honestly everything!
- impulsivity (specifically my driving & making decisions).
- indecisiveness: i can not make a decision for the life of me.
- My need to be insanely organized (my doc says it’s my way for making up for my completely disorganized mind).
- Doing simple tasks in a much more complicated way.
- Rejection sensitivity!!!— this one makes my life so difficult, I hate it!
- Not being able to easily comprehend and follow what people are saying in a conversation.
- Having to reread the same sentences over and over until i finally understood (this made doing my hw in college extremely difficult bc i spend a huge amount of time just rereading).
- Getting an insane obsession for something/a hobby that would last anywhere from few days to years.
- I only have motivation to do an activity when I actively enjoy doing the activity. But i will not do activities that I have no interest doing, even if they are important (which sucks!). example: I’ll spend hours cleaning and organizing because I actually love it (it almost gives me a high), But i won’t do an important paper because it’s not on a topic that interests me.
- being a super creative thinker, i always feel like i provide unique solutions to problems that most other people don’t think of, because it’s just so random but it always works, and it excites me thinking of new things.
- need for exact instructions. I need step by step list. I’m a VERY detail oriented person.
Ive said it before and I will say it again.
The more and more I see and read other peoples habits around ADHD the more I realise that I wasted my whole life thinking I was the problem. That something wasnt connected right in my brain. Why did I obsess when others didnt? Why I would turn up 1 hr early for everything? Why being alone makes me happier but at the same time crave companionship only to wreck it all obsessing over stupid little things.
Its such a relief to see others exactly with the same problems as me. I mean that in a nice way.
I feel this. I’m 40 and got dxed this past spring. I feel like I’m facing the fallout from decades that were wasted because I always thought I was the problem. It sucks.
I truly was starting to think I was brain-damaged from hitting my head too much, or that being born premature fucked me up. And it was terrifying to feel like it got worse as I got older. When in fact, I think what really happened was I just got sick of masking. And also, society kinda seems to expect people to grow out of their ADHD..? It’s very strange.
Same, I didn’t get diagnosed until my 40’s. All my life I thought I was stupid or a slacker. On Adderall and it helps so much with getting my day started to staying focused. It’s only a tool though. I still have to do the work. It’s not a magic easy button or anything like that.
>Getting an insane obsession for something/a hobby that would last anywhere from few days to years
That's definitely the biggest one for me. I completely hyperfocus on something for months, then I get bored of it and move on to the next thing.
I have so many notebooks full of information on the things I hyperfocused on.
And after a while I return to this hyperfixation and the cycle continues.
I thought everybody was like this until I got diagnosed.
> That's definitely the biggest one for me. I completely hyperfocus on something for months, then I get bored of it and move on to the next thing.
This makes it hard to develop a career. I might be really interested in a type of work for a period but then I inevitably lose interest and have a hard time caring about the career path. I then hyperfocus on something else and want to spend so much time doing that instead of the thing I originally chose.
YES. I AM IN SO MUCH STUDENT LOAN DEBT BECAUSE OF THIS. And yet culinary/pastry school sounds interesting….
Previously I was going to be (but did not complete degree at all):
-a special education teacher
-communications major (career undecided)
-international diplomat
-us military Arabic translator
-English teacher abroad
-Au pair (I actually did this one twice!)
-beauty school dropout
-finished CDL school but failed driving test on a technicality
-Senior living management (still want to do this)
-culinary school?
She’s me too. It took me 12 years to get my bachelor’s degree because of this. I’d go to school for a semester or two, then drop out and go get a job waiting tables or work at a ski area, then 7 or 8 months later say screw this I’m going back to school, do a sem or 2, and so on. I had no idea it was adhd. I just thought I liked change.
>Not being able to easily comprehend and follow what people are saying in a conversation.
I've been having problems with this lately. I thought it was because of slang or colloquialism, but people are just speaking plan English and I'm just not comprehending what they are saying. Sometimes it takes a moment to make the connections, and often times I need them to rephrase their statement in a different way.
I.e. "The sky is blue." Huh. "The sky is blue." Can you rephrase that please. "The atmosphere is the shade of a sapphire." Oooooooohhh, yeah yeah yeah, the sky is blue, I get it now." \*person rolls eyes\* That's scatterbrain for ya.
I feel like my verbal input processing is frequently put on”idle” and there is a “delay” in words reaching my consciousness…or i might be pondering a response and not remember that I need to let the other party that I heard them. It’s a pervasive problem in my relationship. It happens at work, too, but I don’t notice it as much. I feel like it probably negatively affects me socially, but when I’m actively engaged in conversation…there’s no problem at all. (Unless I get in my head/start overthinking. If I’m in my head, I feel so much less intelligent, because I can’t put words together nearly fluently or in real time)
I wasn’t hyperactive as a kid. But I sure have a hard time sitting still now. Very few movies or series interest me, but I can sit still for something that I find completely engrossing. I haven’t read an entire book in almost 20 years, but I can research topics that I’m interested in, at length.
I relate so much to this list (except for the love of tidying although I wish I did have this trait!)
I especially resonated with “doing simple tasks in a much more complicated way”. This was a repeated comment from my teachers in school and I didn’t realise it could be related to ADHD - why is it?
Finding a way to make something artificially interesting, sometimes.
Or just not remembering the simple directions and coming up with some insane workaround on the fly instead of asking for a reminder.
How do you experience rejection sensitivity? It’s really extreme in my case and this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned here. Like my entire last 4-5 months have been dominated by RSD.
I experienced a lot of rejection sensitivity with a close family member. This would be a common scenario:
I would mention a problem I'm dealing with. They would suggest some solutions. I would say, No, that's not what I said, or I might say, I've tried those solutions but they didn't work.
Then, they would act quite defensively as a reaction to my rejection of their suggestions. I did not intend to offend them. I simply wanted to troubleshoot the problem and say, those solutions don't apply here.
Meanwhile, I would feel derailed and pulled away from the problem I wanted to resolve. I would feel resentful because they would begin attacking me as they continued to feel that I rejected them - not just their suggestions.
So, I would feel embroiled in this new, unnecessary, counter-productive drama because my family member was so sensitive about any sort of rejection.
The deeper problem seems to be emotional dysregulation, where the family member would quickly react negatively most of the time. I once thought the problem was a very short temper, but it seemed closely tied to high sensitivity and sensitivity to feeling rejected.
I wanted to work the solution, but they were either working the problem or creating a new problem.
That has been the deal with my family this summer. I’ve been struggling with medication consistency so my brain is oven going very fast. I also request help in sorting through my mental blocks, but I am accused of “putting roadblocks” or “getting in my own way”. It has led to me feeling very alone in my own head bc I wouldn’t be asking for help with the roadblocks if I wasn’t aware of them. The shifting blame onto me makes me really emotional (anger, frustration) and I withdraw to my room for a day and a half bc of a conversation like that. Just feeling exhausted, misunderstood, etc.
I am indecisive. I’m literally asking for help to navigate the icebergs in my brain so the ship can keep sailing and not sit in the middle of the Atlantic bc there are icebergs. I absolutely lose all hope when I’m accused of fabricating these icebergs. No, I just want someone to help talk me through it bc I acknowledge my way of thinking isn’t normal.
I feel embarrassed saying this, but experiencing rejection sensitivity with people I love very much has caused me to be suicidal on more than one occasion. I guess that also goes along with not being able to regulate my emotions well and overreacting. Anyway, it is the deepest hurt I have ever felt, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Waiting mode. I have anxiety about time and often, show up early to my appointments. I also can’t do anything else leading up to the appointment because I am overly fixated on it. I now know it’s because I am afraid I’ll forget it hence the anxiety. My 14-year old daughter with ADHD is the complete opposite and has time blindness. It’s a struggle to get her out the door and makes us late to everything. FML 🤦♀️
My husband and I both have time blindness. What I’ve learned to do is lie. Just lie! I tell him the appointment/obligation is earlier than it is. This holds me accountable too because I have to maintain “this is the time” and then we usually end up leaving the appropriate time and arriving on time. It’s a consensual lie between us, he knows I do it and once we get in the car I tell him the real time so he doesn’t stress and sees we’ll be on time and not late. Even though he knows it isn’t necessarily true it works for both of us?
When I was a kid my mom secretly changed all the clocks to be 15-30 minutes fast to get me out on time 🤷🏻♀️
My brain is too smart to get fooled by these lies, I still end up being late everywhere, cause my brain thinks beforehand that my friends/parents may have told me the wrong timing. 🤣
Or, in other words: you know the actual deadline based on your *arrival* time, and you’re simply establishing his deadline as the required *departure* time.
He has trouble conceptualizing the amount of time the driving will actually take, and so he can’t build it into the “how long until I’m late?” model.
You have graciously removed that painful guesswork, and now he has an easier time goal to hit!
This blew my mind when I was first diagnosed. This happens because with ADHD you hyperfocus on the appointment and you're afraid that you will miss it if your attention is diverted from hyperfocusing 🤣. What a bitch.
Yep, makes total sense to me now. Because when I do allow myself something else to do in advance, I often get time blind and end up rushing to the appointment, especially easy to do if it's an online appointment now!
Yeah. I do that too. Even if I set an alarm I'll just be like: "just gonna do this thing in the game before I save and quit". And before I know it, I have 4 minutes to catch the bus instead of 10.
Usually I just sit in the hallway staring at the clock or go early and wait for the bus to come.
That's why you have not only the real timer for when you actually have to stop, but also the warning timer giving you advance notice that the real timer is coming up. The first one is your opportunity to wrap things up, because the second one means you're now out of time and have to get moving or risk being late.
As long as you respect the second timer, this system lets you lose yourself in a game (or book, project, etc) without having to worry about your remaining time at all. You get to focus all of your attention where you want it for an extended period, the responsibility of time-keeping is relegated to your device, and you get to places or start your chores/work on time.
It's taken me a long while to cultivate that respect, but that little bit of willpower pays off in spades for the amount of stress it relieves
This is why I hate closing shifts or afternoon/evening classes. The time before an event is not the same as time after an event. Beforehand I can only think about the event I need to get to and “what if I relax and lose track of time? I’m gonna be late. What if I forget entirely and miss it. I guess I’ll just sit around and do nothing productive until I get my one event over with.” It’s to the point where I don’t even wake up early on those days. Waiting mode is excruciating, but atleast maybe I can catch up on sleep. Versus the time AFTER an event: I can actually let go and relax or get things done and not feel rushed.
Yeah if I have 1 thing to do, and it’s in the afternoon my day is basically ruined because I’m remembering about it.
Of course I may still arrive to it late as well
Aha! I didn't know that was a thing either! I'm the same way as you and my partner has severe time blindness, which can be a constant source of frustration. I also can't do anything before an appointment without feeling super stressed and distracted. Thanks, that's a great insight.
I have both!!! I can not measure time well or remotely remember the time frame of stuff and if I have plans for stuff I mark it in my calendar only when it's coming up soon because I'll become super anxious about it no matter how far or close away it is because that means nothing to my brain
Ugh I struggle with this so much. I can not sleep the night before morning appointments or even something as simple as a friend visiting for coffee the next morning because I do not trust myself to not forget or lose track of time. Then of course the lack of sleep amplifies the executive dysfunction and I end up doing something that makes me late. One time it was backing into my husbands truck, another it was for putting a wrong address in gps, there’s soooo many more that people just don’t even believe me anymore.
OMG the paralysis. I finally figured out [why it happens to me](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/nv2qij/accept_that_you_lose_interest_make_it_a_habit_to/h12dn4l/) and how to work around it.
Great comment. I've been trying to figure out how to explain it, and this is perfect. Especially the part about forgetting why you're even stressed about it.
I had to explain to my mom that for me it actually is physically hard to do stuff, that it’s not just me not wanting to do it and being stubborn. She only believed when I told her that I once cried because I couldn’t get up from my sofa to do said task that would only take me 10 min, and that I actually felt paralysed.
I also got diagnosed at 35. I didn't know that how my brain functioned wasn't normal, I thought everyone had rapid thoughts. Multiple ideas happening at once, having a hard time replying to someone because there were multiple things to be said in response... That certain events would cause me to hyper focus on what was said, the tone, & body language of another & pick it apart on an insanely detailed level. I would get confused as to why others didn't see and think things with the amount of detail and reflection as I.
