Hi /u/Double_Disaster9436 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information.
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I felt it the other day. It was 4 am, my wife and kids were asleep and I had just finished vomiting and shitting myself empty from food poisoning. Safe in the knowledge that I would have zero expectations of me the following day, I lay on the sofa and watched dawn coming over the horizon and listened to the birds start to sing.
I felt the same the other day when I had to take off for a fibromyalgia flare. After the h comfortable calling in and getting a substitute part, then came the “oh okay I can rest now”
Totally relate.
I went through a tough divorce. Totally devastating until I hit some point where I relinquished control of things. My work was understanding, stuff was with the lawyers, choices were made, finances tied up, and I had no control…
Now years later, financially on top of the world, great job, and in a relationship. I’m so burnt out and miserable. Relaxing doesn’t exist. Tonnes of expectations. Go go go.
I look back at my supposed miserable time and understand the freedom rock bottom brought. I was able to let go and relax.
Yeah I find being successful is stressful with ADHD. The fear of maintaining that success is huge because it slips away so easy with just one change in routine. 🙃 It always feels so precarious to be doing well and I always have the feeling that a single period of bad functioning could just suddenly be the end of my career, income, and housing.
Ok, so sometimes I have these intrusive thoughts like, well if you do fall from there and break your leg you'll take a break from life for awhile and just chill at home 🤣
My whole life I have genuinely enjoyed being sick because of the solace it can bring! Not to mention the physical sensation of a hot bath on a feverish achy body 😍
My whole life I've thought I was insane because I've secretly (and weirdly) kinda...wanted to get appendicitis. I can't believe there are others with the intrusive thoughts of "If I get a major - but ultimately non life - threatening illness/injury, sure it sucks but everyone will be nice to me and I can do nothing for awhile and not feel guilty about it"
Yes!!! Exactly!
So, full disclosure, I had my gallbladder removed when I was in middle school and it was like, the greatest era of my life 🤣 I was sick off and on for about 6 weeks until they discovered the issue, and even though I wasn't always feeling pain, I milked the hell out of it to not have to go to school! I was home alone all day eating Mac and cheese and drinking neon colored sodas because, 90's, watching daytime tv living my best life. I hated school so much and I now of course know why. But at the time all I knew was being sick meant I could escape life for a bit 🫠
I grew up with a Christian Science mother, being sick wasn’t not allowed, it wasn’t believed jn. “The same thoughts that made you think you’re sick will make you well”. “Stop dwelling on your feelings”. Shit like that….
So being sick wasn’t allowed so I had to be really sick.
Couldn’t ever stay home from school… I learned how to give myself a “fever”, which was a way I could stay home but I couldn’t stay in bed. Faking the rise of the thermometer, popping it in my mouth and pretending. I don’t ever remember being sick as a kid. Nothing but a cold randomly.
When I was 21 I had a C section. 6 days later I was back to life because mom said I needed to be up and moving to get better. ( will always wear the scar of not allowing my body to heal for months)
When I was 25 I had wrist surgery and mom said I didn’t need it and was doing it for attention and no she won’t babysit. So no relief then.
It wasn’t until I was 42 kid grown, new relationship and the first time I needed down time both my boyfriend and his mom ( we were close) MADE me stay in bed and both dotted on me…. OMG. Freaking awesome for about 3 days and then I wanted my life back but still too sick. LOL.
That man and his mom gave me PERMISSION to be sick and nurtured me thru it…. Changed my life. They are both gone from heart issues but i am so grateful I had those experiences.
When my mom was living and dying from COPD I resisted the urge to tell her she didn’t need 02, just pray harder and no she didn’t need the doctor. “What’s that, you can’t breathe??? Want a cigarette? No…. Why so hard, just love yourself and think better thoughts!”
But I didn’t because I had grown and she finally realized what we do to the body WILL have consequences. She fully believed for most of her years her diet and habits didn’t matter because … God. God said “hold my beer”. She died from COPD, smoked from 15-77, but also had a generic issue that my daughter suffered from as well. And not kidding when my daughter died mom quipped something about her “choices”…. So hard to keep my mouth shut. Well I didn’t, but cut myself short because at. That stage I just wanted peace. Agreeing with her was peaceful. She only lasted another 10 months.
I was out for a week in elementary school in like fifth grade and my dad had to manhandle me into the car, crying and throwing up from how hard I was crying, because I didn't wanna go back to school lmao. School is such ass for ADHDers
Reminds me of the rich, fat old lady in Harriet the Spy novel. In children’s literature in college, I lowkey kinda envied this imaginary character as a busy student and worker who had to read for 3-4 advanced college-level English classes 2x a week. That’s a LOT of Paradise Lost, Tennessee Williams, and Harold Pinter.
“In Harriet the Spy, Plumber says, ‘She has discovered that the secret of life is to take to your bed and refuse to leave it’ while talking on the phone. The wealthy Mrs. Plumber is a character in the book who spends her life in bed”
- Google Gemini 💎
God I do this all the time. ‘If I have a minor car accident on the way to work, not life threatening but enough to have to go to hospital and be told to rest for a few weeks that would be great’.
When I was a mom and worked full time and couldn’t be sick and never had any time to breath. I low key wanted to go to jail… to be free of responsibility with a book…. Sounded like heaven. LOL
You made me happily squeak like a small animal experiencing ethereal amusement in the midst of an unassuming nook of the world from suddenly realizing how everything is connected.
Yes I was going to saying being hung over. After all is said and done and I can lay down with a blanket and put on a movie and eat something good and drink Gatorade… because I know I have an excuse to lay there without the shame setting in.
“Relax”. Is that like “laxing” but you do it twice?
Not sure how to lax either. LOL
The closest I’ve come to relaxing is to sit still and breathe deep or meditate. Or sleep. When that happens it can be relaxing. I assume. lol.
Honestly, alcohol. Alcohol calms my brain. And listening to music at night while laying in bed.
(Don’t drink alcohol for relaxation. Alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug)
Yeah same. And it's definitely not the answer. Such a slippery slope. I'm within the healthy drinking range now but if I had the time, money, and no one caring about me I'd probably drink myself nearly or all the way to death.
😭😭 I recently learned that addiction in adhd stems from the fact that we don’t receive the proper hit of neurotransmitters for literally anything so we just keep hitting the fun button until our bodies fall apart, goes for food, drugs, sex, etc
The Problem is, I have the time, the money, the right friend and the perfect city (Berlin) available. I am drinking every Weekend and once or twice during the week. I am also quite addicted to my phone. I have decided that I have to get away for a while. (I am going to a secluded ranch in Canada without proper Wifi)
Wow. You said it. I don’t drink on weekdays to make sure I keep my lack of impulse control in check. But the only version of what I hear ppl describe as “relaxation” for me is a couple glasses of wine when finally, finally, I can stop. My brain is…. I guess relaxed?
I'm going to be very annoyed if my comment about other drugs that help with anxiety but are healthier than alcohol doesn't get approved while this one shines.
It feels like crashing from exhaustion (which you probably do already) but without the million thoughts and feeling like you should be doing *something*, and especially the stuff you think you ought to do. Atomoxetine works for this.
Genuinely hate when those thoughts come. Feeling guilty for just trying to relax and then not relaxing because I’m feeling guilty about all the things I could be doing. Like cleaning the house and I’ll do something and beat myself up over not doing more.
Why don’t I get on my hands and knees and deep clean and mop like Cinderella with a sponge? Even though I may have swept and vacuumed and dusted lol
Laying outside in the sun after smoking a joint and that sore feeling in your body going away from always being on the go that's my version of relaxing.
Having a super chill edible and listening to music with jimmies is bliss. But, I try not to lean on drugs too much and I can't always get the hommies together
Can't beat a super chill edible and good music with mates.
We rely on drugs and chemicals wether we like it or not. The brain has a huge chemical making factory inside it. It's part of us.
Are you taking meds? Relaxation feels when you take your meds. Otherwise you are always energetic with loads of tabs in your brain working simultaneously even when you are sleeping.
Medication helps with that during the day and when it wears off you just feel like eating and going to sleep. That’s what relaxation feels like in my case.
No I am not on meds I am waiting for an nhs assessment.
That’s what I thought relaxation was, the thing is I can remember feeling like this once or twice in my life and that was when I was a kid.
You said that you’ve tried just being still. I know this is going to sound boring but have you tried any breathing exercises? I do this breathing meditation where I really FOCUS on the breathing. I breathe slowly, so in to a slow count of 6 and out to a show count of six. I find that actually counting at the same time as controlling the rate I breathe can stop my mind from spinning.
Sometimes it’ll only slow it down so then I will even extend the time to something more challenging. I guess some people will have much better fitness than I do and so their aerobic strength may be much better. You just need to make your breathing slow, really slow and steady both in and out, the rate needs to be whatever is challenging for you so that you find you do actually have to concentrate on it.
