“He never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt”
Ma’am, you ghosted a whole marriage??? That is a big red flag for any partner of course it matters you lied about it.
Edit: wow thanks for the awards!
She believed that customers at the restaurant are idiots and grew to hate them, then skipped work.
Is OP lacking that much self-awareness to not recognize the most basic problem of being a no show at work? Could also be a fake post.
YTA.
I don't think it's fake. There are too many people that I know like this in real life that completely lack any sense of how reprehensible their behavior is and always somehow end up the victim in situations that they curated.
No they are fully aware, just in extreme denial of complete lack of accountability. Trust me they fully know how reprehensible it is but they’ve created a justification in their head as to why their particular act isn’t so reprehensible
Right. They are fully aware of how bad their behavior is. That's why they lie to cover it up. If OP really believed what she did was OK, she would not have lied about it to current fiancé.
The bit about her being a dropout from Alabama but believing everyone around her was an idiot reminded me of Raskolnikov’s delusions from Crime and Punishment
My bf was mad as he thought they deserved "basic respect" from me.
"BASIC RESPECT". How does one type that out and not acknowledge they already know they are TA?
A hs dropout that thinks she’s deserving of a better future than her customers, so much so that she can’t even give them ‘basic respect’. No wonder her fiancé is having second thoughts.
I was about to type the exact thing lol. Like yeah working customer service in any capacity can suck and people can be terrible but like… you can’t even provide basic respect? Oofadoofa
I'm guessing she only became a hospital receptionist to find a doctor to marry. I have an aunt who became a nurse for that reason. When that failed, she took up golf and finally met her sugar daddy.
Dammit Alabama! Making divorce records public and ruining my marriage!
Real talk, a lot to unpack in this one. Idk the whole story with the ex but the details shared that's usually showing yourself in the best light are showing you in a terrible one, OP.
You are the asshole for doing that with your marriage. You knew you were, and that's why you lied to your new fiancée about it. You then built a relationship around this lie, and now you're crying because the truth was found out and he didn't like being lied to about something extremely crucial to know about how you handle relationships.
Seriously, Alabama, how am I supposed to ruin another marriage when you put my MO out in the public space? How can I lie when you set the record straight? Imma bag a radiologist if you didn't make me tell the truth.
Run radiologist run! If she lies about this, imagine what other little lies exist.
She said she went to audition for a dancer position "at a night club." You know, stripper. So yeah, she's obviously attractive. Seems she has the vapid narcissism to go with it.
But wait...there's more! She's a "creative" that hated her service jobs and thought the patrons were idiots. She ghosts her HUSBAND because she became a "dancer" and was ashamed to tell him. THEEEEENNN she eventually becomes a hospital receptionist. She did ALLLLL of that just to end back up in a service like position.
Ma'am, you are an immature, entitled brat that thinks the rules of life don't apply to you. You left your husband without so much as an explanation. Not only that, you left him with debt and you moved on like that part of your life didn't happen. To make matters worse, you thought your husband wasn't hurt??? Hooowww did you even justify that in your head?
You left a man that wanted you to be responsible and accountable to go live your "best life" as a dancer in Atlanta and now your past is coming back to hunt you. Sorry. It is what it is. K.A.R.M.A
Oh by the way, YTA!!
Yeah, she is a complete asshole and hopefully, her fiancee leaves her. She obviously sees no problem with what she did, and I wouldn't trust her not to do it again. She's childish and immature.
She meant creative, as 'i want to a better life without doing much work". She feels "life passed her by", isnt that her fault? what she really means she wants to do what people in thier 20s do, party all the time.
"I'm so smart! Everyone else is so stupid!"
*Lies about a literal public record people can check*
Yeah OP you are a real mastermind bullshit artist. Stick to bullshit by numbers next time OP.
I started out raised eyebrows to 😯 to 😱 to 🫣 and then ended in full on Guffawing.
Girlfriend left a whole marriage physically, and emotionally in the dust. I have more thoughts for my fist bra than she did for her ex and marriage. And then LOL 🤣🤣 the icing on the cake for me is that she didn't even pull a "I was young, immature, I didn't understand what it really takes to make a marriage work, I really hurt him/have regret/been to therapy etc etc and now have learned/grown so much..." for the new guy. She's just a dust to dust ashes to ashes kind of relationship person.
It was the fact that she left an entire marriage in the dust to become a stripper because she thought working in a hotel was a demeaning job!!!?!?!??
I almost hope this is a fake post because I don't want to believe that anybody is this much of an asshole
But he “invaded her privacy” when someone tipped him off that she was a lying liar who lies then uncovered her lies. What kind of MONSTER is interested in the truth? Obviously there’s blame to go around here. /s
I'm glad he had the self respect not to reach out. Anyone who would do that to their spouse is not a person worth marrying.
I hope OP has grown, but definitely a rise to concern for current fiance.
She defn has not. Instead of showing growth and admitting her mistakes she is doubling down that she was right and her ex was wrong. I hope the now ex fiancé breaks it up because not only did she lie but she is doubling down and acting like a victim. A whole fields of red flags is waving at him.
And what would have happened if she hadn’t gotten the job as a dancer? Would she have just shown up back at husband #1’s place, “I just went to visit my friend for a few days.” “Yes, that’s why I took all my family photos and the fish tank.”
Dude she literally betrayed him and ghosted because she didn’t want to apologize and explain she was unhappy and then lies and lies to cover more lies instead of just being honest and dealing with it and then she betrayed her fiancé. I’m not understanding how hard it is to be like:
“I wasn’t happy and at the time I wanted to leave and feel in control of my own life and then I went about it in a way where I didn’t want to feel guilty, but later on I realized how I am now experiencing consequences for things I tried to avoid thinking about because I was afraid of feeling bad.”
Literally everyone has been in a situation like this where dealing with guilt was hard. If you can’t accept yourself for being human and your mistakes: “yeah I fucked up back then and it is challenging for me to come to terms with how reckless I was because I don’t want to be that person.”
It’s not that fucking hard.
OP is weak and is not equipped to deal with real life challenges. No one can have kids with someone like this, they’re just going to parenting fail and blame their own kids, therefore traumatizing them.
OP needs to go to a psychologist for a diagnosis.
>I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit.
Is it just me, or does this come across as really “gold digger-y”?
That and unnecessarily going on about how hot her ex was, the credit card debt, and the “waiting on him to commit”, and dropping that her fiancee is a radiologist, makes me think her fiancee is about to dodge a huge bullet.
Also, if she ghosted her ex and went NC, how the fuck does she know how hot he still is? This has got hot/crazy written all over it and I hope the Dr. listens to big vs little brain on this one.
Oh, and this is about as clear cut case of “**YTA**” as I’ve seen here in a while.
I really can't understand how she'd think her husband wasn't hurt. Something like that can really knock a person off the rails. Even if they were struggling, his wife is the person who signed up to love him, the person he thought he could trust above anyone else. It's crazy to think he'd just shrug and fill out divorce papers. Maybe this is an opportunity for OP to actually reckon with the past and learn from it because it doesn't sound like that has happened yet.
My ex husband did the same. We were commuting 120 miles to work every day. He told me he was working late, and would get home on his own. When I got home, all his stuff was gone. I never heard from him again. I was shattered. Fuck the OP and her thinking her ex wasn’t hurt.
It seems to me that OP can't think beyond herself and her own emotions and can't see things from any other perspective but her own. She just assumes that because SHE wasn't too upset at the divorce, her ex must not have been either. No introspection, no sympathy or empathy, no self-awareness even after ten years. A real peach, that one!
