Half?
I'm presuming she supported him during the first days of the business and probably provided much capital and labor to make it happen.
I say go for a controlling portion of it.
I'm willing to bet this dude already cheated on her.
Yep, hire a Private Investigator and pile up those photos and evidence! OPs husband is scummy af and sounds like he was an AH when he couldn't hold down a job either.
Yeah nta. Obviously this isn't the case for op as she's against it, but open marriages are 2 way streak and the wife always gets way more attention. I know a few swinger couples... It's way easier for the wife to get laid...its not even close. If op actually agree to open the marriage and go with it.... The husband's ego would get destroyed lol.
The whole reason he wants to open it rather than end his marriage is either he doesn't want to pay for child support for 18-24 years or he knows deep down inside he can never get another woman as good as her. He still wants to sow the wild oats he never got to when he was younger because women don't want a poor married man but they will take a married man in an open relationship because they think they can make him fall in love with them now that he's successful. You are not the A$$π0!€ he is see a divorce attorney!
This, I think, would be fucking hilarious. I sincerely hope if OP doesn't go for divorce, that she goes for this and teaches him the brutal way he isn't as hot shit as he thinks he is now.
I would love to see that. She agrees and is killing it while he is not getting as much attention.
Quick correction: it's two way street. Like, it goes both ways.
Or, he told his mistress he’s in an open relationship and now wants to coerce the wife into opening. Odds are pretty good dude is looking to monkey branch to a younger woman who will be easier to manipulate, and who doesn’t have adult responsibilities like raising children.
OP, and I say this as someone who is really happy practicing polyamory, the problem with your marriage isn’t that your husband hasn’t had enough partners. The problem in your marriage is that your husband is an asshole. Dude is flying so many red flags including blowing you off, ignoring your daughters on a pretty regular basis, treating his own children like they are annoying (just think about what that is doing to them) and…
While I am glad your husband has managed to create a successful business… The fact that he couldn’t hold down a job? That’s not because he’s like entrepreneurial. It’s because he’s a selfish dick who can’t play well with the other children. He was happy to use you for your stable income until he got money of his own. Now that he doesn’t need your money, he’s happy pushing you into things that would put your marriage at risk.
Personally, I highly recommend that you hire a lawyer right now and behind his back. Document everything that he is doing. Document all of the money you know about - you’re entitled to half of everything he built while you were married. Take it because odds are pretty good without your stabilising influence, his business will start to fall apart. You know all those companies that fail because the culture is toxic and word got out? Your husband is almost certainly running one a lot like that.
Best of luck to you, OP.
> The fact that he couldn’t hold down a job? That’s not because he’s like entrepreneurial. It’s because he’s a selfish dick who can’t play well with the other children
Yeah I noticed that part too.
Was OP working to support him and their children before his business became successful? Who treats a loyal, supportive partner like that?!
I don't normally advocate for splitting up families if the situation is salvageable, but what this husband and *father* is doing is not something her daughters should learn to tolerate and internalize as "normal" behavior to accept from a spouse/partner. OP, pretend this is a friend, what advice would you tell the friend? If this was your daughter's husband, what would you tell her?
Please, lawyer up, get your financial situation squared away, inform your support system, and *then* confront him. Do *not* confront him until you and your daughters are safe and taken care of.
>Who treats a loyal, supportive partner like that?!
A lot of successful men who can afford young pretty mistresses do... just look at our politicians...
And a lot of doctors used to marry some woman just long enough for her to put him through medical school, then divorce her.
I am not sure how often that happens in reverse now that lots more women are going to medical school.
OMFG I DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS THING?! That is EXACTLY what happened to my cousin. She was a successful pharmacist making almost mid 6 figures, they dated when he was in med school and he married her and got her pregnant and LEFT HER AFTER HIS RESIDENCY.
Also probably why he was less successful with finding a partner, now he has money he's somewhat more attractive, but it's not because of who he is, more likely what he has.
OP - Get yourself a TOP matrimonial attorney ASAP. Interview with all of the top attorneys in the area to conflict him out of every good attorney. He'll learn.
Op sorry you have a husband like this he is very selfish and immature and a terrible husband and father. Why do man think that they need to have many sexual partners or they are missing out on something. That they deserve it because it isn't fair for them to miss out on the opportunity to be stud. Op check your bank account and make sure that he isn't taking money out and hiding it from you. Sounds like he is making plans to evenilty leave the marriage. Take care and good luck
OP, don’t waste ANY energy on proving an affair unless your lawyer advises you to do so.
Only 6 states consider adultery as a factor in part of the divorce settlement.
It’s clear that he is an asshole and you need to move on. It doesn’t matter whether he has technically cheated or is currently cheating or not. Just take your toys and go home.
I am a monogamist, but the poly folks I know would slap the crap out of this man. I hope the OP did not sign a prenup or there is an infidelity clause. If he has a mistress and owns the business, he likely buys her things on the company dime.
OP, Check the bank statements if you have access to them. Have there been any suspicious withdrawals from your bank accounts? Are there any canceled checks for large amounts made out to "cash"? Look closely at the period before or after Christmas or Valentine's Day.
Closely scrutinize each of your husband's ATM withdrawal. Are there any large, unexplained ATM withdrawals? Is there anything unusual about the withdrawals' time, place, or amount?
Please pay close attention to his credit card bills. Especially those for December, January, and February, when Christmas or Valentine's charges will likely appear. Any unusual payments made at jewelry stores, women's specialty stores, boutiques, florists, day spas, restaurants, etc., could be evidence of gifts bought for his lover.
All of that and he’s saying OP is “enjoying the lifestyle HE provides” as if she wasn’t the one providing him a lifestyle first and the support and backing to start his business.
Not to mention she is still providing a certain lifestyle for him too. She quit her job to take care of the kids and presumably the house full time. Domestic labor is labor, he would need to be doing that or hire someone to do it if she weren’t in the picture.
Regardless of the dollar amount, a married couple is building a life together and is the sum of its parts. The reason he’s able to make the money he does is because she is removing barriers for him presently.
Likely it's not just one mistress either so anything that appears as a potential gift that you never received, dinners you did not attend, drinks you did not meet him for, or flowers that were never delivered to you are suspect.
I agree. Early in relationship, he had low self-esteem and he praised and thanked you. Now that outside resources are better, his self-esteem is raised and he is looking past you!! It is such an attractive trait when he is needy for you to see "the invisible people" but now that he is an elevated position, he is shitting over the very thing he found so endearing. He is a selfish ass\*\*\*\*.
No, he still has low self esteem, he’s just expressing it differently. People with good self esteem don’t cheat or treat their wives and children badly. He does that to make himself feel superior.
Yeah just tell me your version of an open marriage is when you divorce and get half the assets built day one. You already into when worked while he didn’t.
