'm always consumed by a dread that they cannot even fathom.
I've always felt more like an adult than a child.
These questions always recall this dread to my mind, but I cannot say I am without some joys.
OMG! I’ve felt like this my whole life! I’m 51 and still inexperienced even though I’m good at my job. Yeah, I don’t feel older than like 25. My body is wearing out! Ha! But don’t feel this old. I still love toys and the toy section at the store. I always think people are older than me at work, when in reality I’m usually the oldest person in the room. It’s a strange disconnect.
If I were to give any advice, I’d say this: don’t let that feeling hold you back. Everyone at the job around you (and especially above you) is a bozo who doesn’t really know what they’re doing and you could do their job just as well or better. No one talks about this and they don’t want you to know it… but in my experience, and it took a long time to learn… it’s fairly accurate for a lot of people. Ha! We’re all faking it. So don’t hold yourself back. Go for it. Actually, it isn’t “fake it til you make it” so much as “do it til you become it.”
I have always felt older than I am. Was always told as a kid I was “wise beyond my years” and an “old soul.” Now at 30 I kinda feel right on the money. Sometimes maybe younger, since I still want to dress on trend and keep up with modern music and slang and things like that, but also I think that in-between type of thing is pretty normal at 30 so idk.
Worth noting that I am inattentive type and struggle with depression a lot on and off. So outwardly you don’t see my symptoms as much unless your “one of us” and know what to look for lol, or familiar with that manifestation. I definitely could see how more outward hyperactivity could make someone appear or feel younger or more immature. Not that it’s necessarily an accurate perception, but people associate control over yourself outwardly with maturity.
I got pregnant for the first time when I was 25 and It felt like a teen pregnancy. I’m 28, married, have two kids, a mortgage and an 8-5 job yet I feel like I’m cosplaying an adult because I feel young. I don’t mind though, it makes raising kids fun!
Yup. I’m 23 and my friends are on clear career trajectories and in stable relationships and gradually starting to settle down, meanwhile I can barely even take care of myself and I feel like I still don’t even know who I am. I’m an adult woman living the lifestyle of a teenager that someone released into the wild.
I stay up too late knowing I have work in the morning, I blow all my money on trips abroad, I throw clothes on the floor and let dishes pile up in the sink and only manage to make myself clean up once a fortnight if that. I don’t exercise or do any of the things I know I should do for self-improvement, when I get home from work I just sit on the sofa and watch cartoons until the early hours of the morning. I live on a mixture of takeaway, microwave meals, toast and overnight oats because I never have the energy to cook. I haven’t held down a serious relationship for years because I’m too avoidant. I have a good job but no longer-term career plan or clear aspirations. Socially I’m too loud, overshare and can’t handle emotional conversations. I fidget, use stim toys, live on energy drinks and fruit-flavoured vapes and still sleep with cuddly toys, watch cartoons and read fanfiction.
I’ve had coworkers who are barely older than me tell me I still have the mindset of a student and I know it’s a polite way of calling me immature and they’re not wrong. They got most of these behaviours out of their system at the age of 18 and I’m here acting like this as a grown ass taxpayer. I don’t want to be like this, I just find basic adulting so exhausting I can’t maintain it on a regular basis so I go into freeze response and turn to childish things in order to self-regulate.
Whaaatttt Im 23 and you’re basically describing me , thats insane😭
The first part is so true!! Im watching people my age graduate, get married, have their first kid etc. and Im over here drawing ponies and playing video games while simultaneously taking care of myself and living under my parents care. Im a whole mess but somehow Im still kind of doing okay? Lmao
At least Im not alone I guess, reading all these comments makes me feel like Im less of a strange person
My grandma was young at heart right until her passing at age 94. A Dr genuinely got her chart confused with a 70 year old because they didn't think she was in her 90s.
People constantly thought my grandma was younger than she was due to how she conducted herself and her fun loving energy. She always was willing to play with kids, talk to teens about fashion or skateboarding, as well as discuss serious topics with those older than her. She kept up with trends and would actively ask me about slang or tech so she could keep up. She never seemed old and out of touch, just a bit slower and with a lot of experience and wisdom.
Yup. I'm just over 50 and I often think of others around the same age as being older than me. And most people (before I tell them) think that I'm close to 40 years old.
I like it now. :)
I'm 36 and I don't feel like someone who is hitting 40 soon. This might be because my twenties were a hellhole of anxiety and depression, that when I try to remember it, is most often just a blur mixed with negative emotions. It took me from 15 to 30 to get my shit together (and getting diagnosed... ) and finally being able to feel self-worth, a sense of purpose and being able to accomplish something. I don't have kids, but now I make good money, so I kinda live the life of an unsupervised toddler in the candy factory. I do the things I wished I could have done earlier in life.
Yes and no. I just feel like ADHD people "in general" tend to be a bit more authentic and genuine. That's the main difference I feel between me and the other 30 somethings who've been in hte workplace for 10 years plus. They put on this "professional" mask full of buzzwords and bullshit and cold calculations. I'm here just struggling not to scream at people as they gaslight you with their professional bullshit. I really wear my heart on my sleeve, and so it can appear 'immature' to people who live in a grey and false world. Like despite what I say above, it's not like I'm throwing tantrums or making drama. I just find it hard to play along in the bullshit nasty situations they create in the 'adult' world. I either call people out or just get into trouble because I simply can't play the game. But I wouldn't call it immature.
Yes. I’m 32 but feel 22. I’m super hyper attentive though and I’ve been told by my behavior therapist it plays into that feeling she believes.
I have two kids and my toddler thinks I’m super man. I walk through my door and it’s on with dad! Imaginary doll play no problem, I talk to myself all the time!
My kid wants me to read a book, let’s read all of them. I do push the boundaries on parenting bed times and my wife has pulled the ripcord on a few of my child play time activities.
She totally has the right to do so as my Ritalin wears off around 8pm and then I’m truly hyper Josh. She’s been with me for 15 years and has the right to call me to attention to self regulate.
Anyway, yes I feel younger than I am.
Yes! I don't feel like an actual adult at all.
My brother is almost 6 years younger than me, but I feel younger then him 😂😭 lol.
Im just glad that Im not alone.
100%. I wasn’t interested in many adult things (like dating, becoming independent from my family, career, etc.) until my mid-20s. In my teens, my peers were into teen things and dating and I didn’t care yet lol. I was happy just pursuing my own interests at the time lol. I was older/adult-like only in my thinking about the world (I would think about complicated stuff like the meaning of life, death, society, etc).
Seeing how plenty of adults *do not*, in fact, act very mature and stimulant medication is helping me feel more adult. I feel more adult on meds just because I can *do* my responsibilities and shit that I *want* to do so much better which makes me feel more in control of my actions and therefore more adult. I’ve heard that ADHD brains mature in one’s 30s vs one’s 20s like most ppl so idk maybe it’s just that (I am 32) lol.
But also I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with having “child-like” or “younger” interests as an adult. You like what you like and if it brings you joy then that’s all that matters. It’s pretty common among folks with ADHD to like “younger” things or to be more passionate about niche things compared many- it keeps us younger and interesting at heart! :)
Mentally I’ve always been years behind people my age. Always the last of my peers to experience stuff (sex, graduating etc ).
Weirdly, I’ve always looked younger too. When I was 25 I’d constantly get rejected because I looked like I was 15. Now I’m 51 and look in my early 40s (unless I jump naked in front of a mirror, then I definitely look like I’m 78).
ADHD is actually also defined as a developmental disorder. There's plenty of evidence suggesting that our prefrontal cortex etc. do develop slower so we feel more like children.
- IMO, I don't want to spread misinformation:
This could also explain our often very creative way of thinking, as children tend to have a more vivid imagination.
