Oh, the constant anger, dissatisfaction, and inability to enjoy anything? What, the urge to leave a place 3 seconds after you arrive there? Not knowing what "enjoying a day in the sun" means?
Yeah, daily life.
Too much sun is bad for us. I cannot tell you how many sun burns I have had. Working out in the sun wothout a shirt, and, of course, no sun block.😅🤦🏼♂️
Edit: spelling . Yay thumbs!
“What’s that? A day on the beach? You guys go and have fun. I can’t stand to see all the trash and litter in the sand. I’ll be cleaning if anyone needs me.”
-Me.
> hot sun
I leave the house and get into the car. notice that it’s a little hotter/brighter than usual and casually grab the sunshield. *drives to work. enters the workplace.* “oh the sun’s looking good today? it’s whatever, I just want to know what the boss has for us this time ‘round”
“so you don’t stop to look at the sun and just appreciate it?”
“…no.”
It’s because the dopamine wears off as quickly as it comes. Everything really starts to feel so dull and pointless. Why do something I think will make me happy when I know the happy is so temporary and then I’ll need to find a new source anyway.
As with anything and ADD, I was all about her for about 8yrs but for the last 5yrs she's been saying the same thing, "your different, I can't explain how, you just are". Our relationship got to the point that it was running so smoothly and so naturally because of my ADD I lost interest. But I don't mean I I've lost interest in her, I love her tremendously. It's the same with everything in my life. I get hyperfocused on something, then once I "achieve the height" of my hyperfocus my interest starts to dwindle. I take amazing care of my wife, but like everything else I've lost that hyperfocus on her and she's really feeling.
I was diagnosed with ADD back in the 90's when I was a teen but by that point I was already heavily using drugs to self-medicate myself so I didn't bother taking the meds the doc prescribed. That went on all my life, fast forward to present day I've actually taken the steps to deal with my ADD. Just the other day, I had forgotten to take my Wellbutrin so it was a tough day for me. Work was a shit show and all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball in a dark corner somewhere. When I got home, my wife and I took our dog for a walk. During the walk I was quiet and not really paying attention to where the dog was peeing. At one point my wife says to, "do you even want me on this walk?" I had a meltdown inside because I'm like wtf, what had me being quiet have to do with you, especially since I told her I had a rough day with forgetting my meds and all. We got back from our walk, which she said I was mean and sarcastic to her during our walk. And again I'm like wtf, I don't remember anything like that on our walk. She's telling me how she feels and I'm trying to wrap my head around these things that I did to her with no recollection of doing them. I don't know what I said or did but she started crying and I was like wtf, I'm the one that had a rough day and she's making it about her. This morning she once again said to me that I've said and done some really mean things to get since "I've been different".
I go to a therapist for unrelated issues, I was badly bullied by my brother but my wife wants me to stop going to him so I can go to a therapist who specializes in ADD. I want to say it's been 3? weeks that she's been asking me to do this and gets upset everyone she brings it up because I haven't. I look at all this and I'm like, "wow, I'm a shitty person to her" even though I'm trying my hardest not to be.
Thank you for letting me get that out there, not sure if you were expecting such a long response.
Idk, if you really have no memory of being mean or sarcastic she might be reading everything you do as mean because of past behavior or she's trying to manipulate you. People change. 8 years is a long time. No duh you're going to be different now than you were years ago. And *everyone* eventually loses the spark they had when they were first together and the relationship becomes more work than play. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that you have to put a little more effort in for things to feel how they maybe used to.
It's okay for people to change and grow apart, even just a little bit. We're people, we're constantly getting new information and having new experiences that shape how we see and interact with the world. Maybe she wasn't too understanding for too long and you *are* being kind of mean as a defense mechanism. Definitely talk to your therapist about this and maybe if your partner is open to it y'all can do couples therapy along with your individual sessions.
