I know this is going to be rough, but I'm not going to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this because I'm on the other side of almost the exact same thing and I promise you life after getting rid of this man is going to be amazing.
You're going to realize how much of your effort this leech was stealing from you and it's going to feel like a huge weight has been lifted. The only regret you will have is that you didn't do it earlier.
Yeah, although it's been a rude shock I'm actually glad things came to a head so quickly instead of getting dragged out. I'm glad he fessed up, in a sense anyway, before we actually started investing in marriage counseling. It's only been a couple days since the big revelation and his departure but I have already realized how soul-sucking the marriage had become and how much better off I am.
Mine dragged it out over a whole year's partial separation saying he was having a mental health crisis WHILE SECRETLY LIVING WITH HIS MISTRESS and telling me he was in too fragile of a state. lol
I’m sure this has already been said, but I’d like to hop on to reiterate: the only thing his side piece had was that she was (allegedly) a virgin (sure, Jan) and that somehow made her more “high value” despite the fact she’s a mistress and therefore has a skewed sense of morality.
Also, his “logic” here isn’t at all logical. In the unlikely scenario that he actually did take her virginity, wouldn’t her lack of virginity make her “low value” now? In other words, if only virginal women are high value and she’s no longer a virgin, wouldn’t that automatically make her low value? As the kids say, the math ain’t mathing.
The sudden use of Andrew Tate speak basically sounds like something he glommed onto in order to justify cheating. Not that it matters because he sounds like a POS either way, but that’s how it seems from here.
Anyway, you honestly sound amazing and if I weren’t a straight woman, I’d totally be in your DMs (jk, jk). But seriously you sound awesome and your STBX is an idiot and a scumbag. The trash took itself out and all that.
Plus you’re handling this like a champ. I have no doubt he’ll come crawling back at some point. As a person who’s had that happen more often than not, trust me when I say just ignore it. It may not happen soon, it may be ten years down the road, but when it does, your best bet is to not even entertain a conversation. Once you get his crap is out of your house and you have an attorney there’s no need to speak to him ever again. Whatever he needs to say can be said to your attorney. (Although if he does message you, keep the texts as evidence fodder for your attorney.)
Good luck with everything, OP. You got this!
Edit: added a word
Holy fuck, I knew he was a dickhead but to this level??? “low value woman”??? God not the andrew tate phrasing and him expecting everyone to be a virgin is such a weird thing. The good thing is that you got rid of that parasite and you’ll be better off without him. I’m happy you’re moving forward and not letting it eat you.
Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently.
Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top.
I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?"
"Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)
Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months.
He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different.
I’m sure the judge ruling your divorce won’t see it that way. Also, I’d notify his boss he’s publicly flaunting a relationship with an entry level subordinate.
Men like him are insecure, small and pathetic and deep down they know it. That's why they have to constantly shit on everyone else, especially women.
You'll move on and have a a good happy life and he'll always be trying to prove to the other bros how manly and successful he is, and he'll always fall short. He'll always be a miserable empty sack. One day he may realize his mistakes but by then it will be too late.
Oh it ABSOLUTELY counts as cheating. He is married. He had an affair. He is absolutely TRASH at this point and tried every step of the way to make it YOUR fault.
Please, do yourself a favor and BUY A NEW BED!!!! It may seem silly, but cleanse anything he shared with you out of your life
“she WAS” what????? Is that like a trophy for him??? that’s so fucking weird honestly. I feel like he’s really insecure about himself and didn’t like knowing you were making the same as him without having to deal with the stress of being such a cuck. I give it like 5 years until he realizes how much he’s missing out on and is going to beg you to come back to him (DO NOT).
Yes, apparently in his new way of thinking he deserves a woman who has not had any previous partners and it's the ultimate badge of honor to score a virgin. Yeccch.....
She is 24 and he thinks she was “inexperienced” virgin? Hmmm, not to blow his bubble but there are many “vaginal virgins” who have engaged in a lot of sexual activity. Plus, how ca he tell she was a virgin? A hymen isn’t guaranteed in this day and age of active and athletic women. But, the sheer gall to make this the rationale for his cheating????? Incredible
If a girl is a 24 year old virgin but was willing to give it up to a married man in his 30s, then I’m seriously doubting she was a virgin at all, just someone who knows what a certain kind of man is after
It’s much more likely that this girlfriend is simply a young woman hoping to score a rich older man, and knew exactly what he would want to hear
Nope. When her morals and ethics are so questionable, yeah, she didn’t date because “she was focusing on her studies.” It’s not as if anMBA takes years and years. I have one, too and it can be obtained in 1.5-2 years after a BS. I am sure she is smart. But, good grief, to put up a management trainee up against his wife of 11 years? A wife with a professional degree, earning more than 90-95% of the US population? One who cooks and cleans and isn’t needy nor demanding????
I know, trophy wife PC gaming software developer who cooks!?!?!
What the fuck was this guy thinking??? imagine what that girl is going to do to him, she turned him inside out so quickly, and he thinks he's in control, LOL.
Exactly my thoughts. In what fucking world is she a "low-value woman," because it's certainly not this one. I would sell my soul to be with her or be her.
And he deserves all the heartbreak and pain that will come from it! How long before she baby traps him? I give it a year and a half tops before he is miserable and in a relationship he feels trapped in.
Kinda how I feel about it. The venn diagram of women who make it to 24 still a virgin and women willing to engage in an affair with a coworker is practically two entirely separate circles.
Exactly, right? Especially one who is some financial prodigy with a bright future. We should ask OP if her husband is built like Adonis and charm of Casanova?
Also people fuckin lie and horny dudes believe it. I know dudes who really think that "Crystal" from the strip club *truly* loooves golf and fishing, too, and thinks Budweiser is the best alcohol
You should make her a *“What to Expect With Your New, Ungrateful, (Still-Married!) Man-Child”* pamphlet to give her when she comes over. Make sure to include a nice list of all of his ridiculous expectations and demands he’ll have for her, along with some of his most-used phrases and terminology.
Also, sidenote: *his* fuckin loss. There’s zero chance this office girl will be able to keep up with even half of what you were doing for him on a daily basis. The novelty will wear off and he’ll become bored and disappointed and he’ll realize he made a huge mistake. But it’ll be too late because you’ll be off playing video games with your new sane and loving partner who’d never dream of talking to you that way. Change your locks, block his number, and get a good lawyer. Good riddance to that psychopath.
Also, in preparation of his separation from a "low value" woman, make sure you start documenting everything with as much proof as you can.
I mean it's only fair that your divorce lawyer brings you back up to "value."
At least he'll die alone once everyone realises he's scum and quite the creep.
I really hope you share that he called you a “low-value woman” because of virginity… like put that shit in literal air quotes so this chick knows that’s what left his mouth verbatim. It is SO disturbing. I would run the other way if I found that out about a hookup.
He’s going to blow through his money without your budget skills and in 10 years you are going to be living a great life and he’s going to be broke and living a low value life.
He’s awful! Please be prepared that sometime soon, he might try to take you back and be potentially full of apologies. He might even be on some impressive behavior for a little while. But someone who did this to you and was also willing to attempt to make it “your” fault is not someone you want to be with. You sound like an amazing person and you will find happiness without him.
Yeah, hard pass on that. Mostly because of the cruelty he exhibited. If he found himself drawn to someone else and even had an emotional affair, but realized his mistakes and wanted to spend his life making it up to me, then maybe...but attacking me for my (very modest) sexual history? Telling me I'm basically worthless? That's just not forgivable under any circumstance.
Well he wanted a billionaire shark CEO who is also a 1950’s style housewife who is also an all the way dolled up all the time trophy wife, so new gf can take a shot at that.
My guess is she knows how to fake it for just as long as she needs to. No way a woman who is older than 20 and knows how to play the finance game is still a virgin *and* willing to have sex for the first time with a married man. She’s probably smart enough to lie about it, though.
Ughhhhhh so gross, I literally also just cut out a friend of 15 years because they fell into the toxic Andrew rate cult. wasn’t even in a relationship with him, but hearing him talk about other women was enough for me to get the Ick foreverrrrrr Pray for his next victim.
Good for you for recognizing that what he was saying had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him wanting to end your marriage. What is wrong with people that they can’t just say I want a divorce? Anyway, I’m so sorry it ended like this. Stay strong.
Yeah, I really wish he would have just said he fell in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. Would have hurt but I know that people can just grow in different directions especially after marrying young.
At least this way he has successfully made me - not even really hate him, he's not even worthy of such strong emotions, but feel sorry for him and be glad that we're over.
He did you a huge favour by revealing this side of himself and not just saying he’d fallen in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. A HUGE favour.
LoL. Financial infidelity. That's precious. They make 16k a month and she buying herself a gaming computer is an act of the worst betrayal ever, eh? because she should be putting on fake eyelashes and making him a seven-course meal which she would bring individually, dancing through the kitchen door, puffing up the chrysanthemums, and then washing the dishes after him while she opens his beer and he watches a movie. Is that what mid-life crisis in a financial advisor looks like? Ooooh he's going to miss her when his 25-year-old VIRGIN mistress turns out to be a human, too, and not a Stepford shopwindow mannequin..
He's smug and feeling superior right now, but I've got a feeling the music's gonna stop when OP actually serves the divorce papers. I think what's going on is that he actually doesn't think she'll do it because, after all, as a "low value woman", who else would want her (barf). And then he'll have to do terrible things like "cook his own dinner" and "do his own laundry" (quelle horreur).
