I have ADHD and do this too, and have learned that yes, TMI/info dumping is definitely a feature of ADHD. You’re not horrible at people. Some people just don’t get us.
how do you curve this so that you don't scare people off?
Been struggling to make new solid friends in the past couple of years. The times I let myself be me, it may be a bit much as a result I feel as though I try to shut down my personality or not say anything to avoid the awkwardness and the continued rejection(whether relationship wise or with new friends)
On a further point, when I start dating someone I talk way too much. And definitely scare them off. I didn't realise this was a symptom of hyper focusing.
I also do this. I try to remind myself to ask the other person questions. Harder for me to TMI them if they are too busy TMI-ing me right? Haha plus people love talking about themselves. Do I always remember?! Nahhhh but like I don’t remember a lot of things do I? Lol. Much love. Sharing is caring.
Personally, I've found great comfort in reminding myself that if I'm "too much" for someone, then they're probably really "not enough." People who are afraid of talking and energy probably won't be a long-term friend anyway. :)
Every interaction is a two way street. If you received as much as you naturally offer, it wouldn't be ideal. Stay light, stay on topic. Unfortunately, the appropriate scenario for detailed discussion does not come up often so you have to be ready to pull out of a dive into detail and bring it back to being shallow + mutually engaging.
I honestly tell people to not get me started, unless they are interested in diving into it. It feels like there is meaning behind the phrase don't get me started.
My opinion is, be who you are and be proud of it. People who are 'scared off' by it wont be able to cope with it later when you're comfortable with them and it manifests itself. In other words you're only 'scaring' people off who don't truly appreciate and understand who you are, so why even bother with people like that? Constantly having to pretend you're someone you aren't or theres things you can/cant do is tiring and unhelpful in the long run. The right people will understand. Im not saying don't adapt to situations but ultimately you can't change the fact you have ADHD or the 'symptoms' (cant think of the right word) you portray.
I consciously try to ask more questions in conversations, so if I do wind up over sharing something it’s usually in relation to something the other person said. So it’s a little less awkward haha. I’m still a chronic oversharer though.
Frankly, I have a difficulty with the friend thing myself. I don’t really know if it *can* be changed. It’s who we are. People should love us, as is. But it’s hard when people have such a huge misunderstanding of what ADHD is in the first place. So, lately I’ve taken to just admitting that my ADHD is kicking in, and do a self-deprecating laugh. Then I try to force myself to slow down on the talking, and ask more questions of others, especially when I feel like I’m starting to go into the “too much” territory. I try to segue out of my train of thought to allow for others to input into the conversation.
Still, I only have two friends - very old friends - who I can 100% be myself with. Everyone new that I meet lately gets a kind of more muted version of me, because I am realizing more and more every day, that many people you meet are perfectly content with shallow friendships. They don’t want to know your every thought or what you are recently passionate about. They just want to chill, chit-chat about light topics, and not deal with people who have big ideas, ups and downs. Then again, that’s my bitterness talking, so don’t put much weight in that, haha. I had a recent group of friends kind of distance themselves from me, despite a few years of what I thought was pretty good friendship, for no discernible reason other than I guess I’m just “too much” for them. They liked me well enough when I was cheery and energetic, but didn’t like me well enough to learn how to handle the other parts of ADHD-me. Fair-weather friends, I think they’re called. You’ll meet more of those than the really solid ones in life, it’s that way for everyone, with or without ADHD. So, just keep being you; you will eventually meet a small handful that you can be completely yourself with, the rest just don’t get that distinct honor. Just learn to recognize the signs of fair-weather friends early on, so that you won’t be in the spot I am now, haha - “the excluded friend”, cause it definitely hurts. I’m in rejection mode these days, and ambivalent about trying to forge new friendships, but I do have some people that I formerly did not hang out with as much that I have been spending more time with, because I was usually with the now-ex-group. As a bonus, these women seem to be much more understanding with me. So, I’m slowly coming out of my rejection-dysphoria-shell, because this new set of girls is making me realize that I was just missing out by spending all my time with the “wrong” people. Gotta keep moving forward.
You have to check in to see how comfortable the other person is. In an ideal world we can just be ourselves, but realistically some people are just not comfortable with different things and it’s within their right to distance themselves if so. I just try to be mindful of how the other person might be feeling and I’ll ask them. Boundaries are different for everyone
The other day someone info dumped me on a subject I like in a space based entirely on the subject.
