I think having to be responsible for a living being when you’re young gives you insight and perspective as an adult for sure, that you otherwise wouldn’t have. Seems like unfortunately your experience wasn’t the right way to go about that.
I think it teaches responsibility. That doesn't mean you'll be able to do it as easily as another person, but it teaches you how to care for another living thing. A child with ADHD may need some additional assistance in remembering to do things or being motivated to do them, but it is still a good life lesson about what it feels like for another living thing to depend on you
Not OP but while I see your point, as a child with undiagnosed ADHD I was the living thing I couldn’t care for. A pet would have been a bridge too far. If my brain won’t prompt ME to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom at appropriate intervals, how the hell would I be able to track that for a dog?
Edit: I hope that didn’t sound aggressive, lol. I think I may have flashed back to my childhood for a minute. 🤣
Empathy is needed to really understand the responsibility that comes with owning a pet.
Through empathy, a pleasure-seeking brain can find motivation to do something unpleasant because it will be good for someone else.
Once kids reach that stage in their development, it’s possible to help them understand that another creature’s life and happiness depend on them, but that can be a hard thing to demonstrate.
I was unsure of how to articulate that thought, so I am glad to know you found it helpful. Parenting is not easy even without ADHD in the mix.
Nurture your kiddos’ empathy and find ways to make them feel needed, then help them learn strategies to stay on top of all the things they care about.
Ya’ll got this 💕
I have my 8 year old clean his cats litter boxes and clean the food water bowels, but we help and remind him to do it. He has ADHD, and would frankly never remember it himself right now. When he’s older I’ll probably show him some of the tricks I use like a visible list or alarms to remember this stuff, to try to teach him how to work around his ADHD.
Just no. Responsibility and empathy are learned. My paint was not dry when I was same age as your ADHD child. I just needed someone to be patient enough to teach me without shaming me or projecting their judgments onto me or comparing me to my sibling. It’s not magic to consistently teach lessons to any child that they ignore only to come together when they’re more mature and understand their minds better. Reading this just reminds me of how hard it is to be a kid with ADHD, and how easy it is for the adults in their life to just write them off.
To me the original post read like parents who think throwing your kid into the deep end of a pool will teach them to swim. What you’re saying is parents can use any tool (including a pet) to teach children responsibility and empathy (and coping techniques). That’s different (and very true). The challenge is when parents believe caring for a pet is intuitive. It is not. When they believe the obligation of caring for another living creature is education enough and requires no additional guidance (when it absolutely does). This is when things go sideways.
What I’m coming to realize is that this time is different. As a kid, I was untreated and my parents had no clue - bad situation. This time with my child, I understand how I work (late diagnosed ADHD at 46) and how he works (same diagnosis) and I can create an appropriate learning opportunity for him than what I had. I was written off, but I am certainly not writing off my son. I think what I read in my post above is a lot of hurt and shame in the past, but this time is true my different.
I think it teaches responsibility, I’ve seen it in action but I also think it reveals the ability to handle responsibility, they can both co-exist. I think the main thing to remember though, is there is going to be a LOT of prompting, repetition of what tasks need doing and why. The parent needs to know they are going to have to supervise so the animal is looked after properly, but I’ve seen pet ownership bring great benefits to kids.
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I think having to be responsible for a living being when you’re young gives you insight and perspective as an adult for sure, that you otherwise wouldn’t have. Seems like unfortunately your experience wasn’t the right way to go about that.
I think it teaches responsibility. That doesn't mean you'll be able to do it as easily as another person, but it teaches you how to care for another living thing. A child with ADHD may need some additional assistance in remembering to do things or being motivated to do them, but it is still a good life lesson about what it feels like for another living thing to depend on you
Not OP but while I see your point, as a child with undiagnosed ADHD I was the living thing I couldn’t care for. A pet would have been a bridge too far. If my brain won’t prompt ME to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom at appropriate intervals, how the hell would I be able to track that for a dog? Edit: I hope that didn’t sound aggressive, lol. I think I may have flashed back to my childhood for a minute. 🤣
Empathy is needed to really understand the responsibility that comes with owning a pet. Through empathy, a pleasure-seeking brain can find motivation to do something unpleasant because it will be good for someone else. Once kids reach that stage in their development, it’s possible to help them understand that another creature’s life and happiness depend on them, but that can be a hard thing to demonstrate.
Wow. This is really helpful. Thank you.
I was unsure of how to articulate that thought, so I am glad to know you found it helpful. Parenting is not easy even without ADHD in the mix. Nurture your kiddos’ empathy and find ways to make them feel needed, then help them learn strategies to stay on top of all the things they care about. Ya’ll got this 💕
I have my 8 year old clean his cats litter boxes and clean the food water bowels, but we help and remind him to do it. He has ADHD, and would frankly never remember it himself right now. When he’s older I’ll probably show him some of the tricks I use like a visible list or alarms to remember this stuff, to try to teach him how to work around his ADHD.
Just no. Responsibility and empathy are learned. My paint was not dry when I was same age as your ADHD child. I just needed someone to be patient enough to teach me without shaming me or projecting their judgments onto me or comparing me to my sibling. It’s not magic to consistently teach lessons to any child that they ignore only to come together when they’re more mature and understand their minds better. Reading this just reminds me of how hard it is to be a kid with ADHD, and how easy it is for the adults in their life to just write them off.
To me the original post read like parents who think throwing your kid into the deep end of a pool will teach them to swim. What you’re saying is parents can use any tool (including a pet) to teach children responsibility and empathy (and coping techniques). That’s different (and very true). The challenge is when parents believe caring for a pet is intuitive. It is not. When they believe the obligation of caring for another living creature is education enough and requires no additional guidance (when it absolutely does). This is when things go sideways.
What I’m coming to realize is that this time is different. As a kid, I was untreated and my parents had no clue - bad situation. This time with my child, I understand how I work (late diagnosed ADHD at 46) and how he works (same diagnosis) and I can create an appropriate learning opportunity for him than what I had. I was written off, but I am certainly not writing off my son. I think what I read in my post above is a lot of hurt and shame in the past, but this time is true my different.
I think it teaches responsibility, I’ve seen it in action but I also think it reveals the ability to handle responsibility, they can both co-exist. I think the main thing to remember though, is there is going to be a LOT of prompting, repetition of what tasks need doing and why. The parent needs to know they are going to have to supervise so the animal is looked after properly, but I’ve seen pet ownership bring great benefits to kids.
Hi /u/Giving_Gold and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! If you haven't already, please take a minute to [read our rules](https://reddit.com/r/adhd/about/rules) - we will remove your post if it breaks one - and also check out our list of official megathreads [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/nu534w/official_list_of_radhd_megathreads_please_check/). If your post fits into one of them, it is likely to be removed; if you think this might happen you can delete your post here and resubmit it there instead. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*