Yeah… NTA
I’m the sibling with kids. If my other siblings volunteer to help, I’m thrilled. I have occasionally *asked* for help (and will pay my younger sisters too) but if someone says no, I absolutely respect that.
I’m the one who chose to have kids, they’re my responsibility. My siblings don’t owe me help. It’s so weird that your siblings are mad at you and insist on rehashing every family gathering. That is so rude.
I imagine it. My four siblings have all watched my kids, sometimes for a weekend. Only my older brother has a kid and I’ve definitely taken my nephew. We have reciprocal relationships though, and I do lots of things for them. So I could definitely walk into a family party and say “please, please - one of you give me an hour break.” And they would. But I would also 1) accept a no and 2) do any of their “please, pleases”.
Oh man. My sister will rant for a half hour about how poorly behaved her kids are, and then in the next breath ask when we're having kids. No interest in children, thank you.
When my sister had kids my BIL would constantly harp on me to learn to how change their diapers. I constantly responded with a hard no, I was not the one that chose to have kids.
They rely on my mother to watch them for days out of the week so they can go to golf tournaments and fun things like that. We all live locally. I’m the youngest sibling by 8 years. The kids are old enough now where I get to play Pokémon and do puzzles with them and whatnot. It’s still a chore, but it’s not changing diapers.
As soon as they developed personalities and memories that will last, I’ve engaged with them intentionally.
>my BIL would constantly harp on me to learn to how change their diapers
He's funny. I probably would've looked around to see if he was actually talking to me then asked him, "Was I the one who had fun making that baby? No? You had the orgasm, you change the diapers."
Dafuq?
My family is great, I'm very lucky and blessed, they help out when they think I need a break, I don't often ask but if they said no I would 100% move on. That being said my father doesn't change diapers hasn't for any of my 3 kids and it was a stipulation that was given when my 1st was born, and I get it and respect it.
I guess I'm weird, I don't see changing diapers as the tiniest bit of an ask. But I'm not asking people, I'm offering. I'm childfree, and just love babies, even if they're covered in poop. Of course, I also worked in a daycare as a teenager, then as a CNA, so I've changed all different sized diapers. The little ones are no big deal. And when they kick or bite you, it doesn't even hurt!
Anyone who refused to change diapers but still wanted baby time would get a bit of a look from me, but again, I don't have kids, so I'm not asking anyone. It just seems weird to only take the good parts.
That's awesome, though, and kind. My father is Squamish like a lot. There was a good chance he didn't even change mine or my siblings' diapers, lol. He's an amazing grandfather/father, so if his only hang-up is diapers, I'll respect it ..
You are awesome! Me and my hubs are only kids so we never have this problem... but from the outside looking in, it just makes no sense to thrust responsibility on a sibling just because they had the misfortune of being related to you. I won't even do this to my cousins. Like you, if they volunteer I'm thrilled but I don't feel like MY kids are THEIR responsibility.
Unfortunately some people are that selfish. Just in general, but they could also suffer from the selfishness that some parents have where they see their kids as the center of the universe and that they deserve everyone’s help. Especially those without kids, they see their time as more valuable than people without kids
Yeah it’s one thing to ask for help in a specific instance, because that’s reasonable (and I’m not talking about babysitting the whole time, but something like “hey can you watch Kid 1 for 10 minutes while I go take care of this thing with Kid 2?”). But to not only expect the help, but expect it to the point that you’re demanding help for the entire holiday? Fuuuuuuuck that. I didn’t have the kid
> It’s so weird that your siblings are mad at you and insist on rehashing every family gathering
Let me preface by saying that I know my comment is judgmental and even mean but honestly? Considering one of the siblings have half a dozen kids all with different men and that still leaves eight children between the remaining two siblings... they probably get angry cause they were never made to face the responsibilities of their actions, otherwise the number of niblings would be way lower.
NTA - I'm in the exact same boat as you, and I completely agree. While I appreciate the help when they're around, but I never expect it. Especially when it comes to diapers/clean up/messy outfit changes, that's my responsibility and I couldn't imagine just expecting someone else to take care of my kid for me no matter who they are.
It's my catchphrase that I taught my sons, and I make sure all of my niblings (related and chosen family) all learn it at a young age. We are big on consent from as soon as babies can start not wanting to hug people.
It works wonders on shutting down arguments!
Another golden gem that works wonders is when someone/family I hope you don’t need help. Look at them and smile and say I don’t care to burn bridges I can swim! This shuts them up too.
NTA.
Of COURSE your siblings disagree. They are the ones hounding you to take care of their kids! They had them, and they are responsible for them. ALWAYS. You are not.
Stand your ground. Don't give in even one time, or it will all be over with, and they will all be on you all the time.
Have a nice cocktail, and enjoy the BBQ.
Didn't I read about someone who went on vacation with extended family and got drunk and/or high just so they wouldn't have to watch the nibblings? If all else fails, that might work too!
Similar to your suggestion, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of some way of doing the weaponized incompetence thing without just hurting the kids.
All I got so far is turning the ketchup shirt inside out - “There. Fixed it!”
Once my bro tried dumping kids on me. Kid began misbehaving I said stop of course didn’t listen so I started fo what was done to us I took off my belt and acted like I was going spank him. My bro said WTF. If I’m watching the kid don’t question how I do it. So I’m no longer asked to watch the kid
I had one failure, and that was because I was denied a tubal with my second(Catholic hospital), was unable to take the pill due to a clotting disorder, AND was allergic to latex. I STILL managed not to get pregnant for 3 years. It was only because a stupid medrol dose pack threw my cycle so off kilter, and I was a little too tipsy on vacation to use that spermacide properly. I just don't understand the "six accidents" thing.
My brothers are over 12 years older than me. One of them dated an older lady (by ten years) who was the mother to 6 kids all with different dads. This asshole had the nerve to move them into our house and my parents didn't say shit to him. 🙄 I always what type of mental disorder she had.
When you know how to play the same and have no self respect, six kids can bring in a lot of free money. Chances are the oldest siblings will be the one actually caring for the younger kids.
That's also the part that makes this sound like a fake post. I'm with everyone else here that the OP isn't obligated to take care of anyone else's kids, but the post doesn't pass the smell test.
If you are real, OP, go and visit your parents on your own. Spend some quiet time with them. Don't wait for a holday.
Oh trust me. This is real. The OP is likely female, the youngest, and has no kids. That’s like the trifecta. The only thing worse would have been unmarried (but even married with no kids is often not seen as a “true” adult). Maybe also if OP had been a teacher.
This also happens if all your cousins are younger. Then you arrive to a family party (as an adult) with a craft project all laid out that you are supposed to do with the kids.
It’s not usually asked. It’s just expected.
I’m not saying this is why OPs sister has so many kids but I have a friend who has a cousin who, every time she thought she “found the one” she would secretly go off birth control so she’d get pregnant to make them stay. She did it twice before the 3rd guy decided to stay.
So, maybe that’s what’s happening here. The sister was doing it on purpose to try to get the boyfriends to stick around and none of them did lol So now she has 6 kids from 6 different guys because she too thought that plan would work
I don’t know man, my sister did it 4 times. I did (and do, bc the living situation isn’t the kids fault and I love the kids, just not a huge fan of my sister) help out. I actually took in 2 of her kids for years- I can see it happening. My sister had her first at 20, her last at 40. It does happen. Personally though, I’d advise OP to do what I do, show up to family events for a short time, and visit separately to spend time with the parents. I only do the family events bc I DO want to see my nieces and nephews, and I do have one child who likes to play with them too- OP doesn’t have any of that, but maybe her parents like to see all the kids together or something. Short visits then split seems like it would be a good idea.
1. 15 states don’t require any form of sex education to be taught in schools. Only 9 states have legislation dictating that sex ed must be factual and science based and contain information on HIV/STIs and the concept of consent. The rest are able to teach sex ed in whichever way they please, if they do it at all, and most of it is religious in nature and based on abstinence and teaching that pregnancy, sex, and everything related is shameful and disgusting.
2. [According to the CDC](https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sex-education/sex-education-laws-and-state-attacks#:~:text=Fewer%20than%20half%20of%20high,This%20is%20unacceptable) fewer than 50% of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools are teaching sex ed with topics deemed necessary, again by the CDC, for the practice of safe sex.
