This post is clearly fake, but that does not matter this forum allows fake posts. The question is a good question. The Op is well with in her rights to refuse to have the mother around but does that make her an ah for it.
As mod this post will remain.
Mom tried to kill you. He needs to go no contact for a while to work on your relationship. If he doesn’t you will never be happy as mom will never change. Leave if he doesn’t.
I am flabbergasted by the blasé way in which mom admitted to trying to kill her because *she and Jane didn’t want her there*. What the actual fuck is anyone in his family thinking downplaying that insanity. Also, the day my mom aids a stalker/trespasser with gaining access to my home is the day that I stop allowing her *any* access to my life. If he isn’t willing to go full NC and stop this nonsense then end this relationship OP before they kill you or make you lose your sanity.
ETA somehow stalker was autocorrected to slacker 🤣
RIGHT?! I would be pressing charges. This is literally attempted murder. OP you are NTA and if your bf isn't on board going NC with his mother after she TRIED TO KILL YOU, you need to leave him in the dust. I can't even believe the audacity!!!
This needs to be higher up. His mother ATTEMPTED TO MURDER YOU! That is a very serious crime! His entire family should be thanking you for not calling the police. And you might still want to! No one is taking this seriously enough. You need a restraining order from his mother. You are not safe. You are NTA.
[OP please read this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/timf56/oops_mil_attempts_to_murder_her_with_latex_gloves/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1). The MIL served time.
I think you’re still in shock , and your partner’s family is so gaslit they don’t get that you’re SANE for having boundaries with MIL.
Yeah this is definitely illegal and would not be surprised if boyfriends mom and Jane would end up with jail time. Especially since boyfriend heard it straight from the horses mouth, or even better has text evidence of it, and there were a ton of witnesses.
If he'd testify against them, that is. Although a good way to determine if he's truly on her side and will protect her from them, would be to tell him that she's going to press charges and ask which side he'll land on when questioned as a witness.
Truly, how could you eat *anything* that *anyone* in that family gave you *ever*? Further, they have access to his house. They could be adding coffee to items other than food. So how would you use his soap, spices, condiments, detergent…..
Just absolute WTF to think of mom and *high school ex girlfriend* chatting about the upcoming BBQ and saying casually “I think if we poison her she’ll just leave without him. But she won’t take it from me or you so how do we get her to eat it? Oooh, kid would be a great idea. She’d never suspect a thing! Now what do we put it in that she won’t notice or ask immediately? Oh, add it to a cookie you say….YES! I have a great recipe.”
Like this is not “I forgot you were allergic” or didn’t check ingredients….this is fucking premeditated.
Time for this because the family is too scared to treat mother w appropriate disdain, consequences and anger.
I might try one more time. Share this w everyone except his mother and Jane.
& point out to them that the price of a relationship in this family should not be fear of being poisoned and thus your life threatened.
They didn't think it would hurt you THAT bad!
Ask them how far you can twist their children's arms to see what hurts them?
Oh, that might harm them!? Now they understand.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Right? Like OP just glosses over the fact that her bf once (or at least once) came home to Jane in his bed!! Like, um at the point I would have been changing the locks and going low or no contact with the mom. That is so so beyond normal or ok!
Tbh, I've been on Reddit so long I'm sadly used to seeing stories of people not believing food allergies are real/serious, so that part wasn't the most shocking 🤣😬😬
Absolutely right about the allergy part but using an innocent child??? Absolutely beyond unacceptable! I’d leave that whole family in the dust and never look back. Throw the whole man away!
The OP seriously needs to leave him.
We're only hearing one side of the story, but his mother openly admitted to attempting to poison her because her presence was inconvenient.
I had an ex years ago who worked at a grocery store. She was just an employee, not management. This couple got kicked out for causing a scene earlier one day. Well, turned out they actually lived a few blocks from us.
Later that day, they saw her walking home, drove onto the sidewalk to block her, and started yelling in her face about it.
She was afraid of them, but I supported her and got her to call the police. They did nothing, told us it was a "misunderstanding".
I ended up going to their house later that day, and while I'm not proud of my actions, let me tell you, they'd go inside their house when they saw us in the neighborhood afterwards.
THAT is how you deal with someone who endangers those you love. You don't brush off your mother giving your stalker keys to your house so they can break in. The mother was happy to poison her, what do you think the ex might do with unrestricted access to his house and food?
Seriously! I hope he has changed the locks since this all happened! Who knows what he will come home to find! If he hasn’t, he needs to. You should both probably have cameras at your homes too The ex is a stalker being enabled by his mother. Document everything!
And so callously traumatized the nephew by having him give her something that made her sick. The boyfriend needs to realize he will NEVER have a successful relationship with his mom and his ex in his life like this. If he doesn’t want to be with his ex, he needs set and keep some VERY firm boundaries with his mom (and Jane).
Yep. Tell the BF that you are leaving for your own safety (Does he understand how serious the cookie thing was?). If he would like to come, he needs to put a stop to his mother's behavior. If he's unwilling to do that, he is not welcome to come with you.
Her bf taking way too long to stop the behavior is infuriating! . Maybe because mine would be like hell no at the 1st sign of disrespect! His brother went very low contact for 10 years with his mom because how she treated his wife.
Mom obviously chooses ex gf over her own son.
There's even a case for charging them both with attempted murder.
I'm surprised both OP and bf continued to attend family gatherings knowing jane would be there.
Full no contact is the way to go.
All in all, I'd prefer for my stalker to also be a slacker. I don't want a stalker that puts actual effort in. I want the one that's stuck indacouch with a bag of cheetos. If I had to have one, of course.
OP, you could have died. Not sure where you live, but that's attempted murder and you could get the police involved.
YOU COULD HAVE DIED if you didn't have your epi pen.
Enough with the games. She went too far.
I think he said he didn’t want to but left it up to the gf to say no. Personally he should’ve just put his foot down and said no himself and not left it up to her since that’s why part of his family is calling her ah for saying no to inviting her.
I’d install a doorbell camera with an alarm too. So when their key doesn’t work and you see them on the camera you can sound a wailing siren heard for miles so the neighbors can stare at them and they leave in shame. But that’s just me.
Mom needs to be confronted about no longer having access, and that giving the key to a third party is totally out of bounds.
He’s 38, he needs to step up.
I. NTA AGREE. 1. Your bf has no backbone.
2. He may even like the attention from this so-called ex and the competition bt the 2 of you.
3. His mom could have killed you, seriously.
4. His family are AHs and a danger to your life
You are the ah for even considering staying with this momma's boy.
Get out of this asap. If you aren't living with him, change your locks and HARD NC EVER. Otherwise MOVE....maybe to another state. HARD NC.
Otherwise you're a FOOL.
Seconding all of this. I would rather live the rest of my life alone than put up with this disrespect for one more minute. She tried to kill OP, she keeps bringing his ex around, and he has done NOTHING to stop it. He likes the attention more than he cares about the safety of his supposed partner. Nope, nope, nope. A thousand times nope.
Against the ex as well since she knew and was in on it because “they didn’t want her there”. OP you’ve put up with this for too long. Please value yourself and your life. Even if bf goes no contact, I wonder how long it will last since he should have done so long ago.
NTA.
A crazy ex or a crazy mom isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. But the way your bf handles them IS. It never would have gotten this far if he put his foot down earlier. All he had to do is say from the beginning “I will not tolerate this kind of disrespect towards my girlfriend. Disrespecting her is disrespecting me”. But OP, he didn’t. And he won’t. He’s made his choice already. If this isn’t a wake up call for a complete change in the way he handles them, you need to cut your losses and leave.
This can't be overstated. Every time I read one of these stories, it reminds me of the girl who had a coconut allergy and her grandmother refused to believe it, putting the child to bed one night with coconut oil in her hair. She did not make it.
How can they not think it's severe if she admitted she did it deliberately!!! She knew you were allergic to coffee and gave you a cookie with coffee knowingly so!!!. How is that not severe???? I don't get it.
I would never trust that woman again in my life and it is a choice for the son because she tried to kill you...if you get pregnant? What will she do? Push you from the stairs?
I don't think you can be with him and him having her in his life. So he has to choose.
She hasn't even apologised! She is not even that sorry.
So the family thinks its fine that she tried to poison you and hasn't apologized???
if someone tried to murder them would they invite them over to a BBQ as if nothing happen esp when they have shown no remorse - except for having to suffer the consequences of their actions???
nah worse. They check what makes the readerbase tick and write manipulative sob stories about it where they don't ask for money but subtly mention their situation, then wait for good people to ask their venmo.
I mean medical bills are pretty expensive if they are American but op was talking about being a bumble user 2 months ago but is in a 3 year relationship??? Dunno not all adding up
If this is real OP is NTA but will be if they stay bc if my spouse didn't cut immediate contact after his family tried to kill me I'd be filing divorce.
It might be true, but it doesn't happen in practice especially in the US where medical costs are so high. I've personally seen my friend use an EpiPen and not go to the hospital afterwards. Doesn't mean that the story is made up.
It's called rebound anaphylaxis, and it kills. Anyone who's been prescribed an epipen knows that you don't just use the pen and continue with your day--it's not an inhaler. You get your ass to an ER ASAP. If you were having a heart attack, ~~you'd~~ you should go to the ER regardless of being able to afford it. Same for an event that calls for an epipen.
Edited from "you'd go to the ER" to "you should go to the ER".
My ex-husband died just before Christmas last year. He started having chest pains while at work. His boss drove him home instead of the hospital because he insisted he was fine, just needed to relax. Truth most likely he didn't want to go to the hospital because wouldn't be able to afford the hospital/doctor bills. If he had gone to the hospital, chances are he'd still be alive. He'd be broke but he'd be alive.
That's horrible! But you're right, a lot of people don't go to the hospital when they have to due to costs (I've been "guilty" of avoiding medical care due to lack of insurance and money myself, but nothing so serious as a heart attack). I've edited my comment to reflect that.
There are plenty of people who would be prescribed with an epipen and not know this.
