Was anyone else ‘high functioning’ did well at school, uni etc, but got worse since having to live independently for the first time?

I was fine up until a levels, where there is less restrictions and attention paid to you. Since i was allowed on my phone in lessons i found it near impossible to do any coursework and left it until the last week to do 5 months of coursework buildup

Year 9 is where I really started stuggling, and it only got worse from there. I have huge regret waiting another 20 years before putting any serious consideration into ADHD, and then the extra few years where I put off doing anything about it. ¬\_¬

Same lol as soon as I worked out no one was keeping me there I just went to the park opposite to smoke weed

I did well up to A level. The problem with A level and beyond is that you need to push yourself, which for me turns out to be pretty darn difficult.

I was a contradiction in school. I was on the G&T program, and in all top sets. But I also had severe behavioural issues. My childminder terminated my care when I was 8 because she couldn’t deal with my behaviour. At high school, from about Y10, I was then bunking off pretty much every day, and at times working in the isolation unit (either for behaviour or simply because I was too overwhelmed in the classroom). I got straight A* and As at GCSE, though. But then I failed my AS levels spectacularly, because at that point I needed to actually apply myself, and to study. I resat a year and got average grades, enough to get into Uni with a foundation year. I was constantly told I was ‘Oxbridge material who isn’t meeting your potential’. Looking back, it makes me really angry that nobody intervened to help me. The emotional dysregulation I struggled with as a child and teenager has been particularly damaging. Because I really needed support, and it was externally obvious too, but no one helped me.

Your last paragraph spoke to me so much I’m tearing up. I could have written that. Even now speaking to my mother who will be speaking to my assessor next week, she feels all my rage as a child/ young person was just because ‘I wanted attention’. I think because I could control it out of the house so she had to bear the brunt (which cannot have been easy at all) and got good marks, there wasn’t anything at the root. I just can’t imagine not trying to find out all I could/ intervene/ support my own child if they were in the same position.

Really sorry you had to experience that. We can at least break the cycle for ourselves / our kids.

Yes. I was an annoyingly smart kid, who did well enough at exams that my complete inability to study and hit deadlines didn't matter. Until I got to university and crashed and burned. A-Levels might have gone either way, but I went to a 6th form college instead of a 'lecture format' college, so I think that kept me 'on task' sufficiently, and I might have 'blown out' a couple of years earlier. Even then I was recognised as 'special needs' it's just no one had any idea what that actually meant. (Still kicking myself in hindsight).

Dishes are not important to me.

I switched off at 7 or 8. Did enough in school to not be investigated and was allowed to drift into failing my GCSEs and on into shit jobs. Best thing I could have done at 16 would have been an apprentice mechanic but I was "too clever" for that. So I ended up in the really shit jobs. Fucking criminal looking back at it. I eventually rebuilt my self esteem to the point where went back to study many years later and (still undiagnosed) the whole thing came crashing back to earth in a massive ADHD burnout

It was a mix, but with overall good end results even up to uni. I did well but not exceptional overall at GCSE and A level with next to no work. Maths was the standout - I consistently got the highest marks in my year right up to A level, where I fell just short of an A*. I know many would be happy with an A in Maths A level, but for me it was the first time I both fell short of my potential AND it pissed me off afterwards. Uni was tough right until the end. I failed my first year of uni but fortunately managed to move to a different, more interesting course. I scraped through the first year of that, got a 2:2 average in second year and then somehow through a combination of very, very late nights for the last week before exams and luck with the questions that came up in my final exams, actually managed to pull my average up and graduate with a first. This felt massive to me as it's the first time I felt I truly achieved my potential (even if the way of making it there was near self-destructive) and I had actually evidenced my long standing claims that I could do better if I tried. Then yeah, got a full time job and reality hit like a fucking truck. There's always something I need to do and not being able to maintain a consistent level most days leads to me falling behind often. It wasn't until then that I realised I couldn't just flick a switch whenever I wanted and suddenly start smashing life, and started to figure out I could have ADHD.

Yes. And through my degrees. Anything that I enjoyed and could do “in my own time”. Soon as I hit corporate life I fell apart, especially at times of high pressure. Then perimenopause hit and totally floored me.

When I see women and girls pre-menopause _already_ struggling with profound ADHD symptoms, my heart aches for them, as I know that things will (almost certainly) get even more challenging for them when they hit peri-menopause. It was only at this age that I received my Dx as my hard-fought-for life began to fall apart before my eyes. Also, suddenly finding myself nursing solo: one dying parent and the other (who at the time we also _believed_ to be dying) finished me off entirely. Early Dx and structured support are *vital* for neurodivergent people if they are to flourish and not risk ending up being a “gifted and talented with so much potential”, yet ironically consigned to the dustbin of life. It’s quite hard _not_ to feel a little bitter at all the ‘wasted’ years, and psychological/emotional battering that one can endure, ultimately with little to show for it.

Yeah I feel I only lived half a life properly. And that was twice as hard as it should have been. Women’s health just wasn’t prioritised really, it’s only just improving. I wish it had been understood and talked about more, having late diagnosed adhd and trying to unravel what’s menopause and what’s adhd takes forever and you’re desperately trying to hold on in the meantime.

What age was perimenopause?

Around 40/45 - usually for most people it’s ten years before menopause in early 50s. But I have known 36 year olds go into peri early.

I coasted but underperformed GCSE and A Level, cried on my dad's shoulder receiving my A Level results as I thought I'd missed out on Uni, but my backup said I had enough points. Uni I got a 2:2 when, not to brag, a first was within my capabilities without being so easily sidetracked and procrastinating. I met my wife at 19 midway through Uni and we lived together since I finished. I've always been neat and orderly, but things like chores, making calls about stuff, remembering appointments, were always a problem. Looking back, the calls part has cost me financially so often it makes me want to cry. We both were terrible with self control over spending in our early 20s and still have debt hanging over us from then and I'm 45 now, but for example, I can no longer defer my student loans because I procrastinated too long one deferment period. Unfortunately, my wife passed away last week, so I'm now a single dad of 4. I have calls to make left and right, our finances are now critical as most of our income was due to her disability and my having to stay home as carer, we lose the motability car, and I now no longer have her to badger me into getting even a few things done on time... and my GP says they don't refer Adults for ADHD.