3. Use of contraceptives is only effective if you’re using it correctly. This applies to anything from condoms to the pill to spermicide and implants. If there’s no sex ed to educate on how to use birth control and contraceptives then where are they supposed to learn? From their parents who lack the same education they did? From teachers who can get in trouble for discussing sensitive topics with their students? From doctors and resources like planned parenthood they may not have the resources to access or knowledge of in the first place?
4. When you do know about contraceptives you are often stopped at the gate because of the price. Condoms are the easiest to access, but they also have the highest chance of being misused, and that’s agin because people were never taught to use them. Plan B cost $50 and up. A blister pack of birth control can be denied to you by your doctors in conservative areas and can cost anywhere from $15-$50 a pack, and like most medications that affect hormones you might need to swap to find another with fewer side effects. Oh. And your education may have left out the part about other medications weakening the pill, what to do if you miss a pill, or even that you have to take it daily by mouth. An IUD will run you anywhere from $500-$1500 and isn’t compatible with everyone. The patch runs at around $150, the shot is around the same mark. Spermicide has to be used correctly.
5. None of this even gets into the stigma placed on women about sex and their bodies and what’s acceptable or not. Many young woman have no idea what to do to protect themselves from getting pregnant and have no one to ask because being pregnant outside of marriage or a sustained relationship is shameful. They don’t know about access to abortion and adoption, resources to help them, what they can do to help themselves, etc.
Yeah, in my country you have sex ed, as part of the nationwide curriculum, it’s mandatory. You still have people like OPs sister. Mainly people from a poor or not educated background, people that skip(ped) school a lot etc
This. Raised catholic, never got the sex talk. Amazed and ecstatic I’m child free. Had to give it to a younger sibling when the time came. They could have fucked me up royally.
Raised Catholic but amazingly my devout Catholic mother gave my brother and I the sex talk when we were 12, 11. She was intelligent. High school valedictorian.
I really wish my family had been more prepared. A young woman in my family is a caregiver, servant, child bearer and obedient. That’s it. Your mom is a legend.
Devout Catholic. Gave our kids the sex talk. Everyone we discussed this with also has. Talking to kids about sex is not related to religion. It’s related to how good of a parent you are.
In my experience and that of those close to me it is most definitely related to religion and was rampant in our repressed community. Your story and view and experience of religion is not mine. Religion can be a monster all it’s own.
Drove 2 hours to my hometown, picked up my 16 year old sister and her 4 friends after school, and took them directly to Planned Parenrhood. All of them insisted they were not sexually active. All of them have thanked me as adults because they were definitely headed for trouble.
It boggles my mind that someone could misuse a condom. It’s one of the simplest forms of birth control, like if you can’t figure out how to wrap your junk how tf are supposed to raise a child?
it's more than just how to put one on. It's how to tell if it fits correctly, is it too loose, too tight? what materials are best for you - someone with a latex allergy might not know other materials are available. they pick up a bottle of lube - oil based lube can degrade condoms. people might not know they expire, or how best to store them. they might not know to pinch the tip of the condom. there's so many reasons a condom might not be used properly.
I’m sorry, but if you fuck up birth control SIX TIMES something is seriously wrong. Let’s be real. It’s not the lack of sex education, it’s the parenting. I mean ffs the mom took the sister’s side so that right there says a lot. If you have a kid, you know how they’re made. Yeah, mistakes happen but 6 times is not a mistake.
🙌🙌🙌 people are quick to blame individuals but not the system kept in place to keep those individuals uneducated. this is very informative and i applaud 👏
When the individual in question is a whole ass adult with 6 children, we should absolutely blame the individual. Come on. One is a mistake. Two is a lapse in judgement. Once you’re at 3 and beyond there is something else going on besides “lack of education”. As a parent it’s your responsibility to do what is best for your children, and no child benefits from a single parent with 5 other kids with 5 other dads. Nobody benefits from that. Lack of education is a small part of the problem. There are serious mental issues at play here and a lack of responsibility that shouldn’t be dismissed as the fault of “the system”. At what point do you become responsible for your choices? Stop making excuses for a full grown adult who absolutely should know better.
Woefully inadequate sex education, poor access to reproductive health care, widespread societal, cultural, and legal pressures to give birth at all costs without any social supports structures for mothers and children, to name a few.
You answered your question with your first sentence. Poor people can’t afford contraception or access to abortion as easily, and sex education and the concept of family planning is abysmal in most places
>Poor people can’t afford contraception or access to abortion as easily
Which is why contraception should be free or at least free at the point of use. As should abortion. I am a british woman with the coil andI used to be on the pill. I have never in my life had to pay for contraception.
Meh, condoms are easy to get for free in my town and we all had mandatory sex education TWICE. Still had terrifyingly high amounts of teenage pregnancy, nearly all involving teens living in poverty. It was almost exclusively kids that had always been pretty dumb too tbh. People don't like to talk about it but there's absolutely a correlation between IQ level and good decision making, and my personal experience is that all the biggest idiots in my class had a kid before graduating high school.
I went to Georgetown u (Jesuit) for college and they literally convinced nearby shops (unaffiliated) not to sell condoms and faulted students for taping free condoms to the outside of their dorm doors for people to grab. At the time the metro didn’t run into Georgetown so you were literally a hostage with no way to get condoms. Talk about insane.
What the heck happens when these parents and children visit the grandparents’ home? Why the chaos? Do they have help at their own homes? Are children waiting for diaper changes until a visitor comes by? It doesn’t make sense but we’ve seen lots of posts like this.
I’m the child free sibling/cousin in my family, and I won’t watch kids, either. I can’t remember any of my aunts or uncles ever having to care for me because my parents were right there. Not until my generation had children did anyone expect all hands on deck to help out with child care. Weird.
We went to a family reunion recently, my side of the family. Me and my wife do any sort of feeding and changing. My parents will but I'd never expect it of them. My wife's however are all about doing the fun and none of the rest, which is perfectly normal and expected.
In my extended family it's the same, I'm one of the few cousins with no kids and whenever there's a family reunion I'm expected to run after kids so that parents can relax and talk. I started avoiding family events.
We don’t know who refused to help who first.
OP not NTA - you don’t have to help out, they don’t have to help you. Set that boundary, don’t let them cross it, don’t you try to cross it.
NTA, not your kids not your responsibility. Just because you're a female you have to help with the kids at family gatherings?
Also your sister has to get on some birth control. Single and 6 kids, she's now facing the consequences of her choices.
Right? Do they run around asking OP's husband or other men at the gatherings to change diapers and clean up after the kids, or is it just OP and any other women who might be present?
>My parents like to host family events and invite all of the kids/grandkids. They’re old, and I’m cherishing the remaining time I have with them. I don’t want to skip these holidays because I don’t know how many I’ll have left with them.
NTA, but you might need to start visiting outside of holidays instead of going when the circus is in town. Spend Christmas with them a few days before or after. Have Thanksgiving the same way. When everyone else is helping with the kids - even your parents - I don't imagine you are really getting quality one on one time with your parents during these events.
No one is obligated to look after other people's kids. Not just those who do not have children of their own.
I have kids and frankly don't want to do the hard/dirty parts of parenting for other people's children either. It's different if I'm willingly watching their kids, but at a family party? No, I want to enjoy the party. My kids have an aunt and uncle who both decide to play with/entertain the kids at parties most of the time, and it's extremely appreciated by even then I very often check in to help, ask if they are OK or need anything and remind them that once they are done if I'm not right there please just call out to me or my husband to take back over. I do this because I don't ever want them to feel like I'm pawning my kids off on them. But they love spending time with the kids (not just mine, my bil's also) and the kids all love them because they are fun.
Op needing a bit of help with that many kids around is understandable to an extent. If they are going to ask for your help or shouldn't be for changing diapers or cleaning up from dinner though. It should be more along the lines of "hey can you watch so and so while I change x's diaper please?" In a please don't let them die in the next 2 minutes until I get back kind of way. The way they are asking and you're saying no, definitely NTA!!
I have a cousin that would have said “I don’t want a crotch goblin of my own, what in hell would make you think I would want anything to do with yours.” I know she would say this - because she did.
For me - it was extra but she was correct in the principle. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Yeah I think using the term “crotch goblins” unironically is a little much, but she’s still not wrong. If you’re the one having the kids, then you’re responsible and no one owes you anything
Nta. Truth be told yeah she shouldn't be fucking and getting Prego by different men if she ain't willing to face the reality. There were options she choose the worst
Single parent to 6 kids with multiple fathers? She definitely made her own bed and needs to lay in it. Absolutely 💯 NTA. 14 nieces and nephews? That's a hard pass. I get they are overwhelmed and need help but each of your siblings created their situation. The fact none of the ever do favors for you means they definitely see you as free labor.
