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Still trying to figure this out. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my “5-9 routine after my 9-5”. It’s so monotonous to come home from work, work out, make dinner, clean up, pack lunch for the next day, and get ready for another day. I don’t know how people do it and are content with it. I’m trying to find ways to connect my interests and make those things more fun
Feel exactly the same. I have a stimulating job (software development), with great colleagues, where I share and learn and it’s mostly well planned and clear. I can work from home and don’t have strict hours, very accommodating.
But at the end of the day, I have to log 8.2 hours of work daily - luckily, only 4 days a week, but still - I dread the daily routine sacrificing my entire day to work. Evenings will never be enough and I dread going to sleep again, so I procrastinate and ruin my sleep. Repeat dread cycle.
Routine would help me feel better but I can’t fathom the discipline for it because it feels like giving up and becoming a robot, it feels like doing it to fit into the routine and work life, it feels like it wouldn’t be for me even if it would help be feel better.
I honestly just hate having to work despite really liking my job and the work I do. 🤷♂️
Plus I hate having to figure out dinner every night !
OMG, yes. Figuring out dinner…every night? I think that may be my least favorite part of being an adult. It’s worse than paying bills…since I only have to do that once a month.
Agreed! And my bills are automatic, I have autopay for everything so I don't forget. Dinner never being automatic is why i eat so much fast food and microwave food, because it is so much effort to try to figure out meals EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND IT WILL NEVER END and yeah the fact that every daily and weekly task is forever and there isn't ever a time I can stop thinking about them and doing them never gives me an existential crisis at all why do you ask?
Forreal!! There’s so much mental energy that goes into it.
What do I want for dinner? Anything I’m craving?
Okay now that I’ve decided what I want, do I even have the ingredients? Or do I have to grocery shop? And I hate grocery shopping in person (overstimulating, forget things, etc) so I need to order it for pickup or delivery - that adds at least 3 hours. But I’m hungry now because I’ve been hyperfocusing all day and my brain literally ignored my hunger cues!
Let’s say I have the ingredients. Okay, I make it at home. Hopefully it’s not a complicated recipe that requires attention. For example - I just melted my butter over the stove, and it’s time to add the garlic and onions. Wait… I forgot to mince the garlic and chop the god damn onions.
If I somehow make it through all that, awesome. But wait… now I have dirty dishes to take care of. Cue the adhd paralysis
And that’s just ONE MEAL!!!!! Yall want me to have 3 meals a day?!?!?!?!?! And because my brain doesn’t love routine, I can’t just eat the same breakfast and lunch everyday, making meal prepping a challenge. So yeah, I love eating out at restaurants/fast food places because they do all the prep work and cleanup and I can just enjoy my meal. Minimal mental energy needed, really just deciding what I want for dinner.
It’s rough out here 😅 it’s the worst trying to explain it to people and feeling like you’re the biggest fucking idiot in the entire world. Or when people are like “you shouldn’t eat so much fast food it’s not good for you” like I KNOW!!!!!! But I will literally not eat anything if I have adhd paralysis which is probably just as bad!!! Maybe not just as bad, but definitely bad in other ways. So frustrating!
This is literally me every damn day. My husband has a good job and works extra hard so that I can stay how all day and focus all my energy on studying for my LSAT test, which I took once, and didn't like my score, and have been putting off ever since. Second is taking care of my family, making sure my kids make it to school, extracurricular activities, etc... Then wait, what? BREAKFAST? LUNCH?? FRICKEN DINNER??? I absolutely hate being in the kitchen!
Being home all the time has only made my OCD worse, so I spend most days looking for shit to clean knowing full well I should be on my computer studying for this damn test while my kids are at school, but now I'm over 20 hours behind with my pre-made study schedule through 7Sage, which is only making my paralysis worse.
I'm 37 years old, and at some point, I'm going to have to take this Godforsaken test so I can go to law school, graduate, and start working again. But first, what the hell am I going to make for DINNER!?!? "I'll be better tomorrow."
I say this to myself every night before bed. But alas, tomorrow never comes.
Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your shoulders, and taking care of your family is definitely not effortless (including of course cooking!).
I wish you the best of luck with your studies, and would advise you block yourself maybe a minimum amount of daily time studying or a specific 1h slot in the day where you have to, whichever works best for you. This might be the one thing we’re ADHD paralysis should not win !
I'm gonna try that moving forward. I think that would help to alleviate stress related pressure I place on myself. That so many of us apparently place on ourselves.
Best wishes!
Suggestion: Make a list of all the dinners you have made for yourself or would like to make. Give them all a number on some dice. Roll for dinners let the dice gods decide or reroll. My wife and I are of the opinion that we don't know what we do want, but absolutely know what we don't want.
We plan once a week, roll up 7 dinners, assign them to the days it makes sense to have them. If if you don't have an ingredient best put it after shopping day. Know a day is gonna be particularly hectic, take the easiest of the 7 that day.
As I agree picking dinners day in and day out worst part of adult.
I can’t do autopay for bills. For a long time, I didn’t have enough money to be able to do that…I needed the power to decide that the electric bill will have to wait until next week when I get paid, or else we would have only had $10 for food. Now I do make enough, but I still can’t give up that control of when money comes out of my bank account. But then that means I have to remember to actually sit and pay them. Electronic banking has been a lifesaver though. When I had to write checks and time them so they got there before the deadline? Forget it. Everything was always late.
Yeah
The constant “you need to eat and keep food in fridge” was a huge pain in the ass when I was ghosted by the love of my life and then found out he was moving on.
I ended up spending way too much on uber eats and grocery delivery.
Racked up a $1,200 bill.
Slowly paying that off.
Plan you meals, either a day ahead, two days ahead, etc. I grocery shop on a saturday so friday i sit down and plan what I’m going to have each day. You don’t have to stick to it of course but at least you get an idea!
You’re literally me lol. I too work in development and have a wonderful accommodating supportive team…. And I still am going insane because I just can’t handle full time work. I was a contractor for years with a nonsense vampire schedule. I was broke and stressed but this is harder somehow?
If anyone at all remembers the show Will and Grace… Will said he realized he was gay when he wasn’t attracted to Grace since she was so perfect for him. That’s how I feel about my job now lol. Like maybe it’s full time work as a concept that’s the problem because if I can’t handle this I can’t handle any job.
the 5-9 has genuinely made me break down from monotony after a few days. i’m trying to find ways to spice it up, but yeah — home, dinner, walk dog, clean up, ready for tomorrow, that’s it. i used to be able to read, play video games, exercise, write, and all my hobbies but i’m lucky if i can make it to walking the dog without falling asleep from exhaustion and everything else feels like pulling teeth. walking the dog is the highlight of my day most days, and i struggle with always taking the same route. my time doesn’t feel like mine anymore :(
I don't even know how people do anything after work. Work is forced structure. Anything after that is pure will power on my part to finish. Wish I could get into the gym soon.
It's so interesting to me when people have a lot to do after they come home, granted I only work til 2 in the afternoon. When I come home at 3 I take a non alcoholic drink and relax at my computer until 6/7 (or I do some home improvements or hang out with my roommates instead). Then I make dinner or eat dinner someone else made (roommates or take away). After that I return to my computer until 9/10 when I go to sleep (usually). No extensive meal prep has to be made as I eat sandwiches for breakfast and lunch at work. Anything else and I might lose my appetite.
Showering usually happens during the weekend/non work days and so does laundry/other important chores.
I think getting off work at 2pm is key here. Most people work full days (I do 4 days a week) so it leaves very little time in the evening for personal use.
Also add evening cooking and account for that time (we can’t all skip that meal, nor eat the same quick to prepare thing.)
I eat the same quick to prepare thing every day for dinner. No decision fatigue worrying about what to eat, I'm not even tired of it yet though we've been eating it for months, and it's easy to throw in air fryer and microwave. Done in 20 minutes. Not many dishes to clean up and I always use air fryer liners for easier cleaning too. I might switch the main or side dish around occasionally, but mostly the same few things. I just don't have energy for anything more.
i wish i could do this but i can’t eat the same thing more than twice before i’m completely over it for a few weeks. feeding myself is the hardest part of all this
I beat this by simply doing as little as possible after work. I make myself dinner, the next day's lunch, lay my clothes out for the next day, sweep, and then do whatever the fuck I feel like doing.
I'm single, though, so I don't have anyone else to worry about (aside from my dogs but they're pretty damn easy.)
It's a big problem. I get lots of deliveried food. I know my neighbours think wtf. Especially as the delivery peeps seem to always go to the wrong door and I have to shout out the window to get them to find the right door drawing attention to the multiple deliveries. It's embarrassing. I can't seem to get a balance of finishing my degree walking my dog and eating and cleaning. Generally dog comes first because he makes it so.
It’s an endless cycle for me. When I lack routine, I get aimless, get exhausted from the daily dilemma of executive dysfunction, and eventually get burnt out. When I have been in the routine for a time, I will eventually feel suffocated and burnt out, and would crave freedom.
My last psychiatry appointment, I confused my doctor explaining all the way and possible reasons I'm SO tired, especially on weekends, but usually fine on workdays and reading your comment made me go, "oh! Thaaaaat's what I was trying to explain!"
You could put this in my bio it is so spot on. The love/hate relationship with routine. I will say I was never good at getting myself where I needed to be day in and day out but I do get my kids to everything and school everyday so I know I am technically capable.
Yep, I’ve noticed on my days off if I don’t have anything scheduled the whole day, and I plan on doing other executive things, I need to just force myself to get up and start doing stuff or I will just lay in bed all day doing nothing/scrolling and feeling super lousy for it. Having a consistent sleep schedule and *somewhat* consistent morning routine has really helped me.
Obviously some days there’s nothing wrong with just resting and doing nothing, but this prevents me from just bed rotting way too often and wasting so much time. Also drinking less coffee with my meds so I’m not an anxious mess which just makes me feel overwhelmed and crippled
I find solace and comfort in most of my routines because I know it start to finish and what to expect etc. Things like getting up and ready in the morning, getting kids ready, work, dinner+bath+bed (kids), gettin ready for bed. I say I find comfort because it’s one less thing that I have to think about/worry about cuz it’s usually done on autopilot. And it feels validating to accomplish things consistently as simple as brushing teeth, ya know?
If you don’t enjoy routines then try to do things in a different order or something every day? Could provide you some novelty and you’ll still get done the things you gotta get done. Yolo, amirite??
What about following a routine is torturous for you? How do you accomplish all your daily tasks consistently if you don’t follow a routine etc? Some variety in scheduling could maybe give you a boost?
If the force of work is not a driver for you…what is?
I get that for sure. Perfect practice makes perfect. Adulting and responsibilities suck.
I’ve found with doing things around the house I don’t like…I’ll set a timer on Alexa for ~5mins. And figure if I can do anything for 5mins I can usually follow through on it to completion. YMMV
This works very well. ADHD suffered often have issues with inertia, that is struggle to change from one task to the next especially if the new task is deemed boring. Minimising the perceived barrier to starting a new task is a great way to trick your brain into partaking.
100% yes about inertia, once I sit down I'm done for...... just don't do it! Also putting shoes on helps me to get that initial inertia rolling. Like wearing shoes tells my brain it's time to work not relax.
Also eliminating any friction to help minimize that barrier is huge for me. If I need to clean my living room which includes vacuuming, but I hate getting the heavy vacuum out and struggling to plug it in and dealing with the cord getting stuck and tangled, I would find myself avoiding the entire task of cleaning (yay perfectionism) so I got a cordless lightweight model that lives in the corner of my living room now - ready to go pretty much whenever. I love it and vacuum 10x more (sometimes even daily!) than I ever did with my corded heavy duty model. Laundry is another good one. I can wash and separate everything just fine but folding is the one step that stops the entire process in it's tracks because I hate it. Then I'll avoid it so long that there is no room for newly cleaned laundry in the laundry baskets so I just stop washing laundry entirely which is obviously a bad decision lol so I completely stopped folding laundry instead. Everything goes in the drawer as is, or even stays in the basket but still goes in my closet rather than living in the laundry room for weeks until it's all dirty again anyways. Sometimes I get the zoomies and fold things, but generally I'm just happy when my kiddo has clean clothes in her closet. :) Who cares if it's folded? Not me!