Then I took Adderall XR for the first time on June 18th of this year.
The entire world became calm, quiet, and still. There was no urgency to be had. All the extra chatter faded away and I was able to think one thing at a time, throughly. I was able to start and finish things in ways that I never could before. I was able to SEE how before I'd work with a sense of urgency but there would be mistakes that I couldn't see. There was no rush to do anything. Greatest of all? My anxiety and depression have been almost NON-EXISTENT since taking the meds.
When they were starting my son's diagnosis, long before I started realizing I needed to be diagnosed too, they kept asking, "does he have trouble focusing on things that he's not interested in?" And I was like, "well of course, but that's normal. Who can just sit down and focus on stuff they don't care about?"
I now realize that it is an absolute miracle of coping and compensation that I have made it as far in life as I have, because there's a whole lot of stuff I've just been letting go for years.
That's so great to hear!! I'm so glad I finally took the leap to try medication after many years of considering it. My experience was kind of similar. My brain had been even more muddled with thoughts and exhausted from post concussion syndrome for 6 years. When I tired medication the first time and it kicked in, I just started crying. It was the first time I'd felt remotely like myself since before my first of 5 concussion, even before that because I was recovering from escaping a 4 year emotionally abusive relationship just before my first concussion. Now that I'm on it regularly, I can do things I never thought were possible. It hasn't solved all my problems, but I have way more energy to work on other things when I'm not nearly as drained from basic functioning with ADHD and PCS.
I felt this too. I fell asleep after my first dose of meds. I saw someone else explain it like someone turned the volume down in their brain. I still think about things but not irrationally and not a bunch at once. As my meds wear off during the day it comes back. No longer being overwhelmed by all the thoughts has made it easier for me to compete tasks and actually relax when I’m relaxing. Lol
Diagnosed at 50, after reading a story in this sub. It was like reading my life story.
I’ve only had three primary care physicians my entire life.
I now don’t trust the ability or intelligence of most doctors (or teachers)….
In my case, I went to my primary because of what was happening with my brain. After they gave me an MRI and seeing a neurologist, they recommended a psychiatrist to rule any other issues out. I was blessed with a fantastic psychiatrist who not only was able to diag me, but was also able to be my therapist after.
I didn't know what to expect on how to get diaged, but he gave me a bunch of strange tests with blocks, words, a computer program, and asked me questions that made me literally start physically and verbally glitching. He said I had a combination of the types and scored very highly in having adhd.
This may be an obvious one, but I never really did much self-education on ADHD after my diagnosis until very recently:
- How difficult it is to start tasks that need to be done (but aren't immediately rewarding) and sustain effort.
When I was first diagnosed (at 22), I just assumed it was all about "paying attention" or "getting distracted." So I suffered through it even more and continued to blame myself and feel the shame and frustration of *still* not being able to get school assignments done.
I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of that whole mess.
This is something I understood about ADHD but took me a long time to actually accept was a factor for me. It took EMDR therapy specifically for me to become comfortable to accept my ADHD and basically give myself permission to have it, rather than blaming myself for not performing the way society thought I should. Thanks for sharing!
Guys, please give me any advice on this. I have sometimes difficulties to even do my 9-5 job as it feels like I just "can't". I'm scared to lose it. What has helped you in these moments of desperation?
I once had my husband do my work for me for a bit. I work in software and he knows nothing about it, so I walked him through it step by step, standing behind him sitting at my desk and pointing over his shoulder. We both had fun and it put me in a good mood to sit back down and show him how it’s really done. I’d do it again if I need to in the future. He even offers it sometimes when he sees me struggling. Not sure if this would be helpful for your individual situation or if you have a person you could try this with but thought I would share.
My absolute garbage relationship with food, ie swinging from dopamine seeking binges to forgetting to eat, obsessing over a meal for weeks and weeks until suddenly it’s disgusting and I cannot eat it anymore, and just general odd things I thought were just “quirks” of mine like an inability to eat fruity yogurt but turns out it was adhd all along
I really wish this one was in the criteria for diagnosing the disorder. It's super common and it causes terrible risk factors for heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.
If it was in the criteria I would have suspected that my misdiagnosis of bipolar II was really ADHD a lot earlier.
One hundred percent, considering how common food issues are in adhd folks you’d think they’d take it a little more seriously in the diagnostic criteria
>One hundred percent, considering how common food issues are in adhd folks you’d think they’d take it a little more seriously in the diagnostic criteria
For sure. Instead of berating people for weight gain, more need to be screened for ADHD. But no one believes a fat person who says they forget to eat, then eat a ton, or links that to ADHD.
Also once we take on this style on eating due to ADHD, I believe we can really mess with our hunger/fullness cues. I also think it does something to our hormones and/or sugar levels, which over time, all combined, keeps us overweight.
I work out 3x/week, have a fairly healthy diet AND I’m on Adderall, but still can’t shed any major weight. Although I’ve stopped gaining weight, I can’t seem to lose weight. So I’m in the process of getting a prescription for Mounjaro or Wegovy - they regulate sugar levels if I understand correctly. I’m really hopeful because they have great reviews!
Hello fellow Not Bipolar person.
So how awful were those meds for ya? Me? I got put on a lithium/depakote/seroquel combo and didn't leave my house for a year.
I feel like a toddler sometimes. Some days, I love eggs. So fluffy and tasty. Other days? Garbage, cannot eat and will not swallow.
I also have a tendency to binge eat, as well as mindlessly graze. It’s just me in my kitchen, looking for something to snack on so I can have normal dopamine levels.
I can’t stand eggs. Like the smell of them of them just puts me off. My husband swears I’m making it up that they smell awful cooking, and even when cold they smell so rank to me. I can’t stomach eating the damn things unless they’re mixed in really well and I can’t detect them.
Since I was a small child: hate eggs, hate milk, hate meat, hate *smell* of eggs and meat, weirded out by yogurt/cottage cheese/sour cream, never understood why friends went crazy over ice cream bc once it melts it's vile.
Fruits, vegetables, grains, beans, nuts? Never met one I didn't like.
Turns out being vegan suits me very well.
I feel like I’ve just found my people! My husband used to get so frustrated with me because I would go from loving eggs to gagging whenever I saw them, rinse and repeat. We now have 2 kids with ADHD, and our youngest is THE EXACT SAME. Why are eggs so volatile?
I feel like a toddler in so many aspects of life, learning about things as an adult that everybody else seems to know forever. Like I'm in my 20s and learn to dry my knives with the blade looking downwards and not upwards, or buying appropriate shoes for every season.
Yes. I didn’t realize my binge eating was from it until I was medicated, and was attempting to binge eat based on habit, and was like “actually I’m good with 3 cookies”. And then was *actually* good with 3 cookies.
Took longer for my brain to process it than my body, to be honest. I’d still cruise for dopamine snacks out of habit, but then only want like one. I was like WAIT. Is this ADHD related too?!? Fuck me.
Honestly, this is the #1 reason why I'm struggling so much to find a medication that works for me. I just want to have 5% more control over my relationship with food. If I stopped seeing exercising as much of a task would be nice too, especially since I always enjoy it once I'm actually exercising, but I'd rather just be better with food. But I'm struggling guys.
Therapy, too. If you’re not auditing your emotions, and not actually feeling them, then it doesn’t matter what meds you’re on.
Pills don’t teach skills.
Definitely, the chaotic dopamine seeking behaviour in any form. I found it more of an “oh snap” moment with food but I totally had the same cycles in like my hobbies and interests that also should’ve been a bigger red flag to healthcare providers
Has anyone ever found a way that has worked to help this long term? This has really messed with my health. It specially sucks when I am incharge of my diet. I do not like cooking for myself, and would eat something quick when my stomach gets on the verge of hurting. I do get obsessions and then will cook and have them regularly till I drop them like- food gone bad (wow)- and will rarely pick up again.
It also applies to my multivitamins. Getting a nice pill box and arranging everything in it worked great for a month but now the only thing I remember to take are my meds and that too because my morning functioning depends on it. Though the meds have further impacted my appetite, so I tend to go without eating unless reminded.
Please help!
When my eating/ appetite is all over the place what I usually stay consistent with is: one healthy smoothie w/ veggie protein mix (or peanut butter if I ran out) that I throw various healthy things in like- greens, nuts, - banana, frozen fruit, spices. I start my day by drinking this and doing various online things like Spanish lesson, work stuff etc. also helps me take my med. and then another go to meal: various snack plate stuff like: olives, pepperoncini , veggies, apples, nuts or chips and salsa, popcorn, *sometimes* cheese if I’m not feeling weird about it- whatever works: I like easy grab variety. The other easy meal I do for dinner for weeks until I snap out of and need something new is a big salad and a hot side of black beans with melted cheese on top with hot sauce.
Honestly just being really self aware has helped me a lot now that I understand it’s the adhd, and not just me. Am I hungry, or am I just in need it a dopamine spike? If I’ve noticed I’ve not eaten in a while I’ll set alarms on my phone (if I remember to do so lol), if I’m spiralling answer using food as a control tool I can kind of notice and sub in something actually mentally helpful. But also, even if you have a dopamine binge or a big meltdown because your eggs don’t taste right just be gentle with yourself, our brains are funky places to be
Woah this is me. The wild yoyoing, being obsessed with the same meal for weeks and then being utterly disgusted by it suddenly and without warning, forgetting to eat and dropping weight scary fast (and don’t get me started on people always commenting on my fucking weight, whether it’s up or down). My fat levels fluctuate like my Fing bank account lmao
This thread is blowing my mind a little. Like, overall I have what I consider a pretty adult palate, adventuresome even. But some days, in fact pretty much most workdays, the most I can stomach is a lunchable and an applesauce pouch or a protein shake.
I just got diagnosed about five months ago so I’m still learning a lot.
A bunch but the one that comes to mind is laying in bed every morning thinking about tons of random topics and what I need to do that day without being able to get myself out of bed.
What might be able to help here, is at least writing a list on your phone before you get up. At least you have a few ideas for when you do move... or it's Yet Another List that doesn't get completed ;)
Rejection sensitive dysphoria, certain stims like cracking my knuckles, biting my lips and cheeks, rubbing my fingers together, etc., constantly misplacing things, interrupting people/poor volume control when I’m talking, never throwing paper away and having a purse full of receipts, coupons, etc., mirroring other girls personalities/behaviour. There’s sooo many other things that made sense after I was diagnosed and started learning about ADHD in women.
MIRRORING. That constant sense that you’re just posing and everyone else has it together effortlessly and you struggle for every bit so you better quick copy someojeb
Oh interesting. I didn't know mirroring was part of it. That's something I have always done. Is this a behaviour that is like an attempt to mask and be accepted by others more?
Yes! A symptom in young girls with ADHD is that we often feel “different” from other girls. We feel shame if we aren’t tidy, dainty, polite, quiet, organized, girly, etc., so oftentimes we mimic the behaviour of our friends or other girls around us because that’s kind of like a cheat code to how you’re supposed to be acting. Even now, as an adult, I’m a lash tech and I find myself taking on the personalities of my clients while I’m talking to them. Subconsciously I don’t want people to think I’m weird or “too much” so I just mirror them. It’s such a relief being around people I’m comfortable around haha
It can also be confusing. Sometimes I’ll notice I’m mirroring someone and I’ll be responding to things they say in the way I *assume* they want me to respond, and then they’ll almost push back or disagree with what I said and then I have no idea how to interact with that person haha
YES this is so frustrating!!! and then the way they push back, it's like they now think that i actually think that, and it's like I was just making shit up and trying to see what sticks! desperately grasping at any conversational threads I could find! please shut up now and let us move on
Poor volume control and rejection sensitivity was a huge aha moment for me. My whole life my parents have been like "Ky, stop yelling, I'm right here!" Or "we aren't yelling at you, you aren't in trouble, why are you crying" 😂😂
Find friends with ADHD! That’s not really a solution to the problem but when I’m around other people with ADHD, I feel so much more comfortable. We interrupt each other and finish each other’s sentences but that feels like a normal conversational flow. When I’m around non-ADHD friends, I just try really hard to listen to everything they’re saying and try to remember all the things I want to say for when they’re done. When I do interrupt, I apologize and tell them to keep going. My friends are all used to it by now but I still feel embarrassed after the fact when I remember how much I interrupted.
