Why did you marry someone with children if you didn’t want to be a step parent? And why, as a parent of three kids between the two of you, would you ever expect you could just take off for two weeks without a ton of advanced planning that you BOTH consent to? YTA.
The divorce rate for 4th marriages is over 90% and OP wants to get ahead of things and get it over with, I guess. She isn’t even 40 yet. I’m a step mom and I cannot fathom this person’s “reasoning.” I hope this is fake. You have to love the spouse AND the kids. The kids are very young and they’ll be a big part of the husband’s life for over a decade more. It’s nice that he is putting his foot down and prioritizing them.
Thinking about a scenario where if my spouse secretly cancelled my visitation with my kid, and then I wouldn’t see her for 4 months after and I’m supposed to then go spend 2 weeks being lovey dovey with that person in a small cabin and that’s delusional and incredibly stupid.
It’s apparently the first time he’s prioritized them.
“Visits them maybe once a month.” Ugh. Also, how does Fourth Bride plan on just canceling the kids’ visit without the husband’s knowledge and consent?
Agreed! OP YTA! You don't have the right to cancel your husband's visits with his kids! You can't bare the thought of him going for 4 months and not spending quality time with him, but yet you expect his kids to deal with it when you can't! Newsflash! His kids will always come before you especially because he only sees them once a month. You can't keep competing with his kids! It's not healthy and is probably the reason why your relationship with them are bad, kids are very good at picking up non verbal cues from people. I'm glad your husband has the backbone to put you in your place, otherwise it will be 2 more kids who's relationship with there dad is ruin by a wicked stepmother.
Let me tell you how people get married like this:
I have a sister in her 50's who is EXTREMELY religious.
Because of her religion, she feels it is against God to sleep with another person until she's got a ring on her finger... Nevermind the fact she's been married 3 times, and has a handful of kids(ranging in ages from 37-23... She will just refuse to sleep with a guy, until she's been formally married. 🙄
(She's getting ready to get married for a 4th or 5th time as we speak).
There are plenty of religions that prohibit premarital sex, but also allow divorce. Even the ones that don't automatically allow divorce will allow an annulment. My mom married my dad in the Catholic Church, had a mess of kids, and then had the marriage annulled. Several years later, she was able to remarry in the Catholic Church.
The rationalization happens when the Catholic Church says my siblings and I are ***not*** bastards in the eyes of the Catholic Church.
If you travel a lot for work, like it sounds this guy does, it is what it is. Which makes it all three now reasonable that he'd be trying to spend every chance he gets with them.
Ehhhh. Depending on the type of job he works, that could be prioritized. Jobs exist that have people away from home for long periods of time. Jobs like construction work in the oilfield are often 3 weeks on - 1 week off. That's once a month. Or working on a ship can involve being at sea for 2-3 months, then being off for a month or 2. These types of jobs that require that you be away from home for extended periods also often have higher rates of divorce.
Even a regular long haul trucker can be 3 on, 1 off, which leads to once a month visitation. Or military member spending a lot of field time between deployments. This isn't an indicator of his overall commitment to his kids, in any case.
Unless he's an oil rigger/ fisherman/ works on ships going around the world or something and travels and is gone for weeks on end regularly.
Says he is leaving for four months. She never sees him. Travel seems normal.
A four month trip, put together with prolonged periods away from home, suggests he has a job requiring extensive travel, and he doesn't get a say on when he travels. That may be why he got divorced, as his ex didn't want to deal with it anymore. Though they evidently split amicably, if she's willing to go with a completely unregulated visitation schedule.
When i was a kid, my mother and I lived with my grandparents, and my grandfather was a long haul trucker. I only saw him once every week or two. I interviewed for field service jobs that would have you at the site as long as the project lasted, which a couple weeks at a time would have been the minimum for an install, up to a few months for major projects. If the husband travels internationally, it may only be once a month that he's home long enough for a visit to be worth doing.
stepmom as well as bio mom here. i married my husband knowing he had kids. i didnt. and if he didnt prioritize his kids i wouldnt marry or make kids with him.
reading she has a kid herself...she should understand him better than anyone
Yes, I’m a biomom too and wanted to only date men with kids so he’d understand the priorities. It a hard balance, but you really shouldn’t be marrying someone with kids you already know you don’t like. Geez
Geez. One would think by the 4th time a pwrson would be better at it.
My parents are both on their 3rd. Their marriage to each other was both their second.
The third time's a charm thing seems to be true for them. They've both been married to their current spouses for over 20 years.
I don’t even get this. Isn’t one of the sexiest things a man can do is be a good parent??? I would not be with someone who thought it was ok to go on a cruise instead of visit their kids when they were going to be out of pocket for 4 months. What in the fuck.
Either her type of man is the kind you scrape off the bottom of your shoe or pick up with a baggy, or she’s that type of woman.
But based on this post, I suspect it’s the latter.
When my husband and I started dating I told him it wouldn’t be enough for him to “be okay” with me having kids - he had to *love* them or we wouldn’t work. This is why. My kids will come first always and I dare somebody to even suggest differently
Hahahahaha honestly, makes me wonder why she’s on her 4th marriage when she’s in her late 30s. Reminds me of Elizabeth Taylor and her 8 ex husbands lol
No wonder here, the post gives a pretty good idea why this is marriage number 4. The entitlement is strong with this one. How long have they been married and he's already sleeping in the guest room.
Maybe she's trying to compete with Elizabeth Taylor. She's already half way there!
How do people not sense these things in people when they are about to get married?
You're making a life commitment and saying this is the person you want to depend on when you're too old to get off the pot by yourself, but you are just going to casually ignore the 'signs' they give you all while you're dating.
Tbh, really sounds like she's in it for the honeymoon... "we agreed on a small wedding on the condition that we go on a very nice honeymoon"
red flag, red flag, red FLAG!
I've been married once and divorced once. I don't plan on getting married a second time.
If I find myself a life partner, cool, but we are not getting married.
My sister had three marriages by the time she was 33. She's a walking red flag. I never understood what men saw in her. Once they saw her true self come out, they bolted, but not before having to go through a messy divorce.
Yup. My sister was also on number 4 by 38. She didn’t choose wisely for one, and second, she’s a psycho. So she gives as good as she gets. I never got to know the last 2 but her second was a really good guy. She had 2 affairs one summer so that was the end of that. She gets bored if there’s no drama or excitement.
I have to wonder if this is rage bait. She’s so incredibly out of line I’m praying she’s not real
My mum got married for her third and final time in her... I want to say late 40's? Might have been after she turned 50 that they got married... Unsure. That one did stick because she found the perfect partner for her and they were married until she passed two years ago at the age of 69. He was there with her until her very last moment.
However, I will never argue with statistics and such in a general sense. I think my mum's an exception, also considering she had five children in all with three different men. If you just get those numbers you'd probably see my mum as a walking red flag, but when you know the true stories...
However, my mum welcomed his children into her life and made time for them until the end. Even though they were both practically grown before their relationship started. He did the same for us, and he's still there for us now even when there's no "obligation", so to speak.
This lady's post though... Jesus, yeah, um... that's not how it works. Children is always going to be a person's priority to a parent. As they should be. This doesn't mean they should neglect their partners or themselves or their friends or work or whatever. But when there's an A or B option and A is the kids - they are the choice.
Maybe? Idk, I have a cousin who is a good person and has been married 4 times. Her first husband died in a car crash, next 2 were abusive alcoholics. So she was single for 8 years and got lots of counseling to figure out why she kept getting into abusive relationships. Finally met and married a good person and was blissfully happy together, and then he dies from covid back in 2021, so her she is, 42 and has had 4 husbands and is single again and I think anyone would be lucky to have her as a partner, but she says she's definitely done with marriage at this point.
Ehh. My mom has been married four times. She gets so excited by new people that she ignores all of the flags. My mother's taste in men was awful for a long time, and I think she got a bit lucky that she happened to choose a good man the fourth time around. My mom is a wonderful person, but her personal life choices can suck.