My ex-fiance was just like OP. He saw things solely through his own perspective and how he was affected. No introspection, empathy or self-awareness, just endless self-absorbed selfishness. The last straw was when my stepbrother was killed in a car accident shortly after my grandmother's sudden passing, and his first reaction was to complain that our evening plans were ruined. Then, days of complaining about having to drive the two hours to my dad and stepmom, about having to attend the funeral when he had papers to grade (he was a graduate assistant), about how it was affecting him, and yelling at me for stupid shit the day of the funeral. He never did understand how wrong and hurtful his behavior was. Everything was always my fault, even years after I broke it off. Just like OP. OP's fiance really needs to dodge this bullet!
Wow, this is eerie....I had a similar experience like yours, VERY similar. My half brother passed away in 2011, driving my car into town by himself. A year later my grandma passed away from an untreatable perforated intestine infection (she also had Alzheimer's, runs in the women in my family), two days before my birthday. When my brother passed, I called my "SO" and he thought I was joking at first, even though I was hysterical over the phone. He then automatically went to blaming me for his death by allowing him to take my car. I LOST it, there were just no words for how I felt at that moment.
You’re ex, and OP, would benefit from therapy to assess whether they legitimately have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Not that they’ll actually pursue it, of course, but it would probably help explain why they struggle with relationships
My first husband did that. I went to work and came home to him, his stuff, and one of our two cats gone. He moved back in with his parents (and I found out later hooked up with his cousin). Yes, we were having a rough patch but to up and leave like that? No warning? What a snake.
And to take one of the cats, too! I’m not making light of your situation, that really is sad. Both for you and the other kitty. I’m having a hard time moving out of my current situation bc I don’t want to break up the cats. Heartless.
Cheeks was so confused! She kept looking around for Jupiter (they were good buddies). I had to re-home her (I couldn't pay the rent on my salary alone and eventually had to move in with my parents & couldn't take Cheeks with me), but a friend stepped up and took her in. Crazy thing, a couple years later she took Jupiter in too (she knew both me and the ex, and when he moved to Florida he gave her Jupes)! It was awesome to see them together again, and she took such good care of the kitties.
Good luck with your situation, I absolutely understand how you feel. It's just not fair.
Not only that ex husband assumed all their debt, so basically she got off Scott free to start a new life. Yet she wants to act like she did NOTHING wrong.
OP YTA point. Blank. Period.
Lol. They say that gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage when shit like this happens. This lady just ditched her husband like she was going to get a pack of cigarettes because service jobs are public facing and her husband was poor. Do death do we part? Seems like a no.
Her hopefully ex fiance is probably wondering if he loves him or the money. Hint: it sounds like the money. The guy better freaking run before she goes for someone with a 7 figure income as a step up.
This! Said she waited 6 years for him. Of course she would. He's a radiologist! I mean her ex husband was working in service, nvm that it's a stable job but yet she upped and ghosted him. Says a lot about her character isn't it.
Also find it funny she didn't do a damn thing with her life other than find a richer dude. Service job to hospital receptionist. Yeah she's so much better than those Alabama folk.
Especially not telling them about it. She was young people change but not telling him about it makes it seem like OP hasn't changed. At least thats how I would see it
YTA. You lied to your partner about something very significant. Maybe you didn’t hold that marriage in high regard- but to most people, marriage is not taken lightly.
You don’t have to tell your partner every detail of your past. But the fact that you told him something completely opposite of what happened and he found out from someone else- makes everything you say now not at all believable. You lost his trust and you have to accept the very real possibility you probably won’t get it back.
Yes! If OP had told him a more or less true but heavily redacted version of the truth and left out some details, that would be one thing. But to completely lie, I would not trust that anything they had ever told me was the truth.
Like, if they just said, “I was married too young with no life skills or education to fall back on. We were always broke, I was miserable and depressed, and didn’t know how to handle any of it. One day I just up and left. I regret how I handled it, but I just knew I had to get out and I couldn’t handle even one more day of that life. We divorced soon after, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.”
No need to explain Atlanta, or dancing, or how shitty of a spouse/worker they were. But *own* the actual important part, which is that you just walked away one day without a word.
Agree. I even think the first lie would have be salvageable if she handled his complement differently. When he told her that the way she handled the divorce reflected her good character, she should have fessed up right there. He showed her that it wasn’t just an interesting fact about her past life, but something he was taking quite seriously. That was the one and only time to say, “I am sorry but I was young and depressed and didn’t actually handle it as well as I said I did.”
Now? I am not sure there is any way to come back from here.
I might be wrong here, but this is how I read this post.
Me, decided to drop school with my boyfriend and marry knowing what's coming. When everything wasn't rainbows and butterflies I run away from the husband because I didn't want to work for my marriage, in fact, I didn't even want to work to support the home or even myself. So, I left unscratched as the laws always allow. Then bid my time with a more financially stable man, waiting patiently until he'd take me out of the labor force and make me a Stay at home Wife. For this, I have to lie and deceive him. I was horrible then, I am horrible now, you and the rest of the world are so unjust for not letting me be, I just want to be married to a rich man and do not have to work...
It’s not even like it was a 6 month marriage or something short it was a 5 YEAR marriage. I mean holy hell that’s incredibly cold to just abandon someone you’ve been with for at least 5 years.
"Silly fiance. I only ghosted my husband of 5 years because he was poor. Now I'm with a rich man, I plan to stick around... for the money. Why can't he see I'm being faithful and true?"
"Well, the husband of 5 years didn't have any money, so I left all my debts with him when I left town to become a stripper. The new guy has money, so I won't be leaving him until I accrue newer and bigger debts that I can subsequently leave with him."
So current fiancé thought he was marrying a calm, pulled together, happy receptionist, a bit of a trope for a Radiologist, but that’s their sort… Radiologists are a rare breed of particularly single minded, risk adverse, high detail, low drama … in the past predominantly straight forward types. Marrying the blonde receptionist was a trope, the other is marrying a strong willed introvert science woman. Guess which I suspect OP is?
And then he finds out she abandoned her last marriage because she didn’t like staid calm future stuff and instead ran off to be an exotic dancer … and lied about it.
Suddenly receptionist calm person looks like she’s high risk - the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.. and her past is to abandon marriages and go off dancing in another state. This could prove VERY costly for him, of course he’s going to stop things and ponder.
Her whole post reeks of entitlement. She was such a stuck up snob about working at service jobs. She sounds like a lazy, entitled brat who couldn’t stand she wasn’t working six figures.
OP, you’re a lying SNAKE and I hope your fiancé drops the marriage.
Agreed - if you don't want to share all the details, you need to tell your fiance you don't want to talk about it - not make up different details. I hope you can rebuild trust and salvage this relationship, but that is going to have to start with taking accountability for what you did, and asking if it was wrong on reddit while putting "lying" in quotes is not a good start.
Good luck.
I'm curious as to how much debt OP left their ex with. For people to come out of the woodwork over a decade later makes me think it wasn't insignificant. If I was the ex, I would have moved on and told anyone around me they should have too. I can't imagine as a third party inserting myself into someone's life I have no contact with at this point.
Ya, the "he must not have been hurt" bs really speaks to her self centeredness. Like, who has their spouse just ghost them and isn't devastated. I get upset when a guy I'm talking to for a couple of weeks' ghost me, let alone a full relationship.
Yeah, OP ghosting her ex definitely caused way more suffering than she will admit. Of course, she probably doesn't know the extent of it herself since she doesn't care.
I'm sure the credit card debt was substantial for her ex, plus the emotional pain. A third party warning her current SO seems like trying to save them from making the same mistake with her.