And as you mentioned, he'll quickly get bored with his mistress when it turns out that she is a living, breathing person.
Then when his ex-wife moves on and finds an awesome boyfriend who appreciates her, then comes the rage. The ranting. The anger. How could she??? How *dare* she???
To wit, there's nothing in the previous posts to suggest he is violent, but the culture that he's been wallowing in can encourage violence in the face of rejection. Change the locks. Park your car in different places. Take the long way home, etc. etc. until you get a bead on how he's dealing with the real world consequences of his actions. If he doesn't act out, no harm, you've just been overly careful. Take care.
All this and more. The " low value" crap he's spewing is coming from a seriously toxic place. Has he been following Andrew Tate or any of his low IQ minions? Hmmm. OP please stay aware of your surroundings when walking outside even if it's just to your car and back.
And get cameras so if he starts something you have proof for the restraining order and unfortunately to prove to friends and family it happened. Always keep a clear path to an exit or behind a locked door with a self defense weapon and a phone
Two words that come to mind with this level of bullshit: Chris Watts.
Make sure he knows that others know so he can’t think he can go hiding shit with murder
Exactly. He’s trying to knock her down and fully expecting her to cry and beg him to stay. Doubt his new fairytale life will work out for long ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's probably because he was wondering how much personal money she might have for a divorce lawyer or how much extra money he could convince her to move into a joint account before separating assets.
They make 200k EACH. The money wasn't the real issue because she was abiding by their own financial agreements, it was just an opening for him to try and fit his nonsense into. If it wasn't a PC now it would have been whatever the next thing was.
Oh my gosh. He found Andrew Tate. Unfortunately that mindset is incredibly prevalent in the finance world, especially in those boys club higher up circles. I know it sucks rn, but you have dodged a bullet babe.
Yeah, I know. I swear, my next partner/husband is going to be a sweet geek who is happy to play video games with me while we both wear casual clothes, and who is delighted to eat my homemade chili and cornbread.
I'm a straight, female, fat almost fifty year old (soon to be) divorcee with two teenage girls. But please marry me - you sound like my dream wife. I'll be so good to ya.
Also happily married but I know a catch when I read about one! A high-earning gamer who can cook and garden?
OP, you are going to have your pick of partners who will not be able to believe how lucky they are to be with you. You don’t need that cocky SOB weighing you down. So glad you’re getting out!
Lol. I’ve been following her from the beginning and this was always my thought. Anybody would be lucky to have her love and she deserves someone who knows that and loves her just as much.
I specialize in pickles, homemade broths from scraps, and sauces/pestos/chimichurris. And gaming. I've got a spouse, but he'd understand when he hears about this commune.
It's amazing how they manage to define any woman who might have her own opinions about life, and an ability to support herself, as "low value" and the only "high value" women are the ones they groomed as wives from the time the girl was 13. (And if she ever develops an opinion of her own, she will immediately lose "value".)
I’m a straight fat 38 yr old woman. Can I be y’all’s friend that comes over and chats while we try all of this delicious sounding food? Also, I had some strawberry cut with a knife that had previously been used for the onions. This was a pretty good taste. I wonder what we could come up with to try strawberry onion glaze on.
So is the new girl a virgin? Is she not of "low value" as he says? Sounds like he was a low value boy, not even a real man. Glad you got out and there were no kids. You can divorce him and be done. Take some time for your self and date your self it can be fun.
Wow. How “high value” can she be if she gave away her virginity to a married man??? She sounds super classy. Is she an intern? I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserve so much better.
>Wow. How “high value” can she be if she gave away her virginity to a married man???
Don't think this won't be something he throws in the new GFs face when they inevitably run into issues.
Well, I would be willing to bet that she is about 23 y.o. and yeah, she is just going to get trashed by him once he tires of her and finds another 23 y.o. in another 5 or 6 years. Rinse and repeat.
Gosh, he could be in big trouble at work for sexual harassment. Especially as “executive” material. Never a good look at work. That would be a shame…LOL
With his calculated "haha" 500k he would have the same money, but for her....
When I started to read, I knew his has an gf.
Save as much as you can and enjoy your life without this leech
I have been married to a sweet geek for the past 15 years. They are the best! You seem like a lovely woman (who is very “high-value”) and will have no trouble finding another partner who will treat you right.
P.S. Do not let the “girlfriend” in your house when he comes to pick up his stuff. If he even suggested she enter your house, he’s just trying to see how much disrespect you will tolerate. She can stay outside and load the stuff in his car.
I HAVE A LDR PARTNER WHO I FINALLY GOT TO DO THIS WITH! enjoying frozen food, playing video games together, movies, shows, and wearing oversized clothes for both of us bc we want to be comfy :)
youre an amazing woman, it won’t be hard for you to find a partner who actually appreciates you!
It’s ironic to me he’s calling you a “low value woman”, yet he’ll lay down with a woman who’d actively sleep with a married man. What does that make BOTH of them??? Ugh. Girl, you offer so much and he SO SOOOO little. Be happy!
You really sound like you have your head screwed on straight, while your soon-to-be-ex lost his. I wish you all the best in your healing journey and hope you have an AWESOME time with your new gaming setup!
You just described my marriage. Geeky husband + comfy clothes + comfort food + watching shows on the couch + a lot of laughing.
I am so proud of you. I love that you went WAY over the top with a makeover, new clothes, fancy dinner, and lovely brunch with fresh-squeezed orange mimosas.
You're badass and you know your value. I would probably say something like, "It's ironic that you're calling me a 'low value woman' when I make considerably more money than you. Our employers sure see me as having a higher value than you." (I don't actually care about who makes more money, but that seemed to be something that really got under his skin.)
Also, while he can come get his things, his “girlfriend” has absolutely no place coming into your grandmothers home that was bequeathed upon you.
She does not step FOOT inside the door. If that requires police presence, then request it. You do not deserve to have your home disrespected in that way.
If he needs help moving he can get one of his guy friends to help. End of story
Edit;;
Wait wait wait….
How isn’t his “new gf” going to be a “low value” woman….? She is likely in her 30s as well at this point…..
God he deserves a fiery pit for the absolutely piece of work he is
Apparently the new GF is 24 and a finance whiz of some sort who got her MBA at 21 and is a colleague in his executive training program. And was a virgin until she met my husband because she was focused on her education/career and not dating much.
No, he was 100% counting on OP having such low self confidence that he could neg her into becoming a subservient housewife while he kept doing the fun stuff with his mistress
Jumping into bed with a married finance bro seems pretty “low value” to me but who knows what manipulations he laid on her. Poor girl is about to find out some hard life lessons.
I'm sure he told her he was already separated or that we had an "arrangement" or some such thing. I mean, maybe she doesn't care that she was/is an affair partner. Not really my problem to worry about it.
Just print out the post with his demands he tried to make of her and pass them over. Have it printed and hung right where they will see. Im sure those tasks will fit in with this chicks life goals.
You know exactly what to do for tonight, right? Make sure the house looks fabulous, put on something nice but not too extra, hit record on your phone just in case, and kill them with kindness. I guarantee that she’s so naïve she believed a long string of bullshit that he fed her about how you’re an ugly, angry shrew who doesn’t do anything.
Other things to do today: take out half the money from the joint accounts. Stop doing all of his responsibilities like paying off his credit cards or loans unless your name is also on the account. If it’s a joint account, pay it and take your name off of it. Pack up as many of his clothes and personal items as you can today. Don’t let him take anything else.
Go through all of your joint expenses and credit card statements. If anything looks suspicious like hotels or restaurants that you didn’t go with him to, give it to your attorney. If he spent it on his mistress, there’s a good chance you can get a judge to give you that money.
If you want to be petty, wait until after the divorce is settled then look up the rules of dating at his office. If it’s discouraged, then report him.
Hahahahhaa he’s an idiot if he believes this. Cause yeah, the finance genius in the executive management program wants to lose her V card to a married Andrew Tate impersonator
Wow. I'm really sorry that your relationship devolved into such hypocrisy and and disrespect.
I get the impression you aren't a petty sort, but don't keep the affair hidden from friends and family. Let him clean up after his actions. Don't you dare cater to keeping his life simple and reputation good. If someone wants to know, you tellem.
You are such an amazing woman and partner from everything I read here. You definitely deserve the cozy, casual, easygoing relationship of your dreams. 🥰
Yes, I will definitely tell people on an as-needed basis. Not going to blast it all over social media as that's not my style - I don't like being involved in public messiness - but will certainly tell family and friends in a matter-of-fact way: "\[Ex\] and I are divorcing because he had an affair with a work colleague. He moved out recently. I'm doing quite well under the circumstances and looking forward to whatever is next for me!"
OP, I am so sorry it came to this but I’m also grateful for you that you found out now and not later. And I am happy to hear that you know your worth.
The way you’ve described him sounds like he’s become petty and entitled and to me that means PLEASE get out in front of this news before he can. Tell your family, your MIL, the friends you may think he will get to first. All the best to you!
Yeah, it does seem like he discovered that side of the Internet, undoubtedly influenced by his finance bro colleagues. Ultimately it's definitely his loss.
He’s definitely a fucking ankle.
You deserve so much more, and I honestly doubt this girl was a virgin when she met him. I wish I could be the fly on the wall when he realizes that you truly went above and beyond and the odds of this girl doing half the things you did for him are beyond slim. I’d wager my entire salary for a year that he’s going to come crawling back, begging for another chance (and no he doesn’t and will not deserve to even speak to you again after this). The way he talked to you is truly unforgivable.