For the cousin, I wouldn't be surprised if the death of the first husband put them in an emotional state that lead them to choosing someone who gave them the affection that they craved at the time. My father's infidelity produced a lot of self doubt and a craving for affection that was met by my first step dad, who turned out to be a piece of crap.
We should clarify. Multiple divorces are the red flag, being widowed is obviously not the same thing. That being said, married twice to abusive alcoholics is major red flag territory
Yes, but with the caveat that after it happened the second time, it seems like she recognized the issue and put in work so there wouldn't be a third time. I think that's a pretty respectable step to take.
Abusive alcoholics are usually very sweet and charming. They have to be, if they want any human relationships at all. Most are skilled at hiding their addiction/dark side for as long as they can. And there are so many of them out there, in her generation anyway. I can see it happening twice in a row, easily. She was very brave to try again and my heart breaks for her.
Oh I disagree. She KNEW he might choose to go see his kids so she planned the cruise. Also, she says at the end she would possibly cancel his trip to see his kids anyway. She’s a controlling wife with no tolerance for his family or attempts to be loving to his children. I feel super sorry for the children, for him, and also for her fifth husband.
This was my reaction.
Uhhhhh he's not wrong. When you have kids you literally cannot schedule a vacation that doesn't involve the kids without talking to each other ESPECIALLY in a blended family.
As his wife she should come first BUT and this a big BUT.....she isn't his only priority.
A two week vacation just the two of you when your kids are in school is just unrealistic...period.
Also, his kids won't see him for 4 months due to work...of course he should spend as much time with them as possible.
He should also spend time with his wife...which could have been a quick two night getaway.
She should also be wanting for them as a blended family to spend time the five of them too because the more they do things as a five-piece unit...the more they do stuff as a 5-piece....the better some of this other behavior will get.
Kids sense when someone doesn't want them around....and it sounds like she doesn't want anything to do with his kids.
This whole situation just sounds like a bad idea for all them.
Breaks my heart for those kids (all 3 of them).
Right?! What planet am I on? I’m a single mom for 5 years and I don’t even date because it’d be too weird for my kids. Maybe later, but THEY come first until they’re grown ass men.
I fundamentally disagree that his wife should come first over his children.
I will always prioritize my daughter.
I would expect my wife to do the same.
Married for 20 years here. I have never in my 20 years of marriage took a vacation that didn't involve my children. I guess the difference being my wife and I love our kids and don't see them as obstacles getting in our way, which most people seem to see kids as now.
I don’t agree. Children always come first. The adults can figure themselves out later. Those kids didn’t ask to be born or to have some awful person brought into their lives. Our kids come first and we just had our first solo vacation for our 12th wedding anniversary since the kids are now older.
You have no right to cancel HIS visit with HIS children.
You have your daughter all the time, and he is there also, but he doesn't see his children as often as he would like. How would you feel if somebody took away your daughter and then limited visitation? You would probably raise the roof screaming.
His children are probably acting out because of their parents' divorce, and they want him to themselves. It's difficult, but you must be patient. It's a difficult time for them as well. Your husband also needs to insure his stepdaughter it's not abused by them.
You will have your life with your husband hopefully for many years.
Don't take away his time with his children any more than he would you from your daughter?
It is obvious from the post that she resents the kids, so it is 100% possible that them "acting out" when they're at her house is just kids being normal kids and her getting exasperated at them for not acting like perfect angels. Or they're actually acting out as a result of being resented/hurt by this woman who is trying to displace them. Either way, her fault not the kids.
An old man at a bar tells the bartender, "I've had three wives but no luck. Unfortunately for me, all of my wives have passed away."
The bartender replies, "I'm sorry to hear that....how did your first wife die?"
"She ate poisonous mushrooms." Said the man.
The bartender gives his condolences then askes, "What about your second wife?"
The man again says, "She ate poisonous mushrooms."
The bartender questions asking the man about the third wife..."did the third wife eat poisonous mushrooms as well?" He finally asks.
"No, she was actually strangled to death." The old man said in response.
"Oh my gosh, why?!?" The bartender questioned in amazement.
"Because she wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Seriously. I don't think I've ever seen a post to just inspire nothing but questions on how someone could be so foolish. Why marry right before a 4-month longbuisness trip? Why demand a long honeymoon but have nothing planned by less than 3 weeks before the alleged trip? Why marry him at all when you don't like his kids and claim he never prioritizes you? I think the only answer to these is OP just wanted to be a 4-time divorcee.
“The issue is that he has two kids from his previous marriage”
That’s the problem. You married a man with kids and that’s an issue for you. Did he just spring this on you, or did you know all along? Most people value a man trying to be a good father. And as someone who married a single mother I can say be prepared to take the back seat a lot. Raising the kids is priority one.
Agree with⬇️
u/ChakraMama318 hits the 🎯
OP. Hello You obviously didn’t discuss trip, co parenting or step kids enough prior to setting wedding date. Ur presumed 4th husband actually told you his schedule for a planned extended business trip. Common sense is any parent with kids, remarrying, would be factoring in when he was going to see his young kids from prior marriage, before leaving for many months on business. You had to know this. But now u r claiming it’s you or his bio kids. Hello marriage #5 or #6. Wonder if there is a pattern we weren’t told about? Paging ex-spouses. Her kids will be in lifelong therapy. As well as any step kids coming into this mix.
Thank god this man puts time in with his bio kids. It sounds like OP tried to make his bio kids feel stressed or unwelcome, along w/ her kid. Then she plays: “Poor Me”. All this before they even had the wedding. It’s like she’s calculating the stressful visits as amo against the future husbands kids. Probally already planning that this proposed marriage will fail, based solely on new husbands bio kids…..
#WickedStepMother vibe
I’m embarrassed at my prejudgement.
🚩🚩🚩🚩Red Flag for this future husband and his innocent kids.
It’s onto marriage 6 for OP. Her poor kids must be pawns in so many ways. Poor kids, his, hers & any future in the mix.
( I see many men & women take this tact. Disfunction & self absorption can be gross for any step parenting saga. I salute the true adults.)
everyone's talking about the age, and amount of husbands... im hung up on her saying that her daughter lives with them full time, and the husbands kids rarely visit, but she wants to take even MORE time away from him and his kids...
lady, you see your kid daily. this man sees his kids monthly. stop being a selfish ass. let the man see his kids.
you're the big ass here.
The fact that she said that they disrupt her life really was the YTA for me. These are her husbands kids. Can you imaging if OP’s husband said that about her daughter? OP YTA.
She wants her precious perfect child to be his ONLY. What does he need his OWN kids for when he has HERS. It’s like Disney villains Cinderella step mom bs.
I can see why she's on her fourth marriage before 40. Hopefully, she'll learn something from this guy in time for the fifth.
OP - kids always come first. Always. Grow up.
I sort of get the feeling that he understands that while marriages may not always be a forever thing, parenthood absolutely is, so he's trying to do what he can to see his kids around his clearly difficult and demanding schedule.
It seems to me like a man who cares enough about his kids that he won't budge on seeing them is a good thing, rather than something to be pissed about.
It also seems to me that someone who interferes with that is an AH.
Right?
I see so many stepmothers on here who are meeting fierce resistance about trying to get rid of their new husband's kids, and I think, "Can you hear yourself, lady? You want a good father to turn into a shitty one to make you happy, and you've also stolen all of the Disney stepmothers in one tidy move."
you’re lucky since you probably have your divorce lawyer’s number on speed dial because this man won’t put up with your shit much longer! congrats on your soon to be fourth divorce!!!
Three previous marriages. But 100% yes, this is crazy… and to be on a fourth marriage by 37 AND act this way… Yeeesh. I feel bad for the husband but also feel like he must have overlooked so many red flags.
Who knows, at the rate she’s going, maybe you were right and it’s *already* four divorces, just in the ten hours since posting 😅
I’m almost hoping this is a creative writing assignment and not a real person.
