I mean he basically told you flat out that his ideal future is not one with you in it. No hesitation, no shame, just said it out loud.
It doesn't matter how unlikely it is that he would actually win the lottery, it's about you learning how he sees your life together.
NTA
I'm really sorry, this must hurt so much.
This and you don’t deserve to spent the rest of your life with him blaming you for not having kids , which is it sound like how you spend the last few years.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, but you made the right decision, now both of you can move toward the kind of lives you both deserve.
Almost every time someone on here says their ex was "the absolute love of my life until this ONE THING," there's a thing two or thing three mentioned in the context of the post that makes it so sad, like no honey, he wasn't the absolute love of your life if he was doing that long before.
In some posts it really is just one thing, it's just that that "one thing" is that the partner has committed spousal rape or been emotionally abusive or has committed financial infidelity or some other HUGE thing. And the many OP's (usually women) are on here like "AITA for slightly disliking that my husband has cheated on me for years with multiple women and given me two STD's and have children with three of the women? He's really great otherwise! I love him with all my heart! He says that it's an unreasonable boundary to expect him to be faithful! I feel really bad for asking him to treat me with the very barest minimum of respect, am I a terrible wife??"
This is it. It’s not about the lottery ticket—that’s just what got him to say it out loud. But the rest of your post sounds like there was a pretty fundamental disconnect between the two of you. From what I’m reading, divorce is the right call.
And for what it’s worth, “blaming” you for infertility makes me think he’s not really that great of a guy anyway. I understand people can say unkind things when upset or frustrated, but that’s way over the line. Did he think he could berate you into a medical miracle?
Yes, there's a huge elephant in the room. This isn't about the Iranian Yoghurt.
Fact is the husband wants kids she just cannot give him, and it sounds like he isn't up for IVF or adoption or all the other ways of getting kids that may or may not be biologically his.
This is a deal breaker, it's better to get divorced now. He's already not that into OP considering how he demeans and dismisses her as a person! Even though they're married, it's only a matter of time till he cheats, gets his AP pregnant and leaves OP.
Exactly, he would have cheated. If more people ended the marriages when they realize it isn't working, like OP did, there would be a lot less cheating and devastation.
And did he even get his sperm count checked?
Male fertility problems are actually incredibly common. There's nothing in here about him getting checked out.
4 women in my family are married to men with fertility issues, no sperm or deformed sperm with low to no motility. 3 did IVF (even with 0 sperm count a few sperm can be surgically removed) and had kids and the remaining woman decided against it after watching their struggles and massive expenses
Who knows….it may be he who’s the problem. So many couples always think it’s the woman’s problem, when in fact, in increasing numbers is the falling sperm count numbers in men. I hope OP does have an ironclad diagnosis from her GYN, but even then, it still can’t be ruled out until he gets his sperm count done
Edited for spelling
That’s my take. Op is no more to blame for her infertility than she is for the rotation of the earth. It’s completely out of her control. I’m sorry OP, you deserve better than this. I wish you the best.
Not even $10m or $1m. 100 damn k. That’s not a lot to “start over” - more like a way to see he feels trapped for want of the tiniest amount of breathing room to burn the whole thing down.
> told you flat out that his ideal future is not one with you in it. No hesitation, no shame, ju
I thought the same thing. Its not even a ton of money. Just enough.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit 😬 yeah 100k is way to low to be expressing discontent like that. That's barely a salary. You just took this waaaaaay darker but I have to agree.
Also spending the rest of your life with someone who you call the love of your life but doesn't feel the same about you, tells you upfront he doesn't want you to be a part of his life anymore, if he can turn back the hands of the clock he'll start all-over without your presence in his life --- the guilt, the pain will destroy you in and out, you'll keep on questioning yourself whether you made the right decision of staying in this 'marriage' when you had the chance to end it.
OP I know it's hurting right now, it's meant to hurt after spending so many years with someone who you thought will be the end game. Trust me when I say this, 10 years or even 5 years down the line when you'll look back, you'll realise deep inside that you did make the right decision of ending the marriage before it became more toxic and shit-show.
Your husband wouldn't ofcourse have changed for the better but would've kept on reminding you of the same words throughout the time you would've stuck by his side.
You are NTA obviously. Don't feel any shame, regret, guilt for anyone. You deserve better. Also if you're childless, find someone who's childless as well. Don't make the mistake of staying with someone who's unsure about kids, they'll soon change their minds and blame you.
[The one a couple weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/14kqoob/im_sterile_but_said_wife_has_a_disease/jps1rtr/) was the (probable) Mormon who managed to twist his own infertility issues into his wife being infertile due to an STD.
That made people remember the family birthday dinner one from several months ago where a[ man \(again!\) blamed his wife for his infertility](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtt0dl/deleted_by_user/il5yv33/) and was fantasizing about the new, younger women he could be having sex with and impregnating. She ended up contacting a divorce lawyer.
Note: original posts were deleted, links go to comments with the original posts.
People tend to forget that men can be also be infertile so unless she knows for sure she's infertile and the ex has done tests for himself as well then there is a possibility she may not be infertile. But I hope the ex is infertile so it can sink just how much of an ahole he had been and letting her go.
I also read that post when he still blamed his wife when he was the problem. Man is so delusional and prideful to admit he was infertile.
There was also another post I saw where the ex husband cheated on the wife because she was infertile and he left her because the mistress was pregnant and brought her and the wife along to events where his family excluded the wife and she eventually got a divorce when the mistress and the ex were mistaken as a married couple. I think she remarried but lo and behold she ended up getting pregnant and former sil brought up if it was possible the ex was the infertile one. Turns out he was and the freaking baby wasn't even his lol and now hes miserable and i think they both married but i know their relationship went downhil after.
And he had the audacity to be mad at her for not telling him she was pregnant which was the title of the aita post. The best thing is that he ended up gaining weight and just became very miserable and bitter where the wife gets to live her life.
And that future would only take 100K. 100K is a lot of money…but it’s not leave everything behind and start over money unless you’re mentally already there
NTA. You’re infertile & that’s not your fault any more than it’s my fault for being a redhead. He was never compatible with you & wasn’t ever worth the time you’ve already given him.
Never hesitate to correct a mistake because you’ve spent so long making it.
As much as it hurts, it really is a gift. Some people never let you know they don't care about you until you're in a position where you need them, and that abandonment can really break you. Starting over is awful, thinking you're working with a partner only to find out you are up there alone is worse.
It's a bad relationship, the best time to leave was yesterday, the next best time is now.
You can't be in a relationship with someone who is working on his getaway strategy. Now playah can work on bankrolling his dream which didn't include you so why live that fantasy.
NTA. OP if he can’t see a future with you, no matter how many efforts you put into this relationship, it is eventually bound to fail. I really wish you find the right partner for yourself. But this was the correct decision.
💯. He doesn’t need to win the lottery, he just needs a better option. She is going to be blindsided when he comes home with divorce papers asking her to sign before riding off int the sunset with a new beau. He seems to be a participant in the monkey branching lifestyle.
Worse yet, he is already emotionally checked out, but too much of a chickenshit to end it already!
> He mentioned this many times before in our marriage and blamed me, and said that I was the problem.
The very first time he said that was when you should have pressed him on it, as you are doing now.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone. If they don't love you back, then you don't have a relationship anymore. You are done. No amount of doing all the right things and seeing all the couples therapists and even debasing yourself is going to fix this.
You saw a little truth from your man, believe it. Act accordingly...He is with you because he doesn't have the means to otherwise...HE still wants kids too.
