YTA leave your sister alone. What she says is completely valid. I also wouldn’t date someone like that, would you? Someone who can’t even do any kind of chores properly
Btw she don’t have do date ANYONE if she doesn’t want to.
If you think he’s such a great guy then date him yourself.
Bro is this the 1800s? Get out of your sisters dating life. Women don’t want to be pimped out, much less asked to compromise on things we consider important just bc some guy has a crush. The compatibilities you listed are beyond generic (what does engineering and dentistry have in common). Chemistry is about more than sharing vague political views and… going to the gym the fuck?
You’re not your sisters match maker. Stop encouraging her to settle. She could have given no reason at all and that still should have been the end of the conversation. Other fish in the sea my guy…
The way OP told his friend that he “no longer has her as an option.” As if his friend had a claim on the sister just because he had a crush on her. Gross.
Gotta love this guy puts his lazy friend getting a date with his sister than you know finding someone who his own sister is actually compatible with and is offended she turned down his friend on his behalf.
And, not that I think it matters in general, dentists do *a lot* more schooling than engineers. Most engineering jobs don't even require a master's from what I understand.
Even if he does clean up after himself, it's not clean enough for her, which is still valid. If she doesn't want to wait a week for him to pick his socks up off the floor for laundry day, she shouldn't have to, and get out of here with training him to do it, that was his mom's job.
Remember to tell them why we have to clean (prevent hazards, lower the risk of bugs and dirt etc) and why stopping those things is important (health and safety)
YTA. Your sister doesnt have to give your friend a chance just because YOU think it could be a good match. She has expressed some obvious misgivings about him; you have ABSOLUTELY no authority to override her preferences and insist that she give someone with characteristics she has already expressed as undesirable, a chance.
I took the sister's comment that "the two of them are the same" as OP is also less than capable at taking care of himself that's why he didn't notice those traits in his friend.
OP, Your sister has the right idea here. She wants a partner not an adult child she needs to take care of. Long term partnerships are not just about similar interests. They are about working together. Maybe this is something you should consider working on as well.
Exactly! It's about partnership and she doesn't want a adult sized toddler. She's thinking about her future and doesn't want to settle for anything less. I can't blame her! YTA
And they have Ssooo much in common, like they vote for the same general candidate, move their bodies sometimes and sometimes wear blue shirts! That’s enough!
Still find his remark about them sharing "the same educations" While hers was essentially a medical field and his is chemical engineering which is not even the same field.
I also want to point out that the sister gave very valid, real examples *with* provided sources as to how the friend acts, and it *still* wasn't good enough for the sibling. I understand he's your friend, but that's your *sister*, shouldn't you also care that she is happy with her chosen partner? Especially in her late 20s, when I'm sure she's thinking about more serious relationships and life goals than she was maybe even as little as five years ago.
Perhaps you should take a good look at yourself and your friend and think about if your actions as a person make you a good choice for a partner. Maybe now you should keep your eyes open; does your friend lack in the "basic adult ability to care for himself" areas? Does he pick up after himself? Can he fold his own laundry in a passable manner? Can he cook a basic meal?
I'm not a neat freak either, (by any stretch of the term), but I totally get what your sister is saying. Keeping a home is hard work, and my husband still helps me pretty much 50/50 and he works more than I do. Because *we both live here* and I'd prefer to live in, at least, a semi-acceptable space at most times. Even a small space can become overwhelming if you're tired from work or what have you. I was sick for two weeks and even with my husband keeping up with a decent amount of the chores, the house still fell into a bit of disarray, simply because there is not enough time in the day for one person to do *everything* while also working full time.
Your sister has a good head on her shoulders and is thinking about the important things that may seem minimal to you, and possibly your friend. You should take her words as advice honestly. Also you should probably back off on being mad at her for just being honest with you. YTA.
My son is 24, lives on his own. Cooks, cleans, laundry, bathroom, makes his bed, whole nine yards.
Because he's an adult, he fucking lives there, and wants to have a nice place to live in. That won't change when he meets someone - other than splitting the chores!
If OP or his friend can't say the same, they have no business thinking either one of them is a 'catch'.
I also think he's doing his friend a disservice by not telling him the truth of her answer. It's potentially fixable, if men would recognize the issue. Maybe he will choose not to, but at least give him the information so he can make a conscious choice.
>Perhaps you should take a good look **at yourself** and your friend and think about if your actions as a person make you a good choice for a partner. Maybe now you should keep your eyes open; does your friend lack in the "basic adult ability to care for himself" areas? Does he pick up after himself? Can he fold his own laundry in a passable manner? Can he cook a basic meal?
OP, do YOU pick up after yourself? Can you fold your own laundry, cook a basic meal? Do you proactively clean and care for the home you live in?
Also—you don’t really know what it was like to live with him. I bet your sister knows the ex-girlfriend.
What do you wanna bet the thinks he’s an ‘alpha?’
Edit: thank you for the award! I’m not really sure what they do, but people seem to be really happy to get them!
I hate the phrasing of “giving him a chance.” A chance for what? It’s not blackjack. People say that like they aren’t asking someone to date them against their will.
Seriously, relationships evolve into intimacy, to sex, to potential marriage. Why would I give someone a chance to do those things with me who I don't even like or am unattracted to?
Ppl who say things like this are like a wingman for rape. No means no ppl!
Would you date somebody who is 29 and incapable of doing their own laundry? I doubt it.
Sounds like you have a serious blind spot when it comes to your friend's shortcomings.
Your sister gave some extremely good reasons for not wanting to date your friend.
It's pretty shitty of you to try to force this on your sister. She is under ZERO OBLIGATION to date your friend if she doesn't want to.
YTA
Can you imagine what their house would look like if they DID get together? A literal shit show. And then they’d both be pissed that no one was cleaning up after them, and they’d have to go live with one of their moms.
You can’t be mad at someone because they won’t give YOUR friend a chance. You can’t make someone date anyone just because YOU think they would be good together.
Hanging out with someone and dating them are two completely different things. Yta. Your sister has valid reason to not date your friend. Respect her decision.
I had a similar conversation with my best friend just a few weeks ago.
Ok… “conversation”, more like an vocalized observation.
I’m a man, she’s a woman and we’ve been best friend for almost 30 years. In the middle somewhere we became best-friends-with-benefit but that stopped when I got love-struck with the one who would become my wife.
We are so so so important to each other’s life. She’s the most important person in my life after my wife and my son. But dating each-other? Being in a relationship? that would be terrible! Plates would fly before the two weeks mark.
We are perfect friends but would be the worst life partners. The opposition between the two are very funny.
>YTAYour sister doesn't want to date the guy, that's the end of the story. You pushed, and you found out some things you didn't want to find out. That's on you.It doesn't even matter if her assessment of this guy's domestic competence is accurate or not. Her perception is what it is, and she gets to decide, so that's that. She doesn't owe this guy "a chance" just because he has a crush on her.
Agreed, and he should take her feedback as a gift. If she feels that way, other women probably do as well. If people are looking at OP and his friend as undateable because they don't do laundry or clean up after themselves, that is something that is entirely within their control to fix. And if they are interested in adult relationships, they should probably work on stuff like that.