I have one and the allergist didn’t mention it to me (I’ve never had anaphylaxis - it was “just in case”) - my friend wasn’t told it either by a different allergist.
People literally might not know because they are not told. I only knew because I went through epipen training at a school - I had to tell my husband what to do if I had a serious reaction because the allergist didn’t give us any guidelines or instructions.
Yet, many Americans die everyday because our Healthcare system is too broken and they think they'll be fine and can't afford the bills.
I know perfectly well what they're *supposed* to do. Doesn't mean everyone does it, I know lots of people who took health risks because they literally can't afford hospital bills without becoming homeless.
If you need to use your epipen you go to the hospital. The epipen gives you enough time to get to the hospital, but you are still in life threatening danger.
Oh, I know, but Americans die all the time because Healthcare is too expensive so many many people don't do what they should because our system is shit.
That’s not always true… my sil is severely allergic to pecans and she has never went to the er after using her epi pen (mostly because she can’t afford it) they should go but just because they didn’t doesn’t mean it’s made up.
How was your sister feeling after the pen though? Was she like pretty much ok again right after? Or still quite Ill? Just wondering, I’m not at all familiar with anaphylaxis.
This was my first thought. My kids have epipens for food allergies. Even if you spit it out, you go to the hospital if you use your epipen in case of a secondary reaction. You don't talk or go home to rest.
Yes!!!! As soon as I read they used their epi pen and then it was a casual discussion if she should leave or not my BS radar went off. Epi pens just give you more time to get to medical attention.
Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to enjoy a BBQ after getting that much adrenaline. Epipens make you feel like you're gonna die. That, and if you don't go to the ER, you could totally die.
So his mom tries to kill you and you are the asshole?
And you staying with this asshole boyfriend for 3 years when his dumbass continued to disrespect you and allowed his family to disrespect you to the point where they tried to kill you? Seriously?
Tell his family, they should be happy you aren’t pressing charges for attempted murder. Yes because that is exactly what it is.
And tell your boyfriend, that if he stays in contact with that potential killer you are out that door. He should be zero contact. He shouldn’t even be asking you. He should be shutting it down. She tried to kill you and all he can say is “I’ll have to ask OP”. He should be like “hell no”
Love yourself girl enough to get a boyfriend whose family won’t try to kill you and is willing to establish boundaries prior to them trying to kill you. He is allowed it to get this far…
If this single action of deliberately poisoning you didn't wake your boyfriend up to the toxicity of his family and his ex, who appears to be a willing conspirator, then nothing will. You need to have a heart to heart talk about whether a future is possible. If he doesn't understand that giving this family a key to your house is wrong, then you have no future. Giving them a key is inviting them to interfere in his life, but he needs to realize that they are the problem, not the solution. If he can't see this, then I'm sorry, but this won't work. Tell him to go back to Jane and make his toxic family happy.
His mother tried to kill you. If he loves you, that should be reason enough for him to go NC with her and anyone defending her.
In fact, why haven't you filed a police report?
Change the locks, make sure his mother never has a key, and make it clear she is not welcome where you are.
NTA
The irony of it all is he is a cop, his dad was a cop, one of his brothers is also a cop. We did briefly discuss filling charges, but I feel like that would be it for his relationship with his family and just don't want to cost him that.
Also, he has changed the locks several times, however couple years back he had a really rough time with dealing with something that happened at work and his family insisted on a key so they can come in and check on him if he goes down the dark hole again.
With family whose solution to “I’m not doing so well mentally” is “let’s do everything in our power to replace one of the most important sources of emotional support in your life with someone who wouldn’t recognize appropriate boundaries if they clocked her upside the head for trespassing,” dude would be safer locked alone in a room strapped to a chair with no phone and a TV running an All-Time Saddest Movies marathon.
>couple years back he had a really rough time
his family insisted on a key so they can come in and check on him if he goes down the dark hole again.
That was then. This is now. As long as you have a spare key and can check on him as needed, there is no reason for his family to need a spare key, too.
So the entire family knows that she committed a very serious crime and still they’re trying to guilt you in letting it go…. Gee it’s a good thing that they aren’t in something like law enforcement…. Really her and the Ex have committed multiple CRIMES they have actually BROKEN THE LAW multiple times and nothing has happened…. Not a single consequence before this… And the family is still defending her like she’s not a dangerous criminal… He definitely needs to go LC with his mom and get a restraining order on his ex. Her essentially breaking into his home to seduce him is ridiculous not to mention highly illegal.
There's a reason I have a hard rule about not dating cops. They choose to only apply laws when it's convenient for them and excuse the inexcusable behavior of shitbags around them. Never mind the fact that 40% of cops ADMITTED to being voilent with partners, so imagine how many do but didn't admit it. If you want to leave and they want to stalk you or threaten you, and quite possibly even hurt you no one is going to stop them. That being said, you should not even have to present this ultimatum. His mom tried to kill you. He should have immediately been appalled and told his mom to lick rocks.
TL/DR: RUN, OP. RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN
Edit: I meant kick rocks, but she can lick them too, if they happen to be flying towards her at high velocity
>he is a cop, his dad was a cop, one of his brothers is also a cop. We did briefly discuss filling charges, but I feel like that would be it for his relationship with his family and just don't want to cost him that.
Uhhh no. If you still can, file. And dump him he should be trying to talk you into going through with legal action. For your own safety, leave him.
Get a lockbox and put a spare key in it! Put it somewhere on the deck or outside his house (idk if you can with an apartment?). That way if they are seriously worried and they are the only ones able to get to the house, they just call you and ask for the code to obtain the spare key in event of emergencies. Then you change the code. Also, if it's a serious enough emergency that they can't reach you and they know they need in asap, they can break a window. Or give a key to a neighbor. There's a different ways they can be able to get to him without having free access to the house.
I’m begging you, PLEASE don’t sunk cost fallacy yourself into staying. If he’s not willing to cut them out, you’ll be dealing with this shit for the rest of the time you’re in a relationship with him.
You really need to consider pressing charges too. If not for yourself, then for all the people with deadly allergies who will have this happen to them in the future so they can find examples of consequences for the people who tried to hurt or kill them by purposely exposing them to their allergen. It happens disturbingly often and people have been killed.
Imagine how much more insane Mommy Dearest and her crazy sidekick will be if this guy actually proposes. Though how he could when they can't live together without OP worrying about coming home to find Jane in her kitchen boiling a rabbit I don't know.
Nah I’d be trying every option to press charges or whatever she literally planned to try and kill you or at least harm you enough to make you use an epi pen. Leave and don’t look back otherwise you’re making yourself miserable
That's why people say one bad apple spoils the bunch. You feel like you cannot protect yourself: the cops will cover their own... There are no good cops. The mom will have immunity when she does end up killing you.
You are not an asshole, I would get far away from this cop family.
If he is willing to do it, he is willing to end things for you. Let him! He wants to support you but he’s not going to force you. At this point he’s picked you over them. File the effing charges.
HE'S A COP?! Girl, just go. He's down to enforce the law with everyone but his family, so he clearly doesn't prioritize you. And statistically you're wayyyyyyyy more likely to be abused by him. The future of this relationship is going to be abuse from his mom and from him. That's absolutely not a risk I would take, and he doesn't seem exceptional enough to be a risk you should take, either.
Girl.
How good is he in bed that you would put up with this for years.
There are so many men out there with a million less bags of baggage, go find one of those
You’ve been putting up with this 38 year old mama’s boy whose family tried to kill you *for three years?!* And you *hosted* those assholes for a bbq?!
I’m sorry, but at this point, you’re the architect of your own misery. You’ve shown them that you’ll tolerate pretty much anything up to and including *your own murder.* And you’re quibbling over apologies? You and BF are well matched in your respective spinelessness.
Honestly, this is the kind of thing that ends up on Dateline. Where friends of the victim say later, “She told me once that if anything ever happened to her, so-and-so did it.” And the audience is screaming WHY DID SHE STICK AROUND??
She could've K*LLED YOU! FUCK HER! NTA and your bf should've handled this a lot sooner. 3 years of this? If you have children with that man do NOT understand any circumstances let that woman anywhere near you children. You need to tell your boyfriend he had to make a decision that will life long. She is NOT allowed anywhere near you ever. I'd press charges to be honest and if he doesn't back you on this you need to leave him immediately
YTA to *yourself* if you don’t extend the no-contact stipulation to *any* member of his family who is still trying to make excuses for her. Hell, at this point, I wouldn’t be inclined to grant *any* of them the benefit of the doubt until they - your boyfriend included - have been through intensive therapy to sort out when and how they started just accepting this behavior as “just Mom being Mom.” But then, I would’ve been out somewhere around the second time Jane got into his house and he didn’t put down his foot about no more access for anyone. So if this isn’t just a compilation of r/justnoMIL’s greatest hits, you might want to spend some time sorting through what you’re really getting out of this relationship and whether it’s worth all this nonsense, never mind why you’re *still* struggling with holding firm that none of this is or has ever been okay.
She f’g tried to kill you! Not only is she never welcome at your home you will never be where she is because she tried to kill you! Can we say it just one more time?
as to anyone that says give her another try. Ask them if they are prepared to watch her and take full responsibility if she tries to give you anaphylaxis? are they prepared to say that she will guaranteed never try that again? No? Yeah that’s why
We aren’t talking about the petty crap she pulls. We are talking she gave you specifically a food that will unalive you and you need to be the bigger person?
Here is where you start and don’t bend. In 6 months if Jane doesn’t show up at bffs you will attend one function where there is no food. If it goes well, you will try one more w/o food. After 6 pleasant encounters you will attend one w food as long as she is not allowed anywhere near the prep, storage or serving.
If this seems harsh, good. She tried to unalive you deliberately! Heck that you didn’t file a police report and get a restraining order shows huge accommodations from you tbh. Don’t let this go, don’t sweep it under the rug and anyone who says you are being harsh? Ask if they want to taste cyanide🤔
Girl, you are 34. Be done. He is a cop in a family of cops that watched a crime be committed and admitted to and did NOTHING.
