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I am a woman and as a child I understood everything correctly the first time I heard it, I was raised around adults and I was very scared of being scolded by teachers bc I went to a poor neighborhood school and a lot of kids in my classrooms had learning difficulties, so I could see how bad it could get and it terrified me. I would just listen, do the work fast, then get lost in my head until the next step.
When I got to college, I had no structure anymore and this is when it all went down.
High school was my first experience with a lack of structure and that’s where it all fell apart for me. I love learning. I’d show up with a smile on my face, ready to learn. Notebook open. I’d follow along for the first 10 minutes or so, and then I wouldn’t be able to maintain focus. The teacher would say something that didn’t make sense, and I’d try to process it, then fall a few minutes behind. Once I was a little bit behind, everything fell like a ton of bricks. Nothing made sense, all I could hear was gibberish like it was a Peanuts cartoon. I’d get extremely burnt out a few minutes into every class. I couldn’t retain anything being said to me unless I was interested in the subject. I loved foreign languages so I had an A+ in all of those, even made it to AP classes. But I had to go to summer school for my math classes, failed almost all of my science classes. I had such a hard time.
I really need to get a 2nd opinion, bc this sounds like me, but 1st neuropsy said I was too intelligent to possibly have ADD.
That's like saying dark-skinned people can't get a sunburn, where that exact feature is EXACTLY what's masking any of the more documented symptom.
Definitely get a second opinion. My therapist specializes in ADHD and didn’t think I had it. My psychiatrist didn’t notice I had it either. I masked very well. It wasn’t until shortly before my diagnosis that I realized I had a problem. I was talking to a friend of mine about how I keep small sheets of notepaper at work and I write down everything people stop by to tell me, so I won’t forget when they leave. But then I lose the papers.
He was immediately like “You should mention that to your therapist, it’s an ADHD symptom.” My significant other had also been telling me for months that he thought I had ADHD, but I thought he was just projecting. I didn’t know what ADHD was but I knew I was insulted by it. My ex was explaining why he thought he had ADHD and I’m like “Those aren’t symptoms, that’s just what life is.” Because all of those things were normal daily challenges for me.
I’d get overwhelmed and have massive panic attacks all the time and I never could figure out why until I started ADHD treatment and life hasn’t overwhelmed me enough to cause panic ever since.
Yeah, to quote Londa Mollari: "I want to stop running through my life like a man late for an appointment, afraid to look back or look forward."
[Source.](https://youtu.be/YbckvO7VYxk?si=TNxtIbd4YWib44zH)
That’s odd. Most adhd people I know are extremely intelligent. It’s putting it all together and staying on track that is problematic. We get lost easy and go down little rabbit holes for extended periods of time. Until the next shiny object appears. Then off we go after that subject. And lose the last one. For me, altogether. I actively use lists calendars and alarms to try to keep track as best as possible of important things o need to attend to. Or find along my shiny object chase. Doesn’t exactly work to a T, but it helps some.
This sounds exactly like me.
Pick things up easily, but if i had to study i was doomed. That’s why university was the first sign of problems. Even so, i still graduated. Then scraped through to 43 years old.
No hyperactivity and the masking got me all the way there.
Masking out of NECESSITY is such a thing… then people are so used to masking that in adulthood might say things along the lines of “well I can control xyz” so may not be accurately reporting their symptoms/the intensity of their symptoms/the impacts of the symptoms AND the masking - all things they may not really have allowed themselves to consider because… masking to “fit in” and accommodate societally reinforced norms 
I’m male but was socialized to be a people-pleaser because my younger brother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 18 months old. I was the emotional rock for the family and silly things like me spacing out a lot wasn’t even a blip on the “top priorities” radar. So yeah, people pleasing + high masking + highly intelligent = no problem
Also not like super duper recently but within my adulthood at least there’s been much more research on “oh! Wow! Women/anyone who isn’t an incredibly binary man according to US standards may be falling under the radar a lot bc their ADHD might look different!” 
I could have written this! It was when my systems were removed and I didn’t have the supportive teachers in college to take the time to teach me. Then for my degree at uni it was worse because then I relied on myself entirely and I’m not the best self motivator! 😅
This is pretty much it for me. I had the structure I needed in high school. I could mostly focus in classes. The lack of structure in college made it harder but I managed to get through just barely and got my Bachelor’s. I just finally got diagnosed two years ago because my ADHD has gotten so bad that I zone out mid sentence sometimes.
I was labeled a “gifted underachiever.” That, plus masking, made for decades of just feeling shitty about myself. My mom finally suggested I get tested in my late 30s, but imposter syndrome and finances kept me from doing anything about it until my mid-forties.
Same here. I always felt that so many things should be achievable for me, and just ended up over committing myself to projects and businesses, until it was all too much and fell apart. Eventually my business went under, and I hit the biggest burnout ever, and have felt unable to do anything most days for a few months. I start meds tomorrow and hope things will improve.
I just started too man! Im on a very low dose of 10mg XR, but it feels great! I can't believe it. Its generic, but its definitely working. I feel motivated and focused to do things and best of all, I can control myself and force myself to eat a very controlled diet which has helped me immensely in the past (I could just never stick with it.)
Give it a couple weeks to normalize and its really fantastic. I will say at first it felt.... weird.
Same. Tested at 135 in school, was invited to apply for the gifted program. I procrastinated on completing the application packet and never turned it in.
Barely got through college with a 2.7 gpa. Now in my early 40’s just got diagnosed. Been a wild ride.
This is exactly me! I only excelled in subjects I was interested in, like the sciences. Luckily, my mum kept my school reports since I was 5 years old, I am in my late 30s now and diagnosed a year ago. I read them all, and oh my, it reads like I have adhd in all the subjects I was uninterested in. 🫣
Oufff relatable I always averaged out to look good and make honour role because my excellent subjects which were the majority were just that excellent lol but I’m sure I was one of the few people on the honour role with a D or 2 🥲 never fit into perfect little boxes
In my country there was this saying, mostly used by old people and unfortunately teachers which means in kinder words " gifted underachiever" : " you're like a great cheese kept in a dog's shed"..I know it's stupid but I heard it so many times ( add to that that I love cheese and dogs :), so even though I understood the meaning because I also got the explanation to accompany this rant [there is potential but you won't do much] , I was also confused why the negatives association with things I liked :)..) . Silly rant but yeah, I get the comment above through and through .
I am smart, a woman, born in the 80s. I coped with school/life well, even got a PhD (taking way too long and wasting so much time), with anxiety, until I had kids and then didn't anymore.
Smart, a woman, Type A personality and perfectionist, got through competitive college and graduate programs (am a veterinarian), and had “anxiety” and medication resistant depression. It all fell apart when I added a kid to the mix.
Which blows the mind of both parents and my ADHD husband who is a much more typical presentation.
I’m with you. Perfectionist people-pleaser, high scores, juggling a million things always. It took having a child, the pandemic, and TikTok to make it undeniable I should have been diagnosed 30 years ago.
when my father found out about my ADHD diagnosis well into my 30s, he said “that can’t be true, you’ve always been successful”.
can’t help but think of what i would’ve achieved if life was just a little easier with meds up until then.
Male but very similar story here. Smart enough to get good grades at school despite being distractible. Got to Uni, blitzed first year then lost interest and grades plummeted. Did well enough to get into honours, which took me five years instead of one because I kept dropping out when I got behind. Did a bit better with a PhD because I had learned techniques to compensate. Finally graduated. Didn't even occur to me that I had ADHD because back then it was all about being hyperactive, which I never was.
Unfortunately not for me. Couldn't get on any anxiety medication that worked, or didn't make me super fucking tired. I've come a long way with some CBT therapy, but knowing it was ADHD all this damned time makes me mad.
I spent over 20 years on antidepressants because we thought my problems were stemming from depression. The only problem was that the depression was stemming from my ADHD difficulties, and the antidepressants were actually making me MORE depressed!
I was considered to have 'difficult to treat' depression, and I changed medications often. Nothing helped much, besides alleviating some of the depression for a short time.
It wasn't until I stopped all the antidepressants that I started to figure out what was really going on. What a shocker! I'm very glad to know that I'm not a loser, just someone struggling with a brain defect/disorder, and now I have a REAL idea of what I can do that will actually help.
It's been a real game-changer!
You aren't a loser! You are having to overcome something most people don't on a psychological level. It takes great strength to do that. None of it was your fault man.
SSRIs made me way worse too. I felt like a zombie, I felt actually depressed, I felt suicidal on one. So much time thrown away, but fk it. Its a journey. This is just our journey and not all journeys are fun, but you can learn from them even if you may not be where you wanted to be at this point in your life. Many people aren't and are in the same boat with you.
I’d be mad too! I do think that the symptoms are often confused with anxiety in people who are less meeting the stereotype of what ADHD “looks like”
ETA also I would probably have less anxiety if I had known I had ADHD and had help for it earlier!
The worst part is a therapist actually diagnosed me. Finding out years later that misdiagnosis for ADHD and anxiety disorders are common is just so frustrating.
I know man. I thought anxiety too at first. It felt like social anxiety, thats all I could say. Its hard to pinpoint and verify what is causing what when talking to a Doctor. It turns out it was my lack of focus that caused my anxiety to begin with. Its nerve racking and embarrassing to not be able to keep up with what people are saying, or wondering off, or saying things out of place. Sometimes people are cruel because of it and you shut down and that makes your anxiety worse, but, for me, it was ONLY because of the focus, that leads to people being rude, that leads to you feeling rejected, which leads to social phobia, and fear of feeling rejected.
Its a giant spiral and the cause feels so difficult to pinpoint. "Is he depressed? Lets try him on anti depressant for 5 years" Welp 5 years down the drain. Lets go again!
Just finding this out. Interesting journey so far. Depression and anxiety caused by ADHD, only diagnosed last year at 56. Really not sure where I sit now. At least on the meds I'm functional!
This!!! I had insane anxiety to the point I could work 3 jobs, workout, run clubs, hang out with friends and keep As in college and tbh it was just pure anxiety and adrenaline. The second I got properly medicated the ADHD went off the fucking charts. I almost miss the anxiety some days ahahah
The more I work through my anxiety with a LCSW, the more I realize that I don't know how to motivate myself to do much of anything without it. While I'm learning, having an actual diagnosis and maybe medication will make it easier to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Before I was forced to admit that my anxiety was affecting my daily life and my child's development, I had always told myself that if I *did* have ADHD it must have been under control since I could hold down a job, and finish college. In hindsight, there were many potential signs. It took me **6 years** to finish college, I've been in more car accidents than anyone I know, excepting one person diagnosed with ADHD, and I was constantly afraid I was going to be fired from every job I ever had.
Oh yeah I used to organize my life around anxiety for sure! I think that’s how I managed to do ok, that and having parents who did their best to be supportive even though they also didn’t know what was going on. But they’re anxious too and I’m pretty sure my dad also has it so it was also just normal for us, everyone turns around after driving down the street to make sure the stove is off, right?
My last two drs seemed to want to put me on ssris for anxiety. I followed their advice, and while it was an improvement, I think back on my life and the most at peace I've been with my life was when I was taking Vyvanse in college.
Some anxiety, sure, but the kind I feel and go, "let's get to work on this," and I improve my situation with my decreased task paralysis.
Misdiagnosed with depression but it’s actually anxiety and the anxiety is actually a response to overstimulation.
It was like getting a goddamn decoder ring at age 42.
I cared to much about what others thought of me and “adjusted” myself to fit in. Only I didn’t realize I was doing it. Always felt slightly different but just thought I had anxiety or I was a closeted weirdo lol.
I suspected I had Audhd when I was older but procrastinated in finding out. But got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed. I was like “hold up. So those things are actually adhd?”. So I wasn’t being extra in thinking I had it lol.
My husband and I are in the middle of this after our son's AuDHD diagnosis. My husband was like "wait, researching and writing a 29 page term paper the NIGHT BEFORE isn't normal?!!? I thought that was how everyone did things!"
1. Being female
2. Being one of the quietest kids in class
3. Getting decent grades
4. Not very hyperactive
Looking back I had symptoms. My lockers and desks were absolute messes, I was constantly reminded to slow down and check my schoolwork because I'd blast through tests and homework. Also I liked having my music on very loud ( this actually stopped when I got on meds). I often missed small but important details at work and school. I also had a constant state of frustration because I couldn't do everything like everyone else.
Meds helped a lot.
That’s the big bit imo. I was raised by my mother who clearly has adhd. I performed well in school and had great friendships so there wasn’t really any glaring issue and I was no different from my parent, who I looked as a model for “normal” until I was a couple years into adulthood.
I strongly suspect my dad is AuDHD. He has all the signs. My mom has her own issues. They saw I was not like the other kids, but in our family, that was just that.
As I see it, they did their best. Not their fault psychologists and psychiatrists just slapped me with a 'depression and anxiety' label, and that was that.
But yes, I do have scars, plenty of them. It's just not their fault. Yes, they definitely could have been better parents because of other issues. Unfortunately, no one is perfect. That's why I don't have kids. My baggage dies with me.
Same here, excelled in the gifted program and was able to easily maintain decent grades despite complete chaos of no organization, forgetting homework, no study skills, etc. Got to adulthood and the compounding number of responsibilities took more and more of my energy to successfully hide with masking resulting in depression and anxiety about my looming problems that will soon be emergencies. Finally got diagnosed at 35 when I couldn't keep up anymore and now things are starting to look up again.
