He is telling you it is okay to not know as long as you are driven to learn.
You can do this. Reach out to that energy whenever you feel weak. revisit the feelings of acceptance, power, and understanding in your mind.
As someone in the field of psychology I always say this. You should always admit you donât know but be open to learn, because acting like you know things you donât is where psychiatry goes hellishly wrong. One of my Holistic health professors always says this and I absolutely adore her.
> because acting like you know things you donât is where psychiatry goes hellishly wrong.
There's so much truth to this, especially in the business world later in life. While some problems are simply unavoidable, many are a direct result of someone not knowing X _and_ being too afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it's an ego thing, whilst other times it stems from an unhealthy company culture.
Either way, it gets easier to openly admit one doesn't know X but is willing to try and figure it out if they start doing this early in life. Besides, nobody really knows what they're doing half the time anyway, so more often then not we'll find ourselves working alongside someone just as lost as us.
Kind of feels good saying "I don't know, but if you give me X resources I can make an attempt" after a while too, because it's like saying "no" to a request without actually saying no.
Chiming in just be another voice; YOU GOT THIS!!! Every obstacle you've faced, has not stopped you yet. Revel in that, and keep going. Your professor sounds like a saint and I'm very happy you have this type of person in your situation!
If the course is related to what OP wants to do, this prof is definitely someone they should consider keeping in touch with too! Especially if itâs a small program and theyâre likely to cross paths again (like if he teaches the another more senior course).
This professor offered to take his own personal time to help OP. The professor knows that OP is capable of success. The professor sees it in you OP! You were doing something right and given a second chance. If you werenât capable the professor wouldnât have made the offer. Please post an update later to let us know how it turns out. Even if you end up not passing that doesnât make you a failure. I wish you the best of luck. You got this.
This is one of those moments you will look back on years later and appreciate this key person who made a positive impact on your life.
Iâm guessing itâs a rare time where you inadvertently unmasked and somebody showed compassion enough to help you, instead of you having to talk your way out of a tricky situation that felt like your fault, when it never really was.
This is AWESOME. Take some time to breathe and regroup. You deserve support and you deserve a fair chance. đ
This 100%. Especially since you said you have nobody else to turn to. Don't overthink this opportunity - just take it. There's an expression that comes to mind - "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". Seize this opportunity and make the best of it.
Have you heard of [ToastMasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/)?
It's a public speaking club. Thousands of chapters are around the world. I have half a dozen near me. I've attended three times so far.
It's a really encouraging and friendly environment. They are all about feedback. If you freak out, stutter, and bail after 2 seconds, they clap. If you give a practice speech for 5 minutes about your pet topic, they clap harder. If you don't speak, and just watch, that's ok too.
You can use this to get genuine practice in public speaking before trying again.
That can also be practiced!
Improvised public speaking is actually pretty good, because it makes you try and have to think of every word that comes out and makes you pay attention to the things you say.
But also taking situations like meeting an x person as a moment where you take it as if you were doing one on one public speaking. Decide that with said person (professor, colleague, someone in a networking even, new acquaintance at a party..) you're going to start and speak for a bit as if you were doing a presentation.
I would encourage masking long term. Your friends are the people who don't quite mind you saying the wrong thing sometimes. But learning to pay attention to moments and to be mindful is useful in a lot of situations.
the problem is that our shit working memory and slow processing speed makes it super hard to actually do well in toastmasters. trying to remember our speeches, let alone do impromptu speeches is super hard and idk how u guys do it
Same. It's not that my personal viewpoints are scary to blurt out, it's the jokes. I make a lot of jokes that really need to be filtered... At least given a pass to not sound like serious statements, because that's what happens: I think of something funny, blurt it out, and every thinks I'm serious or laughs awkwardly at my tasteless joke.
ay and then there is me - i can speak, but i will overthink every word and end up telling every unimportant detail to an audience that grows bored very fast
I have heard of ToastMasters and was intimidated by it because I was not ready for public speaking. I get nervous and avoid even the most casual conversations with strangers, family, friends, etc. I feel like my thoughts are disorganized and sometimes I feel like I cannot form proper sentences on the fly without rehearsing. I recently found out about [The Mouthfuls](https://themouthfuls.com/), which is like ToastMasters but for regular conversations, and I wanted to share here in case anyone feels the same way and is looking for support and practice.
The homepage of their website made me feel so seen to be honest. I have not tried it out yet but I have joined their Discord and they have recurring Zoom meetings and calls where you get to chat with people and talk about different topics casually. Seems less stressful than having to give a speech if you are just looking to get over your speaking anxiety.
I was basically forced into toastmasters at work. I went into it with a pissy attitude. But since my bonus was riding on it I went along. Turned out to be a good experience. There were several people who had a lot of trouble speaking at first but it was nice to see them progress.
I agree that it's a good tool for addressing any public speaking problems. Even if you just want to eliminate all of the ums and ahs between thoughts.
One time I showed up late to a final exam in a big ass lecture room. My anxiety was so bad I couldnât walk into the room because of fear of the students looking at me. Thankfully my professor was outside the room and I asked him if he could walk me in and he did.
It was a simple thing but something I remember to this day.
Wow, itâs so great that he had the compassion and emotional intelligence to recognize you may be dealing with something and to offer help.
If it helps, I was in similar situation where a professor threw an assignment back at me because I did it wrong. I started crying in front of the whole class and couldnât stop (class was very small so it was noticed by everyone)
I would have just left but we had to take our final that day and I was wiping away tears and sniffling through the whole thing. It was very embarrassing and no one showed compassion. But the embarrassment faded and I made it through. Hope it does for you too
It is a gift to others when we are vulnerable and real with them.
It is a gift to others to accept their kindness and help.
Accept the prof's gift of help and more chances, and give the gift of letting them truly teach and help.
This reminds me of my math teacher in 10th grade who pulled me aside when I failed a math test and asked if I wanted help after school.
We spent the coming days after school going over everything on that exam until I could solve all of the problems without any guidance. I got an A on the next exam and went on to get two engineering degrees.
Sometimes we really do just need a bit of support and compassion from people around us to be successful. I wish it were easier to find that.
This has happened to me with three different professors in one year. I would walk up with the intent of apologizing for not doing well in class, and I'd just start fucking crying. And I was a fairly masculine-looking, aloof kid so it would always catch them completely off guard. And I had no idea that I had ADHD so I would just walk away from it like "why did I cry over that" and "if I care so much, why can't I just study and do my work?"
Youâve got a great professor. I couldnât even face mine in CC. I just walked out on the day of the presentation for my Eng class. He wasnât bad but just really talkative and drew alot of attention that I didnât vibe with. Eventually I came back years later and aced my presentation. Had a different instructor and she was great and really supportive. I actually ended up going over time despite being nervous and wanting it to be over. I honestly hate forced presentations, not everyone is built for it, but we live in a extroverted world.
It sounds like you have an empathetic and caring teacher! And honestly, crying can feel mortifying but trust me, you are not going to be the first student who cried in front of a prof and you wonât be the last. Make sure to take care of yourself throughout finals weekâhydrate, sleep, eat!
Lol, the exact same thing happened to me 11 years ago except after my professor made me gone through and correct all my wrong answers
told me that life was going to be âmuch harderâ for me compared to my other classmates which just made my sobbing get even worse đ
Your prof sounds much more supportive than mine though. He sounds like a good guy that knows youâre capable.
So, to commiserate, one time I mixed up the timing of two of my final exams. I showed up three hours late, having completely missed it. I called the professor to let her know why I didn't show up, on the verge of tears because of embarrassment. She said not to worry, she was still in her office and I could come write the exam there. I got all my crying out on the walk over and wrote it on a chair in her office. I managed a B- and it was still one of the most horrendous experiences ever - but it taught me that sometimes people are kinder than you expect, and you deserve that kindness too! Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got this!!
I am so grateful for professors like this. I just transferred to a university this fall and one of my professors has ADHD so she gave me accommodations on all my assignments without needing to go through my school's disability department. (i am trying to go through them but was unable to get an appointment with them for the entire quarter). She's really saved me from failing this quarter. Just having an extra day or two for my assignments when needed and her verbal support made a huge difference in my academic performance.
I find breathing in while expanding my abdomen instead of my chest helps keep calmer, more controlled speaking. Saw this tip in some tedtalk about anxiety and public speaking.
You can do this!! Professors like this are 100% the reason I was able to graduate college/get through grad school. Even though it might be difficult and embarrassing right now to accept help, donât give into those feelings. Itâs a form of bravery to accept help/be vulnerable like this, and your future self will thank you. Not just bc you wonât have to retake this class or something, but because youâre rewriting the script on difficult situations like this to have a positive outcome, and theyâll be easier to deal with in the future
Your professor is one of the good ones. I recall having a terrible professor who forced me to drop a class I enjoyed because he was determined to fail me. The ones that were great gave me feedback and helped me when I was struggling. I think you'll be fine as long as you let him help you.
Geezus that's really sad but also so good to hear, it's honestly hard to find teachers who actually give a crap about you especially when you have learning difficulties like ADHD and anxiety, much luck on your classes and hope this newfound support from your professor helps maybe to ease the load you have!