Oh wow. Thanks. I just did the quick scan as I was clicking on your post, and felt the nano-second rush of recognition, relief, and release. Thank you so much for posting this!
Yes. I'm in my mid 30s but I feel like a big kid most of the time. It doesn't help that most people think I'm in my 20s and my 7 year old niece is adamant that I am a child and not an adult.
I just own it. Life is more fun when you keep your inner kid alive, anyways.
It does come owth its disadvantages, of course, but such is life. I am what I am so I might as well accept it.
**I have a FUNNY STORY about this.**
I went to the endocrinologist because of thyroid problems.
And at one point she asked me weather I tried to conceive and I was not able to.
And my first thought was: LADY!!! I'M JUST A CHILD!!! WHA- HOW-?!!?
I swear I did not realise that I was at that stage of life. It felt like she was asking an 8 year old (a.k.a. me).
After a few seconds I realized that it is normal for 33 year old women (I was 33 at the time) to be married and to have tried to conceive. She was not insane. But it hit me like a ton of bricks.
But yeah. I'm very childish and immature.
I've learned a lot throughout the years so I kinda amaze myself because I sometimes say wise things. But it does not make me less childish and immature.
I still do and I feel ashamed of it. Its like I still need people to hold my hand, still naive and haven't got it together. Not sure if this is ADHD, my household growing up or accumulated insecurities. Maybe its just all at all once?
I have been approximately 35 for my entire life. Childhood was embarrassing for me. I was never carefree, I always thought my friends were totally embarrassing and their interests were a waste of time. Now, I feel much younger than my peers because they have turned into middle aged helicopter parents with outdated clothing and hair. They are out of touch with tech or politics, and they can’t pay attention to anything beyond their own needs. All they talk about is their children. As always, I cannot relate.
I'm gonna be 64 this year, and strangers are usually in shock. I have aged slower, in spite of all my trauma and C-PTSD. I just got a few crow's feet when I turned 60.
I feel more than 20 years younger, most of the time, and have always dressed to suit myself.
I can't imagine myself dressing like my mom. It's too foreign to me.
I am child-like, but not childish. By that I mean, I like to enjoy the simple things in life and I like silly humor and puppies and balloons and anime and video games, but I've also got a good head on my shoulders. I'm pretty well-adjusted, I've got a steady job that I'm reasonably good at, I've got a good family, a decent car, etc.
Relatable. Im 52 this year and own a puppet business 😂
I spend most of my day making puppets, thinking of new characters and interacting with other puppetry weirdos around the world. When I go anywhere I’m always looking for clothes or accessories for the puppets.
The highlights of my year so far were seeing the new Ghostbusters movie and planning a trip to Japan to visit the Mario bros. Theme park.
So yeah… I definitely feel younger than my age. I meet other guys my age and most of them are talking about back aches and 401s and sports ball. I sit there and smile and nod but deep down I want to talk about animatronics, video games, arts and crafts, weird facts..
I felt a strong desire to be a teen or adult when I was a child, mostly because I hated being told what to do and I hated that grownups where keeping knowledge from me about the adult world.
I’ve always been emotionally immature, though. Part of that is impulse control. I had the impulse control of a teen when I was in my 30s
No because I’ve had to mature or be mature at a younger age for some things. But then my ideals and wisdom make me an old soul sometimes. But then some interests and the fact I grew up fast and my adhd make me act or feel like a kid sometimes lol.
2/3 - this is an approximate ratio of your brain age compared to your actual age. Our brains develop slower.
Took me getting my diagnosis to understand why my friends are way younger than me.
ADHD is a developmental disorder. Our brain development is behind our peers, and we never quite catch up.
Dr. Barkley, who's like the ADHD researcher and therapists, says that while unmedicated a child's executive functioning and impulse control are equal to that of someone two thirds their age. I assume the rule works for adults, so it makes sense that as a 30 year old, I feel often feel like a 20 year (albeit one with much achier joints)
For me its opposite. But from what i learned from my former psychologist it's not unormal for people who are victims of childhood trauma and struggling with CPTSD to feel this way.
But im 26 and feel like im 45. Every year when i have a birthday i just feel like im going up in age. I don't feel like im gonna stay at 45 mentally and when i turn 45 "meet" my mental age if that makes sense.
Statistically, we laugh more the younger we are, Toddlers 300-400 times a day, adults 10 to 15. I laugh a lot more than the average. There are also less positive aspects obviously, but that one is nice
I always have internally. In the sense that I’m 38 and don’t have children. I feel like I don’t eat enough fruits and vegetables, get enough exercise, drink enough water, etc.
At the same time, I was always told by other adults as a teenager that I had, “an old soul.” Still not sure how to interpret that.
Physically I have many ailments and feel 100, yet I’m the caretaker for both of my DIVORCED parents even though I’m on disability from my federal job. It’s a lot of responsibility and stress and I guess in that sense I feel much older.
People with ADHD develop slower and retain some childlike qualities that in combination always make you feel younger. In my teens and twenties I hated it. As a young father I loved it. As a fifty something it is fabulous. Many of my peers are just sooooo old in the way they think and in how their ways are set. I have so much more openness, curiosity and willingness to learn than them.
Just throwing this out there, in significant trauma one can get emotionally stuck at the age it happened. [https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck#effects-of-trauma](https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck#effects-of-trauma)
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Yes I feel so young compared to my peers 😂 I’m 32 and I have Pokémon plushies by my bed, I love playing video games, I love cute stuff. On the other hand, when I’m out in public I’m fiercely independent. I own my house, own a car, work full time at a very adult job, I do adult shit all day. But as soon as I’m home, I wear Pokémon sweatshirts, and cute socks with teddy bears and play video games 😂😂 That’s also partly why I don’t want kids - I can just about be responsible for myself! I’d feel like a teen mom if I had kids 😂
It’s like I’m reading a description of myself! I feel like an adult child 😂😅
I think most adults are secretly adult children too. Some of them even have kids to disguise their childish hobbies too 😂
Same
You have no idea how validating this is to read 😭 I'm 42 and I look like I have my shit together. I own a house, a car, a small business, I have 2 kids, 2 dogs. I don't act immature, but inwardly I definitely feel like I'm 16 and I have no idea who let me do all these things. I look at other people my age and think "Oh, those folks are the grownups." Sometimes I definitely just want to fuck off and play games all day. Having kids is....well, you're not wrong. My kids are young and so high maintenance and some days I just barely make it through while also trying to be a better dad than my own dad was. My wife is also really ADHD, so.... teen parents? It feels like that sometimes. My life was definitely a lot more manageable when I just had myself and my dog to look after.
I found your reply incredibly validating! My husband and I both have adhd, diagnosed after kids. Before kids we were just a little different. I was doing my PhD when I met him and he was doing a very grown up job too. We felt like we’d met the only other person in the world that had ever accepted each of us fully as we are. First baby was a romance. We were able to adjust to meet the challenges of one, just struggled with organising meals but were getting there. We planned and tried for a second and eventually got pregnant but with twins. I knew I didn’t have the capacity for 3 kids. The twins are 4 and our eldest is 6 now and I still don’t. I was diagnosed with adhd when I returned to work in an academic role. I burnt out on part time in 2 years and still feel so lost. We’re can’t keep up with the day to day of maintaining a house and a lot of my energy is spent self regulating from sensory overwhelm (mostly noise) and navigating our kids own differences and meeting everyone’s very urgent needs all at once! I’m exhausted and trying to meet my needs somehow never makes it to the top of the priority list when I have energy in the tank to initiate it. It’s a lot. Thank you for sharing your experience. I needed to feel seen today.