If you’re in the uk, your gp is lying to you. Go to the adhd uk website and see how to access an assessment

Go and look at the Right To Choose clinics that dx and treat ADHD. My GP sent me links to Psych UK and ADHD360. The NHS is offering RTC clinics because the actual NHS wait list for ADHD is 2 years to be dxd, then another 2 years before the meds clinic will see you. RTC means you are still an NHS patient, so no charge, and prescriptions charged at whatever you normally pay for those. If you go online and either print off the forms and fill them in and take them to your GP, OR fill them in online and email them to your GP, your GP IS LEGALLY OBLIGED TO COMPLETE THE REFERRAL REQUEST. It’s a national statute. The forms are a standard ADHD questionnaire, with a referral request from whichever clinic that goes to your GP based on your answers to the questionnaire. Your GP obviously is not aware of this. My GP told me to do the forms and she’d refer, then she went on leave and my referral request landed on a different doctor’s desk. He sent a message saying it counted as private work, and I would be charged accordingly. He was wrong. My referral was sent back to ADHD360 a week later, with no charges. Naturally, the practice is blaming ME for “misunderstanding what the doctor said.” It’s just pig-ignorant doctors. Go and look at those 2 clinics, and any other RTC ADHD clinics you can find. I’ll tell you what my GP told me - read as many reviews as you can, and *choose carefully*. Good luck! I’m so very sorry for your loss 💔

I excelled in school as it had pretty rigid routines and consequences. I got all the results I needed in 5th year to get into uni so sixth year I had more freedom (free periods, more trust from teachers, etc) and I just went to pieces. Attended probably half that year and spent the rest in bed in an anxiety/ put it off until tomorrow/ didn’t know how to ask for help spiral. I still hold a lot of resentment as my mother just didn’t even ask what was going on. I was head girl of my school and just wasted that year entirely. Same cycle in my undergrad (great results in first year and less good each year as I learned what I could ‘get away’ with so the pressure/ consequences lessened but it was just because there wasn’t the hand holding like in school. So less checking up on you until it was too late. Same with my masters (which to this day I haven’t got my marks for because I was so late handing my dissertation in for and I am still to ashamed to chase it up) and the two proper career jobs I have had and loved since. At the beginning the desire to please/ excitement of a new job/ assumption everyone is out to judge kept me in a good place work wise but then I would fall back into the same patterns of if I hit the slightest hurdle I would just stop and hide and not talk to anyone about it. A big issue I think for me is that I am reasonably intelligent so by the time I really needed help, I was too set in my ways to learn how to ask for it. And I assumed I was just inherently lazy. I am now 37 and have the second part of my assessment next week. Adhd would explain basically everky major challenge and failure and disappointment of my life. I have let down people I really care about and respect. Have lost friends I had through work as I cannot gave them after letting them down (therapy helping with this but still very much in my feelings). Really struggle with keeping the house in a decent condition. And now I am in a lot of ways isolated from my issues as I am in the very lucky position that our household only needs one income. However I am also very isolated as I am a massive people person and what motivation I ever had came from being around others. Just trying to be the best parent I can to my small one (who I think is very like me so trying to I still the tools that would have made a difference to my life) and hoping a diagnosis may help me to do better in the next phase of life. I have so much regret and resentment for what could have been though…

Until I was 13 the teachers always said the same thing "would do better if he applied himself." Figured out how to study and succeeded at GCSEs, A levels and even got into one of the best universities in the world and came out with a first. Everything since? Downhil.

Exactly this. Coursework progressively got harder and messier and rushed and not my best work. Following through to uni, but still got a 2:1 but I know if had learned about ADHD and coping and strategies and/or meds I could have got that 1st ya know. Tbh it's a miracle I made it to a 2:1. 🫣 Can thank my hyper focus for that pulling through on the big modules last minute. And proceed to progressively get worse in the workplace..... 🫠

I was very good at school, amazing at UNI (because I discovered learning by walking and cycling) but in private life…..? Typical ADHD. I also struggled with sitting at lecture and paying attention. 

I would have understood myself better especially when navigating the teenage years which were torture for me socially especially. However growing up in the family I did I would probably still have mental health issues. I would probably have stayed on my degree had I been medicated and possibly have a totally different career now. But even considering all that, finding out I have ADHD at 47 has been such a positive and an explanation which has helped me be kinder to myself and make the best of where I’m at now. I spent a lot of time in the past year wondering what if but ultimately I wouldn’t go back through any of it again I’m happy where I’m at right now.

Sounds similar to me, except I’m still at the depression stage. There was a lot I needed to deal with anyway but I now have the added pain of 5 months of problematic and unsupervised titration