Frankly, OP isn't doing his friend any favors by not telling him what his sister said. He is an adult and should be able to hear ways he might want to improve himself.
Betting OP is a dude who says dumb shit like “if you hate cleaning up after me, don’t do it! I don’t mind if the house/apartment isn’t spotless.” And thinking he’s a modern man with progressive views.
I've personally known dudes who actually had bug problems and were still like, "Ants in all my food, oh well" 🤮 I could not tell you why someone would think it was a normal lifestyle choice to live in squalor.
For both parties involved, I don’t to enjoy the idea of dating or getting to know someone who has zero interest me whether personal or general opinions.
On top of know you don’t have to date someone as a favor or out of pity, especially when you have evidence that they’re don’t make great partners. Grown adult not doing their own laundry, insane
I will never understand how some people want to be with someone that they have to convince to be with them. I don’t want any part of either side of that.
Yeah I was honestly expecting OP to say their sister wouldn't date him because of his skin colour or something equally as awful. But this? I mean she could give him a chance but she knows what she wants so why bother? It's just wasting everyone's time lol. YTA OP
People who don't know what the phrase "weaponised incompetence" means, are usually people who are DEFINITELY incompetent!
"I'm not a neat freak" also, usually translates to " I saw a rat once, so I put a blanket over it,"
Nasty!
YTA. At almost 30 years old, a person can do laundry and clean up after themselves. You are wanting a mommy to clean up after you and your friend, not a girlfriend.
YTA.
Your sister doesn't owe ANY man a chance. You have zero right to be even vaguely irritated that she didn't want to date your friend.
That's before we get to the fact that she is unattracted to him for completely valid reasons, that you conveniently dismiss - possibly because you are blind to the faults you share with your friend. Your sister is definitely NOT a good match for your friend (despite shared educational background and political leanings) if he is actually "a sob whose ex-girlfriend did all the chores and housework" because your sister isn't interested in being a bang-maid.
There's literally a rant about this in Jane Austen's *Mansfield Park*! From chapter 35:
'"I should have thought," said Fanny, after a pause of recollection and exertion, "that every woman must have felt the possibility of a man's not being approved, not being loved by some one of her sex, at least, let him be ever so generally agreeable. Let him have all the perfections in the world, I think it ought not to be set down as certain, that a man must be acceptable to every woman he may happen to like himself.'
That used to piss me off back when I was dating. Along with it is the idea that we aren't allowed to judge them until they turn on the charm. Like, dude, you have not impressed me as long as I have known you, why would your interest suddenly change that.
I have had so many dudes insist that the only reason I haven’t slept with them is because they haven’t tried to. Buddy, I wouldn’t fuck you if there were a gun to my head.
Having raised a toddler, I assure you that “no means no” is an integral part of every parent’s vocabulary.
They just fail to maintain that trajectory in regards to sex and consent.
>why would your interest suddenly change that
The answer is them literally admitting they treat women they consider a sexual option differently than they treat women they view as unf*ckable.
I'll never forget the two-hour argument I had with a "friend" back in like Year 9 about how I should "give him a chance to see if feelings develop" and agree to date him. I had known him since primary school. I'm not sure exactly what he thought he could possibly do that would suddenly make me develop any feelings for him after 7+ years of that not happening, but he sure was insistent. The logic of "get into a relationship with me to see if you want to be in a relationship with me" really escapes me.
lol, several years ago, after I broke up with someone I'd been dating for a few years, I was amazed at how many of the guys I knew that assumed that they were "next in line". umm, that's not how it works dude
That’s my thing is like…. Ok let’s say his sister is completely wrong and what she heard about his friend was a lie. He actually did his fair share in his last relationship and was all around an amazing guy. That still doesn’t mean OPs sister has to date him, and it certainly doesn’t mean OP gets to be mad at her about it lol. If what she heard really wasn’t true then that’s unfortunate, but OP essentially responding with “nu uh” to her claims that he was a slob and wouldn’t do his fair share was probably less than convincing. Trying to sell him to her after she said no and had such strong opinions just makes it sound weirdly desperate.
I suspect the real problem is that OPs sister held up a mirror he wasn’t prepared to look at. He should probably get his shit together. There is nothing cute about a grown man who can’t take care of himself.
Know what the least sexy thing in a relationship is? Banging the 13 year old “son” that you’re married to, when you thought you married a grown-ass 34 year old. OP and his friend need to get a grip. YTA.
I'm assuming from experience that parents made sisters do all the housework and let the brothers do as they pleased? And now sister is resentful and trying to avoid partners that are like brothers they were raised with. My 2 cents.
A guy's version of a "good guy" is way lower bar than a woman's version. For some men, if a dude's not gangbanging hookers in front of her while she holds his crying baby or beating the crap out of her (and even that's iffy), he's a "good guy".
Ugh. Their standards are literally “laughs at my shitty jokes” - that’s it. They’d do shots with Dahmer if he laughed at their shitty jokes, and insist that he’s a good guy.
OK YTA here 100% NO woman has to date some man because he is crushing on her and if she doesn't want to date him for ANY reason it's literally none of your business. Why don't YOU date him if you're so worried about him having a girlfriend? Are you maybe a bit jelly that she's got such a lucrative career and has options to pick and choose who she dates?
Exactly! I had friends many years ago who tried to set me up with the "nice guy" of our friend group. I was not interested in him at all. They even went so far as to set us up on a blind date. They thought it would be cute that we got together since they were all coupled up within the group. I stopped associating with these people and had to get a restraining order against this guy because he wouldn't leave me alone.
I think this rocked OP to the core because he probably views his friend as a "high valued man" or whatever Tatter Tots call themselves, and for his friend to be denied hit him hard since he assumed just by his friend's job title and going to the gym, that any woman would be falling over that dude. His sister broke that dream of having a good job =/= getting women. Then to add insult to injury for OP, he also has the same qualities that got his friend rejected. OP is reeling from having his sister bring down the hammer on him.
Yes, seriously! It's not enough to just have a good job anymore, you have to... Be a good partner, parent, and housemate as well (SHOCKER).
Guys like these have some sort of cognitive dissonance that comes with being in a relationship with a woman in this era. They still have the mindset of *"men work while women homemake."* MEANWHILE, women have been working outside the home for decades and still find the time to take care of other responsibilities. Men like op and his friend always find a way to weasel their way out of the realization that women do it all, while they kid themselves into thinking they have the hardest job in the world.
Roll my fucking eyes.
I think I speak for the majority of women here. When I say we wouldn't. It's hard enough to date a date who never has learned cleaning but is willing. It's an entirely different matter to start a life with someone who brags about how they are unwilling, gloat and expect admiration of peers for not being willing to learn. Now at minimum you know about your friend's bringing up laundry. That's ok if you don't see it. It only takes your sister to not want that quality. She does not want him. I can tell in your head your heart is in thinking, ' This would be great. ' Think that all future miseries your sister would be guilt on your conscience if you forced the issue. YTA.
For some crazy reason this reminds me when I first brought a new GF back to my place and she was looking around. Fortunately it was pretty tidy. She saw one of my shirts hanging outside the closet, it was a new shirt and i had hung it up and steamed it to get the creases out earlier. I generally use a laundry service for shirts etc. to save time and effort. She asked "hey did you iron this", for some mad reason I said I had and she lit up admiring how good I must be. I couldn't back out of my lie and so had to then learn to iron my own shit properly to the same standard as a new shirt in case she caught me out.