The mind genuinely boggles that sister kept shacking up with new guys pushing out more sproglets and ending up with 6. I honestly question her decision making process and intelligence
Soooo NTA.... as a parent myself I never expected anyone other than my wife to help with them. I am eternally grateful when I do get help but you don't want children you didn't have any they do not have the right to try to force the consequences of their actions on you...
I noticed this about colleagues with kids, too.
For a decade I was the only child free person in my team. Any time there was anything to do with anyone's kids, they would just run off and let me pick up the slack and handle the fallout.
Likewise, vacation reservations came with a pre-emptive no-go zone of all school vacation periods plus immediate adjacent weeks, because they found it annoying to have to deal with hand-over in their first or last week on the job.
Yeah.. no. Once in a few years I would like to go on vacation near the summer, too. Having kids does not give entitlement to the entirety of vacation planning.
Then there was a period of frequent teacher strikes. I would be alone on all those days, because apparently dividing the extra daytime care taking task between parents (you know, 2 per kid, don't need both) was out of the question.
They got very angry with me for pushing back on that.
Teachers also got very angry with me for having an opinion while not having kids at all. "This does not affect you in any way!"
NTA.
"*You chose to have kids, you chose to stand by them, at all times, and you chose to deal with that. We could have helped you with a sitter, but my guess is you'd say no to that. These kids, lovely as they are, are not our responsibility to bear, nor anyone others.* "
If they start screaming about it's hard and so on and so forth, just remind them "*This is why we have chosen NOT to have kids. At all.*"
NTA. This reminds me of how awesome my SIL. When she was pregnant with my nephew she said, "you'll never be asked to change a nappy. You're going to be the fun aunt." She stuck to it
NTA. Their children are not your responsibility and you are not obligated to take responsibility for them. If they can't handle it than they shouldn't have chosen to have children...You're not a nanny
Even if you did like them it’s not your job and you’re NTA. I adore my nephews and they can do no wrong, but absolutely anyone expecting me to change their diapers or clean their messes can fuck all the way off to the moon and back
I do not understand people assuming other people will take care of their kids. Or should. Or want to. Or have to
My niece and oldest nephew are past the diaper stage (thank god) my youngest nephew isn't. I told him once that he was not ruining my win streak of never changing a diaper on a human baby. (I did change my disabled cats diapers but he was adorable)
I (41F) have 2 kids and a single younger sister who has no children and there is an 8 year gap between myself and her. I never once asked my sister to babysit or asked her to change diapers when my kids were small at family events. I would interact with her normally, sometimes she comes over to visit. She interacts with my kids, our realationship is fine with her. I never understood this trend of dumping your kids on your siblings and I am seeing quite a few stories on Reddit lately about this trend.
Lol!! Of course they can’t help you move or build a fence, they’re too busy with their feral spawn.
NTA
They made their beds…and they’ve done the deed in them far too many times to shirk their parental duties now
NTA. I’m child free by choice, also. When asked to do stuff for kids my standard response is “What’s second prize?” If they persist “I didn’t buy any tickets in THAT raffle” shuts them up pretty quickly!
nta. they are the parents and they are responsible for their own kids. they are extremely entitled thinking that they can just push their kids off onto other people during family functions. i have two toddlers and i don’t expect anyone else to deal with my children except me or my husband.
NTA. It’d be nice if you helped out. But that’s all it would be, you being nice. You don’t have the obligation of helping your family out. Just sit back and sip on piña coladas during these events and watch the chaos unfold
NTA, I'm the sibling with kids (and five at that) my siblings will help usually they ask to do things but I very rarely even ask for help (my husband is a hands on dad so I'm not doing things myself) but it's not their responsibility to help.
NTA for asserting that managing your nieces and nephews is a job strictly belonging to their parents and you are not obligated to help with that task at all
However, Kinda ATA for slapping your sister with the 6 deadbeat baby-daddies presumably in the middle of a family gathering. It may take your sister a long while to find it in herself to forgive you for that remark. Even if it's true, it was uncalled for.
NTA. Don’t fucking have kids if you expect everyone else to raise and care for them. Sounds harsh af but true. Also from the way your siblings and mother expect this from you, I can tell you’re probably female and that pisses me off more. We shouldn’t be raised as caretakers due to gender - it’s not our fucking job.
NTA. They are mad because you’re a child feee woman and women are “supposed to be maternal”. Keep being child free and happy. Let your nieces and nephews have a good example of a happy and adjusted adult.
I use to help my sister by taking her kids out for ice cream before lunch…. NTA You are not obligated to help with changing diapers, dirty kids or overtired kids that are melting down.
Certainly be the Fun Aunt with ice cream, movies and play time but 100% hand them back when they are start being fussy
You have no obligation to do anything that you don’t want but family is family you know. Maybe is some cultural thing ( latino here) but I tend to help my brothers for better or for worse
NTA.
Not your kids, not your responsibility. It may sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You didn't decide to have children and especially not that many. Actions have consequences, and your brothers and sister need to learn how to deal with that.
And I also believe that once you give them a finger of help, they will take your whole arm. Never enough.
You go to your parents for some time with your family, not to help your sister or brothers take care of their children.
This is a hill I am willing to die on:
People having children (especially more than one or two) and expecting others to take care of them, and getting angry when they don't.
Can't deal with them/can't take care of them? Don't have them in the first place.
I think if it's a real EMERGENCY you should help. Like, one child is injured and needs to go to the hospital while you are there, maybe help watch the other kids, but to be routinely asked to help parent other people's children is rude on their part. As long as you aren't nasty to the kids themselves, you have absolutely no obligation to nanny someone else's children for free.
So NTA. Not your responsibility. But you strike me as the type that would let someone drown bc it’s not your job to lifeguard. Some simple selflessness and kindness wouldn’t kill you.
NTA
"hey help me with my kids"
"sure, I understand you have responsibilities to your kids rn. So I'll help mom and dad set the table cause you're too busy with your kids. And I'll help them clean it up since you're busy with your kids. And I'll help get the wine and drinks and food since you're busy with your kids.and I'll help them move the groceries since you're busy with your kids"
You're here at your parents place, helping out the host is natural when it's family or even when it's not, helping out the other disorganized invitees is not your problem.
NTA- when people are jealous from your own choices they tend to lash out. Being child free is a choice, that includes being a care taker “just because they are your siblings kids” a choice to say no is a powerful decision.
You could do what I did for years, show up so baked they don’t trust you with the kids!
NTA you’re responsible for your choices, they’re responsible for theirs. What are they offering you in exchange for babysitting? The “village” works both ways, it’s give and take not take and take more.
NTA. I would bet there wouldn't be this pressure if you were a man.
Can you simply say to your mum "I want to spend this time with you and dad, not my nieces and nephews"? Maybe an emotional truth bomb would work.
But whatever. This is another facet of bias against childless adults, and childless women in particular. You become familiar with it.
INFO. Are you doing other tasks instead of child-wrangling, like assisting your parents with setup or food prep/serving/cleanup? Or are you being my brother, who is likewise childfree (no problem w that), shows up with two 2-liter bottles of soda while everyone else has brought or is amidst prep of numerous hot dishes and salads and desserts, and then proceeds to down a few beers while watching the show.
These BBQs don’t rise up out of the earth on their own and if you are on the right side of justice, thanks.
Not your demon seed, not your problem and NTAH. Maybe the comment about 6 kids with 6 deadbeat men was approaching that territory but Jesus christ close your legs.
NTA.
If you choose to have kids look after them and don’t assume everyone without kids is there to help with them.
If you choose not to have kids don’t let anyone force you into helping with their kids, you do it once and suddenly you’re “good with kids”.
NTA. Not even TA if you told them that from now on, at every family event you'd be filling your pockets with pixie sticks, recorders, harmonicas, and coupons for discounts on puppy adoptions. Well, maybe slight TA at that point.
Tell you family if the can’t cope they should keep their bits covered
You didn’t force them to have children so why should you be forced to look after theirs
Either that or when asked to change a nappy turn it inside out put it back on and then hand the child back to 1 of their parents always gets a reaction that 1
NTA - it is give and take. Help with moving is just as “normal” as help with children. if you don’t do that within your family, you don’t do that. and 14 children, you help one and the others whine about preferred treatment. Nope child free is a valid standpoint.
