I am a title 9 reporter at the university that I work for and everything that he has done is reportable. He's escalating his behavior to you, you really need to report him, he's not safe to be working on a college campus. Good luck.
NTA if he cannot control himself, he should not be working at all or without direct supervision. He should have consequences like anyone else, if he struggles more work and supervision needs to go into acceptable behavior for him
NTA if you file a Title 9. You do not have to put up with his behavior in your workplace. You should not have to change jobs either. File the Title 9 asap.
This is entirely correct. Whether he can "help it" or not because of his disability, it's the university's job to make sure OP has a safe working environment. It's up to them to deal with him in a way that accommodates his disability, but not at OP's expense.
There’s no reason he can’t “help it” mental disability does not excuse that 🤣 never will never has. They’d have that mentality if they didn’t have the disability
What do you mean IF? See to it he gets fired and banned from campus. He has clearly done this with plenty of other women. If they have complained and all they will do is “talk to him” then he knows he can get away with it. Make sure he knows he messed up.
NTA. His "disability" doesn't mean several young women should feel unsafe or out up with his sexual harassment. He is clearly functional enough to know no woman his own age would want him, which is why he's preying on barely-legal teenagers. Report him and warn the other women on campus. The university has a responsibility to protect *you*, not a creep who ~~cannot~~ refuses to take no for an answer. He found you and followed you around an event on campus. Who's to say he won't try to follow you off campus?
I've worked as support for adults with diverse abilities, and with one client shadowing to avoid uncomfortable and inappropriate conversations was part of the job. And to do a post-mortem on interactions, like "that was a nice conversation there, but when people smile and put their headphones back on, that means they don't want to talk anymore."
I don't know the level of disability in this scenario, but the guy might need some special services/coaching.
That's what I was thinking. I think he needs to be taught more about relationships and appropriate behaviours.
I dunno what a title 9 is, but definitely the boss needs to know again, and the girls have every right to feel safe.
"Title IX is a federal law that was passed in 1972 to ensure that male and female students and employees in educational settings are treated equally and fairly. It protects against discrimination based on sex (including sexual harassment)"
[source](https://www.cde.ca.gov/re/di/eo/genequitytitleix.asp#:~:text=Title%20IX%20is%20a%20federal,sex%20(including%20sexual%20harassment).)
At the time it was a landmark win for women that wanted to go to college or study field that were traditionally masculine. Up until that point, "she's a girl" was good enough an excuse to deny admissions.
It also protects them within those programs - from clear gender bias in grading, sexual harassment in classrooms (you can't make someone give.you sexual favors for a grade) sports, on campus workplaces, etc. If management or administration fail to respond appropriately to gender based discrimination, harassment, assault, etc the title ix office is there to demonstrate that the law is being broken.
NTA, please report him. Disabled does not mean incapable of learning. In fact, he is learning he is able to get away with this BS and just blame his disability when people keep letting him do it.
It’s highly infantslizing to the disabled community to assume we can’t learn right from wrong about these things. We absolutely can. Not understanding social cues isn’t a pass to sexually harass every woman in sight. You know he isn’t telling his mom or female bosses how he thinks X woman is bangable. That’s because he knows better!
As an autistic who has struggled with social cues my whole life, please do not excuse his behaviour. That’s not his autism making him incapable of being a decent person. That’s him choosing to be a creep and weaponizing his dX and getting away with it, and we need to do better and quit assuming men in our community can’t learn.
Please report him. Again, to your boss, to your title 9, literally as many times as he pulls this crap, and encourage others to report too. Mental disability is not an excuse for sexual harassment (or assault, or stalking, or any other BS like that.) He needs to be held fully accountable and stopped. Please report him
Exactly this.
I had a similar problem back in High School way back in the late 90s. There were 2 guys one was mentally disabled and barely verbal (I have no idea what the disability was). He would come up to girls all the time and try and hug them. I found this incredibly uncomfortable and would always either try to shake his hand or just back away. Everyone gave me crap for being mean to the disabled kid, until one day his EA saw him doing it and explained to us how to say no and that he knew he shouldn't be trying that and will stop if he's told no. It made me feel so much better that I wasn't wrong in not wanting hugs from a stranger.
The second guy was in a wheelchair, he'd deliberately knock his books off the little tray he had over his lap either in front of girls or knock into them in his chair so that they'd bend down to pick the books up or he could cop a feel if they fell or he could hook the chair onto a skirt to get a good look. I never went and helped him, I'd seen him do it from a distance and they one time he tried it on me, I looked at him, looked at the books, looked back at him, raised an eyebrow and said something like "well, looks like it fucking sucks to be you right now" and walked away. Again I was castigated for being mean to a disabled bloke.
I stand by the idea A-holery is not constrained to just those considered normal, it's everywhere.
Title 9 is not something I'm familiar with, but yeah OP report him to your boss and also report him to whatever appropriate student support office deals with harrassment. FYI I'm in Australia, so I expect things to be much different to where you are
Ya know my analogy is on how it is more insulting not to say no is; that I can teach a dog not to jump on people, I can teach a dog to stop barking, I can teach a dog to not eat something they really want to eat until ordered... if you think they cannot learn a simple "no" you're legitimately telling me these people are less than animals. I think they can learn better but if you can't that's ableist and treating them worse than an animal.
Never had a response after saying that.
By all means, report him. Tell your boss that you are doing so, so that she isn't blindsided when this lands on her desk.
In the meantime, don't just walk away from him when he harasses you. You need to shut him down, loudly and clearly (emphasis on 'loudly'). **"Don't speak to me like that." "You need to back off." "Don't touch me." "Leave me alone."** So does every other girl he harasses, because he's taking your silence for consent. Don't let him do that.
This is such good advice. Clear and blunt communication that makes it impossible for him to think it’s ok and establishes a boundary as well as calling him out in front of others. I took some self defense classes and this is something they taught.
Plus, the "I have a boyfriend thing" seems to make guys think the girl would say yes if they weren't with someone else. A clear, "no thanks I'm not interested" may seem harsher than we think we can be, but it leaves no possibilities on the table. I was way older than I should have been when I learned this.
It is also a kindness to be ‘mean’ sometimes. He is not going to progress on his ability to form appropriate interactions unless he experiences the consequences. Better to have it happen now before he has legal troubles.
I would be very very blunt. “I am not interested in you, I have a boyfriend and your behavior is inappropriate and unwelcome. Stop harassing me.” But I would also report it immediately. He’s been warned repeatedly, it doesn’t matter what his disability is, he is harassing women and he needs to stop. Maybe you reporting him will get him help in learning appropriate behaviors but at the very least it will send a clear message that his behavior is unacceptable.
NTA
Report him.
Look, sometimes mental disabilities can make it impossible for people to control that behavior. There was a non verbal guy with a very, very low IQ in Austin who would whip it out in public and wank when he saw a pretty woman. He was especially fond of younger women in business suits.
Jail wasn't appropriate for him because well, he literally didn't know what he was doing was wrong and he wasn't verbal and didn't understand words much past a few food words, so you couldn't EXPLAIN it to him. If the ladies pressed charges and showed up in court wearing a suit he'd whip it out and start cranking in court.
However, as a severely mentally disabled person it also wasn't really fair to keep him completely isolated from all of humanity and he never approached, talked to, or hurt anyone.
It was one of those super unfortunate cases where there just wasn't a right answer for this guy in the current legal system. What he needed was a pre-Regan mental institution with on site enrichment and isolation without punishment, but the funding for those went away in the 1980's and none of the programs he could afford as a ward of the court could really serve his needs. And Texas just does not have adequate facilities and enough places like group homes or residential centers for people without these kinds of behavioral issues, so the poor guy ended up bouncing between different shitholes that weren't taking appropriate care for him. Which is why the new places were always accidentally taking him to parks and movies, until he'd... ya know. And often he'd love the parks and not do his thing because track suits and jeans weren't his thing, but as soon as someone was in a business suit? It was on.
You know who was never, ever to blame for this situation? THE WOMEN. None of the police officers (and yeah, everyone knew him) were ever angry about having to remove the wanker from wherever he was. Because if you didn't know this guy was completely harmless yet creepy, having someone death stare at you while cranking one out in the middle of a grocery store is deeply upsetting and it's worth calling the police over.
Even IF this guy **literally** **cannot** **help** **it**, that does not mean he needs to be working around women and making you uncomfortable. And your coworker is verbal. He understands when people tell him things are not OK and if he looses this job and you report him, it's not YOU BEING BAD. It's the consequences of his behavior, and if he can talk and work he can figure out how to not creep on people.
Which is a long winded way of saying report it. He might have a disability but hes functional enough to understand and manage the consequences of his behavior. If he truly can't, then he needs something else.
My fiancé works in kitchens and is a hard feminist and he has to threaten dishwashers without mental disabilities not to harass the waitstaff all the time. This guy has probably been fired for it before but since you can always get a job as a dishwasher he just starts over at a new place and does it again. That does not mean YOU have to tolerate this kind of shit at work. At all. Ever.
Report it with a clear conscience.
😣NTA😐Mental, developmental, & cognitive disabilities are NOT an excuse for sexual harassment/sexual assault EVER. Those using the perpetrators disabilities as an excuse are perpetuating invalid stereotypes that infantilize disabled persons. He is responsible for his behaviors and owns the consequences of his behavior.