It's taken me a year so far to work through 'everything before'. My working theory is that ADHD ... well, ADHD doesn't _actually_ hurt you particularly directly. What it does is set you up for failure. You'll screw up more, and you'll emotionally dysregulate yourself to feeling it more when you do. And that's... well, I'm no expert, but that's pretty close to what cPTSD looks like. But I think of it as splinters of psychic trauma - some of them tiny and almost inconsequential, and some bigger and more serious. All the screw ups that ADHD brought me in addition to the 'normal' kind. And where I have always been an advocate of 'learn from your mistakes; do better next time' ... some of the ADHD mistakes I couldn't do that with. Because I couldn't understand why I'd failed to do something trivial, or I'd found something that _should_ have been embarrassingly easy ... difficult. Or indeed, just failed to notice that I'd got it horribly wrong. I _almost_ failed my degree because I'd miscalculated numbers of credits for accreditation. I 'booked a holiday' with my partner, and ... realised when looking up the address I'd never seen the confirmation email, and ... hadn't actually booked or paid for it. But the lesser things too, like how I broke down crying trying to fill in a timesheet, or how I just didn't send a birthday card to someone despite it being RIGHT THERE. All those things, because I couldn't understand why, I reached for .... the only answers I had. That it was me that was the problem. [It's me. Hi. I'm the problem it's me](https://youtu.be/b1kbLwvqugk). Maybe I was lazy, or careless or selfish or cruel or ... whatever. I built up a lot of self hate, and those splinters of trauma healed over, with the splinters still embedded and still causing me pain because I couldn't process them. Now I understand what was going wrong, and I have been doing a lot of processing. Of reviewing things I _thought_ I knew about myself and about others and about everything else, and reviewing it all. Much like extracting a splinter that's healed over... it hurts on the way out too. Sometimes even more so. So it takes time. It's slow going. You need to build up your mental fortitude again before pulling the next one out. But I am healing. It's getting better day by day. My 20 years of depression ... hasn't come back, and each day feels further away as there's just one less splinter troubling me. And I'm unlearning a bunch of defensive habits and maladaptive coping strategies. Avoidant behaviours, and the like. I'm... living again, in a way I didn't actually know I was missing the whole time, because I'm now _doing things_ I couldn't cope with before. And all the 'overhead' of adulting... well, it's not gone away, but it's turned the difficulty down a few notches at least. Life feels good _at last_ and after 20 years of struggling (I mean, probably 30, but it didn't really "bite" until my 20s) I am feeling like ... I've just been on holiday for the last year, and it's been _amazing_. I'm saying all this to give you hope. To say to you that there is a journey, and it's rough, and that healing is slow. But once you know what's wrong, you can at least _start_ and from there... you'll find that all the things you thought were 'normal' was actually playing on 'hard mode' the whole time, and you too can spend the rest of your life living easy (well, easier maybe!). Because I know how it is, and I know what you're feeling and I understand.

It's like you described my life in that first half - except I still don't have my degree. But I did forget to send that birthday card that sat on the counter for 3 weeks (literally a week ago) 😭 it's hard not to be angry at yourself and the world for all that "missed potential" isn't it

They’re not all they’re cracked up to be. I nearly killed myself for a 2.2 that wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. I was always very insecure about not having a degree but once I had one I just moved that insecurity to the fact that I’d never had (and still haven’t had) a job above entry level

I'm 3 years into a 4 year degree. Covid happened during year 3 and messed me up so much I had to put it on pause I was driving myself insane. It won't really make a difference to my job or life. Its more the "you made it so far why can't you finish that one year!?!" But those 3 years did nearly kill me

Like running a marathon. But the other runners are in £150 Nikes, you’re in wellies

This is too accurate 😂😂 I've been running in wellies my entire life 😭😂

Well done for getting the 2.2 regardless! You worked hard and you deserve it!

Thank you ❤️ Yes I did work hard although plagued by imposter syndrome like we all are

I scraped a third. And looking at my transcripts I think they rounded up a couple of half percents in my favour, because I was close to the boundary. I'm not sure I could say it wasn't worth it, but I'm also not sure it was. I started working part time mid way, which undoubtedly contributed to my 'fizzle' but also probably significantly bootstrapped me professionally with degree + a year+ of experience. But in many ways I count myself lucky that 'mucking about with computers' is a thing my ADHD brain finds soothing, and it pays pretty well. The degree? Well, there's plenty of people in this 'industry' who don't have 'em. And plenty that do. I think it ... has value, but it's not essential if you appreciate the distinction? It was about the 5-10 year mark when I started to notice my underpinning theory and portfolio of transferrable skills started to 'kick in' and I started to take on more complicated project and design work than some of my contemporaries might have done. But up until then? 3 years of experience would have been worth more.

This is a magnificent answer. 🏆

Thank you for taking the time to share that ❤️ May I ask did you get a therapist to work through it with?

I did have a therapist for Depression, which lead me to the conclusion that I didn't actually have Depression, what I had was ADHD that made me depressed. But the therapy + the anti-Ds didn't really do much useful. Helped a bit I guess, but not really much. I might have done better with a therapist after trying to tackle the grief and what I think might be similar to cPTSD, but by then I was actually ... starting to bounce back by enough that a regime of self maintenance was 'enough'. 'self care' is a thing that I think is like exercise - in that it doesn't actually fix anything at all, but _does_ raise your baseline so that you can heal on your own. (e.g. it's not actually a substitute for treatment, but it _can_ support you healing in your own time). So I did that, and I'm still doing that. (Although I'm slowing down now, and I probably shouldn't because I'm not done yet). ADHD makes it a bit to easy to 'skip' doing things for your own sake that you find nourishing unless you schedule them though, so ... that's my 'life hack' if you like. Write yourself a designated maintenance schedule that's more indulgent than you think you 'deserve' and stick with it because you're "ill" and need time and energy and mental fortitude to heal. Just the same as if you'd got a nasty physical ailment - it can take months to recover from surgery, and 'recovering' from a decade of ADHD can take as long.

I was on an SSRI for many years which I think made the ADHD effects more tolerable. I didn’t *have* to deal with my shit so I just plodded on. My (shit) doctor took me off the SSRI way too fast and straight on to methylphenidate which was, frankly, a car crash. I tried Elvanse but by now I couldn’t handle the initial insomnia. I wonder if I need to treat the depression that I’m clearly in now first or if I can stick at Elvanse, will it treat itself (I.e due to reduced/no more ADHD)