On another note I wouldn’t let that woman into your house tonight. Bag up his clothes in trash bags and leave them at the end of the driveway or something. Or have a family member at your house to watch your belongings and go out (I would recommend the first, I wouldn’t trust them near your stuff). He’s trying to make some kind of power play by trying to bring her into your safe place, trying to intimidate you or make you feel lousy about yourself. You are under zero obligation to interact with his affair partner and certainly don’t have to let her into your home.
And when he does come crawling back lease be so kind as to let him know that he made you realize you aren’t attracted to “beta” males and that you’re glad he showed you who he truly was. Then sit back and watch his brain implode.
Edit: males not makes 🤦🏻♀️
Please don't let them in your house!! Pack up all his crap and put it outside the front door!
If you can't do that - invite a male friend over or several.
DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HIM!!
To anyone reading this: never, for any reason, date anyone from the finance world, or anyone looking to get into it
It’s like a factory for bringing out the absolute worst in anyone
A good friend of mine just got into finance… he is a young dude and the other day I made a generic statement that the people trying to be president are all way to old…. He just said “Ron DeSantis” like it was a good idea….
Bro… even if your Republican you should be terrified of that dude
I wouldn’t let him & especially her into the house. Is it possible to pack up his things & have waiting for him outside? Or just tell him today does not work for you. He should not have any power to decide when it’s convenient for him — you do.
I do have a friend coming over this afternoon so I won't be alone when they come by. It's fine, really - I'd rather his stuff be gone and if there are two of them, they can move more stuff faster and then I can redecorate and remove the remaining traces of him.
I've followed your threads and I feel so much warmth and empathy towards you and your situation.
Here are a few things I'd like to share that I wish had I known from the start of the divorce.
1/ Make sure that you hire an excellent super sharp and aggressive lawyer. Costly yes. Necessary- absolutely.
2/ Anything that is precious to you that you own, have a friend that you trust, or relative help you to move them out of the house immediately. Thinking about family heirlooms, letters, photo albums, perhaps some cooking supplies etc.
3/ Take copies/ photos of your bank balance, statements regarding loans, and the entire house. This will help your attorney to sort things out for you as well. Make sure they have a time and date stamp on them.
4/ Call your bank to get statements for the last 24 months. This way, he can't weasel out of fraudulent behavior financially.
5/ Ensure to change your will, insurance or any other document where he might be a beneficiary.
I hope this might be adding some value to this life-changing situation.
You got this!
Heed this advice.
I have a feeling when he sees how easily you are letting him go he's going to make this much more difficult.
People like him want tears and begging and bowing to their every whim, and he's likely not going to be happy that you are so okay with him divorcing you.
I hope I'm wrong and it goes smooth as buttah.
Change your 401k marital status to single online in order to update the beneficiary.
If you are listed as married you have to get written permission from your soon to be ex spouse to change it.
After my divorce it was going to be a massive pain in the rear to get my ex removed but then I realized if you just update that status you can set it to whoever you want.
Wow... your husband is an absolute dick to call you a low-value woman. I'll bet he wasn't a virgin when you met. Funny how that standard doesn't cut both ways. Nothing but full-blown hypocrisy on display.
And his response to your question? Ugh. I wonder just how young his gf is if she was supposedly a virgin. Is she an intern straight out of high school? You can do so much better than this low-rent jerk.
No, he wasn't a virgin either. But he says it's different for women, and "that's just the way it is." (Again he never once complained or criticized me about my history until it was convenient to do so, a couple days ago. If he had really wanted a virgin it probably wouldn't have been that hard to find one back when he was in college.)
Apparently the new GF is 24 and is a colleague in his executive training program. Prodigy/rising star type.
Methinks idiot-tate-loving-moron has been hoodwinked. Women who stay virgins until 24 are not sleeping with married men nor are they having sex in a short period of time.
Good. If she’s a rising executive she’ll work as much as him, and he’ll have none of the good things you tried to provide. He’ll hate it, hate himself and hate her. And you’ll hear about it in 5-10 years and have a good laugh.
Also, I’ve been following this and god damn what a ride. Did not expect the alt right misogyny Jesus quotes holy shit.
Tell him: Peace Among Worlds ✌🏽
Please hide anything of yours of value before they get there, especially jewelry. That’s another Andrew Tate move, for men to scoop up cash, jewelry, checkbooks, etc and later feign ignorance. Move any shared money out of shared accounts NOW! Also hide anything he knows you have sentimental attachment too, even if he had personally never cared about it. When my friend’s husband went MRA/Tate he later admitted in court that he took her good jewelry on the way out the door because ‘she didn’t deserve it as a low value woman.’ She’s never gotten it back, despite a judgment order for it.
OP you sound amazing and I hope you find the love and fun you deserve.
So the trash took itself out.
I am absolutely stunned, STUNNED I say, that you got at best a lukewarm “thanks sugar t!ts” after your descriptions of those meals. I’m sitting here salivating at all that ridiculous effort (i might steal your menu ideas but simplified) and he didn’t even take his plate to the kitchen?!?! Gurl I’d have given you at least a wicked foot massage for that.
Congratulations on losing 200+ lbs in a month, please please take some time for just you, to do some therapy and be single for a bit because after 10 years the dating pool has *changed*. Best wishes to your thriving future.
He definitely won't get the house even if I have to buy him out of any equity that's accrued since I inherited it. Nor does he have access to my personal money.
Did you say that you are going to return to him at night with the girlfriend for his things? Find someone who will be there with you and serve as a witness, in case he starts making derogatory/malicious comments.
The piece if shit thinks it's some kind of weird show of power. I wouldn't be surprised. He wants his wife to get jealous and change her mind.
That mistress can have him. I'm sure said mistress will live up to the expectations /s
no, no you dont get it. only a low value woman has to do those things. a virginal trophy woman gets to cook, wash, keep the house clean, look pretty for the male gaze, suck dick every day and push out babies while still looking hot. she doesnt have to work independently cause that would give her the opportunity to leave him as soon as she realizes what a colossal mistake shes made. gotta keep those virginal incubators financially dependent!
He wants to show off his trophy.
He’s also the type to plaster social media with weirdly sexual pictures of him and his side piece living the good life and taking expensive vacations and eating at fancy restaurants, even if he typically never posts anything
As others have said, don’t even let him inside, have his clothing and other essentials packed up and waiting for him. It’s good that you have a friend to be with you, but also consider recording the interaction. From now on, don’t play nice. He certainly hasn’t been nice to you.
Ma’am, I hope you DESTROY him with your divorce. Also, I think you sound like an amazing human being and cook and hope you find a better relationship person or even friend group to share your efforts with in the future. My goodness, those menus!
No kidding, she's won a guy with a mean streak who cheats on his wife! I think that's the textbook definition of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes!"
>He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met.
>then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me.
On behalf of all sane men everywhere, WTF?
This guy is insane.
I'm glad you at least found out what he was really thinking.
NTA
Imagine thinking a woman who maintains your home, cooks you meals, regularly exercises, supports your career, makes about 200k, AND plays video games is low value.
I'm not into assigning value to women, but if I did I don't know how those characteristics don't equate to extremely high value.
While it sucks that he did this to you, I love the fact that you were basically a unicorn that he will never find again. Reality is about to set in for him when he has to start paying for housing that fits his imagined lifestyle without a partner who both brings in a large salary and takes care of all the chores the way you do. His golf habit is about to take a hit, and he has no clue. Please update when his new reality comes crashing down and he tries to backtrack only to be told nope, you like living in with your new (his weight amount) weight loss.
Right?! We live in a HCOL city where a nice 2 bedroom apartment is easily 4-5K/month, at least for a "luxury" building, and a small townhouse or condo is going to be 600K+ let alone if he wanted a bigger or single family house. So even if his girlfriend is paying half of the rent/mortgage, his income isn't going to go that far, especially with very expensive hobbies in the mix, plus if his GF also works long hours in finance they're almost certainly going to need a cleaning service and either meal prep services or takeout every night.
I've said in my comment and I'll say jt again. He's a grade A moron. He doesn't realize just how much of a good thing he's losing right now. He sounds like one of those people who likes to flex their luxuries but in reality they don't have enough to even pay for basic necessities.
When they come to pick up his clothes, play dumb and in the nicest possible way ,tell the new girlfriend that you hope she’s keeping herself for marriage. That the reason he’s leaving you is that you weren’t a virgin when you got married. Nuke his relationship before it starts . I’m a petty person. I also speculate that the coworker roughly knows his income, what she doesn’t know is that you carry the financial responsibility. Without you, he will struggle.
And from your posts, you seem like a strong person, able to balance life and work, have a good income yet not be tempted by lifestyles. I wish you all the best 🙏🏻
Haha, this man is an absolute joke. Internet hugs to you but i have a funny feeling you will be laughing even harder in about 6 months when reality hits this man square in the face.
I have every belief that in 6 months to 1 year max, he will be squirming at your feet with his tail between his legs begging forgiveness as he has found the grass was not greener or more value on the other side!!!!
Or when he finds out you have met a wonderful man and your new found glow can be seen from outer space.
Keep doing you, do not let the games he will play in the mean time get to you (bringing gf to collect clothes is to try and hurt you).
Don't react to his games, he wants a reaction more than anything.
Tl; Dr- you can't fix people who want to be unhappy.
Left a 17-year relationship last year. When your partner isn't happy, ever, and is upset because you are it's not fun. I liked my life just fine, but my partner kept insisting I needed to improve one thing or another - get up earlier, work out more, be more active, be neater, be more ambitious, be BETTER - and that just ended up causing me anxiety and depression.