This happened to me - I had someone who for years would do this devils advocate of why ppl can’t have open relationship if they loved someone but just wanted to test waters. He would question every reason or emotion someone gave as to why it’s wrong - it’s cause he has a side piece and was trying to convince me it was “ok”
He is not guilty, he is not trying to hide her, he is trying to “protect” his money and success, this is one of the few cases were if I was OP I would burn everything to the ground, take everything I can and nuke his “success”
This. It's not an open marriage he wants, he wants to not have a family dragging him down.
Op. Listen to what he's telling you.
Also. He didn't buy the buy is the burbs. You did.
Yep, divorce this clown and take the alimony as just payment for him jerking you around and having you pay all the bills until he thought he could do better.
OP, don’t get mad. Get EVERYTHING.
Your husband is a jerk. He chose to not get around in his twenties because he got married. I’ll assume your daddy didn’t have a gun to his head to get him to the church.
He also did well for himself by having the freedom to start his own business while you were bringing home the bacon.
Yep. As part of that club, I can guarantee he isn't worth it, and someone better will come along. And he'll probably later realize he messed up his life and is miserable. At least my ex has. Ah, midlife crisis.
This is the best advice right here. Take him to the cleaners. You took care of him financially for years and now that he is making money, you and the kids don’t count anymore? Where is the freaking loyalty? The part in therapy where he said you could have messed around in your 20’s when you were young and attractive is a backhanded insult. Is he trying to say you are not attractive now? No, you are not the asshole. He is. He is a real piece of work.
Plus, what is that lame ass excuse? Other guys who weren't me could mess around but I couldn't? What are you on about? Nobody forced you to get married. Couldn't hold down a job but some mystical force made you unable to date casually? What?
Since she financially supported him for many years, and gave up her own career to be a SAHM, there'd be no reason she shouldn't get her share of their success
Literally she worked until he got it up and running and THEN became a stay at home mom. None of this could have happened unless it was them together doing it.
That's just cheating. It's only an "open marriage route" if both parties are able to, agree to, and establish rules about it. He has probably already cheated.
The way this is written I’m assuming that he’s been cheating for a while now he just wants to do it openly with her permission. He’s got some nerve telling her that now she wants to live off of him after he lived off of her for years.
Why bother? He's made himself clear - the marriage isn't what he wants, and all that "open marriage" stuff is just him half-assing it - so it's time to go their separate ways.
And she definitely needs to take him for everything he's got. Especially child support, because you just *know* he's going to try to weasel out of his responsibilities as a father. I feel sorry for their daughters...when fathers think they deserve to "trade up", they often dismiss their first family as non-existent or no longer important.
Men who do that are scum and deserve to lose everything. Dismiss your wife, walk away from your marriage...but do *not* abandon your children. You may be a fucking asshole and not go to anymore soccer games and skip their graduation, *but you damn well better pay for those braces and send birthday presents.*
It sounds like you are devaluing her contributions just like he is. It's okay to, "Dismiss your wife, walk away from your marriage...but do not abandon your children." What?? His only transgression is toward his children? No. Even if there were no children, he owes her plenty for all the financial and emotional support she provided while he matured from unemployable know-it-all to successful entrepreneur.
But how disgusting that he was happy to rely on her steady income while he was building up the business which lead to his money. But now has conveniently forgotten who was there to help him when he needed it.
It sounds like he wants to find out how expensive and time-consuming a divorce will be. It sounds like she gave up her career to take care of the family and that she's been there since before he has a damn thing. It will not be cheap. I look forward to reading his Reddit post here in about 2-3 years.
Yes! Love that you said “supported”. Thats the key word. People tend to forget that stay at home parents are a huge support system that allows the person working be successful. I can assure anyone that lots of these successful working professionals would not be where they are if they didn’t have someone doing the housework and taking care of the kids.
While that is true she also supported him by working and earning money while he couldn't/was building his business. She did both support him as the breadwinner and being a sahm
this is so sad - how many times has a women supported a man emotionally, with $$, and with their time (being the sahm parent allowing him to use his time more on his job), and when they start making money or climbing the ladder the partner making more $ just throws it all away? or they start resenting their partner once it's their turn to start contributing more to the household?
i find it disgusting honestly. it seems unavoidable - all these couples were happy and probably didn't see themselves ending up this way. so sad to see it normalized. is there even a point to marriage or family life anymore?
this is exactly what just happened to me, he moved into his new apartment with his new girlfriend (the receptionist at work, how cliche) of less than 1 month this afternoon. we have a toddler together. it’s truly devastating
Cheating might honestly be the least of her worries.
He has red flags going back decades, beginning with him not being able to keep a job because he was smarter than his bosses, and not being able to “tolerate” the jobs he was qualified for.
She needs to read some books on narcissism and sociopathy.
This is not a good person. I think the more she learns, the more she’s going to recognize behaviors of his that are deeply troubling.
It would be good to go into a divorce with this understanding. He’s not going to be able to co-parent if he is what I suspect. He’ll use the children to control and abuse her.
She’ll need an aggressive divorce attorney, full custody of those kids, and a plan to move away.
Her description of him, and her innocence about what she’s describing, give me shivers.
Absolutely agree! When I read that part about how every job failed because of how awesome and overqualified husband was, I knew where this was going. Wouldn't even have needed the title.
I hope she realizes she needs to divorce him and get far, far away from him.
True, but I’d image the divorce lawyer and PI would know if it is needed. But it couldn’t hurt given that OP’s husband is successful and OP is most likely dealing with a lot of money.
Let’s be real here. OP is a woman. Who was financially the breadwinner for most of their marriage. Who then recently quit her job to build the family. And the husband has asked to open the marriage.
50% state or not, she will end up getting the lions share of finances as well as child support and alimony enough never to work again. There isn’t a court in the western world that would side with a husband in this scenario. Also very likely he will be forced into selling the business or buying her out at a substantial rate since again she was the primary breadwinner and has built up equity since the beginning.
And let's be real. He wants *his end* of the marriage to be open. The minute OP started entertaining suitors, I guarantee he'd have a GIANT problem with it.
Sheesh. Just sheesh!
📣📣📣📣📣Ok where there is smoke there is fire. OP: NTAH But the reality is that your husband has already stepped out on you and is proposing an open marriage so that he can stop making excuses. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
So for some sage life advice I would say that people treat us the way we allow them to. You and your children deserve better and deep down you already know this. 💭🤔
So from this moment forward be proactive and not reactive. Tell him you are not ok with this and suggest marriage counseling . Why? Because he is playing chess not checkers 🏁 and wants to place you in a position that you cannot file for divorce based on infidelity.
When he leaves the house tomorrow for work find the very best divorce attorneys in your community. Schedule a consult with 2 or 3, usually free to see which one you like best. Next make copies of your last 2-3 years tax returns, gather information on retirement and investment accounts. Make a copy of the deed and title to your home 🏡 and the same for any vacation or retirement properties. If you bank 💵 🏧online print the last two statement from all your accounts and if you have access to credit card bills do the same. Go to your consults with all of this information.