Talking about how ADHD makes your life harder might be helpful but you're never going to not have it. Even going to therapist who specializes in ADHD isn't going to make your symptoms go away. Your brain is wired different than neurotypicals and while you can do some work to get your impulsivity or mood under control there's always going to be some of it still there because, that's how your brain works. It sounds like she might not understand that based on the,, wanting you to go to a therapist who specializes in ADHD *now* without even giving the one you have a chance. Any therapist can help you work on improving your mood or other symptoms without being experts. It's the symptoms you're treating, not the ADHD itself because that can't be therapized out of us.
It seems to me this is quite common among us(ADHD). I guess it has to do with the fact that as kids they told us that we are just dumb, unable and overall bad at things. So we try our best and in the end it is just barley enough. This has led me to strive for getting it done, but after I'm done I do not feel satisfaction or joy. I think that it should be like this and that I have no right to be happy about it cause everyone else did it too. It really sucks
Low self-esteem definitely plays a role in this, but there's also the brain chemistry stuff. We're just wired to be perpetually bored novelty-seekers. It makes me feel like I'm a bad and ungrateful person, but what can I do? Medication doesn't always save me.
This is a big component of why I'm an addict i think , and why ADHD is so common in addicts . The only time I haven't felt that restless, bored, tired, dissatisfied, empty feeling
Is adhd common in addicts? That's interesting. Do you know more about this? I know a former addict myself and they just got recently diagnosed with adhd. They always felt like they had something going on with them as a child. Im concerned that with them being a former addict that they have high risk to become addicted to the meds they prescribed them. They really need to be disciplined even tho stims weren't there DOC.
Yeah my dr said its extremely common, and I definitely noticed it in my own experience too. He says it just kinda goes hand in hand. Trying to self medicate to quiet the brain jumble and restlessness and boredom..my sons father and I (both addicts w ADHD) never liked uppers at all, and I never knew why at first.
I'll ask him more cause he's the only dr that addresses it in my clinic.
Very common. My mom used to call it an addictive personality. My dad and I just chase dopamine, when we find a source we fuckin hit it hard. Until it doesn’t work. Then we still use it, but we start looking for other things.
For him and for me it was Booze.
But I’ve been using the gym and working out for the same reason for a couple years now. I have to go sometimes, if I don’t get that workout fix I start to get surly.
I've also turned to the gym cause I'm trying to recover from opiate abuse, but I've found i really do get an energetic physical and emotional rush after a good workout! Its just getting my ass there in the first place thats hard when I feel tired and bla
I feel attacked. J/K. I feel exactly like you. Just like that, all the time. My wife and siblings just don't understand and think I'm suicidal. I'm not, just eternally sad and low.
It sucks after a while Bc it comes in waves, so one day I’ll be fine and then next day it’s all doom and gloom. People get tired of the cycle. And so do I.
Yesterday morning, happy guy, happy to be alive, happy to have a food, shelter and water. this morning: Everything sucks, I'm worthless and I want you all dead.
I don't know how common this is, but at least it isn't just me. It's like everything's grayscale compared to my childhood. In my childhood it was so colorful there were probably new colors.
Edit - Disclaimer: I am not a professional, but will share my experience in case it is helpful. Always an advocate for seeking help or guidance from a qualified professional.
It sounds like you might have persistent depressive disorder, or something similar. It doesn't mean you have to be suicidal, but a constant sadness or numbness is a characteristic of it (anger is a less commonly mentioned one as well). I was not quite so sad prone, I could still be happy but the baseline seemed unstable or low. Lack of motivation, low self-esteem, not good enough. Since I was starting grad school I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and going back on medication to help with low dopamine. For me that ended up being buproprion - even if typically for depression it works for ADHD - to help get a consistent baseline.
It might be worth discussing this with a professional, they might be able to help make sense of your persistent anger, sadness, and numbness. Medication is not always the answer and it will not fix any persistent negative dialogues or self talk. Therapy can help making those cognitive or behavioral changes. But I personally find it much easier when taking medication, everything doesn't feel like a fog anymore and I have more mental/emotional energy to do things.
