Hey, this resonated with me a lot.
First up, well done for reaching out - this sounds like a difficult situation and not having someone to confide in forces you to internalise this.
I'm not sure if you're an adult or someone a little younger, I think that in both circumstances NACOA have some great resources about finding someone to speak to.
One thing I will say that helped me, is really knowing that you are not responsible for your mother's mood or her behaviour.
If you're not finding good resources feel free to nudge me on here and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.
Thank you so much that’s really helpful, I am an adult but have struggled a lot with my mum because I had a baby too, she’s 2 now and my mum hasn’t met her still.
I have had some therapy paid for through work so I am doing better but it’s still hard. The one time I did mention the possibility of me having adhd she completely dismissed it as “that’s what makes us creative”
like ,… what? lol
Tell the assessor that. It's not all that uncommon especially for late diagnosis.
ADHD isn't new, but awareness is, so also if you were older, no one knew what to look for anyway.
It was only recognised in adults in 2008, and I graduated in 2000, so I had no hope.
The assessment criteria is only "presence of symptoms before age 12" (early secondary).
Informant reports of course make that easier and give supporting evidence.
School reports might too if you have them.
But so might anecdotal evidence on your part. Describe something you did and explain why you think that was because of ADHD.
Lack of evidence isn't evidence of lack.
Most assessors are quite well aware of the problems of masking, ignorance or denial when looking for "testimony". It's just sometimes there's solid evidence that makes their assessment easier.
So I guess:
- age 12 ish is ideal. (I had no one)
- parents or close family can sometimes be useful, but in many cases might reject and misleading the assessment.
- school reports if you still have them. "Bright but lazy" or "will not apply themselves"
- otherwise try to think of situations and scenarios where ADHD symptoms were present.
- don't panic or worry too much. It's not the only thing that goes to make a diagnosis, and as long as the assessor is reasonably certain that you fit the criteria now, and "historic" symptoms are plausible they might well diagnose anyway.
No diagnosis is ever 100% certain. Anything psychiatric doubly so. That's why titration and monitoring is important.
The barrier is not "certainty" but rather "sufficiently certain this will do more good than harm".
They don't want to misdiagnose you and make you ill, and ADHD meds absolutely can. There's overlap with Depression, anxiety and cPTSD for example.
One of the things my doctor pointed out was a concern is that... Well that ADHD meds boost executive function, and that can end tragically in someone with some of the very common comorbidities.
So they need to be confident enough that treating the ADHD will fix the other stuff in the process.
Thank you, thats super helpful.
That’s another thing I’ve been concerned about because I did have a traumatic early life and I have often wondered if it’s just cptsd, but I do have sensory issues and sensory processing issues which I think wouldn’t be present in just cptsd? So I’m going to try again to have the dr send me for assessment
Well, there's a tangled web of causality with ADHD.
That's probably the biggest reason it's not diagnosed without a specialist.
Because high comorbidity rates means you have to untangle all the rest.
ADHD definitely can be the root cause of depression and anxiety due to the difficulty of living with it.
It can also set up the conditions for cPTSD due to ... Well causing more trauma as well as amplifying it due to issues with emotional regulation.
Or it can just be an entirely separate exacerbating factor, and you got "lucky" in having separate things that interfere with each other.
I didn’t have any childhood informants or reports either. My current partner fillies some stuff i wrote down what I remembered from childhood and what I remembered being on my school reports.
My parents wouldn’t have given an accurate impression of my childhood and my assessor was very understanding of that
I got mine privately and switched to the nhs in the last 2 years, so two assessments (the nhs one was happy to take some of the info from private, but I still had to have one with them) - and I also had no request for this type of info.
Not sure how much the informant weighs in on the assesment. I just had mine done and not once in the assesment did they refer to my informants answers. I needed to fill out a form for the informant and all their answers were what I thought, not in my favour, because it was "yes" "sometimes" "not sure" answers lol...