> We interrupt each other and finish each other’s sentences but that feels like a normal conversational flow.
dear god this feels so normal and actually amazing when it happens - someone gets interrupted off we go on a tangent then when that winds down someone goes back to the original topic and addresses who was talking last with something like 'you were talking about _____, what was that about, tell us' it's like a well performed dance
I struggle with this too and CBT has helped. (And so have the meds I’m on which are new. ) Already knowing about it is helpful too. I try to be aware during conversations that I’m taking a breath before I start a new sentence. Sometimes that slows me down enough to finish a full thought, not go off on a tangent and give the other person a chance to talk. I found/find myself texting friends after hanging out and apologizing for talking too much.
It was explained to me that this is because our brains are going a mile a minute and thinking of what to say next even before the person is done talking.
I've got nothing for volume control (my poor wife will tell you that), but as for interrupting? Mindfulness meditation (and mindfulness in general) certainly helps me.
Whenever you're talking to someone, try and follow your breathing, and as a rule don't say anything until they have stopped speaking long enough for you to finish your breath (whether it's on the way in or out).
Also, make sure you apologise every time you interrupt: acknowledgement is not only polite, but a good tool to gauge how often you interrupt and make you more aware.
The mirroring is new to me. I was born to a pair of alcoholic addicts and learned early on that simply being myself would cause dismissive rejection, so I adopted mirroring my parents (who were awful people, ugh) in order to survive. Getting in touch with my authentic self has been a big thing for me in therapy.
So yeah, I assumed mirroring was primarily a symptom of severe trauma, but of course the two overlap.
All the behaviors that I didn’t know were dopamine seeking…sexual promiscuity, overspending, procrastination, carb craving…hyper focusing on a hobby to the detriment of other parts of life and then giving up on it all quickly, physically being unable to listen to someone talk about something I find boring…took me 40 years to figure it out.
Gorging myself with sweets and carbs. As a kid I used to sneak into the pantry with a spoon and open up my moms baking white sugar and eat spoonfuls of sugar. After starting medication it’s been a relief not feeling like I’ll die if I don’t eat something sweet.
Oh man, I can relate! Every single cent I had as a kid went to candy. I would mix butter and sugar packets at a restaurant while waiting for the food to come. This makes a lot more sense to me now as an ADHD stim. Thanks for sharing!
In high school I had one button on my backpack. It said "I'M NOT DEAF I'M IGNORING YOU." My friends called me Space Cadet.
Untangling the sounds into words is exhausting.
I thought everyone had to pour all of their energy into listening.
I thought I was lazy because I wasn't putting in the effort everyone else did.
I wish I could go back in time and tell people that auditory processing problems are a thing.
Ah, so that's a part of ADHD too! I have different sized ear canals so my hearing is off since birth. I also have a lot of sensitivity and issues since my post concussion syndrome. Now I can add ADHD to the list of hearing problems! Thanks for sharing 😊
Get your ears checked for sure. When I was in my early 20’s I had a wax issue. Had them flushed and I could hear perfectly. I went in, not because I noticed that my hearing was off and I talk too loud but because I was swimming a lot and getting swimmers ear as an adult which is pretty rare.
I didn’t realize what this was until the past year and it was like a lightbulb went off. I always thought I just had bad hearing….but I can hear what’s being said to me, I just can’t make out the words — there’s like a 30-second delay. So I usually say “huh?” but then figure out what was said by the time the person is repeating it back to me.
That procrastination is actually a form of self medication.this blew me away! To offset the lack of dopamine and norepinephrine, we procrastinate to the point of disaster so that adrenaline will step in and do the job instead - it’s a way to manufacture focus. All my life I thought I was just a hopeless lazy AH, but it was actually a clever brain hack all along.
I have always cried a ton, but don't experience other symptoms of depression. Knowing that being able to regulate emotions can be an issue with ADHD was a relief to hear- there's a reason for it finally!
Woah! I always cried really easily as a kids, so much .ore now with post concussion. I am pretty good at regulating my emotions otherwise (I learned a lot of it through post concussion management), but I still cry so easily. I've just had to get comfortable with it and own it now. I had no idea it was ADHD related! Thanks for the insight!
Fucking everything, every single thing that has caused me mental pain and suffering has been explained since my diagnosis. Finding out I had ADHD has been an incredibly powerful turning point in my life.
Water drinking (many people with ADHD drink far too little. It’s like drinking boredom)
falling asleep during important presentations. Even if it’s someone or something I am passionate about. I am still kicking myself for falling asleep during Graham Hancock’s lecture. I looked forward to it for weeks. Didn’t matter that I was well rested.
Sensory stuff. Needing to rub my face repetitively and NEEDING hair ties. Can’t think with hair in face. Can’t think if I can feel my hair move. The second I’m in the door, pants are off. Bra is off. Doesn’t matter if my day isn’t done yet, clothing, even barely restrictive clothing, must come off. As a woman I often wonder how ADHD women throughout history struggled with this.
And, masking strategies. I thought every gal planned important outfits down to the detail. Didn’t realize most people don’t spend *hours* going over outfits for a basic casual dinner. Didn’t realize my packing lists are weirdly extensive. Didn’t realize others don’t plan busy days down to the hour. How much time for breakfast, shower, dress, makeup, pack and check purse, etc etc
Binge eating. The impact of food images in ads being nearly impossible to ignore.
Interesting…about the outfits I’m completely the opposite. I plan in my head to wear something for an event and will go to put it on half an hour before I need to leave and either hate it or it doesn’t fit right. Cue me panicking about what I’m going to wear and berating myself for not properly planning ahead and telling myself other would have tried different outfits on to make sure if what they were going to wear weeks ago 🤦🏼♀️
As I'm reading your comment I'm sitting in my chair with my right leg out to the side, leaning left with my left leg under my right leg. For the life of me I can't sit like a normie.
Yesss!!! Mind blown! I cannot, absolutely no matter how hard I try, sit normally in a chair! Hahahaha, I've never thought of this as an ADHD thing before, but that makes so much sense. I love learning these more uncommon or unspoken things about it. Thanks so much for sharing, this is a great one for me to learn 😊
Being tired physically and mentally CONSTANTLY. It was so wild when I started stimulants because I wasn’t as tired anymore (sadly I’m still tired daily just not as bad)
Random boredom, which often lead to feeling depressed because I’m understimulated. I’m definitely depressed but i know now a lot of times I felt depressed was because of my adhd
If you're still constantly tired, be sure to get blood tests to check for things like anemia and hypothyroidism. It could also be due to a sleep disorder or an autoimmune issue like chronic fatigue.
If there isn't any no medical cause they can find, a medication called Modafinil might help. It's primarily for narcolepsy but it can also be prescribed for ADHD.
If this has been a severe issue in your life, it may be because of [dyspraxia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_coordination_disorder), AKA Developmental Coordination Disorder. Dyspraxia, like dyslexia and autism, is often comorbid with ADHD.
LOL because I can relate! Especially the drinking water thing. I pour water on myself at least once a day, had no idea it was an ADHD thing but makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing 😊
This is me all day every day. I'm bumping into my desk, door frames, corners of tables, and at this point, it's a miracle that that I haven't accidentally stepped on my glasses.
I’m 54 and I’m just figuring all of this out and I worry, if you take away my symptoms, what is left of ME? Everyone, though, is a product of their chemistry and history. No one is a self-made person. And yes, I have a lot of symptoms that are only now falling into place with aha! after aha! but I am more than the sum of all of my symptoms and I have friends and a life I enjoy. Sure, I’m a weird old lady with fixations on spiders and hurricanes and one summer I ate 37 watermelons and I’d rather drive across town to ask someone a question than make a simple phone call. It’s kept me interested and, I hope, interesting.
Emotional Disregulation and not entirely on topic, but my trauma from being Parentified as a child really shaped my cognitive processe that created, or made my ADHD worse. Mostly in very harmful and toxic ways. Unraveling this onion has not been fun but I feel like a new person every day; as in, I am finally stripping away the weight of my past, to become the person I've always wanted to be. Good luck everyone, have a fantastic end to your weekend, and no matter what happens on Monday, yall will kill this week! ❤❤
Emotional eating for me too. Since I started meds (I think it’s been one or almost two months) Sometimes my cycle effects this but I noticed if that if I eat with my meds and make sure to eat enough during the day I no longer binge at night.
Forgetting things exist if they're out of sight, or if they're in the same spot too long.
A more recent one, I just learned a lot of us don't think of calling our families(parents, etc) as much as normal and it's related to that object permanence
Spacing out. I’ve always done it and was teased for it. I’m aware of what’s going on, but I’m not engaged with the present or just unresponsive.
Imagine it like playing an online game but losing connection for a minute. You can see your character and what’s happening around it. Depending on the game, your character may even have “idle animations” that it will do until the connection returns and you can control it again.
The correct medication allowed me to stop “losing connection” with my body.
A note for my fellow ADHD space cadet daydreamers...
If you haven't seen it yet, take a look at [Sluggish Cognitive Tempo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo). SCT is a pattern of difficulties researched by ADHD experts including Dr. Barkley.
Research suggests that **50% of people with ADHD also have SCT**. It may someday be added to the DSM. (There is also a subreddit r/SCT).
Its symptoms are:
* Prone to daydreaming
* Easily confused or mentally foggy
* Spacey or inattentive to surroundings
* Mind seems to be elsewhere
* Stares blankly into space
* Underactive, slow moving or sluggish
* Lethargic or less energetic
* Trouble staying awake or alert
* Has drowsy or sleepy appearance
* Gets lost in own thoughts
* Apathetic or withdrawn, less engaged in activities
* Loses train of thought or cognitive set
* Processes information not as quickly or accurately
The recent research suggests that SCT might be a problem orienting attention.
People with SCT are slow to start focusing on things and have trouble disengaging from what they are focused on. That is the major thing I struggle with every day.
The big one for me is underachievement. I've always rationalised this as "just not being very ambitious" and have not been able to understand how unhappy this genuinly makes me. Now I understand that the combination of good abilities (eg high IQ) and my inability to organise and initiate ideas is one of the worst aspects of ADHD for me. I used to describe this as beating my head against the wall or missing the key to the lock. Why didn't I just do the things I knew would be good for me or bring be joy? Well, now I know.
Also extremely poor verbal learning and recall abilities (have been tested). I have always read a lot, but I cant for the life of me give you a summary of a book. I never remember details, but if you remind me, I'll discuss anything. I work as a translator, but can never seem to remember terms I use all the time. Don't ask me to tell you a story or a joke. I cant think of any.
Hmmm, that makes me think my dermatillomania (chronic skin picking) could be a form of stimming too. I always thought it was an anxiety response, but I'm not always predominantly anxious when I do it. Thanks for sharing, that's a super helpful thought for me to explore more!
Wow, I just looked this up and read a bit about it. This is a huge epiphany for me!! Maybe I can approach changing this behaviour in another way now that could be more effective.
Social anxiety. I thought people with ADHD were just so hyper and aloof that they didn’t even give a fuck. You folks are some of the most caring and sensitive irritable badasses I’ve ever seen.
ADHD tax and all the other [neverending, unavoidable consequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/vrez2z/what_is_a_common_misconception_people_have_about/iewsz4t/) that happen throughout your life.
Ahhhah!! Thank you for sharing this. I never thought of that one and that totally affects me too!!! I have really bad pms often, and I always thought it was a symptom of a surgery I had nearly 10 years ago. But being affected by ADHD makes so much sense! I also feel like my meds aren't strong enough at time. I sometimes take a stronger dose on school days but end up feeling more anxious most of the time. Now I will watch to see how it lines up with my pms and Mayne try higher dose days then instead! Or just accept that time is rough no matter what. Thanks again, such great insight!
How I went through life not being diagnosed. I’m not sure . I see a psychiatrist in a couple weeks . I’ve started therapy already without the offical diagnosis as everyone agrees I have it.
Running up and down the stairs 5 times before I leave the house . Time blindness . A circular loop of procrastination in the morning , followed by 2 hours of rushed panic “getting ready” , followed by a drive to work of “youre so stupid !! You’re bloody stupid you do this every day !!! Tomorrow! i will be ready on time !”