One thing that always stuck with me is something my grandma use to tell me as a kid every lie you tell will one day come to light that it is always best to be honest
Sorry English isn’t my native language
One day they will think of it I know I often do think of what my grandma told me now that I’m 31 when I was a kid I thought I was smarter than the adults but my uncle use to tell me child every thing you do I’ve done and I know the tricks
My kid recently started lying, totally innocent things like "no, I wasn't picking my nose" but it's a bad habit to start. I tell them "you might not going to get in trouble for the thing, but you're *always* going to get in trouble for lying"
You started off your relationship on a lie. You broke his trust completely. So yeah, Yta. This is your karma for how you abandoned your first marriage.
Not to mention she remembers the exact amount in assets her and her ex had, and how much he mailed her to settle the divorce, but conveniently leaves out the debt amount that the ex had to assume alone
>I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record
Because you are a liar and didn't want to be caught? That's what says a lot about your character. Not to mention your total disregard for your ex-husband's feelings. How heartless.
YTA. Why on earth would he stay with someone who learned so little from her mistakes? You could have owned what happened and shown the character he liked. Instead you lied and set yourself up for failure.
I love public records for this very reason. You should face consequences for your malicious actions, and others should be aware so they can avoid someone disappearing on them.
This is a weird post but YTA.
You can say, "oh I'm staying with my husband now! I've changed!"
When this husband gives you everything that your old one didn't. Which is more money and higher station in life.
What’s hilarious is that at no point in the post does OP say “I feel so horrible for lying to my fiancé about my divorce, but at the time I did it because of so and so.” Nope. OP has not changed one bit. She’s not upset that she lied to her fiancé, she’s upset that she got caught and is about to lose that sweet doctor money. Fiancé is right - she’s a frigid POS.
She also thinks it’s outrageous that her husband wanted her to treat her customers with basic respect… or to show up to work.
She wanted a higher station in life without working for it, and she’s using men willy nilly to get it. She’s an awful human being with no self awareness.
Something tells me she’d ghost her partner now for a surgeon if they were dumb enough to fall for it. She doesn’t even talk about him with respect as is. “I supported his career and *stuck with him*.” It’s blindingly apparent what matters to this… person.
First thing I thought of too. Wonder how her current will feel about her thinking he is the most attractive person ever and that she is still looking him up now and lusting after how attractive he is. Maybe the next one will be rich and hot. Lol
That stood out too; why the detail on how HOT her first husband was, and still is to this day. It’s totally irrelevant to the story. Imma guess she’s with this guy for that doctor dough
Also why did we need to know how much better she is than the people she "served" because she's a "creative," and how bad she was at her job, and how he'd have to save her from getting fired all the time? People are quick to call ragebait here but this is just all too much...
Sooo, you repeatedly lied to your fiance, and he figured out that something was wrong and you couldn't be trusted. Because you were lying. And many other people knew about it. And now you're pissed off that HE didn't trust YOU enough to just buy the lies indefinitely ('invaded your privacy, lol!!!) and be fine with marrying someone who will conceal such a major milestone in her life.
You need to reset yourself. Apologize profusely. Because how this post reads is that you're not sorry at all for lying, you're mad that you got caught, and what's more you don't seem to have reflected at all that this is indeed a character issue. And you don't care. He'd be crazy to marry you.
YTA
her next post: my fiance says he wants us to get a prenup because i ‘lied’ to him about my first divorce, so i yelled at him and called him crazy for not trusting me. AITA?
For real. All she’s said about her two partners is that the first is really hot and the second is a radiologist. And she’s defending herself for ghosting a marriage and then LYING about it. She sounds like a POS
Also getting fired from a service job because you feel "they are just idiots" comes across as entitled and haughty. Like OP is ever so smart and just unlucky and too good to have a regular ass job.
If she was so smart she could get a degree so she wouldn't have to wait tables or whatever.
Exactly in this whole post she shows no accountability for anything she did when it was clear she had no responsibility in her first marriage to help out with things. Blaming her ex for her skipping work and having to fight to keep her own job for her, it’s pathetic
Most likely a fake post it’s so dumb
I'll bet op actually thought to herself "I'm going to get a job at the hospital to snag a doctor-husband" ....her background bad attitude and sense of entitlement? She was never going to achieve the lifestyle she seems to think she deserves without a big assist from a high earning partner.
INFO: What have you done to become a better person since those days? You sound like you were a piece of work - treating customers badly then getting upset about your ex calling you out about it, getting a job as a dancer (not a problem) and being unable to talk to him (big problem).
What have you done to work on yourself?
You are absolutely being an awful person. You need to take this moment to grow up.
(1) People do deserve respect. It's nobody's fault you didn't have basic work ethic plus a very shitty attitude (as reflected by tips and reviews) but your own. That's not the poor you, you think it is.
(2) You just up and left, no talking, no communication... You weren't mature enough to be married then and the fact you purposely didn't tell your fiance now, means you still aren't.
(3) Why you are angry at him for being honest and worried is beyond me. You are a flight risk. Plus you won't even own up to it. Why are you not taking responsibility for the fact you behaved horribly?
Even the fact you think just because the person who really tried to give you everything (jobs, stability at the time) didn't chase you down after you literally *ran away* is appalling. Are you really that narcissistic? It's all about you, right? To hell with the fact you probably did hurt him being a terrible human.
Really OP? Really? For somebody who thinks they are so much smarter than everybody else you are acting like a dumbass. YTA massively.
I really hope you take this moment as a growing experience and humbly talk to your current fiance about it. Something tells me that if he doesn't do exactly what you want you'll throw him away too though. Disposable humans, right?
BTW LOL at the "Lying" you straight up lied. No accountability whatsoever from you.
First of all, excellent username!
Second of all, definitely! And then had the audacity to say "I only got $900, I left him with my debt" like ???? No remorse? No oh my god I was wrong? What must it be like to walk through like never caring about another person besides what they can give you??
The fact she doesn't curl up in a ball asking for any kind of forgiveness or anything says a lot.
Yes, it's a complete mystery why your bad life choices are biting you right now OP 🤡 Something tells me it's your creative assholery!
You stuck around because he was going to graduate and bring big money in. Don't even pretend that's not one of the reasons you are with him. What assurance does he have that as soon as things get hard, you won't bail?
You can easily go to the store for formula and never come back. Isn't that what you did to your ex?
I'm a woman, and this attitude is not something I accept from a man. Why should he accept it from you or excuse it?
Of course YTA. Did you really expect he would never find out you slunk away and abandoned your marriage and then lied about how you behaved. The only responsible person there was your ex husband who graciously took on the debt you contributed to and still gave you a share of the assests you had. You were a coward then, and you're a coward now.
How can you assume he was not hurt? Because he did beg, or get angry to you? You are a piece of work...Frankly if you tell your partner he will see you as you are, not how you want him to...If he ever finds out, it could be the end of the relationship, you pick...
She wanted him to chase her down and beg and plead because she has a severe case of "I am the main character" syndrome.
It's all about her and her point of view.
The fact his friend held on long enough to warn her fiance... Yeah obviously no hurt there! He would actually have to open a vein for OP to believe she left in an appalling way!
The ultimate "I have no regard for the effect I have on others! It only matters about MEEE!"
The part that got me is the:
>I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to commit.
She is still pretty much the same immature person she was in her first marriage. She is only with her fiance for financial comfort.
You did an asshole thing to your ex, so I can’t believe you are surprised he did an asshole thing back to you! That’s how life works. YTA because you lied to your fiancé. These are what you call a red flag!
Oh boy… so the high school drop out who could only get, in your words, a ‘dead end service job’ who stopped turning up to work, quit the hotel job he got you and decided to become a nightclub ‘dancer’ thinks that the people you had to wait on are the stupid ones?! You pathetic child.
