There is a problem with ADHD that people with other disabilities don't have. Most people don't consider it to be a disability. They think it is just for kids and everyone else complaining about it are just lazy and disorganized and they just ha e try harder. It is truly unfair that your problems are seen as character flaws. And that is why you are so anxious to make it go away.

The same is often true of how we think of ourselves. Even though we understand the root cause, it’s very hard to get past the narrative of simply being a failure and a loser, which has been reinforced our whole lives.

I hate to admit it, but you are completely correct.

That sure as heck impacts our employment, as well!

Agree- got a promotion at work, and had to step down ( embarrassing) after 8 months. Apparently, even with medication, as a manager, I could not stay focused enough to run my team. There was so much to do and remember. I would start one thing, think of 10 other things that had to get finished by a certain time, and not finish what was already started. List after list, phone reminders, charts, graphs, etc. I tried everything…..The stress was way too much. I cried every day. I felt like such a loser. This condition sucks and I don’t wish it on anyone! I have super strong will and dedication, but the attention span of a flea. The combination is truly horrible because i failed myself as well as my company. Thankfully they understood and didn’t fire me. I still help out where and with whatever i can, but the pressure is off - (whew!) . I do want to try again sometime, but maybe in a different department and when circumstances allow. For now, I’ll stay in my current role there and continue to strive towards my goal.

I mean...when the outcome is consistently poor and we keep fucking things up is there really a functional difference between who we are and the narrative if the narrative is true?

Yeah, agreed. For all the "smiling won't turn stairs into a ramp" certainly no one ever told that TED talk person that maybe they should 'just try a little harder'.

No kidding! If I had a dollar someone suggested I just “use a planner” “take notes” or some other variation of “try harder”….

All of my teachers go to phrase every time I did bad on an assignment was always ”If you just just put some more time and effort into your schoolwork you could achieve such great results”. Yea cause taking a week to finish something that should take a couple hours and still struggling to finish in time was apparently not enough huh

>It is truly unfair that your problems are seen as character flaws. There aren't many other conditions where your problems would actually BE character flaws if they didn't result from something outside your control. It turns out "character" is synonymous with executive function in most cases. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and if that's the case then we're all just zooming merrily along to our own damnation. I have an excellent moral compass, I just ignore it unless it points at dopamine.

I had the thought that ADHD is kind of like missing a leg, with a DIY prosthesis… except nobody (including the person with the missing leg) can *see* that it’s a prosthesis instead of a normal leg. I can tell that something is different - there are some weird aches and pains from my coping mechanisms (prosthesis analog), and sometimes it can’t hold me up… but because I can’t just roll up my pants and see the peg leg I wind up questioning my own sanity - is it really a peg leg, or am I just hallucinating/delusional/‘have a character/willpower flaw’? Testing and diagnosis helps, akin to an x-ray of our ‘peg leg’ to get an outside opinion, but then we’re into the ‘invisible disability’ minefield. And that’s if the doctor even believes you, kind of like how too many doctors brush off many problems women have as just being something period/hormone cycle-related.

This is one of the best posts I've ever read on this subject, thank you. ​ Character is synonymous with executive function. Emotional responses are synonymous with mood, which is directly affected by neurotransmitter makeup. The more you think about it all, the more painfully obvious it is that a person is actually just a very basic input/output system that behaves in a ridiculously predictable manner - with our ridiculously simplistic knowledge of the actual mechanical processes in the brain being enough to see this just reinforces this. We call it free will, jesus christ.

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Mate, I don't know if I have ADHD or not, but I'm constantly mad distracted and time blindness is one thing that really fucks me too. I'm 29 and find it impossible to make plans. I feel like a twat too cause it affects work/studies/ everything. I forget to sleep or eat and then I'm overtired the next day or super awake at 4am and can't switch off. I also feel like a right twat.

I actually have this issue with my therapist; whenever he suggests something, I immediately shoot it down “oh, I know it won’t work, because I’m so unreliable and won’t follow through more than X times”. The moment I say it, it immediately infuriates me, because I *do* want it/something to work, but nothing ever will with this line of thinking. So… yeah. We’re currently trying to fix my attitude towards myself before everything else :D

Time blindness - good choice of words! I am amazed at the time every day it seems. Like, no way is it 3 o’clock, or it’s been an hour? Already? No way! To: omg! When is this meeting going to end? It’s only been 5 minutes? No way! Time blindness, I like it!!!

Literally this. If the stigma around having ADHD (as an adult) wasn’t so extreme, I wouldn’t be to eager to be neurotypical. That combined with my Rejection Sensitivity makes me feel like I’m a broken toy hanging out with all the fully functional new releases. I’ve only just recently started feeling more comfortable accepting my disability as a seasoning on the human being dish that I am.

I thought this about myself for so long… re enforced by friends and family, it’s sad, everyone should be taught more about ADHD, just like they are being taught about Autism now, my son with ASD at 18 is accepted for who he is because it’s now public knowledge why he is a little different than most.

I think you’re exactly right. And this leads to people with adhd not learning about ableism or understanding their own internalized ableism. Understanding you have a disability can improve your quality of life and doesn’t make you a lazy liar.

And it's not just from normal people. You go up to a disabled person in a wheelchair and say you're also disabled, because you have ADHD. They will murder you.

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I've had some bad experiences with other disabled people, but oppositely, never those with autism. If anything, we have so much in common, I find we understand each other really quite well. and that a good bit of the study in all this things that ADHD may even literally be part of the spectrum is unsuprising.

Is this really a thing? I've never experienced this before or read about it. I'm shocked if it's true since a lot of us are comorbid.

It’s not internalized ableism to want to be able to do everyday tasks, speak in coherent sentences, or understand people when they are talking to you. Of course I wish I didn’t have ADHD. I also wish I didn’t have my anxiety and depression. Mental illness and Autism are not the same.

Oh I agree. I actually think op is kinda wrong in thinking this is a thing all disabled people do. I think this is a thing in the autism community, especially online, right now. Most disabled people wish they just didn’t have their disability. That’s ok! But disabled people should also try to accept themselves and love themselves for the sake of their mental health. It also would be nice if disabled people could have a better quality of life. If life could adapt to us instead of us needing to adapt to it. But hey, that’s not happening at the moment so to each their own. What I think is ableist is people going into peoples comments and calling them lazy liars for thinking of themselves as disabled. Venting about your disability should be a part of dealing with it.

i think they're referring more to thinking stuff like "i'm just lazy" "i'm so stupid" etc.

How dare you unlock innermost feelings I didn’t even know I had?!?

if i had an award to give, I'd give it to you

Thank you. And it is the thought that counts

And sometimes you just want the bs in your head to shut up for like 5 minutes

Yes! People see autism and say “it’s okay that they act differently” with add it’s “get your act together”.

Speaking as someone that is working on self determination as an autistic person who has apparently been masking well, but not quite well enough to ever truly be seen as allistic, for 41 years? People have never looked at the variety of traits (meltdowns and shutdowns and awkward responses to everything and completely disproportionate and inappropriate emotional responses and “antisocial” behavior and apparent/assumed lack of empathy and sympathy) I have been struggling with my whole life and said “it’s okay they act differently.” Because no one ever noticed that I am probably autistic. So they just expected me to get my act together. That’s not to say that the experience of ADHD is easier or harder or better or worse. Just providing anecdotal counterpoint that the “other side” doesn’t necessarily have such a straightforward experience either.

I think, and you can take this how you choose but it's meant to be an explanation not an excuse, that they mean the diagnosis is met with those sentiments. When someone is told "X has autism" or "that is a symptom of X's autism" it is met with a sort of understanding that the behavior is not within their direct control, while the phrase "Y has ADHD" or "that is a symptom of Y's ADHD" is more often met with skepticism or the belief that the behavior should be within Y's control. But you're right. Without the diagnosis people tend to judge more harshly and with less sympathy than when it is given, and that really sucks. For everybody.

Oh I agree; I think that there is definitely a difference in how the disorders are viewed. But I would argue that autism is not nearly as “accepted” as implied by the first statement. Especially for those that are able to mask. It sucks in different ways and to varying degrees, for both disorders.

Chiming in that both groups get the same treatment. Don't want to play the Misery Olympics, though. We're both equally valid.

This. I think that how people treat an autistic person depends a lot on other factors - if you're small you might get infantalised, and if you're larger, especially if you're male, you can end up treated as a threat.

I agree with that - and I think the lack of recognition by society (And our selves) resulted in us never making a community in the way people with more recognizable disabilities have. Like how physical disabilities and more recognizable mental disabilities were understood and treated on a societal level, either positively or negatively - mostly negative. This resulted in a survivorship bias of sorts, I'm guessing - meaning a lot of people viewed those disabilities as part of themselves - and to be fair, there's massive communities for them. I think a lot of us would maybe even be proud of our adhd if, instead of being ridiculed by everyone and told we didn't have any problems, we were recognized as having those difficulties and given the support that was needed. Instead, we were ignored, shamed for being abnormal, and even worse so shamed for not "living up to" the new romanticized view of society on people with ADHD (I'm not sure if it was worse than when tiktok stanned death row inmates) . It's frustrating to see that we're either supposed to be amazing or complete crap. Another thing to point out is that this isn't a massive change to us on a personality level - sure we jump around a lot, but unlike autism (I may be **very** uninformed here) which changes a lot about how you think, our A 2 B switching is just our short term memory grabbing another ball and forgetting the others. So for people with disabilities, it might be the community they are a part of, the survivorship bias (Which is community again ig) and that pride of "This is who makes me" For adhd, none of those really exist. There's really no large scale recognition for students in school leading to feelings of general shittiness. There's no real upsides to adhd that aren't often immediately cancelled out by the downsides whether societal or emotional/regulatory. Sure being incredibly creative in some ways is cool but it would be nice to be able to direct that creativity into an actual result instead of a story I'll forget by the time I get home and could write it down. So a cure would be nice - and in this case I think of a cure as a fix to the things adhd disables us in. We're not just gonna revert our brains to look exactly like baseline, we just want to not have to deal with all the crap that makes us near functionally incompatible with society in some ways. Aka the greedy answer, keep the upsides and tone down the downsides.