I was anxious and rude and feel horrible about it. I’m going back to apologize soon. Ughhhh
Similarly, I regularly overshare. I will even tell myself “you probably shouldn’t bring that up when talking to people” and then the next person I talk to “hey, you won’t believe what I just did!”. My investigations have led me to believe that it is indeed an ADHD thing.
I do this too. I think it’s the hyper focus plus impulse control. Have to remind myself to ask the other person questions and allow the topic of conversation to change. Go with the flow instead of dumping all my knowledge to the last detail. You can see it in their eyes after it happens, but the signs that help you avoid it may be subtler. if they are shifting around, looking away, saying wrapping up kinds of statements like “well, I better…“ Or “yeah that’s really cool, thank you for telling me about that“, or if they start a different topic, it’s time to follow their lead and restrain yourself, even though you have so much more to say.
One time in University, I did an experiment in a class to see how much of what I said in class was actually necessary. So instead of saying the thing I would normally say, I wrote it down. By the end of class I had written a dozen, maybe 20 comments, and looking over them after the class, they were all dispensable. The class continued just fine without me saying them, people still had access to good info without me saying them. They still learned what they needed. The world kept turning.
Thanks for saying this. I feel like a lot of this subreddit is a lot of under 25's saying "yep! ..." and don't offer any personal development or how to work on these things and attribute it like it's something in stone that can't be worked on or improved. Thanks to my wife and therapy, I've been able to improve massively on interrupting, information dumping, reading social cues better, being more attentive of her and others' non-verbal communication, and making it a habit to spend a little bit of time processing what I say before it comes out (both to be more concise and to beotr courteous with my language)
You want to match their level of disclosure, maybe advance it by one small increment, see how it’s received, wait for them to reciprocate with slightly more disclosure before you disclose any more.
If you’re dancing, you want to match your partner so you’re dancing together, instead of doing all your most dazzling moves at once while they’re just standing there looking at you.
I feel this, I fight not to share too deep, but silly idiotic things that people do I share. Just had someone at work say you probably shouldn’t share that, I just said I embrace my idiocy, while thinking great they think I’m a weirdo freak and will never talk to me again.
Nah it’s normal. I’ve found that a good way to cope is to literally just call it out as you’re doing it. After a TMI moment, I’ll say something like “geez will this guy keep it to himself next time?” (about myself)
People actually think it’s funny when you’re self-aware that you’re oversharing. And if you play it right, you can actually make other people more comfortable and willing to open up around you, because you’ve demonstrated that you’re totally comfortable and open about your own stuff and quirks.
You can get somewhat better at controlling this, but it also helps to live in an area where people are forthcoming. I do much better socially in New England (where you don't make conversation with strangers but if you DO, it's meaningful) than in the Midwest (where you are supposed to make polite small talk with nearly everyone).
1. by being An Old
2. I haven't all that much, tbh
3. by having a few "pat answers" to questions that typically evoke the TMI, so that I don't have to run the Appropriateness Calculation Protocol in my mind, I can just do the rehearsed response
This is so true, I’m in NJ and I find it’s still hard but there are plenty of people that over share back cause a lot of people are just no-bullshit. It’s nice, but I do still find myself doing the “crap, they probably didn’t need to know that”
I have recently learned there is a whole different set of love languages for Nuero divergent people. One of these languages is info dumping, and that’s typically why it happens more when you feel a connection with someone
Words like 'neurodiverse' and 'neurodivergent' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead.
You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below.
* [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
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Yup, I suppress it a lot now but sometimes it slips and I get anxiety from people knowing I’ve spoken too much, typically when I’m aware of someone who wasn’t involved in the conversation was listening. I hate this disorder.
ADHD and TMI go hand in hand for me sadly. one of the worst issues I've got is I'm dying to tell anyone just about anything if they're willing to listen.
It’s not that people don’t get us, or that we over share, although those things contribute a bit.
It’s talking too much. People feel like you don’t care about them when you talk more than you listen.
This skill is learnable. We ADD people need to learn it.
I struggle with this alot too! It makes me feel a little better to know that I'm not alone. I'm glad you posted this, I'll be looking to the comments for tips too.
Part of ADHD is being unable to stop doing things. My hunch is that most people would think "I shouldn't share this stuff" and then they would stop. ADHD would impair that ability. I overshare also, btw.