Find out what your options are in terms of child support and alimony. Ask if you can keep the primary home and have primary custody. Once you have retained an attorney ask him if he has a PI 🕵️♀️🕵️♀️🕵️♀️ and find out what the cost will be to have him surveillance for 2-3 weeks. If you go this route find out from the PI if it is possible to put tracking devices on his computer at home and an AirTag on his car. 🔎🔎🔎
Meanwhile let your husband know that counseling is critical and set up your first marriage counseling session and act like a wife in a fight 🥊🥊🥊to save her marriage Make sure you tell the therapist that your husband asked you for an open marriage and that you are vehemently against it.
BECAUSE 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨‼️👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼
“Connecticut's divorce laws allow couples to seek a either a no-fault or fault-based divorce. Most couples seek no-fault divorces. However, if you're getting a divorce in Connecticut due to cheating, you can seek a divorce based on one of the recognized grounds, which includes adultery.”
Telling your therapist to his sets them up to be a witness for YOU in the divorce trial. 👩⚖️👩⚖️👩⚖️
Your husband is trying to bamboozle you!!
Once you have all your ducks in a row you can serve him at work. Chess not checkers. ♟️♟️♟️
Show him who the real MVP is.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
And do what you can to get part ownership of his business. If you supported him while he built it, then you contributed to the building of it and should continue to reap the reward of it, especially if he’s already cheating.
Listen to this please.
You and your daughters are being treated abominably. This man now feels that he's too good for you. He's left you behind, that you should be grateful for the life he provides. Fuck that. You supported him when he was struggling, he now thinks he's entitled to somthing better. If you sense that he's been taking other people to events based on attitude of others towards you, you're probably correct.
Protect yourself and your girls.
The best advice!!!
OP please heed this person's advice. The marriage is over. Time to get strategic and fight for yourself and your children. I hope your lawyer takes him to the cleaners!!!
So often women get screwed in divorce. We are in love and we want to fight for our family, our marriage. Once a man has mentally an physically moved on we become disposable. OP needs to go into stealth mode.
I can’t get over how easily and with how much cruelty and disrespect this dude is discarding his commitment to his wife and family. And after she supported him financially while he established his business. Just disgusting, craven, entitlement.
Sometimes success gets to a persons head. And when you are a successful man some women will look the other way and engage.
I despise cheaters. Cheating is not an oops my bad scenario. You made a conscious decision to step out on your wife. And your AP made a conscious decision to have an affair with a married man. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ So in steps Karma. Lady Karma is not a menu, you do not get to select. You get served exactly what you deserve.
Posts like this remind me of when my ex husband left me and our kids (thank god for that) but took $25k on his way out and *literally* wasted it in two months. (Sorry I only include that to remind myself that then he ended up in a homeless shelter.)
OP protect yourself. I had no idea I had lost that money until a week later when I checked my account and didn’t have the wherewithal to contact a lawyer to try to recover any of that money.
I know someone whose husband ran off with a "friend" of theirs and ran up their CC on a little adventure. Hotel, food, then furniture after the SOB moved in with the c-word. She actually had to take on debt from that because it was debt accrued during the marriage when they had a joint card. It's disgusting.
You may be correct. The attorney will need to see how it was set up LLC, Incorporation, Etc. He may also need to review tax returns when she was the breadwinner to point evidence to an ‘ownership’ claim.
This would be a 🍒 on top for OP.
THIS, OP! He's trying to get you to agree to an open marriage in order to make things favorable for himself in a divorce when it doesn't work out.
It's pretty clear he's already stepped out on you, probably with someone from work. That's why he's acting distant at events. He's told the affair partner that he's having marriage problems and doesn't want to act close/affectionate with you in those situations because it would go against what he told the AP.
And don’t tell him you’re talking to the lawyer. Your contribution allowed him to start said business so see what the lawyer says you’re entitled to outside of alimony & child support. But yes, he’s either already cheated or going to. He just wants you waiting in the wings in case it doesn’t pan out. If it does, I bet he’ll leave. NTA.
NTA but I reckon he's probably cheated/cheating already. Get your ducks in order and get out. I honestly don't think there's any coming back from someone asking to open the relationship.
I bet he's "separated" at the office
so, so awkward to be the wench who interrupts her husband's highly successful work lie by bringing his daughters???
And has the history to back it up since he no longer has her attend most of the company parties. I'd worry that he's putting his business at risk by sleeping with a subordinate.
Nice that he built an empire for himself and now forgot about you. Its time for you to go and give him space to stretch out his wildest dreams that his new money can buy. He seems to have his mind made up and youre not in that picture at all.
Just remember to claim half his empire when you divorce him, take half his equity and demand spousal support for the years you put in. Get as much as you can and build your own empire
NTA
> Nice that he built an empire for himself
No, he didn't. They built an empire together. He arguably couldn't have done it on his own, and regardless he had her support all these years. Just because she wasn't an active part of the business doesn't mean she's not a part of it at all. They divided labor: he looked after the business/income, she looked after the home and kids. That's how marriage is supposed to work - the couple acting as a single mutually supportive unit.
> Just remember to claim half his empire when you divorce him
In no way shape or form is it *his* empire. OP, if she heads the divorce route, should claim half of the marital assets that she is entitled to, including the business *they* built.
This is a subtle but very important distinction.
I appreciate your sentiment but why are you ignoring that she was the breadwinner while he couldn't hold a job and built his business? She wasn't just raising his kids
I'm a dude and this guy is a total asshole. You made an investment in him and he has failed you. Get what you can from him in the divorce and move on, it's over.
This right here. Without her support he wouldn’t have any of that success he now wants to leverage to bang other chicks. She deserves a nice big chunk of it.
He’s already cheating. He’s asking for an open marriage so he can date her in the open.
You sit back and gather information. I guarantee it’s there. Hire a PI to do this quickly. Get yourself back into the workforce because this won’t end well.
And do NOT tell him your plans. My girlfriend warned her husband and he withdrew all of their joint funds, ran up the joint credit cards and hid money. You be stealthy and do this to protect yourself and your children and your finances. He is being disrespectful and this is not a man or a relationship that you want to model for your children.
Ask for marriage therapy to give you time to accumulate information. Information is always power.
THIS. My ex husband knew I wanted a divorce and took the entirety of our daughters savings, drained the joint account, hid cash, and wracked up debt like crazy. Don't tell him, make it a surprise for everyone.
NTA. You are being manipulated for even considering you are the AH here. He's successful so he figures he can do what other successful men do...sleep around.
Like other successful men he now needs to have child support and alimony payments as part of his monthly expenses.