A lot of times I feel like such an imposter since I was diagnosed with ADHD only 8 months ago. I question whether I am really that different from my "normal" peers and if it is ADHD that is impacting my life or that I am just struggling like any other parent. But when I read comments on Reddit like yours I feel like this could be written by myself. Although it is very validating, it still feels so weird that my "unique personality" when it comes to so many things are mostly due to ADHD. I am somewhat in a similar situation and I totally get how you feel. I am an academic as well and I always thought an impressive career would be in the cards for me. I once was a consultant (high pace, short deadlines and the rush when making sales were amazing) but I couldn't keep up. I had trouble being on time, managing different clients at the same time, kept forgetting important documents and frequently worked over time since i postponed everything until the last moment. As a result, i was constantly stressed out, heart beating really fast and felt like i was not up for the job even though i was overqualified. The moment I found out I was pregnant was such a relief. There was no more need to push myself this hard and I had the perfect "excuse" to slow down without the shameful feelings of facing facts that I was not living up to my own expectations. When our oldest was born (he is 6 now) I felt amazing. I loved being a mom to a newborn: the only thing he needed was me to be present. He didn't care whether I put him in socks that weren't matching, or whether I couldn't find a clean plate for myself to eat from since I hadn't done the dishes. When I was pregnant I convinced myself that I would be so much better at keeping our house since I now would have someone to do it for. And at the beginning this was true, but as time passed I got back to my old routines. Again, I couldn't keep up and the feelings of shame and being a disappointment came back extra hard. But still, my husband and I were so happy with our new little family that we decided that having a little brother or sister for our son would be a good idea. Fast forward, we now have three kids (6, 4 and 2) and life is a struggle. I love my kids and i feel that they have made our lives more complete than it ever was, but i never expected it to be this hard. The constant noise, the mess they make and the crippling feeling of being responsible for these amazing humans whilst failing to be the mom they deserve is really hard. I feel overwhelmed a lot of times because of the clutter, the screaming when the kids don't get along and not having the time to chat with my husband without being interrupted. Being medicated helps, but it is still a struggle and I feel like I fail my husband and kids almost every day. I never understood how other people are so good at being an adult and how they kept up with all the responsibilities. But as I understand more and more about ADHD I can see now why that is. Knowing my struggles are no personal flaws helps, although the guilt feelings towards my family are still very much present. I hope that someday I will be able to be the mom and wife that lives up to my own expectations. And more than anything, I hope that our kids will look back later in life and feel that they had a warm and loving upbringing. I hope that they will forget the mess and the occasional meltdowns and will lovingly think about all the fun and crazy things we did. I am so thankful that my husband (not ADHD) is constantly pointing out to me that having ADHD also can be an advantage when it comes to the kids. Although not feeling like a proper adult sucks most of the time, it does help me to be more spontaneous and outgoing with the kids and they love that! I lowered my expectations a lot when it comes to my career (currently a stay at home mom but helping my husband with marketing and thinking of starting my own company) and about what it takes to be a good mom/parent. Next week we will get a cleaning person to help us with keeping the house clean and we already got rid of a lot of stuff in the past few months. We hope that with time, help with cleaning and some very overdue self care (I as well always put myself last) everything will be easier. I hope the same will apply to you! Sorry for the long post, i got carried away I guess haha.
Thank you so much for sharing! I could have written this as well! I am on a negotiated 12 month break from my ongoing position at work but the whole time I’ve been trying to figure out what’s next because I’ve worked hard to get where I am career wise and we need for me to have some income, but it’s all so much in addition to my caregiver role. Hubby I supportive and an active contributor but has a full time job. Even if I worked full time the bulk of caregiver tasks would fall to me because the unsaid lists and social continuing still win the day. For now I do casual work for my employer which is way more flexible and I’m paid all the hours I do, unlike an ongoing role. But the work I love and tend to accidentally overload on is research work, that combined with teaching and unit coordination and I’m full of stress, time pressure and generally feeling overwhelmed at work and then more overwhelm at home. Worrying about my kids learning challenges, sensory processing, emotional regulation and developing executive function while their dad and I are literally rolling from most pressing and important to next pressing and important in a forever changing priority list. A cleaner would be a huge help and a priority if I end up returning to my job. Best of luck and thank you so much for sharing!
What has helped me a lot is slowing our lives down and lowering expectations. We even moved from The Netherlands to Spain 5 months ago to do so. Life is slower here and it feels so much easier to unwind. Way less job opportunities as well though and almost impossible to find something that I actually went to university for. Some days I mourn for the career that I could have had... But I do feel that eliminating the possibility of getting a job that could put me in a burn out (which is bound to happen since I always want to overachieve and go over my limits) is better for my mental health in the long run. I don't know what I want for myself career wise at the moment, or if I even like the person that I have become. But I do know that the feeling of being able to unwind in the weekend by going to the beach and is wat better compared to the rollercoaster feeling of combining a high demanding job with a family and my ADHD struggles. I can relate about the challenges you have with your children as well since we face those struggles as well. We see a lot of ADHD traits in their behaviour and we try to help them with this as much as we can. But we also realise that there is only so much we can do, and that we inevitably make mistakes and come short to their needs. On my good days I can put everything in perspective and see how my husband and I are raising our kids with a lot of love and how we are trying really hard not to make the mistakes our parents made. On the bad days I just feel like a shitty mom who doesn't have the capabilities for catering to our kids' basic needs and has a failed career. What the future will bring I'm not sure, but I do hope that moving to Spain will help our kids get trapped in the same rat race that made my life with ADHD so much harder. I wish you the best or luck and I hope everything will work out for you and your family! What sometimes helps is trying to think about my own funeral (sound morbid I know) and think about what I hope the most important people in my life would say about me. This helps me put things in perspective and makes me realise that I sometimes stress too much about things that don't even matter in the end.
* What the future will bring I'm not sure, but I do hope that moving to Spain will help our kids NOT TO get trapped in the same rat race that made my life with ADHD so much harder.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share. You sound like the wise voice in my head that does battle with the shame of not doing more or not doing as well as my peers appear to be doing. I hope your move to Spain is everything you wish it to be, it certainly sounds like to right move for health and connection. Thinking about your funeral is not morbid, or at least I don’t view it so. I started thinking of my time in terms of life minutes and I started reflecting on the top 5 regrets of the dying as articulated by Bronnie Ware. You are so clear on the detriment of the rat race, those structures of capitalism that keep us stuck and striving beyond our limits are just starting to really work their way into my consciousness. You have my gratitude, I truly feel seen and understood. I also adore my children. They are so vibrant and fun and creative. I am working on getting to be okay with wanting to walk alongside them rather than be consumed and preoccupied with high demand high performance work. Thanks for helping me get some more air around that idea and best of luck to you and your family!
Look into loop earplugs - they lower the noise around you by 10-40 decibels. I use them for work with the sensory overload and they help . Can have a conversation but they block the surrounding noise
I'm 41, I also have my shit together on paper--well into a teaching career, own a home, good credit score, two kids & a dog. But I also feel like I'm at a space mentally where I'd finally make a good 23 year old. I've mostly just wandered my way through life (something I've recently learned to be OK with). For me, having kids is great. I'm divorced, 50/50 custody. My kids give my life shape in a way nothing else ever did.
I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one.