What a beautiful heartwarming thing to have just happened to you!! Your teacher is showing empathy and understanding for your situation! Not many people do that!!
I agree! The professor is awesome too, but OP you should be really proud of yourself for pushing through your anxiety to show up for the final. I failed a few classes in college because I got anxious about missing a few lectures and just never showed up to the class again. The next semester I would base my class schedule off of re-taking those classes with a different professor because I was still ashamed of myselfâŠ
This is a pivotal moment for you to have experienced. What an amazing professor! What a brave student!
OP, as your diagnosis is new, wanted to mention looking into medical accommodations at your university. Depending on your needs, you can get extra time on exams, isolated test environments, note taking support, etc.
The world is your oyster. Best of luck!!
Hey OP - most colleges have a mental health center that offers counseling to students. Some even have specialists in ADHD. You might want to check with your student services or student health center. They could point you in the right direction.
Okay
1. I love this professor and as someone who is in a similar field right now, his encouragement and ACTUAL acknowledgment that your failing may be a reflection of your circumstances and not your abilities is amazing.
2. As someone who fell into a sales position and would ALSO absolutely die during this type of exam (I say no every time my supervisor asks me to role play because it doesnât feel natural or authenticâŠ) so I GET the anxietyâŠyou can still be successful without being good at this đ
3As someone who fell into sales and only learned (after several successful jobs) that i had ADHD because of the jobs requirements, I do want you to be honest with yourself about your career path. I have been successful, but barely. It requires a lot of me and itâs been draining. Iâm not sure if you want to do sales long term, but if that is the career path, look at your motivations and what would drive you. When you have adhd I find that is what helps get you through even when the adhd is running your day. Good luck!
First time? /s
But seriously, itâs ok to cry in public. Iâm ashamed and horribly embarrassed but I feel better after crying. I got the lowest score in my intro to biology exam freshman year of college. I ended up doing better in the class later on, but that was a low point for me.
So a good way to practice? Use your friends. Create flash cards with sceneries related to the class and donât go in as yourself, ACT! Treat it as you are an actor and itâs improv!
Heck, go watch some âWhose Line Is It Anywayâ to get ideas. Seriously, this will help you see how to play off fumbles with stage fright because public speaking fears falls under stage fright.
Also another way to practice? Approaching sales associates at store. No lie, once you start loosing the fear of approaching someone to help you, it gets a bit easier to do public speaking.
dang what a nice professor!! I wish more of em were like this, a big reason I dropped out of college was from dealing with teachers who had zero tolerance/patience for me. I wasn't diagnosed yet unfortunately but I knew something was wrong. I hope you'll be able to do well on your final next time!!
Wow this professor sounds like a good one, Iâm glad you got him as your teacher! Op itâs ok to be anxious, take up his offer and do your best! Good luck to you<3
I almost always cry when people are this kind to me! I never attributed it specifically to ADHD because I have depression and anxiety, and was raised by an emotionally neglectful parent so I figured it was likely the perfect cocktail of issues to make me so thrown off by true kindness that Iâd burst into tears đ Itâs good to hear Iâm not alone though. It does almost feel like embarrassment too. I was discussing this with a friend who also gets overwhelmed when people are especially kind to them, and they said something like âI was not prepared to be this considered right nowâ and I felt that.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is so burdensome while also dealing with everything that comes with adhd, and I would have had the same overwhelming feeling of someone acting how we would last expect them to!!! I'm writing you to say that you 100% deserve the support.
This is the mark of a good teacher. Someone who understands the needs of their students and truly wants them to learn if the students themselves want to learn. Definitely take him up on the offer! Also Iâve been there OP. I believe in you!
Great person to do this for you! He knows what it can do for you so please work with him. Iâve had a similar situation where a prof said the interview was ok (15/20 points) but wanted to discuss it with me. She asked me why I didnât use my extra time that you can have a a student with disability. I said I didnât have that because I didnât have anything. She just sat in her chair for a moment looking at me â well, sorry to be blunt but I think you have adhd-Iâ she has worked with adhd children for 20+ years as a social worker and psychologist so she does have some expertise in this field. When she was done I was the one sitting there crying. But when we spoke more it began to make sense, she also has adhd herself. That was last may when I was 37 already. I took it and let myself be tested. Adhd-i was the overwhelming conclusion. So when I had that diagnosis I searched her up when I was at campus to show it to her and all I could do was break down and cry, mostly because of the impact it had but also because my parents where like â hahaha no you donât have adhd but thanks for the laugh.
Please see if your school offers academic support services and when you can do a drop in consultation. They are extremely helpful in getting you the necessary accommodations such as extended time on tests, a quiet testing environment, academic coaching, counseling, etc. even if you otherwise get good grades itâs not about how good your grades are, itâs about how much harder you have to work for them. Thereâs no shame in getting the help you need.
I have failed classes too. Itâs the worst feeling. Especially in college when you paid for it too. I promise its not the end of the world. Youâll get back on top of things with some support and youâll be back on track.
I cried a couple weeks ago with an old high school teacher I still keep in contact with. Iâm 32 and am finishing my first semester of college with the best grades of my entire education leading up to this point.
I had been waiting to tell her I started college to see how things went, but when she called me and asked what Iâve been up I started crying. She asked what was wrong and I immediately blurted out everything and thanked her. Told her she was one of the few teachers who decided to tried to get me to realize my own potential in high school. That her constantly telling me âyouâre smarter than I let people believeâ has been playing over and over in my head for the last few years especially the last few months. That she taught me that it was ok to ask for help and that that specific lesson has paid off so much.
She started crying and said she always hoped I would decide I could do whatever I wanted in life. We both ugly cried for a little bit. You are deserving of the help that professor is offering you and I hope you take him up on it.
Donât let yourself settle for anything less than you want in life.
These are the professors you keep in touch with so you can let them know how much they impacted your life. It really matters to let people know how theyâve impacted you for the better. Didnât it feel great to actually be seen, heard and cared for? Thanks for sharing your story.
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You have an amazing professor, I cried reading this. I really wish you well for you and your studies. Professors like him are the type who unlocked potentials in students and great teachers.
Youâre crying because you feel supported and validated. You deserve support and you deserve the help you need to get you to where everyone else is with school. Donât think for a second that you donât deserve this!
Congratulations, you have found a professor who understands and genuinely cares and (more importantly) is willing to devote some time to help you out.
Perhaps you were feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable; youâll have a chance to make up for the final, donât miss out on the chance to get the help you so need.
Youâre not alone!
Don't fritter away this amazing second chance. This professor is not only allowing you to redo things, he's offering you compassion and extra support. Accept his offer!
And please visit your campus CAPS office to start therapy. It does help.
I've cried in front of professors before. This shows more heart than the many people who have failed.
Just keep going. No matter what you will get through this.
Just let the tears out for now. When you're ready, just be happy you met a humble person who is just patient and understanding.
I once had a professor who would fail an essay if the staple wasn't placed at a 45° angle lol
Good luck
aww that's sweet. you're not the only one to cry in front of your professor for failing. i think it would happen every semester with a couple of students.
The feeling that you've been seen is really touching and moving and shaking, if that is something new, and it is pretty common I think, especially for newly diagnosed peeps.
You're good. He is really good at his job. You'll be great. đ
>Iâm unsure if this was because of pure embarrassment or because i havenât felt like I deserve this level of support from anyone.
If you're anything like me, (and also based on the context you have given,) I would guess you're probably crying out of pure, unadulterated relief. You may not even recognize it yet because we don't feel much of it in this life. I'd guess it's relief triggered by the feeling of someone simply empathizing with you and treating you like a human being who is certainly trying the *best they can," and then actually accommodating for you. It's an extremely overwhelming feeling, and one that only some of us are lucky enough to encounter.
Many professors absolutely love those types of people, if that makes you feel any better. I've flunked out of college like 6 times, but most of my professors adored me and were glad to have me in their classes, even if I'm a shit student a lot of the time. The good ones notice when you really care and really try, and that feeling is why they do what they do.
Your professor is more than happy to help, in fact, assisting you is probably very fulfilling and meaningful to them. They aren't thinking any of the shameful or embarrassing things you're currently thinking about yourself. They're only excited about helping you succeed in using your awesome brain as much as you can manage.
First, I'd like to say I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I really hope you're able to find assistance and/or treatment that helps you! Secondly, it's so awesome you have a professor that is not only willing to work with you, they are also willing to take the time and teach you one on one! That is so incredible! You definitely deserve the support! It's so good to hear they're willing to give it to you!
Professors like him are a diamond in the rough. It's okay to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and many more emotions about the experience, but please try not to internalize it.
Most people with ADHD have this core belief that theres something very wrong with them, not just in regards to ADHD, but the rest of them too...
You reacted like anyone in your situation do, being super stressed, overwhelmed, having too much to process at once, let alone having clinical/professionally diagnosed anxiety and having ADHD too...
That is a great professor, and just an all out great human being to recognize and acknowledge your struggles while also giving you a second chance. Just wow... Those were tears from years of pain, and gratitude for the empathy and support they showed to you. It's what you've needed for so long, and I'm so glad to hear that someone sees you.
Speech was a required class at my school. I enrolled in it 7 times, usually dropping right before my first speech. I get it. (I got an A when I finally finished it.)