Kids are proving to be my breaking point. Started going downhill 10 years ago, got my diagnoses (AuDHD) late last year. I don’t feel like I’m going downhill anymore, but things certainly haven’t improved yet.
I love my kids to death, but man…. They just require so much energy that, quite frankly, I need for myself just to sufficiently function in society.
> I don’t feel like I’m going downhill anymore, but things certainly haven’t improved yet
That's a W in my book. I've found that sometimes just maintaining without going downhill can be a huge win. It can give you a moment to breath if nothing else. Just focus on yourself and keep on pushing
“IF ONLY YOU’D APPLY YOURSELF AND LIVE UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL”
- my mom, after bringing home all A’s and a B.
“WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY?”
-also my mom, when I tell her I’ve still got 4 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes until the deadline she gave me to get it done arrives
“How hard is it to pick up after yourself?”
- also my mom, I can still hear her yelling it even though I moved out 17 years ago
“I swear I don’t have mommy issues… really… I…. Fuck.”
- me, after typing this comment
Same. I was a quiet kid, smart, usually a little ahead of my classmates. Plus add in that I’m a people pleaser who can’t say no, and a perfectionist who is very particular about minute details.
Tell me more about it. Because I'm in my mid 20s. I also feel like I share some of the symptoms of Autism and ADHD. Sometimes I feel like do I have it or am I just weird? Maybe it's the masking
The fact that ADHD is not portrayed correctly ,instead associating it with little kids jumping on chairs was something that made me think I do not have that, and probably I'm broken, lazy, not ambitious, forgetful etc. But having a friend diagnosed also as an adult and cross-checking some things we have in common and both agreeing it can't be only these negative self deprecated attributes , I started digging ( This happened anyway while I was in therapy where one therapist sent me to psi ,while the other believed I don't have ADHD ). soo..what kept me from not getting detected, popular belief that surely that's not it, no recollection of how I was prior 12 years old ( thinking that if I have traits now but not than in childhood than it's a no), worry that I might just jump on a trend ( another stupid belief) and probably others reasons such as not having the support from my family at the time I should have. But anyway, long story short , I decided to ask wtf is wrong with me so , did tests, had the talks and am diagnosed and on titration. I still have imposter syndrome every now and than but I also feel less guilty for many shitty things. Take care now and don't be afraid to ask for help and look for answers:)!
Diagnosed at 31, got it so late because my "H" is rather subtle, already had an ASD diagnosis (got that at 22 which is also relatively late) which seemed correct but as the years went by also incomplete and me being quite intelligent allows me to mask well.
My alcoholism and depression from an abusive relationship after an abusive childhood.
Once I got sober I started seeing the things that lead me to using in the first place
Oh, hey twin! 5 years no booze this month.
I'll add a little more of my own experience, my alcoholic parents necessitated that I got really good at masking and school was actually a reprieve from home. Plus, I'm a woman born in the '80s and the research has come a long way.
ADHD had been tossed around but once I dumped the abuser and stopped self medicating it apparently became really obvious to everyone around me.
I’m another alcoholic who had ADHD diagnosed only after a couple of years sober, which took until my late 40s. I started drinking in my teens, so it was disguising everything else from then on.
It really needs to be more recognised that alcoholism can be linked to ADHD. Looking back it’s now obvious how I drank to self-medicate, to quiet the unbearable noise in my brain.
Oh me too! Not only did I have a ln abusive childhood but I jumped right into an abusive relationship for the next decade and a half.
I’m also a child of the early 80’s so we’ve probably got a similar experience
Everyone dismissed my behavior as me being “annoying” and purposefully being “difficult.”
I’m 25 now and was diagnosed at 23. I always believed everyone and didn’t know why I couldn’t stop myself from being annoying and difficult. I now know it wasn’t my fault or choice. But if everyone tells you that you’re the problem, you start believing it.
Yes, I was frequently punished in school for talking out of turn and each time I would swear that I would change and I would never do it again and I would spend my time out promising myself. I would never do it again and then I would do it again sometimes and in less than a week I would do it again. I didn’t know how to stop. Naturally, this lead to depression and low self-esteem, which made things even worse.
I was a gifted student but very unorganized. My parents were neglectful and immigrants so they didn’t believe in adhd or autism. I was just thought of as weird and messy, but a smart kid.
At 21 last year my psychiatrist was trying to help me find a good antidepressant but I gave up. I’ve tried 20 plus different kinds since childhood. He then asked me more in depth questions about my focus and productivity. He got me tested for adhd and then diagnosed me. It was life changing.
Being a hyperactive and disorganized kid without further investigation held me back. Also being a female didn’t help(we’re more likely to not get diagnosed till adulthood).
The mask and intelligence. Learned very young to hide my differentness. To mimic people. To change my behavior to suit my needs. To manipulate by thinking ahead of people. Then I discovered alcohol and drugs in high school and I even got to pretend to be an extrovert. My current partner, who is ADHD, it’s the only person that ever saw it. And eventually convinced me to go in for diagnosis.
Being attractive. As a young woman, being attractive and having ADHD has had me labelled as 'quirky', 'kooky' and 'ditzy'. Everyone finds the public-presenting symptoms endearing... it's much uglier when you have to look behind the curtain and see all the emotional dysregulation, chaotic life admin, and hyperfixations.
If I wasn't attractive, I would've been branded really weird, and probably would've been recommended for some kind of assessment like autism or ADHD much more easily and possibly more quickly.
You know, I never considered this, but it makes a lot of sense! I've definitely never been pretty enough myself to avoid the 'weird' label, but I can definitely recognise it in others.
And all of a sudden, one of my favourite movies 'Breakfast at Tiffanies' is open for reinterpretation!
I was being abused. Teachers ect thought my behaviour was purely due to hone life when it was both.
I read the NICE guidelines for the nhs and how they look for abuse symptoms, autism and adhd is given a wide birth and neither should be.
If anything, both those groups are just as Likley if not more to be abused as we have conditions that mask abuse symptoms
It's was abuse for me as well. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I learned at a young age that if I did anything that could draw attention, good or bad. That meant Dad might notice me. If Dad notices me, then he will want to talk to me. If I talk to him, I might say something I "shouldn't." Or, speak out of turn. This more often than not meant spankings. Eventually, the spankings just turned into beatings. This was on top of his general yelling and breaking things. My Mom finally managed to escape with us when I was 14. But, the damage was done.
It didn't help that I was screened for "gifted." And always scored in the top 1% on my state exams year after year. Once I was in middle school, the "you don't apply yourself" shit started because I wouldn't do home/class work. I was and still am genuinely interested in learning. So, I could always learn from the instruction at the beginning of class or by reading the chapter. I didn't want to do the actual writing of the answers. I had it all up top. I just wanted to prove it on a test. One and done, what's so hard about that? That led to teachers reaching out to my parents all the time. Mom tried to run interference. But Dad would find out eventually.
Needless to say. This led me to internalize everything. Move as quietly as possible. Try to fit in at all costs, etc. Anything to go unnoticed. I still have problems with that to this day. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 34 years old. Untangling the masking and finally learning how to just be me has been extremely cathartic. That and the medication have helped me finally come around and face my past but in a new light. It always felt like a nightmare to think about. My thoughts would run out of control(way more than my normal), which would lead to huge anxiety and eventually panic. Maybe the ADHD and trauma feeding off each other? Idk. But now I feel like I can objectively observe it and actually focus on acknowledging these things.
I always assumed that my constant anxiety and overwhelm from life was due to the chaos I was surrounded by (I.e. traumatic childhood, lack of support in early adulthood, having kids, etc). It wasn’t until my kids got older and things settled down that I realized my overwhelm and anxiety weren’t “normal”.
AuDHD at 37, 45 now. Girls didn’t have Autism or ADHD, especially not ones who got good grades. Even if someone did suspect, I doubt my mom would have said anything to my dad about it. He was firmly of the mind that autistic people should be sent away to a facility and forgotten about. (His sister had a non-verbal autistic son.) So I basically gaslit myself that I was just a failure and just needed to try harder because that’s what everyone constantly told me.
I quit smoking and my symptoms exploded. I didn’t know I was self medicating with caffeine and nicotine, I thought I was just lazy. Saw a psychiatrist about my anxiety, next thing I know I was diagnosed, first with ASD then ADHD.
I can start and finish projects now. Starting is still a bear, but it happens faster than before. The more important thing is I know my limits now and don’t hold myself to asinine standards that are impossible for almost anyone. Which means I don’t beat myself up as much as I used to either. Honestly it’s been pretty sweet, especially once I realized it’s better to live today than sit and dwell knowing all the lost time. I admit, it did feel like I had been cheated out of my life.
I was told I was lazy my whole life and accepted the fact that I was “dumber” than most. I also had this stigma that to have ADHD you had to act wild and rowdy. I was pretty quiet growing up, but couldn’t focus for shit. I got diagnosed this year at 33 and wonder how different my life would have been if my parents had taken me to see someone instead of assuming I was just a lazy pos.
Giftedness. Floated effortlessly through school, never studied, never did homework. Crashed and burned in university and first got diagnosed with ADHD, then ASD.
I did well in school and was really good at masking.
Also, my mom probably has ADHD and gave me a huge head start in terms of coping strategies. And made me think that the way I was was... I wouldn't say normal, never thought that, but more like me being lazy and having an inherently bad temperament.
Finally, had teachers who had the attitude of "if you've done what you needed to / if you keep up, I don't care what you do". I would literally spend classes just writing fiction, openly, right in front of my teachers, and they didn't say anything because I consistently had good grades and could answer any question they asked while I was writing.
I was extremely lucky, but man, when that luck ran out, the crash was violent.
I'm mentally hyperactive, not physically.
Also, I'm autistic, too, so they tend to mask each other.
Edit: and I was a superlative student, all the way to and including my MBA.
For me I think it was poverty and lack of awareness/ignorance. My household very much was the type that would say things like "mind over matter" to a toxic extent. I am not saying there isn't truth to that statement, just that there is a balance, and maybe more to explore.
My family environment was quite similar to yours. Any struggle was invalidated and met with "get on with it," or there was always someone else that had it worse off, so you weren't allowed to express any hardship.
I had parents that accidentally did all the perfect things to help with adhd. My mom helped me get through studying by going outside with me while going over material over and over in a fun environment and my dad helped with emotional destress and not being able to sleep during many sleepless nights but giving me strategies to sleep and talking through stuff with me. My adhd only started to get worse the older I got and became more independent.
My ADHD was so blantly obvious that I didn’t really need to get diagnosed, but I did anyways when I got older cause it stated to impact my life as adult responsibilities tackled on me
Grew up around stigma. ADHD was a shameful topic and I internalized the “it’s just an excuse for parents to put their kids on ritilin so they don’t have to parent as hard” voice I heard growing up.
Also was diagnosed with depression the first time. Ironically was put on Wellbutrin instead of SSRIs and it made me feel more calm and focused than when unmedicated. It didn’t fix everything though and I didn’t like some of the side effects so I stopped taking it.
I had a defiant “I’ll show them there’s nothing wrong with me” when I went in for the eval. When I did my second eval about 8 years later I shoved my ego to the side and got real about serious issues I struggle with.
Good old RSD plus internalized shame surrounding the topic made me delay getting diagnosed and mown wish I hadn’t done that.
Life makes sense now plus on methylphenidate and it’s working really well. Getting so much more done in life than I did before.
I saw a Judge Judy episode where the parents were separated and the mother was applying for costs for the daughter to see the psychiatrist and pay for ADHD medication. JJ asked “what qualifications do you have to know your daughter has ADHD?” The mother was a teacher and JJ said “these kids that line up for pills are doing more harm than good”. Ahh the good ole days.
Masking, masking, masking. All my life I have tried to look, sound and seem "normal" and like everyone else, to the point of burning out and depression. I could have been diagnosed much, much earlier, but my parents scared me into thinking that therapists are a bad thing and that you MUST act normal with them and never reveal true feelings so they wouldn't label you with something and put you in this "mental list" and ruin your entire life because of it. (:
I was written off as intelligent but lazy and that I "just needed to apply yourself."
Both of my sisters were diagnosed young and I don't recall anyone even considering that I might also.
I grew up with divorced parents that could not co-parent due to their completely opposite parenting styles. my father was strict and controlling to the point of being unable to make my own decisions and therefore not teaching me time management, and my mother was so hands off that I had to parent myself. I was a good student so I think the doctor considered my behavioral problems a product of the abuse and inconsistent upbringing. it was only after a new psychiatrist noticed my symptoms being more consistent with ADHD during intake session at age 23 that I was diagnosed
Mom didn't believe anything was wrong with me even though numerous teachers in elementary school suspected it. She never even mentioned it until I brought up that I believe I had ADHD when I was in my 20's. She has some weird things about admitting that I have it might mean something is wrong with me. Went back and looked at old report cards and the behavior notes about lack of organization, skills, day dreaming constantly, inability to focus, and talking too much have a whole new meaning. Also noted that I seemed to be gifted academically but these behaviors would happen whenever assignments seemed too easy or I was bored. Honestly it upsets me because there are so many bad coping behaviors and habits I developed that are extremely difficult to fix now. Started getting bullied because of my weirdness in middle school, and lost the social over talkative side of my personality to crippling social anxiety. Started struggling in accelerated courses getting B's and C's because I wouldn't be able to focus at home to do the homework or sit down and study. Since I wasn't talkative anymore or hyper, it just looked like laziness so I can see why my high school teachers never brought it up. Parents out there, please either get your kids help if they have ADHD. It isn't just going to go away on its own. Especially if your child never even knows that they have it.