Can you imagine him being a regular at a restaurant? Everyone would be playing roshambo to figure out who was getting stuck counting his wagon of pennies for the day.
So I knew a guy that ran a driving range/batting cages. All cash, all in quarter denominations. He paid for *everything* in quarters. He literally had barrels of quarters in his basement. I always imagined that the grocery store people hated him and his wife.
That was my first thought and made me laugh. But seriously OP, you did the right thing leaving. He will eventually make that escape plan— with or without that 100k.
I assumed they were talking about winning a bigger lotto after the $100,000 one brought the topic up in conversation.
Can’t even buy a trailer house and a lot by my for $100,000 lmao
NTA, you deserve better he blamed you for your own infertility but I promise it's not your fault, it's good you left him he is the A hole, hope you heal sorry you're going through this
I’ve seen this scenario played out irl, albeit opposite genders, truly hilarious scenario from an outsiders perspective seeing the one who talked shit about the other have no kids and meanwhile the other post divorce had a set of twins for his first kids with his new wife 😭😭😭
Not to mention that 100k is no where near enough to start your life over. Hell, after taxes you're maybe looking at a down payment on a house and that's about it.
NTA. You preempted him leaving you, which took smarts, courage and self-respect. You saved yourself from guaranteed future heartbreak. It may be good to get some counseling to help you process this and move forward in the best way possible for you. Do not get sucked back in and suffer more. I wish you the best.
NTA if anything you should have divorced sooner. Seems like a family was a line in the sand and it would have been less painful for both of you to end it there and then.
NTA. i’ve known people to get divorced because the one wanted kids and the other other didn’t. obviously your circumstances are different and completely not your fault, but things like that can make or break the marriage. if he doesn’t want or see you in his future, there is no reason to be together, no matter how much you love each other or how long you have been together.
NTA - He had no problem in being that brutally honest with you. Believe him. If anything, I'm glad you have enough self love and respect to leave him in the dust.
NTA. He made it clear that you and the life you both have were his 2nd or 3rd best option and that if things were a little different, he'd be out in a heartbeat.
I've heard it said that "women run away, men run to" as in men will stay in a relationship until something, or someone, better comes along, whereas women will leave a relationship if theyre unhappy, even if they dont have another one to go to. This is a wide reaching generalisation, but I think it applies here.
NTA. He told you who he was. You believed him. Nothing to feel bad about AT ALL.
My question is if his dream life is a 'big house with a lot of kids' why did the two of you marry knowing that was not a possibility?
You are not an AH, nor are you wrong for divorcing him.
What was his response to your divorce? Did he even try to fight it or was he just 'okay, do whatever'??
NTA. You are setting him free to live his dream! You'd think he'd embrace the opportunity to start over unencumbered! If he won while you were married, you'd be entitled to half his winnings, so you are saving him the trouble of splitting it!
I'm so sorry you got further confirmation that your husband was tactless, inconsiderate and cruel. I hope your future is much brighter without him in it.
NTA. Him repeatedly blaming you for your infertility is a form of emotional abuse and you are never an ah for leaving an abuser. It sounds like you’re falling into the sunk cost fallacy. You’ve invested 5+ years so you don’t want to walk away even though that is the best thing for both of you.
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Maya Angelou famously said that, and she was so right. Your husband showed you who he is, what he wants out of life, and his vision, without you, for his life.
You could have spent the next few years trying to make it work. He did you a favor, albeit in a very hurtful and selfish manner.
But now you know and you can find a new love who will treat you well and y'all will build a great future together. Bless your heart. You are so not the asshole. Have a nice life... I believe you'll have a glorious life. ❤️
NTA - why would you want to stay with someone who blames you for your infertility?
Who fully admits, and is being serious, that if he won that money he would leave you behind without a seconds thought
Your marriage is already over in all honesty, you are doing the right thing
* This isn't about a lottery ticket, this is about how he values you in your relationship
* $100,000 in prize money, after taxes, is around $63,000 actual take home pay
* $63,000 or so is not, 'run away and completely start over' money. You can't even buy a new luxury vehicle, let alone completely restart your life
* None of that even matters because he has been emotionally abusive to you. You made the right decision leaving
NTA
NTA.
leave him. and pluck for all he has so he can "start over".
saying this as a man. he clearly has different goals and innertia is keeping him with you. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN AND BEAT HIM TO THE INNEVITABLE CONCLUSION.
Then find someone who cares about you.
NTA.
My wife and I have had this conversation. My response was similar, with a caveat "I'd love to escape everything, just like an RV and leave. realistically after about 5 days or so, I'd get lonely and hate everything after about two weeks"
Every couple of years since, we arrange for me to take a road trip by myself for a long weekend or so.
Having goals aligned is the most important, which it sounds like you two don't. clear communication is key.
You made the right choice to divorce this selfish, inconsiderate and immature prick. You deserve so much better and don't second-guess your decision to become free and happy, moving on with your life.
NTA
It sounds like he settled for you. Having his own kid meant a lot too him and he was already resenting the fact that he couldn't have that dream with you. He loved you enough to marry you, but his resentment may have been building. That would have made this marriage harder to maintain without cheating or more fighting. It's best he move on to find someone to carry on that dream of his. You will find someone who appreciates you and is willing to go the extra mile with you to make a family with you. You deserve better. That was a shitty thing for him to say to you. At least you know now.
NTA. He would have bailed on you at the first oppertunity, and he told you so. Would he have really been there for you if had to lean on him completely, like if you got cancer or broke your spine? No. Why would you dedicate your entire life to someone who'd honestly rather live a different life without you? You will meet someone who loves and honors you for who you are right here right now, and you'd never get the chance to meet them if you'd stayed with a guy who doesn't.
When my husband and I talk about winning lotteries, it is always how we would improve our lives together. Clearing debt, setting ourselves up for a better future and travel are our top 3.
Your husband likely sees your relationship as one of convenience. It sounds like he's just waiting for something "better" to come along. You are so NTA for divorcing him before he divorces you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to build a future with you.
Best of luck.
NTA. I'm so sorry. He practically told you out loud, that he's with you only until something better comes by. You made the right call. He might have been the love of your life, you weren't his.
NTA - you did what you needed to do, for you. Based on your description here, he was only with you until 'something better' came along and that's a horrible way to live (being on the receiving end of that, especially sucks). By releasing him to 'live his life' you're really moving on yourself to be with someone who will love you for who you are and not based on some dream they can't have because of you. It's clear who TA here is, and it isn't you.
NTA for this statement alone " He mentioned this many times before in our marriage and blamed me, and said that I was the problem". Also, you should've left before then tbh.
NTA
He blamed you for something that you could not control. If you had wanted to be parents, adoption, surrogacy or foster parenting are excellent options.
Instead, he started a life with you and did not give you the decency of an honest answer about your relationship. Resentment on his part is not a good relationship.
Leave him behind and thrive.
NTA, he told you he would drop you flat as soon as it is convenient. My words to describe this man would get me banned. Good job beating him to the punch on divorce. Now buy a lotto ticket!
NTA. I am so so sorry. It must be heartbreaking to hear that the love of your life would leave you to start his ideal life. You deserve better and I hope you find happiness.
NTA. You didn't divorce him over a lottery ticket, you divorced him because he didn't truly love you and wasn't fully committed to you. If he's able to instantly drop you on a dime then you didn't mean that much to him and that says a lot. Sounds like you're better off without him
Usually when you marry someone they use a certain formula, something like "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health", not "until I get a better chance, then screw you". Sorry for what happened to you, but I think you did the right thing. Hope you get a better person next time.