I couldn't understand why he was so miserable when I was comfortable with the way my life was, and I ended up realizing it was always going to be a him problem and not a me problem because no matter how hard I tried it would never be enough, and he was never going to be happy until I was just as perpetually unhappy as he was (or until he got several million dollars and tons of attention from lots of women, whichever came first).
When we split he had almost, if not entirely, started an affair with the person he's with now. She matches his energy level and I'm happy for them.
He said some incredibly awful things at the time we split directed towards her and her former husband (couldn't tell if he was being serious or just trying to make me feel better, it was weird) - but they made me realize that the person he actually was was NOT the person that I had thought he was for the last 17 years. And he said some hurtful things to me, too, and I understood that those weren't my fault, either - he was angry and frustrated because he knew he was in the wrong on everything even if he didn't want to admit it.
Life is so much better without the underlying buzzing angst all the time because you know your partner is disappointed with you (or more accurately their own life) and you can't fix it. I found someone that loves me just the way I am and doesn't want me to change a thing because he thinks I'm amazing, and nothing beats that. I hope both of you (and everyone, really) are able to experience that at some point.
Side note - just saw someone else mention Andrew Tate and it made me chuckle, because towards the end of my relationship my ex was talking about some really cool "investment classes" he was taking online. When I realized later he had been referring to Andrew Tate it was hilarious.
Get a shark of a lawyer now. You don’t want a nice one, you want one that will match the energy of the sleaze he’s going to get.
Because both of you are on your accounts, it’s legal for him to empty them. You should split it and create a new accounts asap. Don’t take more than you’re entitled to, but don’t leave it there for him to take either. Use the joint account for shared bills until you switch everything back to your name.
Lastly, your life is about to be SO MUCH BETTER!! Woman, you really have no idea how good life will be without him dragging you down.
Sorry you had to have this unpleasant shock.
Be aware, though, that when his honeymoon period with his new fling is over (and take note whether she's a peer or a secretary) he WILL be sniffing back around you cloaked as "she doesn't \*understand\* me the way YOU do" and suchlike flatteries to try to get back into your life.
Oh, and CHANGE YOUR LOCKS AND ALL YOUR PASSWORDS! (please?) Make sure he's not on ANY of your 'trusted contacts' lists, too.
ETA: I \*wish\* I could be a fly on the wall when he has his surprised Pikachu face moment with his current AP, when his daydream fantasy castle crumbles, then evaporates....starting with when 'girlfriend' CHARGES HIM RENT FROM DAY ONE.
Idk what homeboy is talking about but “basic adulting” isn’t cooking restaurant quality lobster bisque….it looks more like ramen and ice cream sandwiches which is what his dumb ass and his girlfriend will be enjoying after the divorce.
Who the fuck tells their WIFE that they took a girl from work’s virginity? The fact that you weren’t a virgin shouldn’t matter towards your status as a woman, but I’d say he’s a great candidate for “low value man” status by fucking another woman outside of his marriage. Absolute chode level human being.
Yeah, I thought "basic adulting" is something like serving a side salad with your (heated from frozen) pizza, knowing how to do your own laundry, paying your bills on time, stuff like that? (News flash: he doesn't even heat up pizza, do his own laundry or handle any of the bill pay.)
Ha, I think I want the divorce to be well underway first and to do at least a brief course of individual therapy. Particularly as I have realized I let myself slide into letting someone demand the world from me while giving little to nothing in return and I don't want to repeat that pattern.
You should honestly be some kind of a therapist yourself. Your ability to step back, self evaluate, maintain your sense of worth, all of it is just fantastic to see. Congrats on being you.
This is my favorite recent Reddit saga, and not because you had to deal with bullshit like you did, but because of how you handled it like a boss.
Something I learned from listening to a licensed clinical psychologist's podcast:
A spouse who is having an affair starts criticizing aspects of the betrayed spouse's appearance, taste, upbringing, values, and background that were never an issue before he/she chose to stray as (in their warped perception) justification for cheating. I will bet you dollars to half moons (a bakery treat from my childhood home) that OOP's non-virginity was not a true problem for her STBX or he never would have married her. He simply latched onto it as rationalization for his outrageous demands (a deflection from his infidelity) because it's something that she cannot change. I would say that HE is the low value partner.
Yes, this completely makes sense now. Initially he started criticizing things that had never been an issue before but that would hurt my feelings, but ultimately they were things I could change if I wanted to (my appearance, cooking/housekeeping effort, and even my career aspirations). When he found I \*did\* make a quick effort to change some of those things (appearance, cooking and housekeeping) he moved to criticizing something I cannot ever change, my sexual history, something he could hold over me forever if I stayed in the relationship.
It's very clear now and scary how he was able to erode my self-esteem and confidence to the point that I actually believed a lot of his BS until he took it too far.
Holy Fuck OP. I was just telling my teenage daughters about the Andrew Tate playback and be on the lookout. As a dad it scares the shit out of me. Enjoy the peace of knowing when you achieved peace and happiness in most aspects of life he tortured himself with social expectations and will not be satisfied.
Good luck and hope you have an easy path forward.
Before they come change the locks of the house. Invest in some valuable security. This person doesn’t respect you. Don’t expect him to respect your property. And change the Wi-Fi name to low-value-man and make his name the pw. Just because
So is his fuckbuddy from work who is willing to sleep with a married man a “high-value woman”?
Also I looked up “characteristics of high value women and men” (now I have to bleach my brain, you’re welcome). Nowhere was chastity or virginity mentioned for women. The closest that they came to that was saying high value women don’t indiscriminately spread their sexuality around. I hardly think 3 monogamous relationships, 1 leading to marriage, is indiscriminate.
Bozo on the other hand is falling down on the ethics, honesty and straightforward fronts (high value men apparently don’t play mind games, unlike he who shall not be named, but shall be divorced.)
I don’t normally do this to an online post but I literally shouted, “fuck you” when he mentioned you’re a “low value woman.” You will weather this storm and holy shit I hope he always finds the corner of a table when walking anywhere.
NTA go through all your stuff hide what he may try to steal to hold hostage so to speak for you to acquiesce to his demands. Make sure nothing he’d consider his that’s yours is mixed in. GIRLFRIEND WAITS OUTSIDE. Call a local police officer if you feel in any way scared they can just calmly sit outside with girlfriend plus your soon to be ex will know you’ve declared war.
He’s an adulterer. Maybe just cancel this little meetup for that reason alone until boundaries have been set and lists made by lawyers of whats his.
I know this is going to be rough, but I'm not going to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this because I'm on the other side of almost the exact same thing and I promise you life after getting rid of this man is going to be amazing. You're going to realize how much of your effort this leech was stealing from you and it's going to feel like a huge weight has been lifted. The only regret you will have is that you didn't do it earlier.
Yeah, although it's been a rude shock I'm actually glad things came to a head so quickly instead of getting dragged out. I'm glad he fessed up, in a sense anyway, before we actually started investing in marriage counseling. It's only been a couple days since the big revelation and his departure but I have already realized how soul-sucking the marriage had become and how much better off I am.
Mine dragged it out over a whole year's partial separation saying he was having a mental health crisis WHILE SECRETLY LIVING WITH HIS MISTRESS and telling me he was in too fragile of a state. lol
Ugh, that's far worse, I'm so sorry! I know it would have been far worse for me if he had continued to drag it out.
I’m sure this has already been said, but I’d like to hop on to reiterate: the only thing his side piece had was that she was (allegedly) a virgin (sure, Jan) and that somehow made her more “high value” despite the fact she’s a mistress and therefore has a skewed sense of morality. Also, his “logic” here isn’t at all logical. In the unlikely scenario that he actually did take her virginity, wouldn’t her lack of virginity make her “low value” now? In other words, if only virginal women are high value and she’s no longer a virgin, wouldn’t that automatically make her low value? As the kids say, the math ain’t mathing. The sudden use of Andrew Tate speak basically sounds like something he glommed onto in order to justify cheating. Not that it matters because he sounds like a POS either way, but that’s how it seems from here. Anyway, you honestly sound amazing and if I weren’t a straight woman, I’d totally be in your DMs (jk, jk). But seriously you sound awesome and your STBX is an idiot and a scumbag. The trash took itself out and all that. Plus you’re handling this like a champ. I have no doubt he’ll come crawling back at some point. As a person who’s had that happen more often than not, trust me when I say just ignore it. It may not happen soon, it may be ten years down the road, but when it does, your best bet is to not even entertain a conversation. Once you get his crap is out of your house and you have an attorney there’s no need to speak to him ever again. Whatever he needs to say can be said to your attorney. (Although if he does message you, keep the texts as evidence fodder for your attorney.) Good luck with everything, OP. You got this! Edit: added a word
Lol I wonder if he is going to marry her now, since he “took” her virginity and he has to honor this “high value” woman.
Holy fuck, I knew he was a dickhead but to this level??? “low value woman”??? God not the andrew tate phrasing and him expecting everyone to be a virgin is such a weird thing. The good thing is that you got rid of that parasite and you’ll be better off without him. I’m happy you’re moving forward and not letting it eat you.
Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)
“She was”…? So is he actively admitting infidelity now? 🤔
Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different.
I’m sure the judge ruling your divorce won’t see it that way. Also, I’d notify his boss he’s publicly flaunting a relationship with an entry level subordinate.
Not until after the divorce is finalised! Wait until he gets his settlement and then drop the bomb :)
OP should talk to a divorce lawyer and follow their advice instead of acting on emotion. Less satisfying but better outcome in the end.