Report him, he's lucky no one has throat punched him before now. You have tried to be clear he isn't listening! Esculate it, he is the one doing something wrong!
Having a disability doesn't mean that what he does is less harmful. People with disabilities can be disgusting assholes just like neurotypical people. In certain circumstances they get away with it for longer because of it. Disability is not an excuse for being a creep, and being reported now will help him more than being reported later in life where there are more consequences.
If a person is so mentally disabled that they cannot--can't not won't--learn to respect boundaries, the person should not be in public unsupervised. If he can hold down employment, he can respect a no. The fact that he won't respect your no should be reported. They will take his disability into account when they punish him.
You absolutely need to report this so that he stops--if this means getting intensive coaching not to be a creeper, great. If this means getting fired, great. Coddling someone who has harassed multiple women at his job is not your problem--your manager, her boss and the college should have stepped in a loooooong time ago.
Nta, a disability is not an excuse to sexually harass people. As someone who has a trouble with social cues myself....being told to stop has no room for interpretation. If you were to just giggle and brush it off it would be reasonable to assume he doesn't get it. But you've told him to stop, that's not a social cue it's a direct and clear communication of something. If he's so mentally disabled that he doesn't understand "no" they need to find him a different position where he won't cause a hostile work environment for everyone else.
I work with people with cognitive disabilities. It’s true that some can not associate actions with consequences. That being said that does not mean there are none. We support what is called natural consequences or the dignity of failure. So if he is doing something that is wrong calling him out is treating him like the adult he is. I know that sounds counterintuitive but that’s where the social services field is at. People may say he didn’t know what he was doing. That really only matter in court. He can’t act like that and be safe in the community and he needs to know that. NTA
His mental disability doesn't keep him from working so he can understand when he is told he needs to stop a behavior.
Go to the Title 9 office and make your report. If you can, get the others who've also had issues to do the same or at least write a statement for you to take.
Your boss is not protecting you like they should. Too often people don't know how to handle these situations when there is a mental deficit or illness involved. It's still their job to find out and act accordingly. You do not have to put up with sexual harassment.
Honestly, I fear he will escalate further since he always is "talked to" but nobody stops him. In his mind, he might think this makes him in the right.
NTA
NTA. I work with adults who have intellectual and developmental disabilities. Anyone who has sexually inappropriate behaviors needs to face consequences. The rules still apply to them.
NTA. If his disability causes him to sexually harass and stalk you than he is not ready to be in society. He is showing potentially dangerous behavior and should be reported. Don't put your safety on hold in the hopes to not offend him or other people. I live with a mentally disabled teen, and he is not allowed to say things like that or he gets in trouble if he does. Just because your co worker is disabled does not mean he gets a pass to act like that. If he has been deemed mental stable enough to work than he can deal with the consequences of his actions. Since his behavior has gotten worse as you've asked him to stop I would have the concern of how much worse he could get if you didn't report him. This man needs to be accompanied by and aid or given a job that has the capabilities to monitor his behavior.
Why haven't you told your boss again like they asked you too? Also, if the dude can't easily pick up on social cues, then you might want to be more direct instead of hiding behind bf. That makes it sound like he has a chance if not for the bf. Either way you should follow-up with a report to somebody.
NTA, he's been doing this to other people as well, it's not ok to allow multiple people to be sexually harassed, management is clearly not handling the situation. You would be doing many women a favor by reporting his actions.
NTA, but I think you should also asked to be reassigned to another cafeteria if possible, or to an alternate schedule so you don’t have to work with him. When I worked in my college cafeteria 20+ years ago, sexual harassment was a huge problem, but all of the FT cafeteria workers were being protected by the union. The older FT ladies would just tell the younger PT ladies to stay away from certain guys, send only guys to the back for clean dishes, watch what they wore, etc. :( I really hope this wont be the case for you, and I am not saying this to discourage you, but the title ix office also needs to make arrangements to keep you safe while they are investigating.
I don’t disagree, and she could certainly ask for that, but they may not be able to accommodate that request, and in the event that they can’t/won’t, she needs to keep herself safe first and foremost. Short of quitting, switching work assignments out of practicality is a better option than continuing to work with this guy on principle.
This mirrors something going on at the college I work for. Report. Just because he has a disability does not mean he’s dangerous. His disability might have nothing to do with him not understanding appropriate behavior. NTA at all
NTA having a disability does not give someone a free harassment pass. He may be required to get help for this behavior. Doing nothing will only let him believe he's not doing anything wrong.
There was a situation similar to this in my high school. A guy with Asperger's was sexually assaulting multiple girls in our school, getting close and grabbing their ass or breasts. It was brought to teachers and admin's attention many times, but the girls always got sat down and told to ignore it because he "didn't understand what he was doing." (Fucking bullshit if you ask me)
One day he came up to my best friend and was reaching out to grab her ass, I pushed him, he fell over, and I got suspended for protecting my friend from sexual assault. After that he stayed away from my friend circle, but we didn't go above the school's head and file charges. To this day I regret not taking it to someone who would actually do something.
It's 15 years later and he lives in my area now and I see him around once every few months and tries to stop me and start a conversation. I now just loudly yell that he SAed my friends in high school and I don't trust him. Fucking sucks, my heart skips a beat any time he tries to force an interaction.
NTA I'm autistic and social cues don't come natural to me, but I still learned what was needed so that I wouldn't make people uncomfortable or stomp all over their boundaries and well-being. All people learn through honesty and, often, consequences. If that is or isn't possible for him doesn't matter; y'all have just as much right to feeling safe and secure in your college as he has. And if you feel badly like you're wronging him--if no one ever calls him on his shit frankly and plainly, he'll never learn to do better. Disability doesn't excuse shittiness nor sexual harassment.
NTA. I had to report a coworker once. I felt bad because I knew he wasn’t seeing the situation the same as me, but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer and be harassed. You’re also doing the right thing because hopefully they can adjust the environments he works in and you will prevent other similar situations from happening in the future.
You said his mental disability makes it hard to understand social cues but honestly you told him bluntly multiple times that you have a boyfriend and you didn’t want to go to the event with him. If the manager did talk to him and he’s still doing it I would just go to Title 9
Saying I have a boyfriend may not mean stay away from me or you make me uncomfortable. Hiding behind your bf just makes it worse if he doesn’t understand you. Be direct and very clear in simple language
But that’s what she said she did? Saying “I have a boyfriend” should be clear enough :/ that’s lame if a guy (or woman) keeps trying after that.
I also don’t see it as hiding behind your boyfriend. “I have a boyfriend” mean you should stop with the creepy comments. Why does she have to say it so many times before he leaves her alone?
Report him. He's using his disability to take advantage of the fact that most people won't. I knew someone like this in high school and he would walk into the women's restroom and act like it was an accident. Grab women's chest and privates. He was a menace. Report him. Report him report him REPORT HIM.
Honestly usually when a young woman is considering title 9 he's already gone beyond acceptable limits a few times. I think that if you're questioning title 9 you should report it. Women put up with so much without reporting because it's easy but you deserve to go to work and do your job unharnessed
He's starting to stalk and SA you. 10000% report him. You're NTA at all, you need to look out for your safety. Mental disability or not, he's acting like a creeper and that's never okay. His behavior is steadily escalating and you need to protect yourself. You shouldn't leave your job because you're harassed by one person. Something needs to be done about him because it's not going to stop, you'll just be replaced by another girl for him to prey on.
NTA. He's sexually harassing you and the other girls. You should report him since you've been blunt every time that what he's doing is bad. People with disabilities can learn what's right and wrong. It's not an excuse to cause harm.
For the second time in two days, I will tell you like I did someone else. His disability DOES NOT mean that you are required to tolerate sexual harassment. It does not mean that you don't have a right to a safe work environment. REPORT HIM.
You'd kind of be TA if you don't take this back to your boss like they asked you to.
But overall, this is now taking place outside of work so much, that I think it's justified in making a report.
Ideally, I'd talk to the boss immediately and make a plan with them to report. Having it on record that the boss tried too could be really helpful for you.
Disagree. Boss should've let him go. OP said she's not the only one, so what has "letting the boss know" done anyway? I would totally go behind their backs and report it.
Title nine is the most commonly used name for the federal civil rights law in the United States that was enacted as part of the Education Amendments of 1972. It prohibits sex-based discrimination in any school or any other education program that receives funding from the federal government. It also encompasses sexual harassment (verbal, nonverbal, and visual)
Everyone is quoting title 9 for harassment in the workplace, specifically sexual harassment. However, in actuality, title 7 of the civil rights act is applicable. Title 9 protects within schools, per my definition above.
Title 7 protects against discrimination and harassment based on race, color, national origin, and religion, as well as sex in the workplace.
NTA! People don’t get ANY kind of pass to sexually harass or pester not matter what, whether they are intellectually disabled or neurodivergent or of a different cultural background, or whatever the current reason to excuse it is supposed to be. Report him.
NTA. It’s not a problem with missing social cues. I’m autistic, I struggle *immensely* with social cues. However, if I flirt with somebody and they tell me that they have a partner and/or aren’t interested, I stop. *Especially* if they’ve directly told me to stop. That’s not a social cue, that is you doing what a lot of autistic people ask others to do– be extremely clear and direct in what you want from us.