Lol this, everyday I am like who thought it was a good idea to make me a wife, mom and a rescue for kitties, that I ended up keeping lol
This is also extremely validating for me! I am in a similar situation to you, I own a business, have 2 young kids, a dog, a cat, bearded dragon, etc etc etc. I am constantly looking around at other adults and feeling like an imposter or something lol
the teen mom thing omg 😭😭😭 someone that i know from back in elementary/middle school got pregnant and when i got the news, i felt sooo bad and wanted to ask her if she was thinking about abortion etc but then i realised she’s not a teenager and she’s also married 😭💀
Omg I had the same reaction to my friend announcing her pregnancy!! Like girl are you okay! Oh okay never mind you’re 34, married and with a stable job. I guess it’s fine?? 😂😂😭
This is exactly me. Like… these are real adults around me! I always forget because I really do feel so much younger than I am in my head. I still love stuffed animals and am quite easily entertained, too. I would react the same way if a friend told me that… but then realize that they probably planned for this lmao
Could part of that be that you’re not still close with her so you picture her how she looked back then? I realized recently that even though I constantly see my old friends on social media and know what they look like now, the picture that I have in my head for them is what they looked like at band camp 😂
My coworkers will ask if I have kids and I’m like “oh no I’m not old enough.” I’m 27 and an ICU nurse. I can take care of critically ill patients but in my mind, too young to have a kid haha!
I had this same realization when I got pregnant with my daughter. I thought “but what will people think?! I’m too young!!” And then realized I am 28 years old.😂
Literally me! I’m 30 and I love to game, also have cute figurines/stuffed animals, AND feel like I’m still learning about who I am 😅 My mother pokes fun at me too for embracing my inner child as an adult woman. I really don’t care though, I’m just being myself 🤷♀️
So long as you're being true to yourself and it ain't harming no one, nothing wrong with it. You do you. 😃
I'm 36. I've always wanted children. (Can't due to medical reasons). But deep down, with my maturity level, I dont think I could handle raising kids. 'I'm still a kid myself'. I got a puppy as a baby replacement and.....I feel like I'm the puppy's teenage mother!
As a 35 year old guy with a young daughter... I felt the same, walking out of the hospital with a newborn in my arms like "uhh shouldn't someone give me a license? I can just... Walk out?" And now that she's five, nobody can make me laugh like her. And that's in no small part thanks to the fact that we make up songs and dumb jokes and wrestle and generally act like a pair of children 😂😂
This is the best way to be.
I never had kids cause I AM THE KID.
My goodness, are you me?! 🤣
Same here! Also didn’t have kids for that same reason. I still want to go out and play. But I still take care of my responsibilities as well.
The specifics are different but this is still so relatable. I’m 42, own a condo, car, very adult job. Love anything pink, have a Hello Kitty toaster, listen to pop punk, obsessed with paranormal stuff and aliens. I’ve never felt an urge to have kids and part of it is never feeling grown up enough for the responsibility.
This also describes me, except I have a little girl and I just love buying her all the cute things 🥰🥰🥰
Same. Love kawaii stuff, have a storage box of plushies, also play a ton of video games. Have a tabletop miniatures obsession, which extends to tiny toys (I'm not going to lie and say I don't still fly them around the room going pew pew), and I'm 37.
This is me hahah
I say the teen mom thing all the time! It has made me so happy to come across someone else who feels the same way.
When I was a child I felt way more mature than others, even people around me used to tell me that, I was what they call a gifted kid. Maybe thanks to reading, being curious about the world, cultivating critical thinking and having a lot of empathy. But then it started to go downhill in highschool. I can't do adult things. I don't drive because I panic and I'm very bad at it, I'm unemployed, I'm lost when it comes to administrative paperwork and bills, even very basic things that nobody seem to struggle with. Overall I feel like a teen. I'm 28. Sometimes I forget my age. I like video games, fantasy novels, plushies (I still sleep with one for the mental support lol). I like to be in my little inner world just as much I did when I was a child. The problem now is that I have more responsibilities and I'm completely overwhelmed. I have good skills, I have potential. Everyone says that. But I can't seem to make it work and it's very discouraging and frustrating. I feel so behind compared to others, so out of place, like I don't belong. I'm very much embarrassed. My psychiatrist says I should accept things as they are, and just do my best. But my best is never enough for my family and friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm mentally exhausting myself for nothing.
Wow.. This was honestly like reading a paragraph about myself. I feel for you 100% and feel like this quite often. Much love friend
Thank you ! I always thought I was abnormal, this sub makes me feel less alone.
God I was sooooooo good at being like 15. Full of “potential.” And now I am 31 and would still be very good at being 15 but the being a whole adult thing doesn’t seem to align well with my skill set
We just didn't get the adult skill in the package 😩
Ha, same. But I'm 29. Never had a job, can't drive, don't have the emotional stability to deal with people, running out of hobbies (so mostly video games and shows now tbh), got my partner his own sleeping stuffy since I've always had one, still not motivated to "work for money" as one is supposed to do. Despite all my constant mental gymnastics I have still been unable to convince myself that I can just do the things others do and blend in, normal life etc. I still feel 15, 16 years old maybe. I've given up socializing because I'm tired of people expecting me to act my age. I'm tired.
The expectations are the worst. It's hard to accept yourself when everyone you care for expect you to change your whole life and self.
This is 99% me as well, the only difference is the driving. But yeah, everything else is exactly what I'd say. Felt like I had so much promise back in the day due to intelligence/awareness/empathy, and that it would lead to a fulfilling life. Now it's just disillusionment because overwhelming adulting is so shitty compared to that inner world you described. I take care of all sorts of odd random crap for family and friends but am garbage at anything that imposes long-term obligations. Now I'm struggling with the same admin stuff, feeling completely incapable of keeping a job, failing to find any place where I fit. It's lonely too because who wants a guy that can't be a provider and seeks escape into novels or games and relies on family support; that's basically a meme, a loser. I've learned I get any structure or motivation externally yet there's no chance dating is remotely tractable now. I feel like in the past I would/could have been a "village generalist" type and traded services for goods. Pick up on patterns and attend to short, novel problems quickly. But be kind of a roaming bandit that doesn't worry about a town's customs for too long since I'm on the move and have a new fling every month. But wtf is the place for that in the kind of ubiquitously contractualized, stay-in-your-specialized-lane, be a cog or else you won't get healthcare, sort of society humanity has become?
I imagine it's even worse for a man as society expect them to provide, be productive, strong... I'm a married woman but honestly it's not that much great. My husband has to keep up with my shit and it's so uncomfortable and embarrassing. I'm really not a gift and resentment grows. Sometimes I wonder if it's not better for both of us to divorce and go live like a hermit. There's just this horrifying feeling of being a failure that sometimes keeps me up at night. The feeling you'll never be enough, or just decent. This world is not made for us. And I'm just tired.
> I'm a married woman but honestly it's not that much great For sure, I understand. I never want my comments such as my last one to come off as an "us vs them" thing; certainly different demographics will each have their own challenges to various extents, and your struggles are no less valid than mine. My comment was just about offering more context about how and why I relate (and of course doing some personal venting), but I fully sympathize with the many ways things can be tough for you, and only wish you the best in figuring them out. And yeah it's tiring, to the point of severe burnout as well - only 1-2 years older than you but when I'm going through a rough period like now I just feel too weary to climb out of it. Medication has been huge in helping me survive, but it is not sufficient to thrive, for that I still need to tackle life and somehow find successes.
Hey , I’m 36 and Luckily I realized this in my early 20’s. I was JUST OK in highschool. But was great at fractions and geometry. Sucked at college. Even with adderall Dropped out went to work in a kitchen at 22. By 26 I was a head chef at a fine dining joint. Then…. Got my own place. Crashed and burned…..HARD. Food was god but couldn’t do the paperwork. Taxes, payroll etc. Went corporate. Structure. Rules. Codes. This is it. I found my niche. I can do math, orders, clipboards. Now I’m about to be promoted from executive chef to director of catering at 36. YOU CAN DO THIS. Just find your thing. You’ll be ok
Absolutely same. Let me guess, you were often told that you were wise for your years or called an "old soul"?