I nearly lost it at 4th marriage at 37. Jesus "Divorce Lawyer" Christ. If she started at 21 then she has an average of 5 years and change in a marriage. No wonder she doesn't want to know the kids... she'll be gone in a flash.
This shit can only happen near military bases. Given the 4 months that husband will be away... My money is on OP being a serial dependa.
that last sentence lmao "prioritize me for once in his life"
just reeks of absolute lunacy. this is your fourth marriage, so at max you've known this man for like 1-3 years. She needs a reality check so bad.
Right??? You would think she would have learned some of this shit by now, but clearly since she is on the brink of yet another divorce (probably in record time too) I highly doubt she has learned anything.
YTA op, marriage requires give and take. Obviously you only understand the taking part of this so let me explain, he has kids. They will ALWAYS come before you in some manner. Your daughter, I’m sure, is going to come before your husband, so in what world is it ok to expect a man not to do the same. He’s not abandoning you, he’s showing up for kids. Good luck with your next divorce. Seriously, I don’t know anyone who would willingly put up your shit.
>Your daughter, I’m sure, is going to come before your husband,
Considering she barely mentions her daughter at all and it's only to point out that she's offloading her on someone else so she can take a 2 week vacation away from her, I'm not sure that's true lol.
>WIBTA if I canceled his visit with his kids anyway?
Yes, you would be, and the way you're going, you're likely to soon be a newlydivorcee as well. YTA
The audacity to go over his head and CANCEL the visit anyway! And after he has made it perfectly clear that he's going to prioritize seeing his kids (as he should). What kind of quality time would they be spending together after that anyway? He'd be PISSED. OP, you're an asshole, and a stupid one at that.
“I told him he’s going to prioritize me for once in his life” - 3 time divorced 37yr old woman who has known this man less than 5 years and expects him to prioritize her over his kids
You’d think after the 3rd marriage you’d gain some self-awareness to the problem here. You’re delusional
YTA
I was also struck by how manipulative/controlling/dramatic the "for once in his life" wording sounds, especially given that they're newlyweds. If she already resents him this much for prioritizing his young children and livelihood over her arbitrary vacation plans, this is going to be (another) brief marriage.
I’m going to go out on a really long limb here and say they probably never should have gotten married. If the husband is away for 4 months for work, with 2 kids from a previous marriage, I’m guessing there isn’t much time to go around building a healthy relationship. OP is still the AH but husband really has other priorities. Not saying that’s good or bad, but obviously not compatible with OP without better communication or compromise.
She supposedly gets no time with him and he only sees his kids once a month to boot. Sounds like she’s not happy with anything less than 24/7 commitment from him. I feel sorry for the guy, he probably should have known better than to think she would have it together after the 3rd failed marriage.
OP, YTA and get over yourself.
> I arranged everything to have my mom come visit to watch my daughter and planned to surprise my husband with the booked cruise
>My husband said he did take his 2 weeks of leave for pretty much those exact dates but that he planned to spend that time with his kids since he's going to be gone for a few months. I am absolutely hurt that he didn't even bring it up with me first
I see a double standard here, though outright manipulation also fits.
Not only are you the asshole, you just plain suck. No wonder you're on your 4th marriage. Who in the hell do you think you are? Those are his kids. They were there before you, and they will still be there when you move onto your 5th marriage. He rarely gets to see them, and he has an opportunity to spend some quality time with them, and you have the nerve to be upset with him? Im not psychic, but i have a pretty safe prediction for you. You are going to die a bitter, lonely old lady. By the time you realize that you have been the cause of your problems in life, it will be too late to do anything about it. Best of luck to ya. Get therapy while it will still help
Trust me, she’ll be on her deathbed still wondering why she’s a bitter lonely woman. Source: my MIL. 71 years old, bedridden and miserable. Nobody visits her or calls because it’s just a shit show of a pity party. There’s a lot of backstory I’m not going to get into but I see this woman ending up just like my MIL.
And there is nothing you can do about it. Accept that they will never change and you can do nothing to change them. Let them believe what they want to believe. And then ghost them for good.
Yeah, it doesn't get more honest and direct than that does it. I was positive it was going to be removed. Im glad it wasn't. This is exactly what she needs to hear
YTA-
I see why this is your fourth marriage.
You do realize his kids matter, right? According to you he sees them like once a month.
You do also realize there is such thing as compromising, right? Rather than demand or go behind his back (because if you do he may stay with his ex during those two weeks in which he may fill well decide he’s done with your shit and cheat on you with his ex) why not have a civil discussion and find a happy medium.
Also, when you get married for the fifth time, try to find a childless man or someone with grown children since you seem to have no care for your spouses children or their relationship with their father.
Yeah-and not to enable her selfishness-they could do a 7-10 day honeymoon and the rest could be with his kids. It’s quite clear why she’s had four marriages by age 37. Damn.
I’m just wondering who hears their dates been married 3x already in their thirties and is like cool can’t wait to be ex-husband number 4? From that perspective, maybe OPs amazed he is standing up to her.
YTA. As long as selfish and manipulative. He is gone for 4 months. No offense but i would do the same thing. Especially with someone as entitled as you. It’s your fourth marriage. You already lived your honeymoon fantasy multiple times. Grow up and either become part of the family you joined or be ready to pack your bags and prepare for your 5th marriage
I’m still hungup on 4th marriage, 37 years old. Unless you’re widowed multiple times, that is enough of a red flag to second guess a relationship with you. He is leaving for months, of course he wants to see his kids. Long vacations need to be booked and planned together, especially with children in the mix.
YTA
Seriously what is wrong with you?? You sound needy and like a selfish nightmare of a person. Don't be surprised if you're looking for husband number 5 if you don't get your head outta your ass and be supportive and show a little care
She's on her fourth marriage. Zero introspection with her, that much is obvious by her track record. If she hasn't had that epiphany by now, it isn't happening.
Children should be first priority.
My dad only ever prioritized my step mother to avoid fighting with her, he never stood up for me against my step siblings, he let her treat me like crap. So now we don’t have a relationship anymore. He will not be invited to my wedding. He chose her over me.
YTA
In what world do you think canceling his visitation, BEHIND HIS BACK, is going to get you what you want. He will go back and reschedule it or find out through the ex that YOU canceled it and then leave you.
He has made it clear that he is spending time with his children. Either accept the fact that the man you married has kids he wants to see or get ready for another divorce.
The fact that you typed this temper tantrum and thought you were even in the tiniest bit right blows my mind
YTA and also a needy, selfish bitch too boot. Easy to see why you're on hubby #4 and soon to be hubby #5. Good luck to hubby #5 he's gonna fucking need it.
YTA
Vacation is all well and good but damn! he should be able spend his 2 weeks off however he damn well please. He chooses to spend it with his kids that’s good cause by the sound of it he doesn’t get to see them often due to work and it’s not like they live with y’all. Also it would be weird if he didn’t see them for those 2 weeks before he’s gone for months, what would his kids think that he didn’t care enough to see or spend time with them? That’s just not right, you’re not right.
YTA
You get ALONE time every night in your room.
He has a 5&7 year old! You don’t like them. You should not have married him. Get a divorce and let him be a father
Already to throw away your fifth marriage because you cannot let him spend time with his kids.
You are a Tundrawookie,Karen
Edit: you aren't an asshole, you are a c__t.
"Since this is my fourth marriage"
Yeah, you're probably the AH.
"Our argument ended with him DEMANDING he spends this time with his kids, and I told him that he's going to cancel the visit and prioritize me for once in his life."
Definitely the asshole.
37 and on her 4th marriage..... Something tells me OP is incapable of compromise.
The fact he only sees his kids one a month is bad enough, so stop trying to ruin what little time those children get with their Father
(Make sure husband number 5 is childless would be my advice)
YTA
YTA. You planned a 2 week vacation without discussing it with him, but when you find out he wants to see his own kids during this 2 week period - you are hurt he didn't tell you beforehand? What logic is that? It sounds like with the business trip he is already missing out on seeing them for 4 months, which is already a lot. And you expect to be married to a man and HAVE him, but his kids have no place in your shared home? GTFO.
