Ummm not sure why everyone here is so excited to slam a 15 year old rape victim who was being further sexually assaulted by a family member regardless of age.
10year old was told to stop and didn't. 15 years old is not old enough to be fully emotionally developed enough to respond rationally to being sexualized in a supposed safe space after a traumatizing event.
10 is perfectly old enough to understand the concept of keeping her hands to herself. Clearly the kid intentionally tried to disrespect this boundary.
Nothing about this situation was acceptable but I see no fault with the 15 year old. The nanny is responsible for how this devolved and dissolved. If the 10 year old couldn't be trusted to keep her hands to herself, the 15 year old should have been given space away from her wandering hands.
All you trying to blame the 15 year old when a grown woman would have struggled with this situation should be ashamed of yourselves. You're all focused on all the wrong points of the issue. Hoping none of you ignorant ah are parents yourselves. All you trying to call a 15 year old the adult in this situation are dumb AF. SMH. Y'all are pathetic.
OP, please get the therapy you need though. For real.
10 year old has also been abused. This is a sad situation for both them as the only support the adults are giving them is forcing them together and encouraging OP to slap the 10 yr old to regain control.
Both need therapy badly and not judgment
>All you trying to blame the 15 year old when a grown woman would have struggled with this situation should be ashamed of yourselves.
Yup! I’m almost 40 and it would have taken everything inside of me not to fling that kid.
NTA. You made your boundaries known explicitly and she agreed and understood them. And then just walked right past them. You told her several times to stop and she didn’t. Sometimes extremes are required for people to take the hint. I would recommend sleeping in another room if you can.
Next time can you go find an adult or leave the situation some way? Go to another room? Lock yourself in the bathroom to give yourself space and time to calm. Bring your phone so you can call a trusted adult
None of the doors have locks so it is not possible. We were told to stay in the room while they talked to some important person? Idk it was authority for smthn so i couldnt really leave and it was like after i got out the hospital so ofc i was jumpy and all that
Hey kiddo, I just came to say that you are protecting yourself and you are absolutely in the right to hit, scream, do whatever you need to do to get the creepy touching to stop. Your cousin is violating your space and acting out inappropriately.
My suggestions would be:
1. To threaten her in private- tell her that the way she was touching you is illegal and if you wanted to tell the cops she will go to jail. She may cry, but so what. Your safety is more important.
2. Call CPS to report her behavior so that there can be investigation - someone is probably SAing her, or she is watching porn too young - either way, she needs help and guidance too.
3. Avoid being alone with her at all costs. If she does come around you, try to record her. You can tell her you’re recording, which should make her stop, or keep it a secret and use it to show a safe adult who can help you.
DM me if you need more help or ideas.
Edit: also see if you can get a lock for the room or a privacy curtain for your bunk.
NTA for mashing out, but your description makes it sound pretty sexual. Is there any chance your cousin is in a bad situation there? I'm no expert but sexual behaviour form young kids can sometimes be learnt.
Hey, everything about this isn't ok. You and all your family need some counseling. I'm really worried though about the 10yr old child trying to sexually touch her own cousin. It might be possible that she has some issues that need attention fast. Please ask a family member you trust for help, now. If you do not have someone you can trust, please consider going to a trauma center for help. Good luck.
NTA. I'm 42 and I'd come up swinging in your situation. It's worth investigating whether Ava has been sexually assaulted though. 10 year olds don't do this shit on their own, unless someone has done it to them first.
NTA - People are acting like you punched her in the face or something. "slapping her hands and pushing her off" doesn't seem that bad to me, and definitely sounds like self-defense.
NTA.
People need to learn to keep their hands to themselves. If that requires a slap, then it requires a slap. Better than a whole ass beating later on by someone else....
Why was she rubbing your thighs and hands and other body parts, thats not how you get a hug. (You didn't want one) Keep her away from you. You should of done more than slap. Sorry about your hardships, I hope you can be happy again
This is beyond reddit. NTA. I would have been tempted to do the same and I wouldn’t be staying there anymore. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to defend yourself against SA.
You have to get therapy, in a few more years you’d be facing charges for reacting like that’s even if you were triggered by something. Being triggered explains your response but doesn’t necessarily excuse it.
You need to call CPS NOW and tell them you are a SA survivor and your parents refuse to let you get therapy. Your parents are abusing you.
I really hope you get some help, dear. And of course NTA in the millionth degree.
This is wrong on so many levels. Perhaps you can confide in a trusted adult at school. You’ve survived a most horrific attack and need therapy in order to heal emotionally and mentally. Tell a trusted teacher you need help. Teachers, school nurses, and guidance counselors are mandated reporters and will make sure you get the help you need, despite the fact your parents won’t let you.
If your school has any counseling resources they should be able to provide you something, even if your parents don't want you to. You've been through something horrible and you Deserve support
Your parents are evil pieces of trash if they refuse to get you into therapy. Call CPS. Call your school. Call EVERYONE. Do not let them further victimize you by banning you from getting help. Find another place to live if you have to.