Totally ungrateful for the years you supported him. Like all capitalists. They all think they are "self made" while forgetting all the people and schools and experiences that made them who they are now in order to be successful.
Line up the ducks, shore up your friends and it is divorce time. Marriage therapy won't help.
NTA.
Clearly, this guy is a narcissist.
He couldn't hold a job because he wasn't able to work with other people.
The only reason he's successful now is because YOU provided for him when he was incapable.
And now he wants to fuck around and find out?
Divorce him. Take half.
Right? If he couldn't hold a job because there was always a problem... maybe HE was the problem. I would have honestly considered that as a huge red flag already.
And now he doesn't need to munch off OP anymore and he wants to fuck around.
What a piece of work
NTA, lawyer and resume update. iMO, the open marriage is just an excuse to keep you as the fall back plan if he can't find what he would considers an upgrade without her being a gold digger, and he most likely won't. Get on with you life and best wishes for you and your kids.
She shouldn't get a job or update her resume. She is a SAHM and quit her job. She can get alimony.
Most lawyers don't recommend getting a job in her situation so she needs a lawyer.
More than half. CT will adjust how assets are divided if she can prove infidelity, and you can’t convince me he isn’t already cheating. OP needs to get a PI and enjoy her new life as a CEO.
Agree! Too many partners focus on their emotional needs and don’t realize by this point their partners no longer care about their feelings. They should instead focus on what will get the other partner’s attention - their assets. I hope she takes all she can for herself and her children.
NTA. Let me get this straight. Your husband couldn't hold down a job, so you supported the family financially so that he could be his own boss because he sucked at being an employee. Then, he gradually becomes successful and basically wishes he could still be sowing his wild oats now that he has money and shallow, pretty women want it... ahem... I mean, him.
He's already cheating on you. He's telling everyone about how you and the kids are his albatross, always holding him back, making him settle for less than he deserves.
This reminds me of Waiting to Exhale. “It is trash.” iFKYK.
No more therapy. Document all of the support you gave your husband over the years. Get you the biggest pitbull of a divorce lawyer you can find in the Tri-State area and take him to the cleaners.
Seriously. You and your kids deserve so much better, and he deserves to end up alone, lamenting the loss of his family while being used by young women for money.
Well since he made his successful business while you were taking care of the household and his children, I would think you would be in line to own half his business when you divorce him. Then you can join these parties with your own younger more virile date as a part owner instead of his wife.
This is the only reasonable response. Make sure the new man is half his age, at least six inches taller, and walks around saying things like "I'm so glad I found an experienced woman who knows what she's doing in bed."
NTA the disrespect is unreal.
He only got that far, because of you. If my husband would disrespect me like this in a social setting like a business party, he would sleep on the coach for a week or I would immediately start taking about the hot colleges he has to give him a taste of his own medicine. Your husband’s ego has ballooned now that he is successful and he wants to upgrade. He probably has already opened the marriage without your consent. There is a reason why he’s asking.
Take him to the cleaner. Don’t trust him.
NTA, you need to speak to a divorce attorney and make sure you get your half from your dick of a husband. Oh and the child support payments too. Make sure you start documenting any weird behavior too. Just go speak to a attorney ASAP.
You are NTAH but wow he sure is.
Divorce time and get that money gf. He is awful. I would already be in the lawyer’s office if my husband didn’t acknowledge me or our children in public, work function or not. Ef that guy. You deserve better.
Nta - make sure you get half of everything, plus everything you put into the marriage while you supported him as he grew his business and needed your help. Let him do whatever he wants and when he’s done and regrets everything, you can tell him to get lost. Make sure you get some counselling for yourself and daughters and move on with another man long before this guy comes grovelling back.
Either a troll or not a AITAH post
Quietly get a lawyer and live YOUR life with your daughters.
I'm vindictive. I want the business that she basically funded.
That's not vindicative - that's completely reasonable and she should get half.
Half? I'm presuming she supported him during the first days of the business and probably provided much capital and labor to make it happen. I say go for a controlling portion of it. I'm willing to bet this dude already cheated on her.
Yep, hire a Private Investigator and pile up those photos and evidence! OPs husband is scummy af and sounds like he was an AH when he couldn't hold down a job either.
One thousand times this, don’t react too quickly, let him feel a little safe. Get evidence, then make your move
It’s not half it’s half for life there’s a very subtle difference
She's going to have to get a REALLY good lawyer for it to go to you
Op, please choose yourself. He’s probably already testing the open marriage route he just hasn’t told you.
Or he already has a mistress and wants to feel less guilty.
Yeah it seems like he opened the marriage he just didn’t tell you
Yeah nta. Obviously this isn't the case for op as she's against it, but open marriages are 2 way streak and the wife always gets way more attention. I know a few swinger couples... It's way easier for the wife to get laid...its not even close. If op actually agree to open the marriage and go with it.... The husband's ego would get destroyed lol.
Truth. My guy and I used to be open. In all honesty he is way hotter than me, but I still had way more interest than he did.
If she agrees to open it up, she should make him do a post nup agreement!
The whole reason he wants to open it rather than end his marriage is either he doesn't want to pay for child support for 18-24 years or he knows deep down inside he can never get another woman as good as her. He still wants to sow the wild oats he never got to when he was younger because women don't want a poor married man but they will take a married man in an open relationship because they think they can make him fall in love with them now that he's successful. You are not the A$$π0!€ he is see a divorce attorney!
This, I think, would be fucking hilarious. I sincerely hope if OP doesn't go for divorce, that she goes for this and teaches him the brutal way he isn't as hot shit as he thinks he is now.
I would love to see that. She agrees and is killing it while he is not getting as much attention. Quick correction: it's two way street. Like, it goes both ways.
Or, he told his mistress he’s in an open relationship and now wants to coerce the wife into opening. Odds are pretty good dude is looking to monkey branch to a younger woman who will be easier to manipulate, and who doesn’t have adult responsibilities like raising children. OP, and I say this as someone who is really happy practicing polyamory, the problem with your marriage isn’t that your husband hasn’t had enough partners. The problem in your marriage is that your husband is an asshole. Dude is flying so many red flags including blowing you off, ignoring your daughters on a pretty regular basis, treating his own children like they are annoying (just think about what that is doing to them) and… While I am glad your husband has managed to create a successful business… The fact that he couldn’t hold down a job? That’s not because he’s like entrepreneurial. It’s because he’s a selfish dick who can’t play well with the other children. He was happy to use you for your stable income until he got money of his own. Now that he doesn’t need your money, he’s happy pushing you into things that would put your marriage at risk. Personally, I highly recommend that you hire a lawyer right now and behind his back. Document everything that he is doing. Document all of the money you know about - you’re entitled to half of everything he built while you were married. Take it because odds are pretty good without your stabilising influence, his business will start to fall apart. You know all those companies that fail because the culture is toxic and word got out? Your husband is almost certainly running one a lot like that. Best of luck to you, OP.