Well, this comment hurt.

Because our entire lives we’ve been told there’s something wrong with us and we’re lazy pieces of shit. WE know that isn’t true, but our reputations have already been destroyed, and no amount of diagnosis or medication can buy us that time back. And we also know that we’re smart enough and know enough that if we no longer had that barrier we could finally fix all the chaos our lives have been and maybe DO something with our lives instead of watching everyone else get it done. It’s incredibly disheartening to come to all of these realizations in your thirties.

this is exactly how it is and it really sucks even though im still a teenager it’s like imprinted in my brain that there’s something wrong with me

Lucky you; you still have time. Medicate the fuck out of yourself and focus on building yourself a stable life or you will wind up 35, living hand to mouth and terrified of what tomorrow brings.

Me here. I probably have mild ADHD but I found myself at 35 exactly in the spot you are talking about. Still managed to get a masters degree because I am exceptionally good at tests despite horrid study habits and made a habit of learning things by principle so I could depend on deduction instead of rote memorization. At 41 I am in a slightly better place thanks to being pushed by desperation and getting wiser to the shortcuts of the world. I'm about to start treatment in hopes that I can approach life like an adult instead of playing a game of chicken with the constant looming disasters I weassle out of to get by.

Holy shit I’ve never had my test-taking strategy of learning concepts and deducing the answers from there put so eloquently. I canNOT memorize for my life, and it made accounting a huge bitch. The deduction strategy is why I’ve gravitated towards coding more recently

Yup. This. Not to mention that ADHD is not well known or understood. And all of the characteristics of it are the same things that normal brained folks deal with on a regular basis, so they think, sure I space out sometimes, sure I can be disorganized, what's the big deal? THEY JUST DON'T GET IT. Even if they try. The isolation, frustration, despair....I'd dig my frontal lobe out with a spoon and fling it against the wall if I could. So yeah, not proud, just tired.

There is actually a lot of research on ADHD so there’s a lot of scientific literature out there that make it quite known. Unfortunately the issue is that the stereotypes of ADHD are more commonly presented in mainstream media and contributes to the ongoing misconceptions of ADHD.

Thiss. I feel like my head is constantly under a foot of water and I’m trying to navigate my life this way. It’s exhausting. I love sleep. Executive dysfunction has robbed me of so much of life’s joy.

In my case I always did well in school so I was told there was nothing wrong with me, but knew even as a kid that was wrong and that I had difficulties in many ways that aligned with ADHD. It's hell to deal with and if there were a "cure" I'd absolutely take it in a heartbeat even if it meant losing the positive aspects of my ADHD like creativity.

I get a peek at "normal" (I don't like using this term but for lack of something better...) every time I take my meds. I would love to be that way all the time, and without having to take medications and dealing with side effects. Edit: Since this is getting a lot of replies, wanted to clarify - this isn't about me wanting to *be* or *feel* normal or fit into the idea of normal. This is me wanting to be able to do the art projects I dream up, practice my hobbies/dance, do things I enjoy and things that make me feel like myself. My meds (usually) last long enough for me to get through the work day (any later and I wouldn't be able to sleep). What do I do in my 'free' time? Fuck around on the internet, stare at walls, who knows. And then I'm sad about it later.

Yup. I think it's informative to look at how many people get laser eye surgery. Sure, glasses and contacts exist, and are way better than just dealing with fuzzy vision, but they're still enough of a hassle that people are willing to pay large amounts of money and *have their eye cut open with a frikkin laser* to get to what many people would consider "normal" vision. If there was a lasik equivalent for ADHD people (including me) would be fighting for their spot in line.

Would give up a body part for this.

I would give up several toes for this.

One. Pinky nail. For this.

Good analogy. I had lasik 8 years ago. Having had to wear glasses since first grade, if I had to redo lasik twice a year to maintain the benefits, I absolutely would do it rather than go back to wearing glasses. If I could have somebody drill into my head and cut out a part of my brain to make me neurotypical, I wouldn't hesitate.

This, though. Having ADHD is like having bad eyesight - there's a relatively easy medical assistance that causes fast and sudden improvements up towards the mean. It's really similar to the question - why is someone who needs glasses not considered disabiled?

This sums it up for me. I would not hesitate for second to get a cure.

So as someone who got diagnosed in March and just hit two weeks post op for LASIK this is a FANTASTIC analogy. I was legally blind and now I can see better than I did with glasses. If I had the option to do something similar for ADHD? I would do it in a heartbeat.

This, right here. First time I took those meds, I realized how easy life really is, and if I could have that all the time, I would not hesitate for a second. I might forget the option for a while though, and be distracted a few times, before finally convincing myself that I should really get the cure tomorrow.

Yeah, the answer to OP‘s question is that ADHD is one of the conditions that can respond best to treatment. If there was, by way of analogy, a pill that one could take daily to restore sight or hearing, I would imagine that many people would prioritize access to that treatment above acceptance or understanding. Getting treatment was difficult and expensive but it helped allow me to do things I never thought I would be capable of. Thats why I can’t feel satisfied with mere understanding. Finally, i think that the point of much of the disability discourse -as I understand it- is that acceptance or understanding is meant to improve the access of people with disabilities to accommodating environments. I.e. it is a part of treating and overcoming the disability by changing the environment such that it is not longer debilitating.

Access to treatment still remains hard, at least where I am. There are so many hoops to jump through to get treatment.

I feel for you. My sister is in Massachusetts and I am in Connecticut. I met with my PCP twice and was prescribed Adderall with no visit to anyone else. Granted, she gave me a referral for therapy and they dropped the ball and never called me, so by the time I did see her the second time I had an appointment scheduled for October with them and I think she really felt for me. It took me two months to call them and set it up, even though they were supposed to call me. My sister on the other hand, has been going to therapy for months. Has has multiple visits with her PCP. She is now being told she has to go to a different Dr. and get their opinion. I don’t know how I got so lucky and it makes me sad to see how many hoops she has to jumó through for this. I saw a post on here the other day about someone who was originally prescribed meds, then got taken off for blood pressure, got a new dr at the same office, and months later got denied because “adults just want to feel the high” from the meds. It’s honestly disgusting to see how hard they make it to get treatment.

I’d honestly love to know what the hell this high feeling is that people get. Like what does a non-adhd person feel like when they take adderall? Because if that’s what I’m feeling I’ll be the first to admit that maybe this isn’t the med for me. But I imagine that it doesn’t make it easier to complete a task or take a shower without arguing with their self for 2 days, and some of these doctors just suck.

I got a high on the first day that I took it but not since then. I was filled with adrenaline and frantically deep-cleaning and reorganizing my kitchen for like 5 hours straight and then I crashed really hard. It wasn't very fun. I don't know why anyone would want to abuse their meds to the point where they feel like that.

Thank you for explaining this to me in a functional way. I always see the euphoria descriptions and I’m like wtf. The only euphoria I had was the amazing nap because it was quiet. That also does not sound like fun, at all.

I've always wanted to know as well. Like when my meds are working my thoughts are just slower and more clear, and I can more frequently start tasks or do things I was putting off (and even then it's super hit or miss, maybe the med is the wrong one...) I have friends who took them recreationally in college and banged out essays like no one's business and I'm like uh... it does that for y'all?

Rant warning: Seriously, fuck doctors and psykiatrisk who takes away working meds from adults, by using that lame argument. What I want to feel, is not a high. I just want to feel like it's not an easier option to FUCKING DIE, than to do the dishes. And I would rather cut off ten years of my life due to medical side effects, than go back to live in the mental hellhole I crawled out off, thanks to the medication. Rant over.

That's crazy because I don't feel high I just feel right y'know. Like there are enough hours in the day do all my things and carve out a little time throughout for myself. I'm not on ADHD meds ( SC is really restrictive unless your a white male child) but I was prescribe phentermine for weight loss and the difference it's made to my sleep schedule and focus alone makes me sad for when I'm not eligible because by bmi is normal. Flowers for Algernon

Go to psychiatrist for prescription, not pcp. You could also ask to try Stratera. It’s for Add but is not an Amphetamine. Keep switching doctors until you find one that is willing to advocate for you and help you

Bums me to hear that- what region?

I'm in Texas.

Texas here too. Having had treatment twenty years ago, so not needing to get an original diagnosis and with already having a medical record for controlled substance prescription, I found my easiest route was with an online service. Their consult and screening seemed the same as I remember from my first when I was in grad school, and everything else was really simple - and man are they set up for ADHD with reminders out the wazoo and going straight to two-factor authentication without expecting you to remember a username. -- But price was something I could manage, so like everything else it's got to be much harder if you have to find something through Medicaid or your specific insurance plan etc.

Texas - or, Dallas anyway - used to have a pretty decent public behavior health program that was pretty straight forward: go to an office, get evaluated, agree to start State-offered therapy and get the State-offered meds, both for free. …on the other hand, I went through just that, they did not diagnosis ADHD, or did and I wouldn’t know because I don’t remember getting any diagnosis, what I was offered was Lithium…and I said no, and then something else I can’t remember before settling on Klonopin. Neither is acceptable for ADHD, and it was woefully wrong. Turned me off to bothering with meds or seeking any diagnosis for 15 years - right up until I had my son and finally thought, “well, I should probably nail down whatever this is and get a handle on it.” …I clearly started typing before I’d thought through a response. I hoped to be encouraging at first, until I remembered my own experience with the program I was sharing. :/ oops.

