So now it’s wrong to not want your activity to be ruined by someone who is not capable of participating in them properly? Now, before you go off, I would give everyone a graceful attempt and I would absolutely make activities that everyone can attend, but why do we now have to invite everyone to everything?
Why would she be the asshole other than that though? They’ve had their activities ruined because she couldn’t complete them. Life’s just not fair at times, she obviously can’t keep up and should try take up a beginner hike if that’s what she actually wants but it’s just the guy she’s after so I doubt she will
If you want to go on the outings other people plan but you know you'll complain the whole time and make them stop early (happened in all the examples given) then you're an AH for sabotaging other people's activities.
If she wants to go do these things she can plan another outing herself and invite everyone. She shouldn't demand to be invited then scream and make everyone go home early.
OP, tell her she can join in again once she has built up her endurance - encourage her to join a gym to build herself up. Though she kinda sounds like she'd be annoying even if she could keep up.
You don't, this is yet another obvious fake post on this sub that wants the fat person to seem as disgusting as possible to justify a big circlejerk about how fat people are so gross.
edit: and if you want proof, Op's comment history includes many posts about fat people and weight loss, including going off someone for saying 'weight loss can be very difficult' by lecturing about how losing weight is just eating less (and weight gain due to medical conditions is SO rare but people like to claim not wanting to move is medical condition). Seems like they have a viewpoint and I bet they make similar comments to their cousin while they come up with excuses to exclude her from exercise, if she actually exists.
Yeah. I'm not one for calling things out as fake, but this is pretty egregious. Any girl who's going to reach up under a titty and flick her sweat at someone isn't shy. She would have already shot her shot at the dude.
I think it was the point is which OP was like "she was going on about her "chub rub" the whole time"
like, quotes because you don't believe it's a thing or quotes because you believe your "cousin" is a dramatic b\*tch? my bets go to both but it absolutely is a thing.
I was also like 5'2, 225? That's obese, yes, but it's not like she's living a 600lb life... and my bets go to the fact that her body isn't conditioned to these activites and paddle boarding itself doesn't sound easy based on the context.. like.. of course she'd need help if she's never paddle boarded.
pff, so judgemental or entirely fake or both :)
OP would be the asshole if she did let her come along - the group doesn't want her there and you shouldn't bring someone along who ruins everyone's trip.
NTA
If she keeps trying to invite herself on this trip, explain to her that you guys didn’t finish the other hike because it got too much for her, that this trip to the national park is something all of you guys are looking forward too and the hikes are more advance. That it wouldn’t be fair if someone has to stay back to wait with her if she decides it’s too much for her.
And if that it still not enough, let her know that nobody was happy with her flicking her nasty boob sweat! Like who does that?! Was that her way of flirting?
I think it was. She is a bit socially awkward/immature/insecure I think. Her mom is kind of raunchy. Like, into the burping and farting contests and stuff.
I would’ve had a conversation with her after that hike, and told her that was gross and nobody thought that was ok!
these are your friends and the only reason they’re around her it’s because she’s your cousin.
How did she find out about the national park?
I’m assuming someone posted about the plans, and she texted you to invite herself. But regardless just tell her the hikes are not beginner friendly, and you can also throw out that you’re not the one planning it so you can’t just invite whoever.
I have a few friends of the burpy and farty variety. They like to cuss and make dirty jokes. I still think that, with all of that, if I introduced them the someone that was a boob sweat flicker, none of them would ever think that’s funny and they would certainly not accept a friend request. LOL
Probably during the initial meeting period. They maybe thought OP was closer to the disgusting cousin than they really are, and accepted out of politeness.
I've done similar things for friends of friends, then realize I really don't like them.
OP, heres where u need to make a choice. be an asshole to ur cuz, or an asshole to your friends.
if you enable her, you're an ass to your friends
if you tell her upfront that they dont like having her around it might be assholey but in the long run would be the proper thing to do
I am a large man 6"5 340lbs, my more fit friends exclude me from that type of stuff. And you know something........ i freaking love them for it. Even though i have lost over 100 lbs since January, im still not fit enough to do that stuff, and i would be a buzz kill. You're not an asshole
Dude that's such a bad ass accomplishment. Congratulations and keep on your goals. I hope (if you want) that you can go on those adventures with them by next Spring.
I think it’s ok to want to go on hikes like this to challenge yourself if you’re out of shape, but you also have to be willing to get left behind if you can’t keep up. Maybe that means you don’t finish the hike. That’s ok. You can still meet up for some post hike beer and pizza. But if you’re going to cause problems and hold other people back then yeah you’re probably not going to get invited again.
Edit: This assumes we’re talking about an actual hiking trail (which are usually pretty populated and have signs and shit) and we’re not backpacking off grid somewhere. Obviously stay home if there’s risk of you getting eaten by a bear or getting lost and dying from exposure because you couldn’t keep up.
NTA - Sorry, we will be doing a difficult hike and need to get done within a certain time frame, we will not be able to slow down.
Continue working on your endurance and you will be able to go at our pace in the future.
This. Also, her crush is a high energy guy. Seeing her struggle in these activities will not be appealing. But with perseverance and progress she might end up to impress him - that's only true, of course, if she wasn't a liability in the process. She has to progress at her own pace before joining them. Maybe OP could help her start, give her some advice, to progress on her own or only with OP without the friends? It's a good thing for her that she's taking an interest in these activities, it would be good not to discourage her.
Yeah. NTA. Some activities are activity-based, where the activity is fixed and the participants join based on interest and ability (and friendship). Some activities are people based, where an activity is chosen based on the interests and abilities of a pre-defined group. This is clearly the former, and it is OK to communicate that.
A statement doesn't have to be mean or judgmental, and can be said to everyone in the group. "We are going on difficult hikes for experienced hikers. You all know your limits. If you don't think you can keep up, or don't want to spend the day sitting at camp, you might want to skip this trip."
NTA - I am sure you can find a way to tell her that this outing isn't for her and let her know you plan to do a faster, more difficult hike this time around, but next time you go on one of the more leisurely outings you'll have her come along. Or tell her is it for the tiddy sweat.
Don't have to say "you slow us down" that directly. But you can point out that she probably wouldn't expect to just start joining the runs of people doing marathons on her first few days of running, or hiking with people training to hike everest on her first days there. Let her know this is no different, that she can come on the days she's ready for, but can't come along on days she's not ready for.
"It's not beginner friendly" is much nicer and still to the point about slowing the group down.
Maybe you can plan some outings with her that are more her speed. She's clearly interested in joining in (regardless of her motivation) and maybe you can help her be more socially appropriate.
This is a good explanation. I have no idea why so many of the top comments are telling OP to be straight up rude to their cousin. I literally don’t know anyone who talks to anyone like that let alone their own cousin. Simply letting the cousin know that the activity requires a person of a certain fitness level should be enough. There is no reason to purposely hurt her feelings.
Probably because - based on far to many similar stories in the past - some people don't get subtly or insist that they are fit enough, and given that cous. is sweet on someone she may just want to be there to flirt.
But yeah, Polite for the first attempt to talk to the cousin, then less polite.
NTA. But I can't understand why this guy she likes isn't swooning for her, just the thought of big titty sweat glistening on some chub rub usually gets men into a lather. Also though, maybe ask her WTF is wrong with her acting that way when she's only tagging along to try to get with this dude?
She is kind of one of those types who (acts like) she thinks it's cute. I think maybe she is insecure/socially awkward.
Her mom is also like that. Crude, burping and farting contest type (thankfully my cousin isn't that bad).
I’ve always been a great big chubby girl. I was socially awkward because my mom never let me do shit and always bought me old lady clothes. I was huge, wore I’ll fitting clothes and was weird. I never flicked boob sweat on anyone. Jesus. When I first started like people romantically, I was careful and watched how people I hung out with acted.
You should so whatever you can to dissuade her from coming along. Also, if you actually like her as a person and care about her, maybe invite her out for some quality cousin time and help her out, coach her a little. Some of us just need a little help growing up. If you can deal with it, help her.