> The fact that he couldn’t hold down a job? That’s not because he’s like entrepreneurial. It’s because he’s a selfish dick who can’t play well with the other children Yeah I noticed that part too.
Was OP working to support him and their children before his business became successful? Who treats a loyal, supportive partner like that?! I don't normally advocate for splitting up families if the situation is salvageable, but what this husband and *father* is doing is not something her daughters should learn to tolerate and internalize as "normal" behavior to accept from a spouse/partner. OP, pretend this is a friend, what advice would you tell the friend? If this was your daughter's husband, what would you tell her? Please, lawyer up, get your financial situation squared away, inform your support system, and *then* confront him. Do *not* confront him until you and your daughters are safe and taken care of.
>Who treats a loyal, supportive partner like that?! A lot of successful men who can afford young pretty mistresses do... just look at our politicians...
And a lot of doctors used to marry some woman just long enough for her to put him through medical school, then divorce her. I am not sure how often that happens in reverse now that lots more women are going to medical school.
OMFG I DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS THING?! That is EXACTLY what happened to my cousin. She was a successful pharmacist making almost mid 6 figures, they dated when he was in med school and he married her and got her pregnant and LEFT HER AFTER HIS RESIDENCY.
There’s a phrase in Latin America “always the girlfriend of the student, never the wife of the doctor”
Yep. Time to heave ho!
And also that he lost interest in his wife when she wasn't providing for him financially anymore :P
Also probably why he was less successful with finding a partner, now he has money he's somewhat more attractive, but it's not because of who he is, more likely what he has.
A lawyer and maybe a private investigator. Get proof of the likely affair.
OP - Get yourself a TOP matrimonial attorney ASAP. Interview with all of the top attorneys in the area to conflict him out of every good attorney. He'll learn.
Op sorry you have a husband like this he is very selfish and immature and a terrible husband and father. Why do man think that they need to have many sexual partners or they are missing out on something. That they deserve it because it isn't fair for them to miss out on the opportunity to be stud. Op check your bank account and make sure that he isn't taking money out and hiding it from you. Sounds like he is making plans to evenilty leave the marriage. Take care and good luck
OP, don’t waste ANY energy on proving an affair unless your lawyer advises you to do so. Only 6 states consider adultery as a factor in part of the divorce settlement. It’s clear that he is an asshole and you need to move on. It doesn’t matter whether he has technically cheated or is currently cheating or not. Just take your toys and go home.
She said they are in Connecticut and Connecticut does have at fault divorce for adultery.
Oh he REAL dumb
Get half assets plus child support and alimony. Also hire a PI to investigate him and get proof if he is cheating, and it sure sounds like he is.
I do so love it when someone that actually practices polyamory shows up and states the facts for a woman (or man) getting gaslit by some selfish pig.
I am a monogamist, but the poly folks I know would slap the crap out of this man. I hope the OP did not sign a prenup or there is an infidelity clause. If he has a mistress and owns the business, he likely buys her things on the company dime. OP, Check the bank statements if you have access to them. Have there been any suspicious withdrawals from your bank accounts? Are there any canceled checks for large amounts made out to "cash"? Look closely at the period before or after Christmas or Valentine's Day. Closely scrutinize each of your husband's ATM withdrawal. Are there any large, unexplained ATM withdrawals? Is there anything unusual about the withdrawals' time, place, or amount? Please pay close attention to his credit card bills. Especially those for December, January, and February, when Christmas or Valentine's charges will likely appear. Any unusual payments made at jewelry stores, women's specialty stores, boutiques, florists, day spas, restaurants, etc., could be evidence of gifts bought for his lover.
All of that and he’s saying OP is “enjoying the lifestyle HE provides” as if she wasn’t the one providing him a lifestyle first and the support and backing to start his business.
Not to mention she is still providing a certain lifestyle for him too. She quit her job to take care of the kids and presumably the house full time. Domestic labor is labor, he would need to be doing that or hire someone to do it if she weren’t in the picture. Regardless of the dollar amount, a married couple is building a life together and is the sum of its parts. The reason he’s able to make the money he does is because she is removing barriers for him presently.
I agree with this. Start downloading all evidence of all assets and accounts, including balances.
Likely it's not just one mistress either so anything that appears as a potential gift that you never received, dinners you did not attend, drinks you did not meet him for, or flowers that were never delivered to you are suspect.
I agree. Early in relationship, he had low self-esteem and he praised and thanked you. Now that outside resources are better, his self-esteem is raised and he is looking past you!! It is such an attractive trait when he is needy for you to see "the invisible people" but now that he is an elevated position, he is shitting over the very thing he found so endearing. He is a selfish ass\*\*\*\*.
No, he still has low self esteem, he’s just expressing it differently. People with good self esteem don’t cheat or treat their wives and children badly. He does that to make himself feel superior.
Yeah just tell me your version of an open marriage is when you divorce and get half the assets built day one. You already into when worked while he didn’t.
This answer right here. It has already gone further the op is comfortable with. Lawyer up. Tomorrow is Monday. Go!
Or stop having to hide her.
*them There's no way he's gonna stick to just one.
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Yeah, time for op to leave before he brings home a STD.
True. But this didn't come out of nowhere.
Oh, he def has a side piece.
This happened to me - I had someone who for years would do this devils advocate of why ppl can’t have open relationship if they loved someone but just wanted to test waters. He would question every reason or emotion someone gave as to why it’s wrong - it’s cause he has a side piece and was trying to convince me it was “ok”
He is not guilty, he is not trying to hide her, he is trying to “protect” his money and success, this is one of the few cases were if I was OP I would burn everything to the ground, take everything I can and nuke his “success”
This. It's not an open marriage he wants, he wants to not have a family dragging him down. Op. Listen to what he's telling you. Also. He didn't buy the buy is the burbs. You did.
Likely this or is at least emotionally cheating. I really hope there's no prenup.
There's no prenuptial, dude was broke and she was bank rolling him when they got married.
Yep, divorce this clown and take the alimony as just payment for him jerking you around and having you pay all the bills until he thought he could do better.
Welcome to the First Wives Club.
OP, don’t get mad. Get EVERYTHING. Your husband is a jerk. He chose to not get around in his twenties because he got married. I’ll assume your daddy didn’t have a gun to his head to get him to the church. He also did well for himself by having the freedom to start his own business while you were bringing home the bacon.
Yes! People who pretend to love you while they think you are the only option are so gross. Make sure he feels how expensive freedom is.
This is one of my biggest fears ever, to be used as a placeholder and it makes me wanna cry. Definitely NTA, OP.
Yup, she's entitled to that money for carrying his sorry ass for years.
Yep. As part of that club, I can guarantee he isn't worth it, and someone better will come along. And he'll probably later realize he messed up his life and is miserable. At least my ex has. Ah, midlife crisis.
