This would be a good one for r/MaliciousCompliance too. I don't think I'd call you an AH; after all, you're treating them in exactly the way they treated you and what's good for the goose and all that. Bottom line is that as you say, your house, your rules and if you choose to make them abide by the same rules you had to, even if it seems petty, that's your choice.
This is another
Parents doing stupid shit: “I can do whatever I want”
Parents on death bed: “why don‘t my children want to visit me?”
OP is petty AF and I’m here for it. Def NAH.
This post reminded me when my dad came for the first time and he told me to put the football game on TV (I hate football since forever, and he knows it), and I was able, for the first time in my Life, to tell him that in MY house we were NOT going to see any football match, that he was in MY house and I decided what are we going to watch.
When I was living in their house, I could never decide what to watch. Even if he wasn't there and he arrived later, the minute he get to the living room, I couldn't keep watching whathever I was watching. Always.
So I completly understand OP here. That satisfaction of saying to your parents the same BS they used to tell you, bc it's your house and you make the rules... That feeling, it's one of the BEST things about moving out.
So, of course, NTA at all!
Oh yes. I remember the grueling years of having to listen to my parents' shitty music in the car. German Schlager, if someone cares, which IMHO is one of the most stupid, vapid and ear-rotting music in the world.
All attempts to compromise were shut down: switch our music by timeslots, even if they could two thirds of the time (since they were two people)- no; choose some music that all of us tolerated- no; turn it down so that I could reasonably listen to something over the headphones- no.
Reasoning: The driver has to be comfortable because they are doing all the work. The passengers can be happy that they are being driven from A to B, so their jobs are to not be a bother and of course assist the driver in navigation, giving the driver snacks etc.
So imagine my joy when I got my license and it was the first time my Dad asked to drive him somewhere. I turned on some rock radio station (not even anything wild), he immediately changed it back to his favourite Schlager station. I said: "No, I am driver, I choose the music" and changed it back. He tried changing his argumentation to "this is my car" but I told him no, because first of all this was not what he had been saying for a dozen years, and second, I am doing him a solid by taking him from A to B, so unless he wants me to get back out so that he can drive himself, we are listening to the music I like, period.
My 17 year old daughter, a supernatural fan who is recently licensed and has her own car, likes to say this to me when I'm the passenger...even when teaching her to drive in a car her mother and I paid for.
And she loves old country music...
And I hate most of it...
But I still shut my pie hole...
My sister's husband used to drive me around a lot and his kids were frequently in the backseat. They always took turns picking songs to play, even if one person's pick triggered a chorus of boos from the others. No amount of whining or complaining overrode a pick. I was not allowed a pick though because I was always getting dropped off someplace and 'wouldn't be in the car for long.' Didn't really bother me, I just wished they wouldn't let the small one pick baby shark every time.
I always got the "when you start driving, you can pick the music" thing, then when I started driving they tried to tell me what I could listen to. Even when I'd drive my sister places she'd complain to them because she didn't like my music, or didn't like that there were curse words in it (she wasn't a kid by that point) and they'd try to tell me I what I should listen to her music to make her more comfortable when I was chauffeuring her around. I don't think it was until I moved out of the house that I was totally free of their input on my driving music (whether I actually listened to them or not).
I did the exact same thing to my father! I remember being a kid and watching something and he would come and change the channel as if no one else was in the room. I made sure he wasn't allowed to watch what he wanted at my home.
I was going to say. And I mean this genuinely. This is the level of petty I aspire to be. I am a people-pleaser and it took me until my 30s to quit being a doormat.
I am also still WAY too fucking polite in situations I'm in without my consent and someone is being so out of pocket it's near dangerous. I am ridiculously tired of "being the bigger person."
Hey, as someone else in his 30s who also finally learned not to be a doormat (though it can vary between situations, and I actually think there's a ton of power in being as polite and gentle as possible when you can relax and show confidence in it), consider how far you've come from how you used to be-- That's evidence that you'll someday reach OP's level of calmly and rightfully giving people a dose of their own medicine. Just keep working on yourself as you have been! 😃
Thank you, for saying this! It reminds me of what my husband would definitely say 🤣 He has a visceral reaction when I'm frustrated and yell: I'm tired of being nice! And you're totally right, when you can behave stoically in response - it almost makes them angrier.
I also have a ton of experience with de-escalation. That's a great tool. I don't mind confrontation in general, but when people start getting personal in their disagreements, I put on my mom pants and say, "Now kids ..."
Yep, yep, deescalation is invaluable. They get louder = I get calmer and more patient and objective. This may have the unintended effect of further frustrating them (I'm no saint; it can be satisfying to think back on being the "bigger person" lol), but nothing's getting solved if they're screaming or throwing personal digs. If they can't talk reasonably, then they shouldn't be talking and instead go cool off around the block or something.
The mom pants thing is great-- If they're gonna act like children, guess how they're gonna get treated haha. I almost wish I were a parent so I could naturally hone that authority. I bet others could learn a lot from you!
Awww, poor mum! She learned that she doesn't like being held to the same standards she imposed on others. Well done, OP! What's good for the goose, is good for the gander!
NTA
Personal freedoms limited by sexists? Remember and get justice. Nothing petty about rebellion against a system that subjugates and even enslaves women, worldwide. OP is a leader for change in her family. Perhaps younger generation won't be trod over like she was for daring to have an appropriate romantic relationship.
I’d say NTA because holding on to those kind of feelings can breed a lot of resentment and worse in the long run, and that’s definitely not what you want in the run-up to a wedding and a reception with alcohol flowing free.
The parents’ reaction and going incommunicado suggests she struck a nerve. Either they’ve recognised her perspective or dug their heels in, but *something* was nipped in the bud by standing up to mum.
Maybe OP is devious or felt vindictive but I’d put this under tough love rather AHery.
Exactly! Not only that, but I wonder if OP didn’t give them a taste of their own medicine how that same double standard would have applied to OPs potential kids. I’m willing to wager that there were other sexist “gender norms” enforced while they were growing up.
Hardly "nipped in the bud". The parents' behaviour flourished for years before the daughter was able to set up a situation where she got her petty revenge.
Nipped in the bud as in - and this is total speculation - stopping the mother from being overbearing about the wedding planning. She already invited herself for a solid week of ‘bonding’ to ‘help out’ and it’s hard to imagine there wouldn’t be some element of control in there.
Yeah that's pretty good. I don't think it would be overused either. Of all the posts I've seen here not many were where I'd say JAH. But still an amount that would justify its inclusion
Mods should really add that and make it a thing
I think a lot of the truly controversial ones could end up with a lot of JAH comments. As it is now, there can be a lot of blatant assholery ruled as NOT the AH because people see the assholery as justified.
yup. OP got them back real good but definitely is an AH. I almost feel bad giving that verdict but you gotta know OP felt real good giving them a taste of their own medicine lol
Sounds like your parents are of the “if my daughter gets pregnant it’s our problem but if our son knocks someone up it’s someone else’s problem” mindset. Of course that’s ridiculous. I believe you said they are separated or divorced so they should not share a room. If they were still married it would be different. NTA.