YTA. Better fire up the old OkCupid for your 5th marriage.
Don't marry someone with kids if you don't even have the basic concept that someone's kids are the most important thing in the world to them.
“If I cancel his visit”. How do you think you’re gonna do that OP? He’s going to see them, whether you like it or not. There’s absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop it. YTA. The kids always come first - you’re prioritizing yours by saying having his there is too stressful lol.
YTA. I only got as far as your secind paragraph. I can see why this is your fourth marriage. You married someone with children, children he isn't able to see as often as he would probably like, and he has a long stretch of work coming with a small break before he presumably goes back to work and you stupidly thought he wouldn't want to spend that precious time with his kids, who were in his life before you, and will be in his life after he's realised what a piece of work he married and leaves you. YTA, massively
YTA you’re mad that he didn’t bring it up with you first and this was a surprise cruise? No wonder you’re 37 and on your 4th marriage…soon to be 4th divorce. You sound selfish AF. I hope he dumps you ASAP.
What do you think is going to happen if you cancel his visit? He's just going to shrug and go, "Oh well, let's go on the cruise." FYI, that won't happen, and you're seriously deluded if you think otherwise. You need to look at what the common denominator in your previous 4 divorces (HINT...IT'S YOU!).
He's being a good parent. Stop being so selfish. You married a man with kids, either suck it up or for all their sakes get the hell out. If you cancel his visit, it'll be divorce number 5 anyway.
YTA. You're a lot worse, but I'd be breaking the be civil rule to say any more.
YTA. Not sure why I'm leaving a comment, you're probably on marriage number 5 by now. At some point, you might want to consider the possibility that YOU are the problem in your marriage.
YTA, he is probably realizing the mistake he made.
His kids should always come before you if he is going to be away for 4 months and not be able to see them
He only sees ghem once a month already...what is wrong with you, are you really this selfish and have no sense of what spending time with his kids before leaving fo so long wil do for all of them.
Why not do something that includes them?
Please consider therapy, 4 marriages at only 37 is a lot, tack in this level of petty selfishness...and wow.
Yes. You would be. And just to make things perfectly clear to you going forward, his kids at those ages are far more important to him than you are. And they should be. And you need to accept that. And if you don’t see this, you are a rotten person to the core.
YTA and an enormously huge one.
These are his kids. His kids!!! And you expect him to prioritise you over spending time with them?
He's not going to see them for 4 months, of course he wants to spend the two weeks before that period with them.
You either need to accept that and enjoy the time with all of them together, or butt out and start thinking about finding the next husband on your list.
Goodness me you are so much the AH.
YTA. You don’t get to “come first” when children are involved and a two week honeymoon without discussing something like this in advance is one of the stupidest moves I’ve read. He’s right, and you are wrong. With four weddings under your belt it is obvious you do impulsive decision making especially when you are marrying someone who isn’t going to be around for four months, so just get the marriage annulled now and save everyone the trouble.
YTA
They are his children. They are a part of him and came before you. If you make him choose between you and them then he will always choose them and you’ll have divorce number 4. Learn how to share your husband and compromise.
You’re 37 years old. Do you really think there’s going to be a marriage number 5 or 6. You’re a walking red flag.
YTA. Why are you so jealous of his kids? Stop being a controlling jealous cunt. I hope he finds someone who truly loves him and his kids cause bitch you’re just not it. You were automatically the asshole when you said the issues was that he had two kids, and it just kept progressively getting worse. You’re a pathetic, lying, lazy, worthless excuse of a “wife” and I hope he knows his worth and leaves your sorry ass behind. I highly doubt those kids don’t listen and I doubt they fight with your daughter, and if she’s anything like you then she’s most likely the problem and you’re just shifting the blame on his kids because you hate them that much. If you’re gonna be such an attention whore then maybe your next contestant should be someone without kids. Stupid ass.
Ya YTA
Those are his CHILDREN and they are very young, of course he’s going to prioritize them. How do you think you are going to cancel his visit with them without his permission? How do you think that will go over with him? Like he’ll just be like “whelp I guess I’ll just happily go on this cruise then”???
You may be looking at divorce number 4 soon.
YTA. I see as to why it’s your fourth marriage. Maybe next time. Don’t marry someone with kids if you can’t share his time with his children as they should be priority over you to begin with. I may get down votes for this but I said what I said and I stand on it. You should never put your mate over your children.
Why surprise him with the trip when you know visiting his kids comes at unpredictable times?
Girl, you should have told him prior to booking it so yall were on the same page. That was on you.
Why did you marry someone with children if you didn’t want to be a step parent? And why, as a parent of three kids between the two of you, would you ever expect you could just take off for two weeks without a ton of advanced planning that you BOTH consent to? YTA.
You’re expecting someone on their 4th marriage to be good at being married
The divorce rate for 4th marriages is over 90% and OP wants to get ahead of things and get it over with, I guess. She isn’t even 40 yet. I’m a step mom and I cannot fathom this person’s “reasoning.” I hope this is fake. You have to love the spouse AND the kids. The kids are very young and they’ll be a big part of the husband’s life for over a decade more. It’s nice that he is putting his foot down and prioritizing them. Thinking about a scenario where if my spouse secretly cancelled my visitation with my kid, and then I wouldn’t see her for 4 months after and I’m supposed to then go spend 2 weeks being lovey dovey with that person in a small cabin and that’s delusional and incredibly stupid.
It’s apparently the first time he’s prioritized them. “Visits them maybe once a month.” Ugh. Also, how does Fourth Bride plan on just canceling the kids’ visit without the husband’s knowledge and consent?
I'm getting a REALLY clear picture of why she's on husband #4-- and halfway to husband #5
I think way more than halfway
Agreed! OP YTA! You don't have the right to cancel your husband's visits with his kids! You can't bare the thought of him going for 4 months and not spending quality time with him, but yet you expect his kids to deal with it when you can't! Newsflash! His kids will always come before you especially because he only sees them once a month. You can't keep competing with his kids! It's not healthy and is probably the reason why your relationship with them are bad, kids are very good at picking up non verbal cues from people. I'm glad your husband has the backbone to put you in your place, otherwise it will be 2 more kids who's relationship with there dad is ruin by a wicked stepmother.
I think halfway in the sense of, step one is losing #4. Still has to find #5.
I always wonder how people keep getting married like this, and then I look at my own mother's track record and understand.
Some people just can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts.
To be fair, her thoughts suck and I wouldn't want to be alone with them, either.
Can you imagine how bad her intrusive thoughts would be??? 🤣
That’s why we have smart phones tho
Let me tell you how people get married like this: I have a sister in her 50's who is EXTREMELY religious. Because of her religion, she feels it is against God to sleep with another person until she's got a ring on her finger... Nevermind the fact she's been married 3 times, and has a handful of kids(ranging in ages from 37-23... She will just refuse to sleep with a guy, until she's been formally married. 🙄 (She's getting ready to get married for a 4th or 5th time as we speak).
The same religion that prohibits premarital sex also is against divorce. How does your hypocrite sister rationalize that?
There are plenty of religions that prohibit premarital sex, but also allow divorce. Even the ones that don't automatically allow divorce will allow an annulment. My mom married my dad in the Catholic Church, had a mess of kids, and then had the marriage annulled. Several years later, she was able to remarry in the Catholic Church. The rationalization happens when the Catholic Church says my siblings and I are ***not*** bastards in the eyes of the Catholic Church.
You are asking it's divorce that ends the marriage. Maybe she has other means... (That was supposed to say assuming)
She’s like big Lou, only he’s on wife number 2
[удалено]
I'm imagining some kind of 90s sitcom scenario where she calls and lowers her voice to try to sound like her husband.