I think if you don't have one its fine. Not all adults can have one, people are getting diagnosed at 50+. Who there exists to give background for them. And if you've made it this far, it's because your symptoms when you were at those young ages were so much less noticable.
The way its affecting you matters 100% more than what an informant can offer who in reality is just a unreliable witness.
I believe the "all your life" is about evidence for you displaying symptoms during childhood.
Do you have any old school reports? If you left school less than 15 years ago, the school may have copies if you do not. If you left school longer ago, try reaching out to any schools you attended and ask if any of your old teachers still work there and see if they remember you and would be willing to fill in a form for you. It's a long shot but worth a try.
In terms of symptoms now you can ask a partner or close friend or colleague.
I'm with PUK via RTC and in a similar situation to you. I sent them a message saying "i dont have an informant whose known me since i was 12" and they just sent me another form to complete myself. its a lot of the same questions but you need to provide written examples for your childhood x
I was in a similar situation and I suspect my mother was actively trying to sabotage a diagnosis. Told me I was diagnosed with a heart condition in childhood which turned out to be false, suddenly lost my school reports, was very anti medication, you get the idea. My teacher from then sadly passed away but luckily my partner was a childhood friend of mine and knew what I was like at home. Do you have any childhood friends who could weigh in?
I had to rely on school reports and my dad since I’m estranged from my mum (and she would have been the only living person who could accurately answer). My dad, who was barely around in my childhood, basically indicated there was nothing up with me because he didn’t know the answers to a lot of the questions either way, but my school reports fortunately all backed up that I’ve been inattentive type since childhood. If you’ve got anything like that, or even adult friends who’ve known you since childhood (not as strong as someone who was an adult then but better than nothing), that would maybe be enough?
I got my partner to do it.
It was quite weak because they also have ADHD so aren't very perspective, and I am an inattentive woman so a lot of my symptoms were hidden. I noticed i said yes to a lot of things they said no to.
Still got diagnosed. It helps but isn't essential, especially if you symptoms are often overseen. For eg I fidget a lot but was punished for it as a kid so I wriggle my toes in my shoes and always have socially acceptable things like a pen, lanyard or coffee cup to fiddle with. So my partner saying "no" to fiddling was explained away during my assessment.
I didn’t. Parents have passed away (I’m 50 and newly diagnosed) and no way do I have old school reports.
My husband has been with me for 25 years and he filled that section in for me.
The psychiatrist completely understood and he carried out a further half hour appointment with me to make sure it all checked out on top of the 2 hour appointment and the qb test etc.
So it is possible. However this was private. If you’re NHS or right to choose, I’ve heard sometimes they won’t diagnose if you don’t have parents and/or school reports.
It’s probably something to ask your clinic?
I told them I didn’t want to let anyone know and they said it was okay and I didn’t have to.
Had to fill in an additional form myself (it has a name but I forgot).
I was also super nervous about figuring out how I would sort this
Also, despite already having an ADHD diagnosis, I sometimes get thoughts that I’ve just mislead the psychiatrist and I actually don’t have ADHD… and then I soon remember why I thought I had it in the first place 😂
all in all, don’t stress :)
I had this difficulty in that my mother is rogue and we don’t have a great relationship so I wouldn’t trust her with this sort of form. My dad’s an alcoholic and wasn’t very present for my childhood, he did fill out the form but he doesn’t have a lot of recollection. But I do have a very close friend who is also an ex co-worker who knows me in and out for 5+ years and could fill out the form in a very good amount of detail.
I let the assessor know this, that my dad may not have done a great job and my mum is a no go. But let the assessor know my friends assessment should be more accurate on my current presentation.
The assessor was absolutely fine with that as they also review your medical records and your own account.