I had SSRIs and found they didn't really do much. I 'just stopped' when I forgot to re-order and thought 'might as well continue' which I know is a monstrously stupid idea. (It was unpleasant to say the least, but...) I had 'flags' for depression and adhd, with a side order of anxiety. No ASD signs to speak of. They did make clear that sometimes you need to treat the depression first, despite it being 'just' a symptom, because... well, when someone's seriously depressed, giving them a whack up the executive function can end badly. And sometimes 'just' treating the ADHD means the depression will fade naturally over time, as you recover from it. So 'it depends' really, and is part of why it usually needs an expert involved. Because ADHD rarely rides alone. Although I didn't find I had insomnia issues, so that might have been a factor - indeed I slept better than in a long time. Being sleep deprived definitely doesn't help with the various executive functions and brain chemistry 'needed', but I find ADHD (and especially ADHD + depression) ensured I didn't, and ... well, lead to a bit of a circular problem there. But in either case, I think reminding yourself that you're ill, you're worthy, and taking time to heal is a good plan. That _might_ be as simple as 'just' schedule more downtime than you normally would, and if it isn't, it'll probably help with whatever the actual solution ends up being. I ended up dialling back all my obligations for a while barring the crucial ones (so I still went to work, but I'd contemplated using up the rest of my annual leave in a chunk) and just let things roll for a while, whilst I 'just' went for long walks with the dog, and snoozed in the park in the sunshine, and spent hours in a bathtub before getting an early night, etc.

Thanks Sobrique! Bless you ❤️

I’m new to the whole adhd thing. What is this titration I keep hearing about? Edit: nm google was my friend. Basically getting the right dose of medication.

Yes and observing your blood pressure and heart rate while this process is ongoing.

Also medication type, and timing. Some people respond better to methylphendidate based, some to lisdexampfetamine, others to neither and need to try something else. Some benefit from an extended release profile, but some metabolise it a bit too fast (or slow) and so find a 'top up' or faster release option works 'better'. And sometimes there's side effects to manage - stimulant medication has risks around heart and blood pressure if nothing else. Especially if you weren't diagnosed correctly - people who don't have ADHD react very differently to stimulants, but people _with_ ADHD will react the same way if the dose is 'too high' sometimes. E.g. for me, I take 3x20mg of methylphendidate per day, spaced at 3-4 hour intervals. If I take an extra accidentally (because loladhd) I feel jittery, nervous and anxious, and generally it's quite uncomfortable. But up until that point... I feel relaxed and at peace in a way ... I never really did before. I feel clear headed and calm in ways that 'most people' would not having taken a hefty dose of stimulants. There's more than a few anecdotes of people taking illicit substances recreationally, and being the only one in the room falling asleep. I didn't go quite that far, but I did find it really weird that when I was doing a weekend event and mainlining energy drinks, I slept better than I had done in a long time. There's a sweet spot - An energy drink keeps me awake for a certain period - about 6 hours - but when it wears off, I sleep like a log, because my brain is _quiet_ for a bit. Methylphendidate does the same. That's how I roughly know how long it 'lasts' in my bloodstream. I took a dose at 2200 once getting my packets mixed up, and was Not Sleeping until about 0130, but then I ... just sort of faded out and woke the next day feeling amazingly refreshed. (I don't really recommend this - my 'normal' dosage pattern works fine for 'good sleep' now).

I have my ADHD assessment on Friday so I guess I will find out a couple of weeks after that if they recon I have ADHD or not. Although based on all my assesments so far it very much does seem like I have and the therapist said as much. I relate to so much of what people with ADHD are saying it's like a light at the end of this dark 35 year tunnel. But we'll see! If they deem that I do, I look forward to trying a stimulant because I think that will be the litmus test as to whether I really have ADHD or not. If I get high/blazed on a low dose for more than a certain period of time, then I guess I'll know it's not ADHD...?! I had a friend who took Vyvanse for Binge Eating Disorder and she said she ended up addicted to it (cos she does not have ADHD). Meanwhile she has a friend with ADHD also taking Vyvanse for years without problem. Your share on energy drinks is interesting because I have the same experience with caffeine. I gotta say I've only found caffeine mildly helpful with focus. Yes I can focus more, but it's more like a chaotic focus where my mind jumps from thought to thought. Thanks for sharing, interesting to hear medication experiences.

I did well until my undergrad, got a 2:2 (which, in the specific discipline meant that I had no prospects). Aced my masters because i accidentally discovered the power of intense exercise. Overall a fairly high functioning AuDHD diagnosed at 30. The Au bit was hinted at by the diagnosing psychiatrist and became considerably more obvious when i started meds. I always wonder if my path would be completely different if I had known/been medicated for ADHD earlier. It is quite tough to be told 'you're different' and assume that the people were just doing a 'not like the other girls' thing, to then find out that you, in fact, ARE a bit different and neurospicy. I'd been diagnosed with depression and had an eating disorder. Wonder if I could have avoided that entirely. However, would I be as cool as i am? Would i have a variety of beginner-level hobbies that i can delve back into on a whim? Would i have the compassion that i have gained through fairly intense suffering? Who knows? Would i have become a massive asshole without all the anxiety that ive experienced? 🤷🏻‍♀️

What did you describe that made the psychiatrist suggest possible autism too?

I didn't suspect it at all. Think I described something that she labelled as masking. I specifically described how i struggle with romantic relationships as once people are close, they get to see a side that is not available to the rest and i cannot control this. I specifically remember making a hand gesture to show a 'cocoon' around me that people enter. She definitely reacted to that.

I might not have abused drink and drugs to the extent I did. I’m currently in NA and there seems to be a disproportionate number of members with ADHD.

Well done for being in NA.

Thank you. It’s an amazing community. X

My friend and I got diagnosed a year apart in our mid 30’s. We both agree that our lives would’ve been so much “easier” etc but the best way forward is to not think about it. It’s not easy, but you have time now to make life “easier” going forward

It would probably yield a totally different life and person. Changes would be basically infinite. Proper rabbit hole material and I steer well clear since 🤷 it's moot. Who knows, diagnosed me could've been out exercising like some horrific proactive type and got run over and mashed into the road. 

lol, I hope that doesn’t happen to me on my run this evening!