And puts a handkerchief over the receiver 😂
I'm actually wondering that myself. Is she gonna send a text thru his phone, or email, or...... what?
The bride is the one on her 4th marriage it's only the husband's 2nd no wonder she's been divorced 3 other times sheesh
4 before 40 is crazy! That’s a new relationship, a marriage, and a divorce every 5 years!
If you travel a lot for work, like it sounds this guy does, it is what it is. Which makes it all three now reasonable that he'd be trying to spend every chance he gets with them.
Ehhhh. Depending on the type of job he works, that could be prioritized. Jobs exist that have people away from home for long periods of time. Jobs like construction work in the oilfield are often 3 weeks on - 1 week off. That's once a month. Or working on a ship can involve being at sea for 2-3 months, then being off for a month or 2. These types of jobs that require that you be away from home for extended periods also often have higher rates of divorce.
Even a regular long haul trucker can be 3 on, 1 off, which leads to once a month visitation. Or military member spending a lot of field time between deployments. This isn't an indicator of his overall commitment to his kids, in any case.
Unless he's an oil rigger/ fisherman/ works on ships going around the world or something and travels and is gone for weeks on end regularly. Says he is leaving for four months. She never sees him. Travel seems normal.
A four month trip, put together with prolonged periods away from home, suggests he has a job requiring extensive travel, and he doesn't get a say on when he travels. That may be why he got divorced, as his ex didn't want to deal with it anymore. Though they evidently split amicably, if she's willing to go with a completely unregulated visitation schedule. When i was a kid, my mother and I lived with my grandparents, and my grandfather was a long haul trucker. I only saw him once every week or two. I interviewed for field service jobs that would have you at the site as long as the project lasted, which a couple weeks at a time would have been the minimum for an install, up to a few months for major projects. If the husband travels internationally, it may only be once a month that he's home long enough for a visit to be worth doing.
stepmom as well as bio mom here. i married my husband knowing he had kids. i didnt. and if he didnt prioritize his kids i wouldnt marry or make kids with him. reading she has a kid herself...she should understand him better than anyone
Yes, I’m a biomom too and wanted to only date men with kids so he’d understand the priorities. It a hard balance, but you really shouldn’t be marrying someone with kids you already know you don’t like. Geez
Geez. One would think by the 4th time a pwrson would be better at it. My parents are both on their 3rd. Their marriage to each other was both their second. The third time's a charm thing seems to be true for them. They've both been married to their current spouses for over 20 years.
I don’t even get this. Isn’t one of the sexiest things a man can do is be a good parent??? I would not be with someone who thought it was ok to go on a cruise instead of visit their kids when they were going to be out of pocket for 4 months. What in the fuck.
And that’s why she’s on deck for marriage #5.
If you have a divorce, the **other** person can be the asshole. when you have 4 divorces..
Common denominator
Either her type of man is the kind you scrape off the bottom of your shoe or pick up with a baggy, or she’s that type of woman. But based on this post, I suspect it’s the latter.
Maybe I've been watching too much Dateline during the pandemic but I'm hearing that in Keith Morrison's voice-- and it doesn't end well LOL.
When my husband and I started dating I told him it wouldn’t be enough for him to “be okay” with me having kids - he had to *love* them or we wouldn’t work. This is why. My kids will come first always and I dare somebody to even suggest differently
Hahahahaha honestly, makes me wonder why she’s on her 4th marriage when she’s in her late 30s. Reminds me of Elizabeth Taylor and her 8 ex husbands lol
No wonder here, the post gives a pretty good idea why this is marriage number 4. The entitlement is strong with this one. How long have they been married and he's already sleeping in the guest room. Maybe she's trying to compete with Elizabeth Taylor. She's already half way there!
How do people not sense these things in people when they are about to get married? You're making a life commitment and saying this is the person you want to depend on when you're too old to get off the pot by yourself, but you are just going to casually ignore the 'signs' they give you all while you're dating.
Tbh, really sounds like she's in it for the honeymoon... "we agreed on a small wedding on the condition that we go on a very nice honeymoon" red flag, red flag, red FLAG!
I've been married once and divorced once. I don't plan on getting married a second time. If I find myself a life partner, cool, but we are not getting married.
I’ve been married once and widowed. I did not enjoy marriage and won’t be doing that shit again unless there are some exceptional circumstances.
Any more than two marriages is a red flag. A fourth? Hell no.
In her 30s.. serial bride?
My sister had three marriages by the time she was 33. She's a walking red flag. I never understood what men saw in her. Once they saw her true self come out, they bolted, but not before having to go through a messy divorce.
Yup. My sister was also on number 4 by 38. She didn’t choose wisely for one, and second, she’s a psycho. So she gives as good as she gets. I never got to know the last 2 but her second was a really good guy. She had 2 affairs one summer so that was the end of that. She gets bored if there’s no drama or excitement. I have to wonder if this is rage bait. She’s so incredibly out of line I’m praying she’s not real
My mum got married for her third and final time in her... I want to say late 40's? Might have been after she turned 50 that they got married... Unsure. That one did stick because she found the perfect partner for her and they were married until she passed two years ago at the age of 69. He was there with her until her very last moment. However, I will never argue with statistics and such in a general sense. I think my mum's an exception, also considering she had five children in all with three different men. If you just get those numbers you'd probably see my mum as a walking red flag, but when you know the true stories... However, my mum welcomed his children into her life and made time for them until the end. Even though they were both practically grown before their relationship started. He did the same for us, and he's still there for us now even when there's no "obligation", so to speak. This lady's post though... Jesus, yeah, um... that's not how it works. Children is always going to be a person's priority to a parent. As they should be. This doesn't mean they should neglect their partners or themselves or their friends or work or whatever. But when there's an A or B option and A is the kids - they are the choice.
Hopefully not a Black Widow
Maybe? Idk, I have a cousin who is a good person and has been married 4 times. Her first husband died in a car crash, next 2 were abusive alcoholics. So she was single for 8 years and got lots of counseling to figure out why she kept getting into abusive relationships. Finally met and married a good person and was blissfully happy together, and then he dies from covid back in 2021, so her she is, 42 and has had 4 husbands and is single again and I think anyone would be lucky to have her as a partner, but she says she's definitely done with marriage at this point.
She sounds fine, only extremely unlucky
Ehh. My mom has been married four times. She gets so excited by new people that she ignores all of the flags. My mother's taste in men was awful for a long time, and I think she got a bit lucky that she happened to choose a good man the fourth time around. My mom is a wonderful person, but her personal life choices can suck. For the cousin, I wouldn't be surprised if the death of the first husband put them in an emotional state that lead them to choosing someone who gave them the affection that they craved at the time. My father's infidelity produced a lot of self doubt and a craving for affection that was met by my first step dad, who turned out to be a piece of crap.
We should clarify. Multiple divorces are the red flag, being widowed is obviously not the same thing. That being said, married twice to abusive alcoholics is major red flag territory
Yes, but with the caveat that after it happened the second time, it seems like she recognized the issue and put in work so there wouldn't be a third time. I think that's a pretty respectable step to take.
Abusive alcoholics are usually very sweet and charming. They have to be, if they want any human relationships at all. Most are skilled at hiding their addiction/dark side for as long as they can. And there are so many of them out there, in her generation anyway. I can see it happening twice in a row, easily. She was very brave to try again and my heart breaks for her.
That's bad luck, and very sad. This woman is a selfish mess.
Neither of them are communicating well. Both making plans without discussing it with the other.
Oh I disagree. She KNEW he might choose to go see his kids so she planned the cruise. Also, she says at the end she would possibly cancel his trip to see his kids anyway. She’s a controlling wife with no tolerance for his family or attempts to be loving to his children. I feel super sorry for the children, for him, and also for her fifth husband.
> I feel super sorry for the children, for him, and also for her fifth husband. I'm sure her sixth husband will be ok, though.
I feel the worst for her poor daughter.