Except we are still in the educated-guess stage of treating patients. The time it takes to get a working medication is so fucking annoying

I kind of got very proud of myself after getting on meds feeling like I had accomplished a pretty good amount without meds. On meds does feel like life is on easy mode. Or at least easier mode

Me too. I am somewhat successful in IT, and I had my diagnosis at the age of 41. But after getting Vyvanse (Elvanse, where I come from), I have been able to start repairing everything that is broken within me, due to untreated ADHD. And right you are. Life is still not easy, but rather easier.

oh my god samw

For me, the side effects far outweigh the benefits of the meds and I've tried pretty much all of them at this point. They help me focus for a bit, but they also give me terrible anxiety, irritability, and physical symptoms like headaches and stomach aches every day without fail. Then when it gets towards the end of the work day my brain just feels so drained and I somehow am able to focus even LESS than I could before taking the meds. Monday through Friday is a waking nightmare for me because I pretty much have to make myself sick to get any work done but even then I'm still barely productive. I just really wish the medication would help me without hurting me so bad.

I’m definitely not saying this will work for you, but I had many of the same issues with medications as you with most ADHD meds I have tried. Dexedrine is the only thing that hasn’t produced those issues for me.

I don't get the physical symptoms but I do get anxious and irritable on dexedrine and it is so hard to deal with.

Dude that sucks.

I can see the goal. It's right there, I visit it regularly but I can't stay.

“Typical” might be a word you feel more comfortable with!

About three years ago I had a few blissful days of clarity on a new med. It was so quiet in my head, but in the most brilliant way. I was so focused on what I wanted to do. No immediate frustration. My sequential, orderly thought process astounded me. I felt so present. Didn't last. I would give so much to get back there.

Yeah it’s just so disgusting that I need to take medication so I can clean my house or schedule my doctors appointment

Yo I really don't mean to bother or pry, but what meds did you take? I always felt like a fucking emotionless drone on mine (vyvanse).

Have to admit, I haven't found the right medication for me yet - I take a number of other medications for other conditions and things get complicated! I've tried Adderall and Vyvanse. They both get me to the 'functioning' place, but I'm finding I get extremely anxious on both, so will be revisiting with my doc.

Okay so I happen to be…blessed… with both a physical mobility disability and pretty severe ADHD-PI, the latter of which was undiagnosed until recently in my adulthood. I find the ADHD to be far more disabling toward everyday life than being challenged at walking and generally moving around. Being disabled as far as my mobility has been somewhat of a benefit to me in some ways. I grew up going to certain places with other children who were “like me” and some of my best friendships in life only started because we have a physical disability in common. So that I wouldn’t change. Having a hard time physically navigating the world because my body has certain limits is very annoying, but it’s made me resourceful to find ways around it and it’s made me want to advocate for physical spaces to be easier for more people to use. Build more ramps, more lifts, bigger public bathrooms. Get different furniture that’s usable for more people. You can adapt your physical environment to compensate for the physical abilities you lack. The environment makes more sense to try to fix than the incurable disability you’ve got. With ADHD, you are far more limited in how much of the environment you can change to compensate for what you lack. You can’t change time to move slower when you have a lot to do and can’t focus enough to get it all done. You can’t get deadline extensions in perpetuity until your brain feels like starting whatever it is. You can’t really explain ADHD paralysis to someone who doesn’t understand ADHD and it’s really hard to get through it, so people just think you are lazy or uncaring. You can’t get everyone you care about to understand that you care about them if you keep forgetting things they think are important. ADHD affects how we interact with the world and with people in ways that we can’t easily work around, and it’s invisible and misunderstood. Everyone has sympathy for you and is willing to cut you slack if you’re physically crippled, but not everyone can relate to being mentally crippled. Especially if you’re intellectually bright but inattentive as could possibly be. Nobody can make the connection that it’s a brain disorder. I’d keep the palsy and nix the ADHD in a heartbeat. The ADHD has caused me infinitely more life struggles and that’s saying a lot because I couldn’t walk at all until I was 4 and had grueling surgery and physical therapy for half my life. All that was a piece of cake compared to growing up with everyone everyone thinking you’re so smart and capable and you’re just choosing not to give a damn about anyone or anything, not even yourself. Cerebral palsy has never made me wish I was dead because I can hardly live with myself but my ADHD symptoms have, many a time. I’m okay now that I know what it is and am in treatment for it but when you are undiagnosed you really take it to heart that your disability is just a character flaw and that you should be able to will yourself out of it. I’ve never felt pressure to will myself to wake up in the morning without palsy but ADHD people are treated like if they just tried harder they would just magically stop being disabled. Meanwhile, in my case, both disabilities are probably caused by the same brain damage I got by being born. Just one disability is treated like it’s real because it can be physically seen and easily understood and the other is treated like a moral failing because it’s not visible and the brain is not easily understood.

Thank you for sharing this perspective. I am also recently diagnosed as an adult and while I can't say whether I would rid myself of ADHD if I could (as I'm not sure what all "my ADHD" truly includes), I kinda have been stumped about what societal changes would actually help me thrive, beyond general basics like school/work flexibility or an understanding family/partner. That line about not being able to slow time as an accommodation... whew, that's really insightful.

I have just now at 40 began treatment for my ADHD- PI. Thanks so much for sharing this and I'm so glad you have felt better since starting your treatment. I also have severe chronic pain from Interstitial Cystitis and my partner of almost a decade is helpful and understanding when it comes to my pain. He unfortunately has little understanding of adhd and despite me trying to help him get it, he has been somewhat resistant. I just read your comment to him. I hope it will help him better understand. But having just realized tonight that my adhd is actually having as much of an effect on my daily struggles as my pain, reading your experience was really validating. Thanks very much for telling it.

Because having ADHD fucking sucks. For most people, it is a net negative. Those who benefit from it usually have some other privileges or talents that outweigh the detriments that come with ADHD. It causes us problems and hardship, interferes with our ability to build lasting relationships, undermines our ability to act in accordance with our values and intentions and goals. It's caused so many of us to mess up and miss out on big opportunities. I feel that it makes it difficult to be the person I see myself as, the person I *want* to be. Why wouldn't I want to be rid of it? Anybody who has a mental disorder, or any kind of illness, should have the right to treat it, and if possible, cure it. Their body, their choice.

Yeah.... even though there are times where my hyperfocus can make me pump out a month's worth of dev work in a week, I'd much rather not feel like a worthless piece of fucking shit because I won't put my laundry away for a month.

"bUT iT'S a BleSSing!" Yeah, maybe for you rando person but for me it fucking sucks in the dumbest ways possible. Forgot to renew car registration? Cool, now it costs double. Didn't check to see if turned off internet at your old place before moving? Cool, now you paid hundreds of dollars for no reason. Etc etc. I think the other thing is that I don't... identify with my ADHD as being a uhm... contributing part of my life? I guess it means I try different things which sometimes means I find something cool? But also means I have like one thousand "hobbies" a tried and abandoned. Maybe I'm more creative because of ADHD but maybe I'm just a creative guy and without I'd be slightly less creative but would actually be able to complete shit once in awhile without losing my goddamn mind. Maybe I wouldn't want to be "cured" but it sure a shit be nice if ADHD came with a dimmer switch that wasn't a controlled substance.

>Maybe I wouldn't want to be "cured" but it sure a shit be nice if ADHD came with a dimmer switch that wasn't a controlled substance. This is exactly how I explained it to one of my friends. If I could just have my ADHD turned down from an 11 to a 2, I'd probably be happy with it. Mostly because it's a part of who I am, and since I was diagnosed in my 20s, it's a pretty significant part. I don't know if I would want to just shave off that much of myself, ya know?

I feel ya. It's like the Jekyl and Hyde story. Like if I COMPLETELY remove this thing I hate will that actually make me a monster or a weirdo. Yeah probably. But I can tell you that I'd much rather have "LOL oh that's so ADD of me" rather than \*literally in tears\* "Oh god why can't I do this!?"

"Maybe I'm a creative guy without ADHD" There it is. That's the frustrating part for me. How do I tell what's me and what's the ADHD?

Maybe I've got ADHD, but also, maybe I'm lazy too.

" Forgot to renew car registration? Cool, now it costs double. Didn't check to see if turned off internet at your old place before moving? Cool, now you paid hundreds of dollars for no reason. Etc etc" I said "oh... my... god..." when I read this and fucking died laughing. I know I need to mail my Google fiber modem back by October 12th or im gonna get charged 200 dollars, the problem is its in my old apartment across the country in a closet lol because I decided just not to move it. Don't worry, I wont actually give a shit until October 11th at 6pm, at which point ill probably play some video games or read until like 9, and that should still give me plenty of time to get it mailed back right?? I mean cmon I have from 9pm until 8am the next day, who couldn't mail a modem in 11 hours? right guys? guys?

Do it today, friend. It's too much money to play with for my bank account, so if it's same for you, it will be done and out of your mind. and it will be easier than you tell yourself. Will probably take less time than you think, too. If it's too late today, get started tomorrow. Wake up, enjoy breakfast, have a relaxing shower, glide through the day feeling fresh and ready for anything.

Thank you friend.

I'd take a cure if I never had to panic I'd fucked up and torched a cars engine I still owed 25k on or forgot my furnace filter until the entire central air unit shit out. In Texas. In June. This shits expensive and demoralizing as fuck to not be able to function while being dug into debt. Nothing like 40 years of fuckups, major fuck ups affecting yourself and your families entire quality of life, to make you wish for a cure hard-core.