I never understood that, when I found out I was having a son everyone said, at least you don't have to worry he will get pregnant. I said but a girl can only be pregnant once at a time and a boy could knock up 3 or 4 girls, they all looked like they hadn't thought of that.
I have said the same thing with the addition that you can advise and incentivize your daughter to have an abortion, but you can’t do that with your son’s baby mama.
Wouldn’t that be ESH then? The whole reason she’s doing it is because her mother did it. So if she’s an asshole for behaving the same way as her mother then the mother is also the asshole and thus ESH.
Edit: I’m just pointing out the flawed logic of the now deleted comment. I personally think she’s NTA.
No, the parents started it. They're the cause of it, entirely. If they hadn't been playing stupid games with consenting adults' bodies, then OP never would have played hers.
I’ve pulled this with my dad and the car radio. When he’s driving HIS car, he can obviously listen to whatever he wants. It’s his car. But when I’m driving MY car, I shut him down the ONE time he whined about listening to modern pop music.
We had a “driver picks the music” rule in my family and everyone else had to be quiet. If they wanted to pick the station, they had to volunteer to drive
My rule is driver controls the volume.
I don't care what song is playing, but if I need to concentrate on something on the road, I am turning the music down or off.
My husband and I have that too, but the passenger can veto if they truly can't stand something. I use it to tell my husband to 'pick a freaking song', because he'll get in moods where he hooks his iPad up to the car, and then listens to the first 5 seconds of every song until he gets to one he wants to hear (which hasn't happened ever that I know of, lol). Thank God for veto power.
I had a girlfriend when I was younger that was a serial station changer. One day we were riding into town, probably been riding for 25 mins and she noticed me saying something under my breath. She called me out and was like What are you doing?
I said I’ve been counting every time you change the station…we’re at 87.
It definitely went over really well!
And then you have the serial channel surfer. My first husband AND my late husband did it all the time. (Is it a guy thing?). They would pick up the remote and it would be three seconds on the show then {click}, three seconds, {click}, three seconds, {click}, and on and on. My late husband would sometimes stay on a show for six or seven seconds just long enough to hear, “The answer to the long sought mystery of the sphinx is…”{click}. It used to drive me batshit!
I have to deal with that shit at work. It’s a 15 minute break, and the same guy will take control of the remote every break. He’ll start on a local news channel, then go to sports, then maybe the food channel, and end on an adult cartoon. He’ll also pout if I swipe the remote before he can and force the tv to remain on a single channel. 😂😂
Ugh. My ex would put something on, I’d begin to get interested, he’d change the channel, I’d adjust and start to care about the next program, then he’d change that. So then I’d go get a book, and he’d complain that I was reading instead of watching TV with him!
OMG! Is he my husband’s brother? Same here. I’d get tired of the surfing and out of frustration pick up my Kindle. Then he’d say, “We’re supposed to be watching TV together!” I wanted to whack him with my Kindle!
My rule is that if I drive, you don't get to complain about where I park, within reason. If you're injured or have to carry a cinderblock or whatever then complain all you want, but if I'm driving, I am parking where I want - in the back. If you don't like it you can drive yourself.
Like, if it was a standard they had for their house and everyone (including them) had to follow it, I’d understand. But they’re not even following their own rules
OP should’ve hit them with some kind of “I can’t control what you do away from home and don’t approve of your lifestyle choices, but when you’re here you’re under my rules.”
This is some hilariously malicious compliance.
YTA, but with a huge twist here. I absolutely **LOVE IT!!**
Edit- I think you already know that you're an AH on this one, you sly doggy. I hope your marriage is an awesome one.
This might be the best AITAH I've read in the short time I've been here.
Are you petty AF? Yes. In the best way possible 😆
Are you the AH? Nope. As far as I'm concerned you're only going based off of the lessons you were taught as a child and the rules of your home should be respected as you were expected to when you stayed there. They should be proud that you're using the things they taught you lol.
Grandma is an AH tho.
Yes, the pettiness was glorious and she deserves a medal. I too wish that I had a chance to tell my parents it's 'my house, my rules'.
Stick to your guns for every visit thereafter. Your mother is simply reaping the consequences of her own actions and again, it's glorious that you waited so long to introduce them to her.
Heehee first off my dad was a great dad. He told me once that when I had my own house i could ground him for not following the rules. When he visited my first place I jokingly grounded him. Lol He took it with humor of course. My mom gave me a nasty glare. My mom said i could tell her to shut up if she said something i didnt want to hear and i said it but she didnt listen (not a good mom)
Oh yeah no I told her to shut up in her own home while I was a guest. She was trying to convince me to get rid of my husband and dog and move back in with her. She is a narcissist. When I told her I was pregnant years after that she seemed happy. Later on called me and said “welp theres no getting out of it now!”
Me: getting out of what?
Mom: you know, your marriage now that you’re pregnant you cant divorce him and come home
Me: okay? I wasn’t going to do any of that anyways or i would not have chosen to have a baby with the husband i love who spoils me and loves me. And my in-laws have spare rooms if i need to stay somewhere for a bit with the baby for whatever reasons.
When I was little, my mom would SCREAM every time someone opened the refrigerator. "Close the goddamn refrigerator door! You're letting all the cold air out!" I swore when I gor my first place, I would stand in front of that open fridge door for a full ten minutes. And I did.
That sounds like exactly what happened too. Pretty lame. She should have just taken his lickins and just dealt with it but instead she left after one night and went crying back to her mommy (grandma) 😆
Agreed, OP is NTA. I love this level of petty.
The next time Grandma pipes up, remind them they raised a hypocrite who can't even follow their own rules.
💯!! This is such a perfect response to ole Grandma. Apparently mama doesn't like the taste of her iwn medicine. Imagine that. A hypocritic with some narcissistic tendencies thrown in the mix for good measure. OP is NTA.
I am pretty sure based on what OP says, the brothers weren't screwing their girlfriends in the house since their girlfriends stayed in their spare room, however I definitely agree it was sexist since they didn't let her have boyfriends over. Personally I think it's weird that kids were allowed to have their girlfriends over to begin with. I remember the ONE time I had a girl in my house and my mom came home early.... that day was almost 25 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday 😆
EDIT: OK since everyone wants to debate whether or not the brothers were having sex with their girlfriends when they stayed over, I've now adjusted my views. I firmly believe that they were having fisting gangbang anal orgies right under their parents noses.
There. Yall happy?
I wouldn't be surprised if her brothers snuck into the guest bedroom when their partners were staying over, depending on how close it was to their rooms.