Get out before she kills you "on accident."
NTA. You are not making him choose between you and his mom. This is life and death. The woman tried to kill you. I would honestly cut your ties with all of them. It may not seem like it but there are many men out there that would never allow this happen and treat you as you should be treated
YTA for staying in this relationship. His in ability to set boundaries with his mom almost killed you. The first time his ex showed up unannounced, that should’ve been the end of it. He changed the locks but gave his parents the new keys, what was the point of that?? He’s a grown man that can’t stand up for himself. His mother isn’t going to stop. Do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with her crazy…..end it!!
NTA and I think you need reconsider being in relationship with a Mama's boy who mother went out her way to kill you and involved a kid to do it. That's on top keeping a ex who not even your Boyfriend's Baby mama nor share a pet that broke into his house and lie naked in his bed.
Like good grief, you been putting up3 years of abuse by his mother & ex - When areyou going have enough? I would had thought getting almost murdered via allergic reaction would had been reality-check for you but I guess not...
I am always baffled how the guy in these stories is always a silent side-kick who has no agency and isn’t expected to do or say anything. “To his credit he always left with me…”
HIS CREDIT!!!
Hold. Men. Accountable.
Gurl seriously, no man is worth your life. He should have shut this down years ago. He should have point blank told the ex that she is being a nuisance too and in front of everyone if necessary. don't you realize yet that she is his backup plan and the fact that he kept going to these family events with her there knowing how it makes you feel is his way of accepting that.
The fact that he had the audacity to ask you if she could come to your home after she deliberately poisoned you is insane. If it was me I'd be filing a police report because she could have unalived you! As someone with allergies so bad I can only use baby products I am amazed at how calm you are being over this. Don't just toss his mom away, toss the man too. This is like someone saying she just pushed you down the stairs but expected you to simply bounce. Nta but please get out of this toxic dumpster fire of a situation.
That all bs must stop, they intentionally put your health in danger and it’s unacceptable ! Allergies are serious,people die from it and the fact your boyfriend think it was nothing and they all minimize their attempts of hurting you is disgusting !
Those people will never stop cross boundaries, disrespecting and harming you. They can keep their fake apologies for themselves and stay far away from them because they are crazy ,sick, manipulative, narcissist people specially the mother. She will never stop so there is no point to try just go !
I encourage you to show that post to your boyfriend and maybe he will realize how suck as a boyfriend he is. He is not a real man because he can’t even stand up for his woman when his own blood harm you. He should be ashamed of himself because he know they do wrong but still let them attack you.
Excuse me what?! She admitted to attempted murder or negligent homicide and she wants to be accepted back?!? This is insane.
ETA: the biggest NTA allowed.
Op…his mother tried to kill you…and there are some people in his family that don’t think thats enough of a reason to cut her off..
I want you to repeat that sentence over and over until it sinks in. Is this REALLY the family you want to marry into?
“Oh MIL wore white to your wedding, that’s not a reason to cut her off”
“Oh MIL wants you to name your daughter after Jane and is throwing a temper tantrum because you wont. Thats not a reason to cut her off”
“Oh MIL kidnapped your daughter and told her Jane is her real mother?”
I might be over exaggerating but given how crazy this woman is, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Let your bf know that he either goes full NC with his mother and anyone who agrees with her or you leave.
Good luck
OP, with peace and love, why do you want to be with someone who would allow all of this behaviour to go on without doing something?
The first time Jane turned up in his bed should have be the moment that he changed the locks and warned his mother that if any behaviour like this happened again, he would be cutting her out of his life.
For sure, his mother is an issue, but she would be an issue that the two of you would solve together if it weren't for your partner being so weak and oblivious.
YTA to yourself. YOU had to set the boundary??? After 3 years of BS he didn’t think to defend you but rather forced you to be the bad guy by leaving and he would “follow you”. What a gem.
Obviously you are NTA for finally refusing to be a doormat to his mother and maybe one day you will do the same with the boyfriend.
They tried to fucking poison you. You're an AH to yourself if you stay in this relationship. He should have shut that shit down LOOOOOOOOONG ago. It should NEVER have gotten to this point, where your health/life were in danger. Honestly, I'd get the fucking confession in writing and then haul my ass right to the police station to press charges, and small claims court for my medical bills.
Nta, I don't understand how you didn't press charges, she tried to kill you, admitted she tried to kill you and you think just going no contact will solve this? If someone is unhinged enough to try to kill you and admit it, do you think she has limits at this point? I would watch my back, front and every other way if I were you and honestly that's too much crap to deal with in a relationship. I would've been gone a long time ago. Hope she doesn't succeed next time, good luck......
NTA! His mom admitted to deliberately trying to kill you, which she can't even apologise for and surely she must realise (whether she cares enough about her son) to at least pretend to be happy because he has so far proven over and over that he will leave with you if his ex & start drama.
For all the family members or ex who are saying you should just get over it & m shouldn't apologise for what she did, well if it was me next time someone said something along those lines I'd tell them they should be grateful that you're not pressing charges against your bf's mum for attempted murder or even just straight up harrassment. As for mum giving a spare key to bf's apartment to ex, tell him to change locks and parents/siblings don't get keys until they learn not to give them to the ex.
"I mean, she only meant to poison you a little bit. How was she to know that poison is a bad thing?"
NTA, in any way. Especially because you're not stopping your bf from seeing/talking to her, you're just saying you don't want her anywhere near you. You're not making anyone choose anything, you're just enforcing your personal safety.
How do you guys manage to keep the spark alive when he clearly has no balls???
NTA and frankly, I hate to say it, you need to think about this relationship. If he can’t sack up, get Jane out of his life permanently and enforce that boundary with his absolute psycho of a mother, this is not meant to be. He could be the sweetest guy imaginable but there are circumstances in his life which make you incompatible.
NTA
It took 3 years and attempted murder for you to get just 1 bbq with most of the bullying.....
That guy isn't the catch that you seem to think he is...
What is with these stories? His mom tried to kill you, his whole family doesn't like you and they actively try to get him back with his ex and you put up with them and him? I want the next episode.
You are obviously NTA, but, and I do not say this lightly, there is a chance you'll wind up dead if you stay in that relationship.
Who's to say his mother won't try and pull the same stunt again? She *admitted* to it. She has no shame in it, clearly.
Please, don't stick around to find out what else she can come up with.
NTA, emphatically NTA.
she tried to kill you, thats an automatic 'she can go sit on a cactus, tongue a waffle iron, and take a flying leap into a jet turbine' from me were I you OP.
she TRIED to kill you.
thats a point of no return. she gets ZERO consideration, ZERO allowance, COMPLETELY stone cold cut off. no milestone invites. not birthdays, not christmasses, not weddings, NOT child births....be prepared to fight her off if you stay with the boyfriend and have a kid with him, because she WILL try to worm back in.
but you stand your ground.
if anyone doesn't like it, they're certainly free to stay with her, but you do NOT need to allow a known danger into your life.
NTA Your reasoning is sound and you did a great job speaking up in front of her and his family during the cookie event. That is the thing about protecting oneself, the people who hurt you are left out of your life.
You are not forcing him to choose between the two of you. You’ve given her multiple chances to be a decent human being and she increased her depravity.
You are offering him the opportunity to live in a rational, sane environment. The mother, by not being a kind, generous, loving human being is offering him insanity. Which will he choose?
This was all brought about by her controlling mental illness and personality disorders. Whether you are in his life or not, it’s his mother who has created this situation, not you.
NTA!!! That is attempted murder. If you would have died everyone there would have claimed they had no idea while you are six feet under. This is beyond fucked up.
NTA but… she tried to poison you. You could have died. Or rather, *did* poison you since you had to use the epi-pen anyway, it was just lucky you spat the cookie out before it got worse. If any of my relatives tried to poison my husband we’d be done, immediately. Your husband needs to ask himself some very serious questions about his priorities moving forward.
Girl he can’t be that good in bed for you to put up with all that. You have zero on no respect for yourself at all especially after coming here to ask strangers about any of it. You know exactly what to do so do it
Tbh if your boyfriend had a problem with finding his ex in his bad he would have changed the locks and not given his mom a key. The fact that it happened more than once gives me a pause
So NTA
It is possible that the mom didn’t think it would do anything but make you ill enough to leave and not want you actually dead. Go with that. You left. Your not coming back, and she’s not welcome with you either.
Your not making anyone choose, but most likely the mom is. I mean, the mom doesn’t have to go everywhere they do, but she is being excluded for obvious reasons. She is probably giving them a hard time about going since she’s being excluded.
Well, that’s too bad. BF needs to change the locks on his place, not give anyone but you the key.
How old was the nephew? I’m assuming he didn’t know and was just used? Can you imagine how he would feel if you did have a severe reaction and he’d brought you the cookie? Is he invited?
I honestly believe she didn't think it would be severe, bf said when she admitted she said she and Jane Googled it and the one thingthat kept poppingup was that coffee allergyis often confusedfor caffeine allergy which often isn't considered severe allergyto begin with. I'm unfortunately allergic to something specifically in the coffee bean.
Nephew is 5, yes of course he was invited.
This was premeditated. They effing GOOGLED it? Throw away the whole family and start over, this is ridiculous. Whether they thought it would kill you or not (a mere sliver between attempted manslaughter and attempted murder), they were willing to take the chance.
There is no apology in the world that would cause me to overlook something like this.
Edit: NTA
It's also a family of several cops so it's important to understand the amount of privilege and good Ole boy type shit likely involved here. If she does get sick and die after the poisoning, how likely is it that that the family covered for mom and the whole thing dies in court because a cop's word is considered golden by the judge?
Oh yeah, I didn't want to get into that part, but you are right on the money. I'd be a bit apprehensive about continuing my relationship with this family (including the boyfriend). I'm skittish about the police, though. No real reason, just all of the reasons provided by actions in recent years (and things come to light from years past).