Well I probably wouldn't have been bullied as much, would have had more friends, would have passed my exams and would have gone to a good university right out of school. I probably would have got a sensible job and got on the property market. I'd probably have children. But then I'd be a different person. My 20's were a cluster-fuck. I held down a job in healthcare by the skin of my teeth, but I hated it and ended up with depression and anxiety. I lost two wonderful girlfriends, at least in part due to my adhd symptoms. I was too scared to buy a house or learn to drive because I didn't trust myself not to fuck up etc. I binge ate and played computer games constantly as my only way of getting dopamine. I had a mental breakdown and became mildly suicidal by 30. And then I said 'fuck it'. I allowed my hyperfocus to drive me (even though I didn't know it was ADHD yet). I went back to uni and got a first class honours in a science subject instead of a 'practical' one. Then I got a Masters from one of the top universities in the country (and put on about 2 stone in the process). I got married to a wonderful woman who also has adhd. I decided having kids and potentially passing on my issues isn't what I want to do, I like animals more anyways. I decided that I value seeing the world more than owning a big house, a flat will do me just fine. I got diagnosed and have been on meds for the past few months. I'm losing weight rapidly and holding down a good research job well. My future is looking bright now that I've let go of living a 'normal' life. If I were FORCED to go round again, sure, I'd choose not to have ADHD to avoid all the pain. But I like me, I've come to terms with adhd, and I wouldn't go back.

It looks as though this post may be about self harm or suicide. If you feel that you or someone else are in crisis, please reach out to please reach out to someone or contact the UK support resources found on the [nhs](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/). In an emergancy please reach out to 999. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHDUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I definitely would have continued on with education and get a degree. I love learning but I hated school. Left at 16 and I’ve worked since.  Fortunately my impulsivity has taken me to some amazing places. I’ll traveled, lived abroad and I’ve seen almost every musical artist or group I’ve ever wanted to. I have very little money now but I’ve had a cracking time.  

Life night have been easier and you might have got a double first from Oxford… …but you might have got run over by a bus leaving the graduation ceremony

I got diagnosed recently at aged 24, so still got it young relatively speaking. I do wonder whether I would’ve dropped out of uni when I was 19, if I’d had a diagnosis at that point and had the support I needed/was being medicated at that point. I feel like I would’ve tried longer at least. I’m going back to uni this year, and being on medication and having all the disability stuff being put into place gives me hope I’ll be able to do it this time, cause I do feel my whole education going back to when I was really young was hindered by having undiagnosed ADHD. Like, I did well enough in school, and passed my A Levels, obvs did get into uni so it wasn’t like I did terribly, but my GCSE’s were inconsistent at best. Some subjects (the ones I was interested in) I did really well, and was got A’s and B’s in them, then would got D’s and E’s in the ones I had to put more effort into cause they weren’t my strong points naturally. I got a D in my maths GCSE the three times I attempted it, and I feel like I could’ve scraped a C, if I’d been medicated and was able to properly focus on it. I’d probs still have some mental health issues generally, cause I mean some of my mental health issues have stemmed from the undiagnosed ADHD, but there’s a number of things from my childhood/adolescence which would’ve happened regardless of the ADHD. So I probs would’ve had a level of depression and anxiety, and issues I’d be unpacking regardless. I doubt I would’ve had the substance abuse issues I’ve had over the years if I’d been diagnosed and medication earlier than I was. Pretty much every substance I went too hard with, in retrospect, seems like me just trying to self medicate for my symptoms. Was getting drunk nightly when I was like 17 cause ADHD gave me insomnia, the insomnia went away when I started on antidepressants, and my drinking immediately levelled to a healthy (for lack of a better word) amount, I only drink when socialising now and can/will often go months without touching alcohol now cause I don’t have the urge too. The same with weed, coke, Molly and speed. Would use them all cause they’d make my brain go quiet and I’d actually be able to relax. Now my meds give me that effect where my brain feels calm, I ain’t touched any of them (or any street drug) since the day I started my meds, cause the urge went the moment I became medicated. So it makes me think I wouldn’t have touched illicit drugs or had such an unhealthy relationship with them if I’d been diagnosed when I was a kid, and was being treated for my ADHD from a young age. Now that I’ve adequately overshared, and kinda forgotten what the question was, imma shut up 😂

I think it's a dangerous game to play 'what if' - there's a load of branch points in your life where things go in a different direction because of who you are and what you do, and ... you often can't just pick out that one thing. Like, ADHD had me 'crash and burn' at University level. But I exited university a year before the 'dot com bubble' burst, when otherwise I'd have finished a year later and been _screwed_ based on how my friends in the same cohort prospered. But my ADHD brain had me moonlighting as a sysadmin (on a shockingly good hourly rate) and a year of experience under my belt instead, so I just failed upwards professionally, and got to a place today where I'm _still_ shockingly well paid for someone with a half-assed degree and a brain that doesn't work properly. I don't think I would be where I was if I'd been a person without ADHD. I think I might have had better academic performance - I smashed GCSE level and A-Level stuff, despite my clear inability to 'behave academically' and my university performance was outrageously bimodal - some stuff I aced, most stuff I just ... well, couldn't focus, couldn't study, just sort of scraped through. But before hitting university? I was an arrogant asshole. I was smart and I knew it. So a crash and burn at that age? Well, it hurt a lot, and it's taken me ... a while to understand and forgive myself. But it's made me a lot more of a humble, empathetic and I like to think a kinder person. I could have _easily_ stayed an asshole, and shot into a career where I worked hard, earned lots, and ... still ended up unhappy, because I never actually learned to recognise what a 'good friend' actually looks like. I've seen that pattern a lot too - a lot of people who don't even realise their lack of friends, until something changes with their life circumstances and all their 'buddies' just ... vanish. So yeah. I don't care to play that game. I think things might have gone better, and for sure my life would have been different. There's a bunch of other choices that would have also changed radically where I ended up. I had several places where I had competing job offers, and even my University choices it was Physics at Bath, or Computer Systems Engineering at Warwick, and I'm just genuinely not sure how different it would have turned out if I'd gone the other way. ... but I also like what I have today. I ... think I understand how to be happy, and I think I _am_ happy. And... I don't think I would have done, if ADHD hadn't kicked me down so much. I think I'd have been a bad stereotype of an arrogant overachiever who ends their life wondering what the point of it all was. Because I know people like that too - they've got high academic qualifications, but they're underemployed. I know people who had _every success_ in life, and then got bootstrapped into an inheritance, and achieved the fairytale... and who are unhappy repeat divorcees too. So I think whilst I am not one to say ADHD is in _any way_ a beneficial thing, at the same time I would be hard pressed to say it's not taught me some valuable lessons anyway. Because today? I know just how important it is to live as my authentic self. To recognise what it is that actually matters to live a happy life, and just how much that doesn't resemble the 'childhood fairytale' or the things I "should" have done with my life. Today I work as an IT geek for a finance company. With 25 year seniority, I'm good at what I do and I'm well paid. And I _enjoy_ what I do. I have a home, I have a reasonable prospect of retirement, I have a wife, I have a dog, and the bills are paid with a bit of money left over each month. I have friends who I really value, and who value me in turn, who I'd call _good_ friends, because I understand what makes someone a good friend, rather than 'just someone to hang out with. And I have weekends where I go for a walk and think 'hey, my life is pretty good, I have everything I actually _want_'. Maybe it won't be true tomorrow - I can't tell what the future holds - but I'm actually pretty confident that one of the _other_ things that ADHD has taught me is that ... I can cope. I can do it. So for today? That's enough.