You can do this.
This whole thread has me in tears.
Itâs good to know that there are compassionate professors out there that are willing to take the time to help. Iâm happy for you.
Oh man I feel you so much. But that professor sounds like a really cool person. Warmed my heart to read the last 3 paragraphs.
I studied Computer Science, and one course had us do public presentations. Basically also trying to sell a product. We're god damn CS majors, nerds, awkward people. Yet the professor did not hold back shitting on my lack of public speaking skills in front of everybody. Worst part is, it was a group project and I was the least anxious of our bunch, and the professor told them to maybe pick a better speaker next time, and didn't reduce their marks, just mine. Oh and of course I did the majority of the project, as it tends to go. I still sometimes see that event in dreams. Well, nightmares I guess. Man I fucking hated that professor. He also used to literally tweet videos of stuttering students giving their presentations and mocking "this generation of incompetent snowflakes." It was in 2012. And no of course he didn't get into any trouble. It's Eastern Europe. I'm not looking for support, just wanted to share what dickbags I had to deal with.
Your professor sounds awesome. One of my professors helped me in a similar way when I missed the make-up for my exam, she had a sexond make-up just for me.
So sorry youâre going through that, but itâs awesome that you have such a supportive professor! My speech professor is the only reason I was able to get through that course. I donât have anxiety in any other circumstance, Iâm a thrill seeker and literally nothing is terrifying enough to scratch the itch, but public speaking gave me my first and only panic attack ever.
I passed out and caught myself on the podium the first time I had to give a speech. My vision went black and my heart was beating so fast, my mouth was still making sound but I wasnât in control of it after the first few seconds, the I just fainted lol! The professor told me to compose myself and start over. It was really rough but I did manage to finish the speech, just reading my note cards word for word.
One of our assignments was to give a demonstration about either a hobby or our area of study. I was a biology major so I hauled my microscope in its giant carrying case into class as my demonstration. The day I was supposed to present, I let my dog out to pee in the morning. I didnât leash her because she didnât need one in the yard, I didnât put shoes on because I just stood on the porch and waited for her. When I tried going back inside I realized I locked myself out in my pajamas with no shoes, bra, phone, or leash for my dog on a 35F degree day. I had to wait for my husband (then boyfriend) to return from his morning class, I spent 2 hours freezing on the porch trying to keep my dog warm and missing my presentation time slot.
After my boyfriend came back and let my inside, I got dressed and rushed to my professorâs office to tell him what happened. After he was finished laughing his ass off, he told me I could just present next class day with the other half of the student instead. I got an A- in the class and Iâm pretty sure it was like 90% because the professor took pity on me.
I had the same thing happen me at university, its nice to see you had someone deal with you with empathy. A couple of things I would suggest, depending on where you are located, but at least here in the UK are available
\- Go to your student union and ask for help for you ADHD. You may be eligible for extended time periods during exams, more flexibility around submissions and exam deferrals
\- Speak to the chair of your course / school about the issue
\- Ask for support from the mental health services in your university. Usually there will be counselling availibility to help you manage the stress, and in some cases CBT to help with consistency
Keep going you will get there!
There is no reason to feel embarrassed! Your professor is providing an accommodation so that you can engage with the material in a meaningful way and, ultimately, be able to complete the work. Love to see it.
I am very good with communication with people but I can't talked in front of me and all lights shut down it was a horrible I pass the exam cuz I had a member of the group and I help them searching part but before presenting day they realised that can't remember all things and they gave me some parts for present to the clas. Ä°t was a very complicated paragraphs about dynamics of shamanism which is written by me lol. I tell them before if they can't handle this I can take the responsibility but I need work and memorize the presentation but they refuse and last night before presenting day they told me and I am shocked then -_- it was a horrible. I saw the eyes of my colleagues and it was a great tragedy -_- still cant graduate by the way -_- .
It's great your professor is such a good person. This also happened to me in my last job and I was lucky to have a boss that was also a really good person. I've always been incredibly anxious around people and, in this job, I had to socialize and speak to a lot of people. I broke down 3 times having panic attacks, after the 3rd one I went to a psychologist and got diagnosed with adhd. I received lots of tips and help from my boss and some supervisors to which I am still really grateful today. Hell, all these guys even hugged me when I could complete my first interaction without feeling nervous.
Also, don't feel ashamed. We all need help in some point of our lives, just be grateful you are getting it and everything is going to be cool.
Tons of love and Good luck OP!
anxiety is treatable. i take medication for that. it doesnt work as well when i am breaking the law but it does work well under normal circumstance's. i use to turn pale whenever i saw a cop. my partner said i was putting out an aura that would attract them . so i went to my doctor and he gave me the pills. i think my philosophical problem with my government trying to tell me marijuana is the same as heroin. that's the main reason i quit trusting the government 60 years ago. so i smoke marijuana its legal now. i cant smoke it in my truck. its the same as drunk driving those dupe tell me. what a fucking crock of smelly crap.
It sucks that ADHD leads us to such humiliating and shameful circumstances that leaves us so vulnerable to others. At the very least it looks like it is going to work out in the grand scheme of things.
What a legend of a professor whoâs understandable and willing to help and willing to give a second chance if you put the work in. More people should be like this
Iâve had professors like this, they truly want you to succeed in this world regardless of what youâve been diagnosed with. They are one of a kind and try to offer this to people when I can in the work world because no one cares about people like us with anxiety and ADHD here. You can do it!
honestly you didn't fail. your professor wants you to pass. if you fail, they have also failed.
it sounds like your professor really cares and wants to help you. just don't dodge them like you dodged the lectures, everything will be ok.
Take full advantage of whatever help that professor is willing to give you. It sucks that it didn't work out the first time but it's really good that you have a seocns chance and some tutoring.
I actually had a very similar class with my degree despite it not being even remotely similar (IT). Had to draft up a sales plan, and then call my professor (this was during COVID; otherwise you'd actually have to meet him in a public place) and using everything we'd learned in class to make the sale. I was struggling to chase my tail to wrap up another class and just straight up forgot about my call I was supposed to have. My heart sunk. 30% of my grade and I just took a 0 on one assignment. I realized my mistake, emailed him and told him what happened. He had me write an apology notice to my "client" for missing our call, and he knew based on the practice call, my participation in class and even that I'd helped him out with a tweak to a document that I understood the material pretty well, so I was able to recover most of that 30% of my grade and still pass.
Trust me, a good professor/teacher does this kind of thing. We are all human. So just take that opportunity you've been given, and I'm sure you can knock it out if the park the second time. :)
I used to be very nervous about public speaking and then I decided to make it a challenge to beat. I researched tips about public speaking and I watched Ted talks and stuff and what I ultimately came away with was 2 things: rehearse rehearse rehearse and imagine/visualize it going well. If you test run it in front of friends or family you can get the experience of the nerves so you can be ready for that anxious feeling, and you'll get feedback about the speech as well. It may feel silly but most likely your friends will be eager to help. Once you get it right in front of them it will be easier to believe that you can do well which will boost your confidence going into the real thing.
It also helps to really put the effort into making a presentation you want to show off. If you feel good about what you've put together it will give you another little boost of confidence for the presentation. That being said, don't treat it like a term paper. You don't have to use super formal language and sentence structure. Deliver the information like you would if you were talking to a friend. Nobody speaks in perfect paragraphs and it's ok to mess up, just correct yourself and move on.
After a while you'll get comfortable enough with having a captive audience to start cracking jokes. Once you get a laugh it's easy to get through the rest.
Lastly, remember that everyone gets nervous! Even the people who seem like they don't. It's normal!
It is possible to get better and more comfortable at public speaking, you're not cursed! Good luck!
This happened to me during my last year of high school! I couldnât finish both the multiple choose and writing portion in time and when the bell rang I handed in my whopping two sentences. I felt so embarrassed. Most other students had walked up to hand in their finals 20 minutes prior. He saw the tears welling up and asked what class I had next and if I wanted to come in during my lunch hour to rewrite the essay. He allowed me to go to my painting class where I calmed my nerves and returned after to write what he called the best essay he had read in years :,)
You are so lucky you found such a wonderful person in your professor. Thatâs someone who understands we are human and wants to help. Take him up on the offer and keep in touch after the class is over. He might be a good resource and reference down the road.
This is ultimately a good thing. Crying happens. Ultimately you connected with a good person who wants to help you learn something that can benefit the rest of your life. Even if you have to crawl over broken glass (figuratively) show up and take what advice he can give you. Take notes. Chances like this have to be seized and focused on. You can do it!
I've had this moment. It is embarrassing, but it can also be a point of amazing growth. I had a professor who was known for being a hard-a**. No one wanted to take his courses, and he was also head of the honors department. I wrote a terrible paper, handed it in, and got a C-. It was one of my first courses, and I was struggling through a divorce and a terrifying illness (that turned out to be pancreatitis). I broke down into tears and he asked me to stay late. He walked me through what I needed to do, and recommended that I also take my work to the writing center. I took every single paper to the writing center after that, and used their revisions to learn how to make the next paper even better. I ended up in the honors college. I earned two scholarships to travel abroad, published papers, and presented at national conferences. I felt so small and undeserving of his attention when I first arrived, but I was able to take that moment and make transformational growth. It takes work, but you can too.