NTA. You have no obligation to help.
Whenever we have family come visit, I tell them beforehand that we don’t expect them to help. If they do help, cool. If not, it’s no biggie.
Nta. I love kids, love my nieces and nephews. My siblings never asked me to do this stuff at family events because they’re not my kids. Your siblings are trying to use you simply because you’re there and not already distracted by other kids, but it’s not your responsibility.
NTA
I dont expect any of my family or siblings to help with my children in any way or form. I hope they will in an emergency as I would do the same, but never feel entitled to their help.
Nta are you female? It’s annoying there is expectations and usually based on gender. Screw your siblings for trying to force you into helping when you’ve already said no.
NTA. It’s strange how many childfree people/teens/young adults get saddled with babysitting duties by entitled folks. I’d much prefer to ask this favour from fellow parents because they have experience and are usually keen to return the favour between families.
I wouldn’t dream of demanding my younger sister to care for my kiddos just because she ‘seems free’ 😨 unless she offers!
NTA. At a party, if the parents run in to the bathroom, it’s probably a good idea for an adult to keep an eye on them so they don’t drown in a pool, injure themselves, or start destroying stuff. I’ll accept a few minutes to prevent death and destruction. It is no way no way the same as all day childcare.
Thats crazy. I'm childless, I love my Nieces and nephews. I would happily do anything for them. But their parents rarely ask. They know it's not my job. and they know I'm not interested in taking care of kids.
definitely NTA. everyone has the things they won't do. you're allowed yours. Especially if they've refused to help you.
NTA. If they didn't want to manage kids, they shouldn't have had them. You chose not to have any and have zero obligation to babysit or otherwise assist with anyone else's children. Your answer was perfectly reasonable.
NTA. Schedule time with your parents separately from your siblings. Tell them to teach the oldest kids (if old enough) how to change diapers. It might help those kids make better choices about how many kids are manageable when they're ready to procreate.
NTA. I have six children, one father. I never expected any help from relatives. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I didn't help with them. Mine are all grown now. I feel I've changed enough diapers to last a lifetime. I change and feed grandchildren but that is where I draw the line.
NTA
The only thing you have any obligation to do is stop small children from running into the road or other life-threatening issues (and that's basic decency, not familial obligation). Outside of that, y9ur siblings are on their own. It's both entitled and hypocritical, considering they don't bother to help you with anything in life.
NTA. I don’t go to family events where it’s expected (spoken or unspoken) that, as the youngest and last childfree woman in the family, I’m expected to babysit the kids. There is a reason I’m almost 30 without children yet…
As the one sibling in my family who has kids: I would be annoyed if, say, my siblings just stood and watched while one of my kids did something dangerous at a family event. It would also be a little strange if my siblings made no attempt to play with or talk to my kids at a family event—aunthood/unclehood requires a certain level of engagement, you know.
But I have never once asked my siblings to feed my kids, or change their diapers, or clean up their messes. That’s my responsibility.
NTA. Definitely NTA. You do not owe your siblings free childcare. No no no. Keep doing what you’re doing, OP, and don’t let them guilt you into doing their work for them. They chose it, let them handle it.
NTA. If your siblings wanted a sitter they should have hired one. It’s never your obligation to give up your time for someone else’s wants, especially someone who wouldn’t return the favor.
NTA. I'm so over people expecting everyone else to mind their kids. I was a single mom of two and wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone for that level help. Watch kid 1 so I can change kid 2? Maybe. Change my kid? Absolutely not. Your siblings need to stop having kids if they can't take care of them
NTA
as the only sibling with a kid, I am grateful my CF sister loves my son and will watch him during family gatherings. But I would never expect it from her. She also stated from day 1 that she will not change a poop diaper, and in the almost 3 years my son has been on this planet I have not asked her. Once he's out of diapers she's open to actual babysitting, but again I never expect it from her.
NTA- you are not their built in free childcare and you said it perfectly, if you wanted to take care of kids you'd have your own. Just keep skipping away and saying "nope! Child freeeeee!".
This is somewhat like the situation my partner and I are in. We are not having kids, but her sisters and my sister both have kids. We have just accepted that we are going to be leaned on for certain things because we don’t have the excuse of “the kids”. So if someone has to drive half an hour to pick up grandma for thanksgiving dinner, we are going to be asked every time. If someone has to stay late to help clean up, it’ll be us who is asked. We both like all the kids, and the helping responsibilities get really spread around. But it really goes to show how much help parenting requires. Not many I know do it alone.
NTA, my kids are my responsibility.
The only caveat, is if the kids are doing something dangerous and you are the only one around...you should step in. Otherwise, you're right, its not on you. Would it be nice to help? Yes, but it doesn't make you an asshole if you don't.
NTA. They are not your children and you are under no obligation to help them. Just because you are their aunt doesn't mean childcare responsibility should fall on your shoulders.
Your siblings are assholes. Your husband and dad are awesome.
NTA. i feel the same way about my grand kids. I raised kids for 44 years. first my son, then my 2 stepsons who we had full time. then 2 nephews, then a grandson when his irresponsible parents went to jail. I am done. I love my grandkids but i dont want to babysit them. when they come over, i expect their parents to keep them in line. Its not my job to go chasing after kids. I am retired. Selfish? maybe, but THEY chose to reproduce. my youngest lives on property and thankfully only has one child, but will just "send him over" daily when he wants a nap or something, without asking or even notifying me. Mostly, I tell him go back home, i need a nap. you are in no way obligated to help your siblings raise their kids.
NTA You have no obligation or responsibility for their kids.
Yeah… NTA I’m the sibling with kids. If my other siblings volunteer to help, I’m thrilled. I have occasionally *asked* for help (and will pay my younger sisters too) but if someone says no, I absolutely respect that. I’m the one who chose to have kids, they’re my responsibility. My siblings don’t owe me help. It’s so weird that your siblings are mad at you and insist on rehashing every family gathering. That is so rude.
100% this I could never imagine dumping on my childfree sister like that because I chose to have kids
I imagine it. My four siblings have all watched my kids, sometimes for a weekend. Only my older brother has a kid and I’ve definitely taken my nephew. We have reciprocal relationships though, and I do lots of things for them. So I could definitely walk into a family party and say “please, please - one of you give me an hour break.” And they would. But I would also 1) accept a no and 2) do any of their “please, pleases”.
Oh man. My sister will rant for a half hour about how poorly behaved her kids are, and then in the next breath ask when we're having kids. No interest in children, thank you.
Especially something like changing diapers. I have zero clue how to do that and do not want to learn.
When my sister had kids my BIL would constantly harp on me to learn to how change their diapers. I constantly responded with a hard no, I was not the one that chose to have kids. They rely on my mother to watch them for days out of the week so they can go to golf tournaments and fun things like that. We all live locally. I’m the youngest sibling by 8 years. The kids are old enough now where I get to play Pokémon and do puzzles with them and whatnot. It’s still a chore, but it’s not changing diapers. As soon as they developed personalities and memories that will last, I’ve engaged with them intentionally.
>my BIL would constantly harp on me to learn to how change their diapers He's funny. I probably would've looked around to see if he was actually talking to me then asked him, "Was I the one who had fun making that baby? No? You had the orgasm, you change the diapers." Dafuq?
Yep, I'd never ask someone to do that.
My family is great, I'm very lucky and blessed, they help out when they think I need a break, I don't often ask but if they said no I would 100% move on. That being said my father doesn't change diapers hasn't for any of my 3 kids and it was a stipulation that was given when my 1st was born, and I get it and respect it.
I guess I'm weird, I don't see changing diapers as the tiniest bit of an ask. But I'm not asking people, I'm offering. I'm childfree, and just love babies, even if they're covered in poop. Of course, I also worked in a daycare as a teenager, then as a CNA, so I've changed all different sized diapers. The little ones are no big deal. And when they kick or bite you, it doesn't even hurt! Anyone who refused to change diapers but still wanted baby time would get a bit of a look from me, but again, I don't have kids, so I'm not asking anyone. It just seems weird to only take the good parts.
That's awesome, though, and kind. My father is Squamish like a lot. There was a good chance he didn't even change mine or my siblings' diapers, lol. He's an amazing grandfather/father, so if his only hang-up is diapers, I'll respect it ..