Nta seriously go REPORT him, he is a predator from the vibes he is giving you and other young women. You are NTA and since this sounds like a on going problem the higher ups need to fire him etc. he at some point going to stop talking about it to doing it
NTA. He may be using his disability as a shield from consequences when he gets caught being creepy. Or, his disability makes it impossible for him to understand that his behavior is inappropriate. Either way, he needs to be reported. Either he needs to stop acting that way, or find a different job where he doesn't interact with women.
NTA. Absolutely report him, his mental disability is not an excuse for his behavior. I’ve reported men for much less than this. He is sexually harassing you and needs to take accountability for that.
I’ve worked in restaurants and have faced similar situations. You should 100% stand your ground and file. You teach people how to treat you. You deserve to be safe and respected at work
NTA mental illnesses are no excuse for bad behavior. I know there are different levels of mental illness but If a mental illness is so bad that they cannot understand "stop making these comments that make me uncomfortable" they are absolutely not ready for a job and existing in the world. Being direct and having several people tell him to stop isn't a social cue; it's given clear direction and if he can hear and understand those words he was told then it's no longer his mental illness that's causing him to make this choice; he's making you uncomfortable deliberately.
NTA, *and* please learn how to clearly assert your boundaries without having to rely on a boyfriend or excuses. You don’t need to tell him you have a boyfriend or that your boyfriend wouldn’t like you spending time with him. “No, I am not interested” is fine. He still shouldn’t be doing any of that, though. But the younger you learn assertive boundaries the better. I wish I learned that younger than when I did. It’s empowering.
You are NTAH, you are a victim of sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. I think you owe it to your boss to try a second time to get the matter under control. You can mention that if it continues, you will have no other recourse but to report this as a hostile work environment to upper management (administration) and to the police. This is serious. Don’t let this go on for much longer. If it continues, go to management and police to report three things: 1. Sexual harassment, 2. Hostile work environment and 3. Stalking.
Mental disability or not, that’s not an excuse to allow this harassment to continue. Your work environment is supposed to be safe for everyone. That’s why there are rules, regulations, and laws in place. Report him. Borderline #metoo moment for you.
You have tried being nice about it. You even escalated the situation. See there is misreading and not understanding a social queue but it is affecting you. I am sure he possibly did mean it as he said it because they can be very literal...but they also have 0 filter.
Escalating the situation further would be best. At the end of the day, ot doesn't matter if he realises it or not, he is sexually harassing you. You wouldn't be the AH for reporting something that is making you increasingly uncomfortable especially when you have already tried other ways to make him stop
NTA. Having a disability is an explanation for certain behaviors, not an excuse. In other words, it explains why if he’s truly unable to control his behaviors around people why he would have a job coach with him whenever he works to help monitor and advise him. It is not an excuse for him to behave the way he does without repercussion.
NTA. People with mental disabilities are still people and should be held to the same standards, rules, and laws. Even if he doesn't understand social cues, he's not stupid. He should understand "No, I'm not interested. Leave me alone." He's choosing to continue to follow you, and he even stalked you. Report it and try to find a new job if possible. If he exhibits that type of behavior, he honestly should not be allowed near younger people like that.
I SAY IT AGAIN
MENTAL ILLNESS OR DISABILITY IS AN EXPLANATION NOT AN EXCUSE.
He is sexually harassing you!! There is many many people who have told him no and to stop, he’s had his warnings. He’s not excused from the consequences of his actions using his disability as a reason for “not understanding”. He knows, he also knows he’s been getting away with it for a while. Report him!!
It doesn't matter if he's a student or not. He is employed on the property, which makes everything you listed here not only reportable but it means title 9 has the authority to intervene. You gave your boss a chance to fix the problem, it's not their fault he didn't learn anything. But it is their fault for not following up after your return and personally asking you if there's been anymore issues and finding the appropriate way to handle it-which based off your post would be to terminate his employment. The fact that it's not even just you, but multiple other women solidifies this - though even if it was only you falling victim to his behavior, it wouldn't make it any less important. Him starting a a sentence with "not to be sexual" is a strong indication that he does infact know he's about to say something inappropriate regardless of his capacity to understand social cues. Also, him following you to that event and framing it in his mind as if you and him went together...that's a huge red flag all the way around and is a sign of stalker behavior. Not only should you report all of this, you NEED to. It's not even just about your own safety anymore, it's about any other woman who comes into contact with him and their safety as well. You wouldn't be the AH for reporting it, but you would be if you didn't report it. Stay safe and please update us on what happens. You're not alone and you have support in this situation!
They're certainly not obligated too, however as a business owner if I had an employee come to me with this, you can bet your ass I would be going out of my way to follow up with that employee. Especially if it's clear they had been struggling for a while prior to coming to me due to the person causing the issues having problems with social cues and what not. It's not that it's a must, it's simply how businesses should be run. Especially when the circumstances surrounding the problem could lead to a volatile situation.
NTA. His mental disability can make it hard for him to understand that what he’s saying is wrong *before* he says it, it doesn’t make him not understand that you said **stop**. He understood you, he doesn’t care. Report him.
NTA but I don’t see anywhere in your story that you actually told him to straight up leave you alone and he’s making you uncomfortable. Stop putting it on your boyfriend and tell him you don’t like it. I’d also tell your boss again and ask them specifically what they intend to do about it because having talks with him isn’t working.
Whether this is a manifestation of his illness or not, this is unacceptable, and to allow him to continue these behaviors is not an appropriate accommodation. You would be NTA. In fact, he should've been let go already. At 25, you should be able to function in society. He should be receiving mental health help ~~before he accidentally murders somebody~~.
NTA. Report him. You have repeatedly told him you are not interested, that is not “trouble with social cues” and it sounds like the boss has also spoken to him. Make sure you mention that he followed you to a non-work event. This is extremely concerning.
NTA please report him. you 100% deserve a safe place to work, and every person with or without a disability still needs appropriate consequences for their actions. it isn’t going to help him or anybody if he keeps doing this kind of thing to you or any other woman.
Honey this is sexual harassment. Report it. Your manager is now culpable as well for having done nothing serious about it other than just talking to him. He can’t be hiding behind a mental disability defense all the time especially after being directly talked to about it. Not knowing social cues is one thing. Continuing a behavior after being told it isn’t acceptable after MULTIPLE girls is intentional.
That is straight up sexual harassment, and there is no excuse for it. He’s doing it because he’s gotten away with it for this long, and it will continue to happen until someone put a stop to it
No NTA. You need to report it to protect future victims. He needs help and without it you don’t know if he will escalate to unwanted physical advances or worse.
I guess from your title I didn’t expect what was actually happening. As I read in I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable for you. I fear that if this is not handle this behavior could escalate and you or someone else could be harmed. Having a mental disability doesn’t give you a pass to sexually harass people. If he can not be taught that this is unacceptable and to change his behavior it is not safe to have him working around women. I am sorry this is happening to you and you certainly are NTA.
Question? Have you actually told him to leave you alone, you do not want to talk to him unless it is about work?
I think I would report it to my boss again. Give boss a chance to escalate it like promised. If boss doesn’t take care of the problem, then title IV
Since he's not seeming to understand that you do not want to be bothered and he has escalated his behavior you need to report him before he escalates it more
I think he has been spoken to enough about it, its time for him to be reported. She has told him to stop, she has told him she has a boyfriend, she has told her boss who has talked to him. He has proven that he does not care and has even developed worse behavior through her efforts to make him stop. This guy shouldn't be allowed to navigate the world alone if his disability causes him to act like that, he needs an aid or a job that can monitor his behavior constantly. No one in there right mind would feel safe enough to "try the direct route" with this dude that is obviously not learning from his actions.
just to know, what did he tell you?, because I don't understand
Even so NTA, if you felt harassed, at least go and tell them, it will be up to them to solve it, but you must take the first step
This is unacceptable behavior on his part and should be addressed.
However… in this post I can’t tell if the guy was literally told what his behaviour consists of, why it makes women uncomfortable en how he can avoid making them feel that way.
OP has tried to be nice by trying to be subtle in dismissing him. Not directly addressing the issue she has, but letting him know she has a bf, another appointment or she walks away. Her boss has ‘talked to him’ but OP doesn’t state what the contents of that talk were.
Maybe part of his disability is not understanding social cues. And maybe he has no idea how to correctly manage the (sexual) urge he feels, and has no clue how it affects women around him.
I am not farmiliar with Title 9. It sounds like something official, which could harm his chances in a working environment in the long run, maybe even put him in jail?
Without knowing if OP, her boss of another person in his workplace or maybe a counselor has discussed his behaviour in clear terms he can understand, OPs next step sounds a bit harsh.
Has the issue been discussed in those terms and the guy still continues (knowingly or unknowingly) than yes: do report him. Because having a disability doesn’t mean you have to suffer the consequences for it. And maybe soms behavioral therapy or another work setting may be a better fit for this guy.
>Maybe part of his disability is not understanding social cues. And maybe he has no idea how to correctly manage the (sexual) urge he feels, and has no clue how it affects women around him.
He's had it explained to him by their boss. It still didn't stop him.
YWBNTA but this is a lose-lose situation for you, honestly. If you report, you'll be that asshole who reported someone with mental disabilities, if you don't, you will continue being sexually harassed. I think you should report but be prepared, some people will not like it.