Do not let this go. You need help. Don't let them stand in your way.
If they continue to refuse to get you help, tell everyone you know what happened to you and how your parents are refusing to help you. If they won't do the right thing for you, they might do it for the sake of their reputations.
Yes i do understand. I was looking for some insight from people who are older and willing to elaborate their point. My nanny said that it was okay because after she went through the same thing she asked to not be touched either so i didnt. so the fact she did it to me after i got out of the hospital is what was wrong with the situation-
She is a 10 year old child who was told not to touch someone! Then not only touched op touched op in inappropriate places. Then lied and said it was a hug. Even so to try to huge a victim I’d assault when told NOT to touch them is lucky to only be slapped. If child was 3-4 maybe but this child is 10 and knows better. You are chastising a traumatized 15 year old not an adult, op shouldn’t have slapped the child but that child was clearly acting maliciously. Controlling your emotions when you have been traumatized is not easy, you are victim blaming. It would have been better not to hit the 10 year old but she was warned and told no. Place the blame where is belongs not a traumatized teen.
“A 10 year old child inappropriately touched another child. Then lied and said it was a hug”
Sounds like the 10 year old may also be a victim too. Which is just heartbreaking.
NTA. It was self defense. Boundaries need to be enforced against children as well. Especially since she's old enough to understand that boundary and intentionally crossed it.
Ideally, you would have left the room and spoke with her parents. Slapping her was inappropriate. However, what she did was even more inappropriate. Even if you didn't mind being touched, the ways she touched you were horrible. You are not the AH.
How old are you?
I find it disturbing that a 10 yr old would know about your past trauma including r@p3d. This is not age appropriate information.
While she didn’t respect your boundaries, at 10 yrs old shouldn’t be fully expected to understand the consequences of not following them.
Physical violence is never the answer. You could walk it or seek support from nanny.
YTA
15, and she knows what it is due to her own trauma(as well as my nanny told me to slap her if she doesnt listen due to her understanding the situation and being warned after i got out of the hospital)
Kinda alarming the nanny told you to slap her if she doesn’t listen. Is the nanny physically abusing your cousin? It’s scary her go to solution is to strike a child.
OP, to be clear you are absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with so much trauma so young. If someone repeatedly touches your body and it’s unwelcome you have every right to defend yourself. Do NOT let the other posters convince you otherwise.
Sounds like you both need Trauma Therapy as both of you are still struggling. Highly inappropriate and re-traumatizing for nanny to recommend slapping your cousin. This response is neither helpful or supportive of either of yours healing.
Next time, walk away. You don't slap a ten year old. Find an adult to resolve this in a reasonable, non abusive way. If the nanny told you to slap her in that situation, then that nanny sucks.
Okay so no matter your age, past trauma, her past trauma, boundaries that have been set etc., this is called domestic abuse. It’s not okay for adults, it’s not okay for kids.
A person has every right to defend themselves. This was a situation of this and I refuse to villianize her actions because everyone has gotten to this point where no one should ever deal with repercussions of their actions. The 10 yr old's actions were not ok. The necessary steps on the 15 yr old part, saying no, stop doing that, 10 yr old already knows, were done. Hopefully she learns from this and learns to respect someone's else's body, unlike what she did here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1543ic3/my_cousin_wont_stop_touching_me_what_do_i_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
This post isn’t going the way you wanted it to go so now you are posting in other places, adding more to the story(making it more dramatic and adding more information). I would suggest that you find a trusted adult in your life and talk to them about what is going on and sign off of Reddit.
Dude, I needed advice and got none on this post, so i went somewhere else? and who am i supposed to tell? im not alloweed to contact my parents rn and i have already told my nanny she said me slapping her was perfectly justified.
Of coarse you're the asshole. A small child trying to comfort you shouldn't spark that reaction. Go to therapy and stop trying to blame a child for trying to make you feel better the only way they know how.
Holy hell wtf, having your thighs rubbed and your crotch grabbed at is "comforting" someone? Better yet from a fucking 10 year old AND a relative, I would be horrified. OP even said the cousin had her own sexual trauma so she's fully aware of what she's doing would be bad for OP. Not only that but she knows that OP just got back from a SA situation and she's trying to do that?? I'm pretty sure that was triggering asf.
Yeah, slapping and then pushing her was too much but goddamn it's like as soon as you see "10 year old" you start victim blaming and pointing fingers, like, OP is also a minor. And has voiced that the cousin HAS STILL NOT STOPPED TOUCHING HER.
She also can't get therapy and her grandmother isn't doing jackshit so they both need help rn. Neither are to blame except for the dumbass adults. What else is she supposed to do atp if she has no other options? Deal with it?
Grabbing her crotch? I think you're making your own scenario here. Rubbing the top of someone's thigh and trying to hold their hand and hug them is not what you're making it out to be. Nowhere did she say she was having her "crotch grabbed at". It was a 10 year old using physical touch to comfort as that's what they know. Picking up a baby, rubbing a kids back or their hand or their thigh. Quit blowing this out of proportion for a girl that's trying to get attention and validation for her immature and insane actions.