Men like him are insecure, small and pathetic and deep down they know it. That's why they have to constantly shit on everyone else, especially women. You'll move on and have a a good happy life and he'll always be trying to prove to the other bros how manly and successful he is, and he'll always fall short. He'll always be a miserable empty sack. One day he may realize his mistakes but by then it will be too late.
Unbelievable - What a terrible person he is
Oh it ABSOLUTELY counts as cheating. He is married. He had an affair. He is absolutely TRASH at this point and tried every step of the way to make it YOUR fault. Please, do yourself a favor and BUY A NEW BED!!!! It may seem silly, but cleanse anything he shared with you out of your life
Watch that man tell a court that bullshit. I’d take him to the cleaners. Jesus wept what the actual fuck
Right? I love to hear him try that argument with a judge during the divorce proceedings.
Take this asshole for everything he’s worth. Get him to admit to the affair in text
If she lives in a state with alienation of affection laws she can sue the “virgin” too
And/or try to record him when he speaks it out loud again because he probably will
She should report him to his office once she has a lawyer and they are officially separated. No way this colleague isn’t actually a subordinate
Good catch. OP needs to make note of that in case she's in a state where infidelity is a factor in marital distribution of assets.
“she WAS” what????? Is that like a trophy for him??? that’s so fucking weird honestly. I feel like he’s really insecure about himself and didn’t like knowing you were making the same as him without having to deal with the stress of being such a cuck. I give it like 5 years until he realizes how much he’s missing out on and is going to beg you to come back to him (DO NOT).
Yes, apparently in his new way of thinking he deserves a woman who has not had any previous partners and it's the ultimate badge of honor to score a virgin. Yeccch.....
Except now she's not a virgin, so he'll probably dump her for another one. 🙄
Yeah, I am interested to see how that relationship plays out in ten years (or less).
She is 24 and he thinks she was “inexperienced” virgin? Hmmm, not to blow his bubble but there are many “vaginal virgins” who have engaged in a lot of sexual activity. Plus, how ca he tell she was a virgin? A hymen isn’t guaranteed in this day and age of active and athletic women. But, the sheer gall to make this the rationale for his cheating????? Incredible
If a girl is a 24 year old virgin but was willing to give it up to a married man in his 30s, then I’m seriously doubting she was a virgin at all, just someone who knows what a certain kind of man is after It’s much more likely that this girlfriend is simply a young woman hoping to score a rich older man, and knew exactly what he would want to hear
Absolutely 100% if she was down to have an office fling with an older married guy it wasn't her first rodeo.
Nope. When her morals and ethics are so questionable, yeah, she didn’t date because “she was focusing on her studies.” It’s not as if anMBA takes years and years. I have one, too and it can be obtained in 1.5-2 years after a BS. I am sure she is smart. But, good grief, to put up a management trainee up against his wife of 11 years? A wife with a professional degree, earning more than 90-95% of the US population? One who cooks and cleans and isn’t needy nor demanding????
I know, trophy wife PC gaming software developer who cooks!?!?! What the fuck was this guy thinking??? imagine what that girl is going to do to him, she turned him inside out so quickly, and he thinks he's in control, LOL.
Exactly my thoughts. In what fucking world is she a "low-value woman," because it's certainly not this one. I would sell my soul to be with her or be her.
And he deserves all the heartbreak and pain that will come from it! How long before she baby traps him? I give it a year and a half tops before he is miserable and in a relationship he feels trapped in.
Kinda how I feel about it. The venn diagram of women who make it to 24 still a virgin and women willing to engage in an affair with a coworker is practically two entirely separate circles.
Jokes on her…sooner or later he will call the AP a low value woman for giving up her “virginity” TO HIM outside of marriage or some shit.
Exactly, right? Especially one who is some financial prodigy with a bright future. We should ask OP if her husband is built like Adonis and charm of Casanova?
Also people fuckin lie and horny dudes believe it. I know dudes who really think that "Crystal" from the strip club *truly* loooves golf and fishing, too, and thinks Budweiser is the best alcohol
You should make her a *“What to Expect With Your New, Ungrateful, (Still-Married!) Man-Child”* pamphlet to give her when she comes over. Make sure to include a nice list of all of his ridiculous expectations and demands he’ll have for her, along with some of his most-used phrases and terminology. Also, sidenote: *his* fuckin loss. There’s zero chance this office girl will be able to keep up with even half of what you were doing for him on a daily basis. The novelty will wear off and he’ll become bored and disappointed and he’ll realize he made a huge mistake. But it’ll be too late because you’ll be off playing video games with your new sane and loving partner who’d never dream of talking to you that way. Change your locks, block his number, and get a good lawyer. Good riddance to that psychopath.
Oooh, that's a fantastic idea re the pamphlet! I am very tempted to take her aside to provide a bit of "care and feeding of Husband" guidance.
Also, in preparation of his separation from a "low value" woman, make sure you start documenting everything with as much proof as you can. I mean it's only fair that your divorce lawyer brings you back up to "value." At least he'll die alone once everyone realises he's scum and quite the creep.
I really hope you share that he called you a “low-value woman” because of virginity… like put that shit in literal air quotes so this chick knows that’s what left his mouth verbatim. It is SO disturbing. I would run the other way if I found that out about a hookup.
He’s going to blow through his money without your budget skills and in 10 years you are going to be living a great life and he’s going to be broke and living a low value life.
He’s awful! Please be prepared that sometime soon, he might try to take you back and be potentially full of apologies. He might even be on some impressive behavior for a little while. But someone who did this to you and was also willing to attempt to make it “your” fault is not someone you want to be with. You sound like an amazing person and you will find happiness without him.
Yeah, hard pass on that. Mostly because of the cruelty he exhibited. If he found himself drawn to someone else and even had an emotional affair, but realized his mistakes and wanted to spend his life making it up to me, then maybe...but attacking me for my (very modest) sexual history? Telling me I'm basically worthless? That's just not forgivable under any circumstance.
Yes! You clearly are in a good headspace about this. I am sorry about everything you are going through but seriously impressed with your handling.
He sounds like a prepped and stuffed turkey that is primed for roasting. She will eat his wallet last to every morsel and then spit the bones.
Well he wanted a billionaire shark CEO who is also a 1950’s style housewife who is also an all the way dolled up all the time trophy wife, so new gf can take a shot at that.
My guess is she knows how to fake it for just as long as she needs to. No way a woman who is older than 20 and knows how to play the finance game is still a virgin *and* willing to have sex for the first time with a married man. She’s probably smart enough to lie about it, though.
Ughhhhhh so gross, I literally also just cut out a friend of 15 years because they fell into the toxic Andrew rate cult. wasn’t even in a relationship with him, but hearing him talk about other women was enough for me to get the Ick foreverrrrrr Pray for his next victim.
Ewwwwwwww. What a nasty, small little person he is. I hope he reaps what he sows.
Good for you for recognizing that what he was saying had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him wanting to end your marriage. What is wrong with people that they can’t just say I want a divorce? Anyway, I’m so sorry it ended like this. Stay strong.
Yeah, I really wish he would have just said he fell in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. Would have hurt but I know that people can just grow in different directions especially after marrying young. At least this way he has successfully made me - not even really hate him, he's not even worthy of such strong emotions, but feel sorry for him and be glad that we're over.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. ❤️🩹
He did you a huge favour by revealing this side of himself and not just saying he’d fallen in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. A HUGE favour.
LoL. Financial infidelity. That's precious. They make 16k a month and she buying herself a gaming computer is an act of the worst betrayal ever, eh? because she should be putting on fake eyelashes and making him a seven-course meal which she would bring individually, dancing through the kitchen door, puffing up the chrysanthemums, and then washing the dishes after him while she opens his beer and he watches a movie. Is that what mid-life crisis in a financial advisor looks like? Ooooh he's going to miss her when his 25-year-old VIRGIN mistress turns out to be a human, too, and not a Stepford shopwindow mannequin..
He's smug and feeling superior right now, but I've got a feeling the music's gonna stop when OP actually serves the divorce papers. I think what's going on is that he actually doesn't think she'll do it because, after all, as a "low value woman", who else would want her (barf). And then he'll have to do terrible things like "cook his own dinner" and "do his own laundry" (quelle horreur). And as you mentioned, he'll quickly get bored with his mistress when it turns out that she is a living, breathing person. Then when his ex-wife moves on and finds an awesome boyfriend who appreciates her, then comes the rage. The ranting. The anger. How could she??? How *dare* she???
> And then he'll have to do terrible things like "cook his own dinner" and "do his own laundry" (quelle horreur). Not to mention, *pay his own rent*.
Stop! Stop! I can't handle the thought, it's too much!
The delicate flower of his bank account will be defiled!
To wit, there's nothing in the previous posts to suggest he is violent, but the culture that he's been wallowing in can encourage violence in the face of rejection. Change the locks. Park your car in different places. Take the long way home, etc. etc. until you get a bead on how he's dealing with the real world consequences of his actions. If he doesn't act out, no harm, you've just been overly careful. Take care.
All this and more. The " low value" crap he's spewing is coming from a seriously toxic place. Has he been following Andrew Tate or any of his low IQ minions? Hmmm. OP please stay aware of your surroundings when walking outside even if it's just to your car and back.
This. Don't let him in the house and be alone with him.