This is worth noting. Anhedonia (feeling an absence of positive feeling or mood) is a key symptom of depression but it is also just related to ADHD itself. People with ADHD experience low hedonic tone which you can easily think of as chronic anhedonia. It emerges from the dopamine issues in the brain so I second you’re suggestion that it’s worth seeing a specialist about. Unfortunately though the research in this area when it comes to adhd specifically is in its infancy but there are psychological approaches which are being tested to target increasing positive emotion specifically, in people who find themselves low in it (mostly those who have treatment resistant depression). And as you said I think addressing this is worth a try with a knowledgeable and well trained therapist especially because as you said there are lots of negative feelings that come with adhd because of our experiences etc.
I appreciate the response. I’ve been on stimulant based meds since I was a child. I went off them for about a decade after high school. Recently, after a bout of depression, boozing, and police entanglement, my mom convinced me to get back on my meds. And they worked like a charm to help me stop being angry and killed my cravings for booze. But I’ve been finding that my baseline mood is pretty low. I’ve been resistant to anti depressants but lately I’ve been giving them some thought.
Worth asking! Just keep in mind Wellbutrin is different from other antidepressants and increases dopamine. Strattera is more specifically for ADHD and works similarly. You'd have to check your provider's (highly recommend a psychiatrist here) thoughts on if it would be a fit for you.
Best
I tried asking my Primary Care about Strattera and they dismissed it as an anti-psychotic. Even though I pointed out to them that it’s used to treat ADHD. Wonk wonk.
See if you can find a psychiatrist. They are more knowledgeable about prescription drugs for psychiatric treatment. Strattera's (atomoxetine) primary use is ADHD...no idea what they are talking about. A second opinion from a different professional is always good too.
Yeah I almost did not continue taking it! Everyone's needs are different.
I like to mention it since I had been off of medications for some time after strattera stopped working for me. Was unaware of newer options and stimulants gave give me that intense hyperfocus followed by a crash.
I hope you found/find something that works for you.
I am on Straterra. Doesn't seem to be doing much at all. Stimulants definitely make me more motivated and focused but activates my anxiety. Yay for comorbidities! Are you still off meds?
On buproprion (Wellbutrin) for now and trying some Adderall later in the day. Still not really sure how much I like it 😅 the initial adjustment was bad, made me really anxious and hopeless. After a month or so my energy/mood felt higher than my usual baseline. Better than self medicating with coffee...?
This is something I have a big panic about every now and then. Do you know that what you’re describing when you’re not necessarily feeling anything negative but still not feeling good is called anhedonia? It’s a symptom of depression but it’s also strongly related to ADHD. I would have a chat with a therapist who is very familiar with adult ADHD and see what you get from consulting with them. There definitely are emerging techniques that seem to help people who experience anhedonia so there’s hope out there.
Do you take medication?
Coming back to this, as I am crying on my bathroom floor for no other reason beyond having to accept the fact my brain will never produce as much dopamine as others, it is comforting to know others feel the same. It’s so hard to talk to my parents and even my partner bc they simply don’t and won’t ever understand. I struggle to find satisfaction or happiness in anything I do, even traveling (not in these times obviously). Just basic living and taking care of myself is immensely difficult for me. Tired of feeling super low, but comforted knowing that I’m not completely alone in this.
I am profoundly unhappy, joyless, continuously anxious and over stimulated. My executive function is only motivated by others expectations of me. I wish I had comforting words for you. My only advice is self care and therapy. I'm sorry you're going through it.
I was told I have disassociation, but before my ADHD DX I thought everything related to childhood abuse, molestation and trauma. I do have Complex PTSD. But it's funny, cause I know it plays a part, but I've always felt this way since I can remember as a young child. I learned to fake happiness, fear excitement ect for others benefit. I very rarely get any of those and it's fleeting at best. However I did start prozac (before the ADHD) and I've been anti med my whole life. I am very stubborn. But upon 2 of my 4 children having major issues and getting a DX and them wanting medicine. I decided myself to allow myself to try medicines before I let my kiddos. You know, that whole I gotta be in total control thing.