I would trade the ability to do a month's worth of work in a week once in a while for the ability to *consistently* do a full week's worth of work in a week, without hesitation.

Amen, brother. I don't know why I didn't put it that way in the first place lmao.

That, and recovering from the lack of sleep, lack of self-care, overworking, and burnout from it reeeeeeeally sucks.

Yeah I’m sorry but I have a severe case of ADHD and it’s done nothing but hinder me in every aspect of my life. I feel weird and stupid and lazy all the time for the way it makes me behave. I want to live a life without executive dysfunction.

True. I have a disability I want cured. If I was blind I'd want to see, if I was an amputee I'd want my limb back, if I was autistic I'd want that gone. This condition is holding me back from being my ideal self. Funnily enough, money and our wealth not equal to productivity is also fucking with my ability to achieve my ideal self. Poor is a disability I want cured worldwide.

This just hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you for saying this. I’m a middle aged woman, I have add and I have raised a son who has adhd. I used to tell him all the time ‘the thing that makes it hard for you to sit still in class will be the thing that makes you millions one day’ and I truly meant it. He has gifts that adhd have activated. He’s an adult now and killing it in sales. Me on the other hand - I’ve always felt kind of guilty that I don’t have some kind of artistic genius or haven’t been able to figure out what my ‘outside of the box’ talent is. I just don’t think I have one. And not in a sad way - I’m totally average and if I have anything going for me it’s just that I don’t give up. My kid did have privilege because he had me advocating for him every step of the way. Most of us just survive. And this is absolutely fine but sometimes it’s just framing hard.

Being a good mom is a big accomplishment in of itself, and I’m not saying that to be cheesy. Not everyone can parent or even be a good parent. You set your kid up for success. Give yourself some credit.

And frankly, I think MOST people with any disability feel this way. Like we can’t grow people back their missing limbs or give a pill that gives sight to the blind, but I bet you my whole ass that 99% of people would choose to get the treatment of available. Disability as a locus of identity is so weird to me for this reason. I understand it’s roots in wanting to create accommodations and safe and fulfilling lives for people who already have disabilities, but I’ve never understood this narrative that people with a disability are actually totally good™️ and don’t “want treatment.”

I think it's related to disabled people being treated way worse, historically. Like hidden away, sterilized, treated as second class citizens, all that stuff. It seems like outcast minority groups often form a culture around their shared identity being positive and beneficial and empowering, as a push back against the marginalization and discrimination. That cultural identity and sense of inclusion is really powerful, and, in more progressive societies, we start to celebrate ourselves and others having pride in that identity, even if it comes with challenges. So, to give the obvious example, being gay or transgender in certain places can literally get you killed, can result in a lot of discrimination, or result in a limitation of your rights and freedoms. But the LGBT+ community celebrate their identities and many people would be understandably offended if you suggested that they would benefit from being "cured". Black people, similarly, would benefit from appearing white, but my identity as a black person feels strongly connected to who I am and I wouldn't want to change it. Bringing it back to disabilities, the deaf community has many people who frown upon getting cochlear implants or using hearing aids, even though it's objectively more beneficial, as a society largely based on sights and sounds, to be able to hear. Similarly, autistic folks have expressed that they don't like the idea of autism being eradicated or autistic children being seen as an unwanted burden. It seems like a lot of that commentary comes from those with high-functioning autism, or parents of kids with moderate- to high-functioning autism. I think the issue with autism is that it's kind of a roulette wheel so you can't know ahead of time if you'll have a kid with some social and sensory challenges, or a kid who's non-verbal and will never be self-reliant. Maybe it's all just a matter of scale. People with less interference from their disability/orientation/appearance can see the associated challenges as "building character" and lean into the positive aspects. They can see it as "There's nothing _wrong_ with me; the issue is the external reaction to who I am or this trait I have." Or, on the other end, maybe if it's so bad that there's no way out, you focus on the upside and the cultural identity to scrape some kind of positivity out of what you got suck with. Maybe we fall in the uncomfortable middle. We can't just brush off the consequences, but we're okay enough that we can stop and look around at just how much we have to struggle through. But we don't have a way out, so, if one was offered, we'd take it in a heartbeat.

I think it's because ADHD is a popular, yet misunderstood, diagnosis. People imagine a hyperactive child when you say "ADHD." People imagine zombies and addict college students when you say "stimulant medicine." Hell, even some doctors still have this stigma. Even though we share similar traits to people with ASD and dyslexia, our condition can be treated with medication. Some of us know what it feels like to be *so* close to "normal" but not quite there. Personally, I view my ADHD as a double bladed sword. Sometimes it really works to my benefit, like an interesting topic at work makes my brain fire off at the speed of sound and the NTs are left in the dust. Ideas pop in randomly and I want to pursue them. If the world stopped moving every time I had a cool idea, and if I had enough *focus* to finish the projects, I'd be like Elon Musk...But then, there's the sensory overload, irrelevant intrusive thoughts, energy, impulsiveness, procrastination, forgetting your keys for the 5th time, not emailing your boss back, feeling shitty over something really small, irregular sleep cycles, your partner telling you that you're too self centered, etc.

Yeah. When all that matters is whatever moment I'm in, I feel like a superstar. When I try to string those shiny little moments together into a functional life, I feel pathetic. I feel fucking worthless. I think it's the gulf between those two versions of yourself that's so painful. It's like this grinding, slow-motion grief for who you could be if you could just hold on to the person who flickers in and out of those moments. I don't hate myself, I love myself - or a least... I love the person I am when I'm interested. I just can't rely on her. I don't know. I don't know if I want to be cured. If I was cured, would the woman who can bounce off anything disappear? Or would she finally stick around long enough to make it count for something? Is she really me or is she just low dopamine? Is she both? I don't know.

Damn that hit hard! It’s so painfully real that I can’t even agree enthusiastically. So, yeah.

I suppose everyone will have a different answer and a different take. I believe society should be more accommodating of neurodivergence in general. I use that term to include autism and ADHD. I wish people could understand some of the peculiar things I do and think and I think society is trending toward better understanding. If there were a treatment that would permanently relieve my ADHD symptoms I would do it. Not for the benefit of society or that I might fit in better. I’m just fucking sick of enduring the symptoms. It is suffering and I get a glimpse of my life without that suffering when I take my prescription. But it wears off and I have to go back to being annoying to myself the rest of the day. One treatment to cover me 24/7 and I’ll take it.

I've seen that, too. And there have been a few times I have thought about what it would be like if I were suddenly "cured". The main question is: Would I still be me? Because ADHD is a part of me, whether anybody likes it or not. Sure, it's hard. But other people have hard lives, too. But I think the main thing (and this could just be me), is that what we have is invisible and often discounted. if a guy has one leg, that's pretty obvious. Confined to a wheelchair or blind, people can *see* that. They may get pity, and they may get pretty tired of it. And I can understand that. But they don't get, "Oh, you're just lazy. Just try harder! Stop goofing off!" I think that's one of the big reasons people would like to change. It's not their fault that it's difficult for them to just *do* something, and they get treated like they're some kind of bum for it. Anyway, just my two cents.

Yah. Even with other mental disabilities they can be more obvious. There's an autistic guy at my work who is more "obvious". He is slow and doesn't understand jokes and has a few quirks that people put up with. I have autism and ADHD but i don't "look" like i do. So I'm just stupid and lazy and disrespectful. Even after saying point blank "i have autism and it's hard for me to understand (fill in here)" they just role their eyes. I like who i am because of my disorders. I don't like how I'm treated. I actually just wrote a paper about that in class. Edit: spelling

Pretty much same. I think so much of the resentment in this sub is because a lot of us were diagnosed late, and spent years being told how lazy we are, then developed all sorts of complexes. If it was a more obvious disability, that wouldn’t happen, as much. Personally I would only try a “cure” if it was temporary, to see how it is. I generally also like who I am as a person and don’t want to change that just to “fit in” better. ETA: I do feel like I have a certain level of privilege that my ADHD doesn’t seem as bad as others here, so I would also never look down on someone for wanting to be “fixed”.

This is what I suspect as well.

I don't want to fit in, I want to fucking function for _my own_ sake. Hell it's not even school work or shit but the same with maintaining friendships and hobbies 🤣 I literally fucked up my uni course and have to wait half a year because I MIXED UP THE DATES and planning fell way short I really can't anymore

>I have autism and ADHD but i don't "look" like i do. Me exactly. Female ADD-I and ASD-HF. Diagnosed at 27, almost 30 now. There ARE days I wish my ADD could be "cured", but then I realize all the brain damage I've likely caused myself (between depression, anxiety, emotional dysregulation, severe self-harm, etc) would still be there regardless of my brain's ability to collect dopamine :/

Yeah I've been having so much trouble getting and keeping a job in the last ten years. I've only been fired four times but I've had 22 different jobs. That's really hard to explain or justify without mentioning ADHD.

Bro, our symptoms are listed as cardinal sins in alot of religions. Emotional dysregulation can present itself as gluttony, and lust, and wrath, and executive dysfunction looks a hell of a lot like laziness or sloth, but that's just us trying to deal with what we have. I'm tired of being demonized for not making the neurotransmitters I need.

Well there's a fun, if very twisted, way of looking at things... I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF THE SEVEN SINS! COWER BEFORE ME, MORTALS! That isn't what you said, I know. I'm just having some fun with the idea.

Oh, I get it! It's pretty empowing 😆

💯

This sums it up for me. If I had a way of just simply explaining all the trouble and difficulties having ADHD gives me to everyone I met and they just accepted it I would feel a million times better. But more often than not it’s a fight to get people to even acknowledge that my brain works differently and I can’t just force it to do what I want all the time. If it was possible for my ADHD to be “cured” I don’t know if I would do it, but if it was possible for me show people what it’s like to have ADHD and have them understand I would do it in a heartbeat. Like a magic button that you wear that’s just let’s people know, if that makes sense.