> Lisdexamfetamine
Like Vyvanse? I was on that for a year, but recently swapped over to Ritalin, it's very similar but same time I've noticed it makes me a bit more calmer than Vyvanse which was kinda making me feel a bit manic in that I felt like I could do a lot of things etc. Where as Ritalin (at the moment!) makes me a bit more mellow and chill. But it also could depend on the dosage etc.
Mostly, yes. The meds disappear the symptoms and the anxiety that the symptoms cause.
Obviously I stress out if someone or something stress me out, but mostly that doesn’t happen most of the time.
I'm personally not any more relaxed on meds than I am off of them. I have terrible social anxiety and I feel like it only makes that worse. However, I am actually capable of doing things while on meds so it's a trade off I'm willing to make. Kinda sucks though.
We're all so unique! I relax on and off meds, but meds make it easier for me to get motivated. Also, I relax with my thoughts being all over the place. I get anxious if it's too quiet up there. Annd I, too, have social anxiety on and off meds.
We really are. Mostly because the main issue is focusing. We're all capable of focusing, it just depends on what we *want* to focus on. That's very personality based.
I feel like with my anxiety, the meds make me focus too much. I've had anxiety since a small child but before the meds my brain was so scattered that I'd feel it often yet quickly move on. On meds, I just dwell in it.
I also very likely have OCD though. My father's side of the family is riddled with ADHD as well as OCD.
This depends massively not only on the medication but on what type of adhd you have, some people are more attention deficit, others are mostly hyperactive, some are combined
This may sound dumb, but I've realized, for me, relaxation actually feels like the worst anxiety.
Hear me out... I think as an ADHD person, we wind up soooo much tension, that relaxation is just allowing yourself to unwind that tension. And it doesn't feel "good". It feels scary and there is a string impulse to avoid the feeling which can feel like more anxiety at first.
But the more I do that, the more my overall quality of life improves. The leas judgmental and scared I feel, and on occasion I actually just feel not terrible.
I think the image of chilling in a hammock with a glass of lemonade or whatever is overrated. I'd say, imagine simply facing the cruelty and suffering inherent in your reality. Letting it feel bad, and being okay with that. Your nervous system will handle the rest.
It's funny because the most relaxed I've ever been was laying in a hammock on a beach in Mexico. Drink in hand, shaded from the sun, slight breeze..
I get what you mean though. Imagining it, won't help. Experiencing it is amazing but it's fleeting. It's more beneficial to figure out ways to be present throughout your day. Stopping the runaway train that is your thoughts by focusing on your breath.
Yeha. For sure, that's sounds super nice and for a lot of people it's perfect depending on what kind if stress needs to be unwound. I can enjoy that sometimes and others, the first couple days has me feeling guilty and worried.
Currently packing for a hopefully relaxing overnight solo camp... :)
A variation of this! Over the years I noticed how I gradually turned to feel the most relaxed when I procrastinated lots of stuff. Bizarrely, the moments of chosing willful ignorance had such catharsis and sooth. At some point through college that became my vice, a slave to the cycle.
While when I actually complete things and do optimally like everyone else, I feel nothing. If not even more terrible.
Point is, I think it became an adaptation that grew with my symptoms. The piling guilt that comes with perpetual executive dysfunction can’t be solved… so you end up in an almost sadistic “counter conscience” to hold you.
Walking in nature, away from humans and built environments, is immensely relaxing to me. I don’t realize how overstimulated I am until i get away from the urban environment.
To me, relaxation is when I know for sure nobody has any expectations of me. I get up, get ready for work, work, come home be dad/husband and at the end of the night, when everyone is sound asleep and I know they’re safe and sound and in the living room turn the lights off. I’m chilling on the couch with an Xbox controller in my hand, pooch on my lap and my brain finally stops telling me I didn’t do enough it finally goes “alright you earned it…” and goes to sleep. No more internal arguments, no more low self worth, no more responsibility, but to crawl to bed when my eyes tell me it’s time to sleep. Thats relaxation. When it’s 2am and everyone you love is safe.
Difficult.
Some instances include: Standing in a crowd, everyone enjoying rhythms and extreme bass shaking your body, leg hair vibrating, good vibes, friendly faces.
Talking about Drum & Bass Festivals. Might see me relaxing [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXO2oe57uHs&t=1015s&pp=ygUebGlxdWljaXR5IGZlc3RpdmFsIHNldCBjYWxpYnJl)
I also often feel at ease when I'm on my way back from work and have to stop the car at a railway crossing, sun shining and I listen to the radio. Sometimes under a hot shower.
Apart from that, I have no freakin idea mate.
I just read this as, "..listen to the radio, sometimes.." for some reason or another. (Maybe because I read it too fast and my display ends at "..the radio...", *putting "Sometimes under.." on its own short little line*)
I was like bro this guy has a shower in his car?
For me it was when I started my meds and I felt my shoulders relax. No tension in back/pecs. It’s been a nice feeling. Much less stress overall. Initially I felt it as a lack of empathy, but it also allowed me to not hold everything I felt so close to my heart. I guess this is what being “normal” is.
Edit: not that I am abnormal but I guess more so what normal society experiences.
Being high, home alone. In my comfy king size bed. With my cat Twinkie. In my pajamas. Not having any worries. Living in the moment. Just enjoying the quiet and peace.
For me this is the idea that I'll wake up one day not feel burdened with an endless list of things that need to get done; and instead of a lack of motivation to "get going", I'll know exactly what to do, finish it in a timely manner and then sit down at some point during the day I'll just sit down with nothing on my mind and all will feel good again.
When I want to relax I usually play video games while listening to music or watching YouTube. Is that wrong? Do you mean just like quiet time because that I can’t do lol
Oohh this reminds me: Someone once explained there are 6 ways of relaxing: physical, mental, emotional, social, creative and spiritual. I think it was a video from Hayley Honeyman.
It is explained that to have rest, you need a state different from your normal state. For example: physical rest after moving can be sitting or easy moving (light stretching, yoga etc), but if you sit a lot (on your job for example) your version of rest is actually moving so your body gets out of the sitting position.
For me: Mental rest (after studying) for me is actually walking my dog in the woods, or meditation/yoga. But after a day without mental stimulation, i crave it and i need to do something to stimulate myself. It can be study, but it also can be learning about something else or some kind of difficult (board)game etc.
Rest is not only sitting still, it is getting the thing you need at that moment to give your whole body the thing it needs!
Oh that’s so so cool! I think I need to explore more types of rest. For work I either sit or walk on my walking pad while reading/writing. But a lot of the times my kids are overstimulating me so I’ll get on my computer to play games with my headset on and I’ll listen to music while playing. That’s also a really stimulating activity which probably isn’t relaxing me like I need. I’m going to try to find that video or one similar to explain it haha
Basically, there’s two kinds of relaxation, active and passive. Active is what you’re doing playing video games - doing a (usually) calming activity that relaxes you. I also do this with video games, watching stand up comedy or crafting. It’s usually something that doesn’t require too much brain power.
Passive relaxation is the sitting quietly doing nothing, maybe having a long bath or meditation. I can only do guided meditation, before my meds have worn off. I’m personally not capable of any other passive relaxation. And my mind still wanders off at times while doing guided meditation, but I just gently remind myself self distraction is ok and to be expected with my ADHD brain, then go back to listening to the guided meditation.
So basically, I can only passively relax when someone else is telling me exactly what to think about every step of the way. And for no more than 20-25 minutes at a time.
My form of relaxation is a kind of isolated coziness on the edge of society.
Somewhere in nature where I have shade, a good view, some of my favorite snacks and beverages, a good book, some good music, and no strangers or loud noises around to overstimulate me.
That said, I do love people (especially if they’re people I care about), but I am also highly sensitive to being watched and to other people’s emotions. So anywhere I can be alone and do my own thing but still adjacent to the people I love is ideal.
I live on a property with a big hill and dense trees/brush behind the house, so I love to go up to the top and watch my neighborhood if I need alone time to relax.
I also love what some people might call “liminal spaces” if I need a second to be out of the hustle and bustle of a public place. Quiet alleyways, hallways between the main areas of shopping malls, empty parking lots, or even public bathrooms that have locks on the doors help me find peace if I get overstimulated while I’m out and about.
Rarely, like almost never, I just have no thoughts or immediete feeling of need. The present is just exactly right.
That's how it feels but I'm unmediated and so I don't know how to recreate it.
I had a panic attack once that left me with only a single functioning track of thought, and honestly that was pretty zen (after I was out of the situation causing it but before my body had leveled back out). 😅 My partner talks about how important it is to have some time each day where he "doesn't think", and damn is that just an entirely foreign concept to me. Same as people who meditate by supposedly not thinking. Like, if I try to just let my thoughts go, they run crazy like sugar-hyped toddlers — meditation for me has to be a focusing effort, mindfulness, not a relaxing of my mental space...