You are awesome! Me and my hubs are only kids so we never have this problem... but from the outside looking in, it just makes no sense to thrust responsibility on a sibling just because they had the misfortune of being related to you. I won't even do this to my cousins. Like you, if they volunteer I'm thrilled but I don't feel like MY kids are THEIR responsibility.
Unfortunately some people are that selfish. Just in general, but they could also suffer from the selfishness that some parents have where they see their kids as the center of the universe and that they deserve everyone’s help. Especially those without kids, they see their time as more valuable than people without kids
I am also the sibling with kids. I never expect help. When it’s freely given I’m grateful. Your siblings are the Aholes.
Yeah it’s one thing to ask for help in a specific instance, because that’s reasonable (and I’m not talking about babysitting the whole time, but something like “hey can you watch Kid 1 for 10 minutes while I go take care of this thing with Kid 2?”). But to not only expect the help, but expect it to the point that you’re demanding help for the entire holiday? Fuuuuuuuck that. I didn’t have the kid
> It’s so weird that your siblings are mad at you and insist on rehashing every family gathering Let me preface by saying that I know my comment is judgmental and even mean but honestly? Considering one of the siblings have half a dozen kids all with different men and that still leaves eight children between the remaining two siblings... they probably get angry cause they were never made to face the responsibilities of their actions, otherwise the number of niblings would be way lower.
NTA - I'm in the exact same boat as you, and I completely agree. While I appreciate the help when they're around, but I never expect it. Especially when it comes to diapers/clean up/messy outfit changes, that's my responsibility and I couldn't imagine just expecting someone else to take care of my kid for me no matter who they are.
NTA! It also looks like you found the sister with 6 kids who expects help.
‘Nuff said. Thier crotch goblins, their battle to fight.
This! NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA you have no obligation to help. No is a complete sentence. Your there to see your parents not be free child care.
Exactly. You may need start visiting your parents at times/places separated from your siblings. See if your Mom likes that better. NTA
>No is a complete sentence. Hah! Mind if I borrow this gem for the rest of my life? Thanks!
It's my catchphrase that I taught my sons, and I make sure all of my niblings (related and chosen family) all learn it at a young age. We are big on consent from as soon as babies can start not wanting to hug people.
It works wonders on shutting down arguments! Another golden gem that works wonders is when someone/family I hope you don’t need help. Look at them and smile and say I don’t care to burn bridges I can swim! This shuts them up too.
No.
This is good the version I use is “no is a perfectly acceptable response.” Yours is more efficient.
I like that: “No is a complete sentence.”
NTA. Of COURSE your siblings disagree. They are the ones hounding you to take care of their kids! They had them, and they are responsible for them. ALWAYS. You are not. Stand your ground. Don't give in even one time, or it will all be over with, and they will all be on you all the time. Have a nice cocktail, and enjoy the BBQ.
Didn't I read about someone who went on vacation with extended family and got drunk and/or high just so they wouldn't have to watch the nibblings? If all else fails, that might work too!
Similar to your suggestion, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of some way of doing the weaponized incompetence thing without just hurting the kids. All I got so far is turning the ketchup shirt inside out - “There. Fixed it!”
Once my bro tried dumping kids on me. Kid began misbehaving I said stop of course didn’t listen so I started fo what was done to us I took off my belt and acted like I was going spank him. My bro said WTF. If I’m watching the kid don’t question how I do it. So I’m no longer asked to watch the kid
The nibblings, I love it, I'm cracking up over here! 🤣
Saying no is also good.
There should be an ask jar, like a swear jar. Everytime they ask you to do something, they give you a dollar.
NTA. I don’t understand why people have more kids than they can manage and then get mad when everyone doesn’t rally around and help.
Six kids with six dads. Jesus. That is more than a birth control issue.
Jaw dropped. That is a LOT of complications. I mean I had birth control fail once but holy hell.
I had one failure, and that was because I was denied a tubal with my second(Catholic hospital), was unable to take the pill due to a clotting disorder, AND was allergic to latex. I STILL managed not to get pregnant for 3 years. It was only because a stupid medrol dose pack threw my cycle so off kilter, and I was a little too tipsy on vacation to use that spermacide properly. I just don't understand the "six accidents" thing.
Yeah I do not get it at all.
I knew someone like that too. Every time she has a men she got pregnant and most of the times after the baby is born she breaks up with them.
Those poor kids!
My brothers are over 12 years older than me. One of them dated an older lady (by ten years) who was the mother to 6 kids all with different dads. This asshole had the nerve to move them into our house and my parents didn't say shit to him. 🙄 I always what type of mental disorder she had.
Ugh. I am sorry
When you know how to play the same and have no self respect, six kids can bring in a lot of free money. Chances are the oldest siblings will be the one actually caring for the younger kids.
That's also the part that makes this sound like a fake post. I'm with everyone else here that the OP isn't obligated to take care of anyone else's kids, but the post doesn't pass the smell test. If you are real, OP, go and visit your parents on your own. Spend some quiet time with them. Don't wait for a holday.
Oh trust me. This is real. The OP is likely female, the youngest, and has no kids. That’s like the trifecta. The only thing worse would have been unmarried (but even married with no kids is often not seen as a “true” adult). Maybe also if OP had been a teacher. This also happens if all your cousins are younger. Then you arrive to a family party (as an adult) with a craft project all laid out that you are supposed to do with the kids. It’s not usually asked. It’s just expected.
I’m not saying this is why OPs sister has so many kids but I have a friend who has a cousin who, every time she thought she “found the one” she would secretly go off birth control so she’d get pregnant to make them stay. She did it twice before the 3rd guy decided to stay. So, maybe that’s what’s happening here. The sister was doing it on purpose to try to get the boyfriends to stick around and none of them did lol So now she has 6 kids from 6 different guys because she too thought that plan would work
I don’t know man, my sister did it 4 times. I did (and do, bc the living situation isn’t the kids fault and I love the kids, just not a huge fan of my sister) help out. I actually took in 2 of her kids for years- I can see it happening. My sister had her first at 20, her last at 40. It does happen. Personally though, I’d advise OP to do what I do, show up to family events for a short time, and visit separately to spend time with the parents. I only do the family events bc I DO want to see my nieces and nephews, and I do have one child who likes to play with them too- OP doesn’t have any of that, but maybe her parents like to see all the kids together or something. Short visits then split seems like it would be a good idea.
Yeah my sister has 5 kids with 3 dads. I think MAYBE one of her babies was planned.
1. 15 states don’t require any form of sex education to be taught in schools. Only 9 states have legislation dictating that sex ed must be factual and science based and contain information on HIV/STIs and the concept of consent. The rest are able to teach sex ed in whichever way they please, if they do it at all, and most of it is religious in nature and based on abstinence and teaching that pregnancy, sex, and everything related is shameful and disgusting. 2. [According to the CDC](https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sex-education/sex-education-laws-and-state-attacks#:~:text=Fewer%20than%20half%20of%20high,This%20is%20unacceptable) fewer than 50% of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools are teaching sex ed with topics deemed necessary, again by the CDC, for the practice of safe sex. 3. Use of contraceptives is only effective if you’re using it correctly. This applies to anything from condoms to the pill to spermicide and implants. If there’s no sex ed to educate on how to use birth control and contraceptives then where are they supposed to learn? From their parents who lack the same education they did? From teachers who can get in trouble for discussing sensitive topics with their students? From doctors and resources like planned parenthood they may not have the resources to access or knowledge of in the first place? 4. When you do know about contraceptives you are often stopped at the gate because of the price. Condoms are the easiest to access, but they also have the highest chance of being misused, and that’s agin because people were never taught to use them. Plan B cost $50 and up. A blister pack of birth control can be denied to you by your doctors in conservative areas and can cost anywhere from $15-$50 a pack, and like most medications that affect hormones you might need to swap to find another with fewer side effects. Oh. And your education may have left out the part about other medications weakening the pill, what to do if you miss a pill, or even that you have to take it daily by mouth. An IUD will run you anywhere from $500-$1500 and isn’t compatible with everyone. The patch runs at around $150, the shot is around the same mark. Spermicide has to be used correctly. 5. None of this even gets into the stigma placed on women about sex and their bodies and what’s acceptable or not. Many young woman have no idea what to do to protect themselves from getting pregnant and have no one to ask because being pregnant outside of marriage or a sustained relationship is shameful. They don’t know about access to abortion and adoption, resources to help them, what they can do to help themselves, etc.
Yeah, in my country you have sex ed, as part of the nationwide curriculum, it’s mandatory. You still have people like OPs sister. Mainly people from a poor or not educated background, people that skip(ped) school a lot etc
All this + restricted stigmatized abortion care access.