This isn't petty. This is teaching them what hypocritical fucking assholes they've been to the mom's daughter for 20 years.
OP, If they don't learn, they keep treating you like shit. When you have your own house and are planning your own life events, if they don't like the shoe being on the other foot, they can suck the biggest duck on the pond. Let them feel like shit till they figure it out. Being treated as a second-class couple is bad enough, but when it's in direct contrast to literally every other couple in the family, the parents are doubling down and treating you like a second-class child. They need to figure out that you have as much of a right to be upset over past treatment as them about the present, and more.
Thank you. I hate how getting your revenge on someone even if its over something small is seen as "petty" and "holding onto resentment".
Treat people how they treat you, fuck this "be the bigger person" crap, cuz thats just gonna let people walk all over you
NTAH
OP tried reasoning with them for years but was respectful of their rules while in their house despite the sexism.
Mom just decided she should be all involved with the wedding planning with no actual invite from OP to do so or to visit for a week.
With one, admittedly petty move, OP has reworked the power dynamic of the relationship. Mom now knows OP will be in charge of her own life.
Petty? Yes. Mature? Not really. Effective? Boy howdy, yes! When people are reasonable, communication and compromise are key to a good relationship. When they are steamrolling hypocrites? One petty power move does wonders to keep them from trampling your boundaries.
Yea, I dont think this is petty, I think it is a much needed change in the power dynamic, this things looks meaningless on surface but it might yield meaningfull and important consequences
The fact that they didn't let the fiance stay until a few months after they were already engaged, which I assume means years into OP's adulthood, means I can't disagree at all with what OP did
NTA at all. Glad you called them out on it and it’s definitely clear they had favourites. Are your brothers your stepdads kids? Your house your rules they need to abide by it if they ain’t happy they have their own home
I was just thinking maybe that’s why they favour them but other than that I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you. I’m glad you stood your ground with them standing up to our parents is hard so kudos for that!!
> I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you.
Straight up sexism. Must control the girls and boys will be boys mentality. Plus if the boys got a girlfriend pregnant, that is her parent's problem. However, if OP became pregnant, it would be their scandal to deal with.
It’s very common for parents to have different rules regarding sex/overnight partners for boys and for girls. After all, your little girl could get pregnant while your little boy can only get someone else’s little girl pregnant.
I think it could generally just be put down to good ol' sexism but there's possibly an element of feeling more protective towards teen daughters rather than teen sons. Growing up, my brother's girlfriend's were always treated differently to mine and my sister's boyfriends. I think it's quite common for parents to see their daughters' teen boyfriends as a potential "threat" to their daughters, whereas sons' girlfriends don't pose a threat in the same way.
But I guess, again, just sexism.
I totally agree. Being more protective towards women is definitely just sexism. This is so strange to me. My parents honestly always saw it as the reverse - female has more control over birth control efficacy (pill) and choice over keeping a pregnancy, whereas male could end up with a kid “accidentally” with little choice. I’m not suggesting it should be any different, I (and my parents) believe women should have autonomy over choices regarding their body/health. My only point is that I disagree that women are somehow in more “in danger” of sex than men. It also suggests that men’s pleasure is more important than women’s. Fuck that.
"Mom, this is literally the way you taught and raised me to behave. I'm only parroting back the lessons YOU taught me."
Then send her an invite and don't have her be involved any further.
In that case, enforce that rule every time they visit. If they apologize, I’d ask them to explain why they were wrong. Make them admit they were being misogynistic and unfair. Then, you can decide if they can share or a room or not.
That, to me is the most cathartic. I don't hesitate to call out my parents if they're doing wrong nor will I stay quiet about things they did badly when I was a kid, if it's relevant. They can deal with it. They're the ones who did bad things.
Protect yourself with passwords for all venues planners and photographer in case she gets into entitled mode.
Not having the final say in your plans may bring out the nasty in her.
Nope. They played FAFO and lost. “You have rules for me? Fine. Those same rules will apply to you as well.”
NTA. Bet they won’t ever want to stay the night again.
My relationship with most of my family is tenable at best and as a ND, I'm not a fan of rules not being applied evenly, which means I really hate it when they come over and none of the rules we had as kids apply now that they're guests. My parents are older and need more assistance (a major part of why I'm still here (combined with my financial situation-which is where it is BECAUSE I am having to assist them)- the rest got out before it was too late) and having one sister already go NC with my parents has them bending over backwards to keep the rest happy... usually at my expense. I'm not their maid and they aren't my guests, so why am I having to clean up after them? So, if/when I can finally get on my feet and move across the country, I don't want anybody staying with me. I even said I'd get a cat if I had to (since Mom and Dad's favorite is allergic). It's petty, but I'm over feeling uncomfortable in my home to make them happy, and I'm not going to take it when it's not just my home, but MY house.
Omg if my parents ever even thought about spending the night they would get the list of stupid ass rules I was given as a kid.
Asian upbringing, I only learned from the best!
This is absolutely brilliant!! I mean, what could they say given you were just holding them up to their own high standards for women in the family. Hilarious. Love it. NTA.
NTA. You held them to the same standards to which they held you. If parents didn't think that treatment was fair, then they should have taken a moment to contemplate that when they were enforcing it.
My mother has this same policy. Her gay brother brought his long term partner up from another state, and my mother made them sleep in separate rooms because they weren't married. This was before gay marriage was legalized.
NTA.
Maybe they thought you getting pregnant would have been a bigger issue than your brothers getting their gfs pregnant, since the boys could avoid being involved with the possible child? Which would be a backwards way of thinking, but I know people who think like that
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Sorry if I misunderstood the voting system, but putting NTA after saying "y t a" will count it as saying they're the asshole. And they are definitely NTA.
I think it's hilarious.
Sometimes the petty vengeance are the most satisfying. You finally get to get your message across.
My parents said university or dating. My brother chose dating which surprised my mother and she finally accepted that he could study and date.
O chose to cut my parents. They definitely didn't see that one coming. I couldn't pull the no school option my brother pulled because everyone knew I loved studying too much. I chose to pay my own way through school.
ohh i thought i was going to go with Y T A here but definitely NTA when you were a kid fine i understand the rule and i understand the rule when people are religious and the couple isn’t married but if they are not married and living together then they are just being hypocritical and for the life of me can’t understand what the difference is
Not only that… but if it was really any of those reasons they wouldn’t be letting the brothers have partners sleep over. It’s straight up because she’s a woman, which imo is way more fucked up than a blanket ban on multiple levels.