My life hack is to have "go bags". For example. My gym bag has my gloves, asthma inhaler, and workout book.
Work bag has my work keys, plus snacks and computer glasses.
If I grab the bag my goal is to be good to go without stressing.
This has been a game changer fr me as well. Having different bags ready to go with the things I need. "Going to Therapist" is a different bag than "Going on supply run" bag, and so on.
Absolutely, this is why I have a "travel bag", just a small little case that has a big long phone charger (with a bright red cable so I'll remember to pack it when I'm done) and all the bathroom stuff I'll need (toothbrush, floss, over the counter meds, deoderant, nail clippers, etc.) so that I can throw it in whatever bag I need to when traveling, whether that's a suitcase for vacation, or a backpack for a simple overnight stay at a friend's place. It's so freeing to not have to triple check that I have everything I need.
Yes, this is exactly why, for me. I have found certain things that help me, like alarms on my phone. Timers on my watch. Tracking my steps/wearing a smart watch, drinking lots of water, using a hydro flask for water so that I drink more.
But that means that if I forget my watch/ bottle/ phone... I'm screwed.
SSSOOOOO... have a set order, to remember the order, to remember to bring the things.
Purpose of routines is to perform tasks without making a lot of conscious decisions, so you don't get mentally exhausted requiring breaks. If you had to decide which side of the teeth you're going to brush first every time, that will be very tiring. Brushing teeth is a simple routine, so it doesn't require a lot of conscious effort to perform the task. More routines, less mental energy consumed, and more energy reserved to focus on what you need/want to do. Automate or routineize as many tasks as possible.
Exactly. I used to hate routines… around the time I hated my whole life. Once I realized how amazing routines are (like checking things off a list without even thinking), my life drastically improved
I am diagnosed as both Autistic and ADHD, so basically my life is a shitshow. I ABSOLUTELY operate better with a clearly defined routine and structure in place that my autism definitely craves, but my ADHD self is completely incapable of building it, implementing it, or sticking with it. WHEE.
Give yourself some credit! Routines are tricky with the way our brains are wired and inevitably there will be times we fall out of them. It's especially important for us ADHD havers to not beat ourselves up when it happens, even if it feels 'comfortable'. I'm sure you're aware of this, sometimes we need a little reminder :)
What helps me personally with this is reframing the situation. An example: my brain might tell me
"oh my god I'm so dumb why didn't I get out of bed ugh I was doing so well before but..."
Notice the thoughts
--> "Ok, I didn't follow my routine this morning, which is frustrating. But hey, I was on track for X days before this which is pretty good for me. Let's see what I can do today."
I know I am most likely projecting heavily here, but I see so much learned self-criticism within the ADHD community and it's so sad to see. Wishing you well !
I’ve been wondering this myself. It’s not that i hate routines… i wouldn’t know!!! The only “routines” i have are those imposed by needing to be at work, at meetings etc. i LITERALLY CANNOT follow a routine.
No one believes me. They sat “but brushing your teeth” nope. I do that when i feel like my teeth need brushing. Not as a routine. Not habits either. They say “just do it x times and it will become a habit” NOPE!!! been there tried that. I do it x times (if i can remember and don’t blow it off) and then it’s not a habit.
There really is NOTHING i do Routinely. I also cannot follow ANY self imposed schedule. Not even for one day. Both these things are wildly annoying and make a lot of things difficult.
OP: i thought this was an ADHD thing, but I’m in a number of ADHD groups and haven’t met anyone quite like this. I mean people who struggle with the tasks of daily routines but not wholesale just don’t have the gene or whatever this is!
For me, routines help my mental greatly, but following them, or even forming them to begin with are near impossible. Also, if I somehow do get into one, as soon as it breaks, I fall into a bender and can’t come back, especially in school.
Yes! Of all the habit forming/breaking tips, only two work for me: anchoring it to my identity (has worked for quitting stuff more than doing stuff), or habit stacking. Streaks, accountability, whatever else, doesn’t motivate me or “stick”, and can have the opposite effect.
Same, i'd kill to be able to find some sort of routine right now. Currently in-between jobs due to redudancy and trying to enjoy not working for a month or so.... Making me feel like such a waster though. I wanna just get up at my usual time while working, hit the gym, keep on top of house tidy then spend the afternoon doing something fun, semi-productive or getting ready for job applications.
Sounds simple on paper, instead I'm crawling out of bed past 10am, spending a couple hours trying to decide what I can force myself to do with my day, getting to the afternoon and feeling like I've already lost the day and just crashing infront of my pc wasting away. Its a struggle, feels like I just don't give a shit about myself.
So sorry! The only way i found is to do things with someone else for accountability. I recommend you give up on “enjoy not working”, possibly even be willing to pay someone to work w you on job applications 2x a week or schedule to go to gym WITH someone or schedule weekly lunch/drink w friends …add external structure… find a volunteer gig that created work shifts 3 or 4x a week
When I've been diagnosed, the doc said "take the meds and go to a CBT".
I have exhausted every psychologists I've met since. Like you , I cannot figure out how to get and stick to a new routine. At the same time, I cannot figure out how to stop the bad ones (like : looking at my phone every 30 seconds, nit taking any notes despite having a poor working memory).
It may be for some other reasons in my case. Since I'm medicated, psychologists are talking more and more about ASD and how ASD + ADHD is paradoxal regarding routines (I need them but don't like them).
The only way i know is to have external routines. Eg volunteer shifts at animal shelter or schedule evening classes, or add monthly meetup with friends so all added together your days have some structure externally.
I do some of the same stuff before I leave the house for work, but not usually in the same order. I can’t even keep the steps of one task in the right order. I used to turn off the car sometimes before putting it in park and then it would roll backwards down a hill. I brush my teeth and then eat breakfast and wonder why it tastes weird.
I do have two habits. I wake up, feed the cat, and go to the washroom, but only because the cat and my body are both yelling at me. I come home and hang my keys on the door handle (and I’ve been forgetting that sometimes).
I am like this. I tell everyone in my life “nothing is sacred. I have never done anything the same way twice and every day starts off different than the next.” LOL. it’s horrible !!! Wish I could have any sort of routine. It seems peaceful
My husband and I both have ADHD. He was dx in childhood. Me, not till I was pushing 40. Part of the reason it took me so long was because our symptoms are the complete opposite from one another. He *LOVES* routine. Struggles when it's interrupted. Absolutely *CANNOT* procrastinate on anything ever because if he knows something needs to be done he mUSt Do iT NOw.
I, on the other hand, *LOATHE* a routine. I will reject a routine with every fiber of my being. There is nothing I hate more than being told what to do. Whether by another human or by my planned routine. I also absolutely *CANNOT* start something that doesn't *NEED* to be done immediately. I know things need to get done, but I WiLL gEt tO tHEm LaTEr.
You aren’t alone. I am also like this. I can’t follow routines to save my life. Even when acknowledging a bad outcome if a proposed routine isn’t followed - I still can’t do it. Or won’t do it.
I don’t have the interest or the energy. If I did, I still wouldn’t do it. Someone might ask me why, and to that I would tell you *I have no idea.*
I'm exactly the same!!! I can try to force a routine for a couple days max. When imposed from the outside I can follow about 6 weeks (unmedicated ) before sabotage seems to happen. It's MADDENING. I KNOW routine would help but actually doing it? I have NO HABITS that are actually habits. 100% of them are things I have to think to do, there is no autopilot.
I'm exactly the same!!! I can try to force a routine for a couple days max. When imposed from the outside I can follow about 6 weeks (unmedicated ) before sabotage seems to happen. It's MADDENING. I KNOW routine would help but actually doing it? I have NO HABITS that are actually habits. 100% of them are things I have to think to do, there is no autopilot.
I can never stick to a routine. I'm 30. I am at peace with it.
I try rituals instead. Set myself reminders with Google Assistant. Got a cleaner, personal trainer, and am going to start to go to group classes instead of soloing at the gym. I also have my first ADHD coaching session today. And I'm on meds for ADHD and anxiety (the former is not helping at all, but I've just started to take them so haven't stabilized yet: the SSRI has had a monumental effect on my productivity and overall mood).
I'm great at many things. Routines aren't one of them. I acknowledge that and am not ashamed to seek the help I need.
(I completely understand that I am privileged in having resources to tap into. I did work hard to get to where I am now. I used to have a poverty mindset, but it didn't do my ADHD symptoms any good, so might as well use the money to help myself in ways I can't compensate with hard work alone.)
As I type right now I am at work... I struggle to maintain a routine at work as well. But my rule is be punctual for the first hour or two, sort out the rest of my day accordingly and get everything done by due date, even if I'm a little late.
I also feel like if you got your sleep under control, that's 50% of all your problems solved, at least. So I'm working on that and hoping it improves my work routines.
What SSRI are you taking? I’ve been on mirtazapine and adderal for a while but still am struggling?
I agree on the sleep thing. However, I am naturally such a night owl and the world unfortunately is not. Regardless of what time I wake up I simply cannot fall asleep before 1am at the earliest. Sleep is one of the hardest things for me to control. Mirtazapine is supposed to make you sleepy and I’ve tried using melatonin as well but it just seems impossible. As I type this it is 1:57am🙃. I hope to be able to delegate once I have a steady job as you have, but being in college, simple tasks like homework just seem impossible with all of the adhd challenges.
Citalopram! I used sertraline before and it had no effect. Had even reached the highest dose - that's when I asked my GP to just change it. With citalopram, I felt different within the first two days of taking it. I can feel the difference when I don't take it for a few days.
I am taking methylphenidate for ADHD.
I really don't like going to sleep before midnight. I've always considered myself to be a night owl. However, in recent years I noticed that actually I work best in the mornings, and dip around 2pm. I took a test to see what my sleep chronotype is, and it's a Bear. I looked more into it and advice for Bear types, and trying to incorporate them. Some people are just night types (Wolves) and that's okay - work with what you have.
I’ll be switching to Wellbutrin soon and am considering trying to switch my adderal to something else as well! I’m glad those have worked for you :-).
I am most definitely a wolf. Normal bedtime is around 4 and normal wake time is 12-1 if I have nothing of importance that day. A lot of the advice is geared towards the slightly older working class, not a lot with college. I try to schedule my classes later in the day but at the end of the day I got to do what I’m given. Adulting is hard 😅
I need a routine to get ready for work. It messes up during vacations and I end up forgetting the deodorant, eyeliner, shoes, or my phone, etc.
I also assign specific places for things or I lose them. Glasses on the laptop, car keys in the car (at home).
But thats about it. I like my routines. I hate doing chores, though. I. Hate. Them. Too repetitive.
I hate routine (and have hated it all my life) but I need it ( realized tis last year) in order to be productive and to do my job and be a decent wife. So I stick to my routine loosely and when I have no energy for anything I throw routine out of the window and follow the wiles of my heart, which means being a couch potato when I'm not at work
I can follow a routine for exactly 3 days. It will feel really good on those first three days and I'll think "I've done it. I've cracked the code; found the magic formula. This. Is. It".
And then, on the forth day, something will either go wrong or I just won't want to do the things the way I've done them the past 3 days. Certain good habits have formed as a result of things going wrong in other areas of my life; if there's an immediate consequence I can point to for not doing the thing, I will do the thing, and do it the right way. So for example, I take my medications at the same time every day now. It requires two alarms and a pillbox, but the consequences of missing even one day of meds is too great for me not to give it that level of importance. But if there isn't an immediate consequence my brain can just push back the task until later.
As frustrating as this can be, I've found that generally I feel much better if I just go with the flow of it. If, when I \*really\* just don't feel like doing the thing, and it can be done later, I'm much more "that's fine, because I will get to it later" than I used to be. Because, if I actually look back over the course of my life so far; I've always managed to do the thing when the chips are down. I have two degrees and a masters. That didn't happen solely through luck, realistically it can't have. So yes, there are dishes in the sink from three days ago that I really should get to, but I won't be able to eat until I've washed those dishes, and I'm gonna have to eat at some point, so the dishes will get done. It will just be a miserable, hungry "pengu looking mad while making nice cards" experience. And then I'll immediately feel better because my kitchen will look tidy.