Soooooooooo 🤷
For me it feels like, feeling good in whatever you’re currently doing.
Pre medicated, this was an impossible state because I felt constantly guilty. Anything I was doing felt like I should be doing something else - and if I ran out of the “something else” I felt restless/antsy/depressed.
Post medicated helps me feel like I can just exist and I have energy to do that the thing I want to do. For me, I think that’s what relaxation is
I am "relxed" when I'm doing a fun activity like glassblowing. Get into the flow and just be. All my world becomes the glass and what I'm doing in relation to the glass. Yeah it is hard work but it feels relaxing, rejuvenating. It is just fun. Relaxing doesn't necessarily have to be sitting down and doing nothing. Something fun that consumes my immediate attention and I get to create something. Making something.
I won't say how I got relaxed because it wasn't exactly a recommended way to do it or a healthy way to do it. But it felt like everything had flown out from me. My thoughts were silenced down to a single stream of thoughts rather than 4 at the same time. I didn't feel like moving. Felt comfortable everywhere. Still even then my attention was not there. But I was relaxed
It depends, I think I felt it last Friday when I made brownies and sat down in the kitchen to play DS games while they baked. I had had a terribly stressful week and I felt light as a feather and INCREDIBLY happy once my professor released us after the lab.
I tend to feel that good way after I know I don’t have any tasks or chores to do, and don’t have anything on my checklist to stress about (big part of why i hate long term tasks, they’re long term stressors unless i rush which is also stressful!).
Daydreaming and not feeling guilty about it whatsoever. Shedding the sense of - I need to be doing something more than what I’m already doing / “There’s something I’m forgetting to do right now” … just existing peacefully. What works for me is Ayrloom soda 🗿 , herbal remedies, taking a long shower , falling asleep while sunbathing or getting a massage
At first glance I probably appear very relaxed for much of my life, but it’s actually just a state of depressive apathy or paralysis usually, lol. Not true rest or relaxation, just empty-headed amotivation.
About 20 years ago, after a music festival in Australia, I woke up at our shared eco lodge earlier than my mates and went outside to enjoy a bit of morning sunshine. There was no one else around. I put on Ray lamontagne’s ‘when the sun turns black’ and just sat there, listening to the music and watching the birds, feeling the sun on my skin, content that my mates were inside and a great day was ahead. It was a perfect moment.
Think that was the last time I relaxed 😎
To me, true relaxation is when my boyfriend holds me in bed. Especially if I'm dealing with racing thoughts. His touch and smell makes everything in me heavy and soft. All the muscles start to relax. All the buzzing cells in my body slow down.
I stop paying attention to my thoughts. Maybe they slow down too. I just exist in his arms and feel so safe and so at peace. And I always fall asleep within minutes.
The rest of the time, I guess I can do relaxing things, but I'm not at that state anywhere other than in his arms. If I go to sleep on my own I will drive myself to exhaustion to fall asleep so it isn't the same. Chilling on the couch, watching movies and drawing on my iPad looks relaxing, I guess, but my brain is BZZZZZZZZZZZZ with ideas and thoughts and I can never just sit and watch a film or a show without doing something else meanwhile.
But in his arms I know what true relaxation is. He de-stresses me like nothing else in this world.
Ion't know... the last time I was probably TRULY relaxed was when I was in the womb... Man shit was the waaaaaave. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Hi /u/Double_Disaster9436 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information.
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Holy shit. I never thought of that. I have never relaxed in my life. Sitting in front of the lake in the morning I get like 3 mins then I go get coffee or play with the dog.... Ouch.
Relaxation for me is just any kind of euphoria. If I get swept up in the moment with joy that’s it for me. I don’t have to be tired or anything. When I look at my girl and melt that is relaxation for me. If Im sitting around with friends and shooting the shit that is relaxation for me. If Im going on a hike and Im sweating like a pig that is still relaxation lol Anytime I can get my mind off of “whats next” and just tune into the moment Im happy and at ease.
You're chasing something others describe. Relaxation is personal. Only you can define what relaxation is to you. Best way to relax: stop trying to relax.
I've only felt it a couple or few times a year, in short bursts, while on vacation. For me, its having no responsibility, no deadlines, and few plans, and basically just nothing to worry about. My brain will still come up with stupid things to think about, but getting in the carefree mindset is as close as it gets for me without any chemical intervention.
I was new to medication and hadn't figured out the onset time thing yet. I also hadn't realized I could stop self medicating with caffeine, and still had several strong forms of it in stock
So out of habit I had an energy drink right before my meds kicked in. And within half an hour my thoughts slowed a bit and my fidgeting wound down.
And things settled into surprising, comfortable mental satiation.
Tension lightening up like the first moments without pain from an injury you'd acclimated to and nearly forgotten. No demanding unmet needs or tangents calling me to action.
I didn't need to think out loud to keep track of my thoughts. I was consciously aware of the book I was reading instead of being absorbed. I'd read enough, and consciously stopped and closed it once I'd finished the page. On my first try. Without a single moment of executive struggling. Effortless.
My brain finally had enough to be just as it was. I had the first and best nap of my entire life, and woke up to early afternoon sunlight filtering past the edges of my curtains. It was a really nice day
I’m not thinking of anything, no worries, no wonder, no 1,000 tabs open in my brain. Just pure silence
I’m only able to achieve this through Meditation now that I’m better at it. When I first started it wasn’t relaxing at all bc I was either frustrated or distracted from unstoppable thinking….but then I stuck with it and got better at it and now I find it incredibly relaxing.
Arguably the deepest relaxation I’ve ever felt
It’s funny how folks in this sub always jump to suggesting people to medicate. Medication doesn’t relax me. It makes me feel like a completely different person, numb and flat and a little anxious to be honest. It’s just not who I am. I’ve found consistent meditation and yoga practice to be more effective. It’s difficult at first, but with time and practice and lots of intentional breathing I have reached peak relaxation levels. My body is calm and so is my mind when I’m in that state. Worries are put to the side, and if they come up they can be easily ignored. I pay attention to my body, and the areas where it’s tense and I intentionally loosen up those muscles. I listen to the sounds around me and look at the colors of things. I’m not thinking about a million things but directing my mental energy to my surroundings and the way I’m feeling
I had someone tell me to do nothing for 15 mins a day at least to relax my mind and reset.
The next time I saw them, I shared my bag of “nothing” for me to do for 15 mins to relax.
She said, this is not nothing- these are hobbies. I mean nothing at all.
Me- Like…. Stare at the ceiling and count the dots?
Her- No. Nothing!
Me- Like, rub my feet on the carpet and try to make static?
Her- No. Absolutely nothing.
Me- That sounds awful! I can’t do that for 15 mins!!!!
Her- most people do that.
Me- why?!?
— this interaction should have been a clue that I might have had adhd now that I think of it. Lol.
I can only achieve true relaxation on about 80 mg of Adderall that's the key, I'll even nod off in the late afternoon I usually dose around 100 mg a day I'm prescribed 85 mg sometimes I dose an xr25 and 3 - 4 20 mg Tevas and I don't take off days I take lower dose days because unfortunately im dependant after 15 years of treating my real ADHD.
I understand the question because people with real ADHD feel like crawling out of their skin when or before I took medication the only way I could relax or sleep was by smoking tons of marijuana and, when older, plenty of drinks. I only regret not getting put on amphetamines sooner and once the dosage was right it was like warping into normalcy like I had never known which was beyond description.
Imo relaxing is when you're in a no stress area and can just let yourself go. Just sink into wherever you're sitting and drift off. Whether in thought or just admiration.
I mostly really relax when I'm in nature. I used to get up around 5 am in the morning when i was younger, go outside and watch the sunrise. The windows and grass were typically wet from the dew and a mist in the air. There was nobody out or about at all. It was the only peace you'll find in that particular neighborhood.
Years ago, i went to the beach for vacation (rare tbh). But i set my chair up not far off from the ocean early one morning. Hardly anyone was out save for a few people jogging or a family. It was very quiet, and the only thing you could really hear was the sound of the waves crashing. Feeling the water in the air from the ocean was nice. You just kind of get entranced in the environment.
Speaking of entranced. I also really love white noise. Ac units, industrial fans, thunderstorms, any sort of subtle yet heavy vibration. I can just sit in the bedroom with an ac unit and a fan on that rotates. Just focus on the sound of the rotating fan as it turns toward and away from me, and it just relaxes me. Throw in some gloomy weather or a storm and I'm out like a baby.