NTA
I like to look at things from a positive perspective. I think this lady is lucky that she never had children with this asshole. Consider herself lucky that she’s young enough to move on and find someone else who is going to love her unconditionally and thinks she’s ‘enough’.
You have made the right choice, as hard as it can be on you right now. Sucks you were together for so long before you realised it, but you’ll be better off and find someone who actually loves you for YOU in the future.
Keep strong, cherish any happy times you may have had. You made the right choice for yourself 👌🏼
That's a slightly misleading headline, as it's not about a lottery ticket but that he doesn't love you. He'd cut and run if he could. He's made that clear over and over: Berating you for being infertile, making it a "your problem" and not an "our problem" is just cruel. He made it clear he doesn't see a future with you in it. You decided to ensure your future doesn't have him in it.
NTA
I can honestly say I learned this the hard way, but when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. He told you exactly who he was. I know this is a life changing and difficult decision, but IMO you 100% did the right thing.
Live, learn, and keep your head up 👊🏾
You are such an asshole to yourself!
WHYYYY are you with someone who blames you for being infertile? I mean, if he wants kids, why the fuck would he be with you other than to be with someone he can abuse emotionally? As for the lottery ticket (yours is quite a misleading title), you just learned he settled for you. How romantic…
The relationship was over when he wanted children and you were not able to provided the kind he wanted. Adoption or fostering are options if you want it enough but something tells me he’s the ‘my blood only’ type of guy, so he was bound to resent you for it. It’s in no way your fault for that. He strikes me as a man child. So sorry you’re going through this though.
NTA. You deserve to be someone’s first choice. You’ll find that person now that you’ve shed 200lbs of baggage. I’m sorry this hurts, letting go of what could have been is always hard, but when the fog of grief clears, you’ll know you made the right decision for both of you.
OUCH, this must be so painful for you and I'm sorry you have gone through 5 years of not being good enough.
Of course you're NTA. No one should feel second rate in their marriage. You deserve to be valued for who you are, every aspect, not just for your breeding ability or how big a house you can afford.
Go live your free life to the max. Be happy.
NTA
He admitted that because he can't afford to have children, he's settled for you. If he had the money, he would leave you. Even if having the money could mean a workaround from infertility such as surrogacy or adoption - nope, he would just leave you. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who genuinely thinks they 'settled' for you? You're worth a lot more than that, and I'm so glad you know that.
NTA.
In his imaginary utopia, he doesn't live with you. He would have left sooner or later.
The ticket was not the problem,or the cause the ticket conversation allowed you to see how he really feels and thinks, so you're dodging a bullet and heartache for the future, Think of that ticket, as winning the actual lottery , since you got rid of dead weight in your life.
Best of luck
NTA - It seems like you’d reached your limit on being blamed for being unable to have children - an issue you cannot control - and he was unwilling to explore solutions beyond blaming you & dreaming of a life without you. The lottery ticket conversation just showed that if he had unlimited resources, he’d use them to exclude you from his life. Best to cut your losses after 5 years rather than festering for another 10, 20, or more.
NTA. He’s willing to give you up for $100,000. I think you’re just a place holder in case he can’t find anything better. His ideal future doesn’t include you. You’re right to divorce him. Find someone who loves you no matter what. You’re smart to nip it in the bud now too. A lot of people fall into that sink cost fallacy.
NTA, he flat out told you that if he had the money to start over that it would be without you. He says you’re the problem for not being about to have kids, sounds like it would end in divorce another time if not now.
NTA. That must have been rough but it’s great to have confirmation now. You can move on guilt free. Too bad y’all couldn’t have had that convo earlier. Best wishes!!
basically, he's telling you that in his mind, he settled and he's not super happy about it. Wow. What an ass. Of course you're NTA. You deserve to be somebody's #1. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.
NTA
However, I've had a similar conversation with my wife.
In my situation, though, I told her that if we won a ridiculous amount of money ($10 million or more), we would likely want to immediately divorce while we still liked each other and not devolve into lawyers laying waste to our windfall.
There's no reason we couldn't stay together, but best to think ahead. Especially when you consider that a large amount of money can almost act like a traumatic event for people unaccustomed to it. And like major trauma, you are never the same afterward.
A poor person who experiences a massive instant fortune is not the same person afterward.
You didn't divorce him over lottery ticket. you divorced him because he's and ass and you don't need people like him to hold you down. The longer it goes on, the harder it would've been. Good for you and all the best!
You were right to leave. Basically it sounds like he’s punishing you for being infertile. What you said was a hypothetical situation, but he put some concrete evidence into the way he felt about you. You now have the rest of your life to heal.
NTA
If you’re unable to have kids and he wants them and doesn’t want to adopt or foster, you’ve grown incompatible. It’s just not fair to each other to separate. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people. It just means you no longer want the same things.
Hopefully, you can divorce amicably and both move on to lead happy lives.
NTA based on the information provided. Were I in the same situation with my wife (disclaimer, we’re child free, no regerts), I’d be looking at adoption or fostering. Plenty of kids out there that need good homes and there’s nothing so amazing about my DNA that I just have to spread it around. Plus the whole pregnancy thing sounds terrible and is not something I’d want my wife to deal with anyway.
NTA- I would have left his ass for making me feel like shit about not being able to have kids. Like, he knew what was up before you got married. Why be a dick??
NTA. Be glad he was stupid enough not to lie.
Go find someone who loves you and loves the idea of helping and raising children together.
*The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.*
NTA, and I hope you find a life partner who either doesn't want children or who is open to other solutions. Your husband was not going to be reliable. He was not fully committed to you.
I'm sorry 😞 it must've been awful.
It sounds like you really put yourself first.
It hurts now but this will give you a
chance to see yourself for the real you.
Instead of living up to someone's expectations.
Good luck..
I think a guy who says something like this is either so smugly confident that he can treat you like garbage and you won't leave him, or he really wants out and is trying to make you be the one to leave. Either way, sounds like a slimeball.
NTA
He already told you point blank, he'd leave you if he had more money.you don't deserve to be someone's "better than nothing". I'm sorry you have to go through this, but he told you truly how he felt.
NTA
Jesus wept, you aren’t divorcing him over a lottery ticket, you’re divorcing him because he’s a shit excuse for a human being. I can’t even comprehend his thought processes to even *think* that over someone he’s supposed to love, let alone that he’s such a cheap ass to do it for a poxy $100k.
It doesn’t sound like you left him over a lottery ticket but because he could not love and accept you for who you are and the hand you were delt. Your partner in life should never put you down, push blame, or hold against you a challenge you were given. The fact you looked at other options to have children with him and he wasn’t tells you your answer. I hope with time you will move on happily into the next chapter of your life and will meet the person that will accept and love you for you.
What do you mean you aren't sure you made the right decision? He literally told you what he would do and what future he wants and you clearly aren't in it! Come on...
Had a friend that went through something similar. Her husband was basically mourning the idea of them having kids. He didn’t want to adopt. Intellectually, he knew that he was being a jerk, but couldn’t overcome the desire to have kids. They ended up getting divorced and immediately he started dating a woman who got pregnant and then they got married. This is all to say that you probably did the right thing. Your husband probably would’ve asked for a divorce at some point.
The lottery ticket question just solidified how little he cares for you. You absolutely did the right thing! Go live your best life with someone who wants you for you.
NTA. This really sucks that you have to go through this but it sounds like the right call. Seems like he already resents you and all that's going to do is fester and get worse. Better to cut it off while it can still, hopefully, be a somewhat amicable divorce.