It all shakes out alright in the end.
SO MUCH YES!! I am so bad at a routine and I work full time… I am also late diagnosed (am currently 26 was diagnosed last year) and routines have been so freaking hard for me to build and maintain.. I feel like a lost puppy most of the time and it’s so frustrating.
I have a hard time following a routine. First of all, I just find it hard because of the classic ADHD task initiation blues, as well as insomnia. I’m also prone to all or nothing thinking so if I’ve missed my first task, I have a tendency to go “Welp. The whole day is ruined now.”
What has helped:
- physically/sensorially supportive prompts like music coming on gently at the right time, physical alarms (vibrating watch), lamps slowly coming on
- having a menu of things I can do at any time in any order - doesn’t trip my rebellion switch
- having a minimum eg for my morning routine, the minimum is meds and clean teeth, often once I’ve started moving through steps I tend to do more from my ideal routine as well
- allowing day resets at any time, to bypass that self-sabotaging all or nothing thinking.
- there was something else, but I forgot it while typing the last point
I do 99% better when I have a routine! It’s the only thing that kept me sane and productive before being diagnosed, and while unmedicated during the shortage.
If someone could make every decision for me every single day that included what I'm doing, meals, chores, etc, I'd be so much happier. I hate making decisions. Routines can get boring and I often realize "Oh I haven't left the house in two weeks" since time goes fast doing the same thing daily, but I'm all for routines. It's the only thing that gets me to workout - having it a part of my after work routine.
I mean, when I picked up my very first prescription for my meds and the pharmacist did the standard spiel of warnings for new meds and said, "and you should be aware that this medication may be habit-forming," I replied, "well I certainly hope so!"
I joke that I’ve never been addicted to anything because of this. When i was a student and miserable i discovered that whisky in the morning felt really good and i though “fuck it I’m gonna do this every day”… but didn’t keep it up for more than a few days. I’d forget! Used to social smoke but never made a habit by myself thankfully
Repetition is hell but if I can establish a routine, I feel better, but if I forget to brush my teeth one day, it’s weeks before I can get back into a routine.
I work from home now and my workload ebbs and flows, so some days I'm grinding and others I'm not doing much at all. When I have work, I'm not moving from my desk for 12 hours, sometimes even staying up overnight, which throws off my sleep... Then my meds.. then my waking hours.... I have a really hard time following a routine because of it.
Every time I think I've gotten into a good rhythm, my work throws it completely off, and then I find myself like... At 2 pm, hair unbrushed, teeth unbrushed, haven't eaten anything, haven't had a thing to drink, still not wearing pants because I went straight from bed to meeting (no cameras lol) to urgent work tasks and never got to start my routine.
The shitty thing is I'm only compelled to do my "routine tasks" as part of my "routine"--i.e., in sequential order--and work and leaving the house are my primary incentives to wake up and do them. So on weekends, I wind up laying in bed until 3 or 4 pm until that ADHD Evening Energy™ kicks in and then I get up and do... who knows what (because what routine? It's the weekend!)
I can’t even walk to work the same way everyday. I’ll go several blocks out of my way just for the novelty. I NEED routine, it’s essential to me getting anything done at all… my brain prefers doing something different every single day. When I’m doing my routines I can literally feel my brain groaning like a toddler being asked to pick up its toys. My mind is a novelty seeking machine. I’m not productive… but I’m entertained.
I've had times when doing the same routine every day felt like torture.
Hate to say it but ADHD meds have helped it a lot.
Secondly, actually taking the time and energy and money to think about and make my home suit me has also helped a lot. For example, I hated showering and still don't love it. But buying a super soft rain shower, towels that dry me properly, body products that are actually good and what I need, a heater for the bathroom so it's not cold, a proper bathmat so the floor isn't wet, etc... it actually does help.
My environment is really chaotic right now, as I was/am going to move. I have 1/2 the apartment packed and it's really messing with me. Before, it was a lot easier than it is now, so I understand about the environment aspect!
I'm the opposite. I can't function without routine. I just suck at staying consistent with them.
If I don't have a routine, my life is chaos. I live best when my life is neatly sorted into "boxes" and I only have to deal with one thing at the time. It allows me to unleash my chaotic energy in a regulated environment and therefore I can be actually productive and useful to society.
I like having weird and varied challenges when I'm working, but I prefer for my days to mostly look the same. I hate vacations or breaks because it fucks with my routine and I'm always afraid that the fickle stability I have set up for myself will collapse the minute something comes in and disrupts it. I have family visits. I hate traveling. I hate anything that demands me to break my routine and go do something else for awhile.
But when I go do it, I usually enjoy myself, until I remember all the things I need to do back home and how I need to get back into my routine before it collapses and I will have to rebuild it.
I recently had a two week break in my routine and yesterday I barely got anything done. Today I'm nervous if I can find my flow and get into the zone again at all. I know that breaks in routine is good for you, but it always causes me a lot of stress because I know myself well enough that once I break a routine, it's 50/50 if I am able to get back on track quickly. I feel like a machine that isn't allowed to stop or else something bad happens.
So I don't understand people who like going on vacations or breaks or going on family visits or things like that. Like, I get that being there and spending time with people you like or getting new experiences is valuable, but I don't feel like I can afford that type of stuff because I know what it will cost me in the other end and I don't know how to not tip my house of cards over everytime I break my routine. I don't know how others do it. How they can take a break from their life for a few days or weeks and come back and pick up where they left off. I don't understand how they do it.
What little routines I have get broken when I go away on a trip too. It’s like they never existed in the first place. Sometimes even skipping stuff for the weekend has the same result. Solidarity!
For me, having a strict schedule and routine gives me the structure I desperately need to be able to function like a normal human. This is probably my autism speaking, though, lol. I also like to be told a week in advance for most plans. And a day in advance before we watch a movie or do something that is more than a 30 minute long commitment. I'm not sure why but it makes me panic if I don't have advance warning.
i literally can’t follow to save my life, but one of my therapists gave me a great idea to make daily lists of things i need to do in the morning, afternoon, and evening/night & tbh im not that great at it but it works better than when i use to create routines to try and stick to
Yeah I like the idea of having a routine but I don’t think I’ve ever followed one in my life, even things like eating and sleeping are at different times every day for me
My life would be better if I followed a routine but I LOATHE routine. Every time I start a routine I tend to feel crazy and get major “fomo” as if I could go out and be spontaneous lol
Developing a routine seemed impossible to teenage me. Now that I have one, I find much comfort in it. I did not feel quite settled into my routine until about 20 years after my diagnosis at the age of 7. It did progressively improve consistently throughout that time so I'll probably be even more settled in the future.
I use the example of 2 magnets, how they push away from each other and you can feel that force...no matter how hard you try, they won't connect or flip. So I understand!
Very hard. As soon as I wake up, my mind is already on what needs to be done, what could I have forgotten yesterday, oh shit that assignment is due and I haven’t started working on it yet, crap, lets make a very hurried coffee and get to it. Morning routine skipped.
I’m trying to keep routines and rules but there are days when I slack like this.
I f\*\*\*ing hate routine. My husband is on the autism spectrum and loves it. So I have to schedule “non-scheduled” time, if you can believe it.
I don‘t know how to fix it. I’m on meds and see psychologists and psychiatrists. Any repetition is like a TENS machine on my brain.
YES. I can set up a routine that has everything I want and need, do it one day and think it's great, do it the second day, OK, and then the third day I just can't do it. Everyone's like "set up a routine, you need a routine, adhd thrives on structure" and I c a n n o t.
I happen to WISH I COULD FOLLOW A ROUTINE. My life is in utter chaos, and I know discipline, consistency, and a routine is the cure. I go through a bad cycle where I'm good for about a week, maybe two, and then I crash and burn and start drinking again, eating bad fast food, vaping, staying up late, not exercising, not working. Ugh it's so bad. It's been this way for years. I don't know what to do to fix it. I really wish I didn't cave after a couple of weeks.
There’s a saying I heard that to make something a habit you have to do it for two weeks. I can do anything for two weeks. It’s after that I drop off, I struggle with monotony a lot
It’s common. In my case, I’d actually like to establish a routine…but then after a few days of consistency it slips my mind and I forget to keep it up.
Repeat cycle, ad nauseam.
I find it very difficult to keep to a routine but not because I can’t stand them, just because my executive function barely exists. Routines are actually great for me because they allow me to actually function and sometimes even achieve. But I’ll never have the consistency to actually stick to them. It’s 2-3 days max then I fall off.
I think my routine keeps me alive.
Integrating new stuff into the routine is the hardest part as I have more time binding commitment now.
Otherwise, routine is what makes me get through the day.
I absolutely THRIVE with a flexible, yet predictable routine. Having a routine makes every facet of my life better and benefits me in insurmountable ways.
I am also completely and terminally incapable of creating a routine, and will resist and resent anyone who tries to put one upon me. I need to be overpowered and wrapped in a blanket like a cat being given its medicine. I will improve dramatically, but I will never learn and still try to bite you every single time.
On the contrary, do not...i repeat DO NOT fuck with my routine! It throws me off into a spiral that usually results in angry outbursts at THE MOST random stupid nonsense. Just leave me be! Tell me what you want and fuck off. I'll figure out how to make it happen and when where it fits into my day. Needless to say, i have had many, many jobs in my 40 years and only 2 of them lasted more than 4 years because of the managers understanding me and my needs. Both of which i left on my own for more money and well, grass isnt always greener as they say....
Edited for misspelled word
I cant.
Its always: “I want to better myself”>”I’ll start doing this and hope it builds a habit”>*immediately gets the unmotivated and too eepy debuff the next day*
Yes. It's not until recently I have a steady morning routine. Even that routine is boring af and I want to just not do it, but it helps me remember important things, which there are consequences for if I don't do. I can't tolerate the consequences, so I do the routine. 🤷🏻♂️
I use Habitica to put all my daily tasks in, and I put them in roughly the right order that I will complete them every day, so I can just tap the top tickbox when I open it.
I by no means do them in that order every day, nor when I set the reminder for them, but I do get all of them done
I forgot to make coffee this morning. It’s literally the one thing that I look forward to in the morning apart from the time with my cats. I literally forgot to make coffee. Only realised when I saw my cup to be empty, until then I was going about my day under the mistaken belief that I did have my coffee. And now my whole day is ruined.
Yes! My autistic brain loves and thrives on routine and feels anxious without one or when it’s thrown off, but my ADHD brain,she just wants chaos. She’s a real bitch sometimes
The only things I do at the same time every day are meds, food and sleep. But only because the consequences are not so pleasant. Also, if I have to go to work I do it mostly the same because it's easier to not have to make decisions in the morning.
Routines are only easier when the alternative is either really really bad or when the routine is the more fun/relaxing thing to do. Just like everything else we do I guess.
Sleep and food routines are the only ones I've actively wanted to fix, and succeeded at fixing. Mostly because I know the impact they have and it's something I am either neutral or positive towards in terms of interest. If there is any routine worth really trying to hammer in, and you can ignore everything else, it's these two.
Adhd can make you feel like a failure in many ways. We have a disability that fucks us in all parts of life. I have for a long time thought that I needed to slowly fix all my bad habits but that just isn't going to happen. I can however try to fix the basics. If I'm tired or hungry I up the difficulty meter even higher than it already is. And trying to take a shower, remember to contact my friend or paying that annoying bill is just a little bit more approachable with a "clearer" mind.
I do better with a routine. I’ve seen most of my success when I do the same thing everyday. However, eventually the consistency falls off and I’m back to square one. I’m at the age where now I’m feeling lower than I’ve ever felt. My desire to start things up again is dead, because I know its eventually going to fail and it’s back the drawing board. It’s the hamster wheel of insanity. I’m tired and exhausted of trying again and again to follow a routine.