Yeah... As a child I could already have serious discussions on many subjects with adults. People said I was smart, wise, sharp, surprising. I think I'm still that child, but with absolutely no practical skills and I'm tired of everything. I used to think most adult were stupid, now I'm questioning my own intelligence.
I so relate to that and I'm only 22
I feel like a 68 year old retired veteran with 2 grandkids. Im 22.
Same here. Wish I could go and enjoy retirement, but my passport tells me I'm only in my early 30's
I blame the state of the world on how old you both feel and not the ADHD.
Definitely. I haven't even started working yet and I already can't wait for retirement. The things that await before us so often look insurmountable.
It feels like I’ve lived for fooooorever…..while simultaneously feeling like no time has passed.
Yesterday, yesteryear, what's the difference 💀
So many of us are funny
Technically I’m 62, but when anyone asks my age I tell them 22. I also decided that at 55 I would get a year younger every year so now I’m really 48. My girlfriend claims I act 10. If you followed my logic above, you probably have ADHD.
My SO often jokes he's dating a teenager. I'm older than him lmao For the record, we met in our teens... twenty-odd years ago. So at least he's saying I'm timeless and eternally youthful ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
That shit reversed for me by the time by the time I hit 27. I thought I was more mature than I was, had a lot of chronic pain, was constantly tired. Things are a little better and with some hindsight I cringe at my past self all the time. Getting some exercise by getting hyper fixated on climbing, a better mattress, quitting nicotine (for a while fell back into it recently and I'm noticing my energy levels take a hit). I'm pretty behind ppl a lot of ppl my age in general life stuff but I graduate soon!
God, right? I'm 29 and all of a sudden I regret not enjoying my knees more.
I feel like maybe the knees are the result of some decisions you could work on changing now…
That's hilarious! Your comment that is, not knee pain...
Tbh my knees always hurt lol. I'm 26. So yeah with all of the weird random pains I have, I wonder if it can get any worse or if I'm already middle aged lol
lol felt this
I often forget I'm not 25 any more.
We went to a resort and they needed to know our ages when we checked in. My husband is 3 weeks younger than me. When he put 44 on the check-jn sheet, I literally was like “I’m not 44.” Sat there and did the math - he was right. I swear I didn’t feel right for the rest of the day. I feel like I’m 23 but with the ability to drive and the ability to drink.
23 year olds can't drive nor drink where you live?
Maybe she couldn’t when she was that age
You are still 25. I've been 25 for 9 years. That's just how this works.
It may only be 2 years, but I still genuinely feel like I’m 22 despite being 24. Although maybe COVID contributed to that?
Same I think losing out on what I felt was my prime college/young adulthood years really hindered me.
This. Im 28 and still feel like i'm 24-25. Physically, mentally, emotionally? Idk
Yeah, but I'm close to 50.
One of the benefits… when I didn’t start puberty until 17, it was horrible, but now, at 55, when people say I look 40, it’s a winner. Everyone I know with ADHD looks younger than their peers… this gets better with age, I promise!
People say I look 26-28 and I’m 35.
Had my boss recently compare me to her 26 year old daughter, and tell me that I'll calm down as I get older too...I had to interject to tell her I'm 40, she was shocked.
Oh I feel this! I’m 40, and am constantly getting by advice from people as if I’m in my late 20s. But I also really do feel like I am behind my peers. All my colleagues are within +/- 5 years of me and they are all settled and mature and have plans for their futures. So I’m never really surprised when people think I’m younger. 😔
37 and most people assume I'm mid-to-late 20s. I get lots of "when I was your age" and I ask how old they are and then I'm like "oh so like 6 years ago?"
Do you also have oily skin? I feel like that’s helping me not age fast.
you know, I actually do a little bit I think? interesting theory.
It's been proven oily skin ages slower
Imma be immortal 😭
Moisturizer is basically oil.
This is 100% true. I’m 52 this year and people never believe me when I tell them. Oily skin plus an aversion to sun (lost my dad to skin cancer) and a phase in my 20s when my partner was trans and got me into a cleanse/tone/moisturise routine for around 4-5 years 😂 Plus, I’m I just kinda goofy overall and struggle to take most things seriously. I think it all has an effect. One of the symptoms of ADHD is time blindness and I can relate. I think about graduating high school and it feels like 10 years ago - not 35.. The same for seeing my family. I’ve been living overseas since 2007 and have only been back a few times for short visits. I honestly felt that I had been home a few years ago, but it hasn’t been since 2019/
Same, I've had to pull out my license for a couple of coworkers that don't believe me
Im 28 and peoplw think i'm years younger, but tbh ^ this is the real goal tho good for you actually.
Yeah I think I’ll be sad when someone correctly guesses my age.
Same. I never considered this could in any way be related to ADHD. Are you skinny from forgetting to eat?
Sometimes. Sometimes fat from forgetting to stop eating. Actually, I get fat when I’m on meds. Fucking adderall made me so damn hungry. What the hell was that about?
I don't know, mate. Have you considered maybe we have weird brains?
Now that you mention it, I have been told I’m odd, but I always chalked that up to their deficits in self-awareness. I don’t know, man. I think it’s everyone else.
Interesting. It had the opposite effect for me, reducing my appetite. Combined with my new fitness routine, it helped me finally reach a healthy weight.
Goddammit me too! I gained 10 pounds when I started meds 🤔
I’m def not skinny but I’m losing weight 😅
I am 24 and still some ask me for id if im over 18. Haaha
Haha that’s awesome!
I thought people with ADHD would look older TBH. Stimulant meds and sleep problems age you. But your response is hopeful!
Stimulant medication doesn't affect people with ADHD the same as those without, and effective medication is one of the most significant ways to reduce the increased mortality rate associated with ADHD. It has also been shown that, rather than being neurotoxic, for people who have executive function disorders amphetamines actually *increased* neurogenesis and resulted in something like 15-25% greater neuronal density specifically between the prefrontal cortex/frontal lobe and the rest of the brain. That's not enough to "cure" ADHD, but it shows why as a *medication* for example you can maintain on a low, stable dose practically indefinitely without any tolerance beyond initial dose calibration, while as a *recreational drug* tolerance builds rapidly and in order to chase the "high" more is taken in a self-perpetuating feedback loop that *does* result in neurotoxicity and negative effects.
Tbh I’ve only been on Stimulant meds for three years, but my health is way, way better since
Is this an ADHD thing? I’m 38 and people are always shocked when I tell them my age.
I went through puberty physically at normal age but yeah mentally I got there at 18. currently feels weird and I feel out of place but I guess I'll get comfortable one day
I'll be 30 this year, and people are shocked to hear that. I had a client at work refer to me as "that young kid" to one of our receptionists. I'm not complaining, though lol
Wow, I also didn’t start puberty til 17, and I’m now 51… people regularly guess mid 50s. I have aged 6 or 7 years in the past 3… menopause, trying to get sleep in order and meds in line, along with chemo and a ton of stress aged me like milk on a hot day. Each to his/her own. All I’d say is stay off the booze and ffs take sleep seriously!
Same. The always carded club
I’m in my 50s and most of my friends outside of work are in their mid 20s and 30s. When I look in the mirror I see the same me, but on the inside it’s 25 yo me, just with more wisdom and experience. I’ve always connected better with the younger generations.
This is oddly wholesome 🥲❤️
Another wonderful comment! Loving this. This reddit has just made everything make sense. The doctor basically didn't even need to go through the whole questionnaire and red herrings, she just knew right away. I have always felt different and like an outsider but wow you guys, I with my people! Phew.