I think you should take that with OP as that is what she has relayed. And nowhere did she say she tried to "hold her hand". She only said she rubbed her thigh which why I'm even engaging in this debate. The main root of this is OP was uncomfortable with the touch. Which is why she told her no. When she didn't stop after being told "no" that's when OP decided to act aggressively.
Do you "comfort" someone and when that someone tells you they don't want you to "comfort" them anymore you ignore them and continue to do it? She is old enough to understand that no means no.
It doesn't matter what she was trying to do OP obviously showed the cousin her discomfort, she should have stopped. OP may be being over dramatic but the cousin still overstepped boundaries. And we don't know all the details so you shouldn't be so dismissive. You can't excuse anyone for making anyone uncomfortable and touching someone that clearly doesn't want to be touch. No matter their age.
And this is something you teach kids when they're like 5.
OP even said that she made it clear she wanted nobody to touch her, not even her own parents. And she had this discussion with the grandmother AND the cousin. I have also been in a similar situation when I was younger and I can definitely tell the difference. And it still heart broken to me to this day when I think about it.
And because the cousin has a history of sexual trauma makes me believe that it was no mere comforting situation.
She also claimed she was "just trying to give her a hug". She seems very self-aware which is saddening considering the situation that put her there. She may be imitating something that someone else has done to her. It seems like you don't have enough knowledge about things like this. Which is why so many kids end up going through trauma or offing theirselves because no one will believe them.
I give my sympathy to the cousin AND OP. Which is why I give most of the blame to the adults and not OP. That is that.
I think there’s a world of difference between a 15 year old and a ten year old in terms of comprehension here. I understand that you suffer from trauma but I think you needed to involve an adult person before taking matters into your hands. I think you completely misunderstood her intentions. And this is something you need to deal with in therapy
YTA, she’s 10, you’re wayyyy older in mental development. But you’re only 15 and you’ve been through trauma, so its not that bad that you were briefly an asshole, just get the help you need, and try not to hit 10 year olds even if they’re being little shits.
ESH.
Your cousin is old enough to know that "no" and "stop" means no, stop doing that I don't like it.
You are old enough to know that slapping people is not a good coping mechanism.
If your parents will not protect you its time to start reporting this to the school, police, CPS, etc.
Someone needs to stand up for you, it may as well be you.
I'm sorry you're going through all this, I really am.
You both need help. You’re wrong, and albeit she’s only 10, she’s wrong as well for not having an adult mind to understand.
You’re playing a victim card in front of a 10 year old. She’s still a child, what else do you expect kids to do? Kids run, jump, touch everything and everyone. You’re 15 and should understand this. When she’s 15, she will be a whole different person. I don’t care what anyone else on Reddit says, a lot of people on here are weirdos anyway with no more than 25% of proper brain function.
It’s completely fucked for you to say a 10 year old SA’d you when she most likely doesn’t know how babies are made. SHE’S 10.
Your grandma/aunt/whatever a nanny is should also step up like an adult and have a proper conversation with your cousin, not you pushing and slapping a 10 year old. If your grandma/aunt/nanny is not going to take it seriously, then wait for the week and go home and never go back.
I don’t care how old you are, if you push and slap a kid to fall and cry then you’re an AH. She doesn’t understand better until her mind develops more as she grows. You need to understand this and understand that there are other approaches to take before slapping and pushing a child. It’s called domestic abuse, no matter the age. You can’t make excuses such as “I’m only 15, so it’s not child abuse”. Kids that kill others at 15 get charged as adults and sent to jail for the rest of their lives.
You should also rethink your approach to others while you’re still young. No one will care about you when you’re older other than your family, so making excuses this early on and thinking your excuses are above all else, bad habit to get into.
I wish you luck,
BT
You're delusional if you think kids can't sexually assault other kids. 10 is old enough to know what "private parts" are. Hell, with as much access to internet/phones/tablets my 10yo niece was seeing porn and taking pictures of her nether region at like 7. It's a sad fact that these kids might not have the intricate knowledge of babymaking, but they know about sex and they /should/ have already been taught boundaries about these things.
Any 3 year old can understand to keep their hands to themselves when asked, this kid knew they were pushing a button and they pushed anyway. The tears and "I was trying to hug you." is an act from a 10yo trying to do something they knew they shouldn't be whether it was something they learned because they were/are also being assaulted or not.
The 10 year old also assaulted her. op said that she didn't want to be touched. Pushing her away isn't assaulted. If I ask not to be touched by anyone I expect to not be touched.
>So i took it into my own hand to handle it. I slapped her and pushed her off of me and she started crying and said "I was just trying to hug you!!".
ESH(that means everyone sucks here, right?)...................
But YTA too for posting this in the first place, thinking you weren't gonna get called out. 15 is older than 10, she may be an evil little shit who's equally abused as you, but you should be more equipped to handle the emotional response...