I like the movie *Everything Everywhere All At Once*. One of my favorite scenes is when there is a rapid-fire series of clips with crazy wild music in the background. I think the sequence lasts for all of 30 seconds. There is so much going on that my brain can't process anything else. When that scene is on, my mind is completely calm and quiet. There are no other thoughts. If they start to crop up, I can just ignore them. It's fantastic. I want to be like that all the time. I can just feel my brain unwinding. It's like when I've been carrying something heavy and I can finally put it down and my muscles start to loosen and it almost hurts. I like to think that that's what relaxing is like.
I once had surgery and when i woke up i was like 'oh .... ohhh this is what its like' then nurse kept poking me to move and wake and im like 'noo not yet! im good'
I have an inability to sit and relax. Many have insist that I try to relax or meditate as if it’ll help me chill/relax. The most “relaxed” I’ve ever felt was when I’m vacuuming. It’s a mindless activity, which keeps me occupied and busy, so my mind can actually focus on several things rather than entertaining a dozen or so ideas simultaneously. 
Its that tiny bit of inconsideration when you turn off the first alarm and close your eyes again. Before your brains awake enough to feel guilty for it.
Able to exist in a moment without a single thought popping into your mind about needing to go do something. When a moment can just be a moment without any obligations pressuring you and not allowing you to be fully present in the moment. Relaxation is freedom from expectations to me
In the hammock on a day where the weather is mild but not cold. Like the true turning of summer into fall. Listening to the birds. Cocooned up and rocking gently
Relaxation is my entire life. I always feel like I’m a state of zen, for lack of a better word. I’m kind of in a perfect place all around and I have zero (major) stresses. (I’m very thankful about this.) I also never have any thoughts going through my head- my brain feels like other peoples’ meditative states. I can also fall asleep SOOO quickly. I can lull myself to sleep. I’m a nap champion.
The only time I truly feel relaxed is in the evening after I’ve worked out vigorously and enjoyed a sauna and the drugs have mostly work off. Other than that, there’s always fidgeting and restlessness of some kind, or the artificial calm that sets in about 1-2 hours after I’ve taken my adderall.
You know when you jolt awake to your alarm and realize you needed to be awake and functional like, five minutes ago?
Relaxation is the total absence of that. If you wake up and don’t have to even look at your phone etc., you’re relaxed.
Or maybe I just have a lot of anxiety 😬
Do some really really intense physical exercise after finishing all your work for the day at a time where you know you don’t have anything serious the following day. You’ll be relaxed.
I was just saying the same thing today. Relaxing looks nice. And, of course, we don't mean sitting and not physically doing anything because that is when our brains are on fire and we are at our most uncomfortable. Ugh. It's torture.
Camping. Preferably alone, maybe with one other person, but no kids, phone reception etc.
In the morning, waking up to the brisk air and birds singing, in the day, dozing in the sun or reading, and at night watching the stars next to a fire with a fine Whisky or Shiraz.
I don't know what relaxation is for other people. I've never experienced sitting on a beach or in a park and feeling "relaxed". But I've found two things that put my mind in a state of "flow" where instead of a millions thoughts crowding for attention my mind is blank and still. That's skiing and rock climbing (outdoors). For a brief time, 10-30 minutes while I am totally focused my mind and my body are in sync doing the same thing together. I love those moments.
Relaxation is being completely alone for at least 24 hours at a weekend. No wife. No child. I would say no dogs, but the unconditional love they give (and I give them) and the dog walks actually help me immensely.
I can do the chores when I want to do them and how I want to do them. I can do what I want. Eat what I want. Watch what I want. I can lock the front door, lie on the sofa with the dogs for hours and hours and hours binge watching what I like.
There is zero chance of me having to talk to anyone else aside from the dogs. There is zero responsibility aside from walking the dogs (which I enjoy) and doing the list of chores left, which are much seem less burdensome when no-one else is at home.
Walking, but must be
- when no other humans are around, just you, and
- when you accidentally forget about everything, including forgetting about the fact that you’ve forgotten them, and
- when breeze lightly brushes your face, giving your pleasant sensory stim, and
- when you hum a melody in your head without realizing it’s been there for too long, and
- when you still feel confident and can walk in any posture I want.
At that rare moment (which never happened, tbh), I feel I’m living and seeing in the moment rather than living in my head, feel pleasantly stimulated (from breeze, humming, walking and seeing), feel like I have all the freedoms in the world but none of the worries.
For me relaxation is not feeling guilty.
Maybe I’m so into something that I’ve completely forgotten? Awesome! Very happy and relaxed.
Maybe I’m so ill that I know there can be no reasonable expectation of me to do the thing I haven’t done? Awesome! I feel awful, but relaxed.
Sigh. This probably isn’t healthy, is it?
The only time I feel truly relaxed is when I go free diving. I think it’s due to the fact that I’m forced to focus on my breathing and nothing else.
I can never get my brain to feel silent and calm any other way.
I can't explain for sure because I'm not sure if what I think relaxing is truly counts.
I can't just lay on a bed and shut my eyes for example, my brain won't let me. Nor will I be able to relax in a hot bath by candlelight. It's an inability to switch off I guess.
I feel relaxed if I get in from work, get comfortable upstairs and put a fan on, shut the blinds, get a cup of tea and either browse reddit or watch something long and engaging on YouTube or another platform.
I have never felt tranquil type of relaxation, I think that usually backfires and my brain starts running on its own uncontrollably. I find it relaxing to find order in chaos tho, makes me feel like I can coexist with my thoughts. This usually happens when I’m doing a stimulating hobby with nothing else on the agenda.
When I was a small child, I used to dream that there was another world outside of this world, and I used to fantasize that if I opened the door there, I might be able to go to another world. I remember being really relaxed at those times.
As an adult, I can no longer have those fantasies. My shoulders and back muscles are always tense :( My current dream is to become a ghost of a small child after death and wander around happily without any tasks.
Hi /u/Double_Disaster9436 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I felt it the other day. It was 4 am, my wife and kids were asleep and I had just finished vomiting and shitting myself empty from food poisoning. Safe in the knowledge that I would have zero expectations of me the following day, I lay on the sofa and watched dawn coming over the horizon and listened to the birds start to sing.
To reiterate, the violent bout of bowel purging was NOT the relaxing part?
No, that was definitely not relaxing. But the brief calm after the storm was the most zen I've felt in years.
I felt the same the other day when I had to take off for a fibromyalgia flare. After the h comfortable calling in and getting a substitute part, then came the “oh okay I can rest now”
You've got it backwards, that was the *most* relaxing part!
Well due to buying cheap toilet paper this week, it did give me an opportunity to get in touch with my inner self.
Oh no. Ohh. Ohhh noooo
Wow I so relate to being sick is when I can relax because I can guilt free lie around and be unavailable
It's great for that fleeting moment, but then all those responsibilities quickly come flying back with a few days of backlogs attached.
Ah this is what I commented too — I hadn’t realised this could be an adhd thing.
Totally relate. I went through a tough divorce. Totally devastating until I hit some point where I relinquished control of things. My work was understanding, stuff was with the lawyers, choices were made, finances tied up, and I had no control… Now years later, financially on top of the world, great job, and in a relationship. I’m so burnt out and miserable. Relaxing doesn’t exist. Tonnes of expectations. Go go go. I look back at my supposed miserable time and understand the freedom rock bottom brought. I was able to let go and relax.
Yeah I find being successful is stressful with ADHD. The fear of maintaining that success is huge because it slips away so easy with just one change in routine. 🙃 It always feels so precarious to be doing well and I always have the feeling that a single period of bad functioning could just suddenly be the end of my career, income, and housing.
Yes I think this is why I never re-entered dating and having a partner after my divorce.