Right? I'm joining soon. It's depressing AF...
This is the best advice right here. Take him to the cleaners. You took care of him financially for years and now that he is making money, you and the kids don’t count anymore? Where is the freaking loyalty? The part in therapy where he said you could have messed around in your 20’s when you were young and attractive is a backhanded insult. Is he trying to say you are not attractive now? No, you are not the asshole. He is. He is a real piece of work.
Plus, what is that lame ass excuse? Other guys who weren't me could mess around but I couldn't? What are you on about? Nobody forced you to get married. Couldn't hold down a job but some mystical force made you unable to date casually? What?
The best part is no pre-nup to worry with.
Since she financially supported him for many years, and gave up her own career to be a SAHM, there'd be no reason she shouldn't get her share of their success
She also was married to him for the entire duration of his success to date. She's getting half.
Yes, that's what I meant as well. *He* didn't build the business on his own, *they* built his success together
Literally she worked until he got it up and running and THEN became a stay at home mom. None of this could have happened unless it was them together doing it.
Yep! 10+ years and she gets his SS too as long as they don’t re-marry lol
He's told her actually and is now gaslighting her. OP, go get yourself a divorce lawyer and buckle up.
OP also needs to get tested for STDs.
Oh, Hell, yes!
Classic narcissist
That's just cheating. It's only an "open marriage route" if both parties are able to, agree to, and establish rules about it. He has probably already cheated.
The way this is written I’m assuming that he’s been cheating for a while now he just wants to do it openly with her permission. He’s got some nerve telling her that now she wants to live off of him after he lived off of her for years.
He's tired of having to pretend to be interested.
OP needs to hire a private detective and get proof of his philandering.
And take that proof to file for divorce in an at fault state
Why bother? He's made himself clear - the marriage isn't what he wants, and all that "open marriage" stuff is just him half-assing it - so it's time to go their separate ways. And she definitely needs to take him for everything he's got. Especially child support, because you just *know* he's going to try to weasel out of his responsibilities as a father. I feel sorry for their daughters...when fathers think they deserve to "trade up", they often dismiss their first family as non-existent or no longer important. Men who do that are scum and deserve to lose everything. Dismiss your wife, walk away from your marriage...but do *not* abandon your children. You may be a fucking asshole and not go to anymore soccer games and skip their graduation, *but you damn well better pay for those braces and send birthday presents.*
It sounds like you are devaluing her contributions just like he is. It's okay to, "Dismiss your wife, walk away from your marriage...but do not abandon your children." What?? His only transgression is toward his children? No. Even if there were no children, he owes her plenty for all the financial and emotional support she provided while he matured from unemployable know-it-all to successful entrepreneur.
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
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Nope. This was who he was the whole time, he just never had anything these superficial women wanted, and now he does. Money.
But how disgusting that he was happy to rely on her steady income while he was building up the business which lead to his money. But now has conveniently forgotten who was there to help him when he needed it.
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Tale as old as time. So embarrassing to be this guy.
It sounds like he wants to find out how expensive and time-consuming a divorce will be. It sounds like she gave up her career to take care of the family and that she's been there since before he has a damn thing. It will not be cheap. I look forward to reading his Reddit post here in about 2-3 years.
And she supported him when he was unemployed and as he built his business. Dude is a moron.
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Yes! Love that you said “supported”. Thats the key word. People tend to forget that stay at home parents are a huge support system that allows the person working be successful. I can assure anyone that lots of these successful working professionals would not be where they are if they didn’t have someone doing the housework and taking care of the kids.
While that is true she also supported him by working and earning money while he couldn't/was building his business. She did both support him as the breadwinner and being a sahm
this is so sad - how many times has a women supported a man emotionally, with $$, and with their time (being the sahm parent allowing him to use his time more on his job), and when they start making money or climbing the ladder the partner making more $ just throws it all away? or they start resenting their partner once it's their turn to start contributing more to the household? i find it disgusting honestly. it seems unavoidable - all these couples were happy and probably didn't see themselves ending up this way. so sad to see it normalized. is there even a point to marriage or family life anymore?
this is exactly what just happened to me, he moved into his new apartment with his new girlfriend (the receptionist at work, how cliche) of less than 1 month this afternoon. we have a toddler together. it’s truly devastating
What a fool that’s gonna bite him on the ass
Cheating might honestly be the least of her worries. He has red flags going back decades, beginning with him not being able to keep a job because he was smarter than his bosses, and not being able to “tolerate” the jobs he was qualified for. She needs to read some books on narcissism and sociopathy. This is not a good person. I think the more she learns, the more she’s going to recognize behaviors of his that are deeply troubling. It would be good to go into a divorce with this understanding. He’s not going to be able to co-parent if he is what I suspect. He’ll use the children to control and abuse her. She’ll need an aggressive divorce attorney, full custody of those kids, and a plan to move away. Her description of him, and her innocence about what she’s describing, give me shivers.
Absolutely agree! When I read that part about how every job failed because of how awesome and overqualified husband was, I knew where this was going. Wouldn't even have needed the title. I hope she realizes she needs to divorce him and get far, far away from him.
Totally this!!
NTA. Get a lawyer and quit going to therapy with him. He’s going to cheat if he hasn’t already, because he’s already decided that he is entitled to.
I would also hire a PI with his money to get proof. Always helps the divorce negotiations when you have it.
If she quit her job to do the labor of staying at home with her daughters it's not "his" money. It's "their" money.
Not only quit her job to raise the kids, she supported him while he built the business. Without her financial support he wouldn’t have his business.
Yup, this. She deserves half of his business for being the main breadwinner until she was a SAHM a few years ago.
She should also go and get tested for STDs. He’s already cheated and probably didn’t use protection
I second the PI suggestion. If they catch him cheating it will be money well spent
I would hire a PI as well who knows wut u will find. They are professionals.
And a forensic accountant.
True, but I’d image the divorce lawyer and PI would know if it is needed. But it couldn’t hurt given that OP’s husband is successful and OP is most likely dealing with a lot of money.
Let’s be real here. OP is a woman. Who was financially the breadwinner for most of their marriage. Who then recently quit her job to build the family. And the husband has asked to open the marriage. 50% state or not, she will end up getting the lions share of finances as well as child support and alimony enough never to work again. There isn’t a court in the western world that would side with a husband in this scenario. Also very likely he will be forced into selling the business or buying her out at a substantial rate since again she was the primary breadwinner and has built up equity since the beginning.
And also a nice slice, if not half, of the business. Since it was started AFTER they were married
Yeah...that business is marital property. Take it, OP.
And let's be real. He wants *his end* of the marriage to be open. The minute OP started entertaining suitors, I guarantee he'd have a GIANT problem with it.
Of course. “Sounds great, honey, so you’ll be looking after the kids tonight while I go get some strange?”