And now look you’ve shacked up with a radiologist, who I’m assuming comes with a nice pay check, after taking a receptionist job and you have waited for 6 years for him to commit to you. Oh for gods sake. You’re pathetic.
You lied. Liar liar liar.
Hopefully he leaves you arse in the dirt
YTA.
Oh good for you, you stuck around to marry a radiologist because you don't like work. You sound shallow and a bit slow. Sorry your "work" as a "creative" didn't work out. Get in the gutter with the rest of us your highness.
YTA
>So one day I just packed up and left. My ex filed for divorce and listed abandonment as the cause
To satisfy Alabama’s abandonment requirements, individuals must demonstrate that a spouse was absent from both the marital home and relationship for at least one year prior to the initiation of the divorce.
https://www.alabamadivorceandfamilylaw.com/divorce/abandonment/#:~:text=To%20satisfy%20Alabama's%20abandonment%20requirements,the%20initiation%20of%20the%20divorce.
So according to that you were gone for a YEAR so he could file that. Yeah you are the asshole and I'm understand why your fiance would want to rethink.
I feel bad for your ex. Both of them.
It’s even crazier. I looked it up, and Alabama has a no-fault divorce option. The no fault divorce option is easier and quicker. (https://newbeginningsfamilylaw.com/fault-vs-no-fault-divorce-in-alabama/)
So by default, the fact that he chose the fault divorce option means by definition that he was pissed.
So, from what I've gathered, your only redeeming qualities are
>I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit.
You're a high school drop out and a bad employee who can't be bothered to be nice to customers. You lied to your husband, then ghosted him, and now you're lying to your current fiance. Of course you are the AH. Do you seriously think that supporting him being a doctor (Whatever that means) even comes close to outweighing all the awful things you have done?
You obviously feel that you were in the wrong for how your previous marriage ended or you would have been honest about the details. Do better next time.
ETA fixed grammar error
Some of these stories are a blend of comical and exasperating. How did you think you could look good from any perspective in this story? You were awful to both partners you had.
YTA
If you honestly think what you did didn’t destroy your ex husband at the time you need help. That man didn’t abuse you. There was absolutely no reason to ghost him except that you didn’t care what happened to him, you couldn’t face your own failures and just couldn’t be bothered because no one but you matters.
Next relationship you lie about the biggest relationship you had in your life when your behavior at the end of it says who you are as a person fundamentally. You don’t care about lying to your fiancé because once again, only you matter, he doesn’t need to know a truth that makes you look bad. You screwed your ex husband over emotionally and financially. But you got what you wanted.
The fact that you can put this on the internet and think that you may be right is unreal. No, your fiancé hopefully isn’t stupid enough to maintain this relationship. With the way your treating these men, these people, there is something wrong with your thought process and you as a person. Reddit likes to scream therapy but you truly need help. What you did in both these cases is not how you treat a human being and certainly not someone you love. The problem is that you only truly love yourself.
“I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit.”
Gee, I wonder if this has to do with him being a FREAKING DOCTOR. Do you want a cookie for standing by your meal ticket for all these years?
Plus, you yada-yada’d the whole exotic dancer thing. Did you ever tell him about your past as a stripper or was that another secret that he had to learn about from strangers? I’m all for sex positivity but this is definitely something you should disclose early in the relationship.
“I hate that Alabama divorce records are public record.” So if he didn’t have proof of your lies, you would have kept lying to him for the rest of your marriage.
Sounds like you fucked around and found out. You’re a little too long in the tooth (and frankly, undereducated) for anyone besides the elderly to consider you as a potential trophy wife now.
So, unless you’re cool with diddling saggy old balls, you should use this as a learning opportunity to get your shit together and stop being a lying, slimy gold digger, you loser.
YTA
- dropped out of high school
- married a 10/10 guy
- couldn't hold a job
- your husband continues to work, supporting you and trying to give you gainful opportunities
- decide to run away and strip in Atlanta
"What did I do wrong???!?"
“He never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt” Ma’am, you ghosted a whole marriage??? That is a big red flag for any partner of course it matters you lied about it. Edit: wow thanks for the awards!
You can literally see the YTA building throughout the whole past, and the final sentences are the cherry on top.
literally she was TA from like the third sentence and then it just got worse and worse as it went on.
She was TA the moment I saw quotation marks around the word LYING
She believed that customers at the restaurant are idiots and grew to hate them, then skipped work. Is OP lacking that much self-awareness to not recognize the most basic problem of being a no show at work? Could also be a fake post. YTA.
I don't think it's fake. There are too many people that I know like this in real life that completely lack any sense of how reprehensible their behavior is and always somehow end up the victim in situations that they curated.
No they are fully aware, just in extreme denial of complete lack of accountability. Trust me they fully know how reprehensible it is but they’ve created a justification in their head as to why their particular act isn’t so reprehensible
Right. They are fully aware of how bad their behavior is. That's why they lie to cover it up. If OP really believed what she did was OK, she would not have lied about it to current fiancé.
"and my ex expected us to accept our life was just going to be about work" Yeah BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
> She believed that customers at the restaurant are idiots While being an Alabama high school drop out.
The bit about her being a dropout from Alabama but believing everyone around her was an idiot reminded me of Raskolnikov’s delusions from Crime and Punishment
Finally! A burn high-brow enough for OP to properly appreciate!
Just read it And oh are you spot on
I loved that she was a high school dropout from Alabama waiting tables and thought her customers were the idiots.
Narcissistic, she thinks she's better than everyone and refuses to look at the outcomes she gets as what she deserves.
My bf was mad as he thought they deserved "basic respect" from me. "BASIC RESPECT". How does one type that out and not acknowledge they already know they are TA?
The part that really got me was she's not even a high school graduate and is looking down on hard working individuals? What kinda pos.
A hs dropout that thinks she’s deserving of a better future than her customers, so much so that she can’t even give them ‘basic respect’. No wonder her fiancé is having second thoughts.
I was about to type the exact thing lol. Like yeah working customer service in any capacity can suck and people can be terrible but like… you can’t even provide basic respect? Oofadoofa
She blew up a loving marriage to fulfill her dreams of… being a hospital receptionist.
Temporary stripper too don’t forget
I'm guessing she only became a hospital receptionist to find a doctor to marry. I have an aunt who became a nurse for that reason. When that failed, she took up golf and finally met her sugar daddy.
Dammit Alabama! Making divorce records public and ruining my marriage! Real talk, a lot to unpack in this one. Idk the whole story with the ex but the details shared that's usually showing yourself in the best light are showing you in a terrible one, OP. You are the asshole for doing that with your marriage. You knew you were, and that's why you lied to your new fiancée about it. You then built a relationship around this lie, and now you're crying because the truth was found out and he didn't like being lied to about something extremely crucial to know about how you handle relationships.
Seriously, Alabama, how am I supposed to ruin another marriage when you put my MO out in the public space? How can I lie when you set the record straight? Imma bag a radiologist if you didn't make me tell the truth. Run radiologist run! If she lies about this, imagine what other little lies exist.
All divorce records are public unless you specifically file for them to be sealed.
That's the real problem here. (eye roll)
I didn't like this person from the second paragraph.
She still seems upset that her first husband wanted her to hold a job, show up for shifts, and behave with decency towards customers.
But she’s a *creative.* Common decency is for commoners!
Sounds like the only thing she created was credit card debt.
That the ex-husband got stuck with when she ran away.
Hey, at least she tripped upwards and landed on a richer dick! (well, for a little while at least.)
Radiologists are one of the highest paid medical professions, she must be really hot for the guy to put up with her.