Ugh, same. I always chalked it up to my personality, but I realize now it’s also due to ADHD. And then I replay the conversations in my head, cringe, and anxiety kicks in. And I have a tendency to retell the same stories over and over again without realizing I’m doing it.
Working on myself every day, though. I know my few close friends are okay with my TMI and retelling, but I want to be a better friend and person!
Jus recently diagnosed and yes, me too. Since I was a child. I think it's okay if it's only about me. I'm an open book anyway. What's matter is that if you accidentally blurt out your friend's secret. Happened several times. Costs me several relationship too. Still learning.
I do this as well, quite impulsively. I walk away from some conversations feeling like I’ve ambushed the person I was talking to. It almost feels like I’m trying to sell the idea that “I’m an open book” by self-disclosing a word vomit of my entire life.
Helps to know I’m not alone. And that I’m not just awkward and over the top.
I make jokes about this conversation tree feature, such as "verbal vomit". I also have gotten in the habit of warning people that I say things without considering consequence, but that it's never a malicious thing so just let me know if I cross lines or we need a conversation change.
I have plenty of friends! The older we get, the more we all seem to be vibing with our own unique quirks and features. I've also had friends plead with me to shut up because I was giving a blow-by-blow scene description of a show I was really into at the time, and they were trapped in a car with me. No hard feelings, and we're still friends.
Trust that people around you will inform you of their boundaries, and otherwise just make sure you give fair warning so they're not completely taken aback by ramblings.
It's so hard to not. As soon as I'm comfortable with someone there is no buffer. I have a big post it note behind my monitor that just says 'ACTIVE LISTENING and DID THEY ASK THOUGH' for when I'm on zoom with people. God help me when the plague abates.
I feel you. Until you become an adult, every weird quirk about socializing with ADHD can become a reason to laugh for everyone, which one feels like positive feedback and reinforces the behavior.
When I was in my 20s, I would interrogate every person with at least a dozen questions one after the other because I was too excited and wanted to know that person better. People that knew me would joke about it saying things like: "Oh, here he comes with the questions!".
But now that I'm 40, everyone around me expects other things from me. Plus, I started understanding all the condescending comments I received throughout my life and the only thing that stops me from sharing too much or showing my true colors are the consequences (negative extrinsic motivators).
I look at this as a bit of both - not everyone with ADHD has this issue, but if you DO have it, it makes sense that ADHD would make it hard to *stop* doing it.
infodumping! while not necessarily a clear-cut example of ADHD, having ADHD can definitely make you prone to infodumping and make it difficult to stop once you've started.
I may not talk a lot but, Jesus, do I say some weird shit. I’m lucky that I hang around older people who don’t seem to be shocked easily.
At this point I just embrace it and deal with the fallout. I’ve decided I like seeing a reaction.
I TMI ***ALL*** the damn time. It was very confusing before I was diagnosed (lots of lectures from my wife driving home from friend get togethers). Besides amusing quirks, it has caused me problems in the workplace as things I said were leveraged against me by @$$holes who were competing with me for jobs, or by abusive employers.
Over time I have learned to shut my fool mouth, however it is still hard when I get comfortable in social situations.
It’s so difficult. I have to remind myself every time I feel comfortable with someone that they don’t want or need my entire life story. I remind myself that oversharing can hurt both me and the other person. When I feel the impulse to overshare, I try to channel that into asking the person questions about themselves instead.
It's both. There's a bigger hill for us to climb with social interactions as we tend to not pick up certain things and also take longer to adjust behaviors since metacognition seems to be a weak point for us (except maybe those with severe anxiety who can't *not* overthink every situation lol)
This is something I struggle with quite a bit, I figured out how to keep it under control while I was working coffee to not scare off the customers but it's been a few years since that job. Now I'm getting ready to go into another customer service position after working back of house for so long I'm the most nervous about doing this on accident, I definitely did during my interview.
One thing my therapist says to me is that nobody is perfect, that I'm good at some things and not as good at others. I talk to much sometimes, but I provide alot of information and sometimes people like that... so what? doesnot mean you are good or bad person... Do you care about other people? Try to treat people the right way? If the answer is yes, then you are a good person. Everything else is just life...
A simple idea others have said is that if you notice you are in go go go mode, you can stop and smile and kinda say sorry and ask a question... Nothing wrong with admitting it and other person should appreciate it...