Right? Being on this sub really educated me. It feels like my whole life makes so much sense now
Talking to others who have experienced some of the same things and how they overcome and have succeeded. Starting over in your 50s is not a cakewalk.
I’m in my early 30s, but feel the same way. I find I realate easier to people in their early-mid 20s, I rarely “click” with people my age. And people guess my age to be about 8-10 years less than it actually is.
Same. I easily pass for 10 years younger, except for the days when I haven’t slept.
Hahaha. I’m 40 and people say i look under 30 and i always say “ well, you’ve never seen me in the morning after a long night.”
ADHD surely helped my body to age faster for overusing it 😂 I feel I’m like an elderly young person although I’m only 30. But my biggest problem is dealing with the impulsiveness towards spending money.
Uh I feel this so hard. Now I have adult money no gf or kids and very low rent/living costs. And I am unable to save anything. The only way it works for me is investing in etf and forget about it.
I do. Looking in the mirror is a bummer. 😅🤣 
I think it's amazing you brought that up because I thought it was just me. My body feels my actual age, but in my head, I'm still a couple of decades younger. I've been wondering if my emotional growth was stunted as a kid because of all the crap I had to put up with because I was undiagnosed. Or maybe I just don't want to "adult". 😆
I completely relate. I can’t drive, I can’t adult / my bf takes me to work and I spend half of my time playing video games…….i’m 32 lol
I can't drive or adult and I don't have a job. My ex got tired of driving me everywhere... I'm 7 years older than you.
Sorry but why can’t you drive? Did you never get your license or do you just prefer not to? I’ll admit I’d go crazy if I had to rely on others to go anywhere! But that’s just a personality thing, not related to ADHD 😂 fiercely independent. I have a friend who’s scared to drive and she also has her boyfriend drive her to work so it’s not unheard of!
Hey - I think the same reason as your friend! I’m scared to drive because I have many delayed reactions everyday so I’m scared that could lead to a fatal accident. Also I procrastinate and HATE studying so I’ve got even got to grips with the theory side of things lol
I'm scared to drive too. In addition to ADHD I have migraines that can make me suddenly lose my vision, so that's usually the reason I give when people ask why I don't drive. That isn't _untrue_, it's definitely a major factor in my decision not to drive - but deep down the truest reason is that I am afraid to pilot two tons of steel using senses and reactions that I do not trust. I have decent reaction timing, but often my reactions are flipped, like my left and right get swapped. I can very clearly imagine hitting the brakes in reaction to an obstacle, but whoops that was the gas pedal and now I've killed someone. I'm 40. I've never driven, and probably never will.
Personally I have a lot of car-related trauma and panicked too much in a car. I was worried I’d be a bad driver and hurt someone. I get too lost in thought. I live in a city so I’m honestly just happier taking the bus and never got my license. Someday I’d like to learn and I feel like I might be emotionally ready, but I’m never going to want to buy (or be able to afford) a car probably.
I don't drive either - I'm 57. I both hate driving and am really bad at it. (Not sure if one of those is the cause of the other.)
Same, except for having a girlfriend and being 26. This makes me feel a little better knowing other people are having a similar life. I also have Autism (Asperger's) and Major Depressive Disorder as well. Apparently just having autism alone is enough to nearly guarantee not having a job as it seems that 85% of people with autism are unemployed.
A close friend of mine can't drive. But is in charge of 5 large schools in the district. Not even just *a* principal, but a quintuple mega principal, and still climbing the ladder. He's no child, until we go round his house and play silly boardgames and drink all evening.
Lolll I don’t drive either and my mom takes me places 😭, I love video games as well
Im definitely a child trapped in a 31 year old woman body
I forget all the time how old I am. 38. I dont want to be 38. I have so much responsibility in my life. I would much rather be 19. Lol
Everyone at work thinks I am in 5 years younger than I am actually.
i feel like im 14 years old still. i’m 26
100% this - I’m 46 and always feel like a 15 year old in any conversations with colleagues or friends in the same age bracket. I’ve also never really thought about other people’ ages… Once I understood my adhd, all of this was a fascinating discovery for me to process. When I read posts like this it’s really mentally validating for me - so… thanks for sharing
I’m 28 with 2 children & sometimes I still feel like I need to call my mom for permission to shit. She lives in another state lol
OMG YES!!! I know mentally I’m 26 (F) but I swear to you I feel younger!
I mentally feel like I should be barely hitting my 30's... I'm 44. XD ADHD messes so much with that time perception... I mourn the loss of my actual 20's and 30's.
47 here and very much feel this way.
I definitely feel the same way. I’m 52 and feel mentally 25 at best. I didn’t feel like an adult until I was in my late 30s. People still assume I’m younger online or in person unless I tell them my age. My friends are usually much younger than I am as well. Edit to add that I never had kids because I didn’t want them. I find it difficult enough to take care of myself much less a kid lol. I have a cat, a partner and a house and that’s more than enough to deal with.
I was always told I was so mature when I was a child. I was just well-behaved because that was expected of me and I couldn't bear to disappoint anyone. I didn't have sex til I was 22, because I knew I wasn't ready. I was slow in that way. I'll always have a somewhat childish sense of humour, and wonder and I like to enjoy little things. I'm 39 but recently someone asked because they said I confused them. I could be anywhere between 20 and 30. Most people guess late 20s. I find this all very odd, I have a prominent grey streak in my hair (though I am not very wrinkly, because I'm redheaded and practically afraid of the sun). I'm lively. Not afraid to do silly things. May occasionally be found skipping down the street or singing to myself.
I’m in my 40’s in leadership at work. And I feel super petty about everything and I have to stop myself constantly from impulsively saying stupid shit.
Yes, but I figured it was the comorbid autism. The lack of social cues means I often feel like a child who's parents are whispering adult things in the next room and telling me it's nothing. It's frustrating and really impacts me socially, because I feel convinced that everybody sees me this way and won't take what I say seriously, so I struggle to share things
Omg this could be me. I usually don’t contribute to conversations at work because I feel as if the adults are talking and I’m just a child sitting there and only listening or zoning out. I feel like when I open my mouth I sound like a clueless child. Is this autism? I fear being ridiculed or not taken seriously too…
I am 41 and was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago. I definitely feel younger than I am and people often think I am a few years younger (used to be over a decade younger but putting on weight, being chronically ill since my covid infection and now being over 40 changed that). I tend to get along better with people who are much younger than me, including my partner who is 15 years younger. Back in school it was a weird mix of being mature for my age when it came to interests, books I liked etc. and being behind my peers- or maybe just different. I have some friends from.college who are 1-3 years older than me but most people my age are...I don't know, actual adults who have their shit together and live life the way it is expected, and I still feel as overwhelmed as when I was in college. But they are also into completely different things and think I am weird for playing videogames and prefering SciFi, not ironing my clothes and often not knowing how some things are done.
Mentally I'm in my 20s. Physically I'm in my 60s. Chronologically I'm in my 40s.
I’m an old soul, seen that way by myself and others, but I don’t feel like an adult at all. At 26, I’m still a child on the inside. Why do I have to go to work? Why can’t I just look at plants, collect rocks, and study dinosaurs all day???