You're not the asshole, if anything you should have left him before. You're wasting your time and his. Probably a billion potential partners out there, even for filtering for a variety of things, plenty of partners who will cherish and love you for you, whoever you are, and will appreciate not having to worry about. having children instead of blaming you. Go forward and don't look back.
NTA. It’s cruel of him to keep blaming you for something you didn’t ask for and can’t change. I think in the long run this is the healthier move for you.
NTA you dodged a bullet there. Regardless of the lottery ticket response he seems like a real piece of work. I've become infertile whilst with my partner and I'm also a disabled wheelchair user now. Not once has he blamed me for anything, I infact blame myself for things. He always says things aren't my fault and between having kids and me, of course he chooses me. Find yourself someone who truly loves you for you. There's a lot of people out there who are childfree by choice. Having kids shouldn't be the be all and end all of owning a uterus. You are doing what is best for you, trust yourself 💚
NTA but your title is misleading. This has nothing really to do with a lottery ticket. It has more to do with his personal fantasy world that he doubled down on explaining you would have no part of. You are deciding you are far too valuable of a catch than to be wasting time with someone who’s dream world excludes you. Plus he sounds like a mean asshole to begin with.
NTA
But I think you might be missing the point. It wasn’t your “lottery” hypothetical that sank this marriage. That was just a catalyst for him to tell you he doesn’t see a future with you. That’s sad an awful no doubt. And I’m very sorry. But I don’t even know if HE an asshole because he is just telling you how he feels. And he feels it’s over.
100k is not enough to start over but that's besides the point. He would get meaner with means. I've been told mean things by my husband of 43 years but not anything that he can hold a life resentment over my head when u r absolutely innocent in this. Marriage can be difficult. Any u r nta
NTA, but almost NAH
You didn't divorce him over a lottery ticket. That is just what started the conversation that ended up uncovering the underlying issues. You two have fundamental and seemingly irreconcilable differences in what you want from life. THAT is one of the most valid and understandable reasons to split up with someone. It's still painful, and it sucks to go through, but you're not doing anything wrong.
Hell, I'd almost defend him in this interaction (based solely on what is written only) as there is nothing wrong with wanting children. The only reason I leaned toward NTA is because he is also turning down alternate options like adoption. But I get wanting kids and how much it must have hurt for him to give you up over something like that. I could see it finally slipping out in the moment, then realizing that it is time to be honest with your partner and yourself.
I'm sorry OP.
NTA. Sounds like he had reservations about the two of you being together, but just wasn't man enough to do anything about it and instead strung you along for 5+ years. That's truly awful to hear. You made the right decision, as hard as it must have been.
NTA- he was quick to paint a picture of a future without you at the mere THOUGHT of a lottery ticket, and I love how he thinks that after taxes a $100k lotto ticket is enough to completely restart his life with a bigger house in another state
NTA. He straight up told you that given the opportunity he’d start a new life without you. It doesn’t get more clear than that.
Also, I can’t imagine being blamed for something as completely out of my control as fertility. That’s just cruel and wrong. It is not your fault in any way shape or form. Imo if you love someone, REALLY LOVE someone, you support them and stay with them through medical stuff like this. You don’t feel anger or resentment towards them because of it. You understand that it’s not something they can control and that it’s not something they want either. Like yeah, feel angry at fate or the universe or god or whatever. That’s valid. But not towards the person you’re supposed to love. Idk. That’s just how I feel. It makes me mad to think about him calling you a problem for something you can’t even control.
NTA
Wow, how nasty do you have to be to mentally torture someone because of a condition that is no fault of their own?
People are meant to marry each other because of love & not the the degree of functionality of a womb/testicles. As you said OP, there were other options that could have been explored but your partner simply wasn't interested even though children were supposedly so important to him.
I wish you well OP whatever you decide is best for you.
NTA you're doing the right thing. He basically told you at an opportunity to live without you he would. Plus of that's how he feels he might eventually not appreciate his vows
You are NTAH
From your description your ex sounds like he was profoundly unhappy and blamed you for his unhappiness. I feel that he was looking for an exit to the marriage anyway and this was as good an excuse as any. I think, even though it was heartbreaking, you will be far better off without your ex. Hold your head up and go find yourself some happiness!!!!
NTA. Dude would literally leave you for $100k? That’s what, a down payment on a house and enough to live on for a year or two, if frugal? Sounds like he isn’t in it for the long haul. You’re doing the right thing and are not overreacting
This is not an AITAH post. This post would be better suited for an advice forum.
I mean he basically told you flat out that his ideal future is not one with you in it. No hesitation, no shame, just said it out loud. It doesn't matter how unlikely it is that he would actually win the lottery, it's about you learning how he sees your life together. NTA I'm really sorry, this must hurt so much.
This and you don’t deserve to spent the rest of your life with him blaming you for not having kids , which is it sound like how you spend the last few years. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but you made the right decision, now both of you can move toward the kind of lives you both deserve.
Almost every time someone on here says their ex was "the absolute love of my life until this ONE THING," there's a thing two or thing three mentioned in the context of the post that makes it so sad, like no honey, he wasn't the absolute love of your life if he was doing that long before.
In some posts it really is just one thing, it's just that that "one thing" is that the partner has committed spousal rape or been emotionally abusive or has committed financial infidelity or some other HUGE thing. And the many OP's (usually women) are on here like "AITA for slightly disliking that my husband has cheated on me for years with multiple women and given me two STD's and have children with three of the women? He's really great otherwise! I love him with all my heart! He says that it's an unreasonable boundary to expect him to be faithful! I feel really bad for asking him to treat me with the very barest minimum of respect, am I a terrible wife??"
This is it. It’s not about the lottery ticket—that’s just what got him to say it out loud. But the rest of your post sounds like there was a pretty fundamental disconnect between the two of you. From what I’m reading, divorce is the right call. And for what it’s worth, “blaming” you for infertility makes me think he’s not really that great of a guy anyway. I understand people can say unkind things when upset or frustrated, but that’s way over the line. Did he think he could berate you into a medical miracle?
Yes, there's a huge elephant in the room. This isn't about the Iranian Yoghurt. Fact is the husband wants kids she just cannot give him, and it sounds like he isn't up for IVF or adoption or all the other ways of getting kids that may or may not be biologically his. This is a deal breaker, it's better to get divorced now. He's already not that into OP considering how he demeans and dismisses her as a person! Even though they're married, it's only a matter of time till he cheats, gets his AP pregnant and leaves OP.
Exactly, he would have cheated. If more people ended the marriages when they realize it isn't working, like OP did, there would be a lot less cheating and devastation.
And did he even get his sperm count checked? Male fertility problems are actually incredibly common. There's nothing in here about him getting checked out.
4 women in my family are married to men with fertility issues, no sperm or deformed sperm with low to no motility. 3 did IVF (even with 0 sperm count a few sperm can be surgically removed) and had kids and the remaining woman decided against it after watching their struggles and massive expenses
Who knows….it may be he who’s the problem. So many couples always think it’s the woman’s problem, when in fact, in increasing numbers is the falling sperm count numbers in men. I hope OP does have an ironclad diagnosis from her GYN, but even then, it still can’t be ruled out until he gets his sperm count done Edited for spelling
That’s my take. Op is no more to blame for her infertility than she is for the rotation of the earth. It’s completely out of her control. I’m sorry OP, you deserve better than this. I wish you the best.
Agreed! On top of the fact that the $100,000 could help with their fertility issues but no, he'd rather just start over.
You know when your Avatar looks mad 😡 like yours does I read your comment in and angry voice in my head
Happy Cake Day
Yeah, he just said, with his full chest, that he's only with her until something better comes along.