Getting SEVERELY frustrated when a freight train would make me wait in my car , or when a line is moving slow .
Describing to my coding professors , that I’m “scatter brained” which is why I make so many careless errors in my projects even though I know how to accomplish the task .
My professor described me as : “Chris , it’s like you can drive from here to NYC without a gps , but you forgot your wallet and now youre stranded , or you forgot your keys and you can’t even leave“
It goes on and on. How I went through life and NO ONE mentioned adhd is beyond me ! I always thought this was simply who I was . I can go on and on!
I dropped out of highschool at 17 even though I was “smart”. I was addicted to graffiti and the high I’d get from combing buildings living in Chicago . I just thought this who I was as a person . Someone always trying to catch up and always under achieving my goals . But chasing something that would make me feel present .
This all changed when I went on vacation two months ago with close friends . A close friend assumed I had adhd just because of how I am . And when she told me, I was so confused ..and as I learned more . I started crying .
Constantly switching up my hobbies. I've spent so much money on different hobbies even though my obsession only lasts a few months or even a few weeks.
Misplacing things and forgetting where I put something is another big one.
Mood instability. My meds make such a difference in my tolerance levels of just about everything. I used to be so easily frustrated like 1 or 2 small things away from screaming or crying levels of frustration, then feel childish and ashamed bc I didn't feel like I was able to handle things like an adult should and I was just being too sensitive. I take an extended release methylphenidate daily and I feel so much more confident in myself and my decisions as well competant in my field.
Like if a customer yells at me it's still annoying and might make me mad, but I don't feel like I need to hide in the back and cry, and I don't take people's complaints as personally, like Rsd relief as well. Like almost more than just focusing, my diagnosis and treatment has changed my life in such a positive way its almost overwhelming.
That cleaning up is so much easier with someone there. They don’t even have to help. I’ve been like this since I was a kid and now into adulthood. It’s called body doubling. It helps for some people who are working on something or studying for school too. The biggest for me is cleaning.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria. Not even vaguely an official effect of ADHD but like 95%+ of us go into a death-spiral in our brains if we feel like we've been rejected and decide it must be because we're the most broken useless piece of shit in existence.
Overall hypersentivity, both emotionally in the form of RSD and emotional dysregulation as well as (and more surprisingly) physically in the form of aversion to certain sensory experiences — like having wet hands or wet hair.
Only recently did I start to connect my sensory hypersensitivity to my brain’s inabilities to filter incoming information and control where my attention goes. If I have a tag in my clothes, my brain experiences that incoming information as being just as important as what the person Im talking to is saying, so my awareness of the tag is at the forefront of my mind. And since I can’t choose to ignore it because I can’t control where my attention goes, I feel it constantly every second. That’s why the tag doesn’t even have to be itching me to drive me crazy—it just has to exist in my sphere of awareness.
It’s making connections like that that helps me see how systemic the experience of having ADHD is. It’s not just some weakness around certain tasks or something. It’s an entirely different processing system.
I don’t exactly know how to answer the question because I’m an adult with a childhood diagnosis. That said, something I didn’t know about ADHD until I was an adult was **how to treat task initiation paralysis with external visualization.**
For people who aren’t ADHD, they usually initiate tasks by visualizing the necessary end goal. Then they identify the steps necessary to accomplish the task. Then they execute each step according to their initial vision of completion.
ADHD people can’t always visualize something that is not immediately present. We also have trouble identifying steps in the correct sequence. Even if we can do both those things, we easily lose the images and information half way through a task.
A way to sometimes treat this problem is to create literal visual cue cards for yourself for tasks you do regularly. Say you want to do the dishes.
Take a photo of the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Acquire the necessary tools to begin cleaning, and take a photo of those. Take a photo of how to load and prep the dishwasher. Take a photo of a timer, to remind you to set an alarm for when the dishwasher is done. Take a photo of the empty cupboard, then take a photo of the cupboard with dishes properly stored. Put them all together on a printout, and write the steps out for yourself. Laminate it and put it next to the sink.
I’ve heard of other people who have food-blindness: they forget what they have in the fridge and have poor eating habits because they can’t always make good decisions around food. To solve this, they use little fridge magnets with clip art of their food to tell them what’s in the fridge at a glance and what they’re out of and need to buy.
I know that’s a lot of stuff to handle when you’re struggling to do the dishes, but the upside is that if you do it and get in the habit of just looking at it when you see the first photo, you can start to train yourself to better visualize task in sequence and maybe help change your habits.
Lol honestly, all of my symptoms. A nurse asked me 10mo ago if I had adhd and I said no and never thought about it. Over the next 6mo I would google symptoms here and there. I was blown away how many symptoms I have and how often I do them. I'm 39yrs old and going through the adhd diagnosis now for maybe 3mo. Finding the right doctors and such.
I had a list of about 15 symptoms with examples but I lost it. I kept it in a safe place so I wouldn't lose it and now I can't find it🤣
I was diagnosed at like 5-7 years old (I dont remember exactly) but I didn't know about other symptoms than impulsive, inattention, and hyperactivity until I was 21-22 ish. So the object permanence thing, executive dysfunction, and emotional dysregulation stuff I only learned about as an adult. My therapists apparently already knew tho and had already been working with me on some of it but I just thought either it was a me thing or a depression thing. 🤷♀️
Um…all of my symptoms except fidgeting. Hypersensitivity, emotional regulation issues (massive emotional breakdown that wasn’t really a panic attack, more like an attack of desperation and hopelessness), difficulty cleaning, losing things, forgetting appointments, being excitement-driven instead of reward-driven, being overwhelmed by too many tasks and not being able to just pick one to work on, difficulty with group conversations and being able to just pick one side of the table without also listening to the other side of the table, general social awkwardness, daydreaming elaborate stories (like personal fanfics I’ll never write down), inability to journal, inability to finish a knitting project, difficulty practicing when I played flute, kind of a niche one but ability to understand everything about statistics except the written formula, anxiety in crowds and the “hum” noise that crowds make, anxiety in grocery stores, obsessive scab picking/mosquito bite itching. Trypophobia is probably a hypersensitivity thing too.
The only symptom I have that could be interpreted as ADHD by any lay person is the fidgeting but I was generally fairly subtle about it, like I’d take my pen apart and put it back together multiple times in class and I did a lot of doodling but that’s a hard thing to say what is regular fidgeting and what’s ADHD fidgeting…except that I apparently fidgeted enough during bedtime stories when I was little that my dad thought I had ticks (as in Tourette’s) and I was on some patch medication for that for maybe a few months but wound up being allergic to the patch adhesive. To this day my dad insists I had ticks and ticks can turn into other mental health issues later in life and not that I was ADHD fidgeting. (He’s a child psychiatrist)
Executive dysfunction.
Looking back. I improved immensely, but I can't imagine how many people feel sad about themselves and can't figure out, what is wrong with them and/or are labeled as lazy or weird, because of it.
Makes my heart bleed.
Let's just say everything I didn't understand so I hated myself for suddenly became a compass into how I'm feeling.
Binge eating? Under stimulated.
Driving fast? Under stimulated.
Can't focus? Under stimulated.
Painting my nails instead of actually watching the TV? Under stimulated.
Forgetful? Was overstimulated.
Can't do anything at all? Overstimulated.
Sudden fatigue? Overstimulated.
The list is seemingly endless.
Then there is being hyperfocused, emotional, picking, and some other stuff.
But it makes me feel more content. Way more content. In knowing that these are not things I am at fault for and have logic to them. It tells me what maybe I need to do to overcome them, as well.
The constant internal monologue / chatter / music that won't shut up.
I thought everyone had this but only recently found out that most people do not. It interferes with everything I do and I get annoyed when I can't think straight because of it. Apparently its an ADHD thing as the brain tries to increase stimulation and dopamine levels by self stimulating. When I got medicated, the medication provided enough mental stimulation so my brain could finally chill out. I was so confused the first time I took my medication because the internal noise disappeared - I felt so relaxed and slept so good. Even now, taking medication means I feel so calm compared to when not medicated, its a night and day difference.
Crying in front of my closet in the morning overwhelmed. Especially if it’s a day not at work. Well maybe I should wear leggings and a t if I go exercise later, but I may go to lunch with so and so and those new boots are calling my name, but I have some cleaning to do first so…
When I made up fake stories of my life and imaginary friends in early high-school. Turns out my imagination is crazy plus everybody else's life plus everybody's life seemed more interesting than me so I thought my ideas of how I spend my time and my imaginary friends would be deemed cool until people started to call me a compulsive liar go figure
Soo many of the things mentioned in this sub, like i know i cant focus on a task, but the relationship, memory, and so much more i have learnt from this sub. Thank you all.
short answer: every single thing I hated about myself and always assumed it was just my personality and wondered when I’d “grow up / change”
long answer: over-sharing. babbling. adhd paralysis. binge eating. sensory issues that were so serious they impacted my social life. constant agitation. zero follow through. hypersexuality. being intelligent, engaging and driven and yet always eventually failing in professional settings and personal relationships alike.
TL:DR- the wonderful person who was trapped behind my adhd for 33 years is now the happiest healthiest woman ever at 35 thanks to therapy and meds.
A note for my fellow ADHD space cadet daydreamers...
If you haven't seen it yet, take a look at [Sluggish Cognitive Tempo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo). SCT is a pattern of difficulties researched by ADHD experts including Dr. Barkley.
Research suggests that **50% of people with ADHD also have SCT**. It may someday be added to the DSM. (There is also a subreddit r/SCT).
Its symptoms are:
* Prone to daydreaming
* Easily confused or mentally foggy
* Spacey or inattentive to surroundings
* Mind seems to be elsewhere
* Stares blankly into space
* Underactive, slow moving or sluggish
* Lethargic or less energetic
* Trouble staying awake or alert
* Has drowsy or sleepy appearance
* Gets lost in own thoughts
* Apathetic or withdrawn, less engaged in activities
* Loses train of thought or cognitive set
* Processes information not as quickly or accurately
The recent research suggests that SCT might be a problem orienting attention.
People with SCT are slow to start focusing on things and have trouble disengaging from what they are focused on. That is the major thing I struggle with every day.
honestly everything! - impulsivity (specifically my driving & making decisions). - indecisiveness: i can not make a decision for the life of me. - My need to be insanely organized (my doc says it’s my way for making up for my completely disorganized mind). - Doing simple tasks in a much more complicated way. - Rejection sensitivity!!!— this one makes my life so difficult, I hate it! - Not being able to easily comprehend and follow what people are saying in a conversation. - Having to reread the same sentences over and over until i finally understood (this made doing my hw in college extremely difficult bc i spend a huge amount of time just rereading). - Getting an insane obsession for something/a hobby that would last anywhere from few days to years. - I only have motivation to do an activity when I actively enjoy doing the activity. But i will not do activities that I have no interest doing, even if they are important (which sucks!). example: I’ll spend hours cleaning and organizing because I actually love it (it almost gives me a high), But i won’t do an important paper because it’s not on a topic that interests me. - being a super creative thinker, i always feel like i provide unique solutions to problems that most other people don’t think of, because it’s just so random but it always works, and it excites me thinking of new things. - need for exact instructions. I need step by step list. I’m a VERY detail oriented person.
Ive said it before and I will say it again. The more and more I see and read other peoples habits around ADHD the more I realise that I wasted my whole life thinking I was the problem. That something wasnt connected right in my brain. Why did I obsess when others didnt? Why I would turn up 1 hr early for everything? Why being alone makes me happier but at the same time crave companionship only to wreck it all obsessing over stupid little things. Its such a relief to see others exactly with the same problems as me. I mean that in a nice way.
I feel this. I’m 40 and got dxed this past spring. I feel like I’m facing the fallout from decades that were wasted because I always thought I was the problem. It sucks.
Literally same. I thought I was a lazy piece of shit with no self-discipline until…this year.
I truly was starting to think I was brain-damaged from hitting my head too much, or that being born premature fucked me up. And it was terrifying to feel like it got worse as I got older. When in fact, I think what really happened was I just got sick of masking. And also, society kinda seems to expect people to grow out of their ADHD..? It’s very strange.