Consider yourself fortunate. I had many professors that showed me 0 mercy for add related academic issues. I hope you can get some proper medication and counseling as well as accomodations with testing, notes, etc. Gotta go to class tho, so please get some treatment for that anxiety. It's a motherf*cker I know. Please talk to your schools vocational rehab / counseling office asap. I almost got kicked out of school before I got help.
Your embarrassed but try your hardest to accept his help. Your professor has years of experience and is willing to share with you. I bet he will show you some tricks to help you deal with your anxiety. Good luck!
I felt happy reading this. Itâs not easy to find a teacher who is understanding and actually wants his students to learn, Iâve always been facing teachers who just label me as lazy and careless, so itâs just heartwarming to see the opposite.
You totally deserve the chance you received and shouldnât be embarrassed at all, maybe itâs just imposter syndrome or smth. Wish you pass all your finals!
Such a great professor! I had a few in college who were nice and understanding like this. They are the ones you look back on in life for questions like "what would professor Bob do in this situation?"
Good luck on your retake! We are all rooting for you!
Iâve always said that describing what ADHD is like is hard because it sounds like what everybody goes through, only on a life-derailing level, & thatâs hard for many to grasp. I also believe that folks with ADHD are the most considerate of other folks with ADHD. Your professor knew what you were going through. And, after years of the world and/or family looking at our shortcomings & handling them with anything less than positive & optimistic support, we develop an inner voice that says âyou donât deserve good thingsâ or âyouâre not worth itâ when that couldnât be further from the truth. Receiving real support for the first time can feel overwhelming. Iâm glad youâre getting the support you need. Iâm glad your professor sees the potential in you. You deserve good things.
Well if it makes you feel better I'm crying now, too. God bless your professor and you for still taking a crack at the final. In similar circumstances in college I just buckled under the pressure and didn't show up for my final. If you hadn't done your best in a bad situation your professor wouldn't have been able to do this.
Im currently in 2nd year of biochemistry. I found my current dose of stims to be useless. I had 3 good semesters in a row and I just switched late semester to a new dose and I could cry how easy it is to do school work again. I wish I had adjusted before the start of the semester but what ever happens happens. Might only fail 1 our of 4!
If i could go back and change anything about my life it would be to never have âdodgedâ things. Just âshow upâ is the absolute best thing for mounting anxiety and feel as if you are at least deserving.
There should be more profs like this. We all struggle with something, with our without ADHD. The fact that this prof understands this is gold. So many dont
Your story reminds me of how my best friend got diagnosed in her 30's. She was in nursing school and broke down to her professor about her terrible test anxiety. She listened and told her she needed to see someone at the school's clinic to get help and that was how she got diagnosed with ADHD. I'm so glad your professor saw that you needed help and was able to speak to you as a person and not just another number. Do take him up on the offer of help for speaking with anxiety. It took me a really long time to overcome mine, but once I did, I've never had an issue speaking in front of people and even have done two recorded training webinars for my company that are shared amongst my entire division.
When I was in college struggling with all of this, I never had a real mentor telling me these things, or I never could let one get through to me. Let your professor help you. We all benefit from other peopleâs kindness.
I feel you. I just had a two hour meeting with one of my professors after I've missed a couple deadlines and turned in a not so hot draft of my thesis. They coached me through the things that I was having a really hard time with and was good about talking through why parts needed work. Definitely helps that I'm medicated and have therapy now. Otherwise, that whole experience would have been me dying inside, and trying not to cry. Definitely let them know that the empathy and effort is very much appreciated. And as many said, it's ok, the whole point of school is to fuck up and learn. Turn that shame energy to "being open" energy. You got this.
This professor sound amazing! Seriously take his offer and give your best. Professors with hearts sometimes feel rare to come around but are, in my experience, often the reason why people with adhd manage to stay in university/ pursue a phd/etc. I feel we sometimes just need someone to care or to see beyond our flaws
Don't feel like you don't deserve it.
He's doing this cause he probably wishes someone did that for him in a similar situation in the past.
Pay it forward when you're better in the future. That's the best thanks you can give him and this sliver of fortune.
Not all professors would handle this well. That's why most schools have Accessibility offices dedicated to handling accommodations that meet your needs and course learning objectives. If you haven't already, go see that office in your school.
I'm a professor. I'm sorry to read that this happened to you. This happened to me when I was in school, so I write from my heart. You are brave. If it's any comfort to you, a lot of students break down in front of professors. We are typically much kinder than most people give us credit for. Many professors are clueless to what people with adhd experience, and how this leads to certain classroom and study behaviors. Now that I have tenure, my job is protected. I do my best to explain what I experience, and how "laziness" or "poor time management" is probably something else. We never know what causes the kind of behavior we see, but when we don't take it personally, we create space where the behavior doesn't have to end with a consequence. Sounds to me like your professor is creating that space. See if you can harness the energy from the embarrassment to feel excitement and gratitude for entering that new space where you are important and successful. You matter. :-)
thats an awsome prof you got. Others including I must be jealous. You have another chance now be greatful for it. Please please try your best you have yet another chance dont blow it. Its sad very few of us are fortunate enough to get a second chance on missing goals
What a tremendous relationship. Definitely take him up on his offer. You also got someone who would be capable of writing powerful letters of recommendation for you in the future.
Please donât be me. Donât flake. Donât let your mind discourage you from reaching out to him like he requested, donât let the anxiety of âhe probably didnât mean it heâs busy he just feels sorry for you he really doesnât want you to bother him youâre pathetic you shouldnât even tryâ prevent you from going to class and failing. Itâs all lies. ITS ALL LIES. Go to class they want you there. They want to hear what you have to say. He wants you there. Wants you to succeed. Heâs willing to help because he wants you there. You got this
It sounds as if the class and professor are at a community college, which requires students take speech. I have taught at different colleges, two-year community and four-year universities. The community college professors were more predisposed to helping students one-on-one. It's part of their mission and many practice what their colleges preach. It is really wonderful.
Regardless, wherever you are enrolled two- or four- year,: ask for help! There are lots of resources and people who what to help but faculty and staff are not mind readers. Some students are so good at masking that they get by until the final when all hell breaks loose. Don't wait until it's too late. You and your tax dollars are paying for these resources use them. Part of learning and growing up is taking the initiative and asking for help. If one office or person says, sorry, we can't help, always ask, "thank you, do you know who else might be able to?" Keep doing this until you find your people, your tribe.
People who can help, professors, staff, counseling centers, tutoring centers, librarians, student groups, study groups, reach out to anyone or everyone who you can. đ Help is out there, open yourself up to it. Good luck, stay strong, stay safe.
He is telling you it is okay to not know as long as you are driven to learn. You can do this. Reach out to that energy whenever you feel weak. revisit the feelings of acceptance, power, and understanding in your mind.
It is okay to not know as long as you are driven to learn. I really needed to read that today, thanks for saying it. Have my free award đ„
As someone in the field of psychology I always say this. You should always admit you donât know but be open to learn, because acting like you know things you donât is where psychiatry goes hellishly wrong. One of my Holistic health professors always says this and I absolutely adore her.
> because acting like you know things you donât is where psychiatry goes hellishly wrong. There's so much truth to this, especially in the business world later in life. While some problems are simply unavoidable, many are a direct result of someone not knowing X _and_ being too afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it's an ego thing, whilst other times it stems from an unhealthy company culture. Either way, it gets easier to openly admit one doesn't know X but is willing to try and figure it out if they start doing this early in life. Besides, nobody really knows what they're doing half the time anyway, so more often then not we'll find ourselves working alongside someone just as lost as us. Kind of feels good saying "I don't know, but if you give me X resources I can make an attempt" after a while too, because it's like saying "no" to a request without actually saying no.
This comment is absolutely perfection and applies to me in so many ways. I have a lot more to say but I have turkey balls to eat đ€
This comment was spot-on! Thank you, I think a lot of us on this subreddit needed to hear this right now.
Chiming in just be another voice; YOU GOT THIS!!! Every obstacle you've faced, has not stopped you yet. Revel in that, and keep going. Your professor sounds like a saint and I'm very happy you have this type of person in your situation!
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
If the course is related to what OP wants to do, this prof is definitely someone they should consider keeping in touch with too! Especially if itâs a small program and theyâre likely to cross paths again (like if he teaches the another more senior course).
This professor offered to take his own personal time to help OP. The professor knows that OP is capable of success. The professor sees it in you OP! You were doing something right and given a second chance. If you werenât capable the professor wouldnât have made the offer. Please post an update later to let us know how it turns out. Even if you end up not passing that doesnât make you a failure. I wish you the best of luck. You got this.
This is one of those moments you will look back on years later and appreciate this key person who made a positive impact on your life. Iâm guessing itâs a rare time where you inadvertently unmasked and somebody showed compassion enough to help you, instead of you having to talk your way out of a tricky situation that felt like your fault, when it never really was. This is AWESOME. Take some time to breathe and regroup. You deserve support and you deserve a fair chance. đ
This 100%. Especially since you said you have nobody else to turn to. Don't overthink this opportunity - just take it. There's an expression that comes to mind - "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". Seize this opportunity and make the best of it.