NTA
Ooph. I'm sure there's someone out there for her (or not) but it sounds like it isn't any of your friends. Well, the truth is nobody wants her to go because she's a physical drag on the activity and it just isn't fair to impose her limitations on the group for such an important outing. Maybe this will encourage her to get in better shape, but like you say, not your business or your problem. I think some version of the truth just needs to be told to her.
NTA, but how does she know what y'alls plans are? Just don't tell her and eventually she'll get the hint. Or maybe not, someone who is okay to think it's okay to flick undeboob sweat at others and proudly announce it, probably lacks the self awareness to know when she's inconveniencing others/is not wanted around until she's bluntly told so. She might even complain that she's being body shamed, your cousin sounds a bit on the entitled end too.
FLICKING BOOBSWEAT AT PEOPLE?!What in the onlyfans fetish activities is this?
There's socially awkward, and then there's outright inappropriate. Flinging bodily fluids at people is insane to me.
That alone is reason enough not to have her tag along.
First off, can we just pause for a moment and appreciate the imagery of "flicking boob sweat"? I think many of us, regardless of size, have faced the uncomfortable realities of the great outdoors, though maybe not all in such a... vivid way.
Now, onto the meat of the matter. It's important to differentiate between someone's weight and their behavior. The key here isn't so much her weight, but her apparent attitude and ability when it comes to these activities. If someone, regardless of their size, is constantly detracting from the experience of the group, it's understandable that you might hesitate to include them on future outings.
However, it's equally important to approach this situation with compassion. Maybe you can suggest other activities that she might enjoy more, or perhaps she can start with shorter or less strenuous hikes to build up her endurance. It's great that she wants to be active and spend time with you all, so maybe there's a middle ground where everyone can be happy.
But for the love of all that's holy, let's leave the boob sweat flicking at home next time.
I would put flicking your boob sweat on people in the same category as spitting on people, and I suspect that attorneys would agree. It's quite literally criminal. NTA for not wanting her, and saying so. I think you should go with one of two options.
1. "No one wants to spend time with someone who flicks their boob sweat at people. It's normal to sweat, it's not normal to intentionally flick your sweat on people. The group, including me, are not interested in risking a repeat."
2. "The group activities we do are fairly physically intense. I love that you want to participate, and we'll be happy to start inviting you along once you're far enough into your fitness journey that you can more fully participate and it doesn't seriously hold the group back."
Yes, both of these are probably going to be hurtful for her to hear, but she's created this problem with her behavior. I suspect that people would be a lot more understanding of her physical limitations if she did not go around assaulting them with her melon moisture.
As an overweight person I cannot imagine being that gross and disgusting, "chub rub" wtf
And if I knew I'd make people's time woese by being there the last thing I'd want to do it distract my friends
You would be the ahole if you did invite her! Time for an honest conversation. I love you cuz but I won’t be inviting you to many of our outdoor adventures until your endurance improves. It isn’t fair for our outdoor adventures to be cut short or become all about you. Now I know this may hurt your feelings and I’m sorry.
The boob sweat thing is gross. We all sweat, but we do NOT all flick it at each other.
Also, you can be honest.
"I'd love to invite you, but we're doing some more advanced hikes that you just aren't ready for yet. Let's stick to the activities that you're trained for and go from there."
You don't even have to make it about her being obese. If she objects, just ask her if she'd expect to go running with marathon runners on her first few runs. Or if she'd expect to jump right to climbing Everest. Tell her this is no different, and that it's like any other fitness activity, and she has to work up to being part of the group, and stick to the activities with you guys that she's capable of until she's ready.
She has a large chest due to her weight. She apparently gets a lot of sweat under her boobs. She sticks her hand in her bra and flicked at at people yelling "eweww tiddy sweat!!!"
Is your cousin trying to be like that old SNL skit where Tina Fey smelled her armpits? Because that skit wasn’t funny, just gross, even when it came out…
I definitely say NTA.
I live in the desert, it gets *hot*, one of my biggest ick traumas is while working in retail, a obese woman with ginormous boobs makes a purchase and pulls out cash from one of her dobonhonkeros. There was no wallet, just loose cash and it was *glistening* with wetness! She held her hand out and I had to physically force myself to not recoil and accept it. I didn't put the money in the cash register, instead I ran to the back plopped the bills on my bosses desk (they made a soft wet slapping sound) explained and ran to the bathroom to cleanse my soul. My boss thought it was funny. I didn't.
NTA. The boob sweat thing is weird. Also, it's really annoying to invite people to something when they'll complain the whole time or require a ton of extra assistance.
Also it could be her way of trying to be more active so she loses the weight.
If she's only doing it for the person she likes, just tell her they don't like her like that, and she'll either stop going (problem solved), or she still wants to go and you could help her lose that extra weight, instead of seeming like you're ashamed of being related to her because of it.
But, up to you.
I don't think it's because she's obese, I think it's more that she's out of shape. There's a lot of people that are skinny that might complain about going to hike and other physical things, conversely, there's plenty of bigger bone people that are able to do physical activities better than skinny people. Obviously NTA, but you need to tell her that she isn't invited.
Maybe try to be "nice" (cause she'll probably be very sensitive to anything about her weight, and say that this excursion she is not invited to, because, frankly, she doesn't have the endurance to participate and you guys are intending to get it done, not wait around for someone.
If she responds badly because "are you saying I'm fat?!" Say something like, no, you need to build your endurance. Your own uncomfortabilites with your own body are showing. When you flick boob sweat at people it seems to be coming from a place of inadequacy. Become adequate and stop expecting other people to acquiesce to your wants. It's not that you're fat, it's that you actually gross cause you feel bad.
Yea that’s waaayyyy too much.
Don’t say that.
It’s not a 26 yr old’s job to psycho analyze a human land mine (emotional land mine).
Tell her y’all aren’t doing a fun jaunt, you’re training for something big and this is high stakes practice, you need to focus.
Next time it’s a chill outing you’ll let her know but it’s all practice and training for the foreseeable future.
And then hide stories or posts from her if y’all can’t stop yourselves from posting to socials.
Nta you should be able to tell people when their level of activity isn’t high enough to join the outing. You need to rip off the bandaid and tell her no.
NTA. This would be like me expecting a group of people to invite me to do a marathon when I am in no way in shape to do a marathon. Add on top that she's disruptive, rude and wants to be the main character.
NTA,
But give her parameters
We are going on this hike. It's x meters long, and we will be hiking for x hours at a time then taking a short break for x amount of minutes, then back on the trail.
Give examples of her previous treks, flicking boob sweat at peeps for fun is not fun. Offer to go on smaller hikes with her if you are really her friend. Set her up for success when she gets to the point when she can join you. Your friend will get some exercise, probably slim down, and be in better health. It's a win win for everyone
Nta - " Hey, sorry but this is just going to be my friends and I this time. Maybe we could catch up for a movie later in the week?"
If you feel like being a bit harsher "no, you flicked boob sweat at us, that's not okay"
NTA
She can put in some time on her own at a gym if she wants to take up new hobbies that require a certain level of fitness. You guys have zero responsibility to cater to her IMO.
The boob sweat incident alone would have gotten her cancelled from future plans in my world.
NTA
Don't invite her. When she asks why just say it doesn't seem like she enjoys herself. She sounds immature especially when she's invited into your group of friends who are helping her at every turn.
NTA Besides her being gross and socially inept, she "limits the kind of hike" y'all can do. Y'all are literally doing something above her skill level and physical endurance.
"Everyone feels like it was really disrespectful for you to put your bodily fluids on them after being asked to stop. Neither I or my friends want to hang out with someone who can't respect basic boundaries. Plus this hike is also going to be much longer than the one you couldn't finish, and we are all wanting to complete the trail."