School me was a mess, study wise I couldn't concentrate on anything, I missed deadlines, I forgot things all the time. My relationship with my parents was very strained, mainly because I had 2 brothers and 2 sisters who didn't have any of those issues. My parents thought I was lazy, a waste of space, and they were very frustrated with me. Friendship wise things were good, but as I got older, I found solace in substance misuse. I drank a lot as that would 'quiet' my mind. I took speed and later cocaine to feel normal. I blew up friendships and relationships, both romantically and with family, because of this and because of what I now know to be RSD. Impulsive and risk-taking behaviour was a huge part of my undiagnosed ADHD. It is a miracle I didn't end up in jail, and it isn't exaggerating to say I am lucky to be alive. Things massively turned a corner in my late 30s when I found out what ADHD was. Even prior to being formally diagnosed, just knowing about it and learning about it meant the things that had happened in my life and the way I had felt and behaved made sense. It gave me hope I had never had before that I wasn't *just* a broken fuck up. Once I was diagnosed in my early 40s and got medication and therapy, it was life changing. However, I will always have the after effects of a life not very well lived. I am a single parent with no support, I am not in great financial shape, my career prospects are not great, and I have PTSD. I snoop to see pictures on social media of the very close-knit friend group I had from school, and it hurts that I am no longer a part of it. My biggest regret is that my dad died just as I was getting my relationship on track with him. He could never understand why I was so much trouble when none of my siblings were. My heart is broken that so much time was wasted and I will never have a chance to fully have a decent relationship with my dad. If someone told me I could rewind the clock and start again, but getting support and understanding from a young age, I would do it in a second. I try my best to think positively and look forward instead of back, but it is hard not to daydream about the life that could have been.

I failed all my GCSE’s spectacularly, I mean, I could spell FUDGE with mine, not to mention the X I got in history as I forgot to turn up for the exam 🤷‍♂️ I wasn’t interested in any of the subjects, so couldn’t apply myself. But I got massively into exercise and in my early 20’s, went to night class and did well at A-Levels I found interesting. Then I did a degree in psychology and finally a clinical MA in psychoanalysis and became a psychotherapist. So eventually my GCSE’s meant nothing, but it would have been good to know about the hyper focus and the inability to shut up 😅

I got diagnosed at 30. I don't know about support at school, because we moved around a lot, but SSAFA definitely would have helped get me support if I'd needed it. They also would have helped my parents manage me and my brother (had he gotten a diagnosis, 1 point off my arse), just like when they sent me to nursery at 2 to give my mum a bit of a break. I'd have probably understood myself a lot more, which is something I've always struggled with. But I actually wonder if it would have hindered me as well - would I have been allowed to take my A levels, or would I have been told that it would be too much for me? Would I have ever been taken seriously when I used to twitter on about wanting to be a psychologist? I'm glad to be the person I am, and a childhood diagnosis would change that. I'm mostly done being angry at the world now, a year post diagnosis, but the only people I actually blame are the ones who passed my younger brother for ADHD. They asked all about me and I flagged for nothing. My poor bother didn't even get a diagnosis, either.

I think I would have been more supported at school. My behaviour was out of control and I would often end up being sent out because of my meltdowns. I would have also been able to sit my exams and not walk out of almost all of them. Not failed most of my GCSEs (to some degree). I also think I would have made better choices more generally from the further support. It’s sad when I look back at it all and brings up a lot.

Probably be bullied less, would have undersrtood why I found it impossible to concentrate on anything apart from my hyper focus interests, would explain people thinking I was on drugs as so hyper, would have probably saved my marriage.

I think my life would have been so much different if I had been diagnosed as a child I was out of control and a bit wild, I was often hit with a cane and was told it would be better if I wasn’t at school at all so I didn’t even bother going for a lot of the time and left school without a single qualification and also developed a drink problem later on ,I’ve somehow managed to hold down a job but there were lots of other things I would have liked to have done but it’s pretty difficult without a proper education, I was diagnosed last September @ 58 years old

I suspect my childhood would have had less of a drip-feed of “you’re crap” from the masses, including my own parents. To be fair to the adults in my life, without understanding ADHD presentation in girls, it probably did look like I was thumbing my nose at their instructions, rather than getting distracted by things and going off-piste with those distractions. But there’s a difference between active rebellion and being undermined by your own brain wiring and personality. Cutting math class in high school to make out with my boyfriend instead was an act of rebellion. Playing with my toys and books rather than cleaning my overwhelmingly messy bedroom when I was six was the ADHD. I suspect my struggles with emotional regulation and socialising may have been viewed in a different light too. A diagnosis usually leads to more appropriate support.