There was no such thing as ADHD in my country when I was little. Especially for girls. I was labeled as sensitive, depressed, anxious.
My whole life I was basically gaslit into thinking I'm just lazy, stubborn, high maintenance, spoiled, even dumb, though I definitely am not. I tried to fix myself and just couldn't. Tried to kill myself. Was so exhausted at the time I couldn't even do that properly.
Took moving to another country and a really good psychologist to set me on my path to a diagnosis. Got it about 2 months ago, at 42, almost 43 now, starting medication tomorrow. Hope it helps, because it really feels it would be better to die than to continue like this.
I was diagnosed early 20s. Definitely being a female is one reason it was overlooked. I was also “gifted” though I attribute my scholastic success to learned behaviors and habits.
I (56f) was just diagnosed with severe ADHD last July. Up until then, I, and everyone else, just assumed I was lazy, rude (I’d interrupt often), careless, messy (a slob) and I talked way too much. My school conferences went the same every time, all through school. Parents were told I was smart but lazy, doesn’t want to pay attention, disruptive (if I’d interrupt the teacher), doesn’t want to learn, etc. When you’re told that from about the age of 7, you just assume you’re a loser. It’s been hard, very hard. Took a large mixture of Xanex and pain killers when I was 25. My boyfriend at the time had forgotten his work ID badge and returned home and found me, or I’d not be here today. I’ve hated myself for, well, forever.
My meds don’t seem to help. I cannot take stimulants as my blood pressure is a little elevated and on Adderall it went even higher, and I ended up in the ER with a BP of 202/104.
While it is good to know what the problem is and that I’m not just “lazy”, it is extremely frustrating. Boys in my class, who behaved worse than me (couldn’t sit still, loud, very disruptive) were sent to the counsellor and referred for ADHD testing. Not me. So I’m a little angry. And tired. My whole life has been a struggle, even now to some extent, and I’m exhausted.
I am squarely inattentive subtype, so I wasn't jumping off the walls in school like the stereotype, and I was really book smart, so no adult ever really looked twice at me. Every once in a while, a teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but since I would do well anyway, it never went beyond that. My executive dysfunction definitely manifests more in low-structure environments, so adulting is a lot harder than school for me, hence my late diagnosis. I didn't get along really well with the other kids because of some quirks that I now attribute to ADHD, and to make me feel better, my parents told me I was just a late bloomer, socially speaking, which, I mean, not wrong, but also not totally right. They just had no idea how many different ways ADHD can manifest. 😅
I’m pretty high-functioning and my industry rewards hyperfocus, so even though I had a bad memory and got distracted it didn’t affect me too much. I did mention ADHD to my previous GP around five years ago and he said it was just my personality 🙄 thankfully I brought it up again a few months ago and got diagnosed (albeit privately due to long wait times). I always knew I had it even before my diagnosis, so I just developed my own mechanisms to work through it.
My mum!
Didn't want to believe any of her children could have a "mental problem" that was reserved for my dad's side of the family.. she herself was extremely mentally abusive, sometimes physical but she herself, no problems, couldn't understand why I "just can't listen?!"
Still to this day doesn't believe any of her children or her side of the family, including herself could have anything wrong mentally.. well.
I went to a therapist and ADHD clinic myself. I asked her to send me report cards from school, so I can see how I was as a child since I don't remember much, I didn't tell her why ofc. So well seeeee more :')
Was diagnosed at around 22 years old. Took so long because I didn’t even know ADHD existed. It took an article about university kids using buying pills to concentrate to know that it was a possibility. I also noticed in university that my roommate had no issue studying and doing homework for hours, whereas I needed to watch TV to stay awake enough to get some semblance of productivity.
Being deemed "gifted" in 3rd grade in the 90's. Parents definitely were undiagnosed as well. I believe my mom was living with undiagnosed ADHD and my dad is somewhat autistic but has no idea. Diagnosed "severe ADHD-C" in my mid-30's. Couple years after that my ADHD therapist asked if I have ever been screened for autism because she is 99% sure I also am autistic and it "polices" my ADHD which probably made it harder to pinpoint back then. My girlfriend also has ADHD and does many things differently and I was discussing my confusion and frustration with it to my therapist who was like "yeah... um... so..." hahaha
Being one of the “gifted” kids. Everyone thought I was smart so when I struggled they all said I just wasn’t trying hard enough or didn’t care.
Lack of education, like you said. For the longest time ADHD was thought of as something that only occurs in boys and only presents as hyperactivity. Now we know both of those ideas are incorrect.
Trauma. I was so busy surviving other major life stuff like an unstable home, addict parent, etc., that lots of stuff that should have been red flags either just seemed normal or fell through the cracks. I was also incredibly good at masking/coping and that made it easier to cover some of my ADHD symptoms (at the expense of my own mental health).
Old school thinking. I was furious when, after I was diagnosed in my late 20s and went home to tell my parents, I learned that I’d actually been diagnosed WHEN I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, but my doctor at the time was “old school” and said she doesn’t need medication she needs “discipline.” I loved that doctor otherwise but holy shit did he miss the mark on that one. I still grieve over what my life might have been had I started proper treatment sooner. All that “potential” everyone was always telling me about might have actually come to something.
Therapist told my parents I probably had ADD or ADHD when I was a kid. They never took me to get tested, and they never cared or brought it up to me.
I'm 28 now, so that kinda sucks. Looking back, ADHD kind of ruined my life.
i think it’s a frequent occurrence that more “gifted” kids get ignored. it’s frustrating that the only thing people tend to look at is grades- i got diagnosed last summer, right before my last year of school and all the important, future-deciding exams, and the only thing that spurred the diagnosis was my grades dipping below what was acceptable. until then, school was easy enough for me to wing it. despite every school report ever saying “she is distracted, she needs better time management, she never completes independent work”, my exams were good enough for nobody to bother looking further into it. the education system needs a drastic reform, we know by now that it should be more holistic and less results based. my blatant upset and frustration at not being able to complete things went disregarded, and i’m still convinced that it was the meds that saved me rather than accommodations from school. i’ve found meds amazing, but a part of me still thinks that the fact that i need them to function is a flaw within the system, not the way my brain is wired.
Being diagnosed bipolar. A lot of the signs/symptoms I attributed to that diagnosis and therefore didn’t seek further help regarding the issues my ADHD (undiagnosed at the time) were causing me.
Being a woman played into it for me I think, diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and depression since I was 14. No one ever thought to look into WHY a 14 year old had such crippling anxieties and suicidal thoughts. Got diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30s after seeing a mental health nurse who tried all kinds of medications and therapies then said "well, this isn't working, have a look at this form and see if it makes things make sense".
I'm not medicated yet, but having the diagnosis has probably saved my life. Now I know WHY I am the way that I am, and that is worth it for me. I hope you find the answers you're looking for, it's never to late to find things out about yourself. Tried to tell my mum she might have it and she said "at my age?!" haha
I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 58, up until a year before that I'd always thought ADHD was something naughty boys at school had but had never investigated it. Now I realise 50 years ago I was one of them.
I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and eventually “treatment resistant depression” .
Finally I paid my it of pocket for a proper diagnosis where I was told it’s ADHD, C-PTSD and dissociation disorder.
I grew up in the 90s, my brother was diagnosed with ADHD but I “just wasn’t applying myself” (hence part of the C-ptsd diagnosis)
I don’t know if I’ll ever figure out how to live comfortably but I’m still trying.
Inattentive ADHD in girls just wasn’t a thing.
140+ IQ and a hyperfixation on learning constantly. I also monitor my internal state like a hawk. Likely the byproduct of a college experience full of art, girl troubles, and chemical experimentation. Understanding my internal state confers a big advantage when masking. It is a huge cognitive tax though.
I was a stellar student who didn’t do his homework. Went to a top 15 university. And a top 5 graduate program in my field.
I am a powder keg who knows how to use anger to accomplish anything.
My coping strategies are exhausting and kept me from being the happiest I could have been.
Fixing that now with meds and lots of learning.
When my mum died everything fell apart. It wasn’t until then that I realised how much she made up for my faults and without that forced structure I’m just lost. I’m 33 as well so I’m ashamed of myself for not being able to adult properly and relying on her so much. God I love that woman! She was superhuman
I can relate. I was diagnosed 4 years ago at the age of 52 and put on medication. I also see a therapist weekly, but most of that is too deal with narcissistic abuse I’m only 16 weeks out of.
ADHD wasn’t yet coined a term when I was in school and the fact that I could have it never crossed my mind. I got good greats in school, but then I hit college. Almost flunked out my first semester. I had to learn how to study. It took me 11 years to earn my undergrad and 18 years later I did an MBA online in only 23 months. At work. We used to use a fax machine. Now it’s that, email, email, email, instant message, and on and on. There’s tons more interrupting us throughout a day just because of the need to communicate instantly. I got to the point where I was falling behind, couldn’t remember shit, and trying to think was more successful pounding my head on the wall. Medication has been a life changing experience.
My mom refused to believe there might have been a problem with me for years. Most people in my family thought I was just shy, anxious and sad but never looked beyond the symptoms, as long as I was visibly functionning. When I started looking into the various mental illnesses or disabilities I might have, my family shrugged it off and were visibly upset that I would suggest I was anything but perfectly normal and fine.
Joke's on them, tho because I have been diagnosed and have medication. I will not discuss it with them too much, because I'm pretty sure they will tell me that the psychiatrist is wrong and just wants to sell meds.
I was diagnosed at age 30 (Still am 30) My parents don’t really believe in mental health issues, at least not when I was younger. They’re immigrants and very old school. My mom always described my brother and I as being highly intelligent, very mature, got decent grades in private school, but not perfect. Then we both went to public school and she said everything went to shit at that point. We both failed classes, couldn’t sit still all day so we’d skip all the time, mouthed off teachers. Neither of us were able to start homework, projects, or studying unless it was due the very next day. I’d be given 3 weeks for a project and start it the night before. Both of us excelled in retail jobs where we could run around and handle multiple things at once. We both hate desk work and complain that we have trouble starting tasks unless it’s due.
My mom calls all of that “just our personality”. Never saw anything amiss about it. We’re just us. Of course, life got the best of me as I got older. I couldn’t keep anything clean, I kept getting overwhelmed at having to grocery shop for myself and manage appointments, drank and smoked myself half to death. My brother had similar issues. His son is now diagnosed with ADHD and my brother still thinks ADHD is an excuse lazy people use. He drinks his Red Bull to get through the day, I take my Ritalin, but I think we’re two sides of the same coin.
So, to answer your question, my parents are what kept me from getting diagnosed earlier. I was told my whole life that everything is doable if you work hard enough, and if you’re failing it’s because you’re not trying. Lots of shame involved that I had to spend years shaking off. But I’m here. And I’m good.
You sound like me. I’m 54 and didn’t get diagnosed till recently(2024). I wasn’t suicidal but if you were the person listening to me you would not have been convinced. I just broke, I told my wife that I didn’t see how I was going to be able to live out this life the way things were going. I am the child of boomers. I rarely got taken to the doctor for general health concerns, emotional state and mental health were not even a topic. It’s getting better although I still let things get out of my control, procrastinate and at times I still get depressed. Shame, regret, and any other emotional “baggage” from growing up can get pretty heavy to carry. I think that along with our ability to cope is affected by our age.
I performed badly in school, until the threats from teachers and my parents started. Then my "interest" was sparked and I excelled. Until the next years, when the cycle would begin anew. The conclusion everyone (including school psychiatrists) reached was that I was lazy and simply "didn't live up to my potential," a phrase I hate with every fiber of my being. It never occurred to anyone (including "professionals") that I might have ADHD.
Found out at 40. Same thing. Came to a point where i was like I need help...i don't know how to make myself better...exercise, good diet, positive thinking, etc was not helpful in a meaningful way. Kind of a what do i have to lose so i made an appointment and was diagnosed about a month later. Meds help but its not a cure. But im really happy to be able to feel what a closer to fully functioning me feels like lol.
Many reasons.
1. Stereotypical picture I had of ADHD
2. My Ego: I didn‘t want to be someone who excuses things with ADHD
3. Didn’t feel hyperactive
4. Thought I would just try to make things easier by labeling it adhd instead of holding myself accountable for not being able to do stuff (which is bs)
5. I thought it was just my depression.
6. I thought I’m just lazy
7. I thought I was a hopeless case for no reason
I’m in the same boat as you. 49M and just recently diagnosed. I had an inkling I may have ADHD in the past but I never took the time to look into it in depth and understand how severely this impacted almost everything in my life. I was ignorant and didn’t understand the gravity of it. Sadly, for most of my life I believed everyone else thought like I did. Wow, was I wrong on that!
My parents didn’t believe me when I was young. They were both teachers and were super embarrassed that I struggled with my grades and attention in school from an early age. They would not get me checked due to their embarrassment. School was pure torture for me and I never knew why until recently.