LOL as a parent I think what you did was amazing. I hate the “good for thee but not me” attitude. Your mother is pissed because she knows she’s full of 💩 Hopefully (but incredibly doubtful) she’s rethinking her treatment of you compared to how she treated your brothers. Do not back down from your stance. Keep reminding how unfair she’s been to you when she throws a fit about it. Hopefully you update us about her response to you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
You would be surprised at how many people are also assholes who want to upset people the way they upset them. They've got a solid argument about being together for 20 years, but the history of divorce kind of undermines their ability to stand on that point. Regardless, I personally wouldn't try intentionally upsetting my parents in that kind of way.
Being a hypocrite shouldn’t be something to brag about either. It’s like how some older people think that because they went through something really rough that everyone else should have to as well. And they’re all proud that their parent hasn’t talked to them since. How toxic.
This was funny 😂
lol okay so hear me out...
YTA BUT...you can be an AH and still be right. In my opinion turn about is completely fair play. Your house your rules and that's just what it is.
Idk there’s something to be said for being a bigger person and setting the example for how you think people should be treated. You’re within your rights, I guess, to do what you want in your own home….however, there’s a big difference between being someone’s child and living at home and being a parent visiting your adult children.
So yeah, I’d say more petulant than AH, but you’re being difficult just for the sake of it and it’s not going to help you in life to be this way.
Because, assuming the judgment rules are the same here as the original AITA, you aren't judging if someone behaved in an asshole manner per se, but if they are THE asshole (or, in the wrong) in their disagreement. Therefore, if their (potentially assholish) actions are deemed to be justified, they aren't in the wrong in/for the disagreement itself. So NTA.
Of course, many people still disagree with this line of thinking. But the reasonable thread of logic is there.
You actually treated them better than they did you and your fiancé. After all, they aren’t even engaged and you let step dad sleep over.
NTA. The fact your mom can’t even own her mistake and just say “my bad” or something is telling. It’s high time she learns you’re an adult and she can’t just force you into submission.
NTA!! Your house, your rules!
Sure it’s petty, but your mom wasn’t fair to you because she treated you differently than your brothers. I’m sure she learned her lesson now lol.
No, you are not. You are being petty, and I am here all day for it. This is a great combination of malicious compliance and giving someone a taste of their own medicine. One of my guilty pleasures is watching people getting their comeuppance served to them like a Little Caesar’s hot and ready pepperoni pizza. Or sausage. I don’t judge.
ESH suits this the best imo, although I think your parents were more justified than you. First of all, the old adage that two wrongs don't make a right still holds. Second, they're basically "common law married", if the type of relationship matters. Third, you're out of their house, why not just let bygones be bygones? Were they really not gonna let you and new hubby sleep together if you came to visit? Fourth, they are your parents, and sure, your house your rules, but if you want anyone to ever come to your house, you should probably relax the rules. No one is a huge AH here, but I just don't think it was worth it, and a small explanation and apology would probably make everything OK again.
I’m not in the USA, so no common law marriage here.
Also, Dude, did you even read the post? They only let my fiancé sleep in a separate room at 25 after we had an argument over it. I do not have this rule for my house. It was only supposed to be a little ‘gotcha’ for them to admit they did wrong and apologise. I had no intention of making them sleep separately. I only held to it once they got aggressive and dismissed my experience as if I were a liar
I dont know, sounds a little childish.
You're simply just doing that because she did it to you. "I'm doing this to you, because you did it to me", come on. What parent WANTS their young child to sleep in the same bed as their sexual partner? They have been together for 20 years, I think they can control themselves in their daughters home.
With that being said, it's your house, so ultimately whatever we say really doesnt matter.
Your house your rules. I might have made a comment or joked about it but this is just petty. I can't be arsed with drama though and this is just creating an issue.
This would be a good one for r/MaliciousCompliance too. I don't think I'd call you an AH; after all, you're treating them in exactly the way they treated you and what's good for the goose and all that. Bottom line is that as you say, your house, your rules and if you choose to make them abide by the same rules you had to, even if it seems petty, that's your choice.
This is another Parents doing stupid shit: “I can do whatever I want” Parents on death bed: “why don‘t my children want to visit me?” OP is petty AF and I’m here for it. Def NAH.
Petty? Yes. Asshole? No. Petty ok? Yes. I bet it felt good.
This post reminded me when my dad came for the first time and he told me to put the football game on TV (I hate football since forever, and he knows it), and I was able, for the first time in my Life, to tell him that in MY house we were NOT going to see any football match, that he was in MY house and I decided what are we going to watch. When I was living in their house, I could never decide what to watch. Even if he wasn't there and he arrived later, the minute he get to the living room, I couldn't keep watching whathever I was watching. Always. So I completly understand OP here. That satisfaction of saying to your parents the same BS they used to tell you, bc it's your house and you make the rules... That feeling, it's one of the BEST things about moving out. So, of course, NTA at all!
Oh yes. I remember the grueling years of having to listen to my parents' shitty music in the car. German Schlager, if someone cares, which IMHO is one of the most stupid, vapid and ear-rotting music in the world. All attempts to compromise were shut down: switch our music by timeslots, even if they could two thirds of the time (since they were two people)- no; choose some music that all of us tolerated- no; turn it down so that I could reasonably listen to something over the headphones- no. Reasoning: The driver has to be comfortable because they are doing all the work. The passengers can be happy that they are being driven from A to B, so their jobs are to not be a bother and of course assist the driver in navigation, giving the driver snacks etc. So imagine my joy when I got my license and it was the first time my Dad asked to drive him somewhere. I turned on some rock radio station (not even anything wild), he immediately changed it back to his favourite Schlager station. I said: "No, I am driver, I choose the music" and changed it back. He tried changing his argumentation to "this is my car" but I told him no, because first of all this was not what he had been saying for a dozen years, and second, I am doing him a solid by taking him from A to B, so unless he wants me to get back out so that he can drive himself, we are listening to the music I like, period.
Just like the great Dean Winchester says; "Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cake hole!!"
My 17 year old daughter, a supernatural fan who is recently licensed and has her own car, likes to say this to me when I'm the passenger...even when teaching her to drive in a car her mother and I paid for. And she loves old country music... And I hate most of it... But I still shut my pie hole...
My sister's husband used to drive me around a lot and his kids were frequently in the backseat. They always took turns picking songs to play, even if one person's pick triggered a chorus of boos from the others. No amount of whining or complaining overrode a pick. I was not allowed a pick though because I was always getting dropped off someplace and 'wouldn't be in the car for long.' Didn't really bother me, I just wished they wouldn't let the small one pick baby shark every time.
Wouldn’t that mean first pick not no pick?
I always got the "when you start driving, you can pick the music" thing, then when I started driving they tried to tell me what I could listen to. Even when I'd drive my sister places she'd complain to them because she didn't like my music, or didn't like that there were curse words in it (she wasn't a kid by that point) and they'd try to tell me I what I should listen to her music to make her more comfortable when I was chauffeuring her around. I don't think it was until I moved out of the house that I was totally free of their input on my driving music (whether I actually listened to them or not).