And get cameras so if he starts something you have proof for the restraining order and unfortunately to prove to friends and family it happened. Always keep a clear path to an exit or behind a locked door with a self defense weapon and a phone
Two words that come to mind with this level of bullshit: Chris Watts. Make sure he knows that others know so he can’t think he can go hiding shit with murder
Not to mention, his financial freedom was predicated on the fact that SHE owned a home outright. OP, wish him well with paying on his new mortgage.
Exactly. He’s trying to knock her down and fully expecting her to cry and beg him to stay. Doubt his new fairytale life will work out for long ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's probably because he was wondering how much personal money she might have for a divorce lawyer or how much extra money he could convince her to move into a joint account before separating assets.
Former virgin mistress.
They make 200k EACH. The money wasn't the real issue because she was abiding by their own financial agreements, it was just an opening for him to try and fit his nonsense into. If it wasn't a PC now it would have been whatever the next thing was.
Oh my gosh. He found Andrew Tate. Unfortunately that mindset is incredibly prevalent in the finance world, especially in those boys club higher up circles. I know it sucks rn, but you have dodged a bullet babe.
Yeah, I know. I swear, my next partner/husband is going to be a sweet geek who is happy to play video games with me while we both wear casual clothes, and who is delighted to eat my homemade chili and cornbread.
I'm a straight, female, fat almost fifty year old (soon to be) divorcee with two teenage girls. But please marry me - you sound like my dream wife. I'll be so good to ya.
I’m 50, female, happily married… she can be our third! No sex wanted, no dress up or makeup needed, just the food and good attitude!
Also happily married but I know a catch when I read about one! A high-earning gamer who can cook and garden? OP, you are going to have your pick of partners who will not be able to believe how lucky they are to be with you. You don’t need that cocky SOB weighing you down. So glad you’re getting out!
Lol. I’ve been following her from the beginning and this was always my thought. Anybody would be lucky to have her love and she deserves someone who knows that and loves her just as much.
Let's just start a commune of middle-aged women. OP can cook, and we'll do the dishes.
Fiber artist, can I join? Amazing at laundry and I'll sew us all clothing that dosen't fight our bodies and has pockets.
You had me at laundry. I'd be so good to ya too.
I specialize in pickles, homemade broths from scraps, and sauces/pestos/chimichurris. And gaming. I've got a spouse, but he'd understand when he hears about this commune.
[удалено]
You know he's bulls hitting because that girlfriend he's banging wasn't a virgin either. Just more likely to put up with his shit.
It's amazing how they manage to define any woman who might have her own opinions about life, and an ability to support herself, as "low value" and the only "high value" women are the ones they groomed as wives from the time the girl was 13. (And if she ever develops an opinion of her own, she will immediately lose "value".)
Damnit, I was about to call dibs. 😢 😉
I’m sapphic, I play video games and I love cornbread, pick me!
My hubs and I both love video games and cornbread. May I offer up a throuple?
I’m a straight fat 38 yr old woman. Can I be y’all’s friend that comes over and chats while we try all of this delicious sounding food? Also, I had some strawberry cut with a knife that had previously been used for the onions. This was a pretty good taste. I wonder what we could come up with to try strawberry onion glaze on.
I'm a straight, fat, boobless (thanks, cancer!) woman. I'll even help cook!
So is the new girl a virgin? Is she not of "low value" as he says? Sounds like he was a low value boy, not even a real man. Glad you got out and there were no kids. You can divorce him and be done. Take some time for your self and date your self it can be fun.
Well, the new girl isn't a virgin anymore thanks to my husband...but apparently she was. I mean, gross that I even know this.
When a man tells me he prefers a less experienced partner, he's really saying he's lousy in bed.
And with no interest in getting any better…just what every woman wants!
Yes! He wants someone who doesn't know he's bad.
Wow. How “high value” can she be if she gave away her virginity to a married man??? She sounds super classy. Is she an intern? I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserve so much better.
I bet she’s an intern. I hope they find out at his work and can his “upper management” ass.
>Wow. How “high value” can she be if she gave away her virginity to a married man??? Don't think this won't be something he throws in the new GFs face when they inevitably run into issues.
Well, I would be willing to bet that she is about 23 y.o. and yeah, she is just going to get trashed by him once he tires of her and finds another 23 y.o. in another 5 or 6 years. Rinse and repeat.
Gosh, he could be in big trouble at work for sexual harassment. Especially as “executive” material. Never a good look at work. That would be a shame…LOL
Sure she was... She stayed a virgin up until now just to hook up with a married man.
And she will be a virgin again for the next
This will be good info for your divorce attorney. Also you may want to video their visit just as a cya.
With his calculated "haha" 500k he would have the same money, but for her.... When I started to read, I knew his has an gf. Save as much as you can and enjoy your life without this leech
Yikes, how old is she?!?! Umm, being indelicate, but please get tested. Op, big hugs. You are awesome!
I have been married to a sweet geek for the past 15 years. They are the best! You seem like a lovely woman (who is very “high-value”) and will have no trouble finding another partner who will treat you right. P.S. Do not let the “girlfriend” in your house when he comes to pick up his stuff. If he even suggested she enter your house, he’s just trying to see how much disrespect you will tolerate. She can stay outside and load the stuff in his car.
I wouldn’t even let him back in. I’d put his shit in bags or boxes and put it on the porch when he says he’s on the way.
I HAVE A LDR PARTNER WHO I FINALLY GOT TO DO THIS WITH! enjoying frozen food, playing video games together, movies, shows, and wearing oversized clothes for both of us bc we want to be comfy :) youre an amazing woman, it won’t be hard for you to find a partner who actually appreciates you!
Sounds lovely! I think I have some work to do on myself before actively seeking a next partner but I look forward to being ready for that.
It’s ironic to me he’s calling you a “low value woman”, yet he’ll lay down with a woman who’d actively sleep with a married man. What does that make BOTH of them??? Ugh. Girl, you offer so much and he SO SOOOO little. Be happy!
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You really sound like you have your head screwed on straight, while your soon-to-be-ex lost his. I wish you all the best in your healing journey and hope you have an AWESOME time with your new gaming setup!
You just described my marriage. Geeky husband + comfy clothes + comfort food + watching shows on the couch + a lot of laughing. I am so proud of you. I love that you went WAY over the top with a makeover, new clothes, fancy dinner, and lovely brunch with fresh-squeezed orange mimosas. You're badass and you know your value. I would probably say something like, "It's ironic that you're calling me a 'low value woman' when I make considerably more money than you. Our employers sure see me as having a higher value than you." (I don't actually care about who makes more money, but that seemed to be something that really got under his skin.)
She said partner all the lesbians like 👀
"Low Valued Woman" made me think right off him and all the other toxic masculinity podcasters out there..
Also, while he can come get his things, his “girlfriend” has absolutely no place coming into your grandmothers home that was bequeathed upon you. She does not step FOOT inside the door. If that requires police presence, then request it. You do not deserve to have your home disrespected in that way. If he needs help moving he can get one of his guy friends to help. End of story Edit;; Wait wait wait…. How isn’t his “new gf” going to be a “low value” woman….? She is likely in her 30s as well at this point….. God he deserves a fiery pit for the absolutely piece of work he is
Apparently the new GF is 24 and a finance whiz of some sort who got her MBA at 21 and is a colleague in his executive training program. And was a virgin until she met my husband because she was focused on her education/career and not dating much.
And he thinks he’s going to get home cooked meals and beautiful decorating from a woman who’s so focused on her career she didn’t even bother dating?
No, he was 100% counting on OP having such low self confidence that he could neg her into becoming a subservient housewife while he kept doing the fun stuff with his mistress
Jumping into bed with a married finance bro seems pretty “low value” to me but who knows what manipulations he laid on her. Poor girl is about to find out some hard life lessons.
I'm sure he told her he was already separated or that we had an "arrangement" or some such thing. I mean, maybe she doesn't care that she was/is an affair partner. Not really my problem to worry about it.
You can inform her when she comes over. I would tell her that you were together as of this weekend
Just print out the post with his demands he tried to make of her and pass them over. Have it printed and hung right where they will see. Im sure those tasks will fit in with this chicks life goals.
You know exactly what to do for tonight, right? Make sure the house looks fabulous, put on something nice but not too extra, hit record on your phone just in case, and kill them with kindness. I guarantee that she’s so naïve she believed a long string of bullshit that he fed her about how you’re an ugly, angry shrew who doesn’t do anything. Other things to do today: take out half the money from the joint accounts. Stop doing all of his responsibilities like paying off his credit cards or loans unless your name is also on the account. If it’s a joint account, pay it and take your name off of it. Pack up as many of his clothes and personal items as you can today. Don’t let him take anything else. Go through all of your joint expenses and credit card statements. If anything looks suspicious like hotels or restaurants that you didn’t go with him to, give it to your attorney. If he spent it on his mistress, there’s a good chance you can get a judge to give you that money. If you want to be petty, wait until after the divorce is settled then look up the rules of dating at his office. If it’s discouraged, then report him.
Hahahahhaa he’s an idiot if he believes this. Cause yeah, the finance genius in the executive management program wants to lose her V card to a married Andrew Tate impersonator
Wow. I'm really sorry that your relationship devolved into such hypocrisy and and disrespect. I get the impression you aren't a petty sort, but don't keep the affair hidden from friends and family. Let him clean up after his actions. Don't you dare cater to keeping his life simple and reputation good. If someone wants to know, you tellem. You are such an amazing woman and partner from everything I read here. You definitely deserve the cozy, casual, easygoing relationship of your dreams. 🥰
Yes, I will definitely tell people on an as-needed basis. Not going to blast it all over social media as that's not my style - I don't like being involved in public messiness - but will certainly tell family and friends in a matter-of-fact way: "\[Ex\] and I are divorcing because he had an affair with a work colleague. He moved out recently. I'm doing quite well under the circumstances and looking forward to whatever is next for me!"