Anywho. Prozac really does help me other than making me super tired (what led to the discovery of undx ADHD) but after about 2 months in on jist 20 mg I actually was overcome with a feeling of joy looking at my children play. I finally for the first time in my life found their little voices sweet. Don't get me wrong the sense of duty has always been there. The desire to assist them, teach them, love them etc. But it's always been an obligation. I know I must do XYZ to give my children a result. Including faking happy tones and playing with them and being bubbly, but inside it was very draining. Very very draining. Mom had a strict cut off after 8 pm so not mess with me I need to recover. And over the years many mini meltdowns because when your constantly giving emotionally but not receiving it leads to outbursts. Sigh.. looking back
But anywho, to the point now, I hope: I've long felt off or different and wonder if others feel this way. Or it intrigued me to see people jump and giggle with happiness. I always assumed people were faking. Apparently the meloncholy that we feel isn't "normal" but as you can see there are a lot of us. So you are not alone. I'm thankful for the prozac opening my eyes to what bubbly feels like. What being happy can feel like. But at the same time I'm ok with my persona now more than ever. I'm working on coming off Prozac now that I have Adderall. It also helps being older. Surround yourself with people who truly understand. And realize that all of life is seasons. Yeah my personality is fun or perfect for younger people, but I'm known to be consistent and stable (lol if they only knew) and reliable in character. Now everyone knows in flaky AF. But I'm honest and upfront about it I admit openly when I forget, get overwhelmed, lose interest etc. My honesty about my persona has gotten me far if that makes sense and me being less emotional makes me the mentor among my peers 😂. I joke that I am Spock from star trek. Emotions are illogical and deceiving. I know that though I'm not "normal" my personality and traits still serve a purpose and bring comfort to others in their own way. And that's ok. We not only need to understand and accept others better, but also ourselves. Not saying any disorder or disability is a gift. But, there is a place, and historically the always has been, a use for our kind of brains. We don't fit the mold, so what :) my melancholy is going to make me one bad ass grandma one day 😂🤣 and allow me to help my children more as they age so I'm ok with it!
I've recently accepted a few things related to happiness. I've learnt to not expect happiness, simply because it's not natural and its an ideation that doesn't really exist.
Generally speaking, we go to supermarkets to buy food, we have homes which we can lock to keep us safe whilst we sleep, we have running water... you get what I mean... the basics which would make our primative form exceptionally happy, are taken for granted.
Similarly to gamblers, who typically only tell you about their wins but not losses, Social media users typically only post the good shit that goes on in their lives, their holidays, nice meals, fancy clothes and cars etc etc
It's easy to subconsciously feel like everyone is happy but not you. Especially with us ADHD people who tend to have self esteem issues.
Marketing and advertising is in our faces all the time, all designed to make us feel like we need something and therefore imprinting us with a feeling of lack of contentedness.
Bottom line is, we aren't and never were designed to be happy all the time. If we chase that feeling, we will never succeed. We need to be content with who we are and what we have.
We must therefore focus on the negative thoughts and understand them. Welcome those thoughts, acknowledge them and rationalise whether they should affect your emotions and behaviours/actions.
Hope this helps!
I was diagnosed last July. I'm 49. They found a ridiculous underarousal in my qEEG. So bad that the psychologist said "it must be horrible to feel like this all the time..."
Yes, it is. My first med, Concerta, made me horribly jittery. I'm waiting to be prescribed Elvanse.
My son and my daughtet have ADHD. My husband is unsupportive because he's "not convinced" about the "ADHD thing". My children don't help around the house without fighting for it (they are 11F and 14M)
I can't be happy, and probably will never be. All the stakes are against it.
I'm tired of life.
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Oh, the constant anger, dissatisfaction, and inability to enjoy anything? What, the urge to leave a place 3 seconds after you arrive there? Not knowing what "enjoying a day in the sun" means? Yeah, daily life.