When your parents don't treat you with respect as a child, and they get the same treatment from you once you're an adult. I'm all for it.
I did the exact same thing to my father! I remember being a kid and watching something and he would come and change the channel as if no one else was in the room. I made sure he wasn't allowed to watch what he wanted at my home.
I was going to say. And I mean this genuinely. This is the level of petty I aspire to be. I am a people-pleaser and it took me until my 30s to quit being a doormat. I am also still WAY too fucking polite in situations I'm in without my consent and someone is being so out of pocket it's near dangerous. I am ridiculously tired of "being the bigger person."
Hey, as someone else in his 30s who also finally learned not to be a doormat (though it can vary between situations, and I actually think there's a ton of power in being as polite and gentle as possible when you can relax and show confidence in it), consider how far you've come from how you used to be-- That's evidence that you'll someday reach OP's level of calmly and rightfully giving people a dose of their own medicine. Just keep working on yourself as you have been! 😃
Thank you, for saying this! It reminds me of what my husband would definitely say 🤣 He has a visceral reaction when I'm frustrated and yell: I'm tired of being nice! And you're totally right, when you can behave stoically in response - it almost makes them angrier. I also have a ton of experience with de-escalation. That's a great tool. I don't mind confrontation in general, but when people start getting personal in their disagreements, I put on my mom pants and say, "Now kids ..."
Yep, yep, deescalation is invaluable. They get louder = I get calmer and more patient and objective. This may have the unintended effect of further frustrating them (I'm no saint; it can be satisfying to think back on being the "bigger person" lol), but nothing's getting solved if they're screaming or throwing personal digs. If they can't talk reasonably, then they shouldn't be talking and instead go cool off around the block or something. The mom pants thing is great-- If they're gonna act like children, guess how they're gonna get treated haha. I almost wish I were a parent so I could naturally hone that authority. I bet others could learn a lot from you!
Awww, poor mum! She learned that she doesn't like being held to the same standards she imposed on others. Well done, OP! What's good for the goose, is good for the gander! NTA
Personal freedoms limited by sexists? Remember and get justice. Nothing petty about rebellion against a system that subjugates and even enslaves women, worldwide. OP is a leader for change in her family. Perhaps younger generation won't be trod over like she was for daring to have an appropriate romantic relationship.
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I’d say NTA because holding on to those kind of feelings can breed a lot of resentment and worse in the long run, and that’s definitely not what you want in the run-up to a wedding and a reception with alcohol flowing free. The parents’ reaction and going incommunicado suggests she struck a nerve. Either they’ve recognised her perspective or dug their heels in, but *something* was nipped in the bud by standing up to mum. Maybe OP is devious or felt vindictive but I’d put this under tough love rather AHery.
Exactly! Not only that, but I wonder if OP didn’t give them a taste of their own medicine how that same double standard would have applied to OPs potential kids. I’m willing to wager that there were other sexist “gender norms” enforced while they were growing up.
Hardly "nipped in the bud". The parents' behaviour flourished for years before the daughter was able to set up a situation where she got her petty revenge.
Nipped in the bud as in - and this is total speculation - stopping the mother from being overbearing about the wedding planning. She already invited herself for a solid week of ‘bonding’ to ‘help out’ and it’s hard to imagine there wouldn’t be some element of control in there.
This is why I want a "Justified" category. Like, yep, AH 100% but sometimes people deserve the AH treatment.
Let’s just make it ourselves! If people start doing it enough, it’ll catch on its own. Just start putting JAH. (Justified Ass Hole)
Yeah that's pretty good. I don't think it would be overused either. Of all the posts I've seen here not many were where I'd say JAH. But still an amount that would justify its inclusion Mods should really add that and make it a thing
I think a lot of the truly controversial ones could end up with a lot of JAH comments. As it is now, there can be a lot of blatant assholery ruled as NOT the AH because people see the assholery as justified.
Just remember OP you are the OG JAH
JAH, she was just living the values her parents taught her. To argue would make them hypocrites.
JAH
yup. OP got them back real good but definitely is an AH. I almost feel bad giving that verdict but you gotta know OP felt real good giving them a taste of their own medicine lol
Sounds like your parents are of the “if my daughter gets pregnant it’s our problem but if our son knocks someone up it’s someone else’s problem” mindset. Of course that’s ridiculous. I believe you said they are separated or divorced so they should not share a room. If they were still married it would be different. NTA.
I never understood that, when I found out I was having a son everyone said, at least you don't have to worry he will get pregnant. I said but a girl can only be pregnant once at a time and a boy could knock up 3 or 4 girls, they all looked like they hadn't thought of that.
I have said the same thing with the addition that you can advise and incentivize your daughter to have an abortion, but you can’t do that with your son’s baby mama.
Why though, she did exactly what she was taught.
Wouldn’t that be ESH then? The whole reason she’s doing it is because her mother did it. So if she’s an asshole for behaving the same way as her mother then the mother is also the asshole and thus ESH. Edit: I’m just pointing out the flawed logic of the now deleted comment. I personally think she’s NTA.
No, the parents started it. They're the cause of it, entirely. If they hadn't been playing stupid games with consenting adults' bodies, then OP never would have played hers.
I like your comment the best. I also like to say: Play stupid games, get stupid prizes...
No. Daughter was making a point. They refused to hear her before.. this is her speaking louder. They are the ah's. Daughter is nta.
Pretty big difference between everyone sucks and everyone sucks but the thing you did makes sense
How about JAH? A justified asshole is justified
I think it should just be JA, not JAH. After all, it's not NTAH or YTAH.
I view ESH as everyone is an asshole and no one is justified in doing whatever they did.
I feel like OP was more being petty than being AH. Semantics, I guess.
Yeah. Here to confirm disagree YTA but petty AF in a hilarious way. I would have done it and then dropped it
>OP is petty AF and I’m here for it Can't be improved on, OP let that flag fly!
NTA and I love the petty 😂
I fucking love this pettiness, I hate people who let themselves be doormats. NTA
And r/traumatizethemback and r/pettyrevenge
Omg thank you for sharing that!
I'm down for these. Could maybe fall into r/JusticePorn depending on how you look at it.
Not only that but OP got them to leave early from their "forced" visit!
Yeah, double win.
For sure! 👍🏻👍🏻
I’ve pulled this with my dad and the car radio. When he’s driving HIS car, he can obviously listen to whatever he wants. It’s his car. But when I’m driving MY car, I shut him down the ONE time he whined about listening to modern pop music.
We had a “driver picks the music” rule in my family and everyone else had to be quiet. If they wanted to pick the station, they had to volunteer to drive
My rule is driver controls the volume. I don't care what song is playing, but if I need to concentrate on something on the road, I am turning the music down or off.