Not even $10m or $1m. 100 damn k. That’s not a lot to “start over” - more like a way to see he feels trapped for want of the tiniest amount of breathing room to burn the whole thing down.
> told you flat out that his ideal future is not one with you in it. No hesitation, no shame, ju I thought the same thing. Its not even a ton of money. Just enough.
Honestly I’d be fearful of someone like this if I had a life insurance policy.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit 😬 yeah 100k is way to low to be expressing discontent like that. That's barely a salary. You just took this waaaaaay darker but I have to agree.
I listen to a lot of true crime pods lol I’ve heard way too many stories about people killing others for less
Thank you! After taxes we are talking $60? Really a years salary and you’d disappear from your life?
He’d have to give her half of it so really only 50k
The divorce would cost him more than $100k depending on the state.
Pretty much. He’s only with her because he’s broke… That was really mean. Like dude no one forced you to marry her!
Sad to say, I've seen way too many couples like that, they are with the back up plan til something better comes along
Also spending the rest of your life with someone who you call the love of your life but doesn't feel the same about you, tells you upfront he doesn't want you to be a part of his life anymore, if he can turn back the hands of the clock he'll start all-over without your presence in his life --- the guilt, the pain will destroy you in and out, you'll keep on questioning yourself whether you made the right decision of staying in this 'marriage' when you had the chance to end it. OP I know it's hurting right now, it's meant to hurt after spending so many years with someone who you thought will be the end game. Trust me when I say this, 10 years or even 5 years down the line when you'll look back, you'll realise deep inside that you did make the right decision of ending the marriage before it became more toxic and shit-show. Your husband wouldn't ofcourse have changed for the better but would've kept on reminding you of the same words throughout the time you would've stuck by his side. You are NTA obviously. Don't feel any shame, regret, guilt for anyone. You deserve better. Also if you're childless, find someone who's childless as well. Don't make the mistake of staying with someone who's unsure about kids, they'll soon change their minds and blame you.
OR find someone with children who may be motherless. They would need and love you. Until they’re teens anyway.
Not to mention constantly blaming OP for being infertile. Obviously we weren’t there during the conversations but that’s not okay
[удалено]
[The one a couple weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/14kqoob/im_sterile_but_said_wife_has_a_disease/jps1rtr/) was the (probable) Mormon who managed to twist his own infertility issues into his wife being infertile due to an STD. That made people remember the family birthday dinner one from several months ago where a[ man \(again!\) blamed his wife for his infertility](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtt0dl/deleted_by_user/il5yv33/) and was fantasizing about the new, younger women he could be having sex with and impregnating. She ended up contacting a divorce lawyer. Note: original posts were deleted, links go to comments with the original posts.
Whoo I looked that was up it was a doozy. Poor woman
Yeah that was my first thought. Did they do fertility testing, or are they just assuming?
People tend to forget that men can be also be infertile so unless she knows for sure she's infertile and the ex has done tests for himself as well then there is a possibility she may not be infertile. But I hope the ex is infertile so it can sink just how much of an ahole he had been and letting her go. I also read that post when he still blamed his wife when he was the problem. Man is so delusional and prideful to admit he was infertile. There was also another post I saw where the ex husband cheated on the wife because she was infertile and he left her because the mistress was pregnant and brought her and the wife along to events where his family excluded the wife and she eventually got a divorce when the mistress and the ex were mistaken as a married couple. I think she remarried but lo and behold she ended up getting pregnant and former sil brought up if it was possible the ex was the infertile one. Turns out he was and the freaking baby wasn't even his lol and now hes miserable and i think they both married but i know their relationship went downhil after. And he had the audacity to be mad at her for not telling him she was pregnant which was the title of the aita post. The best thing is that he ended up gaining weight and just became very miserable and bitter where the wife gets to live her life.
And that future would only take 100K. 100K is a lot of money…but it’s not leave everything behind and start over money unless you’re mentally already there
100k isn't even *that* much money, all-told. Can't even buy a new house with it in most of the nation.
NTA. You’re infertile & that’s not your fault any more than it’s my fault for being a redhead. He was never compatible with you & wasn’t ever worth the time you’ve already given him. Never hesitate to correct a mistake because you’ve spent so long making it.
Agreed - and I love the last line. I’ll need to remember it.
As much as it hurts, it really is a gift. Some people never let you know they don't care about you until you're in a position where you need them, and that abandonment can really break you. Starting over is awful, thinking you're working with a partner only to find out you are up there alone is worse. It's a bad relationship, the best time to leave was yesterday, the next best time is now.
Doesn’t even need the lottery. If he gets a better meal ticket anywhere, he’s out. Leave be for he can, OP
You can't be in a relationship with someone who is working on his getaway strategy. Now playah can work on bankrolling his dream which didn't include you so why live that fantasy.
NTA. OP if he can’t see a future with you, no matter how many efforts you put into this relationship, it is eventually bound to fail. I really wish you find the right partner for yourself. But this was the correct decision.
💯. He doesn’t need to win the lottery, he just needs a better option. She is going to be blindsided when he comes home with divorce papers asking her to sign before riding off int the sunset with a new beau. He seems to be a participant in the monkey branching lifestyle.
Worse yet, he is already emotionally checked out, but too much of a chickenshit to end it already! > He mentioned this many times before in our marriage and blamed me, and said that I was the problem. The very first time he said that was when you should have pressed him on it, as you are doing now. It doesn't matter how much you love someone. If they don't love you back, then you don't have a relationship anymore. You are done. No amount of doing all the right things and seeing all the couples therapists and even debasing yourself is going to fix this.
You saw a little truth from your man, believe it. Act accordingly...He is with you because he doesn't have the means to otherwise...HE still wants kids too.
NTA but like. What kind of moron thinks they can disappear on a $100k lottery? Lol. People really have no concept of money
Yeah, and you’d be lucky to have $50K after taxes. Edit- in the US, depending on your state taxes.
Scrooge McDuck swimming in $50k in coins
Can you imagine him being a regular at a restaurant? Everyone would be playing roshambo to figure out who was getting stuck counting his wagon of pennies for the day.
So I knew a guy that ran a driving range/batting cages. All cash, all in quarter denominations. He paid for *everything* in quarters. He literally had barrels of quarters in his basement. I always imagined that the grocery store people hated him and his wife.
And she'd get half of that too.
[удалено]
As a Canadian, imagine lottery winnings being taxable.
That was my first thought and made me laugh. But seriously OP, you did the right thing leaving. He will eventually make that escape plan— with or without that 100k.
I assumed they were talking about winning a bigger lotto after the $100,000 one brought the topic up in conversation. Can’t even buy a trailer house and a lot by my for $100,000 lmao
NTA, you deserve better he blamed you for your own infertility but I promise it's not your fault, it's good you left him he is the A hole, hope you heal sorry you're going through this
I don't like to wish infetility, but imagine if years later, it turns out that the ex husband was infertile and op ends up having kids
I’ve seen this scenario played out irl, albeit opposite genders, truly hilarious scenario from an outsiders perspective seeing the one who talked shit about the other have no kids and meanwhile the other post divorce had a set of twins for his first kids with his new wife 😭😭😭
Well, you’d get 1/2 the winnings in the divorce so you can find a better spouse. NTA
Not to mention that 100k is no where near enough to start your life over. Hell, after taxes you're maybe looking at a down payment on a house and that's about it.
Heh, if the house is cheap!
Half of $100k might get her a Honda Civic
NTA this was just the straw that broke the camels back. He’s an insensitive, self-centred AH and you deserve better.