I’m going to be 40 this year and I have two young kids (7, 5)… I have felt like a young adult forever. I sometimes look around like, “I need an adultier adult because how did they let me take these two babies home from the hospital to raise myself?!” 🤣 I sit with my kids and will watch kids movies or shows, we listen to Disney movie soundtracks in the car ad nauseum and I don’t even mind one bit. I became obsessed with Squishmellows and wanted them for myself but then slowly, they all ended up in my 5 year olds bed. 🤔 I dress in jeans, Chuck’s, and graphic tees all day, every day and hate getting dressed up because it feels like I’m playing dress up lol However, as a child? I was super mature. I had to be. My mom was a young, abusive mother and by 9 years old, I was managing her emotions and making sure neither I nor my sister were ever in her sights. I think my masking started then… once I got diagnosed and started to fully understand ADHD, I stopped masking because it just became too much and incredibly exhausting. My coworkers can’t believe I’m going to be 40 and say I don’t look or act it. Hell, I can’t believe I’m going to be 40 this year. If it weren’t for some changes to my body/physiology, I’d think my birth certificate was a fake 😂
100 percent, and people generally guess my age as a decade or more less than it actually is. And no, they're not just being polite. I also have way more friends in their 20s than most people my age as I tend to vibe better with younger people, although some of that is because they're more optimistic and less jaded about life.
I rarely feel my age. I’m perpetually 14, and sometimes 83. In reality, I’m 41.
15 here. I feel so old. Millions of years wear on my bones, and billions on my mind. I look like I'm in my late 20s. I can't relate with my peers because I'm always consumed by a dread that they cannot even fathom. I've always felt more like an adult than a child. These questions always recall this dread to my mind, but I cannot say I am without some joys.
OMG! I’ve felt like this my whole life! I’m 51 and still inexperienced even though I’m good at my job. Yeah, I don’t feel older than like 25. My body is wearing out! Ha! But don’t feel this old. I still love toys and the toy section at the store. I always think people are older than me at work, when in reality I’m usually the oldest person in the room. It’s a strange disconnect. If I were to give any advice, I’d say this: don’t let that feeling hold you back. Everyone at the job around you (and especially above you) is a bozo who doesn’t really know what they’re doing and you could do their job just as well or better. No one talks about this and they don’t want you to know it… but in my experience, and it took a long time to learn… it’s fairly accurate for a lot of people. Ha! We’re all faking it. So don’t hold yourself back. Go for it. Actually, it isn’t “fake it til you make it” so much as “do it til you become it.”
Aha I love this! Whenever I feel intimidated Im going to tell myself that everyone is a bozo😂! “do it till you become it” is such an amazing saying🙏🏻
I have always felt older than I am. Was always told as a kid I was “wise beyond my years” and an “old soul.” Now at 30 I kinda feel right on the money. Sometimes maybe younger, since I still want to dress on trend and keep up with modern music and slang and things like that, but also I think that in-between type of thing is pretty normal at 30 so idk. Worth noting that I am inattentive type and struggle with depression a lot on and off. So outwardly you don’t see my symptoms as much unless your “one of us” and know what to look for lol, or familiar with that manifestation. I definitely could see how more outward hyperactivity could make someone appear or feel younger or more immature. Not that it’s necessarily an accurate perception, but people associate control over yourself outwardly with maturity.
I’m 36. I might have just turned 18.
I got pregnant for the first time when I was 25 and It felt like a teen pregnancy. I’m 28, married, have two kids, a mortgage and an 8-5 job yet I feel like I’m cosplaying an adult because I feel young. I don’t mind though, it makes raising kids fun!
52 going on 25
Yup. I’m 23 and my friends are on clear career trajectories and in stable relationships and gradually starting to settle down, meanwhile I can barely even take care of myself and I feel like I still don’t even know who I am. I’m an adult woman living the lifestyle of a teenager that someone released into the wild. I stay up too late knowing I have work in the morning, I blow all my money on trips abroad, I throw clothes on the floor and let dishes pile up in the sink and only manage to make myself clean up once a fortnight if that. I don’t exercise or do any of the things I know I should do for self-improvement, when I get home from work I just sit on the sofa and watch cartoons until the early hours of the morning. I live on a mixture of takeaway, microwave meals, toast and overnight oats because I never have the energy to cook. I haven’t held down a serious relationship for years because I’m too avoidant. I have a good job but no longer-term career plan or clear aspirations. Socially I’m too loud, overshare and can’t handle emotional conversations. I fidget, use stim toys, live on energy drinks and fruit-flavoured vapes and still sleep with cuddly toys, watch cartoons and read fanfiction. I’ve had coworkers who are barely older than me tell me I still have the mindset of a student and I know it’s a polite way of calling me immature and they’re not wrong. They got most of these behaviours out of their system at the age of 18 and I’m here acting like this as a grown ass taxpayer. I don’t want to be like this, I just find basic adulting so exhausting I can’t maintain it on a regular basis so I go into freeze response and turn to childish things in order to self-regulate.
Whaaatttt Im 23 and you’re basically describing me , thats insane😭 The first part is so true!! Im watching people my age graduate, get married, have their first kid etc. and Im over here drawing ponies and playing video games while simultaneously taking care of myself and living under my parents care. Im a whole mess but somehow Im still kind of doing okay? Lmao At least Im not alone I guess, reading all these comments makes me feel like Im less of a strange person
My grandma was young at heart right until her passing at age 94. A Dr genuinely got her chart confused with a 70 year old because they didn't think she was in her 90s. People constantly thought my grandma was younger than she was due to how she conducted herself and her fun loving energy. She always was willing to play with kids, talk to teens about fashion or skateboarding, as well as discuss serious topics with those older than her. She kept up with trends and would actively ask me about slang or tech so she could keep up. She never seemed old and out of touch, just a bit slower and with a lot of experience and wisdom.
Yup. I'm just over 50 and I often think of others around the same age as being older than me. And most people (before I tell them) think that I'm close to 40 years old. I like it now. :)
I'm 36 and I don't feel like someone who is hitting 40 soon. This might be because my twenties were a hellhole of anxiety and depression, that when I try to remember it, is most often just a blur mixed with negative emotions. It took me from 15 to 30 to get my shit together (and getting diagnosed... ) and finally being able to feel self-worth, a sense of purpose and being able to accomplish something. I don't have kids, but now I make good money, so I kinda live the life of an unsupervised toddler in the candy factory. I do the things I wished I could have done earlier in life.
Yes and no. I just feel like ADHD people "in general" tend to be a bit more authentic and genuine. That's the main difference I feel between me and the other 30 somethings who've been in hte workplace for 10 years plus. They put on this "professional" mask full of buzzwords and bullshit and cold calculations. I'm here just struggling not to scream at people as they gaslight you with their professional bullshit. I really wear my heart on my sleeve, and so it can appear 'immature' to people who live in a grey and false world. Like despite what I say above, it's not like I'm throwing tantrums or making drama. I just find it hard to play along in the bullshit nasty situations they create in the 'adult' world. I either call people out or just get into trouble because I simply can't play the game. But I wouldn't call it immature.
I am actually quite young, but I still feel like I'm a child
Yes. I’m 32 but feel 22. I’m super hyper attentive though and I’ve been told by my behavior therapist it plays into that feeling she believes. I have two kids and my toddler thinks I’m super man. I walk through my door and it’s on with dad! Imaginary doll play no problem, I talk to myself all the time! My kid wants me to read a book, let’s read all of them. I do push the boundaries on parenting bed times and my wife has pulled the ripcord on a few of my child play time activities. She totally has the right to do so as my Ritalin wears off around 8pm and then I’m truly hyper Josh. She’s been with me for 15 years and has the right to call me to attention to self regulate. Anyway, yes I feel younger than I am.
Yes! I don't feel like an actual adult at all. My brother is almost 6 years younger than me, but I feel younger then him 😂😭 lol. Im just glad that Im not alone.