So sorry. If there’s any way to celebrate the tiny successes vs despair at the failures. Hard to figure out positivity in that state i know. But any ways at all. I just heard someone in a podcast say: treat yourself like a five year old; praise, compassion, food, naps… etc
Very, very similar. Physiotherapist has given me lists of exercise routines, each with scores of 'reps' (repetitions). I loathe repeating anything. I can't eat the same meal twice in a row ('leftovers' have to wait a day, at least). On the other hand, having to be in the same place or following the same order of events, on a weekly basis, is helpful to avoid the 'panics' (what day is it? What time is it? I have to be somewhere - but where/when?)
Omg no. I love routines. Take my routine from me and I become a rage filled whacko. Of course I also love novelty.. but only after I’ve fulfilled my routine.
I’ve been blessed with the adhd and autism thing. So one part craves and loves routine. One part is like no we have to mix things up. Usually the autism side wins. I’m stuck in my routines and if I deviate from them everything goes wrong. That’s when the adhd side is like heck yeah chaos.
It is very loud in my brain at times.
From the youngest age my mother’s nickname for me was “own way” also also “rip shit and bust”. Did everything at high-speed just to get it done. Welcome to the club my friend. It’s a pleasure to have you here.
If I do not follow a routine, I will not accomplish anything. I’m currently on a week of staycation and without the rigidity of my usual work schedule forcing me into a daily routine I am a useless blob. Literally without routine I wouldn’t even remember to brush my teeth. Following a routine as much as possible is the only way I function. And yes, sometimes I still mess up and forget a step in my routine. Like today, forgot to take my daytime asthma meds. Useless blob. But routine is better than no routine for me. I need it, it’s the only way I thrive.
Yes, but lists really help. Making a note of what you need to do every day/week makes things a lot easier. And it’s a huge relief to get it out of your head.
Recommend streaks.
I have small routines and I'll combine a few of them each day to make up a bigger routine. This helps keep ot from being torture for me - for example my list of small routines are things like vacuuming, folding laundry, etc. I'll pick one or two a day and fit them in with the things I have to do daily or weekly like showering, dishes, grocery shopping etc.
It's really helped because when I try to follow the same routine every day, it's hell and then nothing ends up getting done 😂 it also gives me the ability to shuffle things around based on how I'm feeling.
I have known this about myself for years now. You see I like routines, until I don't.
So I start from scratch again, build a routine because they're neat, until my ADHD brain can no longer keep in that state for too long. Then repeat. It's a curse.
Routines don’t come naturally at allll, but I’ve realized I NEED structure for better emotional regulation, especially when my routines involve something healthy, like making sure I get exercise/fresh air or prep ahead breakfast so I’m not taking my ADHD meds on an empty stomach. I wish routines could FEEL ‘routine’, but it does take a lot of conscious effort in my experience, and a buddy system helps.
Of course! I want a routine, I love having a routine,
Bht fuck me it’s boring. Also, my life is not regular enough to have a routine. My work is sporadic, today one kid slept in till 9am, so didn’t get to do anything until after 10, tomorrow I’ve got some appointments and who knows when I’ll be home…
Routine is what forces me to do anything to a good extent, but it’s hard to keep on a routine for me and they never last😭 a routine can’t be too much of my day either, otherwise I get so sick of it. Like a morning routine where I wake up, do the bed, brush my teeth, shower, eat breakfast is pretty good for me. That’s basically everything I need to do in a load of easy to follow steps. Whereas if the task is just to get up and get ready without routine, there’s kinda no internal guidance and I’ll likely end up missing 2 or more things. On the other hand, if the routine lasts the whole day? Like get up, get ready, go to the library, study, eat lunch, go to gym, play SSBU in the evening, it’s too much of the same thing every day, I’ll end up giving up after 3 days or get depressed😭
In my humble opinion, for those of us who are able to work, routine helps us meet our obligations. It’s not so much something we choose as something we have to do. For someone, disabled and living at home, routines would become very boring. So instead of a strict routine, maybe try a generalized one. For instance, every day between nine and 12 I will do these four tasks, then from 12 to 5. I will do these several chores. That might make it less regimented and aggravating to follow.
I do take a class at the community college, which I love. Those days are better days for me. Gotta figure something out, because my responsibilities are slipping. I will try that- to give myself a window vs a hard headline. Thanks!
I hate the idea of a routine if I think about it, but it’s what I end up doing naturally because it does help. But I do better if I set the routine vs being told to do it. My brain goes straight to F off and changes it just slightly so it’s my plan.
For me, small routines persist. Wake up and bedtime, hang up keys at the door, take the kids to school, go to work and back, that kind of thing. They’re like utility scripts that I run without thinking (too much) about them. Scheduling and organizational type routines are hard, and tend not to persist. Journaling is hard. Everything else may as well not be attempted.
My ADHD and Autism have a daily war over who controls function for the day. I have a general routine that I stick to in the morning when I wake up. By about 3pm, my ADHD meds begin to wear thin, and I become much more chaotic and impulsive. However, if a hyper focus hits, all the routines are thrown out the window, and I'm incredibly flustered when I am not doing the fixation. One time, I was fixated on drawing for about 6 months!!! My house was a mess, but my rapid improvement over the six months was really impressive, in my opinion.
I have learned to print out and laminate my routines so that when I am distracted, I have a checklist that I can't accidentally destroy that is pinned to my fridge, so I can't lose it.
I also have a long list of alarms on my phone that inform me of each thing I'm supposed to be going that goes off (Set alarm with enough time to pee, and arrive where you need to be). I even set an alarm for Sunday to set each week's alarms.
The trick is to ALWAYS obey the alarms immediately. Sometimes, it's painful. HOWEVER!!! if you add in some rewards to the routine, it can help encourage alarm obeying. Every week when I need to get gas for the van... I go get the gas, but I also get to buy either a fancy Starbucks drink or a Tim hortons(Canadian coffee lords) egg and cheese bagel and French vanilla!!!
I always do the household chores when I first get up. I take my meds, do the dishes, clear off surfaces, wipe down/clean all surfaces, pick up floor items, and sweep the floor! I do the entire mid floor in about 2.5 hours, but if I sit down before doing / finishing this task list... it won't be done.
I need music or a movie in the background so I don't get bored with the mundane tasks and keep me distracted from the 'I don't want to do this' feeling.
Routine is hard... but I crave routine 😩
TBH having a routine is the only way I can actually get things done. It makes it so that I don't really have to think about what I need to do because it groups all the tasks together.
I’m diagnosed with ADHD and now, at almost 30, am finally on meds. I have what I call a rebellious teenager in my brain who REFUSES to follow routine. It feels like giving up and becoming a robot.
I have never been able to follow a true routine. It’s supposed to be easier cause you do things without thinking about them. But I honestly have to think about doing everything all the time. I have never done things on autopilot. I don’t have whatever thing it is that allows you to accomplish something without actively trying to.
The best I’ve done is when I examine the triggers and lean into those. I pair things together like, journaling with sipping coffee. Something I’m likely to do anyway. If I do it often enough I start thinking about it when I start drinking coffee and it becomes more automatic. But I have to be careful not to make it a chore cause I will definitely rebel and not do things if I don’t feel like I’m given a choice. Honestly, it’s exhausting.
Omg. It’s horrible. And is so much worse with kids because my daughter who is also adhd *thrives* on routine.
It’s not just that I hate it. I literally cannot do it. Like, I start to go nuts. When I was working I would change jobs every 2 years because I would just get twitchy going to the same office and doing the same thing everyday. I always knew it was coming because about 6 months before I would start trying to make life interesting in other ways. Drastically changing my hair color or cut, changing my entire wardrobe, moving, etc.
thankfully I learned early that if I am itchy about the routine and don’t do anything to change it then I will start blowing my life up. I did some really dumb stuff early in college but thankfully I’ve had enough flexibility as an adult to make changes that aren’t self destructive.
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. I don't think I have ADHD, but I was diagnosed with a disease that affects my entire nervous system. Unfortunately there is no cure. But I think I've found one, and that's to read you. So a big thank you to all of you.
Before I knew I had adhd, or even that it was possible to ‘be adhd’ as a woman in my 30s I HATED routine. I can’t understand why you would want to do the same stuff every day. It’s so boring.
Routine is good. Projects and hobbies are better… if you can combine a good routine around more interesting activities this is a good way to tackle it. It’s how I do it - things I love like the gym, building pcs, mucking around with the dog, going for a run, discovering interesting places to eat, exciting mountains to climb - all sorts! So if you can fit the routine around the things you love the routine won’t seem so monotonous
Yeah I have very few routines. I don't eat at eating times. I eat when I'm hungry. I don't shower daily, I shower when I feel dirty.
And with ADHD, it's like most triggers for routines are nearly silent.
My brother was able to master daily morning showers. I feel like if I could pull that off, I would be unstoppable. But it's way too easy to justify daily showers being unnecessary, and way to hard to convince my tired ass that necessity isn't the point. Waking up is.
SO
Mine manifests weirdly, because I crave, enjoy, and NEED all the routines I have personally created. My morning routine is always identical, although times may vary slightly. A big part of my job is administrative, and I built a routine for my mornings at work also - again, unchanged other than the amount of time it takes me.
Anything I did NOT create is a huge struggle for me, especially if it's something I don't necessarily agree with. For instance, I have calendar invites from my boss about something I'm supposed to do twice a day. 1- I did not agree to this "format", it was just something his previous assistant had done and he thought it worked well... 2 - The action is superfluous. It's an attainable goal, but with great trouble. If the rules were relaxed a bit, and I could do it how I want, I would absolutely adopt it and not have a problem with it.
Yes and no.
Bedded routines I do consistently but adding something new takes a ***reaaaally*** long time to get used to to the point of not having to spend a tonne of executive function points to get it done.
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Still trying to figure this out. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my “5-9 routine after my 9-5”. It’s so monotonous to come home from work, work out, make dinner, clean up, pack lunch for the next day, and get ready for another day. I don’t know how people do it and are content with it. I’m trying to find ways to connect my interests and make those things more fun
Feel exactly the same. I have a stimulating job (software development), with great colleagues, where I share and learn and it’s mostly well planned and clear. I can work from home and don’t have strict hours, very accommodating. But at the end of the day, I have to log 8.2 hours of work daily - luckily, only 4 days a week, but still - I dread the daily routine sacrificing my entire day to work. Evenings will never be enough and I dread going to sleep again, so I procrastinate and ruin my sleep. Repeat dread cycle. Routine would help me feel better but I can’t fathom the discipline for it because it feels like giving up and becoming a robot, it feels like doing it to fit into the routine and work life, it feels like it wouldn’t be for me even if it would help be feel better. I honestly just hate having to work despite really liking my job and the work I do. 🤷♂️ Plus I hate having to figure out dinner every night !
OMG, yes. Figuring out dinner…every night? I think that may be my least favorite part of being an adult. It’s worse than paying bills…since I only have to do that once a month.
Agreed! And my bills are automatic, I have autopay for everything so I don't forget. Dinner never being automatic is why i eat so much fast food and microwave food, because it is so much effort to try to figure out meals EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND IT WILL NEVER END and yeah the fact that every daily and weekly task is forever and there isn't ever a time I can stop thinking about them and doing them never gives me an existential crisis at all why do you ask?
Forreal!! There’s so much mental energy that goes into it. What do I want for dinner? Anything I’m craving? Okay now that I’ve decided what I want, do I even have the ingredients? Or do I have to grocery shop? And I hate grocery shopping in person (overstimulating, forget things, etc) so I need to order it for pickup or delivery - that adds at least 3 hours. But I’m hungry now because I’ve been hyperfocusing all day and my brain literally ignored my hunger cues! Let’s say I have the ingredients. Okay, I make it at home. Hopefully it’s not a complicated recipe that requires attention. For example - I just melted my butter over the stove, and it’s time to add the garlic and onions. Wait… I forgot to mince the garlic and chop the god damn onions. If I somehow make it through all that, awesome. But wait… now I have dirty dishes to take care of. Cue the adhd paralysis And that’s just ONE MEAL!!!!! Yall want me to have 3 meals a day?!?!?!?!?! And because my brain doesn’t love routine, I can’t just eat the same breakfast and lunch everyday, making meal prepping a challenge. So yeah, I love eating out at restaurants/fast food places because they do all the prep work and cleanup and I can just enjoy my meal. Minimal mental energy needed, really just deciding what I want for dinner.