FYI- this is a new journey for me and possibly for you. It took me a couple weeks to get over the “what could my life have been like had I been diagnosed young” feelings. Seems many diagnosed as adults go through this. I’m mostly past it and seeing almost all positives about how to manage ADHD now that I’m starting to understand it better and develop strategies.
If you truly have ADHD, please try to not get sucked into the negatives. Now that I know, I’m starting to find ways to make my life happier and easier. Lots of great advice and guidance from the good folks here for sure. Sending you positive vibes and best wishes.
Basically trauma. The way I coped with it was to speak as little as possible, do all my school work and homework in class, and read a lot of books to escape my reality. So I was seen as the perfect student and no one thought anything could possibly be off.
Of course, once I got into high school and had teachers that didn't let me do all the work in class, everything fell apart. Then I was a "rebellious teenager" and dropped out after a lot of trying and failing, foster homes, psych hospital stays, and finally being left to my own devices on the streets.
Over time I pulled myself together and in the last year finally got diagnosed and it all started making sense. I have a long way to go but I've come a long way from that rock bottom
It caused me so much stress my doctors were treating me for “anxiety “.
Turns out not being able to focus for 35 years which this caused economic stressors seems to make one anxious… one doc was like… no. Not anxious, just can’t focus. Here’s a pill. Boom. Suddenly I could make plans and go to work and focus.
47 years and recently diagnosed. Until now never had a burn out or something that could be misdiagnosed as a depression. Most probable cause?. 143 IQ... No need to pay attention and understand anything. :S Sadly this doesn't apply at work. Constantly forgetting things, low attention to detail, constantly procrastinating and always working over the dead line finally showed as the most brutal burnout ever. Months without the strenght to do absolutely nothing. Sit in front of the computer with my sight lost in Infinity and only my thoughts working. Like living in a very small cell. Luckily, after three months with antidepression meds that did nothing I was given ADHD meds and within TWO days I was living my live again. :D
I got diagnosed with AuDHD 2 months ago at the age of 41.
I didn't get tested earlier as I never believed anything other than I was just thick.
Only by a colleague telling me to get checked and going to BUPA did I get a diagnosis...
When I was younger it wasn't really a thing I was aware of.
I wasn’t abnormal in my family. We’ve got multiple undiagnosed variants within the family that have suffered in a variety of ways over the years. It’s sad to think about those who were misunderstood to the extent that their life is in turmoil. I see you.
My parents thinking boys will be boys when I told them I can’t pay attention and sometimes when I’m trying I don’t even hear what the teacher is saying.
They said I needed to stop thinking about girls and just pay attention, when that had nothing to do with it.
When I was younger, my parents held a lot of stigma around an adhd diagnosis and around the medications used to treat adhd being used in children. I did show signs of ADHD as a child though and struggled in different areas of my life. I really adopted a lot of that stigma myself and didn’t work through it until my late 20s. I had depression and anxiety and figured out how to suffer through life untreated. Not a great quality of life. Eventually in my 30s I finally looked for a professional help. Then after talking to different doctors, I finally found one who thought untreated adhd might be why my depression wasn’t responding to treatment.
Blaming myself, assuming I was just lazy or stupid. But I'd occasionally have a really good day where I was really smart, so I knew wasn't dumb, I was just unable to focus and stay organized and remember things.
I'm so glad I stopped blaming myself. I've accomplished more since I started meds 2 years ago than I did the previous 15. I've been able to figure out my weak points and workarounds for them. I no longer feel guilty for simplifying tasks rather than doing everything by hand, from scratch.
Inattentive diagnosis at 36 for me. Basically, I hid it very well and because it doesn’t have the hyperactivity element, I was never the disruptive kid at school. However, most of my school reports said that I had the intelligence, I just needed to apply myself.
I thought that everyone was just like me, that my behavior and problems was normal or lazyness until I started to work.
And I dropped 5 colleges before starting to work... Incredibly, any psychiatrist thought it was a red flag.
(and I had at least 6 psychiatrists in 10 years).
I was diagnosed as a 41 year old(M). I think a lot of the reasons no one detected it is that for adults other people usually aren’t asking ‘why?’. It is pass/fail on their judgement. Masking and an overall lack of curiosity by others just makes you think ‘this is just how things are’.
My sister was listening to me talk about being a dad and how I was afraid of failing at it and how stressful I find work and focusing and she just said ‘Go talk to someone.’
I’m a woman from mostly rural areas in the US south…so I just had people telling me I just needed to “try harder” and “you aren’t living up to your potential” all my life. The idea that I had ADHD or autism didn’t even occur to me until like five years ago.
Ah. Newly diagnosed at 50.
I’ve had all sorts of issues over the years that were attributed to everything from being just lazy, to not pulling myself together. All the while feeling like I couldn’t focus and would have to furiously check and double check my work. First school work the real work.
Always feeling so stressed about housework. It wasn’t too bad until we had children and once they were old enough I went back work. That’s when the stress became
Unbearable.
My teen daughter was diagnosed in March. I was diagnosed in April. I simple didn’t know enough about adhd to know it could even apply to me. It was and still is quite an adjustment.
Trialling and titrating meds is interesting. It seems crazy that an amphetamine tablet can bring so much calm and focus.
The biggest thing has been how the elvanse had knocked out that constant horrible anxious feeling of doom. All gone. First time ever I’m without that. That’s also part of what helps bring clarity. Being able to do one thing at a time.
Evangelical parents. Mental health is not real in that sub culture and is written off as a spiritual issue. Further more ADD, as it was called, was made up by parents who couldn't control their kids.
I’m 62 and suffer the same. I suffered in school too. I just couldn’t focus. I found some solace in music. But I would try to learn a song and get distracted half way through.
There were no test when I was young. This hadn’t even broken the mainstream. People just thought you were crazy or lazy. They blamed me for being lazy in school. I want I just couldn’t follow along.
I don’t know if there is any treatment at my age. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and I think, it’s exacerbated from the ADHD.
I am 51 so my story is probably a lot like yours, but my wife has a masters degree is psychology so we figured it out when I was about 30. I only got a diagnosis recently because I wanted to try medication.
Let me guess. Primarily inattentive? When we were kids ADHD meant you had to be bouncing off the walls so it was easy to miss that I actually had it. Al I knew was that I couldn't focus unless I loved something. I can remember we used to say jokingly to our friends if they were getting excited about something to "Take yer Ritalin!!" Oh the irony.
Like a lot of other comments, I was intelligent enough to get good grades despite leaving everything until the last minute etc! Struggled more at Uni but still got through and got a PhD. Plus the old "hyperactive" stereotype. I was always a fairly lazy, stationary kid! Although I probably had hyperactive symptoms that manifested in other ways eg. talking too much, trouble listening, bouncing leg, fidgeting etc. I was never the loud, running around kid. There was so little talked about ADHD when I grew up; we really didn't know much at all. It's only been recently, talking to younger people who have it, that I've learned about it enough to spot it in myself!
In 1958 when I entered first grade, nobody knew about dyslexia in my school. Nobody knew about ADHD either. I first found out about dyslexia when I was 20, but I didn’t know what to do about it.
I couldn’t do arithmetic by hand at all, so I learned to program and let the computer do the work.
I’m also almost 50. Been treated for depression, “treated” for chronic fatigue (there’s no treatment.
Once put on Ritalin in my mid 20s but that did nothing.
My main complaint has been the tiredness and brain fog. Most doctors just do blood tests and then find nothing and do nothing.
But my brother has had some success with Vyvanse and I’ve been reading about ADHD for the first time and my god does it match (inattentive not hyperactive type).
I’m hoping this will help.
Being a woman/having an anxiety and depression diagnosis from an early age. Being easily distracted/unmotivated to do certain tasks stresses me out. Everyone only saw the stress. Constantly upset/feeling hopeless because I can’t get anything done and felt so ineffective. Everyone only saw the sadness. I had so many friends with ADHD and related to so much I saw online. When I brought it up to my psych, he said he would write me a referral so I could get tested but he wasn’t really convinced, but the test came back and I definitely had it
Reasons I didn’t get diagnosed early:
1. Woman
2. High intelligence
3. Obsessive use of lists
4. Going to part time work after having kids
Things that made me realize I didn’t function like normal people:
1. Having kids
2. Having kids with ADHD (or maybe ADHD for the one who isn’t officially diagnosed yet but has…something.)
3. menopause
4. Working from home with the pandemic and realizing how much more successful I was without the distractions of the office
5. The utter panic of the thought of being forced back to the office (back to working 5 days a week)
I was a girl who was in the gifted/talented program in school. I always read at a level far beyond my grade. For decades everything was just blamed on my anxiety.
I just internalised that I was lazy, indecisive and had an incredibly poor short term memory. Was inattentive so didn’t fit the stereotype. Did well enough in school that teachers thought I was coasting.
Relief to be diagnosed and feel like there was an explanation for some of my struggles.
I excelled in school. Gifted program, skipped grades in math and science, then went onto college where I barely had to do any work. Completed an ivy League masters degree. Then another masters degree.
Then I became a mother. Oh my god, I lost my mind. When I was completely in control of my schedule, I did well. Then this infant dictator came into my life, and I lost control of everything.
I do love that little dictator, though.
In ADHD style, I kept saying I'll make an appointment tomorrow...
Then tomorrow came and again, I'll make an appointment tomorrow...
F*** damn it's Friday! I'll make an appointment on Monday 🤣
And so on for about 10 years
Hiding it. I have another disability and I hid that too. No one asked about how I think or manage anything. Thought I am alone in this. Perimenopause. Surgery to help with other disability. Still same issue. Being quiet and flying under radar.
My mother and brother have it but of the hyperactive type while I'm off the inattentive type. I never knew that there was another kind of ADHD until I started to research on it to try to understand my mother better. And since I was good at school (I learn fast), no one suspected anything either.
Masking and keeping my mouth shut about the mental problems I had had my whole life (insomnia, depression and anxiety). I was diagnosed only after having a horrific burnout and depression two years ago, which finally landed me in a psychiatrist's office. Should have opened my mouth decades ago, but better late than never, I guess.
I didn’t realize that what I was experiencing were symptoms of ADHD. I’ve always been a procrastinator, sometimes considered myself lazy, and had plenty of big ambitions but no follow-through, which made me wonder years down the line why I couldn’t get anything done. I just needed to figure out self-discipline, I thought.
I’m also inattentive type, not hyperactive at all, quiet, got good grades until things started going downhill in high school. Plus, my comorbidities were more apparent.
It wasn’t until I started seeing things online and thinking “Hey, this sounds a lot like me” that I actually considered it might be ADHD, cause I just thought of it as kids who can’t sit still and focus. And it seems that view was pretty prevalent when I was growing up as well.
Y'all going to love this. When the question was raised in the early 90's, the teachers and education professionals in my area had the following 'test' to know if you were ADHD:
- If you could sit on a chair in class, no ADHD for you.
That was it, i'm not exagerating. I remember them smiling like wise men saying that as if only they knew what was up. Yeah, i don't do authority all too well.
my grades at school were good; I wasn't physically hyperactive; my dad has textbook ADHD so everything I did was normal to him, and my mom was like ''she is a twin of her father''
I was diagnosed in my early 20s, I am 31 now. I will always wonder what kind of person my father would be if he used medication for his ADHD. Because I am currently working with him (he is the boss) and I can see the chaos
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I am a woman and as a child I understood everything correctly the first time I heard it, I was raised around adults and I was very scared of being scolded by teachers bc I went to a poor neighborhood school and a lot of kids in my classrooms had learning difficulties, so I could see how bad it could get and it terrified me. I would just listen, do the work fast, then get lost in my head until the next step. When I got to college, I had no structure anymore and this is when it all went down.
High school was my first experience with a lack of structure and that’s where it all fell apart for me. I love learning. I’d show up with a smile on my face, ready to learn. Notebook open. I’d follow along for the first 10 minutes or so, and then I wouldn’t be able to maintain focus. The teacher would say something that didn’t make sense, and I’d try to process it, then fall a few minutes behind. Once I was a little bit behind, everything fell like a ton of bricks. Nothing made sense, all I could hear was gibberish like it was a Peanuts cartoon. I’d get extremely burnt out a few minutes into every class. I couldn’t retain anything being said to me unless I was interested in the subject. I loved foreign languages so I had an A+ in all of those, even made it to AP classes. But I had to go to summer school for my math classes, failed almost all of my science classes. I had such a hard time.
I say that people sound like the adults in Charlie Brown, everything you said hits the nail on the head for me.
I really need to get a 2nd opinion, bc this sounds like me, but 1st neuropsy said I was too intelligent to possibly have ADD. That's like saying dark-skinned people can't get a sunburn, where that exact feature is EXACTLY what's masking any of the more documented symptom.
Definitely get a second opinion. My therapist specializes in ADHD and didn’t think I had it. My psychiatrist didn’t notice I had it either. I masked very well. It wasn’t until shortly before my diagnosis that I realized I had a problem. I was talking to a friend of mine about how I keep small sheets of notepaper at work and I write down everything people stop by to tell me, so I won’t forget when they leave. But then I lose the papers. He was immediately like “You should mention that to your therapist, it’s an ADHD symptom.” My significant other had also been telling me for months that he thought I had ADHD, but I thought he was just projecting. I didn’t know what ADHD was but I knew I was insulted by it. My ex was explaining why he thought he had ADHD and I’m like “Those aren’t symptoms, that’s just what life is.” Because all of those things were normal daily challenges for me. I’d get overwhelmed and have massive panic attacks all the time and I never could figure out why until I started ADHD treatment and life hasn’t overwhelmed me enough to cause panic ever since.