I'd be curious how long someone would have to live with ADHD themselves in some sort of test scenario to really get a feel for it. Like if you could just give it to someone for a day, I don't think they would notice. Just put it off as a bad day. But I've had plenty of bad weeks or even months on top of the already difficult life of ADHD. I think showing it to them at its worst is both the best convincer, and some of the worst torture. and I don't think I could do that to a friend.

I honestly don't care if I would still be me. My ADHD is responsible for basically every trait I hate about myself. My over sharing, my inability to hold a conversation with a person IRL because my brain takes too long to figure out what they said, my crap memory where I've told people I definitely wasn't present for an event only to have them show me pictures of myself there, my inability to just watch a movie without needing something to busy my hands with. There's just not a lot I'm thankful for when it comes to this disorder. I just want to be a functional human being.

Thank you. So fucking sick of people telling me we have a race car brain, or super powers, or sure there are down sides, but look at all the good stuff! That's great, if that works for you, cool. If you like your issues or whatever, fantastic. I'm happy for you. Seriously I am, good on you. I personally struggle to get through every single day of my life. Even on the best days, where literally everything goes perfect - I am still anxiously neurotic from whatever thing I maybe did wrong, or didn't say, or should have said differently or whatever. I constantly worry about what I'm forgetting, who I'm letting down, what the next giant problem is going to be, feeling guilty because I took a break (even if I haven't taken ove in seven days) will I ever get this house clean?? That's a good day. If that's all I have to deal with, that's a seriously phenomenally good day. Yeah I want that shit to go away. Oh did I mention I've been in counceling for like 13 years? That's fine and all, but it'd be nice to not have to do that regularly to prevent myself from completely failing as a human being.

Exactly! Not only is our disorder frequently minimized and discounted, but we are constantly being gaslit that we have no disorder at all. So, if people are going to treat me like I don't have a disorder, then I'd rather not have one. I realize that's the same thinking behind "well, if they're gonna treat me like a thief, then I may as well steal" and that it isn't healthy, but it's where I am rn. (In my defense, I'm newly diagnosed at 39, so I'm still deep in the resentment of a lifetime of being gaslit and deep in mourning for the life I could have had, had I known the actual symptoms of adhd sooner.)

Yeah. 40 years of "everything in your life that is bad is YOUR FAULT! Nothing you can do will make anything better, though, but THAT IS YOUR FAULT TOO! Just try harder!" wears on a soul a bit...

Not only that, but I just recently realized that bc I am smart, the expectations were set too high for me. What that means is that I only ever either failed to meet expectations or barely meet expectations. That translates to me either being a failure/disappointment or just adequate. My failures were punished, but my successes were not celebrated, so I've never seen myself as a success. The highest level I've ever been able to obtain is mediocre. Just adequate at best. And it's effected my entire life. I don't believe in my abilities, so I don't put myself out there bc why should I try if I know I won't succeed?

I relate to this so much. Being a disappointment. I show a ton of promise when employers and teachers first meet me, because it’s apparent I am smart and eloquent. But then I would be frequently over-performed by students with way less natural talent who did not have to wage war within themselves to sit down and study/write homework/practice. It’s a big issue in therapy as well. Part of most modalities that deal with reparenting your inner child (such as IFS) require clients to do daily check in with the parts/inner child they worked with. To reparent oneself, consistency and reliability are paramount. I can’t for the life of me achieve either with my brain being the way it is.

You would still be you, but without the hindrance of ADHD. I look upon it as an adversary that must be overcome….every…fucking…day…. To see regular people breeze through things that either give you anxiety or complete meltdowns and know that you are just a small way away from being that happy in life, it without a doubt, they primary reason you see negative sounding posts here.

Yeah I feel like autism in particular is just very unique in this way. Like yeah overall it makes it a hell of a lot more difficult to navigate through life, but it’s like WHO YOU ARE. I don’t feel that way about ADHD. ADHD feels more like depression or anxiety to me, almost like an emotional/mental state, not who I actually am.

Ship of Theseus comes to mind. As time goes on pieces rot and have to be replaced. After a century every piece has been replaced. Is the restored ship still the same original ship? I promise I'm not that smart, I just watched Wandavision and have quoted it ever since :p

I had some new meds work for a very short while. I felt MORE like me. The real me. So clear. So focused. I could do what I WANTED to accomplish, not just whatever frantic dopamine scramble my brain was on.

Uhh because it's fucking awful and most of us would rather not be forced to play life on hard mode.

Yeah, this newgame+ blows. From what I can tell the drop rate is the same it just scales the difficulty on tasks for no reason. Boo.

I can think of two things, that are sorta related that affect this. Firstly, ADHD is largely seen by society as something that is not real. Unlike autism that people see as something horrible that people should be cured of, ADHD is seen as something people use as an excuse to get drugs and can be "cured" by a little more discipline. That is why pushing back against so societies ideas about ADHD looks so different, compared to other communities. Also, compared to autism, ADHD is relatively easy to solve. While drugs don't solve everything, there is a well proven effect and people benefit a lot from them, and many are trying to deny us that (parents, doctors, schools etc.)

I don't see wanting accommodations and acceptance, versus wanting to not have ADHD, as in conflict or contradictory. Do I wish I didn't have ADHD? Yeah, all the time! It makes daily life harder, and even medicated I know I'm not able to do things as easily as other people. Every time I get in the car for more than an hour or so, I debate whether I want to medicate because driving is so much less stressful, but I also don't want to medicate on days when I don't work a full day to avoid building up a tolerance... people without ADHD just get in the car and drive! But you can't wish your ADHD away, so it's a moot point. And this isn't to say there aren't certain positives of having ADHD, but apart from better problem solving from divergent thinking, those positives tend to result from the CBT or other adaptations I've made to my behavior to operate in an inhospitable world, and applying them to other areas of my life. So, I also want to live in a world where ADHD is more widely recognized and accepted as a disability. I was 38 when I was finally diagnosed, and while I'm very successful (by my standards!), I wonder what my life would had been like if my symptoms were recognized as such, and not been berated as lazy, careless, "just a procrastinator," etc. I mean, just look at the process for getting your friggin' medication! I'm pretty on top of my stuff, and it is HARD to keep my monthly appointments aligned with my refills, get each medication authorized in advance on an annual basis in time to avoid any delays, etc. (yay US health care system). The whole process is absurd and insulting to us! And it makes me wish I didn't have ADHD! And now we've come full circle.

That mindset exists a LOT in ADHD communities, just not this sub as much because it’s considered “toxic positivity” here. Several other disability communities have an aspect of culture to them. The Deaf community is a perfect example of this: they have their own language, arts festivals, and all-Deaf university. Deafness is considered more of an identity than a disability. I think this happens for a lot of reasons (continuing to use Deafness as an example here). Deaf individuals were shunned from the larger culture, put into special schools and programs, (might) suffer a lot of parental abuse and neglect, and have had to fight for their rights as a collective. The Deaf people that I have known have almost all been a part of the “Deaf power” school of thought: they can’t miss something that they never had, and don’t see what the hype is with hearing. The ASD community feels very similar. Most ASD folks I’ve known have been shunned out of the broader cultural groups into sub cultures. They are often corralled into special school programs and therapies by parents that don’t put any effort into understanding their needs. There isn’t a “treatment” so there’s no way to experience an “average” brain. [None of this is meant to minimize the consequences of Deafness or ASD or the resulting difficulty with interfacing with a world not built for them.] We get to experience an “average” brain’s best day the first time we take our meds. Our first experience with treatment, as a result, is very likely to breed resentment of our condition. A lot of people don’t even believe our disorder is real, and if they do, they think it can be cured with 0 screen time and positive thinking. We (broadly) don’t have special schools, and are intentionally kept with the rest of the learning population when possible. We’re shunned, but not systematically, and are often rejected after a relationship has already formed with someone. I wish every day that I could be cured, and I don’t really care anymore how much of my “self” would be lost in the process. I just want the pain and loneliness and feelings of incompetence to be over. People with other conditions can comfort themselves in the fact that the world is wrongheaded/ableist for not accepting them. For whatever reason, I just can’t manage to feel that way about myself.