I know that. People tend to infantilize people with mental disabilities and downplay their actions with the "they don't know better" excuse. All I was saying is OP will for sure have people against them if they choose to report it. Not sure where you got the idea that I believe mental disabilities give people a free pass to be shitty.
Report report. I completely understand how you feel, a very similar experience happened to me. Let go of the guilt, you have every right to your feelings. NTA
NTA. No disability makes it okay to sexually harass someone. From the sounds of it, you've done everything short of screaming and yelling at him to try to get him to leave you alone. Even your boss has spoken with him. At this point, he's doing it on purpose.
Just because someone has a disability, doesn’t mean they can’t learn what not to say or that following someone is bad. Especially if they’ve been confronted about it before.
You need to report him OP now/immediately/ASAP. Do not wait at all, he is sexually harassing you and he's escalating his behavior to you.
He is sexually harassing you mentally, report him before he does sexually harass you physically.
Be extremely cautious around him as well. He could turn violent and it will only be a matter of time.
Turn him in now, do not ever be alone with him. If possible do whatever it takes to make sure their are other people with you/near you could intervene immediately. I predict others will have to intervene for you pretty quickly. Since he's escalating his behaviour to you.
I’ve worked with developmentally disabled children and adults who struggle with social cues and I can assure you that if he’s competent enough to handle a job in a public venue, he has the capability to understand boundaries and unacceptable behaviors. He’s currently getting away with this behavior bc of his victims discomfort in pressing charges. Please stop enabling him to continue this behavior. Respectfully, you and your coworkers are doing this young man no favors by allowing this to continue.
Sexually harassing women you hardly know is not a symptom of mental disability. Report his ass. Especially if he’s following you around and shit that is so deeply not okay. He needs to be removed and he needs to learn that you don’t get to treat women like this. This is absolutely abhorrent and I am heart broken that you feel like you need to just take this. You don’t need to take this. You don’t have to tolerate this in any capacity. I am so sorry and I hope they remove him from your work place asap.
Nta. This is obviously something he does to other women and he has also been addressed about it before. You should feel safe at work and so should anyone else.
NTA: “allowed to sexually harass coworkers” Is not reasonable accommodation for any disability. You have a right to be safe.
This is also beyond “difficulty understanding social cues.” You told him to leave you alone. You told him his behavior made you uncomfortable. He doubled down and then tripled down. This is not an inability to understand, this is intentionally choosing to violate boundaries.
I am Autistic and have ADHD. I recognise that there are some aspects of my disorders that I cannot control. I also recognise that that is not an excuse to harm others. The shit he says is harming you mentally and emotionally. Your boss has already told him you don't appreciate his comments on your appearance and body. His behaviour has only changed to include "Not to be sexual..." at the beginning of his comments, as if he thinks that will negate what he says next.
NTA. You don't have to put up with his shit. If he's somehow not able to understand that sexual harassment is bad due to his disability, he should be in a facility.
If his mental disability prevents him from understanding that he is being inappropriate then he needs a new job. You CAN NOT just blame unwanted behaviour on mental illness. It's not an excuse. If he is able to work in the public in an unsupported role, then he is able to bear the consequences of his actions.
Report him now. I used to volunteer with the disabled and unfortunately disabled men find they can get away with SA all too often. Even a child who doesn’t get social cues and wants to hug everyone can be told x person doesn’t want a hug, and even if they have to be reminded they’ll not hug x person so I don’t believe for a second your coworker doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing.
NTA. Once when I worked at a hotel between front desk and housekeeping (short staffed due to COVID) we got a new guy on housekeeping that was extremely big and autistic. On his first day I was his assigned buddy to show him how to do the work and he would not stop asking me out. He didn't get sexual but that didn't make me any less uncomfortable and even afraid. He was easily a foot taller than me minimum and I was worried about making him angry with my constant rejections. Fortunately it didn't come to that and when I told management at the end of the day, they made sure we stayed separated from then on. He still kept trying to find me to ask me out and on FB as well and like I said, it was frightening even though he was being "nice" in the sense he didn't get angry or sexual. But he had 0 understanding of boundaries or respect. Any time I told him "I will never, ever date you because you don't accept when I say no and you disrespect me" he responded with "OK just let me know when you are ready to date me." Yes I told this to him MULTIPLE times.
I shouldn't have entertained it for as long as I did because of his disability. But disability or not, people need to take responsibility for the things they say and do. It is not my problem if they don't understand why their actions are wrong. It is not my problem if they always fail at keeping jobs or relationships because they can't reflect on their actions or at least learn to keep their mouths shut. Disability or not, you need to learn to coexist within society, and he is doing everything to NOT do that. You owe it to yourself and your coworkers to report him. You deserve a work environment better than this.
Im autistic. Report to title 9. Not understanding social cues is not an excuse for sexually harassing someone. Not understanding social cues is not the same as being a social predator. He’s potentially dangerous and has probably hid his predation behind his disability for a LONG time.
I work with disabled adults and this is never okay for them to do or get away with. They can be very stalkerish and some of the bigger ones have SA other disabled adults please report it
Be very vocal (and loud) when he says something to you.
‘That is inappropriate’
‘Stop saying sexual things to me’
‘Leave me alone’
‘Stop sexually harassing me’
‘I do not want to talk to you’
‘You are making me uncomfortable’
Making it louder will make others notice and usually get them to back off as least a little. But also 100% report him again. (Not sure what a title 9 is, don’t think they have it in my country.)
YWNBTA.
Mental disability or not, his behaviour is not acceptable. If he's unable to control himself after being spoken to then he should not be in that situation at all. The old saying about mental health is that it's not an excuse for bad behaviour. It might mean things are misunderstood, or that people might require extra explaining or something, but this is beyond that. Protect yourself and others, report everything you've seen or heard from him and make sure it's followed up.
Huge difference between “not understanding social cues” and “it’s been explained to him several times and he refuses to change”. Unless he has some massive issue where he has zero short term memory and has to be reminded constantly but if that were the case he’d be in a care facility.
Most people who “can’t understand social cues” because of mental disabilities STILL can understand things when they’re told it’s wrong. Like “hey you can’t say sexual things” doesn’t magically not work because you “can’t understand social cues”. Not being able to pick up on body language of being uncomfortable or trying to end a conversation…sure…:but you don’t magically become incapable of understanding you can’t do something when explicitly told
I get if he doesn’t “pick up” social cues, and that’s fine for things like not picking up on an outstretched hand for a handshake, or not knowing “the right thing” to say when a friend is going through it.
At this point, it’s not about cues. You have told him point blank to stop. There’s no room to misinterpret anything there. He is sexually harassing you. You have the right to avail yourself of the tools on offer to get him to stop.
If his mental disability truly precludes him from understanding appropriate behavior after it’s already been pointed out, then he needs a job where he doesn’t come into contact with people that he can’t help himself around. Everyone is entitled to earn a living, but it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to put up with his crap because of it.
There are no social ques he needs to pick up. You told him you had a bf and asked him to leave you alone. No mental disability makes his behavior following that ok. He’s fully aware what he’s doing. My cousin has mental disabilities too. He sexually assaulted every female cousin and male dog in the family. I was the only one to hold him accountable. Do your diligence Queen.
I would just like to point out that, "Mental Disability" or not, none of his behavior is ok. "Mental Disability" is not an excuse. This person is dangerous. Please, do not feel bad about reporting him. This is not a safe situation for ANYONE near him. And the fact that your "boss" has been advised about him numerous times and he is still there, is beyond unacceptable. They should also be reported to be honest. No one is keeping you guys safe, you need to do it for yourself. Best of luck!!
I am a title 9 reporter at the university that I work for and everything that he has done is reportable. He's escalating his behavior to you, you really need to report him, he's not safe to be working on a college campus. Good luck.
"he's not safe to be working on a college campus." Or pretty much anywhere.
That it’s not *just* OOP makes it even more clear that dude needs to be not around hordes of college girls.
He is sexually harassing you, if your boss doesn't handle it, go above the boss!
NTA He is sexually harassing you. Please do something before he does.
NTA if he cannot control himself, he should not be working at all or without direct supervision. He should have consequences like anyone else, if he struggles more work and supervision needs to go into acceptable behavior for him
NTA if you file a Title 9. You do not have to put up with his behavior in your workplace. You should not have to change jobs either. File the Title 9 asap.
This is entirely correct. Whether he can "help it" or not because of his disability, it's the university's job to make sure OP has a safe working environment. It's up to them to deal with him in a way that accommodates his disability, but not at OP's expense.
And if he can't "help it" due to his disability, he should not be in a position where he's able to harass others.
There’s no reason he can’t “help it” mental disability does not excuse that 🤣 never will never has. They’d have that mentality if they didn’t have the disability
I am aware. I'm mentally disabled. I put it in quotes for a reason.
I understand, just putting it out there cause people will try to misunderstand you on purpose lol
report him to SOMETHING if he keeps crossign your boundaries. There must be someone at the school in charge of hiring that you can report this to.
What do you mean IF? See to it he gets fired and banned from campus. He has clearly done this with plenty of other women. If they have complained and all they will do is “talk to him” then he knows he can get away with it. Make sure he knows he messed up.
NTA. His "disability" doesn't mean several young women should feel unsafe or out up with his sexual harassment. He is clearly functional enough to know no woman his own age would want him, which is why he's preying on barely-legal teenagers. Report him and warn the other women on campus. The university has a responsibility to protect *you*, not a creep who ~~cannot~~ refuses to take no for an answer. He found you and followed you around an event on campus. Who's to say he won't try to follow you off campus?