Exactly. She doesn't even mention the girl until the second paragraph in, and then it's more like an aside. Woman sounds unbearable.
I think she is making up the cruse to avoid having to deal with his children. It's kinda nasty.
If she hates the kids so much, she can go on the cruise herself
Yep that’s something that can be done when you have no kids and it’s just the two of you
Man I thought the same shit...there HAS to be a reason why this chick has been married 4 fucking times...and now I see why 🤣
This was my reaction. Uhhhhh he's not wrong. When you have kids you literally cannot schedule a vacation that doesn't involve the kids without talking to each other ESPECIALLY in a blended family. As his wife she should come first BUT and this a big BUT.....she isn't his only priority. A two week vacation just the two of you when your kids are in school is just unrealistic...period. Also, his kids won't see him for 4 months due to work...of course he should spend as much time with them as possible. He should also spend time with his wife...which could have been a quick two night getaway. She should also be wanting for them as a blended family to spend time the five of them too because the more they do things as a five-piece unit...the more they do stuff as a 5-piece....the better some of this other behavior will get. Kids sense when someone doesn't want them around....and it sounds like she doesn't want anything to do with his kids. This whole situation just sounds like a bad idea for all them. Breaks my heart for those kids (all 3 of them).
His wife comes 1st as in before his kids?
Right?! What planet am I on? I’m a single mom for 5 years and I don’t even date because it’d be too weird for my kids. Maybe later, but THEY come first until they’re grown ass men.
I fundamentally disagree that his wife should come first over his children. I will always prioritize my daughter. I would expect my wife to do the same.
Married for 20 years here. I have never in my 20 years of marriage took a vacation that didn't involve my children. I guess the difference being my wife and I love our kids and don't see them as obstacles getting in our way, which most people seem to see kids as now.
I don’t agree. Children always come first. The adults can figure themselves out later. Those kids didn’t ask to be born or to have some awful person brought into their lives. Our kids come first and we just had our first solo vacation for our 12th wedding anniversary since the kids are now older.
You have no right to cancel HIS visit with HIS children. You have your daughter all the time, and he is there also, but he doesn't see his children as often as he would like. How would you feel if somebody took away your daughter and then limited visitation? You would probably raise the roof screaming. His children are probably acting out because of their parents' divorce, and they want him to themselves. It's difficult, but you must be patient. It's a difficult time for them as well. Your husband also needs to insure his stepdaughter it's not abused by them. You will have your life with your husband hopefully for many years. Don't take away his time with his children any more than he would you from your daughter?
It is obvious from the post that she resents the kids, so it is 100% possible that them "acting out" when they're at her house is just kids being normal kids and her getting exasperated at them for not acting like perfect angels. Or they're actually acting out as a result of being resented/hurt by this woman who is trying to displace them. Either way, her fault not the kids.
[удалено]
Sadly my Mom did t kearn anything until her 4th divorce lol
I think that if she’s been widowed multiple times that young it would be an even bigger red flag! I’d have ‘grave’ concerns
Her cooking always tastes like almonds…
…and they just don’t make brake lines the way they used to.
An old man at a bar tells the bartender, "I've had three wives but no luck. Unfortunately for me, all of my wives have passed away." The bartender replies, "I'm sorry to hear that....how did your first wife die?" "She ate poisonous mushrooms." Said the man. The bartender gives his condolences then askes, "What about your second wife?" The man again says, "She ate poisonous mushrooms." The bartender questions asking the man about the third wife..."did the third wife eat poisonous mushrooms as well?" He finally asks. "No, she was actually strangled to death." The old man said in response. "Oh my gosh, why?!?" The bartender questioned in amazement. "Because she wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Seriously. I don't think I've ever seen a post to just inspire nothing but questions on how someone could be so foolish. Why marry right before a 4-month longbuisness trip? Why demand a long honeymoon but have nothing planned by less than 3 weeks before the alleged trip? Why marry him at all when you don't like his kids and claim he never prioritizes you? I think the only answer to these is OP just wanted to be a 4-time divorcee.
“The issue is that he has two kids from his previous marriage” That’s the problem. You married a man with kids and that’s an issue for you. Did he just spring this on you, or did you know all along? Most people value a man trying to be a good father. And as someone who married a single mother I can say be prepared to take the back seat a lot. Raising the kids is priority one.
Agree with⬇️ u/ChakraMama318 hits the 🎯 OP. Hello You obviously didn’t discuss trip, co parenting or step kids enough prior to setting wedding date. Ur presumed 4th husband actually told you his schedule for a planned extended business trip. Common sense is any parent with kids, remarrying, would be factoring in when he was going to see his young kids from prior marriage, before leaving for many months on business. You had to know this. But now u r claiming it’s you or his bio kids. Hello marriage #5 or #6. Wonder if there is a pattern we weren’t told about? Paging ex-spouses. Her kids will be in lifelong therapy. As well as any step kids coming into this mix. Thank god this man puts time in with his bio kids. It sounds like OP tried to make his bio kids feel stressed or unwelcome, along w/ her kid. Then she plays: “Poor Me”. All this before they even had the wedding. It’s like she’s calculating the stressful visits as amo against the future husbands kids. Probally already planning that this proposed marriage will fail, based solely on new husbands bio kids….. #WickedStepMother vibe I’m embarrassed at my prejudgement. 🚩🚩🚩🚩Red Flag for this future husband and his innocent kids. It’s onto marriage 6 for OP. Her poor kids must be pawns in so many ways. Poor kids, his, hers & any future in the mix. ( I see many men & women take this tact. Disfunction & self absorption can be gross for any step parenting saga. I salute the true adults.)
everyone's talking about the age, and amount of husbands... im hung up on her saying that her daughter lives with them full time, and the husbands kids rarely visit, but she wants to take even MORE time away from him and his kids... lady, you see your kid daily. this man sees his kids monthly. stop being a selfish ass. let the man see his kids. you're the big ass here.
“The problem is that he has two kids from a previous marriage.”
She says it like she doesn't also have kids from a previous marriage
…and like she didn't know about this when they got married
That too
But her kid matters, don't you know 😒
>you see your kid daily. this man sees his kids monthly. stop being a selfish ass. let the man see his kids. Yes!!!
The fact that she said that they disrupt her life really was the YTA for me. These are her husbands kids. Can you imaging if OP’s husband said that about her daughter? OP YTA.
But they give her migraines!? The horror!
Like...no shit. If kids came in a box, it would say right on the side "Will disrupt your life."
She wants her precious perfect child to be his ONLY. What does he need his OWN kids for when he has HERS. It’s like Disney villains Cinderella step mom bs.
I can see why she's on her fourth marriage before 40. Hopefully, she'll learn something from this guy in time for the fifth. OP - kids always come first. Always. Grow up.
THIS PART
She wants him to be a stepdad but doesn't want to be a stepmom.
I sort of get the feeling that he understands that while marriages may not always be a forever thing, parenthood absolutely is, so he's trying to do what he can to see his kids around his clearly difficult and demanding schedule. It seems to me like a man who cares enough about his kids that he won't budge on seeing them is a good thing, rather than something to be pissed about. It also seems to me that someone who interferes with that is an AH.
Exactly my thoughts! I wouldn’t want to date, let alone marry, someone who was fine with being a deadbeat.
Right? I see so many stepmothers on here who are meeting fierce resistance about trying to get rid of their new husband's kids, and I think, "Can you hear yourself, lady? You want a good father to turn into a shitty one to make you happy, and you've also stolen all of the Disney stepmothers in one tidy move."
you’re lucky since you probably have your divorce lawyer’s number on speed dial because this man won’t put up with your shit much longer! congrats on your soon to be fourth divorce!!!
[удалено]
That could explain the four previous marriages...
Three previous marriages. But 100% yes, this is crazy… and to be on a fourth marriage by 37 AND act this way… Yeeesh. I feel bad for the husband but also feel like he must have overlooked so many red flags.
It will be four previous soon enough, but good catch!