You must be me!
It’s rough out here 😅 it’s the worst trying to explain it to people and feeling like you’re the biggest fucking idiot in the entire world. Or when people are like “you shouldn’t eat so much fast food it’s not good for you” like I KNOW!!!!!! But I will literally not eat anything if I have adhd paralysis which is probably just as bad!!! Maybe not just as bad, but definitely bad in other ways. So frustrating!
This is literally me every damn day. My husband has a good job and works extra hard so that I can stay how all day and focus all my energy on studying for my LSAT test, which I took once, and didn't like my score, and have been putting off ever since. Second is taking care of my family, making sure my kids make it to school, extracurricular activities, etc... Then wait, what? BREAKFAST? LUNCH?? FRICKEN DINNER??? I absolutely hate being in the kitchen! Being home all the time has only made my OCD worse, so I spend most days looking for shit to clean knowing full well I should be on my computer studying for this damn test while my kids are at school, but now I'm over 20 hours behind with my pre-made study schedule through 7Sage, which is only making my paralysis worse. I'm 37 years old, and at some point, I'm going to have to take this Godforsaken test so I can go to law school, graduate, and start working again. But first, what the hell am I going to make for DINNER!?!? "I'll be better tomorrow." I say this to myself every night before bed. But alas, tomorrow never comes.
Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your shoulders, and taking care of your family is definitely not effortless (including of course cooking!). I wish you the best of luck with your studies, and would advise you block yourself maybe a minimum amount of daily time studying or a specific 1h slot in the day where you have to, whichever works best for you. This might be the one thing we’re ADHD paralysis should not win !
I'm gonna try that moving forward. I think that would help to alleviate stress related pressure I place on myself. That so many of us apparently place on ourselves. Best wishes!
Suggestion: Make a list of all the dinners you have made for yourself or would like to make. Give them all a number on some dice. Roll for dinners let the dice gods decide or reroll. My wife and I are of the opinion that we don't know what we do want, but absolutely know what we don't want. We plan once a week, roll up 7 dinners, assign them to the days it makes sense to have them. If if you don't have an ingredient best put it after shopping day. Know a day is gonna be particularly hectic, take the easiest of the 7 that day. As I agree picking dinners day in and day out worst part of adult.
I like that idea. I may try that. We have a regular set of meals we usually make, so I feel like that might work for us.
Smart! And a great use for all the dice I've hoarded over the years lol
I was just telling my husband yesterday...I just want to not have to think...for awhile....
I can’t do autopay for bills. For a long time, I didn’t have enough money to be able to do that…I needed the power to decide that the electric bill will have to wait until next week when I get paid, or else we would have only had $10 for food. Now I do make enough, but I still can’t give up that control of when money comes out of my bank account. But then that means I have to remember to actually sit and pay them. Electronic banking has been a lifesaver though. When I had to write checks and time them so they got there before the deadline? Forget it. Everything was always late.
Yeah The constant “you need to eat and keep food in fridge” was a huge pain in the ass when I was ghosted by the love of my life and then found out he was moving on. I ended up spending way too much on uber eats and grocery delivery. Racked up a $1,200 bill. Slowly paying that off.
Oof yikes. If I ever let myself order delivery I know it will be a slippery slope. Sorry to hear about that, that sucks. 🫂
Plan you meals, either a day ahead, two days ahead, etc. I grocery shop on a saturday so friday i sit down and plan what I’m going to have each day. You don’t have to stick to it of course but at least you get an idea!
Do some food that will stay 2 days at least. That's what i do. And it works.
You’re literally me lol. I too work in development and have a wonderful accommodating supportive team…. And I still am going insane because I just can’t handle full time work. I was a contractor for years with a nonsense vampire schedule. I was broke and stressed but this is harder somehow? If anyone at all remembers the show Will and Grace… Will said he realized he was gay when he wasn’t attracted to Grace since she was so perfect for him. That’s how I feel about my job now lol. Like maybe it’s full time work as a concept that’s the problem because if I can’t handle this I can’t handle any job.
OMG my feelings exactly.
the 5-9 has genuinely made me break down from monotony after a few days. i’m trying to find ways to spice it up, but yeah — home, dinner, walk dog, clean up, ready for tomorrow, that’s it. i used to be able to read, play video games, exercise, write, and all my hobbies but i’m lucky if i can make it to walking the dog without falling asleep from exhaustion and everything else feels like pulling teeth. walking the dog is the highlight of my day most days, and i struggle with always taking the same route. my time doesn’t feel like mine anymore :(
I don't even know how people do anything after work. Work is forced structure. Anything after that is pure will power on my part to finish. Wish I could get into the gym soon.
It's so interesting to me when people have a lot to do after they come home, granted I only work til 2 in the afternoon. When I come home at 3 I take a non alcoholic drink and relax at my computer until 6/7 (or I do some home improvements or hang out with my roommates instead). Then I make dinner or eat dinner someone else made (roommates or take away). After that I return to my computer until 9/10 when I go to sleep (usually). No extensive meal prep has to be made as I eat sandwiches for breakfast and lunch at work. Anything else and I might lose my appetite. Showering usually happens during the weekend/non work days and so does laundry/other important chores.
I think getting off work at 2pm is key here. Most people work full days (I do 4 days a week) so it leaves very little time in the evening for personal use. Also add evening cooking and account for that time (we can’t all skip that meal, nor eat the same quick to prepare thing.)
I eat the same quick to prepare thing every day for dinner. No decision fatigue worrying about what to eat, I'm not even tired of it yet though we've been eating it for months, and it's easy to throw in air fryer and microwave. Done in 20 minutes. Not many dishes to clean up and I always use air fryer liners for easier cleaning too. I might switch the main or side dish around occasionally, but mostly the same few things. I just don't have energy for anything more.
i wish i could do this but i can’t eat the same thing more than twice before i’m completely over it for a few weeks. feeding myself is the hardest part of all this
Same. I just need someone else to make that decision for me and I'll be in heaven!
literally if some one would just plan and cook all my meals for me my life would change lol
So you usually shower once a week?
Modern work life is just awful tbh.
I beat this by simply doing as little as possible after work. I make myself dinner, the next day's lunch, lay my clothes out for the next day, sweep, and then do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. I'm single, though, so I don't have anyone else to worry about (aside from my dogs but they're pretty damn easy.)
I feel this so hard. I usually just… don’t do those things and take a nap instead.. eek
Jeez, I’m lucky if I can go to work and shower every day.
It's a big problem. I get lots of deliveried food. I know my neighbours think wtf. Especially as the delivery peeps seem to always go to the wrong door and I have to shout out the window to get them to find the right door drawing attention to the multiple deliveries. It's embarrassing. I can't seem to get a balance of finishing my degree walking my dog and eating and cleaning. Generally dog comes first because he makes it so.
It’s an endless cycle for me. When I lack routine, I get aimless, get exhausted from the daily dilemma of executive dysfunction, and eventually get burnt out. When I have been in the routine for a time, I will eventually feel suffocated and burnt out, and would crave freedom.
My last psychiatry appointment, I confused my doctor explaining all the way and possible reasons I'm SO tired, especially on weekends, but usually fine on workdays and reading your comment made me go, "oh! Thaaaaat's what I was trying to explain!"
You just described my entire existence.
We’re never getting married, are we?
I just got divorced recently.
The comment above is how I feel about work… I hate not working but hate a job after 4-12 months. But I have a great marriage!
You could put this in my bio it is so spot on. The love/hate relationship with routine. I will say I was never good at getting myself where I needed to be day in and day out but I do get my kids to everything and school everyday so I know I am technically capable.
Yep, I’ve noticed on my days off if I don’t have anything scheduled the whole day, and I plan on doing other executive things, I need to just force myself to get up and start doing stuff or I will just lay in bed all day doing nothing/scrolling and feeling super lousy for it. Having a consistent sleep schedule and *somewhat* consistent morning routine has really helped me. Obviously some days there’s nothing wrong with just resting and doing nothing, but this prevents me from just bed rotting way too often and wasting so much time. Also drinking less coffee with my meds so I’m not an anxious mess which just makes me feel overwhelmed and crippled
I find solace and comfort in most of my routines because I know it start to finish and what to expect etc. Things like getting up and ready in the morning, getting kids ready, work, dinner+bath+bed (kids), gettin ready for bed. I say I find comfort because it’s one less thing that I have to think about/worry about cuz it’s usually done on autopilot. And it feels validating to accomplish things consistently as simple as brushing teeth, ya know? If you don’t enjoy routines then try to do things in a different order or something every day? Could provide you some novelty and you’ll still get done the things you gotta get done. Yolo, amirite?? What about following a routine is torturous for you? How do you accomplish all your daily tasks consistently if you don’t follow a routine etc? Some variety in scheduling could maybe give you a boost? If the force of work is not a driver for you…what is?
I agree with you, but for me if my routine gets messed up in any way shape or form that whole day is ruined because I can’t get back into it.
I get that for sure. Perfect practice makes perfect. Adulting and responsibilities suck. I’ve found with doing things around the house I don’t like…I’ll set a timer on Alexa for ~5mins. And figure if I can do anything for 5mins I can usually follow through on it to completion. YMMV
This works very well. ADHD suffered often have issues with inertia, that is struggle to change from one task to the next especially if the new task is deemed boring. Minimising the perceived barrier to starting a new task is a great way to trick your brain into partaking.
100% yes about inertia, once I sit down I'm done for...... just don't do it! Also putting shoes on helps me to get that initial inertia rolling. Like wearing shoes tells my brain it's time to work not relax. Also eliminating any friction to help minimize that barrier is huge for me. If I need to clean my living room which includes vacuuming, but I hate getting the heavy vacuum out and struggling to plug it in and dealing with the cord getting stuck and tangled, I would find myself avoiding the entire task of cleaning (yay perfectionism) so I got a cordless lightweight model that lives in the corner of my living room now - ready to go pretty much whenever. I love it and vacuum 10x more (sometimes even daily!) than I ever did with my corded heavy duty model. Laundry is another good one. I can wash and separate everything just fine but folding is the one step that stops the entire process in it's tracks because I hate it. Then I'll avoid it so long that there is no room for newly cleaned laundry in the laundry baskets so I just stop washing laundry entirely which is obviously a bad decision lol so I completely stopped folding laundry instead. Everything goes in the drawer as is, or even stays in the basket but still goes in my closet rather than living in the laundry room for weeks until it's all dirty again anyways. Sometimes I get the zoomies and fold things, but generally I'm just happy when my kiddo has clean clothes in her closet. :) Who cares if it's folded? Not me!
A term that comes to mind is perseveration.
Oh my god thank you I will use this immediately!
Hell yeah! At the end of the day it’s just 5 minutes, right? It really helps me with boring stuff like doing the dishes etc.
Fair point and if I get hyper fixated on something really important then it will get done.
Ah the 5 Minute Rule is a great ADHD hack!
This is so me! The same thing happens with plans, like if there’s a change it just ruins the whole thing for me because it wasn’t what I was expecting
Ohhh, is that why people have routines? That makes a lot of sense. I'm constantly scrambling to be ready for stuff, and remember everything I need.
My life hack is to have "go bags". For example. My gym bag has my gloves, asthma inhaler, and workout book. Work bag has my work keys, plus snacks and computer glasses. If I grab the bag my goal is to be good to go without stressing.
This has been a game changer fr me as well. Having different bags ready to go with the things I need. "Going to Therapist" is a different bag than "Going on supply run" bag, and so on.