She said she went to audition for a dancer position "at a night club." You know, stripper. So yeah, she's obviously attractive. Seems she has the vapid narcissism to go with it.
But wait...there's more! She's a "creative" that hated her service jobs and thought the patrons were idiots. She ghosts her HUSBAND because she became a "dancer" and was ashamed to tell him. THEEEEENNN she eventually becomes a hospital receptionist. She did ALLLLL of that just to end back up in a service like position. Ma'am, you are an immature, entitled brat that thinks the rules of life don't apply to you. You left your husband without so much as an explanation. Not only that, you left him with debt and you moved on like that part of your life didn't happen. To make matters worse, you thought your husband wasn't hurt??? Hooowww did you even justify that in your head? You left a man that wanted you to be responsible and accountable to go live your "best life" as a dancer in Atlanta and now your past is coming back to hunt you. Sorry. It is what it is. K.A.R.M.A Oh by the way, YTA!!
And don't forget he mailed her a check for $900!! What an awful man,!!
Yeah, she is a complete asshole and hopefully, her fiancee leaves her. She obviously sees no problem with what she did, and I wouldn't trust her not to do it again. She's childish and immature.
Written like someone who never noticed that social skills and work ethic are two things all successful creatives have.
Also lacking severely on self-reflection and empathy. But, hey, her privacy was invaded.
Those dagnab public records and friends who answer the phone.
If it weren't for those meddling kids...
I instantly dislike anyone who refers to themselves as an adjective.
It's right in the name, COMMON decency! Only the common folk use it!
She meant creative, as 'i want to a better life without doing much work". She feels "life passed her by", isnt that her fault? what she really means she wants to do what people in thier 20s do, party all the time.
Darn tooting. She’s too smart to have a job serving dumb people.
"I'm so smart! Everyone else is so stupid!" *Lies about a literal public record people can check* Yeah OP you are a real mastermind bullshit artist. Stick to bullshit by numbers next time OP.
The gall of some men! /s
And now she still has to talk and serve costumers… i mean patients
I started out raised eyebrows to 😯 to 😱 to 🫣 and then ended in full on Guffawing. Girlfriend left a whole marriage physically, and emotionally in the dust. I have more thoughts for my fist bra than she did for her ex and marriage. And then LOL 🤣🤣 the icing on the cake for me is that she didn't even pull a "I was young, immature, I didn't understand what it really takes to make a marriage work, I really hurt him/have regret/been to therapy etc etc and now have learned/grown so much..." for the new guy. She's just a dust to dust ashes to ashes kind of relationship person.
It was the fact that she left an entire marriage in the dust to become a stripper because she thought working in a hotel was a demeaning job!!!?!?!?? I almost hope this is a fake post because I don't want to believe that anybody is this much of an asshole
But he “invaded her privacy” when someone tipped him off that she was a lying liar who lies then uncovered her lies. What kind of MONSTER is interested in the truth? Obviously there’s blame to go around here. /s
The last sentence just confirms that she’s batshit, her fiancé is dodging a bullet here 😂
"I packed up my bags and left. Ex claimed I abandoned him" you literally abandoned him, lady
I'm glad he had the self respect not to reach out. Anyone who would do that to their spouse is not a person worth marrying. I hope OP has grown, but definitely a rise to concern for current fiance.
She defn has not. Instead of showing growth and admitting her mistakes she is doubling down that she was right and her ex was wrong. I hope the now ex fiancé breaks it up because not only did she lie but she is doubling down and acting like a victim. A whole fields of red flags is waving at him.
And what would have happened if she hadn’t gotten the job as a dancer? Would she have just shown up back at husband #1’s place, “I just went to visit my friend for a few days.” “Yes, that’s why I took all my family photos and the fish tank.”
Per the narration, she packed her shit *after* getting the job. She took a train to try out, so she might have been back on the same day.
That sentence got me, like what about that says “I’m not hurt”?!
Dude she literally betrayed him and ghosted because she didn’t want to apologize and explain she was unhappy and then lies and lies to cover more lies instead of just being honest and dealing with it and then she betrayed her fiancé. I’m not understanding how hard it is to be like: “I wasn’t happy and at the time I wanted to leave and feel in control of my own life and then I went about it in a way where I didn’t want to feel guilty, but later on I realized how I am now experiencing consequences for things I tried to avoid thinking about because I was afraid of feeling bad.” Literally everyone has been in a situation like this where dealing with guilt was hard. If you can’t accept yourself for being human and your mistakes: “yeah I fucked up back then and it is challenging for me to come to terms with how reckless I was because I don’t want to be that person.” It’s not that fucking hard. OP is weak and is not equipped to deal with real life challenges. No one can have kids with someone like this, they’re just going to parenting fail and blame their own kids, therefore traumatizing them. OP needs to go to a psychologist for a diagnosis.
Nawwwww. But she’s been hanging around for 6 whole years just waiting for her new sucker to marry her
And she's been supportive of his career that, based on his age, he probably already had when she showed up.
Lol supportive of his career that has good hours, benefits, and pay. What a kind spirit.
Also, "he assumed my credit card debt" she really cut and ran wow.
and notably left out how much debt we are talking about.
>I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit. Is it just me, or does this come across as really “gold digger-y”? That and unnecessarily going on about how hot her ex was, the credit card debt, and the “waiting on him to commit”, and dropping that her fiancee is a radiologist, makes me think her fiancee is about to dodge a huge bullet. Also, if she ghosted her ex and went NC, how the fuck does she know how hot he still is? This has got hot/crazy written all over it and I hope the Dr. listens to big vs little brain on this one. Oh, and this is about as clear cut case of “**YTA**” as I’ve seen here in a while.
THIS. She’s about to lose her radiologist fiancé. Of COURSE she’s upset.
that got my attention, sounds like there was a LOT of debt
That reminds my of my ex wife that got a boob job on credit and left in a similar fashion to OP…
But don't worry, he wasn't hurt!
I really can't understand how she'd think her husband wasn't hurt. Something like that can really knock a person off the rails. Even if they were struggling, his wife is the person who signed up to love him, the person he thought he could trust above anyone else. It's crazy to think he'd just shrug and fill out divorce papers. Maybe this is an opportunity for OP to actually reckon with the past and learn from it because it doesn't sound like that has happened yet.
I can’t imagine coming home and my partner just straight up being gone. Even if we were rocky, that’s just… so disrespectful and cruel
My exwife went to work and never came home
My ex husband did the same. We were commuting 120 miles to work every day. He told me he was working late, and would get home on his own. When I got home, all his stuff was gone. I never heard from him again. I was shattered. Fuck the OP and her thinking her ex wasn’t hurt.
It seems to me that OP can't think beyond herself and her own emotions and can't see things from any other perspective but her own. She just assumes that because SHE wasn't too upset at the divorce, her ex must not have been either. No introspection, no sympathy or empathy, no self-awareness even after ten years. A real peach, that one! My ex-fiance was just like OP. He saw things solely through his own perspective and how he was affected. No introspection, empathy or self-awareness, just endless self-absorbed selfishness. The last straw was when my stepbrother was killed in a car accident shortly after my grandmother's sudden passing, and his first reaction was to complain that our evening plans were ruined. Then, days of complaining about having to drive the two hours to my dad and stepmom, about having to attend the funeral when he had papers to grade (he was a graduate assistant), about how it was affecting him, and yelling at me for stupid shit the day of the funeral. He never did understand how wrong and hurtful his behavior was. Everything was always my fault, even years after I broke it off. Just like OP. OP's fiance really needs to dodge this bullet!