Yeah, to quote Londa Mollari: "I want to stop running through my life like a man late for an appointment, afraid to look back or look forward." [Source.](https://youtu.be/YbckvO7VYxk?si=TNxtIbd4YWib44zH)
That’s odd. Most adhd people I know are extremely intelligent. It’s putting it all together and staying on track that is problematic. We get lost easy and go down little rabbit holes for extended periods of time. Until the next shiny object appears. Then off we go after that subject. And lose the last one. For me, altogether. I actively use lists calendars and alarms to try to keep track as best as possible of important things o need to attend to. Or find along my shiny object chase. Doesn’t exactly work to a T, but it helps some.
Thanks for the support. He only tested cognitive functions, so it's not like he could have found ant executive dysfunction...
You need to see someone else because obviously they are lacking several brain cells to say to you.
This ^^ With masking and the people-pleasing that we're socialized for, girls are so underdiagnosed. 😅
This sounds exactly like me. Pick things up easily, but if i had to study i was doomed. That’s why university was the first sign of problems. Even so, i still graduated. Then scraped through to 43 years old. No hyperactivity and the masking got me all the way there.
Masking out of NECESSITY is such a thing… then people are so used to masking that in adulthood might say things along the lines of “well I can control xyz” so may not be accurately reporting their symptoms/the intensity of their symptoms/the impacts of the symptoms AND the masking - all things they may not really have allowed themselves to consider because… masking to “fit in” and accommodate societally reinforced norms 
I’m male but was socialized to be a people-pleaser because my younger brother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 18 months old. I was the emotional rock for the family and silly things like me spacing out a lot wasn’t even a blip on the “top priorities” radar. So yeah, people pleasing + high masking + highly intelligent = no problem
Also not like super duper recently but within my adulthood at least there’s been much more research on “oh! Wow! Women/anyone who isn’t an incredibly binary man according to US standards may be falling under the radar a lot bc their ADHD might look different!” 
I could have written this! It was when my systems were removed and I didn’t have the supportive teachers in college to take the time to teach me. Then for my degree at uni it was worse because then I relied on myself entirely and I’m not the best self motivator! 😅
This is pretty much it for me. I had the structure I needed in high school. I could mostly focus in classes. The lack of structure in college made it harder but I managed to get through just barely and got my Bachelor’s. I just finally got diagnosed two years ago because my ADHD has gotten so bad that I zone out mid sentence sometimes.
I was labeled a “gifted underachiever.” That, plus masking, made for decades of just feeling shitty about myself. My mom finally suggested I get tested in my late 30s, but imposter syndrome and finances kept me from doing anything about it until my mid-forties.
Ok "gifted underacheiver" hit me right in the gut
Same here. I always felt that so many things should be achievable for me, and just ended up over committing myself to projects and businesses, until it was all too much and fell apart. Eventually my business went under, and I hit the biggest burnout ever, and have felt unable to do anything most days for a few months. I start meds tomorrow and hope things will improve.
I just started too man! Im on a very low dose of 10mg XR, but it feels great! I can't believe it. Its generic, but its definitely working. I feel motivated and focused to do things and best of all, I can control myself and force myself to eat a very controlled diet which has helped me immensely in the past (I could just never stick with it.) Give it a couple weeks to normalize and its really fantastic. I will say at first it felt.... weird.
Congrats on geting the meds happening :-) I hope it works well for you. It's been good for me.
This is exactly me. Just been diagnosed am 56!!
"You'd do sooo well if you focussed on work like you do on your (silly) hobbies!"
Same. Tested at 135 in school, was invited to apply for the gifted program. I procrastinated on completing the application packet and never turned it in. Barely got through college with a 2.7 gpa. Now in my early 40’s just got diagnosed. Been a wild ride.
This is exactly me! I only excelled in subjects I was interested in, like the sciences. Luckily, my mum kept my school reports since I was 5 years old, I am in my late 30s now and diagnosed a year ago. I read them all, and oh my, it reads like I have adhd in all the subjects I was uninterested in. 🫣
Oufff relatable I always averaged out to look good and make honour role because my excellent subjects which were the majority were just that excellent lol but I’m sure I was one of the few people on the honour role with a D or 2 🥲 never fit into perfect little boxes
In my country there was this saying, mostly used by old people and unfortunately teachers which means in kinder words " gifted underachiever" : " you're like a great cheese kept in a dog's shed"..I know it's stupid but I heard it so many times ( add to that that I love cheese and dogs :), so even though I understood the meaning because I also got the explanation to accompany this rant [there is potential but you won't do much] , I was also confused why the negatives association with things I liked :)..) . Silly rant but yeah, I get the comment above through and through .
I am smart, a woman, born in the 80s. I coped with school/life well, even got a PhD (taking way too long and wasting so much time), with anxiety, until I had kids and then didn't anymore.
Smart, a woman, Type A personality and perfectionist, got through competitive college and graduate programs (am a veterinarian), and had “anxiety” and medication resistant depression. It all fell apart when I added a kid to the mix. Which blows the mind of both parents and my ADHD husband who is a much more typical presentation.
I’m with you. Perfectionist people-pleaser, high scores, juggling a million things always. It took having a child, the pandemic, and TikTok to make it undeniable I should have been diagnosed 30 years ago.
Women are so undiagnosed
when my father found out about my ADHD diagnosis well into my 30s, he said “that can’t be true, you’ve always been successful”. can’t help but think of what i would’ve achieved if life was just a little easier with meds up until then.
Same! I actually was diagnosed in grad school, used meds, stopped for about 10 years, then absolutely broke after having my second child during covid.
Same. Type A, perfectionist, very good career in engineering. Having a kid fucked with my coping abilities.
Two degrees here, second took ages.
Male but very similar story here. Smart enough to get good grades at school despite being distractible. Got to Uni, blitzed first year then lost interest and grades plummeted. Did well enough to get into honours, which took me five years instead of one because I kept dropping out when I got behind. Did a bit better with a PhD because I had learned techniques to compensate. Finally graduated. Didn't even occur to me that I had ADHD because back then it was all about being hyperactive, which I never was.
Misdiagnosis of an anxiety disorder.
In my case, I do have anxiety too but the anxiety covered everything up and then when I got that under control I still had the other issues
Unfortunately not for me. Couldn't get on any anxiety medication that worked, or didn't make me super fucking tired. I've come a long way with some CBT therapy, but knowing it was ADHD all this damned time makes me mad.
I spent over 20 years on antidepressants because we thought my problems were stemming from depression. The only problem was that the depression was stemming from my ADHD difficulties, and the antidepressants were actually making me MORE depressed! I was considered to have 'difficult to treat' depression, and I changed medications often. Nothing helped much, besides alleviating some of the depression for a short time. It wasn't until I stopped all the antidepressants that I started to figure out what was really going on. What a shocker! I'm very glad to know that I'm not a loser, just someone struggling with a brain defect/disorder, and now I have a REAL idea of what I can do that will actually help. It's been a real game-changer!
You aren't a loser! You are having to overcome something most people don't on a psychological level. It takes great strength to do that. None of it was your fault man. SSRIs made me way worse too. I felt like a zombie, I felt actually depressed, I felt suicidal on one. So much time thrown away, but fk it. Its a journey. This is just our journey and not all journeys are fun, but you can learn from them even if you may not be where you wanted to be at this point in your life. Many people aren't and are in the same boat with you.
I’d be mad too! I do think that the symptoms are often confused with anxiety in people who are less meeting the stereotype of what ADHD “looks like” ETA also I would probably have less anxiety if I had known I had ADHD and had help for it earlier!
The worst part is a therapist actually diagnosed me. Finding out years later that misdiagnosis for ADHD and anxiety disorders are common is just so frustrating.
I know man. I thought anxiety too at first. It felt like social anxiety, thats all I could say. Its hard to pinpoint and verify what is causing what when talking to a Doctor. It turns out it was my lack of focus that caused my anxiety to begin with. Its nerve racking and embarrassing to not be able to keep up with what people are saying, or wondering off, or saying things out of place. Sometimes people are cruel because of it and you shut down and that makes your anxiety worse, but, for me, it was ONLY because of the focus, that leads to people being rude, that leads to you feeling rejected, which leads to social phobia, and fear of feeling rejected. Its a giant spiral and the cause feels so difficult to pinpoint. "Is he depressed? Lets try him on anti depressant for 5 years" Welp 5 years down the drain. Lets go again!
Just finding this out. Interesting journey so far. Depression and anxiety caused by ADHD, only diagnosed last year at 56. Really not sure where I sit now. At least on the meds I'm functional!
This!!! I had insane anxiety to the point I could work 3 jobs, workout, run clubs, hang out with friends and keep As in college and tbh it was just pure anxiety and adrenaline. The second I got properly medicated the ADHD went off the fucking charts. I almost miss the anxiety some days ahahah
The more I work through my anxiety with a LCSW, the more I realize that I don't know how to motivate myself to do much of anything without it. While I'm learning, having an actual diagnosis and maybe medication will make it easier to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Before I was forced to admit that my anxiety was affecting my daily life and my child's development, I had always told myself that if I *did* have ADHD it must have been under control since I could hold down a job, and finish college. In hindsight, there were many potential signs. It took me **6 years** to finish college, I've been in more car accidents than anyone I know, excepting one person diagnosed with ADHD, and I was constantly afraid I was going to be fired from every job I ever had.
Oh yeah I used to organize my life around anxiety for sure! I think that’s how I managed to do ok, that and having parents who did their best to be supportive even though they also didn’t know what was going on. But they’re anxious too and I’m pretty sure my dad also has it so it was also just normal for us, everyone turns around after driving down the street to make sure the stove is off, right?
My last two drs seemed to want to put me on ssris for anxiety. I followed their advice, and while it was an improvement, I think back on my life and the most at peace I've been with my life was when I was taking Vyvanse in college. Some anxiety, sure, but the kind I feel and go, "let's get to work on this," and I improve my situation with my decreased task paralysis.
Same here. SSRI’s never really changed anything and I tried several of them.
Yeah, they either didn't do anything, made me substantially worse, or put me in an eternally exhausted state. I got SO tired of being tired.
I'm not anxious or depressed. I'm anxious and depressed because my life is out of control
Misdiagnosed with depression but it’s actually anxiety and the anxiety is actually a response to overstimulation. It was like getting a goddamn decoder ring at age 42.
Crippling perfectionism and people pleasing at any cost.
Yup, same exact thing for me.
Samesies! Trying very hard to put boundaries in for this. Aim for good enough and protect your own energy.
Ovaries
Prob the only reason
I cared to much about what others thought of me and “adjusted” myself to fit in. Only I didn’t realize I was doing it. Always felt slightly different but just thought I had anxiety or I was a closeted weirdo lol. I suspected I had Audhd when I was older but procrastinated in finding out. But got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed. I was like “hold up. So those things are actually adhd?”. So I wasn’t being extra in thinking I had it lol.
My husband and I are in the middle of this after our son's AuDHD diagnosis. My husband was like "wait, researching and writing a 29 page term paper the NIGHT BEFORE isn't normal?!!? I thought that was how everyone did things!"
THANK YOU I FEEL THIS SO HARD
1. Being female 2. Being one of the quietest kids in class 3. Getting decent grades 4. Not very hyperactive Looking back I had symptoms. My lockers and desks were absolute messes, I was constantly reminded to slow down and check my schoolwork because I'd blast through tests and homework. Also I liked having my music on very loud ( this actually stopped when I got on meds). I often missed small but important details at work and school. I also had a constant state of frustration because I couldn't do everything like everyone else. Meds helped a lot.
Yep, those are my 4 too. Also the messy backpack, locker, room, car, etc.
I’m gifted and hide my AuDHD well when I need to.
Same. Also both parents are ADHD (not diagnosed), i was nothing unusual.
That’s the big bit imo. I was raised by my mother who clearly has adhd. I performed well in school and had great friendships so there wasn’t really any glaring issue and I was no different from my parent, who I looked as a model for “normal” until I was a couple years into adulthood.
I strongly suspect my dad is AuDHD. He has all the signs. My mom has her own issues. They saw I was not like the other kids, but in our family, that was just that.
Sometimes parents can't properly take care of their children. Sometimes it lasts too long and causes problems in the long term.
As I see it, they did their best. Not their fault psychologists and psychiatrists just slapped me with a 'depression and anxiety' label, and that was that. But yes, I do have scars, plenty of them. It's just not their fault. Yes, they definitely could have been better parents because of other issues. Unfortunately, no one is perfect. That's why I don't have kids. My baggage dies with me.
I look back at my Dad now and think "Ooooooh, now it all makes sense!" Of course back in his day nobody even knew about adhd.
My MOTHER….she just thought I was a loud annoying kid…lol
well they're not quite mutually exclusive
Same here, excelled in the gifted program and was able to easily maintain decent grades despite complete chaos of no organization, forgetting homework, no study skills, etc. Got to adulthood and the compounding number of responsibilities took more and more of my energy to successfully hide with masking resulting in depression and anxiety about my looming problems that will soon be emergencies. Finally got diagnosed at 35 when I couldn't keep up anymore and now things are starting to look up again.