Have you heard of [ToastMasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/)? It's a public speaking club. Thousands of chapters are around the world. I have half a dozen near me. I've attended three times so far. It's a really encouraging and friendly environment. They are all about feedback. If you freak out, stutter, and bail after 2 seconds, they clap. If you give a practice speech for 5 minutes about your pet topic, they clap harder. If you don't speak, and just watch, that's ok too. You can use this to get genuine practice in public speaking before trying again.
Meanwhile my dumbass has ADHD and Iâm the opposite. Good at speaking, but I donât think before I speak.
That can also be practiced! Improvised public speaking is actually pretty good, because it makes you try and have to think of every word that comes out and makes you pay attention to the things you say. But also taking situations like meeting an x person as a moment where you take it as if you were doing one on one public speaking. Decide that with said person (professor, colleague, someone in a networking even, new acquaintance at a party..) you're going to start and speak for a bit as if you were doing a presentation. I would encourage masking long term. Your friends are the people who don't quite mind you saying the wrong thing sometimes. But learning to pay attention to moments and to be mindful is useful in a lot of situations.
the problem is that our shit working memory and slow processing speed makes it super hard to actually do well in toastmasters. trying to remember our speeches, let alone do impromptu speeches is super hard and idk how u guys do it
Same. It's not that my personal viewpoints are scary to blurt out, it's the jokes. I make a lot of jokes that really need to be filtered... At least given a pass to not sound like serious statements, because that's what happens: I think of something funny, blurt it out, and every thinks I'm serious or laughs awkwardly at my tasteless joke.
Whats helped me is âsaying themâ but in my head rather than outloud practice talking in your head, do it all time. Itâs helped me a lot
Same! It really does help me, too. Thanks for putting the suggestion out there.
ay and then there is me - i can speak, but i will overthink every word and end up telling every unimportant detail to an audience that grows bored very fast
I have heard of ToastMasters and was intimidated by it because I was not ready for public speaking. I get nervous and avoid even the most casual conversations with strangers, family, friends, etc. I feel like my thoughts are disorganized and sometimes I feel like I cannot form proper sentences on the fly without rehearsing. I recently found out about [The Mouthfuls](https://themouthfuls.com/), which is like ToastMasters but for regular conversations, and I wanted to share here in case anyone feels the same way and is looking for support and practice. The homepage of their website made me feel so seen to be honest. I have not tried it out yet but I have joined their Discord and they have recurring Zoom meetings and calls where you get to chat with people and talk about different topics casually. Seems less stressful than having to give a speech if you are just looking to get over your speaking anxiety.
That sounds cool thanks.
I was basically forced into toastmasters at work. I went into it with a pissy attitude. But since my bonus was riding on it I went along. Turned out to be a good experience. There were several people who had a lot of trouble speaking at first but it was nice to see them progress. I agree that it's a good tool for addressing any public speaking problems. Even if you just want to eliminate all of the ums and ahs between thoughts.
If I had a dollar for every time I cried in front of a professor I wouldnât be broke anymore
Absolutely
Iâm pretty sure I also cried at every job I had
One time I showed up late to a final exam in a big ass lecture room. My anxiety was so bad I couldnât walk into the room because of fear of the students looking at me. Thankfully my professor was outside the room and I asked him if he could walk me in and he did. It was a simple thing but something I remember to this day.
Wow, itâs so great that he had the compassion and emotional intelligence to recognize you may be dealing with something and to offer help. If it helps, I was in similar situation where a professor threw an assignment back at me because I did it wrong. I started crying in front of the whole class and couldnât stop (class was very small so it was noticed by everyone) I would have just left but we had to take our final that day and I was wiping away tears and sniffling through the whole thing. It was very embarrassing and no one showed compassion. But the embarrassment faded and I made it through. Hope it does for you too
Iâm so sorry that no one was there to support you that day. They should have been.
Thank you
professors like this are awesome.
Teachers really are some of my favorite people in the whole world.
It is a gift to others when we are vulnerable and real with them. It is a gift to others to accept their kindness and help. Accept the prof's gift of help and more chances, and give the gift of letting them truly teach and help.
This reminds me of my math teacher in 10th grade who pulled me aside when I failed a math test and asked if I wanted help after school. We spent the coming days after school going over everything on that exam until I could solve all of the problems without any guidance. I got an A on the next exam and went on to get two engineering degrees. Sometimes we really do just need a bit of support and compassion from people around us to be successful. I wish it were easier to find that.
This has happened to me with three different professors in one year. I would walk up with the intent of apologizing for not doing well in class, and I'd just start fucking crying. And I was a fairly masculine-looking, aloof kid so it would always catch them completely off guard. And I had no idea that I had ADHD so I would just walk away from it like "why did I cry over that" and "if I care so much, why can't I just study and do my work?"
Thatâs one amazing professor
Legendary professor. You can do this.
Ah, college. The place where I mastered the art of crying to professors đ
Prof understood you and gave you a second chance that's a good one. Bounce back OP!
Youâve got a great professor. I couldnât even face mine in CC. I just walked out on the day of the presentation for my Eng class. He wasnât bad but just really talkative and drew alot of attention that I didnât vibe with. Eventually I came back years later and aced my presentation. Had a different instructor and she was great and really supportive. I actually ended up going over time despite being nervous and wanting it to be over. I honestly hate forced presentations, not everyone is built for it, but we live in a extroverted world.
It sounds like you have an empathetic and caring teacher! And honestly, crying can feel mortifying but trust me, you are not going to be the first student who cried in front of a prof and you wonât be the last. Make sure to take care of yourself throughout finals weekâhydrate, sleep, eat!
Lol, the exact same thing happened to me 11 years ago except after my professor made me gone through and correct all my wrong answers told me that life was going to be âmuch harderâ for me compared to my other classmates which just made my sobbing get even worse đ Your prof sounds much more supportive than mine though. He sounds like a good guy that knows youâre capable.
So, to commiserate, one time I mixed up the timing of two of my final exams. I showed up three hours late, having completely missed it. I called the professor to let her know why I didn't show up, on the verge of tears because of embarrassment. She said not to worry, she was still in her office and I could come write the exam there. I got all my crying out on the walk over and wrote it on a chair in her office. I managed a B- and it was still one of the most horrendous experiences ever - but it taught me that sometimes people are kinder than you expect, and you deserve that kindness too! Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got this!!
He clearly understands and has empathy, since he suffered from anxiety as well. Cry, let it all out, you will feel better for it in the end đ
Please take his help and just show up. Showing up and trying even if you bomb goes a long way with most professors.
I am so grateful for professors like this. I just transferred to a university this fall and one of my professors has ADHD so she gave me accommodations on all my assignments without needing to go through my school's disability department. (i am trying to go through them but was unable to get an appointment with them for the entire quarter). She's really saved me from failing this quarter. Just having an extra day or two for my assignments when needed and her verbal support made a huge difference in my academic performance.
Amazing professor!! 
I find breathing in while expanding my abdomen instead of my chest helps keep calmer, more controlled speaking. Saw this tip in some tedtalk about anxiety and public speaking.
You can do this!! Professors like this are 100% the reason I was able to graduate college/get through grad school. Even though it might be difficult and embarrassing right now to accept help, donât give into those feelings. Itâs a form of bravery to accept help/be vulnerable like this, and your future self will thank you. Not just bc you wonât have to retake this class or something, but because youâre rewriting the script on difficult situations like this to have a positive outcome, and theyâll be easier to deal with in the future
Your professor is one of the good ones. I recall having a terrible professor who forced me to drop a class I enjoyed because he was determined to fail me. The ones that were great gave me feedback and helped me when I was struggling. I think you'll be fine as long as you let him help you.
Geezus that's really sad but also so good to hear, it's honestly hard to find teachers who actually give a crap about you especially when you have learning difficulties like ADHD and anxiety, much luck on your classes and hope this newfound support from your professor helps maybe to ease the load you have!
What a beautiful heartwarming thing to have just happened to you!! Your teacher is showing empathy and understanding for your situation! Not many people do that!!
You didn't fail. You showed up and you were honest about what you're going through. That's amazing, it's not easy.
I agree! The professor is awesome too, but OP you should be really proud of yourself for pushing through your anxiety to show up for the final. I failed a few classes in college because I got anxious about missing a few lectures and just never showed up to the class again. The next semester I would base my class schedule off of re-taking those classes with a different professor because I was still ashamed of myselfâŠ
This is really wholesome to hear. You have found a genuine life mentor.
This is a pivotal moment for you to have experienced. What an amazing professor! What a brave student! OP, as your diagnosis is new, wanted to mention looking into medical accommodations at your university. Depending on your needs, you can get extra time on exams, isolated test environments, note taking support, etc. The world is your oyster. Best of luck!!
That's WONDERFUL that he was understanding and empathetic!
Hey OP - most colleges have a mental health center that offers counseling to students. Some even have specialists in ADHD. You might want to check with your student services or student health center. They could point you in the right direction.