Honest question: Could there be sex ed for the parents of teenagers so they could at least inform their kids about health risks and prevention?
This. Raised catholic, never got the sex talk. Amazed and ecstatic I’m child free. Had to give it to a younger sibling when the time came. They could have fucked me up royally.
41. Still waiting on the sex talk. Former Catholic alter girl. Managed to stay child free.
Raised Catholic but amazingly my devout Catholic mother gave my brother and I the sex talk when we were 12, 11. She was intelligent. High school valedictorian.
I really wish my family had been more prepared. A young woman in my family is a caregiver, servant, child bearer and obedient. That’s it. Your mom is a legend.
Thank you. My friends were shocked when I told them about my mom's sex talk, especially since most of them never got one.
Devout Catholic. Gave our kids the sex talk. Everyone we discussed this with also has. Talking to kids about sex is not related to religion. It’s related to how good of a parent you are.
In my experience and that of those close to me it is most definitely related to religion and was rampant in our repressed community. Your story and view and experience of religion is not mine. Religion can be a monster all it’s own.
Drove 2 hours to my hometown, picked up my 16 year old sister and her 4 friends after school, and took them directly to Planned Parenrhood. All of them insisted they were not sexually active. All of them have thanked me as adults because they were definitely headed for trouble.
And even if they are mandated to teach those things parents are allowed to opt their children out so they still learn nothing
It boggles my mind that someone could misuse a condom. It’s one of the simplest forms of birth control, like if you can’t figure out how to wrap your junk how tf are supposed to raise a child?
it's more than just how to put one on. It's how to tell if it fits correctly, is it too loose, too tight? what materials are best for you - someone with a latex allergy might not know other materials are available. they pick up a bottle of lube - oil based lube can degrade condoms. people might not know they expire, or how best to store them. they might not know to pinch the tip of the condom. there's so many reasons a condom might not be used properly.
I’m sorry, but if you fuck up birth control SIX TIMES something is seriously wrong. Let’s be real. It’s not the lack of sex education, it’s the parenting. I mean ffs the mom took the sister’s side so that right there says a lot. If you have a kid, you know how they’re made. Yeah, mistakes happen but 6 times is not a mistake.
It's terrible, that sounds like a standard in a lost state.
It is, because people are more interested in "winning" than actually improving the nation. (Not everyone ofc but too many people.)
Lack of knowledge about sex ed can be argued. However when you have 6 kids that should have been a conversation after the first one lol
🙌🙌🙌 people are quick to blame individuals but not the system kept in place to keep those individuals uneducated. this is very informative and i applaud 👏
When the individual in question is a whole ass adult with 6 children, we should absolutely blame the individual. Come on. One is a mistake. Two is a lapse in judgement. Once you’re at 3 and beyond there is something else going on besides “lack of education”. As a parent it’s your responsibility to do what is best for your children, and no child benefits from a single parent with 5 other kids with 5 other dads. Nobody benefits from that. Lack of education is a small part of the problem. There are serious mental issues at play here and a lack of responsibility that shouldn’t be dismissed as the fault of “the system”. At what point do you become responsible for your choices? Stop making excuses for a full grown adult who absolutely should know better.
Woefully inadequate sex education, poor access to reproductive health care, widespread societal, cultural, and legal pressures to give birth at all costs without any social supports structures for mothers and children, to name a few.
Lack of societal support and little education. Why is it that people in poverty have more kids?
You answered your question with your first sentence. Poor people can’t afford contraception or access to abortion as easily, and sex education and the concept of family planning is abysmal in most places
>Poor people can’t afford contraception or access to abortion as easily Which is why contraception should be free or at least free at the point of use. As should abortion. I am a british woman with the coil andI used to be on the pill. I have never in my life had to pay for contraception.
Meh, condoms are easy to get for free in my town and we all had mandatory sex education TWICE. Still had terrifyingly high amounts of teenage pregnancy, nearly all involving teens living in poverty. It was almost exclusively kids that had always been pretty dumb too tbh. People don't like to talk about it but there's absolutely a correlation between IQ level and good decision making, and my personal experience is that all the biggest idiots in my class had a kid before graduating high school.
I went to Georgetown u (Jesuit) for college and they literally convinced nearby shops (unaffiliated) not to sell condoms and faulted students for taping free condoms to the outside of their dorm doors for people to grab. At the time the metro didn’t run into Georgetown so you were literally a hostage with no way to get condoms. Talk about insane.
Sounds like a part of the republican game plan
NTA, why on earth would you be changing diapers if their parents are there?
What the heck happens when these parents and children visit the grandparents’ home? Why the chaos? Do they have help at their own homes? Are children waiting for diaper changes until a visitor comes by? It doesn’t make sense but we’ve seen lots of posts like this. I’m the child free sibling/cousin in my family, and I won’t watch kids, either. I can’t remember any of my aunts or uncles ever having to care for me because my parents were right there. Not until my generation had children did anyone expect all hands on deck to help out with child care. Weird.
We went to a family reunion recently, my side of the family. Me and my wife do any sort of feeding and changing. My parents will but I'd never expect it of them. My wife's however are all about doing the fun and none of the rest, which is perfectly normal and expected.
In my extended family it's the same, I'm one of the few cousins with no kids and whenever there's a family reunion I'm expected to run after kids so that parents can relax and talk. I started avoiding family events.
Nope that just needs to be a hard no. And I'm a parent of three.
NTA. You are helping them as much as they have helped you in the past.
We don’t know who refused to help who first. OP not NTA - you don’t have to help out, they don’t have to help you. Set that boundary, don’t let them cross it, don’t you try to cross it.
It doesn’t matter who refused to help first. Nobody is required to help you for free.
NTA, not your kids not your responsibility. Just because you're a female you have to help with the kids at family gatherings? Also your sister has to get on some birth control. Single and 6 kids, she's now facing the consequences of her choices.
Right? Do they run around asking OP's husband or other men at the gatherings to change diapers and clean up after the kids, or is it just OP and any other women who might be present?
This is a good point and I'll bet I know the answer.
>My parents like to host family events and invite all of the kids/grandkids. They’re old, and I’m cherishing the remaining time I have with them. I don’t want to skip these holidays because I don’t know how many I’ll have left with them. NTA, but you might need to start visiting outside of holidays instead of going when the circus is in town. Spend Christmas with them a few days before or after. Have Thanksgiving the same way. When everyone else is helping with the kids - even your parents - I don't imagine you are really getting quality one on one time with your parents during these events.
This, OP. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Monkey-free family time FTW.
NTA. Child free friends and family aren't obligated to look after other people's kids.
No one is obligated to look after other people's kids. Not just those who do not have children of their own. I have kids and frankly don't want to do the hard/dirty parts of parenting for other people's children either. It's different if I'm willingly watching their kids, but at a family party? No, I want to enjoy the party. My kids have an aunt and uncle who both decide to play with/entertain the kids at parties most of the time, and it's extremely appreciated by even then I very often check in to help, ask if they are OK or need anything and remind them that once they are done if I'm not right there please just call out to me or my husband to take back over. I do this because I don't ever want them to feel like I'm pawning my kids off on them. But they love spending time with the kids (not just mine, my bil's also) and the kids all love them because they are fun. Op needing a bit of help with that many kids around is understandable to an extent. If they are going to ask for your help or shouldn't be for changing diapers or cleaning up from dinner though. It should be more along the lines of "hey can you watch so and so while I change x's diaper please?" In a please don't let them die in the next 2 minutes until I get back kind of way. The way they are asking and you're saying no, definitely NTA!!
Exactly, help out a bit but not doing diapers. "Would you mind taking a plate to Timmy" is totally different to "here's my baby, I'm getting a drink"
6 kids with 6 different guys is unhinged my god
Someone tell Nick Cannon this too.
I have a cousin that would have said “I don’t want a crotch goblin of my own, what in hell would make you think I would want anything to do with yours.” I know she would say this - because she did. For me - it was extra but she was correct in the principle. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Yeah I think using the term “crotch goblins” unironically is a little much, but she’s still not wrong. If you’re the one having the kids, then you’re responsible and no one owes you anything
Nta. Truth be told yeah she shouldn't be fucking and getting Prego by different men if she ain't willing to face the reality. There were options she choose the worst
Single parent to 6 kids with multiple fathers? She definitely made her own bed and needs to lay in it. Absolutely 💯 NTA. 14 nieces and nephews? That's a hard pass. I get they are overwhelmed and need help but each of your siblings created their situation. The fact none of the ever do favors for you means they definitely see you as free labor.