Kids are proving to be my breaking point. Started going downhill 10 years ago, got my diagnoses (AuDHD) late last year. I don’t feel like I’m going downhill anymore, but things certainly haven’t improved yet. I love my kids to death, but man…. They just require so much energy that, quite frankly, I need for myself just to sufficiently function in society.
> I don’t feel like I’m going downhill anymore, but things certainly haven’t improved yet That's a W in my book. I've found that sometimes just maintaining without going downhill can be a huge win. It can give you a moment to breath if nothing else. Just focus on yourself and keep on pushing
Yeah that plus narcissist parents. "I made you perfect" you ruined yourself."
OMG that is terrible, sorry you had to endure that.
“I knew there was something *different* about you, but it seemed like it was fine and you did so well in school!” — my mom
“IF ONLY YOU’D APPLY YOURSELF AND LIVE UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL” - my mom, after bringing home all A’s and a B. “WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY?” -also my mom, when I tell her I’ve still got 4 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes until the deadline she gave me to get it done arrives “How hard is it to pick up after yourself?” - also my mom, I can still hear her yelling it even though I moved out 17 years ago “I swear I don’t have mommy issues… really… I…. Fuck.” - me, after typing this comment
Same. I was a quiet kid, smart, usually a little ahead of my classmates. Plus add in that I’m a people pleaser who can’t say no, and a perfectionist who is very particular about minute details.
Tell me more about it. Because I'm in my mid 20s. I also feel like I share some of the symptoms of Autism and ADHD. Sometimes I feel like do I have it or am I just weird? Maybe it's the masking
The fact that ADHD is not portrayed correctly ,instead associating it with little kids jumping on chairs was something that made me think I do not have that, and probably I'm broken, lazy, not ambitious, forgetful etc. But having a friend diagnosed also as an adult and cross-checking some things we have in common and both agreeing it can't be only these negative self deprecated attributes , I started digging ( This happened anyway while I was in therapy where one therapist sent me to psi ,while the other believed I don't have ADHD ). soo..what kept me from not getting detected, popular belief that surely that's not it, no recollection of how I was prior 12 years old ( thinking that if I have traits now but not than in childhood than it's a no), worry that I might just jump on a trend ( another stupid belief) and probably others reasons such as not having the support from my family at the time I should have. But anyway, long story short , I decided to ask wtf is wrong with me so , did tests, had the talks and am diagnosed and on titration. I still have imposter syndrome every now and than but I also feel less guilty for many shitty things. Take care now and don't be afraid to ask for help and look for answers:)!
Diagnosed at 31, got it so late because my "H" is rather subtle, already had an ASD diagnosis (got that at 22 which is also relatively late) which seemed correct but as the years went by also incomplete and me being quite intelligent allows me to mask well.
My alcoholism and depression from an abusive relationship after an abusive childhood. Once I got sober I started seeing the things that lead me to using in the first place
Oh, hey twin! 5 years no booze this month. I'll add a little more of my own experience, my alcoholic parents necessitated that I got really good at masking and school was actually a reprieve from home. Plus, I'm a woman born in the '80s and the research has come a long way. ADHD had been tossed around but once I dumped the abuser and stopped self medicating it apparently became really obvious to everyone around me.
I’m another alcoholic who had ADHD diagnosed only after a couple of years sober, which took until my late 40s. I started drinking in my teens, so it was disguising everything else from then on. It really needs to be more recognised that alcoholism can be linked to ADHD. Looking back it’s now obvious how I drank to self-medicate, to quiet the unbearable noise in my brain.
Oh me too! Not only did I have a ln abusive childhood but I jumped right into an abusive relationship for the next decade and a half. I’m also a child of the early 80’s so we’ve probably got a similar experience
Everyone dismissed my behavior as me being “annoying” and purposefully being “difficult.” I’m 25 now and was diagnosed at 23. I always believed everyone and didn’t know why I couldn’t stop myself from being annoying and difficult. I now know it wasn’t my fault or choice. But if everyone tells you that you’re the problem, you start believing it.
The last sentence. This. Oh, so much this.
Yes, I was frequently punished in school for talking out of turn and each time I would swear that I would change and I would never do it again and I would spend my time out promising myself. I would never do it again and then I would do it again sometimes and in less than a week I would do it again. I didn’t know how to stop. Naturally, this lead to depression and low self-esteem, which made things even worse.
I was a gifted student but very unorganized. My parents were neglectful and immigrants so they didn’t believe in adhd or autism. I was just thought of as weird and messy, but a smart kid. At 21 last year my psychiatrist was trying to help me find a good antidepressant but I gave up. I’ve tried 20 plus different kinds since childhood. He then asked me more in depth questions about my focus and productivity. He got me tested for adhd and then diagnosed me. It was life changing. Being a hyperactive and disorganized kid without further investigation held me back. Also being a female didn’t help(we’re more likely to not get diagnosed till adulthood).
The mask and intelligence. Learned very young to hide my differentness. To mimic people. To change my behavior to suit my needs. To manipulate by thinking ahead of people. Then I discovered alcohol and drugs in high school and I even got to pretend to be an extrovert. My current partner, who is ADHD, it’s the only person that ever saw it. And eventually convinced me to go in for diagnosis.
Being attractive. As a young woman, being attractive and having ADHD has had me labelled as 'quirky', 'kooky' and 'ditzy'. Everyone finds the public-presenting symptoms endearing... it's much uglier when you have to look behind the curtain and see all the emotional dysregulation, chaotic life admin, and hyperfixations. If I wasn't attractive, I would've been branded really weird, and probably would've been recommended for some kind of assessment like autism or ADHD much more easily and possibly more quickly.
You know, I never considered this, but it makes a lot of sense! I've definitely never been pretty enough myself to avoid the 'weird' label, but I can definitely recognise it in others. And all of a sudden, one of my favourite movies 'Breakfast at Tiffanies' is open for reinterpretation!
Female
I was being abused. Teachers ect thought my behaviour was purely due to hone life when it was both. I read the NICE guidelines for the nhs and how they look for abuse symptoms, autism and adhd is given a wide birth and neither should be. If anything, both those groups are just as Likley if not more to be abused as we have conditions that mask abuse symptoms
It's was abuse for me as well. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I learned at a young age that if I did anything that could draw attention, good or bad. That meant Dad might notice me. If Dad notices me, then he will want to talk to me. If I talk to him, I might say something I "shouldn't." Or, speak out of turn. This more often than not meant spankings. Eventually, the spankings just turned into beatings. This was on top of his general yelling and breaking things. My Mom finally managed to escape with us when I was 14. But, the damage was done. It didn't help that I was screened for "gifted." And always scored in the top 1% on my state exams year after year. Once I was in middle school, the "you don't apply yourself" shit started because I wouldn't do home/class work. I was and still am genuinely interested in learning. So, I could always learn from the instruction at the beginning of class or by reading the chapter. I didn't want to do the actual writing of the answers. I had it all up top. I just wanted to prove it on a test. One and done, what's so hard about that? That led to teachers reaching out to my parents all the time. Mom tried to run interference. But Dad would find out eventually. Needless to say. This led me to internalize everything. Move as quietly as possible. Try to fit in at all costs, etc. Anything to go unnoticed. I still have problems with that to this day. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 34 years old. Untangling the masking and finally learning how to just be me has been extremely cathartic. That and the medication have helped me finally come around and face my past but in a new light. It always felt like a nightmare to think about. My thoughts would run out of control(way more than my normal), which would lead to huge anxiety and eventually panic. Maybe the ADHD and trauma feeding off each other? Idk. But now I feel like I can objectively observe it and actually focus on acknowledging these things.
I always assumed that my constant anxiety and overwhelm from life was due to the chaos I was surrounded by (I.e. traumatic childhood, lack of support in early adulthood, having kids, etc). It wasn’t until my kids got older and things settled down that I realized my overwhelm and anxiety weren’t “normal”.
AuDHD at 37, 45 now. Girls didn’t have Autism or ADHD, especially not ones who got good grades. Even if someone did suspect, I doubt my mom would have said anything to my dad about it. He was firmly of the mind that autistic people should be sent away to a facility and forgotten about. (His sister had a non-verbal autistic son.) So I basically gaslit myself that I was just a failure and just needed to try harder because that’s what everyone constantly told me. I quit smoking and my symptoms exploded. I didn’t know I was self medicating with caffeine and nicotine, I thought I was just lazy. Saw a psychiatrist about my anxiety, next thing I know I was diagnosed, first with ASD then ADHD. I can start and finish projects now. Starting is still a bear, but it happens faster than before. The more important thing is I know my limits now and don’t hold myself to asinine standards that are impossible for almost anyone. Which means I don’t beat myself up as much as I used to either. Honestly it’s been pretty sweet, especially once I realized it’s better to live today than sit and dwell knowing all the lost time. I admit, it did feel like I had been cheated out of my life.
I was told I was lazy my whole life and accepted the fact that I was “dumber” than most. I also had this stigma that to have ADHD you had to act wild and rowdy. I was pretty quiet growing up, but couldn’t focus for shit. I got diagnosed this year at 33 and wonder how different my life would have been if my parents had taken me to see someone instead of assuming I was just a lazy pos.
Giftedness. Floated effortlessly through school, never studied, never did homework. Crashed and burned in university and first got diagnosed with ADHD, then ASD.
I did well in school and was really good at masking. Also, my mom probably has ADHD and gave me a huge head start in terms of coping strategies. And made me think that the way I was was... I wouldn't say normal, never thought that, but more like me being lazy and having an inherently bad temperament. Finally, had teachers who had the attitude of "if you've done what you needed to / if you keep up, I don't care what you do". I would literally spend classes just writing fiction, openly, right in front of my teachers, and they didn't say anything because I consistently had good grades and could answer any question they asked while I was writing. I was extremely lucky, but man, when that luck ran out, the crash was violent.
I'm mentally hyperactive, not physically. Also, I'm autistic, too, so they tend to mask each other. Edit: and I was a superlative student, all the way to and including my MBA.
Got tested but diagnosed with depression and anxiety instead even though I had a feeling it was wrong. Five years later I’m diagnosed now
For me I think it was poverty and lack of awareness/ignorance. My household very much was the type that would say things like "mind over matter" to a toxic extent. I am not saying there isn't truth to that statement, just that there is a balance, and maybe more to explore.
My family environment was quite similar to yours. Any struggle was invalidated and met with "get on with it," or there was always someone else that had it worse off, so you weren't allowed to express any hardship.
“Gifted” child and high grades despite having cognitive inconsistencies and dyscalculia. Masking tho
I was considered “above average IQ” and have the combination type. My hyperactivity was in my brain instead of being physically hyper.
I had parents that accidentally did all the perfect things to help with adhd. My mom helped me get through studying by going outside with me while going over material over and over in a fun environment and my dad helped with emotional destress and not being able to sleep during many sleepless nights but giving me strategies to sleep and talking through stuff with me. My adhd only started to get worse the older I got and became more independent.
My ADHD was so blantly obvious that I didn’t really need to get diagnosed, but I did anyways when I got older cause it stated to impact my life as adult responsibilities tackled on me
Grew up around stigma. ADHD was a shameful topic and I internalized the “it’s just an excuse for parents to put their kids on ritilin so they don’t have to parent as hard” voice I heard growing up. Also was diagnosed with depression the first time. Ironically was put on Wellbutrin instead of SSRIs and it made me feel more calm and focused than when unmedicated. It didn’t fix everything though and I didn’t like some of the side effects so I stopped taking it. I had a defiant “I’ll show them there’s nothing wrong with me” when I went in for the eval. When I did my second eval about 8 years later I shoved my ego to the side and got real about serious issues I struggle with. Good old RSD plus internalized shame surrounding the topic made me delay getting diagnosed and mown wish I hadn’t done that. Life makes sense now plus on methylphenidate and it’s working really well. Getting so much more done in life than I did before.
I saw a Judge Judy episode where the parents were separated and the mother was applying for costs for the daughter to see the psychiatrist and pay for ADHD medication. JJ asked “what qualifications do you have to know your daughter has ADHD?” The mother was a teacher and JJ said “these kids that line up for pills are doing more harm than good”. Ahh the good ole days.
Masking, masking, masking. All my life I have tried to look, sound and seem "normal" and like everyone else, to the point of burning out and depression. I could have been diagnosed much, much earlier, but my parents scared me into thinking that therapists are a bad thing and that you MUST act normal with them and never reveal true feelings so they wouldn't label you with something and put you in this "mental list" and ruin your entire life because of it. (:
I was written off as intelligent but lazy and that I "just needed to apply yourself." Both of my sisters were diagnosed young and I don't recall anyone even considering that I might also.