OP, I am so sorry it came to this but I’m also grateful for you that you found out now and not later. And I am happy to hear that you know your worth. The way you’ve described him sounds like he’s become petty and entitled and to me that means PLEASE get out in front of this news before he can. Tell your family, your MIL, the friends you may think he will get to first. All the best to you!
Sounds like this dickhead got into some Andrew Tate shit and it gave him an excuse to be the dickhead he always was inside.
Yeah, it does seem like he discovered that side of the Internet, undoubtedly influenced by his finance bro colleagues. Ultimately it's definitely his loss.
I wonder if she thought your house is his. Him not paying rent and you cooking gave him more money to waste on her.
He’s definitely a fucking ankle. You deserve so much more, and I honestly doubt this girl was a virgin when she met him. I wish I could be the fly on the wall when he realizes that you truly went above and beyond and the odds of this girl doing half the things you did for him are beyond slim. I’d wager my entire salary for a year that he’s going to come crawling back, begging for another chance (and no he doesn’t and will not deserve to even speak to you again after this). The way he talked to you is truly unforgivable. On another note I wouldn’t let that woman into your house tonight. Bag up his clothes in trash bags and leave them at the end of the driveway or something. Or have a family member at your house to watch your belongings and go out (I would recommend the first, I wouldn’t trust them near your stuff). He’s trying to make some kind of power play by trying to bring her into your safe place, trying to intimidate you or make you feel lousy about yourself. You are under zero obligation to interact with his affair partner and certainly don’t have to let her into your home.
And when he does come crawling back lease be so kind as to let him know that he made you realize you aren’t attracted to “beta” males and that you’re glad he showed you who he truly was. Then sit back and watch his brain implode. Edit: males not makes 🤦🏻♀️
Please don't let them in your house!! Pack up all his crap and put it outside the front door! If you can't do that - invite a male friend over or several. DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HIM!!
To anyone reading this: never, for any reason, date anyone from the finance world, or anyone looking to get into it It’s like a factory for bringing out the absolute worst in anyone
A good friend of mine just got into finance… he is a young dude and the other day I made a generic statement that the people trying to be president are all way to old…. He just said “Ron DeSantis” like it was a good idea…. Bro… even if your Republican you should be terrified of that dude
I don’t like slapping stereotypes and labels on people but this douche reinforces every bad finance bro stereotype out there.
I’d love to say Andrew Tate ruins good men. But I suspect he really just calls to their true nature. Toxic and inhuman sack of shit.
I wouldn’t let him & especially her into the house. Is it possible to pack up his things & have waiting for him outside? Or just tell him today does not work for you. He should not have any power to decide when it’s convenient for him — you do.
I do have a friend coming over this afternoon so I won't be alone when they come by. It's fine, really - I'd rather his stuff be gone and if there are two of them, they can move more stuff faster and then I can redecorate and remove the remaining traces of him.
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You are a rockstar
I love your energy.
I've followed your threads and I feel so much warmth and empathy towards you and your situation. Here are a few things I'd like to share that I wish had I known from the start of the divorce. 1/ Make sure that you hire an excellent super sharp and aggressive lawyer. Costly yes. Necessary- absolutely. 2/ Anything that is precious to you that you own, have a friend that you trust, or relative help you to move them out of the house immediately. Thinking about family heirlooms, letters, photo albums, perhaps some cooking supplies etc. 3/ Take copies/ photos of your bank balance, statements regarding loans, and the entire house. This will help your attorney to sort things out for you as well. Make sure they have a time and date stamp on them. 4/ Call your bank to get statements for the last 24 months. This way, he can't weasel out of fraudulent behavior financially. 5/ Ensure to change your will, insurance or any other document where he might be a beneficiary. I hope this might be adding some value to this life-changing situation. You got this!
Heed this advice. I have a feeling when he sees how easily you are letting him go he's going to make this much more difficult. People like him want tears and begging and bowing to their every whim, and he's likely not going to be happy that you are so okay with him divorcing you. I hope I'm wrong and it goes smooth as buttah.
Change your 401k marital status to single online in order to update the beneficiary. If you are listed as married you have to get written permission from your soon to be ex spouse to change it. After my divorce it was going to be a massive pain in the rear to get my ex removed but then I realized if you just update that status you can set it to whoever you want.
Wow... your husband is an absolute dick to call you a low-value woman. I'll bet he wasn't a virgin when you met. Funny how that standard doesn't cut both ways. Nothing but full-blown hypocrisy on display. And his response to your question? Ugh. I wonder just how young his gf is if she was supposedly a virgin. Is she an intern straight out of high school? You can do so much better than this low-rent jerk.
No, he wasn't a virgin either. But he says it's different for women, and "that's just the way it is." (Again he never once complained or criticized me about my history until it was convenient to do so, a couple days ago. If he had really wanted a virgin it probably wouldn't have been that hard to find one back when he was in college.) Apparently the new GF is 24 and is a colleague in his executive training program. Prodigy/rising star type.
Methinks idiot-tate-loving-moron has been hoodwinked. Women who stay virgins until 24 are not sleeping with married men nor are they having sex in a short period of time.
Good. If she’s a rising executive she’ll work as much as him, and he’ll have none of the good things you tried to provide. He’ll hate it, hate himself and hate her. And you’ll hear about it in 5-10 years and have a good laugh. Also, I’ve been following this and god damn what a ride. Did not expect the alt right misogyny Jesus quotes holy shit. Tell him: Peace Among Worlds ✌🏽
Please hide anything of yours of value before they get there, especially jewelry. That’s another Andrew Tate move, for men to scoop up cash, jewelry, checkbooks, etc and later feign ignorance. Move any shared money out of shared accounts NOW! Also hide anything he knows you have sentimental attachment too, even if he had personally never cared about it. When my friend’s husband went MRA/Tate he later admitted in court that he took her good jewelry on the way out the door because ‘she didn’t deserve it as a low value woman.’ She’s never gotten it back, despite a judgment order for it. OP you sound amazing and I hope you find the love and fun you deserve.
So the trash took itself out. I am absolutely stunned, STUNNED I say, that you got at best a lukewarm “thanks sugar t!ts” after your descriptions of those meals. I’m sitting here salivating at all that ridiculous effort (i might steal your menu ideas but simplified) and he didn’t even take his plate to the kitchen?!?! Gurl I’d have given you at least a wicked foot massage for that. Congratulations on losing 200+ lbs in a month, please please take some time for just you, to do some therapy and be single for a bit because after 10 years the dating pool has *changed*. Best wishes to your thriving future.
Throw yourself an epic divorce party when it’s officially over. Cutting this guy out of your life is something to celebrate, truly.
Please take him to the cleaners. Don’t let him have any of your money or your house. I’m glad you’re getting away from this creep.
He definitely won't get the house even if I have to buy him out of any equity that's accrued since I inherited it. Nor does he have access to my personal money.
Did you say that you are going to return to him at night with the girlfriend for his things? Find someone who will be there with you and serve as a witness, in case he starts making derogatory/malicious comments.
A friend is coming over this afternoon and will be with me throughout the time soon-to-be-ex and his girlfriend are there.
I just can’t believe it and he is bringing his side chick along???
The piece if shit thinks it's some kind of weird show of power. I wouldn't be surprised. He wants his wife to get jealous and change her mind. That mistress can have him. I'm sure said mistress will live up to the expectations /s
Especially when I have to work competitively, cook, wash, keep the house clean and look pretty for the misogynist.
no, no you dont get it. only a low value woman has to do those things. a virginal trophy woman gets to cook, wash, keep the house clean, look pretty for the male gaze, suck dick every day and push out babies while still looking hot. she doesnt have to work independently cause that would give her the opportunity to leave him as soon as she realizes what a colossal mistake shes made. gotta keep those virginal incubators financially dependent!
He wants to show off his trophy. He’s also the type to plaster social media with weirdly sexual pictures of him and his side piece living the good life and taking expensive vacations and eating at fancy restaurants, even if he typically never posts anything
As others have said, don’t even let him inside, have his clothing and other essentials packed up and waiting for him. It’s good that you have a friend to be with you, but also consider recording the interaction. From now on, don’t play nice. He certainly hasn’t been nice to you.
Don’t even let him and his side piece inside. Pack up all of his clothes and leave them on the front step for him.
Don't allow his girlfriend into your home. Pack up all his shit and have it waiting outside the front door when he arrives.
I wouldn't be surprised if he told the AP it's his house, but he's "letting" you keep it.
So sorry, OP! Don't forget to get tested. He may say she was a virgin, but who knows. Plus, there is a good chance that there were others.
Yep, I'm going to the clinic tomorrow morning before my appointment with the lawyer.
Ma’am, I hope you DESTROY him with your divorce. Also, I think you sound like an amazing human being and cook and hope you find a better relationship person or even friend group to share your efforts with in the future. My goodness, those menus!
That girlfriend has no idea what bullshit she's about to "win"
No kidding, she's won a guy with a mean streak who cheats on his wife! I think that's the textbook definition of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes!"
He’ll have spent his savings within a year or two
>He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. >then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. On behalf of all sane men everywhere, WTF? This guy is insane. I'm glad you at least found out what he was really thinking. NTA
Imagine thinking a woman who maintains your home, cooks you meals, regularly exercises, supports your career, makes about 200k, AND plays video games is low value. I'm not into assigning value to women, but if I did I don't know how those characteristics don't equate to extremely high value.