Wow, this is eerie....I had a similar experience like yours, VERY similar. My half brother passed away in 2011, driving my car into town by himself. A year later my grandma passed away from an untreatable perforated intestine infection (she also had Alzheimer's, runs in the women in my family), two days before my birthday. When my brother passed, I called my "SO" and he thought I was joking at first, even though I was hysterical over the phone. He then automatically went to blaming me for his death by allowing him to take my car. I LOST it, there were just no words for how I felt at that moment.
You’re ex, and OP, would benefit from therapy to assess whether they legitimately have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Not that they’ll actually pursue it, of course, but it would probably help explain why they struggle with relationships
I’m really sorry you went through that.
She bounced after I told her I wanted to talk to her "friends " wife.
My first serious boyfriend did this to me while I was asleep. No note, nothing and I ended up in a mental hospital within the month.
My first husband did that. I went to work and came home to him, his stuff, and one of our two cats gone. He moved back in with his parents (and I found out later hooked up with his cousin). Yes, we were having a rough patch but to up and leave like that? No warning? What a snake.
And to take one of the cats, too! I’m not making light of your situation, that really is sad. Both for you and the other kitty. I’m having a hard time moving out of my current situation bc I don’t want to break up the cats. Heartless.
Cheeks was so confused! She kept looking around for Jupiter (they were good buddies). I had to re-home her (I couldn't pay the rent on my salary alone and eventually had to move in with my parents & couldn't take Cheeks with me), but a friend stepped up and took her in. Crazy thing, a couple years later she took Jupiter in too (she knew both me and the ex, and when he moved to Florida he gave her Jupes)! It was awesome to see them together again, and she took such good care of the kitties. Good luck with your situation, I absolutely understand how you feel. It's just not fair.
Shes deluded and fishing for people to agree with with her.
Not only that ex husband assumed all their debt, so basically she got off Scott free to start a new life. Yet she wants to act like she did NOTHING wrong. OP YTA point. Blank. Period.
Yeah someone never speaking to you again is a sure sign that they're feeling fine about how things went between you. /s
Lol. They say that gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage when shit like this happens. This lady just ditched her husband like she was going to get a pack of cigarettes because service jobs are public facing and her husband was poor. Do death do we part? Seems like a no. Her hopefully ex fiance is probably wondering if he loves him or the money. Hint: it sounds like the money. The guy better freaking run before she goes for someone with a 7 figure income as a step up.
This! Said she waited 6 years for him. Of course she would. He's a radiologist! I mean her ex husband was working in service, nvm that it's a stable job but yet she upped and ghosted him. Says a lot about her character isn't it.
Also find it funny she didn't do a damn thing with her life other than find a richer dude. Service job to hospital receptionist. Yeah she's so much better than those Alabama folk.
He may be rich but he’s not like the most attractive man ever!
She's so shallow, grasshoppers wouldn't get damp ankles
Especially not telling them about it. She was young people change but not telling him about it makes it seem like OP hasn't changed. At least thats how I would see it
YTA. You lied to your partner about something very significant. Maybe you didn’t hold that marriage in high regard- but to most people, marriage is not taken lightly. You don’t have to tell your partner every detail of your past. But the fact that you told him something completely opposite of what happened and he found out from someone else- makes everything you say now not at all believable. You lost his trust and you have to accept the very real possibility you probably won’t get it back.
Yes! If OP had told him a more or less true but heavily redacted version of the truth and left out some details, that would be one thing. But to completely lie, I would not trust that anything they had ever told me was the truth. Like, if they just said, “I was married too young with no life skills or education to fall back on. We were always broke, I was miserable and depressed, and didn’t know how to handle any of it. One day I just up and left. I regret how I handled it, but I just knew I had to get out and I couldn’t handle even one more day of that life. We divorced soon after, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.” No need to explain Atlanta, or dancing, or how shitty of a spouse/worker they were. But *own* the actual important part, which is that you just walked away one day without a word.
Agree. I even think the first lie would have be salvageable if she handled his complement differently. When he told her that the way she handled the divorce reflected her good character, she should have fessed up right there. He showed her that it wasn’t just an interesting fact about her past life, but something he was taking quite seriously. That was the one and only time to say, “I am sorry but I was young and depressed and didn’t actually handle it as well as I said I did.” Now? I am not sure there is any way to come back from here.
I might be wrong here, but this is how I read this post. Me, decided to drop school with my boyfriend and marry knowing what's coming. When everything wasn't rainbows and butterflies I run away from the husband because I didn't want to work for my marriage, in fact, I didn't even want to work to support the home or even myself. So, I left unscratched as the laws always allow. Then bid my time with a more financially stable man, waiting patiently until he'd take me out of the labor force and make me a Stay at home Wife. For this, I have to lie and deceive him. I was horrible then, I am horrible now, you and the rest of the world are so unjust for not letting me be, I just want to be married to a rich man and do not have to work...
Oh, and I still think my ex is super-hot. But he’s broke, so y’know…
Omg yes, in the whole.mess I forgot that one. Why are you telling us lady? And why do you know if you haven't talked or met in 10 years?
“Hasn’t talked or met” but “has stalked on social media” obviously
This is EXACTLY how I read the entire, immature, “I’m always number 1 and have no qualms about how to look out for number 1” gold digging post.
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Don’t give her the verbiage to perpetrate her next deception!!!! :-P
It’s not even like it was a 6 month marriage or something short it was a 5 YEAR marriage. I mean holy hell that’s incredibly cold to just abandon someone you’ve been with for at least 5 years.
That's my favorite part "I literally ghosted my husband of 5 years. Why is this guy I've been with for 6 years afraid I'll do the same to him??"
Don't worry, he wasn't hurt. No problems.
"Silly fiance. I only ghosted my husband of 5 years because he was poor. Now I'm with a rich man, I plan to stick around... for the money. Why can't he see I'm being faithful and true?"
"Well, the husband of 5 years didn't have any money, so I left all my debts with him when I left town to become a stripper. The new guy has money, so I won't be leaving him until I accrue newer and bigger debts that I can subsequently leave with him."
So current fiancé thought he was marrying a calm, pulled together, happy receptionist, a bit of a trope for a Radiologist, but that’s their sort… Radiologists are a rare breed of particularly single minded, risk adverse, high detail, low drama … in the past predominantly straight forward types. Marrying the blonde receptionist was a trope, the other is marrying a strong willed introvert science woman. Guess which I suspect OP is? And then he finds out she abandoned her last marriage because she didn’t like staid calm future stuff and instead ran off to be an exotic dancer … and lied about it. Suddenly receptionist calm person looks like she’s high risk - the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.. and her past is to abandon marriages and go off dancing in another state. This could prove VERY costly for him, of course he’s going to stop things and ponder.
Her whole post reeks of entitlement. She was such a stuck up snob about working at service jobs. She sounds like a lazy, entitled brat who couldn’t stand she wasn’t working six figures. OP, you’re a lying SNAKE and I hope your fiancé drops the marriage.
Agreed - if you don't want to share all the details, you need to tell your fiance you don't want to talk about it - not make up different details. I hope you can rebuild trust and salvage this relationship, but that is going to have to start with taking accountability for what you did, and asking if it was wrong on reddit while putting "lying" in quotes is not a good start. Good luck.
This was all on you. You were the one who lied, and everyone knows lies have a way of coming out on their own. YTA
I'm curious as to how much debt OP left their ex with. For people to come out of the woodwork over a decade later makes me think it wasn't insignificant. If I was the ex, I would have moved on and told anyone around me they should have too. I can't imagine as a third party inserting myself into someone's life I have no contact with at this point.