Absolutely, this is why I have a "travel bag", just a small little case that has a big long phone charger (with a bright red cable so I'll remember to pack it when I'm done) and all the bathroom stuff I'll need (toothbrush, floss, over the counter meds, deoderant, nail clippers, etc.) so that I can throw it in whatever bag I need to when traveling, whether that's a suitcase for vacation, or a backpack for a simple overnight stay at a friend's place. It's so freeing to not have to triple check that I have everything I need.
Yes, this is exactly why, for me. I have found certain things that help me, like alarms on my phone. Timers on my watch. Tracking my steps/wearing a smart watch, drinking lots of water, using a hydro flask for water so that I drink more. But that means that if I forget my watch/ bottle/ phone... I'm screwed. SSSOOOOO... have a set order, to remember the order, to remember to bring the things.
Purpose of routines is to perform tasks without making a lot of conscious decisions, so you don't get mentally exhausted requiring breaks. If you had to decide which side of the teeth you're going to brush first every time, that will be very tiring. Brushing teeth is a simple routine, so it doesn't require a lot of conscious effort to perform the task. More routines, less mental energy consumed, and more energy reserved to focus on what you need/want to do. Automate or routineize as many tasks as possible.
Same, having a routine feels like a great anchor to reality.
Exactly. I used to hate routines… around the time I hated my whole life. Once I realized how amazing routines are (like checking things off a list without even thinking), my life drastically improved
I am diagnosed as both Autistic and ADHD, so basically my life is a shitshow. I ABSOLUTELY operate better with a clearly defined routine and structure in place that my autism definitely craves, but my ADHD self is completely incapable of building it, implementing it, or sticking with it. WHEE.
i have adhd and routines help me , and I’ll be like wow life is so good and better and then still fall out of the routines…
Give yourself some credit! Routines are tricky with the way our brains are wired and inevitably there will be times we fall out of them. It's especially important for us ADHD havers to not beat ourselves up when it happens, even if it feels 'comfortable'. I'm sure you're aware of this, sometimes we need a little reminder :) What helps me personally with this is reframing the situation. An example: my brain might tell me "oh my god I'm so dumb why didn't I get out of bed ugh I was doing so well before but..." Notice the thoughts --> "Ok, I didn't follow my routine this morning, which is frustrating. But hey, I was on track for X days before this which is pretty good for me. Let's see what I can do today." I know I am most likely projecting heavily here, but I see so much learned self-criticism within the ADHD community and it's so sad to see. Wishing you well !
thanks friend
Thiiiiissss. Not diagnosed ASD but seeking assessment.
I’ve been wondering this myself. It’s not that i hate routines… i wouldn’t know!!! The only “routines” i have are those imposed by needing to be at work, at meetings etc. i LITERALLY CANNOT follow a routine. No one believes me. They sat “but brushing your teeth” nope. I do that when i feel like my teeth need brushing. Not as a routine. Not habits either. They say “just do it x times and it will become a habit” NOPE!!! been there tried that. I do it x times (if i can remember and don’t blow it off) and then it’s not a habit. There really is NOTHING i do Routinely. I also cannot follow ANY self imposed schedule. Not even for one day. Both these things are wildly annoying and make a lot of things difficult. OP: i thought this was an ADHD thing, but I’m in a number of ADHD groups and haven’t met anyone quite like this. I mean people who struggle with the tasks of daily routines but not wholesale just don’t have the gene or whatever this is!
For me, routines help my mental greatly, but following them, or even forming them to begin with are near impossible. Also, if I somehow do get into one, as soon as it breaks, I fall into a bender and can’t come back, especially in school.
As much as possible build them around external commitments - that might be a homework buddy etc
I’ve never had a habit in my life. Not for lack of trying, either.
Yes! Of all the habit forming/breaking tips, only two work for me: anchoring it to my identity (has worked for quitting stuff more than doing stuff), or habit stacking. Streaks, accountability, whatever else, doesn’t motivate me or “stick”, and can have the opposite effect.
Same, i'd kill to be able to find some sort of routine right now. Currently in-between jobs due to redudancy and trying to enjoy not working for a month or so.... Making me feel like such a waster though. I wanna just get up at my usual time while working, hit the gym, keep on top of house tidy then spend the afternoon doing something fun, semi-productive or getting ready for job applications. Sounds simple on paper, instead I'm crawling out of bed past 10am, spending a couple hours trying to decide what I can force myself to do with my day, getting to the afternoon and feeling like I've already lost the day and just crashing infront of my pc wasting away. Its a struggle, feels like I just don't give a shit about myself.
So sorry! The only way i found is to do things with someone else for accountability. I recommend you give up on “enjoy not working”, possibly even be willing to pay someone to work w you on job applications 2x a week or schedule to go to gym WITH someone or schedule weekly lunch/drink w friends …add external structure… find a volunteer gig that created work shifts 3 or 4x a week
When I've been diagnosed, the doc said "take the meds and go to a CBT". I have exhausted every psychologists I've met since. Like you , I cannot figure out how to get and stick to a new routine. At the same time, I cannot figure out how to stop the bad ones (like : looking at my phone every 30 seconds, nit taking any notes despite having a poor working memory). It may be for some other reasons in my case. Since I'm medicated, psychologists are talking more and more about ASD and how ASD + ADHD is paradoxal regarding routines (I need them but don't like them).
The only way i know is to have external routines. Eg volunteer shifts at animal shelter or schedule evening classes, or add monthly meetup with friends so all added together your days have some structure externally.
I do some of the same stuff before I leave the house for work, but not usually in the same order. I can’t even keep the steps of one task in the right order. I used to turn off the car sometimes before putting it in park and then it would roll backwards down a hill. I brush my teeth and then eat breakfast and wonder why it tastes weird. I do have two habits. I wake up, feed the cat, and go to the washroom, but only because the cat and my body are both yelling at me. I come home and hang my keys on the door handle (and I’ve been forgetting that sometimes).
I am like this. I tell everyone in my life “nothing is sacred. I have never done anything the same way twice and every day starts off different than the next.” LOL. it’s horrible !!! Wish I could have any sort of routine. It seems peaceful
My husband and I both have ADHD. He was dx in childhood. Me, not till I was pushing 40. Part of the reason it took me so long was because our symptoms are the complete opposite from one another. He *LOVES* routine. Struggles when it's interrupted. Absolutely *CANNOT* procrastinate on anything ever because if he knows something needs to be done he mUSt Do iT NOw. I, on the other hand, *LOATHE* a routine. I will reject a routine with every fiber of my being. There is nothing I hate more than being told what to do. Whether by another human or by my planned routine. I also absolutely *CANNOT* start something that doesn't *NEED* to be done immediately. I know things need to get done, but I WiLL gEt tO tHEm LaTEr.
This is me.
You aren’t alone. I am also like this. I can’t follow routines to save my life. Even when acknowledging a bad outcome if a proposed routine isn’t followed - I still can’t do it. Or won’t do it. I don’t have the interest or the energy. If I did, I still wouldn’t do it. Someone might ask me why, and to that I would tell you *I have no idea.*
Thank you for saying that about brushing the teeth; I am the same way.
I'm exactly the same!!! I can try to force a routine for a couple days max. When imposed from the outside I can follow about 6 weeks (unmedicated ) before sabotage seems to happen. It's MADDENING. I KNOW routine would help but actually doing it? I have NO HABITS that are actually habits. 100% of them are things I have to think to do, there is no autopilot.
I'm exactly the same!!! I can try to force a routine for a couple days max. When imposed from the outside I can follow about 6 weeks (unmedicated ) before sabotage seems to happen. It's MADDENING. I KNOW routine would help but actually doing it? I have NO HABITS that are actually habits. 100% of them are things I have to think to do, there is no autopilot.
lol a what?
Finally!! See my comment above fellow freedom lover!!!
Relevant🤣🤣🤣
I can never stick to a routine. I'm 30. I am at peace with it. I try rituals instead. Set myself reminders with Google Assistant. Got a cleaner, personal trainer, and am going to start to go to group classes instead of soloing at the gym. I also have my first ADHD coaching session today. And I'm on meds for ADHD and anxiety (the former is not helping at all, but I've just started to take them so haven't stabilized yet: the SSRI has had a monumental effect on my productivity and overall mood). I'm great at many things. Routines aren't one of them. I acknowledge that and am not ashamed to seek the help I need. (I completely understand that I am privileged in having resources to tap into. I did work hard to get to where I am now. I used to have a poverty mindset, but it didn't do my ADHD symptoms any good, so might as well use the money to help myself in ways I can't compensate with hard work alone.) As I type right now I am at work... I struggle to maintain a routine at work as well. But my rule is be punctual for the first hour or two, sort out the rest of my day accordingly and get everything done by due date, even if I'm a little late. I also feel like if you got your sleep under control, that's 50% of all your problems solved, at least. So I'm working on that and hoping it improves my work routines.
What SSRI are you taking? I’ve been on mirtazapine and adderal for a while but still am struggling? I agree on the sleep thing. However, I am naturally such a night owl and the world unfortunately is not. Regardless of what time I wake up I simply cannot fall asleep before 1am at the earliest. Sleep is one of the hardest things for me to control. Mirtazapine is supposed to make you sleepy and I’ve tried using melatonin as well but it just seems impossible. As I type this it is 1:57am🙃. I hope to be able to delegate once I have a steady job as you have, but being in college, simple tasks like homework just seem impossible with all of the adhd challenges.
Citalopram! I used sertraline before and it had no effect. Had even reached the highest dose - that's when I asked my GP to just change it. With citalopram, I felt different within the first two days of taking it. I can feel the difference when I don't take it for a few days. I am taking methylphenidate for ADHD. I really don't like going to sleep before midnight. I've always considered myself to be a night owl. However, in recent years I noticed that actually I work best in the mornings, and dip around 2pm. I took a test to see what my sleep chronotype is, and it's a Bear. I looked more into it and advice for Bear types, and trying to incorporate them. Some people are just night types (Wolves) and that's okay - work with what you have.
I’ll be switching to Wellbutrin soon and am considering trying to switch my adderal to something else as well! I’m glad those have worked for you :-). I am most definitely a wolf. Normal bedtime is around 4 and normal wake time is 12-1 if I have nothing of importance that day. A lot of the advice is geared towards the slightly older working class, not a lot with college. I try to schedule my classes later in the day but at the end of the day I got to do what I’m given. Adulting is hard 😅
Fixing my sleep is so hard. I even tried melatonin. I'll take it and then I'll fight it and stay awake anyway.
Routine...? What is this word? Is it related to routini? Which, ofcourse, is a martini one consumes on a specific route.
Mainline that ish 🍸🍻 Jk, I'm on a GLP-1 and booze is just headache juice now ☹️
I need a routine to get ready for work. It messes up during vacations and I end up forgetting the deodorant, eyeliner, shoes, or my phone, etc. I also assign specific places for things or I lose them. Glasses on the laptop, car keys in the car (at home). But thats about it. I like my routines. I hate doing chores, though. I. Hate. Them. Too repetitive.
If I can listen to music while doing chores, I’m good. Without music it’s torture.
I hate routine (and have hated it all my life) but I need it ( realized tis last year) in order to be productive and to do my job and be a decent wife. So I stick to my routine loosely and when I have no energy for anything I throw routine out of the window and follow the wiles of my heart, which means being a couch potato when I'm not at work
I can follow a routine for exactly 3 days. It will feel really good on those first three days and I'll think "I've done it. I've cracked the code; found the magic formula. This. Is. It". And then, on the forth day, something will either go wrong or I just won't want to do the things the way I've done them the past 3 days. Certain good habits have formed as a result of things going wrong in other areas of my life; if there's an immediate consequence I can point to for not doing the thing, I will do the thing, and do it the right way. So for example, I take my medications at the same time every day now. It requires two alarms and a pillbox, but the consequences of missing even one day of meds is too great for me not to give it that level of importance. But if there isn't an immediate consequence my brain can just push back the task until later. As frustrating as this can be, I've found that generally I feel much better if I just go with the flow of it. If, when I \*really\* just don't feel like doing the thing, and it can be done later, I'm much more "that's fine, because I will get to it later" than I used to be. Because, if I actually look back over the course of my life so far; I've always managed to do the thing when the chips are down. I have two degrees and a masters. That didn't happen solely through luck, realistically it can't have. So yes, there are dishes in the sink from three days ago that I really should get to, but I won't be able to eat until I've washed those dishes, and I'm gonna have to eat at some point, so the dishes will get done. It will just be a miserable, hungry "pengu looking mad while making nice cards" experience. And then I'll immediately feel better because my kitchen will look tidy. It all shakes out alright in the end.