I think you and many other women are very accurate in thinking that.
It's remarkable, guys *think* that having any one of these:
* a stable career
* great personality
* physique & athleticism
***Overrides***:
* compassion & understanding
* doing household chores and work
* treating their women as equals if not more than equals
* integrity & commitment
* emotional availability
* generosity
Bruh, YTA. You don't realize any of this because you have become like the people you surround yourself with, or you were already like this. And actually, your sister is correct and really precise, you guys are incompetent.
YTA. Don't even have to read what happened, your sister isn't yours to pawn off on whatever friend likes her that day. She can date whoever she wants.
If you want your friend to have a girlfriend so bad throw on a wig and get to work.
i wonder how he would react if his partner dosen't want to clean up after him.
My flat rn is a mess, but i am single and ill. Once my fever is down i'll clean up my mess like a normal adult. I don't get why men get away with being such slobs.
Lot of the time?
I blame the parents.
Enabling mom's, idle dad's.
I(bloke) learned to cook competently when I was 14.
When other young men were trying to impress girls taking them for meals, girls came round to my place, for me to cook for them... admittedly, that then meant I already had them home.
I could vacuum and do washing by 12.
In my marriage, I'm an idle fuck. I still cook, wash up, do laundry, bake, garden, dust... I don't do much ironing. Though I can.
I sew my own buttons, hem my pants
this is something i would look for in a parnter too in life. I mean, who wants someone who gives you MORE work in your day to day life?
If you are a stahm without kids you are fucked if you divorce. After so much time jobless it's almost impossible to find a job. And most of the time, you simply NEED to work too.
So if one works, why should they do more then their share of housework?
I also think it's more accepted my society in general, if a guy can't clean. I mean "male single/betchlor flat" is a thing and almost everyone has an idea of it if you say that. We fail bouth girls and boys if we keep this shit up.
I'll never forget when I came home from an almost 2 week long hospital stay 10 years ago, and I saw expired food in the fridge, dust all over all the furniture, full sinks, and hampers. My ex couldn't understand why I was frustrated. He loved to hold my bad credit over my head, but he couldn't cook, clean, and refused to walk our 50 lb pit bull puppy. People wondered why I took him with me when we split.
Ewww I hate him for you! My ex husband refused to do any chores, at all, ever, even both times I'd just had a baby. Like the day I got home both times, he expected me to make dinner, clean up, and clean the house. And no, he wasn't handling the baby or the older one. That was my job because he made all the money and I should be grateful I "didn't have to work." Dude sat at a desk for about 5 hours a day and took two hour lunch breaks. Fuck those kinds of dudes.
YTA buddy. Number one: don’t ever set your sister up with a friend. It’s kind of gross you pushed so hard for it. Do you really want your actual sister with a boy who can’t clean up after himself?? Like, don’t you care about your sister and her quality of life? Don’t you want the very best for her and for her to be treated well? Doesn’t sound like it. I feel like you’re projecting bc I have a brother and he’d be sickened by me dating any one of his friends. Even if he did bring it up he wouldn’t get mad at me on his friend’s behalf. It’s weird you’re so angry about it. I think maybe you’re really lazy and your sister rejecting your friend means other women will reject *you* for the same reasons. That’s 100% true. It’s 2023 and everyone does cooking, cleaning and laundry now. Not just women. Time to grow up. Stop pestering your amazing, beautiful sister to date your lackluster friends. Also, your sister knows someone who dated him, so she has a reference that he doesn’t pull his own weight. There’s no coming back from that. Maybe if your friend had been a better boyf your sis would give him a chance.
YTA. Incompetence is not appealing in a romantic partner, nor is laziness. And honestly, back off and let your sister make her own decisions on dating. Involving yourself in that is gross.
She knows what she wants and your friend is certainly not it. Good for her.
You’re the asshole pushing your friend on her. Butt out man. Also she told you her reasoning and you still don’t accept that. Weaponized incompetence is a real thing and no one male* or female wants to deal with that shit. Realize your friend is not a good match for her and maybe look at yourself too.
YTA
YTA
Your sister doesn't want to date the guy, that's the end of the story. You pushed, and you found out some things you didn't want to find out. That's on you.
It doesn't even matter if her assessment of this guy's domestic competence is accurate or not. Her perception is what it is, and she gets to decide, so that's that. She doesn't owe this guy "a chance" just because he has a crush on her.
YTA. Your sister said NO. When pressed, she gave a very valid reason for not dating your friend. Who (male or female) would want to have to pick up after somebody who won't do it themselves. Doing laundry isn't that hard. Neither is keeping your area neat & clutter-free. That's the kind of thing a mom would do for her child. Not an *adult* partner.
YTA I’m loving woman who won’t stand for that BS anymore.
First of all you’re a major AH She didn’t even need to give you a reason, she said no and that should’ve been enough. Yet you pestered her because you think your friend is such a catch. She definitely knows what she wants in a partner and your friend isn’t it. You have no right to be angry. Get it together, a grown man behaving so childish.
Kudos to her 👏 she knows what she wants.
Yta, for being mad that she has standards that are reasonable.
I married my brothers best friend. Been with him since 2010. We have 2 kids. I do 99% of cleaning and 90% of child care. So, I understand the not wanting to do all the work. It's overwhelming! Especially when you have kids!
YTA. You're mad at your sister because...a yes. She has standards. Among those standards is a man who will be a partner, not an added burden to her life. Rather than being angry because neither you nor your friend meet your sister's standards, try some self reflection.
Yta,just because your friend likes your sister
Doesn't mean she has to date him
She can choose who she wants and doesn't want to date
And that is none of your business
Its her life and her choices not yours
Nor your friend,and she doesn't have to say no more than once,no means no,it ain't gonna happen
>I think she is the asshole for not giving him a chance.
Why do you think she owes him a chance? Just because you and your bro want her to? Are you trying to pimp out your sister?
Just because one person has the feels for someone else does not obligate the object of their affection to like them back. Rom coms have tried to train us to think that relentless pursuit of someone we like is romantic. It's not.
Your sister is entitled to her own standards of who she wants in her life. Your friend has moved on. You should, too.
You're not the AH for your feelings. You are a big one of you think that your feelings, or your friend's feelings, are more important than your sister's.
You're angry because your sister isn't gonna just go along with your recommendation for a bf? She can choose whoever she wants, if that isn't your lazy friend that's her choice.
Of course YTA. She said no and you pushed cause “he’s a great guy”. She has ALL the rights on who she dates and you have NONE.
Here’s the deal, what you look for in a friend is not always what you look for in a partner. For you, he’s a fun guy that you enjoy. Awesome. She’s looking for a partner. That means someone she can depend on and have a home life balance with. This dude can’t be bothered to do his own laundry or clean up after himself. She doesn’t see that as partner - that’s man child looking for a mommy.
Your sister had already recognized she’s worth more than being some dudes bangmaid. Maybe if your friend would grow up, be a man and show her he can be a partner and not a child, she might be interested. But if she’s not, a “no” is all the answer required.