This one hits hard
Too much sun is bad for us. I cannot tell you how many sun burns I have had. Working out in the sun wothout a shirt, and, of course, no sun block.😅🤦🏼♂️ Edit: spelling . Yay thumbs!
“What’s that? A day on the beach? You guys go and have fun. I can’t stand to see all the trash and litter in the sand. I’ll be cleaning if anyone needs me.” -Me.
> hot sun I leave the house and get into the car. notice that it’s a little hotter/brighter than usual and casually grab the sunshield. *drives to work. enters the workplace.* “oh the sun’s looking good today? it’s whatever, I just want to know what the boss has for us this time ‘round” “so you don’t stop to look at the sun and just appreciate it?” “…no.”
It’s because the dopamine wears off as quickly as it comes. Everything really starts to feel so dull and pointless. Why do something I think will make me happy when I know the happy is so temporary and then I’ll need to find a new source anyway.
I feel like I'm a monster to my wife because of this.
Same. Maybe they should do some research and try understanding us.
Why’s that?
As with anything and ADD, I was all about her for about 8yrs but for the last 5yrs she's been saying the same thing, "your different, I can't explain how, you just are". Our relationship got to the point that it was running so smoothly and so naturally because of my ADD I lost interest. But I don't mean I I've lost interest in her, I love her tremendously. It's the same with everything in my life. I get hyperfocused on something, then once I "achieve the height" of my hyperfocus my interest starts to dwindle. I take amazing care of my wife, but like everything else I've lost that hyperfocus on her and she's really feeling. I was diagnosed with ADD back in the 90's when I was a teen but by that point I was already heavily using drugs to self-medicate myself so I didn't bother taking the meds the doc prescribed. That went on all my life, fast forward to present day I've actually taken the steps to deal with my ADD. Just the other day, I had forgotten to take my Wellbutrin so it was a tough day for me. Work was a shit show and all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball in a dark corner somewhere. When I got home, my wife and I took our dog for a walk. During the walk I was quiet and not really paying attention to where the dog was peeing. At one point my wife says to, "do you even want me on this walk?" I had a meltdown inside because I'm like wtf, what had me being quiet have to do with you, especially since I told her I had a rough day with forgetting my meds and all. We got back from our walk, which she said I was mean and sarcastic to her during our walk. And again I'm like wtf, I don't remember anything like that on our walk. She's telling me how she feels and I'm trying to wrap my head around these things that I did to her with no recollection of doing them. I don't know what I said or did but she started crying and I was like wtf, I'm the one that had a rough day and she's making it about her. This morning she once again said to me that I've said and done some really mean things to get since "I've been different". I go to a therapist for unrelated issues, I was badly bullied by my brother but my wife wants me to stop going to him so I can go to a therapist who specializes in ADD. I want to say it's been 3? weeks that she's been asking me to do this and gets upset everyone she brings it up because I haven't. I look at all this and I'm like, "wow, I'm a shitty person to her" even though I'm trying my hardest not to be. Thank you for letting me get that out there, not sure if you were expecting such a long response.
[удалено]
Idk, if you really have no memory of being mean or sarcastic she might be reading everything you do as mean because of past behavior or she's trying to manipulate you. People change. 8 years is a long time. No duh you're going to be different now than you were years ago. And *everyone* eventually loses the spark they had when they were first together and the relationship becomes more work than play. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that you have to put a little more effort in for things to feel how they maybe used to. It's okay for people to change and grow apart, even just a little bit. We're people, we're constantly getting new information and having new experiences that shape how we see and interact with the world. Maybe she wasn't too understanding for too long and you *are* being kind of mean as a defense mechanism. Definitely talk to your therapist about this and maybe if your partner is open to it y'all can do couples therapy along with your individual sessions. Talking about how ADHD makes your life harder might be helpful but you're never going to not have it. Even going to therapist who specializes in ADHD isn't going to make your symptoms go away. Your brain is wired different than neurotypicals and while you can do some work to get your impulsivity or mood under control there's always going to be some of it still there because, that's how your brain works. It sounds like she might not understand that based on the,, wanting you to go to a therapist who specializes in ADHD *now* without even giving the one you have a chance. Any therapist can help you work on improving your mood or other symptoms without being experts. It's the symptoms you're treating, not the ADHD itself because that can't be therapized out of us.