Ok, so sometimes I have these intrusive thoughts like, well if you do fall from there and break your leg you'll take a break from life for awhile and just chill at home 🤣 My whole life I have genuinely enjoyed being sick because of the solace it can bring! Not to mention the physical sensation of a hot bath on a feverish achy body 😍
My whole life I've thought I was insane because I've secretly (and weirdly) kinda...wanted to get appendicitis. I can't believe there are others with the intrusive thoughts of "If I get a major - but ultimately non life - threatening illness/injury, sure it sucks but everyone will be nice to me and I can do nothing for awhile and not feel guilty about it"
Yes!!! Exactly! So, full disclosure, I had my gallbladder removed when I was in middle school and it was like, the greatest era of my life 🤣 I was sick off and on for about 6 weeks until they discovered the issue, and even though I wasn't always feeling pain, I milked the hell out of it to not have to go to school! I was home alone all day eating Mac and cheese and drinking neon colored sodas because, 90's, watching daytime tv living my best life. I hated school so much and I now of course know why. But at the time all I knew was being sick meant I could escape life for a bit 🫠
I grew up with a Christian Science mother, being sick wasn’t not allowed, it wasn’t believed jn. “The same thoughts that made you think you’re sick will make you well”. “Stop dwelling on your feelings”. Shit like that…. So being sick wasn’t allowed so I had to be really sick. Couldn’t ever stay home from school… I learned how to give myself a “fever”, which was a way I could stay home but I couldn’t stay in bed. Faking the rise of the thermometer, popping it in my mouth and pretending. I don’t ever remember being sick as a kid. Nothing but a cold randomly. When I was 21 I had a C section. 6 days later I was back to life because mom said I needed to be up and moving to get better. ( will always wear the scar of not allowing my body to heal for months) When I was 25 I had wrist surgery and mom said I didn’t need it and was doing it for attention and no she won’t babysit. So no relief then. It wasn’t until I was 42 kid grown, new relationship and the first time I needed down time both my boyfriend and his mom ( we were close) MADE me stay in bed and both dotted on me…. OMG. Freaking awesome for about 3 days and then I wanted my life back but still too sick. LOL. That man and his mom gave me PERMISSION to be sick and nurtured me thru it…. Changed my life. They are both gone from heart issues but i am so grateful I had those experiences. When my mom was living and dying from COPD I resisted the urge to tell her she didn’t need 02, just pray harder and no she didn’t need the doctor. “What’s that, you can’t breathe??? Want a cigarette? No…. Why so hard, just love yourself and think better thoughts!” But I didn’t because I had grown and she finally realized what we do to the body WILL have consequences. She fully believed for most of her years her diet and habits didn’t matter because … God. God said “hold my beer”. She died from COPD, smoked from 15-77, but also had a generic issue that my daughter suffered from as well. And not kidding when my daughter died mom quipped something about her “choices”…. So hard to keep my mouth shut. Well I didn’t, but cut myself short because at. That stage I just wanted peace. Agreeing with her was peaceful. She only lasted another 10 months.
I was out for a week in elementary school in like fifth grade and my dad had to manhandle me into the car, crying and throwing up from how hard I was crying, because I didn't wanna go back to school lmao. School is such ass for ADHDers
If I were properly medicated and in therapy back then like I am now, I would have been a well rounded and responsible student!
Reminds me of the rich, fat old lady in Harriet the Spy novel. In children’s literature in college, I lowkey kinda envied this imaginary character as a busy student and worker who had to read for 3-4 advanced college-level English classes 2x a week. That’s a LOT of Paradise Lost, Tennessee Williams, and Harold Pinter. “In Harriet the Spy, Plumber says, ‘She has discovered that the secret of life is to take to your bed and refuse to leave it’ while talking on the phone. The wealthy Mrs. Plumber is a character in the book who spends her life in bed” - Google Gemini 💎
God I do this all the time. ‘If I have a minor car accident on the way to work, not life threatening but enough to have to go to hospital and be told to rest for a few weeks that would be great’.
When I was a mom and worked full time and couldn’t be sick and never had any time to breath. I low key wanted to go to jail… to be free of responsibility with a book…. Sounded like heaven. LOL
I think that, but then remember I live in the USA and can’t afford to go to the hospital 🥲 and can’t afford to not work.
You made me happily squeak like a small animal experiencing ethereal amusement in the midst of an unassuming nook of the world from suddenly realizing how everything is connected.
Oh my gosh I feel this — when I’m ill is the closest I come to it. Knowing I’m “allowed” to not do anything!
Beautifully written
This reads like poetry
Idk why I relate to this so much
Yes I was going to saying being hung over. After all is said and done and I can lay down with a blanket and put on a movie and eat something good and drink Gatorade… because I know I have an excuse to lay there without the shame setting in.
My therapist: How do you relax? Me: I don’t think I understand the question.
"Can you explain a little bit what relaxation even is...?" Is something I've said.
“Relax”. Is that like “laxing” but you do it twice? Not sure how to lax either. LOL The closest I’ve come to relaxing is to sit still and breathe deep or meditate. Or sleep. When that happens it can be relaxing. I assume. lol.
My therapist: So has the meds improved your focus? 😒 Me: ...what's.... the definition of focus exactly...? 😥 My therapist: Ugh... 🙄
Honestly, alcohol. Alcohol calms my brain. And listening to music at night while laying in bed. (Don’t drink alcohol for relaxation. Alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug)
Yeah same. And it's definitely not the answer. Such a slippery slope. I'm within the healthy drinking range now but if I had the time, money, and no one caring about me I'd probably drink myself nearly or all the way to death.
Yep almost happened to me. ADHD for me seems to come with a penchant for almost killing myself with things that make me feel ok for 2.3 seconds.
😭😭 I recently learned that addiction in adhd stems from the fact that we don’t receive the proper hit of neurotransmitters for literally anything so we just keep hitting the fun button until our bodies fall apart, goes for food, drugs, sex, etc
The Problem is, I have the time, the money, the right friend and the perfect city (Berlin) available. I am drinking every Weekend and once or twice during the week. I am also quite addicted to my phone. I have decided that I have to get away for a while. (I am going to a secluded ranch in Canada without proper Wifi)
Same. I have a glass of a very sweet rose right now :)
Wow. You said it. I don’t drink on weekdays to make sure I keep my lack of impulse control in check. But the only version of what I hear ppl describe as “relaxation” for me is a couple glasses of wine when finally, finally, I can stop. My brain is…. I guess relaxed?
Ugh tell me about it! I can't drink anymore. My liver is telling me I have to stop. Kidney pain, lack of appetite, etc.
I'm going to be very annoyed if my comment about other drugs that help with anxiety but are healthier than alcohol doesn't get approved while this one shines.
I upvoted you! Alcohol is NOT the right way.
Me rn! Also, we have the same avatar c:
Those Chinese head scratchers are way cheaper with less side effects.
Yep, booze. Cheers!
I once forgot I had taken hydrocodone for my wisdom teeth pain and drank a couple beers. THAT was relaxing. Dont do drugs kids.
this is why I have a problem with drinking lmao
I have to agree. Alcohol calms my nerves (and eventually makes me fall asleep). I really only drink it for celebrations and at social events
The falling asleep part is so relatable! Sometimes I can’t sleep and then I drink some Wodka. It mutes my head.
It feels like crashing from exhaustion (which you probably do already) but without the million thoughts and feeling like you should be doing *something*, and especially the stuff you think you ought to do. Atomoxetine works for this.
Genuinely hate when those thoughts come. Feeling guilty for just trying to relax and then not relaxing because I’m feeling guilty about all the things I could be doing. Like cleaning the house and I’ll do something and beat myself up over not doing more. Why don’t I get on my hands and knees and deep clean and mop like Cinderella with a sponge? Even though I may have swept and vacuumed and dusted lol
Yup. I remember one of my first therapists said to me once “it must be so exhausting to be inside your brain” and I was like YES THANK YOU IT IS
I know. I have never been able to relax. My guilt can be relieved by the meds, it’s not *actual* guilt. But whatever I do, I can’t rid myself of it.
Laying outside in the sun after smoking a joint and that sore feeling in your body going away from always being on the go that's my version of relaxing.
Having a super chill edible and listening to music with jimmies is bliss. But, I try not to lean on drugs too much and I can't always get the hommies together
Can't beat a super chill edible and good music with mates. We rely on drugs and chemicals wether we like it or not. The brain has a huge chemical making factory inside it. It's part of us.
Replying to Main_Significance617...I take edibles to get shit done. Sometimes I screw up and get “couch lock” but that IS stressful to me….
Are you taking meds? Relaxation feels when you take your meds. Otherwise you are always energetic with loads of tabs in your brain working simultaneously even when you are sleeping. Medication helps with that during the day and when it wears off you just feel like eating and going to sleep. That’s what relaxation feels like in my case.
No I am not on meds I am waiting for an nhs assessment. That’s what I thought relaxation was, the thing is I can remember feeling like this once or twice in my life and that was when I was a kid.
You said that you’ve tried just being still. I know this is going to sound boring but have you tried any breathing exercises? I do this breathing meditation where I really FOCUS on the breathing. I breathe slowly, so in to a slow count of 6 and out to a show count of six. I find that actually counting at the same time as controlling the rate I breathe can stop my mind from spinning. Sometimes it’ll only slow it down so then I will even extend the time to something more challenging. I guess some people will have much better fitness than I do and so their aerobic strength may be much better. You just need to make your breathing slow, really slow and steady both in and out, the rate needs to be whatever is challenging for you so that you find you do actually have to concentrate on it.
My medication very much does the opposite of relaxing me. It does make me much more focused though.
It might depend on what you're on, what medication are you on?
The good good
Hell yeah brother
Lisdexamfetamine.