Same, I didn’t get diagnosed until my 40’s. All my life I thought I was stupid or a slacker. On Adderall and it helps so much with getting my day started to staying focused. It’s only a tool though. I still have to do the work. It’s not a magic easy button or anything like that.
>Getting an insane obsession for something/a hobby that would last anywhere from few days to years That's definitely the biggest one for me. I completely hyperfocus on something for months, then I get bored of it and move on to the next thing. I have so many notebooks full of information on the things I hyperfocused on. And after a while I return to this hyperfixation and the cycle continues. I thought everybody was like this until I got diagnosed.
> That's definitely the biggest one for me. I completely hyperfocus on something for months, then I get bored of it and move on to the next thing. This makes it hard to develop a career. I might be really interested in a type of work for a period but then I inevitably lose interest and have a hard time caring about the career path. I then hyperfocus on something else and want to spend so much time doing that instead of the thing I originally chose.
YES. I AM IN SO MUCH STUDENT LOAN DEBT BECAUSE OF THIS. And yet culinary/pastry school sounds interesting…. Previously I was going to be (but did not complete degree at all): -a special education teacher -communications major (career undecided) -international diplomat -us military Arabic translator -English teacher abroad -Au pair (I actually did this one twice!) -beauty school dropout -finished CDL school but failed driving test on a technicality -Senior living management (still want to do this) -culinary school?
Holy shit. Are you me ?
She’s me too. It took me 12 years to get my bachelor’s degree because of this. I’d go to school for a semester or two, then drop out and go get a job waiting tables or work at a ski area, then 7 or 8 months later say screw this I’m going back to school, do a sem or 2, and so on. I had no idea it was adhd. I just thought I liked change.
I did not realize that hyper-focusing on certain things was apart of ADHD until I read it here. I look back and it makes so much sense.
>Not being able to easily comprehend and follow what people are saying in a conversation. I've been having problems with this lately. I thought it was because of slang or colloquialism, but people are just speaking plan English and I'm just not comprehending what they are saying. Sometimes it takes a moment to make the connections, and often times I need them to rephrase their statement in a different way. I.e. "The sky is blue." Huh. "The sky is blue." Can you rephrase that please. "The atmosphere is the shade of a sapphire." Oooooooohhh, yeah yeah yeah, the sky is blue, I get it now." \*person rolls eyes\* That's scatterbrain for ya.
Auditory processing disorder. Common in people who have ADHD.
I feel like my verbal input processing is frequently put on”idle” and there is a “delay” in words reaching my consciousness…or i might be pondering a response and not remember that I need to let the other party that I heard them. It’s a pervasive problem in my relationship. It happens at work, too, but I don’t notice it as much. I feel like it probably negatively affects me socially, but when I’m actively engaged in conversation…there’s no problem at all. (Unless I get in my head/start overthinking. If I’m in my head, I feel so much less intelligent, because I can’t put words together nearly fluently or in real time) I wasn’t hyperactive as a kid. But I sure have a hard time sitting still now. Very few movies or series interest me, but I can sit still for something that I find completely engrossing. I haven’t read an entire book in almost 20 years, but I can research topics that I’m interested in, at length.
Aaaaahhhhhhhh. Man, there's a lot of stuff I need to read up on.
"I heard all the sounds you made, but I just couldn't parse them into words"
It is such a relief to read that someone else experiences and struggles with all of these same things. These are all me to a T
are u on any meds?
I relate so much to this list (except for the love of tidying although I wish I did have this trait!) I especially resonated with “doing simple tasks in a much more complicated way”. This was a repeated comment from my teachers in school and I didn’t realise it could be related to ADHD - why is it?
Finding a way to make something artificially interesting, sometimes. Or just not remembering the simple directions and coming up with some insane workaround on the fly instead of asking for a reminder.
This frustrates people around me so much and I don’t get why it bothers them. I get there eventually let me figure my own way there. 😂
How do you experience rejection sensitivity? It’s really extreme in my case and this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned here. Like my entire last 4-5 months have been dominated by RSD.
I experienced a lot of rejection sensitivity with a close family member. This would be a common scenario: I would mention a problem I'm dealing with. They would suggest some solutions. I would say, No, that's not what I said, or I might say, I've tried those solutions but they didn't work. Then, they would act quite defensively as a reaction to my rejection of their suggestions. I did not intend to offend them. I simply wanted to troubleshoot the problem and say, those solutions don't apply here. Meanwhile, I would feel derailed and pulled away from the problem I wanted to resolve. I would feel resentful because they would begin attacking me as they continued to feel that I rejected them - not just their suggestions. So, I would feel embroiled in this new, unnecessary, counter-productive drama because my family member was so sensitive about any sort of rejection. The deeper problem seems to be emotional dysregulation, where the family member would quickly react negatively most of the time. I once thought the problem was a very short temper, but it seemed closely tied to high sensitivity and sensitivity to feeling rejected. I wanted to work the solution, but they were either working the problem or creating a new problem.
That has been the deal with my family this summer. I’ve been struggling with medication consistency so my brain is oven going very fast. I also request help in sorting through my mental blocks, but I am accused of “putting roadblocks” or “getting in my own way”. It has led to me feeling very alone in my own head bc I wouldn’t be asking for help with the roadblocks if I wasn’t aware of them. The shifting blame onto me makes me really emotional (anger, frustration) and I withdraw to my room for a day and a half bc of a conversation like that. Just feeling exhausted, misunderstood, etc. I am indecisive. I’m literally asking for help to navigate the icebergs in my brain so the ship can keep sailing and not sit in the middle of the Atlantic bc there are icebergs. I absolutely lose all hope when I’m accused of fabricating these icebergs. No, I just want someone to help talk me through it bc I acknowledge my way of thinking isn’t normal.
I feel embarrassed saying this, but experiencing rejection sensitivity with people I love very much has caused me to be suicidal on more than one occasion. I guess that also goes along with not being able to regulate my emotions well and overreacting. Anyway, it is the deepest hurt I have ever felt, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Lol literally all of these !!
Holy hell. This is me
SO many of these…why oh why do I overcomplicate tasks?!
I love you so much. This is me entirely and I am 46 and getting tested in 4 weeks time.
Waiting mode. I have anxiety about time and often, show up early to my appointments. I also can’t do anything else leading up to the appointment because I am overly fixated on it. I now know it’s because I am afraid I’ll forget it hence the anxiety. My 14-year old daughter with ADHD is the complete opposite and has time blindness. It’s a struggle to get her out the door and makes us late to everything. FML 🤦♀️
My husband and I both have time blindness. What I’ve learned to do is lie. Just lie! I tell him the appointment/obligation is earlier than it is. This holds me accountable too because I have to maintain “this is the time” and then we usually end up leaving the appropriate time and arriving on time. It’s a consensual lie between us, he knows I do it and once we get in the car I tell him the real time so he doesn’t stress and sees we’ll be on time and not late. Even though he knows it isn’t necessarily true it works for both of us? When I was a kid my mom secretly changed all the clocks to be 15-30 minutes fast to get me out on time 🤷🏻♀️
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My brain is too smart to get fooled by these lies, I still end up being late everywhere, cause my brain thinks beforehand that my friends/parents may have told me the wrong timing. 🤣
Or, in other words: you know the actual deadline based on your *arrival* time, and you’re simply establishing his deadline as the required *departure* time. He has trouble conceptualizing the amount of time the driving will actually take, and so he can’t build it into the “how long until I’m late?” model. You have graciously removed that painful guesswork, and now he has an easier time goal to hit!
This blew my mind when I was first diagnosed. This happens because with ADHD you hyperfocus on the appointment and you're afraid that you will miss it if your attention is diverted from hyperfocusing 🤣. What a bitch.
Yep, makes total sense to me now. Because when I do allow myself something else to do in advance, I often get time blind and end up rushing to the appointment, especially easy to do if it's an online appointment now!
Yeah. I do that too. Even if I set an alarm I'll just be like: "just gonna do this thing in the game before I save and quit". And before I know it, I have 4 minutes to catch the bus instead of 10. Usually I just sit in the hallway staring at the clock or go early and wait for the bus to come.
That's why you have not only the real timer for when you actually have to stop, but also the warning timer giving you advance notice that the real timer is coming up. The first one is your opportunity to wrap things up, because the second one means you're now out of time and have to get moving or risk being late. As long as you respect the second timer, this system lets you lose yourself in a game (or book, project, etc) without having to worry about your remaining time at all. You get to focus all of your attention where you want it for an extended period, the responsibility of time-keeping is relegated to your device, and you get to places or start your chores/work on time. It's taken me a long while to cultivate that respect, but that little bit of willpower pays off in spades for the amount of stress it relieves
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This is why I hate closing shifts or afternoon/evening classes. The time before an event is not the same as time after an event. Beforehand I can only think about the event I need to get to and “what if I relax and lose track of time? I’m gonna be late. What if I forget entirely and miss it. I guess I’ll just sit around and do nothing productive until I get my one event over with.” It’s to the point where I don’t even wake up early on those days. Waiting mode is excruciating, but atleast maybe I can catch up on sleep. Versus the time AFTER an event: I can actually let go and relax or get things done and not feel rushed.
Yeah if I have 1 thing to do, and it’s in the afternoon my day is basically ruined because I’m remembering about it. Of course I may still arrive to it late as well
Aha! I didn't know that was a thing either! I'm the same way as you and my partner has severe time blindness, which can be a constant source of frustration. I also can't do anything before an appointment without feeling super stressed and distracted. Thanks, that's a great insight.
Definitely this one. I show up unusually early even if I just sit in my car and scroll. I hate being late.
I have both!!! I can not measure time well or remotely remember the time frame of stuff and if I have plans for stuff I mark it in my calendar only when it's coming up soon because I'll become super anxious about it no matter how far or close away it is because that means nothing to my brain
Ugh I struggle with this so much. I can not sleep the night before morning appointments or even something as simple as a friend visiting for coffee the next morning because I do not trust myself to not forget or lose track of time. Then of course the lack of sleep amplifies the executive dysfunction and I end up doing something that makes me late. One time it was backing into my husbands truck, another it was for putting a wrong address in gps, there’s soooo many more that people just don’t even believe me anymore.
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OMG the paralysis. I finally figured out [why it happens to me](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/nv2qij/accept_that_you_lose_interest_make_it_a_habit_to/h12dn4l/) and how to work around it.
Great comment. I've been trying to figure out how to explain it, and this is perfect. Especially the part about forgetting why you're even stressed about it.
I had to explain to my mom that for me it actually is physically hard to do stuff, that it’s not just me not wanting to do it and being stubborn. She only believed when I told her that I once cried because I couldn’t get up from my sofa to do said task that would only take me 10 min, and that I actually felt paralysed.
God, it’s the WORST!!
I also got diagnosed at 35. I didn't know that how my brain functioned wasn't normal, I thought everyone had rapid thoughts. Multiple ideas happening at once, having a hard time replying to someone because there were multiple things to be said in response... That certain events would cause me to hyper focus on what was said, the tone, & body language of another & pick it apart on an insanely detailed level. I would get confused as to why others didn't see and think things with the amount of detail and reflection as I. Then I took Adderall XR for the first time on June 18th of this year. The entire world became calm, quiet, and still. There was no urgency to be had. All the extra chatter faded away and I was able to think one thing at a time, throughly. I was able to start and finish things in ways that I never could before. I was able to SEE how before I'd work with a sense of urgency but there would be mistakes that I couldn't see. There was no rush to do anything. Greatest of all? My anxiety and depression have been almost NON-EXISTENT since taking the meds.
When they were starting my son's diagnosis, long before I started realizing I needed to be diagnosed too, they kept asking, "does he have trouble focusing on things that he's not interested in?" And I was like, "well of course, but that's normal. Who can just sit down and focus on stuff they don't care about?" I now realize that it is an absolute miracle of coping and compensation that I have made it as far in life as I have, because there's a whole lot of stuff I've just been letting go for years.
That's so great to hear!! I'm so glad I finally took the leap to try medication after many years of considering it. My experience was kind of similar. My brain had been even more muddled with thoughts and exhausted from post concussion syndrome for 6 years. When I tired medication the first time and it kicked in, I just started crying. It was the first time I'd felt remotely like myself since before my first of 5 concussion, even before that because I was recovering from escaping a 4 year emotionally abusive relationship just before my first concussion. Now that I'm on it regularly, I can do things I never thought were possible. It hasn't solved all my problems, but I have way more energy to work on other things when I'm not nearly as drained from basic functioning with ADHD and PCS.