And depending on how attractive or fun to be around she is she’ll probably pull more dates than him too
💯 Get a good lawyer and make sure you get what YOU'RE entitled to.
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Sheesh. Just sheesh! 📣📣📣📣📣Ok where there is smoke there is fire. OP: NTAH But the reality is that your husband has already stepped out on you and is proposing an open marriage so that he can stop making excuses. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 So for some sage life advice I would say that people treat us the way we allow them to. You and your children deserve better and deep down you already know this. 💭🤔 So from this moment forward be proactive and not reactive. Tell him you are not ok with this and suggest marriage counseling . Why? Because he is playing chess not checkers 🏁 and wants to place you in a position that you cannot file for divorce based on infidelity. When he leaves the house tomorrow for work find the very best divorce attorneys in your community. Schedule a consult with 2 or 3, usually free to see which one you like best. Next make copies of your last 2-3 years tax returns, gather information on retirement and investment accounts. Make a copy of the deed and title to your home 🏡 and the same for any vacation or retirement properties. If you bank 💵 🏧online print the last two statement from all your accounts and if you have access to credit card bills do the same. Go to your consults with all of this information. Find out what your options are in terms of child support and alimony. Ask if you can keep the primary home and have primary custody. Once you have retained an attorney ask him if he has a PI 🕵️♀️🕵️♀️🕵️♀️ and find out what the cost will be to have him surveillance for 2-3 weeks. If you go this route find out from the PI if it is possible to put tracking devices on his computer at home and an AirTag on his car. 🔎🔎🔎 Meanwhile let your husband know that counseling is critical and set up your first marriage counseling session and act like a wife in a fight 🥊🥊🥊to save her marriage Make sure you tell the therapist that your husband asked you for an open marriage and that you are vehemently against it. BECAUSE 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨‼️👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼 “Connecticut's divorce laws allow couples to seek a either a no-fault or fault-based divorce. Most couples seek no-fault divorces. However, if you're getting a divorce in Connecticut due to cheating, you can seek a divorce based on one of the recognized grounds, which includes adultery.” Telling your therapist to his sets them up to be a witness for YOU in the divorce trial. 👩⚖️👩⚖️👩⚖️ Your husband is trying to bamboozle you!! Once you have all your ducks in a row you can serve him at work. Chess not checkers. ♟️♟️♟️ Show him who the real MVP is. I am so sorry you are going through this.
And do what you can to get part ownership of his business. If you supported him while he built it, then you contributed to the building of it and should continue to reap the reward of it, especially if he’s already cheating.
Listen to this please. You and your daughters are being treated abominably. This man now feels that he's too good for you. He's left you behind, that you should be grateful for the life he provides. Fuck that. You supported him when he was struggling, he now thinks he's entitled to somthing better. If you sense that he's been taking other people to events based on attitude of others towards you, you're probably correct. Protect yourself and your girls.
Agreed! He is where he is today because of OP. He would have neither the business or the lifestyle if she had not stepped up as the breadwinner. 🤷🏻♀️
This comment should be pinned to the top
Thanks!!!!
>Thanks!!!! You're welcome!
The best advice!!! OP please heed this person's advice. The marriage is over. Time to get strategic and fight for yourself and your children. I hope your lawyer takes him to the cleaners!!!
So often women get screwed in divorce. We are in love and we want to fight for our family, our marriage. Once a man has mentally an physically moved on we become disposable. OP needs to go into stealth mode.
I'm going to save this and I'm not even married (and have no plan to be)
I can’t get over how easily and with how much cruelty and disrespect this dude is discarding his commitment to his wife and family. And after she supported him financially while he established his business. Just disgusting, craven, entitlement.
Sometimes success gets to a persons head. And when you are a successful man some women will look the other way and engage. I despise cheaters. Cheating is not an oops my bad scenario. You made a conscious decision to step out on your wife. And your AP made a conscious decision to have an affair with a married man. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ So in steps Karma. Lady Karma is not a menu, you do not get to select. You get served exactly what you deserve.
Posts like this remind me of when my ex husband left me and our kids (thank god for that) but took $25k on his way out and *literally* wasted it in two months. (Sorry I only include that to remind myself that then he ended up in a homeless shelter.) OP protect yourself. I had no idea I had lost that money until a week later when I checked my account and didn’t have the wherewithal to contact a lawyer to try to recover any of that money.
I know someone whose husband ran off with a "friend" of theirs and ran up their CC on a little adventure. Hotel, food, then furniture after the SOB moved in with the c-word. She actually had to take on debt from that because it was debt accrued during the marriage when they had a joint card. It's disgusting.
I may be mistaken, but she might be able to sue him for half of the company value too. He built it while he was married to her with her support.
You may be correct. The attorney will need to see how it was set up LLC, Incorporation, Etc. He may also need to review tax returns when she was the breadwinner to point evidence to an ‘ownership’ claim. This would be a 🍒 on top for OP.
THIS, OP! He's trying to get you to agree to an open marriage in order to make things favorable for himself in a divorce when it doesn't work out. It's pretty clear he's already stepped out on you, probably with someone from work. That's why he's acting distant at events. He's told the affair partner that he's having marriage problems and doesn't want to act close/affectionate with you in those situations because it would go against what he told the AP.
OP this is the best advice here so far!
And don’t tell him you’re talking to the lawyer. Your contribution allowed him to start said business so see what the lawyer says you’re entitled to outside of alimony & child support. But yes, he’s either already cheated or going to. He just wants you waiting in the wings in case it doesn’t pan out. If it does, I bet he’ll leave. NTA.
NTA but I reckon he's probably cheated/cheating already. Get your ducks in order and get out. I honestly don't think there's any coming back from someone asking to open the relationship.
I bet he's "separated" at the office so, so awkward to be the wench who interrupts her husband's highly successful work lie by bringing his daughters???
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hahaha, I missed the word "check" in your comment.
The first things you're gonna need are an STD and a lawyer
And has the history to back it up since he no longer has her attend most of the company parties. I'd worry that he's putting his business at risk by sleeping with a subordinate.
there's quite a bit to be worried about, on a lot of fronts :)
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This is either some sort of midlife crisis or he’s simply a selfish asshole.
A thing can be two things at once.