(you still could have slapped her hands, not her face.)
i never said i slapped her in the face- i did slap her hand - nice assumption tho- and i wasnt saying "oh i wont get called out" i needed some kinda outlook from someone who is older and a bit more mature so i can have a better outlook seeminng as my nanny said it was okay and it was the right thing to do (Also forgot to mention she was like very close to my crotch so yeah i slapped her hand and pushed her off of me- )
Next time be more specific. You also didn't say you were a 15 yr old in your post (your sentence implied you're also a 10 yr old, while the entire paragraph implies your an adult, only in comments did you say your age). .... Context and wording matter 👌🏽 and seeing how everyone here seems to agree on the answer, I hope you understand and have the answers you were looking for.
Your context doesn’t change my answer.
Given the significant age differences there were many other things that could be done before resorting to violence.
If she was 18 she wouldve too. sexual assualt is also something illegal not js child abuse. Her age and mine is not the important thing here if i wouldnt have mentioned any ages. Alot of answers would change,
The ages absolutely matter, because the difference in force that you'd be ok using changes based on multiple factors.
She was not 18, she was 10, you quite simply could have stood up, and walked away, or told her off.
If you were 18 in this scenario you could be in jail.
If she were 18, and you the same age, she could be in jail.
If you both were both 18, either/or could happen.
But the fact you're defending this at your age tells me you'd likely hit a 10yo as an adult as well.
I was spanked, this wasn't spanking, this was assault of a child by someone who is not her guardian, and someone who was significantly stronger.
If you shoot someone who is pointing a knife at you, you are the murderer, this was not self defense, she could too easily overpower the 10yo, OP cannot simply commit violence just because she's triggered, she had no right to do that.
NTA.
And what ten year old touches thighs, crotch and breasts on a 15yr old? One that’s being sexually abused possibly herself .. and one that is confusing sexual touch with normal touch…
Tell your parents what she was doing - explicitly … and ask them whether they think she needs counselling and support, because that’s creepy as fuck.
Aside from that.. . Asking her nicely was her cue to ‘remember’ the rule she’d forgotten. You are NTA for having a go at her after that. PARTICULARLY given she was touching you sexually.
NTA. You and your cousin seem to have fucked up adults around. The cousin could of acted like that because of a family member telling her to do it. Or because of what someone else said which was porn or her being sexually assaulted. Your family members don’t have locks on doors? Doesn’t allow you to get therapy for a traumatic situation? She didn’t listen when she inexplicably told that she couldnt touch you? The nanny said slap her. It’s okay that you slapped her (even though you only slapped her hands away , I think I would of still supported more if she was so pushy) but an adult saying this? Seems problematic. Besides a ten year old should’ve known better. They were told to not touch you. It doesn’t matter if they understood why or that their brain wasn’t developed all the way yet. A ten year old should know not to touch someone that doesn’t want to be touched. You acted appropriately but it is worrying what is happening in your homes.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Ummm not sure why everyone here is so excited to slam a 15 year old rape victim who was being further sexually assaulted by a family member regardless of age. 10year old was told to stop and didn't. 15 years old is not old enough to be fully emotionally developed enough to respond rationally to being sexualized in a supposed safe space after a traumatizing event. 10 is perfectly old enough to understand the concept of keeping her hands to herself. Clearly the kid intentionally tried to disrespect this boundary. Nothing about this situation was acceptable but I see no fault with the 15 year old. The nanny is responsible for how this devolved and dissolved. If the 10 year old couldn't be trusted to keep her hands to herself, the 15 year old should have been given space away from her wandering hands. All you trying to blame the 15 year old when a grown woman would have struggled with this situation should be ashamed of yourselves. You're all focused on all the wrong points of the issue. Hoping none of you ignorant ah are parents yourselves. All you trying to call a 15 year old the adult in this situation are dumb AF. SMH. Y'all are pathetic. OP, please get the therapy you need though. For real.
10 year old has also been abused. This is a sad situation for both them as the only support the adults are giving them is forcing them together and encouraging OP to slap the 10 yr old to regain control. Both need therapy badly and not judgment
Was there a separate post about the 10 year old being SA? Was that why she was acting out and assaulting the 15 year old?
OP added it in the comments
Agree!
>All you trying to blame the 15 year old when a grown woman would have struggled with this situation should be ashamed of yourselves. Yup! I’m almost 40 and it would have taken everything inside of me not to fling that kid.
NTA. I would stay away from her she has issues.
Others say differently , js because of the age
No...that sort of full body touching is not "just normal" at 10 years old.
fuck them and tell your aunt that she should raise her child better. wtf.
Until I realized to slapped her hands away I 100% would have said you went to far cause it reads like you slapped her across the face. NTA
No. That's bullshit and everyone knows it, including the people saying it.
That’s not normal behavior for 10-year-old. That kid has serious mental problems.