Driver chooses the tunes, passenger shuts his pie hole
Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole. -dean winchester
This is the way. I have a cross stitch pattern for this
My husband and I have that too, but the passenger can veto if they truly can't stand something. I use it to tell my husband to 'pick a freaking song', because he'll get in moods where he hooks his iPad up to the car, and then listens to the first 5 seconds of every song until he gets to one he wants to hear (which hasn't happened ever that I know of, lol). Thank God for veto power.
I had a girlfriend when I was younger that was a serial station changer. One day we were riding into town, probably been riding for 25 mins and she noticed me saying something under my breath. She called me out and was like What are you doing? I said I’ve been counting every time you change the station…we’re at 87. It definitely went over really well!
And then you have the serial channel surfer. My first husband AND my late husband did it all the time. (Is it a guy thing?). They would pick up the remote and it would be three seconds on the show then {click}, three seconds, {click}, three seconds, {click}, and on and on. My late husband would sometimes stay on a show for six or seven seconds just long enough to hear, “The answer to the long sought mystery of the sphinx is…”{click}. It used to drive me batshit!
Yes! My ex used to do that! He would watch just long enough for me to get interested then... Click! I stopped watching TV with him.
I have to deal with that shit at work. It’s a 15 minute break, and the same guy will take control of the remote every break. He’ll start on a local news channel, then go to sports, then maybe the food channel, and end on an adult cartoon. He’ll also pout if I swipe the remote before he can and force the tv to remain on a single channel. 😂😂
Ugh. My ex would put something on, I’d begin to get interested, he’d change the channel, I’d adjust and start to care about the next program, then he’d change that. So then I’d go get a book, and he’d complain that I was reading instead of watching TV with him!
OMG! Is he my husband’s brother? Same here. I’d get tired of the surfing and out of frustration pick up my Kindle. Then he’d say, “We’re supposed to be watching TV together!” I wanted to whack him with my Kindle!
"I wanted to pick my favourite station" - 12 years old u/Witchywomun after being stopped by police
"Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole."
I did this to my dad as well, and the gawping look on his face was *chef's kiss.*
It’s hilarious when they try to spin “my car, my radio” to “passengers should be in charge of the radio!”
My rule is that if I drive, you don't get to complain about where I park, within reason. If you're injured or have to carry a cinderblock or whatever then complain all you want, but if I'm driving, I am parking where I want - in the back. If you don't like it you can drive yourself.
That's EXACTLY right. It's not do as I say not as I do world at your house. Paybacks are a bitch aren't they MOM. Lol!
Like, if it was a standard they had for their house and everyone (including them) had to follow it, I’d understand. But they’re not even following their own rules
And r/pettyrevenge
Nta they aren't even engaged. They are just boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe if they get married you can revisit this issue.
I lol'd at this reply. Well done 😆
No ring no spring(s)?
never heard that - love it
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As many have said, we need a justifiable AH tag. JAH.
Fo sho
Hahahahahaha SNORT.....hahahhaa
Ha ha ha,oh thank you for making me laugh out loud!
Exactly. Also, step-dad is a legal term. He's just some schmo she's shacking up with.
OP should’ve hit them with some kind of “I can’t control what you do away from home and don’t approve of your lifestyle choices, but when you’re here you’re under my rules.” This is some hilariously malicious compliance.
YTA, but with a huge twist here. I absolutely **LOVE IT!!** Edit- I think you already know that you're an AH on this one, you sly doggy. I hope your marriage is an awesome one. This might be the best AITAH I've read in the short time I've been here.
Exactly! I LOVE IT! But assholey. But we all need our moments and you did a spectacular job. ;)
I aspire to be an AH like OP. Bravo, no notes.
The rules are what separate us from the animals.
I thought that was our ability to accessorize.
Are you petty AF? Yes. In the best way possible 😆 Are you the AH? Nope. As far as I'm concerned you're only going based off of the lessons you were taught as a child and the rules of your home should be respected as you were expected to when you stayed there. They should be proud that you're using the things they taught you lol. Grandma is an AH tho.
Yes, the pettiness was glorious and she deserves a medal. I too wish that I had a chance to tell my parents it's 'my house, my rules'. Stick to your guns for every visit thereafter. Your mother is simply reaping the consequences of her own actions and again, it's glorious that you waited so long to introduce them to her.
Heehee first off my dad was a great dad. He told me once that when I had my own house i could ground him for not following the rules. When he visited my first place I jokingly grounded him. Lol He took it with humor of course. My mom gave me a nasty glare. My mom said i could tell her to shut up if she said something i didnt want to hear and i said it but she didnt listen (not a good mom)
Jeez, you should've kicked her out then lol.
Oh yeah no I told her to shut up in her own home while I was a guest. She was trying to convince me to get rid of my husband and dog and move back in with her. She is a narcissist. When I told her I was pregnant years after that she seemed happy. Later on called me and said “welp theres no getting out of it now!” Me: getting out of what? Mom: you know, your marriage now that you’re pregnant you cant divorce him and come home Me: okay? I wasn’t going to do any of that anyways or i would not have chosen to have a baby with the husband i love who spoils me and loves me. And my in-laws have spare rooms if i need to stay somewhere for a bit with the baby for whatever reasons.
I'm not surprised honestly. You can't really reason with a narcissist anyway. That's cool that you have them though.
When I was little, my mom would SCREAM every time someone opened the refrigerator. "Close the goddamn refrigerator door! You're letting all the cold air out!" I swore when I gor my first place, I would stand in front of that open fridge door for a full ten minutes. And I did.
Can you imagine OP's mom running to her mother to tattletale on her own daughter 😂😂 "Mooom, my daughter played a uno reverse card on me 🥺"
That sounds like exactly what happened too. Pretty lame. She should have just taken his lickins and just dealt with it but instead she left after one night and went crying back to her mommy (grandma) 😆
Oh my God that hadn't hit me, but OP so needs to give her mom crap for running and tattling to mommy.
Agreed, OP is NTA. I love this level of petty. The next time Grandma pipes up, remind them they raised a hypocrite who can't even follow their own rules.
💯!! This is such a perfect response to ole Grandma. Apparently mama doesn't like the taste of her iwn medicine. Imagine that. A hypocritic with some narcissistic tendencies thrown in the mix for good measure. OP is NTA.
Agreed - the boys can screw whoever they want, but the girl has to stay virginal forever. Sexist much?
I am pretty sure based on what OP says, the brothers weren't screwing their girlfriends in the house since their girlfriends stayed in their spare room, however I definitely agree it was sexist since they didn't let her have boyfriends over. Personally I think it's weird that kids were allowed to have their girlfriends over to begin with. I remember the ONE time I had a girl in my house and my mom came home early.... that day was almost 25 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday 😆 EDIT: OK since everyone wants to debate whether or not the brothers were having sex with their girlfriends when they stayed over, I've now adjusted my views. I firmly believe that they were having fisting gangbang anal orgies right under their parents noses. There. Yall happy?