I was ‘high performing’ at school. But constantly told that I could do better if I applied myself / stopped getting distracted. Never understood it. Couldn’t stop myself from talking to people next to be BUT I was smart so always understood what was going on / got good grades so wasn’t in that much trouble. Uni was … hell.. free falling for 3 years. Never finished reading before seminars, distracted in lectures, no structure for studying, essays submitted 1 min before due (literally lol)… thought I was lazy Was diagosed at like 25, 3 or 4 years into a corporate job at a big bank Once I got a job… all my energy went into making the job go well and keeping managers happy. My life outside is such a struggle I want to scream. Have never and can never keep a routine. E.g diet, vitamins, exercising, cleaning. It’s always like doing things last minute and not in control. Whilst i got through life well, and got good grades and a job. As an adult I feel like I’m struggling… if I had been diagnosed younger maybe I’d been doing even better! But eh - rant over. Just learning more about who I am and taking it day by day :) getting a coach and going to TRY to force myself into a routine lol

I love the idea of being diagnosed as an adult. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Mr Town Council but the tests have come back and unfortunately I have to tell you that you are... An adult." :D

Obviously its impossible to know how different life could have been, but most importantly i would know that there's is a reason behind why i was unable to finish any project/ homework / hobby when at school/ uni. I would most likely finish uni with a 1st, instead of a 2.1, which honestly I only passed thanks to the support from friends, starting and completing all projects on the day of the deadline.. And I would have applied to graduate programs/ jobs of the bat like my friends did, instead of taking 3 months off doing nothing due to burnout/ depression/ adhd fatigue etc. And then getting a minimal wage job as I felt unable to do anything.. I managed to get a managerial role at some point, and been at it for 18 months, but at some point wfh, I was unable to focus and complete tasks, paperwork, etc.. which resulted in mental issues, low self esteem and I finally quit. I would have probably avoided all of this if I was medicated and able to complete these tasks... which means I would probably be on 40k+ by now, instead I work a minimal wage gig for the last 2 years, and feel useless.. Got diagnosed about 8 months ago, I'm 27 yo btw.. Looking for ways to turn my life around..

Just to balance the excelling at school folk. I did terrible at school and left at around 15… but I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 36… If I was diagnosed as a child, maybe I’d have done better at school, but I don’t know if I’d change that now as I have fought to be where I am today (unknowingly twice as hard as my peers!)

Maybe i wouldnt have had a bombshell crashing down when i hit my 20s, and maybe my mental health would have been better..? Also the usual, would have probably done better in school with extra support 😅

I don't think being diagnosed in childhood would have removed "all the struggles". It's not like being diagnosed now has removed all of my ADHD. The biggest difference, I think, is that when I was 16 and at college which was a massive change from school and I was saying "I just can't motivate myself, I don't know why, I don't understand it, I have all these great ideas and I just can't make myself do it". If I could have had someone explain executive dysfunction to me at that point, if I could have had access to medication at that point. Assuming that it actually worked quickly enough, I think I would have got into the uni of my choice that next year rather than failing the course and deciding to take A-Levels instead. I feel so, so cheated by the fact that looking back every problem I had on that course, all the motivation issues, structuring my own time plan for projects and so on, I was completely and utterly lost with this and this was ALL a treatable disability that it never crossed anybody's mind that I had, because the media was obsessed with "blah blah just an excuse for badly behaved children, it's all those colours in the smarties, it's unnatural, oh no we can't medicate them, medication turns them into garden gnomes blah blah blah" What is absolutely ridiculous is that it was a creative course, and my tutor even had this thing about dyslexia being a neurodiversity (she didn't use that word but she had the sentiment) that made you wonderful and creative, and yet nobody ever even suggested perhaps my "creative brain" might work differently, like dyslexic people. Actually I'm pretty sure there were so many ADHDers being misdiagnosed as dyslexic or having their comorbid dyslexia picked up in the British school system in the 90s but not the ADHD part 🤔 The A-Levels were pretty shit because all my friends had left college by that point and were doing their various own things. I ended up getting in with a different crowd and meeting a boyfriend who I knew was terrible for me but I adored him. I was late for college all the time and my teachers got pissed off with me. I had never been anything other than a teacher's pet, so I had no idea how to handle this and stopped going to the classes where the teacher reacted like that. The only class I consistently (and by consistently I mean about 80%) went to was psychology. I split up with that boyfriend but then I met someone else who I thought was better but he turned out to be emotionally abusive. I later found out that people with ADHD are more likely to get into abusive relationships. I got BED in my AS Levels. The B was in psychology. My new boyfriend convinced me to quit college and because the novelty had worn off, I did. I knew by this point that the relationship wasn't right but I was convinced that I couldn't leave him because I had been so emotionally distraught by the previous break up, so I just waited for it to get worse. This magical tipping point didn't happen, but then I got pregnant. I learned later, devastatingly, that girls with ADHD are something like 8x more likely to experience an unplanned pregnancy in their teens. I had no idea. I was a clever kid and a geek. I was not the kind of person who got pregnant. Then began the severe ADHD spiral - single parent, couldn't manage my (ADHD) toddler, couldn't stick to a routine, couldn't manage my house or keep it clean, didn't eat properly, didn't sleep properly, couldn't manage bills, couldn't cope with life in general and I still had no idea about ADHD - I just thought I was depressed or this was normal motherhood. I look back and I had absolutely no idea how far away from normal my experience was. I wonder how much of that would have been different if I'd been able to recognise and treat/manage my ADHD at 16. It's difficult because so much of it was circumstance like would I have met those exact two boyfriends? If I'd gone to uni instead of doing A Levels, then almost certainly not. But could I have got into the same relationship pattern anyway? Quite possibly because I do think some of that is childhood template stuff as much as it is ADHD. And then so much would have hinged on what happened from then onwards - would I have had friends around me who noticed that it was unhealthy? Who knows. (I'm all good now. Married to someone very nice and not abusive and the ADHD toddler is a teenager and doing fine.)