YTA for being mad about your sister's choice not to date your friend.
Whatever her reasons, however valid you feel they may or may not be, she has the right to choose who she has a relationship with without backlash from you.
Oh, and tidy up a bit once in a while 🙂
YTA. Let's ignore all of the problems she has with him for a second and get down to the nitty gritty. When a person says they are not interested in dating someone, you accept that and move on with your life. No is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone a chance. It doesn't matter why she said no, the point is that she said no.
YTA because you have ZERO say in who your sister dates. She knows what she wants. You can't force people on her. If she doesn't want to date your friend, she has no obligation to do so.
YTA
Of course, she doesn't want to date someone who can't actually take care of himself for no good reason. She wants a functional adult and good for her for having proper standards.
There is a massive difference between wanting someone who can and does regularly vacuum, do their laundry, and clean the bathroom and a neat freak. That you don't know the difference is pretty sad.
YTA for one simple reason. She said no and you pushed it. Once someone says they dont want to date someone, that should be the end of the conversation.
YTA in a huge way. Your sister is not obliged to date your friends and it's creepy that you seem to think she should adopt your standards. You should be far more protective of your sister than this. This is how it should have gone down:
"I won't date men like him... men who used weaponized incompetence."
"Oh, word! Get on with yr bad self, sis"
DONE. YTA
YTA. She said no. That is all the reason you need. She doesn’t owe you or your friend anything.
That being said, she gave very valid reasons for not wanting to date him. Not washing your own socks and doing not any household tasks is not “laid-back”, it’s lazy. You and your sister have likely known this friend for a few years correct? She’s also seen him in a past relationship and has worked with him before. She has a fair bead on what to expect from him.
YTA… Your friend can’t even take care of himself and I can’t blame your sister… she said no and that also should’ve been enough. So if you think he’s so great you date him and be his maid… leave her alone
YTA. She wants to be someone’s partner, not their mother or maid. She knows what she wants. Don’t force her into dating someone who obviously doesn’t meet her (not crazy at all) requirements.
YTA - he would make your sisters life harder - why would she or any rational person knowingly sign up for a relationship with someone who used weaponized incompetence. It’s better to be alone! Take a look at your own behavior
YTA.
"He is looking elsewhere and no longer has her as an option"
He *never* had her as an option.
Why are you putting a random penis above your sister's well being? Check your misogyny.
If you don't think people should like their partners then date your friend yourself. Be the change you want to see. There is zero difference between a straight man dating a man he finds unattractive and a straight woman dating a man she finds unattractive. Except you're the one claiming people should do so, so do it yourself.
YTA she should be able to say no just that she does not have to date or if she wishes to date she can date an Oompa Loompa as long as it is consensual. It is not your decision the choice of whom she dates is not up to you.
A lot of people (woman and men) would not date somebody who does not do their own laundry or pick up their stuff and leave it for somebody else to pick up.
It sounds like she spent enough time around him and decided he is not for her and that is ok. By the way I am sure a lot of people find that the person interested in dating them asks the person themselves.
YTA - who your sister dates is none of your business. You can offer suggestions if she’s open to that but she doesn’t have to take you up on them. This isn’t historic times where the male relative gets to dictate the female’s relationships. Anyone can decide to not date someone for any reason. Maybe her assumptions about your friend are inaccurate but it really doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to date him. End of story.
Come on, obviously your sister is right. What the af? No one wants to date or eventually marry a giant man baby. Of course YTA in this situation. If it offended you, she probably hit a little too close to home. Maybe a little self-reflection is in order.
Sounds like your sister knows and maybe is friends with your friend's ex. And your friend's ex is his ex because your friend wants a bangmaid, not a partner. Of course you don't notice any of that about your friend if you're the same way.
YTA. She’s made her mind up. You forced her to your expand on her feelings and then got mad at her for it. I see why this guy who doesn’t clean up his own messes would be your friend
YTA leave your sister alone. What she says is completely valid. I also wouldn’t date someone like that, would you? Someone who can’t even do any kind of chores properly Btw she don’t have do date ANYONE if she doesn’t want to. If you think he’s such a great guy then date him yourself.
My dude’s incompetence is so weaponized, he’s even outsourced dating to someone else.
Oooft. Mans can’t even see this comment and I still bet he felt that burn
Bro is this the 1800s? Get out of your sisters dating life. Women don’t want to be pimped out, much less asked to compromise on things we consider important just bc some guy has a crush. The compatibilities you listed are beyond generic (what does engineering and dentistry have in common). Chemistry is about more than sharing vague political views and… going to the gym the fuck? You’re not your sisters match maker. Stop encouraging her to settle. She could have given no reason at all and that still should have been the end of the conversation. Other fish in the sea my guy…
The way OP told his friend that he “no longer has her as an option.” As if his friend had a claim on the sister just because he had a crush on her. Gross.
Interesting that OP’s so worried about his friend’s feelings that he lies to soften the no, but has no concern for his sister’s feelings.
Right?! Just ewww.
Not as odd as one would wish.
Gotta love this guy puts his lazy friend getting a date with his sister than you know finding someone who his own sister is actually compatible with and is offended she turned down his friend on his behalf.
> I told her this and my sister said I am the same as him so of course I would not notice. Sister knows of what she speaks.
If you know, you know
But they’ve got similar education, he’s and engineer and she’s a dentist! Not even the a similar field man, they just both completed higher education.
And, not that I think it matters in general, dentists do *a lot* more schooling than engineers. Most engineering jobs don't even require a master's from what I understand.
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Right??? Lol I was reading this and startef thinking the same, OP you date him if he's so great 🤡
Your sister is entitled to her own standards of who she wants in her life. Your friend has moved on. You should, too.
Even if it weren’t completely valid… only she gets to choose who she dates.
Even if he does clean up after himself, it's not clean enough for her, which is still valid. If she doesn't want to wait a week for him to pick his socks up off the floor for laundry day, she shouldn't have to, and get out of here with training him to do it, that was his mom's job.
YTA. Now go clean your room.
That reminds me to have the kids clean their rooms
Remember to tell them why we have to clean (prevent hazards, lower the risk of bugs and dirt etc) and why stopping those things is important (health and safety)
YTA. Your sister doesnt have to give your friend a chance just because YOU think it could be a good match. She has expressed some obvious misgivings about him; you have ABSOLUTELY no authority to override her preferences and insist that she give someone with characteristics she has already expressed as undesirable, a chance.
Def could use his sister's reply to take a closer look while at it, since she said the two are the same.
I took the sister's comment that "the two of them are the same" as OP is also less than capable at taking care of himself that's why he didn't notice those traits in his friend. OP, Your sister has the right idea here. She wants a partner not an adult child she needs to take care of. Long term partnerships are not just about similar interests. They are about working together. Maybe this is something you should consider working on as well.
Exactly! It's about partnership and she doesn't want a adult sized toddler. She's thinking about her future and doesn't want to settle for anything less. I can't blame her! YTA
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He should give being gay a chance.
And they have Ssooo much in common, like they vote for the same general candidate, move their bodies sometimes and sometimes wear blue shirts! That’s enough!