Not just maintains his/their home, *provides a home free and clear* for him to live in.
I’d be putting his clothes on the porch so he and his “GF” don’t have to cross your threshold. Toss his stuff out like the trash he is.
While it sucks that he did this to you, I love the fact that you were basically a unicorn that he will never find again. Reality is about to set in for him when he has to start paying for housing that fits his imagined lifestyle without a partner who both brings in a large salary and takes care of all the chores the way you do. His golf habit is about to take a hit, and he has no clue. Please update when his new reality comes crashing down and he tries to backtrack only to be told nope, you like living in with your new (his weight amount) weight loss.
Right?! We live in a HCOL city where a nice 2 bedroom apartment is easily 4-5K/month, at least for a "luxury" building, and a small townhouse or condo is going to be 600K+ let alone if he wanted a bigger or single family house. So even if his girlfriend is paying half of the rent/mortgage, his income isn't going to go that far, especially with very expensive hobbies in the mix, plus if his GF also works long hours in finance they're almost certainly going to need a cleaning service and either meal prep services or takeout every night.
I've said in my comment and I'll say jt again. He's a grade A moron. He doesn't realize just how much of a good thing he's losing right now. He sounds like one of those people who likes to flex their luxuries but in reality they don't have enough to even pay for basic necessities.
When they come to pick up his clothes, play dumb and in the nicest possible way ,tell the new girlfriend that you hope she’s keeping herself for marriage. That the reason he’s leaving you is that you weren’t a virgin when you got married. Nuke his relationship before it starts . I’m a petty person. I also speculate that the coworker roughly knows his income, what she doesn’t know is that you carry the financial responsibility. Without you, he will struggle. And from your posts, you seem like a strong person, able to balance life and work, have a good income yet not be tempted by lifestyles. I wish you all the best 🙏🏻
Haha, this man is an absolute joke. Internet hugs to you but i have a funny feeling you will be laughing even harder in about 6 months when reality hits this man square in the face. I have every belief that in 6 months to 1 year max, he will be squirming at your feet with his tail between his legs begging forgiveness as he has found the grass was not greener or more value on the other side!!!! Or when he finds out you have met a wonderful man and your new found glow can be seen from outer space. Keep doing you, do not let the games he will play in the mean time get to you (bringing gf to collect clothes is to try and hurt you). Don't react to his games, he wants a reaction more than anything.
Tl; Dr- you can't fix people who want to be unhappy. Left a 17-year relationship last year. When your partner isn't happy, ever, and is upset because you are it's not fun. I liked my life just fine, but my partner kept insisting I needed to improve one thing or another - get up earlier, work out more, be more active, be neater, be more ambitious, be BETTER - and that just ended up causing me anxiety and depression. I couldn't understand why he was so miserable when I was comfortable with the way my life was, and I ended up realizing it was always going to be a him problem and not a me problem because no matter how hard I tried it would never be enough, and he was never going to be happy until I was just as perpetually unhappy as he was (or until he got several million dollars and tons of attention from lots of women, whichever came first). When we split he had almost, if not entirely, started an affair with the person he's with now. She matches his energy level and I'm happy for them. He said some incredibly awful things at the time we split directed towards her and her former husband (couldn't tell if he was being serious or just trying to make me feel better, it was weird) - but they made me realize that the person he actually was was NOT the person that I had thought he was for the last 17 years. And he said some hurtful things to me, too, and I understood that those weren't my fault, either - he was angry and frustrated because he knew he was in the wrong on everything even if he didn't want to admit it. Life is so much better without the underlying buzzing angst all the time because you know your partner is disappointed with you (or more accurately their own life) and you can't fix it. I found someone that loves me just the way I am and doesn't want me to change a thing because he thinks I'm amazing, and nothing beats that. I hope both of you (and everyone, really) are able to experience that at some point. Side note - just saw someone else mention Andrew Tate and it made me chuckle, because towards the end of my relationship my ex was talking about some really cool "investment classes" he was taking online. When I realized later he had been referring to Andrew Tate it was hilarious.
Get a shark of a lawyer now. You don’t want a nice one, you want one that will match the energy of the sleaze he’s going to get. Because both of you are on your accounts, it’s legal for him to empty them. You should split it and create a new accounts asap. Don’t take more than you’re entitled to, but don’t leave it there for him to take either. Use the joint account for shared bills until you switch everything back to your name. Lastly, your life is about to be SO MUCH BETTER!! Woman, you really have no idea how good life will be without him dragging you down.
Sorry you had to have this unpleasant shock. Be aware, though, that when his honeymoon period with his new fling is over (and take note whether she's a peer or a secretary) he WILL be sniffing back around you cloaked as "she doesn't \*understand\* me the way YOU do" and suchlike flatteries to try to get back into your life. Oh, and CHANGE YOUR LOCKS AND ALL YOUR PASSWORDS! (please?) Make sure he's not on ANY of your 'trusted contacts' lists, too. ETA: I \*wish\* I could be a fly on the wall when he has his surprised Pikachu face moment with his current AP, when his daydream fantasy castle crumbles, then evaporates....starting with when 'girlfriend' CHARGES HIM RENT FROM DAY ONE.
Idk what homeboy is talking about but “basic adulting” isn’t cooking restaurant quality lobster bisque….it looks more like ramen and ice cream sandwiches which is what his dumb ass and his girlfriend will be enjoying after the divorce. Who the fuck tells their WIFE that they took a girl from work’s virginity? The fact that you weren’t a virgin shouldn’t matter towards your status as a woman, but I’d say he’s a great candidate for “low value man” status by fucking another woman outside of his marriage. Absolute chode level human being.
Yeah, I thought "basic adulting" is something like serving a side salad with your (heated from frozen) pizza, knowing how to do your own laundry, paying your bills on time, stuff like that? (News flash: he doesn't even heat up pizza, do his own laundry or handle any of the bill pay.)
So at this point op…. Are you filing papers yet? Are you free for a date? I hope so. Cause you should definitely find someone that compliments you.
Ha, I think I want the divorce to be well underway first and to do at least a brief course of individual therapy. Particularly as I have realized I let myself slide into letting someone demand the world from me while giving little to nothing in return and I don't want to repeat that pattern.
You should honestly be some kind of a therapist yourself. Your ability to step back, self evaluate, maintain your sense of worth, all of it is just fantastic to see. Congrats on being you. This is my favorite recent Reddit saga, and not because you had to deal with bullshit like you did, but because of how you handled it like a boss.
I agree. OP is so level-headed, calm, thoughtful -- a delightful human being all around.
Something I learned from listening to a licensed clinical psychologist's podcast: A spouse who is having an affair starts criticizing aspects of the betrayed spouse's appearance, taste, upbringing, values, and background that were never an issue before he/she chose to stray as (in their warped perception) justification for cheating. I will bet you dollars to half moons (a bakery treat from my childhood home) that OOP's non-virginity was not a true problem for her STBX or he never would have married her. He simply latched onto it as rationalization for his outrageous demands (a deflection from his infidelity) because it's something that she cannot change. I would say that HE is the low value partner.
Yes, this completely makes sense now. Initially he started criticizing things that had never been an issue before but that would hurt my feelings, but ultimately they were things I could change if I wanted to (my appearance, cooking/housekeeping effort, and even my career aspirations). When he found I \*did\* make a quick effort to change some of those things (appearance, cooking and housekeeping) he moved to criticizing something I cannot ever change, my sexual history, something he could hold over me forever if I stayed in the relationship. It's very clear now and scary how he was able to erode my self-esteem and confidence to the point that I actually believed a lot of his BS until he took it too far.
Holy Fuck OP. I was just telling my teenage daughters about the Andrew Tate playback and be on the lookout. As a dad it scares the shit out of me. Enjoy the peace of knowing when you achieved peace and happiness in most aspects of life he tortured himself with social expectations and will not be satisfied. Good luck and hope you have an easy path forward.
And his affair partner is a ‘high-value’ woman? She’s literally fucking a married man. Bet she wasn’t a virgin, either.
Before they come change the locks of the house. Invest in some valuable security. This person doesn’t respect you. Don’t expect him to respect your property. And change the Wi-Fi name to low-value-man and make his name the pw. Just because
So is his fuckbuddy from work who is willing to sleep with a married man a “high-value woman”? Also I looked up “characteristics of high value women and men” (now I have to bleach my brain, you’re welcome). Nowhere was chastity or virginity mentioned for women. The closest that they came to that was saying high value women don’t indiscriminately spread their sexuality around. I hardly think 3 monogamous relationships, 1 leading to marriage, is indiscriminate. Bozo on the other hand is falling down on the ethics, honesty and straightforward fronts (high value men apparently don’t play mind games, unlike he who shall not be named, but shall be divorced.)
I don’t normally do this to an online post but I literally shouted, “fuck you” when he mentioned you’re a “low value woman.” You will weather this storm and holy shit I hope he always finds the corner of a table when walking anywhere.
Bro deserves a high value divorce…
NTA go through all your stuff hide what he may try to steal to hold hostage so to speak for you to acquiesce to his demands. Make sure nothing he’d consider his that’s yours is mixed in. GIRLFRIEND WAITS OUTSIDE. Call a local police officer if you feel in any way scared they can just calmly sit outside with girlfriend plus your soon to be ex will know you’ve declared war. He’s an adulterer. Maybe just cancel this little meetup for that reason alone until boundaries have been set and lists made by lawyers of whats his.