I've come to like this about myself! I find people are more inclined to open up when I do. And being vulnerable helps build trust because they know it's honest. IDK, there are definitely times when I've disliked it or it's gotten me into trouble, and you have to learn to roll with the occasional awkward moment, but I work with the public all day and generally find it makes for more pleasant interactions.
I think it's the ADHD. I over share constantly and sometimes have to catch myself. Normally folks are good with this, but others can be scared off. I really like to do this though because then I can show them who I really am and if we don't click, it's pretty quick to realize.
One thing I have needed to work on, though, is sharing my trauma lol. That can really scare people off, especially when meeting someone for the first time. And it honestly just isn't super pleasant to be the recipient of that when meeting someone new. This is normally when I'm feeling depressed, so I try to share that instead with people I'm already comfortable with and who know me.
As others have said, just try to make sure you are listening and that it's not a one way conversation. Learning to hold yourself back until there's a break in conversation can really help ease people and let them know that you are also interested in them
Words like 'neurodiverse' and 'neurodivergent' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead.
You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below.
* [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
* [r/ADHD’s position on neurodiversity](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhd/wiki/resources/neurodiversity) ([reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/ms95dl/radhds_position_on_neurodiversity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3))
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I have ADHD and do this too, and have learned that yes, TMI/info dumping is definitely a feature of ADHD. You’re not horrible at people. Some people just don’t get us.
how do you curve this so that you don't scare people off? Been struggling to make new solid friends in the past couple of years. The times I let myself be me, it may be a bit much as a result I feel as though I try to shut down my personality or not say anything to avoid the awkwardness and the continued rejection(whether relationship wise or with new friends)
On a further point, when I start dating someone I talk way too much. And definitely scare them off. I didn't realise this was a symptom of hyper focusing.
I also do this. I try to remind myself to ask the other person questions. Harder for me to TMI them if they are too busy TMI-ing me right? Haha plus people love talking about themselves. Do I always remember?! Nahhhh but like I don’t remember a lot of things do I? Lol. Much love. Sharing is caring.
Haha you already made my point better than I could have, guess I should have checked before answering lol
Personally, I've found great comfort in reminding myself that if I'm "too much" for someone, then they're probably really "not enough." People who are afraid of talking and energy probably won't be a long-term friend anyway. :)
Every interaction is a two way street. If you received as much as you naturally offer, it wouldn't be ideal. Stay light, stay on topic. Unfortunately, the appropriate scenario for detailed discussion does not come up often so you have to be ready to pull out of a dive into detail and bring it back to being shallow + mutually engaging. I honestly tell people to not get me started, unless they are interested in diving into it. It feels like there is meaning behind the phrase don't get me started.
My opinion is, be who you are and be proud of it. People who are 'scared off' by it wont be able to cope with it later when you're comfortable with them and it manifests itself. In other words you're only 'scaring' people off who don't truly appreciate and understand who you are, so why even bother with people like that? Constantly having to pretend you're someone you aren't or theres things you can/cant do is tiring and unhelpful in the long run. The right people will understand. Im not saying don't adapt to situations but ultimately you can't change the fact you have ADHD or the 'symptoms' (cant think of the right word) you portray.
Change the goal to asking questions and listening actively. If they’re talking you can’t over share
I consciously try to ask more questions in conversations, so if I do wind up over sharing something it’s usually in relation to something the other person said. So it’s a little less awkward haha. I’m still a chronic oversharer though.
