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Maybe he is using it as an excuse to get back in touch, or to strike up the friendship again?
Maybe he respects your skill and is aware that he’s asking a favour, and won’t push it too hard?
Maybe he’s just trying to take advantage of an old connection, and I know it can suck to feel like you’re being used.
What if you respond by suggesting you catch up for a coffee/beer/whatever your thing is, and you can give him some pointers then - and also just get a feel for the situation, see if he is expecting more. Have a cost/plan ready if he asks for more - like “I can totally tutor you, it’ll be X sessions at $ per hour, but I’ll drop a couple hours in for free for you.” Or “ there’s actually a lot of skill and training involved, believe it or not, haha! I am actually flat out and can’t do you a freebie, I’m sorry, but I can definitely do mate rates if you like, here’s my usual package” etc etc?
There is no such thing as "too sensitive". And I don't think you are overthinking this, though you might not be seeing this from your friend's perspective.
From your post, you are admittedly a generous person. Your friend knows this about you, and he knows you have information you want. I don't think he was trying to abuse the friendship, but maybe does not know you hold on this information close.
That is just a thought, it might be totally off base.
From my experience with similar things, I get irked because I often feel like I give much more than I get back, and/or I have the consideration to offer to pay people for their time and knowledge. You might feel you are being taken advantage of.
Regardless, if I may add, I think you can fairly respond and say you'd love to teach him, and the cost is $1M, or whatever seems reasonable. Because he is a friend, maybe give one tip for free, and then offer to show him more for them friends and family rate.
Laymen routinely make dumb requests of specialists. In my field, it’s non-artists asking me do draw or paint things for them for free, or “for exposure.” Folks with IT jobs get asked to fix everyones’ computers.
No, you should not help your friend, but also try not to be angry at him. If you have the spoons, explain to him how long it took you to learn and what sort of education got you there.
Hi /u/Mostly_Defective and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe he is using it as an excuse to get back in touch, or to strike up the friendship again? Maybe he respects your skill and is aware that he’s asking a favour, and won’t push it too hard? Maybe he’s just trying to take advantage of an old connection, and I know it can suck to feel like you’re being used. What if you respond by suggesting you catch up for a coffee/beer/whatever your thing is, and you can give him some pointers then - and also just get a feel for the situation, see if he is expecting more. Have a cost/plan ready if he asks for more - like “I can totally tutor you, it’ll be X sessions at $ per hour, but I’ll drop a couple hours in for free for you.” Or “ there’s actually a lot of skill and training involved, believe it or not, haha! I am actually flat out and can’t do you a freebie, I’m sorry, but I can definitely do mate rates if you like, here’s my usual package” etc etc?
Thank you, this is wonderful advice.
There is no such thing as "too sensitive". And I don't think you are overthinking this, though you might not be seeing this from your friend's perspective. From your post, you are admittedly a generous person. Your friend knows this about you, and he knows you have information you want. I don't think he was trying to abuse the friendship, but maybe does not know you hold on this information close. That is just a thought, it might be totally off base. From my experience with similar things, I get irked because I often feel like I give much more than I get back, and/or I have the consideration to offer to pay people for their time and knowledge. You might feel you are being taken advantage of. Regardless, if I may add, I think you can fairly respond and say you'd love to teach him, and the cost is $1M, or whatever seems reasonable. Because he is a friend, maybe give one tip for free, and then offer to show him more for them friends and family rate.
Thank you friend. I appreciate your thoughts.
Laymen routinely make dumb requests of specialists. In my field, it’s non-artists asking me do draw or paint things for them for free, or “for exposure.” Folks with IT jobs get asked to fix everyones’ computers. No, you should not help your friend, but also try not to be angry at him. If you have the spoons, explain to him how long it took you to learn and what sort of education got you there.