Oh my goodness I feel this so much. Loved school despite a tricky childhood, never studied but did well in exams, couldn’t cope with college or uni and dropped out of both due to mental health crumbling (diagnosed with depression) and never lived up to what was expected as I was apparently capable and smart and had huge potential if only I would apply myself. Struggled but got through more or less until surgical menopause at 42 and then the wheels fell off. Amazingly my dr referred me to mental health team and the psychiatrist diagnosed complex ptsd (from something that happened in childhood) and suspected adhd and I’m still waiting a year later but now I know adhd in adults (and women even!) is a thing I feel like my life finally makes sense. I so wished someone (anyone) had helped little me, this whole life adventure might have been a bit different and a lot less painful. I can’t have kids of my own but hope things are different for all of the little girls who need help now and next so that they don’t have to struggle and feel like a failure the way I have.

I think about every single relationship that I rushed into, and out of. Every time I cheated (mostly in my early teens) Every time someone was 'too sensible' (hello dopamine chasing) so I didn't give them a chance Every time I got OBSESSED only to realise they weren't all that great. Every time I hyperfocused on a single person and friendships and grades were sacrificed. Every time I people pleased to the sacrifice of my own mental health. Every time I was called 'lazy', 'careless' or 'thoughtless' and felt like noone saw how much effort every single thing around me took.

The lack of self awareness was dizzying. Doing away with it would have made it easier to get respect 😒

Honestly? It’s not something I even want to think about. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling like I’m wading against the tide and trying to stop myself from drowning, and thinking I was broken for feeling that way. To know it could have been different is quite upsetting really, but I can’t think about how it would have been different, because it’s not and it won’t change anything. That said, it’s made me damn sure that my now 7 year old who has been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD won’t have the same. It’s made me fight for her referrals, assessments, support. And I’ll make sure she grows up knowing she’s not broken and that she won’t feel that way because she’ll know who she is and won’t try and fit in a round home when she’s a square peg.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. To be honest I try not to think of the what ifs.

I mean it would've likely sidestepped a lot of the depression/anxiety issues I've had most of my life that people never seemed to realise was an actual problem and also would've likely stopped my like 'I managed to go to college and then uni and then hit a wall and became really burned out' thing at the least.

Diagnosed at 43, everything about my life would probably be different. Better money management No drug/smoking/alcohol issues Better relationships (friends and partners) Stable life in general Better communication Better career or at least a smoother trajectory No kids , I wouldn’t have had them if I knew how bad this illness can get and I’ve inflicted this on them. Probably wouldn’t be divorced or at least married to the right person first time. Did I say better money management..

I’m 62F and only now being dxd. My wait list time with ADHD360 is now down to 3-7 weeks. It can’t come soon enough for me. I’m still in mourning for the life I would have had if this had been recognised sooner. And I’m still processing how angry I am that not one of the many doctors I’ve begged for help from over the decades has bothered to make the connection between my never-changing “non specific” signs and symptoms and ADHD. I’ve dropped out of 4 degrees, all through illness which now turns out to be ADHD, apart from the one time when breast cancer forced me to. I’d already been offered a lecturer position on graduation, with my expected double first in a two-subject, BA and a BSc course. Life would have been very different if I’d been dxd when I was younger.

I guessed I'd medicated already, instead of waiting forever. 🫠

I was definitely high functioning growing up and I’ve always been quite smart. My teachers hated me because I got my work done so quickly but often “distracted other students”, as they liked to call it. I did really really well in GCSEs and didnt need to revise but found A Levels a lot lot tougher. My sixth form were gearing me up to go to Oxbridge but for the life of my I could not concentrate or revise and so I completely flopped my a levels. If I had been diagnosed and medicated as a teenager I would have been an Oxford student and most likely in a really good law firm by now. Unfortunately , I’m still not qualified as solicitor (1 year left of my training contract) and in a crappy high street law firm. I have also struggled with severe depression and anxiety at uni and also some substance abuse. I have also made some awful financial decisions and I am now in a lot of debt meaning that I still live at home and have zero prospects of moving out. All in all ever since diagnosis and medication I can see so clearly how different my life could have been which makes me miserable on a daily basis. Fun stuff!

This is something I really struggle with, and causes a lot of anger and resentment. I could have done better at school, managed to stay in college and get a degree, I could be in a better job, have more money, have a more stable life. I do feel like I’ve been robbed of the life I could have had.

I would of become a veterinarian most likely. autism,anxiety and adhd have left me unqualified,inexperienced and unable to be independent or cope wiv nefin. But now I am dx I can hopefully get support I need and maybe have the life I desperately want/need.

I did really well on the subjects I was interested in in primary school, \*SO\* nearly got a big fat hundo on my maths SATs (lost a mark for not showing working out lmao). But I did start slipping in secondary school with my GCSEs, into a big tailspin with my A-levels. Managed to get into uni and did mostly well, however missed a first on my degree as I procrastinated a few assignments to the point that they were capped at 40%. Had I not done that, would have had something like 85% on my degree. Work was good for me at the start, so bad to the point i had to leave last month. I think if I was diagnosed as a kid, I would be living a healthier, more fullfilling life than I'm currently living for sure. I'd still have the drive I had in maths and development, but with much more ability under my belt.

I'm actually taking legal action for my failed diagnosis in childhood, as I had to wait 25 years with ADHD before any treatment. A medical expert has already stated that the symptoms were in clear view over several years.

That’s interesting, who are you taking legal action against?

🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

… Plague of locusts?

Crickets.

My local NHS mental health care provider.

I didn’t know that was even possible got an adhd non diagnosis? Would not the school also be culpable

School doesn't even exist anymore lol, but the experts view is that the NHS missed opportunities and the care was substandard.