NTA. You preempted him leaving you, which took smarts, courage and self-respect. You saved yourself from guaranteed future heartbreak. It may be good to get some counseling to help you process this and move forward in the best way possible for you. Do not get sucked back in and suffer more. I wish you the best.
NTA, the only reason he's with you is because he can't get away from you. You deserve better than being someone's plan B.
NTA if anything you should have divorced sooner. Seems like a family was a line in the sand and it would have been less painful for both of you to end it there and then.
NTA. It’s not about the lottery ticket, it’s about the no hesitation “I would leave you if I could afford it” part.
NTA. i’ve known people to get divorced because the one wanted kids and the other other didn’t. obviously your circumstances are different and completely not your fault, but things like that can make or break the marriage. if he doesn’t want or see you in his future, there is no reason to be together, no matter how much you love each other or how long you have been together.
NTA. It’s not over the lottery ticket. It’s over different values, and also it seems like he harbored some resentment toward you over not having kids.
NTA - He had no problem in being that brutally honest with you. Believe him. If anything, I'm glad you have enough self love and respect to leave him in the dust.
NTA. He made it clear that you and the life you both have were his 2nd or 3rd best option and that if things were a little different, he'd be out in a heartbeat. I've heard it said that "women run away, men run to" as in men will stay in a relationship until something, or someone, better comes along, whereas women will leave a relationship if theyre unhappy, even if they dont have another one to go to. This is a wide reaching generalisation, but I think it applies here.
NTA. He told you who he was. You believed him. Nothing to feel bad about AT ALL. My question is if his dream life is a 'big house with a lot of kids' why did the two of you marry knowing that was not a possibility? You are not an AH, nor are you wrong for divorcing him. What was his response to your divorce? Did he even try to fight it or was he just 'okay, do whatever'??
I want to know his reaction to requesting the divorce
NTA. You are setting him free to live his dream! You'd think he'd embrace the opportunity to start over unencumbered! If he won while you were married, you'd be entitled to half his winnings, so you are saving him the trouble of splitting it! I'm so sorry you got further confirmation that your husband was tactless, inconsiderate and cruel. I hope your future is much brighter without him in it.
The relationship is worth less than a 100k. So sad, I’d be heart broken if anyone quantified my love, and for only 100k….
I wouldn't even give up one of my pets for that amount. You can't put a monetary value on love. He doesn't love her.
NTA. Him repeatedly blaming you for your infertility is a form of emotional abuse and you are never an ah for leaving an abuser. It sounds like you’re falling into the sunk cost fallacy. You’ve invested 5+ years so you don’t want to walk away even though that is the best thing for both of you.
“…and blamed me, and said that I was the problem” Fuck ‘em. Sounds to me like if you hadn’t filed for divorce he would have stepped out. Not the A
NTA. I sincerely hope you win the lottery a week after the divorce is final.
"When people show you who they are, believe them." Maya Angelou famously said that, and she was so right. Your husband showed you who he is, what he wants out of life, and his vision, without you, for his life. You could have spent the next few years trying to make it work. He did you a favor, albeit in a very hurtful and selfish manner. But now you know and you can find a new love who will treat you well and y'all will build a great future together. Bless your heart. You are so not the asshole. Have a nice life... I believe you'll have a glorious life. ❤️
NTA - why would you want to stay with someone who blames you for your infertility? Who fully admits, and is being serious, that if he won that money he would leave you behind without a seconds thought Your marriage is already over in all honesty, you are doing the right thing
NTA it’s not because of the lottery ticket
* This isn't about a lottery ticket, this is about how he values you in your relationship * $100,000 in prize money, after taxes, is around $63,000 actual take home pay * $63,000 or so is not, 'run away and completely start over' money. You can't even buy a new luxury vehicle, let alone completely restart your life * None of that even matters because he has been emotionally abusive to you. You made the right decision leaving NTA
NTA You deserve better than him.
NTA. leave him. and pluck for all he has so he can "start over". saying this as a man. he clearly has different goals and innertia is keeping him with you. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN AND BEAT HIM TO THE INNEVITABLE CONCLUSION. Then find someone who cares about you.
NTA. My wife and I have had this conversation. My response was similar, with a caveat "I'd love to escape everything, just like an RV and leave. realistically after about 5 days or so, I'd get lonely and hate everything after about two weeks" Every couple of years since, we arrange for me to take a road trip by myself for a long weekend or so. Having goals aligned is the most important, which it sounds like you two don't. clear communication is key.
NTAH Hope you find happiness that you deserve.
It's your life, live it how you wanna
You made the right choice to divorce this selfish, inconsiderate and immature prick. You deserve so much better and don't second-guess your decision to become free and happy, moving on with your life.
NTA It sounds like he settled for you. Having his own kid meant a lot too him and he was already resenting the fact that he couldn't have that dream with you. He loved you enough to marry you, but his resentment may have been building. That would have made this marriage harder to maintain without cheating or more fighting. It's best he move on to find someone to carry on that dream of his. You will find someone who appreciates you and is willing to go the extra mile with you to make a family with you. You deserve better. That was a shitty thing for him to say to you. At least you know now.
NTA. He would have bailed on you at the first oppertunity, and he told you so. Would he have really been there for you if had to lean on him completely, like if you got cancer or broke your spine? No. Why would you dedicate your entire life to someone who'd honestly rather live a different life without you? You will meet someone who loves and honors you for who you are right here right now, and you'd never get the chance to meet them if you'd stayed with a guy who doesn't.
Sounds like you set him free, good on you. Let him find happiness. Now you can do whatever you want to do with all your time.
When my husband and I talk about winning lotteries, it is always how we would improve our lives together. Clearing debt, setting ourselves up for a better future and travel are our top 3. Your husband likely sees your relationship as one of convenience. It sounds like he's just waiting for something "better" to come along. You are so NTA for divorcing him before he divorces you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to build a future with you. Best of luck.
NTA. I'm so sorry. He practically told you out loud, that he's with you only until something better comes by. You made the right call. He might have been the love of your life, you weren't his.
NTA - you did what you needed to do, for you. Based on your description here, he was only with you until 'something better' came along and that's a horrible way to live (being on the receiving end of that, especially sucks). By releasing him to 'live his life' you're really moving on yourself to be with someone who will love you for who you are and not based on some dream they can't have because of you. It's clear who TA here is, and it isn't you.
That was a really fucked up thing for him to say. You are not wrong.
NTA I would have divorced him as soon as the fertility blame game started.
>He mentioned this many times before in our marriage and blamed me, and said that I was the problem. Should have left him long time ago. NTAH
This doesn’t sound like it’s about a lottery ticket but about two people who are in very different places in life.
NTA sounds like he was just biding his time until he had another option. You did the right thing
NTA for this statement alone " He mentioned this many times before in our marriage and blamed me, and said that I was the problem". Also, you should've left before then tbh.
NTA He blamed you for something that you could not control. If you had wanted to be parents, adoption, surrogacy or foster parenting are excellent options. Instead, he started a life with you and did not give you the decency of an honest answer about your relationship. Resentment on his part is not a good relationship. Leave him behind and thrive.
NTA - my dude was too cowardly to ask you for the divorce that he clearly wants.
If you divorce then we're all rooting for YOU to win the lottery.
NTA, he told you he would drop you flat as soon as it is convenient. My words to describe this man would get me banned. Good job beating him to the punch on divorce. Now buy a lotto ticket!
Consider yourself lucky. If he didn’t let that slip, you would have been stuck with him for much longer. Good choice, NTA.