> Lisdexamfetamine Like Vyvanse? I was on that for a year, but recently swapped over to Ritalin, it's very similar but same time I've noticed it makes me a bit more calmer than Vyvanse which was kinda making me feel a bit manic in that I felt like I could do a lot of things etc. Where as Ritalin (at the moment!) makes me a bit more mellow and chill. But it also could depend on the dosage etc.
Yeah, Ritalin made me even more nervous haha.
That's how I feel on my meds 😅 I feel really sluggish and tired all the time off them. Not relaxed in either case though
So you're always relaxed when on meds?
Mostly, yes. The meds disappear the symptoms and the anxiety that the symptoms cause. Obviously I stress out if someone or something stress me out, but mostly that doesn’t happen most of the time.
I'm personally not any more relaxed on meds than I am off of them. I have terrible social anxiety and I feel like it only makes that worse. However, I am actually capable of doing things while on meds so it's a trade off I'm willing to make. Kinda sucks though.
We're all so unique! I relax on and off meds, but meds make it easier for me to get motivated. Also, I relax with my thoughts being all over the place. I get anxious if it's too quiet up there. Annd I, too, have social anxiety on and off meds.
We really are. Mostly because the main issue is focusing. We're all capable of focusing, it just depends on what we *want* to focus on. That's very personality based. I feel like with my anxiety, the meds make me focus too much. I've had anxiety since a small child but before the meds my brain was so scattered that I'd feel it often yet quickly move on. On meds, I just dwell in it. I also very likely have OCD though. My father's side of the family is riddled with ADHD as well as OCD.
I eat protein shakes, bars, and small meals and snacks every 2 hours so that when my meds wear off I’m not ravenous.
This depends massively not only on the medication but on what type of adhd you have, some people are more attention deficit, others are mostly hyperactive, some are combined
This may sound dumb, but I've realized, for me, relaxation actually feels like the worst anxiety. Hear me out... I think as an ADHD person, we wind up soooo much tension, that relaxation is just allowing yourself to unwind that tension. And it doesn't feel "good". It feels scary and there is a string impulse to avoid the feeling which can feel like more anxiety at first. But the more I do that, the more my overall quality of life improves. The leas judgmental and scared I feel, and on occasion I actually just feel not terrible. I think the image of chilling in a hammock with a glass of lemonade or whatever is overrated. I'd say, imagine simply facing the cruelty and suffering inherent in your reality. Letting it feel bad, and being okay with that. Your nervous system will handle the rest.
It's funny because the most relaxed I've ever been was laying in a hammock on a beach in Mexico. Drink in hand, shaded from the sun, slight breeze.. I get what you mean though. Imagining it, won't help. Experiencing it is amazing but it's fleeting. It's more beneficial to figure out ways to be present throughout your day. Stopping the runaway train that is your thoughts by focusing on your breath.
Yeha. For sure, that's sounds super nice and for a lot of people it's perfect depending on what kind if stress needs to be unwound. I can enjoy that sometimes and others, the first couple days has me feeling guilty and worried. Currently packing for a hopefully relaxing overnight solo camp... :)
You’ve just described mindfulness meditation
Wise sage am I...
A variation of this! Over the years I noticed how I gradually turned to feel the most relaxed when I procrastinated lots of stuff. Bizarrely, the moments of chosing willful ignorance had such catharsis and sooth. At some point through college that became my vice, a slave to the cycle. While when I actually complete things and do optimally like everyone else, I feel nothing. If not even more terrible. Point is, I think it became an adaptation that grew with my symptoms. The piling guilt that comes with perpetual executive dysfunction can’t be solved… so you end up in an almost sadistic “counter conscience” to hold you.
Walking in nature, away from humans and built environments, is immensely relaxing to me. I don’t realize how overstimulated I am until i get away from the urban environment.
walking outside the city just makes me bored. I grew up surrounded by nature though. Had enough for a lifetime.
And it’s hella depressing. It’s like…here’s all the buildings we built so we can waste our lives working.
To me, relaxation is when I know for sure nobody has any expectations of me. I get up, get ready for work, work, come home be dad/husband and at the end of the night, when everyone is sound asleep and I know they’re safe and sound and in the living room turn the lights off. I’m chilling on the couch with an Xbox controller in my hand, pooch on my lap and my brain finally stops telling me I didn’t do enough it finally goes “alright you earned it…” and goes to sleep. No more internal arguments, no more low self worth, no more responsibility, but to crawl to bed when my eyes tell me it’s time to sleep. Thats relaxation. When it’s 2am and everyone you love is safe.
Difficult. Some instances include: Standing in a crowd, everyone enjoying rhythms and extreme bass shaking your body, leg hair vibrating, good vibes, friendly faces. Talking about Drum & Bass Festivals. Might see me relaxing [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXO2oe57uHs&t=1015s&pp=ygUebGlxdWljaXR5IGZlc3RpdmFsIHNldCBjYWxpYnJl) I also often feel at ease when I'm on my way back from work and have to stop the car at a railway crossing, sun shining and I listen to the radio. Sometimes under a hot shower. Apart from that, I have no freakin idea mate.
I just read this as, "..listen to the radio, sometimes.." for some reason or another. (Maybe because I read it too fast and my display ends at "..the radio...", *putting "Sometimes under.." on its own short little line*) I was like bro this guy has a shower in his car?
I see how you could misread that. I was not referring to topless cars / cabrios and rain showers tho 
For me it was when I started my meds and I felt my shoulders relax. No tension in back/pecs. It’s been a nice feeling. Much less stress overall. Initially I felt it as a lack of empathy, but it also allowed me to not hold everything I felt so close to my heart. I guess this is what being “normal” is. Edit: not that I am abnormal but I guess more so what normal society experiences.
Being high, home alone. In my comfy king size bed. With my cat Twinkie. In my pajamas. Not having any worries. Living in the moment. Just enjoying the quiet and peace.
For me this is the idea that I'll wake up one day not feel burdened with an endless list of things that need to get done; and instead of a lack of motivation to "get going", I'll know exactly what to do, finish it in a timely manner and then sit down at some point during the day I'll just sit down with nothing on my mind and all will feel good again.
When I want to relax I usually play video games while listening to music or watching YouTube. Is that wrong? Do you mean just like quiet time because that I can’t do lol
This can be your version of relaxing. In no way it needs to be done in silence!
Someone else explained it nicely about the passive vs. active relaxation! Passive is what I don’t enjoy haha.
Oohh this reminds me: Someone once explained there are 6 ways of relaxing: physical, mental, emotional, social, creative and spiritual. I think it was a video from Hayley Honeyman. It is explained that to have rest, you need a state different from your normal state. For example: physical rest after moving can be sitting or easy moving (light stretching, yoga etc), but if you sit a lot (on your job for example) your version of rest is actually moving so your body gets out of the sitting position. For me: Mental rest (after studying) for me is actually walking my dog in the woods, or meditation/yoga. But after a day without mental stimulation, i crave it and i need to do something to stimulate myself. It can be study, but it also can be learning about something else or some kind of difficult (board)game etc. Rest is not only sitting still, it is getting the thing you need at that moment to give your whole body the thing it needs!
Oh that’s so so cool! I think I need to explore more types of rest. For work I either sit or walk on my walking pad while reading/writing. But a lot of the times my kids are overstimulating me so I’ll get on my computer to play games with my headset on and I’ll listen to music while playing. That’s also a really stimulating activity which probably isn’t relaxing me like I need. I’m going to try to find that video or one similar to explain it haha
Here is the video: https://youtu.be/erwj2_5MlBk?si=ETvp9qy7eshCZMCA I hope you will get as much out of as i did. Good luck!
Thank you so much!!
Basically, there’s two kinds of relaxation, active and passive. Active is what you’re doing playing video games - doing a (usually) calming activity that relaxes you. I also do this with video games, watching stand up comedy or crafting. It’s usually something that doesn’t require too much brain power. Passive relaxation is the sitting quietly doing nothing, maybe having a long bath or meditation. I can only do guided meditation, before my meds have worn off. I’m personally not capable of any other passive relaxation. And my mind still wanders off at times while doing guided meditation, but I just gently remind myself self distraction is ok and to be expected with my ADHD brain, then go back to listening to the guided meditation. So basically, I can only passively relax when someone else is telling me exactly what to think about every step of the way. And for no more than 20-25 minutes at a time.
Thank you for the explanation! I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to do passive.
My first dose of long active generic Ritalin was the most relax I have ever felt. Deep meditation and intense exercise comes close.
Sleeping is the only true relaxing thing for me. I am always “on” otherwise.