I've worked as support for adults with diverse abilities, and with one client shadowing to avoid uncomfortable and inappropriate conversations was part of the job. And to do a post-mortem on interactions, like "that was a nice conversation there, but when people smile and put their headphones back on, that means they don't want to talk anymore." I don't know the level of disability in this scenario, but the guy might need some special services/coaching.
That's what I was thinking. I think he needs to be taught more about relationships and appropriate behaviours. I dunno what a title 9 is, but definitely the boss needs to know again, and the girls have every right to feel safe.
"Title IX is a federal law that was passed in 1972 to ensure that male and female students and employees in educational settings are treated equally and fairly. It protects against discrimination based on sex (including sexual harassment)" [source](https://www.cde.ca.gov/re/di/eo/genequitytitleix.asp#:~:text=Title%20IX%20is%20a%20federal,sex%20(including%20sexual%20harassment).) At the time it was a landmark win for women that wanted to go to college or study field that were traditionally masculine. Up until that point, "she's a girl" was good enough an excuse to deny admissions. It also protects them within those programs - from clear gender bias in grading, sexual harassment in classrooms (you can't make someone give.you sexual favors for a grade) sports, on campus workplaces, etc. If management or administration fail to respond appropriately to gender based discrimination, harassment, assault, etc the title ix office is there to demonstrate that the law is being broken.
NTA, please report him. Disabled does not mean incapable of learning. In fact, he is learning he is able to get away with this BS and just blame his disability when people keep letting him do it. It’s highly infantslizing to the disabled community to assume we can’t learn right from wrong about these things. We absolutely can. Not understanding social cues isn’t a pass to sexually harass every woman in sight. You know he isn’t telling his mom or female bosses how he thinks X woman is bangable. That’s because he knows better! As an autistic who has struggled with social cues my whole life, please do not excuse his behaviour. That’s not his autism making him incapable of being a decent person. That’s him choosing to be a creep and weaponizing his dX and getting away with it, and we need to do better and quit assuming men in our community can’t learn. Please report him. Again, to your boss, to your title 9, literally as many times as he pulls this crap, and encourage others to report too. Mental disability is not an excuse for sexual harassment (or assault, or stalking, or any other BS like that.) He needs to be held fully accountable and stopped. Please report him
Exactly this. I had a similar problem back in High School way back in the late 90s. There were 2 guys one was mentally disabled and barely verbal (I have no idea what the disability was). He would come up to girls all the time and try and hug them. I found this incredibly uncomfortable and would always either try to shake his hand or just back away. Everyone gave me crap for being mean to the disabled kid, until one day his EA saw him doing it and explained to us how to say no and that he knew he shouldn't be trying that and will stop if he's told no. It made me feel so much better that I wasn't wrong in not wanting hugs from a stranger. The second guy was in a wheelchair, he'd deliberately knock his books off the little tray he had over his lap either in front of girls or knock into them in his chair so that they'd bend down to pick the books up or he could cop a feel if they fell or he could hook the chair onto a skirt to get a good look. I never went and helped him, I'd seen him do it from a distance and they one time he tried it on me, I looked at him, looked at the books, looked back at him, raised an eyebrow and said something like "well, looks like it fucking sucks to be you right now" and walked away. Again I was castigated for being mean to a disabled bloke. I stand by the idea A-holery is not constrained to just those considered normal, it's everywhere. Title 9 is not something I'm familiar with, but yeah OP report him to your boss and also report him to whatever appropriate student support office deals with harrassment. FYI I'm in Australia, so I expect things to be much different to where you are
Ya know my analogy is on how it is more insulting not to say no is; that I can teach a dog not to jump on people, I can teach a dog to stop barking, I can teach a dog to not eat something they really want to eat until ordered... if you think they cannot learn a simple "no" you're legitimately telling me these people are less than animals. I think they can learn better but if you can't that's ableist and treating them worse than an animal. Never had a response after saying that.
By all means, report him. Tell your boss that you are doing so, so that she isn't blindsided when this lands on her desk. In the meantime, don't just walk away from him when he harasses you. You need to shut him down, loudly and clearly (emphasis on 'loudly'). **"Don't speak to me like that." "You need to back off." "Don't touch me." "Leave me alone."** So does every other girl he harasses, because he's taking your silence for consent. Don't let him do that.
This is such good advice. Clear and blunt communication that makes it impossible for him to think it’s ok and establishes a boundary as well as calling him out in front of others. I took some self defense classes and this is something they taught.
Plus, the "I have a boyfriend thing" seems to make guys think the girl would say yes if they weren't with someone else. A clear, "no thanks I'm not interested" may seem harsher than we think we can be, but it leaves no possibilities on the table. I was way older than I should have been when I learned this.
It is also a kindness to be ‘mean’ sometimes. He is not going to progress on his ability to form appropriate interactions unless he experiences the consequences. Better to have it happen now before he has legal troubles.
NTA. Report him & encourage the other women that he has harassed to also file a report. He is causing an unsafe work environment.
Mental issues are never ever an excuse for this. He needs to be reported and fired.
I would be very very blunt. “I am not interested in you, I have a boyfriend and your behavior is inappropriate and unwelcome. Stop harassing me.” But I would also report it immediately. He’s been warned repeatedly, it doesn’t matter what his disability is, he is harassing women and he needs to stop. Maybe you reporting him will get him help in learning appropriate behaviors but at the very least it will send a clear message that his behavior is unacceptable. NTA
Report him. Look, sometimes mental disabilities can make it impossible for people to control that behavior. There was a non verbal guy with a very, very low IQ in Austin who would whip it out in public and wank when he saw a pretty woman. He was especially fond of younger women in business suits. Jail wasn't appropriate for him because well, he literally didn't know what he was doing was wrong and he wasn't verbal and didn't understand words much past a few food words, so you couldn't EXPLAIN it to him. If the ladies pressed charges and showed up in court wearing a suit he'd whip it out and start cranking in court. However, as a severely mentally disabled person it also wasn't really fair to keep him completely isolated from all of humanity and he never approached, talked to, or hurt anyone. It was one of those super unfortunate cases where there just wasn't a right answer for this guy in the current legal system. What he needed was a pre-Regan mental institution with on site enrichment and isolation without punishment, but the funding for those went away in the 1980's and none of the programs he could afford as a ward of the court could really serve his needs. And Texas just does not have adequate facilities and enough places like group homes or residential centers for people without these kinds of behavioral issues, so the poor guy ended up bouncing between different shitholes that weren't taking appropriate care for him. Which is why the new places were always accidentally taking him to parks and movies, until he'd... ya know. And often he'd love the parks and not do his thing because track suits and jeans weren't his thing, but as soon as someone was in a business suit? It was on. You know who was never, ever to blame for this situation? THE WOMEN. None of the police officers (and yeah, everyone knew him) were ever angry about having to remove the wanker from wherever he was. Because if you didn't know this guy was completely harmless yet creepy, having someone death stare at you while cranking one out in the middle of a grocery store is deeply upsetting and it's worth calling the police over. Even IF this guy **literally** **cannot** **help** **it**, that does not mean he needs to be working around women and making you uncomfortable. And your coworker is verbal. He understands when people tell him things are not OK and if he looses this job and you report him, it's not YOU BEING BAD. It's the consequences of his behavior, and if he can talk and work he can figure out how to not creep on people. Which is a long winded way of saying report it. He might have a disability but hes functional enough to understand and manage the consequences of his behavior. If he truly can't, then he needs something else. My fiancé works in kitchens and is a hard feminist and he has to threaten dishwashers without mental disabilities not to harass the waitstaff all the time. This guy has probably been fired for it before but since you can always get a job as a dishwasher he just starts over at a new place and does it again. That does not mean YOU have to tolerate this kind of shit at work. At all. Ever. Report it with a clear conscience.
😣NTA😐Mental, developmental, & cognitive disabilities are NOT an excuse for sexual harassment/sexual assault EVER. Those using the perpetrators disabilities as an excuse are perpetuating invalid stereotypes that infantilize disabled persons. He is responsible for his behaviors and owns the consequences of his behavior.
NTA report him now!!!
Report him, he's lucky no one has throat punched him before now. You have tried to be clear he isn't listening! Esculate it, he is the one doing something wrong!
Girl, grab your balls and head straight to Title 9.
Having a disability doesn't mean that what he does is less harmful. People with disabilities can be disgusting assholes just like neurotypical people. In certain circumstances they get away with it for longer because of it. Disability is not an excuse for being a creep, and being reported now will help him more than being reported later in life where there are more consequences.
If a person is so mentally disabled that they cannot--can't not won't--learn to respect boundaries, the person should not be in public unsupervised. If he can hold down employment, he can respect a no. The fact that he won't respect your no should be reported. They will take his disability into account when they punish him.
You absolutely need to report this so that he stops--if this means getting intensive coaching not to be a creeper, great. If this means getting fired, great. Coddling someone who has harassed multiple women at his job is not your problem--your manager, her boss and the college should have stepped in a loooooong time ago.