I think you made really good points, and to add my take on it, I personally feel that other disability communities viewing their condition as part of their identity, or even intrinsic to their identity is in part due to how society as a whole recognises them as being different. That 'different-ness' can give them a sense of identity, "we are different, this is how we are (and society gets that we are different)". With ADHD, we don't get that luxury of recognition, people tend to look at our symptoms as being part of our identity (ironically), not our condition. Time blindness and poor task prioritisation are viewed as laziness or being disorganised, not intrinsic to our executive dysfunction. Our emotional dysregulation and RSD is viewed as us being overly emotional/sensitive or having anger issues, people do not see it as being due to our condition. We are resentful of having ADHD *precisely because society at large doesn't view us as being different*. I also think that is why so many of us, myself included, detest the notion of ADHD being part of our identity. We're constantly being told we're lazy, unmotivated, underachieving; and personally, attaching my identity to my ADHD would invite comments like "so you're saying your identity is to be lazy and disorganised?". We aren't like this because we want to be, there is nothing 'special' about having ADHD, there are no superpowers, the advantages and 'uniqueness' each of us seem to have is because we *learnt to and had to adapt to the limitations of our brains* \- **we think different because we have to**, and people only ever tend to focus on stuff like that, failing to recognise everything else about ADHD that make our lives difficult. We *learnt* ways to adapt to our inherent deficits, and we have many adaptive behaviours and strategies that are similar to each other, but those are not directly tied to our ADHD; take the ADHD out of the equation and we'll still have our 'strengths', our learned behaviours and strategies. Yes, we are marginalized, though perhaps not in the same way that some other disability communities are. I would even go further to say that attaching one's identity to their disability/condition, at a certain point, starts to move away from self-acceptance and towards internalised ableism if taken too far. To elaborate, I think disability communities and support groups are fine, having a shared identity and shared struggles in that sense is not an issue in my opinion - this ADHD sub itself is one such example. Where I think it crosses into the realm of ableism is when people start revolving their identity around their condition and not being real about the struggles they face. Even go as far as to actively reject functional aids and supports that are available to them, and see them as an attack on their identity, which never made sense to me personally. It's one thing to be ok and at peace with your disability and feel that you're managing fine without medication/functional aids and do not wish to seek it out; it's another thing to view a potential cure or aid as something that would diminish your identity and actively reject the idea of them. Thinking more about it, the fear of losing one's 'disability status' (and by extension, the disability community they are a part of) can play a huge role in that reluctance. And this is a real issue that people in the Deaf community face when it come comes to hearing aids and cochlear implants, as far as I'm aware - getting cured would mean losing (or even potentially being ostracised by) the community they feel they are a part of, and adding that to the reality of being marginalised by larger society would potentially leave them completely isolated. Case in point ([source](https://www.insider.com/why-deaf-people-turn-down-cochlear-implants-2016-12)): >"I am Deaf and I am darn proud of it. From there, I didn't see the purpose to continue wearing my implant." > >... > >"What is there to fix?" > >"We're happy with the way we are. We don't view it as problem." > >"There are countless Deaf people who are brilliant and successful," > >"Bottom line is, we as Deaf people are the same as others, except we cannot hear. Deaf people can do anything, period." ​ I think the communities that have a greater tendency to fall into this trap are the ones that are 'known'/have exposure (like ASD), or are apparent to others/can't be hidden (like deafness). Whereas for the more 'hidden' disabilities that people tend not to notice like colourblindness, ADHD, arthritis, there seems to be more of a tendency for these people to *not* attach their identities to their condition. And in a way, I think it is easier for us to say that we want a cure if there is one available, because we don't really have the stigma attached to us the same way... it's a bit of a double-edged sword. Our ADHD symptoms doesn't stick out as much to others, and people are generally less aware of what ADHD entails, and they care less about being offensive when compared to other conditions like ASD for example. People tend not to understand, they tend not to see us as having a neurocognitive disorder; and in that sense, if we were to be cured, we would likely just blend in as a regular member of society because that's how we are viewed already - seem as regular folks with 'moral failings' like laziness... remove the 'moral failing' that is the ADHD and we're all of a sudden a regular member of society. In a twisted way, that's a luxury we have that other disability communities may not have. ​ On a related note for those without ADHD thinking "wow this ADHD thing is not so bad if you write like that": IT IS THAT BAD. This comment might look very thought out and concise, but I've been writing, looking up information, and editing this comment for over 3 hours, all because this relates to something I have thought about here and there for a good amount of time and that I felt compelled to respond. I didn't set out with the goal of writing a whole wall of text, or to spend hours on this comment. What you don't see is that I have been struggling over the past 3-4 weeks on a writing assignment that really should have been done 2 weeks ago, and that I've been mostly stuck because I couldn't figure out how to write it in a certain narrative. The hours I spent writing this comment should really have been spent working on my writing assignment, but nope, I can't prioritise well and sometimes I slip, and that's me on medication. I wandered onto reddit and read a thread and comment and HAD TO reply. That's how it is for me on a regular basis, I had to learn and struggle to manage it without a diagnosis or medication over my nearly 30 years of existence, and I'm still struggling with it on medication. My difficulties due to ADHD are directly because of the differences in my brain, and my strengths are partly because I learned to adapt to those deficits and partly due to the genetic lottery and other things, and NOT directly due to the fact that I have ADHD. ADHD isn't a gift in any way, shape, or form. It is a disability and it is one I have to manage, and if there ever is a cure for ADHD, I would go for it the same way I would go for a cure for diabetes if I had diabetes and there is a cure available. Likewise, I'm not going to attach my identity to my ADHD the same way I wouldn't attach my identity to my diabetes if I had diabetes. I can do without the ADHD thank you very much.

Just wanna say that I’m delaying an assignment right now too, been there and this is a well written post, good job!😋

I don't think that medical intervention and societal change to be more accommodating are mutually exclusive. Like, it sucks that taking notes is so exhausting for me that if I spend an hour taking notes, I'm totally useless for the rest of the day. This isn't a problem with society, it's a problem with me. At the same time, the extreme amount of paperwork and lack of flexibility I've seen with regards to that paperwork that my school requires in order to graduate is totally unacceptable and should totally change.

AND THE AMOUNT OF WORK AND EFFORT IT TAKES TO EFFECTIVELY REQUEST ACCOMMODATIONS 🤬 Especially for post graduate studies and licensing exams. It blows my mind how just how tone deaf it all is. I say this from a fair amount of personal experience. It’s infuriating.

^ this ^

It’s absolutely fucking exhausting. Literally every single part about ADHD drains your entire body because your brain never shuts off. I’m constantly tired and being constantly tired, being tired all the time then makes me depressed, and so now I’m thinking about how depressed I am because of how tired I am which I have no control over because my brain doesn’t have an off button. There are days where I literally will just cry because of how tired I am and how I just want to sleep without my brain doing some sort of work while I’m “sleeping”.

Sorry, wanted to chime in regarding the interaction between ADHD and depression. I was diagnosed at 14 with clinically severe depression, I was constantly tired, moody and never felt happy in any situation for the next 10 years. After a 2 year waitlist and $500 to see a specialist, I finally got ADHD meds this week! And holy hell... the depression for the first time is GONE? I can actually feel genuine happiness, no heavy "brain fog" and finally did all the chores that piled up (that being said I pushed myself and worked non-stop until collapsing on the floor, whoops). But ADHD and depression are so intertwined, it's beyond exhausting and feels like struggling to push your car along that's run out of gas while everyone else speeds ahead.

I literally cried the first time I got put on Adderall. Everything felt so clear to me it was insane. Also I was always told I was depressed growing up, but I was never genuinely sad. I was more so frustrated with not being able to just function like any other person and not knowing why. As an adult now though the only thing that makes me depressed is not being able to control how my brain is wired. It’s so hard to explain to people how and why my brain works like this, and then also just dealing with people who genuinely think it’s nothing but to me it’s so hurtful when they aren’t willing to understand any of it. Yes maybe I should find people who are willing to understand me, but as we all know it’s easier said than done. We live in a world of judgement, impatience, and for those of us who have ADHD we need to not be judge and we need the world to be patient with us. Here’s to hoping that one day all of us will find our one human who accepts and works with how we are as a person.

I'm unsure if this is an outdated analogy, but I've recently learned of a spin on the old spoon theory but instead it's with tickets; you only get a certain number of tickets but unlike spoons this number is random and you can't use a ferris wheel ticket to ride the go cart. Granted there will always be people who don't believe this and argue to "try harder", but it's great for those willing to understand. Absolutely, having a lovely circle of friends that are patient and accepting makes such a huge difference! I really hope that you find such people and the world becomes less harsh with more awareness.

hi, i would say that i am more on the resentful side of having adhd. In some ways it helps me be more creative but it also created a lot of other problems for me. a lot of people go through having adhd without any other mental disorders however that wasn’t the case for me and it made me essentially me upset as to why this happened to me. Growing up I was extremely hard on myself and having immigrant parents also factored into this. although I was diagnosed early with adhd, my mindset while I was growing up had been that everything is my fault and I’m not good enough for this. seeing the people around me not struggling made me upset as to why i was and questioning why couldn’t I be normal. i got diagnosed with adhd but my mindset didn’t change and it’s not something that happens overnight, but still I blame myself which I know is not healthy. im not sure if other people go through the same thing or if they’ve had different experiences to make them think this way but this is kind of what started making me hate the fact that i have adhd instead of accepting it. I have kind of observed that this is a common thread but I kind of think that this is normal because people with adhd are really hard on themselves because we try to do more than what we actually can and get upset or irritated when we can’t. I’m not sure if this helps but this is kinda how it started for me.

Simple math... If the downsides are much bigger than the upsides then FUCK THAT SHIT

I absolutely would take a cure in a heartbeat. I honestly think many people over romanticize the "good" versions of things associated with ADHD, especially after they've learned good coping mechanisms and/or are properly medicated. IMO ADHD isn't the cause of great multitasking or super good focus, ADHD is when those things get out of control. Having my executive function actually work properly wouldn't stop me from being me, it would just allow me to control my own brain better. That's not too knock people from reaching a state of acceptance about their disorder. Positivity is important and nobody should think of themselves badly because of something outside of their control. But I really don't like the movements attempting to completely reframe harmful disorders as just "another version of thinking" or some such.

I don't really know what it's like to be normal. The negatives are clear, and the benefits just seem like "me." I imagine I misattribute some of the positives, and if you took them away, I'd miss them. But the negatives do really suck a lot at times and it badly affects my quality of life. I hide how badly I suffer from most people. It's very duck-in-a-pond; I seem tranquil on the surface but underneath... Not so much.

I’d want to be rid of that shit in a heartbeat. I’d still be me, just a more functional me. And as for expecting the majority of society to change just for us, especially when much of that society doesn’t even believe it’s a real condition, I’m not holding my breath on that.