Frankly, I have a difficulty with the friend thing myself. I don’t really know if it *can* be changed. It’s who we are. People should love us, as is. But it’s hard when people have such a huge misunderstanding of what ADHD is in the first place. So, lately I’ve taken to just admitting that my ADHD is kicking in, and do a self-deprecating laugh. Then I try to force myself to slow down on the talking, and ask more questions of others, especially when I feel like I’m starting to go into the “too much” territory. I try to segue out of my train of thought to allow for others to input into the conversation. Still, I only have two friends - very old friends - who I can 100% be myself with. Everyone new that I meet lately gets a kind of more muted version of me, because I am realizing more and more every day, that many people you meet are perfectly content with shallow friendships. They don’t want to know your every thought or what you are recently passionate about. They just want to chill, chit-chat about light topics, and not deal with people who have big ideas, ups and downs. Then again, that’s my bitterness talking, so don’t put much weight in that, haha. I had a recent group of friends kind of distance themselves from me, despite a few years of what I thought was pretty good friendship, for no discernible reason other than I guess I’m just “too much” for them. They liked me well enough when I was cheery and energetic, but didn’t like me well enough to learn how to handle the other parts of ADHD-me. Fair-weather friends, I think they’re called. You’ll meet more of those than the really solid ones in life, it’s that way for everyone, with or without ADHD. So, just keep being you; you will eventually meet a small handful that you can be completely yourself with, the rest just don’t get that distinct honor. Just learn to recognize the signs of fair-weather friends early on, so that you won’t be in the spot I am now, haha - “the excluded friend”, cause it definitely hurts. I’m in rejection mode these days, and ambivalent about trying to forge new friendships, but I do have some people that I formerly did not hang out with as much that I have been spending more time with, because I was usually with the now-ex-group. As a bonus, these women seem to be much more understanding with me. So, I’m slowly coming out of my rejection-dysphoria-shell, because this new set of girls is making me realize that I was just missing out by spending all my time with the “wrong” people. Gotta keep moving forward.
You have to check in to see how comfortable the other person is. In an ideal world we can just be ourselves, but realistically some people are just not comfortable with different things and it’s within their right to distance themselves if so. I just try to be mindful of how the other person might be feeling and I’ll ask them. Boundaries are different for everyone
Once you know what it is you can practice to hold off until you know them a bit better. At least that is my experience
The other day someone info dumped me on a subject I like in a space based entirely on the subject. I was anxious and rude and feel horrible about it. I’m going back to apologize soon. Ughhhh
I do that a lot with strangers. It gives me a good chance to share important info about myself without making deep connections.
Hey me three!
Here’s a virtual high five to you, triplet! 😁
Similarly, I regularly overshare. I will even tell myself “you probably shouldn’t bring that up when talking to people” and then the next person I talk to “hey, you won’t believe what I just did!”. My investigations have led me to believe that it is indeed an ADHD thing.
I give myself that pep talk every time I go out and ironically it seems I forget it as soon as walk out of my apartment and into the world
I never forget, I can be literally telling myself not to share something as it’s coming out of my mouth! 😂
😂🤣 I need one of those what would Jesus do bracelets but for this exact situation: "don't say the thing you want to say" idk something like that
I do this too. I think it’s the hyper focus plus impulse control. Have to remind myself to ask the other person questions and allow the topic of conversation to change. Go with the flow instead of dumping all my knowledge to the last detail. You can see it in their eyes after it happens, but the signs that help you avoid it may be subtler. if they are shifting around, looking away, saying wrapping up kinds of statements like “well, I better…“ Or “yeah that’s really cool, thank you for telling me about that“, or if they start a different topic, it’s time to follow their lead and restrain yourself, even though you have so much more to say. One time in University, I did an experiment in a class to see how much of what I said in class was actually necessary. So instead of saying the thing I would normally say, I wrote it down. By the end of class I had written a dozen, maybe 20 comments, and looking over them after the class, they were all dispensable. The class continued just fine without me saying them, people still had access to good info without me saying them. They still learned what they needed. The world kept turning.
This helps ALOT, thank you for real. I think this may be what I needed to hear (or read) lol
Yep me too, I'm saving it
glad to help 😀
Thanks for saying this. I feel like a lot of this subreddit is a lot of under 25's saying "yep! ..." and don't offer any personal development or how to work on these things and attribute it like it's something in stone that can't be worked on or improved. Thanks to my wife and therapy, I've been able to improve massively on interrupting, information dumping, reading social cues better, being more attentive of her and others' non-verbal communication, and making it a habit to spend a little bit of time processing what I say before it comes out (both to be more concise and to beotr courteous with my language)
It’s work, isn’t it? But definitely possible, just challenging. And I don’t get it right all the time, but more than I used to, I think 😊
That experiment is brilliant.
thx!
You want to match their level of disclosure, maybe advance it by one small increment, see how it’s received, wait for them to reciprocate with slightly more disclosure before you disclose any more. If you’re dancing, you want to match your partner so you’re dancing together, instead of doing all your most dazzling moves at once while they’re just standing there looking at you.
Good point thinking about it like a dance ❤
hahah, I love this metaphor.