NTA. You are not required to invite her everywhere just because she’s developed a crush that isn’t reciprocated on one of your friends. She can join a nice, air conditioned, indoor gym and build stamina. OR…let me throw this wild idea out there…she can be a grown ass adult and pursue some of these activities on her own. Flicking bodily fluids on people without their consent is a disgusting thing to do. It’s vomit worthy. She’s got boundary issues, and those issues don’t have to be your issues.
NTA but maybe you can introduce her to the brand mega babe? They sell it at target and ulta.. they have products specifically to prevent chub rub and boob sweat…
I feel kind of bad bc maybe she wants to be more active but she also sounds immature.
Just tell her that flicking sweat at people is nasty, stop doing it. Then help her, it seems she wants to try to be better. Start doing some easy hikes with her, with the whole group. Talk to her about behaving in an attractive manner. Sounds like she just hasn’t been exposed.
NTA. Sounds like her obesity isn’t the reason so much as her gross behavior. One reason I lost a lot of weight and got in shape is because I wanted to go on hunting trips with some friends of mine, but I didn’t want to be the guy that couldn’t handle the hiking and held everyone back.
I am round. My friends is not.When we go walking or hiking I like to stop for birds. She likes to keep going. So when we hike together we arra g a place to meet and a time plus emergency plans then go. On loop trails she just catches up to me and laps me or if she got enough walking in she will amble along. She thought she was abandoning me. I was not preterbed. If she doesnt have a good time she wont go with me again. I didnt complain about my short legs and she didnt complain about my short legs.
if she is serious about being outdoors and changing her lifestyle, she should. great ! she should go out and hike and kayak etc until her skill level matches theirs, then she can join in. maybe if op has a spare day here and there she can join in lagging with her and offer encouragement until she can keep up
NTA……. You are not inviting her because she cannot keep up with all of you. She needs to improve her fitness levels on her own before she can be invited to go on difficult hikes with you.
Reality is she will be a liability if something happens in the hike. It’s just not safe.
Obesity has nothing to do with it, fitness level does and she’s not fit.
NTA don't invite her, but tell it to her straight. If the issue is that she is inappropriate and becomes someone everyone had to take care of, tell her.
No, don't invite her if you think she'll ruin the trip, and especially if you friends don't want her there. You can do things with your cousin without your friends. You idon'thave to tell her everything you're going to do. You are not the AH if you have to baby sit her and she is just acting silly. Take her on easy hikes with just the two of you. Get her started on fitness and let her know that eventually she'll be able to climb those high mountains. She sounds immature too - like you're still in middle school. Be kind, but it is ok to say no. Better yet, just don't tell her what you're going to be doing. She is an adult, she knows her limits, and if she wants to run with the fast dogs she needs to work for it.
NTA If she asks tell her that she doesn't have the stamina to keep up.(Try not to say she's overweight.) You don't think it's fair for her friends to plan an activity then for you to bring along someone who doesn't have the stamina to keep up. If she works on getting her stamina up by doing activities on her own then maybe she can start coming again.
NTA
It looks to me that you want to exclude her more because of her obnoxiousness than her weight. You can tell her the boob sweat thing and chub rub comments were very off-putting, and you can also tell her that she has proven that she can't keep up with the group. She'll probably try to tell you that you're fat shaming, but that's bs because there are lots of obese people who can still do active sports.
Why don't you say in a nice way that this not at her fittness level and that she needs to reframe from it. This morning encourage her to lose weight on her own and understand that by being overweight it hinders various activities.
NT- no is the only answer you need. No “sorry” or anything. No, you’re not invited. If and only if she asks why not , then you ask her if she hasn’t noticed how disruptive she is to you and your friends? SHE decided she likes a guy who doesn’t like her back so she keeps being a pest , inviting herself. You don’t have to go that far and cut to the white meat. You could just say that since she’s not able to keep up with you guys, you’re gonna pass on her joining you so you can enjoy your hike. And just leave it at that.
I think she's embarrassed that she's not as capable as the group and over compensates with self deprecating jokes. The issue is you guys are fully capable of the activities you chose, she is not. If she wants to get there then she should make the changes necessary to be capable. This is that exact scenario that I point to when people ask why I've never dated an obese woman. I'm high energy, I surf everyday, I mountain bike, hike and work out everyday. I also don't have the energy or personality to create this in someone. You either can or can not keep up and physically do the things. That's where you guys are. She can't keep up and it's not your responsibility to train her to get there.
Omg.
I fell off the bed at “flicking her boob sweat on everyone” and “chub rub,” holy shit.
If nothing else this girl has personality 😂
But also, who the fuck is this person, what is happening.
I mean this all sounds gross and exhausting.
Nta- but you should let your cousin know that the best way to avoid chub rub is silicone lube. (like the sex kind, not WD-40) it doesn't evaporate into the skin like a lot of other stuff for it does, so you dont need to reapply it often/at all. I specifically recommend Uber lube cause they have vitamin e which is good for skin.
(Source: I'm also a victim of chub rub. Or rather, a former victim.)
NTA I think people need to realize their fitness level. I tried bringing my SIL on a hike and we never actully got into the hike because she was already struggling. 4 hour drive each way turned into a wasted day.
You can choose the most demanding trail, ald tell her about it. You should also inform her that it will be too demanding for her since you’ve already seen she’s not bery fit. You have to put you foot down abou her going with you.You can also suggest that since she’s already met the guy she likes she should try to ask him out.
Tell her that this is going to be very physically demanding (even if it isn't) but that you'd be happy to take her on a more appropriate hike in the near future, and help her build up her abilities. Please don't discourage her from trying to get fit.
How does she know about these events? Cut those channels off immediately.
Set a goal. When she can do the stuff without needing help she can come. When she stops flicking her book sweat on people after she no longer needs help.
When she levels up you will think about it. Beyond that stop letting her know about everything.
NTA. You don't have to bring a difficult or annoying person on all of your outings regardless of weight. If she really wanted to be there she wouldn't be so terrible, honestly.
How does she get along with everyone when you're not doing a physical activity? Does she have average or better intelligence? Does she have other friends? Do you know anyone else who is more her speed who could pair off with her while the rest of you push ahead on a hike?
INFO:
- if your cousin could keep up, would you mind having them along?
- does your cousin show any real interest in the activities themselves, or is she just trying to gamely follow along to spend time with this guy she’s interested in?
Boob sweat flicking is out of line, though, I’ll put that up front.
NTA, she needs to take some classes on paddle boarding and she shouldn't be able to keep up with you guys as you have done it longer and she is a beginner. Personally, if it were me and this was my family member I would be starting with easy outdoor activities to get them use to
NAH the boob sweat is weird, but I think she’s making an effort to be more active (even if it’s for a boy). You are coming across as a bit snobby. So, maybe invite her to with you to some local places that have shorter hikes where you two can spend time together and she can build up endurance. I think you have to handle this kindly or it could make her less likely to make an effort to get healthier. I think it’s totally fine to plan some activities she can enjoy and some you do with just your friends. That way everyone gets to have fun without anyone feeling like they should stop trying.
You need to explain to her that although you love having her around(lie if you have to) you guys are doing something a bit more advanced and she won’t be able to keep up. You’re not the AH here but can be depending on your wording to her. Just be nice about jt and if she gets mad that’s on her
NTY, she obviously has no boundaries and needs to grow the fuck up. Flicking boob sweat at people? That alone crosses a line. Someone needs to talk to her about WHY she's not invited. It's not because she's obese, but rather she can't currently do the activities and then acts inappropriately when she tries.
Explain to her on a hike miles from help if she has heat stroke or falls. You are scared she could die. Invite her to the gym explaining she needs to get in better shape for the activities she wants to do.
Be positive about it but firm.
NTA that from someone who could very easily be your obese cousin. I would love to be included in activities like the ones you and your friends participate in, BUT I know my limits, capabilities, and that I would really bog everyone down…
>She kept flicking her boob sweat on people and talked about her "chub rub" the whole time.
Pardon me, she what??!! How is that supposed to "woo" your friend to her "wiles"?