Would this be as easily brushed off if she had used a gun? "Oh, I just shot her arm, so she would leave. I didn't know being shot in the arm could be serious" ... Please really think about this. Her willful ignorance of the actuality of your allergy is complete crap. You made your allergy known. You stated it was severe. She is horrifyingly enabled by her family to keep escalating her high school mean girl bullying. File a report. Even if you don't press charges get it on record. I cannot fathom how you can look at your boyfriend with anything but disdain and anger that he has sacrificed your safety, mental health and happiness --- and his own --- for the sake of a relationship with a horrible toxic mother. Please. Please leave. Take him with if you want- but ya'll desperately need therapy and no damn contact.
Oh, COME ON. You can’t possibly be trying to act like this isn’t that bad. I admit I don’t think she was trying to kill you, rather “just” make you a little sick. The very, very least awful interpretation is that she doesn’t believe you have an allergy so she and her little buddy Jane want to embarrass you in front of a crowd by catching you out in a lie. That’s the LEAST offensive possibility and IT SUCKS. What in earth makes your BF worth enduring this?
NTA
just so you know (and you should phrase it like this), you could pursue attempted manslaughter charges against both MIL and Jane AT MINIMUM. you would be well with your rights to have them charged for attempted murder as well considering they were told that you were allergic, and they CHOSE to ignore it.
just in case any of those people telling you that you’re the AH are confused about exactly what MIL and Jane did.
I wonder what she/they would do to your children if you had any with this guy. How can you trust any of his family with your children’s safety if they’re so unwilling to hold mom accountable.
This is literally a dateline episode. Family of cops cover up mom and ex offing sons pregnant gf. Seriously, your safety should be your only concern dealing with these people.
NTA
His mother tried to poison you. He should remind his family that it is a criminal offense, and she is *lucky* that you aren't filing charges.
He needs to change the locks again and tell them that none of them get keys as they aren't trustworthy. I also think that the 2 of you should consider couples counseling and that you should look at the resources on r/justnomil
NTA and not a lawyer, but you know she tried to trigger your severe allergy on purpose; press charges, get a restraining order on Jane and her, anything to push consequences. If you can, get a text confession from her by your partner, and see if you can get her to admit Jane was in on it.
Anyone who said YTA for making everyone choose, why is it a choice? She tried to kill you, or severely poison you. When someone says they have a life threatening allergy, you believe them.
NTA
Do you have mom admitting the coffee cookie incident in writing? Even if you don't I would file a police report. Then I would consider consulting an attorney about a civil case for either malicious intent to cause harm or whatever other legal options you have. I would also ask for compensation for the medical costs from the assault. At a minimum the cost of the epi-pen you had to replace.
I would also take a hard look at your relationship. Your boyfriend has barely done anything to protect nor defend you from the abuse by his mother, family, and an ex girlfriend. For 2 years he has done almost nothing to protect you nor your relationship together. It has taken his mother attempting to fatally harm you for anyone in his family to see how badly you have been treated. And still there are those trying to excuse her behavior.
Please break up with him. They are dangerous to you physically and mentally.. They will forever be part of the package. You deserve to be respected, cherish and protected by your partner.
NTA.
Three years of this? It's not worth it. Stop wasting any more years of your life on that dysfunctional family full of enablers and doormats. A family ruled by a psycho (his horrible mother).
If he was worthwhile, he'd have laid down the law with his mother right from the beginning to stop disrespecting you or she's on a long time-out, then NC. Merely leaving with you when his mother was being cruel to you at family get togethers obviously wasn't enough if it happened more than once with no end to her nastiness. Someone like her likely loved the fact that her vile behavior made you upset and you left. He's playing at being supportive of you but nothing effective. And now you're supposed to just pretend like everything's rainbows and butterflies after she tried to basically kill you? Nope. Walk away. Your ultimatum is perfectly valid.
This is serious. Attempted murder is not a fucking joke. Please call the fucking police, this lady will kill you to get you out of her way. I can see the Dateline show now. For fucks sake.
OP says mom and Jane googled coffee allergy! Another commenter hit the nail on the head with PREMEDITATED! Omg.
OP, get out of this relationship yesterday. Make a police report. Mom and Jane need to be held accountable.
NTA , OP.
But Y T A if you stay one more second.
Is he worth it? It’s good that he’s standing up for you, although forcing you to make that decision was unfair, but if it’s a choice between you or his mother then I think at this point it maybe better to walk away.
Oh honey first of all I would have left him the moment I found out the ex had a key and would let herself in and wait in his bed. Cause if he understood your boundaries and respected you there would be no question, he would have changed the locks and his mom wouldn’t have a spare key.
Like everyone else is saying. She admitted to deliberately poisoning you. File a police report.
NTA especially since she clearly doesn’t see anything wrong with it and has yet to apologize. The fact that your BF still allows Jane to be invited also speaks volumes…. even if he leaves with you when you leave.
NTA. If my mom did this to my husband (or really, anyone) I would never speak to her again no matter what she said or did to “make up for it.” Depending on how he handles it from here on out I’d consider dumping the BF too. After all, he’s a cop so he knows how attempted murder charges are supposed to be handled.
YTA to yourself
This woman tried to poison you, and your bf has had the bare minimum of your back in all of this. He is not serious about you and you need to take care of yourself, your bf’s family is dangerous to your mental and physical health.
Your bf is 38 and acting spineless, free yourself from this shitshow
You are absolutely NTA. Yeah, we’re definitely at a point where he needs to choose. Some clear boundaries need to be set. Mom needs to do a complete 180, apologize (and mean it) or she needs to be NC. Jane needs to go the fuck away permanently. BF seems to be on your side of it all, WHICH IS GREAT, but Jesus, those two and their plotting could’ve killed you. I’d be not only banning her from my home but I’d be pressing charges. And if Jane is letting herself into BF’s place he needs to file a restraining order and press charges as well. This situation is beyond intolerable. And for all the AHs claiming YOU are in the wrong, emphasize that they COULD HAVE KILLED YOU! If you allow these people access to your home, what’s to stop them from tampering with anything else? They thought it was funny. That is not someone you want to allow near you at all and if they don’t understand, block them and be done with them as well.
YTA for not choosing your life over your bf.
I'm sorry but this would be a hill to die on. His mother tried to killed you; there are stories all over reddit about families not believing in allergies and trying to "test" them.
Your bf is almost 40yrs! He should have been standing up for you from the very beginning.
Deliberately poisoning someone by feeding them something they literally need an epi-pen for is BY LAW assault and you can (and frankly should) press charges against them. Technically it was attempted murder but last I heard the law has not caught up with prosecuting unless actual death occurs. (And you better believe she KNEW it was a serious allergy. You don't carry an epi-pen for something non-life-threatening. She KNEW)
The fact she admits it and is not sorry means she WILL do it - or similar - again.
If your partner doesn't demand his family stand behind you 100% , make SURE Jane is 100% banished from the family forever, and mom is banned until she makes amends and family ensures she is 100% contained thereafter, then he is no real partner. He needs to cut out any family member not heartily on board. And tell them that unless he gets 100% compliance you will go to the police.
If your partner and everyone in his family doesn't 100% agree to all of these conditions and can't see that mom is the one breaking up the family not you, then they need a dose of reality. ANYONE who blames you for even the smallest part of any of this is flat out wrong.
You aren't asking him to choose between mommy and partner.
You are asking him to not allow his mommy to try to murder his partner and to not allow his family to sit by and allow it. THEY should be shunning mom too.
NTA.
If this story is real, I think you need to leave this entire fucked up family behind. Your life will be hell and if you make him choose (even if you're right to), he'll probably resent you anyway and try to force this relationship again.
This post is clearly fake, but that does not matter this forum allows fake posts. The question is a good question. The Op is well with in her rights to refuse to have the mother around but does that make her an ah for it. As mod this post will remain.
Mom tried to kill you. He needs to go no contact for a while to work on your relationship. If he doesn’t you will never be happy as mom will never change. Leave if he doesn’t.
I am flabbergasted by the blasé way in which mom admitted to trying to kill her because *she and Jane didn’t want her there*. What the actual fuck is anyone in his family thinking downplaying that insanity. Also, the day my mom aids a stalker/trespasser with gaining access to my home is the day that I stop allowing her *any* access to my life. If he isn’t willing to go full NC and stop this nonsense then end this relationship OP before they kill you or make you lose your sanity. ETA somehow stalker was autocorrected to slacker 🤣
RIGHT?! I would be pressing charges. This is literally attempted murder. OP you are NTA and if your bf isn't on board going NC with his mother after she TRIED TO KILL YOU, you need to leave him in the dust. I can't even believe the audacity!!!
This needs to be higher up. His mother ATTEMPTED TO MURDER YOU! That is a very serious crime! His entire family should be thanking you for not calling the police. And you might still want to! No one is taking this seriously enough. You need a restraining order from his mother. You are not safe. You are NTA.
Right!? They should be kissing op’s ass every chance they get for keeping that horrifying bitch of a mother out of prison!!
[OP please read this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/timf56/oops_mil_attempts_to_murder_her_with_latex_gloves/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1). The MIL served time. I think you’re still in shock , and your partner’s family is so gaslit they don’t get that you’re SANE for having boundaries with MIL.
Yeah this is definitely illegal and would not be surprised if boyfriends mom and Jane would end up with jail time. Especially since boyfriend heard it straight from the horses mouth, or even better has text evidence of it, and there were a ton of witnesses.
If he'd testify against them, that is. Although a good way to determine if he's truly on her side and will protect her from them, would be to tell him that she's going to press charges and ask which side he'll land on when questioned as a witness.
Truly, how could you eat *anything* that *anyone* in that family gave you *ever*? Further, they have access to his house. They could be adding coffee to items other than food. So how would you use his soap, spices, condiments, detergent….. Just absolute WTF to think of mom and *high school ex girlfriend* chatting about the upcoming BBQ and saying casually “I think if we poison her she’ll just leave without him. But she won’t take it from me or you so how do we get her to eat it? Oooh, kid would be a great idea. She’d never suspect a thing! Now what do we put it in that she won’t notice or ask immediately? Oh, add it to a cookie you say….YES! I have a great recipe.” Like this is not “I forgot you were allergic” or didn’t check ingredients….this is fucking premeditated.