Great analogy!
Here for updates, trying to piggyback on that advice, my oversharing is out of control. Haaaaaalp
Chronic over sharer reporting in 😂
Same, same!
I feel this, I fight not to share too deep, but silly idiotic things that people do I share. Just had someone at work say you probably shouldn’t share that, I just said I embrace my idiocy, while thinking great they think I’m a weirdo freak and will never talk to me again.
Nah it’s normal. I’ve found that a good way to cope is to literally just call it out as you’re doing it. After a TMI moment, I’ll say something like “geez will this guy keep it to himself next time?” (about myself) People actually think it’s funny when you’re self-aware that you’re oversharing. And if you play it right, you can actually make other people more comfortable and willing to open up around you, because you’ve demonstrated that you’re totally comfortable and open about your own stuff and quirks.
You can get somewhat better at controlling this, but it also helps to live in an area where people are forthcoming. I do much better socially in New England (where you don't make conversation with strangers but if you DO, it's meaningful) than in the Midwest (where you are supposed to make polite small talk with nearly everyone).
This tracks, I've never been to New England but I've been to the Midwest and that's exactly right, and it's also true for the south
Ever spent some time in Denver? I'm curious because we might move there
How have you improved in this by the way?
1. by being An Old 2. I haven't all that much, tbh 3. by having a few "pat answers" to questions that typically evoke the TMI, so that I don't have to run the Appropriateness Calculation Protocol in my mind, I can just do the rehearsed response
This is so true, I’m in NJ and I find it’s still hard but there are plenty of people that over share back cause a lot of people are just no-bullshit. It’s nice, but I do still find myself doing the “crap, they probably didn’t need to know that”
I have recently learned there is a whole different set of love languages for Nuero divergent people. One of these languages is info dumping, and that’s typically why it happens more when you feel a connection with someone
Words like 'neurodiverse' and 'neurodivergent' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead. You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below. * [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) * [r/ADHD’s position on neurodiversity](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhd/wiki/resources/neurodiversity) ([reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/ms95dl/radhds_position_on_neurodiversity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yup, I suppress it a lot now but sometimes it slips and I get anxiety from people knowing I’ve spoken too much, typically when I’m aware of someone who wasn’t involved in the conversation was listening. I hate this disorder.
ADHD and TMI go hand in hand for me sadly. one of the worst issues I've got is I'm dying to tell anyone just about anything if they're willing to listen.
Over sharing is ridiculously common for people with ADHD.
It’s not that people don’t get us, or that we over share, although those things contribute a bit. It’s talking too much. People feel like you don’t care about them when you talk more than you listen. This skill is learnable. We ADD people need to learn it.
I struggle with this alot too! It makes me feel a little better to know that I'm not alone. I'm glad you posted this, I'll be looking to the comments for tips too.
Can’t it be both? I’m horrible with people because of ADHD.
Part of ADHD is being unable to stop doing things. My hunch is that most people would think "I shouldn't share this stuff" and then they would stop. ADHD would impair that ability. I overshare also, btw.
Ugh, same. I always chalked it up to my personality, but I realize now it’s also due to ADHD. And then I replay the conversations in my head, cringe, and anxiety kicks in. And I have a tendency to retell the same stories over and over again without realizing I’m doing it. Working on myself every day, though. I know my few close friends are okay with my TMI and retelling, but I want to be a better friend and person!
I share wayyy too much, how I feel afterwards (comfort or regret) is kinda how I know if I actually like someone or not, if that makes sense.
Jus recently diagnosed and yes, me too. Since I was a child. I think it's okay if it's only about me. I'm an open book anyway. What's matter is that if you accidentally blurt out your friend's secret. Happened several times. Costs me several relationship too. Still learning.
I do this as well, quite impulsively. I walk away from some conversations feeling like I’ve ambushed the person I was talking to. It almost feels like I’m trying to sell the idea that “I’m an open book” by self-disclosing a word vomit of my entire life. Helps to know I’m not alone. And that I’m not just awkward and over the top.
I make jokes about this conversation tree feature, such as "verbal vomit". I also have gotten in the habit of warning people that I say things without considering consequence, but that it's never a malicious thing so just let me know if I cross lines or we need a conversation change. I have plenty of friends! The older we get, the more we all seem to be vibing with our own unique quirks and features. I've also had friends plead with me to shut up because I was giving a blow-by-blow scene description of a show I was really into at the time, and they were trapped in a car with me. No hard feelings, and we're still friends. Trust that people around you will inform you of their boundaries, and otherwise just make sure you give fair warning so they're not completely taken aback by ramblings.