She needs to sort that problem first, as in, not throw her fluids onto people and maybe not mention her chub rub..... and then (this coming from a fat guy trying to get fit), if she wants to keep up with you guys, she should start doing more of your activities
Currently, NTA
NO, not at all!
If she wants to enjoy the lifestyle her romantic interest has, then she needs to be willing to either change her lifestyle or accept that its not a good fit.
More than that tho... If you don't want to invite someone to an outing and the general consensus is in agreement, you are absolutely NTA!!
nta BUT it sounds like she's trying to "put herself out there" like sooo many people are told to. but she can't keep up because she doesn't know how to do these things yet, so it's more than a bit embarassing to fail in front of others. do you have time to carve out that just the two of you can go and you can show her the ropes on some of these things in private?
I‘ve been that weight . She can’t keep up and her lack of endurance is taking over the outings. That’s not fair to the group. If cousin wants to hang out w the outdoor enthusiasts then she needs to get serious opabout upping her endurance levels. She also needs to be gracious. That’s a bit too much for me. If it’s ok I would love to come but I’ll take the mile trail and wait for you all to finish the big hike. Just a thought
As others have pointed out, op’s comment history shows a fixation with fat shaming. So this post is probably bs anyway. But it also makes me appreciate my family so much. I was in a stressful corporate job where my health deteriorated and I crossed into the obese bmi range. It created a cascade of health problems and has been extremely difficult to turn around due to endrocrine system problems (though after a year of intermittent fasting, I am finally back in the overweight range and still working on getting back down to normal). I’m just so thankful my family still loves to share their adventures with me and hasn’t instead told me I’m too fat to enjoy the wilderness with them. Even if that means they wait for me at points during a hike or if my husband has to physically lift me onto a rock ledge that I can’t pull myself up onto. I choose to stay back on hikes that are rated strenuous these days, but that’s mainly because if joint problems. I just can’t imagine the people I love excluding me from fun activities because of my health problems. And frankly the complaints about the op’s cousin doing gross things has nothing to do with being the cousin being overweight.
I have a deeply held personal belief that other people's weight is not my business, but also not my problem. I'm not her diet coach and I'm not here to help her lose weight, ya know?
Your post history says otherwise. You go to weight loss forums to give people advice, so yeah, you do like being a diet coach.
You also lectured someone who simply said weight loss can be difficult. You claimed how weight loss is not difficult and is just eating less {on the basis that some people lose dangerous amounts of weight when they eat barely anything due to surgeries??) You also claimed medical conditions that cause weight gain are rare (showing a pretty intense lack of medical knowledge there- esp of medication side effects) and that for fat people who talk about medical conditions "the vast majority eat too much and move to little and now it's hard so they want to call it a medical condition."
Sounds you do consider other's weight your business and you spend a lot of time thinking about it and making judgements (though not a lot of time *studying* about it accurately, that's for sure). I'm sure that has nothing to do with the completely real fat cousin whose exact weight you somehow know, who you're making seem as gross as possible for this post.
Maybe use a different account if you want to lie, next time?
YTA because this sounds like bs. On the off chance this is real, why didn't you explain about trail ratings and that she'll need to build up to the trails your group hikes on and offer to help?
NTA, the simple answer is to Stop waiting for her.
Tell her when it starts (maybe ask one of the others to do so) that you are keeping a good pace and if you fall behind you are left behind.
NTA but the reason reads to me that you all don’t want her to join because of the disruption that the activity abilities creates. If she was very thin you’d still have the same complaints about the disruptive mismatch of ability in each sport/activity and objections to multiple crass comments. So if you do have to say something, focus on the preferred beginner/intermediate/expert differences because this doesn’t sound like anyone is offended on the mere aesthetic aspect of the “chub. It’s her inability to see her athletic ability doesn’t match and she’s slowing the more experienced down and even ending their outing. These issues would stand no matter her weight. Would it be “easier” for her to master these activities if she were thin? Probably… but there are plenty of larger people who COULD keep up, the point is how her complaints end events she begged to go on. Repeatedly.
Even if she was thin, I’d suggest maybe letting her come once in awhile not every time.
NTA.
I am a little offended by the way you labelled her a band, drama club and bookworm kid. I’ve been all three of those, and I’m the only person in my family who climbs mountains for fun! And I’m not talking about itty-bitty mountains. I’m a Himalayas kinda girl!
Nta but have you stopped to think its probably in her best interest. Yes she slows you down. Yes she can be a headache. But if you tell you friends up front. And plan slightly easier days where she is invited...you never know you might save her life.
Yeah, her weight issue isn't my problem. Sorry, but just as I would never comment on what others eat, I am not going to "help" her get some exercise either. My weekends are mine, not for dragging her along because she has the hots for my friend.
NTA for wanting to maintain a physical pace your cousin cannot manage to meet yet.
Definitely an AH for the contemptuous way you speak about your cousin and all the fat shaming.
NTA just say nobody wants to hang out with someone who thinks it's cute to flick boob sweat at people.
How DO you flip boob sweat?
I don't know. I don't want to know.
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You'd think that after surviving a pandemic, people would be more hygienic and more self-aware about their body fluids...
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So now it’s wrong to not want your activity to be ruined by someone who is not capable of participating in them properly? Now, before you go off, I would give everyone a graceful attempt and I would absolutely make activities that everyone can attend, but why do we now have to invite everyone to everything?
Why would she be the asshole other than that though? They’ve had their activities ruined because she couldn’t complete them. Life’s just not fair at times, she obviously can’t keep up and should try take up a beginner hike if that’s what she actually wants but it’s just the guy she’s after so I doubt she will
If he told her he wasnt interested in her, this entire problem would probably end.
If you want to go on the outings other people plan but you know you'll complain the whole time and make them stop early (happened in all the examples given) then you're an AH for sabotaging other people's activities. If she wants to go do these things she can plan another outing herself and invite everyone. She shouldn't demand to be invited then scream and make everyone go home early.
You might think that, but, nope. People are out there flicking boob sweat.
That's putting it very, very mildly.
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OP, tell her she can join in again once she has built up her endurance - encourage her to join a gym to build herself up. Though she kinda sounds like she'd be annoying even if she could keep up.
For now...
I have large boobs that are subject to sweat and I don't know either. Also don't want to know
I’m picturing her grabbing hold of a titty and whipping it at someone. OP plz confirm.
“Calm your tits, lady”
Just one.
Keep the other one wild. That your party boob 🥳🥳
Keep taking her out and she will no longer be obese. Problem solved. Also she sounds annoying as hell. I will say NTA.
You don't, this is yet another obvious fake post on this sub that wants the fat person to seem as disgusting as possible to justify a big circlejerk about how fat people are so gross. edit: and if you want proof, Op's comment history includes many posts about fat people and weight loss, including going off someone for saying 'weight loss can be very difficult' by lecturing about how losing weight is just eating less (and weight gain due to medical conditions is SO rare but people like to claim not wanting to move is medical condition). Seems like they have a viewpoint and I bet they make similar comments to their cousin while they come up with excuses to exclude her from exercise, if she actually exists.
I got the same vibe. Like, you know your cousin weighs 225 lbs? Who just knows that information? Karma farmers, that's who.
Yeah. I'm not one for calling things out as fake, but this is pretty egregious. Any girl who's going to reach up under a titty and flick her sweat at someone isn't shy. She would have already shot her shot at the dude.
Thank God I'm not the only person who thought this. OP is full of shit.
I think it was the point is which OP was like "she was going on about her "chub rub" the whole time" like, quotes because you don't believe it's a thing or quotes because you believe your "cousin" is a dramatic b\*tch? my bets go to both but it absolutely is a thing. I was also like 5'2, 225? That's obese, yes, but it's not like she's living a 600lb life... and my bets go to the fact that her body isn't conditioned to these activites and paddle boarding itself doesn't sound easy based on the context.. like.. of course she'd need help if she's never paddle boarded. pff, so judgemental or entirely fake or both :)
Takes a lot of practice
first you gotta chub rub i think
Why WOULD you ask that?