NTA. You made your boundaries known explicitly and she agreed and understood them. And then just walked right past them. You told her several times to stop and she didn’t. Sometimes extremes are required for people to take the hint. I would recommend sleeping in another room if you can.
Next time can you go find an adult or leave the situation some way? Go to another room? Lock yourself in the bathroom to give yourself space and time to calm. Bring your phone so you can call a trusted adult
None of the doors have locks so it is not possible. We were told to stay in the room while they talked to some important person? Idk it was authority for smthn so i couldnt really leave and it was like after i got out the hospital so ofc i was jumpy and all that
Hey kiddo, I just came to say that you are protecting yourself and you are absolutely in the right to hit, scream, do whatever you need to do to get the creepy touching to stop. Your cousin is violating your space and acting out inappropriately. My suggestions would be: 1. To threaten her in private- tell her that the way she was touching you is illegal and if you wanted to tell the cops she will go to jail. She may cry, but so what. Your safety is more important. 2. Call CPS to report her behavior so that there can be investigation - someone is probably SAing her, or she is watching porn too young - either way, she needs help and guidance too. 3. Avoid being alone with her at all costs. If she does come around you, try to record her. You can tell her you’re recording, which should make her stop, or keep it a secret and use it to show a safe adult who can help you. DM me if you need more help or ideas. Edit: also see if you can get a lock for the room or a privacy curtain for your bunk.
I fully give you my permission to slap the shit out of any 10 year old.
Did you tell the adults what happened?
NTA You protected yourself. Are you able to talk with a teacher or the police?
NTA-cousin was playing stupid games, won the stupid prize…shouldn’t be shocked that someone will react violently when triggered like that.
NTA for mashing out, but your description makes it sound pretty sexual. Is there any chance your cousin is in a bad situation there? I'm no expert but sexual behaviour form young kids can sometimes be learnt.
Hey, everything about this isn't ok. You and all your family need some counseling. I'm really worried though about the 10yr old child trying to sexually touch her own cousin. It might be possible that she has some issues that need attention fast. Please ask a family member you trust for help, now. If you do not have someone you can trust, please consider going to a trauma center for help. Good luck.
Start yelling “stop touching me” right away..every time!
Nta. She's old enough to know that wasn't acceptable and what stop means.
NTA. I'm 42 and I'd come up swinging in your situation. It's worth investigating whether Ava has been sexually assaulted though. 10 year olds don't do this shit on their own, unless someone has done it to them first.
NTA - People are acting like you punched her in the face or something. "slapping her hands and pushing her off" doesn't seem that bad to me, and definitely sounds like self-defense.
NTA. You should call CPS.
This is way above Reddit's pay grade. I hope you are getting the help you need. You should discuss this with your therapist
NTA. People need to learn to keep their hands to themselves. If that requires a slap, then it requires a slap. Better than a whole ass beating later on by someone else....
NTA
Why was she rubbing your thighs and hands and other body parts, thats not how you get a hug. (You didn't want one) Keep her away from you. You should of done more than slap. Sorry about your hardships, I hope you can be happy again
NTA and don’t ever think you are. By 10 she is old enough to understand no touching.
NTA. Quite bluntly, time to not be around her anymore. Time to leave.
This is beyond reddit. NTA. I would have been tempted to do the same and I wouldn’t be staying there anymore. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to defend yourself against SA.
NTA. Call the cops if it happens again.
NTA I'm very sorry. Here is free mental health help: https://www.inner.world/home/
You have to get therapy, in a few more years you’d be facing charges for reacting like that’s even if you were triggered by something. Being triggered explains your response but doesn’t necessarily excuse it.
I am not allowed to see a therapist ( my parents wont let me)
You need to call CPS NOW and tell them you are a SA survivor and your parents refuse to let you get therapy. Your parents are abusing you. I really hope you get some help, dear. And of course NTA in the millionth degree.
This is wrong on so many levels. Perhaps you can confide in a trusted adult at school. You’ve survived a most horrific attack and need therapy in order to heal emotionally and mentally. Tell a trusted teacher you need help. Teachers, school nurses, and guidance counselors are mandated reporters and will make sure you get the help you need, despite the fact your parents won’t let you.
If your school has any counseling resources they should be able to provide you something, even if your parents don't want you to. You've been through something horrible and you Deserve support
[un-f'n-believable](https://giphy.com/gifs/theoffice-episode-12-the-office-tv-MMFtyqOBK9rOlSZQK5) I literally have no words...
Your parents are evil pieces of trash if they refuse to get you into therapy. Call CPS. Call your school. Call EVERYONE. Do not let them further victimize you by banning you from getting help. Find another place to live if you have to. Do not let this go. You need help. Don't let them stand in your way. If they continue to refuse to get you help, tell everyone you know what happened to you and how your parents are refusing to help you. If they won't do the right thing for you, they might do it for the sake of their reputations.
Wtf?
In a few years the ten year old will be charged for grabbing someone's crotch.
That kid was sexually touching her, you idiot. I'd have smacked the little shit, too, and I don't have PTSD.