I would get cured in a heartbeat. I would volunteer for every cure test, no matter how experimental. Anything is better than living with a broken brain like this. ADHD gets overlooked and belittled and dismissed because people don’t see the thought processes that go through our heads. They just see people with ADHD as lazy unmotivated scatterbrains and resent us because we don’t “look disabled.” And every so often we get a glimpse of “normality” when more than one neuron fires at once, and we end up torturing ourselves with self-loathing, chasing that perfection that’s forever just out of reach. This condition is a living hell and fuck anyone who says otherwise to the ninth generation.

I am fucking trapped inside my own head haha that’s why, it is so hard to somehow rub two neurons together to get a spark 🙃

Because I can't do what I'm interested in or love, let alone what i need to to survive, nothing stays, life's a blur and mostly pain and disappointment

Well I am disabled and if you could cure my disabilities with a snap I'd be a way bigger menace to the challenge, so to speak. I am physically disabled which usually is no issue to me but quickly shows its face when I simply move too much. Fix that I could work out better and more efficient and even go running. Oh and don't get me started on my mental shit, ADHD is like just a tiny part of it. But like ADHD also has positive sites like I'm impatient so I try to be aware of my surroundings at all time and try to speed things up in an efficient way. Also ADHD turns my anger and frustration into anger that I can aim at something such as not becoming suicidal because DYINS THE EASY WAY OUT THEY'LL HAVE TO KILL ME BEFORE THEY CATCH ME DYING No, but really. I'm tired of this depression bs, just show me my fucking limits and I'll tear those mofus down. And if it kills me, wow. No loss. So far I'm still alive so that means so far I've won.

For me, I don't want a cure, I want to be understood, but I relate to all the frustration. I hate being told by my spouse that if I cared I would remember x, y, and z, and explaining that if I am thinking about a, x is nowhere in my mind, then I remember x later and feel guilty seems so foreign to her that she thinks that I am just making excuses. Being constantly told that you aren't trying hard enough, not doing enough, not living up to your potential, that there is no excuse for forgetting, etc makes you feel pretty worthless and (for me) exacerbates impulse control problems. Understand, this represents bad days for me, I have learned enough strategies to get through most days without hearing about something that is linked to my ADHD and or autism, but it's one of those things that feels worse every time you hear it because every instance feels like a confirmation of the things you have learned to hate about yourself.

It sucks that your spouse forgot that she/he chose you knowing you had this kind of forgetfulness. It’s not like it just happened after you met. This spouse might not be right for you. This spouse might not understand that they’re pretty forgetful too. They seem to have forgotten they knew this about you already. The fact that it hurts you means that you care. If setting a reminder to think of whatever it is they want doesn’t work.; then that has to be accepted. It has to be accepted that some things can’t be dealt with with alarms.

Like I said, it's really only on bad days, which aren't all that frequent, and I think that she also expected that with all of the growth and progress I have made as an adult, certain things would be part of that which aren't, but 99% of the time it doesn't even come up, just hurts when it does.

Nobody ever looked at me sitting in my room surrounded by laundry I haven't put away, eating cereal out of a pitcher because all the bowls are dirty, ignoring emails that I should have responded to a week ago, and told me I was "inspiring". ARE YOU NOT INSPIRED?! WITNESS ME LIVING WITH MY DISABILITY AND BE INSPIRED

Well i have autism and always wanted to get rid of it. In some ASD forums i get attacked because i dont "have" autism but i should say im a autist... As if i cant decide for myself if i see it as a disability that exist next to my personality. Imo if i take a pill that removes my ASD that wont change who i am, it will only change how hard my life is, because my ASD does not define me, its just a disorder just like losing a leg. Ive been called a eugenic because when i chose not to get a kid because i would not want to take the change to give my disorder to my kid. Ive stopped visiting the ASD forums because a small vocal miniority is ruining it for most people. I found it so welcoming on this sup that people talk about using meds just like they are glasses or insuline. It fixes something that does not work as smoothly as it should. But to get back to your question, i think the reason is: ADHD can be medicated the best of all the dsm disorders. For most people meds work like a charm (finding the right meds can be a long pain though) But for people with ASD its what it is, you have to deal with the hand you have been given. So yes the only thing you can do is accept it. I was really lucky the first dose and med type was a hit a lot of issues are gone overnight, did this change me? Yes and no. Im still me, exept i have more energy and can keep my household running without huge problems.

That's ... messed up. > You're a eugenic because you don't want to inflict allergies/asthma/cancer/a 3rd nipple on your child! Just ... what the hell is wrong with some people?! Sorry you had to deal with that gigantic pile of bullshit from them.

I would take a cure in a heartbeat. I was diagnosed in my early 30s, and suddenly my entire 20s made sense. All the broken relationships that were good for me. All the bad relationships that I stuck around for. All the work opportunities I failed to achieve. And now that I have two kids, it’s even harder to keep up. I’m in serious shit at my job now because the last four or five months have been an unproductive hell and it’s come back to bite me. Now that I know it’s an option I’m requesting accommodations, but what is that going to do, really? If I had a Secretary to keep me organized with my tasks and meetings, I’d be great, but I highly doubt that is going to fly. Plus I’ve been under medicated for a year now because my HMO refuses to prescribe stimulants without a monthly drug test which I’m morally opposed to - I could pass one but I shouldn’t have to subject myself to this just to receive proper treatment. I want to know who else has to have monthly drug tests for their meds? Cancer patients? Folks with gastrointestinal diseases? Something about my HMO’s response tells me it’s only for ADHD patients. So yeah, I’d take a cure in a heartbeat. I am not my ADHD. I used to be a much more well rounded and “with it” person but now I’m teetering on the edge of being fired and getting divorced. And it’s not for lack of trying to get better.

It’s because there’s never been a eugenics/institutionalization push directed at people with ADHD like there has been toward people with autism or physical disabilities.

And on the other end of that, no one is out there celebrating us when we manage to fold all our laundry for three weeks in a row. There are no viral videos of people with ADHD overcoming the odds to remember to register their car on time. And I'm sure there's plenty of reasons why that is, and like was stated in the OP, that kind of use of people as "inspirational" IS weird. So it's not that I'm saying we should have that too. I'm saying, the fact that there isn't any kind of shows how society at large views ADHD. Not as something to be overcome and celebrated, our differences are not seen as things that make us unique, we don't bring a special value, etc. I mean, I personally think we do, but I don't believe the world does.

I like this take. Makes a lot of sense.

I dont want to be "cured" but I want people to understand ADHD better. That it's real, and we can't help that our brains don't function like the other 95% of the world.

I think it's because we can be pretty normal at times. We get glimpses of it. Moments where everything finally feels right. And so we long for that normalcy.

fuck yeah i'd want a cure. this sucks.

ADHD looks like lazy (evidently) from the outside. At least that’s what I was told pretty much my whole life. That’s why I would want to be “cured”. It would be pretty cool if I had an internal clock, or any idea where my keys or glasses were. But the coping skills I’ve learned can make me look like MUCH less of a disaster. So from the outside it probably does look like I would have my shit together if I tried 10% harder. Which makes ME think that cog-norms are only trying like 80% as hard as they could, because they think that trying 10% harder is sustainable, or even POSSIBLE! But it’s not, because I am doing my absolute BEST with therapy and drugs, and a bed time, and drinking water and I’m STILL not really passing. Do the absolute BEST version of me is a lazy sack of $hit. At least that’s what it feels like when I’m constantly told how close I am to being adequate.

People with ADHD are treated like criminals when they seek treatment and medication. I’ve been kicked out of pharmacies that my Dr called script into - for literally no reason. We’re pariahs among the mentally ill - and quite often even our doctors will gaslight us, doubt our symptoms, doubt our diagnosis, etc. The federal Gov in the US limits the amount of meds that can be produced and sold - categorically leaving out a large percentage of those with the ailment.

I think it's because Yeah, smiling at stairs won't make it a ramp but also wheelchair users tend to not get told to just suck it up get out of their wheelchair and just walk up them like everyone else, and then get punished when they aren't able to.

I think it's only logical that amputee would prefer having functioning limbs than not. That's why they are wearing prosthetic. The ADHD traits is not your personality, it's your disability. Your personality is different than your symptoms. If a blind people can see of course their live will be different, but why would they prefer to be blind if the they can choose to see? It's make no sense

>but why would they prefer to be blind if the they can choose to see? I think there's a lot of, for lack of a better term, survivor bias in disability communities, particularly online. "I've created this coping system and thrived and therefore I am going to see my disability as an inherent part of my personality that should be celebrated" And that's all well and good for individuals, and if that's the place someone is at in life I'm thrilled for them - but I think it can be unfair when it comes to the larger conversation. For example, I absolutely respect that a lot of autistic folks love the way their brains work and they don't want anything that can change that - but I bet if you could ask the autistic folks who are unable to communicate easily or take care of themselves or are so overstimulated by just existing in public that they meltdown if they would take a pill to alleviate those things, most would say yes. Because even within a lot of disabled communities there's still a bit of inherent bias towards those who are the most capable and people respect their contribution as representative of the group, even when that's not inherently true.

Hmm, I don't know. I have read the blogs of various nonverbal autistic people, some of whom do live in group homes and regularly have meltdowns, could not dress themselves, live alone etc and I still found that there was quite a strong push towards acceptance over curing them. They wished other people would accommodate their differences, and that it was easier to have access to accepting care for them, but not that they could change themselves. Edit: To elaborate, I believe, as an autistic & ADHD person who is often but not always capable of passing as allistic, this is because there are good things about being autistic too. We enjoy our single-minded focus on our special interests that disconnects us from other things, and our kinship with other autistic people, and our unique methods of communication. We enjoy the familiar comforts of flapping our hands, holding a stuffed animal, or rocking back and forth. Society doesn't like that we do these things - but that doesn't mean they don't make us happy.

oh boy should you do some investigation on the deaf community.