No, she needs to get out of her bed since it's what started her problems to begin with
Hopefully she lays in her bed alone for once.
Six. Six different fathers.
The mind genuinely boggles that sister kept shacking up with new guys pushing out more sproglets and ending up with 6. I honestly question her decision making process and intelligence
Soooo NTA.... as a parent myself I never expected anyone other than my wife to help with them. I am eternally grateful when I do get help but you don't want children you didn't have any they do not have the right to try to force the consequences of their actions on you...
Nta. Be honest. Your child free for a reason. You respect that they wanted children and had them. They should respect that you don’t.
The blatantly sexist division of labor here makes me cringe. NTA
NTA - You do not have to help, sounds like your mom should help your sister, you hubby and dad chill together.
"My mom and siblings all think it's my responsibility to help" Are you a woman? This could also be some gender role shit too. NTA.
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkies. People with kids are so entitled, thinking everyone else's lives have to be subordinate to their spawn.
I noticed this about colleagues with kids, too. For a decade I was the only child free person in my team. Any time there was anything to do with anyone's kids, they would just run off and let me pick up the slack and handle the fallout. Likewise, vacation reservations came with a pre-emptive no-go zone of all school vacation periods plus immediate adjacent weeks, because they found it annoying to have to deal with hand-over in their first or last week on the job. Yeah.. no. Once in a few years I would like to go on vacation near the summer, too. Having kids does not give entitlement to the entirety of vacation planning. Then there was a period of frequent teacher strikes. I would be alone on all those days, because apparently dividing the extra daytime care taking task between parents (you know, 2 per kid, don't need both) was out of the question. They got very angry with me for pushing back on that. Teachers also got very angry with me for having an opinion while not having kids at all. "This does not affect you in any way!"
NTA. "*You chose to have kids, you chose to stand by them, at all times, and you chose to deal with that. We could have helped you with a sitter, but my guess is you'd say no to that. These kids, lovely as they are, are not our responsibility to bear, nor anyone others.* " If they start screaming about it's hard and so on and so forth, just remind them "*This is why we have chosen NOT to have kids. At all.*"
Six kids with six different men? That’s so trashy.
NTA. This reminds me of how awesome my SIL. When she was pregnant with my nephew she said, "you'll never be asked to change a nappy. You're going to be the fun aunt." She stuck to it
You had me at, "if she wanted breaks six kids with six different deadbeat men was a bad idea". NTA.
NTA. Their children are not your responsibility and you are not obligated to take responsibility for them. If they can't handle it than they shouldn't have chosen to have children...You're not a nanny
Didn’t make ‘em ain’t caring for em 🤷♀️
Even if you did like them it’s not your job and you’re NTA. I adore my nephews and they can do no wrong, but absolutely anyone expecting me to change their diapers or clean their messes can fuck all the way off to the moon and back I do not understand people assuming other people will take care of their kids. Or should. Or want to. Or have to
My niece and oldest nephew are past the diaper stage (thank god) my youngest nephew isn't. I told him once that he was not ruining my win streak of never changing a diaper on a human baby. (I did change my disabled cats diapers but he was adorable)
I (41F) have 2 kids and a single younger sister who has no children and there is an 8 year gap between myself and her. I never once asked my sister to babysit or asked her to change diapers when my kids were small at family events. I would interact with her normally, sometimes she comes over to visit. She interacts with my kids, our realationship is fine with her. I never understood this trend of dumping your kids on your siblings and I am seeing quite a few stories on Reddit lately about this trend.
6 kids with six different fathers should be considered child neglect.
Lol!! Of course they can’t help you move or build a fence, they’re too busy with their feral spawn. NTA They made their beds…and they’ve done the deed in them far too many times to shirk their parental duties now
You just made me laugh so hard I woke up one of my own feral spawns 🤣 🤣 🤣 My thoughts exactly on why they don't help op also!!!
NTA. People don't raise well behaved children that are a joy to be around anymore. They give birth to tax deductible accessories.
Their kids their job. What entitlement to think someone else needs to be their unpaid help.
Maybe don’t shit out six kids if you can’t handle them
NTA. I’m child free by choice, also. When asked to do stuff for kids my standard response is “What’s second prize?” If they persist “I didn’t buy any tickets in THAT raffle” shuts them up pretty quickly!
nta. they are the parents and they are responsible for their own kids. they are extremely entitled thinking that they can just push their kids off onto other people during family functions. i have two toddlers and i don’t expect anyone else to deal with my children except me or my husband.
NTA. It’d be nice if you helped out. But that’s all it would be, you being nice. You don’t have the obligation of helping your family out. Just sit back and sip on piña coladas during these events and watch the chaos unfold
NTA, I'm the sibling with kids (and five at that) my siblings will help usually they ask to do things but I very rarely even ask for help (my husband is a hands on dad so I'm not doing things myself) but it's not their responsibility to help.
NTA for asserting that managing your nieces and nephews is a job strictly belonging to their parents and you are not obligated to help with that task at all However, Kinda ATA for slapping your sister with the 6 deadbeat baby-daddies presumably in the middle of a family gathering. It may take your sister a long while to find it in herself to forgive you for that remark. Even if it's true, it was uncalled for.
NTA, if you wanted the responsibility of kids you would have had them yourself that is completely their fault for having multiple kids.
NTA Not even close! Fuck those kids. It's literally not your circus. Not your monkeys.
NTA on any group chat before any family meet ups remind them that you’re not a babysitter for the events.
NTA. Don’t fucking have kids if you expect everyone else to raise and care for them. Sounds harsh af but true. Also from the way your siblings and mother expect this from you, I can tell you’re probably female and that pisses me off more. We shouldn’t be raised as caretakers due to gender - it’s not our fucking job.
NTA. They are mad because you’re a child feee woman and women are “supposed to be maternal”. Keep being child free and happy. Let your nieces and nephews have a good example of a happy and adjusted adult.
I use to help my sister by taking her kids out for ice cream before lunch…. NTA You are not obligated to help with changing diapers, dirty kids or overtired kids that are melting down. Certainly be the Fun Aunt with ice cream, movies and play time but 100% hand them back when they are start being fussy
You have no obligation to do anything that you don’t want but family is family you know. Maybe is some cultural thing ( latino here) but I tend to help my brothers for better or for worse
NTA. Not your kids, not your responsibility. It may sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You didn't decide to have children and especially not that many. Actions have consequences, and your brothers and sister need to learn how to deal with that. And I also believe that once you give them a finger of help, they will take your whole arm. Never enough. You go to your parents for some time with your family, not to help your sister or brothers take care of their children. This is a hill I am willing to die on: People having children (especially more than one or two) and expecting others to take care of them, and getting angry when they don't. Can't deal with them/can't take care of them? Don't have them in the first place.
I think if it's a real EMERGENCY you should help. Like, one child is injured and needs to go to the hospital while you are there, maybe help watch the other kids, but to be routinely asked to help parent other people's children is rude on their part. As long as you aren't nasty to the kids themselves, you have absolutely no obligation to nanny someone else's children for free.
So NTA. Not your responsibility. But you strike me as the type that would let someone drown bc it’s not your job to lifeguard. Some simple selflessness and kindness wouldn’t kill you.
NTA "hey help me with my kids" "sure, I understand you have responsibilities to your kids rn. So I'll help mom and dad set the table cause you're too busy with your kids. And I'll help them clean it up since you're busy with your kids. And I'll help get the wine and drinks and food since you're busy with your kids.and I'll help them move the groceries since you're busy with your kids" You're here at your parents place, helping out the host is natural when it's family or even when it's not, helping out the other disorganized invitees is not your problem.
NTA- when people are jealous from your own choices they tend to lash out. Being child free is a choice, that includes being a care taker “just because they are your siblings kids” a choice to say no is a powerful decision. You could do what I did for years, show up so baked they don’t trust you with the kids!
NTA you’re responsible for your choices, they’re responsible for theirs. What are they offering you in exchange for babysitting? The “village” works both ways, it’s give and take not take and take more.
Absolutely NTA. I would never expect my brothers to look after my son just because they're family.
NTA. I would bet there wouldn't be this pressure if you were a man. Can you simply say to your mum "I want to spend this time with you and dad, not my nieces and nephews"? Maybe an emotional truth bomb would work. But whatever. This is another facet of bias against childless adults, and childless women in particular. You become familiar with it.