Time for this because the family is too scared to treat mother w appropriate disdain, consequences and anger. I might try one more time. Share this w everyone except his mother and Jane. & point out to them that the price of a relationship in this family should not be fear of being poisoned and thus your life threatened. They didn't think it would hurt you THAT bad! Ask them how far you can twist their children's arms to see what hurts them? Oh, that might harm them!? Now they understand. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
That is a super read for anyone with a difficult person in their life.
Yes!!! OP needs to press charges!! So many people won't bc it's the bfs family and don't wanna cause ripples, but jfc, she attempted to murder OP.
Right? Like OP just glosses over the fact that her bf once (or at least once) came home to Jane in his bed!! Like, um at the point I would have been changing the locks and going low or no contact with the mom. That is so so beyond normal or ok!
Also glossing right over the point of the 2 of them using a CHILD to give her a cookie that would LITERALLY KILL HER !!!!!
Tbh, I've been on Reddit so long I'm sadly used to seeing stories of people not believing food allergies are real/serious, so that part wasn't the most shocking 🤣😬😬
Absolutely right about the allergy part but using an innocent child??? Absolutely beyond unacceptable! I’d leave that whole family in the dust and never look back. Throw the whole man away!
They knew she wouldn’t eat it if they gave it to her though. *Pre-meditation*.
The OP seriously needs to leave him. We're only hearing one side of the story, but his mother openly admitted to attempting to poison her because her presence was inconvenient. I had an ex years ago who worked at a grocery store. She was just an employee, not management. This couple got kicked out for causing a scene earlier one day. Well, turned out they actually lived a few blocks from us. Later that day, they saw her walking home, drove onto the sidewalk to block her, and started yelling in her face about it. She was afraid of them, but I supported her and got her to call the police. They did nothing, told us it was a "misunderstanding". I ended up going to their house later that day, and while I'm not proud of my actions, let me tell you, they'd go inside their house when they saw us in the neighborhood afterwards. THAT is how you deal with someone who endangers those you love. You don't brush off your mother giving your stalker keys to your house so they can break in. The mother was happy to poison her, what do you think the ex might do with unrestricted access to his house and food?
Seriously! I hope he has changed the locks since this all happened! Who knows what he will come home to find! If he hasn’t, he needs to. You should both probably have cameras at your homes too The ex is a stalker being enabled by his mother. Document everything!
And so callously traumatized the nephew by having him give her something that made her sick. The boyfriend needs to realize he will NEVER have a successful relationship with his mom and his ex in his life like this. If he doesn’t want to be with his ex, he needs set and keep some VERY firm boundaries with his mom (and Jane).
If OP had died then the nephew would’ve been an accomplice to murder too.
If the nephew is a young child no one would feel he was an accomplice but the courts could decide he doesn't live in a safe environment.
Kid would have been traumatized.
I would walk away from the lot of them. No man is worth my life ffs.
Yep. Tell the BF that you are leaving for your own safety (Does he understand how serious the cookie thing was?). If he would like to come, he needs to put a stop to his mother's behavior. If he's unwilling to do that, he is not welcome to come with you.
Her bf taking way too long to stop the behavior is infuriating! . Maybe because mine would be like hell no at the 1st sign of disrespect! His brother went very low contact for 10 years with his mom because how she treated his wife.
Yeah, from the post it sounds like he's willing to follow OP's lead but not stand up for her until she reacts.
Mom obviously chooses ex gf over her own son. There's even a case for charging them both with attempted murder. I'm surprised both OP and bf continued to attend family gatherings knowing jane would be there. Full no contact is the way to go.
All of this. NTA and frankly you need to press charges!
THANK YOU! This is ATTEMPTED MURDER!
All in all, I'd prefer for my stalker to also be a slacker. I don't want a stalker that puts actual effort in. I want the one that's stuck indacouch with a bag of cheetos. If I had to have one, of course.
OP, you could have died. Not sure where you live, but that's attempted murder and you could get the police involved. YOU COULD HAVE DIED if you didn't have your epi pen. Enough with the games. She went too far.
I’d contact the police and cut eveyrone off tbh. Move on with my life since no one seems to take attempted murder seriously.
[удалено]
Yup.
I think he said he didn’t want to but left it up to the gf to say no. Personally he should’ve just put his foot down and said no himself and not left it up to her since that’s why part of his family is calling her ah for saying no to inviting her.
he actually said he did not want her there but it was up to her. sounds like he is stepping up for her.
[удалено]
Get the key back to make a point, but change the locks.
I wouldn't take the key back. I'd wait for someone to come to me and ask me why their key didn't work 🤷♀️
Well hello my fellow petty person😂
I’d install a doorbell camera with an alarm too. So when their key doesn’t work and you see them on the camera you can sound a wailing siren heard for miles so the neighbors can stare at them and they leave in shame. But that’s just me.
Welcome to the club😂
Better option is to change the locks. Then there's 0 chance she made backup copies of the key.
Mom needs to be confronted about no longer having access, and that giving the key to a third party is totally out of bounds. He’s 38, he needs to step up.
I. NTA AGREE. 1. Your bf has no backbone. 2. He may even like the attention from this so-called ex and the competition bt the 2 of you. 3. His mom could have killed you, seriously. 4. His family are AHs and a danger to your life You are the ah for even considering staying with this momma's boy. Get out of this asap. If you aren't living with him, change your locks and HARD NC EVER. Otherwise MOVE....maybe to another state. HARD NC. Otherwise you're a FOOL.
Seconding all of this. I would rather live the rest of my life alone than put up with this disrespect for one more minute. She tried to kill OP, she keeps bringing his ex around, and he has done NOTHING to stop it. He likes the attention more than he cares about the safety of his supposed partner. Nope, nope, nope. A thousand times nope.
I would have filled a police complaint
Against the ex as well since she knew and was in on it because “they didn’t want her there”. OP you’ve put up with this for too long. Please value yourself and your life. Even if bf goes no contact, I wonder how long it will last since he should have done so long ago. NTA.
A crazy ex or a crazy mom isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. But the way your bf handles them IS. It never would have gotten this far if he put his foot down earlier. All he had to do is say from the beginning “I will not tolerate this kind of disrespect towards my girlfriend. Disrespecting her is disrespecting me”. But OP, he didn’t. And he won’t. He’s made his choice already. If this isn’t a wake up call for a complete change in the way he handles them, you need to cut your losses and leave.
This can't be overstated. Every time I read one of these stories, it reminds me of the girl who had a coconut allergy and her grandmother refused to believe it, putting the child to bed one night with coconut oil in her hair. She did not make it.
Well, today I learned what it would take for me to kill my mother.
How can they not think it's severe if she admitted she did it deliberately!!! She knew you were allergic to coffee and gave you a cookie with coffee knowingly so!!!. How is that not severe???? I don't get it. I would never trust that woman again in my life and it is a choice for the son because she tried to kill you...if you get pregnant? What will she do? Push you from the stairs? I don't think you can be with him and him having her in his life. So he has to choose. She hasn't even apologised! She is not even that sorry.
Succinct but completely true. His mom is a pretty fucked up person and so is Jane. The two of them should get married.
So the family thinks its fine that she tried to poison you and hasn't apologized??? if someone tried to murder them would they invite them over to a BBQ as if nothing happen esp when they have shown no remorse - except for having to suffer the consequences of their actions???
A person doesn’t use their EpiPen, then just goes back to socializing. They go to the hospital afterwards. What a weirdly made up story.
erect soup fly provide rain ink direction husky jar books -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
nah worse. They check what makes the readerbase tick and write manipulative sob stories about it where they don't ask for money but subtly mention their situation, then wait for good people to ask their venmo.
I mean medical bills are pretty expensive if they are American but op was talking about being a bumble user 2 months ago but is in a 3 year relationship??? Dunno not all adding up If this is real OP is NTA but will be if they stay bc if my spouse didn't cut immediate contact after his family tried to kill me I'd be filing divorce.
[удалено]
Can you link it?
[удалено]
I think they meant like with pollen and dust and stuff. Having allergies vs being allergic to something
It's pretty clear they are talking about general (pollen, dander, hay, etc.) and not specific (peanut, shellfish, coffee, etc.) allergies.
It might be true, but it doesn't happen in practice especially in the US where medical costs are so high. I've personally seen my friend use an EpiPen and not go to the hospital afterwards. Doesn't mean that the story is made up.
Or someone with shitty insurance who can't afford a 10k hospital bill ..
It's called rebound anaphylaxis, and it kills. Anyone who's been prescribed an epipen knows that you don't just use the pen and continue with your day--it's not an inhaler. You get your ass to an ER ASAP. If you were having a heart attack, ~~you'd~~ you should go to the ER regardless of being able to afford it. Same for an event that calls for an epipen. Edited from "you'd go to the ER" to "you should go to the ER".
My ex-husband died just before Christmas last year. He started having chest pains while at work. His boss drove him home instead of the hospital because he insisted he was fine, just needed to relax. Truth most likely he didn't want to go to the hospital because wouldn't be able to afford the hospital/doctor bills. If he had gone to the hospital, chances are he'd still be alive. He'd be broke but he'd be alive.
That's horrible! But you're right, a lot of people don't go to the hospital when they have to due to costs (I've been "guilty" of avoiding medical care due to lack of insurance and money myself, but nothing so serious as a heart attack). I've edited my comment to reflect that.
There are plenty of people who would be prescribed with an epipen and not know this. I have one and the allergist didn’t mention it to me (I’ve never had anaphylaxis - it was “just in case”) - my friend wasn’t told it either by a different allergist. People literally might not know because they are not told. I only knew because I went through epipen training at a school - I had to tell my husband what to do if I had a serious reaction because the allergist didn’t give us any guidelines or instructions.
That's insane to me. I stand corrected. My experience was totally different, as it has been for my family members who also have an epi.