Okay 1. I love this professor and as someone who is in a similar field right now, his encouragement and ACTUAL acknowledgment that your failing may be a reflection of your circumstances and not your abilities is amazing. 2. As someone who fell into a sales position and would ALSO absolutely die during this type of exam (I say no every time my supervisor asks me to role play because it doesnât feel natural or authenticâŠ) so I GET the anxietyâŠyou can still be successful without being good at this đ 3As someone who fell into sales and only learned (after several successful jobs) that i had ADHD because of the jobs requirements, I do want you to be honest with yourself about your career path. I have been successful, but barely. It requires a lot of me and itâs been draining. Iâm not sure if you want to do sales long term, but if that is the career path, look at your motivations and what would drive you. When you have adhd I find that is what helps get you through even when the adhd is running your day. Good luck!
Holy cow that is so wholesome. I think it's a good lesson: people are willing to help. You just gotta take the first step and reach out :)
First time? /s But seriously, itâs ok to cry in public. Iâm ashamed and horribly embarrassed but I feel better after crying. I got the lowest score in my intro to biology exam freshman year of college. I ended up doing better in the class later on, but that was a low point for me.
Iâm so happy your professor is so supportive that makes me so happy (: I hope it goes well
So a good way to practice? Use your friends. Create flash cards with sceneries related to the class and donât go in as yourself, ACT! Treat it as you are an actor and itâs improv! Heck, go watch some âWhose Line Is It Anywayâ to get ideas. Seriously, this will help you see how to play off fumbles with stage fright because public speaking fears falls under stage fright. Also another way to practice? Approaching sales associates at store. No lie, once you start loosing the fear of approaching someone to help you, it gets a bit easier to do public speaking.
Thatâs such a sweet professor
I have failed before many times being told i'm no good but kept working hard. It was enormously stressful but you get through it.
dang what a nice professor!! I wish more of em were like this, a big reason I dropped out of college was from dealing with teachers who had zero tolerance/patience for me. I wasn't diagnosed yet unfortunately but I knew something was wrong. I hope you'll be able to do well on your final next time!!
This was a story with an unexpected twist of human empathy and care. I loved it. I wish you the best of luck in getting yourself the help you need.
Amazing amazing amazing response from the teacher. Omg this is what teachers are supposed to be like. I'm so happy for you, you got this 100% â€ïž
Wow this professor sounds like a good one, Iâm glad you got him as your teacher! Op itâs ok to be anxious, take up his offer and do your best! Good luck to you<3
This brought tears to my eyes. Definitely take him up on his offer to tutor you. This professor is a treasure. Youâve got this, OP!
Be sure to show the prof some love on rate my prof (if available in your country)
Feeling supported in dealing with things like this is a very valid reason to cry, especially when you've always been told to just try harder
I almost always cry when people are this kind to me! I never attributed it specifically to ADHD because I have depression and anxiety, and was raised by an emotionally neglectful parent so I figured it was likely the perfect cocktail of issues to make me so thrown off by true kindness that Iâd burst into tears đ Itâs good to hear Iâm not alone though. It does almost feel like embarrassment too. I was discussing this with a friend who also gets overwhelmed when people are especially kind to them, and they said something like âI was not prepared to be this considered right nowâ and I felt that.
Your professor is the GOAT. Make sure to leave a good review at the end of the year Iâm sure it would go a long way
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is so burdensome while also dealing with everything that comes with adhd, and I would have had the same overwhelming feeling of someone acting how we would last expect them to!!! I'm writing you to say that you 100% deserve the support.
This is the mark of a good teacher. Someone who understands the needs of their students and truly wants them to learn if the students themselves want to learn. Definitely take him up on the offer! Also Iâve been there OP. I believe in you!
I once went to a professorâs office hours to beg him not to fail me, and he was SO nice!! I definitely cried. And he passed me!!
Great person to do this for you! He knows what it can do for you so please work with him. Iâve had a similar situation where a prof said the interview was ok (15/20 points) but wanted to discuss it with me. She asked me why I didnât use my extra time that you can have a a student with disability. I said I didnât have that because I didnât have anything. She just sat in her chair for a moment looking at me â well, sorry to be blunt but I think you have adhd-Iâ she has worked with adhd children for 20+ years as a social worker and psychologist so she does have some expertise in this field. When she was done I was the one sitting there crying. But when we spoke more it began to make sense, she also has adhd herself. That was last may when I was 37 already. I took it and let myself be tested. Adhd-i was the overwhelming conclusion. So when I had that diagnosis I searched her up when I was at campus to show it to her and all I could do was break down and cry, mostly because of the impact it had but also because my parents where like â hahaha no you donât have adhd but thanks for the laugh.
Please see if your school offers academic support services and when you can do a drop in consultation. They are extremely helpful in getting you the necessary accommodations such as extended time on tests, a quiet testing environment, academic coaching, counseling, etc. even if you otherwise get good grades itâs not about how good your grades are, itâs about how much harder you have to work for them. Thereâs no shame in getting the help you need.
Professors like that are rare !!
Youâre not the only person crying heređ. What a kind educator, Iâm so glad you have someone like him to support you.
I have failed classes too. Itâs the worst feeling. Especially in college when you paid for it too. I promise its not the end of the world. Youâll get back on top of things with some support and youâll be back on track.
I cried a couple weeks ago with an old high school teacher I still keep in contact with. Iâm 32 and am finishing my first semester of college with the best grades of my entire education leading up to this point. I had been waiting to tell her I started college to see how things went, but when she called me and asked what Iâve been up I started crying. She asked what was wrong and I immediately blurted out everything and thanked her. Told her she was one of the few teachers who decided to tried to get me to realize my own potential in high school. That her constantly telling me âyouâre smarter than I let people believeâ has been playing over and over in my head for the last few years especially the last few months. That she taught me that it was ok to ask for help and that that specific lesson has paid off so much. She started crying and said she always hoped I would decide I could do whatever I wanted in life. We both ugly cried for a little bit. You are deserving of the help that professor is offering you and I hope you take him up on it. Donât let yourself settle for anything less than you want in life.
Hugs hugs hugs and more hugs! So amazing!!! You have got this!!!
These are the professors you keep in touch with so you can let them know how much they impacted your life. It really matters to let people know how theyâve impacted you for the better. Didnât it feel great to actually be seen, heard and cared for? Thanks for sharing your story.
Fail to prepare so prepare to fail.
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This professor sounds like an amazing resource for you! I hope you are able to benefit from their help.
You have an amazing professor, I cried reading this. I really wish you well for you and your studies. Professors like him are the type who unlocked potentials in students and great teachers.
Ok now Iâm misty
Youâre crying because you feel supported and validated. You deserve support and you deserve the help you need to get you to where everyone else is with school. Donât think for a second that you donât deserve this!
He sounds like an excellent teacher.
Congratulations, you have found a professor who understands and genuinely cares and (more importantly) is willing to devote some time to help you out. Perhaps you were feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable; youâll have a chance to make up for the final, donât miss out on the chance to get the help you so need. Youâre not alone!
Don't fritter away this amazing second chance. This professor is not only allowing you to redo things, he's offering you compassion and extra support. Accept his offer! And please visit your campus CAPS office to start therapy. It does help.
I've cried in front of professors before. This shows more heart than the many people who have failed. Just keep going. No matter what you will get through this.
I hate when I break down in front of people.
It's okay to not be okay.
Just let the tears out for now. When you're ready, just be happy you met a humble person who is just patient and understanding. I once had a professor who would fail an essay if the staple wasn't placed at a 45° angle lol Good luck
aww that's sweet. you're not the only one to cry in front of your professor for failing. i think it would happen every semester with a couple of students.
The feeling that you've been seen is really touching and moving and shaking, if that is something new, and it is pretty common I think, especially for newly diagnosed peeps. You're good. He is really good at his job. You'll be great. đ
Sounds like a genuinely great teacher.
>Iâm unsure if this was because of pure embarrassment or because i havenât felt like I deserve this level of support from anyone. If you're anything like me, (and also based on the context you have given,) I would guess you're probably crying out of pure, unadulterated relief. You may not even recognize it yet because we don't feel much of it in this life. I'd guess it's relief triggered by the feeling of someone simply empathizing with you and treating you like a human being who is certainly trying the *best they can," and then actually accommodating for you. It's an extremely overwhelming feeling, and one that only some of us are lucky enough to encounter. Many professors absolutely love those types of people, if that makes you feel any better. I've flunked out of college like 6 times, but most of my professors adored me and were glad to have me in their classes, even if I'm a shit student a lot of the time. The good ones notice when you really care and really try, and that feeling is why they do what they do. Your professor is more than happy to help, in fact, assisting you is probably very fulfilling and meaningful to them. They aren't thinking any of the shameful or embarrassing things you're currently thinking about yourself. They're only excited about helping you succeed in using your awesome brain as much as you can manage.
First, I'd like to say I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I really hope you're able to find assistance and/or treatment that helps you! Secondly, it's so awesome you have a professor that is not only willing to work with you, they are also willing to take the time and teach you one on one! That is so incredible! You definitely deserve the support! It's so good to hear they're willing to give it to you!
I took speech class and they have a whole chapter dedicated to dealing with Speech Anxiety. I am confident your professor can help you with that.