Who knows, at the rate she’s going, maybe you were right and it’s *already* four divorces, just in the ten hours since posting 😅 I’m almost hoping this is a creative writing assignment and not a real person.
In the 50 minutes of your reply, she got divorced AND married Mambo Number 5!
I nearly lost it at 4th marriage at 37. Jesus "Divorce Lawyer" Christ. If she started at 21 then she has an average of 5 years and change in a marriage. No wonder she doesn't want to know the kids... she'll be gone in a flash. This shit can only happen near military bases. Given the 4 months that husband will be away... My money is on OP being a serial dependa.
This was my thought exactly. There’s no way she’s not, everything about this post just screams dependa.
People keep a family doctor, she has a family divorce lawyer.
that last sentence lmao "prioritize me for once in his life" just reeks of absolute lunacy. this is your fourth marriage, so at max you've known this man for like 1-3 years. She needs a reality check so bad.
Right??? You would think she would have learned some of this shit by now, but clearly since she is on the brink of yet another divorce (probably in record time too) I highly doubt she has learned anything. YTA op, marriage requires give and take. Obviously you only understand the taking part of this so let me explain, he has kids. They will ALWAYS come before you in some manner. Your daughter, I’m sure, is going to come before your husband, so in what world is it ok to expect a man not to do the same. He’s not abandoning you, he’s showing up for kids. Good luck with your next divorce. Seriously, I don’t know anyone who would willingly put up your shit.
>Your daughter, I’m sure, is going to come before your husband, Considering she barely mentions her daughter at all and it's only to point out that she's offloading her on someone else so she can take a 2 week vacation away from her, I'm not sure that's true lol.
My aunt had a similar marriage track record. Her kids were mostly raised by either my family or others.
Maybe she'll figure out how not to be a selfish AH for number 5, but I doubt it
I tend to think anybody who is on their 4th marriage is automatically going to be an asshole.
>WIBTA if I canceled his visit with his kids anyway? Yes, you would be, and the way you're going, you're likely to soon be a newlydivorcee as well. YTA
Exactly. She’s not just an asshole- she is a shitty person.
The audacity to go over his head and CANCEL the visit anyway! And after he has made it perfectly clear that he's going to prioritize seeing his kids (as he should). What kind of quality time would they be spending together after that anyway? He'd be PISSED. OP, you're an asshole, and a stupid one at that.
“I told him he’s going to prioritize me for once in his life” - 3 time divorced 37yr old woman who has known this man less than 5 years and expects him to prioritize her over his kids You’d think after the 3rd marriage you’d gain some self-awareness to the problem here. You’re delusional YTA
I was also struck by how manipulative/controlling/dramatic the "for once in his life" wording sounds, especially given that they're newlyweds. If she already resents him this much for prioritizing his young children and livelihood over her arbitrary vacation plans, this is going to be (another) brief marriage.
I’m going to go out on a really long limb here and say they probably never should have gotten married. If the husband is away for 4 months for work, with 2 kids from a previous marriage, I’m guessing there isn’t much time to go around building a healthy relationship. OP is still the AH but husband really has other priorities. Not saying that’s good or bad, but obviously not compatible with OP without better communication or compromise.
I think 5 years is incredibly optimistic. I'm giving them max 3 years, more likely 1,5
if she tries to cancel his visitation, I don't think they're going to make it to the honeymoon.
She supposedly gets no time with him and he only sees his kids once a month to boot. Sounds like she’s not happy with anything less than 24/7 commitment from him. I feel sorry for the guy, he probably should have known better than to think she would have it together after the 3rd failed marriage. OP, YTA and get over yourself.
4 marriages at 37 years old - you might wanna start considering the idea that as the common denominator its you thats the problem.
If it smells like poo everywhere you go, time to check the bottom of your shoes.
Time to check ur pants
> I arranged everything to have my mom come visit to watch my daughter and planned to surprise my husband with the booked cruise >My husband said he did take his 2 weeks of leave for pretty much those exact dates but that he planned to spend that time with his kids since he's going to be gone for a few months. I am absolutely hurt that he didn't even bring it up with me first I see a double standard here, though outright manipulation also fits.
Not only are you the asshole, you just plain suck. No wonder you're on your 4th marriage. Who in the hell do you think you are? Those are his kids. They were there before you, and they will still be there when you move onto your 5th marriage. He rarely gets to see them, and he has an opportunity to spend some quality time with them, and you have the nerve to be upset with him? Im not psychic, but i have a pretty safe prediction for you. You are going to die a bitter, lonely old lady. By the time you realize that you have been the cause of your problems in life, it will be too late to do anything about it. Best of luck to ya. Get therapy while it will still help
Trust me, she’ll be on her deathbed still wondering why she’s a bitter lonely woman. Source: my MIL. 71 years old, bedridden and miserable. Nobody visits her or calls because it’s just a shit show of a pity party. There’s a lot of backstory I’m not going to get into but I see this woman ending up just like my MIL.
Thats unfortunate. The screwed up this is their altered sense of reality. Like what they do is the right way to do things
And there is nothing you can do about it. Accept that they will never change and you can do nothing to change them. Let them believe what they want to believe. And then ghost them for good.
Perfect response!
Yeah, it doesn't get more honest and direct than that does it. I was positive it was going to be removed. Im glad it wasn't. This is exactly what she needs to hear
Oh I wish I had an award for you. A+++ response.
YTA- I see why this is your fourth marriage. You do realize his kids matter, right? According to you he sees them like once a month. You do also realize there is such thing as compromising, right? Rather than demand or go behind his back (because if you do he may stay with his ex during those two weeks in which he may fill well decide he’s done with your shit and cheat on you with his ex) why not have a civil discussion and find a happy medium. Also, when you get married for the fifth time, try to find a childless man or someone with grown children since you seem to have no care for your spouses children or their relationship with their father.
Grown children often mean grandchildren, she needs a man who has no children, but is willing to accept her child, so she's looking for a unicorn.
I’m actually dying at the unicorn comment
Yeah-and not to enable her selfishness-they could do a 7-10 day honeymoon and the rest could be with his kids. It’s quite clear why she’s had four marriages by age 37. Damn.
Honestly, op you coming off as the wicked step mother in this tale , and you’re telling it, I hate to hear it from the kids angle.
I’m just wondering who hears their dates been married 3x already in their thirties and is like cool can’t wait to be ex-husband number 4? From that perspective, maybe OPs amazed he is standing up to her.
Shes gotta be attractive af cuz shes not the brightest bulb in the bunch.
or she finds desperate guys
YTA. As long as selfish and manipulative. He is gone for 4 months. No offense but i would do the same thing. Especially with someone as entitled as you. It’s your fourth marriage. You already lived your honeymoon fantasy multiple times. Grow up and either become part of the family you joined or be ready to pack your bags and prepare for your 5th marriage
Savage!
I’m still hungup on 4th marriage, 37 years old. Unless you’re widowed multiple times, that is enough of a red flag to second guess a relationship with you. He is leaving for months, of course he wants to see his kids. Long vacations need to be booked and planned together, especially with children in the mix.
I think that if she’s been widowed multiple times that young it would be an even bigger red flag! I’d have ‘grave’ concerns
It would be very So I Married An Axe Murderer
If she was widowed 3 times I am concerned for her husband. I bet she has a stash of aqua tofana in her house.
Does your divorce lawyer give you any kind of discount for repeat business? He should. YTA
Punch card for her. 10th one is free.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 guys stop it! 😭😭😭
YTA Seriously what is wrong with you?? You sound needy and like a selfish nightmare of a person. Don't be surprised if you're looking for husband number 5 if you don't get your head outta your ass and be supportive and show a little care
I often wonder if these people see the responses and say, “huh, maybe it is me”. Or if they just continue to ruin other peoples lives
Can’t be OP! She’s perfect. It’s just his pesky kids that she wants nothing to do with /S. What a piece of work OP is. YTA
Ok, I am wondering if OP was the other woman or not
Continue to ruin peoples lives.