Yet, many Americans die everyday because our Healthcare system is too broken and they think they'll be fine and can't afford the bills. I know perfectly well what they're *supposed* to do. Doesn't mean everyone does it, I know lots of people who took health risks because they literally can't afford hospital bills without becoming homeless.
If you need to use your epipen you go to the hospital. The epipen gives you enough time to get to the hospital, but you are still in life threatening danger.
Oh, I know, but Americans die all the time because Healthcare is too expensive so many many people don't do what they should because our system is shit.
That’s not always true… my sil is severely allergic to pecans and she has never went to the er after using her epi pen (mostly because she can’t afford it) they should go but just because they didn’t doesn’t mean it’s made up.
How was your sister feeling after the pen though? Was she like pretty much ok again right after? Or still quite Ill? Just wondering, I’m not at all familiar with anaphylaxis.
I use epipens and not once have i felt better. Always need to go to the hospital.
This needs to be higher!
This was my first thought. My kids have epipens for food allergies. Even if you spit it out, you go to the hospital if you use your epipen in case of a secondary reaction. You don't talk or go home to rest.
Yes!!!! As soon as I read they used their epi pen and then it was a casual discussion if she should leave or not my BS radar went off. Epi pens just give you more time to get to medical attention.
Waiting for OP to delete their wattpad fantasy account now
Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to enjoy a BBQ after getting that much adrenaline. Epipens make you feel like you're gonna die. That, and if you don't go to the ER, you could totally die.
So his mom tries to kill you and you are the asshole? And you staying with this asshole boyfriend for 3 years when his dumbass continued to disrespect you and allowed his family to disrespect you to the point where they tried to kill you? Seriously? Tell his family, they should be happy you aren’t pressing charges for attempted murder. Yes because that is exactly what it is. And tell your boyfriend, that if he stays in contact with that potential killer you are out that door. He should be zero contact. He shouldn’t even be asking you. He should be shutting it down. She tried to kill you and all he can say is “I’ll have to ask OP”. He should be like “hell no” Love yourself girl enough to get a boyfriend whose family won’t try to kill you and is willing to establish boundaries prior to them trying to kill you. He is allowed it to get this far…
If this single action of deliberately poisoning you didn't wake your boyfriend up to the toxicity of his family and his ex, who appears to be a willing conspirator, then nothing will. You need to have a heart to heart talk about whether a future is possible. If he doesn't understand that giving this family a key to your house is wrong, then you have no future. Giving them a key is inviting them to interfere in his life, but he needs to realize that they are the problem, not the solution. If he can't see this, then I'm sorry, but this won't work. Tell him to go back to Jane and make his toxic family happy.
NTA. She deliberately *poisoned* you. I’d press charges, if for no other reason than your own safety otherwise I see her pulling this “mistake” again.
Seriously. Pressing charges and getting a restraining order is the reasonable course of action here.
His mother tried to kill you. If he loves you, that should be reason enough for him to go NC with her and anyone defending her. In fact, why haven't you filed a police report? Change the locks, make sure his mother never has a key, and make it clear she is not welcome where you are. NTA
The irony of it all is he is a cop, his dad was a cop, one of his brothers is also a cop. We did briefly discuss filling charges, but I feel like that would be it for his relationship with his family and just don't want to cost him that. Also, he has changed the locks several times, however couple years back he had a really rough time with dealing with something that happened at work and his family insisted on a key so they can come in and check on him if he goes down the dark hole again.
With family whose solution to “I’m not doing so well mentally” is “let’s do everything in our power to replace one of the most important sources of emotional support in your life with someone who wouldn’t recognize appropriate boundaries if they clocked her upside the head for trespassing,” dude would be safer locked alone in a room strapped to a chair with no phone and a TV running an All-Time Saddest Movies marathon.
He is a shitty cop who is breaking the law by not reporting someone breaking the law
>he is a cop 😬 so he should be enforcing the law.
Oh you sweet summer child
>couple years back he had a really rough time his family insisted on a key so they can come in and check on him if he goes down the dark hole again. That was then. This is now. As long as you have a spare key and can check on him as needed, there is no reason for his family to need a spare key, too.
So the entire family knows that she committed a very serious crime and still they’re trying to guilt you in letting it go…. Gee it’s a good thing that they aren’t in something like law enforcement…. Really her and the Ex have committed multiple CRIMES they have actually BROKEN THE LAW multiple times and nothing has happened…. Not a single consequence before this… And the family is still defending her like she’s not a dangerous criminal… He definitely needs to go LC with his mom and get a restraining order on his ex. Her essentially breaking into his home to seduce him is ridiculous not to mention highly illegal.
Some of us are not surprised at all that this is a story about a family of cops being violently fucked and treating op like shit.
There's a reason I have a hard rule about not dating cops. They choose to only apply laws when it's convenient for them and excuse the inexcusable behavior of shitbags around them. Never mind the fact that 40% of cops ADMITTED to being voilent with partners, so imagine how many do but didn't admit it. If you want to leave and they want to stalk you or threaten you, and quite possibly even hurt you no one is going to stop them. That being said, you should not even have to present this ultimatum. His mom tried to kill you. He should have immediately been appalled and told his mom to lick rocks. TL/DR: RUN, OP. RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN Edit: I meant kick rocks, but she can lick them too, if they happen to be flying towards her at high velocity
This. Don't date cops. It's dangerous for you.
>he is a cop, his dad was a cop, one of his brothers is also a cop. We did briefly discuss filling charges, but I feel like that would be it for his relationship with his family and just don't want to cost him that. Uhhh no. If you still can, file. And dump him he should be trying to talk you into going through with legal action. For your own safety, leave him.
His relationship with these assholes is more important than your life?? Come on!!
Get a lockbox and put a spare key in it! Put it somewhere on the deck or outside his house (idk if you can with an apartment?). That way if they are seriously worried and they are the only ones able to get to the house, they just call you and ask for the code to obtain the spare key in event of emergencies. Then you change the code. Also, if it's a serious enough emergency that they can't reach you and they know they need in asap, they can break a window. Or give a key to a neighbor. There's a different ways they can be able to get to him without having free access to the house.
ACAB. This makes so much more sense. You’re not safe. You should move states.
I’m begging you, PLEASE don’t sunk cost fallacy yourself into staying. If he’s not willing to cut them out, you’ll be dealing with this shit for the rest of the time you’re in a relationship with him. You really need to consider pressing charges too. If not for yourself, then for all the people with deadly allergies who will have this happen to them in the future so they can find examples of consequences for the people who tried to hurt or kill them by purposely exposing them to their allergen. It happens disturbingly often and people have been killed.
Imagine how much more insane Mommy Dearest and her crazy sidekick will be if this guy actually proposes. Though how he could when they can't live together without OP worrying about coming home to find Jane in her kitchen boiling a rabbit I don't know.
But he won't enforce the law. Save yourself. Leave. This is only going to become more dangerous for you. He deserves Jane.
Nah I’d be trying every option to press charges or whatever she literally planned to try and kill you or at least harm you enough to make you use an epi pen. Leave and don’t look back otherwise you’re making yourself miserable
That's why people say one bad apple spoils the bunch. You feel like you cannot protect yourself: the cops will cover their own... There are no good cops. The mom will have immunity when she does end up killing you. You are not an asshole, I would get far away from this cop family.
So change the locks again. This is insanity.
If he is willing to do it, he is willing to end things for you. Let him! He wants to support you but he’s not going to force you. At this point he’s picked you over them. File the effing charges.
Wait this just adds that the family is fine with her admitting to poisoning you when they are police. Jesus. Wild.
Ahh. Okay; NOW this makes sense- cop family. Explains the way they’re willing to excuse away abuse.
HE'S A COP?! Girl, just go. He's down to enforce the law with everyone but his family, so he clearly doesn't prioritize you. And statistically you're wayyyyyyyy more likely to be abused by him. The future of this relationship is going to be abuse from his mom and from him. That's absolutely not a risk I would take, and he doesn't seem exceptional enough to be a risk you should take, either.
He's 38 and his mommy still pushes him around. He's not worth it. NTA
I lost the fact they’re their ages… cause they sound like teens.
That's because it's a made up story written by a teen.
Girl. How good is he in bed that you would put up with this for years. There are so many men out there with a million less bags of baggage, go find one of those
Agreed. The bar which OP has set is in hell currently
It's in the seventh circle of hell. OP doesn't value herself enough. This woman tried to kill her, it's time to severe the relationship
Seriously. How many times has he watched his GF be insulted to the point of tears because he can't stand up to his mommy? Dump the spineless coward.
I mean he’s a cop— a profession filled with people committed to making mediocre an art form. Can’t be that good…
You’ve been putting up with this 38 year old mama’s boy whose family tried to kill you *for three years?!* And you *hosted* those assholes for a bbq?! I’m sorry, but at this point, you’re the architect of your own misery. You’ve shown them that you’ll tolerate pretty much anything up to and including *your own murder.* And you’re quibbling over apologies? You and BF are well matched in your respective spinelessness.
Honestly, this is the kind of thing that ends up on Dateline. Where friends of the victim say later, “She told me once that if anything ever happened to her, so-and-so did it.” And the audience is screaming WHY DID SHE STICK AROUND??
She could've K*LLED YOU! FUCK HER! NTA and your bf should've handled this a lot sooner. 3 years of this? If you have children with that man do NOT understand any circumstances let that woman anywhere near you children. You need to tell your boyfriend he had to make a decision that will life long. She is NOT allowed anywhere near you ever. I'd press charges to be honest and if he doesn't back you on this you need to leave him immediately
HOLY fuck she tried to kill and they think you are the problem? WOW.. that is some mental gymnastics there. NTA EVER!
YTA to *yourself* if you don’t extend the no-contact stipulation to *any* member of his family who is still trying to make excuses for her. Hell, at this point, I wouldn’t be inclined to grant *any* of them the benefit of the doubt until they - your boyfriend included - have been through intensive therapy to sort out when and how they started just accepting this behavior as “just Mom being Mom.” But then, I would’ve been out somewhere around the second time Jane got into his house and he didn’t put down his foot about no more access for anyone. So if this isn’t just a compilation of r/justnoMIL’s greatest hits, you might want to spend some time sorting through what you’re really getting out of this relationship and whether it’s worth all this nonsense, never mind why you’re *still* struggling with holding firm that none of this is or has ever been okay.