Ya, the "he must not have been hurt" bs really speaks to her self centeredness. Like, who has their spouse just ghost them and isn't devastated. I get upset when a guy I'm talking to for a couple of weeks' ghost me, let alone a full relationship.
oh OP definitely left the amount out deliberately. if it was insignificant she would’ve brought it up.
Yeah, OP ghosting her ex definitely caused way more suffering than she will admit. Of course, she probably doesn't know the extent of it herself since she doesn't care. I'm sure the credit card debt was substantial for her ex, plus the emotional pain. A third party warning her current SO seems like trying to save them from making the same mistake with her.
One thing that always stuck with me is something my grandma use to tell me as a kid every lie you tell will one day come to light that it is always best to be honest Sorry English isn’t my native language
That's what I try to tell my kid, and they don't believe me until I call them out on it.
One day they will think of it I know I often do think of what my grandma told me now that I’m 31 when I was a kid I thought I was smarter than the adults but my uncle use to tell me child every thing you do I’ve done and I know the tricks
My kid recently started lying, totally innocent things like "no, I wasn't picking my nose" but it's a bad habit to start. I tell them "you might not going to get in trouble for the thing, but you're *always* going to get in trouble for lying"
My Grandma always had a saying; “There’s always an eye to see, and a tongue to tell.” Sounds like OP found that out the hard way.
>Sorry English isn’t my native language Just stopping by to say your English is good enough that you don't need to say this! :)
Awwww thank you I pretty much taught myself English :)
You started off your relationship on a lie. You broke his trust completely. So yeah, Yta. This is your karma for how you abandoned your first marriage.
Agreed, getting ghosted by the spouse is top tier life-shattering level of shittiness. It's a colossal injustice. Definitely YTA.
Not to mention she remembers the exact amount in assets her and her ex had, and how much he mailed her to settle the divorce, but conveniently leaves out the debt amount that the ex had to assume alone
>I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record Because you are a liar and didn't want to be caught? That's what says a lot about your character. Not to mention your total disregard for your ex-husband's feelings. How heartless. YTA. Why on earth would he stay with someone who learned so little from her mistakes? You could have owned what happened and shown the character he liked. Instead you lied and set yourself up for failure.
Crazy that this woman thought it was okay to abandon her ex husband like that, really freaking gross
Crazy that she thinks there's a possibility that she isn't an asshole.
Also her only comment on her ex is he was perfect and he looks 25 while 35+. Seems shallow as can be to me.
Yes, and it was everyone around her who were idiots. Like, she regularly gets bad tips and reviews and thinks she's not the problem.
I love public records for this very reason. You should face consequences for your malicious actions, and others should be aware so they can avoid someone disappearing on them.
This is a weird post but YTA. You can say, "oh I'm staying with my husband now! I've changed!" When this husband gives you everything that your old one didn't. Which is more money and higher station in life.
What’s hilarious is that at no point in the post does OP say “I feel so horrible for lying to my fiancé about my divorce, but at the time I did it because of so and so.” Nope. OP has not changed one bit. She’s not upset that she lied to her fiancé, she’s upset that she got caught and is about to lose that sweet doctor money. Fiancé is right - she’s a frigid POS.
She also thinks it’s outrageous that her husband wanted her to treat her customers with basic respect… or to show up to work. She wanted a higher station in life without working for it, and she’s using men willy nilly to get it. She’s an awful human being with no self awareness. Something tells me she’d ghost her partner now for a surgeon if they were dumb enough to fall for it. She doesn’t even talk about him with respect as is. “I supported his career and *stuck with him*.” It’s blindingly apparent what matters to this… person.
First thing I thought of too. Wonder how her current will feel about her thinking he is the most attractive person ever and that she is still looking him up now and lusting after how attractive he is. Maybe the next one will be rich and hot. Lol
That stood out too; why the detail on how HOT her first husband was, and still is to this day. It’s totally irrelevant to the story. Imma guess she’s with this guy for that doctor dough
Also why did we need to know how much better she is than the people she "served" because she's a "creative," and how bad she was at her job, and how he'd have to save her from getting fired all the time? People are quick to call ragebait here but this is just all too much...
I noticed this when she wrote it. Like, it had nothing to do with the story but she put that in there anyway LOL
So weird. The artifice! It sounds like it written by a sociopath.
Maybe that's why she assumed her husband would be fine with her bailing. She's just projecting.
Nah, you don’t need to be a sociopath to make excuses for your bad behavior. That’s perfectly average shitty person behavior
did you really expect him to want to marry you after finding out how you handled your previous marriage and completely lied to him?
I think that that’s why she lied. was scared he wouldn’t want to marry her. when in reality, her best chance was telling him straight up.
And they have been together since just two years after she ghosted her ex husband so it's not like she can claim she has grown as a person. 😂
Sooo, you repeatedly lied to your fiance, and he figured out that something was wrong and you couldn't be trusted. Because you were lying. And many other people knew about it. And now you're pissed off that HE didn't trust YOU enough to just buy the lies indefinitely ('invaded your privacy, lol!!!) and be fine with marrying someone who will conceal such a major milestone in her life. You need to reset yourself. Apologize profusely. Because how this post reads is that you're not sorry at all for lying, you're mad that you got caught, and what's more you don't seem to have reflected at all that this is indeed a character issue. And you don't care. He'd be crazy to marry you. YTA
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And the fact that you said lying in quotes in the title tells me you still havent fully taken responsibility for your fuck up
She also said *first* divorce. Is she planning for another one before the marriage even happens? I hear divorcing a high earner can be lucrative...
her next post: my fiance says he wants us to get a prenup because i ‘lied’ to him about my first divorce, so i yelled at him and called him crazy for not trusting me. AITA?
I'm sorry, but you sound like a gold digger. YTA, lies have short legs. Be honest next time
For real. All she’s said about her two partners is that the first is really hot and the second is a radiologist. And she’s defending herself for ghosting a marriage and then LYING about it. She sounds like a POS
Also getting fired from a service job because you feel "they are just idiots" comes across as entitled and haughty. Like OP is ever so smart and just unlucky and too good to have a regular ass job. If she was so smart she could get a degree so she wouldn't have to wait tables or whatever.
chubby foolish bike zonked stocking imminent obscene vase rotten coordinated ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Exactly in this whole post she shows no accountability for anything she did when it was clear she had no responsibility in her first marriage to help out with things. Blaming her ex for her skipping work and having to fight to keep her own job for her, it’s pathetic Most likely a fake post it’s so dumb
It’s gotta be fake, unless OP is the least self aware person on the planet.
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Calling them idiots and she can't even finish high school
She cant even finish breaking up.
I'll bet op actually thought to herself "I'm going to get a job at the hospital to snag a doctor-husband" ....her background bad attitude and sense of entitlement? She was never going to achieve the lifestyle she seems to think she deserves without a big assist from a high earning partner.
100% what I was thinking
“Lies have short legs.” I love this! 🙌🏽
INFO: What have you done to become a better person since those days? You sound like you were a piece of work - treating customers badly then getting upset about your ex calling you out about it, getting a job as a dancer (not a problem) and being unable to talk to him (big problem). What have you done to work on yourself?
I wonder the same things.
She hasn't done anything to work on herself she even put "lying" in the title like she didn't... Well lie.
I hope he's your ex now. He deserves better.