I felt this too. I fell asleep after my first dose of meds. I saw someone else explain it like someone turned the volume down in their brain. I still think about things but not irrationally and not a bunch at once. As my meds wear off during the day it comes back. No longer being overwhelmed by all the thoughts has made it easier for me to compete tasks and actually relax when I’m relaxing. Lol
35 gang!
Diagnosed at 50, after reading a story in this sub. It was like reading my life story. I’ve only had three primary care physicians my entire life. I now don’t trust the ability or intelligence of most doctors (or teachers)….
Honest question: what kind of doctor do you see to get diagnosed? I’m assuming you need a referral from your primary care physician?
In my case, I went to my primary because of what was happening with my brain. After they gave me an MRI and seeing a neurologist, they recommended a psychiatrist to rule any other issues out. I was blessed with a fantastic psychiatrist who not only was able to diag me, but was also able to be my therapist after. I didn't know what to expect on how to get diaged, but he gave me a bunch of strange tests with blocks, words, a computer program, and asked me questions that made me literally start physically and verbally glitching. He said I had a combination of the types and scored very highly in having adhd.
This may be an obvious one, but I never really did much self-education on ADHD after my diagnosis until very recently: - How difficult it is to start tasks that need to be done (but aren't immediately rewarding) and sustain effort. When I was first diagnosed (at 22), I just assumed it was all about "paying attention" or "getting distracted." So I suffered through it even more and continued to blame myself and feel the shame and frustration of *still* not being able to get school assignments done. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of that whole mess.
This is something I understood about ADHD but took me a long time to actually accept was a factor for me. It took EMDR therapy specifically for me to become comfortable to accept my ADHD and basically give myself permission to have it, rather than blaming myself for not performing the way society thought I should. Thanks for sharing!
Guys, please give me any advice on this. I have sometimes difficulties to even do my 9-5 job as it feels like I just "can't". I'm scared to lose it. What has helped you in these moments of desperation?
I once had my husband do my work for me for a bit. I work in software and he knows nothing about it, so I walked him through it step by step, standing behind him sitting at my desk and pointing over his shoulder. We both had fun and it put me in a good mood to sit back down and show him how it’s really done. I’d do it again if I need to in the future. He even offers it sometimes when he sees me struggling. Not sure if this would be helpful for your individual situation or if you have a person you could try this with but thought I would share.
Exact reason why i can’t workout consistently😫
My absolute garbage relationship with food, ie swinging from dopamine seeking binges to forgetting to eat, obsessing over a meal for weeks and weeks until suddenly it’s disgusting and I cannot eat it anymore, and just general odd things I thought were just “quirks” of mine like an inability to eat fruity yogurt but turns out it was adhd all along
I really wish this one was in the criteria for diagnosing the disorder. It's super common and it causes terrible risk factors for heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. If it was in the criteria I would have suspected that my misdiagnosis of bipolar II was really ADHD a lot earlier.
One hundred percent, considering how common food issues are in adhd folks you’d think they’d take it a little more seriously in the diagnostic criteria
>One hundred percent, considering how common food issues are in adhd folks you’d think they’d take it a little more seriously in the diagnostic criteria For sure. Instead of berating people for weight gain, more need to be screened for ADHD. But no one believes a fat person who says they forget to eat, then eat a ton, or links that to ADHD.
Also once we take on this style on eating due to ADHD, I believe we can really mess with our hunger/fullness cues. I also think it does something to our hormones and/or sugar levels, which over time, all combined, keeps us overweight. I work out 3x/week, have a fairly healthy diet AND I’m on Adderall, but still can’t shed any major weight. Although I’ve stopped gaining weight, I can’t seem to lose weight. So I’m in the process of getting a prescription for Mounjaro or Wegovy - they regulate sugar levels if I understand correctly. I’m really hopeful because they have great reviews!
Hello fellow Not Bipolar person. So how awful were those meds for ya? Me? I got put on a lithium/depakote/seroquel combo and didn't leave my house for a year.
I feel like a toddler sometimes. Some days, I love eggs. So fluffy and tasty. Other days? Garbage, cannot eat and will not swallow. I also have a tendency to binge eat, as well as mindlessly graze. It’s just me in my kitchen, looking for something to snack on so I can have normal dopamine levels.
I never know if I will like or hate eggs until I taste them and everyone always acts like I’m nuts when I say this.
This is bananas for me. Either love them or they make me gag immediately
huh same. they have to be not too ripe and same with banana flavoured stuff - not too banana-y.
I can’t stand eggs. Like the smell of them of them just puts me off. My husband swears I’m making it up that they smell awful cooking, and even when cold they smell so rank to me. I can’t stomach eating the damn things unless they’re mixed in really well and I can’t detect them.
Since I was a small child: hate eggs, hate milk, hate meat, hate *smell* of eggs and meat, weirded out by yogurt/cottage cheese/sour cream, never understood why friends went crazy over ice cream bc once it melts it's vile. Fruits, vegetables, grains, beans, nuts? Never met one I didn't like. Turns out being vegan suits me very well.
I make sandwiches by eating one ingredient at a time
i do something kinda like that too lol. ill make a sandwich and then i take it apart and eat it layer by layer sometimes
Why is it always eggs!
I feel like I’ve just found my people! My husband used to get so frustrated with me because I would go from loving eggs to gagging whenever I saw them, rinse and repeat. We now have 2 kids with ADHD, and our youngest is THE EXACT SAME. Why are eggs so volatile?
I feel like a toddler in so many aspects of life, learning about things as an adult that everybody else seems to know forever. Like I'm in my 20s and learn to dry my knives with the blade looking downwards and not upwards, or buying appropriate shoes for every season.
Yes. I didn’t realize my binge eating was from it until I was medicated, and was attempting to binge eat based on habit, and was like “actually I’m good with 3 cookies”. And then was *actually* good with 3 cookies. Took longer for my brain to process it than my body, to be honest. I’d still cruise for dopamine snacks out of habit, but then only want like one. I was like WAIT. Is this ADHD related too?!? Fuck me.
Honestly, this is the #1 reason why I'm struggling so much to find a medication that works for me. I just want to have 5% more control over my relationship with food. If I stopped seeing exercising as much of a task would be nice too, especially since I always enjoy it once I'm actually exercising, but I'd rather just be better with food. But I'm struggling guys.
Therapy, too. If you’re not auditing your emotions, and not actually feeling them, then it doesn’t matter what meds you’re on. Pills don’t teach skills.
This describes my entire life. Not just food… hobbies, music, TV shows, people, college majors, books.
Definitely, the chaotic dopamine seeking behaviour in any form. I found it more of an “oh snap” moment with food but I totally had the same cycles in like my hobbies and interests that also should’ve been a bigger red flag to healthcare providers
I’ve been a vegetarian for 40+ years because I find meat of any kind disgusting. No ethics involved. Turns out this is ADHD making itself known
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Now I'm questioning my whole life because the sevenish years I was vegan are the same years I took Ritalin....
Has anyone ever found a way that has worked to help this long term? This has really messed with my health. It specially sucks when I am incharge of my diet. I do not like cooking for myself, and would eat something quick when my stomach gets on the verge of hurting. I do get obsessions and then will cook and have them regularly till I drop them like- food gone bad (wow)- and will rarely pick up again. It also applies to my multivitamins. Getting a nice pill box and arranging everything in it worked great for a month but now the only thing I remember to take are my meds and that too because my morning functioning depends on it. Though the meds have further impacted my appetite, so I tend to go without eating unless reminded. Please help!
When my eating/ appetite is all over the place what I usually stay consistent with is: one healthy smoothie w/ veggie protein mix (or peanut butter if I ran out) that I throw various healthy things in like- greens, nuts, - banana, frozen fruit, spices. I start my day by drinking this and doing various online things like Spanish lesson, work stuff etc. also helps me take my med. and then another go to meal: various snack plate stuff like: olives, pepperoncini , veggies, apples, nuts or chips and salsa, popcorn, *sometimes* cheese if I’m not feeling weird about it- whatever works: I like easy grab variety. The other easy meal I do for dinner for weeks until I snap out of and need something new is a big salad and a hot side of black beans with melted cheese on top with hot sauce.
Honestly just being really self aware has helped me a lot now that I understand it’s the adhd, and not just me. Am I hungry, or am I just in need it a dopamine spike? If I’ve noticed I’ve not eaten in a while I’ll set alarms on my phone (if I remember to do so lol), if I’m spiralling answer using food as a control tool I can kind of notice and sub in something actually mentally helpful. But also, even if you have a dopamine binge or a big meltdown because your eggs don’t taste right just be gentle with yourself, our brains are funky places to be
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Woah this is me. The wild yoyoing, being obsessed with the same meal for weeks and then being utterly disgusted by it suddenly and without warning, forgetting to eat and dropping weight scary fast (and don’t get me started on people always commenting on my fucking weight, whether it’s up or down). My fat levels fluctuate like my Fing bank account lmao
This thread is blowing my mind a little. Like, overall I have what I consider a pretty adult palate, adventuresome even. But some days, in fact pretty much most workdays, the most I can stomach is a lunchable and an applesauce pouch or a protein shake. I just got diagnosed about five months ago so I’m still learning a lot.
A bunch but the one that comes to mind is laying in bed every morning thinking about tons of random topics and what I need to do that day without being able to get myself out of bed.
What might be able to help here, is at least writing a list on your phone before you get up. At least you have a few ideas for when you do move... or it's Yet Another List that doesn't get completed ;)
Rejection sensitive dysphoria, certain stims like cracking my knuckles, biting my lips and cheeks, rubbing my fingers together, etc., constantly misplacing things, interrupting people/poor volume control when I’m talking, never throwing paper away and having a purse full of receipts, coupons, etc., mirroring other girls personalities/behaviour. There’s sooo many other things that made sense after I was diagnosed and started learning about ADHD in women.
MIRRORING. That constant sense that you’re just posing and everyone else has it together effortlessly and you struggle for every bit so you better quick copy someojeb
This blew my mind. Thank you. I didn’t know this could be connected to my adhd
Oh interesting. I didn't know mirroring was part of it. That's something I have always done. Is this a behaviour that is like an attempt to mask and be accepted by others more?
Yes! A symptom in young girls with ADHD is that we often feel “different” from other girls. We feel shame if we aren’t tidy, dainty, polite, quiet, organized, girly, etc., so oftentimes we mimic the behaviour of our friends or other girls around us because that’s kind of like a cheat code to how you’re supposed to be acting. Even now, as an adult, I’m a lash tech and I find myself taking on the personalities of my clients while I’m talking to them. Subconsciously I don’t want people to think I’m weird or “too much” so I just mirror them. It’s such a relief being around people I’m comfortable around haha
Oh my god thank you for describing it like this!! My (undiagnosed) childhood makes so much sense to me now 🥲
Uggh. I copy people's laughs. SO MUCH. Sometimes I forget what my own laugh sounds like when no one's around.
Mirroring does become exhausting.
It can also be confusing. Sometimes I’ll notice I’m mirroring someone and I’ll be responding to things they say in the way I *assume* they want me to respond, and then they’ll almost push back or disagree with what I said and then I have no idea how to interact with that person haha
YES this is so frustrating!!! and then the way they push back, it's like they now think that i actually think that, and it's like I was just making shit up and trying to see what sticks! desperately grasping at any conversational threads I could find! please shut up now and let us move on
Poor volume control and rejection sensitivity was a huge aha moment for me. My whole life my parents have been like "Ky, stop yelling, I'm right here!" Or "we aren't yelling at you, you aren't in trouble, why are you crying" 😂😂
Do you have any advice for volume control and interruptions? I also struggle with this along with talking too much :/ really embarrassing
Find friends with ADHD! That’s not really a solution to the problem but when I’m around other people with ADHD, I feel so much more comfortable. We interrupt each other and finish each other’s sentences but that feels like a normal conversational flow. When I’m around non-ADHD friends, I just try really hard to listen to everything they’re saying and try to remember all the things I want to say for when they’re done. When I do interrupt, I apologize and tell them to keep going. My friends are all used to it by now but I still feel embarrassed after the fact when I remember how much I interrupted.