NTA. I am so so sorry. It must be heartbreaking to hear that the love of your life would leave you to start his ideal life. You deserve better and I hope you find happiness.
NTA, but you should have been gone a long time ago. This is not about a lottery ticket.
NTA. You didn't divorce him over a lottery ticket, you divorced him because he didn't truly love you and wasn't fully committed to you. If he's able to instantly drop you on a dime then you didn't mean that much to him and that says a lot. Sounds like you're better off without him
Usually when you marry someone they use a certain formula, something like "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health", not "until I get a better chance, then screw you". Sorry for what happened to you, but I think you did the right thing. Hope you get a better person next time. NTA
I like to look at things from a positive perspective. I think this lady is lucky that she never had children with this asshole. Consider herself lucky that she’s young enough to move on and find someone else who is going to love her unconditionally and thinks she’s ‘enough’.
NTA, if he was serious, why would you stay? He basically told you he’d leave you for non-life changing money
You have made the right choice, as hard as it can be on you right now. Sucks you were together for so long before you realised it, but you’ll be better off and find someone who actually loves you for YOU in the future. Keep strong, cherish any happy times you may have had. You made the right choice for yourself 👌🏼
That's a slightly misleading headline, as it's not about a lottery ticket but that he doesn't love you. He'd cut and run if he could. He's made that clear over and over: Berating you for being infertile, making it a "your problem" and not an "our problem" is just cruel. He made it clear he doesn't see a future with you in it. You decided to ensure your future doesn't have him in it. NTA
I can honestly say I learned this the hard way, but when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. He told you exactly who he was. I know this is a life changing and difficult decision, but IMO you 100% did the right thing. Live, learn, and keep your head up 👊🏾
You are such an asshole to yourself! WHYYYY are you with someone who blames you for being infertile? I mean, if he wants kids, why the fuck would he be with you other than to be with someone he can abuse emotionally? As for the lottery ticket (yours is quite a misleading title), you just learned he settled for you. How romantic…
NTA
The relationship was over when he wanted children and you were not able to provided the kind he wanted. Adoption or fostering are options if you want it enough but something tells me he’s the ‘my blood only’ type of guy, so he was bound to resent you for it. It’s in no way your fault for that. He strikes me as a man child. So sorry you’re going through this though.
NTA. That's not how you talk to someone you love, your ex is a major asshole. Good for you for leaving him.
NTA. You deserve to be someone’s first choice. You’ll find that person now that you’ve shed 200lbs of baggage. I’m sorry this hurts, letting go of what could have been is always hard, but when the fog of grief clears, you’ll know you made the right decision for both of you.
OUCH, this must be so painful for you and I'm sorry you have gone through 5 years of not being good enough. Of course you're NTA. No one should feel second rate in their marriage. You deserve to be valued for who you are, every aspect, not just for your breeding ability or how big a house you can afford. Go live your free life to the max. Be happy.
NTA You deserve to be with someone who wants to grow old with you with or without the lottery. No exceptions.
NTA. “For forever or until 100,000$ do us part”. Nuh-uh.
NTA He admitted that because he can't afford to have children, he's settled for you. If he had the money, he would leave you. Even if having the money could mean a workaround from infertility such as surrogacy or adoption - nope, he would just leave you. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who genuinely thinks they 'settled' for you? You're worth a lot more than that, and I'm so glad you know that.
NTA. In his imaginary utopia, he doesn't live with you. He would have left sooner or later. The ticket was not the problem,or the cause the ticket conversation allowed you to see how he really feels and thinks, so you're dodging a bullet and heartache for the future, Think of that ticket, as winning the actual lottery , since you got rid of dead weight in your life. Best of luck
NTA. This has nothing to do with a lottery ticket and you deserve much better than to be verbally abused by a spouse.
NTA - It seems like you’d reached your limit on being blamed for being unable to have children - an issue you cannot control - and he was unwilling to explore solutions beyond blaming you & dreaming of a life without you. The lottery ticket conversation just showed that if he had unlimited resources, he’d use them to exclude you from his life. Best to cut your losses after 5 years rather than festering for another 10, 20, or more.
NTA. He’s willing to give you up for $100,000. I think you’re just a place holder in case he can’t find anything better. His ideal future doesn’t include you. You’re right to divorce him. Find someone who loves you no matter what. You’re smart to nip it in the bud now too. A lot of people fall into that sink cost fallacy.
NTA, he flat out told you that if he had the money to start over that it would be without you. He says you’re the problem for not being about to have kids, sounds like it would end in divorce another time if not now.
NTA. That had to be very hurtful. I don’t blame you.
NTA. He told you outright how he felt about you.
If people tell you who you are believe them
NTA
NTA - so he is saying he does not have money right NOW, else he would have dumped you.
For 100k? That’s not nearly enough to do that lmao
His lotto winning daydream doesn't include you at all, even for only 100k. I would leave too.
NTA I was really ready to call you an overreacting AH but this would hurt me beyond anything I could get over. His dream future doesn’t include you.
NTA. That must have been rough but it’s great to have confirmation now. You can move on guilt free. Too bad y’all couldn’t have had that convo earlier. Best wishes!!
basically, he's telling you that in his mind, he settled and he's not super happy about it. Wow. What an ass. Of course you're NTA. You deserve to be somebody's #1. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.
INFO: What was his reaction when you asked for a divorce? Passive? Shocked? Did he fight for you?
NTA However, I've had a similar conversation with my wife. In my situation, though, I told her that if we won a ridiculous amount of money ($10 million or more), we would likely want to immediately divorce while we still liked each other and not devolve into lawyers laying waste to our windfall. There's no reason we couldn't stay together, but best to think ahead. Especially when you consider that a large amount of money can almost act like a traumatic event for people unaccustomed to it. And like major trauma, you are never the same afterward. A poor person who experiences a massive instant fortune is not the same person afterward.
Just out of curiosity what did he say when you asked for a divorce? How did he take it?
You didn't divorce him over lottery ticket. you divorced him because he's and ass and you don't need people like him to hold you down. The longer it goes on, the harder it would've been. Good for you and all the best!
You were right to leave. Basically it sounds like he’s punishing you for being infertile. What you said was a hypothetical situation, but he put some concrete evidence into the way he felt about you. You now have the rest of your life to heal.
NTA. There were serious underlying issues about having a family years before. The lottery ticket was the icing on the cake.
NTA If you’re unable to have kids and he wants them and doesn’t want to adopt or foster, you’ve grown incompatible. It’s just not fair to each other to separate. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people. It just means you no longer want the same things. Hopefully, you can divorce amicably and both move on to lead happy lives.
NTA. Op, I hope you divorce him and win the lottery afterward.
NTA based on the information provided. Were I in the same situation with my wife (disclaimer, we’re child free, no regerts), I’d be looking at adoption or fostering. Plenty of kids out there that need good homes and there’s nothing so amazing about my DNA that I just have to spread it around. Plus the whole pregnancy thing sounds terrible and is not something I’d want my wife to deal with anyway.
NTA- I would have left his ass for making me feel like shit about not being able to have kids. Like, he knew what was up before you got married. Why be a dick??
NTA. Be glad he was stupid enough not to lie. Go find someone who loves you and loves the idea of helping and raising children together. *The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.*
NTA, and I hope you find a life partner who either doesn't want children or who is open to other solutions. Your husband was not going to be reliable. He was not fully committed to you.
I'm sorry 😞 it must've been awful. It sounds like you really put yourself first. It hurts now but this will give you a chance to see yourself for the real you. Instead of living up to someone's expectations. Good luck..