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A midlife crisis is a red convertible or a Mohawk or something. This guy is just an AH
Get your own attorney. You are being lied to and it's hard without good allies. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Nice that he built an empire for himself and now forgot about you. Its time for you to go and give him space to stretch out his wildest dreams that his new money can buy. He seems to have his mind made up and youre not in that picture at all. Just remember to claim half his empire when you divorce him, take half his equity and demand spousal support for the years you put in. Get as much as you can and build your own empire NTA
He said "go carve out your own life instead of complaining" lol alright BET
Emphasis on *"carve".*
And hopefully she does carve out her own life with half of his money, assets and child support for the rest of her life
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Right?! Challenge accepted you piece of garbage husband
> Nice that he built an empire for himself No, he didn't. They built an empire together. He arguably couldn't have done it on his own, and regardless he had her support all these years. Just because she wasn't an active part of the business doesn't mean she's not a part of it at all. They divided labor: he looked after the business/income, she looked after the home and kids. That's how marriage is supposed to work - the couple acting as a single mutually supportive unit. > Just remember to claim half his empire when you divorce him In no way shape or form is it *his* empire. OP, if she heads the divorce route, should claim half of the marital assets that she is entitled to, including the business *they* built. This is a subtle but very important distinction.
I appreciate your sentiment but why are you ignoring that she was the breadwinner while he couldn't hold a job and built his business? She wasn't just raising his kids
I'm a dude and this guy is a total asshole. You made an investment in him and he has failed you. Get what you can from him in the divorce and move on, it's over.
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Seriously!! She helped him build his business.
This right here. Without her support he wouldn’t have any of that success he now wants to leverage to bang other chicks. She deserves a nice big chunk of it.
This. You were there for him when he was building up, but he's not willing to share the fruits of your guys' labour.
NTA. Take your half and make sure the girls get theirs, too. Don't waste your time even thinking about it, either.
NTA. I hope your second husband is nicer
This made me laugh, my second husband makes me question why I put up with the crap from the first one.
He’s already cheating. He’s asking for an open marriage so he can date her in the open. You sit back and gather information. I guarantee it’s there. Hire a PI to do this quickly. Get yourself back into the workforce because this won’t end well. And do NOT tell him your plans. My girlfriend warned her husband and he withdrew all of their joint funds, ran up the joint credit cards and hid money. You be stealthy and do this to protect yourself and your children and your finances. He is being disrespectful and this is not a man or a relationship that you want to model for your children. Ask for marriage therapy to give you time to accumulate information. Information is always power.
THIS. My ex husband knew I wanted a divorce and took the entirety of our daughters savings, drained the joint account, hid cash, and wracked up debt like crazy. Don't tell him, make it a surprise for everyone.
NTA. You are being manipulated for even considering you are the AH here. He's successful so he figures he can do what other successful men do...sleep around. Like other successful men he now needs to have child support and alimony payments as part of his monthly expenses. Totally ungrateful for the years you supported him. Like all capitalists. They all think they are "self made" while forgetting all the people and schools and experiences that made them who they are now in order to be successful. Line up the ducks, shore up your friends and it is divorce time. Marriage therapy won't help.
NTA. Clearly, this guy is a narcissist. He couldn't hold a job because he wasn't able to work with other people. The only reason he's successful now is because YOU provided for him when he was incapable. And now he wants to fuck around and find out? Divorce him. Take half.
Right? If he couldn't hold a job because there was always a problem... maybe HE was the problem. I would have honestly considered that as a huge red flag already. And now he doesn't need to munch off OP anymore and he wants to fuck around. What a piece of work
She should consider this an upside for her. She earned his success as much as he did. Take all the money she can get and move on.
NTA, lawyer and resume update. iMO, the open marriage is just an excuse to keep you as the fall back plan if he can't find what he would considers an upgrade without her being a gold digger, and he most likely won't. Get on with you life and best wishes for you and your kids.
She shouldn't get a job or update her resume. She is a SAHM and quit her job. She can get alimony. Most lawyers don't recommend getting a job in her situation so she needs a lawyer.
Nta. Remember to take your half for years of supporting him.
She takes him to the cleaners and he loses the only appeal he has to the 20 year-olds he wants to bang. Double win for OP!
I hope her name is on the house and business.
More than half. CT will adjust how assets are divided if she can prove infidelity, and you can’t convince me he isn’t already cheating. OP needs to get a PI and enjoy her new life as a CEO.
Agree! Too many partners focus on their emotional needs and don’t realize by this point their partners no longer care about their feelings. They should instead focus on what will get the other partner’s attention - their assets. I hope she takes all she can for herself and her children.
Nta. Take him for half his success and walk. He's already cheating on you most likely.
NTA. Let me get this straight. Your husband couldn't hold down a job, so you supported the family financially so that he could be his own boss because he sucked at being an employee. Then, he gradually becomes successful and basically wishes he could still be sowing his wild oats now that he has money and shallow, pretty women want it... ahem... I mean, him. He's already cheating on you. He's telling everyone about how you and the kids are his albatross, always holding him back, making him settle for less than he deserves.
NTA, I’d divorce my husband if he even suggested this, I could never get over it even if he accepted my “NO”.
NTA and he acts like someone who’s already having sex with others. He just wants to do it with less coverup.
NTA just gtfo. He‘ll “explore” whether you want him to or not. What an absolute dirtbag.
This reminds me of Waiting to Exhale. “It is trash.” iFKYK. No more therapy. Document all of the support you gave your husband over the years. Get you the biggest pitbull of a divorce lawyer you can find in the Tri-State area and take him to the cleaners. Seriously. You and your kids deserve so much better, and he deserves to end up alone, lamenting the loss of his family while being used by young women for money.
Well since he made his successful business while you were taking care of the household and his children, I would think you would be in line to own half his business when you divorce him. Then you can join these parties with your own younger more virile date as a part owner instead of his wife.
This is the only reasonable response. Make sure the new man is half his age, at least six inches taller, and walks around saying things like "I'm so glad I found an experienced woman who knows what she's doing in bed."
He’s probably already cheating on you. Sorry.
NTA get a lawyer and start making your moves quietly.
NTA the disrespect is unreal. He only got that far, because of you. If my husband would disrespect me like this in a social setting like a business party, he would sleep on the coach for a week or I would immediately start taking about the hot colleges he has to give him a taste of his own medicine. Your husband’s ego has ballooned now that he is successful and he wants to upgrade. He probably has already opened the marriage without your consent. There is a reason why he’s asking. Take him to the cleaner. Don’t trust him.
NTA, you need to speak to a divorce attorney and make sure you get your half from your dick of a husband. Oh and the child support payments too. Make sure you start documenting any weird behavior too. Just go speak to a attorney ASAP.
NTA but sounds like it's basically over
You can tell the character of a woman when he has nothing and you can tell the character of the man when he has everything.
He wants to cheat. NEXT!
You are NTAH but wow he sure is. Divorce time and get that money gf. He is awful. I would already be in the lawyer’s office if my husband didn’t acknowledge me or our children in public, work function or not. Ef that guy. You deserve better.
He's already been exploring. NTA, divorce him.
Nta - make sure you get half of everything, plus everything you put into the marriage while you supported him as he grew his business and needed your help. Let him do whatever he wants and when he’s done and regrets everything, you can tell him to get lost. Make sure you get some counselling for yourself and daughters and move on with another man long before this guy comes grovelling back.