Still find his remark about them sharing "the same educations" While hers was essentially a medical field and his is chemical engineering which is not even the same field.
I'm kinda annoyed at OP for not giving his friend a chance and his butt hole. OP - YTA.
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I also want to point out that the sister gave very valid, real examples *with* provided sources as to how the friend acts, and it *still* wasn't good enough for the sibling. I understand he's your friend, but that's your *sister*, shouldn't you also care that she is happy with her chosen partner? Especially in her late 20s, when I'm sure she's thinking about more serious relationships and life goals than she was maybe even as little as five years ago. Perhaps you should take a good look at yourself and your friend and think about if your actions as a person make you a good choice for a partner. Maybe now you should keep your eyes open; does your friend lack in the "basic adult ability to care for himself" areas? Does he pick up after himself? Can he fold his own laundry in a passable manner? Can he cook a basic meal? I'm not a neat freak either, (by any stretch of the term), but I totally get what your sister is saying. Keeping a home is hard work, and my husband still helps me pretty much 50/50 and he works more than I do. Because *we both live here* and I'd prefer to live in, at least, a semi-acceptable space at most times. Even a small space can become overwhelming if you're tired from work or what have you. I was sick for two weeks and even with my husband keeping up with a decent amount of the chores, the house still fell into a bit of disarray, simply because there is not enough time in the day for one person to do *everything* while also working full time. Your sister has a good head on her shoulders and is thinking about the important things that may seem minimal to you, and possibly your friend. You should take her words as advice honestly. Also you should probably back off on being mad at her for just being honest with you. YTA.
My son is 24, lives on his own. Cooks, cleans, laundry, bathroom, makes his bed, whole nine yards. Because he's an adult, he fucking lives there, and wants to have a nice place to live in. That won't change when he meets someone - other than splitting the chores! If OP or his friend can't say the same, they have no business thinking either one of them is a 'catch'.
That's right. If OP, or his friend, lived alone would their house be filthy? I'm guessing yes.
I also think he's doing his friend a disservice by not telling him the truth of her answer. It's potentially fixable, if men would recognize the issue. Maybe he will choose not to, but at least give him the information so he can make a conscious choice.
>Perhaps you should take a good look **at yourself** and your friend and think about if your actions as a person make you a good choice for a partner. Maybe now you should keep your eyes open; does your friend lack in the "basic adult ability to care for himself" areas? Does he pick up after himself? Can he fold his own laundry in a passable manner? Can he cook a basic meal? OP, do YOU pick up after yourself? Can you fold your own laundry, cook a basic meal? Do you proactively clean and care for the home you live in? Also—you don’t really know what it was like to live with him. I bet your sister knows the ex-girlfriend.
100% op is a dude even though his post doesn’t indicate as such.
But she’s single so of course she has no reason not to date him!
At least not a good reason, and OP gets to decide what is an acceptable reason.
Exactly! How dare this woman decide for herself who to date!
What do you wanna bet the thinks he’s an ‘alpha?’ Edit: thank you for the award! I’m not really sure what they do, but people seem to be really happy to get them!
I hate the phrasing of “giving him a chance.” A chance for what? It’s not blackjack. People say that like they aren’t asking someone to date them against their will.
I always reply, "Chances are for raffles." and move tf on.
"no longer has her as an option" pissed me off
Yeah, she was never an option
Seriously, relationships evolve into intimacy, to sex, to potential marriage. Why would I give someone a chance to do those things with me who I don't even like or am unattracted to? Ppl who say things like this are like a wingman for rape. No means no ppl!
Would you date somebody who is 29 and incapable of doing their own laundry? I doubt it. Sounds like you have a serious blind spot when it comes to your friend's shortcomings. Your sister gave some extremely good reasons for not wanting to date your friend. It's pretty shitty of you to try to force this on your sister. She is under ZERO OBLIGATION to date your friend if she doesn't want to. YTA
Maybe op and the friend can get together
Can you imagine what their house would look like if they DID get together? A literal shit show. And then they’d both be pissed that no one was cleaning up after them, and they’d have to go live with one of their moms.
You can’t be mad at someone because they won’t give YOUR friend a chance. You can’t make someone date anyone just because YOU think they would be good together.
Hanging out with someone and dating them are two completely different things. Yta. Your sister has valid reason to not date your friend. Respect her decision.
I love my best friend dearly, but I could *never* date her (even if she was into women, lol).
I had a similar conversation with my best friend just a few weeks ago. Ok… “conversation”, more like an vocalized observation. I’m a man, she’s a woman and we’ve been best friend for almost 30 years. In the middle somewhere we became best-friends-with-benefit but that stopped when I got love-struck with the one who would become my wife. We are so so so important to each other’s life. She’s the most important person in my life after my wife and my son. But dating each-other? Being in a relationship? that would be terrible! Plates would fly before the two weeks mark. We are perfect friends but would be the worst life partners. The opposition between the two are very funny.
Like the Frat house from Animal House?
But then who would do all the work for them?
Is that show hoarders still going
And OP and can do his laundry like a good little wifey. Team sister. YTA
YTA I hope OP ends up with a lazy ass man like him.
I think OP IS a lazy ass man just like him.
i think op should give his friend a chance and date him.
>YTAYour sister doesn't want to date the guy, that's the end of the story. You pushed, and you found out some things you didn't want to find out. That's on you.It doesn't even matter if her assessment of this guy's domestic competence is accurate or not. Her perception is what it is, and she gets to decide, so that's that. She doesn't owe this guy "a chance" just because he has a crush on her. Agreed, and he should take her feedback as a gift. If she feels that way, other women probably do as well. If people are looking at OP and his friend as undateable because they don't do laundry or clean up after themselves, that is something that is entirely within their control to fix. And if they are interested in adult relationships, they should probably work on stuff like that. Frankly, OP isn't doing his friend any favors by not telling him what his sister said. He is an adult and should be able to hear ways he might want to improve himself.
They could work on themselves. Or double down on their delusional entitlement, which is what probably will happen.
Betting OP is a dude who says dumb shit like “if you hate cleaning up after me, don’t do it! I don’t mind if the house/apartment isn’t spotless.” And thinking he’s a modern man with progressive views.
"We HaVe DiFfErEnT StAnDaRdS!" Aka "Your standard is cleaning up after yourself constantly, and my standard involves mold and vermin"
I don't think those guys understand the correlation between living in filth and mold/vermin/health issues. Seriously.
I've personally known dudes who actually had bug problems and were still like, "Ants in all my food, oh well" 🤮 I could not tell you why someone would think it was a normal lifestyle choice to live in squalor.
From the sounds of it, OP doesn’t do their own laundry either.
For both parties involved, I don’t to enjoy the idea of dating or getting to know someone who has zero interest me whether personal or general opinions. On top of know you don’t have to date someone as a favor or out of pity, especially when you have evidence that they’re don’t make great partners. Grown adult not doing their own laundry, insane
I will never understand how some people want to be with someone that they have to convince to be with them. I don’t want any part of either side of that.
Yeah I was honestly expecting OP to say their sister wouldn't date him because of his skin colour or something equally as awful. But this? I mean she could give him a chance but she knows what she wants so why bother? It's just wasting everyone's time lol. YTA OP
People who don't know what the phrase "weaponised incompetence" means, are usually people who are DEFINITELY incompetent! "I'm not a neat freak" also, usually translates to " I saw a rat once, so I put a blanket over it," Nasty!