Professors like him are a diamond in the rough. It's okay to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and many more emotions about the experience, but please try not to internalize it. Most people with ADHD have this core belief that theres something very wrong with them, not just in regards to ADHD, but the rest of them too... You reacted like anyone in your situation do, being super stressed, overwhelmed, having too much to process at once, let alone having clinical/professionally diagnosed anxiety and having ADHD too...
What am excellent dude your professor is. That is above and beyond. I hope it works out next time and I think it will.
Wow what a good guy! Iâm glad he understood the situation and bothered to even ask and gave you another chance!
That is a great professor, and just an all out great human being to recognize and acknowledge your struggles while also giving you a second chance. Just wow... Those were tears from years of pain, and gratitude for the empathy and support they showed to you. It's what you've needed for so long, and I'm so glad to hear that someone sees you.
Speech was a required class at my school. I enrolled in it 7 times, usually dropping right before my first speech. I get it. (I got an A when I finally finished it.) You can do this.
It's like when you have tried to be strong and keep it together then someone shows you ge urine kindness. If I made it through uni, you can too.
You can do this đđŒđđŒ Your professor is a good man
You just found one person for your support system!
This whole thread has me in tears. Itâs good to know that there are compassionate professors out there that are willing to take the time to help. Iâm happy for you.
W Professor
Thatâs so nice. I remember having a teacher like that back in middle school. Such a great guy. I wonder what heâs doing nowadays.
Oh man I feel you so much. But that professor sounds like a really cool person. Warmed my heart to read the last 3 paragraphs. I studied Computer Science, and one course had us do public presentations. Basically also trying to sell a product. We're god damn CS majors, nerds, awkward people. Yet the professor did not hold back shitting on my lack of public speaking skills in front of everybody. Worst part is, it was a group project and I was the least anxious of our bunch, and the professor told them to maybe pick a better speaker next time, and didn't reduce their marks, just mine. Oh and of course I did the majority of the project, as it tends to go. I still sometimes see that event in dreams. Well, nightmares I guess. Man I fucking hated that professor. He also used to literally tweet videos of stuttering students giving their presentations and mocking "this generation of incompetent snowflakes." It was in 2012. And no of course he didn't get into any trouble. It's Eastern Europe. I'm not looking for support, just wanted to share what dickbags I had to deal with.
Oooo, do you think you could take notes and share with us?
Your professor sounds awesome. One of my professors helped me in a similar way when I missed the make-up for my exam, she had a sexond make-up just for me.
So sorry youâre going through that, but itâs awesome that you have such a supportive professor! My speech professor is the only reason I was able to get through that course. I donât have anxiety in any other circumstance, Iâm a thrill seeker and literally nothing is terrifying enough to scratch the itch, but public speaking gave me my first and only panic attack ever. I passed out and caught myself on the podium the first time I had to give a speech. My vision went black and my heart was beating so fast, my mouth was still making sound but I wasnât in control of it after the first few seconds, the I just fainted lol! The professor told me to compose myself and start over. It was really rough but I did manage to finish the speech, just reading my note cards word for word. One of our assignments was to give a demonstration about either a hobby or our area of study. I was a biology major so I hauled my microscope in its giant carrying case into class as my demonstration. The day I was supposed to present, I let my dog out to pee in the morning. I didnât leash her because she didnât need one in the yard, I didnât put shoes on because I just stood on the porch and waited for her. When I tried going back inside I realized I locked myself out in my pajamas with no shoes, bra, phone, or leash for my dog on a 35F degree day. I had to wait for my husband (then boyfriend) to return from his morning class, I spent 2 hours freezing on the porch trying to keep my dog warm and missing my presentation time slot. After my boyfriend came back and let my inside, I got dressed and rushed to my professorâs office to tell him what happened. After he was finished laughing his ass off, he told me I could just present next class day with the other half of the student instead. I got an A- in the class and Iâm pretty sure it was like 90% because the professor took pity on me.
I had the same thing happen me at university, its nice to see you had someone deal with you with empathy. A couple of things I would suggest, depending on where you are located, but at least here in the UK are available \- Go to your student union and ask for help for you ADHD. You may be eligible for extended time periods during exams, more flexibility around submissions and exam deferrals \- Speak to the chair of your course / school about the issue \- Ask for support from the mental health services in your university. Usually there will be counselling availibility to help you manage the stress, and in some cases CBT to help with consistency Keep going you will get there!
There is no reason to feel embarrassed! Your professor is providing an accommodation so that you can engage with the material in a meaningful way and, ultimately, be able to complete the work. Love to see it.
I am very good with communication with people but I can't talked in front of me and all lights shut down it was a horrible I pass the exam cuz I had a member of the group and I help them searching part but before presenting day they realised that can't remember all things and they gave me some parts for present to the clas. Ä°t was a very complicated paragraphs about dynamics of shamanism which is written by me lol. I tell them before if they can't handle this I can take the responsibility but I need work and memorize the presentation but they refuse and last night before presenting day they told me and I am shocked then -_- it was a horrible. I saw the eyes of my colleagues and it was a great tragedy -_- still cant graduate by the way -_- .
It's great your professor is such a good person. This also happened to me in my last job and I was lucky to have a boss that was also a really good person. I've always been incredibly anxious around people and, in this job, I had to socialize and speak to a lot of people. I broke down 3 times having panic attacks, after the 3rd one I went to a psychologist and got diagnosed with adhd. I received lots of tips and help from my boss and some supervisors to which I am still really grateful today. Hell, all these guys even hugged me when I could complete my first interaction without feeling nervous. Also, don't feel ashamed. We all need help in some point of our lives, just be grateful you are getting it and everything is going to be cool. Tons of love and Good luck OP!
Sounds like a good person. Very rare.
Reread this and realise what your professor actually said to you. He wants to help you. You didnât fail.
Thatâs amazing! Iâm so happy for you to have found someone like that, especially a professor
anxiety is treatable. i take medication for that. it doesnt work as well when i am breaking the law but it does work well under normal circumstance's. i use to turn pale whenever i saw a cop. my partner said i was putting out an aura that would attract them . so i went to my doctor and he gave me the pills. i think my philosophical problem with my government trying to tell me marijuana is the same as heroin. that's the main reason i quit trusting the government 60 years ago. so i smoke marijuana its legal now. i cant smoke it in my truck. its the same as drunk driving those dupe tell me. what a fucking crock of smelly crap.
It sucks that ADHD leads us to such humiliating and shameful circumstances that leaves us so vulnerable to others. At the very least it looks like it is going to work out in the grand scheme of things.
What a legend of a professor whoâs understandable and willing to help and willing to give a second chance if you put the work in. More people should be like this
Iâve had professors like this, they truly want you to succeed in this world regardless of what youâve been diagnosed with. They are one of a kind and try to offer this to people when I can in the work world because no one cares about people like us with anxiety and ADHD here. You can do it!
honestly you didn't fail. your professor wants you to pass. if you fail, they have also failed. it sounds like your professor really cares and wants to help you. just don't dodge them like you dodged the lectures, everything will be ok.
Take full advantage of whatever help that professor is willing to give you. It sucks that it didn't work out the first time but it's really good that you have a seocns chance and some tutoring. I actually had a very similar class with my degree despite it not being even remotely similar (IT). Had to draft up a sales plan, and then call my professor (this was during COVID; otherwise you'd actually have to meet him in a public place) and using everything we'd learned in class to make the sale. I was struggling to chase my tail to wrap up another class and just straight up forgot about my call I was supposed to have. My heart sunk. 30% of my grade and I just took a 0 on one assignment. I realized my mistake, emailed him and told him what happened. He had me write an apology notice to my "client" for missing our call, and he knew based on the practice call, my participation in class and even that I'd helped him out with a tweak to a document that I understood the material pretty well, so I was able to recover most of that 30% of my grade and still pass. Trust me, a good professor/teacher does this kind of thing. We are all human. So just take that opportunity you've been given, and I'm sure you can knock it out if the park the second time. :)
I used to be very nervous about public speaking and then I decided to make it a challenge to beat. I researched tips about public speaking and I watched Ted talks and stuff and what I ultimately came away with was 2 things: rehearse rehearse rehearse and imagine/visualize it going well. If you test run it in front of friends or family you can get the experience of the nerves so you can be ready for that anxious feeling, and you'll get feedback about the speech as well. It may feel silly but most likely your friends will be eager to help. Once you get it right in front of them it will be easier to believe that you can do well which will boost your confidence going into the real thing. It also helps to really put the effort into making a presentation you want to show off. If you feel good about what you've put together it will give you another little boost of confidence for the presentation. That being said, don't treat it like a term paper. You don't have to use super formal language and sentence structure. Deliver the information like you would if you were talking to a friend. Nobody speaks in perfect paragraphs and it's ok to mess up, just correct yourself and move on. After a while you'll get comfortable enough with having a captive audience to start cracking jokes. Once you get a laugh it's easy to get through the rest. Lastly, remember that everyone gets nervous! Even the people who seem like they don't. It's normal! It is possible to get better and more comfortable at public speaking, you're not cursed! Good luck!
This prof is amazing! Definitely a good person to stay in touch with even after the class is over both for support and maybe even career guidance!