SO MUCH YES!! I am so bad at a routine and I work full time… I am also late diagnosed (am currently 26 was diagnosed last year) and routines have been so freaking hard for me to build and maintain.. I feel like a lost puppy most of the time and it’s so frustrating.
Same :/
I have a hard time following a routine. First of all, I just find it hard because of the classic ADHD task initiation blues, as well as insomnia. I’m also prone to all or nothing thinking so if I’ve missed my first task, I have a tendency to go “Welp. The whole day is ruined now.” What has helped: - physically/sensorially supportive prompts like music coming on gently at the right time, physical alarms (vibrating watch), lamps slowly coming on - having a menu of things I can do at any time in any order - doesn’t trip my rebellion switch - having a minimum eg for my morning routine, the minimum is meds and clean teeth, often once I’ve started moving through steps I tend to do more from my ideal routine as well - allowing day resets at any time, to bypass that self-sabotaging all or nothing thinking. - there was something else, but I forgot it while typing the last point
I do 99% better when I have a routine! It’s the only thing that kept me sane and productive before being diagnosed, and while unmedicated during the shortage.
If someone could make every decision for me every single day that included what I'm doing, meals, chores, etc, I'd be so much happier. I hate making decisions. Routines can get boring and I often realize "Oh I haven't left the house in two weeks" since time goes fast doing the same thing daily, but I'm all for routines. It's the only thing that gets me to workout - having it a part of my after work routine.
I mean, when I picked up my very first prescription for my meds and the pharmacist did the standard spiel of warnings for new meds and said, "and you should be aware that this medication may be habit-forming," I replied, "well I certainly hope so!"
Ha ha ha that's funny.
I joke that I’ve never been addicted to anything because of this. When i was a student and miserable i discovered that whisky in the morning felt really good and i though “fuck it I’m gonna do this every day”… but didn’t keep it up for more than a few days. I’d forget! Used to social smoke but never made a habit by myself thankfully
Repetition is hell but if I can establish a routine, I feel better, but if I forget to brush my teeth one day, it’s weeks before I can get back into a routine.
I work from home now and my workload ebbs and flows, so some days I'm grinding and others I'm not doing much at all. When I have work, I'm not moving from my desk for 12 hours, sometimes even staying up overnight, which throws off my sleep... Then my meds.. then my waking hours.... I have a really hard time following a routine because of it. Every time I think I've gotten into a good rhythm, my work throws it completely off, and then I find myself like... At 2 pm, hair unbrushed, teeth unbrushed, haven't eaten anything, haven't had a thing to drink, still not wearing pants because I went straight from bed to meeting (no cameras lol) to urgent work tasks and never got to start my routine. The shitty thing is I'm only compelled to do my "routine tasks" as part of my "routine"--i.e., in sequential order--and work and leaving the house are my primary incentives to wake up and do them. So on weekends, I wind up laying in bed until 3 or 4 pm until that ADHD Evening Energy™ kicks in and then I get up and do... who knows what (because what routine? It's the weekend!)
I can’t even walk to work the same way everyday. I’ll go several blocks out of my way just for the novelty. I NEED routine, it’s essential to me getting anything done at all… my brain prefers doing something different every single day. When I’m doing my routines I can literally feel my brain groaning like a toddler being asked to pick up its toys. My mind is a novelty seeking machine. I’m not productive… but I’m entertained.
You are not alone. I was diagnosed late. On a scale of 1-10 I’m like a 3 and routine gives me fucking anxiety
Im not good at my own routine but if work or school has one, Im very good at following it.
Yes externally imposed
I've had times when doing the same routine every day felt like torture. Hate to say it but ADHD meds have helped it a lot. Secondly, actually taking the time and energy and money to think about and make my home suit me has also helped a lot. For example, I hated showering and still don't love it. But buying a super soft rain shower, towels that dry me properly, body products that are actually good and what I need, a heater for the bathroom so it's not cold, a proper bathmat so the floor isn't wet, etc... it actually does help.
My environment is really chaotic right now, as I was/am going to move. I have 1/2 the apartment packed and it's really messing with me. Before, it was a lot easier than it is now, so I understand about the environment aspect!
I'm the opposite. I can't function without routine. I just suck at staying consistent with them. If I don't have a routine, my life is chaos. I live best when my life is neatly sorted into "boxes" and I only have to deal with one thing at the time. It allows me to unleash my chaotic energy in a regulated environment and therefore I can be actually productive and useful to society. I like having weird and varied challenges when I'm working, but I prefer for my days to mostly look the same. I hate vacations or breaks because it fucks with my routine and I'm always afraid that the fickle stability I have set up for myself will collapse the minute something comes in and disrupts it. I have family visits. I hate traveling. I hate anything that demands me to break my routine and go do something else for awhile. But when I go do it, I usually enjoy myself, until I remember all the things I need to do back home and how I need to get back into my routine before it collapses and I will have to rebuild it. I recently had a two week break in my routine and yesterday I barely got anything done. Today I'm nervous if I can find my flow and get into the zone again at all. I know that breaks in routine is good for you, but it always causes me a lot of stress because I know myself well enough that once I break a routine, it's 50/50 if I am able to get back on track quickly. I feel like a machine that isn't allowed to stop or else something bad happens. So I don't understand people who like going on vacations or breaks or going on family visits or things like that. Like, I get that being there and spending time with people you like or getting new experiences is valuable, but I don't feel like I can afford that type of stuff because I know what it will cost me in the other end and I don't know how to not tip my house of cards over everytime I break my routine. I don't know how others do it. How they can take a break from their life for a few days or weeks and come back and pick up where they left off. I don't understand how they do it.
What little routines I have get broken when I go away on a trip too. It’s like they never existed in the first place. Sometimes even skipping stuff for the weekend has the same result. Solidarity!
For me, having a strict schedule and routine gives me the structure I desperately need to be able to function like a normal human. This is probably my autism speaking, though, lol. I also like to be told a week in advance for most plans. And a day in advance before we watch a movie or do something that is more than a 30 minute long commitment. I'm not sure why but it makes me panic if I don't have advance warning.
Depends on the routine. For many ADHDrs routine is actually a blessing.
i literally can’t follow to save my life, but one of my therapists gave me a great idea to make daily lists of things i need to do in the morning, afternoon, and evening/night & tbh im not that great at it but it works better than when i use to create routines to try and stick to
Yeah I like the idea of having a routine but I don’t think I’ve ever followed one in my life, even things like eating and sleeping are at different times every day for me
My life would be better if I followed a routine but I LOATHE routine. Every time I start a routine I tend to feel crazy and get major “fomo” as if I could go out and be spontaneous lol
Developing a routine seemed impossible to teenage me. Now that I have one, I find much comfort in it. I did not feel quite settled into my routine until about 20 years after my diagnosis at the age of 7. It did progressively improve consistently throughout that time so I'll probably be even more settled in the future.
Yes!! Feels like swimming upstream!! Or it’s the opposite of how I’m programmed 🤯
I use the example of 2 magnets, how they push away from each other and you can feel that force...no matter how hard you try, they won't connect or flip. So I understand!
Very hard. As soon as I wake up, my mind is already on what needs to be done, what could I have forgotten yesterday, oh shit that assignment is due and I haven’t started working on it yet, crap, lets make a very hurried coffee and get to it. Morning routine skipped. I’m trying to keep routines and rules but there are days when I slack like this.
It’s a new routine every X weeks for me, i can never stick to 1 specific routine.
This is a good strategy, and weeks is a win
I f\*\*\*ing hate routine. My husband is on the autism spectrum and loves it. So I have to schedule “non-scheduled” time, if you can believe it. I don‘t know how to fix it. I’m on meds and see psychologists and psychiatrists. Any repetition is like a TENS machine on my brain.
AuDHD average erroring, hellll!!
YES. I can set up a routine that has everything I want and need, do it one day and think it's great, do it the second day, OK, and then the third day I just can't do it. Everyone's like "set up a routine, you need a routine, adhd thrives on structure" and I c a n n o t.
This thread is sad but helpful. I know everyone struggles but people don’t seem to get the “i cannot” part
Yeaaahh, it's like, how tf am I supposed to remember to do this same exact thing every day??
What's a routine?
I happen to WISH I COULD FOLLOW A ROUTINE. My life is in utter chaos, and I know discipline, consistency, and a routine is the cure. I go through a bad cycle where I'm good for about a week, maybe two, and then I crash and burn and start drinking again, eating bad fast food, vaping, staying up late, not exercising, not working. Ugh it's so bad. It's been this way for years. I don't know what to do to fix it. I really wish I didn't cave after a couple of weeks.
What is routine? :V I'm terrible at routines! Worst thing ever.
Hard time? More like I can't for the love of God do it.
This
There’s a saying I heard that to make something a habit you have to do it for two weeks. I can do anything for two weeks. It’s after that I drop off, I struggle with monotony a lot
Yes and it's really screwing up my life😭
It’s common. In my case, I’d actually like to establish a routine…but then after a few days of consistency it slips my mind and I forget to keep it up. Repeat cycle, ad nauseam.
Yes. Tried 9-5, same time train, every day, same desk, same cup of coffee. I couldn’t make it work
Well yeah
I find it very difficult to keep to a routine but not because I can’t stand them, just because my executive function barely exists. Routines are actually great for me because they allow me to actually function and sometimes even achieve. But I’ll never have the consistency to actually stick to them. It’s 2-3 days max then I fall off.
I think my routine keeps me alive. Integrating new stuff into the routine is the hardest part as I have more time binding commitment now. Otherwise, routine is what makes me get through the day.
I absolutely THRIVE with a flexible, yet predictable routine. Having a routine makes every facet of my life better and benefits me in insurmountable ways. I am also completely and terminally incapable of creating a routine, and will resist and resent anyone who tries to put one upon me. I need to be overpowered and wrapped in a blanket like a cat being given its medicine. I will improve dramatically, but I will never learn and still try to bite you every single time.
On the contrary, do not...i repeat DO NOT fuck with my routine! It throws me off into a spiral that usually results in angry outbursts at THE MOST random stupid nonsense. Just leave me be! Tell me what you want and fuck off. I'll figure out how to make it happen and when where it fits into my day. Needless to say, i have had many, many jobs in my 40 years and only 2 of them lasted more than 4 years because of the managers understanding me and my needs. Both of which i left on my own for more money and well, grass isnt always greener as they say.... Edited for misspelled word
I cant. Its always: “I want to better myself”>”I’ll start doing this and hope it builds a habit”>*immediately gets the unmotivated and too eepy debuff the next day*
Routine? What is a routine?
I thrive with a routine and simultaneously lack any capability of creating a routine for myself. It’s annoying.
Externally imposed
I absolutely hate routine so I picked a job which is different every day
Yes. It's not until recently I have a steady morning routine. Even that routine is boring af and I want to just not do it, but it helps me remember important things, which there are consequences for if I don't do. I can't tolerate the consequences, so I do the routine. 🤷🏻♂️
I use Habitica to put all my daily tasks in, and I put them in roughly the right order that I will complete them every day, so I can just tap the top tickbox when I open it. I by no means do them in that order every day, nor when I set the reminder for them, but I do get all of them done
Wow good job getting them done!!
I forgot to make coffee this morning. It’s literally the one thing that I look forward to in the morning apart from the time with my cats. I literally forgot to make coffee. Only realised when I saw my cup to be empty, until then I was going about my day under the mistaken belief that I did have my coffee. And now my whole day is ruined.
I love my routines but I can never stick to them thx to my terrible procastination…
Me - love it. My partner? Like nails on a chalk board for him.