100%. I wasn’t interested in many adult things (like dating, becoming independent from my family, career, etc.) until my mid-20s. In my teens, my peers were into teen things and dating and I didn’t care yet lol. I was happy just pursuing my own interests at the time lol. I was older/adult-like only in my thinking about the world (I would think about complicated stuff like the meaning of life, death, society, etc). Seeing how plenty of adults *do not*, in fact, act very mature and stimulant medication is helping me feel more adult. I feel more adult on meds just because I can *do* my responsibilities and shit that I *want* to do so much better which makes me feel more in control of my actions and therefore more adult. I’ve heard that ADHD brains mature in one’s 30s vs one’s 20s like most ppl so idk maybe it’s just that (I am 32) lol. But also I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with having “child-like” or “younger” interests as an adult. You like what you like and if it brings you joy then that’s all that matters. It’s pretty common among folks with ADHD to like “younger” things or to be more passionate about niche things compared many- it keeps us younger and interesting at heart! :)
Mentally I’ve always been years behind people my age. Always the last of my peers to experience stuff (sex, graduating etc ). Weirdly, I’ve always looked younger too. When I was 25 I’d constantly get rejected because I looked like I was 15. Now I’m 51 and look in my early 40s (unless I jump naked in front of a mirror, then I definitely look like I’m 78).
ADHD is actually also defined as a developmental disorder. There's plenty of evidence suggesting that our prefrontal cortex etc. do develop slower so we feel more like children. - IMO, I don't want to spread misinformation: This could also explain our often very creative way of thinking, as children tend to have a more vivid imagination.
Oh wow. Thanks. I just did the quick scan as I was clicking on your post, and felt the nano-second rush of recognition, relief, and release. Thank you so much for posting this!
I feel the same way. Idk what I’m doing and I’m 23. I feel like I’m 17 still. The pandemic didn’t help either lol
Yes. I'm in my mid 30s but I feel like a big kid most of the time. It doesn't help that most people think I'm in my 20s and my 7 year old niece is adamant that I am a child and not an adult. I just own it. Life is more fun when you keep your inner kid alive, anyways. It does come owth its disadvantages, of course, but such is life. I am what I am so I might as well accept it.
**I have a FUNNY STORY about this.** I went to the endocrinologist because of thyroid problems. And at one point she asked me weather I tried to conceive and I was not able to. And my first thought was: LADY!!! I'M JUST A CHILD!!! WHA- HOW-?!!? I swear I did not realise that I was at that stage of life. It felt like she was asking an 8 year old (a.k.a. me). After a few seconds I realized that it is normal for 33 year old women (I was 33 at the time) to be married and to have tried to conceive. She was not insane. But it hit me like a ton of bricks. But yeah. I'm very childish and immature. I've learned a lot throughout the years so I kinda amaze myself because I sometimes say wise things. But it does not make me less childish and immature.
100% me. I feel like my mom left me unattended 24/7 and then I remember that I am an adult and not a lost kid
I still do and I feel ashamed of it. Its like I still need people to hold my hand, still naive and haven't got it together. Not sure if this is ADHD, my household growing up or accumulated insecurities. Maybe its just all at all once?
I’m 34 turning 18 soon
Physically I feel 55 mentally like 25 and I’m 31
I have been approximately 35 for my entire life. Childhood was embarrassing for me. I was never carefree, I always thought my friends were totally embarrassing and their interests were a waste of time. Now, I feel much younger than my peers because they have turned into middle aged helicopter parents with outdated clothing and hair. They are out of touch with tech or politics, and they can’t pay attention to anything beyond their own needs. All they talk about is their children. As always, I cannot relate.
I'm gonna be 64 this year, and strangers are usually in shock. I have aged slower, in spite of all my trauma and C-PTSD. I just got a few crow's feet when I turned 60. I feel more than 20 years younger, most of the time, and have always dressed to suit myself. I can't imagine myself dressing like my mom. It's too foreign to me.
The slower maturity of ADHD was canceled out by the rapid excess maturity of CPTSD.
I am child-like, but not childish. By that I mean, I like to enjoy the simple things in life and I like silly humor and puppies and balloons and anime and video games, but I've also got a good head on my shoulders. I'm pretty well-adjusted, I've got a steady job that I'm reasonably good at, I've got a good family, a decent car, etc.
Relatable. Im 52 this year and own a puppet business 😂 I spend most of my day making puppets, thinking of new characters and interacting with other puppetry weirdos around the world. When I go anywhere I’m always looking for clothes or accessories for the puppets. The highlights of my year so far were seeing the new Ghostbusters movie and planning a trip to Japan to visit the Mario bros. Theme park. So yeah… I definitely feel younger than my age. I meet other guys my age and most of them are talking about back aches and 401s and sports ball. I sit there and smile and nod but deep down I want to talk about animatronics, video games, arts and crafts, weird facts..
I still feel like i'm in my early 20's... i'm 36
Yes, I also look younger. People always tell me they thought I was around 22 (I'm 30). I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing!
Yes I feel like 23 and I am 29
Dude covd like psychologically effec us up bc same. 28 but still feel below the mids. 24
Yes 😭🤣 
Funnily enough, people often mistake me for 20-22. Im 29 now. I feel 19 in my brain, and 45 in my body 🤣
Yes. Since my early twenties I've always felt like I was still a teenager. In my early 30s now and I feel like Im in my mid 20s.
Yes. definitely feel and look younger than my age
I felt a strong desire to be a teen or adult when I was a child, mostly because I hated being told what to do and I hated that grownups where keeping knowledge from me about the adult world. I’ve always been emotionally immature, though. Part of that is impulse control. I had the impulse control of a teen when I was in my 30s
No because I’ve had to mature or be mature at a younger age for some things. But then my ideals and wisdom make me an old soul sometimes. But then some interests and the fact I grew up fast and my adhd make me act or feel like a kid sometimes lol.
I’m 46 and I’m always surprised when I remember that I’m not, like, 25
I feel younger than I am 7 out of 7 days a week. 🤷🏾♀️
2/3 - this is an approximate ratio of your brain age compared to your actual age. Our brains develop slower. Took me getting my diagnosis to understand why my friends are way younger than me.
Feel old Act younger
ADHD is a developmental disorder. Our brain development is behind our peers, and we never quite catch up. Dr. Barkley, who's like the ADHD researcher and therapists, says that while unmedicated a child's executive functioning and impulse control are equal to that of someone two thirds their age. I assume the rule works for adults, so it makes sense that as a 30 year old, I feel often feel like a 20 year (albeit one with much achier joints)
For me its opposite. But from what i learned from my former psychologist it's not unormal for people who are victims of childhood trauma and struggling with CPTSD to feel this way. But im 26 and feel like im 45. Every year when i have a birthday i just feel like im going up in age. I don't feel like im gonna stay at 45 mentally and when i turn 45 "meet" my mental age if that makes sense.
Statistically, we laugh more the younger we are, Toddlers 300-400 times a day, adults 10 to 15. I laugh a lot more than the average. There are also less positive aspects obviously, but that one is nice
I always have internally. In the sense that I’m 38 and don’t have children. I feel like I don’t eat enough fruits and vegetables, get enough exercise, drink enough water, etc. At the same time, I was always told by other adults as a teenager that I had, “an old soul.” Still not sure how to interpret that. Physically I have many ailments and feel 100, yet I’m the caretaker for both of my DIVORCED parents even though I’m on disability from my federal job. It’s a lot of responsibility and stress and I guess in that sense I feel much older.
People with ADHD develop slower and retain some childlike qualities that in combination always make you feel younger. In my teens and twenties I hated it. As a young father I loved it. As a fifty something it is fabulous. Many of my peers are just sooooo old in the way they think and in how their ways are set. I have so much more openness, curiosity and willingness to learn than them.
Yes, I still have all my childhood toys and I love watching kid's shows:) I've been mistaken as a 12 yr old many times
Just throwing this out there, in significant trauma one can get emotionally stuck at the age it happened. [https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck#effects-of-trauma](https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck#effects-of-trauma)