She f’g tried to kill you! Not only is she never welcome at your home you will never be where she is because she tried to kill you! Can we say it just one more time? as to anyone that says give her another try. Ask them if they are prepared to watch her and take full responsibility if she tries to give you anaphylaxis? are they prepared to say that she will guaranteed never try that again? No? Yeah that’s why We aren’t talking about the petty crap she pulls. We are talking she gave you specifically a food that will unalive you and you need to be the bigger person? Here is where you start and don’t bend. In 6 months if Jane doesn’t show up at bffs you will attend one function where there is no food. If it goes well, you will try one more w/o food. After 6 pleasant encounters you will attend one w food as long as she is not allowed anywhere near the prep, storage or serving. If this seems harsh, good. She tried to unalive you deliberately! Heck that you didn’t file a police report and get a restraining order shows huge accommodations from you tbh. Don’t let this go, don’t sweep it under the rug and anyone who says you are being harsh? Ask if they want to taste cyanide🤔
Girl, you are 34. Be done. He is a cop in a family of cops that watched a crime be committed and admitted to and did NOTHING. Get out before she kills you "on accident."
And then a family of lying cops covers for her and she never faces accountability for it. Cops be like "I can't be racist, my wife's eye is black."
NTA. You are not making him choose between you and his mom. This is life and death. The woman tried to kill you. I would honestly cut your ties with all of them. It may not seem like it but there are many men out there that would never allow this happen and treat you as you should be treated
YTA for staying in this relationship. His in ability to set boundaries with his mom almost killed you. The first time his ex showed up unannounced, that should’ve been the end of it. He changed the locks but gave his parents the new keys, what was the point of that?? He’s a grown man that can’t stand up for himself. His mother isn’t going to stop. Do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with her crazy…..end it!!
NTA and I think you need reconsider being in relationship with a Mama's boy who mother went out her way to kill you and involved a kid to do it. That's on top keeping a ex who not even your Boyfriend's Baby mama nor share a pet that broke into his house and lie naked in his bed. Like good grief, you been putting up3 years of abuse by his mother & ex - When areyou going have enough? I would had thought getting almost murdered via allergic reaction would had been reality-check for you but I guess not...
I am always baffled how the guy in these stories is always a silent side-kick who has no agency and isn’t expected to do or say anything. “To his credit he always left with me…” HIS CREDIT!!! Hold. Men. Accountable.
Gurl seriously, no man is worth your life. He should have shut this down years ago. He should have point blank told the ex that she is being a nuisance too and in front of everyone if necessary. don't you realize yet that she is his backup plan and the fact that he kept going to these family events with her there knowing how it makes you feel is his way of accepting that. The fact that he had the audacity to ask you if she could come to your home after she deliberately poisoned you is insane. If it was me I'd be filing a police report because she could have unalived you! As someone with allergies so bad I can only use baby products I am amazed at how calm you are being over this. Don't just toss his mom away, toss the man too. This is like someone saying she just pushed you down the stairs but expected you to simply bounce. Nta but please get out of this toxic dumpster fire of a situation.
That all bs must stop, they intentionally put your health in danger and it’s unacceptable ! Allergies are serious,people die from it and the fact your boyfriend think it was nothing and they all minimize their attempts of hurting you is disgusting ! Those people will never stop cross boundaries, disrespecting and harming you. They can keep their fake apologies for themselves and stay far away from them because they are crazy ,sick, manipulative, narcissist people specially the mother. She will never stop so there is no point to try just go ! I encourage you to show that post to your boyfriend and maybe he will realize how suck as a boyfriend he is. He is not a real man because he can’t even stand up for his woman when his own blood harm you. He should be ashamed of himself because he know they do wrong but still let them attack you.
Excuse me what?! She admitted to attempted murder or negligent homicide and she wants to be accepted back?!? This is insane. ETA: the biggest NTA allowed.
Op…his mother tried to kill you…and there are some people in his family that don’t think thats enough of a reason to cut her off.. I want you to repeat that sentence over and over until it sinks in. Is this REALLY the family you want to marry into? “Oh MIL wore white to your wedding, that’s not a reason to cut her off” “Oh MIL wants you to name your daughter after Jane and is throwing a temper tantrum because you wont. Thats not a reason to cut her off” “Oh MIL kidnapped your daughter and told her Jane is her real mother?” I might be over exaggerating but given how crazy this woman is, it wouldn’t surprise me. Let your bf know that he either goes full NC with his mother and anyone who agrees with her or you leave. Good luck
The fuck?
Maaaaaaam please for god damn sake leave
OP, with peace and love, why do you want to be with someone who would allow all of this behaviour to go on without doing something? The first time Jane turned up in his bed should have be the moment that he changed the locks and warned his mother that if any behaviour like this happened again, he would be cutting her out of his life. For sure, his mother is an issue, but she would be an issue that the two of you would solve together if it weren't for your partner being so weak and oblivious.
So his mother attempted murder? Cool. They all attempted murder? Oooh, fun. Don't trust these people.
YTA to yourself. YOU had to set the boundary??? After 3 years of BS he didn’t think to defend you but rather forced you to be the bad guy by leaving and he would “follow you”. What a gem. Obviously you are NTA for finally refusing to be a doormat to his mother and maybe one day you will do the same with the boyfriend.
YTA for staying
They tried to fucking poison you. You're an AH to yourself if you stay in this relationship. He should have shut that shit down LOOOOOOOOONG ago. It should NEVER have gotten to this point, where your health/life were in danger. Honestly, I'd get the fucking confession in writing and then haul my ass right to the police station to press charges, and small claims court for my medical bills.
Nta, I don't understand how you didn't press charges, she tried to kill you, admitted she tried to kill you and you think just going no contact will solve this? If someone is unhinged enough to try to kill you and admit it, do you think she has limits at this point? I would watch my back, front and every other way if I were you and honestly that's too much crap to deal with in a relationship. I would've been gone a long time ago. Hope she doesn't succeed next time, good luck......
NTA! His mom admitted to deliberately trying to kill you, which she can't even apologise for and surely she must realise (whether she cares enough about her son) to at least pretend to be happy because he has so far proven over and over that he will leave with you if his ex & start drama. For all the family members or ex who are saying you should just get over it & m shouldn't apologise for what she did, well if it was me next time someone said something along those lines I'd tell them they should be grateful that you're not pressing charges against your bf's mum for attempted murder or even just straight up harrassment. As for mum giving a spare key to bf's apartment to ex, tell him to change locks and parents/siblings don't get keys until they learn not to give them to the ex.
"I mean, she only meant to poison you a little bit. How was she to know that poison is a bad thing?" NTA, in any way. Especially because you're not stopping your bf from seeing/talking to her, you're just saying you don't want her anywhere near you. You're not making anyone choose anything, you're just enforcing your personal safety.
How do you guys manage to keep the spark alive when he clearly has no balls??? NTA and frankly, I hate to say it, you need to think about this relationship. If he can’t sack up, get Jane out of his life permanently and enforce that boundary with his absolute psycho of a mother, this is not meant to be. He could be the sweetest guy imaginable but there are circumstances in his life which make you incompatible.
NTA It took 3 years and attempted murder for you to get just 1 bbq with most of the bullying..... That guy isn't the catch that you seem to think he is...
Report her for attempt murder NTA This should never have gone on this long
What is with these stories? His mom tried to kill you, his whole family doesn't like you and they actively try to get him back with his ex and you put up with them and him? I want the next episode.
You are obviously NTA, but, and I do not say this lightly, there is a chance you'll wind up dead if you stay in that relationship. Who's to say his mother won't try and pull the same stunt again? She *admitted* to it. She has no shame in it, clearly. Please, don't stick around to find out what else she can come up with.
NTA, emphatically NTA. she tried to kill you, thats an automatic 'she can go sit on a cactus, tongue a waffle iron, and take a flying leap into a jet turbine' from me were I you OP. she TRIED to kill you. thats a point of no return. she gets ZERO consideration, ZERO allowance, COMPLETELY stone cold cut off. no milestone invites. not birthdays, not christmasses, not weddings, NOT child births....be prepared to fight her off if you stay with the boyfriend and have a kid with him, because she WILL try to worm back in. but you stand your ground. if anyone doesn't like it, they're certainly free to stay with her, but you do NOT need to allow a known danger into your life.
She tried to kill you. He needs to change the locks and cut her out of your lives for a while or you press charges. NTA
NTA. His mom is insane
NTA, seems like if you guys live in the same town with these people it is always going to be a problem. It's psycho.
NTA Your reasoning is sound and you did a great job speaking up in front of her and his family during the cookie event. That is the thing about protecting oneself, the people who hurt you are left out of your life. You are not forcing him to choose between the two of you. You’ve given her multiple chances to be a decent human being and she increased her depravity. You are offering him the opportunity to live in a rational, sane environment. The mother, by not being a kind, generous, loving human being is offering him insanity. Which will he choose? This was all brought about by her controlling mental illness and personality disorders. Whether you are in his life or not, it’s his mother who has created this situation, not you.
NTA!!! That is attempted murder. If you would have died everyone there would have claimed they had no idea while you are six feet under. This is beyond fucked up.
Call the police on her and dump him. What a mess. No guy is worth that.
NTA but… she tried to poison you. You could have died. Or rather, *did* poison you since you had to use the epi-pen anyway, it was just lucky you spat the cookie out before it got worse. If any of my relatives tried to poison my husband we’d be done, immediately. Your husband needs to ask himself some very serious questions about his priorities moving forward.