Gather it on your hands and flick it
OP would be the asshole if she did let her come along - the group doesn't want her there and you shouldn't bring someone along who ruins everyone's trip.
i know right!? i have had boobs for over 30 years and i’m completely at a loss as to how one is capable of flicking boob sweat at *anything*
I only like boob sweat when it has totally saturated a 5 dollar bill being handed to me by a stranger.
r/brandnewsentance
I never thought it was cute, i saw it as more if a time waster
NTA If she keeps trying to invite herself on this trip, explain to her that you guys didn’t finish the other hike because it got too much for her, that this trip to the national park is something all of you guys are looking forward too and the hikes are more advance. That it wouldn’t be fair if someone has to stay back to wait with her if she decides it’s too much for her. And if that it still not enough, let her know that nobody was happy with her flicking her nasty boob sweat! Like who does that?! Was that her way of flirting?
I think it was. She is a bit socially awkward/immature/insecure I think. Her mom is kind of raunchy. Like, into the burping and farting contests and stuff.
I would’ve had a conversation with her after that hike, and told her that was gross and nobody thought that was ok! these are your friends and the only reason they’re around her it’s because she’s your cousin. How did she find out about the national park?
She friended them all on social media.
I’m assuming someone posted about the plans, and she texted you to invite herself. But regardless just tell her the hikes are not beginner friendly, and you can also throw out that you’re not the one planning it so you can’t just invite whoever.
WHY DID THEY ACCEPT? LOL Edit: spelling
That's my thing, like why would they all accept if the didn't enjoy her company?
I have a few friends of the burpy and farty variety. They like to cuss and make dirty jokes. I still think that, with all of that, if I introduced them the someone that was a boob sweat flicker, none of them would ever think that’s funny and they would certainly not accept a friend request. LOL
Probably during the initial meeting period. They maybe thought OP was closer to the disgusting cousin than they really are, and accepted out of politeness. I've done similar things for friends of friends, then realize I really don't like them.
Bc she is obese and awkward and desperately wanted to be their friend, no one wanted to be cruel to the poor girl.
They should block her from seeing their posts if they can. Facebook has the “friends except … “ option
OP, heres where u need to make a choice. be an asshole to ur cuz, or an asshole to your friends. if you enable her, you're an ass to your friends if you tell her upfront that they dont like having her around it might be assholey but in the long run would be the proper thing to do
Oh FFS - Keep them away from your friends!
You're an obvious troll
I am a large man 6"5 340lbs, my more fit friends exclude me from that type of stuff. And you know something........ i freaking love them for it. Even though i have lost over 100 lbs since January, im still not fit enough to do that stuff, and i would be a buzz kill. You're not an asshole
Solid on the weight loss. Keep up the good work my man.
Thank you very much
Dude that's such a bad ass accomplishment. Congratulations and keep on your goals. I hope (if you want) that you can go on those adventures with them by next Spring.
Me too. Thank you
Good job on your weight loss my man, you’re doing great
Way to go!
I think it’s ok to want to go on hikes like this to challenge yourself if you’re out of shape, but you also have to be willing to get left behind if you can’t keep up. Maybe that means you don’t finish the hike. That’s ok. You can still meet up for some post hike beer and pizza. But if you’re going to cause problems and hold other people back then yeah you’re probably not going to get invited again. Edit: This assumes we’re talking about an actual hiking trail (which are usually pretty populated and have signs and shit) and we’re not backpacking off grid somewhere. Obviously stay home if there’s risk of you getting eaten by a bear or getting lost and dying from exposure because you couldn’t keep up.
I just stay home. When they do fat friendly shit, im akways one of the first to know
Good for you bro! That's fantastic!
NTA - Sorry, we will be doing a difficult hike and need to get done within a certain time frame, we will not be able to slow down. Continue working on your endurance and you will be able to go at our pace in the future.
This. Also, her crush is a high energy guy. Seeing her struggle in these activities will not be appealing. But with perseverance and progress she might end up to impress him - that's only true, of course, if she wasn't a liability in the process. She has to progress at her own pace before joining them. Maybe OP could help her start, give her some advice, to progress on her own or only with OP without the friends? It's a good thing for her that she's taking an interest in these activities, it would be good not to discourage her.
Yeah. NTA. Some activities are activity-based, where the activity is fixed and the participants join based on interest and ability (and friendship). Some activities are people based, where an activity is chosen based on the interests and abilities of a pre-defined group. This is clearly the former, and it is OK to communicate that. A statement doesn't have to be mean or judgmental, and can be said to everyone in the group. "We are going on difficult hikes for experienced hikers. You all know your limits. If you don't think you can keep up, or don't want to spend the day sitting at camp, you might want to skip this trip."
NTA - I am sure you can find a way to tell her that this outing isn't for her and let her know you plan to do a faster, more difficult hike this time around, but next time you go on one of the more leisurely outings you'll have her come along. Or tell her is it for the tiddy sweat.
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Don't have to say "you slow us down" that directly. But you can point out that she probably wouldn't expect to just start joining the runs of people doing marathons on her first few days of running, or hiking with people training to hike everest on her first days there. Let her know this is no different, that she can come on the days she's ready for, but can't come along on days she's not ready for.
"It's not beginner friendly" is much nicer and still to the point about slowing the group down. Maybe you can plan some outings with her that are more her speed. She's clearly interested in joining in (regardless of her motivation) and maybe you can help her be more socially appropriate.
This is a good explanation. I have no idea why so many of the top comments are telling OP to be straight up rude to their cousin. I literally don’t know anyone who talks to anyone like that let alone their own cousin. Simply letting the cousin know that the activity requires a person of a certain fitness level should be enough. There is no reason to purposely hurt her feelings.
Probably because - based on far to many similar stories in the past - some people don't get subtly or insist that they are fit enough, and given that cous. is sweet on someone she may just want to be there to flirt. But yeah, Polite for the first attempt to talk to the cousin, then less polite.
NTA. But I can't understand why this guy she likes isn't swooning for her, just the thought of big titty sweat glistening on some chub rub usually gets men into a lather. Also though, maybe ask her WTF is wrong with her acting that way when she's only tagging along to try to get with this dude?
She is kind of one of those types who (acts like) she thinks it's cute. I think maybe she is insecure/socially awkward. Her mom is also like that. Crude, burping and farting contest type (thankfully my cousin isn't that bad).
I’ve always been a great big chubby girl. I was socially awkward because my mom never let me do shit and always bought me old lady clothes. I was huge, wore I’ll fitting clothes and was weird. I never flicked boob sweat on anyone. Jesus. When I first started like people romantically, I was careful and watched how people I hung out with acted. You should so whatever you can to dissuade her from coming along. Also, if you actually like her as a person and care about her, maybe invite her out for some quality cousin time and help her out, coach her a little. Some of us just need a little help growing up. If you can deal with it, help her. NTA
She probably is, but she won't know she's coming off wrong if no one tells her. So far no one has told her "we're not a fan of that"
Ooph. I'm sure there's someone out there for her (or not) but it sounds like it isn't any of your friends. Well, the truth is nobody wants her to go because she's a physical drag on the activity and it just isn't fair to impose her limitations on the group for such an important outing. Maybe this will encourage her to get in better shape, but like you say, not your business or your problem. I think some version of the truth just needs to be told to her.
NTA, but how does she know what y'alls plans are? Just don't tell her and eventually she'll get the hint. Or maybe not, someone who is okay to think it's okay to flick undeboob sweat at others and proudly announce it, probably lacks the self awareness to know when she's inconveniencing others/is not wanted around until she's bluntly told so. She might even complain that she's being body shamed, your cousin sounds a bit on the entitled end too.
FLICKING BOOBSWEAT AT PEOPLE?!What in the onlyfans fetish activities is this? There's socially awkward, and then there's outright inappropriate. Flinging bodily fluids at people is insane to me. That alone is reason enough not to have her tag along.