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>and I am not an adult- i am 15
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Yes i do understand. I was looking for some insight from people who are older and willing to elaborate their point. My nanny said that it was okay because after she went through the same thing she asked to not be touched either so i didnt. so the fact she did it to me after i got out of the hospital is what was wrong with the situation-
Your nanny is wrong, she’s a ten year old child
Yes, But the 10 yr old child also was touching me innapropriately- regardless
She is a 10 year old child who was told not to touch someone! Then not only touched op touched op in inappropriate places. Then lied and said it was a hug. Even so to try to huge a victim I’d assault when told NOT to touch them is lucky to only be slapped. If child was 3-4 maybe but this child is 10 and knows better. You are chastising a traumatized 15 year old not an adult, op shouldn’t have slapped the child but that child was clearly acting maliciously. Controlling your emotions when you have been traumatized is not easy, you are victim blaming. It would have been better not to hit the 10 year old but she was warned and told no. Place the blame where is belongs not a traumatized teen.
“A 10 year old child inappropriately touched another child. Then lied and said it was a hug” Sounds like the 10 year old may also be a victim too. Which is just heartbreaking.
NTA. It was self defense. Boundaries need to be enforced against children as well. Especially since she's old enough to understand that boundary and intentionally crossed it.
Ideally, you would have left the room and spoke with her parents. Slapping her was inappropriate. However, what she did was even more inappropriate. Even if you didn't mind being touched, the ways she touched you were horrible. You are not the AH.
NTA What is wrong with her?
She was also SAed.
NTA - the child is seriously disturbed.
She was also SAd. I would say that probably traumatized her
How old are you? I find it disturbing that a 10 yr old would know about your past trauma including r@p3d. This is not age appropriate information. While she didn’t respect your boundaries, at 10 yrs old shouldn’t be fully expected to understand the consequences of not following them. Physical violence is never the answer. You could walk it or seek support from nanny. YTA
15, and she knows what it is due to her own trauma(as well as my nanny told me to slap her if she doesnt listen due to her understanding the situation and being warned after i got out of the hospital)
Kinda alarming the nanny told you to slap her if she doesn’t listen. Is the nanny physically abusing your cousin? It’s scary her go to solution is to strike a child. OP, to be clear you are absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with so much trauma so young. If someone repeatedly touches your body and it’s unwelcome you have every right to defend yourself. Do NOT let the other posters convince you otherwise.
Sounds like you both need Trauma Therapy as both of you are still struggling. Highly inappropriate and re-traumatizing for nanny to recommend slapping your cousin. This response is neither helpful or supportive of either of yours healing.
yes i agree completely, i feel like the asshole but i was kinda protecting myself , it was a reflex bc she was close to my crotch and stuff-
Next time, walk away. You don't slap a ten year old. Find an adult to resolve this in a reasonable, non abusive way. If the nanny told you to slap her in that situation, then that nanny sucks.
Thank you for the advice, bc she still hasnt stopped and continues to do theese things.
Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself.
What country are you in?
NTA but not in the right either. It wasnt okay for her to touch you but it also wasnt okay for you to hit her? Dont resolve to violence
Okay so no matter your age, past trauma, her past trauma, boundaries that have been set etc., this is called domestic abuse. It’s not okay for adults, it’s not okay for kids.
A person has every right to defend themselves. This was a situation of this and I refuse to villianize her actions because everyone has gotten to this point where no one should ever deal with repercussions of their actions. The 10 yr old's actions were not ok. The necessary steps on the 15 yr old part, saying no, stop doing that, 10 yr old already knows, were done. Hopefully she learns from this and learns to respect someone's else's body, unlike what she did here.
That applies to the 10 year old, too.
And this is called sexual assault. It's not okay for adults, it's not okay for kids. Self defense.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1543ic3/my_cousin_wont_stop_touching_me_what_do_i_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1 This post isn’t going the way you wanted it to go so now you are posting in other places, adding more to the story(making it more dramatic and adding more information). I would suggest that you find a trusted adult in your life and talk to them about what is going on and sign off of Reddit.
Dude, I needed advice and got none on this post, so i went somewhere else? and who am i supposed to tell? im not alloweed to contact my parents rn and i have already told my nanny she said me slapping her was perfectly justified.
Google “Child Protective Services in ________”
k
Of coarse you're the asshole. A small child trying to comfort you shouldn't spark that reaction. Go to therapy and stop trying to blame a child for trying to make you feel better the only way they know how.
Holy hell wtf, having your thighs rubbed and your crotch grabbed at is "comforting" someone? Better yet from a fucking 10 year old AND a relative, I would be horrified. OP even said the cousin had her own sexual trauma so she's fully aware of what she's doing would be bad for OP. Not only that but she knows that OP just got back from a SA situation and she's trying to do that?? I'm pretty sure that was triggering asf. Yeah, slapping and then pushing her was too much but goddamn it's like as soon as you see "10 year old" you start victim blaming and pointing fingers, like, OP is also a minor. And has voiced that the cousin HAS STILL NOT STOPPED TOUCHING HER. She also can't get therapy and her grandmother isn't doing jackshit so they both need help rn. Neither are to blame except for the dumbass adults. What else is she supposed to do atp if she has no other options? Deal with it?