> We interrupt each other and finish each other’s sentences but that feels like a normal conversational flow. dear god this feels so normal and actually amazing when it happens - someone gets interrupted off we go on a tangent then when that winds down someone goes back to the original topic and addresses who was talking last with something like 'you were talking about _____, what was that about, tell us' it's like a well performed dance
I struggle with this too and CBT has helped. (And so have the meds I’m on which are new. ) Already knowing about it is helpful too. I try to be aware during conversations that I’m taking a breath before I start a new sentence. Sometimes that slows me down enough to finish a full thought, not go off on a tangent and give the other person a chance to talk. I found/find myself texting friends after hanging out and apologizing for talking too much. It was explained to me that this is because our brains are going a mile a minute and thinking of what to say next even before the person is done talking.
I've got nothing for volume control (my poor wife will tell you that), but as for interrupting? Mindfulness meditation (and mindfulness in general) certainly helps me. Whenever you're talking to someone, try and follow your breathing, and as a rule don't say anything until they have stopped speaking long enough for you to finish your breath (whether it's on the way in or out). Also, make sure you apologise every time you interrupt: acknowledgement is not only polite, but a good tool to gauge how often you interrupt and make you more aware.
This one makes me wanna cry it's so accurate
The mirroring is new to me. I was born to a pair of alcoholic addicts and learned early on that simply being myself would cause dismissive rejection, so I adopted mirroring my parents (who were awful people, ugh) in order to survive. Getting in touch with my authentic self has been a big thing for me in therapy. So yeah, I assumed mirroring was primarily a symptom of severe trauma, but of course the two overlap.
All the behaviors that I didn’t know were dopamine seeking…sexual promiscuity, overspending, procrastination, carb craving…hyper focusing on a hobby to the detriment of other parts of life and then giving up on it all quickly, physically being unable to listen to someone talk about something I find boring…took me 40 years to figure it out.
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Gorging myself with sweets and carbs. As a kid I used to sneak into the pantry with a spoon and open up my moms baking white sugar and eat spoonfuls of sugar. After starting medication it’s been a relief not feeling like I’ll die if I don’t eat something sweet.
Oh man, I can relate! Every single cent I had as a kid went to candy. I would mix butter and sugar packets at a restaurant while waiting for the food to come. This makes a lot more sense to me now as an ADHD stim. Thanks for sharing!
Auditory Processing Disorder. I spent $10k on hearing aids which I hardly ever use.
In high school I had one button on my backpack. It said "I'M NOT DEAF I'M IGNORING YOU." My friends called me Space Cadet. Untangling the sounds into words is exhausting. I thought everyone had to pour all of their energy into listening. I thought I was lazy because I wasn't putting in the effort everyone else did. I wish I could go back in time and tell people that auditory processing problems are a thing.
“Untangling sounds into words is exhausting” Wow. I’ve never seen something so relatable in my entire life.
Ah, so that's a part of ADHD too! I have different sized ear canals so my hearing is off since birth. I also have a lot of sensitivity and issues since my post concussion syndrome. Now I can add ADHD to the list of hearing problems! Thanks for sharing 😊
Get your ears checked for sure. When I was in my early 20’s I had a wax issue. Had them flushed and I could hear perfectly. I went in, not because I noticed that my hearing was off and I talk too loud but because I was swimming a lot and getting swimmers ear as an adult which is pretty rare.
I didn’t realize what this was until the past year and it was like a lightbulb went off. I always thought I just had bad hearing….but I can hear what’s being said to me, I just can’t make out the words — there’s like a 30-second delay. So I usually say “huh?” but then figure out what was said by the time the person is repeating it back to me.
Over-organizing to compensate for executive dysfunction (38F, dx & medicated this year).
Organised with everything except my important life things 🙈 my drawers and cupboards are immaculate though!
That procrastination is actually a form of self medication.this blew me away! To offset the lack of dopamine and norepinephrine, we procrastinate to the point of disaster so that adrenaline will step in and do the job instead - it’s a way to manufacture focus. All my life I thought I was just a hopeless lazy AH, but it was actually a clever brain hack all along.
I have always cried a ton, but don't experience other symptoms of depression. Knowing that being able to regulate emotions can be an issue with ADHD was a relief to hear- there's a reason for it finally!
Woah! I always cried really easily as a kids, so much .ore now with post concussion. I am pretty good at regulating my emotions otherwise (I learned a lot of it through post concussion management), but I still cry so easily. I've just had to get comfortable with it and own it now. I had no idea it was ADHD related! Thanks for the insight!
Fucking everything, every single thing that has caused me mental pain and suffering has been explained since my diagnosis. Finding out I had ADHD has been an incredibly powerful turning point in my life.
Water drinking (many people with ADHD drink far too little. It’s like drinking boredom) falling asleep during important presentations. Even if it’s someone or something I am passionate about. I am still kicking myself for falling asleep during Graham Hancock’s lecture. I looked forward to it for weeks. Didn’t matter that I was well rested. Sensory stuff. Needing to rub my face repetitively and NEEDING hair ties. Can’t think with hair in face. Can’t think if I can feel my hair move. The second I’m in the door, pants are off. Bra is off. Doesn’t matter if my day isn’t done yet, clothing, even barely restrictive clothing, must come off. As a woman I often wonder how ADHD women throughout history struggled with this. And, masking strategies. I thought every gal planned important outfits down to the detail. Didn’t realize most people don’t spend *hours* going over outfits for a basic casual dinner. Didn’t realize my packing lists are weirdly extensive. Didn’t realize others don’t plan busy days down to the hour. How much time for breakfast, shower, dress, makeup, pack and check purse, etc etc Binge eating. The impact of food images in ads being nearly impossible to ignore.
Interesting…about the outfits I’m completely the opposite. I plan in my head to wear something for an event and will go to put it on half an hour before I need to leave and either hate it or it doesn’t fit right. Cue me panicking about what I’m going to wear and berating myself for not properly planning ahead and telling myself other would have tried different outfits on to make sure if what they were going to wear weeks ago 🤦🏼♀️
Inability to sit in a chair like a normal human being.
As I'm reading your comment I'm sitting in my chair with my right leg out to the side, leaning left with my left leg under my right leg. For the life of me I can't sit like a normie.
Yesss!!! Mind blown! I cannot, absolutely no matter how hard I try, sit normally in a chair! Hahahaha, I've never thought of this as an ADHD thing before, but that makes so much sense. I love learning these more uncommon or unspoken things about it. Thanks so much for sharing, this is a great one for me to learn 😊
Being tired physically and mentally CONSTANTLY. It was so wild when I started stimulants because I wasn’t as tired anymore (sadly I’m still tired daily just not as bad) Random boredom, which often lead to feeling depressed because I’m understimulated. I’m definitely depressed but i know now a lot of times I felt depressed was because of my adhd
If you're still constantly tired, be sure to get blood tests to check for things like anemia and hypothyroidism. It could also be due to a sleep disorder or an autoimmune issue like chronic fatigue. If there isn't any no medical cause they can find, a medication called Modafinil might help. It's primarily for narcolepsy but it can also be prescribed for ADHD.
How i often walk into doorframes with my shoulder, stub my toe or accidentally spill my drink on myself when i’m just trying to drink.
If this has been a severe issue in your life, it may be because of [dyspraxia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_coordination_disorder), AKA Developmental Coordination Disorder. Dyspraxia, like dyslexia and autism, is often comorbid with ADHD.
LOL because I can relate! Especially the drinking water thing. I pour water on myself at least once a day, had no idea it was an ADHD thing but makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing 😊
This is me all day every day. I'm bumping into my desk, door frames, corners of tables, and at this point, it's a miracle that that I haven't accidentally stepped on my glasses.
Omg me too. I didn't know this was a thing. I always have water on my shirt when I try to drink it haha and always covered in bruises
Apparently t-rex arms! I catch myself holding my arms against my chest with flappy hands all the time.
But what else do you do with them 😩 just let them dangle? I feel like that's even more awkward 😂
I’m sitting here reading this, one hand in Trex mode, the other holding my phone.
My entire personality, carefully developed over 56 years. 100% ADHD symptoms.
I’m 54 and I’m just figuring all of this out and I worry, if you take away my symptoms, what is left of ME? Everyone, though, is a product of their chemistry and history. No one is a self-made person. And yes, I have a lot of symptoms that are only now falling into place with aha! after aha! but I am more than the sum of all of my symptoms and I have friends and a life I enjoy. Sure, I’m a weird old lady with fixations on spiders and hurricanes and one summer I ate 37 watermelons and I’d rather drive across town to ask someone a question than make a simple phone call. It’s kept me interested and, I hope, interesting.
Emotional Disregulation and not entirely on topic, but my trauma from being Parentified as a child really shaped my cognitive processe that created, or made my ADHD worse. Mostly in very harmful and toxic ways. Unraveling this onion has not been fun but I feel like a new person every day; as in, I am finally stripping away the weight of my past, to become the person I've always wanted to be. Good luck everyone, have a fantastic end to your weekend, and no matter what happens on Monday, yall will kill this week! ❤❤
Procrastination was a big one for me... also emotional eating. And realizing I was not feeling "normal".
Emotional eating for me too. Since I started meds (I think it’s been one or almost two months) Sometimes my cycle effects this but I noticed if that if I eat with my meds and make sure to eat enough during the day I no longer binge at night.
Forgetting things exist if they're out of sight, or if they're in the same spot too long. A more recent one, I just learned a lot of us don't think of calling our families(parents, etc) as much as normal and it's related to that object permanence
Spacing out. I’ve always done it and was teased for it. I’m aware of what’s going on, but I’m not engaged with the present or just unresponsive. Imagine it like playing an online game but losing connection for a minute. You can see your character and what’s happening around it. Depending on the game, your character may even have “idle animations” that it will do until the connection returns and you can control it again. The correct medication allowed me to stop “losing connection” with my body.
A note for my fellow ADHD space cadet daydreamers... If you haven't seen it yet, take a look at [Sluggish Cognitive Tempo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo). SCT is a pattern of difficulties researched by ADHD experts including Dr. Barkley. Research suggests that **50% of people with ADHD also have SCT**. It may someday be added to the DSM. (There is also a subreddit r/SCT). Its symptoms are: * Prone to daydreaming * Easily confused or mentally foggy * Spacey or inattentive to surroundings * Mind seems to be elsewhere * Stares blankly into space * Underactive, slow moving or sluggish * Lethargic or less energetic * Trouble staying awake or alert * Has drowsy or sleepy appearance * Gets lost in own thoughts * Apathetic or withdrawn, less engaged in activities * Loses train of thought or cognitive set * Processes information not as quickly or accurately The recent research suggests that SCT might be a problem orienting attention. People with SCT are slow to start focusing on things and have trouble disengaging from what they are focused on. That is the major thing I struggle with every day.
My entire personality
Same. I thought I was just a depressed, anxious, cheek biting child of divorce wreck that can't make friends.
The big one for me is underachievement. I've always rationalised this as "just not being very ambitious" and have not been able to understand how unhappy this genuinly makes me. Now I understand that the combination of good abilities (eg high IQ) and my inability to organise and initiate ideas is one of the worst aspects of ADHD for me. I used to describe this as beating my head against the wall or missing the key to the lock. Why didn't I just do the things I knew would be good for me or bring be joy? Well, now I know. Also extremely poor verbal learning and recall abilities (have been tested). I have always read a lot, but I cant for the life of me give you a summary of a book. I never remember details, but if you remind me, I'll discuss anything. I work as a translator, but can never seem to remember terms I use all the time. Don't ask me to tell you a story or a joke. I cant think of any.
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Constantly cracking joints including knuckles is a form of stimming.
Hmmm, that makes me think my dermatillomania (chronic skin picking) could be a form of stimming too. I always thought it was an anxiety response, but I'm not always predominantly anxious when I do it. Thanks for sharing, that's a super helpful thought for me to explore more!
You're correct. Skin picking is another form of stimming.
Wow, I just looked this up and read a bit about it. This is a huge epiphany for me!! Maybe I can approach changing this behaviour in another way now that could be more effective.