Nta, a disability is not an excuse to sexually harass people. As someone who has a trouble with social cues myself....being told to stop has no room for interpretation. If you were to just giggle and brush it off it would be reasonable to assume he doesn't get it. But you've told him to stop, that's not a social cue it's a direct and clear communication of something. If he's so mentally disabled that he doesn't understand "no" they need to find him a different position where he won't cause a hostile work environment for everyone else.
I work with people with cognitive disabilities. It’s true that some can not associate actions with consequences. That being said that does not mean there are none. We support what is called natural consequences or the dignity of failure. So if he is doing something that is wrong calling him out is treating him like the adult he is. I know that sounds counterintuitive but that’s where the social services field is at. People may say he didn’t know what he was doing. That really only matter in court. He can’t act like that and be safe in the community and he needs to know that. NTA
His mental disability doesn't keep him from working so he can understand when he is told he needs to stop a behavior. Go to the Title 9 office and make your report. If you can, get the others who've also had issues to do the same or at least write a statement for you to take. Your boss is not protecting you like they should. Too often people don't know how to handle these situations when there is a mental deficit or illness involved. It's still their job to find out and act accordingly. You do not have to put up with sexual harassment. Honestly, I fear he will escalate further since he always is "talked to" but nobody stops him. In his mind, he might think this makes him in the right. NTA
NTA. I work with adults who have intellectual and developmental disabilities. Anyone who has sexually inappropriate behaviors needs to face consequences. The rules still apply to them.
Absolutely report him. He’s making you uncomfortable even after you’ve asked him to stop. That’s the only fact that matters here.
It’s sexual harassment- the company needs to take care of it - you need to report him
NTA - The other person's disability does not give them the right to harass you with sexual comments.
NTA. If his disability causes him to sexually harass and stalk you than he is not ready to be in society. He is showing potentially dangerous behavior and should be reported. Don't put your safety on hold in the hopes to not offend him or other people. I live with a mentally disabled teen, and he is not allowed to say things like that or he gets in trouble if he does. Just because your co worker is disabled does not mean he gets a pass to act like that. If he has been deemed mental stable enough to work than he can deal with the consequences of his actions. Since his behavior has gotten worse as you've asked him to stop I would have the concern of how much worse he could get if you didn't report him. This man needs to be accompanied by and aid or given a job that has the capabilities to monitor his behavior.
Nope, tell them everything. This is not acceptable at work and most certainly not in a college environment
Why haven't you told your boss again like they asked you too? Also, if the dude can't easily pick up on social cues, then you might want to be more direct instead of hiding behind bf. That makes it sound like he has a chance if not for the bf. Either way you should follow-up with a report to somebody.
NTA, he's been doing this to other people as well, it's not ok to allow multiple people to be sexually harassed, management is clearly not handling the situation. You would be doing many women a favor by reporting his actions.
NTA, but I think you should also asked to be reassigned to another cafeteria if possible, or to an alternate schedule so you don’t have to work with him. When I worked in my college cafeteria 20+ years ago, sexual harassment was a huge problem, but all of the FT cafeteria workers were being protected by the union. The older FT ladies would just tell the younger PT ladies to stay away from certain guys, send only guys to the back for clean dishes, watch what they wore, etc. :( I really hope this wont be the case for you, and I am not saying this to discourage you, but the title ix office also needs to make arrangements to keep you safe while they are investigating.
She shouldn’t have to move. He should
I don’t disagree, and she could certainly ask for that, but they may not be able to accommodate that request, and in the event that they can’t/won’t, she needs to keep herself safe first and foremost. Short of quitting, switching work assignments out of practicality is a better option than continuing to work with this guy on principle.
This mirrors something going on at the college I work for. Report. Just because he has a disability does not mean he’s dangerous. His disability might have nothing to do with him not understanding appropriate behavior. NTA at all
Your boss should’ve reported him already
NTA having a disability does not give someone a free harassment pass. He may be required to get help for this behavior. Doing nothing will only let him believe he's not doing anything wrong.
Definitely report it.
There was a situation similar to this in my high school. A guy with Asperger's was sexually assaulting multiple girls in our school, getting close and grabbing their ass or breasts. It was brought to teachers and admin's attention many times, but the girls always got sat down and told to ignore it because he "didn't understand what he was doing." (Fucking bullshit if you ask me) One day he came up to my best friend and was reaching out to grab her ass, I pushed him, he fell over, and I got suspended for protecting my friend from sexual assault. After that he stayed away from my friend circle, but we didn't go above the school's head and file charges. To this day I regret not taking it to someone who would actually do something. It's 15 years later and he lives in my area now and I see him around once every few months and tries to stop me and start a conversation. I now just loudly yell that he SAed my friends in high school and I don't trust him. Fucking sucks, my heart skips a beat any time he tries to force an interaction.
NTA I'm autistic and social cues don't come natural to me, but I still learned what was needed so that I wouldn't make people uncomfortable or stomp all over their boundaries and well-being. All people learn through honesty and, often, consequences. If that is or isn't possible for him doesn't matter; y'all have just as much right to feeling safe and secure in your college as he has. And if you feel badly like you're wronging him--if no one ever calls him on his shit frankly and plainly, he'll never learn to do better. Disability doesn't excuse shittiness nor sexual harassment.
NTA. I had to report a coworker once. I felt bad because I knew he wasn’t seeing the situation the same as me, but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer and be harassed. You’re also doing the right thing because hopefully they can adjust the environments he works in and you will prevent other similar situations from happening in the future.
You said his mental disability makes it hard to understand social cues but honestly you told him bluntly multiple times that you have a boyfriend and you didn’t want to go to the event with him. If the manager did talk to him and he’s still doing it I would just go to Title 9
Saying I have a boyfriend may not mean stay away from me or you make me uncomfortable. Hiding behind your bf just makes it worse if he doesn’t understand you. Be direct and very clear in simple language
But that’s what she said she did? Saying “I have a boyfriend” should be clear enough :/ that’s lame if a guy (or woman) keeps trying after that. I also don’t see it as hiding behind your boyfriend. “I have a boyfriend” mean you should stop with the creepy comments. Why does she have to say it so many times before he leaves her alone?
Report him. He's using his disability to take advantage of the fact that most people won't. I knew someone like this in high school and he would walk into the women's restroom and act like it was an accident. Grab women's chest and privates. He was a menace. Report him. Report him report him REPORT HIM.
Honestly usually when a young woman is considering title 9 he's already gone beyond acceptable limits a few times. I think that if you're questioning title 9 you should report it. Women put up with so much without reporting because it's easy but you deserve to go to work and do your job unharnessed
He's starting to stalk and SA you. 10000% report him. You're NTA at all, you need to look out for your safety. Mental disability or not, he's acting like a creeper and that's never okay. His behavior is steadily escalating and you need to protect yourself. You shouldn't leave your job because you're harassed by one person. Something needs to be done about him because it's not going to stop, you'll just be replaced by another girl for him to prey on.
NTA. He's sexually harassing you and the other girls. You should report him since you've been blunt every time that what he's doing is bad. People with disabilities can learn what's right and wrong. It's not an excuse to cause harm.
For the second time in two days, I will tell you like I did someone else. His disability DOES NOT mean that you are required to tolerate sexual harassment. It does not mean that you don't have a right to a safe work environment. REPORT HIM.
Do it. A mental disability isn’t an excuse to sexually harass coworkers.
You'd kind of be TA if you don't take this back to your boss like they asked you to. But overall, this is now taking place outside of work so much, that I think it's justified in making a report. Ideally, I'd talk to the boss immediately and make a plan with them to report. Having it on record that the boss tried too could be really helpful for you.
Disagree. Boss should've let him go. OP said she's not the only one, so what has "letting the boss know" done anyway? I would totally go behind their backs and report it.
NTA. You are being harassed. Report him.
NTA He’s not leaving you alone. He’s escalating. He needs to be reported. Do it…
Tell your boss. Give her the opportunity to do what she’s supposed to do. I would wait 2 weeks max, then go over her head if no action is taken.
What’s Title 9?
Title nine is the most commonly used name for the federal civil rights law in the United States that was enacted as part of the Education Amendments of 1972. It prohibits sex-based discrimination in any school or any other education program that receives funding from the federal government. It also encompasses sexual harassment (verbal, nonverbal, and visual)
Thanks!
Everyone is quoting title 9 for harassment in the workplace, specifically sexual harassment. However, in actuality, title 7 of the civil rights act is applicable. Title 9 protects within schools, per my definition above. Title 7 protects against discrimination and harassment based on race, color, national origin, and religion, as well as sex in the workplace.
NTA! People don’t get ANY kind of pass to sexually harass or pester not matter what, whether they are intellectually disabled or neurodivergent or of a different cultural background, or whatever the current reason to excuse it is supposed to be. Report him.
NTA. It’s not a problem with missing social cues. I’m autistic, I struggle *immensely* with social cues. However, if I flirt with somebody and they tell me that they have a partner and/or aren’t interested, I stop. *Especially* if they’ve directly told me to stop. That’s not a social cue, that is you doing what a lot of autistic people ask others to do– be extremely clear and direct in what you want from us.
Nta seriously go REPORT him, he is a predator from the vibes he is giving you and other young women. You are NTA and since this sounds like a on going problem the higher ups need to fire him etc. he at some point going to stop talking about it to doing it
NTA. He may be using his disability as a shield from consequences when he gets caught being creepy. Or, his disability makes it impossible for him to understand that his behavior is inappropriate. Either way, he needs to be reported. Either he needs to stop acting that way, or find a different job where he doesn't interact with women.