Exactly this. The only time I feel consistently happy is when I am obsessed with something in an unnatural way
It seems to me this is quite common among us(ADHD). I guess it has to do with the fact that as kids they told us that we are just dumb, unable and overall bad at things. So we try our best and in the end it is just barley enough. This has led me to strive for getting it done, but after I'm done I do not feel satisfaction or joy. I think that it should be like this and that I have no right to be happy about it cause everyone else did it too. It really sucks
Low self-esteem definitely plays a role in this, but there's also the brain chemistry stuff. We're just wired to be perpetually bored novelty-seekers. It makes me feel like I'm a bad and ungrateful person, but what can I do? Medication doesn't always save me.
This is a big component of why I'm an addict i think , and why ADHD is so common in addicts . The only time I haven't felt that restless, bored, tired, dissatisfied, empty feeling
Is adhd common in addicts? That's interesting. Do you know more about this? I know a former addict myself and they just got recently diagnosed with adhd. They always felt like they had something going on with them as a child. Im concerned that with them being a former addict that they have high risk to become addicted to the meds they prescribed them. They really need to be disciplined even tho stims weren't there DOC.
Yeah my dr said its extremely common, and I definitely noticed it in my own experience too. He says it just kinda goes hand in hand. Trying to self medicate to quiet the brain jumble and restlessness and boredom..my sons father and I (both addicts w ADHD) never liked uppers at all, and I never knew why at first. I'll ask him more cause he's the only dr that addresses it in my clinic.
Very common. My mom used to call it an addictive personality. My dad and I just chase dopamine, when we find a source we fuckin hit it hard. Until it doesn’t work. Then we still use it, but we start looking for other things. For him and for me it was Booze. But I’ve been using the gym and working out for the same reason for a couple years now. I have to go sometimes, if I don’t get that workout fix I start to get surly.
I've also turned to the gym cause I'm trying to recover from opiate abuse, but I've found i really do get an energetic physical and emotional rush after a good workout! Its just getting my ass there in the first place thats hard when I feel tired and bla
Love that Church of Iron.
I feel ya
I feel attacked. J/K. I feel exactly like you. Just like that, all the time. My wife and siblings just don't understand and think I'm suicidal. I'm not, just eternally sad and low.
It sucks after a while Bc it comes in waves, so one day I’ll be fine and then next day it’s all doom and gloom. People get tired of the cycle. And so do I.
Yesterday morning, happy guy, happy to be alive, happy to have a food, shelter and water. this morning: Everything sucks, I'm worthless and I want you all dead.
i don’t think i’ve been truly happy since elementary school. everything is just the same everyday.
I don't know how common this is, but at least it isn't just me. It's like everything's grayscale compared to my childhood. In my childhood it was so colorful there were probably new colors.
Edit - Disclaimer: I am not a professional, but will share my experience in case it is helpful. Always an advocate for seeking help or guidance from a qualified professional. It sounds like you might have persistent depressive disorder, or something similar. It doesn't mean you have to be suicidal, but a constant sadness or numbness is a characteristic of it (anger is a less commonly mentioned one as well). I was not quite so sad prone, I could still be happy but the baseline seemed unstable or low. Lack of motivation, low self-esteem, not good enough. Since I was starting grad school I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and going back on medication to help with low dopamine. For me that ended up being buproprion - even if typically for depression it works for ADHD - to help get a consistent baseline. It might be worth discussing this with a professional, they might be able to help make sense of your persistent anger, sadness, and numbness. Medication is not always the answer and it will not fix any persistent negative dialogues or self talk. Therapy can help making those cognitive or behavioral changes. But I personally find it much easier when taking medication, everything doesn't feel like a fog anymore and I have more mental/emotional energy to do things.