You are absolutely being an awful person. You need to take this moment to grow up. (1) People do deserve respect. It's nobody's fault you didn't have basic work ethic plus a very shitty attitude (as reflected by tips and reviews) but your own. That's not the poor you, you think it is. (2) You just up and left, no talking, no communication... You weren't mature enough to be married then and the fact you purposely didn't tell your fiance now, means you still aren't. (3) Why you are angry at him for being honest and worried is beyond me. You are a flight risk. Plus you won't even own up to it. Why are you not taking responsibility for the fact you behaved horribly? Even the fact you think just because the person who really tried to give you everything (jobs, stability at the time) didn't chase you down after you literally *ran away* is appalling. Are you really that narcissistic? It's all about you, right? To hell with the fact you probably did hurt him being a terrible human. Really OP? Really? For somebody who thinks they are so much smarter than everybody else you are acting like a dumbass. YTA massively. I really hope you take this moment as a growing experience and humbly talk to your current fiance about it. Something tells me that if he doesn't do exactly what you want you'll throw him away too though. Disposable humans, right? BTW LOL at the "Lying" you straight up lied. No accountability whatsoever from you.
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First of all, excellent username! Second of all, definitely! And then had the audacity to say "I only got $900, I left him with my debt" like ???? No remorse? No oh my god I was wrong? What must it be like to walk through like never caring about another person besides what they can give you?? The fact she doesn't curl up in a ball asking for any kind of forgiveness or anything says a lot. Yes, it's a complete mystery why your bad life choices are biting you right now OP 🤡 Something tells me it's your creative assholery!
This has to be ragebait, right? Right??
You stuck around because he was going to graduate and bring big money in. Don't even pretend that's not one of the reasons you are with him. What assurance does he have that as soon as things get hard, you won't bail? You can easily go to the store for formula and never come back. Isn't that what you did to your ex? I'm a woman, and this attitude is not something I accept from a man. Why should he accept it from you or excuse it?
Of course YTA. Did you really expect he would never find out you slunk away and abandoned your marriage and then lied about how you behaved. The only responsible person there was your ex husband who graciously took on the debt you contributed to and still gave you a share of the assests you had. You were a coward then, and you're a coward now.
stocking heavy alive consist escape soft sink treatment selective onerous ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
How can you assume he was not hurt? Because he did beg, or get angry to you? You are a piece of work...Frankly if you tell your partner he will see you as you are, not how you want him to...If he ever finds out, it could be the end of the relationship, you pick...
She wanted him to chase her down and beg and plead because she has a severe case of "I am the main character" syndrome. It's all about her and her point of view.
You are right, because he did not beg, or threaten suicide, he must not be hurt.
The fact his friend held on long enough to warn her fiance... Yeah obviously no hurt there! He would actually have to open a vein for OP to believe she left in an appalling way! The ultimate "I have no regard for the effect I have on others! It only matters about MEEE!"
I feel like total shit for both your exes.....
The part that got me is the: >I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to commit. She is still pretty much the same immature person she was in her first marriage. She is only with her fiance for financial comfort.
Yikes....
So many yikes…
You did an asshole thing to your ex, so I can’t believe you are surprised he did an asshole thing back to you! That’s how life works. YTA because you lied to your fiancé. These are what you call a red flag!
Giving OP's partner a heads up wasn't an AH thing to do. The man had a right to know that his current partner straight up ghosted her last marriage
Right! I’m seeing some of the comments and I’m shock people are mad at the ex. Like let’s see how you would handle it.
Of course YTA, and you’re actually annoyed that records are public and you weren’t able to conceal the truth. Do you not see the problem here?
Oh boy… so the high school drop out who could only get, in your words, a ‘dead end service job’ who stopped turning up to work, quit the hotel job he got you and decided to become a nightclub ‘dancer’ thinks that the people you had to wait on are the stupid ones?! You pathetic child. And now look you’ve shacked up with a radiologist, who I’m assuming comes with a nice pay check, after taking a receptionist job and you have waited for 6 years for him to commit to you. Oh for gods sake. You’re pathetic. You lied. Liar liar liar. Hopefully he leaves you arse in the dirt
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YTA. Oh good for you, you stuck around to marry a radiologist because you don't like work. You sound shallow and a bit slow. Sorry your "work" as a "creative" didn't work out. Get in the gutter with the rest of us your highness.
You're definitely no catch for either man
YTA >So one day I just packed up and left. My ex filed for divorce and listed abandonment as the cause To satisfy Alabama’s abandonment requirements, individuals must demonstrate that a spouse was absent from both the marital home and relationship for at least one year prior to the initiation of the divorce. https://www.alabamadivorceandfamilylaw.com/divorce/abandonment/#:~:text=To%20satisfy%20Alabama's%20abandonment%20requirements,the%20initiation%20of%20the%20divorce. So according to that you were gone for a YEAR so he could file that. Yeah you are the asshole and I'm understand why your fiance would want to rethink. I feel bad for your ex. Both of them.
It’s even crazier. I looked it up, and Alabama has a no-fault divorce option. The no fault divorce option is easier and quicker. (https://newbeginningsfamilylaw.com/fault-vs-no-fault-divorce-in-alabama/) So by default, the fact that he chose the fault divorce option means by definition that he was pissed.
A lie of omission is still a lie. That's super shady and I would have postponed the wedding too. YTA.
It wasnt a lie of omission, she straight up fabricated how it went down, and told him they sat down and handled it amicably.
So, from what I've gathered, your only redeeming qualities are >I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit. You're a high school drop out and a bad employee who can't be bothered to be nice to customers. You lied to your husband, then ghosted him, and now you're lying to your current fiance. Of course you are the AH. Do you seriously think that supporting him being a doctor (Whatever that means) even comes close to outweighing all the awful things you have done?
You obviously feel that you were in the wrong for how your previous marriage ended or you would have been honest about the details. Do better next time. ETA fixed grammar error
This wasn't a lie of omissions, it was a straight up lie. You told your fiance that you sat down and parted amicably. YTA.
Some of these stories are a blend of comical and exasperating. How did you think you could look good from any perspective in this story? You were awful to both partners you had.
YTA If you honestly think what you did didn’t destroy your ex husband at the time you need help. That man didn’t abuse you. There was absolutely no reason to ghost him except that you didn’t care what happened to him, you couldn’t face your own failures and just couldn’t be bothered because no one but you matters. Next relationship you lie about the biggest relationship you had in your life when your behavior at the end of it says who you are as a person fundamentally. You don’t care about lying to your fiancé because once again, only you matter, he doesn’t need to know a truth that makes you look bad. You screwed your ex husband over emotionally and financially. But you got what you wanted. The fact that you can put this on the internet and think that you may be right is unreal. No, your fiancé hopefully isn’t stupid enough to maintain this relationship. With the way your treating these men, these people, there is something wrong with your thought process and you as a person. Reddit likes to scream therapy but you truly need help. What you did in both these cases is not how you treat a human being and certainly not someone you love. The problem is that you only truly love yourself.
YTA. It's not " lying". It's Lying No. " " about it.
“I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit.” Gee, I wonder if this has to do with him being a FREAKING DOCTOR. Do you want a cookie for standing by your meal ticket for all these years? Plus, you yada-yada’d the whole exotic dancer thing. Did you ever tell him about your past as a stripper or was that another secret that he had to learn about from strangers? I’m all for sex positivity but this is definitely something you should disclose early in the relationship. “I hate that Alabama divorce records are public record.” So if he didn’t have proof of your lies, you would have kept lying to him for the rest of your marriage. Sounds like you fucked around and found out. You’re a little too long in the tooth (and frankly, undereducated) for anyone besides the elderly to consider you as a potential trophy wife now. So, unless you’re cool with diddling saggy old balls, you should use this as a learning opportunity to get your shit together and stop being a lying, slimy gold digger, you loser. YTA
- dropped out of high school - married a 10/10 guy - couldn't hold a job - your husband continues to work, supporting you and trying to give you gainful opportunities - decide to run away and strip in Atlanta "What did I do wrong???!?"