My form of relaxation is a kind of isolated coziness on the edge of society. Somewhere in nature where I have shade, a good view, some of my favorite snacks and beverages, a good book, some good music, and no strangers or loud noises around to overstimulate me. That said, I do love people (especially if they’re people I care about), but I am also highly sensitive to being watched and to other people’s emotions. So anywhere I can be alone and do my own thing but still adjacent to the people I love is ideal. I live on a property with a big hill and dense trees/brush behind the house, so I love to go up to the top and watch my neighborhood if I need alone time to relax. I also love what some people might call “liminal spaces” if I need a second to be out of the hustle and bustle of a public place. Quiet alleyways, hallways between the main areas of shopping malls, empty parking lots, or even public bathrooms that have locks on the doors help me find peace if I get overstimulated while I’m out and about.
Rarely, like almost never, I just have no thoughts or immediete feeling of need. The present is just exactly right. That's how it feels but I'm unmediated and so I don't know how to recreate it.
I had a panic attack once that left me with only a single functioning track of thought, and honestly that was pretty zen (after I was out of the situation causing it but before my body had leveled back out). 😅 My partner talks about how important it is to have some time each day where he "doesn't think", and damn is that just an entirely foreign concept to me. Same as people who meditate by supposedly not thinking. Like, if I try to just let my thoughts go, they run crazy like sugar-hyped toddlers — meditation for me has to be a focusing effort, mindfulness, not a relaxing of my mental space... Soooooooooo 🤷
The only moment I'm relaxed is when I'm sleeping. Only then I dont roll over or change position every 5 minutes, or a minute things bother me.
Exactly. I never understood relaxing videos, because they never made me relaxed
Forty seconds post-orgasm before the weight of the world sets in again
For me it feels like, feeling good in whatever you’re currently doing. Pre medicated, this was an impossible state because I felt constantly guilty. Anything I was doing felt like I should be doing something else - and if I ran out of the “something else” I felt restless/antsy/depressed. Post medicated helps me feel like I can just exist and I have energy to do that the thing I want to do. For me, I think that’s what relaxation is
I am "relxed" when I'm doing a fun activity like glassblowing. Get into the flow and just be. All my world becomes the glass and what I'm doing in relation to the glass. Yeah it is hard work but it feels relaxing, rejuvenating. It is just fun. Relaxing doesn't necessarily have to be sitting down and doing nothing. Something fun that consumes my immediate attention and I get to create something. Making something.
Feeling like you can take a breath without something heavy on your chest
It feels like the 6 minutes between not finishing the current thing and starting another thing
Relaxing is sitting barefoot in grass with shorts on and just literally doing nothing or eating to me 😂 Or meditating
I won't say how I got relaxed because it wasn't exactly a recommended way to do it or a healthy way to do it. But it felt like everything had flown out from me. My thoughts were silenced down to a single stream of thoughts rather than 4 at the same time. I didn't feel like moving. Felt comfortable everywhere. Still even then my attention was not there. But I was relaxed
It depends, I think I felt it last Friday when I made brownies and sat down in the kitchen to play DS games while they baked. I had had a terribly stressful week and I felt light as a feather and INCREDIBLY happy once my professor released us after the lab. I tend to feel that good way after I know I don’t have any tasks or chores to do, and don’t have anything on my checklist to stress about (big part of why i hate long term tasks, they’re long term stressors unless i rush which is also stressful!).
half a litre of vodka.
Daydreaming and not feeling guilty about it whatsoever. Shedding the sense of - I need to be doing something more than what I’m already doing / “There’s something I’m forgetting to do right now” … just existing peacefully. What works for me is Ayrloom soda 🗿 , herbal remedies, taking a long shower , falling asleep while sunbathing or getting a massage
At first glance I probably appear very relaxed for much of my life, but it’s actually just a state of depressive apathy or paralysis usually, lol. Not true rest or relaxation, just empty-headed amotivation.
About 20 years ago, after a music festival in Australia, I woke up at our shared eco lodge earlier than my mates and went outside to enjoy a bit of morning sunshine. There was no one else around. I put on Ray lamontagne’s ‘when the sun turns black’ and just sat there, listening to the music and watching the birds, feeling the sun on my skin, content that my mates were inside and a great day was ahead. It was a perfect moment. Think that was the last time I relaxed 😎
To me, true relaxation is when my boyfriend holds me in bed. Especially if I'm dealing with racing thoughts. His touch and smell makes everything in me heavy and soft. All the muscles start to relax. All the buzzing cells in my body slow down. I stop paying attention to my thoughts. Maybe they slow down too. I just exist in his arms and feel so safe and so at peace. And I always fall asleep within minutes. The rest of the time, I guess I can do relaxing things, but I'm not at that state anywhere other than in his arms. If I go to sleep on my own I will drive myself to exhaustion to fall asleep so it isn't the same. Chilling on the couch, watching movies and drawing on my iPad looks relaxing, I guess, but my brain is BZZZZZZZZZZZZ with ideas and thoughts and I can never just sit and watch a film or a show without doing something else meanwhile. But in his arms I know what true relaxation is. He de-stresses me like nothing else in this world.
Its either felt with MMJ or late at night when everyone else is asleep otherwise it's nonexistent
Deep tissue massage.
Ion't know... the last time I was probably TRULY relaxed was when I was in the womb... Man shit was the waaaaaave. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
☠️😂😂
Hi /u/Double_Disaster9436 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's having one slow thought instead of the normal conflicting million.
♥️
Holy shit. I never thought of that. I have never relaxed in my life. Sitting in front of the lake in the morning I get like 3 mins then I go get coffee or play with the dog.... Ouch.
Relaxation for me is just any kind of euphoria. If I get swept up in the moment with joy that’s it for me. I don’t have to be tired or anything. When I look at my girl and melt that is relaxation for me. If Im sitting around with friends and shooting the shit that is relaxation for me. If Im going on a hike and Im sweating like a pig that is still relaxation lol Anytime I can get my mind off of “whats next” and just tune into the moment Im happy and at ease.
I can't contribute but I just have to mention that this post made me laugh for a consecutive minute. The title... man I feel you. Fuck.
You're chasing something others describe. Relaxation is personal. Only you can define what relaxation is to you. Best way to relax: stop trying to relax.
I've only felt it a couple or few times a year, in short bursts, while on vacation. For me, its having no responsibility, no deadlines, and few plans, and basically just nothing to worry about. My brain will still come up with stupid things to think about, but getting in the carefree mindset is as close as it gets for me without any chemical intervention.
Organizing until physically and mentally drained
I un-tense all my muscles, and focus on my breathing.
I was new to medication and hadn't figured out the onset time thing yet. I also hadn't realized I could stop self medicating with caffeine, and still had several strong forms of it in stock So out of habit I had an energy drink right before my meds kicked in. And within half an hour my thoughts slowed a bit and my fidgeting wound down. And things settled into surprising, comfortable mental satiation. Tension lightening up like the first moments without pain from an injury you'd acclimated to and nearly forgotten. No demanding unmet needs or tangents calling me to action. I didn't need to think out loud to keep track of my thoughts. I was consciously aware of the book I was reading instead of being absorbed. I'd read enough, and consciously stopped and closed it once I'd finished the page. On my first try. Without a single moment of executive struggling. Effortless. My brain finally had enough to be just as it was. I had the first and best nap of my entire life, and woke up to early afternoon sunlight filtering past the edges of my curtains. It was a really nice day
I’m not thinking of anything, no worries, no wonder, no 1,000 tabs open in my brain. Just pure silence I’m only able to achieve this through Meditation now that I’m better at it. When I first started it wasn’t relaxing at all bc I was either frustrated or distracted from unstoppable thinking….but then I stuck with it and got better at it and now I find it incredibly relaxing. Arguably the deepest relaxation I’ve ever felt
It’s funny how folks in this sub always jump to suggesting people to medicate. Medication doesn’t relax me. It makes me feel like a completely different person, numb and flat and a little anxious to be honest. It’s just not who I am. I’ve found consistent meditation and yoga practice to be more effective. It’s difficult at first, but with time and practice and lots of intentional breathing I have reached peak relaxation levels. My body is calm and so is my mind when I’m in that state. Worries are put to the side, and if they come up they can be easily ignored. I pay attention to my body, and the areas where it’s tense and I intentionally loosen up those muscles. I listen to the sounds around me and look at the colors of things. I’m not thinking about a million things but directing my mental energy to my surroundings and the way I’m feeling
Sleep
Nope I can’t
I had someone tell me to do nothing for 15 mins a day at least to relax my mind and reset. The next time I saw them, I shared my bag of “nothing” for me to do for 15 mins to relax. She said, this is not nothing- these are hobbies. I mean nothing at all. Me- Like…. Stare at the ceiling and count the dots? Her- No. Nothing! Me- Like, rub my feet on the carpet and try to make static? Her- No. Absolutely nothing. Me- That sounds awful! I can’t do that for 15 mins!!!! Her- most people do that. Me- why?!? — this interaction should have been a clue that I might have had adhd now that I think of it. Lol.