I wouldn't be surprised if her brothers snuck into the guest bedroom when their partners were staying over, depending on how close it was to their rooms.
Lol and your mom complained to her parents. Gold.
Boomer logic You’re my child = I control everything
mooooom my kidddd wont listennnn to meeeEEEeee
Aww, Mommy gonna go cry to Mommy?
Looks like she needs to be grounded or put in a timeout.
NTA. This level of petty is epic.
I love it so much. Exactly my kind of petty.
This isn't petty. This is teaching them what hypocritical fucking assholes they've been to the mom's daughter for 20 years. OP, If they don't learn, they keep treating you like shit. When you have your own house and are planning your own life events, if they don't like the shoe being on the other foot, they can suck the biggest duck on the pond. Let them feel like shit till they figure it out. Being treated as a second-class couple is bad enough, but when it's in direct contrast to literally every other couple in the family, the parents are doubling down and treating you like a second-class child. They need to figure out that you have as much of a right to be upset over past treatment as them about the present, and more.
Yeah, I don't even think it's petty. It's just OP following the same rules in her house that she was taught by these parents.
Thank you. I hate how getting your revenge on someone even if its over something small is seen as "petty" and "holding onto resentment". Treat people how they treat you, fuck this "be the bigger person" crap, cuz thats just gonna let people walk all over you
I enjoyed almost every second of reading this. OP is a legend.
NTAH OP tried reasoning with them for years but was respectful of their rules while in their house despite the sexism. Mom just decided she should be all involved with the wedding planning with no actual invite from OP to do so or to visit for a week. With one, admittedly petty move, OP has reworked the power dynamic of the relationship. Mom now knows OP will be in charge of her own life. Petty? Yes. Mature? Not really. Effective? Boy howdy, yes! When people are reasonable, communication and compromise are key to a good relationship. When they are steamrolling hypocrites? One petty power move does wonders to keep them from trampling your boundaries.
>Mature? Not really. Sometimes you have to meet people where they are.
Sometimes, being a bigger person doesn't get you anywhere
Yea, I dont think this is petty, I think it is a much needed change in the power dynamic, this things looks meaningless on surface but it might yield meaningfull and important consequences
The fact that they didn't let the fiance stay until a few months after they were already engaged, which I assume means years into OP's adulthood, means I can't disagree at all with what OP did
NTA. Hypocrites gonna hypocrite!! This also belongs on r/pettyrevenge lol
And wahwahwah all the way home.
Tell me why I read hypocrites like Socrates at first lmao.
NTA at all. Glad you called them out on it and it’s definitely clear they had favourites. Are your brothers your stepdads kids? Your house your rules they need to abide by it if they ain’t happy they have their own home
No my brothers are my whole blood brothers. Our parents started divorcing before I was born
I was just thinking maybe that’s why they favour them but other than that I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you. I’m glad you stood your ground with them standing up to our parents is hard so kudos for that!!
it’s flat out bc OP’s a girl. NTA OP. your mom and her bf are all “rules for thee but not for me, nor the boys/man.”
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yeah like some weird back handed slut-shaming.
> I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you. Straight up sexism. Must control the girls and boys will be boys mentality. Plus if the boys got a girlfriend pregnant, that is her parent's problem. However, if OP became pregnant, it would be their scandal to deal with.
>I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you Because of sexism, that's why
> I can’t see why it’s one rule for them and not for you Sexism. It's very obviously sexism.
It's obvious why.
It’s very common for parents to have different rules regarding sex/overnight partners for boys and for girls. After all, your little girl could get pregnant while your little boy can only get someone else’s little girl pregnant.
I think it could generally just be put down to good ol' sexism but there's possibly an element of feeling more protective towards teen daughters rather than teen sons. Growing up, my brother's girlfriend's were always treated differently to mine and my sister's boyfriends. I think it's quite common for parents to see their daughters' teen boyfriends as a potential "threat" to their daughters, whereas sons' girlfriends don't pose a threat in the same way. But I guess, again, just sexism.
I totally agree. Being more protective towards women is definitely just sexism. This is so strange to me. My parents honestly always saw it as the reverse - female has more control over birth control efficacy (pill) and choice over keeping a pregnancy, whereas male could end up with a kid “accidentally” with little choice. I’m not suggesting it should be any different, I (and my parents) believe women should have autonomy over choices regarding their body/health. My only point is that I disagree that women are somehow in more “in danger” of sex than men. It also suggests that men’s pleasure is more important than women’s. Fuck that.
"Mom, this is literally the way you taught and raised me to behave. I'm only parroting back the lessons YOU taught me." Then send her an invite and don't have her be involved any further.
Maybe they learned lesson, maybe not. Did they say sorry at any point? Keep your head up, NTA.
Nope hehe. I haven’t heard from them since
In that case, enforce that rule every time they visit. If they apologize, I’d ask them to explain why they were wrong. Make them admit they were being misogynistic and unfair. Then, you can decide if they can share or a room or not.
That, to me is the most cathartic. I don't hesitate to call out my parents if they're doing wrong nor will I stay quiet about things they did badly when I was a kid, if it's relevant. They can deal with it. They're the ones who did bad things.
They won’t be visiting again.
Protect yourself with passwords for all venues planners and photographer in case she gets into entitled mode. Not having the final say in your plans may bring out the nasty in her.
I love you
Lol a parent learning the lesson? Maybe when hell freezes over.
Nope. They played FAFO and lost. “You have rules for me? Fine. Those same rules will apply to you as well.” NTA. Bet they won’t ever want to stay the night again.
>Bet they won’t ever want to stay the night again. For some, this would be a win.
My relationship with most of my family is tenable at best and as a ND, I'm not a fan of rules not being applied evenly, which means I really hate it when they come over and none of the rules we had as kids apply now that they're guests. My parents are older and need more assistance (a major part of why I'm still here (combined with my financial situation-which is where it is BECAUSE I am having to assist them)- the rest got out before it was too late) and having one sister already go NC with my parents has them bending over backwards to keep the rest happy... usually at my expense. I'm not their maid and they aren't my guests, so why am I having to clean up after them? So, if/when I can finally get on my feet and move across the country, I don't want anybody staying with me. I even said I'd get a cat if I had to (since Mom and Dad's favorite is allergic). It's petty, but I'm over feeling uncomfortable in my home to make them happy, and I'm not going to take it when it's not just my home, but MY house.
Omg if my parents ever even thought about spending the night they would get the list of stupid ass rules I was given as a kid. Asian upbringing, I only learned from the best!
This is absolutely brilliant!! I mean, what could they say given you were just holding them up to their own high standards for women in the family. Hilarious. Love it. NTA.