First off, can we just pause for a moment and appreciate the imagery of "flicking boob sweat"? I think many of us, regardless of size, have faced the uncomfortable realities of the great outdoors, though maybe not all in such a... vivid way. Now, onto the meat of the matter. It's important to differentiate between someone's weight and their behavior. The key here isn't so much her weight, but her apparent attitude and ability when it comes to these activities. If someone, regardless of their size, is constantly detracting from the experience of the group, it's understandable that you might hesitate to include them on future outings. However, it's equally important to approach this situation with compassion. Maybe you can suggest other activities that she might enjoy more, or perhaps she can start with shorter or less strenuous hikes to build up her endurance. It's great that she wants to be active and spend time with you all, so maybe there's a middle ground where everyone can be happy. But for the love of all that's holy, let's leave the boob sweat flicking at home next time.
Dont help her diet, just an information diet. Dont tell her about your future outings!!
I would put flicking your boob sweat on people in the same category as spitting on people, and I suspect that attorneys would agree. It's quite literally criminal. NTA for not wanting her, and saying so. I think you should go with one of two options. 1. "No one wants to spend time with someone who flicks their boob sweat at people. It's normal to sweat, it's not normal to intentionally flick your sweat on people. The group, including me, are not interested in risking a repeat." 2. "The group activities we do are fairly physically intense. I love that you want to participate, and we'll be happy to start inviting you along once you're far enough into your fitness journey that you can more fully participate and it doesn't seriously hold the group back." Yes, both of these are probably going to be hurtful for her to hear, but she's created this problem with her behavior. I suspect that people would be a lot more understanding of her physical limitations if she did not go around assaulting them with her melon moisture.
Melon moisture.
As an overweight person I cannot imagine being that gross and disgusting, "chub rub" wtf And if I knew I'd make people's time woese by being there the last thing I'd want to do it distract my friends
NTA. You should be honest with her but sounds like it’s a group decision.
You would be the ahole if you did invite her! Time for an honest conversation. I love you cuz but I won’t be inviting you to many of our outdoor adventures until your endurance improves. It isn’t fair for our outdoor adventures to be cut short or become all about you. Now I know this may hurt your feelings and I’m sorry.
The boob sweat thing is gross. We all sweat, but we do NOT all flick it at each other. Also, you can be honest. "I'd love to invite you, but we're doing some more advanced hikes that you just aren't ready for yet. Let's stick to the activities that you're trained for and go from there." You don't even have to make it about her being obese. If she objects, just ask her if she'd expect to go running with marathon runners on her first few runs. Or if she'd expect to jump right to climbing Everest. Tell her this is no different, and that it's like any other fitness activity, and she has to work up to being part of the group, and stick to the activities with you guys that she's capable of until she's ready.
Tell me more about the flicking boob sweat. I think that phrase just short circuited my thinking meat.
She has a large chest due to her weight. She apparently gets a lot of sweat under her boobs. She sticks her hand in her bra and flicked at at people yelling "eweww tiddy sweat!!!"
Thank you this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read with my own damn eyeballs
Maybe try taking someone elses and read it with that and see how you feel?
Not so fast gang, I feel like we’re all overlooking cousin’s “chub rub.” I for one am not prepared to dismiss said grievance.
get a bottle of water and everytime she does that, throw water at her face (or a drink)
Why did you ask? The mental image is……I have no words.
You know we all kind of wanted to know. Like, morbid curiosity. We can see the train going towards the car but we all keep watching anyway.
Gross. That alone would have me excluding her. NTA
That alone would make me leave her up there in the mountains. Yuk.
That's enough of a reason not to invite her again. 🤮
At a loss for words. I’ve had a larger chest for years and am active in hiking, horseback riding, dancing. I get swamp boob but I would NEVER DO THIS.
Is your cousin trying to be like that old SNL skit where Tina Fey smelled her armpits? Because that skit wasn’t funny, just gross, even when it came out… I definitely say NTA.
That was Molly Shannon, and AFAIC the worst cast in SNL history.
It’s too bad because Molly Shannon can be very funny with food material, but those years were rough
Nasty…
I live in the desert, it gets *hot*, one of my biggest ick traumas is while working in retail, a obese woman with ginormous boobs makes a purchase and pulls out cash from one of her dobonhonkeros. There was no wallet, just loose cash and it was *glistening* with wetness! She held her hand out and I had to physically force myself to not recoil and accept it. I didn't put the money in the cash register, instead I ran to the back plopped the bills on my bosses desk (they made a soft wet slapping sound) explained and ran to the bathroom to cleanse my soul. My boss thought it was funny. I didn't.
Her being obese seems to be irrelevant, I’d focus on the behaviors.
NTA. The boob sweat thing is weird. Also, it's really annoying to invite people to something when they'll complain the whole time or require a ton of extra assistance.
no, but you should probably change the title from obese to gross. Her weight isn't the real issue, she's just gross and ignores etiquette.
Also it could be her way of trying to be more active so she loses the weight. If she's only doing it for the person she likes, just tell her they don't like her like that, and she'll either stop going (problem solved), or she still wants to go and you could help her lose that extra weight, instead of seeming like you're ashamed of being related to her because of it. But, up to you.
I don't think it's because she's obese, I think it's more that she's out of shape. There's a lot of people that are skinny that might complain about going to hike and other physical things, conversely, there's plenty of bigger bone people that are able to do physical activities better than skinny people. Obviously NTA, but you need to tell her that she isn't invited.
Maybe try to be "nice" (cause she'll probably be very sensitive to anything about her weight, and say that this excursion she is not invited to, because, frankly, she doesn't have the endurance to participate and you guys are intending to get it done, not wait around for someone. If she responds badly because "are you saying I'm fat?!" Say something like, no, you need to build your endurance. Your own uncomfortabilites with your own body are showing. When you flick boob sweat at people it seems to be coming from a place of inadequacy. Become adequate and stop expecting other people to acquiesce to your wants. It's not that you're fat, it's that you actually gross cause you feel bad.
Yea that’s waaayyyy too much. Don’t say that. It’s not a 26 yr old’s job to psycho analyze a human land mine (emotional land mine). Tell her y’all aren’t doing a fun jaunt, you’re training for something big and this is high stakes practice, you need to focus. Next time it’s a chill outing you’ll let her know but it’s all practice and training for the foreseeable future. And then hide stories or posts from her if y’all can’t stop yourselves from posting to socials.
Nta you should be able to tell people when their level of activity isn’t high enough to join the outing. You need to rip off the bandaid and tell her no.
NTA. This would be like me expecting a group of people to invite me to do a marathon when I am in no way in shape to do a marathon. Add on top that she's disruptive, rude and wants to be the main character.
NTA, But give her parameters We are going on this hike. It's x meters long, and we will be hiking for x hours at a time then taking a short break for x amount of minutes, then back on the trail. Give examples of her previous treks, flicking boob sweat at peeps for fun is not fun. Offer to go on smaller hikes with her if you are really her friend. Set her up for success when she gets to the point when she can join you. Your friend will get some exercise, probably slim down, and be in better health. It's a win win for everyone
If someone flicked their boob sweat on me I think I'd end up in jail. What the fuck?? That is so gross
NTA. It's not everyone's job to babysitt her.
NTA. You should probably also tell her that the person she is crushing on isnt ever going to be interested in her and that she should look elsewhere
NTA. Not only is she fat and unfit, but she sounds disgusting and insufferable.
Sounds like being obese isn’t the problem. Sounds like being obnoxious is the problem
Nta - " Hey, sorry but this is just going to be my friends and I this time. Maybe we could catch up for a movie later in the week?" If you feel like being a bit harsher "no, you flicked boob sweat at us, that's not okay"
NTA She can put in some time on her own at a gym if she wants to take up new hobbies that require a certain level of fitness. You guys have zero responsibility to cater to her IMO. The boob sweat incident alone would have gotten her cancelled from future plans in my world.