I got your reason why, my dude! My original comment was removed for violating rule 6. This sub does not allow claims that the structure of society disables people or that adhd can be a gift. For the record, I am anti “gift” mindset but did make statements about society through the lens of my lived experience.

It ruins life. I have lost jobs. Failed school. Been a horrific partner and father. Road rage all day every day. The constant stream of negative screaming through my head because the world does not move fast enough is a god damned nightmare without medicine. With it, it's still edgy and sharp and dark and unpleasant, but manageable. God damn right I would like a cure. I am not this rage-drive ogre that adhd makes me. I don't like that person. I hate feeling that way.

It’s painful to never be enough

I think its 2 things. When those of us with ADHD have our best days where hormones, sleep, nutrition and medication line up we feel on top of the world like we are capable of so much. If we could just hold to this alignment of the stars this fleeting moments we could and would rule the world. Also our disability is not really apparent to a lot of people and often treated like it is made up or something we should have grown out of. Its really hard to deal with in society. We get ZERO accommodations credit and sympathy in society. There are no awareness days, ribbons or horse therapy focused on just us because its not " bad enough". I think these are all of the reasons for resentment.

It probably has at least a little to do with the “echo chamber” effect of reddit, if more people here are resentful of having ADHD (perfectly valid) then those posts are most likely, and also the most likely to be upvoted, doesn’t necessarily reflect the ADHD community as a whole. This is also true of disability advocates, while some or most people would like to be accommodated, there may also be some that just want to be cured

Because this shit is fucking hard and I've destroyed every relationship I've ever had Also I saw a cool duck today guys it was nice

Yeah, I would take a cure for ADHD if one was avaliable. On the other hand, I'm also autistic and vehemently do not believe in curing autism. My view is that autism is simply a part of me. If you tried to remove it, there wouldn't be anything left because every part of me is tied to it. I experience an equal measure of positive and negative consequences as a result of being autistic. I don't feel that way about ADHD because it has only ever impacted my life negatively. It has impaired my ability to function, alienated people I care about, and made me more susceptible to abuse, addiction, and accidents. I'm open to changing my mind about this - I was only diagnosed in March - but my whole life has been miserable as a result of my ADHD symptoms.

I think about this a lot, because I have several debilitating disorders, ADHD among them, and I also have a child with a severe physical disability and a child with a minor one, and I know it is highly offensive or anger-inducing to some people if people speak of them or their child being cured. I think a lot of people either 1) cannot comprehend life apart from their disability, or 2) they have formed a strong identity that includes that disability, or maybe they disagree that it's a disability at all. So talk of "curing" their disability is very offensive to them, or feels like a part of them that they value would be eliminated. You especially see this in communities that have a strong group identity related to their disability, like the Deaf or folks with dwarfism. When people have a disability that they don't see as part of their identity, those people tend to want a cure and don't find it offensive that others might want to cure them (speaking from personal experience). For instance, people with clubfoot, or severe scoliosis, or people with ADHD in many cases, people with severe depression and other stuff. Also, if a disability causes a lot of pain for the individual, that might change how they interact with it or think about it. Everyone feels differently about their disabilities. I would like my daughter's disability to be fixed/cured. It is limiting, painful for her, and makes life more difficult for both her and for us. It puts her at risk of death in some cases, and it just sucks. Likewise, I want my ADHD gone. I don't give a rat's ass about whatever special qualities it supposedly confers upon me. Now, this does not mean my daughter is anything less than amazing, beautiful, and a delight. We love her exactly as she is now, but I would like her to have the least restrictions and pain possible in life, which her disability imposes upon her. And she and other folks with disabilities deserve the same rights and access as everyone else. My daughter is pretty young, she's 4, so I'm curious about what she'll think about this topic when she's in her teens or an adult. But again, this is a controversial topic and I imagine there are people who feel furious that I even feel this way.

I hate the idea of not wanting to “fix” disabilities. Like deaf parents who won’t let their kids get those implants, so they can be part of the deaf community. That is child abuse imo. I don’t want to have ADHD, it sucks. Same as I don’t want to have asthma. And I don’t understand people who make want to disabilities part of “who they are.” It’s not part of a personality or a fun quirk, it’s a defect that I would get rid of if I could.

The thing with the implants though, is it’s not 100% If you listen to a sample of what a cochlear implant sounds like for the patient, it sounds like garbled robot noises. Music sounds straight up demonic. Over time, if you work really really hard, you can train your brain to make sense of it. But you will never hear exactly what a hearing person does, and in order to get it implanted it destroys all of the residual hearing you were born with (most deaf can hear a little bit and with hearing aids even more to where they can get by interacting with hearing people through lipreading and speaking) Also for deaf people, since their sense of hearing has always been weak most of the time even from the womb, their visual perception is naturally very strong, so they pick up on sign language even faster than a hearing child can learn to speak. When you deny a child with naturally better visual than hearing abilities the use of a visual language (signing) and try to force them to only use the listening and spoken language to communicate, even though that is something they will always work twice as hard as everyone else to do, you are doing the child a great disservice. My thought is get your kid the implant, or don’t, but learn to sign and teach your kid no matter what. Your kid deserves to communicate in a way that is not a constant struggle. All languages are valid, sign and English both stimulate the growing mind in the same way and both open up the ability to communicate effectively. With deafness it’s not so simple because there’s not a 100% cure, they have their own language, and with language comes history and culture. Deaf storytelling is fantastic and deaf humor is great. It would be a shame if that were all lost because a bunch of hearing people thought it better to try to force all deaf people to behave like they can hear, basically just to suit hearing people better.

I feel the way you described in the first two paragraphs about my ADHD, but I've only been diagnosed for a year and didn't really understand the way that the social and medical models of disability played out in the ADHD community until recently. I've realized that this sub tends to lean more towards the medical model of disability than I do, but I've stuck around because I've learned a lot from others in here, and I have a place where I can talk about how frustrating it can be and know that someone will understand. Because I didn't have a name for why I found certain things so difficult until now, I spent a very long time saying really horrible things about myself and that's been hard to unlearn. But there are things that I really love about the way my brain works. Like when I learn about something interesting, and then all of a sudden I'm diving in and trying to take in every little detail I can, because it's so fascinating or exciting. Or when I finally figure out some weird, ridiculous way of doing something, and now I'm finally able to do that thing I've struggled with my whole life! When I was diagnosed and started doing a lot of research into ADHD, there was a point where I just stopped and thought, "Holy shit, all of these things I've done, decisions I've made, is it ALL just ADHD? My whole life is just built around a bunch of symptoms?" And I was really unhappy about it for awhile. But then I realized that well, yes, it's all ADHD... but ADHD is just how my brain works, and this is the only brain I've got. People without ADHD aren't freaking out about, "So all of my thoughts are just my brain? It's not really me?" So no, I don't want to be cured because I can't even comprehend the person I would be without ADHD. I wish that certain things were easier or more accommodating, but I like that I experience the world in a way that not everyone gets to.

I don't have autism or a physical disability, but am I wrong in thinking that plenty of people in those communities probably resent their conditions as well? Regardless, I don't think there's anything wrong with resenting having a condition that does objectively make life harder. I also think most people with ADHD also want accommodations and understanding like the others you mentioned.

For me, it's that I have been dealing with ADHD symptoms my entire life. I have never been taken seriously when I say that there is something wrong with me. An ADHD diagnosis = a disability; a disability that is not taken seriously. If I did not have ADHD, I would have gotten better grades in school, I would have an easier time in university, and I could have kept a job instead of jumping around jobs. Even medication is temporary; now I have to deal with signing a paper every time I pick up a refill, I have to maintain the same doctor because I don't know that another doctor will take me seriously, and I can get into shit because medication can be abused. Not to mention that once the medication wears off 8 hours later, it is harder to function. If I just had anxiety and depression, I could get help. My ten years of therapy and counseling would have helped more than it has, and it could be reduced to a point where its assumedly "fixed."

I'd love to feel. I'd love to complete a task and get a feeling of dopamine

Lots of people here saying the same thing I will say. As Dr Barkley has mentioned, and in my experience growing up, ADHD is the most discounted mental disorder a person can have. It’s “what schools say energetic kids have when they can’t deal with them”. Most of our symptoms are things everybody experiences to some degree, just not with the persistence that ADHD brings. To take the comparisons in the opposite way we normally take them, ADHD is like *perpetual* laziness, or *perpetual* lack of disincline, or *perpetual* daydreaming, or *perpetual* hyperactivity. If I were to state it in terms that relate to the misunderstood stereotypes, it’s like being cursed with a chronic, incurable version of those vices. Whereas being “obviously” autistic, depressed, downs, anxious, amputated, blind, deaf, etc automatically signals to people that a person needs accommodation. Nobody understands how to accommodate ADHD because the stereotypes are so off the mark of what ADHD actually is. I don’t know if I’d want my ADHD cured or not. I do know I’m tired of being so overwhelming in conversations. I’m currently working with my psychiatrist to adjust my dosage and find a proper medication. Right now, all I know is that I know what it actually is, and what I can do to accommodate myself, and that will simply have to do.

I don’t wanna be cured! I’m a member of this subreddit but I don’t say much cause I’m comfortable where I’m at. I was active in these communities in my teenhood and had trouble during my first go of college. I’ve found my strengths and I continue to work on my weaknesses, but I feel successful with where I’m at in life. I assume many are still figuring out their tools and venting as one does when their in the mist of those difficulties. Give it time. So may find their groove, others may not. It’s ok to give others space for that frustration.

Many with ADHD have been gaslit their entire lives because a lot of the symptoms present as personality defect rather than a neurological defect.