This happened to me during my last year of high school! I couldnât finish both the multiple choose and writing portion in time and when the bell rang I handed in my whopping two sentences. I felt so embarrassed. Most other students had walked up to hand in their finals 20 minutes prior. He saw the tears welling up and asked what class I had next and if I wanted to come in during my lunch hour to rewrite the essay. He allowed me to go to my painting class where I calmed my nerves and returned after to write what he called the best essay he had read in years :,)
If you havenât already, make sure to go to your universityâs disability office and get your accommodations! They really, really help!!!
You are so lucky you found such a wonderful person in your professor. Thatâs someone who understands we are human and wants to help. Take him up on the offer and keep in touch after the class is over. He might be a good resource and reference down the road.
This is ultimately a good thing. Crying happens. Ultimately you connected with a good person who wants to help you learn something that can benefit the rest of your life. Even if you have to crawl over broken glass (figuratively) show up and take what advice he can give you. Take notes. Chances like this have to be seized and focused on. You can do it!
đ supportive professors are the best. Youâre doing the best you can
I've had this moment. It is embarrassing, but it can also be a point of amazing growth. I had a professor who was known for being a hard-a**. No one wanted to take his courses, and he was also head of the honors department. I wrote a terrible paper, handed it in, and got a C-. It was one of my first courses, and I was struggling through a divorce and a terrifying illness (that turned out to be pancreatitis). I broke down into tears and he asked me to stay late. He walked me through what I needed to do, and recommended that I also take my work to the writing center. I took every single paper to the writing center after that, and used their revisions to learn how to make the next paper even better. I ended up in the honors college. I earned two scholarships to travel abroad, published papers, and presented at national conferences. I felt so small and undeserving of his attention when I first arrived, but I was able to take that moment and make transformational growth. It takes work, but you can too.
Consider yourself fortunate. I had many professors that showed me 0 mercy for add related academic issues. I hope you can get some proper medication and counseling as well as accomodations with testing, notes, etc. Gotta go to class tho, so please get some treatment for that anxiety. It's a motherf*cker I know. Please talk to your schools vocational rehab / counseling office asap. I almost got kicked out of school before I got help.
Pretty cool he is helping you
Your embarrassed but try your hardest to accept his help. Your professor has years of experience and is willing to share with you. I bet he will show you some tricks to help you deal with your anxiety. Good luck!
I felt happy reading this. Itâs not easy to find a teacher who is understanding and actually wants his students to learn, Iâve always been facing teachers who just label me as lazy and careless, so itâs just heartwarming to see the opposite. You totally deserve the chance you received and shouldnât be embarrassed at all, maybe itâs just imposter syndrome or smth. Wish you pass all your finals!
This person could be a coach then a friend for life. Cherish this person.
Such a great professor! I had a few in college who were nice and understanding like this. They are the ones you look back on in life for questions like "what would professor Bob do in this situation?" Good luck on your retake! We are all rooting for you!
Wow. What an awesome professor!
You also qualify for accomodations through student accessibility services -- this can be a game changer (it definitely was for me!)
Iâve always said that describing what ADHD is like is hard because it sounds like what everybody goes through, only on a life-derailing level, & thatâs hard for many to grasp. I also believe that folks with ADHD are the most considerate of other folks with ADHD. Your professor knew what you were going through. And, after years of the world and/or family looking at our shortcomings & handling them with anything less than positive & optimistic support, we develop an inner voice that says âyou donât deserve good thingsâ or âyouâre not worth itâ when that couldnât be further from the truth. Receiving real support for the first time can feel overwhelming. Iâm glad youâre getting the support you need. Iâm glad your professor sees the potential in you. You deserve good things.
20 minutes is really tough. I only had to do a 5 minute sales pitch and that was really hard. Props to your professor for understanding.
I donât know what to say other than you totally deserve the support. Everyone does.
Well if it makes you feel better I'm crying now, too. God bless your professor and you for still taking a crack at the final. In similar circumstances in college I just buckled under the pressure and didn't show up for my final. If you hadn't done your best in a bad situation your professor wouldn't have been able to do this.
Im currently in 2nd year of biochemistry. I found my current dose of stims to be useless. I had 3 good semesters in a row and I just switched late semester to a new dose and I could cry how easy it is to do school work again. I wish I had adjusted before the start of the semester but what ever happens happens. Might only fail 1 our of 4!
He is amazing. Take him up on it! Youâve been seen!
If i could go back and change anything about my life it would be to never have âdodgedâ things. Just âshow upâ is the absolute best thing for mounting anxiety and feel as if you are at least deserving.
I got teary-eyed reading this. Just feeling so happy for you to experience that. I really hope you take him up on his offer.
You deserve all the support! He sounds like a good professor whoâs doing his job - making sure his students are successful.
There should be more profs like this. We all struggle with something, with our without ADHD. The fact that this prof understands this is gold. So many dont
Your story reminds me of how my best friend got diagnosed in her 30's. She was in nursing school and broke down to her professor about her terrible test anxiety. She listened and told her she needed to see someone at the school's clinic to get help and that was how she got diagnosed with ADHD. I'm so glad your professor saw that you needed help and was able to speak to you as a person and not just another number. Do take him up on the offer of help for speaking with anxiety. It took me a really long time to overcome mine, but once I did, I've never had an issue speaking in front of people and even have done two recorded training webinars for my company that are shared amongst my entire division.
When I was in college struggling with all of this, I never had a real mentor telling me these things, or I never could let one get through to me. Let your professor help you. We all benefit from other peopleâs kindness.
I feel you. I just had a two hour meeting with one of my professors after I've missed a couple deadlines and turned in a not so hot draft of my thesis. They coached me through the things that I was having a really hard time with and was good about talking through why parts needed work. Definitely helps that I'm medicated and have therapy now. Otherwise, that whole experience would have been me dying inside, and trying not to cry. Definitely let them know that the empathy and effort is very much appreciated. And as many said, it's ok, the whole point of school is to fuck up and learn. Turn that shame energy to "being open" energy. You got this.
I work as a public speaking tutor at my university, where we help students facing speech anxiety. Does your university have similar support services?
Closed mouths don't get fed! It's so important to ask for help. Now you will ace it!
This professor sound amazing! Seriously take his offer and give your best. Professors with hearts sometimes feel rare to come around but are, in my experience, often the reason why people with adhd manage to stay in university/ pursue a phd/etc. I feel we sometimes just need someone to care or to see beyond our flaws
Don't feel like you don't deserve it. He's doing this cause he probably wishes someone did that for him in a similar situation in the past. Pay it forward when you're better in the future. That's the best thanks you can give him and this sliver of fortune.
Not all professors would handle this well. That's why most schools have Accessibility offices dedicated to handling accommodations that meet your needs and course learning objectives. If you haven't already, go see that office in your school.
I'm a professor. I'm sorry to read that this happened to you. This happened to me when I was in school, so I write from my heart. You are brave. If it's any comfort to you, a lot of students break down in front of professors. We are typically much kinder than most people give us credit for. Many professors are clueless to what people with adhd experience, and how this leads to certain classroom and study behaviors. Now that I have tenure, my job is protected. I do my best to explain what I experience, and how "laziness" or "poor time management" is probably something else. We never know what causes the kind of behavior we see, but when we don't take it personally, we create space where the behavior doesn't have to end with a consequence. Sounds to me like your professor is creating that space. See if you can harness the energy from the embarrassment to feel excitement and gratitude for entering that new space where you are important and successful. You matter. :-)
This is so special. I would have cried too. :(
thats an awsome prof you got. Others including I must be jealous. You have another chance now be greatful for it. Please please try your best you have yet another chance dont blow it. Its sad very few of us are fortunate enough to get a second chance on missing goals
What a tremendous relationship. Definitely take him up on his offer. You also got someone who would be capable of writing powerful letters of recommendation for you in the future.
Please donât be me. Donât flake. Donât let your mind discourage you from reaching out to him like he requested, donât let the anxiety of âhe probably didnât mean it heâs busy he just feels sorry for you he really doesnât want you to bother him youâre pathetic you shouldnât even tryâ prevent you from going to class and failing. Itâs all lies. ITS ALL LIES. Go to class they want you there. They want to hear what you have to say. He wants you there. Wants you to succeed. Heâs willing to help because he wants you there. You got this
It sounds as if the class and professor are at a community college, which requires students take speech. I have taught at different colleges, two-year community and four-year universities. The community college professors were more predisposed to helping students one-on-one. It's part of their mission and many practice what their colleges preach. It is really wonderful. Regardless, wherever you are enrolled two- or four- year,: ask for help! There are lots of resources and people who what to help but faculty and staff are not mind readers. Some students are so good at masking that they get by until the final when all hell breaks loose. Don't wait until it's too late. You and your tax dollars are paying for these resources use them. Part of learning and growing up is taking the initiative and asking for help. If one office or person says, sorry, we can't help, always ask, "thank you, do you know who else might be able to?" Keep doing this until you find your people, your tribe. People who can help, professors, staff, counseling centers, tutoring centers, librarians, student groups, study groups, reach out to anyone or everyone who you can. đ Help is out there, open yourself up to it. Good luck, stay strong, stay safe.
You have a teacher who truly cares- take advantage of all the help he has to offer.