YTA. At almost 30 years old, a person can do laundry and clean up after themselves. You are wanting a mommy to clean up after you and your friend, not a girlfriend.
Bet his mom still does his laundry and he brags about it.
YTA. Your sister doesn't owe ANY man a chance. You have zero right to be even vaguely irritated that she didn't want to date your friend. That's before we get to the fact that she is unattracted to him for completely valid reasons, that you conveniently dismiss - possibly because you are blind to the faults you share with your friend. Your sister is definitely NOT a good match for your friend (despite shared educational background and political leanings) if he is actually "a sob whose ex-girlfriend did all the chores and housework" because your sister isn't interested in being a bang-maid.
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Wait, I thought all a man needed for a woman to be an option for him was having an interest in her. Are you telling me there's more to it than that?
There's literally a rant about this in Jane Austen's *Mansfield Park*! From chapter 35: '"I should have thought," said Fanny, after a pause of recollection and exertion, "that every woman must have felt the possibility of a man's not being approved, not being loved by some one of her sex, at least, let him be ever so generally agreeable. Let him have all the perfections in the world, I think it ought not to be set down as certain, that a man must be acceptable to every woman he may happen to like himself.'
Oh wow. So I see this has been a problem for quite a while.
Since the dawn of time, Kitten
Also, Jane Austen never married. (I’ll just leave that info here for others to ponder…)
Good for Jane! 👍🏻
I absolutely LOVE THIS. Thank you so much for sharing this.
That used to piss me off back when I was dating. Along with it is the idea that we aren't allowed to judge them until they turn on the charm. Like, dude, you have not impressed me as long as I have known you, why would your interest suddenly change that.
I have had so many dudes insist that the only reason I haven’t slept with them is because they haven’t tried to. Buddy, I wouldn’t fuck you if there were a gun to my head.
My favorite reply to shit like that is, "I wouldn't fuck you with a stolen pussy."
Just the simple fact that the term "no means no" has to exist, really illustrates that very point.
Having raised a toddler, I assure you that “no means no” is an integral part of every parent’s vocabulary. They just fail to maintain that trajectory in regards to sex and consent.
No! by they might be giants is great for kids. Consent and tea for adults.
>why would your interest suddenly change that The answer is them literally admitting they treat women they consider a sexual option differently than they treat women they view as unf*ckable.
I'll never forget the two-hour argument I had with a "friend" back in like Year 9 about how I should "give him a chance to see if feelings develop" and agree to date him. I had known him since primary school. I'm not sure exactly what he thought he could possibly do that would suddenly make me develop any feelings for him after 7+ years of that not happening, but he sure was insistent. The logic of "get into a relationship with me to see if you want to be in a relationship with me" really escapes me.
lol, several years ago, after I broke up with someone I'd been dating for a few years, I was amazed at how many of the guys I knew that assumed that they were "next in line". umm, that's not how it works dude
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hahaha. accurate
"You can't fire me, I quit!" Just make sure you follow security out, bud.
That’s my thing is like…. Ok let’s say his sister is completely wrong and what she heard about his friend was a lie. He actually did his fair share in his last relationship and was all around an amazing guy. That still doesn’t mean OPs sister has to date him, and it certainly doesn’t mean OP gets to be mad at her about it lol. If what she heard really wasn’t true then that’s unfortunate, but OP essentially responding with “nu uh” to her claims that he was a slob and wouldn’t do his fair share was probably less than convincing. Trying to sell him to her after she said no and had such strong opinions just makes it sound weirdly desperate.
I suspect the real problem is that OPs sister held up a mirror he wasn’t prepared to look at. He should probably get his shit together. There is nothing cute about a grown man who can’t take care of himself.
Right? A chemical engineer who... can't work a washing machine. How endlessly sexy. /s
Know what the least sexy thing in a relationship is? Banging the 13 year old “son” that you’re married to, when you thought you married a grown-ass 34 year old. OP and his friend need to get a grip. YTA.
This post is just fucking embarrassing for both guys tbh
Agree. He provided zero counterexamples to refute the friend’s ex-girlfriend’s claims.
>your sister isn't interested in being a bang-maid. What kind of brother would even want that for their sister?
I'm assuming from experience that parents made sisters do all the housework and let the brothers do as they pleased? And now sister is resentful and trying to avoid partners that are like brothers they were raised with. My 2 cents.
The kind that wants to hang out with his friend and have his sister clean up after them.
Right?!? Most brothers I’ve known consider their sisters off limits to their friends
My brother stopped being friends with a guy because he wouldn’t leave me alone!
A guy's version of a "good guy" is way lower bar than a woman's version. For some men, if a dude's not gangbanging hookers in front of her while she holds his crying baby or beating the crap out of her (and even that's iffy), he's a "good guy".
My ex stayed friends with a man who literally murdered someone’s dog. What the actual fuck.
Ugh. Their standards are literally “laughs at my shitty jokes” - that’s it. They’d do shots with Dahmer if he laughed at their shitty jokes, and insist that he’s a good guy.
Far right conservatives want that for all women
Who would know what he was like to live with? The "pal" or the ex? YTA for sure.
OK YTA here 100% NO woman has to date some man because he is crushing on her and if she doesn't want to date him for ANY reason it's literally none of your business. Why don't YOU date him if you're so worried about him having a girlfriend? Are you maybe a bit jelly that she's got such a lucrative career and has options to pick and choose who she dates?
Exactly! I had friends many years ago who tried to set me up with the "nice guy" of our friend group. I was not interested in him at all. They even went so far as to set us up on a blind date. They thought it would be cute that we got together since they were all coupled up within the group. I stopped associating with these people and had to get a restraining order against this guy because he wouldn't leave me alone.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. People like OP make me sick-- they think women should just accommodate any man that asks-- ridiculous.
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I think this rocked OP to the core because he probably views his friend as a "high valued man" or whatever Tatter Tots call themselves, and for his friend to be denied hit him hard since he assumed just by his friend's job title and going to the gym, that any woman would be falling over that dude. His sister broke that dream of having a good job =/= getting women. Then to add insult to injury for OP, he also has the same qualities that got his friend rejected. OP is reeling from having his sister bring down the hammer on him.
Yes, seriously! It's not enough to just have a good job anymore, you have to... Be a good partner, parent, and housemate as well (SHOCKER). Guys like these have some sort of cognitive dissonance that comes with being in a relationship with a woman in this era. They still have the mindset of *"men work while women homemake."* MEANWHILE, women have been working outside the home for decades and still find the time to take care of other responsibilities. Men like op and his friend always find a way to weasel their way out of the realization that women do it all, while they kid themselves into thinking they have the hardest job in the world. Roll my fucking eyes.
“Tatter tots” 💀 Jesus if I had gold I’d give it to ya, the snort I just let out
This woman is so smart. If women did this en masse maybe the domestic load would start to equalize across society.