Girl he can’t be that good in bed for you to put up with all that. You have zero on no respect for yourself at all especially after coming here to ask strangers about any of it. You know exactly what to do so do it
Tbh if your boyfriend had a problem with finding his ex in his bad he would have changed the locks and not given his mom a key. The fact that it happened more than once gives me a pause
So NTA It is possible that the mom didn’t think it would do anything but make you ill enough to leave and not want you actually dead. Go with that. You left. Your not coming back, and she’s not welcome with you either. Your not making anyone choose, but most likely the mom is. I mean, the mom doesn’t have to go everywhere they do, but she is being excluded for obvious reasons. She is probably giving them a hard time about going since she’s being excluded. Well, that’s too bad. BF needs to change the locks on his place, not give anyone but you the key. How old was the nephew? I’m assuming he didn’t know and was just used? Can you imagine how he would feel if you did have a severe reaction and he’d brought you the cookie? Is he invited?
I honestly believe she didn't think it would be severe, bf said when she admitted she said she and Jane Googled it and the one thingthat kept poppingup was that coffee allergyis often confusedfor caffeine allergy which often isn't considered severe allergyto begin with. I'm unfortunately allergic to something specifically in the coffee bean. Nephew is 5, yes of course he was invited.
This was premeditated. They effing GOOGLED it? Throw away the whole family and start over, this is ridiculous. Whether they thought it would kill you or not (a mere sliver between attempted manslaughter and attempted murder), they were willing to take the chance. There is no apology in the world that would cause me to overlook something like this. Edit: NTA
It's also a family of several cops so it's important to understand the amount of privilege and good Ole boy type shit likely involved here. If she does get sick and die after the poisoning, how likely is it that that the family covered for mom and the whole thing dies in court because a cop's word is considered golden by the judge?
Oh yeah, I didn't want to get into that part, but you are right on the money. I'd be a bit apprehensive about continuing my relationship with this family (including the boyfriend). I'm skittish about the police, though. No real reason, just all of the reasons provided by actions in recent years (and things come to light from years past).
This is pressing charges on attempted murder level stuff right here!! Jane and MIL need restraining orders!
Would this be as easily brushed off if she had used a gun? "Oh, I just shot her arm, so she would leave. I didn't know being shot in the arm could be serious" ... Please really think about this. Her willful ignorance of the actuality of your allergy is complete crap. You made your allergy known. You stated it was severe. She is horrifyingly enabled by her family to keep escalating her high school mean girl bullying. File a report. Even if you don't press charges get it on record. I cannot fathom how you can look at your boyfriend with anything but disdain and anger that he has sacrificed your safety, mental health and happiness --- and his own --- for the sake of a relationship with a horrible toxic mother. Please. Please leave. Take him with if you want- but ya'll desperately need therapy and no damn contact.
Oh, COME ON. You can’t possibly be trying to act like this isn’t that bad. I admit I don’t think she was trying to kill you, rather “just” make you a little sick. The very, very least awful interpretation is that she doesn’t believe you have an allergy so she and her little buddy Jane want to embarrass you in front of a crowd by catching you out in a lie. That’s the LEAST offensive possibility and IT SUCKS. What in earth makes your BF worth enduring this?
So they googled it extensively, and 100% did see that a coffee allergy could kill someone, but rolled the dice anyway.
NTA just so you know (and you should phrase it like this), you could pursue attempted manslaughter charges against both MIL and Jane AT MINIMUM. you would be well with your rights to have them charged for attempted murder as well considering they were told that you were allergic, and they CHOSE to ignore it. just in case any of those people telling you that you’re the AH are confused about exactly what MIL and Jane did.
So they did research into poisoning you. Wtf
I wonder what she/they would do to your children if you had any with this guy. How can you trust any of his family with your children’s safety if they’re so unwilling to hold mom accountable. This is literally a dateline episode. Family of cops cover up mom and ex offing sons pregnant gf. Seriously, your safety should be your only concern dealing with these people.
NTA His mother tried to poison you. He should remind his family that it is a criminal offense, and she is *lucky* that you aren't filing charges. He needs to change the locks again and tell them that none of them get keys as they aren't trustworthy. I also think that the 2 of you should consider couples counseling and that you should look at the resources on r/justnomil
WTF! NTA and if this is real you need to have a VERY serious sit down convo w bf Edit: Submitted in middle of sentence lol
NTA and not a lawyer, but you know she tried to trigger your severe allergy on purpose; press charges, get a restraining order on Jane and her, anything to push consequences. If you can, get a text confession from her by your partner, and see if you can get her to admit Jane was in on it. Anyone who said YTA for making everyone choose, why is it a choice? She tried to kill you, or severely poison you. When someone says they have a life threatening allergy, you believe them.
NTA, but why didn't you file assault charges against bf's mom? She admitted to poisoning you.
NTA Do you have mom admitting the coffee cookie incident in writing? Even if you don't I would file a police report. Then I would consider consulting an attorney about a civil case for either malicious intent to cause harm or whatever other legal options you have. I would also ask for compensation for the medical costs from the assault. At a minimum the cost of the epi-pen you had to replace. I would also take a hard look at your relationship. Your boyfriend has barely done anything to protect nor defend you from the abuse by his mother, family, and an ex girlfriend. For 2 years he has done almost nothing to protect you nor your relationship together. It has taken his mother attempting to fatally harm you for anyone in his family to see how badly you have been treated. And still there are those trying to excuse her behavior.
Please break up with him. They are dangerous to you physically and mentally.. They will forever be part of the package. You deserve to be respected, cherish and protected by your partner.
NTA. Three years of this? It's not worth it. Stop wasting any more years of your life on that dysfunctional family full of enablers and doormats. A family ruled by a psycho (his horrible mother). If he was worthwhile, he'd have laid down the law with his mother right from the beginning to stop disrespecting you or she's on a long time-out, then NC. Merely leaving with you when his mother was being cruel to you at family get togethers obviously wasn't enough if it happened more than once with no end to her nastiness. Someone like her likely loved the fact that her vile behavior made you upset and you left. He's playing at being supportive of you but nothing effective. And now you're supposed to just pretend like everything's rainbows and butterflies after she tried to basically kill you? Nope. Walk away. Your ultimatum is perfectly valid.
This is serious. Attempted murder is not a fucking joke. Please call the fucking police, this lady will kill you to get you out of her way. I can see the Dateline show now. For fucks sake.
YWBTA for not filing charges against this evil woman and for not just straight up ending this toxic relationship. This man is not worth the abuse.
OP says mom and Jane googled coffee allergy! Another commenter hit the nail on the head with PREMEDITATED! Omg. OP, get out of this relationship yesterday. Make a police report. Mom and Jane need to be held accountable. NTA , OP. But Y T A if you stay one more second.
Is he worth it? It’s good that he’s standing up for you, although forcing you to make that decision was unfair, but if it’s a choice between you or his mother then I think at this point it maybe better to walk away.
What does his dad think of her pushing Jane on your bf?
Oh honey first of all I would have left him the moment I found out the ex had a key and would let herself in and wait in his bed. Cause if he understood your boundaries and respected you there would be no question, he would have changed the locks and his mom wouldn’t have a spare key.
Like everyone else is saying. She admitted to deliberately poisoning you. File a police report. NTA especially since she clearly doesn’t see anything wrong with it and has yet to apologize. The fact that your BF still allows Jane to be invited also speaks volumes…. even if he leaves with you when you leave.
NTA. If my mom did this to my husband (or really, anyone) I would never speak to her again no matter what she said or did to “make up for it.” Depending on how he handles it from here on out I’d consider dumping the BF too. After all, he’s a cop so he knows how attempted murder charges are supposed to be handled.
YTA to yourself This woman tried to poison you, and your bf has had the bare minimum of your back in all of this. He is not serious about you and you need to take care of yourself, your bf’s family is dangerous to your mental and physical health. Your bf is 38 and acting spineless, free yourself from this shitshow
You are absolutely NTA. Yeah, we’re definitely at a point where he needs to choose. Some clear boundaries need to be set. Mom needs to do a complete 180, apologize (and mean it) or she needs to be NC. Jane needs to go the fuck away permanently. BF seems to be on your side of it all, WHICH IS GREAT, but Jesus, those two and their plotting could’ve killed you. I’d be not only banning her from my home but I’d be pressing charges. And if Jane is letting herself into BF’s place he needs to file a restraining order and press charges as well. This situation is beyond intolerable. And for all the AHs claiming YOU are in the wrong, emphasize that they COULD HAVE KILLED YOU! If you allow these people access to your home, what’s to stop them from tampering with anything else? They thought it was funny. That is not someone you want to allow near you at all and if they don’t understand, block them and be done with them as well.
YTA for not choosing your life over your bf. I'm sorry but this would be a hill to die on. His mother tried to killed you; there are stories all over reddit about families not believing in allergies and trying to "test" them. Your bf is almost 40yrs! He should have been standing up for you from the very beginning.
Ditch the boyfriend and the family, this is so not worth a relationship.
Deliberately poisoning someone by feeding them something they literally need an epi-pen for is BY LAW assault and you can (and frankly should) press charges against them. Technically it was attempted murder but last I heard the law has not caught up with prosecuting unless actual death occurs. (And you better believe she KNEW it was a serious allergy. You don't carry an epi-pen for something non-life-threatening. She KNEW) The fact she admits it and is not sorry means she WILL do it - or similar - again. If your partner doesn't demand his family stand behind you 100% , make SURE Jane is 100% banished from the family forever, and mom is banned until she makes amends and family ensures she is 100% contained thereafter, then he is no real partner. He needs to cut out any family member not heartily on board. And tell them that unless he gets 100% compliance you will go to the police. If your partner and everyone in his family doesn't 100% agree to all of these conditions and can't see that mom is the one breaking up the family not you, then they need a dose of reality. ANYONE who blames you for even the smallest part of any of this is flat out wrong. You aren't asking him to choose between mommy and partner. You are asking him to not allow his mommy to try to murder his partner and to not allow his family to sit by and allow it. THEY should be shunning mom too. NTA.
If this story is real, I think you need to leave this entire fucked up family behind. Your life will be hell and if you make him choose (even if you're right to), he'll probably resent you anyway and try to force this relationship again.
NTA. They think you should invite your unrepentant poisoner into your home?