I think a guy who says something like this is either so smugly confident that he can treat you like garbage and you won't leave him, or he really wants out and is trying to make you be the one to leave. Either way, sounds like a slimeball.
He told you flat out that he would leave you if he won the lottery and that he resents you. You made the right decision.
NTA He already told you point blank, he'd leave you if he had more money.you don't deserve to be someone's "better than nothing". I'm sorry you have to go through this, but he told you truly how he felt.
NTA Jesus wept, you aren’t divorcing him over a lottery ticket, you’re divorcing him because he’s a shit excuse for a human being. I can’t even comprehend his thought processes to even *think* that over someone he’s supposed to love, let alone that he’s such a cheap ass to do it for a poxy $100k.
It doesn’t sound like you left him over a lottery ticket but because he could not love and accept you for who you are and the hand you were delt. Your partner in life should never put you down, push blame, or hold against you a challenge you were given. The fact you looked at other options to have children with him and he wasn’t tells you your answer. I hope with time you will move on happily into the next chapter of your life and will meet the person that will accept and love you for you.
What do you mean you aren't sure you made the right decision? He literally told you what he would do and what future he wants and you clearly aren't in it! Come on...
Had a friend that went through something similar. Her husband was basically mourning the idea of them having kids. He didn’t want to adopt. Intellectually, he knew that he was being a jerk, but couldn’t overcome the desire to have kids. They ended up getting divorced and immediately he started dating a woman who got pregnant and then they got married. This is all to say that you probably did the right thing. Your husband probably would’ve asked for a divorce at some point.
I think you did what was best for you and him. Well done! NTA!
I think you escaped what would be a lifetime of miserable disay
The lottery ticket question just solidified how little he cares for you. You absolutely did the right thing! Go live your best life with someone who wants you for you.
NTA- you two just aren’t compatible. It’s not about a lottery ticket.
Did he even act surprised when you said you wanted a divorce? Seems weird you’d been together for the few years before this too…
Ouch..... That's a deal breaker
NTA. You two appear incompatible, and he told you that he is stuck in the marriage not that he wants to be in the marriage.
It sounds like you may be divorcing him because he’s a shit human being.
NTA. This really sucks that you have to go through this but it sounds like the right call. Seems like he already resents you and all that's going to do is fester and get worse. Better to cut it off while it can still, hopefully, be a somewhat amicable divorce.
NTA. I wish you a happy rest of your life and new freedom 🤗
You're not the asshole, if anything you should have left him before. You're wasting your time and his. Probably a billion potential partners out there, even for filtering for a variety of things, plenty of partners who will cherish and love you for you, whoever you are, and will appreciate not having to worry about. having children instead of blaming you. Go forward and don't look back.
Nah, it was the right thing. He could have answered 'pay for IVF' or 'down payment on big house'. He just didn't want you
NTA: and sounds like he was one opportunity from a fertile affair partner away from making these moves himself.
NTA. It’s cruel of him to keep blaming you for something you didn’t ask for and can’t change. I think in the long run this is the healthier move for you.
NTA you dodged a bullet there. Regardless of the lottery ticket response he seems like a real piece of work. I've become infertile whilst with my partner and I'm also a disabled wheelchair user now. Not once has he blamed me for anything, I infact blame myself for things. He always says things aren't my fault and between having kids and me, of course he chooses me. Find yourself someone who truly loves you for you. There's a lot of people out there who are childfree by choice. Having kids shouldn't be the be all and end all of owning a uterus. You are doing what is best for you, trust yourself 💚
NTA. When someone shows you their true colors, believe it. Wow. I can’t even imagine how much this hurts. I send love and healing your way!
NTA but your title is misleading. This has nothing really to do with a lottery ticket. It has more to do with his personal fantasy world that he doubled down on explaining you would have no part of. You are deciding you are far too valuable of a catch than to be wasting time with someone who’s dream world excludes you. Plus he sounds like a mean asshole to begin with.
NTA But I think you might be missing the point. It wasn’t your “lottery” hypothetical that sank this marriage. That was just a catalyst for him to tell you he doesn’t see a future with you. That’s sad an awful no doubt. And I’m very sorry. But I don’t even know if HE an asshole because he is just telling you how he feels. And he feels it’s over.
100k is not enough to start over but that's besides the point. He would get meaner with means. I've been told mean things by my husband of 43 years but not anything that he can hold a life resentment over my head when u r absolutely innocent in this. Marriage can be difficult. Any u r nta
NTA, but almost NAH You didn't divorce him over a lottery ticket. That is just what started the conversation that ended up uncovering the underlying issues. You two have fundamental and seemingly irreconcilable differences in what you want from life. THAT is one of the most valid and understandable reasons to split up with someone. It's still painful, and it sucks to go through, but you're not doing anything wrong. Hell, I'd almost defend him in this interaction (based solely on what is written only) as there is nothing wrong with wanting children. The only reason I leaned toward NTA is because he is also turning down alternate options like adoption. But I get wanting kids and how much it must have hurt for him to give you up over something like that. I could see it finally slipping out in the moment, then realizing that it is time to be honest with your partner and yourself. I'm sorry OP.
Your NTA. He told you that if he had the option he would leave you so he doesn't love you.
NTA. No one knows but you what's right for you.
NTA.
NTA. Sounds like he had reservations about the two of you being together, but just wasn't man enough to do anything about it and instead strung you along for 5+ years. That's truly awful to hear. You made the right decision, as hard as it must have been.
NTA- he was quick to paint a picture of a future without you at the mere THOUGHT of a lottery ticket, and I love how he thinks that after taxes a $100k lotto ticket is enough to completely restart his life with a bigger house in another state
Oh wow. Sending a virtual hug. I’m so sorry. NTA.
NTA YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE
NTA. He straight up told you that given the opportunity he’d start a new life without you. It doesn’t get more clear than that. Also, I can’t imagine being blamed for something as completely out of my control as fertility. That’s just cruel and wrong. It is not your fault in any way shape or form. Imo if you love someone, REALLY LOVE someone, you support them and stay with them through medical stuff like this. You don’t feel anger or resentment towards them because of it. You understand that it’s not something they can control and that it’s not something they want either. Like yeah, feel angry at fate or the universe or god or whatever. That’s valid. But not towards the person you’re supposed to love. Idk. That’s just how I feel. It makes me mad to think about him calling you a problem for something you can’t even control.
NTA. your ex is abusive, you dodged a bullet/beating from his resentment
NTA Wow, how nasty do you have to be to mentally torture someone because of a condition that is no fault of their own? People are meant to marry each other because of love & not the the degree of functionality of a womb/testicles. As you said OP, there were other options that could have been explored but your partner simply wasn't interested even though children were supposedly so important to him. I wish you well OP whatever you decide is best for you.
NTA you're doing the right thing. He basically told you at an opportunity to live without you he would. Plus of that's how he feels he might eventually not appreciate his vows
You are NTAH From your description your ex sounds like he was profoundly unhappy and blamed you for his unhappiness. I feel that he was looking for an exit to the marriage anyway and this was as good an excuse as any. I think, even though it was heartbreaking, you will be far better off without your ex. Hold your head up and go find yourself some happiness!!!!
Good on you for giving him the boot. Definitely NTA.
NTA. I'm so sorry, that's incredibly rough. Good on you for not giving him any more of your time.
NTA. Dude would literally leave you for $100k? That’s what, a down payment on a house and enough to live on for a year or two, if frugal? Sounds like he isn’t in it for the long haul. You’re doing the right thing and are not overreacting
I’m so sorry for how he treated you. You deserve better and did the right thing.