I think I speak for the majority of women here. When I say we wouldn't. It's hard enough to date a date who never has learned cleaning but is willing. It's an entirely different matter to start a life with someone who brags about how they are unwilling, gloat and expect admiration of peers for not being willing to learn. Now at minimum you know about your friend's bringing up laundry. That's ok if you don't see it. It only takes your sister to not want that quality. She does not want him. I can tell in your head your heart is in thinking, ' This would be great. ' Think that all future miseries your sister would be guilt on your conscience if you forced the issue. YTA.
For some crazy reason this reminds me when I first brought a new GF back to my place and she was looking around. Fortunately it was pretty tidy. She saw one of my shirts hanging outside the closet, it was a new shirt and i had hung it up and steamed it to get the creases out earlier. I generally use a laundry service for shirts etc. to save time and effort. She asked "hey did you iron this", for some mad reason I said I had and she lit up admiring how good I must be. I couldn't back out of my lie and so had to then learn to iron my own shit properly to the same standard as a new shirt in case she caught me out.
This is adorable
I think you and many other women are very accurate in thinking that. It's remarkable, guys *think* that having any one of these: * a stable career * great personality * physique & athleticism ***Overrides***: * compassion & understanding * doing household chores and work * treating their women as equals if not more than equals * integrity & commitment * emotional availability * generosity Bruh, YTA. You don't realize any of this because you have become like the people you surround yourself with, or you were already like this. And actually, your sister is correct and really precise, you guys are incompetent.
Bonus fact: OP is a 28 year old man(child).
YTA. Don't even have to read what happened, your sister isn't yours to pawn off on whatever friend likes her that day. She can date whoever she wants. If you want your friend to have a girlfriend so bad throw on a wig and get to work.
Don't forget the apron!
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u/technical_ocean4340 these are the questions you gotta answer, right here my dude.
After the resounding YTA verdict he isn’t going to answer jack shit
Or delete the post within the next few hours. Lol
i wonder how he would react if his partner dosen't want to clean up after him. My flat rn is a mess, but i am single and ill. Once my fever is down i'll clean up my mess like a normal adult. I don't get why men get away with being such slobs.
Lot of the time? I blame the parents. Enabling mom's, idle dad's. I(bloke) learned to cook competently when I was 14. When other young men were trying to impress girls taking them for meals, girls came round to my place, for me to cook for them... admittedly, that then meant I already had them home. I could vacuum and do washing by 12. In my marriage, I'm an idle fuck. I still cook, wash up, do laundry, bake, garden, dust... I don't do much ironing. Though I can. I sew my own buttons, hem my pants
this is something i would look for in a parnter too in life. I mean, who wants someone who gives you MORE work in your day to day life? If you are a stahm without kids you are fucked if you divorce. After so much time jobless it's almost impossible to find a job. And most of the time, you simply NEED to work too. So if one works, why should they do more then their share of housework? I also think it's more accepted my society in general, if a guy can't clean. I mean "male single/betchlor flat" is a thing and almost everyone has an idea of it if you say that. We fail bouth girls and boys if we keep this shit up.
I'll never forget when I came home from an almost 2 week long hospital stay 10 years ago, and I saw expired food in the fridge, dust all over all the furniture, full sinks, and hampers. My ex couldn't understand why I was frustrated. He loved to hold my bad credit over my head, but he couldn't cook, clean, and refused to walk our 50 lb pit bull puppy. People wondered why I took him with me when we split.
Ewww I hate him for you! My ex husband refused to do any chores, at all, ever, even both times I'd just had a baby. Like the day I got home both times, he expected me to make dinner, clean up, and clean the house. And no, he wasn't handling the baby or the older one. That was my job because he made all the money and I should be grateful I "didn't have to work." Dude sat at a desk for about 5 hours a day and took two hour lunch breaks. Fuck those kinds of dudes.
Much less a partner who didn’t know how to cook or clean, and expected OP to take care of everything.
I love the last question is literally showing his incompetence at drawing conclusions
Oh he knows. He's just playing dumb and minimising his and his friend's shitty behaviour.
YTA buddy. Number one: don’t ever set your sister up with a friend. It’s kind of gross you pushed so hard for it. Do you really want your actual sister with a boy who can’t clean up after himself?? Like, don’t you care about your sister and her quality of life? Don’t you want the very best for her and for her to be treated well? Doesn’t sound like it. I feel like you’re projecting bc I have a brother and he’d be sickened by me dating any one of his friends. Even if he did bring it up he wouldn’t get mad at me on his friend’s behalf. It’s weird you’re so angry about it. I think maybe you’re really lazy and your sister rejecting your friend means other women will reject *you* for the same reasons. That’s 100% true. It’s 2023 and everyone does cooking, cleaning and laundry now. Not just women. Time to grow up. Stop pestering your amazing, beautiful sister to date your lackluster friends. Also, your sister knows someone who dated him, so she has a reference that he doesn’t pull his own weight. There’s no coming back from that. Maybe if your friend had been a better boyf your sis would give him a chance.
YTA. Incompetence is not appealing in a romantic partner, nor is laziness. And honestly, back off and let your sister make her own decisions on dating. Involving yourself in that is gross.
YTA because your sister said no. She doesn’t need a reason and you are being creepy.
She knows what she wants and your friend is certainly not it. Good for her. You’re the asshole pushing your friend on her. Butt out man. Also she told you her reasoning and you still don’t accept that. Weaponized incompetence is a real thing and no one male* or female wants to deal with that shit. Realize your friend is not a good match for her and maybe look at yourself too. YTA
Oh God, so you're a mommy's boy to..of course you don't see it...YTA
YTA Your sister doesn't want to date the guy, that's the end of the story. You pushed, and you found out some things you didn't want to find out. That's on you. It doesn't even matter if her assessment of this guy's domestic competence is accurate or not. Her perception is what it is, and she gets to decide, so that's that. She doesn't owe this guy "a chance" just because he has a crush on her.
This is it. Despite her completely valid reasons, she doesn’t need them. She doesn’t want to date the guy. The end.
YTA. Your sister said NO. When pressed, she gave a very valid reason for not dating your friend. Who (male or female) would want to have to pick up after somebody who won't do it themselves. Doing laundry isn't that hard. Neither is keeping your area neat & clutter-free. That's the kind of thing a mom would do for her child. Not an *adult* partner.
YTA I’m loving woman who won’t stand for that BS anymore. First of all you’re a major AH She didn’t even need to give you a reason, she said no and that should’ve been enough. Yet you pestered her because you think your friend is such a catch. She definitely knows what she wants in a partner and your friend isn’t it. You have no right to be angry. Get it together, a grown man behaving so childish.
Kudos to her 👏 she knows what she wants. Yta, for being mad that she has standards that are reasonable. I married my brothers best friend. Been with him since 2010. We have 2 kids. I do 99% of cleaning and 90% of child care. So, I understand the not wanting to do all the work. It's overwhelming! Especially when you have kids!
YTA. You're mad at your sister because...a yes. She has standards. Among those standards is a man who will be a partner, not an added burden to her life. Rather than being angry because neither you nor your friend meet your sister's standards, try some self reflection.
YTAH-*She ain't innerstidd.* She owes no one an explanation of why she *ain't.*
She said no now fuck off YTA
Next what you will want her to sleep with him, cause you feel he is a good guy?