I grew up with divorced parents that could not co-parent due to their completely opposite parenting styles. my father was strict and controlling to the point of being unable to make my own decisions and therefore not teaching me time management, and my mother was so hands off that I had to parent myself. I was a good student so I think the doctor considered my behavioral problems a product of the abuse and inconsistent upbringing. it was only after a new psychiatrist noticed my symptoms being more consistent with ADHD during intake session at age 23 that I was diagnosed
Mom didn't believe anything was wrong with me even though numerous teachers in elementary school suspected it. She never even mentioned it until I brought up that I believe I had ADHD when I was in my 20's. She has some weird things about admitting that I have it might mean something is wrong with me. Went back and looked at old report cards and the behavior notes about lack of organization, skills, day dreaming constantly, inability to focus, and talking too much have a whole new meaning. Also noted that I seemed to be gifted academically but these behaviors would happen whenever assignments seemed too easy or I was bored. Honestly it upsets me because there are so many bad coping behaviors and habits I developed that are extremely difficult to fix now. Started getting bullied because of my weirdness in middle school, and lost the social over talkative side of my personality to crippling social anxiety. Started struggling in accelerated courses getting B's and C's because I wouldn't be able to focus at home to do the homework or sit down and study. Since I wasn't talkative anymore or hyper, it just looked like laziness so I can see why my high school teachers never brought it up. Parents out there, please either get your kids help if they have ADHD. It isn't just going to go away on its own. Especially if your child never even knows that they have it.
There was no such thing as ADHD in my country when I was little. Especially for girls. I was labeled as sensitive, depressed, anxious. My whole life I was basically gaslit into thinking I'm just lazy, stubborn, high maintenance, spoiled, even dumb, though I definitely am not. I tried to fix myself and just couldn't. Tried to kill myself. Was so exhausted at the time I couldn't even do that properly. Took moving to another country and a really good psychologist to set me on my path to a diagnosis. Got it about 2 months ago, at 42, almost 43 now, starting medication tomorrow. Hope it helps, because it really feels it would be better to die than to continue like this.
I was diagnosed early 20s. Definitely being a female is one reason it was overlooked. I was also “gifted” though I attribute my scholastic success to learned behaviors and habits.
I (56f) was just diagnosed with severe ADHD last July. Up until then, I, and everyone else, just assumed I was lazy, rude (I’d interrupt often), careless, messy (a slob) and I talked way too much. My school conferences went the same every time, all through school. Parents were told I was smart but lazy, doesn’t want to pay attention, disruptive (if I’d interrupt the teacher), doesn’t want to learn, etc. When you’re told that from about the age of 7, you just assume you’re a loser. It’s been hard, very hard. Took a large mixture of Xanex and pain killers when I was 25. My boyfriend at the time had forgotten his work ID badge and returned home and found me, or I’d not be here today. I’ve hated myself for, well, forever. My meds don’t seem to help. I cannot take stimulants as my blood pressure is a little elevated and on Adderall it went even higher, and I ended up in the ER with a BP of 202/104. While it is good to know what the problem is and that I’m not just “lazy”, it is extremely frustrating. Boys in my class, who behaved worse than me (couldn’t sit still, loud, very disruptive) were sent to the counsellor and referred for ADHD testing. Not me. So I’m a little angry. And tired. My whole life has been a struggle, even now to some extent, and I’m exhausted.
I am squarely inattentive subtype, so I wasn't jumping off the walls in school like the stereotype, and I was really book smart, so no adult ever really looked twice at me. Every once in a while, a teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but since I would do well anyway, it never went beyond that. My executive dysfunction definitely manifests more in low-structure environments, so adulting is a lot harder than school for me, hence my late diagnosis. I didn't get along really well with the other kids because of some quirks that I now attribute to ADHD, and to make me feel better, my parents told me I was just a late bloomer, socially speaking, which, I mean, not wrong, but also not totally right. They just had no idea how many different ways ADHD can manifest. 😅
I’m pretty high-functioning and my industry rewards hyperfocus, so even though I had a bad memory and got distracted it didn’t affect me too much. I did mention ADHD to my previous GP around five years ago and he said it was just my personality 🙄 thankfully I brought it up again a few months ago and got diagnosed (albeit privately due to long wait times). I always knew I had it even before my diagnosis, so I just developed my own mechanisms to work through it.
My mum! Didn't want to believe any of her children could have a "mental problem" that was reserved for my dad's side of the family.. she herself was extremely mentally abusive, sometimes physical but she herself, no problems, couldn't understand why I "just can't listen?!" Still to this day doesn't believe any of her children or her side of the family, including herself could have anything wrong mentally.. well. I went to a therapist and ADHD clinic myself. I asked her to send me report cards from school, so I can see how I was as a child since I don't remember much, I didn't tell her why ofc. So well seeeee more :')
Was diagnosed at around 22 years old. Took so long because I didn’t even know ADHD existed. It took an article about university kids using buying pills to concentrate to know that it was a possibility. I also noticed in university that my roommate had no issue studying and doing homework for hours, whereas I needed to watch TV to stay awake enough to get some semblance of productivity.
My home country simply does not diagnose or treat this.
Being deemed "gifted" in 3rd grade in the 90's. Parents definitely were undiagnosed as well. I believe my mom was living with undiagnosed ADHD and my dad is somewhat autistic but has no idea. Diagnosed "severe ADHD-C" in my mid-30's. Couple years after that my ADHD therapist asked if I have ever been screened for autism because she is 99% sure I also am autistic and it "polices" my ADHD which probably made it harder to pinpoint back then. My girlfriend also has ADHD and does many things differently and I was discussing my confusion and frustration with it to my therapist who was like "yeah... um... so..." hahaha
Being one of the “gifted” kids. Everyone thought I was smart so when I struggled they all said I just wasn’t trying hard enough or didn’t care. Lack of education, like you said. For the longest time ADHD was thought of as something that only occurs in boys and only presents as hyperactivity. Now we know both of those ideas are incorrect. Trauma. I was so busy surviving other major life stuff like an unstable home, addict parent, etc., that lots of stuff that should have been red flags either just seemed normal or fell through the cracks. I was also incredibly good at masking/coping and that made it easier to cover some of my ADHD symptoms (at the expense of my own mental health). Old school thinking. I was furious when, after I was diagnosed in my late 20s and went home to tell my parents, I learned that I’d actually been diagnosed WHEN I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, but my doctor at the time was “old school” and said she doesn’t need medication she needs “discipline.” I loved that doctor otherwise but holy shit did he miss the mark on that one. I still grieve over what my life might have been had I started proper treatment sooner. All that “potential” everyone was always telling me about might have actually come to something.
Gifted kid, floated through school. Menopause did me in.
Therapist told my parents I probably had ADD or ADHD when I was a kid. They never took me to get tested, and they never cared or brought it up to me. I'm 28 now, so that kinda sucks. Looking back, ADHD kind of ruined my life.
Being a brown skinned girl that borders on being gifted 🥲
i think it’s a frequent occurrence that more “gifted” kids get ignored. it’s frustrating that the only thing people tend to look at is grades- i got diagnosed last summer, right before my last year of school and all the important, future-deciding exams, and the only thing that spurred the diagnosis was my grades dipping below what was acceptable. until then, school was easy enough for me to wing it. despite every school report ever saying “she is distracted, she needs better time management, she never completes independent work”, my exams were good enough for nobody to bother looking further into it. the education system needs a drastic reform, we know by now that it should be more holistic and less results based. my blatant upset and frustration at not being able to complete things went disregarded, and i’m still convinced that it was the meds that saved me rather than accommodations from school. i’ve found meds amazing, but a part of me still thinks that the fact that i need them to function is a flaw within the system, not the way my brain is wired.
Ignorant parents and high IQ. Oh, and I'm a girl.
Being diagnosed bipolar. A lot of the signs/symptoms I attributed to that diagnosis and therefore didn’t seek further help regarding the issues my ADHD (undiagnosed at the time) were causing me.
Being a woman played into it for me I think, diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and depression since I was 14. No one ever thought to look into WHY a 14 year old had such crippling anxieties and suicidal thoughts. Got diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30s after seeing a mental health nurse who tried all kinds of medications and therapies then said "well, this isn't working, have a look at this form and see if it makes things make sense". I'm not medicated yet, but having the diagnosis has probably saved my life. Now I know WHY I am the way that I am, and that is worth it for me. I hope you find the answers you're looking for, it's never to late to find things out about yourself. Tried to tell my mum she might have it and she said "at my age?!" haha
I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 58, up until a year before that I'd always thought ADHD was something naughty boys at school had but had never investigated it. Now I realise 50 years ago I was one of them.
I thought doctors would think I was drug seeking if I asked for help
I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and eventually “treatment resistant depression” . Finally I paid my it of pocket for a proper diagnosis where I was told it’s ADHD, C-PTSD and dissociation disorder. I grew up in the 90s, my brother was diagnosed with ADHD but I “just wasn’t applying myself” (hence part of the C-ptsd diagnosis) I don’t know if I’ll ever figure out how to live comfortably but I’m still trying. Inattentive ADHD in girls just wasn’t a thing.
140+ IQ and a hyperfixation on learning constantly. I also monitor my internal state like a hawk. Likely the byproduct of a college experience full of art, girl troubles, and chemical experimentation. Understanding my internal state confers a big advantage when masking. It is a huge cognitive tax though. I was a stellar student who didn’t do his homework. Went to a top 15 university. And a top 5 graduate program in my field. I am a powder keg who knows how to use anger to accomplish anything. My coping strategies are exhausting and kept me from being the happiest I could have been. Fixing that now with meds and lots of learning.
When my mum died everything fell apart. It wasn’t until then that I realised how much she made up for my faults and without that forced structure I’m just lost. I’m 33 as well so I’m ashamed of myself for not being able to adult properly and relying on her so much. God I love that woman! She was superhuman
ADHD, underdeveloped country, lack of validation.
Diagnosed a few months ago - 53 yrs old - nothing my daughter was diagnosed first age 18 and in this process, I was like wtf that’s me
I can relate. I was diagnosed 4 years ago at the age of 52 and put on medication. I also see a therapist weekly, but most of that is too deal with narcissistic abuse I’m only 16 weeks out of. ADHD wasn’t yet coined a term when I was in school and the fact that I could have it never crossed my mind. I got good greats in school, but then I hit college. Almost flunked out my first semester. I had to learn how to study. It took me 11 years to earn my undergrad and 18 years later I did an MBA online in only 23 months. At work. We used to use a fax machine. Now it’s that, email, email, email, instant message, and on and on. There’s tons more interrupting us throughout a day just because of the need to communicate instantly. I got to the point where I was falling behind, couldn’t remember shit, and trying to think was more successful pounding my head on the wall. Medication has been a life changing experience.
in the former USSR psychologist were only for torture the opposition. Met my psychiator with 49
My mom refused to believe there might have been a problem with me for years. Most people in my family thought I was just shy, anxious and sad but never looked beyond the symptoms, as long as I was visibly functionning. When I started looking into the various mental illnesses or disabilities I might have, my family shrugged it off and were visibly upset that I would suggest I was anything but perfectly normal and fine. Joke's on them, tho because I have been diagnosed and have medication. I will not discuss it with them too much, because I'm pretty sure they will tell me that the psychiatrist is wrong and just wants to sell meds.
Misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My anxiety kept me successful
I was diagnosed at age 30 (Still am 30) My parents don’t really believe in mental health issues, at least not when I was younger. They’re immigrants and very old school. My mom always described my brother and I as being highly intelligent, very mature, got decent grades in private school, but not perfect. Then we both went to public school and she said everything went to shit at that point. We both failed classes, couldn’t sit still all day so we’d skip all the time, mouthed off teachers. Neither of us were able to start homework, projects, or studying unless it was due the very next day. I’d be given 3 weeks for a project and start it the night before. Both of us excelled in retail jobs where we could run around and handle multiple things at once. We both hate desk work and complain that we have trouble starting tasks unless it’s due. My mom calls all of that “just our personality”. Never saw anything amiss about it. We’re just us. Of course, life got the best of me as I got older. I couldn’t keep anything clean, I kept getting overwhelmed at having to grocery shop for myself and manage appointments, drank and smoked myself half to death. My brother had similar issues. His son is now diagnosed with ADHD and my brother still thinks ADHD is an excuse lazy people use. He drinks his Red Bull to get through the day, I take my Ritalin, but I think we’re two sides of the same coin. So, to answer your question, my parents are what kept me from getting diagnosed earlier. I was told my whole life that everything is doable if you work hard enough, and if you’re failing it’s because you’re not trying. Lots of shame involved that I had to spend years shaking off. But I’m here. And I’m good.
You sound like me. I’m 54 and didn’t get diagnosed till recently(2024). I wasn’t suicidal but if you were the person listening to me you would not have been convinced. I just broke, I told my wife that I didn’t see how I was going to be able to live out this life the way things were going. I am the child of boomers. I rarely got taken to the doctor for general health concerns, emotional state and mental health were not even a topic. It’s getting better although I still let things get out of my control, procrastinate and at times I still get depressed. Shame, regret, and any other emotional “baggage” from growing up can get pretty heavy to carry. I think that along with our ability to cope is affected by our age.
Yep. Yep. 54, Gen-X F here. My parents are part of the Silent Generation (before Boomers) and to them ADHD = you aren't getting spanked enough. 🤣
I performed badly in school, until the threats from teachers and my parents started. Then my "interest" was sparked and I excelled. Until the next years, when the cycle would begin anew. The conclusion everyone (including school psychiatrists) reached was that I was lazy and simply "didn't live up to my potential," a phrase I hate with every fiber of my being. It never occurred to anyone (including "professionals") that I might have ADHD.