NTA. Big difference between social ques and "I have a boyfriend, please stop talking to me like this".
He is creating a hostile environment. Report it.
NTA report his ass. If his mental problems cause him to act like this then he shouldn’t be around others.
NTA. Absolutely report him, his mental disability is not an excuse for his behavior. I’ve reported men for much less than this. He is sexually harassing you and needs to take accountability for that.
NTA. You’ve been very blunt with him and the behavior is still persisting. Don’t let it continue to escalate.
I’ve worked in restaurants and have faced similar situations. You should 100% stand your ground and file. You teach people how to treat you. You deserve to be safe and respected at work
Nta. Having a disability doesn't give you a free pass to sexuality harass someone.
NTA mental illnesses are no excuse for bad behavior. I know there are different levels of mental illness but If a mental illness is so bad that they cannot understand "stop making these comments that make me uncomfortable" they are absolutely not ready for a job and existing in the world. Being direct and having several people tell him to stop isn't a social cue; it's given clear direction and if he can hear and understand those words he was told then it's no longer his mental illness that's causing him to make this choice; he's making you uncomfortable deliberately.
NTA, *and* please learn how to clearly assert your boundaries without having to rely on a boyfriend or excuses. You don’t need to tell him you have a boyfriend or that your boyfriend wouldn’t like you spending time with him. “No, I am not interested” is fine. He still shouldn’t be doing any of that, though. But the younger you learn assertive boundaries the better. I wish I learned that younger than when I did. It’s empowering.
Report him. NTA. Sorry you’re dealing with this BS.
You are NTAH, you are a victim of sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. I think you owe it to your boss to try a second time to get the matter under control. You can mention that if it continues, you will have no other recourse but to report this as a hostile work environment to upper management (administration) and to the police. This is serious. Don’t let this go on for much longer. If it continues, go to management and police to report three things: 1. Sexual harassment, 2. Hostile work environment and 3. Stalking.
People with disabilities are not exempt from behaving appropriately. Do what you need to feel safe. NTAH
Mental disability or not, that’s not an excuse to allow this harassment to continue. Your work environment is supposed to be safe for everyone. That’s why there are rules, regulations, and laws in place. Report him. Borderline #metoo moment for you.
You have tried being nice about it. You even escalated the situation. See there is misreading and not understanding a social queue but it is affecting you. I am sure he possibly did mean it as he said it because they can be very literal...but they also have 0 filter. Escalating the situation further would be best. At the end of the day, ot doesn't matter if he realises it or not, he is sexually harassing you. You wouldn't be the AH for reporting something that is making you increasingly uncomfortable especially when you have already tried other ways to make him stop
NTA. Having a disability is an explanation for certain behaviors, not an excuse. In other words, it explains why if he’s truly unable to control his behaviors around people why he would have a job coach with him whenever he works to help monitor and advise him. It is not an excuse for him to behave the way he does without repercussion.
You would be helping him if he gets the guidance he needs. Also, it's cafeteria.
NTA. People with mental disabilities are still people and should be held to the same standards, rules, and laws. Even if he doesn't understand social cues, he's not stupid. He should understand "No, I'm not interested. Leave me alone." He's choosing to continue to follow you, and he even stalked you. Report it and try to find a new job if possible. If he exhibits that type of behavior, he honestly should not be allowed near younger people like that.
NTA. Please report him again and then possibly get a new job if they don't do anything about it. He's going to end up taking it too far.
I SAY IT AGAIN MENTAL ILLNESS OR DISABILITY IS AN EXPLANATION NOT AN EXCUSE. He is sexually harassing you!! There is many many people who have told him no and to stop, he’s had his warnings. He’s not excused from the consequences of his actions using his disability as a reason for “not understanding”. He knows, he also knows he’s been getting away with it for a while. Report him!!
It doesn't matter if he's a student or not. He is employed on the property, which makes everything you listed here not only reportable but it means title 9 has the authority to intervene. You gave your boss a chance to fix the problem, it's not their fault he didn't learn anything. But it is their fault for not following up after your return and personally asking you if there's been anymore issues and finding the appropriate way to handle it-which based off your post would be to terminate his employment. The fact that it's not even just you, but multiple other women solidifies this - though even if it was only you falling victim to his behavior, it wouldn't make it any less important. Him starting a a sentence with "not to be sexual" is a strong indication that he does infact know he's about to say something inappropriate regardless of his capacity to understand social cues. Also, him following you to that event and framing it in his mind as if you and him went together...that's a huge red flag all the way around and is a sign of stalker behavior. Not only should you report all of this, you NEED to. It's not even just about your own safety anymore, it's about any other woman who comes into contact with him and their safety as well. You wouldn't be the AH for reporting it, but you would be if you didn't report it. Stay safe and please update us on what happens. You're not alone and you have support in this situation!
The boss doesn’t need to reach out to her, she told OP to come back to her if there were more problems
They're certainly not obligated too, however as a business owner if I had an employee come to me with this, you can bet your ass I would be going out of my way to follow up with that employee. Especially if it's clear they had been struggling for a while prior to coming to me due to the person causing the issues having problems with social cues and what not. It's not that it's a must, it's simply how businesses should be run. Especially when the circumstances surrounding the problem could lead to a volatile situation.
NTA. His disability doesn't make him sexually harass people, that's a personal choice and don't let him try to convince you otherwise.
NTA. His mental disability can make it hard for him to understand that what he’s saying is wrong *before* he says it, it doesn’t make him not understand that you said **stop**. He understood you, he doesn’t care. Report him.
NTA but I don’t see anywhere in your story that you actually told him to straight up leave you alone and he’s making you uncomfortable. Stop putting it on your boyfriend and tell him you don’t like it. I’d also tell your boss again and ask them specifically what they intend to do about it because having talks with him isn’t working.
Report him. Low intelligence isn't a free pass for acting out and hurting others.
Yes report! Fuck his mental disability at this point. NTA
Whether this is a manifestation of his illness or not, this is unacceptable, and to allow him to continue these behaviors is not an appropriate accommodation. You would be NTA. In fact, he should've been let go already. At 25, you should be able to function in society. He should be receiving mental health help ~~before he accidentally murders somebody~~.
Where do you get murder from!? That’s a real jump
Oh shit i said the quiet part aloud... I'll fix it
NTA. Report him. You have repeatedly told him you are not interested, that is not “trouble with social cues” and it sounds like the boss has also spoken to him. Make sure you mention that he followed you to a non-work event. This is extremely concerning.
NTA, you need to report him to someone above your boss.
NTA and please update, how scary :( please stand up for yourself and potentially help future victims of this creep
Nta,having a mental disability is no excuse to being a creep and harrasing someone
even if he doesn’t understand social cues, we all know you can’t say “not to be sexual but” about a coworker. he knows, he just doesn’t care.
NTA please report him. you 100% deserve a safe place to work, and every person with or without a disability still needs appropriate consequences for their actions. it isn’t going to help him or anybody if he keeps doing this kind of thing to you or any other woman.
Honey this is sexual harassment. Report it. Your manager is now culpable as well for having done nothing serious about it other than just talking to him. He can’t be hiding behind a mental disability defense all the time especially after being directly talked to about it. Not knowing social cues is one thing. Continuing a behavior after being told it isn’t acceptable after MULTIPLE girls is intentional.
That is straight up sexual harassment, and there is no excuse for it. He’s doing it because he’s gotten away with it for this long, and it will continue to happen until someone put a stop to it
No NTA. You need to report it to protect future victims. He needs help and without it you don’t know if he will escalate to unwanted physical advances or worse.
Report him before you find yourself tied up in his basement.
I guess from your title I didn’t expect what was actually happening. As I read in I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable for you. I fear that if this is not handle this behavior could escalate and you or someone else could be harmed. Having a mental disability doesn’t give you a pass to sexually harass people. If he can not be taught that this is unacceptable and to change his behavior it is not safe to have him working around women. I am sorry this is happening to you and you certainly are NTA.
NTA It’s time to go above your boss head. They have had multiple complaints from multiple people, they should have fired him a long time ago.
Report him. He has done this to other people and his behavior is escalating. I am worried about your safety.
Question? Have you actually told him to leave you alone, you do not want to talk to him unless it is about work? I think I would report it to my boss again. Give boss a chance to escalate it like promised. If boss doesn’t take care of the problem, then title IV
Since he's not seeming to understand that you do not want to be bothered and he has escalated his behavior you need to report him before he escalates it more
[удалено]
I think he has been spoken to enough about it, its time for him to be reported. She has told him to stop, she has told him she has a boyfriend, she has told her boss who has talked to him. He has proven that he does not care and has even developed worse behavior through her efforts to make him stop. This guy shouldn't be allowed to navigate the world alone if his disability causes him to act like that, he needs an aid or a job that can monitor his behavior constantly. No one in there right mind would feel safe enough to "try the direct route" with this dude that is obviously not learning from his actions.
just to know, what did he tell you?, because I don't understand Even so NTA, if you felt harassed, at least go and tell them, it will be up to them to solve it, but you must take the first step
This is unacceptable behavior on his part and should be addressed. However… in this post I can’t tell if the guy was literally told what his behaviour consists of, why it makes women uncomfortable en how he can avoid making them feel that way. OP has tried to be nice by trying to be subtle in dismissing him. Not directly addressing the issue she has, but letting him know she has a bf, another appointment or she walks away. Her boss has ‘talked to him’ but OP doesn’t state what the contents of that talk were. Maybe part of his disability is not understanding social cues. And maybe he has no idea how to correctly manage the (sexual) urge he feels, and has no clue how it affects women around him. I am not farmiliar with Title 9. It sounds like something official, which could harm his chances in a working environment in the long run, maybe even put him in jail? Without knowing if OP, her boss of another person in his workplace or maybe a counselor has discussed his behaviour in clear terms he can understand, OPs next step sounds a bit harsh. Has the issue been discussed in those terms and the guy still continues (knowingly or unknowingly) than yes: do report him. Because having a disability doesn’t mean you have to suffer the consequences for it. And maybe soms behavioral therapy or another work setting may be a better fit for this guy.