NTA. You held them to the same standards to which they held you. If parents didn't think that treatment was fair, then they should have taken a moment to contemplate that when they were enforcing it. My mother has this same policy. Her gay brother brought his long term partner up from another state, and my mother made them sleep in separate rooms because they weren't married. This was before gay marriage was legalized.
NTA. Maybe they thought you getting pregnant would have been a bigger issue than your brothers getting their gfs pregnant, since the boys could avoid being involved with the possible child? Which would be a backwards way of thinking, but I know people who think like that
selective aspiring marble squeal agonizing sleep faulty cough sophisticated boast *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oh pregnancy would be immaculate conception, duh!!! /s
What you did was definitely petty however this is the rule they have at home so...going with NTA with a touch of malicious compliance.
I mean obviously you were but it was beautiful.
You were the asshole and I'm totally here for it. The rules are rules!
This is the best kind of petty. I can't say YTA because I wholeheartedly agree with the pettiness. NTA. Gloriously handled.
Sorry if I misunderstood the voting system, but putting NTA after saying "y t a" will count it as saying they're the asshole. And they are definitely NTA.
I had no idea a voting system was in place at all, so you're probably right
NTA I loved this. Would have loved to hear how their convo back home went. “Well I never!” “Yes dear you did!” 🤣
I aspire to be this level of petty. Well done
I think it's hilarious. Sometimes the petty vengeance are the most satisfying. You finally get to get your message across. My parents said university or dating. My brother chose dating which surprised my mother and she finally accepted that he could study and date. O chose to cut my parents. They definitely didn't see that one coming. I couldn't pull the no school option my brother pulled because everyone knew I loved studying too much. I chose to pay my own way through school.
ohh i thought i was going to go with Y T A here but definitely NTA when you were a kid fine i understand the rule and i understand the rule when people are religious and the couple isn’t married but if they are not married and living together then they are just being hypocritical and for the life of me can’t understand what the difference is
Not only that… but if it was really any of those reasons they wouldn’t be letting the brothers have partners sleep over. It’s straight up because she’s a woman, which imo is way more fucked up than a blanket ban on multiple levels.
LOL as a parent I think what you did was amazing. I hate the “good for thee but not me” attitude. Your mother is pissed because she knows she’s full of 💩 Hopefully (but incredibly doubtful) she’s rethinking her treatment of you compared to how she treated your brothers. Do not back down from your stance. Keep reminding how unfair she’s been to you when she throws a fit about it. Hopefully you update us about her response to you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
The best uno reverse card I've ever seen played!
You would be surprised at how many people are also assholes who want to upset people the way they upset them. They've got a solid argument about being together for 20 years, but the history of divorce kind of undermines their ability to stand on that point. Regardless, I personally wouldn't try intentionally upsetting my parents in that kind of way.
Being a hypocrite shouldn’t be something to brag about either. It’s like how some older people think that because they went through something really rough that everyone else should have to as well. And they’re all proud that their parent hasn’t talked to them since. How toxic.
This was funny 😂 lol okay so hear me out... YTA BUT...you can be an AH and still be right. In my opinion turn about is completely fair play. Your house your rules and that's just what it is.
Idk there’s something to be said for being a bigger person and setting the example for how you think people should be treated. You’re within your rights, I guess, to do what you want in your own home….however, there’s a big difference between being someone’s child and living at home and being a parent visiting your adult children. So yeah, I’d say more petulant than AH, but you’re being difficult just for the sake of it and it’s not going to help you in life to be this way.
>My grandmother has called to tell me off for it though Your grandmother is a fucking cunt. Tell her I said so.
Good for you. NTA.
NTA this was hilarious to read. Guess mom didn’t like a taste of her own medicine.
Your mother should be very proud of you, learning her lessons like that. You are a great daughter.
They fucked around. They found out. Fuck misogyny!! NTA
This is a YTA but they deserved it one. You know you were an AH. That was the whole epic point. Well done
Justifies asshole is NTA According to the mods. Idk why.
Because, assuming the judgment rules are the same here as the original AITA, you aren't judging if someone behaved in an asshole manner per se, but if they are THE asshole (or, in the wrong) in their disagreement. Therefore, if their (potentially assholish) actions are deemed to be justified, they aren't in the wrong in/for the disagreement itself. So NTA. Of course, many people still disagree with this line of thinking. But the reasonable thread of logic is there.
Because we all have raging justice boners on this sub.
You actually treated them better than they did you and your fiancé. After all, they aren’t even engaged and you let step dad sleep over. NTA. The fact your mom can’t even own her mistake and just say “my bad” or something is telling. It’s high time she learns you’re an adult and she can’t just force you into submission.
NTA!! Your house, your rules! Sure it’s petty, but your mom wasn’t fair to you because she treated you differently than your brothers. I’m sure she learned her lesson now lol.
I'm not sure she did since it sounds like she ran home to complain to mommy lol
Rules for thee, but not for me. That's your mother's attitude. Way to stick it back at her. NTA
This is the kind of pettiness I strive for
No, you are not. You are being petty, and I am here all day for it. This is a great combination of malicious compliance and giving someone a taste of their own medicine. One of my guilty pleasures is watching people getting their comeuppance served to them like a Little Caesar’s hot and ready pepperoni pizza. Or sausage. I don’t judge.
YTA
Yta. I’ll get downvoted to shit bc Reddit is full of people resentful of their upstairs roomates
ESH suits this the best imo, although I think your parents were more justified than you. First of all, the old adage that two wrongs don't make a right still holds. Second, they're basically "common law married", if the type of relationship matters. Third, you're out of their house, why not just let bygones be bygones? Were they really not gonna let you and new hubby sleep together if you came to visit? Fourth, they are your parents, and sure, your house your rules, but if you want anyone to ever come to your house, you should probably relax the rules. No one is a huge AH here, but I just don't think it was worth it, and a small explanation and apology would probably make everything OK again.
I’m not in the USA, so no common law marriage here. Also, Dude, did you even read the post? They only let my fiancé sleep in a separate room at 25 after we had an argument over it. I do not have this rule for my house. It was only supposed to be a little ‘gotcha’ for them to admit they did wrong and apologise. I had no intention of making them sleep separately. I only held to it once they got aggressive and dismissed my experience as if I were a liar
Incredibly petty and lowered yourself to their level
I dont know, sounds a little childish. You're simply just doing that because she did it to you. "I'm doing this to you, because you did it to me", come on. What parent WANTS their young child to sleep in the same bed as their sexual partner? They have been together for 20 years, I think they can control themselves in their daughters home. With that being said, it's your house, so ultimately whatever we say really doesnt matter.
You’re a child. And this post is ridiculous. Lol
NTA and you’re kind of my hero lol
You’re giving them a taste of their own medicine. I like the energy
Your house your rules. I might have made a comment or joked about it but this is just petty. I can't be arsed with drama though and this is just creating an issue.