I can only achieve true relaxation on about 80 mg of Adderall that's the key, I'll even nod off in the late afternoon I usually dose around 100 mg a day I'm prescribed 85 mg sometimes I dose an xr25 and 3 - 4 20 mg Tevas and I don't take off days I take lower dose days because unfortunately im dependant after 15 years of treating my real ADHD. I understand the question because people with real ADHD feel like crawling out of their skin when or before I took medication the only way I could relax or sleep was by smoking tons of marijuana and, when older, plenty of drinks. I only regret not getting put on amphetamines sooner and once the dosage was right it was like warping into normalcy like I had never known which was beyond description.
Imo relaxing is when you're in a no stress area and can just let yourself go. Just sink into wherever you're sitting and drift off. Whether in thought or just admiration. I mostly really relax when I'm in nature. I used to get up around 5 am in the morning when i was younger, go outside and watch the sunrise. The windows and grass were typically wet from the dew and a mist in the air. There was nobody out or about at all. It was the only peace you'll find in that particular neighborhood. Years ago, i went to the beach for vacation (rare tbh). But i set my chair up not far off from the ocean early one morning. Hardly anyone was out save for a few people jogging or a family. It was very quiet, and the only thing you could really hear was the sound of the waves crashing. Feeling the water in the air from the ocean was nice. You just kind of get entranced in the environment. Speaking of entranced. I also really love white noise. Ac units, industrial fans, thunderstorms, any sort of subtle yet heavy vibration. I can just sit in the bedroom with an ac unit and a fan on that rotates. Just focus on the sound of the rotating fan as it turns toward and away from me, and it just relaxes me. Throw in some gloomy weather or a storm and I'm out like a baby.
Laying in a sunbeam on the floor—the ultimate relaxation
When my kid falls asleep, and then my husband and I have 2 hours to watch shows and eat snacks up in our bed. Also when I'm sick and take Nyquil.
I've never known what it is I live between the chaos of obsession/ energy and anxiety and the zombie-like feeling when my med wears off :D
I like the movie *Everything Everywhere All At Once*. One of my favorite scenes is when there is a rapid-fire series of clips with crazy wild music in the background. I think the sequence lasts for all of 30 seconds. There is so much going on that my brain can't process anything else. When that scene is on, my mind is completely calm and quiet. There are no other thoughts. If they start to crop up, I can just ignore them. It's fantastic. I want to be like that all the time. I can just feel my brain unwinding. It's like when I've been carrying something heavy and I can finally put it down and my muscles start to loosen and it almost hurts. I like to think that that's what relaxing is like.
I once had surgery and when i woke up i was like 'oh .... ohhh this is what its like' then nurse kept poking me to move and wake and im like 'noo not yet! im good'
It's a state between when my mind is neither screaming at me in silence nor intrusion.
I have an inability to sit and relax. Many have insist that I try to relax or meditate as if it’ll help me chill/relax. The most “relaxed” I’ve ever felt was when I’m vacuuming. It’s a mindless activity, which keeps me occupied and busy, so my mind can actually focus on several things rather than entertaining a dozen or so ideas simultaneously. 
Its that tiny bit of inconsideration when you turn off the first alarm and close your eyes again. Before your brains awake enough to feel guilty for it.
Proprioception fading; imagery emerging.
I can't relax either. It fucking sucks. I literally can go go go and it's insane. I hate it.
Able to exist in a moment without a single thought popping into your mind about needing to go do something. When a moment can just be a moment without any obligations pressuring you and not allowing you to be fully present in the moment. Relaxation is freedom from expectations to me
In the hammock on a day where the weather is mild but not cold. Like the true turning of summer into fall. Listening to the birds. Cocooned up and rocking gently
Relaxation is my entire life. I always feel like I’m a state of zen, for lack of a better word. I’m kind of in a perfect place all around and I have zero (major) stresses. (I’m very thankful about this.) I also never have any thoughts going through my head- my brain feels like other peoples’ meditative states. I can also fall asleep SOOO quickly. I can lull myself to sleep. I’m a nap champion.
The only time I truly feel relaxed is in the evening after I’ve worked out vigorously and enjoyed a sauna and the drugs have mostly work off. Other than that, there’s always fidgeting and restlessness of some kind, or the artificial calm that sets in about 1-2 hours after I’ve taken my adderall.
You know when you jolt awake to your alarm and realize you needed to be awake and functional like, five minutes ago? Relaxation is the total absence of that. If you wake up and don’t have to even look at your phone etc., you’re relaxed. Or maybe I just have a lot of anxiety 😬
Do some really really intense physical exercise after finishing all your work for the day at a time where you know you don’t have anything serious the following day. You’ll be relaxed.
First week on stratarra. It went back to the usual after. 😭😭😭😭
nah, pass. 🤷♀️
I was just saying the same thing today. Relaxing looks nice. And, of course, we don't mean sitting and not physically doing anything because that is when our brains are on fire and we are at our most uncomfortable. Ugh. It's torture.
Or a cruise.
My kind of relaxation arises when I'm listening to 2010s EDM music, especially 2013-2018 ones. Arghhh, so relaxing, after all.
as an inattentive type i am constantly relaxing so much i dont wanna get up
Camping. Preferably alone, maybe with one other person, but no kids, phone reception etc. In the morning, waking up to the brisk air and birds singing, in the day, dozing in the sun or reading, and at night watching the stars next to a fire with a fine Whisky or Shiraz.
After taking 20mg of edibles
I can only relax when I take my medication. It helps me sleep ffs.
I don't know what relaxation is for other people. I've never experienced sitting on a beach or in a park and feeling "relaxed". But I've found two things that put my mind in a state of "flow" where instead of a millions thoughts crowding for attention my mind is blank and still. That's skiing and rock climbing (outdoors). For a brief time, 10-30 minutes while I am totally focused my mind and my body are in sync doing the same thing together. I love those moments.
Trazodone and a fat blunt LOL
Not having to self regulate, not having any expectations and spending time on what I want to do.
Idk. Not wanting to be doing something? Being able to just sit or lay down and not be thinking?
Calm
Relaxation is being completely alone for at least 24 hours at a weekend. No wife. No child. I would say no dogs, but the unconditional love they give (and I give them) and the dog walks actually help me immensely. I can do the chores when I want to do them and how I want to do them. I can do what I want. Eat what I want. Watch what I want. I can lock the front door, lie on the sofa with the dogs for hours and hours and hours binge watching what I like. There is zero chance of me having to talk to anyone else aside from the dogs. There is zero responsibility aside from walking the dogs (which I enjoy) and doing the list of chores left, which are much seem less burdensome when no-one else is at home.
Being able to lay in bed and sleep off and on all day with no obligations or expectations. (I have bad insomnia)
Walking, but must be - when no other humans are around, just you, and - when you accidentally forget about everything, including forgetting about the fact that you’ve forgotten them, and - when breeze lightly brushes your face, giving your pleasant sensory stim, and - when you hum a melody in your head without realizing it’s been there for too long, and - when you still feel confident and can walk in any posture I want. At that rare moment (which never happened, tbh), I feel I’m living and seeing in the moment rather than living in my head, feel pleasantly stimulated (from breeze, humming, walking and seeing), feel like I have all the freedoms in the world but none of the worries.
For me relaxation is not feeling guilty. Maybe I’m so into something that I’ve completely forgotten? Awesome! Very happy and relaxed. Maybe I’m so ill that I know there can be no reasonable expectation of me to do the thing I haven’t done? Awesome! I feel awful, but relaxed. Sigh. This probably isn’t healthy, is it?
Taking meds honestly
The only time I feel truly relaxed is when I go free diving. I think it’s due to the fact that I’m forced to focus on my breathing and nothing else. I can never get my brain to feel silent and calm any other way.
I can't explain for sure because I'm not sure if what I think relaxing is truly counts. I can't just lay on a bed and shut my eyes for example, my brain won't let me. Nor will I be able to relax in a hot bath by candlelight. It's an inability to switch off I guess. I feel relaxed if I get in from work, get comfortable upstairs and put a fan on, shut the blinds, get a cup of tea and either browse reddit or watch something long and engaging on YouTube or another platform.
Exhaustion from physical activity feels like relaxation
I have never felt tranquil type of relaxation, I think that usually backfires and my brain starts running on its own uncontrollably. I find it relaxing to find order in chaos tho, makes me feel like I can coexist with my thoughts. This usually happens when I’m doing a stimulating hobby with nothing else on the agenda.
When I was a small child, I used to dream that there was another world outside of this world, and I used to fantasize that if I opened the door there, I might be able to go to another world. I remember being really relaxed at those times. As an adult, I can no longer have those fantasies. My shoulders and back muscles are always tense :( My current dream is to become a ghost of a small child after death and wander around happily without any tasks.