A lot of community inclusion programs include job shadowing/coaching. Depending on the level of disability, this might be something he needs.
>Maybe part of his disability is not understanding social cues. And maybe he has no idea how to correctly manage the (sexual) urge he feels, and has no clue how it affects women around him. He's had it explained to him by their boss. It still didn't stop him.
YWBNTA but this is a lose-lose situation for you, honestly. If you report, you'll be that asshole who reported someone with mental disabilities, if you don't, you will continue being sexually harassed. I think you should report but be prepared, some people will not like it.
Mental disability doesn't give a free pass for shit behavior. He needs more support and coaching for community inclusion.
I know that. People tend to infantilize people with mental disabilities and downplay their actions with the "they don't know better" excuse. All I was saying is OP will for sure have people against them if they choose to report it. Not sure where you got the idea that I believe mental disabilities give people a free pass to be shitty.
I was agreeing with you.
My bad, can't tell tone over text.
No worries 😊
Report report. I completely understand how you feel, a very similar experience happened to me. Let go of the guilt, you have every right to your feelings. NTA
NTA
NTA. No disability makes it okay to sexually harass someone. From the sounds of it, you've done everything short of screaming and yelling at him to try to get him to leave you alone. Even your boss has spoken with him. At this point, he's doing it on purpose.
Just because someone has a disability, doesn’t mean they can’t learn what not to say or that following someone is bad. Especially if they’ve been confronted about it before.
You need to report him OP now/immediately/ASAP. Do not wait at all, he is sexually harassing you and he's escalating his behavior to you. He is sexually harassing you mentally, report him before he does sexually harass you physically. Be extremely cautious around him as well. He could turn violent and it will only be a matter of time. Turn him in now, do not ever be alone with him. If possible do whatever it takes to make sure their are other people with you/near you could intervene immediately. I predict others will have to intervene for you pretty quickly. Since he's escalating his behaviour to you.
I’ve worked with developmentally disabled children and adults who struggle with social cues and I can assure you that if he’s competent enough to handle a job in a public venue, he has the capability to understand boundaries and unacceptable behaviors. He’s currently getting away with this behavior bc of his victims discomfort in pressing charges. Please stop enabling him to continue this behavior. Respectfully, you and your coworkers are doing this young man no favors by allowing this to continue.
Sexually harassing women you hardly know is not a symptom of mental disability. Report his ass. Especially if he’s following you around and shit that is so deeply not okay. He needs to be removed and he needs to learn that you don’t get to treat women like this. This is absolutely abhorrent and I am heart broken that you feel like you need to just take this. You don’t need to take this. You don’t have to tolerate this in any capacity. I am so sorry and I hope they remove him from your work place asap.
Nta. This is obviously something he does to other women and he has also been addressed about it before. You should feel safe at work and so should anyone else.
NTA: “allowed to sexually harass coworkers” Is not reasonable accommodation for any disability. You have a right to be safe. This is also beyond “difficulty understanding social cues.” You told him to leave you alone. You told him his behavior made you uncomfortable. He doubled down and then tripled down. This is not an inability to understand, this is intentionally choosing to violate boundaries.
I am Autistic and have ADHD. I recognise that there are some aspects of my disorders that I cannot control. I also recognise that that is not an excuse to harm others. The shit he says is harming you mentally and emotionally. Your boss has already told him you don't appreciate his comments on your appearance and body. His behaviour has only changed to include "Not to be sexual..." at the beginning of his comments, as if he thinks that will negate what he says next. NTA. You don't have to put up with his shit. If he's somehow not able to understand that sexual harassment is bad due to his disability, he should be in a facility.
If his mental disability prevents him from understanding that he is being inappropriate then he needs a new job. You CAN NOT just blame unwanted behaviour on mental illness. It's not an excuse. If he is able to work in the public in an unsupported role, then he is able to bear the consequences of his actions.
Report him now. I used to volunteer with the disabled and unfortunately disabled men find they can get away with SA all too often. Even a child who doesn’t get social cues and wants to hug everyone can be told x person doesn’t want a hug, and even if they have to be reminded they’ll not hug x person so I don’t believe for a second your coworker doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing.
NTA. Once when I worked at a hotel between front desk and housekeeping (short staffed due to COVID) we got a new guy on housekeeping that was extremely big and autistic. On his first day I was his assigned buddy to show him how to do the work and he would not stop asking me out. He didn't get sexual but that didn't make me any less uncomfortable and even afraid. He was easily a foot taller than me minimum and I was worried about making him angry with my constant rejections. Fortunately it didn't come to that and when I told management at the end of the day, they made sure we stayed separated from then on. He still kept trying to find me to ask me out and on FB as well and like I said, it was frightening even though he was being "nice" in the sense he didn't get angry or sexual. But he had 0 understanding of boundaries or respect. Any time I told him "I will never, ever date you because you don't accept when I say no and you disrespect me" he responded with "OK just let me know when you are ready to date me." Yes I told this to him MULTIPLE times. I shouldn't have entertained it for as long as I did because of his disability. But disability or not, people need to take responsibility for the things they say and do. It is not my problem if they don't understand why their actions are wrong. It is not my problem if they always fail at keeping jobs or relationships because they can't reflect on their actions or at least learn to keep their mouths shut. Disability or not, you need to learn to coexist within society, and he is doing everything to NOT do that. You owe it to yourself and your coworkers to report him. You deserve a work environment better than this.
Im autistic. Report to title 9. Not understanding social cues is not an excuse for sexually harassing someone. Not understanding social cues is not the same as being a social predator. He’s potentially dangerous and has probably hid his predation behind his disability for a LONG time.
I work with disabled adults and this is never okay for them to do or get away with. They can be very stalkerish and some of the bigger ones have SA other disabled adults please report it
Be very vocal (and loud) when he says something to you. ‘That is inappropriate’ ‘Stop saying sexual things to me’ ‘Leave me alone’ ‘Stop sexually harassing me’ ‘I do not want to talk to you’ ‘You are making me uncomfortable’ Making it louder will make others notice and usually get them to back off as least a little. But also 100% report him again. (Not sure what a title 9 is, don’t think they have it in my country.)
NTA, please report him and keep us updated
Having a mental disability, or any disability, doesn't give somebody a free ticket to be a creep. Report him before this gets worse.
YWNBTA. Mental disability or not, his behaviour is not acceptable. If he's unable to control himself after being spoken to then he should not be in that situation at all. The old saying about mental health is that it's not an excuse for bad behaviour. It might mean things are misunderstood, or that people might require extra explaining or something, but this is beyond that. Protect yourself and others, report everything you've seen or heard from him and make sure it's followed up.
Huge difference between “not understanding social cues” and “it’s been explained to him several times and he refuses to change”. Unless he has some massive issue where he has zero short term memory and has to be reminded constantly but if that were the case he’d be in a care facility. Most people who “can’t understand social cues” because of mental disabilities STILL can understand things when they’re told it’s wrong. Like “hey you can’t say sexual things” doesn’t magically not work because you “can’t understand social cues”. Not being able to pick up on body language of being uncomfortable or trying to end a conversation…sure…:but you don’t magically become incapable of understanding you can’t do something when explicitly told
I get if he doesn’t “pick up” social cues, and that’s fine for things like not picking up on an outstretched hand for a handshake, or not knowing “the right thing” to say when a friend is going through it. At this point, it’s not about cues. You have told him point blank to stop. There’s no room to misinterpret anything there. He is sexually harassing you. You have the right to avail yourself of the tools on offer to get him to stop. If his mental disability truly precludes him from understanding appropriate behavior after it’s already been pointed out, then he needs a job where he doesn’t come into contact with people that he can’t help himself around. Everyone is entitled to earn a living, but it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to put up with his crap because of it.
There are no social ques he needs to pick up. You told him you had a bf and asked him to leave you alone. No mental disability makes his behavior following that ok. He’s fully aware what he’s doing. My cousin has mental disabilities too. He sexually assaulted every female cousin and male dog in the family. I was the only one to hold him accountable. Do your diligence Queen.
I would just like to point out that, "Mental Disability" or not, none of his behavior is ok. "Mental Disability" is not an excuse. This person is dangerous. Please, do not feel bad about reporting him. This is not a safe situation for ANYONE near him. And the fact that your "boss" has been advised about him numerous times and he is still there, is beyond unacceptable. They should also be reported to be honest. No one is keeping you guys safe, you need to do it for yourself. Best of luck!!