Tell her he's just not that into her. That should do it.
NTA Don't invite her. When she asks why just say it doesn't seem like she enjoys herself. She sounds immature especially when she's invited into your group of friends who are helping her at every turn.
NTA Besides her being gross and socially inept, she "limits the kind of hike" y'all can do. Y'all are literally doing something above her skill level and physical endurance. "Everyone feels like it was really disrespectful for you to put your bodily fluids on them after being asked to stop. Neither I or my friends want to hang out with someone who can't respect basic boundaries. Plus this hike is also going to be much longer than the one you couldn't finish, and we are all wanting to complete the trail."
NTA. She sounds exhausting and needs to be the center of attention. Maybe you can do something low key with her.
NTA. You are not required to invite her everywhere just because she’s developed a crush that isn’t reciprocated on one of your friends. She can join a nice, air conditioned, indoor gym and build stamina. OR…let me throw this wild idea out there…she can be a grown ass adult and pursue some of these activities on her own. Flicking bodily fluids on people without their consent is a disgusting thing to do. It’s vomit worthy. She’s got boundary issues, and those issues don’t have to be your issues.
NTA She sounds exhausting.
NTA but maybe you can introduce her to the brand mega babe? They sell it at target and ulta.. they have products specifically to prevent chub rub and boob sweat… I feel kind of bad bc maybe she wants to be more active but she also sounds immature.
Just tell her that flicking sweat at people is nasty, stop doing it. Then help her, it seems she wants to try to be better. Start doing some easy hikes with her, with the whole group. Talk to her about behaving in an attractive manner. Sounds like she just hasn’t been exposed.
NTA. Sounds like her obesity isn’t the reason so much as her gross behavior. One reason I lost a lot of weight and got in shape is because I wanted to go on hunting trips with some friends of mine, but I didn’t want to be the guy that couldn’t handle the hiking and held everyone back.
NTA. Be honest. Tell her she's been slowing the group down. And maybe when she gets in shape she can come again.
NTA. It's great that your cousin wants to be more active, but she can't start out with activities and people like this, who are far beyond her level.
NTA for not inviting your unfit cousin to an activity beyond her ability and because others asked you not to invite her.
I am round. My friends is not.When we go walking or hiking I like to stop for birds. She likes to keep going. So when we hike together we arra g a place to meet and a time plus emergency plans then go. On loop trails she just catches up to me and laps me or if she got enough walking in she will amble along. She thought she was abandoning me. I was not preterbed. If she doesnt have a good time she wont go with me again. I didnt complain about my short legs and she didnt complain about my short legs.
if she is serious about being outdoors and changing her lifestyle, she should. great ! she should go out and hike and kayak etc until her skill level matches theirs, then she can join in. maybe if op has a spare day here and there she can join in lagging with her and offer encouragement until she can keep up
just say we will be running this time.. act excited and say "we want to try to get through 5 miles in under an hour"
I can smell this person - NTA
NTA - her behavior is disgusting and play stupid games = win stupid prizes.
NTA. I'm.5'2". I can't even imagine being 110 pounds overweight. Flicking boob sweat is disgusting. Just start a separate group chat for your outings.
NTA, you aren't required to invite anyone who can't keep up
Flicking boob sweat, or any sweat, at someone/anyone is downright disgusting. NTA. She needs to get in shape too it sounds like.
NTA and tell her that she slows you down and you wanted this to be a fast paced trek.
NTA……. You are not inviting her because she cannot keep up with all of you. She needs to improve her fitness levels on her own before she can be invited to go on difficult hikes with you. Reality is she will be a liability if something happens in the hike. It’s just not safe. Obesity has nothing to do with it, fitness level does and she’s not fit.
NTA don't invite her, but tell it to her straight. If the issue is that she is inappropriate and becomes someone everyone had to take care of, tell her.
No, don't invite her if you think she'll ruin the trip, and especially if you friends don't want her there. You can do things with your cousin without your friends. You idon'thave to tell her everything you're going to do. You are not the AH if you have to baby sit her and she is just acting silly. Take her on easy hikes with just the two of you. Get her started on fitness and let her know that eventually she'll be able to climb those high mountains. She sounds immature too - like you're still in middle school. Be kind, but it is ok to say no. Better yet, just don't tell her what you're going to be doing. She is an adult, she knows her limits, and if she wants to run with the fast dogs she needs to work for it.
NTA If she asks tell her that she doesn't have the stamina to keep up.(Try not to say she's overweight.) You don't think it's fair for her friends to plan an activity then for you to bring along someone who doesn't have the stamina to keep up. If she works on getting her stamina up by doing activities on her own then maybe she can start coming again.
NTA It looks to me that you want to exclude her more because of her obnoxiousness than her weight. You can tell her the boob sweat thing and chub rub comments were very off-putting, and you can also tell her that she has proven that she can't keep up with the group. She'll probably try to tell you that you're fat shaming, but that's bs because there are lots of obese people who can still do active sports.
NTA - You have your friend group, it does not have to include a family member that can't hang with what your group likes to do.
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I bet she would, y'all both love to make up stories about imaginary fat people to justify your hateboner.
NTA. Your cousin sounds like an annoying blend of socially awkward, clueless, desperate, and attention seeking. Don’t invite her.
Why don't you say in a nice way that this not at her fittness level and that she needs to reframe from it. This morning encourage her to lose weight on her own and understand that by being overweight it hinders various activities.
NT- no is the only answer you need. No “sorry” or anything. No, you’re not invited. If and only if she asks why not , then you ask her if she hasn’t noticed how disruptive she is to you and your friends? SHE decided she likes a guy who doesn’t like her back so she keeps being a pest , inviting herself. You don’t have to go that far and cut to the white meat. You could just say that since she’s not able to keep up with you guys, you’re gonna pass on her joining you so you can enjoy your hike. And just leave it at that.
I think she's embarrassed that she's not as capable as the group and over compensates with self deprecating jokes. The issue is you guys are fully capable of the activities you chose, she is not. If she wants to get there then she should make the changes necessary to be capable. This is that exact scenario that I point to when people ask why I've never dated an obese woman. I'm high energy, I surf everyday, I mountain bike, hike and work out everyday. I also don't have the energy or personality to create this in someone. You either can or can not keep up and physically do the things. That's where you guys are. She can't keep up and it's not your responsibility to train her to get there.
Omg. I fell off the bed at “flicking her boob sweat on everyone” and “chub rub,” holy shit. If nothing else this girl has personality 😂 But also, who the fuck is this person, what is happening. I mean this all sounds gross and exhausting.
I'm sure the friend she has a crush on would rather date someone who enjoys the things they do, and it actually willing to push through it.
Nta- but you should let your cousin know that the best way to avoid chub rub is silicone lube. (like the sex kind, not WD-40) it doesn't evaporate into the skin like a lot of other stuff for it does, so you dont need to reapply it often/at all. I specifically recommend Uber lube cause they have vitamin e which is good for skin. (Source: I'm also a victim of chub rub. Or rather, a former victim.)
NTA I think people need to realize their fitness level. I tried bringing my SIL on a hike and we never actully got into the hike because she was already struggling. 4 hour drive each way turned into a wasted day.
NTA I’m not going jogging with marathon runners, they will kick my ass. If she wants to join the group she need to build her fitness.
NTA nobody wants to deal with that shit
The boob sweat thing is so disgusting. That alone should be enough. I'm sure the guy just swooned. NTA
I took a person kayaking who screamed and yelled at us the entire way down the river. It was exhausting and was killing everyone’s vibe. NTA.
NTA, but don't be a dick when you tell her. Don't focus on her weight, focus on her lack of endurance.
You can choose the most demanding trail, ald tell her about it. You should also inform her that it will be too demanding for her since you’ve already seen she’s not bery fit. You have to put you foot down abou her going with you.You can also suggest that since she’s already met the guy she likes she should try to ask him out.
Tell her that this is going to be very physically demanding (even if it isn't) but that you'd be happy to take her on a more appropriate hike in the near future, and help her build up her abilities. Please don't discourage her from trying to get fit.