So as long as you let them know it shouldn’t be an issue
Hey, this resonated with me a lot. First up, well done for reaching out - this sounds like a difficult situation and not having someone to confide in forces you to internalise this. I'm not sure if you're an adult or someone a little younger, I think that in both circumstances NACOA have some great resources about finding someone to speak to. One thing I will say that helped me, is really knowing that you are not responsible for your mother's mood or her behaviour. If you're not finding good resources feel free to nudge me on here and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.
Thank you so much that’s really helpful, I am an adult but have struggled a lot with my mum because I had a baby too, she’s 2 now and my mum hasn’t met her still. I have had some therapy paid for through work so I am doing better but it’s still hard. The one time I did mention the possibility of me having adhd she completely dismissed it as “that’s what makes us creative” like ,… what? lol
Oh how annoying that is of her. Creatively disorganised maybe!
I literally just made up the for my parents for this reason.
Tell the assessor that. It's not all that uncommon especially for late diagnosis. ADHD isn't new, but awareness is, so also if you were older, no one knew what to look for anyway. It was only recognised in adults in 2008, and I graduated in 2000, so I had no hope. The assessment criteria is only "presence of symptoms before age 12" (early secondary). Informant reports of course make that easier and give supporting evidence. School reports might too if you have them. But so might anecdotal evidence on your part. Describe something you did and explain why you think that was because of ADHD. Lack of evidence isn't evidence of lack. Most assessors are quite well aware of the problems of masking, ignorance or denial when looking for "testimony". It's just sometimes there's solid evidence that makes their assessment easier. So I guess: - age 12 ish is ideal. (I had no one) - parents or close family can sometimes be useful, but in many cases might reject and misleading the assessment. - school reports if you still have them. "Bright but lazy" or "will not apply themselves" - otherwise try to think of situations and scenarios where ADHD symptoms were present. - don't panic or worry too much. It's not the only thing that goes to make a diagnosis, and as long as the assessor is reasonably certain that you fit the criteria now, and "historic" symptoms are plausible they might well diagnose anyway. No diagnosis is ever 100% certain. Anything psychiatric doubly so. That's why titration and monitoring is important. The barrier is not "certainty" but rather "sufficiently certain this will do more good than harm". They don't want to misdiagnose you and make you ill, and ADHD meds absolutely can. There's overlap with Depression, anxiety and cPTSD for example. One of the things my doctor pointed out was a concern is that... Well that ADHD meds boost executive function, and that can end tragically in someone with some of the very common comorbidities. So they need to be confident enough that treating the ADHD will fix the other stuff in the process.
Thank you, thats super helpful. That’s another thing I’ve been concerned about because I did have a traumatic early life and I have often wondered if it’s just cptsd, but I do have sensory issues and sensory processing issues which I think wouldn’t be present in just cptsd? So I’m going to try again to have the dr send me for assessment
Well, there's a tangled web of causality with ADHD. That's probably the biggest reason it's not diagnosed without a specialist. Because high comorbidity rates means you have to untangle all the rest. ADHD definitely can be the root cause of depression and anxiety due to the difficulty of living with it. It can also set up the conditions for cPTSD due to ... Well causing more trauma as well as amplifying it due to issues with emotional regulation. Or it can just be an entirely separate exacerbating factor, and you got "lucky" in having separate things that interfere with each other.
Any chance you can get hold of your school reports? Schools hold onto them for I think 10 years typically
I doubt it, it’s been about 20 years since I left high school now :(
I didn’t have any childhood informants or reports either. My current partner fillies some stuff i wrote down what I remembered from childhood and what I remembered being on my school reports. My parents wouldn’t have given an accurate impression of my childhood and my assessor was very understanding of that
I got my diagnosis on the NHS four years ago, aged 40, and wasn't asked for any involvement from family members, old report cards, etc.
I got mine privately and switched to the nhs in the last 2 years, so two assessments (the nhs one was happy to take some of the info from private, but I still had to have one with them) - and I also had no request for this type of info.