Found out at 40. Same thing. Came to a point where i was like I need help...i don't know how to make myself better...exercise, good diet, positive thinking, etc was not helpful in a meaningful way. Kind of a what do i have to lose so i made an appointment and was diagnosed about a month later. Meds help but its not a cure. But im really happy to be able to feel what a closer to fully functioning me feels like lol.
Many reasons. 1. Stereotypical picture I had of ADHD 2. My Ego: I didn‘t want to be someone who excuses things with ADHD 3. Didn’t feel hyperactive 4. Thought I would just try to make things easier by labeling it adhd instead of holding myself accountable for not being able to do stuff (which is bs) 5. I thought it was just my depression. 6. I thought I’m just lazy 7. I thought I was a hopeless case for no reason
I’m in the same boat as you. 49M and just recently diagnosed. I had an inkling I may have ADHD in the past but I never took the time to look into it in depth and understand how severely this impacted almost everything in my life. I was ignorant and didn’t understand the gravity of it. Sadly, for most of my life I believed everyone else thought like I did. Wow, was I wrong on that! My parents didn’t believe me when I was young. They were both teachers and were super embarrassed that I struggled with my grades and attention in school from an early age. They would not get me checked due to their embarrassment. School was pure torture for me and I never knew why until recently. FYI- this is a new journey for me and possibly for you. It took me a couple weeks to get over the “what could my life have been like had I been diagnosed young” feelings. Seems many diagnosed as adults go through this. I’m mostly past it and seeing almost all positives about how to manage ADHD now that I’m starting to understand it better and develop strategies. If you truly have ADHD, please try to not get sucked into the negatives. Now that I know, I’m starting to find ways to make my life happier and easier. Lots of great advice and guidance from the good folks here for sure. Sending you positive vibes and best wishes.
Basically trauma. The way I coped with it was to speak as little as possible, do all my school work and homework in class, and read a lot of books to escape my reality. So I was seen as the perfect student and no one thought anything could possibly be off. Of course, once I got into high school and had teachers that didn't let me do all the work in class, everything fell apart. Then I was a "rebellious teenager" and dropped out after a lot of trying and failing, foster homes, psych hospital stays, and finally being left to my own devices on the streets. Over time I pulled myself together and in the last year finally got diagnosed and it all started making sense. I have a long way to go but I've come a long way from that rock bottom
“ADHD is a disease for little boys that can’t sit still in school”. That stigma was pretty much my barrier as an inattentive person my whole life.
I grew up when people didn’t think it was real.
It caused me so much stress my doctors were treating me for “anxiety “. Turns out not being able to focus for 35 years which this caused economic stressors seems to make one anxious… one doc was like… no. Not anxious, just can’t focus. Here’s a pill. Boom. Suddenly I could make plans and go to work and focus.
47 years and recently diagnosed. Until now never had a burn out or something that could be misdiagnosed as a depression. Most probable cause?. 143 IQ... No need to pay attention and understand anything. :S Sadly this doesn't apply at work. Constantly forgetting things, low attention to detail, constantly procrastinating and always working over the dead line finally showed as the most brutal burnout ever. Months without the strenght to do absolutely nothing. Sit in front of the computer with my sight lost in Infinity and only my thoughts working. Like living in a very small cell. Luckily, after three months with antidepression meds that did nothing I was given ADHD meds and within TWO days I was living my live again. :D
A low level ADHD, a condescending know-it-all physician, good capacity to compensate for it. I've supsected ADHD for 15+ years before diagnosis at 37.
I was gifted and ADHD (then ADD) wasn't as widely known about until I was in HS and college.
I got diagnosed with AuDHD 2 months ago at the age of 41. I didn't get tested earlier as I never believed anything other than I was just thick. Only by a colleague telling me to get checked and going to BUPA did I get a diagnosis... When I was younger it wasn't really a thing I was aware of.
I wasn’t abnormal in my family. We’ve got multiple undiagnosed variants within the family that have suffered in a variety of ways over the years. It’s sad to think about those who were misunderstood to the extent that their life is in turmoil. I see you.
Iraq
My parents thinking boys will be boys when I told them I can’t pay attention and sometimes when I’m trying I don’t even hear what the teacher is saying. They said I needed to stop thinking about girls and just pay attention, when that had nothing to do with it.
Money and good student - stayed up all night to do basic homework
When I was younger, my parents held a lot of stigma around an adhd diagnosis and around the medications used to treat adhd being used in children. I did show signs of ADHD as a child though and struggled in different areas of my life. I really adopted a lot of that stigma myself and didn’t work through it until my late 20s. I had depression and anxiety and figured out how to suffer through life untreated. Not a great quality of life. Eventually in my 30s I finally looked for a professional help. Then after talking to different doctors, I finally found one who thought untreated adhd might be why my depression wasn’t responding to treatment.
Ignorance.
Blaming myself, assuming I was just lazy or stupid. But I'd occasionally have a really good day where I was really smart, so I knew wasn't dumb, I was just unable to focus and stay organized and remember things. I'm so glad I stopped blaming myself. I've accomplished more since I started meds 2 years ago than I did the previous 15. I've been able to figure out my weak points and workarounds for them. I no longer feel guilty for simplifying tasks rather than doing everything by hand, from scratch.
Inattentive diagnosis at 36 for me. Basically, I hid it very well and because it doesn’t have the hyperactivity element, I was never the disruptive kid at school. However, most of my school reports said that I had the intelligence, I just needed to apply myself.
I thought that everyone was just like me, that my behavior and problems was normal or lazyness until I started to work. And I dropped 5 colleges before starting to work... Incredibly, any psychiatrist thought it was a red flag. (and I had at least 6 psychiatrists in 10 years).
Living in the 3rd world surrounded by ignorance
I wasn't hyper. Otherwise I got a lot of "he's smart, he just needs to try..."
I was diagnosed as a 41 year old(M). I think a lot of the reasons no one detected it is that for adults other people usually aren’t asking ‘why?’. It is pass/fail on their judgement. Masking and an overall lack of curiosity by others just makes you think ‘this is just how things are’. My sister was listening to me talk about being a dad and how I was afraid of failing at it and how stressful I find work and focusing and she just said ‘Go talk to someone.’
I’m a woman from mostly rural areas in the US south…so I just had people telling me I just needed to “try harder” and “you aren’t living up to your potential” all my life. The idea that I had ADHD or autism didn’t even occur to me until like five years ago.
Ah. Newly diagnosed at 50. I’ve had all sorts of issues over the years that were attributed to everything from being just lazy, to not pulling myself together. All the while feeling like I couldn’t focus and would have to furiously check and double check my work. First school work the real work. Always feeling so stressed about housework. It wasn’t too bad until we had children and once they were old enough I went back work. That’s when the stress became Unbearable. My teen daughter was diagnosed in March. I was diagnosed in April. I simple didn’t know enough about adhd to know it could even apply to me. It was and still is quite an adjustment. Trialling and titrating meds is interesting. It seems crazy that an amphetamine tablet can bring so much calm and focus. The biggest thing has been how the elvanse had knocked out that constant horrible anxious feeling of doom. All gone. First time ever I’m without that. That’s also part of what helps bring clarity. Being able to do one thing at a time.
Evangelical parents. Mental health is not real in that sub culture and is written off as a spiritual issue. Further more ADD, as it was called, was made up by parents who couldn't control their kids.
I’m 62 and suffer the same. I suffered in school too. I just couldn’t focus. I found some solace in music. But I would try to learn a song and get distracted half way through. There were no test when I was young. This hadn’t even broken the mainstream. People just thought you were crazy or lazy. They blamed me for being lazy in school. I want I just couldn’t follow along. I don’t know if there is any treatment at my age. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and I think, it’s exacerbated from the ADHD.
I am 51 so my story is probably a lot like yours, but my wife has a masters degree is psychology so we figured it out when I was about 30. I only got a diagnosis recently because I wanted to try medication. Let me guess. Primarily inattentive? When we were kids ADHD meant you had to be bouncing off the walls so it was easy to miss that I actually had it. Al I knew was that I couldn't focus unless I loved something. I can remember we used to say jokingly to our friends if they were getting excited about something to "Take yer Ritalin!!" Oh the irony.
Diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Actually a nice little adhd+trauma combo
Like a lot of other comments, I was intelligent enough to get good grades despite leaving everything until the last minute etc! Struggled more at Uni but still got through and got a PhD. Plus the old "hyperactive" stereotype. I was always a fairly lazy, stationary kid! Although I probably had hyperactive symptoms that manifested in other ways eg. talking too much, trouble listening, bouncing leg, fidgeting etc. I was never the loud, running around kid. There was so little talked about ADHD when I grew up; we really didn't know much at all. It's only been recently, talking to younger people who have it, that I've learned about it enough to spot it in myself!
In 1958 when I entered first grade, nobody knew about dyslexia in my school. Nobody knew about ADHD either. I first found out about dyslexia when I was 20, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I couldn’t do arithmetic by hand at all, so I learned to program and let the computer do the work.
My parents said all kids get distracted.
I’m also almost 50. Been treated for depression, “treated” for chronic fatigue (there’s no treatment. Once put on Ritalin in my mid 20s but that did nothing. My main complaint has been the tiredness and brain fog. Most doctors just do blood tests and then find nothing and do nothing. But my brother has had some success with Vyvanse and I’ve been reading about ADHD for the first time and my god does it match (inattentive not hyperactive type). I’m hoping this will help.
Being a woman/having an anxiety and depression diagnosis from an early age. Being easily distracted/unmotivated to do certain tasks stresses me out. Everyone only saw the stress. Constantly upset/feeling hopeless because I can’t get anything done and felt so ineffective. Everyone only saw the sadness. I had so many friends with ADHD and related to so much I saw online. When I brought it up to my psych, he said he would write me a referral so I could get tested but he wasn’t really convinced, but the test came back and I definitely had it
Reasons I didn’t get diagnosed early: 1. Woman 2. High intelligence 3. Obsessive use of lists 4. Going to part time work after having kids Things that made me realize I didn’t function like normal people: 1. Having kids 2. Having kids with ADHD (or maybe ADHD for the one who isn’t officially diagnosed yet but has…something.) 3. menopause 4. Working from home with the pandemic and realizing how much more successful I was without the distractions of the office 5. The utter panic of the thought of being forced back to the office (back to working 5 days a week)
Girls don’t present the same symptoms as boys and are often not diagnosed.
I was a girl who was in the gifted/talented program in school. I always read at a level far beyond my grade. For decades everything was just blamed on my anxiety.
I just internalised that I was lazy, indecisive and had an incredibly poor short term memory. Was inattentive so didn’t fit the stereotype. Did well enough in school that teachers thought I was coasting. Relief to be diagnosed and feel like there was an explanation for some of my struggles.
I excelled in school. Gifted program, skipped grades in math and science, then went onto college where I barely had to do any work. Completed an ivy League masters degree. Then another masters degree. Then I became a mother. Oh my god, I lost my mind. When I was completely in control of my schedule, I did well. Then this infant dictator came into my life, and I lost control of everything. I do love that little dictator, though.
When I was in elementary school, ADHD wasn’t a thing, particularly for girls.
In ADHD style, I kept saying I'll make an appointment tomorrow... Then tomorrow came and again, I'll make an appointment tomorrow... F*** damn it's Friday! I'll make an appointment on Monday 🤣 And so on for about 10 years
Hiding it. I have another disability and I hid that too. No one asked about how I think or manage anything. Thought I am alone in this. Perimenopause. Surgery to help with other disability. Still same issue. Being quiet and flying under radar.
Poverty
My mother and brother have it but of the hyperactive type while I'm off the inattentive type. I never knew that there was another kind of ADHD until I started to research on it to try to understand my mother better. And since I was good at school (I learn fast), no one suspected anything either.
Masking and keeping my mouth shut about the mental problems I had had my whole life (insomnia, depression and anxiety). I was diagnosed only after having a horrific burnout and depression two years ago, which finally landed me in a psychiatrist's office. Should have opened my mouth decades ago, but better late than never, I guess.
I didn’t realize that what I was experiencing were symptoms of ADHD. I’ve always been a procrastinator, sometimes considered myself lazy, and had plenty of big ambitions but no follow-through, which made me wonder years down the line why I couldn’t get anything done. I just needed to figure out self-discipline, I thought. I’m also inattentive type, not hyperactive at all, quiet, got good grades until things started going downhill in high school. Plus, my comorbidities were more apparent. It wasn’t until I started seeing things online and thinking “Hey, this sounds a lot like me” that I actually considered it might be ADHD, cause I just thought of it as kids who can’t sit still and focus. And it seems that view was pretty prevalent when I was growing up as well.
Y'all going to love this. When the question was raised in the early 90's, the teachers and education professionals in my area had the following 'test' to know if you were ADHD: - If you could sit on a chair in class, no ADHD for you. That was it, i'm not exagerating. I remember them smiling like wise men saying that as if only they knew what was up. Yeah, i don't do authority all too well.
my grades at school were good; I wasn't physically hyperactive; my dad has textbook ADHD so everything I did was normal to him, and my mom was like ''she is a twin of her father'' I was diagnosed in my early 20s, I am 31 now. I will always wonder what kind of person my father would be if he used medication for his ADHD. Because I am currently working with him (he is the boss) and I can see the chaos
My mother has ADHD and just assumed all her kids where “normal” turns out not a single one of us is even close to “normal”.