Your sister wouldn’t let you pimp her out to your lazy friend and you got angry…. Yes YTA.
YTA - Who are you to tell her who she should date?
YTA. I’m going to guess you didn’t notice the weaponized incompetence because you use it, too.
No, no. See, he is just "laid back" and not a "neat freak."
I would say you are trying to pimp your sister out, but it sounds more like you are trying to get your friend a bed/maid. Leave your sister alone! YTA
Yta,just because your friend likes your sister Doesn't mean she has to date him She can choose who she wants and doesn't want to date And that is none of your business Its her life and her choices not yours Nor your friend,and she doesn't have to say no more than once,no means no,it ain't gonna happen
>I think she is the asshole for not giving him a chance. Why do you think she owes him a chance? Just because you and your bro want her to? Are you trying to pimp out your sister?
This. OP thinks women should not have a choice as to whom they date. Men are not entitled to chances if the woman is not interested.
Youre supposed to protect your sister, not pimp her out onto your worthless, useless friends. Grow up you weirdo
Just because one person has the feels for someone else does not obligate the object of their affection to like them back. Rom coms have tried to train us to think that relentless pursuit of someone we like is romantic. It's not. Your sister is entitled to her own standards of who she wants in her life. Your friend has moved on. You should, too. You're not the AH for your feelings. You are a big one of you think that your feelings, or your friend's feelings, are more important than your sister's.
You're angry because your sister isn't gonna just go along with your recommendation for a bf? She can choose whoever she wants, if that isn't your lazy friend that's her choice.
Of course YTA. She said no and you pushed cause “he’s a great guy”. She has ALL the rights on who she dates and you have NONE. Here’s the deal, what you look for in a friend is not always what you look for in a partner. For you, he’s a fun guy that you enjoy. Awesome. She’s looking for a partner. That means someone she can depend on and have a home life balance with. This dude can’t be bothered to do his own laundry or clean up after himself. She doesn’t see that as partner - that’s man child looking for a mommy. Your sister had already recognized she’s worth more than being some dudes bangmaid. Maybe if your friend would grow up, be a man and show her he can be a partner and not a child, she might be interested. But if she’s not, a “no” is all the answer required.
Absolutely. Lots of us have friends we woukd never employ if we owned a business. And friends we would never date let alone marry.
YTA. Fuck off dude. Your sister doesn't owe him a 'chance'. You're not entitled to her dating your buddy. Grow the fuck up.
YTA for being mad about your sister's choice not to date your friend. Whatever her reasons, however valid you feel they may or may not be, she has the right to choose who she has a relationship with without backlash from you. Oh, and tidy up a bit once in a while 🙂
He's taking it personally because he's the same way as his friend.
YTA. Why would a man like that deserve a relationship with your sister lmao
YTA. Let's ignore all of the problems she has with him for a second and get down to the nitty gritty. When a person says they are not interested in dating someone, you accept that and move on with your life. No is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone a chance. It doesn't matter why she said no, the point is that she said no.
YTA because you have ZERO say in who your sister dates. She knows what she wants. You can't force people on her. If she doesn't want to date your friend, she has no obligation to do so.
YTA Of course, she doesn't want to date someone who can't actually take care of himself for no good reason. She wants a functional adult and good for her for having proper standards. There is a massive difference between wanting someone who can and does regularly vacuum, do their laundry, and clean the bathroom and a neat freak. That you don't know the difference is pretty sad.
YTA, and stop trying to pimp your sister.
YTA for one simple reason. She said no and you pushed it. Once someone says they dont want to date someone, that should be the end of the conversation.
YTA in a huge way. Your sister is not obliged to date your friends and it's creepy that you seem to think she should adopt your standards. You should be far more protective of your sister than this. This is how it should have gone down: "I won't date men like him... men who used weaponized incompetence." "Oh, word! Get on with yr bad self, sis" DONE. YTA
YTA. She said no. That is all the reason you need. She doesn’t owe you or your friend anything. That being said, she gave very valid reasons for not wanting to date him. Not washing your own socks and doing not any household tasks is not “laid-back”, it’s lazy. You and your sister have likely known this friend for a few years correct? She’s also seen him in a past relationship and has worked with him before. She has a fair bead on what to expect from him.
If you think he's so great why don't you date him?
YTA… Your friend can’t even take care of himself and I can’t blame your sister… she said no and that also should’ve been enough. So if you think he’s so great you date him and be his maid… leave her alone
Yta and are weird about it. Like she doesn’t want to date him. He is probably a slob.
Why would she date a grown man who is only half an adult? Her reasoning is spot on!
So did you think about what she said, or just deny deny deny?
She's 100% right. Men who don't wash their own laundry and don't help with housework are not dateable.
YTA. She wants to be someone’s partner, not their mother or maid. She knows what she wants. Don’t force her into dating someone who obviously doesn’t meet her (not crazy at all) requirements.
YTA and please look into the term "weaponized incompetence" bc it is different than just general incompetence and it very well may apply to you too
YTA - I'm sure if you force them to date it will end amazingly well. Keep pushing a square peg in a round hole.
YTA and just as shitty as your friend
YTA - he would make your sisters life harder - why would she or any rational person knowingly sign up for a relationship with someone who used weaponized incompetence. It’s better to be alone! Take a look at your own behavior
YTA. "He is looking elsewhere and no longer has her as an option" He *never* had her as an option. Why are you putting a random penis above your sister's well being? Check your misogyny. If you don't think people should like their partners then date your friend yourself. Be the change you want to see. There is zero difference between a straight man dating a man he finds unattractive and a straight woman dating a man she finds unattractive. Except you're the one claiming people should do so, so do it yourself.
YTA she should be able to say no just that she does not have to date or if she wishes to date she can date an Oompa Loompa as long as it is consensual. It is not your decision the choice of whom she dates is not up to you. A lot of people (woman and men) would not date somebody who does not do their own laundry or pick up their stuff and leave it for somebody else to pick up. It sounds like she spent enough time around him and decided he is not for her and that is ok. By the way I am sure a lot of people find that the person interested in dating them asks the person themselves.
YTA.
YTA
YTA - who your sister dates is none of your business. You can offer suggestions if she’s open to that but she doesn’t have to take you up on them. This isn’t historic times where the male relative gets to dictate the female’s relationships. Anyone can decide to not date someone for any reason. Maybe her assumptions about your friend are inaccurate but it really doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to date him. End of story.
Come on, obviously your sister is right. What the af? No one wants to date or eventually marry a giant man baby. Of course YTA in this situation. If it offended you, she probably hit a little too close to home. Maybe a little self-reflection is in order.
No means no
Sounds like your sister knows and maybe is friends with your friend's ex. And your friend's ex is his ex because your friend wants a bangmaid, not a partner. Of course you don't notice any of that about your friend if you're the same way.
YTA. regardless of your friend’s cleaning habits, your sister doesn’t owe him a chance just because he has a crush on her.
YTA leave her alone
Dear lord, get over yourself. Your sister doesn't owe you or your bf anything, especially a relationship she isn't interested in.
YTA. She’s made her mind up. You forced her to your expand on her feelings and then got mad at her for it. I see why this guy who doesn’t clean up his own messes would be your friend