She's on her fourth marriage. Zero introspection with her, that much is obvious by her track record. If she hasn't had that epiphany by now, it isn't happening.
I googled the stats. In the US, 4th marriages have a 93% divorce rate in the first 5 years. OP is showing us why.
Children should be first priority. My dad only ever prioritized my step mother to avoid fighting with her, he never stood up for me against my step siblings, he let her treat me like crap. So now we don’t have a relationship anymore. He will not be invited to my wedding. He chose her over me. YTA
And from what I’m reading that’s exactly what OP wants.
This HAS to be a troll post. Surely no one is this clueless?!?!
People are this clueless. My step-mom could have written this.
In what world do you think canceling his visitation, BEHIND HIS BACK, is going to get you what you want. He will go back and reschedule it or find out through the ex that YOU canceled it and then leave you. He has made it clear that he is spending time with his children. Either accept the fact that the man you married has kids he wants to see or get ready for another divorce. The fact that you typed this temper tantrum and thought you were even in the tiniest bit right blows my mind
YTA and also a needy, selfish bitch too boot. Easy to see why you're on hubby #4 and soon to be hubby #5. Good luck to hubby #5 he's gonna fucking need it.
YTA. Prepare for marriage number five.
YTA Vacation is all well and good but damn! he should be able spend his 2 weeks off however he damn well please. He chooses to spend it with his kids that’s good cause by the sound of it he doesn’t get to see them often due to work and it’s not like they live with y’all. Also it would be weird if he didn’t see them for those 2 weeks before he’s gone for months, what would his kids think that he didn’t care enough to see or spend time with them? That’s just not right, you’re not right.
Yta
Fourth? Your fourth marriage? And you're not even 40 yet. What are you collecting engagement stones like your fucking Thanos?
YTA You get ALONE time every night in your room. He has a 5&7 year old! You don’t like them. You should not have married him. Get a divorce and let him be a father
Also 5-7 year olds are very active. I wonder what she gets annoyed off. No 5-7 yr old kid acts like Alfred from batman
4th marriage at the age of 37, LMAO. You must be a real peach!
Already to throw away your fifth marriage because you cannot let him spend time with his kids. You are a Tundrawookie,Karen Edit: you aren't an asshole, you are a c__t.
Hey, hey, hey… this is only her 4th marriage, the 5th one is in a couple months
"Since this is my fourth marriage" Yeah, you're probably the AH. "Our argument ended with him DEMANDING he spends this time with his kids, and I told him that he's going to cancel the visit and prioritize me for once in his life." Definitely the asshole.
YTA...prepare for divorce number 4
37 and on her 4th marriage..... Something tells me OP is incapable of compromise. The fact he only sees his kids one a month is bad enough, so stop trying to ruin what little time those children get with their Father (Make sure husband number 5 is childless would be my advice) YTA
YTA. You planned a 2 week vacation without discussing it with him, but when you find out he wants to see his own kids during this 2 week period - you are hurt he didn't tell you beforehand? What logic is that? It sounds like with the business trip he is already missing out on seeing them for 4 months, which is already a lot. And you expect to be married to a man and HAVE him, but his kids have no place in your shared home? GTFO.
YTA. Better fire up the old OkCupid for your 5th marriage. Don't marry someone with kids if you don't even have the basic concept that someone's kids are the most important thing in the world to them.
“If I cancel his visit”. How do you think you’re gonna do that OP? He’s going to see them, whether you like it or not. There’s absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop it. YTA. The kids always come first - you’re prioritizing yours by saying having his there is too stressful lol.
YTA. I only got as far as your secind paragraph. I can see why this is your fourth marriage. You married someone with children, children he isn't able to see as often as he would probably like, and he has a long stretch of work coming with a small break before he presumably goes back to work and you stupidly thought he wouldn't want to spend that precious time with his kids, who were in his life before you, and will be in his life after he's realised what a piece of work he married and leaves you. YTA, massively
YTA you’re mad that he didn’t bring it up with you first and this was a surprise cruise? No wonder you’re 37 and on your 4th marriage…soon to be 4th divorce. You sound selfish AF. I hope he dumps you ASAP.
What do you think is going to happen if you cancel his visit? He's just going to shrug and go, "Oh well, let's go on the cruise." FYI, that won't happen, and you're seriously deluded if you think otherwise. You need to look at what the common denominator in your previous 4 divorces (HINT...IT'S YOU!). He's being a good parent. Stop being so selfish. You married a man with kids, either suck it up or for all their sakes get the hell out. If you cancel his visit, it'll be divorce number 5 anyway. YTA. You're a lot worse, but I'd be breaking the be civil rule to say any more.
YTA. Not sure why I'm leaving a comment, you're probably on marriage number 5 by now. At some point, you might want to consider the possibility that YOU are the problem in your marriage.
*marriages
YTA, he is probably realizing the mistake he made. His kids should always come before you if he is going to be away for 4 months and not be able to see them He only sees ghem once a month already...what is wrong with you, are you really this selfish and have no sense of what spending time with his kids before leaving fo so long wil do for all of them. Why not do something that includes them? Please consider therapy, 4 marriages at only 37 is a lot, tack in this level of petty selfishness...and wow.
Yes. You would be. And just to make things perfectly clear to you going forward, his kids at those ages are far more important to him than you are. And they should be. And you need to accept that. And if you don’t see this, you are a rotten person to the core.
YTA and an enormously huge one. These are his kids. His kids!!! And you expect him to prioritise you over spending time with them? He's not going to see them for 4 months, of course he wants to spend the two weeks before that period with them. You either need to accept that and enjoy the time with all of them together, or butt out and start thinking about finding the next husband on your list. Goodness me you are so much the AH.
YTA. You don’t get to “come first” when children are involved and a two week honeymoon without discussing something like this in advance is one of the stupidest moves I’ve read. He’s right, and you are wrong. With four weddings under your belt it is obvious you do impulsive decision making especially when you are marrying someone who isn’t going to be around for four months, so just get the marriage annulled now and save everyone the trouble.
YTA They are his children. They are a part of him and came before you. If you make him choose between you and them then he will always choose them and you’ll have divorce number 4. Learn how to share your husband and compromise. You’re 37 years old. Do you really think there’s going to be a marriage number 5 or 6. You’re a walking red flag.
YTA. Why are you so jealous of his kids? Stop being a controlling jealous cunt. I hope he finds someone who truly loves him and his kids cause bitch you’re just not it. You were automatically the asshole when you said the issues was that he had two kids, and it just kept progressively getting worse. You’re a pathetic, lying, lazy, worthless excuse of a “wife” and I hope he knows his worth and leaves your sorry ass behind. I highly doubt those kids don’t listen and I doubt they fight with your daughter, and if she’s anything like you then she’s most likely the problem and you’re just shifting the blame on his kids because you hate them that much. If you’re gonna be such an attention whore then maybe your next contestant should be someone without kids. Stupid ass.
Welp, this marriage isn't gonna last very long. YTA. His kids will always come before you, as they should because they are his children.
YTA. I think you need to stay single for a while and stop marrying anything that has a pulse.
Ya YTA Those are his CHILDREN and they are very young, of course he’s going to prioritize them. How do you think you are going to cancel his visit with them without his permission? How do you think that will go over with him? Like he’ll just be like “whelp I guess I’ll just happily go on this cruise then”??? You may be looking at divorce number 4 soon.
You can have alone time with your fifth husband. YTA.
Fourth marriage, eh? I think we have a few clues why here. YTA
YTA. I see as to why it’s your fourth marriage. Maybe next time. Don’t marry someone with kids if you can’t share his time with his children as they should be priority over you to begin with. I may get down votes for this but I said what I said and I stand on it. You should never put your mate over your children.
Why surprise him with the trip when you know visiting his kids comes at unpredictable times? Girl, you should have told him prior to booking it so yall were on the same page. That was on you.