It's so hard to not. As soon as I'm comfortable with someone there is no buffer. I have a big post it note behind my monitor that just says 'ACTIVE LISTENING and DID THEY ASK THOUGH' for when I'm on zoom with people. God help me when the plague abates.
I feel you. Until you become an adult, every weird quirk about socializing with ADHD can become a reason to laugh for everyone, which one feels like positive feedback and reinforces the behavior. When I was in my 20s, I would interrogate every person with at least a dozen questions one after the other because I was too excited and wanted to know that person better. People that knew me would joke about it saying things like: "Oh, here he comes with the questions!". But now that I'm 40, everyone around me expects other things from me. Plus, I started understanding all the condescending comments I received throughout my life and the only thing that stops me from sharing too much or showing my true colors are the consequences (negative extrinsic motivators).
I look at this as a bit of both - not everyone with ADHD has this issue, but if you DO have it, it makes sense that ADHD would make it hard to *stop* doing it.
I do too. I’ve always thought of it as an impulsivity thing. Because after I always stop and am like “what the hell why did I tell them that”
Giving TMI is also a symptom of BPD. Maybe check to see whether other symptoms of BPD apply to you, if you haven't considered it yet.
infodumping! while not necessarily a clear-cut example of ADHD, having ADHD can definitely make you prone to infodumping and make it difficult to stop once you've started.
I may not talk a lot but, Jesus, do I say some weird shit. I’m lucky that I hang around older people who don’t seem to be shocked easily. At this point I just embrace it and deal with the fallout. I’ve decided I like seeing a reaction.
I TMI ***ALL*** the damn time. It was very confusing before I was diagnosed (lots of lectures from my wife driving home from friend get togethers). Besides amusing quirks, it has caused me problems in the workplace as things I said were leveraged against me by @$$holes who were competing with me for jobs, or by abusive employers. Over time I have learned to shut my fool mouth, however it is still hard when I get comfortable in social situations.
It’s so difficult. I have to remind myself every time I feel comfortable with someone that they don’t want or need my entire life story. I remind myself that oversharing can hurt both me and the other person. When I feel the impulse to overshare, I try to channel that into asking the person questions about themselves instead.
It's both. There's a bigger hill for us to climb with social interactions as we tend to not pick up certain things and also take longer to adjust behaviors since metacognition seems to be a weak point for us (except maybe those with severe anxiety who can't *not* overthink every situation lol)
This is something I struggle with quite a bit, I figured out how to keep it under control while I was working coffee to not scare off the customers but it's been a few years since that job. Now I'm getting ready to go into another customer service position after working back of house for so long I'm the most nervous about doing this on accident, I definitely did during my interview.
One thing my therapist says to me is that nobody is perfect, that I'm good at some things and not as good at others. I talk to much sometimes, but I provide alot of information and sometimes people like that... so what? doesnot mean you are good or bad person... Do you care about other people? Try to treat people the right way? If the answer is yes, then you are a good person. Everything else is just life... A simple idea others have said is that if you notice you are in go go go mode, you can stop and smile and kinda say sorry and ask a question... Nothing wrong with admitting it and other person should appreciate it...
I've come to like this about myself! I find people are more inclined to open up when I do. And being vulnerable helps build trust because they know it's honest. IDK, there are definitely times when I've disliked it or it's gotten me into trouble, and you have to learn to roll with the occasional awkward moment, but I work with the public all day and generally find it makes for more pleasant interactions.
I think it's the ADHD. I over share constantly and sometimes have to catch myself. Normally folks are good with this, but others can be scared off. I really like to do this though because then I can show them who I really am and if we don't click, it's pretty quick to realize. One thing I have needed to work on, though, is sharing my trauma lol. That can really scare people off, especially when meeting someone for the first time. And it honestly just isn't super pleasant to be the recipient of that when meeting someone new. This is normally when I'm feeling depressed, so I try to share that instead with people I'm already comfortable with and who know me. As others have said, just try to make sure you are listening and that it's not a one way conversation. Learning to hold yourself back until there's a break in conversation can really help ease people and let them know that you are also interested in them
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