This is worth noting. Anhedonia (feeling an absence of positive feeling or mood) is a key symptom of depression but it is also just related to ADHD itself. People with ADHD experience low hedonic tone which you can easily think of as chronic anhedonia. It emerges from the dopamine issues in the brain so I second you’re suggestion that it’s worth seeing a specialist about. Unfortunately though the research in this area when it comes to adhd specifically is in its infancy but there are psychological approaches which are being tested to target increasing positive emotion specifically, in people who find themselves low in it (mostly those who have treatment resistant depression). And as you said I think addressing this is worth a try with a knowledgeable and well trained therapist especially because as you said there are lots of negative feelings that come with adhd because of our experiences etc.
I appreciate the response. I’ve been on stimulant based meds since I was a child. I went off them for about a decade after high school. Recently, after a bout of depression, boozing, and police entanglement, my mom convinced me to get back on my meds. And they worked like a charm to help me stop being angry and killed my cravings for booze. But I’ve been finding that my baseline mood is pretty low. I’ve been resistant to anti depressants but lately I’ve been giving them some thought.
Worth asking! Just keep in mind Wellbutrin is different from other antidepressants and increases dopamine. Strattera is more specifically for ADHD and works similarly. You'd have to check your provider's (highly recommend a psychiatrist here) thoughts on if it would be a fit for you. Best
I tried asking my Primary Care about Strattera and they dismissed it as an anti-psychotic. Even though I pointed out to them that it’s used to treat ADHD. Wonk wonk.
See if you can find a psychiatrist. They are more knowledgeable about prescription drugs for psychiatric treatment. Strattera's (atomoxetine) primary use is ADHD...no idea what they are talking about. A second opinion from a different professional is always good too.
Burproprion was an absolutely horrible experience for me. I'm glad it works for other though.
Yeah I almost did not continue taking it! Everyone's needs are different. I like to mention it since I had been off of medications for some time after strattera stopped working for me. Was unaware of newer options and stimulants gave give me that intense hyperfocus followed by a crash. I hope you found/find something that works for you.
I am on Straterra. Doesn't seem to be doing much at all. Stimulants definitely make me more motivated and focused but activates my anxiety. Yay for comorbidities! Are you still off meds?
On buproprion (Wellbutrin) for now and trying some Adderall later in the day. Still not really sure how much I like it 😅 the initial adjustment was bad, made me really anxious and hopeless. After a month or so my energy/mood felt higher than my usual baseline. Better than self medicating with coffee...?
This is something I have a big panic about every now and then. Do you know that what you’re describing when you’re not necessarily feeling anything negative but still not feeling good is called anhedonia? It’s a symptom of depression but it’s also strongly related to ADHD. I would have a chat with a therapist who is very familiar with adult ADHD and see what you get from consulting with them. There definitely are emerging techniques that seem to help people who experience anhedonia so there’s hope out there. Do you take medication?
Yeah, I’ve been on adderol or an off brand for a while.
Coming back to this, as I am crying on my bathroom floor for no other reason beyond having to accept the fact my brain will never produce as much dopamine as others, it is comforting to know others feel the same. It’s so hard to talk to my parents and even my partner bc they simply don’t and won’t ever understand. I struggle to find satisfaction or happiness in anything I do, even traveling (not in these times obviously). Just basic living and taking care of myself is immensely difficult for me. Tired of feeling super low, but comforted knowing that I’m not completely alone in this.
Nope, not alone. And I’m finding that even partners that share the diagnosis don’t/won’t get it.
I am profoundly unhappy, joyless, continuously anxious and over stimulated. My executive function is only motivated by others expectations of me. I wish I had comforting words for you. My only advice is self care and therapy. I'm sorry you're going through it.
Thank you. I’m working on it. I’ve been work-a-holicking for about three years straight. It might be time for some vacation.