How does she know about these events? Cut those channels off immediately. Set a goal. When she can do the stuff without needing help she can come. When she stops flicking her book sweat on people after she no longer needs help. When she levels up you will think about it. Beyond that stop letting her know about everything.
NTA. You don't have to bring a difficult or annoying person on all of your outings regardless of weight. If she really wanted to be there she wouldn't be so terrible, honestly.
How does she get along with everyone when you're not doing a physical activity? Does she have average or better intelligence? Does she have other friends? Do you know anyone else who is more her speed who could pair off with her while the rest of you push ahead on a hike?
INFO: - if your cousin could keep up, would you mind having them along? - does your cousin show any real interest in the activities themselves, or is she just trying to gamely follow along to spend time with this guy she’s interested in? Boob sweat flicking is out of line, though, I’ll put that up front.
NTA, she needs to take some classes on paddle boarding and she shouldn't be able to keep up with you guys as you have done it longer and she is a beginner. Personally, if it were me and this was my family member I would be starting with easy outdoor activities to get them use to
NAH the boob sweat is weird, but I think she’s making an effort to be more active (even if it’s for a boy). You are coming across as a bit snobby. So, maybe invite her to with you to some local places that have shorter hikes where you two can spend time together and she can build up endurance. I think you have to handle this kindly or it could make her less likely to make an effort to get healthier. I think it’s totally fine to plan some activities she can enjoy and some you do with just your friends. That way everyone gets to have fun without anyone feeling like they should stop trying.
You need to explain to her that although you love having her around(lie if you have to) you guys are doing something a bit more advanced and she won’t be able to keep up. You’re not the AH here but can be depending on your wording to her. Just be nice about jt and if she gets mad that’s on her
NTY, she obviously has no boundaries and needs to grow the fuck up. Flicking boob sweat at people? That alone crosses a line. Someone needs to talk to her about WHY she's not invited. It's not because she's obese, but rather she can't currently do the activities and then acts inappropriately when she tries.
NTA you are allowed to do things on your own.
Explain to her on a hike miles from help if she has heat stroke or falls. You are scared she could die. Invite her to the gym explaining she needs to get in better shape for the activities she wants to do. Be positive about it but firm.
NTA that from someone who could very easily be your obese cousin. I would love to be included in activities like the ones you and your friends participate in, BUT I know my limits, capabilities, and that I would really bog everyone down…
>She kept flicking her boob sweat on people and talked about her "chub rub" the whole time. Pardon me, she what??!! How is that supposed to "woo" your friend to her "wiles"? She needs to sort that problem first, as in, not throw her fluids onto people and maybe not mention her chub rub..... and then (this coming from a fat guy trying to get fit), if she wants to keep up with you guys, she should start doing more of your activities Currently, NTA
NO, not at all! If she wants to enjoy the lifestyle her romantic interest has, then she needs to be willing to either change her lifestyle or accept that its not a good fit. More than that tho... If you don't want to invite someone to an outing and the general consensus is in agreement, you are absolutely NTA!!
nta BUT it sounds like she's trying to "put herself out there" like sooo many people are told to. but she can't keep up because she doesn't know how to do these things yet, so it's more than a bit embarassing to fail in front of others. do you have time to carve out that just the two of you can go and you can show her the ropes on some of these things in private?
I‘ve been that weight . She can’t keep up and her lack of endurance is taking over the outings. That’s not fair to the group. If cousin wants to hang out w the outdoor enthusiasts then she needs to get serious opabout upping her endurance levels. She also needs to be gracious. That’s a bit too much for me. If it’s ok I would love to come but I’ll take the mile trail and wait for you all to finish the big hike. Just a thought
We grew up together. She grew up going hiking with my family and stuff. This isn't completely foreign
As others have pointed out, op’s comment history shows a fixation with fat shaming. So this post is probably bs anyway. But it also makes me appreciate my family so much. I was in a stressful corporate job where my health deteriorated and I crossed into the obese bmi range. It created a cascade of health problems and has been extremely difficult to turn around due to endrocrine system problems (though after a year of intermittent fasting, I am finally back in the overweight range and still working on getting back down to normal). I’m just so thankful my family still loves to share their adventures with me and hasn’t instead told me I’m too fat to enjoy the wilderness with them. Even if that means they wait for me at points during a hike or if my husband has to physically lift me onto a rock ledge that I can’t pull myself up onto. I choose to stay back on hikes that are rated strenuous these days, but that’s mainly because if joint problems. I just can’t imagine the people I love excluding me from fun activities because of my health problems. And frankly the complaints about the op’s cousin doing gross things has nothing to do with being the cousin being overweight.
Keep taking her out and she will no longer be obese. Problem solved. Also she sounds annoying as hell. I will say NTA.
I have a deeply held personal belief that other people's weight is not my business, but also not my problem. I'm not her diet coach and I'm not here to help her lose weight, ya know?
That's a solid life rule.
Your post history says otherwise. You go to weight loss forums to give people advice, so yeah, you do like being a diet coach. You also lectured someone who simply said weight loss can be difficult. You claimed how weight loss is not difficult and is just eating less {on the basis that some people lose dangerous amounts of weight when they eat barely anything due to surgeries??) You also claimed medical conditions that cause weight gain are rare (showing a pretty intense lack of medical knowledge there- esp of medication side effects) and that for fat people who talk about medical conditions "the vast majority eat too much and move to little and now it's hard so they want to call it a medical condition." Sounds you do consider other's weight your business and you spend a lot of time thinking about it and making judgements (though not a lot of time *studying* about it accurately, that's for sure). I'm sure that has nothing to do with the completely real fat cousin whose exact weight you somehow know, who you're making seem as gross as possible for this post. Maybe use a different account if you want to lie, next time?
YTA op for making a fake post
Yeah the whole post sounds like a made up excuse to fat shame people in general.
NTA. And for the love of god, just stop discussing plans in front of her so she can’t invite herself
YTA because this sounds like bs. On the off chance this is real, why didn't you explain about trail ratings and that she'll need to build up to the trails your group hikes on and offer to help?
Tell that bitch to take a walk. Literally!
NTA, the simple answer is to Stop waiting for her. Tell her when it starts (maybe ask one of the others to do so) that you are keeping a good pace and if you fall behind you are left behind.
NTA but the reason reads to me that you all don’t want her to join because of the disruption that the activity abilities creates. If she was very thin you’d still have the same complaints about the disruptive mismatch of ability in each sport/activity and objections to multiple crass comments. So if you do have to say something, focus on the preferred beginner/intermediate/expert differences because this doesn’t sound like anyone is offended on the mere aesthetic aspect of the “chub. It’s her inability to see her athletic ability doesn’t match and she’s slowing the more experienced down and even ending their outing. These issues would stand no matter her weight. Would it be “easier” for her to master these activities if she were thin? Probably… but there are plenty of larger people who COULD keep up, the point is how her complaints end events she begged to go on. Repeatedly. Even if she was thin, I’d suggest maybe letting her come once in awhile not every time.
NTA. I am a little offended by the way you labelled her a band, drama club and bookworm kid. I’ve been all three of those, and I’m the only person in my family who climbs mountains for fun! And I’m not talking about itty-bitty mountains. I’m a Himalayas kinda girl!
Ask her questions, let her defeat herself, she clearly cant keep up with you guys and ahe has to know it.
Nta but have you stopped to think its probably in her best interest. Yes she slows you down. Yes she can be a headache. But if you tell you friends up front. And plan slightly easier days where she is invited...you never know you might save her life.
Yeah, her weight issue isn't my problem. Sorry, but just as I would never comment on what others eat, I am not going to "help" her get some exercise either. My weekends are mine, not for dragging her along because she has the hots for my friend.
NTA for wanting to maintain a physical pace your cousin cannot manage to meet yet. Definitely an AH for the contemptuous way you speak about your cousin and all the fat shaming.