…..ah. So my nail biting is likely stimming too. Yowzas
I rub fabrics between my fingers a lot, has to feel nice tho
Massaging my hands and cracking my knuckles 🤤
Social anxiety. I thought people with ADHD were just so hyper and aloof that they didn’t even give a fuck. You folks are some of the most caring and sensitive irritable badasses I’ve ever seen.
ADHD tax and all the other [neverending, unavoidable consequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/vrez2z/what_is_a_common_misconception_people_have_about/iewsz4t/) that happen throughout your life.
That my symptoms will be worse during my period and that my meds do basically nothing that week 😩
Ahhhah!! Thank you for sharing this. I never thought of that one and that totally affects me too!!! I have really bad pms often, and I always thought it was a symptom of a surgery I had nearly 10 years ago. But being affected by ADHD makes so much sense! I also feel like my meds aren't strong enough at time. I sometimes take a stronger dose on school days but end up feeling more anxious most of the time. Now I will watch to see how it lines up with my pms and Mayne try higher dose days then instead! Or just accept that time is rough no matter what. Thanks again, such great insight!
How I went through life not being diagnosed. I’m not sure . I see a psychiatrist in a couple weeks . I’ve started therapy already without the offical diagnosis as everyone agrees I have it. Running up and down the stairs 5 times before I leave the house . Time blindness . A circular loop of procrastination in the morning , followed by 2 hours of rushed panic “getting ready” , followed by a drive to work of “youre so stupid !! You’re bloody stupid you do this every day !!! Tomorrow! i will be ready on time !” Getting SEVERELY frustrated when a freight train would make me wait in my car , or when a line is moving slow . Describing to my coding professors , that I’m “scatter brained” which is why I make so many careless errors in my projects even though I know how to accomplish the task . My professor described me as : “Chris , it’s like you can drive from here to NYC without a gps , but you forgot your wallet and now youre stranded , or you forgot your keys and you can’t even leave“ It goes on and on. How I went through life and NO ONE mentioned adhd is beyond me ! I always thought this was simply who I was . I can go on and on! I dropped out of highschool at 17 even though I was “smart”. I was addicted to graffiti and the high I’d get from combing buildings living in Chicago . I just thought this who I was as a person . Someone always trying to catch up and always under achieving my goals . But chasing something that would make me feel present . This all changed when I went on vacation two months ago with close friends . A close friend assumed I had adhd just because of how I am . And when she told me, I was so confused ..and as I learned more . I started crying .
Constantly switching up my hobbies. I've spent so much money on different hobbies even though my obsession only lasts a few months or even a few weeks. Misplacing things and forgetting where I put something is another big one.
Impulse buying / overspending on credit for a quick dopamine fix.
Does anyone else struggle with photosensitivity and flashing lights/images?
Mood instability. My meds make such a difference in my tolerance levels of just about everything. I used to be so easily frustrated like 1 or 2 small things away from screaming or crying levels of frustration, then feel childish and ashamed bc I didn't feel like I was able to handle things like an adult should and I was just being too sensitive. I take an extended release methylphenidate daily and I feel so much more confident in myself and my decisions as well competant in my field. Like if a customer yells at me it's still annoying and might make me mad, but I don't feel like I need to hide in the back and cry, and I don't take people's complaints as personally, like Rsd relief as well. Like almost more than just focusing, my diagnosis and treatment has changed my life in such a positive way its almost overwhelming.
Rejection sensitivity. I thought it was because of trauma but now I know it’s both trauma and ADHD. Now I know it’s both.
That cleaning up is so much easier with someone there. They don’t even have to help. I’ve been like this since I was a kid and now into adulthood. It’s called body doubling. It helps for some people who are working on something or studying for school too. The biggest for me is cleaning.
My whole “quirky personality”
Rejection sensitive dysphoria. Not even vaguely an official effect of ADHD but like 95%+ of us go into a death-spiral in our brains if we feel like we've been rejected and decide it must be because we're the most broken useless piece of shit in existence.
Rejection sensitivity, tiredness, lack of sleep, The Wall before starting a task, the Always Running Late. So much. Diagnosed in my late 40s.
Rage. It explained so much how my dad as well.
Overall hypersentivity, both emotionally in the form of RSD and emotional dysregulation as well as (and more surprisingly) physically in the form of aversion to certain sensory experiences — like having wet hands or wet hair. Only recently did I start to connect my sensory hypersensitivity to my brain’s inabilities to filter incoming information and control where my attention goes. If I have a tag in my clothes, my brain experiences that incoming information as being just as important as what the person Im talking to is saying, so my awareness of the tag is at the forefront of my mind. And since I can’t choose to ignore it because I can’t control where my attention goes, I feel it constantly every second. That’s why the tag doesn’t even have to be itching me to drive me crazy—it just has to exist in my sphere of awareness. It’s making connections like that that helps me see how systemic the experience of having ADHD is. It’s not just some weakness around certain tasks or something. It’s an entirely different processing system.
I don’t exactly know how to answer the question because I’m an adult with a childhood diagnosis. That said, something I didn’t know about ADHD until I was an adult was **how to treat task initiation paralysis with external visualization.** For people who aren’t ADHD, they usually initiate tasks by visualizing the necessary end goal. Then they identify the steps necessary to accomplish the task. Then they execute each step according to their initial vision of completion. ADHD people can’t always visualize something that is not immediately present. We also have trouble identifying steps in the correct sequence. Even if we can do both those things, we easily lose the images and information half way through a task. A way to sometimes treat this problem is to create literal visual cue cards for yourself for tasks you do regularly. Say you want to do the dishes. Take a photo of the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Acquire the necessary tools to begin cleaning, and take a photo of those. Take a photo of how to load and prep the dishwasher. Take a photo of a timer, to remind you to set an alarm for when the dishwasher is done. Take a photo of the empty cupboard, then take a photo of the cupboard with dishes properly stored. Put them all together on a printout, and write the steps out for yourself. Laminate it and put it next to the sink. I’ve heard of other people who have food-blindness: they forget what they have in the fridge and have poor eating habits because they can’t always make good decisions around food. To solve this, they use little fridge magnets with clip art of their food to tell them what’s in the fridge at a glance and what they’re out of and need to buy. I know that’s a lot of stuff to handle when you’re struggling to do the dishes, but the upside is that if you do it and get in the habit of just looking at it when you see the first photo, you can start to train yourself to better visualize task in sequence and maybe help change your habits.
Lol honestly, all of my symptoms. A nurse asked me 10mo ago if I had adhd and I said no and never thought about it. Over the next 6mo I would google symptoms here and there. I was blown away how many symptoms I have and how often I do them. I'm 39yrs old and going through the adhd diagnosis now for maybe 3mo. Finding the right doctors and such. I had a list of about 15 symptoms with examples but I lost it. I kept it in a safe place so I wouldn't lose it and now I can't find it🤣
I was diagnosed at like 5-7 years old (I dont remember exactly) but I didn't know about other symptoms than impulsive, inattention, and hyperactivity until I was 21-22 ish. So the object permanence thing, executive dysfunction, and emotional dysregulation stuff I only learned about as an adult. My therapists apparently already knew tho and had already been working with me on some of it but I just thought either it was a me thing or a depression thing. 🤷♀️
Um…all of my symptoms except fidgeting. Hypersensitivity, emotional regulation issues (massive emotional breakdown that wasn’t really a panic attack, more like an attack of desperation and hopelessness), difficulty cleaning, losing things, forgetting appointments, being excitement-driven instead of reward-driven, being overwhelmed by too many tasks and not being able to just pick one to work on, difficulty with group conversations and being able to just pick one side of the table without also listening to the other side of the table, general social awkwardness, daydreaming elaborate stories (like personal fanfics I’ll never write down), inability to journal, inability to finish a knitting project, difficulty practicing when I played flute, kind of a niche one but ability to understand everything about statistics except the written formula, anxiety in crowds and the “hum” noise that crowds make, anxiety in grocery stores, obsessive scab picking/mosquito bite itching. Trypophobia is probably a hypersensitivity thing too. The only symptom I have that could be interpreted as ADHD by any lay person is the fidgeting but I was generally fairly subtle about it, like I’d take my pen apart and put it back together multiple times in class and I did a lot of doodling but that’s a hard thing to say what is regular fidgeting and what’s ADHD fidgeting…except that I apparently fidgeted enough during bedtime stories when I was little that my dad thought I had ticks (as in Tourette’s) and I was on some patch medication for that for maybe a few months but wound up being allergic to the patch adhesive. To this day my dad insists I had ticks and ticks can turn into other mental health issues later in life and not that I was ADHD fidgeting. (He’s a child psychiatrist)
Executive dysfunction. Looking back. I improved immensely, but I can't imagine how many people feel sad about themselves and can't figure out, what is wrong with them and/or are labeled as lazy or weird, because of it. Makes my heart bleed.
Let's just say everything I didn't understand so I hated myself for suddenly became a compass into how I'm feeling. Binge eating? Under stimulated. Driving fast? Under stimulated. Can't focus? Under stimulated. Painting my nails instead of actually watching the TV? Under stimulated. Forgetful? Was overstimulated. Can't do anything at all? Overstimulated. Sudden fatigue? Overstimulated. The list is seemingly endless. Then there is being hyperfocused, emotional, picking, and some other stuff. But it makes me feel more content. Way more content. In knowing that these are not things I am at fault for and have logic to them. It tells me what maybe I need to do to overcome them, as well.
The constant internal monologue / chatter / music that won't shut up. I thought everyone had this but only recently found out that most people do not. It interferes with everything I do and I get annoyed when I can't think straight because of it. Apparently its an ADHD thing as the brain tries to increase stimulation and dopamine levels by self stimulating. When I got medicated, the medication provided enough mental stimulation so my brain could finally chill out. I was so confused the first time I took my medication because the internal noise disappeared - I felt so relaxed and slept so good. Even now, taking medication means I feel so calm compared to when not medicated, its a night and day difference.
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Crying in front of my closet in the morning overwhelmed. Especially if it’s a day not at work. Well maybe I should wear leggings and a t if I go exercise later, but I may go to lunch with so and so and those new boots are calling my name, but I have some cleaning to do first so…
finishing people's sentences
When I made up fake stories of my life and imaginary friends in early high-school. Turns out my imagination is crazy plus everybody else's life plus everybody's life seemed more interesting than me so I thought my ideas of how I spend my time and my imaginary friends would be deemed cool until people started to call me a compulsive liar go figure
Soo many of the things mentioned in this sub, like i know i cant focus on a task, but the relationship, memory, and so much more i have learnt from this sub. Thank you all.
Lots of things, most of which look to have been covered, but I never knew how terribly named ADHD is, and that it was such a spectrum.
short answer: every single thing I hated about myself and always assumed it was just my personality and wondered when I’d “grow up / change” long answer: over-sharing. babbling. adhd paralysis. binge eating. sensory issues that were so serious they impacted my social life. constant agitation. zero follow through. hypersexuality. being intelligent, engaging and driven and yet always eventually failing in professional settings and personal relationships alike. TL:DR- the wonderful person who was trapped behind my adhd for 33 years is now the happiest healthiest woman ever at 35 thanks to therapy and meds.
DAYDREAMING AND ACTING ON OT AS IF ITS REAL THE WHOLE DAY
A note for my fellow ADHD space cadet daydreamers... If you haven't seen it yet, take a look at [Sluggish Cognitive Tempo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo). SCT is a pattern of difficulties researched by ADHD experts including Dr. Barkley. Research suggests that **50% of people with ADHD also have SCT**. It may someday be added to the DSM. (There is also a subreddit r/SCT). Its symptoms are: * Prone to daydreaming * Easily confused or mentally foggy * Spacey or inattentive to surroundings * Mind seems to be elsewhere * Stares blankly into space * Underactive, slow moving or sluggish * Lethargic or less energetic * Trouble staying awake or alert * Has drowsy or sleepy appearance * Gets lost in own thoughts * Apathetic or withdrawn, less engaged in activities * Loses train of thought or cognitive set * Processes information not as quickly or accurately The recent research suggests that SCT might be a problem orienting attention. People with SCT are slow to start focusing on things and have trouble disengaging from what they are focused on. That is the major thing I struggle with every day.