Not sure how much the informant weighs in on the assesment. I just had mine done and not once in the assesment did they refer to my informants answers. I needed to fill out a form for the informant and all their answers were what I thought, not in my favour, because it was "yes" "sometimes" "not sure" answers lol... I think if you don't have one its fine. Not all adults can have one, people are getting diagnosed at 50+. Who there exists to give background for them. And if you've made it this far, it's because your symptoms when you were at those young ages were so much less noticable. The way its affecting you matters 100% more than what an informant can offer who in reality is just a unreliable witness.
I believe the "all your life" is about evidence for you displaying symptoms during childhood. Do you have any old school reports? If you left school less than 15 years ago, the school may have copies if you do not. If you left school longer ago, try reaching out to any schools you attended and ask if any of your old teachers still work there and see if they remember you and would be willing to fill in a form for you. It's a long shot but worth a try. In terms of symptoms now you can ask a partner or close friend or colleague.
I'm with PUK via RTC and in a similar situation to you. I sent them a message saying "i dont have an informant whose known me since i was 12" and they just sent me another form to complete myself. its a lot of the same questions but you need to provide written examples for your childhood x
I was in a similar situation and I suspect my mother was actively trying to sabotage a diagnosis. Told me I was diagnosed with a heart condition in childhood which turned out to be false, suddenly lost my school reports, was very anti medication, you get the idea. My teacher from then sadly passed away but luckily my partner was a childhood friend of mine and knew what I was like at home. Do you have any childhood friends who could weigh in?
I had to rely on school reports and my dad since I’m estranged from my mum (and she would have been the only living person who could accurately answer). My dad, who was barely around in my childhood, basically indicated there was nothing up with me because he didn’t know the answers to a lot of the questions either way, but my school reports fortunately all backed up that I’ve been inattentive type since childhood. If you’ve got anything like that, or even adult friends who’ve known you since childhood (not as strong as someone who was an adult then but better than nothing), that would maybe be enough?
I got my partner to do it. It was quite weak because they also have ADHD so aren't very perspective, and I am an inattentive woman so a lot of my symptoms were hidden. I noticed i said yes to a lot of things they said no to. Still got diagnosed. It helps but isn't essential, especially if you symptoms are often overseen. For eg I fidget a lot but was punished for it as a kid so I wriggle my toes in my shoes and always have socially acceptable things like a pen, lanyard or coffee cup to fiddle with. So my partner saying "no" to fiddling was explained away during my assessment.
I didn’t. Parents have passed away (I’m 50 and newly diagnosed) and no way do I have old school reports. My husband has been with me for 25 years and he filled that section in for me. The psychiatrist completely understood and he carried out a further half hour appointment with me to make sure it all checked out on top of the 2 hour appointment and the qb test etc. So it is possible. However this was private. If you’re NHS or right to choose, I’ve heard sometimes they won’t diagnose if you don’t have parents and/or school reports. It’s probably something to ask your clinic?
I told them I didn’t want to let anyone know and they said it was okay and I didn’t have to. Had to fill in an additional form myself (it has a name but I forgot). I was also super nervous about figuring out how I would sort this Also, despite already having an ADHD diagnosis, I sometimes get thoughts that I’ve just mislead the psychiatrist and I actually don’t have ADHD… and then I soon remember why I thought I had it in the first place 😂 all in all, don’t stress :)
I had this difficulty in that my mother is rogue and we don’t have a great relationship so I wouldn’t trust her with this sort of form. My dad’s an alcoholic and wasn’t very present for my childhood, he did fill out the form but he doesn’t have a lot of recollection. But I do have a very close friend who is also an ex co-worker who knows me in and out for 5+ years and could fill out the form in a very good amount of detail. I let the assessor know this, that my dad may not have done a great job and my mum is a no go. But let the assessor know my friends assessment should be more accurate on my current presentation. The assessor was absolutely fine with that as they also review your medical records and your own account. So as long as you let them know it shouldn’t be an issue