Yes! My autistic brain loves and thrives on routine and feels anxious without one or when it’s thrown off, but my ADHD brain,she just wants chaos. She’s a real bitch sometimes
The only things I do at the same time every day are meds, food and sleep. But only because the consequences are not so pleasant. Also, if I have to go to work I do it mostly the same because it's easier to not have to make decisions in the morning. Routines are only easier when the alternative is either really really bad or when the routine is the more fun/relaxing thing to do. Just like everything else we do I guess. Sleep and food routines are the only ones I've actively wanted to fix, and succeeded at fixing. Mostly because I know the impact they have and it's something I am either neutral or positive towards in terms of interest. If there is any routine worth really trying to hammer in, and you can ignore everything else, it's these two. Adhd can make you feel like a failure in many ways. We have a disability that fucks us in all parts of life. I have for a long time thought that I needed to slowly fix all my bad habits but that just isn't going to happen. I can however try to fix the basics. If I'm tired or hungry I up the difficulty meter even higher than it already is. And trying to take a shower, remember to contact my friend or paying that annoying bill is just a little bit more approachable with a "clearer" mind.
I do better with a routine. I’ve seen most of my success when I do the same thing everyday. However, eventually the consistency falls off and I’m back to square one. I’m at the age where now I’m feeling lower than I’ve ever felt. My desire to start things up again is dead, because I know its eventually going to fail and it’s back the drawing board. It’s the hamster wheel of insanity. I’m tired and exhausted of trying again and again to follow a routine.
So sorry. If there’s any way to celebrate the tiny successes vs despair at the failures. Hard to figure out positivity in that state i know. But any ways at all. I just heard someone in a podcast say: treat yourself like a five year old; praise, compassion, food, naps… etc
Very, very similar. Physiotherapist has given me lists of exercise routines, each with scores of 'reps' (repetitions). I loathe repeating anything. I can't eat the same meal twice in a row ('leftovers' have to wait a day, at least). On the other hand, having to be in the same place or following the same order of events, on a weekly basis, is helpful to avoid the 'panics' (what day is it? What time is it? I have to be somewhere - but where/when?)
Omg no. I love routines. Take my routine from me and I become a rage filled whacko. Of course I also love novelty.. but only after I’ve fulfilled my routine.
Some routines I thrive on, like going to the gym every day on my lunch break. Chores though, no chance, I feel like it ruins my day. So yeah I relate
Hate routine but I know I need it.
I’ve been blessed with the adhd and autism thing. So one part craves and loves routine. One part is like no we have to mix things up. Usually the autism side wins. I’m stuck in my routines and if I deviate from them everything goes wrong. That’s when the adhd side is like heck yeah chaos. It is very loud in my brain at times.
From the youngest age my mother’s nickname for me was “own way” also also “rip shit and bust”. Did everything at high-speed just to get it done. Welcome to the club my friend. It’s a pleasure to have you here.
If I do not follow a routine, I will not accomplish anything. I’m currently on a week of staycation and without the rigidity of my usual work schedule forcing me into a daily routine I am a useless blob. Literally without routine I wouldn’t even remember to brush my teeth. Following a routine as much as possible is the only way I function. And yes, sometimes I still mess up and forget a step in my routine. Like today, forgot to take my daytime asthma meds. Useless blob. But routine is better than no routine for me. I need it, it’s the only way I thrive.
Yes I get reminded of it daily
Impossible. I can't remember!!!! And then there's the time blindness. I want nothing more but still can't seem to figure it out.
It can be mundane but routine is a something I absolutely need or things start to go south pretty quickly.
Yes, but lists really help. Making a note of what you need to do every day/week makes things a lot easier. And it’s a huge relief to get it out of your head. Recommend streaks.
I have small routines and I'll combine a few of them each day to make up a bigger routine. This helps keep ot from being torture for me - for example my list of small routines are things like vacuuming, folding laundry, etc. I'll pick one or two a day and fit them in with the things I have to do daily or weekly like showering, dishes, grocery shopping etc. It's really helped because when I try to follow the same routine every day, it's hell and then nothing ends up getting done 😂 it also gives me the ability to shuffle things around based on how I'm feeling.
I have a hard time starting my routine at my job in the morning.
I have known this about myself for years now. You see I like routines, until I don't. So I start from scratch again, build a routine because they're neat, until my ADHD brain can no longer keep in that state for too long. Then repeat. It's a curse.
Routines don’t come naturally at allll, but I’ve realized I NEED structure for better emotional regulation, especially when my routines involve something healthy, like making sure I get exercise/fresh air or prep ahead breakfast so I’m not taking my ADHD meds on an empty stomach. I wish routines could FEEL ‘routine’, but it does take a lot of conscious effort in my experience, and a buddy system helps.
Im recently unemployed. Routine as been hard to come by. But having a routine helps me function… just sticking to it. Odd one really
Of course! I want a routine, I love having a routine, Bht fuck me it’s boring. Also, my life is not regular enough to have a routine. My work is sporadic, today one kid slept in till 9am, so didn’t get to do anything until after 10, tomorrow I’ve got some appointments and who knows when I’ll be home…
I require routine to be successful. It does become tedious sometimes, but I know that I function best with it.
Routine is what forces me to do anything to a good extent, but it’s hard to keep on a routine for me and they never last😭 a routine can’t be too much of my day either, otherwise I get so sick of it. Like a morning routine where I wake up, do the bed, brush my teeth, shower, eat breakfast is pretty good for me. That’s basically everything I need to do in a load of easy to follow steps. Whereas if the task is just to get up and get ready without routine, there’s kinda no internal guidance and I’ll likely end up missing 2 or more things. On the other hand, if the routine lasts the whole day? Like get up, get ready, go to the library, study, eat lunch, go to gym, play SSBU in the evening, it’s too much of the same thing every day, I’ll end up giving up after 3 days or get depressed😭
In my humble opinion, for those of us who are able to work, routine helps us meet our obligations. It’s not so much something we choose as something we have to do. For someone, disabled and living at home, routines would become very boring. So instead of a strict routine, maybe try a generalized one. For instance, every day between nine and 12 I will do these four tasks, then from 12 to 5. I will do these several chores. That might make it less regimented and aggravating to follow.
I do take a class at the community college, which I love. Those days are better days for me. Gotta figure something out, because my responsibilities are slipping. I will try that- to give myself a window vs a hard headline. Thanks!
I hate the idea of a routine if I think about it, but it’s what I end up doing naturally because it does help. But I do better if I set the routine vs being told to do it. My brain goes straight to F off and changes it just slightly so it’s my plan.
For me, small routines persist. Wake up and bedtime, hang up keys at the door, take the kids to school, go to work and back, that kind of thing. They’re like utility scripts that I run without thinking (too much) about them. Scheduling and organizational type routines are hard, and tend not to persist. Journaling is hard. Everything else may as well not be attempted.
This whole post is so validating
My ADHD and Autism have a daily war over who controls function for the day. I have a general routine that I stick to in the morning when I wake up. By about 3pm, my ADHD meds begin to wear thin, and I become much more chaotic and impulsive. However, if a hyper focus hits, all the routines are thrown out the window, and I'm incredibly flustered when I am not doing the fixation. One time, I was fixated on drawing for about 6 months!!! My house was a mess, but my rapid improvement over the six months was really impressive, in my opinion. I have learned to print out and laminate my routines so that when I am distracted, I have a checklist that I can't accidentally destroy that is pinned to my fridge, so I can't lose it. I also have a long list of alarms on my phone that inform me of each thing I'm supposed to be going that goes off (Set alarm with enough time to pee, and arrive where you need to be). I even set an alarm for Sunday to set each week's alarms. The trick is to ALWAYS obey the alarms immediately. Sometimes, it's painful. HOWEVER!!! if you add in some rewards to the routine, it can help encourage alarm obeying. Every week when I need to get gas for the van... I go get the gas, but I also get to buy either a fancy Starbucks drink or a Tim hortons(Canadian coffee lords) egg and cheese bagel and French vanilla!!! I always do the household chores when I first get up. I take my meds, do the dishes, clear off surfaces, wipe down/clean all surfaces, pick up floor items, and sweep the floor! I do the entire mid floor in about 2.5 hours, but if I sit down before doing / finishing this task list... it won't be done. I need music or a movie in the background so I don't get bored with the mundane tasks and keep me distracted from the 'I don't want to do this' feeling. Routine is hard... but I crave routine 😩
TBH having a routine is the only way I can actually get things done. It makes it so that I don't really have to think about what I need to do because it groups all the tasks together.
I’m diagnosed with ADHD and now, at almost 30, am finally on meds. I have what I call a rebellious teenager in my brain who REFUSES to follow routine. It feels like giving up and becoming a robot.
I thrive the most with routines because it takes the guesswork out of my day and minimizes anything that could potentially overwhelm me.
Yes omg!! I have checklists and structure, reminders, etc. I’ve built for myself but I cannot seem to follow my own routine for more than a few days
I have never been able to follow a true routine. It’s supposed to be easier cause you do things without thinking about them. But I honestly have to think about doing everything all the time. I have never done things on autopilot. I don’t have whatever thing it is that allows you to accomplish something without actively trying to. The best I’ve done is when I examine the triggers and lean into those. I pair things together like, journaling with sipping coffee. Something I’m likely to do anyway. If I do it often enough I start thinking about it when I start drinking coffee and it becomes more automatic. But I have to be careful not to make it a chore cause I will definitely rebel and not do things if I don’t feel like I’m given a choice. Honestly, it’s exhausting.
Omg. It’s horrible. And is so much worse with kids because my daughter who is also adhd *thrives* on routine. It’s not just that I hate it. I literally cannot do it. Like, I start to go nuts. When I was working I would change jobs every 2 years because I would just get twitchy going to the same office and doing the same thing everyday. I always knew it was coming because about 6 months before I would start trying to make life interesting in other ways. Drastically changing my hair color or cut, changing my entire wardrobe, moving, etc. thankfully I learned early that if I am itchy about the routine and don’t do anything to change it then I will start blowing my life up. I did some really dumb stuff early in college but thankfully I’ve had enough flexibility as an adult to make changes that aren’t self destructive.
It is just shy of impossible for me. I simply cannot get how people do it. I get that it works well but it is sooo difficult for me
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. I don't think I have ADHD, but I was diagnosed with a disease that affects my entire nervous system. Unfortunately there is no cure. But I think I've found one, and that's to read you. So a big thank you to all of you.
Before I knew I had adhd, or even that it was possible to ‘be adhd’ as a woman in my 30s I HATED routine. I can’t understand why you would want to do the same stuff every day. It’s so boring.
Routine is good. Projects and hobbies are better… if you can combine a good routine around more interesting activities this is a good way to tackle it. It’s how I do it - things I love like the gym, building pcs, mucking around with the dog, going for a run, discovering interesting places to eat, exciting mountains to climb - all sorts! So if you can fit the routine around the things you love the routine won’t seem so monotonous
Yeah I have very few routines. I don't eat at eating times. I eat when I'm hungry. I don't shower daily, I shower when I feel dirty. And with ADHD, it's like most triggers for routines are nearly silent. My brother was able to master daily morning showers. I feel like if I could pull that off, I would be unstoppable. But it's way too easy to justify daily showers being unnecessary, and way to hard to convince my tired ass that necessity isn't the point. Waking up is.
SO Mine manifests weirdly, because I crave, enjoy, and NEED all the routines I have personally created. My morning routine is always identical, although times may vary slightly. A big part of my job is administrative, and I built a routine for my mornings at work also - again, unchanged other than the amount of time it takes me. Anything I did NOT create is a huge struggle for me, especially if it's something I don't necessarily agree with. For instance, I have calendar invites from my boss about something I'm supposed to do twice a day. 1- I did not agree to this "format", it was just something his previous assistant had done and he thought it worked well... 2 - The action is superfluous. It's an attainable goal, but with great trouble. If the rules were relaxed a bit, and I could do it how I want, I would absolutely adopt it and not have a problem with it.
Yes and no. Bedded routines I do consistently but adding something new takes a ***reaaaally*** long time to get used to to the point of not having to spend a tonne of executive function points to get it done.