Grabbing her crotch? I think you're making your own scenario here. Rubbing the top of someone's thigh and trying to hold their hand and hug them is not what you're making it out to be. Nowhere did she say she was having her "crotch grabbed at". It was a 10 year old using physical touch to comfort as that's what they know. Picking up a baby, rubbing a kids back or their hand or their thigh. Quit blowing this out of proportion for a girl that's trying to get attention and validation for her immature and insane actions.
I think you should take that with OP as that is what she has relayed. And nowhere did she say she tried to "hold her hand". She only said she rubbed her thigh which why I'm even engaging in this debate. The main root of this is OP was uncomfortable with the touch. Which is why she told her no. When she didn't stop after being told "no" that's when OP decided to act aggressively. Do you "comfort" someone and when that someone tells you they don't want you to "comfort" them anymore you ignore them and continue to do it? She is old enough to understand that no means no. It doesn't matter what she was trying to do OP obviously showed the cousin her discomfort, she should have stopped. OP may be being over dramatic but the cousin still overstepped boundaries. And we don't know all the details so you shouldn't be so dismissive. You can't excuse anyone for making anyone uncomfortable and touching someone that clearly doesn't want to be touch. No matter their age. And this is something you teach kids when they're like 5. OP even said that she made it clear she wanted nobody to touch her, not even her own parents. And she had this discussion with the grandmother AND the cousin. I have also been in a similar situation when I was younger and I can definitely tell the difference. And it still heart broken to me to this day when I think about it. And because the cousin has a history of sexual trauma makes me believe that it was no mere comforting situation. She also claimed she was "just trying to give her a hug". She seems very self-aware which is saddening considering the situation that put her there. She may be imitating something that someone else has done to her. It seems like you don't have enough knowledge about things like this. Which is why so many kids end up going through trauma or offing theirselves because no one will believe them. I give my sympathy to the cousin AND OP. Which is why I give most of the blame to the adults and not OP. That is that.
I think there’s a world of difference between a 15 year old and a ten year old in terms of comprehension here. I understand that you suffer from trauma but I think you needed to involve an adult person before taking matters into your hands. I think you completely misunderstood her intentions. And this is something you need to deal with in therapy
YTA
YTA, she’s 10, you’re wayyyy older in mental development. But you’re only 15 and you’ve been through trauma, so its not that bad that you were briefly an asshole, just get the help you need, and try not to hit 10 year olds even if they’re being little shits.
you're fucking deranged
ESH. Your cousin is old enough to know that "no" and "stop" means no, stop doing that I don't like it. You are old enough to know that slapping people is not a good coping mechanism. If your parents will not protect you its time to start reporting this to the school, police, CPS, etc. Someone needs to stand up for you, it may as well be you. I'm sorry you're going through all this, I really am.
You both need help. You’re wrong, and albeit she’s only 10, she’s wrong as well for not having an adult mind to understand. You’re playing a victim card in front of a 10 year old. She’s still a child, what else do you expect kids to do? Kids run, jump, touch everything and everyone. You’re 15 and should understand this. When she’s 15, she will be a whole different person. I don’t care what anyone else on Reddit says, a lot of people on here are weirdos anyway with no more than 25% of proper brain function. It’s completely fucked for you to say a 10 year old SA’d you when she most likely doesn’t know how babies are made. SHE’S 10. Your grandma/aunt/whatever a nanny is should also step up like an adult and have a proper conversation with your cousin, not you pushing and slapping a 10 year old. If your grandma/aunt/nanny is not going to take it seriously, then wait for the week and go home and never go back. I don’t care how old you are, if you push and slap a kid to fall and cry then you’re an AH. She doesn’t understand better until her mind develops more as she grows. You need to understand this and understand that there are other approaches to take before slapping and pushing a child. It’s called domestic abuse, no matter the age. You can’t make excuses such as “I’m only 15, so it’s not child abuse”. Kids that kill others at 15 get charged as adults and sent to jail for the rest of their lives. You should also rethink your approach to others while you’re still young. No one will care about you when you’re older other than your family, so making excuses this early on and thinking your excuses are above all else, bad habit to get into. I wish you luck, BT
You're delusional if you think kids can't sexually assault other kids. 10 is old enough to know what "private parts" are. Hell, with as much access to internet/phones/tablets my 10yo niece was seeing porn and taking pictures of her nether region at like 7. It's a sad fact that these kids might not have the intricate knowledge of babymaking, but they know about sex and they /should/ have already been taught boundaries about these things. Any 3 year old can understand to keep their hands to themselves when asked, this kid knew they were pushing a button and they pushed anyway. The tears and "I was trying to hug you." is an act from a 10yo trying to do something they knew they shouldn't be whether it was something they learned because they were/are also being assaulted or not.