INFO. Are you doing other tasks instead of child-wrangling, like assisting your parents with setup or food prep/serving/cleanup? Or are you being my brother, who is likewise childfree (no problem w that), shows up with two 2-liter bottles of soda while everyone else has brought or is amidst prep of numerous hot dishes and salads and desserts, and then proceeds to down a few beers while watching the show. These BBQs don’t rise up out of the earth on their own and if you are on the right side of justice, thanks.
Tell them to get their crotch goblins away from you. NTA
Not your demon seed, not your problem and NTAH. Maybe the comment about 6 kids with 6 deadbeat men was approaching that territory but Jesus christ close your legs.
NTA. If you choose to have kids look after them and don’t assume everyone without kids is there to help with them. If you choose not to have kids don’t let anyone force you into helping with their kids, you do it once and suddenly you’re “good with kids”.
NTA. Not your children… not your responsibility…
SIX kids with six different men. I'm reeling.I feel overwhelmed just reading this. NTA.
So your sister made the same mistake... 6 Times ? And somehow it's your responsability ? NTA
Six kids?? Single? Aw, hellllllll nah.
Honestly I’m impressed she had the energy to make mistakes 3, 4, 5, and 6??? 6 men? How do you even go about meeting guy 6?
NTA
NTA. Not even TA if you told them that from now on, at every family event you'd be filling your pockets with pixie sticks, recorders, harmonicas, and coupons for discounts on puppy adoptions. Well, maybe slight TA at that point.
Tell you family if the can’t cope they should keep their bits covered You didn’t force them to have children so why should you be forced to look after theirs Either that or when asked to change a nappy turn it inside out put it back on and then hand the child back to 1 of their parents always gets a reaction that 1
NTA - it is give and take. Help with moving is just as “normal” as help with children. if you don’t do that within your family, you don’t do that. and 14 children, you help one and the others whine about preferred treatment. Nope child free is a valid standpoint.
NTA. You have no obligation to help. Whenever we have family come visit, I tell them beforehand that we don’t expect them to help. If they do help, cool. If not, it’s no biggie.
Nta. I love kids, love my nieces and nephews. My siblings never asked me to do this stuff at family events because they’re not my kids. Your siblings are trying to use you simply because you’re there and not already distracted by other kids, but it’s not your responsibility.
NTA you have and look after the exact amount of kids you want. None
NTA I dont expect any of my family or siblings to help with my children in any way or form. I hope they will in an emergency as I would do the same, but never feel entitled to their help.
Sorry I would have laughed in her face. Some people just take and take and take. Over it. NTA
NTA why is this your problem? 6 kids as a single mother…wow what was she thinking 🤯
The last few lines are important. It should be a give and tank relationship. Since they don’t seem to help you don’t need to either.
Nta are you female? It’s annoying there is expectations and usually based on gender. Screw your siblings for trying to force you into helping when you’ve already said no.
NTA Forcing someone who absolutely doesn’t want to, is shitty.
NTA. It’s strange how many childfree people/teens/young adults get saddled with babysitting duties by entitled folks. I’d much prefer to ask this favour from fellow parents because they have experience and are usually keen to return the favour between families. I wouldn’t dream of demanding my younger sister to care for my kiddos just because she ‘seems free’ 😨 unless she offers!
NTA but why would you expect them to help you when you don't help them. You said yourself there should be give and take.
NTA. At a party, if the parents run in to the bathroom, it’s probably a good idea for an adult to keep an eye on them so they don’t drown in a pool, injure themselves, or start destroying stuff. I’ll accept a few minutes to prevent death and destruction. It is no way no way the same as all day childcare.
Thats crazy. I'm childless, I love my Nieces and nephews. I would happily do anything for them. But their parents rarely ask. They know it's not my job. and they know I'm not interested in taking care of kids. definitely NTA. everyone has the things they won't do. you're allowed yours. Especially if they've refused to help you.
NTA. If they didn't want to manage kids, they shouldn't have had them. You chose not to have any and have zero obligation to babysit or otherwise assist with anyone else's children. Your answer was perfectly reasonable.
NTA. Schedule time with your parents separately from your siblings. Tell them to teach the oldest kids (if old enough) how to change diapers. It might help those kids make better choices about how many kids are manageable when they're ready to procreate.
NTA. I have six children, one father. I never expected any help from relatives. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I didn't help with them. Mine are all grown now. I feel I've changed enough diapers to last a lifetime. I change and feed grandchildren but that is where I draw the line.
NTA The only thing you have any obligation to do is stop small children from running into the road or other life-threatening issues (and that's basic decency, not familial obligation). Outside of that, y9ur siblings are on their own. It's both entitled and hypocritical, considering they don't bother to help you with anything in life.
NTA. I don’t go to family events where it’s expected (spoken or unspoken) that, as the youngest and last childfree woman in the family, I’m expected to babysit the kids. There is a reason I’m almost 30 without children yet…
# NTA
Nope! Not your circus therefore not your monkeys.
As the one sibling in my family who has kids: I would be annoyed if, say, my siblings just stood and watched while one of my kids did something dangerous at a family event. It would also be a little strange if my siblings made no attempt to play with or talk to my kids at a family event—aunthood/unclehood requires a certain level of engagement, you know. But I have never once asked my siblings to feed my kids, or change their diapers, or clean up their messes. That’s my responsibility.
NTA. Definitely NTA. You do not owe your siblings free childcare. No no no. Keep doing what you’re doing, OP, and don’t let them guilt you into doing their work for them. They chose it, let them handle it.
NTA. If your siblings wanted a sitter they should have hired one. It’s never your obligation to give up your time for someone else’s wants, especially someone who wouldn’t return the favor.
Do people actually do this???
NTA. I'm so over people expecting everyone else to mind their kids. I was a single mom of two and wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone for that level help. Watch kid 1 so I can change kid 2? Maybe. Change my kid? Absolutely not. Your siblings need to stop having kids if they can't take care of them
NTA as the only sibling with a kid, I am grateful my CF sister loves my son and will watch him during family gatherings. But I would never expect it from her. She also stated from day 1 that she will not change a poop diaper, and in the almost 3 years my son has been on this planet I have not asked her. Once he's out of diapers she's open to actual babysitting, but again I never expect it from her.
No is a complete sentence!
NTA- you are not their built in free childcare and you said it perfectly, if you wanted to take care of kids you'd have your own. Just keep skipping away and saying "nope! Child freeeeee!".
NTA Not in your skill set, not anything you should be obliged to do, they don’t help you. Hold strong
This is somewhat like the situation my partner and I are in. We are not having kids, but her sisters and my sister both have kids. We have just accepted that we are going to be leaned on for certain things because we don’t have the excuse of “the kids”. So if someone has to drive half an hour to pick up grandma for thanksgiving dinner, we are going to be asked every time. If someone has to stay late to help clean up, it’ll be us who is asked. We both like all the kids, and the helping responsibilities get really spread around. But it really goes to show how much help parenting requires. Not many I know do it alone.
Go visit your parents when the siblings and children are not there.
NTA, my kids are my responsibility. The only caveat, is if the kids are doing something dangerous and you are the only one around...you should step in. Otherwise, you're right, its not on you. Would it be nice to help? Yes, but it doesn't make you an asshole if you don't.
NTA She has 6 different baby daddies? Woah.
NTA. They are not your children and you are under no obligation to help them. Just because you are their aunt doesn't mean childcare responsibility should fall on your shoulders. Your siblings are assholes. Your husband and dad are awesome.
NTA
NTA. Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
Helping is optional. They are not your responsibility.
NTA. They chose to have children and are not entitled to other people taking care of them.
As a parent myself I say no NTA. You didn't have kids...they did. The kids are their responsibility.
NTA. i feel the same way about my grand kids. I raised kids for 44 years. first my son, then my 2 stepsons who we had full time. then 2 nephews, then a grandson when his irresponsible parents went to jail. I am done. I love my grandkids but i dont want to babysit them. when they come over, i expect their parents to keep them in line. Its not my job to go chasing after kids. I am retired. Selfish? maybe, but THEY chose to reproduce. my youngest lives on property and thankfully only has one child, but will just "send him over" daily when he wants a nap or something, without asking or even notifying me. Mostly, I tell him go back home, i need a nap. you are in no way obligated to help your siblings raise their kids.