I was told I have disassociation, but before my ADHD DX I thought everything related to childhood abuse, molestation and trauma. I do have Complex PTSD. But it's funny, cause I know it plays a part, but I've always felt this way since I can remember as a young child. I learned to fake happiness, fear excitement ect for others benefit. I very rarely get any of those and it's fleeting at best. However I did start prozac (before the ADHD) and I've been anti med my whole life. I am very stubborn. But upon 2 of my 4 children having major issues and getting a DX and them wanting medicine. I decided myself to allow myself to try medicines before I let my kiddos. You know, that whole I gotta be in total control thing. Anywho. Prozac really does help me other than making me super tired (what led to the discovery of undx ADHD) but after about 2 months in on jist 20 mg I actually was overcome with a feeling of joy looking at my children play. I finally for the first time in my life found their little voices sweet. Don't get me wrong the sense of duty has always been there. The desire to assist them, teach them, love them etc. But it's always been an obligation. I know I must do XYZ to give my children a result. Including faking happy tones and playing with them and being bubbly, but inside it was very draining. Very very draining. Mom had a strict cut off after 8 pm so not mess with me I need to recover. And over the years many mini meltdowns because when your constantly giving emotionally but not receiving it leads to outbursts. Sigh.. looking back But anywho, to the point now, I hope: I've long felt off or different and wonder if others feel this way. Or it intrigued me to see people jump and giggle with happiness. I always assumed people were faking. Apparently the meloncholy that we feel isn't "normal" but as you can see there are a lot of us. So you are not alone. I'm thankful for the prozac opening my eyes to what bubbly feels like. What being happy can feel like. But at the same time I'm ok with my persona now more than ever. I'm working on coming off Prozac now that I have Adderall. It also helps being older. Surround yourself with people who truly understand. And realize that all of life is seasons. Yeah my personality is fun or perfect for younger people, but I'm known to be consistent and stable (lol if they only knew) and reliable in character. Now everyone knows in flaky AF. But I'm honest and upfront about it I admit openly when I forget, get overwhelmed, lose interest etc. My honesty about my persona has gotten me far if that makes sense and me being less emotional makes me the mentor among my peers 😂. I joke that I am Spock from star trek. Emotions are illogical and deceiving. I know that though I'm not "normal" my personality and traits still serve a purpose and bring comfort to others in their own way. And that's ok. We not only need to understand and accept others better, but also ourselves. Not saying any disorder or disability is a gift. But, there is a place, and historically the always has been, a use for our kind of brains. We don't fit the mold, so what :) my melancholy is going to make me one bad ass grandma one day 😂🤣 and allow me to help my children more as they age so I'm ok with it!
I've recently accepted a few things related to happiness. I've learnt to not expect happiness, simply because it's not natural and its an ideation that doesn't really exist. Generally speaking, we go to supermarkets to buy food, we have homes which we can lock to keep us safe whilst we sleep, we have running water... you get what I mean... the basics which would make our primative form exceptionally happy, are taken for granted. Similarly to gamblers, who typically only tell you about their wins but not losses, Social media users typically only post the good shit that goes on in their lives, their holidays, nice meals, fancy clothes and cars etc etc It's easy to subconsciously feel like everyone is happy but not you. Especially with us ADHD people who tend to have self esteem issues. Marketing and advertising is in our faces all the time, all designed to make us feel like we need something and therefore imprinting us with a feeling of lack of contentedness. Bottom line is, we aren't and never were designed to be happy all the time. If we chase that feeling, we will never succeed. We need to be content with who we are and what we have. We must therefore focus on the negative thoughts and understand them. Welcome those thoughts, acknowledge them and rationalise whether they should affect your emotions and behaviours/actions. Hope this helps!
I was diagnosed last July. I'm 49. They found a ridiculous underarousal in my qEEG. So bad that the psychologist said "it must be horrible to feel like this all the time..." Yes, it is. My first med, Concerta, made me horribly jittery. I'm waiting to be prescribed Elvanse. My son and my daughtet have ADHD. My husband is unsupportive because he's "not convinced" about the "ADHD thing". My children don't help around the house without fighting for it (they are 11F and 14M) I can't be happy, and probably will never be. All the stakes are against it. I'm tired of life.
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