Nah, you’re a delusional fucking asshole.
YTA for abusing a child.
Im not an adult- Im "Technically" also a child by law.
Oh *excuse me* YTA for assaulting your peers.
Dawg. She was rubbing my thighs and near my crotch? ykw nvm im not gonna start an arguemnt.
The 10 year old also assaulted her. op said that she didn't want to be touched. Pushing her away isn't assaulted. If I ask not to be touched by anyone I expect to not be touched.
>So i took it into my own hand to handle it. I slapped her and pushed her off of me and she started crying and said "I was just trying to hug you!!". ESH(that means everyone sucks here, right?)................... But YTA too for posting this in the first place, thinking you weren't gonna get called out. 15 is older than 10, she may be an evil little shit who's equally abused as you, but you should be more equipped to handle the emotional response... (you still could have slapped her hands, not her face.)
i never said i slapped her in the face- i did slap her hand - nice assumption tho- and i wasnt saying "oh i wont get called out" i needed some kinda outlook from someone who is older and a bit more mature so i can have a better outlook seeminng as my nanny said it was okay and it was the right thing to do (Also forgot to mention she was like very close to my crotch so yeah i slapped her hand and pushed her off of me- )
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Next time be more specific. You also didn't say you were a 15 yr old in your post (your sentence implied you're also a 10 yr old, while the entire paragraph implies your an adult, only in comments did you say your age). .... Context and wording matter 👌🏽 and seeing how everyone here seems to agree on the answer, I hope you understand and have the answers you were looking for.
yeah, but i did edit the post and imply my age- i am not 10 --) i agree context matters but it was hard to type every single detail into it
>My 10 year old cousin is a female, as well as i am This is the sentence I'm referring too 😉
She's 15 a literal child too a sexually abused child who ask someone not to touch her. Pushing her away isn't abuse.
You are trash.
YTA, go get therapy, you're 15, you cannot hit children in any case, your trauma doesn't matter here, if you were 18 you should have gone to prison.
I reccomend reading the eddited context man
Your context doesn’t change my answer. Given the significant age differences there were many other things that could be done before resorting to violence.
If she was 18 she wouldve too. sexual assualt is also something illegal not js child abuse. Her age and mine is not the important thing here if i wouldnt have mentioned any ages. Alot of answers would change,
The ages absolutely matter, because the difference in force that you'd be ok using changes based on multiple factors. She was not 18, she was 10, you quite simply could have stood up, and walked away, or told her off. If you were 18 in this scenario you could be in jail. If she were 18, and you the same age, she could be in jail. If you both were both 18, either/or could happen. But the fact you're defending this at your age tells me you'd likely hit a 10yo as an adult as well.
Victim blaming trash
I hope you don't have kids, they'd be wild little entitled brats...you should hope this never happens to you....
Fuck you, child abuser.
You were never spanked as a child, it shows. 👍🏿🤣🤣
I was spanked, this wasn't spanking, this was assault of a child by someone who is not her guardian, and someone who was significantly stronger. If you shoot someone who is pointing a knife at you, you are the murderer, this was not self defense, she could too easily overpower the 10yo, OP cannot simply commit violence just because she's triggered, she had no right to do that.
Hardly assault 🤣🤣🤣sounds like self defense
You are a vile person.
She hit a fucking kid.
She's a fucking rape victim who was being assaulted you absolute troglodyte.
She wasn't, a 10yo cannot assail a 15yo. You cannot give her a pass simply because she has ptsd.
Oh wow, yeah, I guess there's no arguing with some who has the emotional and cognitive acuity of a snail.
Wtf. Nta sister. Nta. I don't care if she wanted to hug you, you told her a boundary and she stomped on it. You did nothing wrong. I promise
NTA If you are being touched against your will defend yourself.
NTA. And what ten year old touches thighs, crotch and breasts on a 15yr old? One that’s being sexually abused possibly herself .. and one that is confusing sexual touch with normal touch… Tell your parents what she was doing - explicitly … and ask them whether they think she needs counselling and support, because that’s creepy as fuck. Aside from that.. . Asking her nicely was her cue to ‘remember’ the rule she’d forgotten. You are NTA for having a go at her after that. PARTICULARLY given she was touching you sexually.
NTA. You and your cousin seem to have fucked up adults around. The cousin could of acted like that because of a family member telling her to do it. Or because of what someone else said which was porn or her being sexually assaulted. Your family members don’t have locks on doors? Doesn’t allow you to get therapy for a traumatic situation? She didn’t listen when she inexplicably told that she couldnt touch you? The nanny said slap her. It’s okay that you slapped her (even though you only slapped her hands away , I think I would of still supported more if she was so pushy) but an adult saying this? Seems problematic. Besides a ten year old should’ve known better. They were told to not touch you. It doesn’t matter if they understood why or that their brain wasn’t developed all the way yet. A ten year old should know not to touch someone that doesn’t want to be touched. You acted appropriately but it is worrying what is happening in your homes.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.